Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Moon Vacation. Sleeping Calf. Object. Munition.

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Although not legal in the slightest, breaking into your place of employment after hours to make and sell pizza for a little extra coin isn't a completely terrible idea. Let's talk about that, why are so many people shoving old munition up their b-holes, how many household items are there on the planet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/mLNOk7pgHewSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Moon vacation, sleeping calf, object, munition. Have I asked this before? What's your lucky number? I'm guessing it's not 193. No. No. When I was in high school, my baseball number, but it was five. Okay.

I don't know why. Yeah. I think we've had this talk. Like 15 was mine or 33. 15 or 33. Just depending on what sport, you know, what was available in my size. Yeah. Yeah.

But those are my two faves. My son, youngest son, he's on a baseball team, and they were asking kids what numbers they wanted. Yeah. And he was like, I want 67 or 41. And they're like, you're off the team. 6-7 makes sense because of the whole thing. 41 to me doesn't make any sense. But he said he told the coaches that, and they were like, no.

Because he didn't want the kids going 6-7. Every single time because I don't get paid enough. to deal with all that shit. But I think they gave him 41. They've retired 6'7 and all the high schools of crown country. Yeah, like that's enough. We're not doing this shit anymore. We have reached the end of our recording bender.

I know it means nothing because the show just comes out when you expect it to come out and looks the same. But we are now basically a whole month ahead. And that's pretty exciting. But when we get back from, or I guess when you get back, we're going to need all the content. So send that into, Hey guys at can you don't podcast.com.

The honkathon is on. Head on over there. Thanks to the new people that have joined the gaggle at patreon.com slash can you don't podcast continues to grow. And when you do get back from Mexico, I believe we have the next pond. Yep. It's going to be.

So our little live hangout session that we do for the gaggle exclusive. And there are a lot of, I said this like three days ago. Yeah. But it's probably like three episodes ago. Okay. A lot of confessions. coming in recently.

Still need a few more so we can do another Confessions episode. Yeah. But keep those coming in too. It's always a good fun confession episode. It's always nice.

I don't know what we said differently, but whatever we did when we were like, because we always say like, hey, I got a confessions thing. But whatever we did

this last time, they really, you guys really opened the floodgates. I'd love to do it more often. So, send them all in, brother.

Like, you just held onto them this whole time and finally like, okay, fine. This is what I did. It makes me feel better about myself knowing that people are getting into some stuff. Yeah. And it's like, okay.

People are living. Yeah, we're good. Even though I'm not getting any malicious thing, like other people are out there doing it and makes me feel good about humanity. And that's what this podcast is all about. Exactly. Yeah. The insanity that is humanity. Get to live vicariously through them.

Feels all of can you don't and the foundation. All right. Well, let's get the show rolling. I think we have a little brain thing going on here. Yeah. A little brain thing. Let's see how this goes. Z.

Hey, shut up. Start the show already. It's a little different than just... Would you rather as a million dollars? Yeah, I mean, we're still talking about jamming things up butts and winders and stuff. But you take a little break from that every once in a while. You know what I mean? For at least five or ten minutes.

Yeah, a couple minutes. This is from Zykle, actually. Okay. He's one of our geysers. He's in one of the geese in there, yeah. He's in the gaggle. Always comes in nice with the question options. He does.

This may have been a question in Patreon, but he actually emailed it in two, so it's fun to go with. Okay. Something to ponder. Hola, three amigos! Got it. I get the reference. It seems appropriate. He sure does.

I was speaking with my dog's wet nurse. What? This weekend. What the fuck is that? What the hell is that? That phrase. I don't know. I mean, I know women have wet nurses, too, don't they?

My dog's wet nurse? What? Like that dog must be hung like a fucking... I don't even... Let's see. I have no idea what that even means. Dogs. I mean the dog is...

I've never heard the term wet nurse. You've never heard of a wet nurse? No. A wet nurse milk's babies that aren't their own. Oh. Yeah. My dog's wetters. Right?

Okay. I don't know how a dog... It's dogs connects to surrogate mothers. Wetner. So like you get another dog with the nips that are popping milk. Yeah. They're flowing. All right.

Well, fucking learn something new. But here's the weird thing. A dog's wet nurse, I would think it would be another dog. So how are you having a conversation with another dog? So you're like having a conversation with a dog while it's feeding the puppies? It's getting its nips sucked. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't seen this, haven't searched for this on Porn Hub.

Just things I haven't come to. Yeah. Right? For 600. For 600, Alex. Anyway, let's plow through it. Yeah, let's try. I was speaking with my dog's wet nurse this weekend over some toast and marmite.

All right. We got... Zykle is from where now? I forget. Isn't he from the Nordics? That sounds about right. Maybe they just do things a little differently over there. We got a discussion how the universe works, and I was asked a very interesting question.

Suppose that every time you blink, a random household object in the world explodes. How long before you think you're tracked down and caught, please let me know your thoughts on a curious question, hugs and tug. Zykle Winkleforth. The third. Toast, marmite, and fucking weed. Yeah. This is like...

Dude, wet nurse... That's a tail right there. Talking to a dog's wet nursing. This comes out. Anyway, have a good day. Take your dog off the nipple and go home. Yeah, I mean, all right. So there are so many.

household objects. Right? Yeah. In the world. In the world. Trillions. Get alone in just a single house and then expand that. This is how my brain works if I'm going to even attempt to have a grasp on how many household objects.

But I look at this house and then I go to this neighborhood and then I go to this city. And then I go to like statewide. And then I just keep going. And I just, the conclusion is the same. Too many. There's a lot of household objects. And I feel like you blink a lot throughout the day. What's the average?

I just, since you've been talking, I've been counting. You just reached 40 blinks. 40? Just in that little spend. If you were wondering why I was staring at you so weird. Can't count? I was, and I, like, you're looking at me right now. You just blink five times.

No. Yes. I'm counting. Why? Because I'm trying to see how many times. How many things are blowing up? How many things were blowing up while you were, you're like, right now, You're thinking and you're going like this.

You're blinking while you're thinking. I'm thinking and someone out there is screaming. Uh-huh. Because their Voss just exploded. Look at you. Look at you. No, Zach, are you seeing this? Like, if we could watch a replay.

It's kind of like a, it's kind of like an itch. I know. You, I'm not joking. You were going, I wonder and you were, do you see how I'm blinking? That's what you were doing. Like I was 40 things exploded in a span of 15 seconds. which is eventually dude that's but how are they going to tie in i don't know how they're track you down but think of how many things you're blowing up right now i think how long until you would piece it

together and what are the odds just that something around you would explode when you were blinking given the amount of of objects that are out there i've had enough of that i'm just thinking of But think about it. I'm driving Joe crazy because I'm counting his blinks. All right. There's no way to get it. How many household items are in the world? How many blinks is a person doing today is what?

Are in the world? Like, think of a bad day where you're just like your eyes are dry and you're just, ah, ah. Yeah, this is, I figured that this was what AI was going to do. To say how many hours. Well, while a precise global total is impossible to calculate. Yeah. It is estimated that the average. American home contains approximately 300,000 items, ranging from paper clips to furniture,

with over 2.19 billion households worldwide as of 2025, the total number of household items globally is in the hundreds of trillions. Yeah. I could see it. That is a big number. We're almost a guirgillion. So even if you blinked a hundred million times. Whoa, what just happened?

You scared me No, look at Pull up my screen Okay I can't Cause it's not plugged in It's classic Oh

No it is It's all the way plugged in Oh man Okay You can't pull it up But what I'm looking at I did how And I got to MAN in

And it shows up How many household items Are in the world And it shows With the clock Like I've Searched that before What

So did it Here you Do it And then took it that's creepy i'm looking it shows a little clock like it's like i've looked at it before or is this uh did zyko pull this or the dog's wet nurse see a very popular viral video brought it into the conversation he brought it to us and we're not the first people to look up how many household items are but if it if it's you that searched it it changes to the little yeah the little clock i haven't

searched that before weird but it's showing up that i haven't searched that before weird but it's showing up that have. Man, what a world. Because I was going to say how many times does a person blink in a day? 14,000 to 21,000. I just looked it up. That is a minuscule drop in the bucket to hundreds of trillions. Well, let's see, though. So there are what, 8 billion people in the world? Yeah, but it's just you, right? In your life, you blink 620 million times. Oh, man, you would never get caught. Oh, yeah, it's just you, right? Never. Hundreds of trillions is hundreds of billions is hundreds of billions. How many? That is hundreds of millions. Dude, how many how many blinks would you do before you actually start it starts happening in your house? That's what I'm saying. That's the whole what the whole trickle down is like

the percentages that you would even notice. It probably never would. That yeah, that you are exploding things around the world with blinking is pretty low. Some of the things are minuscule, but some of them are big. Like if you, if someone's fridge explodes and someone's in the kitchen, like you're, eventually you're going to kill people. How big is the explosion? Like, is it? I mean, it depends on the size of it. I would think. So, like, of a...

So the same force. Think about a fire. Let's say, like, a firecracker. Like, the power of a fire cracker. Can you imagine just going on with your life? If you were, like, you were writing a grocery list and your pen blew up, it just went, and took three fingers. You're just, um, what the fuck?

No explanation. You're just doing this and then you're, you're, you're just doing this. And then you're, you're. Kitchen sink faucet. Yeah. It's just like as you're sitting across the room. Here's the thing. You'd have a lot of lawsuits because no one would be able to explain it.

What's where I was going to go with this is, uh, eventually it's going to happen in enough places where people are going to catch on and it's going to become a thing where this is happening randomly in the world because it's happened enough times. You'd probably, yeah, the buzz online, people trying to figure it out. I can already read the Reddit forms. Someone's typing up a Reddit post and their computer explodes. And they're like, fuck. Yeah. Right in the middle of that. Fucking big, big pooter.

Just always trying to get me to do some new shit or buy some new stuff. Because it would become a very hazardous and chaotic situation. I think people would start losing their heads a little bit. So you might be responsible for either World War III or a gigantic spike in mental health. health issues. Yeah, I'd probably never get back to you. You're safe, but man, the shit that you would cause. And whenever you went to bed, it just stopped, like the other side of the planet is fine. And then that's funny. Then you wake up and you start exploding TVs. Well, okay. One blink and a kid, like a baby stroller explode with a kid in it. See, that's insane to

think about, uh, because eventually it would stop. So like, for, eight hours or how many hours you sleep at a night, there's just this calm period. And then eventually people would start figuring that out. They're like, okay, this is based on a sleep schedule of someone in the Pacific time zone. I bet you they would blame like the sun or aliens or satellites or the government before they'd try and track down blinking. What if you didn't know you were doing? That's what I'm saying. You'd have no idea. That's the thing. Like, you're just going about your day. You're like, you're looking up Reddit forms. You're like, this is crazy. This has never happened in my house or whatever, you know, like, or it has happened in your house, but you don't know

you're causing it. No, you're writing and you blink and your pencil explodes. And you're like, wait. I don't think you would ever, unless you were informed of that information, you would just be, it reminds me of the story that we've read on the show about the guy who was drunk and joined the search party for him. Do you remember that story? where he was drunk and he just like joined a search party in a field. That was looking for him. He was like, yeah, let's go. Let's go.

He's like, do, dude. What's his name, John? That's my name. John! I got to find this guy. He's got the same name as me. See my dog John's got to stick together. Yeah.

Sorry, a officer. John's running together. Oh, officer, Benjupopper. I mean, if it was a common name, Of course. Like if your name is Zebulon, or Zeichael? Zichael, you're like, hmm. Zyko Winkleforth the 3rd?

Zyko is missing another Zycle and my... What chances of... I mean, maybe over in Sweden or wherever he's from, maybe Zykel's like... So unless you were given that information and you're like, all right, and you just had to live with that curse, the good news is you could... As soon as you die, it would just magically stop. So that's fun. in the world we'd just return back to normal. What if you were like 115 years old, do you just wreak havoc for...

Just in the nursing home, just like you blink and blow up your own oxygen tank? Uh-huh. Kill a bunch of old people. Blow up your diaper full of shit in a nursing home every time you... Oh, man. Eventually that'll happen. Somebody, yeah, somebody's... I mean, you'd kill a baby, though. Blows their whole bottom half on.

And there's so many household items that are made way more than you blink every day on a global scale. Yeah. And then everyone be buying... to replace their blown up microwaves, economy would be booming. Big microwave would be going crazy. I just don't know if you would ever get tracked down because it's just outlandish.

Yeah. You try and figure out a simple blink would blow up a household item across the planet. So I think you would just be a completely oblivious chaos bringer. Especially if you didn't know. If you knew eventually you might feel the guilt and you like you tell somebody and the story gets out. But if you didn't know, there's no reason to think that it's you causing it because there's no there's nothing to compare it so there's no reason to think a human's even causing it let alone you or someone you know yeah uh

there's too many random things that science would go fucking berserk trying to figure it out or is it just like are neutrons and it's like all this imagine all these scientists trying to figure this out yeah the foundation that was it's created to figure out why this is happening Coming up with like just branches off a string theory. Have you been affected by... Or is your microwave randomly exploded? Are appliances in your house randomly exploding? Have you...

Yeah, it's like the mesothelioma... Misothelioma commercials, but for random exploding objects. God, I'm fucking, like, an old antique French dresser. And you're just like, blink. It's... It's exploding across the planet. Jesus Christ! Something, you're just, all you're doing is something you do it.

Yeah. No one would feel safe. It would be a terrible world to live it. It would turn to pure chaos. Everyone have to like wear safety helmets because they don't know what's going to blow up next. Yeah. It would change the whole world. It would change the world because people would stop getting possession.

They would stop putting stuff in their house. Like it would be a minimalistic lifestyle. Maybe that's good. Maybe a minimalistic society. where we just get rid of all the little trinkets and all the shit that we don't need. They just cut back on everything and still somehow their countertop explodes. Well, the bigger objects that you, like, if you cut down on objects, it's most likely little things. So you're still going to have your big appliances.

Those are going to be what's all that's left. And so that's what's going to happen. The little things people aren't going to have anymore. So it's a very minimalist, six society. So they have the big stuff. But those things explode bigger. So you're going to start killing more people. Do you have a pencil sharpener?

I wouldn't. dare. In this climate? In this climate? No. No. I had a friend who's pencil shrapner exploded.

Dude, razor blade cut his kid's neck. Right. Eventually, it would just be like, it would be microwaves and refrigerators and things like that exploding. And people camping. Yeah?

Yeah. I mean, a household item is still a household item, except it's a tent. You know, you can't deal all that. Yeah, you're fucking,

some guys out there. He finally, he's about to die of hypothermia and finally got a, and finally got his lantern lit. And he's warming up and he just explodes. And he's in the Arctic. Well, studying polar bears.

And he's like, fuck. Oh, and he just catches him on fire. And you're just out to eat at Burger King, laughing and blinking. How many times can you blink? Bap, blah,

blah, blah. Yeah. Well, Zyko, that was a fun one. Yeah. Something I never really thought about. There's no answer to it. No, sure isn't.

All right. Let's move off to what are you thinking about now. Okay, Zach, please, thanks. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what?

I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? This is a fun one. You know how we were talking about that little break that we took at the beginning of the show? You weren't talking about sex or dicks or boobs or butts or whatever? That's over. Oh, so the last few days earlier this week, from the time that we were recording, I had some filming to do over in. Beautiful downtown.

Quarterly. You have some business? Yep. And kids are not here. Catches in Seattle. I'm like, whatever. Like, I'll just, and I had a friend that was out of town. So instead of making the half hour commute, which can turn into an hour-long commute

with the traffic, I was like, fuck it, dude. I'll just stay over there. So he was nice enough to offer me his house. And, you know, just with work and life and all that stuff, I just, I didn't really think. Now, this is not just like a friend. was like a childhood best friend, right? We've known each other since five. Like learn, since five. Learn to do things together, you know, all the things, drawing pictures and all the dumb shit, playing all the sports. And then life brought us back together up in this part of the

country. And, uh, and here we are. So he's over in court of lame. Uh, within the last couple years, he has gotten divorced. And he is slamming puss. Like, a lot. He's having a lot of sex, this man. He decided as soon as... What's the same person or different? Probably while he was married, he decided, whenever this hell is over, I'm not going to do this again. So he is, whatever it's called where you just polyamorous. Is that a word? Polly, will you just fuck everybody?

Polly want to put it? Yeah, so you have your life and then you do life and you just have, in this case, he has like, it feels like, I don't know the exact number, but he has like a full credits section of a Netflix show of rotating sex. Full credit section? Sorry, if you're looking at the credits at the end of a Netflix series and it's scrolling through. Oh, okay.

It feels like he kind of has, like somebody's operating the boom on Tuesday. Oh, yeah, the best boy and the best girl. And someone's doing this and thanks to blah, blah, blah for catering. Like, it's just, I don't, it sounds like a very stressful situation. Someone's catering the session he's having with somebody else. Yeah, or some. And then plowing that person too. A lot of times, not just one, right?

So he's, whatever he's doing, he's having fun right now. Not for me, but whatever. He's autistic and he's loving it. So he has a house And I guess wasn't really I wasn't factoring all this stuff in He built this house It's um

You know he he moved He used to live like out of town And then he moved into town And he built this little place for him to stay He doesn't need a whole lot He doesn't care So he just kind of basic I figure what it's called ADU or AUD

It's a base above garage type living situation So just a couple beds in there For his kids and then his bed just like the very basics of what you need with his workshop and workshop and stuff below. He's out of town. So he offered for me to stay there. And I was like, yeah, like, fuck that's awesome. I was talking to him about it.

And I was going to be over there. He's mostly seeing if you want to hang out, but he's not in town. Then he offered to stay there to not commute. And I was like, okay. And I, the first night I was there, he got home from work. It was pretty late. I don't know, like seven, eight o'clock. And I was pretty tired.

And I just laid down in bed. And I hadn't really explored the house. So I had one light on where the stairs were. And then it was enough for me to see where the bed was. So I just went and laid down on it and was staring at the ceiling. And I'm just looking up there, I'm like, what the fuck is that? So I look a little closer and move my head a little bit. And it's like a giant industrial strength like eye hook that you would screw in.

And that's what it all came flashing back of where I'm laying. And I was like, you're a ground. I was like, he's down. I was like, he's definitely not hanging plants right there. And so I just texted him. I think I wrote, I said, I already know the answer. Why is there an industrial strength eye hook above your bed? And he goes, open the nightstand.

And I was like, oh. This toolbox? I just pulled it out. And like, it's got to be 30, 40 pounds of just stuff to put in holes. And suspend whoever, some. has probably been gagged and hog-tied and upside down. One of those, uh, willing to participate.

He's not a serial killer. Yeah, yeah. Somebody wanted that. And he was like, you got it. Let me go down to the garage that I live above and get to this industrial eye hook. And just like, but I was laying there in,

and then my next question after I opened the nightstand, I first said, why did I do that? Like, I got enough trauma. And we had a good laugh. And then my next question, after like five minutes, I was like, when's the last time you washed your sheets? And he said, don't worry about it.

And all that did was make me really worry about it. Does that mean, does that mean, don't worry? It's been forever. You're already in it? Or don't worry, I just washed him. I know him. And no. Yeah.

No way, Jose. I don't know how many, how many weeks of the credit section have been on this fucking bed. I'm just picturing you laying. laying in the bed with the covers up to your neck just laying there like, like, do I stay here? I'm just, I'm crying and dabbing my eyes with used condoms. Like crying into a used condom I found under the pillow.

It's like, but it was really funny. It was a very funny experience. Do you think he's using condoms? Yes, that's a very popular thing in that lifestyle. Everyone is respectful when it comes to condom stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. But just looking up and having all of that come rushing back on the end of a very busy day and being like, yeah, that's not for practicing his Olympic ropes routine. That is for suspending a sex swing.

And whatever the fuck else is in this drawer, I didn't dig, I didn't touch, I just pull it out and went like, yeah, that's enough. It's like a kid's toy box where you're rummaging through. I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare. He's exploring.

Everyone is. Do you think he's boiling any of that stuff? stuff. No. Yeah, I don't think he washed. I don't think anything in that house has ever been washed. Have you met men?

Yeah. Like, he probably clean, he cleans up just when, you know, someone's coming over. Not when me, like,

he doesn't impress me. I'll be there. And it's just, it was so funny. It made me laugh really hard. But also a little bit of like pride, like just being like, good, look at you.

Look at you. Look at it out there, do what you love. Couldn't fix your marriage, but really holding all this together. Yeah. You know what I mean? Couldn't schedule it and care about that.

But you really know how to schedule this fucking puss parade. Yeah. So. Yeah, he's got like a time sheet clocking in and out. Nope. Flip them two pages. Nope. Let's see here. Tuesday afternoon at four. No, not open.

Stacey's coming over. Stacey's mom's coming over. I can, no, I can pencil you in for like Friday morning at 8th the earliest I could do and this pencil explodes. What the fuck? We have to reschedule. We have to reschedule my pencil. gets exploded. Anyway, so I know that I think those zoom out moments have happened to everybody.

I remember, yeah, like, it's not on the same plane, but walking around in Seattle by myself. And then I just kind of really, I didn't have a mission. I just had like a place I wanted to go and started walking. And then seeing like a couple needles on the ground. And then I like really started zooming my eyes out. And I was like, I shouldn't be here. Yeah. This is, like, how did I?

Yeah. The map should have been like, don't. And then made me, it's like, would you like to risk your life and say five minutes? Or would you like to walk around whatever the fuck this is? The tinkle smell really creeps up on you. Yeah. And I just, I guess, zoomed out. And I was like, well, shouldn't be here.

I've done that a few times when back in the day, when we walk home from the bar, you walk through and you're like, whoa, how did I get here? I was just walking home and I should not be here. Yeah. This is not good. Huh. Yeah. But on the sexual side, it. A giant, like the thickest.

They're called like, sorry, they're called eye hooks, right? Or what are they called? You know I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. But like the, this gauge. Yeah. Just the thickest one. Well, yeah.

Not the ones that you hang like a suit from. No. Like, you could hang your car from it. Mm-hmm. Like, you could, like a smart car or a mini cooper easily could hang from whatever. It's got to go into wood. It's like, you're not going into drywall with that. you're going into like, you're going into a beam.

It's got to support the house. And I thought about for a second, like, trying to hook stuff up and then sending him a funny picture of me sitting in the sex wing. Oh, God. That above his bed. Jesus. He'd be like, this is a great fit. Thanks for having me over. Like, I can't sleep in here now.

So at least I'll have some fun with it. Those will get some exercise and make my friend laugh. But I was too tired and then never did it. That's fun. All right. Let's slide off for some dick. All right. Let's hang it from the ceiling.

Hell yeah, bro. Is it? You want to take this one? I'm going to take that dip. Yeah. Put it in there. I'm going to take that big. Yeah.

All right. This song is so good. I know. Um, this is an interesting story because... Because that's interesting? Yeah, but there's like, there's some ingenuity. There's a little bit of entrepreneurship. There's a little bit of breaking the law, a lot of stuff, lots of stuff going on in this story.

Understood. And it's a pizza pizza place. Oh, Little Caesars. Man breaks into Little Caesars, starts making and selling pizzas. New York, police say. Pizza's not going to make itself. Tread, brother. A former employee of Little Caesars in Kingston, North Carolina broke in.

And when the shop was closed and started making and selling pizzas, please say. Okay. Street View image from April 2024, 2026, Google. Important. A North Carolina man is facing multiple felony charges that you broke into Little Caesars after closing time and started making and selling pizzas, according to police.

I mean, you got to grind. That's right, brother. You got to put it in time. People win in life don't just sit around and wait for to take it. Got to go out there and make that dough. Oh, yeah. You got to grab it by the...

Crust? Yeah. That's it. I said it and like, I got nothing. So that was dynamite drop in. It happened Sunday the day after a massive snowstorm hit the state, and the suspect kept all the money for himself. And arrest was made after suspect tried to break into the shop a second time.

He was like, it went so well the first time. Babe, you're not going to believe this. Business is booming. Where are you working? I just hijacked the little Caesars. It's mine now. Anyway, I'll be back at six. Pizza for dinner.

Bye. Kingston Police Department responded to Little Caesars in reference to a breaking and entering, a little B&E action. That sounds like a type of pizza. Hell yeah, brother. I'll take the B&E with pineapple. Pineapple. Ponna Rival officers advised that 41-year-old Jonathan Hackett, a former employee, had unlawfully entered the business on two separate occasions. So he, you know, he's familiar with the, he wasn't just, it wasn't random, you know, like some guy that never made a pizza before.

This wasn't his first roadie dough. Dody, dough, dude? Dude, no, no, dough stuff. I don't just let you do this today. This is amazing. Nope. During the first incident, Hackett entered the business, prepared pizzas, and sold them to customers and kept the proceeds for himself. During the second incident, Hackett again broke into business while it was occupied by employees.

Excuse me. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Get out of the way. I was here all day yesterday. Do you know how to make a B&E? Employees attempted to prevent Hackett from entering, which resulted in a physical altercation. Hackett was injured during the brawl and taken to the hospital for treatment. Police said.

He was arrested after being released. He's been charged with felony breaking and entering and or entering. And or? Felony obtaining property by false pretenses. And or entering means that that also implies that you can get a felony

entering. Yeah, without the breaking without the breaking is a felony entering. He entered. He entered. He's not supposed to. He's not supposed to be in here,

felony entering. Did he break anything? No, just entered. Just entered. Felony level. Felony level entering. Larceny after breaking

and entering. There's the correct terminology, not and or. Right. Misdemeanor breaking and entering. There it is. Because is there a misdemeanor entering? And or.

In violating city curfew. Oh, get fucked. They're just piling it on. Yeah, like, what time was this at? About five. That should have been at home. 10.05? That's no time you're making pizza.

Snowstorm. He was, you're supposed to be in your basement. Vegas gators did not report how many pizza suspect made and sold to unaware customers. Couldn't even get the most important stat. could you? WPGT. So what I love is the idea that this place was closed.

He broke in, made pizza and people had no idea the place was even closed. They're like, oh, I thought you were closed today. This is great. This is awesome. Took a little bit longer to get my pizza, but...

That's just me. Sorry, just me here today. You know, staff and cutbacks. Dude, doing deliveries, it's Little Caesar's where there are a few places I went in there. There's one guy working every time. So I sat,

I would get there and be like, oh, this is going to be great. I get there and wait 20 minutes and get $5. I'm like, fuck this. I'm always scared to ask, like, because I've always wanted to, but walk in and just whoever's there at the desk at Little Caesars and say, how long has that pizza been in the hot and ready? I want the answer and don't. I know it's hot and it's ready.

But was that yesterday? Yeah. How long is this good for? And the answer will probably be forever. And that's just something you have to live with. two things about this. If you want a hot ready, that's what you're going to have to live with it. I'm going to have to.

Two things. This little line in the article I felt was a little unnecessary. Little Caesars is a national chain of pizza shops with locations in all 50 states. If you don't know that in case you haven't. You don't deserve to read this. Second thought, this is exactly the type of shit I want going down at Little Caesars. Like I don't, this is not a Papa John story. You could tie in Pizza Hut.

to something like this, whatever, like the ones that are open still. But if you were to read this story and not tell me Little Caesars and told me to guess, I would have guessed Little Caesars. Yeah.

Like 100%. Yeah, it's kind of the stepchild or whatever that phrase is. I feel like Dominoes wouldn't have done something like this. Sort of been some more checks and balances. Yeah. Little Caesars,

it's just running, gunning. Pizza Hut is closing. I just saw it yesterday. What? A story, which this episode comes out in a month from now. But I saw a story yesterday. It was like,

Pizza Hut to close, 250 look. Whoa. Whoa. What was that? Jesus. You just morphed into like a monster. I was talking.

My throat just clinched up. That was fun. I feel like, did I get bit by a, do I need, what? Like, am I allergic to something that I get bit? I feel like my throat's just

closing up. I thought they're closing like 250 locations or something. That's a lot. That's more than I thought they had. I like, dude, I like a good Pizza Hut wing in a, in a thin crust pepperoni. I don't know what, thin crust pizza from pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut has been a staple. We used to go to your life. It's every Tuesday we'd go there.

One time we, um, what no, it is. We loosened the pepper flakes. Classy. And my grandpa just, and then my grandma got pissed at him. him for wasting yeah for well just for making a mess and it was like it was our fault making a scene yeah definitely one of those like people are looking oh they they grew up and they keep up that you know the neighborhood yep so did i you you're the outside of your house looks like everything is amazing on the inside it's nothing but you're screaming and an abundance of wasted pepper flakes

and and fucking industrial eye hooks in the ceiling That's all that's going on inside those suburban homes. All right. Well, I applaud his effort, his grind. But obviously, of course, you can't break it into a store I used to work at and then sell all their shit for yourself. That's not how business works. It's a great. It's a great.

I applaud the work ethic. Just miss the foundation of it being your business. But outside of that, fuck, man. Everything else is pretty good. Everything else pretty good. Again, let's go back to buttholes. Okay. French man hospitalized after inserting World War I munition up his rear.

Now, you might be hearing that headline and saying, but Joe, didn't you already read a story like this or this exact story? Nope. And you're not wrong for thinking that. You're not at all. I thought it. I thought the same exact thing. They were nice enough to keep his name out. An anonymous Englishman.

Real quick. Unless his last name was Englishman. Joe What? Text me this morning And he's like, because I put the story And Joe goes,

Hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, we already did this story like two years ago. Pull the butt missile out. And what I, and then he realized it, but what I was writing back was, look,

read it. Read it, you fucking idiot. It's like, that's what you think. I couldn't, I mean, how many,

how could, how could it, how could it, were the odds of two world war? One missiles going up buthels. Yeah. Over in the UK. An anonymous English man who managed to

lodge a two-inch-wide World War II anti-tank shell inside its rectum back in 2021 has been unseated. Nice. The phrase shell-shocked took on a new meaning over the weekend when a 24-year-old French man hobbled into Ragul hospital in Toulos. Complaining of an unspecified pain. I'm not sure what's going on down there. This is, I mean, have you done anything? No idea why it would feel that way. Nope. Nope. Nope.

No, I was just sitting in my house. My dresser exploded. And this bullet shot right up my ass. Rushed into surgery, the doctor soon discovered that the source of the unspecified pain turned out to be an eight-inch long, 37-millimeter brass and copper shell used by the Imperial German army in the late stages of the Great War. It's a Nazi shell, too, to make it add insult to injury. According to the French newspaper La Depich, the medical staff in Toulouse are accustomed to treating victims injured during sexual games, but are understandably unused to dislodging century-old munitions from rectums. Why did they make the bullet so sexy? I like the point.

He's going to win a lawsuit because he was looking for a label on the side. It doesn't say don't say you can do it. Doesn't say don't shove it, my asshole. he was in a state of extreme discomfort after inserting a large object of his rectum. The artillery shell, unexploded at the time of the removal, resulted in the evacuation of the hospital. Okay, so just real quick, imagine that just being a household item.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Some war souvenir? It's up his ass and it explodes. Man. At least he caught a break. You deserve to die if you beat the odds of $100 trillion, some random dude blinking.

on the same night you shoved a fucking World War I munition up your asshole yeah you wish it was the lottery it is not this is better than the lottery this is internal bleeding so it resulted in the evacuation of the hospital with an explosive ordinance disposal squad called to the hospital to ensure the munition was not in danger

of detonating within the individual's personal hurt locker that's what I don't I've never called my asshole the hurt locker before, but now you, now you might. Yes, it is. My hurt locker. Imagine showing up. Put it in my, put it in my, you know what you've done.

You have an eight inch. You know what you've done. Bull it up your ass. And you're like, I don't know. You go in there first, you're like, mm-hmm. Is that one of those things that you would, is it, does that go in a can or is it like a, you drop it in the mortar? That's a mortar.

Yeah. But it doesn't say it's not a mortar. It could be like a tank fucking shell, right? I'm looking at it. Yeah, it looks like a tank shell. Look at this thing. If this is it, looks like the top of a stubby pencil.

Sit on me. Yeah, I'd fucking, I'd put that in me. I mean, it could be a mortar shell, right? You catch me on an off day. I'd put that in my ass. Yeah. You know?

So I get it. No, but imagine going in there. He led with, they're like, well, anything new, anything weird happened? Mm-hmm. And then they're like,

okay, then they start taking a look and doing scans, and they're like, there is an anti-tank missile up your ass. And he goes, I know, I'm so embarrassed. Not going to tell anyone, are you? They're like, yeah.

And then they're like, we'll be right back. They shut the door and it's like, uh-huh. Everyone's leaving. God you're supposed to get you some guy has the fucking missile of his ass. And you're just sitting with your little... The bomb squad.

Sitting in your hospital gown. Just, just... And the bomb squads... The guys come in with those giant suits and dogs walking up to you. I imagine if anybody's familiar with the show Fallout or the video game Fallout. Mm-hmm.

That... rolling in with that fucking T-60 armor, just let me see your ass. Bend over, sir. Jason? Oh, fuck. Can this get any worse?

Of course I know the bomb squad. Yes, it could get worse. We could tell a news outlet about it. The firefighters confirmed that they had diffused the bomb and that there was no further risk of the patient or those in proximity to the hospital. God, you are... Talk about just attention.

hog. Look at me. But imagine being the part of the bomb squad or firefighters or whatever. They pull this thing out of your ass and then have to diffuse it. And the whole time, like, they're unscrewing it just being like, I cannot believe. This smells like, shit. No one's going to believe this. Just washed.

He left his house that morning, kissed his kids goodbye and his wife. He's like, hey, have a good day at work, honey. He's diffusing it. Hope it's a good day. Poof. 100-year-old artillery shell that was in someone's ass. Me too. I mean, I feel at this point there's nothing that can surprise me.

Fucking enter English man. That's what the guy in 2022 said. But he was unseated. Yeah, and he was only doing, was that a two-inch? Yeah, I was just a little guy. Doing an eight-inch? Ooh. God damn it.

Okay. And that's that eight, that's eight inches and then wide, too. No, I mean, what's the search is wide? No, I know. But, I mean, the circumference on something that would, as big as 8 inches is still probably, what, four inches wide, bro? So you're gaped. Eight inch long, 37 millimeter. It looks like that one from last week's episode, the deal, that wide, big, vainy triumphant bastard from last week.

Cock with no balls. That basically looks like that, but it could explode. Well, that's that good, too. And our, what do you? One came from Adam and Eve. The other one's a war relic. and then what we've learned is that both can be inserted in your asshole

and that's the important takeaway here and both can be exploded in a world where the blinking thing happens the butthole is quite the versatile orifice it is it's also a prison pocket oh yeah prison pose

yeah prison booze all right you want to read our next story and then we're going to get to a petty beef or do you want to just do a petty beef yeah I mean that we could do we just do a petty beef yeah let's bounce out and keep it

oh geez can't quite yet for the golden geese And we have a new golden goose Daniel Akai or Akai Akai Jordan Holiday Jason Klazer

Neil Dauphine Matthew Leder Daniel Spitz Stephen Guerrera Maggie Stokes The Sofa King George Tasado Until April

Todd Zitenhorror Sidenhoff Thank you guys. I feel like it should be Zikl Zooten horse. Wiggles for the double ZZZ top. Mm. Nice. It started whatever that song is.

Bucca. Big. Crazy. In that fucking music video. My favorite is, uh, give me all your loving. Dude, that the fucking. The, the riffing that is just so good. Yeah.

Well, thank you guys for supporting us at that tier. Yeah, all positions are full at the time We're recording this, but keep your eyes on it And support us any other tier as well Patreon.com Did Daniel did? I didn't notice that anybody dropped. And all of a sudden, he was just like, whooped her up.

Well, there's a will, there's a way. You know what I mean? All right, let's get to a petty beef. Zach. Thanks. Pilots in the court. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated.

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. All right. Well, do you want to read this one, sir? Sure. Okay, read it to me.

This is a funny one because it's, you know, it's relatable and spousal bland. This is sent him from our pissed off daughter, Cassandra. All right? And her name was Cassandra. Cassandra. Way's World. Petty, yeah, also pissing me off. That's usually how it goes.

My man Gabe seems to think that my special. snacks I get for me are his too. Oh. I go out of my way to get him a distraction snack like beef jerky so I can have a bag. Over here. Hey. Look. Hey, look.

Leave it. Drop it. Drop it. Bad game. So I can have a bag of fucking Snyder's honey mustard pretzels pizzas for me. Those are good, dude. The honey mustard pretzels are so fucking good. Have you ever had those?

Lost me at mustard. Fuck you. They're good. there's something. You know what they are to me in the trash can? Back to you. Have you ever had honey mustard though? It doesn't taste as...

No, it's fine, but I would never... Just anything in that whole world. It's just like... It's like... It's fucking eat something. In the last article we read, there was a little pop-up ad that said, hey, you shouldn't have mustard in the refrigerator. Read why, and I thought of you.

I didn't show it, but... Because it fucking sucks. Because it's awful. You shouldn't eat mustard in the refrigerator. Click here to learn work. you put it and you click on it just shows you in the trash and asshole up your butt either

mustard mustard can up your butt um he inhales his snack then eats mine I've gone so far to allot him a share and then hide my half yeah it's like hiding it from a kid that's right

he finds it all out of Hershey's he finds it and eats it and tells me I take too long to eat it that's good boy you should have eaten it faster Should have eaten faster than I couldn't. Such a husband-wife fight. Am I wrong? If I want to find my snack in a pantry

a month later and enjoy it, then it should be a nice surprise from future me. Let me fat. God damn it, if I want to save a half a bag of our sour skittles and later, then leave it alone, game! Anyways, I can see it both ways, but also

damn. Is sharing, caring, or can I just have my own shit once in a while? Thank you. Love Cassandra. I'm with her on this one. Okay. See, I'm the opposite of, like, this world has just never been a part of me.

Like, if I was like, oh, fuck, I'll get a snack. I open it and snacks are gone. I'm like, oh, I guess I don't get a snack. I guess I don't have that kind of foody hunger drive. It's just, I do not care that much. There are certain things, though. So, like, if you're at the store and you're getting, you get, like, snacks for a pantry. and then you go to eat maybe some crackers that were in there and the crackers are gone, that's one thing.

But if they're like if I, if my wife loves Snickers, if she went and got a Snickers and put it up in the cabinet and I was looking through the cadman, I saw Snickers. I know she got that for her. So if I eat that Snickers and then it's late night and she's like, ooh, I feel like a snack. She's watching a show and Snickers is gone. If she was pissed, to me that makes sense because I know she likes that snack. I know she got it for her. If it's pantry snacks, that's different than like a select thing. Yeah, it'd be like a very select drink.

And there's only one of them. And it was bought obviously by who bought groceries for them. Yeah. And then you just take it. Yeah, I can see that being pretty upsetting. Yeah. In a comparable realm, this happens. And I got yelled out all the time growing up.

But it was just, it was about school lunches. My mom would hate it that my brother and I would get home before she got home from work and then just eat chips and grapes and squeeze it. He's like, well, now we have nothing for lunches. You shit head and have to go to the store. And I do that with the kids here, but like chips, like I will purposefully move around the chips to hide them from them a little bit. Like if they really want to find it, they can find it. But I will take them and they're not in the one spot that I know they're going to look and then I'll move it. then they find those.

Because if I just leave them out and let them go rampant, then I have nothing to put in their school lunches. They'll eat everything. We kind of have, I would say that for kids-wise, like our snack pantry. So Gabe as a child is what I'm saying. Yeah.

Our snack pantry is like, we know we pretty much in the realm, the same lunches every day with a few variants. So there are certain snacks that are in there, like if there are Doritos or whatnot, that's for like late-night snacks. Like they know that, the snacks for that.

So we don't really cross-pollinate there as far as so. We're usually pretty good. So the specific things is where I feel her on this one. Like if you're sitting there and watching a show and you're like, oh, that's right. I got that bag of pretzels for my late night snack or what if it's the honey one. And you go in there and they're gone. Like that would be frustrating. Yeah, it would.

It would be. Because the least you could do is leave some or say, hey. Yeah, or say, hey, I got, I ate all these, we need to get another bag or something. Because there's nothing worse than going to get that snack that you're looking for when you're craving it. There's one thing, it's like, oh, well, you know, like, you know when you're like, let's say you're in the mood for a little loving. But all you have is Snyder's Huddy mustard pretzels? No. Where it's like, where you have is a World War I anti-tank missile?

That'll do too. Hell yeah, bro. No, what I'm thinking is like with spouse stuff where, let's say, like, it's during the day and you're like, man, this would be a really good time. And then she's like, well, when I get home from work, maybe we can work in it. It's like, yeah, that's great later on. But right now, like I'm feeling it right now. So that it's like that craving or yearning for a certain thing.

And then when it's not there, that's, it's not like, yeah, we could go to the store and get more honey, honey, pretzels for another day. Great. I want him right fucking now And I want him right now And I bought him then Because I knew that I would want some At a specific time

And I go to get that thing And it's not there So it sounds like you're signed with Cassandra Absolutely Okay And then again, as we always say And it sounds like they have It's almost like he's treating it

As a fun little game And she does not think it's funny So maybe you need to have a talk Yeah And be like, hey, don't Don't touch them Yeah, or just hide them all together. I don't know.

But then you're going to pop up with him and have him. Then he's going to start eating your snacks after he engulfs his. Yeah. And then, or inhales. And then just be like, ooh, what are these more? What's this snack you have over here? I'm going to have it now. To me, that's, it's a, this should.

Yeah, this needs to be a conversation if it hasn't already. Yeah. It sounds like they, it's been a fully developed situation in their relationship. To him, it probably sounds one. or naggy for her to say this. But I'm taking her side because I think it's a legitimate gripe. If that's an important thing to you, yeah. Then the other person you're with should respect that.

Because it doesn't matter if it's a snack or what it is. Like if you get something that you intend to use for yourself, whatever it is, and that person uses it and it's gone and you were thinking it was there, it doesn't matter what it is, that's annoying. That is annoying. I get it. Am I a piece of shit for doing both things? What do you do?

If you touch my food, I'm... And if I see something tasty, so I think I'm a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. I think it might be a little contradicting. Food-centric. Yeah.

Give me that. It's mine. Dude, you know what's so great? Do you see how tall I am? Give me your snacks. This is how I bully. I also want to give my wife credit because they're... Like, I try to remember that kind of stuff

because there are certain nights where I'm like watching a show at home or whatever, and I'm like, oh, you know what sounds good right now is some chips and fucking cheese or whatever? Or like, maybe I wasn't even thinking of that specifically. I was just like a snack sounds great. I go to the pantry and she got it for me at the store and didn't even say anything. So it's like, what? There's a fucking. There's a chip and cheese.

And I didn't even know it was there. And then it's kind of like, and then I'm like, I am loved. You are a doll, you know. Don't have to kill you. You. And like that's, so that's great. Like, imagine if Gabe, if she came home one day and there was an extra bag of honey mustard pretzels in there for her, because Gabe thought to himself, maybe she would appreciate this. Yeah, maybe.

This is mine. This is hers. Like, how great would that be? In this economy? In this economy? Step up, Gabe. Come on, man. Do something.

Should we take a look at some good news? Yeah. This is a cute one. Zach, play it. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! It's been cold in places on the planet.

Not here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere. I said, ooh. But a newborn calf that was struggling in deep freeze brought indoors to curl up on the couch. Look at this fucking shit. Look at that. That's just the cow.

A little matter of way. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're not watching the video version or you haven't seen this, there's just two completely zonked out toddler-aged children on a couch snoozing and curled up with one of the kids is a calf. Just like this is way better than being out there. Would you, would you be able to do it? Would you do it? A lot of calf in the house?

Bring a calf in and just be like, that sucks. I'm surprised Monique hasn't already. That's true. If I saw it and I was watching, like, I had a farm and I'm watching a baby calf almost like freeze to death, I have a really hard time thinking I'd be like, nope. I would just, I probably would just do the same exact thing. There would be some stipulations. When I was a kid, my dad, even in our black lab, she was an outside dog, but if it got really cold, we'd be like, come on, let's litter in the house. My dad would let her in like the utility room area or sometimes like lay a blanket down in the kitchen.

for but so like we i feel like as a society today now let our dogs run rampant in a house like just hair and stuff everywhere yeah um so that's not as weird to me now i still think i need to lay down some ground rules because it is a still as a cow but if it was clean if it was clean and it they they keep themselves yeah relatively clean and if you're thinking to yourself like yeah No, they have fur for a reason. Check this out. This is coming from the husband. She was just frozen. Her umbilical cord looked like a popsicle. Macy Sorrel said back on Thursday, it was just frozen. So they had a pregnant cow that gave birth in single digit temperatures. And then that wet baby plopped out and was turning into an icicle. Just freezing? Yeah. You can't bring. See? Yeah. There's still some good stuff going out there. Bring the veal inside. Yes, bring it in.

Let's kill it later. Yeah, yeah. Bring it in, nurture it, feed it, let it get fat, and then put it on your... Let it feel like it's loved and put a gun to its head. Right. Humanity. And then throw it, slap it on your kitchen table. All right, let's move off to something that we found on the internet this week.

Zach, please. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes!

That's awesome! It's pretty dumb. I always enjoy watching that. That intro? The dance guy. This is pretty dumb. But, you know, the internet has some of that stuff. And if this works out, this is a very forward-thinking approach to business.

You can now pay $1 million to reserve a hotel stay on the moot. What am I going to do? do with all this money. You know what I'm going to do? I want to book a vacation for, I don't know when, for $1 million. A California startup is giving would-be space fairs the chance to reserve their vacation on the moon in advance. But yeah, it'll cost them a pretty penny.

It'll cost you. It's been 53 years since humans last set foot on the moon. We're going back, though. With another crew set to launch in early 2026. While space colonization is still widely considered a science fiction pipe dream, one California company is getting ahead of the game in hopes of being the first to make a profit. And they're not going to be the first to make a profit because there's already a company out there that is selling land on the moon.

Is it like selling star, those websites that you could buy a star? Buy a star and name it after you. C's 948-7 is now your star. That's your star, honey. I'm calling it Jeff. Oh, wow. Yeah, if I really squint, it looks like you got scammed. Mm-hmm.

Isn't this kind of taking time shares to the next level? Oh, Brian's fucking, I can hear him licking his lips. Oh, man, I don't know, though, because I'm about to go sit on a beach at my time share. What about a lunar beach? Ooh, lunar water. I want to go on the dark side, though. Galactic resource, what, utilization space? That's the name you came up with?

Scientology. Also known as GRU Space is a tech startup that hopes to build. Habitable dwellings on the surface of the moon. Their multi-phase plan includes testing inflatable structures in 2031. What if they don't do it? And eventually making hotels by 2032. Then they, I'm guessing. They get your money.

According to their plan, these hotels will be built on Earth and delivered by a heavy lander. This sounds like a five-year-old coming up with a business plan. I was just picturing. You're going to be a crane? No, build a floaty one here. We'll bring it up there with a big spaceship. And then you live in it, one million dollars. What?

It's the kid that wants to be an astronaut, talking to tell a story in class. Do you need more Cheerios? All right, buddy. Come here. Let me change your diaper. I'm just picturing like the Millennium Falcon like flying to the moon and with a cable pulling a bouncy castle?

Yeah. Whoa. Just swinging behind it. Hold on tight. Yeah. Anyway. So it would be suitable to house up to four people for a multi-day stay. I mean, if I had a million bucks.

If you had an expense, you could just spend it. Yeah. I don't know. Let's just start with space first. Let's just start with space. How's that? Let's go with like just space travel in general before we start putting bouncy houses on the moon. It has to say in that contract, these are the goals, but it's not a 100%.

Yeah. There's no way they could just owe everybody money when this doesn't work out. And I hope it does work out because staying on the moon actually sounds pretty fucking sweet. All right. It is cool. We're going back there, though. I read this recently that they're going to do a little, they're going to orbit around a little bit just to look, because they always do that before they land on the moon. It's like, you got to scope it out a little bit.

And then they're actually going back. Yeah. It's going to be exciting. I know. Can't wait to hear how everyone thinks it didn't happen. And we're real quick, we are getting closer and closer to. me flying. They have those drone.

You can buy one for like $150,000 now. They're basically like the little, they're the four propeller drones. And they're booked out for 26 and 27, but I think you could get one for 2028. And then those jet packs. So in the next, I'm going to be late to all that.

And the next, dude, $150,000 for one of those drones. I'm just going to see how it goes. Yeah. And then I'll pick one up. Yeah. I'm not going to be the first one bouncing off a building. Right. Or thinking I'm firing it up on the way to work and just exploding in the front lawn.

We'll wait until it stops rain and men. Yeah. But I guess what I'm saying, though, is that we're not far. It's coming. I mean, I'm in. I just, I'm going to be retired flying around on a drone. Consumer marketed jet fuel. Just, I think it's going to be some kick to work out.

The drone? Not the drone, the jetpack. That's where I went. Yeah. I mean, one of those, I haven't seen one of those things explode yet. Wait till normal humans get their hands on it. Just getting home from work, just like, throwing your jetpack down in the fucking driveway. Oh, things killing me. Let's forget her, hon.

All right, let's hear of your kids. Tripping over your kid's bike. Ah, jamming! Tripping over your dad's jetpack? All right, Zach, roll it. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool.

What I was, where I was going with that, was like, you get to the point to where their kids have their own jetpack. It's like, I told you not leave your jetpack in the front lawn. You got to pick it on. God. You know how much that cost? You think jet packs grow on trees? It was $300,000. Okay, Dad.

You leave your jetpack in the front lawn again. I'm taking your... hologram glasses away. You're, yeah, I'm taking, I'm taking away your neuro link. You're turning off your neural link. All right. It's first when email's coming in anonymously. All right. So, fair.

Hey guys. I want to remain anonymous. Done. First time writer. Fellow Northwest Washington here, and I've got a story that seems right up your alley. Okay. I work in construction in the greater Seattle area. and construction workers are a breed of their own.

Yes, they are. One day, my co-worker was hiking in beautiful, Cascade Mountain Range. Up in the mountain, he came across two large dildos. One black, one pink. Yeah! Two in the pink. Black pink. Black pink.

That's called the reading rainbow. He decided to grab them in a plastic bag like you do. when a dog takes a shit. Just leave him. He brought them to work for the next six months they would be hidden somewhere on the job site. Whoever unfortunately found them

took it upon themselves to hide it again. It went from someone sticking their hand. This is the best Easter egg hunt ever. Sticking their hand with gloves on into a box of nails only to find full cock and balls to opening the break room microwave to find a dick standing on I'm on a plate, picturing like the fucking shell.

They bounced all over until one day someone had enough. Someone stuck them in a rebar column cage and concrete was poured into it. Dick wall. Somewhere in Seattle, if someone scans a column of a certain high rise, a clear form of a dick will show up in two places. Next time you go to Marin's game, there will be two cocks hidden in the building somewhere in the city. Sorry or not sorry for the land.

this email three out of five stars man i wish you could tell us which one i never but you get the company in trouble so right yeah that's the way to stick it to big rebar though that's right fuck big rebar bro fuck concrete i told i responded i was like next marinerigam i go to that's one of me thinking about i know i'm going to be sitting in april opening weekend uh look at amber on me like there's dicks in these walls instead of the hills have eyes yeah the walls have dicks Oh, that's a good one. That's a good confession. I like that.

I like knowing that little piece of information. I mean, no, this is not a confessions episode, but we got another one. Another anonymous coming in. And this particular theme has really fucking gotten out of control. I'm not surprised. It just has gotten out of control. It says, hey, fuckos! So back when I was married to my dumb-cunt ex-wife, amicable, she used to drag me around to go shopping.

I picture literally dragged me. Yeah. Come on! Piece of shit. I need more shoes. And she loved Coles. One day she decided to give me the old blue balls on the way to go shopping. Roadhead without a finish.

And now I have to watch you shop for shoes? Oh my God. These shoes just got a lot sexier. Oh. So after arguing about why she didn't finish me and calling her a bitch more than once, that relationship was probably going on. Yeah. I decided to just go to the fitting room and do it myself. Myself, after all, I am an expert.

I'm making myself come. Fucking. Being the fuckhead I am, I just beat off and left it on the bench hoping she would sit in it later. She's watching which room she. No, no. Go on the other one. That was taken. No one's in it.

Go fucking don't. So he came on, I hope that she would just sit on it. And then I just went and sat in the car to wait. Okay, bye. love you set for my wife's vagina. Dude, that's what is going on? I mean, man. Again, dressing rooms. Three stories, though.

You know it's going on. And there's more. There's more on the emails. It's just a lot of again, like I was saying, I know you have a private space in a public setting. Humans are going to do private things in it. Like that's just what your team yourself up for. I just never knew blowing loads and coals

was like, that's just going that's it i was just in a fitting room the other day and i and i completely forgot about the story but now that i hear another one i'm like i'm not going to set anything down on the bench yeah that's not water that's sleeping and i didn't even it didn't even occur to me when i was just there i'm like what this is the third or four story of red and i forgot about it so now i'm never going to forget about it yeah uh well thanks for sending those in you can send a handicap spot too well of course you were uh send in your content every Everything. Confessions.

Stuff you find on the internet. Questions. Whatever it is. Hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. Support us on Patreon, please. Working our way through the honkathon. You find that at patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Rate and review us wherever you listen to shows.

Go see what Scatcast is up to. Man. With Uncle Zachie. That's scatcast.com. Scat with a K. And a big thanks to the babysitters and moderator at the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. I've got a little joke for you guys to wrap it up today. Episode 193, Zach, please, thanks.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Do you guys know what's slightly faster than an escalator? Walking upstairs? It's a good guess. No, an esca sooner. That makes sense. I mean, that's a bad joke.

Escalator. Yeah. Esca sooner. Oklahoma sooner. Yeah, you get it. All right, guys. Good stuff. Thanks.

Off to the bonus content. You get that if you support us on Patreon. If not, we'll see you next week. May.