Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Meatus Hole. Giant Cube. Cotton. Emergency Donuts.

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Bryan pissed the bed. Let's talk about that, trying to reason with criminals over splitting lottery winnings because they stole your credit card to buy said winning lottery ticket, an insane giant mega-cube that houses over 400,000 people, how Bryan actually pissed the bed, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/kNSH0lDSNFYSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Meet us whole giant cube cotton emergency doughnuts There's no possible way you guys could know this But did you guys know like up there on my bucket list of things is to see active love oh yeah did you know that no but that i you're like yeah no i fucking knew that i was like fuck when are we talking about that never but that would be cool you're gonna see some? I don't know. Doot, doot, doot. I know. I played that just for you, buddy.

Going to Hawaii. Heading over there. Getting a little sunshine in. Turn this winter of sadness around! It's actually been kind of nice here. Yeah.

I know. But it's the mentality part. Yeah. You know. Does this sound extra loud for this? It's way louder than normal. Pretty loud.

I mean, the kids are loud. Woo! Shit. extra loud to them? It's way louder than normal. I mean, the kids love it. Shit, I didn't fucking... It's way low. It's where we're supposed to be. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, why is it so loud? Lay down some tracks, Joe. Are they all this loud?

Can I finish my story? Without the... That's better. That one's just... Fuck you! We're off to a great start. This thing, it just goes in and out it drives me nuts going to hawaii getting some sunshine and then just found out as the time that we're recording this like three days ago the uh big island the active volcano on there is erupting oh so it So, I mean, as the time we're recording,

I'm doing my best to interpret their, like, eruption schedule, but I'm, you know, like, it's just like if you don't surf, you don't read the fucking tide schedule. Right. It's like checking stocks. Yeah, I was like, if you're not doing stocks, you don't fucking know what's going on.

But they said that they're expecting it to blow up again, and then it did, and they're saying maybe again here in like three days, which I will be there. That'd be wild. It has an orange warning, whatever that means. I mean, lava's orange. Yeah. But is that the lowest level, or is that...

Seems like the lowest level would just be like, it is now... Oh, here's a live shot. I'm not driving up the volcano for that. But it's like here's a live shot like okay this is i'm not driving up the volcano for that like but it's it looks like there's a live shot you can just watch it's the calder is smoking it is that's exciting right yeah so i don't know why i've just always wanted to see live lava and i might have the chance to do that on this trip that'd be sweet i know i just want to take like a pop can sit in there and watch it just... I mean, I doubt they would just let me...

Walk with your Pepsi. Excuse me? They're all wearing those metal suits and everything. With a beekeeper outfit? We just watched, yeah. My wife was watching that movie... Lava Pepsi Can? No.

Two? La Palma. Oh. It's a show on Netflix like a mini series. It's cheesy as hell. There's like dubbing of the voice

and everything. But they wear one of The lava is going to erupt soon. They go to these two guys climb up to the the fucking active volcano.

I know. And basically I think they just jump into it. So either I'm hoping for the same outcome as when, either... I'm hoping for the same outcome as when I went... Outfit?

I'm hoping for the same outcome as when I went in a hot air balloon. If I get to get... I just hope I don't get hit by a flame in a rock or something. You know what I mean? That would suck. Yeah, that would suck. We could bring a lava rock back. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, in the autopsy. Yeah. Just lodged into your brain. How'd he die? Just, I'm on fire. Don't... I'll give you two guesses, but you'll need none. Yeah. Yeah, just lodged into your brain. How do you die? I mean just I'm on fire. Mmm Don't I'll give you I'll give you two guesses, but you'll need none Yeah, when how close you could get before it's hot before it just starts like it catches you on fire I'm willing to find out but it's up there like it's been bucket list. There's that there's do shrooms in

Iceland during peak Northern Lights time. That's up there. Skydiving's there. But it kind of bounces around. Just like a thrill. Kind of like your head when you hit the ground. Yeah. You should skydive.

Your parachute didn't open. Does your head bounce when you hit the ground after your parachute doesn't open? I imagine it would. I think it would just explode. You should skydive. It's probably a little bouncy. Go ahead. On mushrooms skydive during Aurora Borealis in Iceland.

Into a volcano. Into a volcano. There you go. Fuck yeah, dude. And don't waste time with all these bucket lists. Just do it at once. Just do it and get out of here. Anyway, so I'm excited about that.

So wish me luck. Good luck. That's fun. Thanks. Good luck. By the time this episode comes out, either it happened or it didn't happen. Yeah. Either you're burned alive or just a happy guy.

Or now you know where this volcano smells like. not in Hawaii anymore. Sign up for Patreon. Get the bonus content. Head over to patreon.com slash candy don't podcast.

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Good to see a little spike in there. Content suggestions. Whether it's just petty beef in your own life or shit you find on the internet. Confessions. I feel another confessions episode coming soon. I feel it too. It's been a couple months. Hey guys at canyoudontpodcast.com.

We got a big sweaty flong on the show today. I noticed you're wearing the shirt. And in celebration of that, I'm wearing our can you don't flog shirt. Look at that. Fuck yeah, dude. Dude in celebration of that, I'm wearing our Can You Don't Flog shirt. Look at that. Fuck yeah, dude. Dude, that's sick, right? Yeah. I mean, there's no questions asked.

No. No, you'd read that and be like, that's a footlong hot dog. Yeah. We have some new merch. Speaking of merch. Yep. Going along with our new merch giveaway, which is a callback to what we've already done, where you will have the option to either send us something to sign or leave that decision up to us we'll find some random shit to sign and send it to you

but anybody that buys merch off can you don't podcast.com uh throughout the month of march we'll have a chance to win and here's that new merch we've got the hot air balloon it just says death awaits above it and then it's very dark dark theme yes i mean you were saying winter hasn't been bad but when this when our brain goes here right so we have the death awaits hot air balloon and then we have a minivan and he just says it comes for us all so those are available right now so we were also thinking about so that uh death awaits it just happens to work out to where it's a nice 11 by 14 rectangle. Okay. And so also I'm going to put those up on the website for sale as a poster.

And then we were thinking we could have like a special signed edition. Signed option. Yeah. Maybe we'll sign some, order some, and then put that up there. You want them signed? Buy it. If you win the contest, send us the poster. Yeah.

We'll figure it all out. It's 11 by 14. It's a pretty good size. Yeah. It's like a concert poster. 11 by 14 centimeters. Yeah. Yeah.

Just a little teeny little sticker. With tiny little signatures. Yeah. Little mini signatures. But those are available right now. We drop a new merch all throughout the month. So make sure to check that out at candydontpodcast.com. Real quick, so Jayfield and Patreon commented on there, and he said, I want to send you guys a Switchblade to sign.

Could you imagine that, sending that back and forth in the mail? Because on the outside, you're like, not a Switchblade. Yeah, definitely not a Switchblade. Definitely. It's never been. That'd be crazy. There's no way this is a Switchblade. Don't even open it. It's definitely not cocaine either. Probably not a goodblade. Definitely. It's never been. That'd be crazy. There's no way this is a switchblade. Don't even open it.

It's definitely not cocaine either. Probably not a good idea. Yeah. Just in case. Just in case. Just in case you were thinking about that. Yeah. Maybe don't.

Maybe avoid sharp objects. It might be legal where you are, but it's not legal here. Yeah. We do have a quick update on Unikite 13 Hotel. Oh, great. I know. I haven't stopped thinking about it uh but the little little girl who got the computer randomized name of unikite 13 hotel her dad was able to get a social

security number oh good so that's good things are moving in the right direction and he's planning on changing her name to caroline elizabeth kilburn now that's a nice name which is much better than unikite 13 hotel i'm kind of disappointed they didn't keep part of the theme. Like maybe keep the hotel or something in there. Caroline 14. Yeah. Ramada. Like Motel 6.

Keep some number theme. Caroline Elizabeth. Double tree. Double tree, yeah. Hilton. Caroline Double Tree Kilburn. We call her red lion caroline elizabeth best western so there you go let's get the show rolling yeah it's fun zach fuck yeah

hey shut up start the show already i'm a little baffled by that. That sounder was so loud. Anyway. It was just excited. I don't know. Just excited as we were. We've got a What Do You Rather this week, Joe. Okay, let's do a What Do You Rather this week.

This one scares me a little bit. Okay. Because I don't know. I truly don't know which one I would prefer. Okay. So I'm just going to read it for you. To you. For us.

For everyone. For everybody. Would you rather pee a ping pong ball? Oh my God. So visualize that. I am. I'm picturing a cartoon firefighter situation where you're watching the balls of water come through the animated hose.

Oh yeah. Just working its way through. Have you ever had a kidney stone or anything? Have you, Zach? No. I haven't either. I haven't, but I've had friends that have had them, and they do describe it as not pleasant. And they're not even that big.

And it brings a grown man to his knees. To his knees. And they now make you know, they're not even that big. They're tiny. And it brings a grown man to his knees. To his knees. And they're now making a ping pong ball. So that. Just working it through. You can feel it denting a little bit. Sure as shit don't want to break the ping pong ball. It's a solid. It's got to be a solid ping pong ball.

So ping pong. Were there solid ping pong balls? Well, you don't want it to. It's just a huge marble Alright my serve Alright You go to hit it It's like It's hard to play a ping pong ball

With a marble Anything other than a ping pong ball Yes it is It is It's made for that Yeah it's very specific Yeah Okay

Or Poop a bowling ball It is, it's made for that Yeah, it's very specific Okay, or Poop a bowling ball So I We've learned a lot about buttholes on this show They do some Miracle things But bowling ball size isn't one of them Yeah

Like, what was it? It was like three inches or something. Like the diameter. Can expand? Can expand. Can expand. Which means, like, you can fit whatever it was, two raccoons simultaneously into your asshole.

If you had to. Two raccoons? Like, smushing them down. Because they're furry. So you take all the fur off. You can fit two raccoons off you could fit i don't remember two raccoons into your asshole i don't know you're probably just thinking about licking them or something or whatever uh but a bowling ball is much bigger so it's not i don't think it's coming

back yeah is there a let's find i am so scared for what i'm about to do Are you looking up kegels? Kegels? No, I'm looking up how big a urethra can get Oh To compare to the difficulty between Okay I do not want to see that picture I know Sorry you have to

We know people, we did stories about people jamming things Yeah, a dildo A dildo into a pee hole Oh, for pleasure This this is like you have to choose one of these for least amount of pain and to do that for pleasure i'm not even trying to type urethra with these gloves on i completely forgot we talked about that we're sticking like wire hangers up their pee hole and stuff like that okay so this is this is not great a typical p-hole in quotes because that's what i wrote your typical because i didn't want to tie it's just your run-of-the-mill

everyday p-hole or the external urethral metis can stretch to a maximum diameter of around five to seven millimeters that's not very big no it's not with the average size being closer to three to four millimeters that's i mean that's i mean isn't that like the mouth of the penis like the funny little mouth yeah that you can pull apart hello little cyclops yeah A little Cyclops. Yeah. And I will always love you. We'll only come too soon. She's like, I gotta go.

This has been a great first date. Oh, man. Well, I don't think I got your number, and you're not going to. Goodbye. I will not call you. Oh man Well I don't think I got your number And you're not going to Goodbye I will not call you Just eating at the spaghetti factory Just lovely first date Lovely first date

Oh god Never call me again Hey he's taking a bite of lasagna By the way did you know your external urethral meatus Can expand to 5-7mm Past the garlic salt Do you have any parmesan? No Did you know your urethral meatus can expand to five to seven millimeters past the garlic salt. Oh. Do you have any Parmesan?

No. Did you know your urethra can- Spaghetti Factory, by the way, is like a, it's like an Italian. But Americana Thailand. Italian fucking thing. Thailand. It's Americana Thailand spaghetti restaurant. It's Bollywood.

It is. Okay. So there's that i i think just based off these measurements of a three inch butthole compared to a ping pong ball that is trying to split or squeeze through five to seven millimeters at tops the ping pong ball is way bigger than a bowling ball coming out of your asshole plus your butt is at least somewhat used to things coming out of it which is a cool that's work experience yeah yeah like that's been on the job right yeah on the job training yeah like at least

it's it knows that what's going on that your dick or your isn't gonna know what to do with a fucking ping pong ball because it doesn't know how to do it but buttholes are made for getting stuff out buttholes are also pretty solid for taking stuff in and history shows us history has proven but the other way around not as sounding not as popular as anal sex right and i think that's all i have to know my here's my thing i feel like the pain it's it depends on what kind of pain tolerance pain style you can put up with i feel like a butthole expanding too much is going to be more like a throb type of pain a rip where is like a a stingy hole is going to be a stingy type of pain and so it's like do you prefer a throbbing butthole yeah or a stingy pee hole because my dad used to always say when i when i

had my surgeries i had to take like the medicine i was going to say i had to take so many dicks like your femur was broken and they're just fucking your ass. Yeah. Doc? They're like, what happens? What do I do with the pain from my knee surgery? Well, you're gonna have to have four cream pies. We jam shit up your butt. What does that do? Well, it takes the tension off, the pain off you. Yeah, your femur won't hurt anymore when me and my colleagues ream your asshole.

Okay. When we run a train. We run a train on your ass tonight. Before dinner. Not after. It's hospital food. It just gives you the runs. So, I think I was taking hydros of some sort.

And I remember. Ah, yeah. They're like, you get very dehydrated. And so, but I remember the first time I had to go poop after that, taking my medication. And so, I'm in my, you know, with the wrap on. And I can't bend. So, you can hardly sit on the toilet, and I can't bend, so you can hardly sit on the toilet because you just can't bend your leg. You just can't sit.

There's a ton of dicks in your ass. It's so hard to sit on the toilet and you have four Dr. Dicks in your ass? They're not very accommodating. But so I remember sitting on the toilet and just like, it felt like I was pushing out what I described as Like a softball

And it was just a regular turd But because there was no you were so dry It felt like you were Pushing out this giant thing And it felt like my asshole was going to Stretch and just Fucking burst But it was more like a

It was a Yeah is it turned up in there? It does feel loud And just fucking burst. So that, but it was more like a, it was, it was, it was loud. It was a, yeah. Is it turned up in there? I don't know. It does feel loud. It does.

Look at the podcast. Look at the podcast channel. Is it way higher than normal? The kids were fucking around in here. Which one's the podcast? The one that says iPad. Oh, let me turn it down a little bit here.

Okay. Should we try it again? Still loud. Yeah. Better. Oh, yeah. Up. Yeah.

It's not working. Oh, yeah. Nice. I'm not even moving it. You haven't even touched it? No, I am touching it, but it's not moving. So. Yeah.

It's moving. Whatever. Now here, it's all the way off. All right. Well, we'll figure it out after the show. All right. What the fuck? I'll just stop pushing this one.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All all right i could just do it back to you so pushing pushing against your butthole and it felt like i was gonna explode yeah but it was uh it wasn't like it was just a turd it was just a turd it wasn't a bowling ball and but it felt like a bowling ball and it was more like that stretchy throbby kind of pain and i remember it sucking but um i think if i had to choose what i would rather suffer through um that there's a that sting pain you know like in an open wound or something just that fucking stingy hot pain is terrible yeah and so you want to poop a bowling ball well i don't know because i'd never birth either, but that felt like I was giving birth. And that, you know, like the, what women describe as like a, you know, the, when you get the, whatever the fucking.

What? Before you give birth, the. Epidural. No, the goddamn. The placenta? No, the fucking, the pains you get before, the. Contractions? Contractions.

Like, you know when you gotta poop and you're getting those stomach contractions? You're like, oh, shit. It's a different pain than a stingy pain. Yeah. Okay. So, which pain do you prefer? Bowling ball. Yeah.

I can't do ping pong ball through my fucking dick. Yeah. Just. I feel like you'd die through either one of them probably yeah probably certainly a bowling ball shit not your ass would probably break your pelvis or some shit bleed out oh my god what's that what's that dick gonna look like all the women are out there thinking like they i i your vagina is made for it yeah so your people just remember that. Your pee hole's not. Okay? Women, you also have a urethra. Yes.

Okay? Yes, you do. And putting a ping pong ball through that? No way. I'm going bowling ball. I'm going bowling ball just because that's how... It's used to pushing things out. I'm going to die, but at least I'll hold a world record.

See, and the thing is... Yeah! You're probably not going to die with the Ping pong ball through your urethra But the pain is just I mean you'll probably pass out I mean just the look of it Like what's your dick going to look like when you're done

Depends how little it is The ping pong ball? It's a ping pong Oh You got a big dick It's not going to look as different But if you got a little teeny peen Might be a shortcut to having a bigger dick It'd looked like a snake that just ate a deer you know it's like slowly moving

through your body everyone knows a video about that yeah when they ate that chick from thailand or whatever the boa constrictor yeah um okay bowling ball zach yeah for sure okay let's move off to what are you thinking about you'll be surprised to know we're talking about dicks again. Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing.

Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Ryan, what happened? I mean, it's not technically just straight dicks. Women could have this problem, too. I know. But this happened to you, and you have a penis.

Oh yeah. Okay. Uh, so it's okay. Just say it. You, did you pee the bed as a kid? I'm sure.

When do you, when do you think you stopped like consistently pissing the bed? Yeah. When you were like, you were just like, Oh, I don't pee the the bed anymore i'm sure my parents shamed me into stopping below like four or three damn that was you know i don't know what i was but that seems young you were 35 i don't know but that seems young i don't that doesn't it i don't know five five and younger Feels like yeah preschool

Can't you piss in your pants anymore Early age for self control like that I don't know Is it I don't know I guess I should Have said I don't know but if I had To guess it would be like around Like yeah five years old I would have guessed like Seven eight you know like A couple more years of pissing shit you're not peeing in bed all the time

But it's like maybe once a couple Weeks you're peeing in bed oops didn't Pee before I went maybe once a couple weeks, you're peeing in bed. Oops, didn't pee before I went to bed. I don't know. I should just give my mom a call. How long was I... On air. Yeah, how long was I pissing? I'll try. She's at work. Oh, this will be a fun conversation for her. I know.

With the co-workers. Yeah, let's find out. Let's see if she picks up. Alright, one second here. What do you think, Zach? It's a good ring. Come on. Come on, mom. I love this.

Come on. Now she's going to text me, and I'm not going to answer, and then she's going to think I'm dead. Yeah. At work, can't answer. Is anything wrong? That's what she'll write. All right. Well, no mom.

If I called my mom, it would be that way too. Yeah! It would just keep ringing forever. It does. I'm live on the podcast wondering when I stopped pissing the bed. No need to call back. Just tell me when it is. Yeah, exactly.

I'm live on the podcast wondering when I stopped pissing the bed as a kid. I'll let you guys know. All right, back to you. So the other night, I don't remember when I stopped but you know i haven't peed i haven't i don't i don't pee i don't want to pee the bed i'm a big boy that's right i'm all grown up you know like you're yeah you we all do this where you're like in a dream and you you feel like you gotta pee or whatever and then but your body tells you to wake up yeah you usually wake up yeah or for no reason like everything's going fine you're running for your life in the woods and then all of a

sudden you're trying to find a toilet and you're like why why do i need to and you then eventually you wake up yeah yeah but you're like why do i need a toilet i'm out in the woods this guy's gonna catch me why would i yeah i just piss forever in this situation and i just piss my pants and keep running right if this is life or death i if i pee my pants would a big whoop okay so mom didn't answer the question she's a lawyer but she said you never really that did have accidents huh i mean so you weren't right back fuck yeah hell yeah dude hell yeah bro with a with a fist bump your mom's an accident? No, she wouldn't appreciate that.

You never really did have accidents. That's really cool. That's so sick, dude. That's so cool. That's it. Okay. Like I said, that's so cool. Love you.

All right. So I guess I never pissed in the bed. I stopped pissing in the bed at zero. You just came All right. So I guess I never pissed in the bed. I stopped pissing in the bed at zero. You just came right out. You're like, you pissed in the womb and then you didn't piss in your womb though. I held it till I was fucking seven years old from zero to seven. Hell yeah, dude. Never had any accidents.

That's impressive. Thanks. Straight from the mom. I peed the bed the other night. That's where we're going. Yeah. What happened? Well, I was having one of those dreams.

You trusted the toilet. And I don't even remember if there was a toilet involved, but I remember it was like, it's just your run-of-the-mill dream where you feel like you got to pee, and you usually wake yourself up to go pee um but this time i started peeing and then at some point my rational brain kicked in and was like nah dude you're peeing in real life this sucks yeah and i woke up and i could feel this dream like peeing into my pants or my underwear so you don't sleep naked uh sometimes sometimes in the summer yeah did you get it on Amber? No That's always fun So here's the funny thing

So on Friday nights we have like family fun night And we have a king size bed But the kids sleep in there on Fridays So I usually just sleep on the couch You pissed on your kids bro? No not this time I was going to say I sleep on the couch You get it I sleep on the couch. R. Kelly with a Y?

You get it. Yeah, I get it. I was sleeping on the couch. Okay. So I peed on the couch. Why were you on the couch? I was just explaining to you. Did I miss it?

I was thinking about you pissing on people. The kids sleep in the bed on Friday. Oh, you're not invited to your own bed? I just, yes. I figured you guys were all in it. I can sleep in in there but it gets really full because the kids are getting bigger this is a terrible idea so i just started sleeping on the couch on fridays but then i can sit on the couch and watch whatever show i want i'm to watch whatever shitty youtuber they're watching this is so funny the idea of family fun night yeah Yeah. And I'm not part of it. You're not part of it.

Like, no, I'm not part of that. Where it started fun for like maybe a year. Mm-hmm. And then now you just go to the couch for family fun night? Yeah. This family sucks. All right, it's family fun night. All right.

Bye. Have fun, guys. Don't have fun without me. So what we usually do is we'll play like games or whatever have dinner maybe watch a movie who pissed my pants and then uh and then amber will watch a show and the shit and then they'll bring in their like their switches and they'll watch youtube and cuddle in bed with her and sometimes i'll hang out in there but if sometimes it's like no i want to watch my own show so i just go to the couch and then they doze off in there and god family's so funny but i uh

but i didn't catch myself and i peed my pants and woke up in the middle of night just like just peeing my pants and just like underwear so i had to get up go in the bathroom and like take off my shitty or pissy underwear yeah basically and like. I was so tired, I was in the middle of the night, I just threw those in the bathtub. And then just... Save that for later. Got a little sink water. You got spit on your hands and rubbed your dick?

I got a little sink water and just like... It was that thing, I want to be able to go back to sleep, so I'm like... Standing in the bathroom naked, washing my crotch area. and just in the middle of the night like hanging piss underwear over the over the bathtub and have to walk into the bed in the bedroom and find in the dark and sneaking around smelling like piss you have to find a new uh pair of

underwear which this is i mean this is actually funny because it was just a couple nights ago, and I don't remember the last time this happened. And I told Cassie about it because it was so funny to me. In my dream, I was hanging out with my family, right? It's like a family fun night type of thing? No, I was in bed. I was with the family, though. I was with my family. Not abandoning my family

and uh i just sleeping and in my dream i was with my family and then for whatever reason i ended up in the bathroom and i was taking a shit but my whole family was there in the bathroom with yes they were standing in there and i was like taking a poop and we're like talking and hanging out and then they were waiting for me to get off the toilet and they just kept leaving they're like we don't have time for this like that type of thing and so like my dad was alive my sister was always weird like everyone's my whole family was in there some cousins cassie our kids and everyone's just waiting for me to get done shitting so we can go back to what we're doing. And every time I wiped, it was just like tar, like tar shit. And I just kept wiping and wiping and wiping and nothing would happen.

And my family just left because I was taking too long to get done. I was like, no, no, don't leave. I'm almost done. And I kept wiping my ass. There's just nothing but shit and sludge. Like toxic waste color brown green. I was like, I'm almost done. And then I woke up from that dream and my stomach hurt so bad, I go, shit.

Isn't that weird how your body's trying to tell you you gotta do something? So it makes up, your brain's like, let's get your family involved. We gotta wake this guy up. Dude, let's bring these people back from the dead. This guy's gonna shit his pants. They're like, we need him to wake up and go shit what's gonna get his attention yeah yeah his dad relatives his dead family members it's time to poop son yeah and

it hurts so bad and i woke up i was like what i was like oh shit like i gotta go and then went and did that and then we'll cast you up when i got back in bed so i told her i had a dream about all that stuff but i haven't had like a shit dream wake me up i don't know if ever i don't really remember but the p1 for sure if a toilet pops up you're like i need to get up do not trust do not trust the toilet it's no one's dreaming about a toilet with a with peace of mind is that a weird feeling too like some so usually what happens is I wake up, uh, in time and then go to the bathroom, but I'm trying to close my eyes to keep myself. Sleepy.

Sleepy. So I'm standing there peeing, but, and so while I'm standing there peeing, thinking I'm awake, right? Like I'm awake. This is okay for me to do this. I don't even feel like I have to pee. It's like, but you have to like talk yourself through. You're like, this is okay for me to do this.

I'm awake. This is totally normal. And, uh, I'm peeing. I'm like, okay, no yourself through like this is okay for me to do this i'm awake this is totally normal and uh i'm peeing i'm like okay no this this is good i'm awake and then this is where you get rid of that and you go lay back down you're all comfortable but there's a moment of like am i awake should i be doing this should i be doing this but i made that decision in the dream the other day and didn't wake up in time and just peed you know zach have you peed your pants recently yep i uh my nickname on jar is peabaw oh because i told the story of and you regretted it ever since yeah well there was an episode when my wife and i first got married we were watching south park and there's an episode where it's just the piss episode and i had a toilet in my dream i woke up and it was like let's test this marriage

out shall we and i might if i piss on you yeah exactly and i have an awesome wife but that was my whole thing as a kid like fred flintstone would come up we'd take a piss together and i'd wake up in pissy underwear and you're like oh it's like where am i i'm trying to pee exactly so yes your name's monique it's been several years since then it was yeah 12 years ago now i was gonna say but as an adult you're just like this is bad this is bad i had this feeling like is this gonna start happening now because you know when you get older you just like that is the fear you see the commercials the guy's like oh you're out there playing around a golf and you have to fucking find a place to piss all the time sexy underwear diaper yeah

so here's a diaper that looks like a normal underwear is that where we're going now is that like that is that my life now yeah i remember those first like sexy diaper commercials came out for women i was like you're trying too hard nothing sexy about a diaper i don't care what color or cut it is you're just don't try and make diapers sexy and why does if it involves women why does it always have to be sexy because that's what they're made for yeah you must be sex you are sex like you are nothing they just finally let softball players start wearing pants like just not fairly recently they had to wear their short shorts. I remember playing with girls. Playing with girls. I remember watching girls.

This is getting worse. Young girls. How old? Teenage girls. And them having to slide in shorts and thinking like, God, that must suck. There's no crying in baseball. Yeah. That exact thing?

Yes, exactly. And then the big old raspberry just. All right. Anyway. Well, I guess, Brian, as long as you don't piss your stool over there. baseball yeah that exact thing yes exactly and then the big old raspberry just all right anyway well i guess brian as long as you don't piss your stool over there it should be good yeah just get the fuck out of my house next time okay yeah okay and please join in our family fun night you're making me sad it's it's family fun night has just become a time it's like it's become a my alone time which is weird which can be fun okay let's move off we got a thick ass dick we gotta rip through

let's gape is it dumb is it interesting is it cool then it's dick dick alright let's do it this is pretty fucky tell me about it

do you have any bad from like a passenger on an airplane you're like oh my god i shared this story about the kid i was too young to yell out when he was taking all my arm space playing minecraft or whatever fucking game yeah yeah like elbow into my fucking ribs but i didn't know whether i could yell at him or not because he was just a giant 12 year old and i eventually just like rested my arm on his to make him feel awkward and move his fucking arm i've always so i've always thought this is kind of a sidebar but i've always thought like public things are weird like public pools where you're just like it's just people living in the world but we're all hanging out the same space not

acknowledging each other but we're still it's like swimming in the same pool we like the same things sitting in the same hot dog hot dogs or whatever the same hot dog what promotional event is this come on down five lucky contestants will sit in the same hot dog for a chance to win a Toyota Tundra. Anyway, back to you. Last person to leave the hot dog wins a Toyota Tundra. Toyota Tundra. Fully loaded from your friends at Citibank.

Proud sponsor of the Seattle Mariners. Yay. With a mascot and a sign the mascot going fucking fucking hot dog hot dog alright so

Chalupa go back to you yeah three yeah hat trick anybody get a hat trick you win a Chalupa I was downtown that just reminded me

because the Chiefs are playing Spokane Chiefs yeah and one of my favorite memories was going there with one of my best friends. We were hammered.

And they started doing the Chalupa chant. And we died. It's just like on this. And the announcer's like, Chalupa! Chalupa! And the whole fucking stadium, 10,000 people are going, Chalupa! And we're just like, what the fuck is happening? Why is everyone chanting Chalupa? we're just like what the is happening why is everyone chanting chalupa they

they start they still do it well i i haven't been to chiefs game in a while but gonzaga does it so it's weird because college basketball is a different environment but if they if they hit 10 threes in a game they give up talk about so it's like you're you're like nine three pointers because they're winning by 50 points. Okay. Probably things. Yes, back to you. So, this is like the worst thing you can imagine on an airplane.

We're best. When Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Collins saw spare seats on their flight from Melbourne to Doha, they thought they lucked out. But a dream trip to Venice quickly turned into a nightmare when a passenger died whilst in the air. Oh, no.

The crew decided to put the dead passenger's body in Ring and Collins Row for the remaining four hours of the flight. Wow. Okay. I'll keep reading. I have a thought. Okay. Back to you.

The couple said they were traumatized by the incident, which unfolded when a woman walked out of the bathroom and collapsed next to their row. Unfortunately, the lady couldn't be saved, which is pretty heartbreaking to watch, Ring said. They tried to wheel her up towards the business class, but she was quite a large lady, and they couldn't get her through the aisle. They looked a bit frustrated. Then they just looked at me and saw seats were available beside me my wife was on the other side we were in a row of four they said can you move over please and i just said yes no problem then they placed the lady in the chair i was in the couple claims cabin crew did not offer them a different seat to move to with a passenger in the row behind them instead of offering a spare seat to the nervous flyer Colin.

There were a few spare seats I could see around us, Ring said. Ring spent the remaining hours of the flight in the same row as the corpse saying he was told to stay seated as medical crews took off blankets covering the body after the plane landed. I can't believe they told us to stay. It wasn't nice, he said. They've not been offered support from Qatar Airways. It goes on and on and on, but. Man.

So they're flying to Italy to go on this amazing vacation sitting next to a dead lady for four hours yeah wow and by the sound of it a rather large dead lady right so she's probably taking the armrest i would imagine yeah yeah i mean but easy to fight for a back. Right. Yeah, you're not getting any pushback. You're not going to have to kill anybody over the armrest. Right. Fucking, this is unreal. Like, just this situation where they toss this

dead body in next to you. And then you're like, this is weird. They're like, I'll fix it. And they put a blanket over it. Mm-hmm. Is that better now? Do you need some more water? Yeah. Well, you have to wait for service.

I think what would be worse? Like at least the person will look like they're sleeping. You know, they're dead, but with just a blanket covering them. Yeah. Then it's like, okay,

now, now it's a dead body because they're, I mean, watching it all take place like she goes to the bathroom falls into the aisleway and dies and you're just sitting there like you pause your latest episode you're holding your your uh your drink you're like you're like your cookies you're you're picking up your pretzels you're like moving them out of the way always something always something well that reminds you yeah it's a story i've never shared on this story You're picking up your pretzels. You're like moving them out of the way. Always something.

Always something. Well, that reminds me. Yeah, it's a story I've never shared on this story or on the show before that has to do with this. I mean, similar, but not quite this traumatizing situation. The fact that they get like, I picture him being not nice where this lady has died and then they're just like, move over. They're like struggling to get there. They're like, thanks! Thanks for nothing!

You just throw a blanket on the dead body. Like, god, I was looking forward to this trip. That's the way it sounded like. There's no way it went down like that. First of all, I have to say from the airline perspective, what the fuck are you supposed to do?

Like, do you just be like oh someone died i guess we'll land immediately toss them out the air hatch to fuck to to what they're probably flying over the ocean yeah to watch like what are they gonna do like what is the benefit of landing the plane to ruin everyone's trip because someone died i understand that sounds bad it does but they're already dead respect for the dead i think because the no one cares but if if you like if they are pronounced dead and there's nothing that can be done why would you land the airplane like it doesn't like there's no reason if there was a medical emergency and they're fighting to keep this lady alive then land the airplane but if she's gone

let's make it on time like what's the point what's seriously tell me no i get it what's the point no reason for you to be late if that's what I'm saying. Yeah. But, I mean, you're saying that sarcastically, but really. No, no, no. I'm with you. With logic, why would you land the fucking airplane and have the other 290 whatever passengers not make it to where they want to go because someone died on the airplane? I understand the insensitivity of this. There's a lot of caveats, but we get it.

No, there's no caveats. I understand how it looks. It's not lost on me. But why would you land the airplane? or insensitivity of this there's a lot of caveats but we get it no there's no caveats i understand how it looks it's not lost on me but why would you land the airplane to just ruin everything and get a dead body off in another place just get there if i died on an airplane i'd want everyone to go enjoy their family vacation why they have to fucking worry about me i died i am gone you don't give a shit yeah i am gone jesus will find me doesn't matter if i landed at airport short of paris i think they were where were they going again venice oh short of venice if i stopped a couple airports closer than venice jesus is finding me there he's gonna find me in Venice. Just get there. It's my dying wish.

So that everyone gets to enjoy the trip I was trying to enjoy. Plus Venice is reasonably close to the Vatican. Yeah, just put me in a shopping cart and roll me down the hill. Call the Pope. Got that body coming down the hill. Anyway. I mean, yeah, I agree. I don't know

what you're supposed to do. I think they were just, like, can we just move seats? It's not for everyone. Like, would you be okay sitting next to a severely overweight dead person? I'd probably put the body in weird poses and take funny pictures. I know that sounds insensitive, but me out i'm excited to go to venice or you use their blanket with them yeah mind if i rest your head on my shoulder say nothing if you don't mind just cracking jokes the whole four hours is a long way you got to

entertain yourself stop me if you've heard this one they They don't say anything. You're like, all right. Buckle up, real knee slapper. Yeah, what if they had to buckle her up? I'm sure they did. Well, they didn't put her in an exit row, that's for sure. They're waiting for... I need a verbal! I need a verbal yes!

I need a verbal. What are you, dead? See, that person could have been in charge of the fucking emergency row. And look what would have happened. Right. I mean, no, but in all seriousness, that is crazy. I can't imagine being in that situation. They should have just moved around some people if they could.

If it was a packed flight and the seat next to you was the only one. Also, just like they do in other emergency situations that i've seen on airplanes they will bring them up front into the nurses area right and work around it they couldn't why they couldn't wheel her up the aisle well they bring her backwards to the where the bathroom is the closest place of the i think then they won't be able to get their carts out to feed them. They can figure it out. They just lift the legs up to open the mini fridge and then let them go.

Sorry, someone wanted a Diet Coke. But there's got to be... Just leave it in the aisle. Then put a blanket over it. You just bounce on it. How many bodies are dead in the aisle? how many bounces does it get to get the service cart over the body one two that's right two bounces well we wow we're to have fun in Venice. Well, she's not. She's not. She's dead.

See you in Venice. I'm assuming she had someone with her. That doesn't sound like it. Why wouldn't they put her back in her same seat? Sorry, I have a hard time. How was this lady able to make it to the bathroom? They weren't able to bring her back to her seat? Well, because you're carrying dead weight. And how lucky was that guy?

And how lucky was the person sitting next to him? Where they're just like, well, they're like, oh, damn, she's supposed to be here. He's like, sweet. He's like, fuck yeah. And pops the armrest up and lays down. He's like, whoo. Just when I thought my day couldn't get any better.

Okay, well, that's fucking crazy. All right, well, let's fucking crazy. All right. Well, let's move on to the next one. We got a couple more to get through for our fucking flong. Do you want to take this one? Yeah. This one's funny because it kind of plays into... You just read the same story.

Yeah. This one's kind of funny because someone's dead. There's this fat lady that died on an airplane. Yeah. So, it plays into some stories that we've done in the past. Especially China has done this a lot, actually, where they just do fake shit. Yeah, they spray painted those. Was it just dogs to make them look like pandas?

Yeah. Was it something like that? And the fake waterfall. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the waterfall. Having the pipe just run water through there. So here's another one. China.

Another one. Paradise. Chinese snow village apologized for using cotton wool to create fake snow look at that picture the picture is what makes it yeah looks good it looks like i mean from a first glance it looks like snow it's like it's melting like when spring's coming around. But then at a closer glance. Like right here, this little, we're hanging over the edge. You can see the furry. This little fella right here.

The one a little bit up from that. Go up the wall. No, up the center. That guy doesn't. That's not doing it. That looks like a slug. Going too far with the decorations there. God, they're like, people aren't going to come unless they, there's at least some snow here.

So it looks like, I mean, there's a long story, but it says it gives us a short option. Chengdu Snow Village. This is a snow village. So this is like tourists come to this area to see snow. Yeah. Chengdu Snow Village Project said it purchased cotton to use as snow at the end of January because the weather was warm and the village did not take shape as anticipated photos on wechat show large cotton wool sheets strewn about only partially covering areas yeah well it would have been worse if it was all covering yeah can you imagine if you if they had cotton covering the whole ground because it wouldn't form to the thing it would just be like

it would just be like a layer a sheet of cotton like where all like the bushes are the sheet doesn't end yeah it just rolls over the top you're like that's not that probably tried that and you're like nah this doesn't look right let's break it up um it's famous for a scenic snow landscape said it was sorry for using cotton wool and soapy water to create fake snow after online criticism from visitors went viral. My gosh. Oh, here's a close-up. Yeah.

It looks like a pillow. It looks like the inside of a pillow. It's just funny because it's just another example of someone thinking they can pass this off. Like, no one's going to. They're like, oh, what are we going to do one's gonna they're like oh what are we gonna do and some guy's like well we could get cotton and he's like i guess that's you're promoting what we have to do whatever it takes to get people to come here and then write terrible reviews about it like how do you how do you not just say like ah we're just gonna chalk this year

up to uh up to a loss yeah it's just not a good snow year. Like, why can't you just say that? Like, we have plenty of snow. Off-season warmth, you know? Like, snow mountains around here. Or get some fucking snow guns like a ski mountain would do. And just make sure your little snow village has snow no matter what. Can you imagine if Schweitzer got a bunch of cotton and just roll it and people trying to ski down the mountain? Just throw it down the hill?

Like, here we go. Ticket sales continue yeah it's it's mother nature everyone understands that which i think also goes back to why people were so upset about them faking the waterfall it's like people understand it didn't rain a bunch this year it didn't snow a bunch waterfall sucks that's part of that's part of mother nature they're thinking we invested a fuckload of money in this so yeah fuck y'all they're they're well they're probably thinking if you know if we we make our whole year from this season yeah so if we don't like how are we

gonna stay which i totally i get that i mean i get it too but like what you should do is budget in case that happens because your whole economy relies on mother nature as a business you probably just shouldn't lie to the public ever that's just probably rule number one that's you'd like to continue you think you'd want that trust from the customer you think so yeah trust them or trust the trust them or oh where's my whistle call my lawyer all i heard out of Zach's mic Is he cut himself off early He's like yeah here my And then Yeah here my Oh shit

Here my I'm a professional Alright well Fucking China A thick snow layer appeared to blanket The houses in the zone But as you got closer it was all cotton said one netizen and see and that's the thing it's just a different personality if i showed up to this

place and they went through the effort of putting cotton all over the place i would just laugh it would be hilarious i know i would just move on i like, this is ridiculous. But let's say you... Have never seen snow. No, let's say you planned a trip. Like you flew from a different country. Well, guess what? You wouldn't have even thought you saw snow. You would have got there and been disappointed anyway. So at least now your brain can be like, look at that.

Well, don't... When you... I'm not saying it's okay. If you don't... Let's say you're all excited for a restaurant and you drive the restaurant and you're like, oh, fuck, it's closed. Breakfast bagels not even back?

But if you Googled the thing and it said, oh, it's closed today, you're like, oh, good thing I checked. If you go to a website, we should go see the Chinese snow village. And they're like, sorry, unseasonably warm. Not this year. Still fun. not this year still fun no snow yeah no snow but you can still come hang out but they don't say that and you go there and you're like oh shit

look all the snow that's fucking sweet i'm glad we paid thousand dollars to come here damn this is sick it was just cotton i didn't know snow was like this you pick up a whole sheet of cotton and shake it around you're trying to make a snowball out of it your line just goes back out fuck snow's crazy oh it's so weird i mean i've never seen snow before i didn't realize it was so cottony yeah cottony what's cotton into this oh what's caught into this snow you get it all right let's move on to our last flong article for this week ah there it is um this is gonna be a hard one to get somebody to to come around on but a french man whose stolen credit card was used to buy a winning lottery ticket has offered to split the jackpot with the two thieves i have have a deal for you. Yeah.

Do you just bring it back? You're going to for sure get caught. But just give me half the jackpot. Because just talk to me. Give me your name. We'll figure this all out. And I promise I won't come

for the other half. I mean, they're homeless. So. So the criminals broke into Jean David Estella's car in the city of Toulouse on February 3rd and used his credit card to buy a few items at a bar the same day. Estella's lawyer, Pierre Debuson, told CNN on Tuesday.

Among them was a lottery ticket that turned out to be a winner worth 500,000 euros or $525. $525,000, sorry. It's a miracle for both the thieves and my client, said Debussy, who said Estelle's is offered to split the prize money with the thieves who appear to be homeless and have since disappeared. With the money. Yes. Well, they don't have the money yet they don't have it oh they haven't i mean how the fuck you're supposed to turn it in because if you turn yeah i mean it's then how the fuck does this guy know he won it they should see they should sell it to somebody else for a discount for some crack black market tickets without my yeah without my client's credit card it would have have been possible to buy the ticket.

But without the thieves' behavior, the ticket would not have been bought either. Logic. Love it. Because I'm not a gambling man. Fuck, I'm pumped you are. I really hope the thieves contact my office to strike a deal that benefits both of them and my client, who, despite the crime, is extremely happy to have had his credit card stolen. It's truly unbelievable.

Wouldn't that change your perspective? You're like, they fucking bought... Look at this. They bought a chalupa. They bought a fucking burrito, chalupa, all this shit, and a fucking lottery ticket. Oh, that's real good luck. Oh, shit, they won?

Holy shit, $526. That's pretty sick. Half a million dollars. We don't know much about the thieves beyond the fact that they are homeless. We have some video footage, but the quality is poor, he said, adding that. As poor as they are. Locating the pair is proving difficult.

Esteli and his wife hope to build a new house with their half of the money. It must be the first time that a guy who gets his credit card stolen is extremely happy to be the victim of such a crime. He's celebrating too early. Yeah. he's already got a floor plan they might have used the lottery ticket to wipe their ass like we have no fucking idea yeah like just adding to the disappointment i mean but isn't that worst case scenario where your credit card stolen terrible they buy a lottery ticket that wins half a million dollars fuck yeah here we go then they never claim it and you're just sitting there knowing this information and can't do anything about it isn't that more frustrating than just your credit card getting stolen because the potential of all that that you could have and there's no guarantee you will and then this

lawyer coming in with this stuff right just typical lawyer yeah the lawyer just well well it might not be the craziest case i've handled it's certainly the funniest for fucking who i'm glad this is entertaining for you that life-changing money it's just floating around for this guy that hired you and you're like this is so funny like as he's reading it in his fucking infinity pool this is the funniest case I've ever worked

bring me another daiquiri please and did you do the laundry what's for dinner personal chef I'll tell you about the funniest case I've ever worked on over some chicken corgi on blue. In the strudel.

In the strudel. The story's been picked up by media outlets across the world. Yes, that's how we're reading it. I love how the guy's like, hey guys, just come on back. We'll strike a deal. He says in there that he doesn't want to, he's like, I don't want to press charges. Yeah, I'm not doing it. I just want the thing.

Let's go get that money, man. Let's get you guys paid. Like they're reading the news? Mm-hmm. They're not reading the thing. Let's go get that money, man. Let's get you guys paid. Like they're reading the news? Mm-hmm. They're not reading the news. Would you just bait them in and then go for the whole lot? Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, no. You took my money to buy it. That gave me a chance to win. But after you get that money, yeah, they fucking stole it to get it. So you're wrong. It's my money. Give me all my money. Here's the scene that I picture.

They meet. They go. They transfer the thing over. And then all of a sudden, he's like, get him, boys. And the police just handcuff him. They're like, what the fuck? So they get nothing. If you're making this promise to give them this money, then maybe not.

It would be hard to go backwards. maybe not like it would be hard to go back for me it'd be hard to go backwards from that like just fuck these guys over but also they stole your shit so that's also tough you think the lotto commission or whatever i wouldn't give them fucking half okay go ahead zach we think the lotto commission would be aware of this now and they'd be like okay we'll honor that and we'll cancel their ticket or it seems like there'd be a solution here yeah especially since it's worldwide news now they could be like oh that's us uh here's your money or half of it and don't worry about it yeah that would do good for their future ticket sales i bet you it never gets cashed but while keep my eyes open eyes peeled

and see if this ever comes up again but i'm guessing these guys not wanting to deal with this shit are never cashing that motherfucker because they know they'll go straight to jail. They're talked about it. They're like, we can't. I guess here's the thing. If you're homeless, your prospects aren't looking great, right?

Yeah. So is it worth, maybe he will give us money, but the worst case, he doesn't. And I mean all we did was steal a credit card like we might spend a night in jail isn't it worth it?

I don't think you'd spend a night in jail for stealing someone's credit card and then purchasing stuff isn't that a little more probably but what's the worst case scenario for that? do we have any lawyers or judges? what's the worst case scenario? you're Do we have any lawyers or judges? What's the worst case scenario? You're homeless.

Yeah. I don't know. It's a good question. I think I would risk it. I think I would, too. What's the worst? Getting a warm place to stay for a bit? Uh-huh.

And a chance of some real money? Yeah, and actually getting $250,000. Okay, let's take a look at some good news. Does that sound good? Yeah. Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

We are doomed. Yeah! Yeah! All right. So what I'm doing right now, and I'm glad I checked, is the article I brought up, for whatever reason, the video that played the audio clip of what I wanted to show you guys was taken down and turned into some other political shit okay i think i found one so this it's just funny to me that everyone

followed through so this particular situation there was a toddler playing with an old cell phone and they called 9-1-1 and they're just asking for emergency donuts. Here you go. Enjoy. More than one. What's the address of your emergency? Hello. One. I won. What?

Hello. Yes. Do you have an emergency? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She hung, toddler hanged up and then called back. Donuts. Donuts. I want donuts.

I want donuts. Are you going to share your donuts? I'm taking it to mommy. You're going to take me to mommy now? No, I won't. No, I won't. So funny. I want to eat donuts. My favorite part not a wolf. I'm not a wolf. So funny. I'm going to eat donuts.

My favorite part is right here. I'm going to eat donuts. Hold on. I want some donuts. Are you going to share your donuts? You're going to share your donuts? Why? I'm going to eat donuts.

Can you tell me what kind of donuts you have? Do you have blueberry donuts? What? I'm going to eat donuts. Fucking kids. I'm't want to see. Fucking kids. I don't want to see. It's an emergency. It's an emergency.

It's an emergency donut. Are you going to share? Are you going to share? I am not. I am not. Oh, my goodness. Can I talk to mom? Emergency donut.

So, anyway, this story does end even better, which, you know, as we tend to do with stories that are supposed to be positive, is the next day officers showed up and delivered emergency donuts to the kid. Oh, that's awesome. Yes. Which also reinforces he should call and ask for emergency donuts through 911 more often. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm sure that... How's your toddler voice?

You think you can do it? No. Emergency donut! Yeah, that's pretty good. It is good. But I just thought that was so cute. That's awesome. It's just a sign that, you know,

there's some funny good stuff happening out there amongst all the chaos that's pumped into us all the time. What'd you say? I said thank fuck. Oh. What's crazy is what if they... He went and handed it to his mom and there was a real

emergency and that's and she was she was shitting a bowling ball out of her donut emergency donut or she was choking on a donut oh yeah emergency donut and saved her life mom was just like call 911 donut emergency emergency donut emergency donut blueberry blueberry are you Donut! Emergency! Emergency! Donut! Emergency donut! Blueberry! Are you going to share? No, I'm not. Mommy choking. Mommy choking.

Emergency donut. She's not sharing. She's not sharing. She's choking. Okay, this is crazy. I hope you guys haven't heard of it. Because it's on the same back as the line. Do you remember the line? I talked to you guys about the city. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, this is fucking crazy. Zach, fuck! The This is fucking crazy. Zach fuck The internet is pretty wild Depending on your browsing habits. You can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found Well Saudi Arabia's at it again. Okay? Typical Saudi Arabia.

I have a very faint memory of this popping up years ago, and then everyone was just like, this is fucking crazy. There's no way. And construction has started on what they are calling the macabre. Hmm. Okay? And I don't remember, I mean, there's a video, but I don't remember what they are calling the macabre. Hmm. Okay. And I don't remember. I mean, there's a video, but I don't remember if they tell you the sizes in here, but I

have looked it up. I have been following this and I will tell you guys how big this actually is. If they don't in the video, uh, you guys ready to watch it? Okay. Let me make sure the sound is on. No, I'm not. Okay. So the idea of this is that, uh, for the ones that aren't seeing the video, in case they don't mention it,

it is a fucking massive structure that holds over 400,000 people. It's a city within a city with a, like, the inside of it shows different 3D holographic environments that you are living in inside of this structure. Okay, anyway, take a look at this. The world's first immersive experiential destination. You can kind of see the city in the background to show you how big this fucking thing is. A gateway to another world. Step inside and it's unlike anything you've ever seen. At a scale that's unprecedented.

So 400 meters by 400 meters. Empire State Buildings. Can fit 20 Empire State Buildings inside. Those around you enter a new reality. Transporting you to Mars one day and magical worlds the next. So that's inside....where your retail experience is completely reimagined and hospitality, leisure, and entertainment reach new levels. Hologram racing. ...with breathtaking, ever-changing environments.

This is the new face of react experience a new horizon what do they have a timeline on that they said like 2025 like or 2030 10 years no or five years like this fucking year Like they've been working on it, the foundation is laid They have pictures of the foundation now But looking at, yeah maybe it's Like a few years and everyone's like there's no fucking way You can build this in a few years But you guys caught that right? 20 Empire State Buildings can fit

Inside of this cube That's nuts. Yes 400 meters high. 400 meters long. It's a cube with a hollow center. And the inside is a giant holographic projection screen. That changes. Like throughout your stay.

So you're in different environments the whole time you're staying in this fucking cube. This is perfect if you really love living around a lot of people. Or just a reminder of the poverty gap in saudi arabia but like on top of the giant cube the macabre it's also a bunch of living like communities branching off of it for people that can that can work and stay it's it's a mega city is what it is it's like something out of judge dread yeah or cyberpunk yeah right like so it's you know it it pay it pays the people that all live in the same community it's all taken care of and there's 400 000 people that are staying

and supporting this cube i'm sure it's cheap yeah well but when money's not an issue and i guess the whole thing behind it is obviously saudi arabia oil people moving away from fossil fuels they want to transform their economy to be able to move into the next stage where no one's using oil anymore is this like the first trillion dollar structure or something i mean zach that well i just saw graphic said 800 billion but i don't know yeah but like the the like the perspective like i think i looked it up i was again i was talking to cassie about this as i often do when i'm putting together scripts and like the tallest building in i mean seattle is like 281 meters Like that's the whatever building right

Like it's huge And then you just go 120 more meters Past that and then make it a Fucking cube it's all of downtown Seattle In one fucking cube All of it It's fucking Gigantic

I guess you wouldn't really need to go outside No like it's just there's nothing it's just unbelievable to think of something that big kind of the same thoughts we had about the line and they are i think they're still working on that too they just shrunk the size i think we had an update on that instead of whatever miles long they're like how about 10 feet they're like this just it's just it's crazy anyway i had to share that with you guys you guys haven't you guys not had not heard about that no i don't know i don't think i've heard about that yeah uh that's so big 20 empire state buildings you're like what inside of it like no

it's not the size of it they can fit inside of it that's crazy yeah i mean i guess i'm trying to visualize like what it would just be like living in a structure if you didn't need to go outside because the the environment changed around you and to like fantasy stuff to real stuff like holograms floating around like you wouldn't want to miss that experience. Like it's like virtual reality, you know, it's augmented reality where you're still in this world, but you're not. If you walk outside the cube,

you're in the real world. And then if you're inside, you forget that you're in Saudi Arabia. Yeah. They can teleport you to anywhere. Yeah. But I just thought that was fucking crazy. And apparently they're building it.

They're trying to do it right now. what a an experience like they have things like you know the the um the fucking what sphere in vegas you know yeah how they can you can go in there and it basically even the way they do it like it transports you like you can go they have smaller versions of that where you can like an imax theater yeah and it's like you you could watch a nascar race and and see the track and feel like the cars are actually like it feels like you're sitting in the stands like you could go into a sporting event and basically just like be teleported into i mean you could do that with virtual reality but like the idea that you could go without wearing a headset and go sit somewhere and feel like you're in a completely different

environment yeah and you the smells like talking to your family and a dragon flies by yeah hologram yeah yeah you're eating dinner sorry say that again yeah i couldn't hear you over the fucking dragon i couldn't hear you over the fucking dragon. This place sucks! It used to be like medieval times. This place used to be great to come. Now it's dragons, dragons, dragons.

I miss the days when it was medieval times where there was guys on actual horses like having, you know, like the fucking... And now there's some guy on a dragon?

Yeah, right. One star. Just so petty. Got even a one star rating at the most advanced, technologically advanced structure in the world. 400,000 people. Yeah, that's crazy.

Isn't that? That's like the city of Seattle. Yeah. I mean, proper. Four to 500. Yeah. Well, yeah, but Seattle Metro is like, whatever, 3 million. But just downtown, everybody in one fucking square.

Yeah. Isn't that? That's crazy. They didn't ask me to work on it, so. They left you, you didn't get the,

didn't get the notice. No, I applied. I was like, I got a hammer. And they're like, mm-mm. Hammer's not gonna cut it.

Hammer's not gonna cut it over here, buddy. Anyway. How come they always do that everywhere else? Like, Japan's got crazy shit, China's got crazy shit.

Dubai. And what do we have here? Vegas. Yeah. One spot. New York's pretty crazy shit. China's got crazy shit. Dubai. What do we have here? Vegas. Yeah. One spot. New York's pretty crazy. Yeah, but New York, it doesn't. We're not breaking records over here anymore.

New York doesn't look futuristic, though. Like, the only thing we're trying to break in America is, like, roller coaster records. Like, that's where we stop. Well, you just imploded Kingda Ka. Yeah, I know. Never got to ride it, did you? They're probably going to build one even bigger and better, though. Exactly what they're doing.

You're supporting exactly my claim. Biggest roller coasters. Outside of that, we're like, nah, we're just... We're good. We've got to make fast food bigger and roller coasters. And our military stronger. That's right. Fuck big buildings.

American brother. All right, let's hear from the kids. Zach! Hey, Lugard! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool.

Okay. Winger. What is it? What's happening? All right. First one, email coming from our bouncy son, RJ. Okay. He writes, good day, gentlemen, Or should I say stepdads who creep

into my room at night and Uncle Zach that plays those weird games. My pleasure. Whoa. Oh, the nightmares. Anyway. My favorite game. Communism or not communism. Is it commie or no commie? Or commie. Anyway, I've emailed before.

I'm a bouncer and have been for many years last night was a first i've been offered sex drugs and rock and roll bro yeah and other illegal things at last call some lady came up and said what i heard at first i have 200 worth of crack but the deal didn't go through i'll take 100 dollars that is a fun question it is and you're like especially when that's not the actual question yeah it's even better when you're like i don't even do crack that seems like a deal i can't miss like a hell of a deal i don't even need i don't even need new pants i'm losing money if i don't if i don't do this yeah uh i

asked her uh what did you just say she replied i, I have $200 worth of crab legs. This random lady was trying to hustle fucking king crab legs at the bar. She even brought them in to show us and was willing to take 80. Fine, fine. I don't normally do this, but I'll take 80. Don't crack my legs. Listen, don't crack my legs. I'll take 80.

Like we didn't even ask. Okay, 75. Final offer. Please get the fuck out of here give me any money you have seafood side hustle i'm sure someone was gonna get sick of it if purchased sorry for the long story grammar but i figured i'd share rj oh man yeah never hustling crab legs dude i wish i i want that experience i appreciate that the someone that's just willing to you know like at least she's not standing on a corner just asking for money she's out there trying to earn it she's doing something yeah yeah like robbing a fucking golden corral but she's still putting the time to go out there and try to sell it yeah you know

yeah i just picture him like rj being like all right, get home safe. And she goes, I'll try. Not as safe as these crab legs, though. What? Just pulls them out of her jacket. These are safe. No, they're not. Go home. You are drunk.

Stop trying to sell me fucking. Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Our second email coming in from Big Dumb Bitch, D.C., who writes, it'll make sense hey oh daddy's an uncle zach oh i've been meaning to send this email in all week but being that i work two full-time jobs first and third shift i keep forgetting to or just too lazy anyways thought i'd chime in on the coveted house donation topic as i work at a donation processing facility.

And they just so happen to be one of the many clients that we work with. Yay. Yes, finally. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that yes, these people are feral over the gifts these charities offer them in exchange for their donations. Yes, the gifts are things like stuffed animals, a reusable tote. Where's my monkey? Yeah.

A reusable tote, a thin fleece blanket, nail clippers, and fridge magnet, etc. Nail clippers. They will write back all the time wanting to know where their gift is. Barrel. Yeah. I love that.

That's perfect. Even though most of the time, the document will say to give grace for processing and shipping times because they never thought you would ask for it or care so much. You may get it or you might not. Most of the time, the document will say to give grace for processing and shipping times. Because they never thought you would ask for it or care so much. You may get it or you might not. Almost gives the vibe of those JG Wentworth commercials.

It's my fleece blanket and I want it now! I want it now! It's their gift and they want it now. Love the pod. You three keep me going at both jobs when the sleep deprivation is at its worst. I get a kick out of asking the would you rather questions to my co-workers. That was a fun one. attaches a photo of my chunky fur baby Juno. I'm making t-shirts with this photo on them and I would gladly send y'all one once I do. If this email gets read on the pod and the pic shown,

I'd love to show everyone as it's an ongoing inside joke. Let me pass this long as fuck email through grammarly because just like Brian can't read, I can't construct a proper sentence. Hugs, no tugs, from one of your tired daughters, DC. So here's the t-shirt they're making, which, why we intro'd her with big dumb bitch. It just says, big bitches, fast bikes, with fat Juno riding a bike.

A little horn on there. Meep meep. Meep meep. Meow, meow. little horn on there meow meow just it's the bike is drawn and it looks like maybe procreate on an iPad or something I mean just sketched out

yes we would love those shirts we will wear it send them in we would love that but god damn yeah it's very real working in giveaways Zach talked about it like doing like fun driver like fundraisers and stuff and radio me working in radio like they'll they'll fucking kill you over gifts that don't fucking matter where are my nail clippers you don't mess with

money food or free shit that people are supposed to get or spending real money on yeah yeah all right i thought the real money was meant to help somebody. At a cost. But it would cost. It can be two things. Yeah. It can be two things at once. It's like, just go buy a blanket. Just get out of here. You could go to the store, buy the blanket, and then you

have it. You don't have to wait for it. This is about helping. Is it? Not about the stuffed monkey. It's a feel-good blanket. Yeah. Alright, well that's episode 143 right yeah is that we're on uh become part of the gaggle we're gonna keep going for the bonus content patreon.com slash can you don't podcast there are three tiers in our patreon pick whatever one's right for you you get uh the ad-free versions of the show you get them early you get the bonus content exclusive Exclusive merch.

Merch discounts. I mean, fucking top tier is you get on the website. Yep. Put your name on the website, baby. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook at CanYouDon'tPodcast. The video version of the show is available on YouTube. And then that email to send in your petty beefs or whatever content you find

online. Just anything you want to send to us. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com Could be pictures of your boobs. If you want to send in your petty beefs or whatever content you find online. Just anything you want to send to us. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com Could be pictures of your boobs. If you want to send in some actual mail, some physical stuff, you'll find that PO box in the episode description. Rate and review us wherever you listen to the podcast. Be sure to check out what Uncle Zach is doing. I wouldn't.

Just recorded some voice stuff for the Ice Wall Journey. Oh no, Joe. That Scatcast is going on. Head over to scatcast.com. That's scat with a K. And then a big thanks to the babysitters who moderate the Canyon Hill Playground on Facebook. Should we wrap this thing up?

Put a bowl on it, brother. Fuck yeah, dude. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? All right, Joe. I got a joke for you. I bet you do. I went to the aquarium this weekend. Did you know that? No no it's funny as i actually did did you yeah yeah in seattle oh

yeah they built the new one have you been there i haven't been the new one on the pier yep it's right next to the old one they still have sad seals they have sad everything i'll show you guys a picture of the amazing side eye I got from a seal. He was just like, what are you doing here, dude? They're never happy. They're a happy animal, but they're like, I don't like this. Yeah. No, the new aquarium. This guy sucks, bro.

What they've done with that whole area really impressed me. I haven't been down there in years. But the new aquarium, like, fuck my ass. Anyway. Really good? So you went as well? Yeah. Yeah, I went.

Yeah, I definitely went. Yeah. For sure did. Yeah. For real. I didn't stay long, though. Why? Well, something fishy about that place, you know?

Yeah! I get it. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. Yeah. You know, always up to something. Yeah. Can't trust an aquarium, you know?

Can't. All right, let's do this. As far as I can throw it. All right. Bony stuff? Can't. Alright, let's do this. As far as I can throw it. Alright. Bonus stuff? Alright. Say bye. Bye.