Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Montana. Camera. Mattress. Free Cocaine.

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

What would you do if you were cleaning a hotel room and came across a bunch of cocaine? Take it? Call the police? Let's talk about that, flying to the wrong city by accident, the true fighting power of 10,000 rats, how much Joe is enjoying the dating app world, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/y2EUo3ynkokSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Montana. Camera. Mattress. Free cocaine. 37 Joe! 37 or Dirty 7? Well, that feels like a 90s kind of throwback or Dirty 7? Well, that feels like a 90s kind of throwback. Dirty 7? Yeah, Dirty 7. It looks like your glasses are Dirty 7. Dude, they are so... Oh, man.

Now that you said something, I don't have a choice but to clean them off. I've gotten better. I have already broken and popped out one of the lenses. I've got to bring it back in. Like one of them, if I just touch it wrong, just be happy you have quality eyesight. Yeah. That's one thing I don't have to. My wife is all, I put her glasses on one time. It was disgusting what she sees.

Mine aren't even that bad, but it's getting worse. So that's exciting. I'm pumped about that. Yeah. We pumped about Episode 37 My mom even makes fun of me She goes Why'd you get wire frame glasses

She thinks you're a nerd They're so dorky Like the bigger Bulkier ones I'm like Just fuck off mom Send me five dollars Okay

Why don't you just wear contacts And a gift card to Arby's Huh Why don't you just Oh Arby's sounds good Of course Why don't you just get contacts I'm not touching my eyeballs

Oh I feel like I look a little saucy with some glasses on. I feel like it frames my face a little bit better. I'm going to ask you one more time, Joe. Are you ready for 37? Yeah! Yeah! Sean Alexander, MVP.

I feel like I have a button somewhere. Here we go. That. That is how I feel About episode 37 How does the Pharaoh feel about episode 37? Yeah, that's what I figured Stick around after the show We got the Patreon content

Where if you are part of the gaggle You get to hear more every single episode Kids aren't allowed in there, Joe No, just the honkers Just the honkers, the geese, the gaggles It's like that bar There's just so much bread in there You can't get in there Yeahe no just the honkers just the honkers the geese the gaggles uh it's like that bar it's just so much bread can't get in there yeah just all it's like going into the franz bakery yeah place in spokane right i mean whatever whatever your local or regional bread uh company is yeah

just imagine you walk into a room you're a goose and they have all the bread you're like i'm not i'm not a whole wheat kind of guy, but I love 21 grains. But do honey oats? Dude, fuck yeah. Do they really love bread, or is it just that we're giving them food? Because bread's horrible for them, right? That's what I've heard.

Sure. You're not supposed to feed the birds. If it's bad for us, I'm sure it's bad for them. That's true. With their tiny little bodies. We give them gluten brie. Gluten brie? Gluten brie.

Brie. Isn't brie a bread? Cheese. Is it brie? No, brie's a butter.ie he's called brie's a butter cheese no cheese i was just ignoring everything i was like cheese cheese cheese cheese and you're like bread butter what is it uh is it a fruit is it a fruit can i buy it can i can i ride it can i pick a brie can i pick a brie? Can I pick a brie?

Is it in a bush? A brie bush? Stick around after the show. You can sign up to support us on Patreon. Just head over to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. Link in the episode description. Content you want to see on the show. Hey, guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com.

We did get some more fan mail. We actually got this last week. Yeah, Joe fucked up, but I just forgot to bring it. I had it all laid out. I had it written into the fucking show. Into the script, and then just didn't bring it to the studio. Yeah, we were getting ready to record. He walks in and he goes, whoops, I forgot

the mail. Oops. So, one second. Ready, grab. Little note here, because we got some mugs. I should put my coffee in this. I know. Here's what you... Go ahead. Do you have your coffee?

Yeah. Are these clean? Yeah. Are there not semen in there? Not yet. Okay. Actually... I don't see men in there.

Not anymore, I should say. Okay. I shouldn't say not yet. It says, hello to our favorite dads. We had an extra invitation for our baby shower in a few weeks and thought there'd be no other better to extend it than to our favorite relatives. Oh, that's so nice. That's cute.

Thank you for always keeping a smile on our faces. As soon as our Wednesday's workday is over, our favorite thing is to curl up on the couch with our dogs and watch you guys on YouTube. Then we finish out the honk edition on Patreon immediately after the episode. Josh is holding out hope for a producer soon so he doesn't have to look things up on his own. I get it. That's funny.

I know. He gets to watch it and then we show it. Oh, the good old days. We think Ezra will be perfect for the job. Agreed. Couldn't agree more. As first time parents-to-be, we would love to hear your fatherly advice or any words of wisdom you may have, especially any advice on getting through the early days of the newborn and not wanting to kill each other

in the process. Kidding, kind of. Love your son and daughter and future grandson from the gaggle, Josh, Natalie, and Cash Bryce. Says, P.S., we hope you enjoy the mugs. P.S.S., I whited out my mom's phone number for the RSVP. Please don't call her.

We should call her on air. I know, it's right here i thought about it she whited it out and like my first thing my instinct out the gate i held it up to the light i was like i can read that i know i thought believe me i've thought about it yeah they asked so nicely if you are watching on the tubes we got some lovely glasses here says mess with the honk you get the bonk One of the coolest things I've ever seen that's far as advice goes if you guys have a solid foundation of a

Relationship. Mm-hmm. That's a good start with kids because I feel like you get through it. Mm-hmm. I think I'm Nevermind through it i think um never mind i'm not gonna go there all right but one that did work for a long time which is don't go to bed like go to bed mad didn't fight very often however if you did don't just don't be like whatever and roll over just figure it out yeah talk it out well and uh who cares just do something do something suck it out if you suck it out poison my wife and i we didn't even really go to bed we just kind of we had colicky babies so it was like oh fun she would take a turn i would take a turn and just go like that for all night for three months so yeah definitely on the guy side helping out yeah is huge you're all you're gonna be so tired both of you just help and it's just help a

little help because it feels like i can't even imagine like it's got to feel so like if if you're if she's doing everything if you just get up and get her a glass of water like how just that little she'll be like oh you're the best yeah or get up at the same time and just a little check-in yeah there's anything i mean just sit with her while she's need like double it up while she's breastfeeding or whatever she's gonna if she's gonna breastfeed like just sit with her because you're over there and she's and you know those are some of like the most vivid i mean funniest to me memories of like the breast milk pumping stage of kids dude like um there was one time where something happened i think i got up and took care of the the crying baby that was up and i did all that and then

when you walk out and you're like you know doing the james bond yep door closed so you don't do anything wrong and then in your other ear you can see you're in and i remember like peeking out just so haggard and so tired just hooked up double titty fucking milk pumping in the living room at 4 a.m you're like god damn dairy farm like it's just so it's just miserable and i was like oof sucks to have those right now and they just right back into my bedroom and it doesn't our bodies don't change at all and there's and there's get wrecked you know they they go from dr seuss to back to normal yeah it's a whole mess just tell her she looks decent from time to time that's all you know they got the saggy ass sag saggy tits. Bounce back. Remind them that life goes on. Get fat with them.

Get fat with them. That, I mean, come on. If you're looking shredded and she's like, oh, I hate you so much right now. Yeah. You know, eat some donuts with her. If you get up with the kids, you're like, I might as well hit the gym. Yeah. Get a quick pump in.

You're holding the baby. You're doing one, two, three. I feel refreshed doing pull-ups uh if you have something that you want to send into the show we love it and you will find the fan mail address in the episode description you know what i was doing on the way over here i don't i just know that you're gonna love this okay i was um actually wasn't on the way over here sorry fuck because texting and driving is illegal. Right.

No, never do that. Not with me, though. I can drive. My car drives itself. No, fine. Mine half does. It beeps at you after a bit. Yeah.

But it will drive for a certain period of time. I was texting with my good buddy, Steve, and Hootie and the Blowfish came on, like a playlist. Of course it did. So I was like, fuck, dude. I texted him. I was like, dude dude i think it's just me and you who aren't pretending like hootie and the blowfish are lit as fuck and he goes come on like just for whatever reason like hootie just fell into the nickelback thing where everyone's

like fuck them people hate hootieoting the blowfish yeah there's people that don't like them trust me i'm working in radio people like fuck this shit like hooty counting crows there's so many of those big barons like they got some they got some bangers in there i guess you probably have it different perspective and dolphins do make me cry they do yeah and come and but cry first yeah or Well, I feel like that... Oh. Dolphins me. What a goofy lyric that is, though.

I know. You and me, we come from different worlds. You like to laugh at me when I'm with other girls. Freaky dookum. Sometimes we're crazy. You don't want to know why. I'm such a baby. A dolphin make me cry.

And I know that I can do yeah was that lyric forest of course it was of course it was he's a country singer now i know darius ruckus yeah he caused a ruckus you know what uh you know what song is in my head what uh how's it go how's the music going we were merely fresh man that one for me i cannot remember for the life of me he does a little falsetto in there okay hold on we were merely fresh man i gotta i gotta get this i'm trying to hear the guitar oh one second let me let me let you hear the guitar for me i cannot remember isn't it fun how certain songs come on you're like next, next time at karaoke. We were married. Just on your knees.

Because all I do. I know. Screaming at the ceiling. I'm still laughing about that fucking three doors down karaoke. I still think about it. Okay, here we go. There it is. Get out of here with this.

That clean guitar. I love how the last three weeks we're just playing bangers from the 90s. Oh, I've never seen the video hold on i gotta go again oh there it is now guilt-stricken sorry with my head on the floor all right let me find the chorus for the life of me i cannot remember what made us think that we were. I cannot remember. Where's that falsetto one?

I got to hear it. Is it in here? I only have a sweet, sweet, sweet love in the first place. For a love of me, I cannot remember. Probably a little second time. I cannot remember. Maybe he's belting right there oh yeah

well man I think that we were wise and we never compromised like who told everybody in that era to be like

you gotta sing like this it's like in the you can feel it in that dip of your throat probably Hetfield I'm gonna blame Hetfield real quick then we can get out of here You can feel it in that dip of your throat. Probably Hetfield.

I'm going to blame Hetfield. Real quick, then we can get out of here. But the Nickelback comparison to me is weird because it feels like a lot of people hate Nickelback who kind of like heavier music, and they're like, get that out of here. Like, that's not... Even though they got some heavy tracks, and I will defend that. That's not a heavy track. Anyway, but no one's claiming that Hootie... Heavy track?

What I'm trying to say is that Hootie and Counting Crows, they're like that alternative side. They never pretended that they were anything other than that, right? No, I think it just got, like, so popular, and, I mean,

whatever. People just didn't, weren't on board. I'm guessing it's something they fucking hated dolphins. I don't know. How about this song? Dolphins Make Me.

Hey, where have all the cowboys gone? That's a good one. That's what I want to know. I'm drinking Jewel back. I love it. That's not Jewel. Well, Jewel covered it

in our day and age. In my childhood, Jewel know. I'm taking Jewel back. I love it. That's not Jewel. Well, Jewel covered it in our day and age. In my childhood, Jewel was the one that covered it. What? I think so. Where have all the cowboys gone? Wasn't that fucking Jewel? No, that was not Jewel. Damn it.

I remember getting my hair cut at a lady's salon and sitting in there. The woman was cutting my hair, and they were all singing that song. Where have all the... Paula Cole. Yeah. You're right. Sorry. They were all divorcees, and they were all singing that song. Where have I owned? Or Paula Cole. Yeah. You're right. Sorry. They were all divorcees and they were just living.

All I wrote into Google was where. It was like, where have all the cowboys gone? That was the top search. Dude, it's listening. It's like, and then second was, where's the clitoris? Ah, yeah. So, before that. Uh-huh.

Where are the cowboys gone? They all know where the clitoris is. Where did the cowboys go? That's the top concern. Dude, they were all here and they were all on on the clits if you find the cowboys you find the clits yes that's what you know that's just the rule of life they know they know what they're doing it's like save the save the cheerleader save the world remember heroes find the clitoris find the cowboy find the clitoris find the clit uh we do have a couple just emails we're going to read that pertain to, yeah, just, or some

responses I should say that pertain to the past couple episodes. We were talking about how a lot of people have weird things that they did as kids. Remember that? Yeah. That they thought were weird or they didn't think were weird until they got older. This one is insane. This one. Okay.

Take a breath. Man. Our daughter Mercedes writes, hello. This is the rawest realization I've had as an adult. I actually grew up in a pretty shitty home. It was full of abuse and neglect. And my little sister is the only reason I kept going. Sad first start.

Yeah. Gets worse. Okay. One of the things that I never realized that was borderline abuse was the game in quotes uh that we played with my mother my mother didn't do much with us she was a very absent parent there are only two things she did with us in one being the tie-up game oh god okay in this game she would use ties rope belts cords, zip ties, and anything in between. She would tie us to chairs as tight as she could and tape our mouths shut with duct tape or a bandana.

What a fun game! She would then tell us we have to escape as fast as we can, and then she would go to her room and stay there until we escaped and went and got her. I never realized this was not normal until I told two of my best friends the story, and the look of horror on their faces made me question my entire perception of my mother. That was the moment I realized my mother was just as abusive as my father, just in a more strategical way. And it's crazy how different people really do live. Your nerdy goth stepdaughter, Mercedes.

Wow. The fuck? Wow. Can you, so you visit friends homes when you're little you head over to mercedes house and she and they're like what should we do like we've run out of we played uh chutes and ladders too many times which means she goes well sometimes we play the tie-up game yeah and then that happens you then that happens. You break the fuck out and then go home.

What'd you do today? Oh, Mercedes' mom had us play the tie-up game. What happened? Then you explain it and then everyone goes to prison because that is a crazy game to play with your children. What? I wonder if she was just- No fuck.

Like she just wanted to sit down and watch a movie and just yeah she probably whatever i mean i pictured trying to play like world of warcraft and you lock your kids up so for five hours you have some peace and quiet you guys how you guys doing in there oh fine you're sounds like you're getting close my roots are bleeding okay keep it's all part of the game oh my god uh okay so anyway you want to read the well next one i got more to say but what she said was that it was like okay i didn't want to get into father's abuse but it's like not great mercedes we love you happy that you made it out yeah happy that you're part of the she won She did. She did. She got the fuck out of there, and that's all that matters.

Oh, boy. Where am I? I'm still trying to process that one. I know. Okay. We're asking about the weird hotel stories. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple episodes back, one of our children who didn't leave a name writes...

Oh, yeah, you. Yeah. So where I live in Western Kentucky, oh, boy, We have some phenomenal white-tailed deer hunting And there is this old abandoned hotel Right off the interstate Next to a truck stop And just a couple miles down the road From this hotel is a very large amount

Amount public hunting What? Amount of public hunting land Well my dad told me many stories back in the day In the 70s and 80s a lot of out-of-town hunters would come in and take over that hotel. And it was not uncommon to drive by there and see dozens of hunters actively skinning and butchering tall security fence around the pool, making it look like some kind of weird field trip of two totally different activities. Kids swimming and playing Marco Polo while dad is covered in blood and hacking deers three feet from the pool. What the fuck?

Are you winning, son? I'm winning, dad. How you doing over there, buddy? Just rip. He's ripping the, dad. Yes, I am. How you doing over there, buddy? Just rip. Just ripping the skin off. What a horror scene. Got some in a pool. That's like, I don't know why, but it's, oh man, I always picture the same hotel just

because it scarred my childhood. No, it was like from, remember Maximum Overdrive? Oh yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Remember that hotel? Yeah. So that's the kind of hotel I picture. We're like, and you roll in.

Your family are like, it won't be so bad. Like, that's the last line. She goes, I don't know. The wife's like, I don't know about this. And the dad's like, it won't be so bad. It'll be fine. Got the kid in the back. And then they walk in, and they're checking in.

They look out the back, and it's just 15 dads skinning deer. By the pool. One of them's walking through covered in blood. Hey, welcome to town. Licks the blood off the knife. You hear hunting? I know. You guys like swimming?

There's a pool out back. The pool's all red. Yeah. Kids are diving in with cut-off deer heads. Just crazy shit like that. I can't, yeah. Floor's lava. Floor's lava.

Oh, man, that scene is so funny to me. Well, we do have a big show. Let's move on and kick this thing off. Okay. Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Okay, so we're starting off with a question that i remember seeing it we not presented in the like the meme that we're looking at it might have been the same

guy but this was years and years ago that i saw this kind of floating around and then it disappeared as a lot of memes do in their videos and they up, right? So this one recently re-emerging from the depths of the internet. And the original post is from Sahil Bloom, I think. And it says, important thought experiment. You are in an arena with, and go down the list of things that you are in the arena with okay you've got 50 hawks 10 crocodiles three brown bears 15 wolves one hunter with a rifle seven buffalo 10 000 rats five gorillas and four lions okay and we'll discuss this more you'll get a better feel for the numbers i know it's a lot to process it says you pick two to defend you the others attack you goal is to survive for one hour

what do you do what do you do there's so many options and there's i mean right off the bat where does your gut go bry the we've learned i feel like we've learned from past episodes a little bit about this this situation yeah i uh i i immediately went to the five gorillas just because they're just gorillas are so fucking strong did you picture them with little badges like we did in the police car situation? No. Instead of having the dogs in the back, they had gorilla units? I didn't. I just pictured that silver back.

Yeah, they opened the back door of a police car instead of a canine. It's a fucking silverback gorilla with a little badge and a gun. Dude, is there anything scarier? They're huge. The cop's just smiling the whole time. He goes, run. He goes, try and run. I dare you.

I suggest you run. I suggest why. And then the backseat just, you know, Frank the, Greg the gorilla. He's just waiting for you to do. He rips the door off. Or he's in the back of the truck and the door swings open that's in like there's smoke that comes out and he comes down the ramp okay gorillas caught your eye got I got you. Well, yeah.

And my instinct is to take another vicious animal. But I feel like the 10,000 rats... Yes. Because they will just swarm. Because there's 10,000 of them. There's 10,000 of them. Yes, I realize how small they are, but there's 10,000. And here's something to note.

But I know your your your brains you're they're spinning out there oh yeah you're trying to figure this out because i had to reread this a couple times to figure out am i like what am i missing what am i fucking up they are defending you okay so these aren't just rats these aren't ones where like if a hawk flies overhead they're like whatever fucking rat noise is and they scatter no they they are defending you with their fucking life yep okay they're willing to die yes they are defending you you have somehow trained 10 000 rats uh and they just need to keep you alive for one hour 60 ticks or 60 minutes not 60 ticks that's not right um okay so i just want to put that you

know fill that out there for the the ones that are trying to break this down should i go over the numbers one more time nah uh 50 hawks 10 crocs 3 brown bears 15 wolves 1 hunter with rival 7 buffalo 10 000 rats 5 gorillas 4 lines okay and then maybe we should because the one hunter with a rifle, right? The gun situation is a, I mean, that's a big, it's a player in this. So, two things to outline with the hunter. One, what type of rifle? Two, how good of a shot is he? Isn't a 30 out of 6 a rifle?

That's like a hunting rifle, right? Yeah, I think so. I'm so far removed's like a hunting rifle, right? Yeah, I think so. I'm so far removed from the hunting rifle. I feel like you just have to choose a standard. Like a bolt action? Yeah. Okay. Or do you get a magazine with a pop in the bottom?

No. Or like an elephant gun. What? I think it's got to be just your standard. I'm pretty sure a 30-06 is the standard. They're always talking about that in songs okay uh got my 30 out six i'm a gun rack um so i mean 10 000 rats i feel like they'll take care of that guy quick yeah so well here okay so here's where my brain went with the hunter. First, I did go with like maybe I want the hunter and I want the 10,000 rats, right?

Mm-hmm. So, I mean, no one, I don't care what animal you are, is charging through 10,000 rats. Mm-hmm. It's just an obscure amount of rats taking over this entire arena. Like they're going to cover their eyeballs. They're going to, they're out to defend. But if I have the rifle guy on my team,

and I kind of like that, like he has some shots against these other bigger animals, right? However, if he's on the, if I don't pick him and he's on the other side, are the rats building a force field around me because if not one dude with a rifle can take me out immediately i'm hiding behind a rock or something you don't get a rock you're

in a fucking arena i don't think it's an obstacle course you are on like a helicopter pad you are standing there with your animals just a flat surface i think so yeah you don't get so the i don't want the hunter with a rifle however all they're like ready go like that could be the end of the entire situation because he has a rifle yeah i guess i was visualizing like some obstacles in the way that you could run and hide behind hide behind like a gladiator or what's the what's the name of american gladiators that's what it was yeah yeah like the assault where he's got the turbos up there with the friggin tennis balls that popped back up my feet not too long ago and that big climb at the end so scary i love that show now you're thinking of uh guts we're trying

to get it up the aggro crag well they had to climb up the thing in American Gladiator too the eliminator that's what it was yeah get to the top push the button before the other guy

whoever won they had like a certain second amount anyway that's another story for another day because I love that show so good

of course you would I'm surprised you don't have a tattoo of it coming up next dude is Mike Adam Lee and Larry Zonka They were the

I didn't know way too much About that show Can't wait to dive into it Anyway My favorite season Okay Brian He's just like I'm like

Chill Chill You know the kind of Tennis balls they use You know the PSI Of the tennis ball I'm like I don't Fucking know

I don't care right now. Luckily, I do. Of course you do. I don't know, man. I kind of tend to agree with you now. If it's just a flat surface, no ups, nothing to hide behind, I think you got to have the hunter with you. I mean, but if he fucks up and misses a couple shots right then he's gonna be swarmed by rats and

he's not shooting sure but he's gotta miss you though on the other side of it so i mean you can move so it's like and you start running around if he fucks up enough shots the rats are gonna take him out unfortunately if they focus on the hunter, there's also seven buffalo, four lions, bears, and ten crocodiles that are coming to fuck your shit up. Yeah. Okay? But 10,000 rats. I looked this up. I think I saved it to my phone.

So I want to make sure I could show you. If you want to follow along at home. So you've been thinking about this for a little bit. A little bit a little bit i just want to make sure i had like a like a nice visual representation of what 10 000 rants or rats look like why do i keep saying rants look see so that's a lot of i'm sure that's not gonna show up you can kind of you can kind of see but not nope fuck it no uh you can look it up it's the entire picture and then all these other animals are tiny in comparison to this number of rats. But rats also don't do shit.

Like, they have no... If they were part of an RPG, I would never pick a rat. Because their damage is going to be super low. How many rats are on you before you give up and can't accomplish your mission? I guess what I'm hoping for is that they cause such a ruckus that the animals have to so squeaky well it's just like they're they're swarming these animals maybe they're not doing a lot of damage but they're you know like these fucking but how many are trying to fight them off yeah now and now maybe that gives time for the the freaking the gorillas to come in there and

pound them i mean in the end all the other animals need to do is protect their like be able to protect their neck and yeah but rats aren't like neck i mean there's little tiny tiny little bites i was talking about woo ting so never mind gotcha i know with um like they just have to get there with their eyes still there and if they get to you no matter how many rats are on there if a lion makes it to you you chomp your fucking body in half before the rats kill them yeah i mean that's remember though these rats remember these rats are defending you so they're gonna they're they're like maybe maybe a thousand of them just hang back and they're setting up a perimeter like now do rats understand

warfare because like they understand defend if they're just like you're they're like we're we're trying to attack their do they have a queen or a king rat each i don't know each different animal has a different queen i I guess, in this situation. So, dude, seven buffalo would do a lot of damage, though, too. They would. And so would 50 hawks. Yeah. Like, that's annoying. So, what I was originally thinking was...

How do you fight when, like, even one hawk, let alone, they divide up and get, like, five per giant animal? What if you had to peck your eyes out? And start pecking your eyes out? And 10,000 rats. fight up and get like five per giant animal what if you had to pick your eyes out 10 000 rats so you had yeah the ground covered in the and you have the sky attack the sky attack too but you're not gonna do a lot of damage but i know look okay what's the one what crocodiles are immune to all of this yeah yeah that leather is gonna pierce no amount of rats, but they're so dumb. Okay, but they want to kill you.

Okay. So they're trying to come and kill you. They're not just laying there like the dumb dinosaurs that they are. But that leather skin, hawk claws, rat bites, ain't no one penetrating the crocodile skin. I will say one advantage that the crocodile has is when it attacks it's usually in the water it's waiting for animals to cross a little stream a little river pops up drags them under drowns them whatever like they're i don't are they more dangerous on land i don't know well they as they say you run a zigzag and get away from them yeah

like they're not good they're not yeah they're just kind of going back and forth like looking at imagining a crocodile like the the nfl combine not great yeah i'm like not gonna do a good job you just any of them you're like instead of the tire the tire the step you're just i guess running through crocs exactly dude 15 wolves i i know 15 wolves because they fight in a pack. What could four lions kill 15 wolves? Yeah. And that's not even the point because after they kill 15 wolves, they got to kill seven buffalo. The four lions are fucking out. That's not even a, they're gone.

They're gone. And then gorillas, like they're punchy, but they're also, like they're going to get some bites. They're basically human. Yeah. So imagine like a big buff ass human fighting 10,000 rats or 50 hawks and you're done. Yeah. Their skin's just not thick enough. Man. And buffalo are just, I mean, they got one attack move.

Yeah. Really? You're just dealing with a trample. That's really what you're dealing with, right? Like, can you avoid being trampled no this is so hard but i think i mean the more we talked about the crocodile situation the more i'm leaning towards that because none of these things can pierce the skin they can slow it down but imagine if you have 10 crocodiles i don't care if there's like five gorillas how many gorilla does it take to stop one crocodile i've seen and if the answer

is one-on-one and there's five more that are gonna be running free come chew your legs i've seen videos of it was it was like a jaguar or something there was some cat that was carrying away either an alligator or crocodile yeah that's once but it can happen and that was one how many have died to fucking cross dude imagine i don't know like imagine the wolves surrounding you so now you're you're not now it's not like you in a wall of things no they're surrounding you so now you're in the middle and there's nowhere for you to run i think this is fucked you have to go 10 000 rats you. You have to. You need a distraction. You need a distraction and a barrier. So you can hop out there and start punching. Yeah.

You get it. Okay. Update. Whatever you pick, you get, as you... Stick? Leather fingerless gloves and a switchblade. Okay. Okay?

Yep. That changes everything. That's all you get. That changes everything now. That's all you get, man. You have your setup. You're me. Yeah, yeah.

And you have fingerless leather. And you have glasses. If your glasses fall off, you're fucked. And the whole time you're fighting, you hear your mom in the back of your head be like, you look stupid with wire frame lens. Come in for dinner. Why'd you choose this word? I'm going 50 hawks, 10,000 rats.

Final answer. Ground attack, air attack. That's all I got. That's going to be my final answer. That's it. That's all. I think now that I'm thinking about it, I will go 10,000 rats and 15 wolves.

Okay. All right. Because I just think wolves are such a fighting force it's like you're messing with an army there man and we didn't even touch the bears i know and i love bears i really am but the fact that there was are they grizzly oh they're brown bears if there's more brown bears it was like there's only three of them yeah no i feel like 15 wolves would take down three oh yeah no problem come on uh maybe i'm wrong there's someone out there right now an animal an animalologist is just like you guys are fucking idiots they're

running these simulations in real life yeah they're wrong tom been there done that uh but if you have a justification on what you would do send that that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. I think the Hawks, the Hawks are, they're going to be dealing with the rats. They're going to be swinging down, but there's so many rats that, we'll say the Hawks are out. Right? On your team? No. Or on the other team?

On the other team. Like you have 10,000 rats. But they're so fast. They are, but I don't think they're going to do enough damage to you. And they have nowhere to land if we put them in an arena. I feel like they can't go out and, like, chill. They're not going to, I don't, they will do damage to you, but I don't think it's as bad as, like, I'll take the hawks damage versus, you know, what the brown bears are going to give to me. Yeah.

It's not going to kill you immediately, but it's going to be distracting. All I need is an hour. All I need is one hour. I can feel you. So I'm going to go 15 wolves and 10,000 rats. Okay. All right. All right.

Well, the rats, I mean, it was bold to put that number in there. That's a lot of fucking rats. I wonder what we would do if we took the 10,000 rats out. Oh, that's a good question. But a wonder what we would do if we took the 10 000 rats out no that's a good question but a question for another time maybe we'll talk about that in the uh in the bonus side i love that um okay you ready to move on yep because i'm i'm i think i'm about to get a little fired up okay okay oh hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? For the life of me, I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise And we'd never compromise Wasn't that... That was pretty good. Yeah. I mean, for... Book us at your wedding. That's what we're going to sing at the baby shower that we were invited to.

Oh, yeah. And immediately kicked out of. Okay. I'm just going to set the stage a little bit because I realize we're about to talk about, I have talked about before. And what I said was, I hope that I never had to do this thing. But it turns out, duh, you don't have a choice. Here we are. You don't have a choice you don't have a choice and i'm talking about dating apps because the whole world um has done the whole is doing the dating

apps thing and popping out there with you know kids job like caring about shit you're not just floating around you don't even it's so hard to make new friends you don't have any new circles you already fucking know everybody especially as a parent yes so that is the dating app world so as i as i said i was like i hope i don't have to do this um spoiler i have but actually some of them i've signed up to just because i'm like fuck's this all about how many are you in would you say yeah three but there's some out the crazy ones that had me laughing so hard there's ones the to find uh like other bacon lovers in your area ones for your dog like tin dog if you want to like set up some like uh some doggy dates

and it just goes down the line with like find a salad buddy like it's fucking per for cat lovers tin per and there's like uh there's tinder for threesomes there's other apps for like with animals or humans with you and two dogs they just gets really one dog you and two dogs two dogs and two dogs and you two dogs in one cup it's a it's a wild world no so i i i did give in and i had to see what this world was all about. Okay. So I've noticed a few things as I got into the dating world. You feel like you have enough of a sample to make this. To make some judgment calls and point out some things that are happening in the dating world that I'm pretty sure have upset or affected other people as much as they has that I've noticed they've affected me and I think like the number one thing that I want to

bring up is that if all the the girls out there on dating apps if you could just kindly uh back the camera away from your fucking face pardon i mean what what is happening you have yes you have an absolutely stunning nose it's the best nose i've ever seen a filter on it oh yeah just this perfect there's no pores it's a great nose. What else do you have? Do you have any other parts of your body besides your nose or your forehead? Who is making the rule of let's everybody take a selfie. But instead of like holding it way back, let's put it right on our face. Like all you get. They're trying to hide something.

You don't even see the hair. What do your ears look like? Do you have ears? Do you even have ears? Are you on planet earth? I have no idea. I can't see the background. Where are you?

But just back the camera away from your goddamn face. And it's not just about that. I get it. Like if you don't have people to take a photo of you, your arms are really short you're a tyrannosaurus rex whatever it may be at least do a mirror selfie yeah just point it in the mirror i know do the timer on your phone yes running back i don't like it you run up like god damn it then face is all flush now

because you're already retired. I promise I'm not this red. Yeah. This photo took me six hours to get done. And then if you're like, okay, well,

not everybody has mirrors. Well, if you don't have a mirror, maybe let's put a pause on the dating game. Yeah. And let's refocus. Let's refocus your life

a little bit. Let's refocus. Let's go back to the basics. Instead of expanding your horizons, let's get a mirror. Let's just dial it back. We'll get some shampoo and a toothbrush. And we'll get you a mirror. And we'll get it home.

And that'll be great. That's a good place to start. A window can be a mirror. You can't even do that. Anything. Anything. great that's a good good place it can be a mirror like you can't even do that anything anything i have no idea why all of these pictures are so close to your fucking face and then this is my favorite part about the close face uh photo game is sometimes there's not even one in the stack of photos that are mixing it up right yeah so you don don't get like a selfie, a selfie, here's my dog, or here's me paddleboarding,

plenty of those. Look, I get outside, I do athletic stuff. And then back to the selfies, sometimes it's just selfies, right? And it has become a pastime for me. As I tap through them, it looks like one of those transformation videos where their faces are slightly they take one photo every year for an entire year three years 365 days all you get is this just their mouth barely it's like and like their shirt moves in the background moves

the color of the shirt moves that's it it's so funny and i love it like if i don't tap through fast enough i'll go back and play the slideshow again like just so i can see is that even a real some of like if if you find a face i've got friend requests and stuff from people on Facebook. Yeah. You go to their account

and it's the same thing. I'm like, this isn't even a real person. Are you real? What are you doing? They just went through and cropped everyone's picture into that.

Did like the AI drawing thing? Yeah. And then they just made an account to date. God, it cracks me up so much.

And then, one other question I have about dating apps okay is what is it with everyone ghosting each other yes i am new to this whole world this culture of ghosting right where you basically like you'll you'll match with somebody no matter what it is like you have to have like both people have to like each other and then you get to go into a conversation and talk about shit. And there'll be times where you'll match and you'll reach out like, Hey, you know,

blah, blah, blah. Like what's going on? And like, Oh, nothing much. Like,

you know, how was your day? Like, it's pretty good. Like, what do you do? Like, yeah,

whatever. You have any kids, blah, blah, blah. And they will, they'll, they'll,

they, they answered that first question and then punted their phone into the river. They're gone. You will never hear from them again. They are dead. They probably didn't like the way that you asked the question. They didn't like the font I used.

Yeah. No, and that is 95% of interactions is a couple of questions. And then, I mean, I'll do it sometimes too. We're just like, nah. And he's like, punt your phone across the street and then never use that phone again like where's everybody going but what it did remind me of is as you match with more people through these dating apps it's like collecting baseball cards of just people's faces that are like kind of live around you it's like a super uh localized baseball team like some of

the pictures are way too close as we've discussed right like you're flipping through you like like it scares you a little bit as your girlfriend wolf but you have a you have a whole stack of tops uh-huh baseball cards more like bottoms you bingo but it got me thinking how funny it would be to have dating baseball cards where instead of all this shit you went out like you're physically in a bar and you're like hey i think you're attractive here take this and you hand them out like school photos and they look at it as of your picture they're reading your stats on the back yes with like a sexy little frame some of them are gold plated like for the ones you really like the insert card yeah check this out one of seven and they flip it over it has all your stats you're like size 12 shoe

married two kids like divorce thrice divorced divorced three times how many home runs you get it but it still has first second third base in home runs right like what's your number what are you into it's like i like long walks on the beach. Like, just whatever it is. But you're like, hmm. Like, the backside of it. God, there's so many stats that could be there. It's like, you're with someone, and then you see somebody else.

You're like, I want to trade with that person. Trade your card? You trade. You're like, hey, will you come over here? I'll give you Britney for... Yeah, I'll trade. Yeah. You're like, hmm.

Flip it over. You have a little Beckett. You can look at the value of the car how much they make yeah it has all their salaries in there it's all their salaries past job experience you're like hmm looks like it's trending down uh no no no no deal god damn it gosh darn it yeah but the stats that would be on the back would be hilarious or if you could leave reviews yeah like a yelp oh man that would change the dating game forever like you had a one through five star rating on a dating app don't they do that no isn't there like uh no you can't just rate humans i don't think there's a rate me like a hot or not yeah that's not That's not a dating app. That's just sad.

No, like if you were on like, I don't know, take like a super popular one. Let's go with Tinder. Okay. And you're on there. It's just one star. And then you click on it. And then the reviews. And then three people found this helpful.

Right? It's like she was great, but you know, whatever it is. But halfway through, she threw up. She threw up on the table and then punched the waiter blah blah and like maybe you had to confirm like both people had to confirm that you did go on a date firm purchase and then yeah yeah and then you um you were able to leave a review oh man it would be funny someone get on their flag for sheriff flag for sheriff yeah that's all i would do i'd flag my cat every bad review i got yeah he's like flag for sheriff he's like joe he can't hold a conversation he's like he's terrible in bed and all he does is dick jokes one star i'm like flag for sheriff

terrible in bed and i'm like that's fair still flag for sheriff i agree with this but still i agree with this still you're going to jail but that ghosting part killed me it was it was nuts and then like why and it's men and women i know this uh but even on the women's side like why is everybody holding a fish or a dead animal? You mean for the guys? No, but also from my perspective. I know that we live in the Northwest and probably trying to attract a certain mate. Right?

But there are so many where you're like, oh, posing with a dead bear. Yeah. And I'm like, fine. Tongues out. Yeah. Like, I'm not. Like, it's fine with me. I get it. You hunt. the time's out yeah like i'm not like that's fine with me i get it you hunt but there's so many like why is that it's such a weird trend i guess

that weeds out the people like this is what i this is my pastime and some guys like yeah yeah fuck yeah let's talk about your bear yeah yeah we're turn that into a rug? Or is that a dress, Wilma? Wilma? Well, we did talk about that, about having a dating app that just basically weeds out people right away. Like their medication and that kind of thing. That's all I want so bad. That's kind of the same thing. Like, here's me with just like 10 dead geese on a string.

Can you hang? Standing next to it. Are you going to make it? Yeah. I get it. You want to hang? You want to hang? Boom. Do, do, do, do, do.

So like, yeah, if you're not into hunting, you're like, well, I don't want to waste my time. Swipe. Swipe right or left if you want them. Right. Right as you want them. Okay. Left is moving on.

You know, what's funny about the baseball card thing is when you look at cards, you do kind of swipe. You swipe with your thumb. That's probably where that came from, right? Flipping the page. The natural progression of sadness and disconnection of society. I've never been on an app, so I have no frame of reference.

I just have to visualize what that looks like. I can't even imagine like like if you're if it's tender you're just like i'm just looking to plow you know you're like trying to find someone they all even out it's not no one like i imagine going like i want to go to christianmingle.com and just farmers only yeah and just like yeah farmers i want to see some of the accounts on there see how a little

more like stable they are um it's not i don't know i don't think there's like what there are certain apps that are just for plowing grinder isn't it but they're like yeah but i think grinder is like a like a gay app yeah but it's for plowing isn't it yeah plowing yeah plowing holes um just not for me yet. Experimenting. No, there's a, but there are certain apps that are just about that. Like, we want to have a threesome. We want to try out fetishist stuff.

Like, there's that. I haven't found. Swingers and stuff. Yeah, I haven't found much of that. Swingers only. Swingers only. I'm sure it exists. There's no way.

Why wouldn't it? If there's an app for bacon, find people that like bacon. There's got to be a swingers only. I got to say, though, man, like, if you're just in, like, looking to have a good time, it's a pretty cool time. Pretty cool time to be looking for a good time. Yeah, like, it's just like, I mean, like, this is. One more time.

I got it. Yeah, there we go. I mean, the idea, like, I'm going to go on this app because I'm looking for a threesome and you're just swiping through looking for, like, let's say, maybe it's three people that have never met each other, and, like, I'm looking for two dudes and one chick, or two chicks and one dude, or all dudes or all chicks, and you jump into this thing, like, hey, you want to do this? Or there's probably couples looking for one gal or one woman. I mean, that sounds sounds cool sounds neat it does sound neat real neat um okay and then like one of the last things that i want to bring up before i hit some red flags that i've

noticed was how many fake profiles there are it's absurd like you can it's fun to lead them on for a while because you know who it is and i've done this on several occasions some guy in the philippines is who it is oh you have no idea who these people are and what i like to do is pretend like i've never used the phone before like i have no idea like how to go to the app store how to download whatever shady app that's encrypted because that's what they need i'm like oh it's crazy like no i'm on an iphone like oh you just go to the app store i'm like what's that like oh it's like where you go to like download apps i'm like like like apps like um like uh from i get absent at applebee's like the blooming onion no yeah no no applications you're like i don't know it looks like this at the semi pictures like the blooming onion no yeah no no applications you're like i don't know it looks like this at

the semi pictures like the fucking shit app that you're on right and they do all this shit and you talk to them and you finally meet up with them over there and one of my favorite ones that happened recently was there must have been a shift change like at at the scam headquarters whatever was happening lunch break but i went from somebody who was having a real hard time with English, right? Which is barely keeping it together. Like trying their best to navigate me through how a phone works. Okay.

And they got me there and then they had to go and they disappeared for hours and they came back. It was probably, I think it was the next day. And then the next guy who picked up where we left off phenomenal like the best english he went home learned english he had better english than me i was like i was like whoa what happened you figured it out he was what are you talking about and i was like oh well the last time i said this other guy said no you don't understand and he goes oh no and you just pin them in their own shit and then they

disappear yeah and it's oh man it's as soon as they realize they don't they don't have you don't have you uh but it is uh it is very funny so you want to hear about some quick uh some red flags i've heard of yes okay well first off if the camera is directly on your fucking forehead you're out red flag yep and if there's anything in the bio that says something along the lines of, I'm kind of a bitch. Cause there are those. And I go, Oh,

cool. So you are mostly a bitch and not going to do this. And then other ones in the bio, it says like anything along the lines of, uh, spoil me. Oh, it's like sugar daddy.

I was like, Nope, not, not me. Anything instructing me to write something uh like a certain something to you in a direct message like hit me with your best or do the but it's like just if we're starting there yeah what else are you fucking looking for i get you're trying to be funsies but just fuck off that's not fun no fuck off and then this one i know there'll be a

little controversy on it says must be at least six foot. Okay? And I know that I'm only 5'9". But imagine in my bio, if I wrote anything about height, I was like, must be under 5'5". Or fucking fuck you and your personality and everything you thought you cared about. Must have big tits. Right. Must have a tight pussy yeah or move on a nice

round ass tight puss and just swinging knockers just things you can't control yeah you're like must have fake tits i'll see ya uh it must be vaxxed or unvaxxed that's a good one it's a fun uh reminder of the wild ass period we had in human history yeah like it's kind of it's like what like that was uh we got that deep where it's like if you if you got the vaccine not gonna work out like you are a monster and who knows and who knows what's gonna happen to you buddy maybe that's maybe for them that's like well because a lot of people they were anti-vax before covid well Well, I mean, if they ever went to school, they weren't, but yeah. They had to get vaccinated to go to school. Yeah.

So anti-vax to a degree. Well, homeschooled and then maybe. Maybe homeschooled. And they probably got measles. Yeah. Hey. Mumps and rubella. All that.

So that's what you probably just do like a, I don't know. I don't know who you're dealing with. No, exactly. So I'm out. That is it. Like, if you are going to put that out there as the deciding factor of whether or not, uh i don't know i don't know who you're dealing with no exactly so i'm out that is it like if you are going to put that out there as the deciding factor yeah of whether or not you did that it's like no bye like everything else is you're the worst i can't think of i can't think of something that would be i would be like throwing this shield up to deflect like like i don't i

don't have because i don't have a strong stance on vaccines or anything like that it's just like i i got it but i'm not like i get it you make your own decision right yeah like right i you know so yeah writing that in your bio i'm like that's so specific it is so weird it's so weird it's a wild world brian but i just want to make sure or i just want to talk about that you know doesn't diddle children. That'd be a good one to put in there. Yeah. Absolutely.

And please, no child molesters. Thanks. You're like, all right. Thanks. Cool. I guess I'm in. Okay. Well, that was it.

That's not bringing that up. Let's move on to Dick. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's Dick.

Hi, Brian. Hi. Hi. So we're probably going to be doing one, taking a look at one dick this week. Oh, not a threesome? Not a threesome. One dick. That's a different app.

But this one absolutely killed me. Okay? And it's not like, I don't't know i don't know how this happened um okay so here's the headline new york man planning fake new york man planning vacation to sydney australia accidentally books flight to sydney montana can you imagine how fucking funny that is such a different place to land so kingsley burnett a new york resident like most travelers was likely looking forward to his planned trip to sydney australia oh yeah it's a great place it's summer going on down there however when his trip was delayed in late january he accidentally booked a flight to sydney montana instead

burnett originally from jamaica shared photos of his unplanned extremely unexpected journey to the treasure state burnett told storyful that after departing new york's lagardia airport and on january 26 he landed in billings montana burnett didn't think much of it because the airport was a common location for travelers to connect to sydney montana just a few hundred miles east of billings the only problem is he was off by one letter i had to find out for myself that Billings, Montana would only take me to Sydney, Montana, where there are no kangaroos waiting to welcome Mr. Bennett. He laminated. According to the New York Post, Burnett realized he wasn't going to Sydney when he saw the size of the plane. I saw the little plane with like nine passengers and wondered, how is that going to get me to Australia?

Burnett said he was planning on taking a cruise from the Sydney Harbor. Oh, it just goes on. But Burnett told Storyful he rescheduled his trip to Sydney, Australia for June 13th. But man, you also made the news and made my life. I love that. He's like on the way. He's like seeing little signs everywhere like yeah why are we flying west right you're like i don't know which way you'd fly from new york to

get to australia still fly west yeah but it's like i think but i'm looking up uh like sydney montana just a tiny ass fucking town his face in this picture he looks so discouraged oh man let's see here um what's the population i know the elevation let me look up the population real quick of sydney montana haven't been if you are currently in six thousand okay so rathdrum but pretty big considering some parts of this region there's plenty of towns that are below a thousand so i mean six thousand that's might as well be a city uh for montana but you're looking at the plane like he walks out like first of all you land and then if you are getting on a small plane if you've ever traveled sizing

if you've ever been on a small like tiny flight which i've been on plenty of them you don't get like the red carpet no you walk out they shove you out on the tarmac it's cold cold they don't care what's happening you hand your shit to a stranger and then probably smash your head as you walk upstairs under a tiny airplane yeah uh and it's so small the seats are terrible and this guy he's probably looking at it being like fuck he goes how big is that gas tank he goes how the fuck am I getting from Billings

to Sydney, Australia it's like a bunch of cowboys on the little looking at the pilot they all have cowboy the cowboy the pilot has a cowboy hat he's wearing like

like doomsday prepper gear he has like a fishing a fly fishing vest on you're like what the fuck everyone's camo the fuck everyone's camoed out everyone's camoed out like welcome aboard welcome to great express buckle up he would feel like i mean looking at the picture of this guy he would feel way out of place if that was the situation absolutely coming from new york yeah just i

mean from jamaica in new york and then now in billings and then trying to fly to sydney snow on the ground gosh dang i love how you get let's say you're like okay these red flags are already there you sit down and they're like okay we've got a short uh 30 minute flight to sydney you know like it doesn't seem right unless this is a rocket damn they got time travel are we gonna hit a wormhole what's going on here god damn montana black fucking black hole is that our are we going through the earth like why is this you know what's funny let's say like you know when you people get in there they put their headphones on they're like i'm not listening to the announcements so he's just typically do.

That's one of those flights. You get up, and as soon as you hit elevation, you start coming back down again. There's nine people? I've never actually been on a plane flight that small. Have you been on a nine-person? That's like a private jet. Yeah, it's basically a private jet. It's a private company, and they have those because my hometown is small you can fly in or fly out of i think spokane but you get like one chance a week and someone like in a private jet will come get you it just happens to be going that way and we'll

take you there but outside of that anybody flying to sydney uh sydney montana you get up at cruising altitude and the flight tank is like throws peanuts in the air. Just a handful of peanuts, like fully shelled. He's like, Amber, we hit our cruising altitude. In-flight snacks are. And just fucking throws them up. Peanuts! Imagine one of those shirt cannons, but with peanuts.

And then she takes her seatbelt off, grabs the peanut cannon, and just shoots them, and then puts her seatbelt back on. And we're now beginning our descent down to Sydney, Montana. You're putting your seatbelt back on. Where this weekend, luckily, they're having the Big Sky Potato Festival. The Big Sky Potato Rodeo. What do they have over there? They have the Testicle Festival. Yes, they do do and a lot of rugby balls yeah been to a big ass there's a big ass rugby

what's it called oh man there's a rugby festival every year in missoula that is a blast it has a dumb name uh maggot maggot fest maggot fest something like that maggot i've been it was fun actually watched two people fuck in the middle of the field maggot fest soundsot fest fucking something like that maggot i've been it was fun i actually watched two people fuck in the middle of the field maggot fest sounds like a slipknot show it does maggot fest is in the 47th the 46th annual maggot fest will be held in the weekend of may 19th to 21st should we go probably i haven't been in like i don't want to go watch rugby you don't have to it's not about that my buddy it's a quick we have to get out of here okay we don't want to go watch rugby you don't have to it's not about that my buddy this is a quick we have to get out of here okay we're also going to go way over my buddy played

rugby hi christian uh at u of i so i went there and u of i was playing in the the maggot fest i was here's the here's like how the regulations are going at MAGIT Fest. I was blasted, hammered drunk. I don't even know if all my clothes were on, right? And I just happened to be in view of Christian, okay? And he's about to play his rugby match, and I'm standing there so drunk wearing someone else's clothes. And he runs up, he goes, hey, you want to play rugby? And I'm like, I have no idea. And he goes, ah, he'll be fine.

You want to play and i was like yeah sure and i run down and they're like trying to suit me into their shit and the ref came over and he goes you can't just bring him in and he goes what do you mean like he goes oh we played football together one of those helmets with the beer thank god thank god cause I would've done it I wouldn't have remembered it I was so drunk

and he's the ref like dude you can't just drag a guy from the stands especially this fucking guy to play the rugby team and he goes oh

he goes well I got a player hasn't showed up he goes okay we gotta play with one less player he goes ah sorry man I'm like yeah cool and just ran back up and started drinking again I we're going to play with one less player. He goes, sorry man. I'm like, yeah, cool.

He just ran back up and started drinking again. I might have been dead. I might have never made it. Yeah, that would have been good. So that's how No helmets. That's how

MAGFest is operated. So we should probably go. That's funny. Maybe it's changed in the last decade. Probably not. Probably not.

Okay, let's move on to some good news. Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance hooray we aren't doomed yeah oh hey is it me yeah it's you sorry i was i was still thinking about that rugby thing oh and there's so much more that i haven't shared on air maybe i'll share it in the the vip section we had to skip the good news last week So I'm happy to get some good news right now. Yeah. I'm happy to get some good news this week.

Yeah. That's right. Oh, yeah. I think I saw this. This is so funny or so cute. It's amazing. Yeah. It's just so cute.

Puppy bus in Alaska is delighting the internet. I can't believe we do this for a living. I won't go into all the... Basically, it's this couple that owns a dog walking company. Okay. And they go and they pick up the animals in like a bus. Well, I mean, it's like, picture like a retirement community. Yeah.

It's that exact white bus. Yes, exactly. And so they go pick up the dogs and then they take them to air and then they let them go run around and play. And there's a picture of them, just they're all lined up outside of it and then there's pictures of them inside like looking through the mirror and they're all sitting in their seats and just big old grins on their face they get uh they get strapped in and everything yeah like they hook them up a little seat belt yep and they know where their seats are they pick up they stop at the house the dog runs in and it goes over to

its seat and they buckle it in and it's all they all know what they're doing it's the cutest damn thing you've ever seen in your life and these people it's their job i know which i mean hard to i mean i actually i think about our job too i'm like how the fuck do i do this i know same thing every time they open the the bus doors and a cute old little husky yeah comes in they're like what the fuck how do i this is like hey fred hey fred they go right to their seat and clip them in and they sit next to their buddy drufus whatever they fucking call them the old labrador yeah that's it all red and they yeah next to each other and get ready for the play date yeah so the couple they own this company and then they started doing videos on TikTok

and it went viral on TikTok, so they're building this big following on social media and they own this company, so they got a nice little situation going on. Yeah, I love the of course, because I just the news articles go out of their way to make little punny, fun things. This one opens up

with, this is how rough riders roll nice tragedy the day he died um anyway they're called moe mountain mutts if you want to look them up if you haven't seen the video we're talking about and you are an animal lover, just go. It's the cutest animal in the universe. You have to. You have to go check it out. Okay, I found something on the internet that has a follow-up to what we actually did on last week's show. So, let's do it.

The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes last week we played the just rocks version of rocks and that just rocks and it just goes and then ends rocks if you haven't heard it go back and listen to it you know what i'm talking about and then actually i had a handful of messages come my way that asked how people are able to separate the music from the vocals i like do they have to have access to the recording studio to get the separate tracks they emailed yeah where

the record company some of them do do that like if you they do do you do if you are like a a popular dj or someone who has been working in music you have a name for yourself you can diamond diamond dave like uh like another one like dj cal could probably message interscope and grab a track and get all of it separated so he can make his own thing with it however us as normal humans yeah we can't do cannot do that um but there are plenty of programs out there that will automatically separate the vocals from the background and there actually is one that is online all you have to do is upload an audio file it is not perfect there are better plugins and programs out there that do a better job but this one is absolutely

free so i figured for anyone that's interested if you ever thought about how they did this or if this uh inspires you to do something like the rocks thing we, if I just could separate these, I can make a whole thing. There is an online vocal remover that is vocal remover.org. That is, that's what it is. Vocal remover.org. And I actually grabbed, oh man, I might've accidentally bumped it out of here when I was looking up Sydney,

Australia. Let me see if I push the back button enough, if it'll get me loaded back in. If not, you're going to have to keep talking so i can uh i can toss an example i said toss in what about a hootie song i was gonna do roxanne because that's the one i downloaded to my computer oh so you have to have the file on your computer but i had it loaded up but then of course being the dipshit that i am i got excited about sydney australia should open a new window i know i tried here we go ready yep so here is what you can do with just a simple online program so here's with no vocals just music so but then anytime

just oh you're just pushing the button that's pretty good yeah dude so any of it so any song and it doesn't do a perfect job again like i said uh there's better programs out there but vocal remover.org is a great place to start especially if you're just getting into it it'll separate the vocals from it does uh it doesn't do a very good job with like hardcore metal but it's because the screams and vocals are so thick they cross the entire vote or like a sound spectrum um but anything not like that it does do a pretty good job but there you go so i just

want to answer some questions good way to do a parody or something yep like just a quick and if you do make one you know where to send it send it our way let's make sure to hear from uh some of our kids okay are you ready to do that all right let's hear what you guys think really you want to talk to me wow that's cool kids love hearing from the kids how are they doing they went off to college and he's kind of never right they just ask for money and care packages typical our first email coming in from our daughter krista i found this one so funny says honk honk daddies i see i don't read it as like that

what do you read when it comes from a gal i read it i just read like honk honk daddies like some some leather noises and a whip yeah my real dad okay wow and i have workplace have a workplace accident story or we have workplace accident stories for days, but this one takes the cake. We have both almost been killed by helicopters. What? That sounds chill. On separate occasions?

Yeah. Mine was on a Navy ship with it nearly running into my tower, and his was in the Army back in the 80s. His helo had barely taken off when it caught fire and then his training kicked in check this out they told him to run pretty far away to avoid the blades and he took it further by running for miles to get home and telling my bewildered mom not to pick up the phone his commander wasn't even mad about it and uh he carried on riding in halos or helos for

without fear for years to come love everything you guys do in the words of that crazy old man keep on keeping on love your questionable crazy daughter krista dude i'm confused the thought of okay yeah getting scared or getting in some sort of like flight or fight situation or is it fight or flight fight or flight situation and you choose flight and then you run miles away from the situation that's like forrest gump dude i know his mom told him to run like you're um immediately thought of like um you know like a haunted house right where like everyone's like laughing a little bit and you think it's over and the classic you come out the back door and you're like oh my god that was so scary and then you get the chainsaw guy and then you run four miles and no one hears from

you and that's just it that was the end of your night everyone went on like they probably went to a party we're wondering where brian went and brian fucking ran four miles home and then told his mom not to pick up the phone that's the way i was confused like why why not pick up the phone because the army was calling yeah he probably knew that he was in trouble like he just started running so he went awol halfway through he was like we're too far he goes wow halfway home i could go for a cheese sandwich i know how that goes like when you eat a pizza you're like i'm halfway there do i eat one more or do i save it right because i don't want to

i want to start something i can't finish exactly and i don't want to wake up tomorrow and i only have like two pieces so i know so it's a solid dilemma but any situation where he's a little scared, he's like, just take off. Well, we used to do that at the exact scenario you just talked about. Yeah? We used to come running out of the haunted house with the chainsaw guy. Yeah. And we'd run, and we'd be falling down, and my friends would run, and I'd go, save yourselves! And it would be right by the line of people going in, and we'd just put on this huge show for the people.

A whole theoretical performance. Yeah. Save yourselves! You could go on without me yeah and then the guy like he stops running it's kind of like the commercial the geico commercial let's hide behind these chainsaws the guy's like good idea just so bored let's run through the graveyard having fun having fun let's take the car, it's right behind the chainsaws. The running car. Okay, go ahead and read our second one. Let's see.

Our second email coming from our finder's keeper's son, Tyler. All right. Hey, daddies. Hey. I didn't read that one so sexy. This is regarding the episode where you spoke of hotel fines. Ah, yes. My girlfriend and I are living about five hours north of you.

Okay. Is that? That's almost Canada. Damn near Canada. She is a housekeeper and I'm a roofer. One glorious day while cleaning a room at the hotel she was formerly employed at, she stumbled upon what seemed to be a pencil case. But upon further inspection, she realized it did not contain pencils and crayons at all,

but 56 rock-hard grams of cocaine. Yeah. A small scale in baggies yay a cocaine dealer starter kit if you will oh my god that's so good so she did uh what any responsible person would do and call me and told me about uh how she's bringing some home. Don't forget, I'm a roofer. So I did what any responsible roofer in their 30s would do with two grams shy of two ounces of cocaine would do. Did I read that right? Yes.

I went on a bender. And that's how my girlfriend. What? And that's how my girlfriend died. Yikes. JK. I chopped it up. Sold it to my coworkers and made some loot.

And we got tattoos. Oh, happy. It's a love story. Also, side story about kitchen shit. I once was going to be E. Mm-hmm. What's that? Oh, no.

I once was going to be E, letter E. And when I arrived at my dealer's apartment, he was in the midst of melting off his hands with hot oil. Jesus. Oh, because of the- The burning your skin off situation yeah anyway it's probably better to leave my name out oops whoops sorry about that big fan of all the stuff you guys do bye no we left here no one knows who you are just your first name calm down that is that is a ton

of cocaine and that's one of the funniest situations about like illegal drugs is that when you find them when like no one's around to stop you they can't do shit they can't do anything who are you gonna call the fucking cops it's like no not the ghost guess what my cocaine bye dude i would be so i don't i would leave it there like that just i'm not that i'm not that adventurous there's no no way. And then, like, trying to sell it. I wouldn't even know who to turn to to sell it. He must have known. He must have known somebody. Because then, I mean, he was later, like, I don't know.

He knew a guy. He knew a guy. He knew the people that he worked with. He had enough conversations with his coworkers to know, hey, if I had just shy of two ounces of cocaine. Imagine that conversation oh dude imagine this guy like finds 56 like a very specific amount of cocaine what would you what would she do with that what would you do so he should like take it to work yeah but where'd he find it i don't know like a pencil case or like someplace you keep crayons yeah like a place you normally keep crayons but there wasn't any crayons i mean it's just cocaine in the scale and baggies

whoa it's very specific. And then next weekend, you're like, I'm not going to believe this shit. Dude. Remember what we were talking about. Anyway, give me $2,000. Okay. Let's wrap up the show. Okay.

With a nice little bow. Little bow on top. Please sign up. Support us on Patreon. Oh, yeah. We'll have to talk about your snowboard fall. Oh, yeah. Maybe next episode.

Yeah. Since we're recording a thousand episodes. Yeah. I'll be healed talk about your snowboard fall. Oh, yeah. Maybe next episode. Yeah. Since we're recording a thousand episodes. Yeah, I'll be healed by then. By tomorrow? Because we have to record the next episode tomorrow. Oh, right. Yeah. I guess we probably should tell everybody that, right?

That we're... Yeah, and we'll make note to maybe tell them beginning of next episode. Oh, yeah. It'll be like five weeks ahead from here forward. So, if something happens... Just for this one time. Yeah, it gets a little stretcher. But support us on the gaggle. Be a part... Or be a silly goose. ahead from here forward. So if something happens. Just for this one time. Yeah, it gets a little stretcher.

But support us on the gaggle. Be a silly goose. Just pick whatever tier you want. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Each tier has its different awesome perks. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the video version on YouTube. Want to share something with us?

Want us to read a story? You found something nuts? Send that in to heyguys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com.com want to send us some coke yeah so it's just just shy of two ounces there are p.o boxes in the don't do it is there a legal amount you can send no cocaine rate and review us wherever you listen to the podcast and a big old thank you to the babysitters for moderating the online facebook group the playground the can you don't playground join it have fun imagine going to like the ups store and just bring in like a you know like a baggie of something you're like hey can you weigh this he's like oh it weighs too much like god damn it you rip it open get a straw out of your pocket and like you're looking at the scale number.

A little bit more. Fuck. He's like, you help me out. He goes, no. You want to take it? Someone behind you? Like, please. He goes, no, no, no. You got it.

Anybody want to do a line? Whoa. He's just ripping it. Like, here, take my money before I die. Because I'm not going to make it. Okay. A little joke for the back end yeah good god wrap it up already huh let me do it for you did we ever share that no let me do it for you kermie

it's going around the internet if you know you know if not you have no idea why we're laughing right now okay i told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high she looks surprised to hear me say that oh yeah yeah get it yeah i get it is there way up and then all of a sudden she drew him on like pissed. She's a little angry. She erased him out. Angry eyes. And I'm packing your angry eyes. That would be funny if you had some sort of, like you couldn't speak. And so that was the way you showed emotion.

You just drew your eyebrows on. Yeah. Always look like. They did that in a movie. It's in a movie and they're like, oh, he looks mad or something. I'm sure. Oh, what was that? We'll think of it later. Okay, damn it it's over and that's it for episode 37 we'll see you

on the back end if you support us on patreon yeah we'll see you back in you get it bye I'm out.