Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Lunchbox. Perfect Crime. Mice. Dance Break.

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Sometimes it's not enough to simply jam a vegetable up your butthole. Sometimes you need to find a way to get a stranger's motor vehicle involved in the process. Let's talk about that, a kid accidentally breaking an ancient jar in a museum, saying some stupid shit while in bed, learning that talking about your "perfect crime" isn't a good idea, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/uOIiS9PwesMSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

lunchbox perfect crime mice dance break fucking kids not Not you guys. Oh, yeah, no. Never. Jesus. We love all of our children. Let's preface it with that. And we'll talk about your Austin trip here in a second,

but as people know, we had to record a couple weeks in advance, or a few weeks in advance, but a few weeks ago, we had some company. Cassie's bro. Bro and family family three kids ezra had a friend over then the page it was a lot of kids and they used the studio and they completely fucked i think they molested the studio yeah they're like what can we break and then you started every camera was messed up all the cables in the back. Nothing was connecting. So if you were thinking about having kids, maybe do.

They better not have put my ears in their ears. They took those and threw them to the side and put on headphones. So I know that for sure. Everything's different now. Everything's different now. They fingered this. They stroked that. It's like a good acid trick.

Everything's different now. Episode 11 that. It's like a good acid trick. God damn. Everything's different now. Episode 118. I can smell colors. I feel good today. I think it's going to be a good show. Yeah. Patreon. Sign up.

Get the bonus content. We do bonus shit on the back end of every single episode. Got that exclusive merch. Stuff you want to see on the show, you send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. We're doing a thick-ass, hoggy, sweat dick today. You know what I just realized? What? I do this a lot on the show, and I realized...

That you don't do it in bed? Yeah, I was going to say, like, I do it on camera. What a waste of a quick tongue move. No eating ass, nothing. I know. Sorry, ladies. I picture you, like, doing that. You do it around the house, and your wife's like, waste the talent.

You have the skills, but not the will. Well, it's like when she's eating a popsicle around the house, ladies. I picture you doing that. You do it around the house, and your wife's like, waste the talent. You have the skills, but not the will. Well, it's like when she's eating a Popsicle around the house. Mike, I wish you would do that to my Popsicle. To my wiener. I wish you'd do that to my wiener. We're just teasing each other, and then it would be so easy to just do it. Just do it. We have some new merch in the store, but before we talk about that, we have to give a big

old congratulations to Jamie Wisenand. I've never seen that last name in my life. But I did email him. Is it Wisen or Wisen? Because it's Wisenhand. Wisenhand. Dude. Perfect.

I think that's what I would go with. Wisenhand. This is my Wisenhand right here. And the email that I contacted him, it had Jamie with two E's. And I was like, I'm just going to go with two E's. And then I noted it. I was like, I don't know if that's your middle initial. And he goes, unfortunately, it's two E's.

So, got Jamie with two E's. And he was our winner of the Can You Don't Scat Cast Crossover Deluxe Cards Bundle VIP Box. Congratulations. I box. Congratulations. I know. Congratulations, Jamie. Way to go, Wiz and Hand. You'll receive that in two to three months. Yeah, Zach's still working on it. Kidding. It's on the way. But that's awesome, so thank you.

And then now we move on to the merch. And we have new merch and we have a new contest. So everybody get fucking excited. Buckled up, brother. We have a ton of new merch. Of course, we're trying to do some big old drops. You can check it out right now at canyoudontpodcast.com. We got a

sweatshirt with this, the classic Can You Don't mouth right here. And on the back, it has kind of like a little tongue twister. It says, you can don't, don't you can, can don't you. And if you don't you and if you don't you can you can always we always we can if we don't we don't if we can yeah something like that fool me once can you me can't can't get donated again can't get donated again all right and then

we have like a charade shirt which is fun this has a like a can symbol has a finger pointing at you and then it has a don't sign. And you put it all together. It's can you don't. We got that same thing with a gigantic kind of designer feel next to it. And then we have a shirt. Pretty sure I saw that in Louis Vuitton. That's how good that is. Inspired by it.

Can you picture me in a Louis Vuitton? Just walking around kicking bags. I think you could. This is a funny soccer. I think you could do it pretty well. With your loafers on. This is a funny sheep soccer ball. Just kick a purse This soccer ball it is how print it's got the black and white

Goal, sir, sir What God you have no idea no idea how to make soccer balls. It is kicking purses around you make Fucking shirts great great soccer ball. This is shit. Why is a soccer ball of handles? Done. Kick it. Fuck this story. How come a makeup bag fell out of it?

And then we have a shirt, which we did post on our socials and got a crazy good reaction. You're all fucking, I hate you all. It's your fault. And the shirt says, I had to listen to Brian Reed

and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Real fucking cute. Yeah. So go check out all the new merch available right now again at canyoudontpodcast.com. So on to what we're going to do. Anybody who purchases any item of merch from the Can You Don't store on the website between now and Halloween has a chance to win the biggest decision of their life. Ow.

Yeah. Ow. Yeah. Ow. Sorry. Even bigger than that. I got a quick leg cramp. I thought you kicked the arcade table again. But here's the choice. We'll go through, we'll put all the names in a raffle, just like we did when Jamie won.

And if you buy something off the store, you can choose to either send us anything you want. I mean, not like a car. Within reason. Within reason. Like, we'll cover the shipping. You send it in, and we will sign it. And then we'll send it back to you. So, whatever.

Playing off of, you know, the topic that's been going on for a while. People getting weird shit signed by famous people. Or, you can leave that decision up to me and Brian. And we'll sign whatever the hell we want and then we'll send it to you so that is what you're gonna win maybe i'll just like just have a sweaty hot fuck sesh and just send him a sweaty con or not a sweaty condom yeah this sounds like a sweaty hot masturbation session yeah just a sweaty condom no semen in it, just sweat. You got it, Brian. Maybe we could freeze it

and if it's a lady, they can use it to make a baby. For to get born. I'm sure Amber will be fine with that. What does she have to do with it? She doesn't have to know. I didn't cheat on anybody. It's just my semen. Kids always wanted a brother.

If I jerked off in a public bathroom and someone wanted to extract my DNA, they could do it, right? Sure. So what's the difference? You tell me, huh? Yeah. But anyway, so do that. Head over to the website.

So let's read a little email before we get the ball rolling on the show. It's from our son, Zach. Not the one in the other room. That's our uncle. And it's following up on a similar story from a fellow kid. Okay.

So Zach wrote, Hello, daddies and Uncle Z. Your trashy son nephew here was listening to the most recent episode where y'all asked if you could feel

the poop and wastewater hitting you at high speed. So you remember the story, right? Where the guy got shit all over him? I think so. Get ready for that amplified. Yeah.

I am here to tell you that you do feel them. I work with the wastewater systems, and I periodically have to play Mario Brothers, which means going down in the manholes to check the piping and joints of the underground sewer lines. Mama mia! Spaghetti! That was terrible. Well, down in the pipe, I had to check The air relief valve On the pipe

When he goes down The pipe does it go Do do do do do Do do do do do Denim denim denim Do do do do Poop poop Turning it

One quarter turn To what is normally The off position I noticed that it didn't stop Thinking I must have Remembered it wrong I turned it another Quarter turn

Still not feeling Any resistance But confident that Three quarters of a full turn of the valve would be silly. That'd be ridiculous. I began unbolting the air relief system to check if inside was still clean and functional. Wondering why the safety cap was sealed so tightly, I used a screwdriver to pry it off. Only for 100 gallons per minute of pure nasty shit water to hit me square in the chest. Denim, denim, denim. I would end it.

I would take that screwdriver, jam it in my aorta. Done. Done. I'm out. You're not getting that off. And this shit show. This next line just made it a comical scene. Ready for it?

Here we go. The force of it lifted me off my feet and slammed me against the top of the manhole entrance about six feet above the bottom of the pipe. That's like movie stunt there. That's a ton of shit to smash you six feet in the air. But you've all, I mean, you got, he got dirty dancing lifted by shit.

Right. Which is pretty cool. Dude, the force that would need to come out of that. That's like a geyser. Yes, it is. Falling back down into the manhole that was quickly filling up with thick, smelly, and very chunky brown sludge. Oh, God. I had to submerge down underneath the waterline to feel around until I found the wrench at the bottom.

I like how he had water line in quotes. Not quite water. Yeah, no. Shit line. By the time I completed this, I was chest deep in the brown sludge down in the manhole. It turns out the pressurized turds

feel like paintballs hitting you when they're shot out at high speeds. Wow, that's neat. Hope you all have a fantastic day. Love listening to your stories and silliness. Your favorite shit-covered son, Zach. P.S. Here's neat. Hope you all have a fantastic day. Love listening to your stories and silliness. Your favorite shit-covered son, Zach. P.S. Here's a picture I took as I was exiting the manhole right before

calling my boss to tell him I was going home early. Just covered in shit. Can you imagine your boss was like, I don't know, I really need you to get to this next job. Did you finish the job? There's more shit to do. You get it. God. I think in the response back, I was like, I could fucking give you a month off.

I can't even imagine picking up your kid's poop. My dogs had diarrhea lately. In the middle of the night, I went to grab it with some toilet paper, and I could hear like a... Squish. Yeah. It was like gack. Yes. I couldn't even imagine having someone else's shit all over you like that.

Slam you into the ceiling of a sewer pipe. Dude. Come on, dude. What a fucking disaster. Well, thanks for sharing that. My goodness. All right, let's get the show rolling. Zach!

Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Getting a little goofy here. This was sent in by our daughter, Sarah. Probably not covered in shit in this room. No. Here we go. Would you rather have to talk in rhyme whenever you speak in front of two or more people?

Okay. Or whenever you aren't talking, you always have to hum. I feel like I do some, that's a form of that already in some way. But not talking. Like every time you're not talking, think about asking like a question. Like, okay, I just want to, talking to Cassie. Okay, let's go over the Sunday plan again. First, we're going to go to the fall festival, right?

Yeah. So then she's like, yeah, I think gonna we're gonna do you mind what why are you doing that is annoying we're gonna i couldn't even think do it again first we have to no no that's terrible okay i mean trying to go to sleep all right good night babe good night oh the whole time you're going to sleep trying to to go to sleep. What's worse, like snoring or? Just turning your fan noise up, just. Well, hopefully if it's in the right key, it would just blend in and harmonize. Ha. That would be terrible.

And also like a barbershop quintet good night okay talking in front of two or more people and then you have to so here when i first read this i imagine that you're like you're talking to two friends at a party okay and you start seeing your other friend walking up you guys are just talking normal you guys got some cheeseburgers whatever you just had a great round of golf and everyone's just talking about cheeseburgers sure whatever talk about cheeseburgers and golf a little little dad circle okay you see the other friend walking up and you have to transition from talking completely normal to having to rap and then you're like trying to get him to fucking leave so you can go back to your conversation about your cheeseburgers

and golf so you're sitting there like i'm you know it's you and zach and we're talking i'm just like oh shit god damn it here comes derrick just know that once he gets here, I'm going to have to run. If you don't mind, please walk away, bro. How was the wife? How were the kids? Never mind, don't care. Just fucking leave, yo. I'll come find you later.

We can have a normal chat. But right now, if you don't go, I'm going to hit you with a baseball bat. Dance break. You have the zipper he's just like what the fuck get the fuck out of here bro and mickey turns around starts walking away and you're like yeah just what i told you to do all right so i had this great eight iron and take a bite of your cheeseburger and there's like what the fuck god damn it no speeches obviously right oh yeah one-on-one conversations or just to avoid rapping you like he starts walking up you're like god damn it you just

turn and leave right in the middle of the conversation uh-huh you're like you're not gonna believe it yeah you know you know you know the the dog leg the dog leg left on the on the seven hole right uh fuck here comes derrick you just turn i have nothing against somebody i just can't wait for him to be here or i'm gonna derrick walks i'm gonna have to rhyme did he just leave because i showed up no it's that rhyming thing it's a rhyming it's a rhyming thing don't take it personally don't take it personally don't take it personally i'm gonna eat by the tree i uh i guess if guess if you didn't have to do it in a rhyme. Just wait, stand in here.

Imagine if you're not doing it like a rhyme. Okay, go ahead. So I'm just like, I don't know, I'm trying to picture like. Oh, not rapping? You're like, do basically the same thing you said, but just try not to rap. And that might even be funnier. Like, if you don't mind, please walk away too. How's the wife?

How are the kids? Nevermind. I don't mind, please walk away too. How's the wife? How are the kids? Nevermind. I don't care. Just fucking leave. I think it's a little bit weirder. Like, huh? Like you might be able to with some finesse. I mean, I guess like rhyming and wordplay has always come kind of naturally.

So I am leaning towards that like having a really important conversation but it always ends can you pull off that like that cheesy shit that like a lot of rappers do where they put like yeah at the end uh-huh and yo like no matter what they say they just say yo at the end yo uh-huh uh-huh So you just rhyme yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo with everything? Or bro and yo? If you don't mind, yo, please walk away, bro. Yeah. No, I'll get that done by 10 o'clock, bro. And if I don't, I'll get to you on Monday, yo.

Or tomorrow. Tomorrow. Okay, leaning towards that. The humming thing sounds fucking annoying. So I have to do anti here. Zach, can you come in here so we can rhyme? So he can stop humming. I guess if that's...

Or you hum, maybe that's part of the... You just start humming and I start rapping. I feel like there's a lot of loopholes. But yeah, you're just going to have to start rhyming or you're just going to have to start humming. I'm going to pick rhyme. I'm going to pick rhyme because I already, like you said earlier, I love wordplay and just like in puns and shit where it would almost feel like a fun. I mean, it would get old, but I do it all the time anyway for pleasure.

So I guess if I had to do that as opposed to just like trying to go to sleep. Imagine you're at church or you're at a funeral or something, and there are people up there talking and you're just going, mmm, mmm, mmm. And so I imagine not just mmm, it would be like, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. The right stuff. And the stuff like that.

I mean, if that's the case, that's not too bad. I like the challenge of rhyming. Yeah. And being in a relationship, I just have to keep that relationship because you'd be fucked trying to find a partner out in the dating world. If all you did was rhyme. Well,

the food's really good. Could we get the check, please? If you just want to get these buns to squeeze or whatever. Well, if you're out on a date and the waiter shows up, you know, that's a short amount of time. If you can get through that, then you're back to the one on one date. Yeah. But you're you're fucking still rhyming to her.

Oh, no. It says two or two or more people. Yeah. OK, so you can go about you avoid people. Yeah. OK, well, then done set. Yeah. Okay. Well then done. Set. Yeah.

That's easy. So yeah, we're walking down the street and someone walks up and now I got to feel the beat, yo. Oh my gosh. What a glorious day. I think we should get a blanket and stay. Have a little picnic by the beach. Yo, yo, yo.

I got something to say. Picnic by the beach. Let's go get. Have a little picnic by the beach. Yo, yo, yo, I got something to say. Picnic by the beach. We're rapping like late 80s. The funniest guy. Hey, little buddy got something to say. Like Sugarhill Gang? Yeah.

Remember when that was the way to take? Yeah. It's anytime the emphasis on the rhyme is funny. It's like, because you say like, oh, I got something to say. And it's like, you know, it's going to rhyme with say. And it's going to be cheesy. That's definitely evolved over the years. Yeah, it has.

If you're going to hang with the wrong crew, just make sure that you don't huff that glue. Dance break. Huff break. Get back. Just doing a whip it. Instead, whip it. Whip it good. Whip it.

Is that Devo? I don't know. Who did Devo? Is that? Yeah, that was Devo. Yeah. Okay, rhyme. What are you picking?

Rhyme. Zach? Rhyme. Zach? Rhyme. Okay, well, we'll do a little segue with music, and I will preface before we get to the next one. I think this is the best we've done. Zach! Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? We get a lot of people uh saying we need to get that album out of that playlist and what is this number three or four number three

so it's an ep like a five song ep yeah well could be i feel like we uh we make an album and can you don't ai generate an album and then we have like some altered like alternate versions because today we're not going to play both but we will play the alternate version in the bonus stuff because it's also really fucking good but we decided to roll with this one not going to tell you what it's about it's uh you'll figure it out as we go but here you go it's another ai song let's let's take a take a listen zach you push play over there, bud. I'm alone after a boring day. My friend texts me,

let's get away. I agree, but not sure what to do. They say I planned something, just me and you. So good. So good. They picked me up about nine o'clock. I asked for answers, but they wouldn't talk. Whispers, So good.

Oh, so good. So catchy. Stupid flammable wicker basket Might as well be a wicker casket No way to steer this death machine The horrible crashes I have seen You promise me all will be fine Fuck, I guess it's dying time As we make our way to a million feet Something explodes, we feel the heat Smoke and fire start to spread

Do I burn alive or jump instead? Oh fuck! It's a hot air balloon ride This is a bad idea, just take me home That stupid flammable wicker basket Might as well be a wicker casket No way to steer this death machine The horrible crashes I have seen

You promised me all will be fine Fuck, I guess it's dying time I guess it's dying time Death smoke, screams and flames No escape from this constant pain It was supposed to be fun I know you tried, but fuck you And fuck hot air balloon rides

Fuck, it's a hot air balloon ride This is a bad idea, just take me home That stupid flammable wicker basket Might as well be a wicker casket No way to steer this death machine The horrible crashes I have seen You promise me all will be fine Fuck, I guess it's dying time

So good, dude. It's getting scary. It's getting scary. It's getting scary. We looked up, we had, before, we didn't want Zach to hear it ahead of time. Want to get a blind listen. That was pretty awesome. Fuck you! That's so good.

Hot air balloon rides. It's join time. I love the wicker basket. Wicker basket. Might as well be a wicker casket. Yeah, it's that early, mid-2000s, some 41, all that stuff. Yellow card. Fuck, it's dying time.

Fuck. I guess it's dying time. Wicker basket. Might as well be a wicker casket green bag fuck where are you I'm dying in a wicker casket

jump instead do I burn alive or jump instead even that little Do I burn alive or jump instead? Even that little... Oh, man. The metal version that we did? That's what I was just talking about. I mean, I might be able to... I mean, let's just do it.

Let me see if I can log in. Maybe just show that little bit of the bridge. I know, I gotta find it. I gotta find it. It's gonna make me... What the fuck is this? We gotta find it now. Library? Okay.

I gotta log in. Will you say something funny? What do you want me to say? Yeah. I'm going for a ride in a wicker basket. Might as well be a wicker casket. We're not going to play all of this, but we are laughing so hard. It's just how, it's not good, but it's heavy.

So let's. So same song, but. Oh, I'm alone after a boring day. My friend texts me, let's get away. Hey! Alright, skip in the head. Oh yeah, let's go there. Is that ready? Where's the bridge? I mean, I'm in. Mm-hmm.

Good big look. Oh shit. You can feel the crowd ramping up circle bird ready fuck you

and fuck hot air below rise just crap just like fuck you just like

anyway so that's what we're thinking about we'll play another version in the bonus thing it's dying time it's dying time it's time for dick what is that it's time for dick mime

who talks like that? Yeah, and what was the first band that actually went Hell yeah, nine time I mean, Blink was up there But there's gonna be ones that were doing it before Blink The indie thing Green Day People now, they're like

White guys They do all that weird accent. They don't talk like that. Hey, this song is called This one's called Cut and Bleed. Alright, Thick Dick. Dick! Is it dumb? Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's Dick. It's not quite as heavy, but it's catchy. All right. So this was sent in by our son, Jose. Where's Jose? Jose. Jose.

Jose. What the fuck? There's nothing. We're just going to read it and see where it goes. DC police searching for man who sodomized himself with a cucumber. Okay. Now, if it was just a guy. Why do they care?

You're gonna find out why they cared. But if it was just a guy hanging out, shoving a cucumber in his butt. I mean, who cares? Leave him alone. As long as it's not like in a daycare. It's a free country, right? Yeah. Maybe, probably a free cucumber. You know country, right? Yeah. Probably a free cucumber. You know what I mean?

Or maybe he stole the cucumber. See, that's why they might be looking for him. Yeah. But it's not. You ready? Does he have to return it? He's probably going to be in trouble. The video Catherine Baker posted on Reddit this week is very clear.

You could even say crisp. Ain't no getting around this one. That's a cucumber. It begins with a man in a blue shirt slipping through a hole in the rear fence of her Truxton Circle home. Excuse me. He says a driver crashed a stolen car too into last week. So she's having a rough week. Yeah, she's having a rough little...

I mean, they come in threes. So what's next? What's threes. So what's next? What's next? Oh, what's next? Oh, what's next? A fucking eggplant? In my butt? An eggplant in a pee hole?

He holds a cigarette in his mouth in what happens to be a lunchbox in his hand. This man of mystery. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Let's find out who he really is Oh Mr. Johnson

Scooby Doo From the lunchbox The man pulls out what looks to many viewers To be a cucumber It's certainly green and phallic shaped It's still not 100% true I mean the lunchbox That's already trying to

It's persuading you. Yeah. You're like, well, what else could it be? Is it like a He-Man? It could just be a dildo. One of those metal ones with the, whatever, the lock, the little, you know, the old school lunch. Oh, I don't know. You know, you lift up the little, what the fuck?

Four seps? Nice. The five seps. And proceeds to mosey over to the front of baker's silver nissan parked in her driveway mosey he chose mosey oh guys the man then appears to affix the let's just call it a cucumber to the car's grill oh yeah pulls down his pants oh no spits in his hand oh yeah and there's really no other way to say this. Sodomizes himself.

Then he lights the cigarette. He's like, I told myself I'd quit unless I get that dick. It's just like some weird way for him to come up with an excuse to have a cigarette he's like his new year's resolution he's like all right you're done with smoking unless you unless you stick a cucumber in the grill of a nissan and stick it in your own ass

and then you can have he's like trying to come up with some crazy situation he's like well i'm not gonna break my new year's resolution i definitely like it's it's like a fucking september it's much easier to just you know you light a cigarette and you go but it's like a fucking september it's much easier to just you know you light a cigarette and you go but it's like if i want this i got to go through this whole charade and he did that's how i like to think of it but maybe he's going to start liking that more than the cigarette and that's his new addiction that's fine just shove it in your butt and get the car out of the equation why well is there more to this because like when he's done the man returns the cucumber to his lunchbox no he doesn't and exits the premise through the gap from which he came

which would be the fence that was set by a stolen car the week before it's dying time it's cucumber time he lights a cigarette and just says ah cucumber time ah right on cue cumber oh very cute cumbersome to do that every time though baker says she noticed the traces of cucumber on her car when she returned home and then checked her safety camera footage. What could this be? Not exactly the fruit basket she was expecting. Okay.

Who wrote this article? My favorite journalist. Not once did he mention the news station or the website, so I'm in. Or himself. once did you mention the the news station or the website so i'm in or himself not exactly the fruit basket she was expecting says washington city paper no q107 106 downtown kansas she says she only moved to truxton circle two months ago oh my god welcome to the neighborhood stick this cucumber in your grill and fuck myself? I guess I'll just go fuck myself with this cucumber.

Just seeing the traces of cucumber and being like, I'm going to see what's going on with this. Something seems fishy about this. Is that cucumber? She's picking it up and smelling it? More like poo-cumber. She's tasting it? You get it? She goes, that is cucumber.

I'm going to check the footage. It's just some dude you don't know fucking himself. Smoking a cigarette. Can we go back to the article real quick? Yeah. What? Am I missing something? He stuck it in the grill?

Yeah, so he wedged it in the grill. He wedged it in and then spit on his hand. So I'm guessing lubing up his b-hole. And then he started smoking on his hand. So I'm guessing lubing up his b-hole. And then just kind of started fucking. And then started smoking a cigarette bent over. So he like this. This is like a fuck. Yeah.

I mean, unless it was just in. I don't know if he was, if he was bouncing on it. Didn't find the video. Didn't look super. I didn't look super hard. I mean, is there a video of it? They said there was a video. Okay.

Don't pull up my screen. mean, is there a video of it? They said there was a video. Okay, don't pull up my screen, Jack. Oh, man. Cucumber. But that's like... That's like something you'd see at a talent show. And probably I would vote for it. Like he walks... There's a car on stage,

and this guy walks out in a blue shirt with an unlit cigarette in a lunchbox. I want to know what's about to happen. And he opens it up and it's a cucumber he's like doing like little cucumber tricks i think it's goes and sticks at the grill starts undoing his pants oh fuck yeah don't pull this up i found the video yeah you did well i mean we should be able to pull it up yeah yeah yeah uh let me let me expand it out the people listening to the podcast that's the last thing they say, or they hear of the show. And then we're done.

He just says, oh, we should be able to pull that up. Everything's canceled. We lose all advertising contracts. There it is. Oh, yeah. He's licking his fingers. He rubs his butt. There's the fence.

I wonder how he got in there. That fence is gaping. Maybe that's where i wonder how he got in there that fence is gaping maybe that's what inspired him god what's he doing yeah spit on his hand lubes up the cucumber bro he sits back on it there's this cigarette lighting his cigarette oh yeah and bouncing on it oh bro what the fuck let's see how long this lasts okay oh a car drove by and he okay he heard a car coming and then stands up off the fucking cucumber. He stands up and pulls it out of his ass. Puts a cigarette in his mouth. Yeah, nothing going on here. Nope, just standing by a car.

The guy in the car was like, I think something is going on there. There we go. Gets the cucumber out. Oh, bro. Puts a cigarette out on the broken fence. This is great. This is not, that's not what I expected him to look like. This is amazing.

Oh, God. Now he's just fucking his ass with no car. Alright, I might want to turn this one off. Yeah. Okay. That guy had a busy day. Takes it out, puts it back in his lunchbox. Oh, man.

He just leaves. Why? What makes you do that? I brought cucumbers for everybody. Yeah, if you're going to have a cucumber, you've got to bring enough for everyone. And he did. And then the article wraps up. It says, Between the busted fence and the case of cucumber sodomy capitalize case of cucumber sodomy it's been a

wild ride she posted the video online monday and obviously it went viral fuck yeah it did jose what a find that is Like, that's crazy. I don't even know what to say. It's like he did it with this show in mind. Yeah. That is, that's exactly what we need. So I guess what I'm wondering is if he, he walked back over right before you put it in the lunchbox, he banged himself with it again. Hell yeah.

What was, why didn't he just do that in the first place? What was the point of the car? That's what I was, that's what I've been saying. Why, why get't he just do that in the first place? What was the point of the car? That's what I've been saying. Why get the car involved? It seems like an unnecessary step. Well, it's a hands-off. Hands-free. Hands-free situation.

And maybe that grill is perfect for holding cucumbers. It could be. It wedges in real nice. Other grills, he's like, nope, not right. No. Not the right fit. It's got to be stable. Yeah.

You don't want to lose that thing up there. Yeah, you don't. It's not attracted to kias. Yeah. Right. No, thanks. Oh, man. All right.

Well, that's fun. That is fun. Want to move on for the next one? Yeah. You want to read it? Sure, I'll read it. The t-shirt. So, anyway, we're selling a t-shirt at canyadonepodcast.com.

You're going to get me all flustered now. Well, don't let me fluster you, big boy. Man planned perfect crime by planting Cannabis in a strange wife's car Knew it could draw a death penalty Shit That's some strict Marijuana laws

Tan Zhanglong Plan unraveled when his wife went to Check on her car after receiving an alert From her in-car camera mobile app and Realizing he was loitering around her vehicle. God. This is the cucumber this motherfucker. Yeah, yeah the same guy It's a death penalty in some country for fucking a cucumber Singapore mm-hmm feeling angry at is a strange wife and wanting to get her in trouble with the law, a man planted 11 packets of cannabis weighing over 500 grams in her car. Is that a lot?

That's a lot, right? How much is in an ounce, Zach? How many grams in an ounce? I can't remember now. It's like one gram. Is that like a dime bag? Hey, Siri. That's very small.

How many grams in an ounce? It's like 14, bag? Hey, Siri. That's very small. How many grams in an ounce? It's like 14, maybe? 28.35 grams. In an ounce. In a half-ounce. Whew. Yikes. Okay, so many, lots of weed.

Despite knowing it could draw the death penalty. Okay. He revealed his plan to his ex-girlfriend saying he had been planning the perfect crime for the past few days and thought it would thought it would not link back to him there's no way there's no way there's no what are you gonna do i don't care record this phone call i'm gonna tell you exactly what i'm gonna do this is do. This is the perfect crime. It's the perfect crime because I'm telling you what I'm going to do. Yeah, it's perfect.

And she's like, Tan, it's not a perfect crime because you're literally telling me about it right now. That's what's so perfect about it. That's what they think. They would never tell you. They would never think, oh, Tan's going to tell. Tan don't tell. Tan don't tell. Tan don't tell. It didn't take Zhang Long to figure out that that wasn't the perfect plan. A 37-year-old Singaporean was sentenced to three years.

Sounds like a name for a museum. That's a pretty Zhang Long sentence for that. To three years and 10 months in jail on Thursday, August 19th for the one count of possessing at least 216 grams of cannabis. Okay. The amount of pure drugs eventually found in the 11 packets. Pure drugs. Pure drugs. Threesome sex.

Threesome sex. Pure drugs. Cannabis is a Class A controlled drug under the Misuse of Drugs Act. A second charge of fabricating false evidence was taken in consideration. We'll think about it. We don't know yet. We'll think about it. No, we'll think about it.

No, he told me. I have him on camera. Listen. We'll think about it. Look! He's cutting my scenes. We told you, we'll think about it! I'm thinking! Let me think!

Shut up and let me think! Stop humming! Stop humming! The court heard that Tan was an IT manager living with his parents. That's the red flag. Yeah. He got married to his then wife in 2021, but the relationship deteriorated. Because he lived with his parents and he wouldn't move in with her.

That's a funny word. Deteriorated? For a relationship. Yeah. Just sounds like a... Like everyone just shriveled up and died. Just started disappearing. No.

In October 22, his wife moved out of his parents' home where they had been staying together. They were unable to get a divorce at the time because of how short the marriage was. So you can't just get it annulled? What going on over there dude singapore death penalty for pure drugs threesome sex they're like no no you guys no you can't get divorced been married for three months fuck try again yeah get out of here quit wasting my time there's a bunch of bullshit that goes on but it says tan's plan on october 14 2023 he told his ex-girlfriend in a Telegram chat that he had been planning the perfect crime. Even better, he texted it. Yep.

For the past few days and thought it would not be linked to him. He told her that his plan involved him going to the police station. Tan added he would call the police and might have to give a statement. He also said it was not sure if his then wife would be in the news what is tan i wonder if you want a divorce dude this dude yeah i mean he's i'm planning the perfect crime he'll never catch me and she's like screenshot caught two buttons caught dude they can never ever figure this out. You'll never get me. Fuck you.

Done. Oh, it says you screenshotted it. Can you please delete that? Yeah, you bet. Yeah, I'll get right on that. I'll get right on that. Bye, Tan. Bye. You can't get away with anything now.

What the fuck are you thinking? She doesn't even know how to screenshot. Click. He added he was scared that he did not have enough money for his plan and that he had spent quite a bit on this. In 2023, he found that a channel on Telegram that was selling drugs and obtained a menu of the prices. Y'all have the number seven? 500 grams of marijuana? Yep.

He saw that it had a side. Yeah, the free side. Yeah, it comes a side. Yeah, a free side. It comes with meth. Nah, pulled the meth. I mean, I'll still get the combo, just I don't need the meth. 86 the meth. He saw that cannabis was the cheapest drug per gram, and that the maximum weight was 100 grams. He felt that this was too little, and asked the seller

for a brick of cannabis, which he intended to use to get his then wife in trouble. Did you want to supersize it? Yeah, we call this the super brick size. Brick size it? Yeah, you want to brick it? Brick up? The brick of cannabis cost

$2,600. As Tan did not have enough money, he got a friend to help transfer the payment to the seller before deleting the incriminating chat messages. God, there's no way they're going to figure this out. Tan, you motherfucker. Okay. He found that it weighed uh...

It's just a bunch of stupid stuff. Oh yeah, do we want to go through the whole plan? The planting and everything? No. 5 a.m. The private investigator Tan had hired told him that the car was parked at the park across the northeast Singapore. He's like, just getting everybody involved?

Yeah, dude. Perfect crime! That's loose ends right there, dude. Tan drove over, unlocked her car with a set of keys he had unwrapped uh and unwrapped the cannabis he wore gloves he didn't want to get fingerprints yeah as he placed the 11 packets in the middle compartment of the rear passenger seat and closed it the brick could not be placed

inside the armrest compartment owning uh owing to its size yeah it's a brick God look at how long this plan is Okay So he did that and then Tan drove to Buangkok Hell yeah Buangkok Square Mall where he threw away the brick wrapper He texted his ex-girlfriend About how he had seen his wife

And expressed fear that he might have left his Fingerprints behind Or that she might discover the cannabis because of its smell Soon after the police called him asking about his harassment he lied to the police that he had been at the car park to change the battery for a gps tracker and he had placed on the car as he suspected her of having an affair it's even funnier this is getting so loud i was not putting a brick of marijuana in her car. I was only changing the battery on the illegal GPS tracker that I put on her car without her knowing.

Okay, well, that's worse. Okay, I was doing the weed thing. However, however. Forget I said anything. When, uh, when is, let's see. He then told his ex via telegram that the police had called. He admitted that he had placed 500 grams of weed in the car and that she should, that could attract the death penalty. When ex-girlfriend expressed shock, Tan said he was planning to report his wife to CNB and the Immigration Checkpoints Authority when she next visited Malaysia.

Ridiculous. So anyway, Tan, that was not the perfect crime. and the immigration at checkpoints authority when she next visited malaysia ridiculous so anyway tan that was not the perfect crime you fucking idiot it was riddled with mistakes it's what to not do ever don't number one rule of perfect crime is don't be like i'm doing the perfect yeah don't don't assume it's the perfect crime i am doing the perfect crime and tell the person that you're doing the crime to you are never going to catch me this is the perfect crime screenshot jail okay we're gonna move off to another story for dick here and um this is a this is there's not a whole lot of there's no funny here but it's just sad and it's about our society and how much things have changed and interactions with people okay so wells fargo and plory found dead at office desk four days

after clocking in how fucking sad is that everybody checked on him and what does that say about the company that they're like? I mean, but there are like some, you know, some points that are brought up that I guess make a little sense to me. But a woman working

for Wells Fargo in Arizona died at work, was found four days later. Denise Prudhome, 60, last checked in at Wells Fargo in Tempe at 7 a.m. on August

16th. The Tempe Police Department confirmed to USA Today. Don't care. Little plug there. On Thursday, Tempe at 7 a.m. on August 16th. The Tempe Police Department confirmed to USA Today! Don't care! Little plug there. On Thursday, she was found at a third floor desk in the office on August

20th, leading on-site security to call police. Firefighters also responded and pronounced the woman dead at 4.55 p.m. Jamer's Earl Jones picture right below this. He just died too prud holmes case and manner of death were pending as of thursday morning according to the office of medical examiner john the coroner i like to think that her name is prude home what am i saying prud

that's dumb because there's no e on there i know but i just i like this so i said i like to think it's i don't know why i just. You think whatever you want. In my head, it makes it funnier. She's a prude. According to the police, the initial investigation found no obvious signs of foul play. Yeah. Like, someone just goes in there, he's like. Punches her in the face.

Fuck you! And then just runs out. An investigation. The perfect crime. The perfect crime. No one will catch me. An investigation and ongoing authorities are interviewing employees at the Wells Fargo location to get more information. So Wells Fargo workers reported smelling a foul odor but thought it was an issue with the plumbing.

Local television station KPNX reported citing an unnamed employee. Thanks for helping KPNX. You guys reported an unnamed employee. And you made yourPNX. You guys reported an unnamed employee and you made your way to the article. Fuck yeah. At least one employee told the outlet they wondered why Wells Fargo didn't formally address workers about the woman's death. Formally,

most Wells Fargo's employees in the office work remotely, but the building has 24-7 security. Per KPNX! Why are you passing the buck on that information? We didn't fucking do it, but they said it. with the building as 24-7 security. Per KPNX! They're like, why are you passing the buck on that information? Like, we didn't fucking do it, but they said it. Wells Fargo sent a statement

to USA Today that the company had to communicate with Pratt Homes' family before speaking to employees. The company added that she sat in a very unpopulated area of the building. Underpopulated area of the building. So, she was the only it was fucking uh what's his name from office space steepler yeah uh milton it's like i'm gonna need you to

go ahead and move down the storage room b have you seen my team where uh i was doing i know i tried to try to get cast and watch that with her the other night she wouldn't do it it's been a while since i've seen it has she ever seen it yes okay never just been a while but it is a like a discussion to have especially with i mean covet hit and that changed a lot of businesses and how they orchestrate they realized that they can make money without having to make everybody come into a building right like that was just the way it was like i work here so you wake up and you go to the place then you work at the place and i mean now we've all learned that businesses can succeed without people having to go to a building huge

amount of overhead yeah taken out yeah so they're like yeah sure work from home so i get how this happened but also like the the sad part is that like friends and family yeah i was gonna say does she not have four days i mean i guess yeah if you didn't have any kids you weren't married you just went to the office and died and then but no one notified it wasn't family and friends that sounds so sad i just went to the office and died. Died. And friends and family, no one was just like, I haven't heard from her. It just kept going until they thought it was a plumbing issue. And then they found her?

You'd think you'd walk by and see her sitting in a chair. You walk back by again an hour later. It's like, God, she hasn't moved. I mean, do you picture, and I haven't seen like photographs of the work environment, but you picture the cubicle setup that was once full of people. And then now you just take all the people out and put her in a cubicle in the back. And those people never have to come into work. So she just sat back there.

Something happened. And then why would you go back there? What is her job though? That was my next point. It's like, they don't need anything from her. That's. They're like. Every.

Will you go ask Prude home for the Johnson file? Whatever her job was. I'm still waiting on that Johnson file. I mean, I know it's a longer last name, but it shouldn't take her four days um the uh what company everything operated as business as usual with the cleaning crew her dead like i have to assume why would they're like i'm not cleaning back there it smells like shit yeah yeah no like they're like no one's fucking in here right what am i why i'm not go vacuum over there. But that's the thing that killed me. The job part.

Everything was fine with her dead. Like they should have fired her a long time ago. Sounds like. Yeah. She shouldn't be employed at Wells Fargo. She's not anymore. And you know, the second they found out, like some CEO was like, what the fuck did she do? Yeah.

Who was she? Who? Yeah. It's just like, how could no one notice? And it's like the fuck did she do? Yeah. Who was she? Who? Yeah. It's just like, how could no one notice? And it's like, what did she do? Nothing? Four days? Yeah.

Nothing. She did nothing. And no one was like, no email was like, hey, sorry. I'm sorry. Following up once again. I really need you to get that document over to sarah in accounting maybe she had one of those out of office responses yeah work from home limited email here you go she she left on friday said she'd be out of office came back monday and never turned her thing off out of office thing

yep so they were like oh she i guess she's still on vacation. Where did she go again? I have no idea who you're talking about. Yeah. No idea. I've never talked to her, let alone about vacations. What's weird is they probably have something in place now to like look for that. Now that somebody's died. Yeah.

They have like a checker. Yeah. Make sure to check pulses at the end of the night. How many dead people are in Wells Fargo today? One? That's right! How long was she here? How many hours was she here?

How many days was this dead person in the Wells Fargo cubicle? You're right! Four! Let's see her emails. No emails. No emails. Was she doing her emails or just didn't get any?

That's right. Didn't get any. How important she did the job. That's right. Not at all. Very unimportant. Let's go check the other cubicles for dead people at Wolf Fargo. Follow me.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Whoop. Haha. Just her. Let's get out of here. This place is sad. It smells. Let's check the plumbing. Fuck. Anyway, just had to bring that in.

That poor woman. I know. It's just sad all around. Check on everybody around you. I think that's the lesson of the story here. Usually it's like a neighbor that no one's heard from in a few days. The mailbox, like the mailman is like, I can't shove one more fucking discount coupon catalog in here. What a waste of money, dude.

Where the fuck is she? Have I ever talked about... I mean, there's nothing funny to say here but but before cast and i moved in together i had an apartment in in downtown beautiful downtown court and it was a it was a like a kind of an up-to-date place it was fun it was a great location and it was nice it's one of those places that had the the exhaust or the excuse me the ac unit like the oh that ran like exposed exposed underneath yeah it was like that was high cool industrial yeah the 10 foot ceilings but all the pipes are out

what do they call that uh modern industrial or something like that i think they call it too expensive yeah that's why i'm out of there um but anyway at that place whoever fucking lived there before i'm not going to say their name so i don't want anyone to hunt them down. But there was a woman who I think in every spare moment of her life subscribed to magazines. Like whether it was fucking carpet, clothing, every single store you could possibly imagine that had a small phone book size thing they could send out she was like i want it so she had all of those and then she had like tables chairs lamps decor things that are happening in cities she doesn't fucking live like the get a new york a store that's only there like tiff like whatever and it was it was i've never seen anything like it but it was uh weekly there was probably 20 pounds of fucking magazines that would get sent

to me and now she died i didn't see her there i mean exposed piping exposed death nope i think they moved out but so the mailman pretty early on like like a couple months in like like gotta knock at the door he opens it up he goes you live in here he goes yeah and he goes i just want to let you know i can't stop giving you magazines and i was like legally i'm obligated to bring it he goes he goes if if it just says her name and I'm not going to, again, I'm not going to say, I can say her first name is Meg.

Of course. Of course. It should have been mag. Mag. For fucking magazine. Full name magazine. I, he goes,

if it says her name, it only her name, then I can take it back. But if it says Meg or current resident i have to deliver oh geez i was like okay and he goes sorry and he just goes that's me like another 15 pounds of magazines i'm like god damn dude do you just chuck them in the trash like they were they were rich obviously like you'd open it up and it was like oh yeah nightstand six thousand dollars like they just had a ton of money it was all the nicest clothing magazines and just crazy shit unless they just wanted to

they were subscribed to some dog thing so all the dog food got sent to me for a while like i don't know why the dog food was saying meg or current resident like i didn't have a dog but i what the fuck was i doing with it so i just like gave it to people i was like here you go some treats you have a dog right yeah bring out like a santa claus size sack i'm like here you go that is the thing like courteous of meg uh dude it's a pain in the ass having to switch all your mail over. And the trash bag would go from a normal trash bag to a trash bag that would want to rip. Because you're throwing, I mean, you know. Corners of the magazine just poking through it.

Like, I'm not kidding. It was like thick every week of just fucking magazines. Anyway, so maybe she died. All right, let's move on to some good news. Okay. You want to yell at Zach? No. Okay. Zach.

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! That was super soft. It was like, Jack. Yeah, it sounded like a squeaky, like a bike. From Titanic.

Jack. Jack. Just move over so we can get on the door with you, you stupid bitch. Blow the whistle. Blow the whistle. Okay, so this one is some good news, but also very funny, especially if you have kids. Fucking kids. Boy who accidentally broke 3,500-year-old jar, welcome back to the museum.

Ugh. You idiot. Look back to the museum. Oh, you idiot. This little shit. He doesn't want to be there. He's so scared. Oh man. Look at that. I know.

So here we go. As her four year old son peruse the Israel museum, ancient artifacts, probably a Palestinian. Anna Geller looked away for just a moment. Every parent knows that. You know that one? We were like, he's just standing there.

You look over and do one thing. You look over, the kid's gone. He's jumping in traffic. He's just looking at you to look away. He's like, where do I go? Where do I go? How many cars can I jump today? Then a crash sounded.

A rare 3,500-year-old jar was broken on the ground, and her son stood over it, aghast. Why wouldn't they put that safer? Yeah, you know. You're right. Because you could just bump into it. Anybody could do that. You walk through with a boner, you know? Yeah.

Hell yeah. Nothing turns me on like an ancient artifacts museum. Yeah, man. Some people are into that. A dude was sticking a cucumber up his butt in a car. So, like, who am I to judge? How old's this jar? The older it is, the hornier you get. I see there's a hole in the top.

Can I fuck it? I smell the ancient smell. I don't know. You only have the orange bracelet on. You need the blue one to fuck jars. How much is the blue one? Can I fuck it? I don't know. You only have the orange bracelet on. You need the blue one to fuck jars. How much is the blue one? Can I fuck it? I have 20 bucks.

That's reasonable. That's reasonable. I'll fucking fuck it. It was just a distraction of a second, said Geller, a mother of the three-year-old from northern Israeli town of Nehariah. And the next thing I know, it's a very big boom boom behind me

she sounds like a fun mom yeah boom boom yeah it's just like when you say potty when you're you know you have kids and then you go out in the adult world and still say potty yeah uh-huh you're talking to a grown-up right and i heard a very big boom boom behind me i heard a boom shalaka and i was like what that? I heard oopsie behind me. Fuck you, Gazir. You mean a jar crash? Yeah, boom, boom. The Bronze Age jar that her son, Ariel Geller, broke last week has been on display at the

Hatch Museum at Hoffa for 35 years. It was one of the only containers of its size, and from that period, still complete, but it was discovered. This kid. It was likely used to hold wine or oil. Imagine finding that and being like, wow. This is one of the best preserved pots we've ever seen. Let's put it in this hallway.

Yeah. Where the height where children can get to. Yeah, let's put it in this unsecured case. Right in the middle of the walkway. But weird detail. It was likely used to hold wine and oil. How the fuck do you know? Like, you know how many things I put in things that don't belong? You don't think humans

did that back then? It was probably... This is a whole chew spit. It was probably originally used for wine, and then they finished the wine, and then they started putting, like, bottle caps in it. Swear jar? Mm-hmm. Dead cats. And dates back between 2200 and 1500 BC.

Now everyone's eating those. Mm-hmm. The cats. Yeah. I gotcha. That can be considered every parent's worst nightmare, becoming a learning experience Friday. Please let that not be my child. Worst nightmare? Seems like there's a little thing, like something

worse. I don't know like cancer yeah i mean aside from a health scare your kid breaking in that moment is there anything worse like when you're going through a museum and your kid is the one that does it like but think about having those nightmares like you wake up just and your wife's like would you have a nightmare about the old jargon yeah yeah yeah yes it's not gonna happen it's like an old war you think it's an old word yeah nightmare is it the old ancient jargon at the museum yes i don't i don't know what it means i don't know but it's never just in sweat. We'll never be in that situation. Okay, okay. That's a very unique situation to be in.

Plus, we don't have any kids. We don't have any kids. Okay. Oh, fuck. I hope he never breaks an old jar. Associated known case. Okay, so Alex Geller said Ariel, the youngest of his three children, is exponentially curious. And at the moment he heard the crash last Friday,

please let that not be my child, was the first thought that raced through his head. Look at it. Fucked. God. Straight fucked in. I'm embarrassed, said Gellert, who said she tried desperately to calm her son down after the vase shattered. Could you imagine? They're like, what was that? She's like, nothing. She's like trying to put it back together. In your gum. Spit out your gum. Licking it.

Nothing. Yeah, just rubbing the clay back together. Spit your gum out. Fuck. He told me that he just wanted to see what was inside. Oh. Just a curious kid. What's in here?

The jar was one of, is it oil or wine? The jar was one of many artifacts exhibited out in the open, part of the Hecht Museum's vision of letting visitors explore history without glass barriers. I love that. Oops. Yeah. So anyway, he was invited to come back, right? So he was not able to go there for 10 months in a conflict linked to the war in Gaza.

There were a lot of kids at the museum that day. He heard the crash. Complete shock. war in gaza there were a lot of kids in the museum that day he heard the crash complete shock he went with the security guards to let them know what happened in hopes that it was a model not the real artifact okay this is gonna sound crazy yep go ahead is that thing real or is that just a fake it's like oh yeah it's very real it's one of a kind yeah fuck i mean if i mean if I gave you a fake one, would anybody know? Mm-hmm. If you put up a sign and said it was super old, would everyone be like, that's super old?

Yeah, probably. Yeah, I mean, you can go get fake Louis Vuitton stuff from the street. Why can't you do that with the cookie jar? The giant oil cookie wine jar. But they called it and said it was insured, and after they checked the cameras and saw it wasn't vandalism, they invited us back for a makeup visit. Who cares if it's insured? It's an object that's broken. Great importance.

Right. They're like, here's $10,000. We'll replace it with another one. Now go find a new one. Yeah. Here's a shovel. Here's a shovel. That's your insurance policy?

So experts say Using 3D technology And high resolution That's what they signed When they walked in there If you break it You've got to find a new one Experts were using 3D technology

And high resolution videos To restore the jar Which could be back on display As soon as next week Oh shit And what's actually interesting For my older kids The process of how

They're restoring it And all the technology They're using there Well see Dollar said Finding the silver lining. Yeah. You know, if that wouldn't happen, they wouldn't have had to restore it, which, you know,

that poor kid though. Good news. We got invited to go back. He's like, uh-uh, you're going back in. Like, he's like, uh-uh. I don't want to go back. You have to. Face the jar. Touch the jar. Touch the jar.

Touch the jar. Lick it. Touch it. Yeah. The guy's standing there and he's like, and the kid's just like fucking so nervous walking around. He stands next to the jar. Hands by his sides.

And the kid just like puts his hand out, slaps it. No touchy. No touchy old jar. No touchy. I mean, how nervous that kid is. Walking around. Dude, if I did something, yeah, there's no chance I wouldn't want you part of that. Because it's like, fuck, I already did this once.

I already did this once. Leave me alone, museum. We're inviting you back. Like, you get those sales calls. Good news. Like, they're hiding their voice. You've been selected to visit the hack museum. Press one to hear more

about your free visit to the Hack Museum. Courtesy of Hack Museum. We don't care if you've broken old jar. Press 1 if you've ever broken old jar that's okay we've we fixed we've restored the old jar

pretty soon dude ai and shit like that is getting so good pretty soon that joke's not gonna make sense it's just gonna be so smooth we won't be able to do the old jar old jar press 2 if you've broken old plate 1

beep good cause guy who broke old plate is not invited to free day at the hat museum alright we got some good news yeah we know

the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found. Yes! That's awesome! Alright, this is wild. This is wild. Wanna read it? Sure. Fuck yeah.

Scientists at Stanford University were recently able to make a mouse's skin transparent using a common food dye. Something the study author told Fox News Digital could have exciting benefits for humans once traditional research is conducted. So what? So we can have transparent skin? Just wait till you're old, man. Just wait till we find out where they found this out. The paper titled Achieving Optical Transparency in

Live Animals Absorbing Molecules was published in the Journal of Science on September 5th. In it, researchers used a solution of red tartrazine, a food dye known as FD&C Yellow 5, on the abdomen, scalp, and hind limb of the sedated mouse, said a release from Stanford University. The dye turned the mouse's skin red, which then made the skin appear transparent, and the mouse's organs were visible to the naked eye, said the release. The researchers believe this is the first non-invasive approach to achieving visibility

of a mouse's living internal organs, the release noted. Yeah, I guess if it's temporary, that'd be cool. It is. For surgery. Yeah, it is. The effects were not permanent, said Stanford. The mouse's skin returned to the normal once the dye was washed off. The results of the study surpassed even the researchers.

The most surprising part of the study is that we usually expect dye molecules to make things less transparent. God! Everyone knows that, said Dr. Gu Song Hong. Just read shit like this, I'm like, God, I'm dumb. Yeah. God, every food dye Goosong Hong. Just read shit like this. I'm like, God, I'm dumb. Yeah. Well, duh. Every food diet would never do this. Oh, that picture's crazy.

Mm-hmm. Assistant professor of materials, science, and engineering at Stanford. God damn it. Why do I have to read his whole fucking biography? You're doing a good job. Let me just do this. Okay. Assistant professor of materials, science, and engineering at Stanford and senior author on the paper in an email to Fox News Digital.

Don't care about the email. For example, if you mix blue pen ink in water, the more ink you add, the less light can pass through the water. That makes sense. Which makes sense. Yet when tartrazine is dissolved in skin or muscle, normally opaque materials, the clearer the material becomes, but only in the red part of the light spectrum. That's cool. That is cool. This goes against what we typically expect with dyes. Hong added.

Where did Hong come from? Where did Hong Kong from? Hong come from? That picture's crazy. While the study is only... Yeah, let me get it for you. What? Like, again, that's just through their skin.

You can see everything. Obviously, human skin thicker than my skin. Is it? But what? Yes, it is. How do you know? Are you a professor at Stanford? Are you a professor of mice college study at Stanford?

No, I wasn't. But I'm telling you right now. But I did say the holiday last night. Holiday and express, and it was infested with mice. It's only been done on animals. An ability to make skin temporary, transparent, could offer a variety of benefits in biology, diagnostics, and even cosmetics. For example, he said, instead of relying on invasive biopsies, doctors may be able to diagnose deep-seated tumors by simply examining a person's tissue without the need for invasive surgical...

So you just rub Doritos stuff on your skin. Isn't that fucking crazy? You're eating some chips and you're like, I wonder what my forearm looks like. Yeah, fuck. Is there a knot in here? Yeah, but FD&C Yellow 5 is found in many foods, like soda, candy, chips, pastries, including Doritos. So we're just eating that, which seems crazy. Yeah.

So what's going on inside? Like you smash some Doritos, your stomach see-through? Is that what's going on inside? Like you smash some Doritos Your stomach see through? Is that what's going on down there? That's cool Cool thing to think about or whatever Well The difference is Light's not hitting it

I know Light's gotta hit it Oh you get it Did you go to Stanford Light School? I didn't need to You go Dorito Stanford Lights Dot com School

Dot edu. Dot edu slash Dorito Light School Studies. I went to Phoenix. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the same thing. Phoenix, Stanford. But isn't that crazy that Yellow 5 is in everything? And then they just were like, let's rub it on a mouse.

They're like, whoa. I love the idea of someone just, they got a little mouse in their hand and they got a little like Dorito. Yeah, the Dorito cheese. They're like, whoa. I love the idea of someone just they got a little mouse in their hand and they got a little Dorito. Yeah, the Dorito cheese. What? Yeah, the mouse is already sedated. He's like, oh, Dorito belly. Cheese on your belly button. Whoa, his pancreas.

Holy shit, intestines. I can see it. Let's see his dick. Think this mouse will squeak like some fat lab guy. Like yes. Dorito cheese on his lab coat. He's eating Doritos. He's has the sedated mouse.

He's like, hey, Seth, you think it's a squeaky one? He goes and pokes its belly. And he's like, whoa. But there's so many discoveries to be made. Yes. I think is a fun takeaway from that one. I can't wait to see what they do next down there at Stanford. I can't wait to see your liver just by looking at you.

All right, let's read some things from the emails. Okay. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Our first email coming in from our son, Andrew talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Our first email coming in from our son, Andrew.

Andrew! Who writes, hey, Zach! And the other two, or whatever. Real cute. Wrong show. I wanted to share the funniest thing that has happened recently and it fits the show. So my wife is pregnant. Is it yours? With our second child, and pregnancy

has been a nightmare for her. So sex has been very sparse for a while. Fortunately, things turned around and she's been a bit more into it. Unfortunately, my stamina has dropped. She's been asleep while she's... Fortunately, things turned around. Unfortunately, my stamina has dropped. So it's been more of a chore to last enough to feel good about. I get i get it well if she's not in the mood maybe that's better it's just like in and out well one night recently she decided to take the top and i wouldn't have an option to slow down and compliment her like most guys do when they're trying to last that sentence is i didn't i've had to read it about 400 times, but it says, I wouldn't

have the option to slow down and compliment her like most guys do when you're trying to last. You're doing good there, hon. Is that a thing? Like if you, you're like, I'm about to come, but I start saying some nice shit. Is that a thing? I like the way your titties bounce. Unless he means not like a verbal compliment but like compliment her

moves by i don't compliment her like most guys do when they're trying to last i don't know it's a riddle in the middle of being written like a goddamn motorized bar stool i try to tell her slow down or i'm gonna come been there because the other is just too much information never mind i fucked it and i went full dork and instead she got to be treated to me saying oh boy i'm gonna come oh boy oh boy yeah oh boy i'm gonna come long i lasted how long i whoops i came how many times how long how long can i keep fucking before she knows i came one two oh she knows time to goes so i said oh boy i'm gonna come like a fucking nerd she was a champ and didn't lose composure

and i finished shortly thereafter yeah once you say those words you're fucking done yeah we both laughed our asses off in the bathroom after the fact and it's been a phrase we've made into an inside joke just that baby just just saying oh boy oh boy to each other it's not the only time hilarious shit went down when we did. One time, this is great. One time I tried to be vocal and tell her to come for me, but my voice broke and it turned into a Batman impression. Come for me. Come for me.

Another time, a family member walked into the room, didn't see anything, and us trying to act like we were just laying there caused me to pull out so fast that a pop sound was heard. Oh, no. Similar to the sound of a cork being pulled out of a bottle. Or the sound that people make with their finger in their mouth. Dude! Somebody watched it. What was that?

What was that? Hey, what are you guys up to? Nothing? Nothing? Nothing now, Jerry. Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here. This isn't necessarily a confession. Just some fun that we got a laugh out of.

Still love the show. Still love it. Yeah, like we did something wrong. The son you forgot at home when you went for ice cream, Andrew. God, dude. I'll try to recreate that. Like, pull out so fast. Like, that's fun.

Yeah, it is. Cool. I want to do that. I'm going to go, oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm going to come. Yeah. But do it like Mickey Mouse.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Did you? Does that feel good? Does that feel good? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. All right, you go alright

our second email come in from our fed up daughter Kelly she writes hello daddies I want to believe that's how she talks on your August 14th episode horrible slap sucking gas anky panky when you talked about the slap therapy

my brain immediately knew I had to write in. This is 100% something my father-in-law would fall for. This man will believe just about anything he reads. Fuck. Jesus Christ. This man will believe just about anything he reads, especially if it claims the Lord says or sent from heaven. Oh, man.

The top moment of this was when my husband and I were mentioning that we were going to a benefit for our friend's daughter who was diagnosed with some kind of childhood cancer. I said, or I'd said, what? Oh, I'd said, like I had said. Yes. How they were having a rough time with the side effects of chemo and all the financial struggles and he literally interrupted me to say word for word oh why would you god why would they put that your child through that you know they just should get online and find out some uh wait fuck jesus god damn it so anyway can you don't.com

can you know podcast.com there's a new shirt in the merch store. You know, they should just get online and find some juices, you know. Just get some recipes for juices that'll just get the cancer right out of there. I immediately lost respect. Any respect I had left for the guy.

I could write all day with stories about the crazy shit he claims to know. But this was the boiling point for me. Love you guys. Redheaded stepdaughter Kelly. P.S. I want to note that my husband is wonderful, smart, insane. I hope he stays that way. Better hope so.

God, that would be infuriating. I don't know. I hear what you're saying about the chemo stuff. But have you been to cancerjuices.net? Mm-hmm. Have you been to geocities.com slash cancerjuices? They'll get that shit right out of there. Before you know what happened.

Yeah, no, just hit them up. Cancerjuices at gmail.com. Dude, I get so many emails from like, they're like's it's the so-and-so podcast we're inviting you to be on the show and it's like it's like a let's say it's like johnny depp's podcast and be like johnny depp podcast at gmail.com yep cutting the corners on that one we're inviting you to come on our show we'll pay you four grand pay we're'll pay you $4,000. We're going to pay you $40,000. Just hit me up at john at dep john at dep dot gmail dot com. Or whatever. That's not how that works.

I guess you could have another dot after the at. There's no rules! Alright, well that's our show. That's 118. Hope you guys had some fun. And come join us in the bonus stuff by signing up on Patreon. Patreon.com slash canyoudon'tpodcast threesome sex. And you'll find a link in the episode description Instagram

and Facebook you can check us out there the YouTube version for all the video stuff to YouTube yep and then send things in like petty beef confessions or just weird things you see like Jose did with cucumber car grill dick fucker hey guys at can you don't podcast.com rate and review us check out scat cast

uncle Zach again congratulations to Jamie that won that Can You Don't ScatCast VIP card deluxe super bundle flame pack card gift by ordering merch. And head over to CanYouDon'tPodcast.com and pick up any merch between now

and Halloween to have a chance to win whatever you want signed. That's going to be fun. By us, yes. I'm excited. Back to ScatCast. ScatCast.com. That's Scat with a K. Go ahead. I That's going to be fun. By us, yes. I'm excited. Back to Scatcast. Oh, yeah. Let me finish this. Scatcast.com. That's Scat with a K.

Go ahead. I was just going to say, it's kind of playing off the whole idea that Game Boy being signed by whatever. Walkman hat. And if you don't have anything cool, we will pick it out for you and send it to you as a surprise. It could be a used condom.

It could be a used dildo. It could be Zach. I'm going in the mail. We'll just sign Zach. We don't have to have it. It doesn't have to be used condom. It could be a used dildo. It could be Zach. I'm going in the mail. We'll just sign Zach. We don't have to have... It doesn't have to be used. No. If it's going to be like a dildo... A used Zach? There's no new Zach.

You're one of a kind, so used is the only option. It could be a flashlight. It could be. Yep. It's going to be a flashlight. And the autographs are inside. Don't rub them off. Yeah. Next are the babysitters that moderate the Canyon Don't Playground on Facebook. All right, let's wrap this shit up. Zing!

Do it! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? It's a good one. Sent in by our son, Sean. With two N's. Zach, you get it? Two N's?

I totally get it. Okay. What does a glory hole and a police hotline have in common anonymous tips i've never heard that one before i haven't either that's really good no love it no uh okay let's move on to some bonus stuff get us out of here alright then bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye