Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Mayo Meltdown. Lens Crafters. 100 Million. Airport Lounge.

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

AI is being implemented in all facets of our lives, which is great, unless you're listening to an episode of this podcast. Then it's bad. Let's talk about that, gaslighting in an airport lounge, how many people you'd kill to protect your family, losing your shit over mayonnaise, and more on today's episode on Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/OhhAkSeg_7sSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mayo Meltdown, Lens Crafters, 100 Million, Airport Lounge. It had nothing. I thought we, it felt like we came on really fast. Oh, yeah. And I was like, God. I feel like I haven't done anything. And I hadn't. Oh, boy.

That explains it. Well, my volume's a little low. So if I'm talking like this today. I have voice the modulation, Tena. Let me see if I move this. Imagine trying to lower your baby to sleep. Go to sleep, little one. Big news for everybody.

At the time that we're recording this, we just got back. We did. From Lenscrafter. Lenscrafter. This episode brought to you by Lenscrafter. Not sponsored. Not mall. Menzcrafter.

What's that? Like a woodworking shop? Yeah. That sounds like, yeah, just you just hear saws going off. Yes. Saw and leaf blowers. But we got the results back. And you can't read.

Yeah. So there's that. I can read. I do have a couple of stigmatisms. Okay. And the doctor said that would affect what part of your daily life? Could affect some reading. He gave me a prescription for like far away and then also for near.

I'm sure. Bifocals. I asked them about bifocals because some people, it kind of, it's hard. to get used to. Makes you a little dizzy. Yeah, it could get you a little, I don't want to be walking around vomiting. You'd rather not be able to read than throw up?

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. So I'm kind of wondering, is it worth getting glasses so I can read once a week? So we'll get a video put together. I did not stick around to get glasses today. The guy that was trying, when we're walking out there,

he's like, so you're all done, hell? What can we get you? Let's get you down here, buddy. He's like, I'm going to finish up here and we can get you some glasses. I'm like, I'm just going to think about a little bit. He wanted to be in the podcast. He did. We told him we were in the podcast and he showed up. He immediately just had jokes. Yeah, he was zinging him. We should have been like, it's not even a funny podcast. He's like, yeah, we're actually, it's murder. It's murder and he goes, the joke still work. He said, do you have a trombone? And I was like, you better go catch it. Yeah. Is your trombone running? What? Yeah. He was, he was pounding one-liners. He was waiting for this day. He's like, dude, next time some podcast. Some other podcasters came in before us. Yeah.

And he wasn't prepared, and he vowed he would never. I'm not going to let that one slip through my fingers again. That opportunity really let it go. The, uh, is it the first lady? She's not the, she's not the nurse. She's not the, uh, what, when you go to the dentist, what's the first lady that comes in? The dentist assistant, hygienist. Hygienist?

Hygienist. Oh, yeah, dude. Like, what was, what was she? I don't know. She was cool with us filming. Yeah, she was fine. The other guy wasn't. Yeah.

And like I said, the video, we will have something. put together here. God damn, will you kick your feet around or something below the table? Like I, oh, that's better. Nope, don't move. Yeah, that was great. So whatever happened over there, that worked out for us. Um, anyway, what was I going to say? Oh, the T-Rexes around. The video will come out, but the best part of probably the entire experience was the, the first of the eye stations. And they're like, look in there. Tell me what you see. And it was a fucking hot air balloon. Yeah. So that was not playing. We didn't pay extra. Nope. She goes, uh, sit down here. she goes, I'm going to show you some pictures.

And I was like, are they going to be of Yellowstone National Park? And she didn't say anything. Weird. And then, yeah, then she goes, look into this thing. And there was a fucking street with a mountain and a hotter balloon at the end of it. Like, what is going on here, dude? Serendipity. It's made for you, baby.

I'll do that, like, once a week. Yeah. Good stuff. I got eye. It would be like this. Yeah, but give you a little poof. In my eye. What the fuck they do that for?

She's for fun. She warned you. Yeah, but what do they do it for? I don't know. for the next time you go on a butt licking. Tell me the point of that. See if you're prepared for licking the brown eye in case you catch a drafty

little backdraft. It was just their chance to fuck with somebody. It could be. It's a little prank. She's a little petal. Amber told me that was going to happen, though. Here's my favorite part of the day, and she just goes, and she's like, makes her a little bit happy.

That would be anything to make you happy doing that every day. Send in your content suggestions to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. Again, we're talking about the eyes check. That was the second goal part of the honkathon. Everyone who signs up on Patreon helps us reach our goals.

Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Next on the list, 450. And Zach is going to get his own camera. But why, though? Because people want to see you, apparently. But why, though? But they're wanting it. They saw me on the pond.

I think that should be enough. Yeah, they get you, they get you the camera. Then the next goal is explaining why we got you a camera. I think that's a good, that's a good tier to put in there. And then never use it ever. Yeah. We're thinking it might be funny after we get through the 500, maybe all of us have to go get our belly buttons, pierced.

Might be a funny cool. At Silver Safari. I'm allergic to metal, so that should be fun. Speaking of elephants. Yeah. We got another annoyingly hog-boned, fully flung, sweaty, fat dick on the show today. But yeah, more about your elephants. So we got some mail.

it was a care package for Brian from Lucy man and it's just so much stuff so much so much she goes we're upstairs like all that's for you and it's like that's cute it was a big thing of stuff it's just a pile of stuff and I was just kind of staring at it and then he was kind of standing there and like I was waiting for like a joke or something

he's like so that's all yours and I was like oh for real and then I started looking at it yeah and it's all the resin stuff that she made yeah it was tons of stuff I know. We got some fidget spinners. We got this carousel with Mariner's logos on it. That's pretty sweet.

It did not come with the sombrero, but we did put that on there. That's a little luxury. And then this little earring hanger. It's got like the hangers and then their little elephants. She made those for Amber. Yeah. That's her favorite animal. Oh, that's so cute.

That's where I learned just, you know, whenever she's. Here we go. This is going to be great. Oh, boy. Oh, God. There it is. There it is. So there's a little cat butthole. Yeah.

A little fuchs. It's a bag of fuchs? Yeah. And then I thought there were dicks, but it's little teddy bears at first. There's a little teddy bear right. Okay. Oh, yeah. Our cameras don't zoom in that far.

She said in the note that I could squeeze it to relieve stress. Those fidget finners work awesome, too. They're still spinning? Oh, yeah, I still go on spinning. You got a scroll of a note over there? Oh, yeah. That's awesome. No, I'm not going to read the whole thing.

But we know why. And she had a little funny note at the end here that she goes, P.S, if you can read this, you don't need your eyes checked. You just need it. Oopsie. You just suck it reading out loud. It's okay. I do too.

Well, we can put that to rest. Mr. Stigmatism. I mean, if I look at this, it's nice and sharp. I just suck it reading. Or you could just practice. And you literally just got an eye test that said you have. stigmatisms that affect your reading so and what's fun we're we're we got it you got to get over the hump of like realizing your eyes aren't perfect and they could be affecting your reading I

won't accept my eyes aren't perfect I I won't have any other way okay well that's great for everybody then I said what did I say when we when I came out of there and where you're like something reading you're like what do you say it he goes I don't know I got like some stigmatisms which you said wouldn't affect my daily life but it could affect like certain things like reading and like You were just talking like that wasn't the entire point that we were there. I just completely forgot that that's why we were there. You're like, oh, no shit. No, you don't.

You don't say. Made you laugh and you were snorting. You were snort laughing in the lobby? I did snort. God. Video coming soon. Yeah. Well, before we get into everything, a little something to.

So thank you though, Lucy. Yeah. That's awesome. Oh, sorry, real quick. Yeah. It's, if you go to Etsy, it's resin, R-E-S-I-N by a man. M-A-N-N Resin by a man

Okay You can see your stuff Yeah get something for yourself And some more pens Which I'm excited about A lot of pins And she gave me a pen With an extra little stickers

Oh yeah It's got all the Mariners logos From the inception of the team To the current So thank you That's very sweet and very personal Yeah And little fidget spinners for the kids

And a dinosaur puzzle That Zach put together Oh wow He was struggling with it He was He was like I don't get it So like it makes a picture or um just a dog can i pet that dog can i pet that dog uh aces spade sent in an

a i which uh makes sense to only people that listen to the show uh there it is so it looks like a casting couch you got some hungry geese peeking over the back and you just got a frightened wopper it's a sharp looking image yeah sitting right on the couch so anybody that doesn't know what casting couch is just just look it up you don't you don't deserve to be on the internet Kind of what that one is. All right, let's get the show rolling. Fuck, yeah. Maybe steering a little bit away from the funny for this week.

Are you ready? Oh. This is Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. What'd you say? I said, I don't think mine updated. Ooh, that's helpful because there's a lot of new shit at it.

Yeah. Well, I'll take it from here. I'm going to close this and see if it. Okay. And I had, this is not a brand new concept by any means, but I upped the amounts incredibly high just to make you really think about this. Would you rather let 100 million strangers die

but you get to save your kid or kids? Or you save 100 million strangers but you got to let one of your kids die. Jesus Christ, dude. Million. Our brains don't even have to count to 100,000. It means nothing. My chitrin.

100 million. I think it's pretty easy. Oh, is it? Yeah. About all of the families you would fucking destroy. Yeah, but I don't want to destroy mine. 100 million. So that's a third of United States.

Yeah. Yeah. Roughly. Fuck them. Fuck them. And then how would this all go down? They just all start keeling over? Yeah.

I guess they're just a huge, like, nuclear bomb blight. and you're like you're sitting on the couch watching the news at the window and you see the mushroom cloud and you just look at like you know this is burned into all of our heads with like that one picture remember of like when we dropped the bomb in japan and the kids holding his own eyeballs you guys seen that picture yeah it's great so the blast knocked his eyeballs out of his head and he's sitting there crying holding his eyes so that's a fun one um japan so you're sitting on the couch with your family, like enjoying lasagna, knowing that the choice that you've made watching this on the news. And like, all these families are crying. It's this horrible thing. And you're

just like, ah. This lasagna is not cooked all the way. Honey, the chicken's a little dry. And you're just like, like using a like a toothpick flipping through all the channels. Hey, kids. How are we doing it in there? The Mariners game's not on. Because it's breaking news around the globe that a hundred million people just burst into flames and you're just like like picking some pizza out of your teeth like yeah well at least i got my kids loosening the old belt after that big old lasagna meal futures bright future's bright for these kiddos god that'd be so you're ready for bed kids you don't think you'd have any sort of survivor's guilt what obviously you would and then would you just have a normal life just going

just going along knowing that you killed 100 million people to keep your little shithead alive? Would other people know? See? Yeah, that's the thing. Does everyone know it's you're walking down the street and you're like, there's that cat that killed it?

Yeah, all your therapist would know. Like, that's, and your therapist would drop you the second they figured out why you were there. If your neighbor stared at you like you're the asshole and they would have done the same thing, then fuck him. You're gonna, you're gonna save 100 million people, but watch

your kid die in front of you. it didn't say in front of you well it might as well so you know we got we got two kids three whatever how you can spare whatever you can get rid of one like whatever it's a couple left over to keep it going right you don't think i mean i get it because internally you're just like yeah well of course like i don't want to go through that pain can you pick the hundred million nope i'd i would take a while yeah i need a hundred million names they give you like a book of paper you're flipping through a phone book put your finger down you're like steve johnson steve johnson steve johnson's there are yeah kill them all kill them all get them out

that'll that'll take out like a thousand of them yeah i never thought about that you could eliminate like just names that you hated you're like i don't know rick anderson kill all ricks and then just and you're like how many was that you're like what 185 thousand fuck all you'd have to think about like celebrities you like or like athletes you like you're like get rid all the ricks and you're like fuck wait whore oh no what have i done uh what have i done because um i don't because because your kid dying is just sadness for your little tiny circle 100 million and it could it's gonna be kids too and you're just destroying all of these lives and you're just like least i'm good did you just brushing your teeth at least i'm happy i don't think

I'd be able to live with that. I wonder what percentage of people would choose that. I bet it's higher than the other. Yeah. But processing the pain of losing a child feels more surmountable than trying to somehow forget that you killed a hundred million people, kids included. I think I'd have to shut my- Just to keep your little happy circle alive.

I'd have to shut myself off from the world and be happy that my family's still intact. Yeah, they're going to love that. Yeah, stay off at Twitter. Fuck them. They don't. And, I mean, it's not a high probability, but it's like a one in three that you're going to lose Zachari. And you could lose your wife.

That's true. But she said, I mean, she said. And her parents? Like, what if you just killed? Not everything's a loss. I mean, she, she's had enough. If it came up, she was like, well, if it came down to it, you were the kids, she'd be like, I would, the kids in a heartbeat. So, fuck her too.

Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. She didn't get some thought. At least I would think about it. Okay. okay so uh she can go um i don't know i uh obviously don't want your kids to die it's pretty high up on the list of things but i just i feel like i could get over the sadness in my own little

circle instead of destroying the entire country or planet by killing a hundred million people and everyone else's families Come on, there's 8 billion of us Like you're an evil-ass person You're not because you were given a choice It's not like you it was your choice You had to choose between one or the other It's not like you just one day

You're like I have the power to kill 100 million people You're like you had to make a choice And it's a tough choice It is If I lost it sucks Because if I lost one kid And I have the other one

Like if I lost both my kids I'd be out like that Just get a gertie I would no I'd jump off I'd blow my fucking head off It wouldn't even, wouldn't even blink an eye. What? We've already talked about this.

And just leave your other kid? No, I said if both, if I lost both of them, I wouldn't even think about it. I'd just end it, like, so fast. But if I lost one, it's like, well, I have to be there for the other one. And that would, that would be miserable. But what if you could explain to your, like, this is why we did this? It's not. Here's the honorable and noble thing to do.

No, because I don't. Not be selfish. No, because I would, I would be excruciating pain every single. day. Oh. If I lost a child. Now, if somebody else lost their child, it would suck for that person. I'd feel bad for him.

But I'd still be coached your third base? I'd still finish my lasagna. I'd still right through on third base coaching my very much alive children. Maybe you get rid of some of the talent. What if you, well, I mean, there's also the odds, too, that you pull this off. You kill 100 million strangers, then you'd lose a kid anyway to some free accident. Yeah. Then what?

I considered that. I'm willing to. Oh, I've considered that. I've considered it. I'll roll the dice. You know how I was just thinking about this yesterday, which is weird. You know how like, no, it's this morning. I don't remember how it came up, but I remember thinking like how people, you know,

oh, it was something about how we parent today where even our parents, they just, the leash was longer, their parents' leash was even longer. And I was thinking about kind of in the olden days just a few generations ago where the kids would just go off and play. you're reading this article and your son is strapped to your chest on a monkey backpack and you're like damn this leash is pretty short you're pushing your kid out of the right to read the article court uh using his glasses um but no then i was thinking about like how generations back how little hand little more hands off little more hands off all the way back to where the kids are just out all day raising themselves raising themselves and they come back home but so then i was thinking like that's how they used to be though you'd have a bunch of kids because odds well are you're probably going to lose one you're right you're on a farm you have eight kids because you're like well get out whatever you know we're gonna lose two labor we're gonna use we're gonna lose two

of them and that's just a almost expected organ trail is based on a true story mm-hmm but it was like you kind of it was like it might happen yeah now it's like if you lost a child now it seems it's so crazy that you could lose a child back then it was just like he got ran over by a fucking you know combine combine yeah combine yeah Yeah. And it was like, well, that's just part of the job. Man, that's for dinner. What's for dinner, huh?

John. We're having little Johnny for dinner. Oh, oh, man. It's been a tough year. It's been a bad crop year. Come on, do the right thing. We've got to eat your brother. Just sit up to the table and eat your brother.

Get your elbows off the table and eat your brother. It's disrespectful. Disrespectful. Disrespectful not to eat your brother. You know that. Oh, the elbows. On the table. Got to say grace.

100 million. Okay. Yeah, I'm doing. I think I got to do it. I know, but remember, it could be somebody you know. You could be killing me. It could. Wow.

I'm willing to make that suck. You are one of the worst people. Oh, I'm the asshole. Mm-hmm. Who posed this question? Mm-hmm. What would you do? Kill your family?

I'd not answer the question. Just kill your family. I think I might have to. It would be very sad, but one of my kids yesterday. I don't think I could live with a, knowing that I killed a hundred million strangers. And some of their friends and then their

friends' parents. And if the word gets out that you did it, like, good luck. That's so many people coming to get you. Your whole family's going to get killed anyway. So I'm saying, because, because of the way, the way that humans think a lot of people aren't, don't think very rationally.

If you, if they found out you were the person, that did that. Everyone would hate you and everyone would want you dead. Everyone thinks that you're a terrible person. But if they were posed with the same question, they would most likely do the same thing. But they're not in that situation, so they get to be the

you're the asshole guy. Maybe have a kid they hate. Maybe. In our case, we don't. But what if they do? It might be the best thing you've ever done for some people. But odds are it's going to be pretty sad. Yeah, they didn't have to, they didn't have to drown their kid themselves.

Mm-hmm. You just got the whole job taken care of him. Casey Anthony would be Scott free. Number one fan. Like, we'd just get rid of Casey, you know, like she wouldn't have to feel any guilt. Yep, you get it. It'd be like Dexter. And I think if it really came down to, I probably wouldn't kill my kid,

but it'd be really hard to... Yeah, like, that's the thing. You have to do it, right? I don't know. Nothing to say that. Okay, let's say... Your kid just dies. Let's change it real quick, and then we can get out of here. You have to kill the 100 million people. Oh, I don't have time. Your wrist. No way. I'm keeping, yeah, I can't keep a full-time.

But you, you have the rest of your life to do it. No, too many people. So you could physically kill your job. Yeah. Just, I mean, I got things to do. Imagine strangling your own kid. No, no. Zach, what are you doing?

I am going to kill all the folk. Wow. Yeah. You guys are unbelievable. I like my kids. Unbelievable. I don't know y'all. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Well, that was a fun thought experiment. that's what most people would do. Yeah, probably. They may not say that they would, but I think they would. Yeah. I mean, I hear you. Oh, guys.

For the golden geese. George Tosato. Maggie Stokes. Daniel Spatz. Daniel Kaya. Matthew Leonard. Neil Duffity. The sofa king with a war.

John Holliday. Jason Kleiser. Matt Johnston. Zutes. Oh. See you, dude. See you, buddy. Fuck out of here.

I get the fuck out of here. We have a special guest. Oh, we do. Sharing a story after this. Let's move on to the next thing. Hey, Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe?

What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? What are you thinking about? Are you over there? We're hanging.

Okay. Cassie, full name casserole, for the ones that don't know. She does a lot of traveling for work Spends a lot of time in airports and cars Heading to and from To and fro Here to the Seattle area Beautiful

Seattle The Emerald Sea Emerald Queen Casino Am I fucking right Talking about The biggest little casino in the West Talking about boner pills, am I right? Was anyone talking about taking boner pills by yourself

On a casino? I remember that Just me Hi Cassie Hi How are you? I'm doing well Her voice is so much soft

than ours. What do you mean? Yeah. Oh, thanks for calling one-night-hundred. One-900 casserole? Would you just say, one-hundred-nine while you're laughing? One-eighthundred-nine. One-800 casserole. Poof. All right, hey. Hi. So, a super weird thing happened to you yesterday. Yeah. I was just thinking about how it's been, what, two and a half years, and this is my first can you don't appearance? No, you've gotten on here before. It wasn't really official though This is official Sitting on the floor

I feel like she got She was talked over Zach's shoulder before Maybe on bonus stuff I know she sat on the show We dragged her in I remember something I remember something All right

Okay so you did something Share it Oh okay Share it go Get on with it Come on move How do we start What are you fucking new

Hurry up Well I feel bad Because I don't feel like This is exactly funny But I know Even better You know

I'll set up day. There's not a lot of drama for me in the airports just because I travel only to Seattle, so canceled flights and that's about it. Okay. However, yesterday was a special kind of chaos. Everybody knows we're remodeling our kitchen, right? Yes. Oh, they've heard it. Oh, yeah. Well, my day started with traveling with an extra carry-on to go over and pick up some brackets that my contractor graciously gave us for our new shelves. Okay. I showed up at work with my little canvas tote and found out that these brackets weighed in at 68 pounds. And so bracket bag. Throughout the day, my gracious contractors are building me a crate to carry these

onto the airplane, which was super nice. Nice of them. Engineers, I know, just cutting wood and yeah. If it pays to be nice. I got a box for that. Meanwhile, you know, IT issues at Alaska is not uncommon these days, but we didn't know for sure if I was going to be able to fly back. So, you know, researching options to rent a car, talking to Joe, asking him to just tell me what to do because I'm so overwhelmed. And I was like, sh, I'm at work! But anyway, got through that, ended up taking the crate to the airport. Flight wasn't delayed. A little bit stressful. Customer service was great. We got the crate onto the airplane, and I get to go to the lounge as I do, and ordered myself a nice old-fashioned.

Cocktail minus the tail. Started floating a little bit. The day was over. We were on the home stretch, and it was definitely a nice little come down. So I'm in the lounge, one of the smaller lounges at Alaska, and realized that my phone and computer were dined. So after my first drink, I pivoted and moved over to another chair that had power capabilities so I could plug in, set down my bags, and,

went up to the bar to grab one more drink before my flight and as I was standing at the bar I looked over in my peripheral and there was a man sitting in the exact chair where I put my bags I turned back around to the bar and like thought about this for a minute like if I had one of these or 80 of these I know I was really questioning my sanity at this point and honestly we are a little loosey-goosey about talking about gaslighting but this is going to be the ultimate.

So I went over to him while my drink was being made and I noticed that my bags were sitting right at his feet, which I am 100% sure I put them in the chair. Yeah, you didn't just wander over and be like, you mind if I put these on, hang these on your ankles? Yeah. Hey, do you mind if we sit together?

Like, there was absolutely nobody there. He could have picked any chair along the wall. So there's also that. Yeah. I picked my bags up from off of his feet and he was kicked back, Kind of like Brian is right now. You know, legs crossed, smiling.

Yes, exactly. And I set my bags on a chair, not next to him, but the one next over, went back up and grabbed my drink. Give yourself a little space. A little breathing room. For the taser. Yeah. I turned back around and I said, did you take my bags off of the chair? He started laughing at me.

He's like, your bags are right where you left them, still smiling. And I'm like, I mean, seriously, I put my bags on the chair. chair, now they're at your feet. I had to pick them up off your feet. Did you move my bags? And his like, Joker grin, I mean, this guy is, you know, middle-aged and, well, I guess that's me too, right? But, um, a little bit older than me, I think. Are you calling old? This old piece of shit. Yeah, fucker. But, um, yeah, I mean, seriously was questioning my sanity. Like, I, I ended up moving my bags away from him because I felt so uncomfortable in the situation where, again, like, gaslighting to its finest.

I moved back over to the table I was sitting out originally, and his wife, I guess, rolls over and sits down, and they're pointing and laughing at me. And I'm on the phone with Joe, like, I don't take this stuff lightly and... I'm going to kill. Literally wanted to kill. And anyway, I guess at the end of the day, you know, Joe has such a level head and kept me from killing them, but... Not good.

Can you believe it? I do. I emailed How of the One of the most wild experiences That I've ever had at At the airport And I

Rose above And was And was the better person And I walked out of the lounge Without looking back But I did snap a picture So I could shame them At some point

With my friends, I suppose Or He looks like a little bit Of a creep I know We should send it out there In case anybody knows these people

But The chair sealers Were there a lot of open seats? A lot of open seats He just chose to sit in the one that you put your back was sitting in the chair not on the floor what's the fuck it's so bizarre

I want this one me and my wife always sit here we always get here this is where I sit there's a bag in the way four chairs on the wall and they sat in the two center ones so I would have had to be next to one of them but still like he didn't set my bag on the chair

next to him but literally on still it's fucking weird to move someone shit over a chair yet alone take it off and then see Especially at an airport. They're always talking about don't touch other people's air bags. Don't leave your bags. Don't leave your bag.

Yeah, but I think in the lounge, it's like a common thing. You know, you leave your bag and your drink if you have to use the bathroom and travel alone. It's a safe space. Well, and you save your place with your shit. Like, that's how that works. That's just mine now. Yeah. You walk in, you're like, okay, great.

And you go get, you put your stuff down and then you go get a drink or something to eat. Take a trip through the old salad bar. And fuck this guy. That's nuts. Your bags are right where you put them I can't wait to tell my wife about it I got another one Look at this dumb bitch

They just go around at airports Pranking people But not filming it just for themselves He has a whole blog Yeah Yeah maybe he does Yeah maybe had hidden cameras set up I don't know what I would

Well good job not punching anybody Thank you But very bizarre Have you guys ever had anything like that happen I've had people when it's crowded and you have shit on a chair and they ask, hey, can we have this chair? Like, is someone, you're like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, no, you're right. When I put my stuff here originally, there was more room and now I see, obviously, my shit is taking up. I guess wasn't aware of my surroundings.

So, like, that makes sense to me. But just having an open lounge and then someone walking up, just moving your shit off of it and sitting down, being like, nope, mine. I just think about how many times I see someone traveling by themselves because it's for work or whatever. Hey, you get, you walk into a place. You're like, I'm going to put my stuff down. I don't have a friend to sit here and reserve seats for us. So I'll put my stuff down here.

Go do what I need to get and come back. That just seems so normal. And then I would never expect. Someone to come take your shit off. I'm curious, if you see him again, how will that feel of what would you do? You're in the airport a lot. Just run in and grab his shit and throw it. Like an Olympic stunt to it.

Yeah, doing the discus. I do that twirl. Do this, the little twist and throw. The shot putt thing. Like, oh, it's you again. He goes, pick up his shit and do the little twirl and throw it across the lounge. Your bags are right where you left them. Where's your wife, nerd?

It's just crazy after a long, long-ass day. A lot of things that could have gone wrong or a little bit stressful. It's just like there had to have been that one last motherfucker to. Yeah. and rolling a 68 pound wood crate through the airport excuse me

that's yeah it's like a little capper it is just a bomb after a rough day you just like oh take a breath and like

fuck finally I can relax oh finally snuck that bomb through my shoes I'm with rob in the lounge nothing makes a little bomb smuggling feel better like an old fashion or two nothing could ruin my day

an old bomb smuggle the old bomb smuggles got it can't wait to blow up these strangers with my shoes. Before I do that, a couple old fashions always helps. A little shoe bomb. A shoe bomber. Well, Cass, there you go.

That guy's a dickhead. Good job talking her down, too, Joe. Oh, she wasn't going to do anything. He didn't ruin my day. You should have thrown her. I was happy. Yeah, I was just like, there's no point. People like that, all they want is your reaction. Like, what else could they possibly want? That's it. They just want

that they have some sort of power. They got to do whatever they wanted. And then you snap. There's no proof unless you go get like security footage. Special kind of insanity. Oh, I should look that up. What's it going to prove though? Even at that point, like he didn't do anything illegal. Yeah. So you, let's say you'd like drill the guy and he pressed charges and like, what did you do? He moved my stuff. He got salt up my purse. I had my stuff. I put it down and he picked it up and said it. He didn't do it. And then he said, you left it where it was. And I didn't like it. And the judge is just like, what the fuck are we doing here? When you think about it like that in those

terms like if you had to explain why you punch the guy you walk into the courtroom with your lawyer and you go to sit down he's sitting in your chair in the courtroom and your in your lawyer's briefcase is over there he's like right where you left it you're like this motherfucker oh he's something that's what he's doing judge the judge goes to sit down it's like is I don't see my gavel and like other other guys like sitting already in like the judge's share and he has it's Leo, the Leo meme Where he's like Yeah

Right where you left it Yeah Right where you left it Oh All right Well that's good thing You didn't lose your mind And flip out

Yeah It's rough We do have a nice story coming up With someone losing This shit So that's gonna be fun Yeah

All right Let's get to it Okay Because we got a lot A lot of dick To rip through Speaking of cassero We gotta rip through

We gotta rip through some fucking dick Zah! Is it dumb Is it interesting Is it cool Then it's dick Oh, that's love

As Cassius walking out We're flipping each other up That's real cute It's really adorable Real good stuff Fuck you, fuck you Love you Love you, love you

Love you, love you You fucking nerd All right Do I take this first story Well which one do you want to do Uh what? The one at the top Taco Bell

Yeah start there Well there are three stories in your There's a charcoal bell Actually there's four I added one Only have two But the top No it's a fat dick

Oh Did you miss that part? I missed that part? I missed that. that part. So we did that last week. I know, we're doing it again. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And I just, whatever. Doesn't he? Do you eat your eyes check? Nope. Got it. Got it. A little blurry, but we're good. Stay. What's it called? Stigmatism? Do you have a stigmatism? No, it doesn't

matter. I can see and read. You do? Yeah. I can have whatever I want. I can read. You probably really need glasses. He does need glasses. He's going to fucking put it off. That's what stigmatism means. Your eyes are not. They're abnormal. My eyes are fucking great. No, they're not. They're bulgy. My eyes are pretty good, but they're not I apologize to my eyes. Brian just had a doctor tell him his eyes aren't good, and he's sitting there being like, they're fucking fine. I can see, though. I even told the doctor, I was like, see that, like, that sign behind you, I can read it fine.

Okay. When the video comes out, Zach and I were laughing our asses off if you're trying to read the letters. Oh, me. Those are small. They were small. God damn. And they were, the light was bright, so it made it extra blurry. I mean, I'm just telling you, I got glasses and I can see them all.

And you couldn't. Yeah, but I was looking in a mirror. At another mirror. Oh, yeah. It was bouncing off. They had you do eye tech through a fucking periscope? Yeah. No, you just had one reflection.

Yeah, but it was bouncing off like three or four times. You're the worst. By the time, every mirror, it probably dropped, like, a little bit of focus. A little shit. Fuck. All right. All right. Two arrested for running meth lab out of Iowa Taco Bell.

Oh, that's a fun spot to run a meth lab. We've been talking about a lot lately. And we've talked a lot about meth. We have. Two men were arrested and charged Tuesday. Tuesday, after police found remnants of a methamphetamine lab inside an Iowa Taco Bell, police said. Fucking nailed that sentence, dude. Yeah, wow.

Cedar Rapids, please, received calls of a suspicious person outside the fast food restaurant around 4.42 a.m. Okay. 542 Eastern. Wow. Thank you. Yeah. Tuesday. The arriving officers found two men outside, including one Taco Bell employee.

What are they doing? 442. I mean, that's meth time. It is time. That's the methane hour. Yeah. The methane hour, yeah. A manager who let police...

Who let police into the closed restaurant found signs of a meth lab in the utility area. She has nothing going on here, officer. What's this? That's where I make the burgers. What are my capes? We're going to talk about. Shit. That's where I fuck the whoppers.

Yeah. Christopher Adam Matias, Mataus. 31 was charged with conspiracy to Maniwold. manufacture methamphetamine and several chemical possession charges Kent Jerome Duby Fuck yeah What's he selling

He was just there high as fucking Ruby Boo They open it up and he's just smoking weed And they're like What are you doing here? What are you talking about? I don't know waiting for the waper Roll my break

I don't the guy out there says He's making me a hamburger Guys, this is a fucking Taco Bell How many times I would say This is a Taco Bell He's like, shit explains why I've been here for gold I don't want it to make a lot of, man

Fuck, dude Wobber That's fucking no Wobber, man Holy shit, it's a fucking mething hour He's also charged with conspiracy to manufacture meth Oh, okay So, weed is the gate rage It is, gate rage

Talkabelle said the employee was fired And the franchise was cooperating With the police investigation Be weird if they weren't Yeah They're like, dude No, you can't have any access Our meth lab, our problem, officer.

So that's what our dad has always said. And that's for the investigation ends, officer. We'll deal with it. Ah, what's the phrase? What? You're going to get it. No. Okay.

Think outside the meth? Mm. 90s. Lost, yeah, lost meth. Is it a lost moss? Never mind. Back to you. Lost moss.

You care of my math. Yeah, wasn't it more? It's like lost moss is what they're, thing was for more. Oh, yeah. Loss meth. Loss math. There we go. All right. If you have to explain the joke that, it was just, it wasn't worth bringing up to begin with. Both, uh, we and our franchise find this completely unacceptable. Okay.

Taco Bell said in a statement. Although the suspicious out of the restaurant were not used in the kitchen, the employee has been terminated and her franchise is considering pressing criminal charges. Okay. The restaurant will reopen after it's been sanitized. and inspected by the health department. Man. I remember... My first meth.

In the 90s... I remember my first meth lab. When I was a kid in the 90s, I remember there was a couple instances of... What is it? Ecoli. Ecoli.

Talk about... Eikola! What's that other place? What's that other restaurant that burger place? there's so many is it is it a chain

though yeah oh okay E coli yeah jack in the bar jack in the box jack in the crack I remember jack in the box and talk about

both had it Hardic circle would never no never dude never heard any rumblings of that but I remember those two places so I was always

scared to if I ever because I don't remember ever eating it you know one of us we didn't have those but when I was kid I was like if I ever run into a

Taco Bell or a time I'm not going near it I won't even touch that I know they have meth labs. I don't want anything to do with it. Yeah. I don't want to be on meth with the coli.

I mean, if a burrito could give me a little energy, I'm being. Yeah. Baja blast. Yeah, Baja blast. The more I realize, the more I... It's a little extra for sour cream. You're like, yeah, I put it on there. Like, okay, would you like a jalapinos, meth?

You're like, uh... I, uh, I, uh, I never, I never smoked, you know, growing up and stuff. But there were always the jokes of like, Taco Bell and weed and stuff like that and then but the more I like started doing like edibles and things like that and would crave certain foods like getting high and then it's like fuck I get it now like there you go in there it's like Baja blast everything is just overly flavored I'm like they might like they call it something they might as well call it fucking munchy bike like munchy box yeah it's like they're in they're high on weed

food box they know like yeah that makes complete sense now The restaurant would kill it if they did that. If you're just honest, like, we got weed and toys. Come in, kids. Tiny toys and weed box. Adult toys and pot box. It just feels like it's kind of like, that's just the accepted restaurant that, like, high, high people. I feel like Jack in the Box is that.

They leaned into it a little bit, you know? Anything open super late. With their late night, munchy shit. Yeah. I think Jack in the Box had a munchy's menu. Arby's when deer, it's for gentlemen. Oh, yeah. We have the meats.

Like, tuxedo level. Not past 1030. And not for pot. heads. Uh, and then on the topic of meth, just a quick another article here, but a woman is facing charges after police say she lit a crack pipe while on oxygen at the hospital. Oh my God. That seems like a bad idea.

Let's head over to Brentwood, Pennsylvania. A woman suffered severe burns after investigators say she tried to let a crack pipe while she was in her hospital bed. An addiction is not funny. Okay. I get it. You can be. Uh, yeah.

That was hurt. Let me just I feel bad for anybody who has addiction problems and can't is trying to figure that out. And can't. But it's,

anyone who has addiction problems and can't. It's a terrible, it's a terrible, terrible thing. Yeah. But there is comedy that can come out of

Right. Of being a little, being high. Yeah. Watching someone lose their shit. Mm-hmm. Watching someone's life fall apart

can be a little funny. Yeah. I get it. Uh, but having pure oxygen and a flame, not a good idea. It's funny.

Not for her. Not a good idea. Not funny for her. So she was 55, Monique Hendrickson, and she burned her face, hands, hair, trying to sneak in a little crack hit.

Well, hooked up to oxygen in the hospital. So if you are addicted to crack, maybe just try and stop. But if you do have to crack smoke, don't do it in the hospital while you're hooked up to pure oxygen. Crack is so 80s. What the hell? I don't know. It's still out there.

That crack rock. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go. Yeah. That's fun. I should move on to our next story? Yeah.

Yeah, people mething around. Meth around, find out, you know? Methopotamia. Now, here's one that I'm not sure we've ever had on the show in our three plus years of doing stuff here. Mm-hmm. A serial blow darner was arrested in St. Louis. He was. You're saying it like your.

like having a little empathy or something you're like no i just like i i the birder and ballooner and dart like darter it just it's one of those people is he's a blow darter he's a blow dart enthusiast yeah uh arrested a 22 year old man they believe shot blow darts at two people in less than 24 hours yeah not a long span of time there no i mean have you ever shot of blow you guys done blow darts yeah like homemade ones i would go the other way and i'd be surprised only two people got hit in 24 hours. Two people that they know about it. Yeah. Yeah. Because you could rapid fire.

I would expect the number to be at least a couple dozen. Why stop after one? Yeah. That's just dumb. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you were planning on reading more about the story, but I just, I wrote a little note in here that I wanted to say. Okay. Should I keep reading and then you do it?

Yeah. Well, it was, it's directly, yeah, go ahead. Okay. Let's just do whatever you want to do. The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department arrested. Dylan Lambert Brian's standing up leaning on the wall and you're gonna pop right now

You look like you could Have a fucking blowed art In your pocket right now Just waiting for the right time Yeah I think I could use one of Her Lucy man's pins Take out the end

So Dylan Lampert Connection with the crime Department spokesperson Mitch McCoy Said in an emailed statement on Friday They didn't even get the press conference mics out for this one

They brought the breast mics out Yeah they're like Nope Just put it in an email Should we bring the podium You guys want to do a whole thing? Bring the cords They're all rolled up

He goes So what was it again? Yeah blow darter How many people too? No We'll just run the The something piece We'll run the Taco Bell piece

Yeah Run the Taco Bell one dude We're not No it was no No way Sorry I just I apparently didn't read fast enough just kicked me off to another fucking article.

I didn't know the blow dart. The fucking article was on a timer, dude. Yeah. So they responded around 8 p.m. when a woman leaving a restaurant near the 5200 block of Hampton Avenue said a blow dart struck a box of leftover she was carrying. He's like, right this.

God damn it. Yeah, I only have two left. Imagine that little styrofoam box he's carrying. Like, she's put it on the side. Almost a day later, a 20-year-old. man reported being shot with a blow dart in his left inner thigh at the 6,600 block of

Chippewa. That's getting close. Yeah. That's a lot. Too dark. Investigators obtained security footage from multiple nearby businesses and located the suspect's vehicle, McCoy said. Mitch McCoy. He was wearing a...

Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McCoy. Mitch McCoy. He was wearing a fast food delivery shirt and made a delivery nearby before the blow dart was fired. He's like, I got this fucking pizza out of the way. Back to the fun stuff!

It's under 30 minutes. He gets the cutoff. He goes, you can't go crazy. Come on, get him. Put them down. Only so many per 24 hours. You've already hit a fast food takeout box, an inner thigh. You've got to slow down, buddy.

They're going to be on to you. So detectors responded to the restaurant that he worked at, located Lambert, and then took him into custody. He's facing two counts of second degree of salt. and two counts of armed criminal action. Officers also found 30 blowdarts and a blowgun in Lampert's car. That's it. They don't have a motive.

I don't think they're going to find one. No. We can't figure out why you did this. Why are you doing this? He goes, you think I'd fucking know? Yeah, dude. It's thought it'd be fun. I wish I could stop.

I don't know. I mean, why? Why do I do anything? Like, what's your motive? He goes, what's my motive? He goes, here, get my, get my gun back. He just hands it back, he just turned to the jury. He's like, wasn't that fun?

And they're like, ow! Like, it doesn't do anything. See? How fun is that? How fun is it? No one's seriously injured. You try. Just don't hit him in the face.

Yeah. Yeah, so he had, he was ready. He was ready to go. He had a whole arsenal. Yeah, he did. And he showed restraint, which I mean, I kind of hinted towards when we first started reading the article. A couple.

a couple sightings, couple victims in 24 hours. Like, this guy was under he was actually under control when it comes to serial blowdarders. Yeah. Yeah, he could have went nuts. Oh, man. It says blow, blowdark gun. He has ever shot a blowdark gun or just like the ones used, like an actual blow dart? Yeah.

It's no longer a blow dart gun, right? They feel blowing involved. If you're not blowing and he's using a canister to shoot these things. Yeah. You're just shooting. Like a tranquilizer thing. shooting an object out of a gun no yeah it's just a it's no it's just a dart gun yeah at that point um so you you basically said what i was what i was gonna say um about the finding more in his car yeah my thought was it sounds like one of those like when there's a mass shooting or school shooting

and it's like they arrested the guy and then they found you know like pipe bombs yeah yeah he had 88 more, like, magazines ready to go. And you always want to, like, God, you're like, God, this could have been so much worse if he wouldn't have been caught. Like, he could have went on this whole spree. Uh-huh. And then I was thinking, like, this exact same scenario.

Like, dude, they found, like, 30 more darts in his car. But in this case, no one cared. It's like, dude, they found 30 more darts and a dart gun in his car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still not getting the fucking throwing him out. You know, how to have you that podium is, dude? Have you ever wound up an audio cable? Have you ever?

No, there's a... By the look of it, you have no fucking idea. Yeah, the only person, like, the reporter, the guy that wrote the article is also the person that, like, his real passion is running, like, sound. So he's trying to talk the police department and use the podium for the big announcement. Yeah. He's like, two people? No, we're not. We're not fucking.

Could have been way worse. Could have been way worse. He had over 30 other darts ready to go in his car. Locked and loaded. The captain turns around and goes, we're not getting the fucking podium out, Joe. He's like, God damn. So funny. Dern really wants to get that podium out, doesn't he?

Oh, oh, my God. What could have happened? Nothing. What? We got one hurt thigh in a shot leftover box. Barely broke a skin. God, we're not getting the podium out. And he's like,

he goes home to his wife. He wouldn't get the podium up today. What was the story? Serial daughter, dude. And she's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's probably that, yeah. I wouldn't get the podium out for that either. Just email it.

That's what they said. You sound like them. God. I guess long day at work, and I get home, I just want to feel like I got it. support from the girl I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not listening to you. Go get the podium out and say that again.

He wheels his own little podium in. Squeak, squeak. I demand The hot mic. I demand some respect. She's like, God. I thought I married a man. I buried a man.

Oh, my God. Put it in an email. All right. Let's move off to our last piece of dick here. And then the show continues. What do we got? This is the meltdown of all unhinged meltdowns right here. All right.

Peaked my interest. I don't know. You ever, you see the videos of people going into restaurants and they didn't get what they ordered or like Cassie could have just went rage in the Alaska lounge. She could have. She could have. And that was, from the looks of this headline, was maybe more grounds for rage than this was.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I would think so. Okay. Like, I, I've, plenty of times I've been frustrated. The kids are screaming. They're hungry. Like, fine, well, go to fucking McDonald's.

You go to McDonald's. You put it in the whole order, and you're like, I guess I need to eat, too. So then you order something, and then they don't give you the fries. Then you've got to pull in the thing, and you're like, I'm not going to leave the kids out in the car. There's fucking lunatics around here. Everybody out of the car, put your stuff down. So you go in there to get the fries that they didn't give you. It's a whole fucking thing.

And you're pissed. Yeah. And I've never wanted to do anything like this. Well, let's tell us about it. No. Hellman's, you know, like the mayo. Okay. Vows to pay cafe owner for $11,000 repair after disgruntled customers sets eatery on fire over missing mayo.

Hmm. That's good. make sense to me what the hell condiments are very important yeah can imagine eating Arby's without the sauce

you drive all the way home you're like what the fuck is the point of this I mean I get it man if you get Taco Bell they deliver it and they no diablo

and no hot sauce get the what's the point throw it out the fucking window what a waste of time I'm gonna have to sneeze just letting know back is it building up it might go away

so the the article I think it got missed. Maybe you caught it, but the intro says, what the hell, man? That was this. Yeah! Okay.

A disgruntled customer torched a Spanish cafe after he was refused mayo, causing thousands of dollars worth of damage, which mayonnaise brand Helman has offered to cover after learning of the shocking arson.

The peculiar attack took place on... What was that? I was going to say... You're like, eh. If I was Helmins, I mean, spin that into an advertising opportunity. Oh, yeah. Like, oh, no, we're good people. Our stuff's that good.

$11,000, yeah, we'll do that. We'll take it. Easy. It's the cheapest marketing campaign we've ever done. Yeah, like Helmonds has a reputation to uphold. They're in the pits. And they're like, this is really going to get us back. It's like, no one gives a fuck about what the mayonnaise.

Just give me mayonnaise. I don't care about your beliefs. Manning's company. August 21st at Cafeteria, Las Postas in Savilla, when a man was asked workers for a couple packets of mayonnaise. Just a couple packets for his sandwich. He was told they didn't have any. The cafe shared on Instagram. Okay.

The mailless man then stormed off and returned to the cafe minutes later with gasoline from a nearby station. Did he guys have any matches? You guys all out of matches too Don't worry Brought my own And right before he does he's like You're already over there Why don't you just grab mayonnaise from the gas station

How about watch this? Fuck you Oh Funny guy Who's laughing now? Who's got jokes? You went over there and got gasoline And not mayonnaise at the gas station

Okay, right Yeah if you want to pick apart You want to pick it apart and fucking put your counter out. Imagine, so he's dowsing the counter and setting it ablaze. Imagine doing that in real life. Yeah. Go walking in with gasoline and just, it would have been even better if, like, he was calm on the outside the whole time.

He walks over here, whatever he has his meal. He goes, hey, hey, sorry to bother you. Can I just get a couple packets of mail? And they're like, we don't have any. He's like, okay. Oh, yeah, got it. Cool. He just walks out and comes back in.

Oh, that's unfortunate. They're like, what are you doing? He goes, you guys don't have any mayonnaise. Fuck this place. He's like, do, do, do. He grabs a Coke bottle, empties it out. Put some gasoline in. He gets a, you have a wash rag by chance?

You have a wash rag by chance? Oh, you always don't have that either. Oh, shocking. I brought my own. Brought my own. Do you guys have any matches? Oh, you always don't have those. A bummer, yeah, big surprise.

Not a problem here. Catch Just throws a Maltov cocktail At a cafeteria Yeah The condiment fueled arson

Caught the attention of Hellman's Spain Who offered to pay For the cafe's repairs No one was hurt During the cafe fire But the flames Caused up to

11.7000 in damage Point What a god damn it Well 11.7 dollars In gasoline Damages I mean

It cost a whopping $11,700.7,000. Moneys. You shouldn't. We're sorry, Cafeteria los Postas. We're sorry we weren't there. The company wrote an Instagram post this week. From now on, you can count on us. Let us take care of the repairs and make sure your sandwiches never run out of maze.

Thank you so much at Helmand Spain. The cafe replied, pleasure received your help. Just the normal conversation Between a cafe And a mayonnaise bottle Yeah Hell, thank you so much

mayonnaise bottle You are welcome Sandwich Shop Pleasure doing business with you Cafe And for all your sandwich needs

You can count on Helmonds You know it's funny here It says Alleged arsonist Was detained by several Bystanders Before police arrest

People got him Yeah He was then arrested and sustained several burns during this incident. Couldn't even do that right. So he didn't get a sandwich, got arrested, and got like probably second degree burns. They're putting him in the cop car.

You're like, you know what I heard? It's good on burns. Like two officers talking to other? Manas. Get in the car, you fucking nerd. Shink. Yeah, mayonnaise bros. They work.

They arrest them and they just like shove mayonnaise like in his pockets. You need this in prison. It's great lube. What meo? Look at this picture right here. Which one? So if you pull this up.

Yeah, I see it. There's that one, but then you go down. And it's just full blaze looks like. Yeah, and him walking out after burning his arms like an idiot. No, it's that other guy doing, he's like, God damn it. He goes, I don't even like mayonnaise. Another fucking brush on fire. I'm a miracle whip guy.

Yeah, I don't even like this place. Thanks, Helmins. That was pretty sweet. All right, let's move off to some good news for this. week. Okay. Zach, please. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! Tell me what you think about this.

Are you guys board game players? Sure. Sometimes. Okay. Not for a long time. More so now, again, with kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm making him more so now with Skackass, so. I never, I did, yeah, as a kid, a lot of board game players, I'm getting a little, I'm understanding it a little better now. Because I just like There's so many other things to do

But I it feels like it's a great way To kind of turn just a normal hang out Into something a little more There's porn now A little Not where I'm not by myself I'm not watching porn with my My friends and family

Like it turns a normal You're like weird family dude But when you can turn a normal Gathering of friends And have a focus Which is like a game And I know that's always been the point I've just never been like

Oh dude I'm fine just chatting about whatever and not having to be a game. But think about this. This is fun. Beers by the Bay Chess Club is a popular gambit for Pacific Beach. Oh, yeah, and nice tits.

Whoa. Look at that picture. Brian! God hang out there and play chess too. Look at that. Yeah. Don't tell me that's not the first. Yeah, I'm sure you saw the checkerboard.

Is that guy, is he taking it with the self? No, okay. Look at it right here. It looks like he had the longest arm ever. It does. He goes, check this out. I play three chessboards at once with this baby. Camera arm.

Two strangers walked into a bar, and now they're in a chess club. The co-founders met on Reddit a year ago looking for chess partners. They started meetings weekly at local bars. Soon others joined in. The group, now known as Beers by the Bay Chess Club, was co-founded by Mark Laterno, Aidan Ryan, and Julia Gale. Its purpose was to create a casual, friendly space for people to connect through games, and conversation.

And its first year, it just shows you how fucking lonely everyone is. Yeah. The club held, the club held more than 40 weekly

meetups and welcomed nearly 500 unique participants. That's so weird because I would rather just stay at home. It's so, we know.

So it's weird because stuff like this, I mean, I get that it's great things for people to go do, but it's the last thing that would be on my list of things to do.

Get your paper out. You see it. You're like, huh, chess club. See you never. Yeah. And move on. Oh.

No, it looks like they're having another meetup that I will never be at. Fucking Husky's lost again.

What's on the funnies? What's going on on the funnies? What's that Calvin and Hobbs up to? Over the past year, beers by the bay

has become a third place not home or work but a welcoming social environment where people gather to relax, connect, and unplug.

The club just celebrate its first anniversary. And let their tits out on October 17th at Tavern at the beach and Pacific Club. But just an idea. I mean,

The last thing I feel like I want to do What I'm having some beers is play fucking chess But there are plenty of games That are a little bit Like plenty of board games that are better with a little drink You know the last thing that I want to do when I'm drinking Is play beach volleyball And there's a lot of bars around town that have that

Have that option Yeah You're just not a big Get out of the house Well yes And if you get me out of the house to have a beer Don't make me move Yeah

Yeah and but I mean I've talked about this on the show before doing anything like physical or like running around the marathon with beer you know like any if you're drinking beer the last thing I'm gonna do is running around so chess is more there yeah I would rather I'd rather like sit around and play chess okay if I'm gonna do it yeah adding drunk to or adding like drunk in a bar to certain game seems like a problem like sorry just like beep beep no sorry bitch sorry monopoly and again back to the shop put thing you just grabbed their little piece spin around sorry throw across the bar.

Yeah. And they're like, get up, walk over and get their piece back. I think I may have mentioned this before too. So, sorry if I have. But when we went to this, after baseball with the kids,

sometimes another parent group will go to the brewery. Like, get some food, have some beers, let the kids run around, whatever. One of the places, or a few of the places that we've gone,

it just, it feels weird now. You go in there. And it's like they're young couples, young people sitting at a, Rory playing board games Huh And they just look at you like

I can't believe your kids are in here It's like this is our place of board games And beer You're like is it? Kick their fucking table out of the way And roll out Twister There's just this Kind of a weird

Pretentiousy attitude about it Like you bringing your kids Into a place like that What's this is Dungeons and doubt it Twister Old School Right hand red They're picking up all their

pieces? You bring your dirt? You bring your lawn darts, like the sharp lawn darts in, though? I want the ones that are going to get lodged in your chest cavity. The ones where if you're not looking, you might die. That's my kind of fun. You keep

shrinking them. Playing life. We were playing life with fucking lawn darts. Life or death. We're playing two games at once. You know, the board game, life and lawn darts. It's fucking go. Yeah. So, anyway, good idea. So if you ever thought you could pull that off

in your part of town, maybe do it, because it might turn into something massive like they did with chest and beers. Some of those tits would come out. Can I see that picture again real quick? Oh, is it gone? One of you guys has to pull it up, I think. I didn't save it on the screen. You didn't screenshot it and print it. We know how the technology works?

There we go. Come on. Tell me you weren't looking at that. I was just seeing what the moves they were doing. You know, the internet. There's lots of boobs in the world, buddy. Nice rooks there. Sick rooks What is that I don't even know I'd be the pawn in her game

Nice Of life and tits Look at that bishop Huh? What's the difference Between a bishop and your tits My dick won't fit in your bishop I actually both got kind of nipples

Huh There's a nipple There's a nipple on the top of the bishop So I mean Oh yeah Not a lot She looks like a nice young lady Yeah

All right on to something I found On the internet Zach you let me know when you're ready okay the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome are you fellas a fan of hockey yeah the hot i like some hockey the idaho screaming goats yeah some reason if they had a professional hockey team that feels like it would fit? Did you guys know this website exists?

Because I sure his shit didn't. It's very complex. If you go to www.w.hockeyfights.com. I'm there. Literally nothing but ranked hockey fights. They have like the latest. They have like a leaderboard. And you can just rip through and watch some of the best hockey fights you've ever seen, brother.

I actually did know this website exists. What? And there's my, my buddy, John, We used to sit and just we'd be drinking and we'd just go to YouTube and there's like hockey fights channel and it's just hockey fights. That's so funny. And we just sit there for hours and just, oh, watch hockey fights. Got him. God, punch them right in the face.

Yeah. God, why don't you take your helmet off? Yeah. Yeah, because you got to be a tough guy. Oh, yeah, that's what it is. But yeah, you can just watch any NHL game that's going on. If there's a fight, they're grabbing it and they're posting it at hockeyfights.com. So if that's your thing, there you go.

I have a story. It's so funny to me. I mean, a great guy who used to work in Radio Land. You know it's going to be great when you have to. Oh, yeah. Let me just state. He's a great guy, but we're like polar opposites in some ways, but then just happen to get along. And he worked and he ran the board at the rock station that I was at.

And there was times that I would have to come in and finish some work or I'm doing something. and he's running the board, like, late at night. And without a doubt, I would say probably 99.999% of the time while he's running the board on one of the monitors, he was on YouTube just watching, like, fights. Like, people get knocked out. Like, just, like, street brawls. Yeah.

And it's just like, and like, he doesn't know anyone else is in the building. Yeah. And he's here like, fuck cattle. And I'm just like, God damn, dude. And he's like, hey, what's up, man? And then he's like, hey, what's up, man? And then he's like, back to the monitor and just watching people

get their shit right yeah and that's just like their that's just his entertainment like i'm not sure what i'd be watching it wouldn't be fights wouldn't be that wouldn't be that but yeah i wouldn't be on youtube watching people get knocked down there's a i mean you watch a ufc pay-per-view and you see like some educated fights very you know it's very the skill that's a and then you turn on youtube and it's just like dudes fighting in the backyard one as a one as a snake and one has a shovel you're like well see what this goes i got money on the shovel guy, but what do I know? Crazy your things have happened?

Is this snake poisonous? And then it goes the way you want, you're like, you know, the way you expect it. You're like, ah, boring. No, man, it turns out if you have a shovel and one guy has a snake, the guy has the shovel's probably going to win. All right, let's hear

from the kids. Zach, please. Hey, you guys. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Fucking read. Mr. Stigmatism.

We were there. Yeah, it's funny how that we have that. It's, we've figured it out now. That stigma? Like all the joking around. Yeah. And you're still not going to get glad. Has it settled in yet?

That it's just been, it's been 100% confirmed that you have something going on with your eyeballs. I mean, yeah, obviously, it's nice, but I still think my reading thing has nothing to do with my vision. No,

I get it. But I, And that feels nice to know, but like, I still think I have better sight than everyone else. No, I think my, I mean, I get it. Like, just a little blur here. Like, I see that blur, but that blur's there. That's the way it's printed. Yeah.

And it just like, just like here, like it's, you know, a little blur to it, but I can read it. Okay. Gosh, you know, you're impossible. Yeah. I'm a man. I can't admit to being having any faults whatsoever. Perfect. That's going to go well.

For your whole life. I'm already married, dude. Oh, yeah? Uh, first email coming from someone who wished to remain. Anonymous. All right. They. Right.

They or them, right. Them right. Them right. Hello, fathers. Hello. My work is recently implemented the use of AI. Because why the fuck not? I'm a plumber.

And it records us automatically and lets us know we can improve talking to homeowners. How we can improve. That seems like a terrible idea. On all fronts. First, I mean, have you showed them? pictures of Yellowstone National Park Have you had you tried Have you tried to upsell them to a bitter

A bigger sink Joe Yeah yeah I've tried Okay Have you showed them pictures of Yellowstone National Park Joe? That must be the missing link Is you recording your conversations And then saying

Because AI is going to show you How to be a better person How does this go wrong And why are they anonymous It's just another example of forcing AI Just to have it It's going to help you really talk to people. Oh, my God.

All right. I saw an AI wash machine the other day. I don't understand what that would actually be for. No, it's like the AI HP printer I brought on the show. Remember where they said, like, now it prints and like it'll automatically adjust the margins? I was like, yeah, fucking that's not AI. No. It's just a printer doing its job.

It's programmed to do. It'll automatically remove the photos from like the website so it doesn't waste your ink. It's like, yeah, that's called like print like, it's a fucking setting when you tell it to print website safe or whatever it is. It removes all that shit. I love the idea of having a product that already exists and then framing it that it's doing something because of AI. It's like, no, that's the way the code was written. It's like back in the day with all natural or sugar-free or whatever.

Yeah, you're like 50% less fat. Yeah, exactly. Don't get me started. Get me fat. Let me fat. Okay. Back to you. Now, why would I emailing you guys about this, you ask?

Well, because it recently recorded 18 fucking minutes of, climbing the cum ladder. I've now been written up because the AI is apparently deemed that it's inappropriate and lacking any professionalism. Joe. I've attached a screenshot of what the AI picked up so you can relish in my pain. And I did reach back out to Anonymous because this email didn't quite make sense, but what happened was it recorded our podcast. when he was sitting in his truck. So I was like, I think I know what's happening.

I don't know what climbing the cum ladder means. And he goes, oh, he goes, yeah, no, something you guys were talking about in the show. And I was like, okay. So these are, this is what his AI picked up as a conversation. And he sent in some screenshots. Yeah, so we're going to read through these. Oh, yeah, don't show these, Zach.

Yeah. Not willing to, it just says it starts out. Not willing to climb the cum ladder. Do you deserve a kiss? that's what my daddy dad's always say it's weird now that I think about it customer the cum ladder

to me is hilarious because it's like what are you doing it's like that's how much you that's always that's how you always have to jizz like having sex and then the person again I just can't come if I'm not

five feet off the ground customer right vicious so like I guess maybe the difference is you're licking down there you're down in a clam you're eating some clam soup oh so there might be some tasty stuff but away if you're fucking coming on come on and then and then now you're like you have a mouthful of jizz that's a little different he's picturing this a conversation between a plumber and a client and then back to the plumber it says yeah she's just holding it

little, come. I'm against that. Yeah. After coming in the mouth, I thought it was like snowballing. Customer. Well, at the truck stop last year. Plumber. That's not what the guy at the truck stop said.

Customer. Why does everything happen to happen at a truck stop? Plummer. And then plumber. Why is there always come in my mouth. And then AI is like, Bidd. Yeah.

Inappropriate. Send. I cannot help you with your. conversation as you were talking about climbing the cum ladder and jizz truck stop you should be talking more about monkey wrench and pipes and less about cum ladder although oh man i mean a plumber's going to say some stuff that's going to sound pretty com laddery well sorry anonymous uh sorry not sorry fuck your company for thinking i was going to uh teach you how to sell stuff in real time but super funny, watching

AI try to translate our show and have it make any sort of sense whatsoever. So, that is fun. I sometimes always be like in my phone, I'll just be talking out here, and it starts, what would you like to know?

Would you like me to search the web for climbing the cum ladder? What? No, not now. I've already climbed. Our second email is coming in from our belated birthday girl, Katie, who writes, Hey, Daddy's. Hey, Daddy.

So I'm listening to the brand new episode that was released to the gaggle back on August, or sorry, October 6th. Shut the, you just went to the doctor. Yeah, at least that. What? Huh? And I have to relate with Daddy Brian on something. I, too, have a weird thing about objects, and I've been made fun of my entire life for it. Back when the original Transformers came out with Shia, the Transformers' bumblebee was the first

inanimate object I had a very serious and very real sexual attraction to did I get it those cars I have no rumble I have no idea why it happened but I'm assuming because of this next part it's just like

I rub my pussy on bubble B cars I have always felt bad for cars in the summertime when people are running their ACs on full blast and it's 90 degrees outside I wouldn't run mine because I felt so bad about how hard my car was working in the wintertime I also feel bad for cars

and I'm probably a little mentally ill, too. I mean, I was a drug addict for a very large portion of my life and ran two to three meth labs out of local Taco Bell restaurants. That's not in there. I was just kidding. It's a callback joke. A portion of my life till eight months ago, but still. I thought you went out the rails.

I was following you. You were reading like, that doesn't... I guess I thought you guys would get my callback Taco Bell's meth joke, but... tuned out what you were saying. I think it just means people like Brian and I are empathetic people. I've been told, or idiots. Could be. I've been told my whole life I'm an empath, so it makes a little bit of sense.

So, Daddy, Brian, you're not alone. Love you, Daddy Joe, Brian, and Uncle Zach. Happy this show has lasted and will continue to last, I hope, for many years to come. You guys make life a little better and brighter and whatever. What you're sitting back waiting for one fucking thing? Just sit here and enjoy it. A little better, brighter, or whatever. My 36th birthday is tomorrow.

October 8th. Can I get a sexy honk from Daddy Brian? in a fuck from daddy joe love your cock goblin super duper silly sober daughter katie hell yeah yeah fuck yeah dude um i get that funny yeah i'm like feeling like you're but you're i'm more worried about like hurting my car you're like god this thing like leaving it running and you're like i'm more worried about what it's doing to my car i'm not thinking about the car being like oh man You don't anthropomorphize your car? What's that?

You don't anthropomorphize your car? Sometimes. I do. Yeah, but I don't let it, like, affect me. Like, if I have to use my car in the winter, I'll use my car in the winter. If the AC needs to be on, I'll use the AC. I'm not going to be like, I'm so sorry, car. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I get that. I don't do that either. Well, a car might be hot and or cold, too. Yeah. But one thing I would do is I would pull the car a little bit closer to the house to it feels like it's with us. Oh, see. next Patreon goal

is a psychiatrist eye doctor Zach camera extra episode maybe get our belly buttons pierce at Silver Safari and then we'll get Brian a psychiatrist

I wonder though shit I forgot I was going to say that's okay back to the psychiatrist if you remember we chime in okay great episode 177 of the

Can You Don't podcast honkathon you know that's on signup patreon.com slash can you know podcast something you want to see on the show email that in to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com this episode will be released after that first can you scat fest hope we meet a lot of people shake some hands set some dumb shit and have an overall blast but I'm sure we'll be doing more of those uncle Zach scatcast.com scat with a k you got a bunch of cards I knew you were talking to me about signing some stuff oh yeah we got a time of making a big set this year

for Can You Don't cards. It should be fun. And then a huge shout out to the babysitters that moderate the Can You Don't Playground on Face Space. I got a factoid for you. Factoid. Zactoid. Good God.

Wrap it up already, huh? You guys know this? But snow isn't white. How's that? Snow flakes and snow look white because they're actually translucent. Ice crystals have many sides and cause light to diffuse reflection of the whole light spectrum, which results in snowflakes appearing to be white in color. But they're actually just see-through.

It's nothing what we think it is. Nothing's what we think it is. I mean, it makes sense, but it's fucking white. Next, you're going to say the moon isn't made of cheese. Yeah. Well, I mean, is green green? If the sun wasn't hitting it and it wouldn't be green. well that makes it green

because of how it's not green how it's absorbing or reflecting light makes color but with this one there's no color it's not actually white because you have a white shirt and then you have a white oh my god

all right let's get off to the bonus stuff we love you guys say bye bye bye I'm going to be.