Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Mount Rushmore. Keystroke. Water Pump. Pretty Cold.

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Businesses making wild ass claims about their products is nothing new... but Joe couldn't control his urge to ask a local gas station about one of their record setting claims. Let's talk about that, an AI robot that could be so dangerous it comes with instructions on how to kill it if it ever goes rogue, having sex with famous statues, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch this episode YouTube: https://youtu.be/SwbfmLfzL2YSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mount Rushmore. Keystroke. Water pump. Pretty cold. Hello. Howdy, dude. Howdy-ho? Neighbor. Papp. What? Look at that leg. Again? Testicle. I threw away all my normal size shorts. I'm all shorties now. Just a little metrosexual. That's what you used to call that back in the day, remember? Way back. Metrosexual. where you look like you want a little dick

but you're not you don't yeah I mean if you've listened to this show long enough you realize that you're on the fence um hi guys episode 217 of the can you don't podcast my fucking mom's texting me my mom's coming to town

she was texting me too oh my goodness I told I'll I gotta respond to her dude I left the money on the it's it's on the other dresser Yeah, there are two dressers.

I have to just share by the one that's vibrating. The vibrating dresser, right next to the vibrator. Vibrating quarters. Have I mentioned, so one of my favorite parts of my drive into morning show radio, which, by the way, there have been multiple people that have contacted me from Spokane that also listen to the podcast, that have also found the radio station just on chance, because we have billboards and advertising and stuff now. And they tune in, it's fucking me. They're like, found you?

Found you, motherfucker. Did they know as you right away, though? Or are they like, wait a second. I recognize that voice. Probably kind of, but I don't, you know, whatever. I have to do professional. You need to start talking like this all the time. Just do big boy voice.

Super news. So anyway, one of my favorite things about driving into Spokane super early in the morning is you get off I-90 and you get off division to head up, you know, head up division. in street to go to work. And the gauntlet. And right there. That's where all the fun is. That's the hotbed. Good spot. And I see shit all the time. Literally shit. And I, yes. I've seen a lot of stuff. I don't know if I've mentioned this one, but I wanted to make sure I did. One time I was going through, I had to stop, I had to slam on

the brakes on my car as two homeless people were doing a wheelbarrow across the street. Hot. Laughing. Like, they were laughing and they were dirty and they were high. And they were doing the wheelbarrel across the busiest street in Spokeham. The other, the thing I just saw the other week, this was last week, I was parked, you know, get off the freeway, there's this traffic light right there. And so I'm stopping and I look up and I don't really know what I'm seeing. I'm not quite sure.

It's dark out because it's, you know, fucking dark 30. And then I go through the traffic light and it's like, oh, that's exactly what I thought it was. And it was just a naked lady, just her tits out, crisscross applesauce on the same. sidewalk. Just casually sitting there. Just watching the cars go by. You are welcome.

I was like, can life get better? They weren't, I mean, just to be clear, they were not the tits you want to see. I mean, I'll look at anything naked once.

I'll pretty much. I'll look at any tits three times. I will look at them and then look again. I mean, tits are tits. I'm not,

let me rephrase that. They're not all created equal. But I still would look. You know what these tits looked like. I think you can see it. You can tuck these into the waistband.

Anyway, set in your content suggestions. Carry them around in your shopping cart. But God, my tits are cold and put them in your socks. Send in any content, petty beef, things you find on the internet. Confessions. I promise. A confessions episode is coming soon. You guys

have been sending those in and God there are some good ones. Hey guys at candy don't podcast.com. The honkathon continues. Head over to Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast, you subscribe. The numbers are ramping up. It feels good. It's nice.

It's the one way to make, or the number one way to make sure this podcast can keep on going. There's only one way to grow. And we just recorded, what, five, four days ago, the Sistroaming Challenge. Yeah, Ezra assisted us, had a camera. And I don't want to give away too much. And it wasn't a hot dog. I don't want to give away too much. Right.

So there's that. Like caught yourself doing it in a weird spoiler that wasn't even a spoiler? Yeah, it wasn't even a spoiler. Kind of. More of like a plot twist. Yeah. But it was absolute chaos, but it was so fun. So thank you guys so much.

We will get that video posted here very soon. It'll go to Patreon first. And then we'll throw it to other places soon after that. But we're working on our goals. We're going to keep on moving through. So support us. Pick whatever tier is right for you. Again, that's patreon.com slash can you don't podcast.

Podcast. That's this podcast. Let's start the show. Fucking roll it! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Just realizing that we never talked about the fires. Acknowledge the fires that burned half the city.

A lot of you guys were very concerned, but thank you guys for checking in. We did not lose our house, but there has been over 800 structures burned. Not so beautiful. North... North Spokane. Oh, man. Yeah, it's, it's very sad. It is very sad for the Indian Trails neighborhood.

And then they arrested someone, so if you're not caught up to speed on it. It was arson that started it, so fucked over a lot of people's lives because he just loves fire. This dude killed his dad because his dad tried to make him do the dishes in Arizona, and he's fucking killed him. Somehow got out of prison, came to Spokane, and then just as of today, confessed. two detectives that he has started 25 different fires in the area since 2025. And according to this one was pretty premeditated. A couple weeks he'd been playing in this thing. So waiting for the, waiting for the wind to ramp up and the vegetation to dry out.

Just go ahead and burn a bunch of family homes down. It's, I think the worst part about this too is that all these people lost their house, it's not like they're just, you know, a couple months. and everything can be better again. Like, they lost everything, lost their house, now they got to deal with insurance, and then if you want to build another house, if you don't just go buy it when you want to build,

I mean, you're a couple years out. Like, it's not going to be, people are going to forget about this fire outside of here and move on, but it's like these people are going to be dealing with this shit for a long time. I mean, get alone that, just that neighborhood, who's going to build there again? No one. No one wants to be there.

And there were a couple, A couple of people that I know of that still, their house is still standing. And it's surrounded by houses that have burned down. It's flat and there are chimneys stick. They're like rows of chimneys where houses used to be. And then they'll be like one house. So imagine wake up in the morning ahead to work. You're in your briefcase and you're like, you walk out and it looks like a nuke went off.

Yeah. And you're just heading to work. Yeah. So they're going to leave. There's no way you can just live around that anymore. Be quiet, but it'll be quiet. but we'll keep quiet. Yeah, nothing's bothering me here.

All right, moving on. But we are okay. It's very sad for everyone. But Spokane has definitely stepped up. The response to the community. Sidney Sweeney was in town. That's handing out food. They have, I mean, the departments and the agencies that are in charge of doing some relief

efforts have to have to tell the area to stop. Like you guys have get, we don't know what to do with all the donations. That is a good side. Yeah. So they have, like, they can't keep inventory. They can't distribute it fast enough. for the amount of support that's coming in. So this place is step it up.

You know why? And we always talk about this, not always, but my wife would talk about it's plenty of times. Like if we ever wanted to move or do something, live somewhere different, we're like, we love it up here. There's no natural disasters. We don't have to worry about hurricanes, tornadoes,

tornadoes, anything like that. But now it's getting a point to where we're just on fire for two months. Yeah. We just can't bring it for two months. It's getting worse and worse. Yeah, not a big deal. This was sent in by our son. son Zach, not you, uncle.

I have a fun fuck, merry, kill for you. You guys ready for this? Nope. Nope. Let me know. I know I'm ready. Okay. Choose between the Statue of Liberty, Christ the Redeemer, and Mount Rushmore. Oh, okay.

Mount Rushmore seems pretty handsy. That's a lot of hands. Mount Rushmore's hands? Well, I mean, it's just faces, but I imagine there's hands. It's got to be hands behind their faces. opposite of Hansy. No, but there's four of them. There's going to be hands. It's just face fucking.

Okay, fair. They are stone. Like, you are going to be, fuck, marry, or killing an inanimate object, a statue. I mean, the first thought is statue of liberty, lady. Hmm. Okay. Wearing an easy, accessible dress. That thing's not coming up.

No. Hey, lift that little dress up. Just, like, God, you never. Cold shoulder again, huh? Statue Liberty? It's probably the blanket that she stole from her husband. I don't know if I've ever asked this question. To myself, does a statue of liberty have a name?

Does the lady have a name? Sarah. You think so? Sarah. Oh, Oh, darling. It's got to have something. It's probably like Barbara or something.

Does not have a personal human name. Because there are three of them, right? What? Aren't there three statues? we have one of them there are multiple oh they went other places we just got the biggest one

we were like re-gifted I think they tried to give it they're like we don't have room for this yeah I think it of something else the Washington Monument there are

you might know that's why we have the internet there is only one official full scale statute of liberty because Sandpoint has a tiny one yeah a town that's about one hour

north of beautiful Cortillane, Idaho has... Beautiful Lake Ponderay. It is a beautiful lake. But it's so funny. It's so... I don't know.

How big is it? Six feet? And it's like presented like it's the greatest thing that's ever been made. It's probably expensive. Sure. Yep.

But they put it on that long walk, that huge pier. It's just this little tiny statue. And next to one of the biggest lakes in the West Coast. Mm-hmm. So deep, they test submarines in it.

Yep. Actually. It's weird because I used to go tubing and boating as a kid on there. And when you fall off the tube, it's hard not to... Think about it being two miles down. It's like, it's kind of unsettling. It's kind of like, there could be anything down there. There could be a seaman.

Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Several semen. So, Statue of Liberty is a lady. Mm-hmm. but on the other end of it, Mount Rushmore, it's an orgy. That's right. You know what I mean?

It's a fucking blowbang. You don't know what's on the other side of that mountain, huh? There's only one way to find out. Pretty nice. You mind if I go around the back? Have you guys ever been to Mount Rushmore? No, but I heard it's very underwhelming. It is.

I've been there. You're so far away. Yeah. Kind of like the Sandpoint Statue of Liberty. Yeah. You're like, whoa, cool. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

It's cool when you, because you're seeing a thing that's so iconic and noticeable. You know, it's a very iconic thing. It's kind of like, I went to the Alamo. And the Alamo, it's like, it's no bigger than this, your condo or apartment, whatever this is. Never. Never forget. It's like, yeah, I forgot it. Yeah.

Pretty much immediately after leaving. You yawn. Getting the Alamo tour and you're like, oh, who's hungry? All right. You guys have any elephant ears? What are you guys cooking? Lake Ponterey, by the way, 1,158 feet deep. That's a lot of feet.

Yeah. And when you're in it, it's a little less than that because your feet are dingling down there. You know what I mean? It's cold, too. Because it's so deep. Yeah. You cannot warm up that. The sun can't penetrate.

Can't make it. Christ the Redeemer and down to Brazil Brazil That's just That's just hard I kind of

I mean put Statue of Liberty And Christ the Redeemer In the same kind of category Like You gotta climb the mountain To get up there though Like it's up on a big old And I'm sure there's restrictions

Like you can't live up there You can't live with your partner Yeah You know what I mean Uh huh She'd have to hike that every day just to like kiss it's you did it i got it okay go uh i'm gonna marry the statue of liberty okay because she seems like a wholesome lady and that's the kind of lady you want to bring

home to mom right i'm gonna clearly strong because she's been holding that fucking tors for so long yep i'm gonna uh fuck mount rushmore because that's just that's a straight up orgy it'd be a fun time it's a good story you just stick it somewhere you know i mean like new holes new holes every month. Exactly. Take this. And Christ the Redeemer, I'm going to kill him because he's already died and he came back to life. He's done enough. So we know he'll just come back

again, so nothing hurt. Okay. So I got the... No harm, no foul. Right, exactly. Okay. I... Yeah, this is perfect. Marry the Statue of Liberty, sweet gal, I'm going to kill Christ again and I'm going to fuck all

the holes in Mount Rushmore. I'm just like, as soon as this was brought up, I'm not sure if you guys had the same thought process. But immediately, I was, like, just picturing a guy with his pants down fucking these different things. Like, that was where it went. I was like, I don't know about anything else, but, like, just fucking the feat of all of them. Not Mount Rushmore.

Let's put things in a perspective here. Let's say each one of these things, just for funsies, you get to scale size that works for you. So Christ the Redeemers Your height is liberty But a scaled model to Mount Rushmore Oh I just thought of the best thing Think about You guys have

You guys know what pocket pussies look like Yeah Now picture four hold pocket pussy In the front is Mount Rushmore It's four player It's four players Oh my God Just fucking whatever president you want

Like one Like that Lincoln You like that? What's up, Abe? You like that? Oh, be honest. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Be honest. Oh, be honest. You're like, ah, your hole's not doing for me today, Abe. So it's Abe Lincoln, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Roosevelt? Roosevelt? Yeah. Who's the hottest president?

Whoa. TJ, come on. Out of those three? You think four. Thomas Jefferson. I mean, sorry. Thomas Jefferson's the hot. I think he's the youngest, too, so there you go.

Thomas. Who's the hottest precedent on Mount Rushmore? Yeah, that's what I was going to. Yeah, well, you're too slow. Got it. Theodore Roosevelt is often considered the most rugged and hot. I don't know about that. Turn it.

Okay. You taking a look at the picks? I mean, Teddy's got. Teddy's got the stack. What a... This is such a funny thing anyway. Like, what are we doing? That's so funny that we did this.

Yes. Isn't that... That's fucking ridiculous. Yeah. They're just like, you know what? Big faces. Oh, there's the... What do you call it?

I mean, whoever did a good job. Uh, you know, Vitch, great job. Um... Look at, I love how... Look at Teddy's just staring at Lincoln. What are you doing? Lincoln's like, talk, dude.

Got something in your nose. Just all day with this guy. Just staring at his nose. Always something. If you were going to be attracted to a man, would you like him to have like facial hair or like clean cut? I don't know. It's a good question.

Because like George Washington's hairdo is not really doing it for me. You know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah. That whole 1700s. Just putting wigs on for funsies. Yeah. That was weird.

I don't, I like. I like all natural And you like a tall man You like a Lincoln I like Lincoln's logs Lincoln's log But when was Teddy president Right back then

Seems like a question that Zach would know When it was Teddy Roosevelt 1930s? That's what I was thinking But I'm not going to say the wrong Before that was 10s I think Whoa

What? What? I was way off. Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States serving from September 14th, 1901. Yeah, he was before World War I. To 1909.

Before Woodrow Wilson. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking, so what we're talking about here is a 40 years difference between Lincoln. So you got, you have the independent, 1770, all that, like that era.

And then you've got all the way up to the turn of the century, like when cars, were starting to be. So like with Teddy, maybe you get in the back of a model T. You know what I mean? Right. Lincoln, you're in his cabin.

You know, you're lighting candles. It's kind of hot. He's got an axe. Exactly. George is out, you know, eating apples. How about them apples?

It's just a funny story. These are all just like, they're fictional characters. Who am I forgetting here? Hold on. Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. Oh yeah.

Jefferson was the, what, third president, wasn't he? Sounds right. Washington Adams Jefferson, right, wasn't it?

So, where are you going with this? Thomas Jeff. I'm just trying to think like where, what kind of setting you're going to have if you're going to get intimate with these people.

So like, yeah, but we're fucking their statues. Oh yeah, but I like, let's say you've got to get in the mood or something. You like it,

you know. Or, But no, but if you're, if you're going to marry him, like, do you want to, you want to marry Thomas Jefferson? Like, or, uh, George Washington. Think of how busy George Washington was starting a revolution. And his fucking teeth. Yeah, wooden teeth. He whistles and shit.

So, like, he's, he's got, he's got that. Yeah. He's got that. He was working on a revolution. Like, he's not going to have time for you. So you don't want to be married to a guy like that. Someone who's just trying to change the world. Oh, yeah.

Right. But we're actually just talking about one of the presidents of the four. So I split it off into Hearing them all fight about it. Yeah, you don't get to pick and two. You'd be humping an eye socket

and they're hearing the other ones whisper about you. I think I'm, I like my... I like your choice. I'm going with it too. Last and final thought is just which name is easiest to say in bed. I'm going to go with Teddy. Oh, Teddy. But fucking Abe, George,

Tom. Oh my God, fuck me harder, Abe. Teddy's definitely... Abraham? Because how many people called him Abe? Back then, it was just Abe. You better fucking use my full name. How do you know?

I don't know. There's not a whole lot of Joe's. They're Joseph's. Until lately, then they started doing little nicknames. But it's not like in the Bible. It's like St. Joe. It's Joseph. All my good friends call me Joe.

There's a river called the St. Joe. There is. Yeah. It must have came after they decided that. That's what she said. Yeah, I'm sticking with mine. Zach, what do you think? I'd probably marry the Statue of Liberty.

I would, well, maybe, maybe I don't know. Fuck. Do you think it's weird? Like literally Jesus fucking Christ? Yeah, I don't know about that. Maybe I should marry Jesus just to hedge my bets. Yeah, that's smart. Yeah, but is he cool with same-sex marriage?

I don't know. That's debatable. I don't think I want to kill floor. War presidents, though. That seems like a little federal crime there. They're already dead. Just TNT costs alone. That's why I went with Christ. You kill Christ and it's like, look what happened.

He came back to life anyway. He might not like it, though. They'll rebuild that statue. We're good. And, yeah, he just gets credit for dying again. Told you. Told you. We were right. All right, let's move off. What are you thinking about? Zach, roll it!

Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I guess learned that that was a pretty difficult

Fuck Mary Kill. It was. When it was just strictly inanimate objects. It really did. My brain had a hard time wrapping around it. See, I just, I completely... You just turn them into people immediately. I detached from the...

That's weird that you did do that. It helped. So this is just an experience I had. I think this was last week, last weekend. And it's just because this is who I am as a person. Okay? I was out and about, I took the kids to breakfast, and then I brought them home,

and I had to go out and I had a meeting, I had to record some marketing videos for my marketing company, and I stopped at a gas station on the way home. And I was going to grab a Gatorade, like a little bite to eat, because it was like late afternoon, but, you know, didn't eat that much food. So I stopped by a gas station.

and it's one of those it's just stereotypical gas station this one has a little more going on on the outside of it with the neon signs and stuff huge bright you know space gas because that's the thing now

you want to get high that same type of thing so they sell cratum and space gas feel good feel good get amped get high space gas

it's just great and the sign outside of this place has been the same for fucking ever. So I haven't lived in Cordillane for years. And then now that I'm back, and it's the same sign. And this sign makes a very bold, like marketing decision where it has a cool animation that comes up and it says, coldest beer cave in town. Hmm.

Like how you going around measuring? You walking in each one, but like, still got it. I'm assuming what you mean. by that is opening up the You go to the beer fridge. Yeah, you go in the back where all the beer is. They have the coldest beer cave in town with flashy, cold, icy text.

And I'm like, no way. You guys aren't. It always just made me laugh. It's like when it had, like from, you know, from the movie Elf, like World's Best Coffee. Like any place can just say it. And that's weird to begin with. But this place just decided it was going to be

coldest beer cave in town. So I went in there and I grabbed my Gatorade and I got my little snack and I walked up to the counter and I'm checking out and I couldn't help myself and I just looked at this guy he's like an Indian guy

and I said hey he looked at me and I was like is that really the coldest beer cave in town and he looked at me and he goes do want to see

do you want to feel and I was like yeah and he goes okay and he just got up and I walked he walked me to the beer cave did you guys chat along the way I mean I'm laughing

at the fact that I'm about to walk in here and we go he opens it up and I walk in there and I'm just standing there and he's ever been to a gas station beer cave like it's not an elegant setting it's just so they don't have to like stock more shit they just put it back there like here you come get it yeah you get it yeah they're like but if we can market it as a beer cave that we'd never have to put it on the shelf which is great I'm just standing in there and he opens it up and he's smiling at me and he comes in and he shuts it and he just stands next to me and I'm looking at

him. So it's just two grown house men by themselves in a beer cave looking at each other like smiling and laughing and he goes so? I was like pretty cold. It's pretty cold. And he goes, see?

I could tell that he was also kind of playing into it. Yeah. Which was really funny. Yeah. Must have been that busy. Yeah, it's just us. You go see it.

I love the idea of here. The door, it's like, cling, ling. Some guy walks in and he's like looking for the counter. Yeah. Looks back and it's just you guys. Just two dudes standing in the beer cave. Just,

it's the coldest. It's the coldest. You see the sign too? You see it? You came in for the coldest beer cave in town? Yeah, just two grown men standing in the cold together. That's fun. Yeah.

Did you get a beer or anything? No. Didn't get a beer. Didn't pick a beer. Did not get a beer. Or Rhodesy. Didn't get it. Nope.

I came there for Gatorade and a snack. And I couldn't help myself, but ask how they. decided to come up with coldest beer cave in town because they imagine that like operation of sneaking around with a little thermometer being like popping in there being like fucking we're still colder and the second you get beat you crank it down a little bit or you just change the sign yeah and if i'm honest i've been in colder beer caves for sure yeah there i mean he was like it was cold it was fine maybe you're overdressing the other ones no no you could you could tell i like the

idea of him like doing his research so he he goes into a gas station he's kind of looking around and goes back in the beer cave and he's like pulled the little thermometer he's hanging out in there pulls a thermometer out of his sock yeah like it's illegal to measure coldness trying to be all sneaky about it he's just heading all over the city he keeps on getting caught chat is that you he's like fuck he's like trying to measure it really quick we're still colder we're still colder we're grabbing them by his fucking shoes and throwing them out. Fuck your beer cave.

I mean, if your clientele is looking for the coldest beer, what better way to advertise? Like that guy getting off work, he's like, fuck, God damn it. Cold beer sounds pretty good right now. Coldest beer cave in town.

We should stop. I heard they have the coldest beer. I don't want to have to get home and put my beer in the fridge and wait for it to be ready to go. I want a crack one on the way out. fucking Tret

Yep Drinking and funning Tret You're walking home right You bet you And they're just rolling coal down the street The people at the bus stop

I love that Send me sitting there for the bus And the dude just rolling coal And it's all over the bench So mean I fucking Can I imagine ever being that person What a dick move

That's what they do That's terrible. That's a lot about them. They need to work something out in their head. But anyway, I was dressed kind of like this. He was dressed very casual. Do not know him. Can't wait to see him again.

Was it in CDA? Yeah. So you go this way out there and you head down the road. Is it the Taj? No, it's not the Taj. Other way. So you're heading towards like Government Way. And it's on that corner.

Oh, yeah. That one. Just drove by that the other day. Coldest beer cave in town. I was trying to avoid the fucking traffic. I had, we had the Idaho Department of Transportation we interviewed them and had them on the show

today to explain what the fuck they're doing. No. They said that it's gotten better. No, it has. No. They had no answers. They don't know what it's going to be done. They say it's for safety, for people merging, and for workers. No, it's working on anything. It's been too much of nothing.

Like, you guys replaced the other on and off ramps in a fucking weekend. How come this one takes two months? Fuck! My wife and I were just talking about... It's so annoying. It's sound like old people, but we are old enough to remember

when traffic wasn't like this going from Spokane to Cortal Lane. Traffic and weather together on the sevens. Traffic report, construction, everywhere, forever! When I'm rolling in the CDA to come to come do this podcast, and I look over the other lane

and it's frozen hasn't moved I always say to myself remember to not take the on ramp when I leave and then what do I do? Get right on it. Get right on the on ramp

I'm like fuck! So then I try to take that first cut off to go around and then I'm going down to Apple Way and then I'm hitting every light and everyone's doing that

so the traffic's back way the fuck up and then they go the other route and they speed through the other parts of town and there's tons of accidents so whoever this chick was we talked to is a liar! But I can't say that on my radio show.

If we interviewed her on here, oh, it would be a whole different interview. Stop moving up here also, people. Stop moving up here. It's not going to happen. It's too beautiful. Stop moving up here. Not going to happen. It's the last, it's the final frontier.

Nah, we can go more. We can go to Alaska. I mean, yes, but no one wants to do that. What was I going to say to you? Oh, you guys have, you guys probably don't, you don't know the joy of when they first shut down that off ramp. When you miss it, guess where the next one is? Post-Faults!

So you're like, oh, fuck! Can you go buy it? Because you're zoned out a little bit. And you're like, fuck, I guess I'll be back in 30 minutes! Yeah, it's 15 minutes to post-falls. Fuck! And there's no other off-ramp the entire way. And then that whole thing's under construction.

Ah, okay. And then Rathdrum's growing like a fucking weed. So is post-fall. It's the fastest growing area in the country, I think. Okay. Let's not be too. too old on the podcast. Plus no one else lives here if they don't care.

We're talking about such a small section of... We clearly all needed to vent. Yeah. All right, off to some dick. Shove it in me! Is it dumb? Then it's dick. All right.

So this reminded me a little bit of the fires and stuff. But the headline again, a little subjective. But terrifying rescue robot comes with instructions to, quote, kill it. Jesus. Look at that fucking roll. Did you see that? I missed it.

Watch. He'll do it again. Oh. Red team go. Red team go. Dude, I'd run up right to the side of it and just kick it so fucking hard. It doesn't look. Whoa.

Oh, look at that hell. That was a silly gooster. I'm just like you. I'm a human. Not a bomb. We're both funny. You're both humans. I want to see one walking down and modeling.

Like a model does how they do that turn. And the smile. He was like, Mm-hmm. Did you see the one where that fucking roundhouse kicked that kid in the nuts? Yeah. Trying to do the soccer ball and just kicked him. Oh, my God, dude.

Your roundhouse kicks this kid in the nuts. So funny. So a California robotics company is drawing attention after unveiling, or unveiling, sorry, a four-legged rescue robot designed for hazardous environments and publishing unessential detailed information about how the machine can be physically stopped if it malfunctions. Mm. Mm.

The robot called three halves. Can you think of a creepier name for a fucking robot? Call it Adam. Call it Ron or Rob. Oh, boo boo, boob beep boob. And how are there three halves of something? You're getting it. That's a court.

Those are, uh, not quarters there. Thirds. Man bear pig. They're third. Man bear pig. He's being developed by satiris for use in environments such as wildfires, disaster zones, and toxic industrial areas. While its horned appearance and chainsaw attachments have helped it spread wildly on social media,

the company's emphasis on the robot's vulnerabilities may be just as notable as the machine itself. It's very sensitive. On the website, Satyrus, states that the robot is more dangerous than it looks and details a series of built-in safeguards, including systems designed to immobilize the machine and physical components that can be damaged to stop it. The company also highlights practical limitations, including difficulties navigating standard residential doorways and narrow hallways. Maybe sit on it for a bit. Like, why? They're like, listen, let's give it a chainsaw.

Can it go through the door? No. It doesn't know how to navigate a door, but you guys should totally put the chainsaw and the flamethrower on its hands. And if it gets out of control, which we've seen it do, just walk up there and punch the hardware. you got to get past the the flame thrower though here's a protective suit here's a boxing glove

and here's a football helmet there's a fire suit and like just don't put it out yet guys seems so obvious maybe don't give it a chainsaw first yeah they're trying to be the first company I guess

they're like somebody's got to somebody's gonna beat us to it someone's got to die the unusual marketing strategy has helped the robot stand out in an increasingly crowded robotics landscape. Arriving as governments, technology companies, and researchers grapple with questions about how advanced machines should be controlled if something goes wrong. So this is what three halves looks like. So it is a, what are those called?

Centaur. Manitur. What did I say, manitre? Is that a thing? Is a manitre even a thing? Minotar. Minotar. Cool.

Yeah. It's a centaur. So it's got a robot front that apparently has four legs. What? How many times we have to talk about Terminator and that we've been warned about this before we finally go? Yikes. But when it comes to emergency situations, that's where robots really do make sense to me. Sure.

Imagine pulling up, you have a fire. truck of some sort could just be a U-Haul and you roll up to a wildfire and you open it up and you just send out 15 robots that don't get tired

they don't need to sleep they don't need to eat they have a water gun just like picture they have a super so hard ha ha ha ha ha ha stop that fire ah bad fire

do not burn down house I said funny joke and they're all laughing ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They used to have super soakers Because who fucking cares You're like A robot

Super Socoquer 100 It's not working the fire is too strong Ha ha ha ha This place is going to burn down It's going to burn down I bet you we die out here Ha ha ha ha ha I'm a real fire boy

I know And putting I'm a firefighter look at me go Ha ha ha Puts on a plastic firefighter hat Just melts Hello good morning family I'm putting out the fire

Imagine I'm not doing a well good job Like running up the steps with the hose and stuff though Like firefighters have to do but if you could just do that as a robot You're a hydraulic powered robot It's not a problem Yeah So there's things that makes sense about it Just running by people who need to be helped

Hey Ha ha ha ha wait for other half Wait for other four half Four haves is on the way He saves babies I need help Four halves is coming on the way Just keep me eat meat, eat, eat

Sprinting by with a fucking hose Just ripping all the pictures off the wall Just flap him behind him Because he's going 70 I can't help you I don't know C. It looks like T-1000 running just I can't give you CPR I'm a robot

Ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't have oxygen I don't have oxygen Wait for four halves A long side images of three halves Welding industrial tools And standing more than six feet tall The company's website

includes an extensive safety section explaining how the machine could be stopped in an emergency. Why'd they make it look like a demon goat? I don't know. I think that's some sense of humor shit, maybe? Maybe. The company says the robot uses fail-safe braking systems and pinlocks designed to immobilize it

in the event of a system failure. It also states that shared air reservoirs can be pierced caused the machine to stop moving. Ow, my pinlock. Let me go. God. Yeah.

I get the safety net. I'll be like, this thing's a beast. If it fucks up, here's how you kill it. But it just seems like the programming should be, this thing won't fuck up. It will listen and it won't go fucking rogue.

I mean, that's what you'd hope, but they have to, in case it does go rogue, you have to have some sort of like a liability. the people making it, they have to say there's a built-in kill switch. But how do you get to?

Well, it says you just would go through and puncture the... Yeah. But you've got to get through its... Just chasing down a robot? Ha-ha-ha, you're it. Running around a neighborhood that's burning. Playing tag. It's starting fire, and it's like,

ha-ha-ha-catch me if you can. I bet you can't, though. Can't catch me? If you catch me, I will kill you. Ha ha ha. Try to pull my pin. Just fucking chainsaw arm. Choping down lamp pose.

Ha ha ha ha. No lights. Yeah, I mean, it's if all the positives were there and no negatives, it sounds amazing. It does. But holy shit. It's a lot. It's a lot to take in.

I mean, imagine, yeah, like you combine the fucking roundhouse kicking robot with a robot with flamethrower and then another one with a chainsaw like that's a that's an army that you could send into battle and just be like go take care of it no fear and then just a one drone will come in and blow them all up

that's it just robot versus robots here we go who has the most robots party that drone's like ha ha ha going to kill you all ha ha ha like to see you try Ha-ha. They're in shambles like, ha-ha-ha-ha.

It's a ha. You got me. Would you like to see? Help. All right, let's move off to the next story, shall we? Okay, you do it. Okay. You read about it.

I'll push a music bed for you, though. Which one do you want? This one? Great. That works. Man driven insane. By noise admits killing fish. I mean, you see that picture right there.

That's a man who kills fish. That's a fucking fish killer. If I've ever seen one. If I've ever seen a fish killer, that's him. Dairy or, is it? Yes. The glasses are back, everyone. I left him here.

That's a good idea. Why did you do that two years ago? Back to you. Just the caption underneath the picture. Jerry Duffy pleaded guilty to damaging his neighbor's pond, water pump, and pipes as well as killing the fish. This guy did a number. A man who admitted using motor oil and detergent to kill his neighbor's fish. Jesus Christ.

They spelled neighbor wrong. Oh, is this a, this is BBC. They had the U. After being driven completely insane. by a noise of a water pump in the pond has been sentenced. You guys know what that sounds like, right? You guys can hear that water pump right now? Yeah.

I mean, after a while, doesn't it become the norm? You know, when you're laying in bed and all of a sudden the ice machine shuts off in your fridge or something, and then it gets real quiet because you were used to the ye. Yeah, I sleep with fan noise, but a pump noise. It's a little different. I'm going to find, I'm going to find. As long as it's consistent. It's a sound as just a consistent bed.

It's better. But whatever. What fuck do I know? I think they're a little louder than, louder than that. Yeah, I imagine it's more like a wah. I mean,

I remember the pump in my grandma and grandpa's pool, you'd open up the pump door and he just, I'm guessing it's probably that. And it's a pond, so I'm sure it's much bigger. I'm trying to find one. I'll see if I can do it. Jerry Duffy, 76, of Hadley Road, Barnett, North London.

I don't know why I went. Pleaded guilty on the day of his trial at Wilsden Magistrates Court to three counts of damaging property and one count of unlawfully destroying fish in March. Destroying fish. Not killing fish, destroying fish. Abliterating. Massacre. Fish massacre.

The court heard Duffy climbed into Andreas Frizzell. Fothai's. Toe hides. Okay. Garden to break the water pump out of sheer frustration and lack of sleep. Having warned his neighbors, he would take matters into his own hands. You keep this up. I'm going to fucking kill your face.

Duffy was given a two-year conditional discharge in order to pay 565 pounds in compensation to his neighbor. Duffy, who worked as a builder before his retirement, lives in a studio flat. which backs onto the garden owned by his neighbor, the court heard. I sail, boy. The defendant was previously complained to the complainant. Oh, excuse me? Complaining about the noise coming from his garden, and he said the words effect of,

if you didn't deal with it, I would. That's a threat right there. There was a warning before the incident. The prosecution added that Duffy was captured on CCTV, having climbed into the complaint's garden and damaged the water pipes and pumps. I have a couple thoughts about it. First, let me see if I could find a sound. So he tried to do this without killing the fish.

He tried to do that first, at least. Let me see what this is. We simply need to open our ears. Oh, don't talk like that. High-pitched noise. I'm going to show you how a motor should sound. Would you rather have him talking? Who are the fucking noise?

The noise. Jeez. I'm in a high-pitched noise. in your backyard. Flag and blah. Here's how a pump works. It sounds like this is the pets. Fuck you.

I'll give a few examples. Then I'll turn on... God, never mind. Fuck it. Use your imagination. I can't do this right now. You can sort of hear in the background. Like a pump.

All right. So two thoughts on this. You guys ever had like insomnia and not able to sleep? Yeah, live in it. And it's the one. worst. Like you get to like day two or day three is where it really starts weighing on you.

Mm-hmm. And you really start, you're like, should I guess kill everyone? Yeah, you want to murder. And then you're like, you haven't ejaculated. What? Because you're tired. You don't feel like it. Hmm.

Too sleepy to come. That's sad. Sorry, Brian. No, I mean, oh. I'm just, you know. Hypothetically. Sorry, that's the name of my autobiography. Too sleepy to come.

And other stories that... New York bestseller! They always have those... The books now have like a short title. Yeah. Yes. Too sleepy to come and other things I hate. And other things that make me tired?

Other things that make, don't make me come. Don't make me come. Pornhub bestseller. So, when you get to a point where you can't sleep and it starts stacking up and we've talked about this when it comes to newborn babes. A little baby. It doesn't fucking.

sleep and you don't sleep but you have to keep lifing they get to cry and shit and suck on boobs that you used to suck on yeah oh they took it yeah it took it away they hijacked your tits that's more of what i was talking about well glad we could reach that together and you're just so fucking tired and you start losing your mind a little bit so i'm guessing duffy was there a little bit but then the other side of it is have you guys ever like had a noisy neighbor? Yeah, there was a dude that used to work on his truck every day, sometimes late at night,

and he would try to get and get it roll and they would light up. He would get it ignited and then just fucking and then he would shut it down and then start tinkering again. You know he's just listening, flipping the... Yeah, the manual throttle thing. Flip the manual throttle thing. Flip the middle.

Eh, eh, hey. And then you're... It's just 6 a.m. on a Sunday. Yeah. Like, Fuck, you... It's still not right, honey. You...

Fuck! Like, what are you... What are you doing with it? It's just... He's doing that to not have to do other things. He's tinkering, so he doesn't have to... Yeah. Talk.

Tinkering, not talking. Yeah. No talking more tinkering. That's my daddies. That just sounds like something my dad would say. The last apartment that I had in Cordillane actually had a noisy neighbor. And the guy above me had an electronic drum set. Do you remember this?

Do you guys ever experience that? Every day. And he was a good drummer. But in his head, he was quiet. He was not quiet. Like I'm trying to work and you can see your fucking, yeah you didn't hear the actual snare sound no just just you know the pads and then he had double kick oh yeah yeah and i'm just fucking easy neil pert just sitting there and i never i never complained

one because he was good two i could tell he was a metal fan just from the drums you're just done yeah and i saw him a few times and i had a chance to like bring it up and be like dude that electronic drum sets not as quiet as you think, dude. It fucking sucks down here! But only on a couple occasions did he play it at night? And that bothered me,

but it was not frequent enough that I, like, did something. I almost went up there one time and knocked on the door and been like, hey, fuck off. Hey, your feet are loud. I don't think I've never lived in an apartment where I was underneath somebody.

So I never really had. had to deal with that. You were the problem. Yeah. I would love to hear from our listeners about noisy, noisy neighbors, noisy people. If you guys want to send in those stories about the worst shit that you've heard or been through, send that into, hey guys at can you know podcast.com. Sometimes it's not even people.

It's their dogs that are just like, and they'll have a dog that they leave outside in the backyard. And it's just barking all day long at random, just barking just a problem. I'm just barking, just to bark. That was my house, but times eight. You were the problem. Yeah, but my other neighbor who had like a

motocross track in his backyard. It was a loud neighborhood. Yeah. Dude, I mean, I love dogs as much as the next guy. Like, I love dogs. Who doesn't?

But there's nothing worse. I mean, there obviously are things are worse. But one of the worst sounds is just a barking dog. Early in the morning, like they let the dog out. It's five or six in the morning. They let it out to go pee,

but then they get shut the door because they're tired so that they can go back to their sleep and just fuck everyone else. What? I could never do that. I immediately stop my dog from barking.

Yeah. People do when they're camping too. Like we're just, you're up there camping and the dogs tied up outside, you know, like at the camp and people are up six o'clock walking around

or walking to the bathroom, whatever they're doing. Dog just, barking at people like how just unconnected to the impact you're having on everyone's life yeah you're like no dogs will dog stuff

yeah yeah it's like yeah or don't let it do it fuck you buddy fuck just what they do it's just what they do yeah well you know what we do we sleep at five o'clock in the morning we're sleeping and we didn't bring our dog yeah because that sucks for everyone yeah that's why my dogs would

howl in harmony it was kind of pretty But then... That's the worst. Bucket the moon. I was... This just happened. It's a story for another time. Maybe I won't share it right now.

I'll save it. All right. Let's move on to the next thing, shall we? All right. Can't move on yet, Joe. For the golden geese. EM3. Matthew Leonor. Jordan.

Holiday. Stephen Gell. Neil Dauai Feehuytenhof, Daniel Spatz, Daniel Jason Clacer, the sofa king, Daniel ah ha ha ha ha ha ha When your last name is a sound effect? Yeah, Daniel Ahkha

Sounds like your meetings are strobing again Yeah, I was just gonna say that sounds familiar Oh, a shout out to our golden geese, the top tier at patreon.com slash can you know podcast. Thank you guys so much for locking in. We appreciate it. And we have come around on one year of the honkathon. Yes. So we've noticed that.

So that's great. Thank you guys for supporting us all this time. All right. Let's hear a petty beef and see where this goes. Okay. The exact will push the button if I don't look at the camera and yell at them. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real.

The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty beef. Petty beef. Petri. Petri. I've got some Petri-Bahevi. Potiti beehive.

Potit Bavive. Whoops, didn't mean to do that. This was accepted by our son, Ryan. Are you guys ready? Yes. Wow. Girl... What?

I was just going to say... Are you ready? Girlfriend's car is equipped. with an aftermarket Bluetooth setup. Okay. So we can listen to her. She can listen. So, no.

So we can listen to our own music. Got it. Whenever we go somewhere. It's an older setup, but essentially functions like a Bluetooth speaker. You can control the volume from the speakers using the dial on the radio, as well as using the volume adjustment from your telephone.

From your landline telephone. Your telephone. You guys remember, though, like that setup? We had a little dongle that stuck out of the, the front and you have to tune into the radio station? Fuck yeah. There's that and then the tape, the tape deck. The tape would go in. Oh yeah. With the wired

tape deck. And they would run out and get to flip it. What are we, what happened to us? That was breaking. That was groundbreaking technology. Everyone had it. And I mean, Ezra is obsessed with our technology. He burned me a CD of old videos of us. Who's burning

CDs? It's coming back. He went and bought a CD burner to burn old videos of him and I when he was the little baby which is a very sweet gesture. Yeah, I threw it away. Nice. Yeah, I mean, whatever, nerd.

You gotta have boundaries. Yeah, I was like, hey, shut up. I'm not going to put a CD in somewhere. Yeah, he's lucky the Xbox still accept CDs. The next one won't. Then what are you going to do about it? But anyway, he loves that, and he bought

one of those Bluetooth things to connect. You have to go to the radio station. But he bought it because his computer, so he can make fake EAS notifications that would broadcast in real time to the receiver that would then trigger his

weather alert system and then have that go off and then read a message that he wrote that fake recorded Yeah All right I mean does he get extra credit in school for that This was no this was just this was just the Tuesday

Good stuff He wasn't doing this because he had to He's doing this for the love of the game You know what's funny about this I used to work with a guy who I'd never been around a person that was autistic. I didn't, where, where they're just like, they're really smart and can hyper focus on something, but do things in such a weird roundabout way that to other people doesn't make any sense, but to them, it's like, that's the way it has to be.

It has to. And so I spent years trying to figure this guy out. And it was a whole adventure. I mean, it was this ongoing thing. I have thousands of stories that I could tell you. But it's so funny because it prepared me for now. I chat with Ezra. I'm like, oh, there it is.

It makes sense. It makes so much. Oh, there it is. Because I didn't understand what that. When we were kids, you were retarded. Like that's, right? Like, someone was just retarded. Something's wrong with you.

They're like, that's what we said. It's like, oh, he's retarded. And so there was just like one overarching retarded. that was the spectrum yeah there wasn't a spectrum was just the level of card so now but now it's like okay we understand so much more

and you can pick out oh this is that type of oh man have I if I shared this story just so you guys know and you guys can love Ezra even more than you guys probably already do but he was spinning his hands like he does like the

when he gets like nervous or he's really excited or he just for whatever reason but he does this still from time to time. He's like, and he'll wind up. And I'm in the kitchen at this time, and I'm like doing stuff.

And then I just kind of stop and look at him and he's in the living room doing this. And then he's like, he slows down and he looks up and sees me, and he goes to a stop. And he just looks up and he goes, well, as you know, I'm a little bit retarded. As you know, I'm a little...

As you might be aware. As you might be aware, I'm a little bit retarded. I started laughing so hard. He's like, ha, and then sprinted off to go build a fucking chairlift.

Yeah. But as you know, I'm a little bit retarded. I love the how you go, and then you're catching me. He goes, slows his way down. As you know,

I'm a little bit retarded. Oh, anyway. Okay. So we're in the car. Got old Bluetooth stuff. She has no consistency in what she uses

to control the voice. volume. I can get that. Sometimes she uses her phone. Sometimes she uses the dial. So you know that. You can either crank it here or crank it here. There are times that we get in the car and her phone volume was low, but she used the dial to turn up the sound. My opinion is that your phone should always be at max. And then you use the dial to actually control the volume. Yes. So there at times that I get in, and the car stereo is set to a volume of 50. And when my phone connects, It blows my fucking ears out. It's her car so she can do whatever she wants.

I've learned to just turn the volume all the way down every time I put the key in the ignition. But I'd like some input. Is there Bluetooth etiquette? The prosecution rests. He's right. Or she, whomever it is. They're right. They are right.

Okay. I mean, just for consistency purposes. I know. And I totally get that. And I've done this same thing to myself. It doesn't happen anymore. Like, everyone, they've cars have figured it out. You don't, it's the dial controls the volume now.

Where your phone is does not matter anymore. So they figured it out. But when this was a thing and you control it in both inputs, I've definitely blown my own fucking ears. And it's very annoying. I'm with him. I don't go, I don't go full volume on my telephone, though. I go about three-quarter.

Sometimes they won't let you. Yeah, but in this case, it does, right? So you do three-quarter. up is where I'd go and then I start using the use the dial. But that is a problem and it is a little bit of a little bit of knowing when you guys don't either agree on

how to use the piece of technology the same but then share a vehicle. Yeah, this person is correct and what I've also known so like my wife, it's not necessarily Bluetooth in her car but she'll have the music got really loud

when she's with her by herself. and then she'll, you know, get out of the car. And then you get in the car so it's still loud to where it was. So you sit down and it's just with a Tesla, you don't even start the car. You just get in and like tap the brake or whatever. And then it's just like, boom. Like, holy shit. And it's a little bit different than your car.

So you're like, fuck, uh, volume. Because there's no dial to turn. So I'm like, fuck, hers is all screen. It has to scan your face. Like, would you like to control the volume, Brian? Yes. Like, yes! And it's like, no. Fuck. You said no.

You said no. Mine, my car has a setting that you can have it. It resets the volume. So it says each time you start the car, what's the maximum volume it can be at? So this clearly is a problem that people have run into. So I have mine set like at 13. So it can never be louder than a certain level, no matter what it was set up before I got out of the car. Some things will do it.

I don't know if I mean cars do it or not, but some certain. devices will ramp it up too. Slowly build. It'll, you know, it's not a long build, but it's, it's not, it's like putting a little, like when you're editing video, you give it a little bit of a fade up and just so it's not just, it's, yeah, it's, it's time to go, oh shit though. Yeah, time to catch it. Like the reverse jam band fade out.

Yeah. Put on the front end of the song. Oh, how annoying would that be? Just two minutes of up fade at the beginning of a song. Just in time for the bridge. I think that you just have to talk to her. You're right. It is her car.

And you've figured it out that you just crank the volume. You start the car and then crank the volume down every single time. You just can't do it because then she'll think that you're criticizing her. Yeah. So good luck. Yep. You're stuck. You're stuck.

Just start wearing giant earphones. Like if you're a lumberjack, you wear the noise cance and the huge earmuffs. just start using those when you get in the car but I guess he's from what it sounds like he is just now it's out of habit he just gets in there and turns it down so at this point

what's the point of doing anything about it because you're already you already have the habit you get in the car and you just spin the dial yeah and go up I'm not sure if it's worth bringing up but I think there definitely is Bluetooth etiquette

on where you leave it and turn it down before you turn it off Because if you say, well, you're leaving the volume, she's going to be like, oh, well, you leave your shoes right in the doorway when I, every time I come home. It's like, oh, shit. I shouldn't do that. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I shouldn't do that. But I didn't realize we were talking about other things that I do.

I was just mentioning this one specific thing. Yeah, and just cut that conversation off. So that's what you'll be dealing with. So I would say, I would just not worry about it. Yeah. Just hold those feelings in, bottle them up. That's the way to do it. And then eventually

Eddie beef certified. Yeah. And eventually let them all out in a huge rage That's nothing to do with Bluetooth. And put a hole in the wall And then And then go get it fixed

And then name your next kid, Kyle. That's right. And then move on. You know? All right. We have some good news After all of that. Let's fucking do it.

Zach! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We aren't doomed. Yeah! What did you just say? What did you say? I said you do this one.

You do it. Okay. So, Frederikshin. Frederickton. Fredritin mother turns tattoo into speech for autistic son. As you know, I'm a little retarded. Jessica Fletcher, Fletcher's keyboard tattoo isn't just stylish. It's also become part of her son's speech.

Her 11-year-old son, Hunter, is autistic and nonverbal. So just no talking. So he's not... Keep reading. Okay. Up until recently, he relied mainly on the augmentive and alternative communication, the AAC device, a virtual tablet that has words and symbols that he can select in order to communicate. But that changed when the pair were at a restaurant and his device died.

Fletcher drew an alphabet on a piece of paper for him to spell out what he wanted to eat, but she said that slightly frustrated Hunter. Instead, he flipped the paper over and then drew a keyboard and typed. his order on that. And that sparked the idea for me that I can't limit him to technology because technology does fail us. You could just get like a portable battery charger. For the device?

I don't know. Well, I don't know. Fletcher wanted to make that access permanent. So with the help of Main Street tattoo company, she had a keyboard complete with a smiley and unhappy smiley button and an eye-heart you option tattooed under her arm last month. That is so cute. It's pretty dwarves. Mm-hmm.

Fletcher said the tattoo also means Hunter can communicate more discreetly unlike the AAC device that speaks out loud each word he selects. I have to go poop. I poop mom now, sad face. In my pants. Help!

Yeah, like a speaking spell. I on you. So they have the video but I just thought that was so cute. So now just have that right on your she has it right on the top of her arm or left arm. It's kind of cool looking tattooed. And holds it out

kind of like robocop or whatever. Beep boop, beep, boop. And just, he can just be like, fuck, you guys are in a fight and he just walks over and grabs your arm and he's like, fuck you. Sad face. And you're like, all right.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate this tattoo. I wish you would die. I wish you were never my mom. Sad face. While you're watching him, find the letters.

Using your arm to type of what you hate to? Slow. Oh, Taney. age years. Anyway, that's some good news. That's beautiful. Hey, I found something in the internet. Oh, did you know? Yeah, fucking. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. God, I wish we could find that music bad.

We tried. We put in the world. work. We put in the legwork. We cannot find the music bed that we used for that. So if you guys can find it, fucking help. So we like to keep up to speed on AI and a little bit of a segue tie-in theme.

Segway! From the last story, new AI attack can reconstruct typed text from keyboard sounds. Oh, fuck! So just like we gave the alert out about no more piece signs, because it can take a picture and then scan your fingerprints.

Oh, yeah. The scams are getting crazier and crazier. Researchers have developed a new acoustic side channel attack that can reconstruct type text on a laptop by analyzing nothing more than the sounds of the keystrokes. People want to just rip people off so bad. It's crazy. So that little tape you have on your camera?

It don't matter. I don't have tape on my... Oh, on this. Yeah. I thought you made on my phone. No, the one that has tape on it. Yeah, not your phone. Unlike previous approaches, the method does not require attackers to first train the system on recordings from the victim's specific keyboard, making the attack more practical in real-world scenarios.

The related research was conducted by no one cares, alongside researchers from, mm-mm, nope. Okay, acoustic keyboard attacks are not new, but earlier techniques typically relied on collecting labeled recordings from the target keyboard beforehand. Keyboard. Keyboard. or required specialized hardware and large amounts of captured typing. The new approach instead combines unsupervised audio analysis

with AI language models that interfere that someone is typing using only recordings of their keyboard strokes. That's scary. Yeah. So like, they can just set up a microphone anywhere in the area and know how you're typing,

I'm guessing by the pressure. Fuck, so they can place a smartphone near the device. in a public space, connect to the microphone attached to the shared desk and wall to capture the vibrations. Do you ever think about that when you're doing your PIN number at the ATM or at the convenience store when it's different notes for the numbers? Like, ding, don't, don't, dint, don't.

You're like, I'm pretty sure he knows what a five is by now. Yeah, that's my, that's my life. Maybe had a, bam, bum, bam. I try to, I use the credit feature as much as I can as if it offers. If you can bypass the pin. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then another one is they recover the keystroke sounds transmitted as background noise during online meetings.

Fuck. Like, hey. Good job. Can you just log into this place really quick? Like, yeah, sure. And they type it and you can hear it through a Zoom call. And then AI can analyze. Sexy Beast 01.

Like the pressure and then how close it is to the microphone. We might be in some trouble in the future. I know. And it has a 90 to 99% success rate on reconstructing those sounds. Dude. That's basically 100%. Mm-hmm. So... What are we leaving for our children? Yep. In laboratory tests, using a smartphone placed next to a 2019 MacBook Pro,

the research of report construction accuracy exceeding 99% after observing only 100 to 150 strokes. The techniques also remained effective across several laptop models, including Dell, L-HP, Lenovo, and Apple systems, although some required more captured keystrokes to achieve that similar accuracy. I think that has to do with, like, very, so you guys can't hear it. Everyone can't do this. I can't. I can't. I feel like keyboards need to start making random sounds.

Like, like, beep-b-b-b-b-b-b-dh-l-l-d-bid. You know what I mean? Like, actually verbal or auditory sounds. I was trying to get to show up, but Apple laptops purposefully are very tact-talk. It feels good. Yeah. Like, there's a good response on them. Yeah.

For a laptop, like, there's a little pop. It makes a nice little sound and makes it feel good. And apparently that is not good. Now that AI can just listen to a fucking Zoom call and steal your shit. Whew. Anyway, that's fun. Let's move on to, hey guys. Zachie.

Like, hey. Hey, you guys. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. I love it.

Brian, it's just shaking his head. It's just crazy. I don't care for it. I mean, just scan my fingerprints. All the things we could do for good. And it's just stuff like that to rip people off.

How do I steal your passwords? God. So our first email. Someone hijacked my Twitter. I got a notification. It's like, hey, this is now the hot,

this is now the email of your account. And I went to get in there. I can't get in it. What do you do with that? I don't know. There's no posts or anything. It's just... Fuck.

So our first email coming from our son, Big Mike, responding to my story about losing all my photos and videos from the last decade of my life. How big, Mike? Mm-hmm. Joe! Dude! Doesn't it piss you off when technology fails you? Isn't it supposed to be able to make her lives easier?

Personally, my story is I spent two-plus years sorting and scanning over 30,000. thousand magic the gathering cards into my phone and poof i woke up one morning in my card or my phone had the water and USB port warning found out the volume up button which had been stuck for several months fucked my phone man a box the app i used didn't sync anything with the google play like i thought however my situation is nothing my girlfriend lost a whole hell of a lot more she thought She had Google Play synced up. Fucking. That's what I'm saying.

I've been paid for ICloud. Gave you guys $10 a month to back my shit up, then you just stopped syncing it without telling me. Thanks. Yeah, great. Love it. Fuck my family, huh? Appreciate it.

Wow, thank you. She did not, as she's not as good as technology as she wants to be. I don't think it has a, I'm pretty good at technology. And I still just assumed that I would do the job I paid it for. What are you saying, Zach? It's starting to sound like a petty. beef in this year email. Yeah.

She lost years of Girl Scout camp, her daughters, junior high, high school, and college graduations. Our pop that passed away that she had for 15 years.

Worst of all of it happened two weeks from the year anniversary of her mom's passing and she had pictures and videos of her mom and final moments with them saying goodbye to each other.

Oh my God. That's what I lost. I lost all my dad's shit. All my kids shit. Homecoming pictures of Pepper. Her first concerts. Like,

just fuck. whatever, I try have to think about it too much. Now pick your broken heart up and smile, fucker. It could be so much worse. Thanks for listening to my bloviation.

Big Mike. Big Mike. Yeah. And I didn't, that's fair for him to say that because I didn't share all that stuff. I thought I still had it. Turns out that other phone is gone.

So fuck me. Do you have nothing? You got nothing. I got like 40 photos. Better hope you remember everything. It's just screenshots and weird shit. I was there for it, I promise. You guys remember, right?

Yeah, it's just all fucking gone. Oh, well. All right, you want to read the next story? I don't know. Our second email sent him by our Handy Loves and Son Anonymous. Ooh, put those glasses on.

Just some handy loving. Handy loving song. Just the way you read it, I was like, just put those babies on. But I just said it weird. I read it fine. I just said it weird. Our handy loving son. anonymous.

Okay. Hey, sons. Hey. I had a realization listening to a recent episode that I'm older than you guys, which anyway,

I'll go die now. I'm writing to tell you the tale of the worst handy I ever received. Is there a bad handy? Yes. Yes, there is.

I've written the show before with some of my military hijinks, but let's keep my name out of this. Can do. A long time ago, what feels like

another life, I was stationed at a base that was a reasonable walking distance from a local private college that was largely full of the children of rich assholes. Nice. I think I know where this is. At some point, those of a station next to the college had created a right of passage within our first year on the base. You had to sneak out. Sneak onto campus and have consensual, carnal knowledge of a woman in her dorm room on the campus.

Okay. So anyway, it's like a week or so after, 9-11. And I decided I'm going to go for it. We're all going to die anyway. Mind you, since 9-11, we have been working our asses off, so I was crazy sleep deprived. Regardless, I sneak out of my room, jump a fence to get onto the campus and then sort of casually stroll into the common area slash wreck area for one of the school buildings.

I chat up a girl, things go great, we go back to her room. Yeah, he worked quick. Hey, what's up? Fuck, 9-11 was crazy, right? Anyway, so where were you in the 9-11? Where were you in the second tower, Phil? Do you want to tug on my tower? Or whatever?

You want to make my tower implode? I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I hop the fence to get here. This is where things start to go sideways, unlike the towers. Because she put on a movie, which is forever seared into my memory. The talented Mr. Ripley. Now remember how it's right after 9-11 and I'm exhausted. I fall asleep, just dead

asleep. Okay. I wake up because my dick hurts. Which in ways to wake up go, which in ways to wake up go. Which in ways to wake up go is one of the worst. That one wasn't my fault. Why does my dick hurt, you may ask? Well, because this girl was given me in no lube handy. She had removed my pants while I was asleep. But her technique was terrible to say the least. She would go down to the base, then grip it like

she was trying to pull a dandelion out of the yard and fucking yanked straight up. Give me to come. As the sleep fog cleared my brain, I managed to shout, Hey, fuck! Oh, heart! What are you doing?

At which point she stops, thank God, and says, Don't you like that? No. It's like milking and butter. Yeah, exactly. Just fucking yeah? No. I got to go.

I said her something along those lines. I made a hasty retreat after putting on my pants. Jumped some more fences and made my way back to my room on base. I couldn't jerk off for the next two days because of her. That's the worst. Anyway, she ended up stalking me in one of my good friends and we had come up with an elaborate plot to get rid of her. That's a tale for another time.

Oh, what a tease. You tease. She did. Love the show. Keep it up. Unlike your penis. Your new stepdad sent from the wireless bike pump. My wireless bike pump.

Yeah. I had a bad handy once. Man. It was a beach handy. Yeah. Sand everywhere. Just a sandy. dirty handy

sandy handy dude and she was great she's nice great person a sandy hook on her great person but she wanted

she's trying to get frisky and we were on a camping trip so like outside of river like just jumping in the river like two days of not showering and just so sticky hot summer fucking sand on her hands

and sand in my dick and just started tugging it and instead of making her feel bad I was like I was like no I was like not right now Let's just lay here. She was like, oh, okay. Tears in your eyes.

And I was like, mm, like it was the, the 10, the 10 tug she got in. I did some damage. Like, really roughed it up.

Pulling the root out. She was really, really roughed it up. It was literal sandpaper. Hand job. So there's that. Yeah. You wouldn't have.

Got a similar experience. Yeah. Do you know? I was in high school. I felt bad, though, so I let her finish. But then.

Like he said, you couldn't really touch it for a few days and it was weird. Although, you know, I was in high school. So I did jerk it. But it was weird because it's like, oh, that's not healing. In like a weird new position. Yeah, I feel like a lefty now. Had to rotate the grip a little bit. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I'm fucking dicks, am I right? Yeah. I did feel bad though. You ever had a bad hand job, Brian? Come on. There were nothing but fucking gold stars. Yeah.

They're not always great, but they're like, I'll take. it. I'm here. I'm not going to get picky. Yeah. All right. Something you want to see on the show, send it into hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. Reminder that video should be coming out soon. If it's not already out on Patreon, thanks for supporting us for the honkathon at patreon.com slash Candidiole podcast. You will get that surstroming video. And I promise it is fucking mayhem. It is. It is better than I could have ever imagined that it would have gone. Rate and review us wherever you listen to the podcast. And a shout out to Uncle Zach, producing today's show.

Happy to do it. Check out what he's doing in the Scatcast universe at scatcast.com. And thanks to the babysitters that moderate the playground on Facebook. What are you doing? You think about that hand job? Huh?

You don't know. You're just thinking about it. That sounds pretty nice. A hand? A handy? Yeah. No. Uh-oh.

All right, let's wrap this up. Come on now, Zachie, poo. Good God. Wrap it up already. Yeah. She bad you just couldn't wrap up that old Sandy handy. Yeah. A little Sandy hook.

Nice. So I like cheese as much as the next guy. Since 1953, Italian bank Credito Emiliano has accepted wheels of Parmesan cheese as loan collateral. As they should. What? Fuck. Do they age like a fine cheese or something? The system gives dairy farmers immediate cash while they're,

cheese undergoes its mandatory 18 to 36 months of aging. The bank holds up to 500,000 cheese wheels inside a high security climate controlled vaults. It's our cheese cave. Their staff clean, turned, and they test the product as it matures. We have the most climate controlled cheese cave. Can you see it right now or can I ask you a question? The total value of this cheese, what do you think this cheese vault is worth? I could see it 500,000 cheese I can't see it

400 million dollars okay fucking and the bank sells the cheese if the farmer defaults so it's like a pawn broker I just take your fucking Parmesan cheese wheel

like fuck you John this is mine now this is mine now and just sell it it's like the barter system combined with palm chops central

yeah what that's so funny I need a parmesan cheese cow. Yeah, that's so good. Anyway, so that just happens in the world. All right, that's it. We're going to get off to the bonus stuff now.

Not we're going to get off. You know what I mean? We might. Okay. We love you guys. Thank you so much for the support. If you do support us on Patreon, the show keeps going. Love you.

Bye! Bye!