Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Money Lawn. Closet. Enema. Folding Socks.

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

How many porn searches does it take to make "enema" the top searched term for an entire state in 2024?! Let's talk about that, forgetting your child's big Christmas gift back home in the closet while on a family vacation, what the ugliest shark in the world would sound like if it could talk, time trialing the best way to fold socks, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/mohswPq4ChYSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Money Lawn, Closet, Enema, Fold, you guys. I feel like I haven't seen you in like a year. I know. I mean, it's for sure. I haven't seen you since last year. Oh, yeah. We recorded many weeks in advance, so we haven't seen each other for a while. Plus, it's a new year, so. It's just, there's so much to celebrate. New year, new me, Joe.

Well, probably not. I showed up the exact same way. Yeah, I'm still going to be a piece of shit in 2025, but I'm really going to try and turn it around. Episode 134, we're going to do our Christmas cash giveaway. Speaking of recording weeks in advance, we couldn't. It's just the timing didn't work out. We had to wait for the contest to go all the way through Christmas. Then we were gone.

So we're going to be doing it on the show today. Layoff. Yeah. If you want to sign up and support us on Patreon, it's very easy. Head over to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. Join everybody. Join the gaggle. Do it! Pick whatever tier is right for you and send that in.

Your support on there is truly the number one way to make sure this game keeps playing. I thought you were going to say something about gaping. Keep the show gaping? This is the best way to make the show fully gape. Fully fisted. You can also gift Patreon subscriptions.

You can find out more information on Patreon. You'll find a link in the episode description. Things you want to see on the show, do not stop sending that stuff in, including petty beefs. Don't stop. Send it. Send it. Dumb shit from your life. Things you find on the internet.

That email address at heyguysatcandyoudontpodcast.com Go ahead and send it in. And then go check out Scatcast. What? No. You got more cards coming? We do. My goodness. So many more. I know. We're going to be signing cards here for the next few weeks. My wrist is... I haven't seen this must action. What?

Must? That works. We're killing it. Musty in here. And Brian, again, speaking of recording in advance, Brian's taking off towards the end of this month for a couple weeks, so we're going to be recording a shit ton of episodes here in the next couple weeks.

So send in stuff. We're going to have a ton of content as we crank out and be a few weeks in advance again towards the end of this month. Thanks for all the Christmas cards and gifts you guys sent in. You guys are awesome. The P.O. Box to send in physical gifts, you'll find it in the episode description.

Go ahead and do that. Are we ready to do our Christmas giveaway? I think we are. I think we have to do it, right? We have to. We said we were going to do it. So we got it. That was extra long. Yeah, it was. Extra flong. Extra long yeah extra flong extra long and extra flung so what we've done is we've gone through on our end on the back side we can see who has bought what

merch and we've pulled three names for people that have bought in sweatshirts t-shirts or miscellaneous items and we went through and just grabbed them at random so i have them right here on my phone there's three different names. And the only thing left to do is to spin the wheel. And on here you'll see SS standing for sweatshirt. TS standing for T-shirt. And then there's an M on there for the miscellaneous. So if you bought a sweatshirt, you have the highest chance of winning T-shirt second.

And then third will be the miscellaneous. Are we ready to give this thing a spin? You ready for the sound effect yeah can you tell me one two three go oh and if it lands on a line like if we cannot tell it's okay i have to restart it a little bit there we go See if you got it. Hey! So it has landed on T-shirt. Okay. All right. So our T-shirt winner is Aaron Witherington. Witherington.

Witherington. More like Winnington. Hey-o! Yeah! So Aaron, we will reach out to you. I'm sure we'll reach out to you before this episode comes out. Isn't there like a noise we can make? I mean, I don't have a... Like a...

Zach's trying. I can only blow so hard. He's blowing so hard back there. There we go. Hey, congratulations. Isn't that that little fella? Yeah. Just like random buttons just start smashing.

I mean, this one will work. You got your buttons, start smashing. Congratulations Like that little fella Yeah Just like random buttons Just sort of smash I mean this one will work You got your button Start smashing Let's go Brand new banger Oh fuck Oh fuck

DJ Joe Bring it all The knobs off Aaron congratulations congratulations man that's awesome I'm glad I didn't land on a line but I did a bunch of test spins just trying to figure it out

and shockingly it landed on the M which only had one slice of the wheel like 3 out of 5 times and I was like is there a fucking weight over here it's gotta be magnetic or weighted nor star or whatever the fuck where's mercury like three out of five times. And I was like, is there a fucking weight over here? It's got to be magnetic or weighted. North star or whatever the fuck. Where's Mercury?

What grade is Mercury in, you know? I don't know. It's in the fish I just ate. I know that. Hey-o! Oh, yeah! All right, let's get the show rolling. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we do have the Pornhub. Your recap coming up. I just texted him like, are we doing it this week? Are we doing that? I guess I don't know how chubby to be It's like a It moved a little bit A little mast

Alright let's roll it Zach Hey shut up It's not the show already Pitched it down Yeah Figured I thought maybe You'd go high harmony

Low bend Alright this was sent in By our son Ben Okay okay thanks ben a nice little question for us happy new year ben happy new year every time you have to shit of course i will have to say or will have to say i i'm gonna say this yeah i gotta say i i get a lot of like people i just poop stories in general like i just a lot of people I just Poop stories in general A lot of people It just strikes a chord with you

You guys just talk about poop I see something like that I'm like I just gotta throw it in there If it involves me in a bathroom On a toilet I'm in As long as it's my bathroom Every time you have to shit You have to go to the store and buy a new single roll of

toilet paper first. Okay. So, like, this coffee is making stuff move. Oh, I forgot my fucking coffee. God damn it. Do you drink coffee now? Yeah. I started a while back.

Really? Yeah, getting back into it a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah. I had no idea. Getting back into the burn bean juice. I'm actually trying to it a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah. I had no idea. Get back into the burn bean juice. I'm actually trying to find a way out. Oh.

I'll meet you in the middle. Yeah. Just let it a little stop. Yeah, but I have a coffee somewhere. God, I got to text Cassie. I need that thing. Go ahead. Back to you.

Hey! I think, yeah, she could probably hear us. Okay, that, so you have to go to the store to buy Toilet paper before you can do it Or, every time you have to piss You have to use a toilet that isn't On your property Example, a neighbor's toilet Or a close by public toilet

Either way, this includes Those middle of the night pisses Oh, okay So you wake up at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning And you're like oh god i think the first well here's the first thing that popped into my brain reading this would you rather is no you don't use even close to a whole roll of toilet paper you're after a year or so you're gonna have a surplus of fucking toilet paper in your house. If there's ever another COVID.

You're all set. You can Facebook marketplace that shit. You've got a stockpile. You were like the Fort Knox of toilet paper. Yeah. You're just going to have a bunch of one poop used toilet paper rolls all over the place. Basically gently used toilet paper. Yeah.

And yeah, you've got a family, you got kids, you got a partner, like that toilet paper will get used. You just can't use it. So you have to go take a shit.

You got to head off to the Safeway or the Albertsons and pick up a single roll. I mean, some gas stations have those ones that are the tracing paper.

Yeah. They're not good for anybody. You know, you're you're definitely gonna end with poop on your finger because it goes through oh yeah it's basically some of those ones are like it's like the when you go to get a donut at the it's a place and you it's the tissue paper you grab like that's what you're dealing with sometimes it's not it's not good it's not good on your butthole you know really tears it apart it does i think about those

days you get sick, right? You ate something and you go to the bathroom three, four times, like within a couple hours. And I mean, you're just nonstop store running. I have some times where I get like a stomach bug and it's like, it's basically all day, every 30 minutes

to an hour. And it's not even that you're pooping full. It's just like maybe you're spraying water out of your butt. Yeah. But you, do you still gotta go yeah you gotta get out of here you know so you don't have time sometimes it's like oh shit yeah you gotta be in there you'll be pooping your pants a couple thousand if you're you a couple thousand times a year just going to the bathroom just to clean up the shit that you made on the way to the bathroom at this point right and by the time you have to get up if you're sick it's you gotta go right back to the store i unless there's the the cheat code the loophole it's just to never leave the toilet like that's kind of your work your work

station on certain days like that that probably wouldn't be the worst although you probably bring in the stand-up desk yeah yeah just adjust the level You probably want to, I mean, you'd get some, what do you, the hemorrhoids. Get a couple of those. The hemorrhoid. Get the roid. Just sitting on the toilet for that long. Whose roid is this? It's Hem's.

That's Hem's roid. Whose roid is this? I don't want. Tell him I don't need this shit in my life. Talk to Hem's. I don't. He's the one with all the roids. Hems and hers.

Hems and hers roids. Her roids and him roids. Is this him roids or her roids? Her roids or him roids. So that's a problem, making those runs. Okay, now every time you have to piss, okay, camping on your property line, you're going to have to have a real nice neighbor. And you're going to have to let them in on the secret, right? I think you'd have to.

Otherwise, you're going to be like, dude, use your own toilet. First, you have to convince them that you're not crazy. And then you have to convince them to believe in black magic. Well, the first thing you come out and say, listen, I'm not crazy. Before you buy this house, I'm going to have to pee in it every day. You sound crazy right there. People who say they're not crazy are the crazy ones right yeah flying in at gunpoint i gotta piss you just yeah sit down stay eight eight don't even fucking think about it i just want to use your pisser and i'll be gone if you call the cops and they're just like what the fuck

is happening people hold up their jewelry and their. I don't want any of that shit. I just want to use your toilet. I just have to pee. That's it. Have a good day. Bye. And they're just standing there with their jewelry. And they're like, what the fuck just happened?

You just hear like a long piss and then like washing hands and the faucet and everything. You come out. You're like, sorry about that. Sorry about what I said. What I said. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of that. I'll see you in a couple hours.

I'll be back in a couple hours. I'll be back in a couple hours. If you call the fucking cops! Or they barricade the door, so then you have to move on to the next house. And then you're like the guy in the neighborhood that's just like, everyone's changing locks on their doors. Now you're like a pedophile living in the neighborhood. You're on a list somewhere. Yeah, absolutely. Or you get lucky and you got some construction down the road.

You could go use a porta potty. That'd be nice. Yeah. I mean, could you just, is that another loophole? Could you just rent a porta potty? What does it say? It has to be, it's not on your property. Okay.

You just put it in the alley and just. That's the answer then. Kind of hide it. Yeah, obviously. A portalette. Yeah. Hide it. Like put a camo cover over it it's

just always ready for you to go take a pee all right but uh ben did note obviously this does include like those middle of the night peas so i mean if it's not if it's not even close but you have to use a toilet like so you can't just go pee in your neighbor's lawn. You have to go use a toilet. That's the only way. If it's not a porta potty, then I'm going to the store to pick up a single roll of toilet paper, I guess. Because those middle of the night pees where you're trying to keep your eyes closed, you might just squinting a little bit just to see where you're going. Yeah, trying to trick your brain into not waking up. You don't want to lose the sleepies.

Yeah, because you want to be able to go back in there, lay back down, and fall right back asleep. But if you have to go outside in three degrees, it's snowing, you're walking, it's like, yeah, you're up now. Just go to sleep in your snow gear. Yeah. Knowing that you're going to have to do that. Yeah, your water intake is going to suffer

because it's going to be such a pain in the ass to go pee. You're going to be so dehydrated. Dry mouth, dehydrated. Just pissing toxic waste every time you go. What's worse, though? Going to the store to get toilet paper or having to go break into someone's house? I would say the average person pees more than they poop. Yeah.

So. I would say almost everybody. You're having to do that more often. If you could keep your poops to like, sometimes I'll go through phases where it might be like two or three days and I haven't pooped. Yeah. So like that right there makes the choice easy. But if you're regular and you poop twice a day. You're just going to have to watch what you eat.

You're going to have to have a nice little solid poop. Do a, like a, you're a one a dayer instead of a two, three poop a a day. You're just going to have to watch what you eat. You're going to have to have a nice little solid poop. You're a one-a-dayer instead of a two, three poop-a-dayer because you're actually taking care of your body and not just throwing garbage in it. Yeah, that's the thing. If I'm, yeah, sometimes I go camping or whatever.

It's like, I don't want to deal with that. There goes gas station burritos. Yeah, cross those off the list. But maybe that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, it might be better for you. Probably. In the long run and health-wise.

I guess a lot of it comes to your location to the store. I mean, like now, pretty close to a store. So I'm thinking about that. But think about all the people out there. If you lived out in the country and you had to run to the store for toilet paper, no way. Yeah. And the boonies? Lived out in the country and you had to run to the store for toilet paper? No way. Yeah, it's even like 9, 10 o'clock at night, not even too late, but you're like, oh, shit. Could you build an outhouse off your property? Does that count as a bathroom?

I think maybe you could build, maybe you build, okay, here's what I would do. What is a toilet? Here's what I would do. There we go. I would buy some land, and then I would put a convenience store on my land. I was thinking you would just put a toilet on your land. Well, that's your property. Fuck me. I'm dumb.

Go ahead. Yeah, so I would put a convenience store in my vicinity. So I'm the only one using the poopers. It's only stocked with toilet paper? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's a loophole, but... It's something.

I feel like that can be a loophole. No. Whew. Got to go to the store. Given my situation that's going to change it, I'm going to pick go to the store when I have to poop. God's annoying, dude. It's super annoying.

Same. I live right by a store, so. Yeah, so it's right there. But if I didn't, that changes everything. But I do. So I'm going with option A. I guess if you think,

here's how I'm thinking about it. You pee multiple times a day versus like, you're sick sometimes where you gotta just have those days where you're shitting everywhere. And when you're feeling sick and you still have to go to the store to get toilet paper

like you got the flu. I know that's what I'm. That's only like what maybe once a year. That's what I'm saying like I think if you weigh the how many times you have to do it I might get sick once twice a year. Those will be a shitty couple of weeks

there or whatever. I mean could you pay your neighbor like soften the blow a little bit? He gets a hundred bucks a month. I think not. To let you go pee. I think we, I think the loopholes have to be out the window. Well, yeah, but it's, that's not that bad of a loophole, right? No, I mean, you have to break into his house.

You can have a conversation with him. If I'm doing it. I'm robbing somebody. I'm going in, I'm going in hot with a. With a pistol. With a weapon. Some days it might be like a hatchet. You mix it up.

You never hurt him. If I come in there with a gun, he's going to be like, oh, he just wants to use the toilet. Or wearing a different costume. You got to keep them on their toes. Mustache. Yeah. Holiday season, you're AK, wearing a Grinch costume. Got to piss. They might let you. holiday season, you're AK wearing a Grinch costume. Gotta piss!

They might let you. They're like, we need the kids in line. So let the Grinch come in and stir shit up. Or what really keeps a kid straightened out besides Santa Claus with an AK? You want to be on the naughty list? Or you want to be on my AK list?

Come and dress as Santa dragging a dead deer with an AK? Heard you fucking kids were acting up! You want to end up like this deer? The parents are like, too much! Too much! It's too real! He's a fake clown nose on the dead deer. Look at Rudolph.

This is what happens to Rudolph. He was playing too many reindeer games. Shooting at the ceiling. The drywall falling. Brian, too far, too far. Your kids are pushing it too far. Now go to bed. Naughty, you're nice.

Where's your bathroom? You should listen to daddy. Listen to daddy. When he was trying to take a nap. Yeah, you get all done. They text you. They're like, great, it worked. Dude, that could be a job, too.

But one time a year. This is a side hustle from this. But you are like Krampus or whatever. You're a real life Krampus. You just show up and terrorize the house. This is what happens to kids that don't. Show up, take a piss, and terrorize some kids. And then go home.

Fuck yeah, dude. 150 bucks. That makes it worthwhile. I'll scare the piss out of terrorize some kids. Uh-huh. And then go home. Fuck yeah, dude. 150 bucks. That pays. That makes it worthwhile. I'll scare the piss out of you and your kids. Uh-huh. And myself.

Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, I'm still picking shit. I'll pick the shit, too. All right. Shit. Shit. All right.

Oh, yeah. The trifecta. We all went for the piss. Shit. We did. We did. I'll see you guys in the bathroom. Zach, play the next thing. Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? We're going back to Christmas. Got a story for you.

It's been a while. Has been a while since Christmas by the time this comes out. But we haven't recorded an episode since Christmas happened. So, here we are. Cassie, myself, and the children, the three children. We all went over to the west side of Washington. Beautiful. You know where Seattle is? You know where Seattle is?

Yeah. Just a bit outside. Two hours south. Oh. Heading towards Olympia. Olympia? Yeah. So we're in that area, and we're doing Christmas stuff with all of Cassie's family.

So in order for that to happen, we got some big-ass gifts that we have to wrap. Big-assed. Mm-hmm. So we even had to pick up one of those back-attachies for the car. Back-attachie? Mm-hmm. You know, the little, like, the carrying grate? Oh, yeah.

We have one of those. You should have borrowed ours. Didn't know you had one. Yeah. Okay Oh, yeah. We have one of those. You should have borrowed ours. Didn't know you had one. Yeah. Okay. I know you have an RV. We do. Should have borrowed that.

Well, we don't need that anymore now that we have the RV. Oh, fuck. All right. So I could have just, a free-for. Yeah. That's what I get for not talking to anybody. 100 bucks. Use it.

God, I need to keep in touch with my friends more. I'm so bad at that. Yeah, I'm awful. Anyway, so we got the great attach-you-back thing because Ezra's big gift was a fucking full PA system. Of course it was. Because that's what he really wanted. We had that, and we have an electric drum set,

and all this shit with the kids and all of our stuff. There's no way. But we didn't want to bring two cars, so we got the back attach-you-back. Or a moving van. Yeah. So we got that. You know, stuff. There's no way. But we didn't want to bring two cars. So we got the back attached. Or a moving van. Yeah. So we got that. You know, whatever.

And it worked out. We got everything wrapped. And the days leading up to it, you know, we had the kids around. So my mom's sending gifts. We've got gifts. And we're wrapping them all

and then taking them. None of the kids, they don't believe in Santa anymore. Shut the fuck up. So we have that advantage, but we would wrap things in the living room, and then the kids would come, we'd cover everything up, and just kind of put them in our room.

So this particular situation is Pepper's big gift, right? We have that, and it's in a box, and the kids are coming over, and we didn't want to risk any of the kids seeing what the gift is and having it get spoiled, right? So we put that aside, and then the kids are coming over, and we didn't want to risk any of the kids seeing what the gift is and having it get spoiled, right? So we put that aside, and then the kids leave.

We take everything. We wrapped it up and got it in the car, and we went over. So fast forward. We're at Cassie's brother's house for Christmas morning, and they have three kids. We got our three kids, and then grandma, parents. I mean, it's a whole thing. It's quite the household. Woo-we the household and they're all like tiny kids so it was a and they still believe in santa whatever that whole thing so anyway we uh we go through christmas morning we get all the

gifts over there we get them all put under the tree and we're over there and they're opening everything and then cassie walks over and she goes, where's pepper? Where's pepper's gift? And I was like, I don't know. I'm not, so are they with all the gifts? I was like,

I was like, didn't, I mean, we had to have wrapped it. Right. And she goes, I, what,

like what, what is it? And I was like, well, the fuck, like she wanted the new Apple headphones. Okay. Um,

and so my mom, grandma, gay, gay bought her the headphones for birthday i mean for christmas so anyway grandma sent that up she didn't wrap it so what fucking dad move of the year did was take the headphones put them in the closet back home and never take them out and wrap them so i just left them in the closet at home uh ezra gets his giant yeah ezra gets his giant gift page gets her big gift pepper gets a picture

on the phone of what she's supposed to have when we get back home dude this is what's waiting for you let me get back i just had to wait multiple days to get the gift that she's supposed to fucking get what if she's still bleeding santa and like how did santa fuck this up i know i know how did you explain that to the kids that still believe in Santa? Oh, we just kept it under wraps. I mean, not all gifts are from Santa. Sure. Yeah.

So parents have some ones. And I just fucked it up. And of course, pulling that off in a high stressful situation, you know, Cass and I get into it a little bit. She goes, how the fuck did you forget? And I was like, I don't know. In my brain, I didn't remember putting it in the closet. Like, I remember it just like, and I didn't just put one gift in the closet. There's a box of gifts that my mom sent. And I just put the whole thing in the closet.

You're like, I'll get to that. Yes. And then we just, I just fucking forgot. Forgot to bring it out. I love how you said we, and then you changed it to I real quick. That was the mistake I made that started the fight on Christmas. I said, did we forget it? She goes, I didn't forget shit. There's no we in this. And I was like, sorry, I didn quick. Because that was the mistake I made that started the fight on Christmas. I said, did we forget it? She goes, I didn't forget shit.

There's no we in this. And I was like, sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just trying to find out where this fucking gets. Because I couldn't remember. I was like, how could we forget? She goes, we didn't forget shit. I was like, yeah, I got it, got it, got it. And that started the whole thing.

So I'm glad you caught that. Yeah. So we had to get back. And not only that, but then all the kids had like yeah uh so we had to get back and not only that but then all the kids had like four more gifts they got to open including nothing well they were yeah they're some of the gifts that were in the box but i didn't forget just one present it was pepper's big present and then like 10 more gifts that were that my grandma bought and just fucking forgot them all i mean my question what i want to ask is how did you forget all those gifts?

But I can answer that with something that I would have done also. Because I have done that before. Just put it away because it was one that wasn't wrapped. And I was like, ah, we'll get to that later. Yeah. And we did not get to that later. You say we. You keep saying we.

I mean, I wasn't the one just wrapping presents. Sure. But I for sure was the one that hid the present and never got it back out. So, fuck me. So, this has been a few years ago now. A few years ago now. We have, with my wife's side, we have like the, what do you call it, where you, like Thanksgiving you draw names. Yeah.

And then you get a. White elephant? Yeah, whatever, like Secret Santa type thing where you get it where you like thanksgiving you draw names yeah the and then you get a white elephant yeah whatever like secret santa type thing where you get for the family members so we're not buying presents for everyone yeah and i drew my wife and i guess picture you drawing it like on an easel you're like ah directions directions unclear it's like a portrait of her it's a terrible character yeah no i drew my wife all her all her flaws and everything about it's just right there for everyone to see everyone's handing out gifts you're like oh shit i'm supposed to draw my wife you're like setting up the easel what are you gonna do to do with that? With a blanket over it? I drew my wife. But, uh, so I, uh, so I don't even, I'm trying to put myself back.

This is probably a decade ago, at least trying to put myself how, how I even forgot. But so we go over to their house for Christmas Eve and we're like eating dinner, do all this stuff. And it's like, all right alright now it's time for presents. Everyone's getting the stuff and like it's on the tree. And it wasn't like it was her brother or it was her.

The person I'm married to. It was the one. And I was like I forgot. I got you a candlestick. I didn't have it. Just pull it off the middle of the table. Here you go. You were supposed to wrap this.

I sent it over here to you. No, I had nothing for her. Oh, man. And it's still to this, it's been over a decade and it's still like, it'll be that situation. Well, at least I didn't get you another or whatever. Like that comes up and it's like fuck because i i she i don't even it's like that's the ultimate where feelings hurt or did she not give a shit no yeah big time like how how do you i mean i probably would

have just thought it was funny and laughed it off. Did you get a gift? Oh, yeah. I don't remember who drew my name or whatever. You got a new Xbox? I'm opening up a present. And it's not even that I don't even. You should have just got your present and then just handed it to her. Yeah. Here you go.

I'm trying to remember, though. Here's the thing. I'm trying to remember if I got a present and then forgot to bring it or if I just didn't get a present. I don't remember which way it was. It sounds like you just didn't get it. Either way, I fucked up so bad. Yeah. And it was just like, how do you?

That was hard to come back from. Yeah. That was early on, too. That was. It could have been a game changer. It could have been. Yeah. I think we may have been married by then. Oh, okay. So you had it locked in before the jet i think but still it wasn't a

good look i didn't mean to babe i'm so sorry here um i just so like i just don't really i i love christmas and stuff and but birthdays and things like that i never really yeah i mean that's weird i i if i didn't get a present i wouldn't be like hey so my that's just how my brain works like i wouldn't be that upset yeah so it's not how everyone else is though kind of like i don't need birthday thing like i didn't tell you what my birthday was because i just don't yeah i hear you so man i wish i would have been in the room for that one i'd love to just watch your face oh dude watch you like watching everyone get their gifts just go worm just eating more food see that's what i'm trying it was so long ago i'm trying to remember like if i forgot it like it was like gift time and i'm like oh shit or if i knew about

it the whole night like how am i gonna get out of this like i don't remember just pretend to get hurt when i realized it i wish i could remember fake a heart attack all right time to get the gifts and you're like all right show time god oh i think i ate your gifts oh how are you hoping that was the wrong thing uh this has nothing to do with anything but i just picturing you like you're like like pretend to choke and your wife comes over to give you the heimlich and you go and you fake cough out a present and everyone's just like what the fuck, dude? It's just a necklace. What are you trying to be?

Right. Trying to punch it up a bit. Right. Like a little set of earrings or something. She will love this. And you pretend to choke to death and then cough up earrings. She's freaking out. Kids are crying.

People are on the phone call on 911. You just go, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas Merry Christmas that would also ruin it yeah just trying to add a little bit something this party sucked

this party sucked man I was just trying to add a little flavor to it a little excitement fucking grandpa has a heart attack like oh shit alright you get the earrings

oh man we should move off to some Pornhub stuff yeah let's fucking do it. Hey, Zach, do it. Thanks. Is it dumb?

Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. All right. Well, every year, they do it. I'm not sure how much this has changed, but we have the 2024 year in review for Pornhub. I mean, it's just an American staple.

Fuck yeah, brother. Just like apple pie, baby. That's right, apple pie and fucking it. That's right. And fucking that apple pie, you know what I mean? Of course, Pornhub all over the world. But I don't remember how much this has changed. I think it's been outlawed in Florida, though.

Yeah, Idaho doesn't have, oh, Pornhub, it's the whole channel. One of those, I think it's been outlawed in Florida, though. Idaho doesn't have... Oh, Pornhub. It's the whole channel. One of those, I think, is... We'll get to it here in a second, but not every state, and I don't remember this from last year, has what their top searches are. They opted out to not have that information collected by Pornhub.

We don't want people to know what we're into. We know what you're looking for. You're into children. Everyone knows that. It's that time of year again, and it's juicier than ever. With a presidential election. Creamier than ever. The Olympics in Paris. Sexually charged viral videos.

A rare solar eclipse. And iconic video game releases. It's made for a year rich in surprises. Our statistics have pulled the data from 2024 to bring you trends, top search items, favorite categories, and much more to outline the porn viewing habits of people around the world. And we're now excited to share

it with you. So we're going to get through some of them here. These are the trends that defined 2024. Demir desires. Now to look up what demir means. So apparently that's like word of the year too. That was going around. I heard people talking about it.

It's word of the year. I didn't even know what the fuck it meant. I don't even. Yeah. It means like a traditional, like, like, like peaceful.

Calm is what it means. And what that means is that, uh, well, demir roses or searches rose 133% with mindful pleasure. You mean like calm sex? Yes, calm. Yeah.

And then 112% mindful pleasure went up. Mindful J-O-I up 87%. Jerk off inspiration. Oh. I believe is what that stands for. See, I don't know all the things. I just look for like the best doggy video or something. And then mindful sex was up 72 percent

uh it does not mean traditional sorry it doesn't mean common stuff i was uh combining that because i went over all this uh a couple days ago but modesty increased 77 but jumping back to mindful sex who the fuck's searching for that i mean i get it if you don't want hardcore but you just want like you know like some sex like friendly sex romantic sex some erotic sex but i would never put in mindful sex just some uh missionary just standard just mindful like they're getting pregnant like that kind of stuff i mean i don't even know what mindful sex looks like. Do you think that's a thing? Pregnant? No, it's like their conception.

Breeding. Yeah, they want it. Cream pie, get fucking prego. You know what I mean? Get fucking prego big tits, fuck sex. Cream pie, pregnant baby. Mindful baby prego tits. Good times.

Modesty up 77%. Modest milf. Not to be confused with the band. That's what I was thinking too. Modest milf is up 45%. And then searches for traditional sex. That's up 27%. Traditional clothes, up 34%. So they're actually putting in, like, modest MILF, like, typing that in the search.

Prego Pilgrim! Pilgrim? No, I just said traditional clothes. I'm typing in modest MILF. Oh, and Pornhub was the first. Fuck yeah, it was. Don't pull up my screen, Zach. Zach thought about it.

I saw a flash on the screen. Not sure what happened. Modest MILF. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Modest MILF. Moving on to simple sex. Simple sex. Simple sex.

Threesome. 55% authentic sex. Are we getting more wholesome? Yeah, apparently. Real, authentic. You know what it is? It's gotten so far that people are like, let's bring it back to the middle. It's kind of like the political thing.

I think people were just like, let's get back to the middle a little bit more. Let's get back to our roots. Let's get back to missionary position politically. Let's make porn great again. Modest again? Yeah. But simple sex does beg the question of complex sex.

Mm. Like, what are those machines called? Goldberg? Rube. Rube Goldberg machine? Like, complex sex?

Yeah. Ooh, thank you. Hi, Cass. Thank you. We're talking about complex sex. She comes crawling in.

Bringing me some coffee. What a gal. Is it iced or hot? It's hot. Well, it's lukewarm now. But complex sex, where you pull a string and a toaster hits a golf ball. And it goes through this whole machine. And then a dildo just goes into a pussy.

And you're like, yes. Just once. You got to do it again again so it moves again. Just multiple marbles falling down and just the guy on the other end just watching. Yes! It goes, it shoots like, it lights off a

bottle rocket that has a butt plug on the end of it and just goes, just shoots a butt plug up an ass. Blow your horn. Blow your horn, Zach. and then that right at the end when a butt plug bottle rocket flies into an asshole

complex sex authentic couple, ethical porn was up 92% respectful sex that's 61% to me it just seems like it'd be different than that people are going harder. I want, like, chicken on goat.

I want complex chicken sex. In traditional clothing. MILF. MILF. MILF. Pregnant chicken simple sex. In clothing. Dressed as a pilgrim.

Enter. We did not find any search results, but you might enjoy these other ones. Number two trend, the secret lives of Pornhub wives. So, interest in wife, amateur wife, traditional wife. Trad wife. Trad wife. Never heard that one before. Cuckold wife.

You just watch me fuck over there, dear. I'm going to fuck you watch. That was up 8%. You like that? You like that? Why'm gonna fuck you watch that was up eight percent you like that why'd you fuck me like that wife swap six percent up wife threesome threesome sex uh then reflecting upon pop culture influences mormon wife was up 71 percent mormon sex because of that show mormon missionary mormon threesome i I love how missionary is a style and also guys that show up to your front door. So is that what it is? It's a gamble.

They show up and they shoot their tie, white shirt and tie, and then they have missionary sex too. Number three, coworker crushes. I know nothing about any of this. Coworker rose 92% as many people returned to in-person offices in 2024. Coworker blowjob. Blowjob. Workplace sex. Office affair.

Fucking coworker. Big boobs, milf, pregnant pilgrim. Cheating coworker. Number four, going for gold. This is a funny one. With the 2024 Olympic Games taking place this last year. We have Sex Olympics. Talk about a bobsled.

Yeah. We did that on Skycast. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah. That's good. Nude Olympics? Not interested. But I like the enthusiasm. Now for the shot putters. Seinfeld. Seeing your body clinch up the way that it does for certain things,

don't really need to see that. Yeah, don't need a new javelin throw. Athlete? Okay. Gymnastics? Swimmer? Okay. Volleyball?

Fine. Paris, France, French. Became the most searched for city, country, and language during the games. I just love somebody sitting at home being like, I'm going a fucking jerk off for someone doing the pommel horse. Yeah, pommel horse. What's it called? Yeah, pommel horse. Pommel.

Pommel horse. Pommel. Pommel horse. That sounds better than pommel. That's the dude going whoop. Pommel horse. Anderson. Pommel horse.

Horsenstin. Horsenstin. Number five, animated arousal. Hentai remains the world's number one search for the fourth straight year. Anime? Four points. I just don't... I get it.

You're not watching the right videos. The popularity of author-created and generated content continues to boom as animation searches grew by 28%, those containing 3D. What am I missing then? You're going to have to find out for yourself buddy cartoon porn? maybe it's less cheating but like full 3D

like all your favorite favorite people like Laura Croft oh I get it I'll get on there and see an ad for like Lois Griffin getting plowed by by Quagmire by Jeffrey Dahmer

Quagmire's like giggity giggity giggity giggity giggity gigg, Krusty the Crab fucking Lisa Simpson. While she's playing the saxophone. And then number six with pop culture, Hak Tua. Of course. The viral sensation resulted in 10 million Hak Tua searches for related content influencing the popularity of terms like spit on dick.

That was up 233%. Spitting. Spitting and sloppy blowjob. So we were at a high school basketball game not too long ago and there were some like probably 6th graders sitting behind us. A bunch of kids

because it was like all the elementary kids who came to the game. And I just hear them back. The kid go, ha! Ha! Tua! Ha! Tua! And I was wondering like do you do you know what you're saying do you even what are you doing back here because you know how kids are they hear things and they just want to be a part of whatever is going on yeah but like do they do they know what that means and it's i think a lot of them probably do which is also scary yeah like sixth

graders i mean i knew what spit was and dicks when I was in sixth grade, so I could put the two together. You put spitting on a dick and... No, but I know what those two things are. So if you just have that clip going, ha, got a spit on that thing, and it's talking about a man in the bedroom, I'd be like, oh, yeah, he's talking about spitting on dicks. Extrapolation. All the kids know. I was going over this, like I said, a couple days ago, a few days ago now, and was reading this to

Cass, and she goes, sloppy blowjob. She goes, don't you just want a nice blowjob? And I was like, that is a sloppy blowjob. I was like, every man wants a sloppy blowjob. I mean, it's probably nice to just... I mean, not too sloppy. Just the head, you know? We know, Brian. Jesus. You're not... It's not getting

any better. Yeah, just nibble the tip. Just lick it like a lollipop. God, I'm letting you near my dick. Fucking waste of time. So that you like that. I don't do more.

Most search for terms, of Of course we got hentais We talked about milf I originally read that as piney I don't know what that is I don't know look at that Is it a sandwich? I'm gonna look it up Or a noodle

It's a noodle isn't it? Pane noodle? Yeah sure Panini Yeah pane Lesbian anal big ass What? Oh you

Oh you're laughing at me i thought you're laughing about what a penay is a woman of filipino origin oh don't have a whole lot of here in the northwest i mean there's that whole asian i've heard that term the there's the fetish yeah uh yeah lesbian anal big ass anime japanese latina these are again these are just a search what do i want i want Yeah, lesbian, anal, big-ass, anime, Japanese, Latina. Again, these are just a search. What do I want? I want lesbian, anal, big-ass, anime. I want a lesbian, hentai, MILF. I want an Asian stepmom cream pie threesome.

Animation, big tits, massage, cosplay, ebony, blowjob, trans, gangbang, down four. Simple sex. Yeah, they like the simple going back simple yeah it just keeps going all the things you've you've all searched for bbc bbc we had to look that one up last year i already forget oh yeah big something no it's bbc bbw is what was on the list oh big black woman voodoo daddy i don't. What was that one? BB what? BBW. BBW. Yeah, I forget what it stands for.

Something, something. Battle of Body Works. Big Booty Woman. Big Booty Woman. Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. Sure. BBW Porn.

Let's see. Most searched for porn stars. Angela White taking the top spot this year. Never seen her. Angela What? Yeah. What? Bella Danger. Violetat. Yeah. Bella Danger.

Violet Myers. Lana Rhodes. Eva Elfie. Johnny Sins. I know you. How's that big dick, John? Yeah. So there's, you know, you get a little preview off to the side there.

Didn't Lana quit the biz? Lana Rhodes? Yeah, I think she quit the biz. I don't know why I know that. For sure. Yeah. Because you're on X. You know...

Yeah, that is. You know what's going to happen? I could see, like, a reality show for ex-porn stars. Kind of like Real Housewives. It'd be like real... Big dicks? Real porn... Huge tits and cocks.

Real life. Mm-hmm. Throw all those gals together and. Throbbing threesomes live. Or whatever. No, they're out of the biz. Oh, no, they're not. But they're still drama.

That's why you're watching. They're not out of the fucking biz. Deethrubbing. Some of those women, they go like, they'll, you know, they're just getting plowed by eight black dudes. And then they're like i'm getting married so they'll switch to just women they'll switch to just one black dick dial it back a couple dicks yeah because the white dude she married's like all right i gotta be able to

turn the dong meter down yeah god i'm dude i am really up on this dong meter there it's up to 11 it needs to come back down honey can we just talk about the amount of dicks you're sucking it's work i know just maybe not all at once just damn it's really hard to just focus when i'm trying to do my job as an accountant when you're sucking six dicks at once could you imagine though like like if let's say it let's say in the seat getting together with some dudes that are just like give her like the best orgasm and it's like for real and then she's she loves you but you don't you don't do it do anything so she's like i love you so much your job but i need fucking uh i need four dicks in one hole i Complicated sex. I need complicated sex.

You offer simple sex in traditional clothing. Which is good. It's moving up in the charts. It is moving up in the charts. But right now, although falling four points this year, gangbang is how I come. Can you pass the mashed potatoes? Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving.

I'll try and dial back the amount of dicks I suck tomorrow. Good night. It's my New Year's resolution. My New Year's resolution, less dicks in my butt at one time.

That's all I can ask. Still gonna have dicks in my butt, just less. Just a couple less and I'm doing that for you. So, when we can't afford

toilet paper, know it's because I'm taking less dicks. Love you, honey. Love you, too. Oh, yeah! United States top relative searches by state. So this is the map I was

talking about. Look how many people have opted out. Fucking Idaho. Idaho's out. Montana's like nope. All the conservative states. Utah's like, I mean, we know they're searching for the traditional clothing. Florida's still in there, though. Florida's there. Texas got the shit out of there.lahoma's like no thanks anal dildo anal dildo that makes sense that makes sense yeah you type in dildo and there's a hole look at south dakota i know hot

babes colorado says foot job and then two states above it, hot babes. Which is like me in seventh grade. Yeah, dude. Like something I would search into... I just want to see someone with boobs. Hot babes. They don't even need to be naked. I just want to see babes.

I mean, you just picture two dudes in those sunglasses with mullets in a bar. Let's go to the rooks for some babes. Am I right, bro? Wearing fingerless leather gloves. And a shmedium affliction shirt. Yeah, shmedium affliction shirt. Hot babes. And then right above them in North Dakota is lesbian strap-on. That's...

Those are... Light years ahead. Look at the... So, North Dakota is about as desolate as it gets. I've driven through the entire state. I've been to South Dakota. They got a little bit more going on and they're searching for hot babes and North Dakota's and they must be really fucking lonely. Yeah.

Well, I think it's typed in a more like I like their ability to use keywords properly well they're not stuck in 1987 yeah like i don't know if they like right at the state line what happened yeah yeah like lesbian strap-on is gonna get you what you want hot babes like you don't know what you're getting i guess maybe they're wanting they're wanting the same thing they just search for it differently yeah they're not like i don't want a dude penetrating. I want hot babes. Yeah. And North Dakota just figured out, like, well, we'll just go...

We'll niche down. Uh-huh. I love Pennsylvania. Opening it up even more than hot babes with naked woman. Naked women. Oh, naked women. Yeah. And then West Virginia, fat woman.

Fat woman. Tennessee chubby milf. Maine, hairy bush. I like Massachusetts. Do you? Face sitting. How about Connecticut? Queef.

Queef. I mean, look at New Hampshire, enema. Oh, God. Why? Dude. I mean, whatever, if that's what you're into. But the whole state? Delaware, mature. Like, that's if that's what you're into. But the whole state? Delaware, mature.

Like, that's the top for the state. Yeah. It's not like some people like women shooting things out of their butthole. Who doesn't? You know what I mean? Maybe they're curious. Maybe they did a Google search for enema because they won in enema. And it took them to Pornhub.

And they never recovered. Yeah, they still were like, I'm just going to keep doing that. Can't come to anything else now. I guess I need someone shitting milk. Speaking of milk. Speaking of milk, our beautiful state of Washington. Milking.

Really? Which is funny to me because I looked up milking to make sure I knew what was happening and it's just jerking off. So it's a woman jerking. It's a handjob. That's cool. But why go as far as...

Just call it handjob. Why is it not handjob? Or jerk me off. If you're milking a cow, it's the same. I know. They have pride in their state while they're jerking off. Milking. Look at one state below us.

Furry. That's Portland. Yeah. That's for sure how Portland is. Yeah, there's some guy like North Oregon who's enjoying milking. Yeah. And then everyone around the Portland area is like, I'd like to fuck a dog. We were at the mall the other day and there was like a 13-year-old girl walking around

with a tail. Mm-hmm. One of our best shows in Seattle was at the Central Saloon and it was almost all furries for some reason. Okay. No idea. But that's Seattle. That's, yeah.

Similar to Portland. Well, let's go one state below that. Okay. Where are we going? Let's see what California was. Friends Mom. Friends Mom. Stacy's mom has got it going on.

Yep, still a good song. Nevada just looked up their capital, so that's weird. Just Vegas. Like, what? Carson City's the capital, bro. Oh, yeah so that's weird. Just Vegas. Like, what? Carson City's the capital, bro. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot.

It should be Vegas. It's kind of like Washington, where Olympia's the capital, but it should be Seattle. Yeah, it makes no sense. Can we go back to the Midwest here real quick? Of course we can. Let's hop on a plane and head back to Wisconsin. What are we doing there? Pee. Cool. They like brats, beer, and pee. What are we doing there? Pee Cool

They like brats, beer, and pee New Hampshire and Wisconsin They just start hanging out with each other You're in for a good time there in Wisconsin Right next to it we got futa Hentai Do you know what a futa is? No

Look this up, it's short for futanari Jesus And that is a woman with a dick So like a transsexual No. Okay. I knew what a futon is. Okay, look this up. It's short for futonari. Okay. Jesus. And that is a woman with a dick. So like a transsexual. Oh, like a... Yeah. But a lot of... They have a dick and a pussy.

Hematophonite? And a butthole. Oh, Jesus. So that... All the good stuff. God, I got... I just fuck myself all the time. Bend it around.

You guys see Missouri? Yeah, I was just going to say that next. Get myself pregnant. What's going on in Missouri? Well, I was just going to say that next. What's going on in Missouri? Let's head down southwest slightly. Okay. We'll stop for a quick work trip. In Iowa. In Iowa.

And then we'll head down south even further to Missouri. Grandma. Grandma. Okay. The old gilf. I like the difference. They've got grandma and was it Connecticut that had mature? Yep. No, they had queef.

Oh, sorry about that. Delaware's mature. Delaware, they went mature. So they're like an older lady, you know, like a cougar, like a seasoned vet. Missouri's like, nah, just grandma. Just grandma. Grammy. Rhode Island's got wedding.

Just fucking at weddings. Boring. What? Yeah. Rhode Island. Rhode Island. It has a line drawn to it about New York. Oh, did you mention Massachusetts face sitting?

Face sitting, yeah. I sure did. Harry Bush in Maine. Down south, they like the ebony and they like the BBW. Yep. Cubana down there in Florida. And Louisiana just likes big-ass ebony women. I mean, how do you pronounce Hawaii search?

But I'm sure it's just Japanese, right? Oahu? Yeah. Isn't that just the capital of... That's the big island. So they just looked up their own island? Yes. Fucking sick move, Hawaii.

Little pretentious. I'm going to go to Pornhub and type in Oahu and see what comes up. Yeah, you are. Because I want to see, I want to actually see what comes up. I mean, Hawaiian women are gorgeous. I just took a sip of coffee. Let's see. In case anyone was wondering.

While you look that up... I am 18 or older. I mean, it's no secret the top countries by traffic is the United States. That's number one. And then about at one quarter is France.

So they must have their own like versions of Pornhub in America's favorite. What was a... Here's a good stat that I found in here. Mexico spends the most amount of time on there. An average 11 minutes and one second.

So I'm not sure if they can just last longer. That's a good wank right there. 11 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. And then if you go down here... Does that count like stir up time? Getting ready?

Yeah. I'm not sure. It just means their internet connection is slower. But if you look, time spent per state longest is Alaska which I assume that they put their gloves on and off Right. So that's why it takes 11 minutes and four seconds Everything's so fucking frozen and they were places. Yeah, they did dildo. They did the what the It'll do though. Yeah So I'm not sure if just it takes more time to get lube on that dildo to shove up your ass.

It was an overall increase of 46 seconds. Yeah. Wow. Out of America. Yeah. Good job, everybody. Look at largest duration changes. Yeah.

Washington's up number one. Went up 66 seconds. Which I think, yeah, that's like three and a half football fields. Shortest is Louisiana. Just too sweaty. I'm guessing. Yeah, you got to get out of the way. Yeah, you got to get that.

But those big booty ebony women, it's just. Top search and shortest time, nine minutes. I mean, I don't know. Favorite times to watch porn, no surprise, 11 p.m., midnight are the most popular. And then there's a really funny stat in here about the lowest traffic. Well, the highest traffic was 10 p.m. on August 27th. I tried to look it up and see what happened. The world came together is what it says, which is funny.

But their highest traffic, again, was August 27th at 10 p.m. And then the lowest, I think, was Thanksgiving So no one is jerking off Well, they all came together, but for real And then we just have world's most viewed categories No surprise there I mean, Ebony is number one for the United States Lesbian over there in Australia

Lesbian up there in Canada Anal for Russia But no surprises there Got all the top categories you would expect A lesbian up there in Canada. Anal for Russia. But no surprises there. Got all the top categories you would expect. So the Israeli-Hamas war. Israeli incursions in the West Bank during the Israeli. That happened on August 27th.

Yeah. So everyone was like trying to avoid that maybe. I don't know. Might not be outside. Get hit by something. Top gaining categories. It's also National Banana Lovers Day. Ooh, that'll do it. Nothing gets me hard like a fucking banana.

International Bat Night. International Lottery Day. National Tug of War Day. There you go. Tug of Dick Day. That makes sense. National Pots de Cream Day. And much more.

And more. Top gating category, Bukkake. Up 125%. You guys know what that is, right? Yeah. Okay. Brian? I think so.

Okay. Oh, look it up, Brian. I know I've... Is it the one... Bunch of dicks coming on one person. Bukkake. Oh, right. I was going to say, like, Limp Bizkit, but it's different.

It is different. Yeah. It's a person, not a biscuit. Oh, yeah. Okay. Same idea. I'm very familiar with this act, but the name, you know, sometimes it's not, oh, that's a Bukkake.

That's like, oh, no, it's just a chick that's jerking off ten dudes. Fingering. Just right back to simple sex. 98% up. Muscular men. Funny. Who's going to Pornhub for a good laugh? Maybe afterwards.

He's like, we should post our videos there. Yeah, you're just like, prego pilgrim anal sex. Funny. Funny pilgrim sex. Simple fuck fist i love how one of them was vertical video because they're like i don't want to turn i'm not turning i want to come but i'm not that much not enough to turn my phone sideways you turn your volume off and then the phone shuts down yeah but the list goes on and on and on if you're interested you can head over to porn hub they'll have the year in review just type that in but we don't have to cover every single stat that's just kind of the the good ones right there this is my favorite

time of the year you love it yeah i love it i just love seeing what people are into you know and this shows yeah this is like i think everyone's number one motivation is life. What did I say? You said something. You're like, I shouldn't have no motivation. It's like somebody rewound what I was saying. It's like my daddy used to always say, you can't get your life. I bet that don't give you life. What I was trying to say was

everyone's number one motivation in life I think is just to have an orgasm. That makes sense now. I think I may have had one. I mean, I've been staring at Pornhub for the last ten minutes. All the blood's out of your head? You get it.

It's time for some Petty Beef. Okay. All right, Zach, you play, we ready. Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish.

This is Petty Beef. Are you back with us? We almost lost Brian during that segment transition. There was like a chunk of something in this coffee. It's kind of gross after looking at Pornhub stats, huh? How much bukkake was in my coffee? Bukkake coffee! Bukkake?

Extra creamer? Oh, yeah. Call that one a bukkake. It took a couple people to make this thing so i wouldn't be surprised it's petty beef is uh like textbook petty beef okay like really really really is petty really fucking sent in by our daughter teddy who writes hello batman joe robin brian and alfred alfred you wait real quick Can you talk like Alfred? You're bad musk, sir. Eh, we'll take it.

Eh, blow me. That's literally the voice I use in the character on the show. I'll kill you. Everybody wants to do Michael Caine up here, but he's much down lower down here. You're really good at that voice. Very good. You guys don't even want to hear my impressions.

We kind of do now, yeah. Nope. I'd like to formally invite you into the household petty beef with my boyfriend, his mom, and my 17-year-old, and myself. Oh. The subject, you may ask, how to fold socks. Seems crazy, right? To have an ongoing argument between four people about how you fold socks, but I assure you, it truly is a problem.

You actually fold socks? Before I tell you the... There you go. I'm engaged as well. What's going on? You just said that and she was like, this fucking guy.

This fucking guy. Before I tell you the difference between us, I'd like to ask you how you guys fold socks. I take one, take the other, and go whoop,

push them inside out with each other. Yeah. Yeah. Most people... Like a fucking rational human being. Most people

ball their socks up or fold them at the top of the sock where the foot slides in it. This is how my boyfriend and his mom do it. My son just throws all his socks in the sock drawer and then pairs them as needed. See, the older I get, the more I fall into that camp. Like, I'm just wasting my time. It really doesn't save any time to just look in there and just be like, okay, these are the two socks that are the same and grab them.

Unless you have a lot of different styles of socks. See that. And you just don't do that. If you have like a lot of the socks are the same, then yeah, exactly. I mean, that's how I live.

I guess I think I've talked about this. I love fancy socks on the show before, but, uh, yeah, if it gets out of control, I just clear the socks, get them out of my fucking life and go buy a bunch of the same sock.

Yeah. And just kind of reset. Yeah. Reset. Sure. Just throw all the socks in the drawer in pairs as needed, which means you just grab two socks, puts them on. I slide one sock. I grabbed three socks.

What? Yep. For what's, where's the other one go? My pecker. I slide one sock into the other sock. So I only see one sock. Oh, weird. So I'm guessing you put a hand puppet, and then just go, and get it all the way in there.

That's interesting. No, it's not weird. It saves space. This is normal! I mean, when you buy socks, a lot of times, they're the same way. They're just stuck together, same way. So you might as well just take one of times they're the same way. They're just stuck together. Same way. So you might as well just take one and put it inside the other one.

Just grab it and slide it in there. I can see that. It's not stupid. That's for sure. It's not dumb. She says, this is normal. Please, for the love of Korean Jesus, tell me you have come in contact with someone who does this. I never have. I never have either.

I actually like the idea. I do too. We need to grab. I can go grab some socks. My boyfriend says only serial killers do this, which has reported into him calling me Teddy Bundy. Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with your husband thinking you might murder him. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. It kind of keeps him in check.

Yeah. You guys talk. I'm going to go grab some socks. Okay. Well, you sure you don't want to just holler? No, I can holler. So I could see this because, well, so like the socks that I have, generally like in the wintertime or whatever, I have matching socks.

So I would like preferably to keep them together in matching. I don't even give a shit about if my socks match. I mean, I don't either necessarily, but if they're going to be showing, might as well. I don't do much for style, but socks is one of those things. It's like socks and hats are two things that I kind of like. Everything else is just whatever, as long as it's got a Mariner logo or Husky logo on it, I don't really give a shit.

So I could see that. Just for white socks socks that makes perfect sense so this is the fold over that teddy hates oh the classic i mean this is the you're gonna have to try it but these are clean socks but i have i have fingerless leather gloves on it's not no one folds socks and fingerless leather gloves so these i mean that the way roll up into a ball they do probably take up more space yeah so let's let's see. Let's see if I do this. Should we start a... Take the other one. A little time consuming.

But then... Then you fold it like a towel. Does she just leave it like that? Like it's... Yeah, one... I think so. Then you just toss it in the... Yeah.

I hate it. Now that I see it, I hate it. Teddy, that sucks. Oh, it looks so silly. And then, I mean, when you put it on your hand, you have a little puppet show. Like, before you start. You walk into the room, and your wife's in there folding socks. And she's like, hey, what do you think we're having for dinner?

She's like, I don't know. We muffle it? What do you think? What do you think we should do? I think Teddy needs to send in a picture of her sock drawer so that we know what it looks like. Yeah, I mean, I get it. So she just, if I'm doing this right. I hate it.

I just did that. But then you just throw them into the drawer? Yeah, I guess. There's got to be a folding procedure. There has to be. did that but then do what you just you just throw them into the into the microphone drawer yeah i guess and then there's got to be a folding procedure there has to be oh maybe you fold it on itself then i mean she said you just see one sock and you put the other sock inside that sock so i think i mean we directions seem like we've did it we've done it right oh man i don't it's not as cool as i pictured until i did it now it It's not as cool No, it looks like a used con because like here toss them back over here. Okay, uh, let's just limp and Let's say let's say I'm folding. Let's say I'm just like I'm folding clothes and I want to just be done folding clothes

Yeah, so let's time this. Okay. Okay, so I find two socks. I'm like, oh, here's a here's a pair. Okay, one two three four I find two socks. I'm like, oh, here's a pair. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight. Eight to nine seconds. And there you go. Unless she folds it up again, then we're talking 10 seconds. Yeah. Now.

Okay. Now put the socks down. So I find them. So eight seconds for the teddy inside. Oh, here's a pair. Okay. One. One.

Two. You have probably three years. I could do four pairs of socks in the time it took me to do the one. Teddy, you have like four years wasted on shoving socks inside socks. I was with you. I thought it was a cool idea until I did it, and now you are a psychopath. No, you can fold socks however you want they're they're your socks but i'm we just did a time run teddy you could be saving a lot of time so here yeah what what joe said do it however you prefer it but i would i would watch it on saying that it's

the right other people down though for doing it that way. Because I just showed you with one fold, I saved six seconds. So now let's say you have a whole family of people. You're talking 30 pairs of socks in a load or whatever. 30 pairs times, let's

shrink it down, even four seconds saved. And if we're going with saving time versions, not doing shit just throwing them in your sock drawer that's the fastest even the fastest way but but on the back end it only works if you have like one kind of sock it only works if you care about if you don't care about if you just like i just need two pairs of socks i don't care if it's a right and left or a blue and a green or whatever just two socks that's the most efficient way. If you have right and left socks, that's also a problem. I actually do. Because my socks are

a pair like this, a match, if you look at it, the big toe, it'll poke up a little bit farther than the other side, so I'll look at it and be like, okay, that's a right foot. Really? Just because if you... Hear me out. If you put the left foot on the right foot, if your socks, if one sticks up a little bit higher,

if you put on the other foot, it leaves a gap. It has a saggy? It has a saggy air gap on there. And then if you put on a shoe, it could roll up and then it's not as comfy. So fuck you. He's right. He's not wrong. Very funny. Teddy. Sorry. Teddy Bundy. so fuck you he's right he's not wrong very funny uh teddy sorry teddy bundy teddy bundy i think

that name suits you we love you but uh yeah don't don't don't push your sock method on other people yeah i think that thing gets our lesson here you keep doing you but don't make other people do you don't make other people do you uh Alright, we have some good news. Zach, roll it. Fuck yeah, dude. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! Okay. Alrighty.

God, I'm gonna have nightmares about the look of that sock inside the other sock. This guy did something nice for the holiday season. Did I just play this soundbite? Whoops. Oh, no. Let's find something over there.

Good Samaritan leaves thousands of dollars in his front yard on Christmas Eve. Should we just listen to the news story? Sure. Okay. Let's just fucking push play and hopefully there's an ad. With the holiday season in full swing, many are feeling the pressure to provide for their loved ones. But one man in our community is giving in a way that's truly unexpected.

It all started with a simple Facebook post, and what's followed has warmed the hearts of many. Fox 13's Evan Moon has the unique story of how a St. Petersburg man is spreading kindness this Christmas Eve. Did you wake up? I know you're going to do this. Have you been thinking about doing this for a few days? It's a touch of insanity, I think. It all started with a Facebook post that read, if you are in a difficult position trying to buy a gift for Christmas or get groceries,

I hope I can help. He left $4,000 in his front yard for anyone to come get. For one person to come get. It's not typical, and I get that. And the way that I go about it, I know is odd and I'm almost more comfortable in that odd space. He says less than five minutes later, cars were down the block. People were kept coming up and moms with your kids and little old ladies and

I couldn't say no. So he didn't stop at the $4,000 in cash when cars kept showing up needing help. He started to Venmo them, giving away over $10,000 all said and done. Michael said it helped him too needing connection after a heartbreaking year himself losing his fiance. So I lost somebody that I was with for 27 years and it was, she took of me um to the nth degree it was a way for me to try to connect and and spread a little joy the holidays can be challenging for so many people for so many different reasons and he hopes people can just remember to be kind i'm just a dude that was able to help and i think if we're all just trying to help a little bit, it doesn't have to be much that we can keep kindness in the world.

Kindness, the gift that keeps on giving. Evan Moon, Fox 13 News. Hell yeah. But I love stories like that in the sense that people always think about or wish they could help. But they're like, I don't know what the fuck to do. And this guy was like, I wish I could help. Rush hour traffic around Tampa. Sorry about that.

We don't need to hear about the rush hour traffic around Tampa. Do we? But this dude was just like, I'm going to throw some money in my garden. See what grows. Yeah. He was like, God, I really want to give back. He goes, I could call some food banks. Some elaborate thing.

Go volunteer. Go do this. And he just goes, I'm just going to fucking throw $ goes, ah, I could call some, like, from food banks. Some elaborate thing. Go volunteer. Go do this. And he just goes, I'm just going to fucking throw $1,000. Out the window? He opens his window. He's like chucking cash out. Yeah, he didn't want it. He's like, I'm not going outside for it.

He just throws money out the window, then makes a post. And he's like, I don't know if you want it. But in that post, it was like, he even said, like, take as much as you want. Like, whatever. And people didn't, which is also a nice part of that story Like people didn't some guy just didn't walk up and take four thousand dollars Just took a chunk of it and then moved on I need this for some like take some presents or something Take a hundred bucks and then go and buy some presents and leave more nobody just came and was like fuck you

She's running away and cash is like falling down the street while he's running down. Woo! Merry Christmas, fucking losers! I'm rich! I'm rich, bitch! Steal someone's car at gunpoint with $4,000 he just picked up out of a garden. So none of that happened. And that's what I loved about that story.

Hell yeah. Yep, yep. Let's move off to our next. And sad that, you know. I mean, finding a way to connect to people. And just like, I'm just just gonna fucking throw some money outside and then post his address and just fuck yeah yeah getting back to a little humanity like most people are so scared to post their address today it's like all right he's like fuck it i'll just throw money on my fucking lawn and post my address and people are were like, fuck yeah.

I love the picture. It was just cash. It just spilled out everywhere. Yeah. Like some gardener accidentally, whoops, just dropped money out. You'd think the way it would have done would have been like someone walks up and he's like, here, here's a hundred bucks. Another person comes around.

There's a line of cars. But he's just like, I don't feel like going out. I don't want to be around anymore. I don't want to do this. Fucking here. Just throw it out the window. Take it. going out. I don't want to be around anymore. I don't want to do this. Fucking here. Throw it out the window. Take it. All right. You found something on the internet.

Yeah. Okay. Zach, fuck yeah, dude. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple.

Hey, look what I found yes all right so i've seen these before um just in whatever reason passing having little kids and like i love sharks okay and my kids love sharks and we're like, look at books and stuff. You guys just love sharks together. But I just, so I had this thought, like, there are weird animals out there that just exist. And you wonder, like, why does this animal exist? Yeah. And how did we not know about it? We had that one fucking fish. Remember we talked about it?

Yeah. A couple years ago now. But they see through one oh yeah just a fucking see-through fish swimming around right now right now it's out there right now in the ocean there's a see-through fucking fish someone can't even see it because they're seeing through it they can see their brain and their eyeballs and as it moves around you watch everything in this fish and it's just out there right now we're living just do it eating shit just hungry and being see-through yeah fucking weird and this is one of those things

it's like what the fuck okay sorry let's hit some music okay i got you let's see what we got here picture yourself oh god it's loud okay go ahead picture yourself like any free swimming squid thousands of feet underwater in the ethereal silence of freezing cold deep sea, in the crushing pressure near absolute black void. Something is moving towards you, slowly but steadily. Its streamlined, bulk, soft pink body and blue-tipped fins are capped off by an almost comically long snout that overhangs an underslum mouth. Though that mouth's mini-needle-like teeth have the creature's 12-foot length are not enough to put any snack-sized cephalopod on the deep on edge. The pointy-nosed behemoth isn't coming right towards you and seems not to even notice

your camouflaged presence until, once it comes closer, it slowly turns your way and is seeing right through your natural stealth. Prying for escape, you start to try to jet as fast as possible

in the opposite direction before you can even move a tentacle. That funny-looking underslung mouse shoots forward with a speed that can Try it and jet as fast as possible in the opposite direction before you can even move. A tentacle, that funny-looking underslung mouth, shoots forward with a speed that can barely be believed. You're engulfed! You're gone. I'm just picturing you reading a book. Yeah.

Like a book on tape. Trying not to fuck it up. Or reading like, you know, they those like erotic stories that are popular. Like people just like want to listen to porn instead of watch it. Yeah, you like that. And you're reading it and you keep fucking up. I know.

It's like, and he reached down and touched his dick, touched, fuck. He reaches down and grabs his engorged penis and his throbbing, throbbing. His throbbing, throbbing throbbing

his throbbing throbbing and you're just like god damn it sorry guys sorry guys I know you're hard what's that

there's a knock at the dawn the door weird kind of edging yeah you're like god damn who is it does he want to have a threesome is that the

the neighbor niber is that the niber Does he want to have a threesome? Is that the neighbor? Neighbor? Is that the neighbor that's come over for a threesome sex? It couldn't be. It wasn't. You're like, oh, my God. Next. Sexy stories with Brian?

It's not a bad segment. Oh, man. It'd be so frustrating. It would. You're trying to come so hard you're like you reach down her wet pussy and her giant clint her and her engorged clint clint clint clint wait how do you say that can you look that up I've never heard this before. I've never heard of this before. Is this a real thing? A clint?

Zach buzzes in, clit. I didn't know there was a word for it. I know what it is, but I just didn't know there was a word for it. I thought they forgot the N. It's clitoris. Why does it say clint? It doesn't. Clitoris? Oh, clit. Yeah, all right. Want me to does it say clint? It doesn't. Clinturis? Oh, clit.

Yeah, all right. Want me to take it from the top? Yeah. You reached down. We're going to cut all this out, right? Oh, man. So we've got to show a picture of this fucking shark. Anyway, so yeah, put the music back on real quick.

Oh, wow. And then when I say, and when I'm ready, you give me something like revealing. It's just playing. I don't know. know I can't I don't have an orchestra I'm not gonna conductor we hired like a full studio orchestra for this party our budget

expanded in the new year New York orchestra hanging in the back room all mic'd up okay you're except to hope the time's out right but before you can even move a tentacle that funny looking underslung mouth shoots forward with a speed that can barely be believed

and you engulf, you're gone and this is who did it cut sorry, one second. Do you have the Benny Hill theme? It's this guy right here. Look at that picture. It looks made up.

Fuck that. Excuse me. Coming through. Excuse me. Have you seen the light switch? It's dark down here. It's so dark down here. I haven't seen a light switch in 20 years.

Do I have a bat in the cave? I can't pick my nose. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Can you pick my nose. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Can you pick my nose? Look at that fucking thing. Like an aggressive lisp is what I picture.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Excuse me. It looks like an animal inside of an animal. Like it's pulling the mask off. Yeah. We're about to get the big reveal. It's just a regular fish in there. But that's just what it

looks like that's a goblin shark wow zach did you know that thing existed yeah fuck yeah dude pretty gruesome looking how far down they got to be far down to look that up oh yeah that's they're way down he's not showing his snout like the sea creatures get get cuter the closer to the surface. More colorful. Then you go down and you get fucking Excuse me! Excuse me! Whoa! How'd you even get down here? It's so heavy down here. So much pressure.

Somebody got in a little submarine. Hello. How'd you get down here? Have you seen my brother? Have you seen Roger? He looks just like me. Looks just like me, but a bigger snout. So I've heard of this also before, but I don't know why.

When I saw this picture, I just like... There's something about it. When you see it like this, like that, it doesn't look so bad. Yeah. That just looks like a regular shark, sort of. Sort of. Sort of. But when you see it like this...

Ow! Roger! Roger Dinner's ready I'm busy mom Like if you had braces And like It's like a shark Going through puberty Yeah

Roger Time to eat I'm on Pornhub mother Checking out the Year in review on Pornhub Pornhub I'll be down to eat. I'm on Pornhub, mother. I'm checking out the year in review on Pornhub. Pornhub. I'll be down to eat in just a second. You always yell at me. You never yell at my brother.

Well, Roger's making something with his life. That's why. Okay. Roger is out there. We can't all just be like him. We always can't be like Roger. Roger, Roger, Roger. It's like the Jan of sharks.

You have to look him up because that's exactly what he sounds like. You have to look up the Goblin Shark. Ready to hear from some of the kids? Yeah. Okay, VAC! Oh, God! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really?

You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Okay. Go for it. Our first female coming in from our fun, Richard. It's like Gilbert Gottfried. Oh, my. Yeah, a little bit.

A little more aggressive. A little more sharky. Right. So this is coming in from Richard Jones, which I think from now on, if he doesn't go by Dick Jones. He's wasting. He's wasting his time. I know. So I'm forever going to call him Dick Jones from now on.

I feel like I should be going by Joe Dick soon. Yeah. I mean, where do I hit 50? Go by Joe Dick? Just for fun, just to mix it up? You got a decade left to be Joe. Okay. Fair enough.

That's your. Middle name. Middle name's Richard. Is be Joe. Okay. Fair enough. That's your... Middle name. Middle name's Richard. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, shit. That's Joe Dick. I thought just because your package is...

No. Your oversized package. Joe Dick. That's me. Get Joe Dick up. Joe Dick. Get Joe Dick up. He was amply named.

Go ahead. Amply named. Amply named, yeah. Stop it. So, from now on, Richard, if you don't go by that, you're just doing yourself a dis- Injustice. An injustice has been made. Dick Jones.

All right. He says, this had me cackling. Okay. Figured y'all could use a laugh. Okay. Well, let's see if we can cackle. So it's a video. All right.

So you have to obviously play it. Well, there's not really going to be any audio or anything. We love AI. This is a choose your own adventure. This is someone typed in gymnastics into AI. Oh, okay. And it's like the balance beam in gymnastics. And so this is what AI came up with.

So the viewers that can see this, you can look it up. Just look up AI gymnast. So here's the video. This is what it pulled together. Fuck! What a nightmare. What a nightmare. Boing, boing, see ya. Dude, if that doesn't get a perfect score. Boing, boing,ing see ya dude if that doesn't get a perfect score

boing boing and see ya look at that just a blob of flesh and skin it's nightmare that's the goblin fish or the goblin shark of gymnast

and I love the AI it's also generating the people in the background who are doing weird shit. Not sure if you've noticed that. But people in the background take one step and then bounce out of the picture. No, I didn't even notice. I was watching the gymnasts. Oh my goodness. God.

Excuse me. Yeah, you guys got well. Boingy, boingy. Look at the people in the background. Did you see them? Yeah. There you go.

Who said, Dan, you got no legs? All right. My goodness. And it goes on like that. That's scary. So anybody, you know, every time you see a video, you're like, God, is that real? Sometimes it's really hard to tell something's real. That one, no.

That is not one of those videos. That is like blatant. That's AI that needs a little more training. Yeah, that's the company that says they use AI just as a buzzword. That's what they're producing. Oh, man, can't wait to see that in the next James Bond film. It's going to be great.

Our second email is coming in from our dad of the year son, Ryan. He's the fun little thing. Dad of the year, son. Dad of the year, son. What's up, daddies? It's your adopted son from Kansas City. Go Chiefs. I was listening to a Rolls Royce toddler tarp laundry spoon.

He put the period in a weird spot. Laundry spoon. And there was a story about a mom whose 11-year-old was picked up by police for walking to the store. Remember that? Yep. The lady asked, like,

but where are you going? Do you need help? No. Fuck you then. That's all he said. Well, it reminded me of the time I got a call from the wife

while sitting at the bar. Always a good time when you're just relaxing with the boys, having a drink. And she's fucking living. Something's happening.

Hates you for it. She was frantically telling me that the police had my four-year-old son with them at the police station. Well, what'd you do? Obviously, I panicked and ran to my car. Drove and crashed and killed somebody because I was drinking. Nope, didn't happen. My back door was open and the bartender was standing next to it. She asked me if I was looking for a kid.

Hey, this is going to sound weird. You're looking for a kid? This is going to sound really weird. Panicked, I told her I was. She then told me that another couple found him wandering in the street looking for his dad. Oh, yeah, he didn't have shoes. My kids are feral like that. And how old is this kid?

I think he's, I don't know. Four-year-old son. Wow. Just cruising. Yikes. Cruising for a bruising. Still panicking and half-buzzed, I don't know. Four-year-old son. Just cruising. Cruising for a bruising. Still panicking and half-buzzed, I ran across the street to the police station to find my son happily munching on a candy bar

that the couple who found him gave him. I felt like such a piece of shit and was begging to give the cops some kind of explanation so they didn't think I was a terrible dad. They didn't care. They cared so less they didn't even I was a terrible dad. They didn't care. They cared so less, they didn't even ask for an ID,

explanation, or anything to disprove I was the real father. Turns out Jonah hid in the back seat of his car the entire seven-mile drive. I even stopped and got gas on the way to the corner bar. Anyway, fuck kids, am I right? JK, love the show. You're a piece of shit, Dad!

Ryan. So the kid just climbed in the back hidden the car Waiting for dad to go to the bar and just got out and started walking around looking for his dad so the first instinct as like a Like maybe like a person who doesn't have kids. It's like what a deadbeat what a piece of shit How could you not know and then you get like perspective of a person who has had kids and you're like, well, I guess I could see that. Yeah. Like, what were you doing?

Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm not checking the backseat in case my kid climbed in it. Every single time you get in the car, you're like, well, let's see if the kid snuck into the car before I take off. So the kid, who knows? The kid probably heard something about dad heading to the bar. And he's like, funny. Climbed in back. It got too far. He's like, now dad heading to the bar. And he was like, funny. Climbed in back. It got too far.

He was like, now you need to stay quiet so he doesn't get in trouble. And then dad just parked there and fucking left his kid in the car. Maybe we should be ripping on mom. Let him run away. Fucking who knows? And doesn't even know if mom was home. Like, mom could have been. Who the fuck knows?

But this is part of being a parent. Yeah. Sometimes you're just, your brain does weird things. And kids do weird things. Kids will sneak in, hide in the backseat of your car. And the guilt that you're going to feel, that he probably feels, is enough. He doesn't need everyone going, you fucking piece of shit! He's like, I feel bad enough.

And I love the idea that the cops walk in, you're planning on coming up with this huge story of being like, please don't take my kid from me. And you walk in and they're just like, here's your kid. And you're like, you're expecting CPS to be there and all their shit. They're like, here, yeah, fucking take him.

Hope he's not allergic to chocolate. He's eating us out of house and home. Yeah, get this fucking kid out of here. I guess from the police officer's perspective, the chances of someone coming in looking for a kid, because on the off chance there's a kid sitting in the police station, are pretty low. Yeah, I mean, if you look at it, the situation that happened is fucking weird. And then you have a guy coming in asking if there's a kid there. Unless you are just a complete moron. You're going to put two and two together.

You're going to realize, oh, okay. This is probably a different kid. Yeah. This happens a lot. This happens all the time. Kids just wander around the streets looking for their dad. Then a dad shows up. Can't just give you a kid. Anyway, yeah, thanks for sending that in. Ryan, you're okay. Alright, that's it. That's episode 134. Did you have fun?

We did. I'm excited to be back doing it again. Feels like forever. I know Yeah I'm excited to be back Doing it again I know Feels like forever I know We're gonna be We're gonna be cramming them in here The next couple weeks

Yeah we are Sign up Support us on Patreon We do truly appreciate it Everybody head over to Patreon.com Slash Can You Don't Podcast You can follow us

On Instagram and Facebook We got the YouTube version Of the show And TikTok And TikTok Gotta add that in the script now Yeah we do I'm gonna add it in right now

The YouTube version The video version of the show Just search for Can And TikTok. Gotta add that in the script now, huh? Yeah, we do. I'm gonna add it in right now. The YouTube version of the video version of the show. Just search for Can You Don't Podcast. And if there's something you want to see on the show, like I mentioned, we're gonna be recording many, many, many weeks in advance here in the next couple weeks, because Brian's heading out of the country. So send in content. We're gonna need

it. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com and then be sure to rate and review us wherever you listen to your shows. Check out what Uncle Zach's doing over in the scat cast universe cards cards cards back in the card card verse always uh we'll be signing some cards so i'm guessing there'll be a a team up giveaway in the near future head over to scat cast.com that's scat with a k and then a big shout out to the babysitters that moderate the candy don't playground on facebook i've got a stat that i hope you guys don't know. You ready? Fuck yeah. Zach.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? We were playing some cards on New Year's Eve. Yeah. And I noticed, and I'd never noticed it before, what just happened to you? What's fucking going on over there? Don't worry about it. Move on.

I noticed that the King of Hearts didn't have a fucking mustache. Really? I don't even know how I noticed it. The only one? And I was like, why the fuck does the King of Hearts not have a mustache? And I looked it up, and the King of Hearts is the only king in a the original design of the card featured a mustache, which gradually faded away over time due to wear and tear on the wooden printing blocks used to create the cards in the 15th century France. Resulting in later versions of the cards being printed without the mustache. Essentially, it was a manufacturing error that became the standard design.

Hmm. They really want to fix it. Yep. So if you have one with a mustache on it, then that might be worth some cash. Could be something. I checked all four decks of cards we had and the King of Hearts, no mustache.

So there you fucking go. Never noticed it before. Never thought about it. And there you go. That's what we're going to leave you with. Fuck yeah, brother. Head off to the bonus content. Brian says bye