Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Old Lady. Bee Truck. Tissue Mirror. Super Wake.

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

Have you ever danced with a random old lady in a grocery store parking lot? No? Maybe you should. Let's talk about that, and SUUUUUPER WAAAAAAAAAAAKE! That's it... it will all make sense. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/LfNhwd336c4Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Old lady, B-Truck, tissue mirror, super wake. A very funny pre-show conversation today, guys. I needed that. I've been just grinding my little tits off. It's work. I got so much going on. And we've talked about it all the time on the show, but I truly appreciate you guys because I needed all those loves.

I hope your tits grow back. They won't. these are these these these tits have been ground off and altered they will never come back this is it's this is a special time because oh well it is because when we come out here we sit in this room and it's like it's a safe space we can just talk how we want say what we want no no we've covered this you think you can and then i have to edit it out no i don't know not the show oh just in the The pre-show, like just the chill. Just the three of us.

Because I know if I say something, you guys are going to be like, God damn. But I'm not going to get judged for it. No, you're going to make us all left. And I can't do that anywhere else. Yeah. This is our sanctuary in North Idaho. Happy. I did not get anybody gas station burritos today, though.

I was planning on it. I bet you were. I didn't eat last night. I was like, I got a save room from my bean and beef. Monique's like, do you want lunch? You like, Joe's got me. Oh, he's got me. He's just in a rhythm of bringing me gas.

Britos. I mean, I'm not going to talk to him about it. I don't want to alter the universe. He just, I show up, they show up. Doesn't that suck, though? If you, you didn't eat because you were anticipating the thing, now you're sitting out there starving. I was expecting it. And now, your stomach was ready for it. I'm the asshole, really, though. Well, that's the, that's the excitement of relationships, you know, that's got to keep on your toes. Episode 203 of the Can You Don't podcast. Send in content to hey guys at can you know podcast.com. Look, updated. Take a think of that. Look, do you see it? If you're not on YouTube, you don't. But at 450, which we're damn close to 440 right now, Brian and Zach are going to eat the Sastroaming. So struming.

The fermented herring. You even put the little umlouts on top. I would never disrespect that. What is that? Yeah. Mr. Umla. It's an umlau-law, right? Umlau.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Um, and people have commented. They said, Joe, you fucking pussy, you're taking the easy way out. Which I agree with. I do too. Whoever's writing that also hasn't eaten

Strum. Well, I think what they're saying is that you've got to do something also. I've done enough. I've done enough. I've done enough. We'll take it from here. We all know, like, I've done enough. Okay. Sure, whatever. If I have to be around it again, just the PTSD, that

smell even tickles one hair in my nose. I'm going throw up. You're not making it very advertising. It's not. It's not. It's not. I mean, no, it's not going to be. I'm not selling it to you. Yeah. I'm not a salesman. My wife thinks this shit's

awesome, so whatever's left over. Just throw me. This is troming sale. You're going to love this? You walk out, they open the door, jeez. Why? Oh my God, you smell like shit. And you could too. For only for three easy payments. Do you have a can opener? Yeah. And you push

it to, it shoots out because it's press your eyes a little bit. You like that? No, I hate it. Drop it on the on the step. The kids are crying in the house. What is that smell? You could have this every day. Get the fuck off my porch. So at 450, you guys are going to eat

that. We'll film it. I mean, I'd love to do it live on the show, but I really, I have to live here. And the last time that I did this, we were in a workplace so I could leave. And we went home and we ventilated. We stunk up the strip mall. And it didn't smell,

too bad the next day a little bit, but I have to, like, still live here. So we'll probably do it outside, which means we can't obviously do it live and have it on the show. But maybe we could record it and then put it in a show. But either way,

you guys will hear about it. For the time being, we're still keeping 475. It'll be Zach at his own camera. Yuck. Okay? And then 500 will be that extra Patreon episode every single month.

And what I'm talking about is the fucking honkathon. Head over, subscribe. It's on. Support us. I want to watch these two. We're so close. I want these two to throw up. I just want to do it.

Shit. God. Can you guys imagine? Like, you're throwing up and I'm jerking off? Like how fun that would be? I could imagine that. I hadn't thought about it. Like a bonding experience?

Yeah. That gets destroyed by you coming. And that's like, in that moment, I'm telling you right now, you would rather eat my cum than eats or strolling. No? Like, you would be begging for my cum. Who eats this? I don't know.

Swedish people. The sweets, man. Yeah, the Scandinavians like this stuff. And my wife, my wife would like whatever's left over. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. Get a box.

She does not. Yeah, she does. Microwave it later. You know how some people. How? Oh, microwave for shooting? Fuck you. Some mayonnaise.

I worked in an office where this guy, he'd smell, like, he, like, he just everything about it. I think they ate weird stuff at home. He'd come into work and just smell. And he, one lunch, he just like, he microwaved his fish and the whole office just reeked of fish. I don't. And so microwaving something that's already just awful. I don't think certain things should be illegal, but microwaving fish, that could possibly, I could probably get behind that.

He had to have a little talking too after that. That's a note. Brian's bar on this shit is so funny to me. Like, he's just thinking fish. It's poopy fish. Poopie, bio fish. No. You're like, oh, it's just fish.

Fopi, sulfur, B-O. Fish. You don't understand. Diary of fish. Please, everyone. Patreon.com slash kadu-dop podcasts. Brian thinks it's fish. Oh, God, this is going to be great.

And please don't look up any videos. Have you ever seen the video of me eating it? I've seen bits and pieces. That's what I saw, too. Flying out of my throat. You know, that's what I saw. All right. All right. So that's there. Support us. Let's reach that benchmark.

Plus, it's not just about watching this guy throw up. It's about you get the extra content we record on the back end of every episode. Exclusive merch deals, exclusive merch. And of course, you get the episodes early and there's no ads on it. So, and we just talk to you. You got sent in a message. You have a pathway straight to us. So head over there. Think about it anyway. Let's get the show rolling, huh? Fuck yeah. All right. Zach, fucking you. Hey, shut up. Start the show already.

30% of my algorithm is just people fighting in Arby's. A little snippet of the conversation you had earlier. You are welcome. You guys just don't know how funny Zach is. Actually, if you listen to Skackass, you do. All right, so what did you pick out? This was actually sending in from Jack. Oh.

Through an e-maw. Well, okay. What? An email. I know, but why'd you do that? I don't know. Everything stopped. What's going on?

I think an Aussie person saying email is funny. Email. You're not wrong. Okay. So this is pretty simple. Would you rather poop coins or throw up dollar bills? And just the way the show works. And assume that there's no credit cards you're having to use coins or cash.

Oh, so that that's the value. I think that because that makes that now you need to use it all the time. Okay Um But holes are big enough for coins We all know that It's common knowledge If you listen to the show

You realize that Yeah If you've ever taken a poop You're like that So many coins could be Instead of A whole roll of coins Yeah

Instead of just my poop It could be coins It's nature's coin person It is Yeah Prison Puss Nice Ah yeah

It's coming back You're getting Dude that was nice. There it is. Welcome back. Welcome back, Brad guy. Only took a month.

I'm still sick. Over a month. So many people are sick. My friends are just like, I was like, dude, I'm still sick. And they're like, I'm not feeling. And the next thing they go like, what the fuck is this? I don't know. But it'll disappear for a little bit.

It'll come back. It'll be worse. Throwing up dollar bills, I can, I have a little tickle. I can feel it, like the little pineapple chunk. And thinking about having a whole dollar come out or is it randomized? Is this? Because I feel like I could rapid fire coins.

But you're taking a shit in a public place. And you have to get them out. And they're small denominations. How do you know that? A dollar, two dollar coin. A tunie. Let's say, let's say they could be like a half dollar dollar coin. A half dollar dollar coins.

What's I going to buy you today? Chicago Waya. Remember those? What a time. What a time. be left. Do you guys have any gold? Yes. My son has all of them. Yeah. We collected those for them. Okay. They're worth like eight bucks now, I think. That's weird. Just in the...

They will save the economy alone. Okay. So shitting those out, not a big deal. And I think we have to really decide for ourselves before we move forward is if it's randomized. Or is there a certain denomination of dollar bill and coin that's coming out of your ass? If it's pennies, but then I get to throw up a $100 bill. Yeah, that's an obvious. God, that would get so... It's that time again, ladies and gentlemen, for your favorite part of Can You Don't? Is there a less intrusive sound that you could pick?

And I say that knowing there is. Butterflies, just anything besides that? That is a nuclear bomb warning. Yeah. Well, I use that because that's like, oh, you have something you need to do. Like record a podcast. Or whatever. My wife will, her alarm, she'll sleep through it because it's just going squeak, squeak, and

like it's turned down. I have to wake her up and be like, your alarm's going off. And then she's like, I don't know why I keep sleeping in. Because it's the butterflies in the sky. Because it's a sonata. Because it's tucking you in again. Yeah. Okay, anyway

It should be good for now How loud it would be to do the coin thing If you're in the bathroom somewhere You'd have to put a little basket Over the toilet seat You can be discreet with the dollar bills Just My throw up is so loud

It's like a... My two. Whoa Yeah, no joke That's I would rather that sound Than whatever your alarm sound just made I would rather if you could put that in Just record that Please do that.

I gag myself every morning. Back to you? With what I'm toothbrush, I'm brushing my teeth. I can't help it. Even if I stay shallow, I just go, that's, yeah, that's one of those dad noises. You just hear distant down the hallway. Yeah.

A little cat, a hairball. Okay, Jack left us a lot of play. So we have to figure out the randomization. and we have to figure out do we get the pick? Let's say that I'm throwing out an idea. Let's say the values are exactly the same. There you go. Like a $100 coin.

Yeah. If it's a dollar bills and I don't know when it's coming. Or if I make myself throw up, I'm actually going to work. Like I can provide for my family if I just throw up. Yeah. So you gag yourself or every time you shit, you make three bucks? No, you don't. I don't make, I don't think you make money.

It's how you spend your money. So if you go to a restaurant, you go to Arby's and you're like, you're buying, you're buying food for the family. Yeah. And you're like, that's $28. Oh, shit's about two, you bought two sandwiches, so it's $28. And so you're like, okay, that'll be $28. And you have to go to the bathroom.

You either decide to. Well, in that case, of course you have to throw it up. I'm not going to shit $28 in a fucking Texas roadhouse. Well, what would be easier to poop 28 coins? coins are $28 bills or throw up $20 bills. I think we established pooping the coins is easier. Yeah, it's going to vacate no matter what. But they're going to smell like shit.

Yeah, you get used to it. Yeah, but the people behind the counter... Just dressed up, yeah. You're handing over 28 poop coins. Yeah. If I have to shit in public or throw up money in public, I'm throwing up money. There's no way I'm shitting in public to pay for food. You don't have to do it in public, right?

I don't. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. There's no way. Jack just left us a lot of things to iron out here. Yeah, because it was almost too simple, almost like reversed. So you could shit less. Easier to shit, but they're still shit. What you want to do is take one day a month, get some epic hack, and just barf yourself $3,500. Yeah. Like be so, like you make $600 when you have the flu? Yeah. That's finally something good happens.

I still feel like you don't make the money. It comes out of your bank account through your poop or vomit. Oh, I'm like barfing zeros. You're throwing up dollar bills. How to. They're barfing up IOUs. No, I just think what I'm saying is when you go to buy food, you use your debit card or whatever, pay for things. This is essentially the same thing.

You're just spending the money that you already have. But I'm absolutely throwing up. There's no way I'm shitting coins in the middle of a fucking restaurant. There's no way. Okay, fine. What about a homeless guy that's your, he's standing on the side of the road and he's like, anything helps? Put some money in his guitar case.

You guys, again, and I'm not talking shit. Zach, that's funny. Thanks for playing. Thanks for being here and just shit in his guitar case. Here, will you play? And it's like 14 cents. It's his lowest tip. He's impressed and so mad.

It's the smallest tip that he got for the whole day. It smells like shit. It's just literally covering the shit. Thanks for coming. I saw a sign in Spokane the other day from a homeless guy. And I mean, bless his heart. He's doing his best. And the penmanship was fine.

Like it wasn't just about that. But it just said, any helps. I got some helps for you. Any what? What do you need? any helps fucking no wonder you're poor

helping with any any helps how much any helps would you need any of helps any uh any helps

any helps and you can tell you're sweet he's trying his best but just any helps maybe he had maybe he was at the end of his crayon and he could only write so much she's like I can write helps or thing

I just said anything If you had to go Let's say you had to go Let's say you were going to make a A homeless sign But they charged you by the letter Like what would you And you had the

Obviously you have no money Help Help, yeah help Help Help Any helps Anything I hope somebody helped

I didn't I just talked about on the show He was too far away. He was like four linesy traffic over. Am I going to throw quarters at him or make him run across the street? And he helps. Okay. Okay.

Poop and coins, thrown up dollar bills. It has to be substantial to make this worth it. It both goals. I'm saying like at least 20 bucks. Like I could gag myself and throw up $20 bills. That's good. Yeah. But if you were saying, and then shit and quarters.

But there's still bills coming up through your throat. That sucks. It's sticky and scratchy. Sticky and scratchy. It's a sticky and scratchy show. Um, if I'm going to the bathroom and take care of it, I was going to say poop, but still, it's like, you're still, you have to shit into something to catch the coins.

And then, and then, or like, shit him into your hand. you still gotta wash him? I think that's gross. And I can't help but pictures like, you have to be dressed up as an old-timey miner. Shit in your little... The little gold pan? Gold pan, yeah.

He's gold. There's gold in them, maceholds. There's gold in these turds. There's gold in this mudday. Get out. Please leave Panda Express. Mmm. I mean, vomiting you have... I'll get the walnut.

I'll get the walnut shrimp, please. And you'll also quit sifting for your shit. sir and you will always go drive through from now on sir yeah and I'm still gonna be shitting coins out have a good day there's so from a from a being secretive standpoint it's hard to be secretive in

poop in a small space because it smells so bad but you could you could be quiet while you're pooping you have to poop anyway I'm so I vomit so loud it would I couldn't be discreet I'm going with poop there's no way trying to trying to throw up 20 like 21 dollar bills trying to get those dollar bills up and out i'm assuming

that like pooping coins you also like i'll get poop out right so you're not going to become septic you're not going to poison your body like you wish you could ship but all you're shitting out is corin yeah it'd be i think it'd be mixed in with okay that makes sense i'm picking that because you're pooping every day might as well make must make money while you're doing nothing but the idea of you cooping into a toy bowl and then having to get the coins out? Why would I get them out? I just flush them. I don't need them. No, see, you're, we're not on the same page. I don't even know what page you're on right now. I'm saying in order to, that I have no money unless I shit coins. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Either way, I have a sign that says any helps.

Yeah. Like, I am fucked. Either way. So it has to be big denomination. like shitting out rare Civil War coins Yeah A lot of the gold coins now are worth hundreds of dollars Because they're the tiny ones Yeah What if it's the old

I'd shit those out For sure The ones that had all the states on them Yeah So you could fill out your little Your USA map Is this the strangiest collection Those are gold-plated I think

Yeah Yeah Love that Yep Nope I'm still waiting to shit out of Wyoming You're missing a couple. I know.

And believe me, I have tried. They haven't minted as many Wyoming's as I wanted. Connecticut's so intricate. My bunghole doesn't know how to shape it. I'm waiting for the small states. I'm like Wyoming, North Dakota. Nordicode. Yeah, just haven't been lucky.

Anyway, what do you want for dinner? Thanks for coming over. I saw how the old collect. My dad, when we were kids, we collected all those. Really? That's fun. I'm shitting coins. I just, maybe we're not setting the parameters right, but off the things we were able to come up with, I'm just going to, I'm going to poop.

And if I can make $3 to $15 while I do it, then I cover lunch. Yeah. I mean, our parameters aren't, we're not on the same page. Because. Well, you're wrong. Well, because I, I think it's when you need the money, you have to. That's impossible. then I needed the parameter that I can cover dinner by shitting on the floor. Can you guys imagine?

You know those people that will come into to pay a bill at the government with like a jar her pan? Yeah. Just plop the shit on their desk. Just hold on. Got a few more. I would you say 228? Okay.

Hold on. You can squeak a chair over and shit on the glass of the DMV? Hey, how much do you need? I just want you to know I didn't vote for you. Oh. Just hitting the little screen they left up since COVID. And it's the quarter rolls under a table. She's wiping her eyes.

Is that it? Now, you're a little short, okay. Just fire a dime into the glass. Do you want me to put these in rolls or you got that? Oh, God. Do you have Chlorax? Oh, my God. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm picking that. We have to move on. Okay. We've got to do it. No, dollars. One of them. Okay.

All right. Can you go on yet? For the golden geese. Daniel Acky. Neil Dufferty. Tard. Zootenhorst. Steven Gerha.

Daniel Spatz. Matthew Leonard. Jordan Holiday. Maggie Sto. The. So forget. You hate Jason Cloister. That's our golden goose tier.

If you ever see an opening there on Patreon, that's a hundred bucks a month. personalized thank you video. So head on over there and you get obviously your name mentioned on every single episode. Let's head to what are you thinking about? As soon as Zach pushes it, I'll do it. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about?

You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? And this one will be pretty quick. I just thought I would share an experience that I just had in a Safeway parking lot. Safeway parking lot of stories I've shared. More than one.

More than a couple. A lot goes down there. Yeah. That just reminded me before I get into the story. I don't know what podcast it is. I saw a clip of it, and it was Weird Al Yankovich, and they do the podcast in coffins. Have you seen that? So the host is letting down in a coffin.

They don't see each other, and the guest is also in a coffin. They just ask questions to each other. And the host asked Weird Al, you know, how many horses do you think are in the world? And he goes, more than four. And the host goes, what? And he goes,

well, I've seen four and I'm assuming there's more. Safe assumption. God damn, dude. That's funny. Fuck you out weird out.

I mean, I've seen, he's counting on his fingers. He's like, and I've seen all the encounters that he said. I've seen four and I'm assuming there's more. I have to assume there's more. More than four.

God damn. So funny. Anyway, back to Safeway. I was picking up my perks, not hard drugs, but my scripts. That's the better one. Perkinset? Perkins? Yeah.

As soon as I said that, I realized that wasn't the right thing. I was picking up some prescriptions, not narcotics. Oh, yeah. Purses. I was stealing purses. Well, it's a prescription, not a perscription. What I say? Perk.

Oh. So it would be a preck. Prec. Perfect. Press. I was getting my perk. And. Right?

It's a prescription. not a prescription, right? Yep. Yeah, it's free. We just all say it. It's right before it. Prescription. I say a lot of things wrong, so.

I was picking those up and everything was fine when it is advertised. They were a little slow. The lady that works at the pharmacy, it's so cute because I was patient zero to her for COVID. So we have a bond because I was the first person that she had ever known that had COVID. And then as I was going through my experience with it, she was really interested in, like, what was going on. Because each time I saw her, I was like, picking up something new. Because you're sucked.

Oh, it was bad. It was terrible. And so she lived through me a little bit. Like, curiously. Just, like, trying to, like, really map it. So she will always remember me and I'll always remember her. And she was so sweet. I mean, I just do it.

No. She's very old. She's not my time. I almost spit out my coffee. She's not my type. She's all. 180. I usually only day, like, 100 and under. Yeah. It's a loose guideline, but that's where I'm at. And she's always nice. And she was, she was like, oh, do you have your, do you have your safeway card, your number or whatever? I said, well, no. And she goes, well, what's your number? And I went, you're just trying to call me. But again, it's just funny. She goes, you know me. And a little laugh. So I'm like, I'm laughing about that. And I walk it out with my little paper bag full of prescriptions. and as I'm walking out of the front of Safeway,

there's another old lady. Like, I'm not kidding. 85, 90 years old. And she's pushing. Do you think they know each other? Maybe. Threesome sex. Just because they're old threesome.

And she's pushing her cart right towards the door. And I'm walking out. And we do that the dance, right? Where I don't know where she's going. She doesn't know where I'm going. So I step this way. I step that way. And she's wiggling it back and forth.

Did you punch this lady? just wait so I got my fucking switchblade out and I popped the tires on her shopping cart and we do the little thing and she goes she goes oh we're dancing and I said I don't know do you want to and she goes yeah

and I just walked up what really and just like she's so old and I'm just I don't know I'm feeling goofy I'm not sure if my interaction at the pharmacy put me in goofy mode, but I was like, I don't know, do you want to? She goes, yeah.

And it was like three back and forth. It's like the old, old tiny dance, right? And there's people, I bet you there's people in that parking lot being like, what the fuck? And she's laughing like the whole time. And it was like a whole, like three seconds of doing that. And then she was like, oh my guy, you made my day. And I was like, have a good one.

And they just went back to my life after dance with an old lady in a Safeway parking lot. How many people has she told? I don't know. No, but it is, I, come on, humans. That's like your own, hooray, we're not doomed. Sure. In that section. Just like, that's, that's, that's, all of that, everything about that is fine.

Like, it's all, it's like, that is the way that human should be. And it kind of reminded me of that a little bit. She's probably, probably made, like, that was the best day she's had in a while. Her best shopping. Just, just, just, it wasn't just monotonous, like, old lady stuff. Yeah. And she said me, you know, did the little thing. She goes, oh, are we dancing?

I don't know. You want to? And then she expected you to say, oh, oh, and then go on. And then go laugh and leave. Yeah. I was like, I don't know what you want to. She goes, yes. No, okay.

That's hilarious. I just walked up and danced with her. So this has happened. Is it happening in the doorway? No, it's like in the middle of the crosswalk. Oh. So are the car stopped? No.

But there are people in cars. Like, everyone's coming and going. And because every grocery store has the little crosswalk. out front, right? So it was there. It was right in the middle of that. Did you lead? Yeah, she's 85. She just spun her round.

Yeah. Broke her bones. She probably reminded her of her husband. I dip her and she throws her back out. And then I just leave her. That would have been a funnier story. Yeah, you just leave. She's laying in there.

Oh, dear. I don't have time for this. I'm not. She's hitting her life, life alert button. Help. I've fallen and I can't get up. Help. I'm shedding coins.

But just a reminder that you can do dumb shit like that, everyone. And it's really funny. Just be a little weird and do weird things. It made her day, but it probably made at least a couple of hours for you, right? I mean, I'm talking about it now. I'm stoked about it. Obviously, it was enough of an impact for me to think about it. And that's it.

I will never see her again. Are you going to keep doing this, though? Are you going to look for it again now that you've got the high? No. You can't recreate that moment. Those are the perks are for. It was just, it was that, it was in the moment. We've all had those things where it just, her response, your response, it just, like, you can't recreate that.

Yeah, I mean, I didn't get anything from it. I just got, like, a reminder that, like, we're so disconnected, it's okay to do weird, funny shit like that. Like, if she was 40 years or more younger, she'd probably be my friend. Or you'd be, like, I'll be old someday. You'd be in the backseat with her someday. Yeah, I'll be using a fucking shot. shopping cart as a as a walker like she probably was that'll be me someday yeah and the a lot of old people out there were us when we were younger yeah just the hooligans with funny sense of humor and then

you get old and life happens some old people think that they that disconnect from young people though too there and you hear some people old people say like oh it's so nice to see a young person do x so that probably did that one of those things too like oh I don't call me young, by the way. Yeah. Is 40 young? Yeah. To who?

To her. You might have saved all of Gen X for whatever fuck you are for her and her friends. I guess she thought her whole life from here for it. Who thought anybody younger than her was just a piece of shit? Yeah. Every generation does that. Those fucking kids. They don't care about nothing.

And I guess dance with one old lady and she votes differently next election. Yeah. I'm a libertarian. Who knows? Yeah. Who knows the impact? She goes, they're not all. bad and she's sitting in the voting booth thinking about dancing with me.

She goes, never mind. I'll fund the schools. His school, he probably got kids that go to the schools. And they're little goofballs. And who knows, a little trickle down of just being human. And as you guys know with the show, it's the yes and. And she, she accepted the yes and instead of me, like she brought something up. I challenged it.

And then usually that's where they back down. because they're like, whoa, did not expect that? And then she did it. And then before we're dancing. I love that. Thanks. All right. Anything else?

No. All right. Let's go to dick. Zach! Fuck! And it's dick, big. All right. So I had, I mean, you know, again, back to my little titties.

I was grinding those things off all week. So you put a lot of the episode together today. What's our first story? Oh, I thought you were going to see something else. No, I'm not going to be nice to you. I cut it off pretty quick. This, this, there's something that's happening in this story that I have thought about many a time. Okay.

And I've always wondered how this stuff sort of plays out or how they decide these type of things. And so the headline is conjoined twins reveal future baby plays. plans as one marries and other stays single. Conjoined twins, Carmen and Lupita Andrade opened up in a candid podcast interview, setting the record straight on claims she dislikes Carmen's husband, Daniel. He can't stand the guy. There goes the threesome sex. It's not that I don't want to be around him. I just can't really stand them.

Back to you. I'm sure he's a great guy. Carmen Lepida are joined at the torso and share reproductive system. Liver and bloodstream. And? A boyfriend. Two and a half some sex. Oh, yeah.

A conjoined twin responded after being accused of... Come on your guys's stomach. Can I come on your guys' ass? Your guys is. And so one of the things that I've always been curious about is like... You have to choose one of them. So if you choose one, the other one's got a... Because...

Back to you. Let's just read. Look at us, buddy. The conjoined twin has responded after being accused of hating on her sister's husband, while her sibling has also revealed details about her planning, family planning aspirations. Carmen and Lipita... Got it. You already said this.

Each twin possesses one leg. Mm-hmm. What? They each have a leg. Though they have separate hearts and stomachs. This past October, Carmen marked her first wedding anniversary with her husband, Daniel McCormick. The couple initially met on Hinge back in 2020 before tying the knot in an intimate ceremony. There are too many words that are softballs for this.

God, it's so hard. Yeah, despite the couple's strong relationship, some online commentators have implied that Lapita disapproves of the union. The sisters who were born in Mexico but raised in a small Connecticut town discussed their lives openly in a canon interview as follows from Lapida's disclosure about what she must do while Daniel and Carmen are intimate.

Headphones in a book. Back to you. Yeah, like a little curtain. Like you're sharing a hospital room. Keep it down. God, I fucking hate you, Daniel. And she controls one of the legs. So what if Daniel?

He wants to put his, the legs over his shoulder. She just like reaches over there and tickles his butt with a toe. I don't like you, but I want the best for you. You're supposed to be sleeping. You're supposed to be sleeping? Well, she's got to be able to feel some of that. I mean, you gotta feel the, like you can't just lay there still. It's like you're getting bumped, you know?

And they- What if they're on top? Vagina. Oh my god, if you have a big day tomorrow, but you have to be on top or you don't want to be there? You just want to sleep? You have a job in her? Yeah, I know. I have to go too. All sleep during the interview.

Sorry, she was awake. Late last night. Getting fucked by this piece of shit, Daniel. Anyway. What can you offer the company? I, blah, blah, blah. And the sister's like, getting that disapproval

on the spot. You have one hand, you slap her? You kick the boss? Oh, yeah, no, you kick the other one. She's like, she's talking about it. And you kick yourself? You kick yourself, but it's the other girl. Oh, what a mind fuck.

During the visit on the podcast, host Rosanna inquired about the most common misconceptions about them. Carmen responded, I think that we argue or fight a lot more than we do. I think that we argue? I think that we argue a lot more than we do. Probably. That's not real sentence. Nope.

Lepita immediately jumped in with that I hate her husband. Rosanna confirmed that she saw that on the news before Lepida set the record's treat. I'm the one who said, you should choose that guy. He seems harmless. Carmen went on to describe her sister as her wingman and brushed off what she called a weird misconception that there was any friction surrounding her relationship. Whoever's writing this article knows exactly what they're doing. Despite now...

There's other words besides friction. You know what you're doing. Loving... Wingman, come on. Despite now loving Daniel like a brother, Lupita did offer a refreshingly candidate on her sister's former partners. She described Carmen's ex-boyfriend as horrid before her sister laughed.

Yeah. Nobody hears a phrase. of saying anything or speaking up, flashing a smile. Lapida made her position crystal clear. I hate him. What if she wanted to have a when you'd file... Threesome sex. No.

Divorce. No. Restraining order. No. The judge is like, no. When the conversation turned to the possibility of Carmen and Daniels starting a family down the road, she offered and considered a response. She revealed

that within six months of dating, they both decided that parenthood wasn't in the cards for either of them, which suited them both just fine. Can you imagine having to give birth to a... Like, you know, a choice? I don't want to be here. Oh, my God! It's not really consensual sex either, is it? It's complicated. What happens if they both have boyfriends?

Like, they're just... I don't know. We've covered a story like that. Similar. It's been a bit about conjoined twins and dating. But imagine, like, go to the movies would be easy. He's put the popcorn in their lap. And then everyone can just kind of reach over and grab some popcorn.

But what if you... And what other positive aspects of this thing? Of this relationship, can you pick out? What I was thinking was, could you imagine if some weird thing with their spine where they controlled the opposite arm? Oh. So you're like holding hands with one, but you're next to the other girl, brain-wise? Okay, let's step outside

The One That Hates You So we are reading an article that is talking about them Who is this guy? What How? Did you swipe right on that Hinge profile? You're like, I'm in This is fine.

I don't care so much for this one, but this one's great. Can't stand this bitch. but the one of the left is so hot. Like when you go on a date and you're having, let's say you're sitting across from them at dinner. If the other one doesn't want to be at that dinner, what the fuck are you doing? It's like what, how?

One of them always has to feel kidnapped, I think. Yeah. Like you're just in a situation that you don't, I wanted to be on the couch watching TV, Netflix and and chilling tonight. I'm ready for bed. Here I am at a concert. I am not.

Here I am in a concert. I don't even care about. What if you had different musical tastes? Mm-hmm. Just. Or foods that you like. It's like, not this again. You know what makes me sick.

Oh, my God. Like, I can't. I'm just thinking about it. Like the... Hopefully this isn't too much. But you're having sex. You guys like eye contact? Mm.

Okay. I do. So I like the connection. Like that is about... I mean, but not... Like, periods of time where you're connecting, not, like, staring at each other while you're doing it the whole time. You don't? No.

That's weird. Where do you look? I don't know. At my dick. You look at your own dick? I like my look at my dick. You fucking taking a peek. Look at my dick.

I mean, even prolonged eye contact having a conversation is too much, let alone just, like, sliding in and out. What do you mean? What? Really? Okay. So you just stare into the eyes the entire time. No, not the whole time.

You're gonna fucking like it? You like it? You're gonna want me to... I bet you by the end of this, I'm a fucking con. I bet you. You want to bet? You want to bet that I'm gonna fucking... You're fucking shaking your hand and taking a bet.

I bet you I'm gonna fucking come. I don't want to be cashed. I'm gonna have to go to an ATM later. Look at him to shit some coins out. You're having sex and making money? Shitting coins out? Fuck, I'm gonna come. Can pay for dinner. No, but like so I contact.

big and you're laying there. I'm just looking at this. So if you're on YouTube, go ahead. So that, okay, first of all, where do I put my arm? Like, do you wrap all the way around? Yeah, am I encompassing both of you? Or do I have, like, a barrier I put up through the middle? And then, like, you're kissing and, like, you're making it out and you turn your head,

you know? And she's just staring at you. Yawning? That's your best, huh? That's your very best. She's whispering in your ear You fucking come already I can just get her I'm so tired

Please fucking come She's not enjoying this at all Come I can tell Can you fucking please making it last longer? Can you please come on our pussy Please get us pregnant Come on Just fucking come on our pussy

Who decides whose kid it is So if they're like okay I'm gonna get you The court where so like she's gonna have it So the one Here are you hold my baby Can you babysit to them? night? What? The baby's crying and if they're both

Mm. Breastfeeding? Yeah. I'm late for work. We're late for work. I didn't sleep well last night. We didn't sleep well last night. How? What the fucking world is this? All these questions. And it's great. I would love to have them on the show. That'd be our first. I would we'd figure it out and rewire the studio

to have them on the show so we get to ask these questions. And then if their sense of humor doesn't match, we'll hang up. But I would hope that they would be able to set the record straight. Because setting the record straight about whether or not you hate her boyfriend, husband, is no one cares. That's all the other questions. And I'm sure they've been on national news shows. They're not going to ask these questions? No, no.

I will. I will ask the hard hitting. questions. What position do you play? What position did you play? Fucking doggy's style? Everything's plural? Just having to... Cowgirls? Would it be cerebus style? That's a joke

for somebody. Missionaries? Everything being plural is funny. Put your leg up. Hey. Your teeth brush? Hey, put your other leg up. I want both legs up. Put your leg. Yeah, well... You have to lift you fucking...

You have control of one leg? But, oh my God! Like, just like trying to, like, please. She's fighting it. Hey, hey, I know you're tired. Can you please pick up your leg? Hmm. Fuck.

Anyway, we'll try. We'll try. Because I'm going to be awake tonight. Thinking about this. Fucking coming. It's not for me. Having to be somewhere where you don't want to be. Because it's bad enough if you're at, let's say you're at a party and you're like,

they can't go if you don't walk. If you don't. just dragging your leg like I don't want to go to the birthday party it's kind of like the three-legged race but it's you get it what are you going to say that we should move off

over next door next door just you know we've all been at a place where you're just like you're tired but you end up somewhere and you just want to be home or you don't want to be at that place whatever and you can just eventually you just leave if you want I mean even though it's tired you like I said I was going to come at you and you leave

this other person really wants to be there, whether it's your spouse or whatever, and now you're fighting with them. But if you're attached to the person, yeah. And you physically can't leave without that person agreeing. I keep trying. Like, oh my God. picturing Siamese twins trying to leave.

One is trying to leave and one's trying to stay in what that fight looks like, sharing half a body. And arguing. Yeah. And they're like one person trying to leave. The other one's like flexing up, holding on. Holding under the rail. Hitting each other.

We're going to pull our groin again. Pull our groin. Oh my God, you're going to tear our ACL? Oh. Everything being ours is funny. It's ridiculous. All right. Let's move for the next story.

You got it again. You're doing a great job. All right. Okay. You know all about bees. You've had bee conversations. Thanks. I mean, we've had bee conversations on this show.

you've had B conversations on the other show. So this one's very fitting. Okay. The headline just says, She's opening the bees! US beekeeper jailed for trying to save friend from eviction. What? Okay.

So if you look at this picture of her being arrested, she's just... Oh, yeah. Like halfway in a B suit? She's wearing jeans and a top of a B suit. Yeah, she didn't get the full outfit. No. Nice a little. So, a bookkeeper has been jailed for six months after she set swarms of her insects on sheriff's deputies, attempting to carry out an eviction at a friend's house.

Okay. Rebecca Woods insisted she only, she only released her truckload of hives to allow the bees to enjoy a lovely flowering landscape near the home of the. the elderly friend and cancer patient. What a hobby. What do you do for fun? I don't know. I have a truckload of bees. What do you do with them?

Anything else? I put baking soda on the stinks. Anything else? Do I need to have anything more? I have a truckload of bee hives. They keep me pretty busy. Busy? You get it.

Like, what? So what are you for fun? I have a truckload of bees What? Want to see them? You want to see them? Unlatching the back of a truck Mm-hmm.

Love it. This is what I do. You should do something else. Maybe you tried hiking or tennis. Because a truckload of beehives is fucking wild. I'm guessing she was single. Queen B.

It's like the cat lady, just the bee lady. But with bees. So, okay, keep going. But a district court in Springfield Mass heard that Woods, 59, admitted under questioning that she was trying to save him

from eviction. Who's him? The cancer patient friend. Yeah, I guess it needed a little more They left his name out. He's been through enough. By freeing the bees in the presence of deputies who had shown up to serve papers. I was just letting them out. You guys take your dogs for a good read.

I take my bees for flies. She's like, you get flies. You walk your dog, I fly my bees. Little leashes. You guys ever do that? I learned that from Jackass or CKY. You can,

it literally works where you can take a bee or a fly and you freeze it. And then you don't kill it. And then once it can't move, you can tie fishing string around it and fly. It does work. I've 100% done it many times. That's good. So if you're looking for something to do this weekend, do that because it's pretty funny. Back to you.

Several officers were stung on their heads and face and one injured, one required hospital treatment. And one pussy. Yeah. God damn. Just getting these. Additionally, about a thousand. Thousands of wood bees... Woods bees died during the encounter.

Many of them crushed when several hives toppled as she wrestled with the deputies trying to arrest her. And the others, because the honeybees die after delivering their sting. She knew she was sending... She knew what she was doing. It was a comicose mission. Yeah. This was unlike anything our team has ever experienced. I think that's safe to say.

You don't come across the fucking mission. is woods very often? Nope. What are you going to do about it? What the fuck am I not going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? Get them, come.

Get them, boys. She's got bees. She's open the bees. Yeah, she's just like, the slow motion, they're like flying past her while she's standing in. It's like the mummy scene.

Yeah. Or the pigeon lady in Home Alone. She still gives me nightmares. Actually, it was posted on YouTube do we have a video of this oh shit some guys filming

while everybody his friends are dying in the footage several deputies are heard shouting hey at woods and one says she's opening the bees

let's go back let's go back a little bit potato no shit How is this the quality? Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! That's not what I expected when I was a truckload. You know what? Man. What the fuck is this? Slow motion fight! What?

What do you do? What do you do? Wait, ma'am. She's opening up more of them. She's opening up more of them. She's got more bees. She's opening more bees. She's got a truckload of beads. Not what I would describe the truck trailer. Yeah, I envision like a box truck. A U-Haul. Yeah. This is the most slow motion. This is terrible. But to release bees in front of an

fucking B. She's a little excessive. I think everyone has to agree with us, okay? And to argue with the police, she's gonna end up going to jail. Fuckin' cops. If she gets to stay, that's fine. Nothing is leaving the property until the judge hears this case. Oh God. Go down one of those bees go. Sit up right here.

There she is. A succulent Chinese meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Oh, talking about rights. Why are you? We are here with you. Quarry? B's have rights.

You just, oh. Okay. Got it. I got it. Well, no wonder they didn't post the video on the article. Yeah, no shit. They're like, if you were interested in being bored, head over here. I love it.

In the footage, several deputies are heard shouting. Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on. Come on now. She's opening the bees! That's so ridiculous. One deputy has seen frantically waving his arms trying to shoe. They actually wrote shoe the insects away.

Just say bees again. You don't need to say insects. Yeah. Woods who put her beekeeper suit during on during the accident had driven up to the property with hives stacked on a trailer pulled by her blue SUV. I was wondering what color the SUV was. And proceeded to lift the lids on a number of them. In a slow motion fight. Yeah.

Well, they call it a tussle during an ensuing tussle. If you're interested in being bored, go watch the video. It was just like, hey, don't. Hey, like, she's going, and then some guys are like, Dave, close the bees. Keep the bees closed. She goes, I want to open them.

I'm going to open. She's trying to open them. Keep the bees close. I'm going to open them. We'll open the bees. No, close them. Oh, told the encounter that some deputies were

alleged to bees, and she replied, Oh, you're allergic, good. Oh, sucks to suck. Oh, you're allergic, good. I hope you die. He's dying. He's dying.

She's good. And the bees. Extra charges. Last thought on this. Murder. And I think I have shared this on the show before, but it's a great story. A friend of mine's wife used to be like a great school teacher. I don't remember his kindergarten or first grade, whatever.

But there was a kid, and she tells this story, and I hope this sticks with everybody who's hearing this right now, who was not going to go out to recess. So he was just standing in the window, staring out the classroom to the playground. And everyone is out there. And she walks over and kneels down next to him. And she goes, how come you're not going to, like, how are you not going to go to recess? And he just points out the window. And she looks and like there's someone mowing the lawn, like the grass. And this little shit head goes, Hymns vacuuming the beans.

What? So if everyone out there will stop calling it mowing your lawn and start calling it vacuuming the beans. Start calling it vacuuming the beans. The world is going to be a better place. Him's vacuuming the beans. Hems vacuuming the beans. And she was like, fuck, okay, well, first of all,

put this straight jacket on. Because it's downhill from here, buddy. The beans. Vacuuming the beans. So it's pretty funny. It's never going to say that now. Yeah. The lawn's getting long.

A better vacuum the beans. Fuck. I'd love to help you cook dinner, but I've got to go vacuum the beans. All right, let's get off to Petty Beef. Zaki Pooh. Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated.

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. And there's so many better ways to help your neighbor that has cancer than opening the bees. You stand there with a sign. or like go through the proper steps but showing up in a blue SUV

with a trailer of bees you were like this will do it this will for sure not kill my cancer friend like what are you there are some people fuck I mean it's there are some people that do things

and just you like they think what they're doing makes complete sense like she thought this is the best way to fight this thing and everybody else in the world you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Hey, bad idea. Yeah.

All right, well, this was sent in by our daughter, Yo. Yo! We still have the penis corsets that she made for us. They're in the closet of them. Have you tried them on? I haven't. We should do it together as a couple. I tried it on and just slid right off.

That's fun. Honored Daddies and Unk. Esteemed members of the jury. and the collective scrotal conglomeration. Will written. I respectfully submit to this honorable court that here exists in the present matter, no plausible universe, legal, factual, theoretical, or quantum mechanical in which I am mistaken. The conduct in question can barely even be categorized as mere pettiness.

On the contrary, it may be more accurately described as diabolical. I can see her like a little She's got a little suit on The defendant here and which after Refer to as my husband Has developed or has developed and repeatedly executed A highly questionable system Of putting his used tissues

Behind the mirror What? I'm assuming we're going to learn more Because on the surface What? Specifically, when engaged in the the otherwise ordinary activity of blowing his nose within the marital bedroom. My husband, it's all in quotes.

It's a defendant. It's so good. It's written like a fucking court document. Does not deposit the resulting tissues in any of the numerous receptacles traditionally designated for such purposes. Are we sure they're snot regs? Nice. That's what I thought. But even weirder to come in something than stick it behind a mirror.

Instead, there is a virtually ins. insulating filler of half-used tissues between the mirror and the wall. Further evidence of his troubling pattern of behavior arises in connection with the household dryer. Upon removing lint from the lint trap, a task which, by all known customs of civilized society, concludes with the lint being discarded. My husband, instead deposits the lint, behind the dryer! What the fuck! says crap, but I'm not going to yell crap.

What the crap? You're in a courtroom. Sorry, but I'm the judge. Let the court record show that the counselor is yelling, which is in no means by design. Fuck. She got me. But rather obviously indicates, or

indicative indicative of his agreement on the matter. In the light of the foregoing, the petitioner respectfully petitions the court for immediate guidance. relief, intervention, and possibly a small investigative task force. If it police the court, help, for fuck's sake, help. Yo. She's either been to court a few times and knows how to write.

Or chat, GVZ. She has been listening to the show since day one. This is just who she. She made us leather penis corsets for love of God. So this is just who she is. And her brain is probably fun. Never changed. Never changed.

What is with a deal? Whoa. What? with always behind. I'm guessing the only way that my brain can picture this is that there's like a mirror. It's like the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. It's Narnia back there. Yeah.

Like there's some kind of. Okay. So when you blow your nose, where do you do a bathroom? So what I don't understand the outline. Yo should have given us like a little floor diagram of like how. It's easier to do that. But if you're in the bathroom, blowing your nose, then there's going to be a trash can there to put it there. So I kind of picture it's next to the bed, like a mirror maybe leaning next to, like on the floor and leaning backwards.

And instead of getting up, he just takes it and throws it behind the mirror, which is fucking diabolical. She chose the right word. Mm-hmm. Can you imagine? I don't know their marriage. Can you imagine being with someone who just did that? No. Maybe he's great in all the other ways.

It could be. There's just this one thing. One problem. You know how I've talked about like I'll just hang the clothes around things like. I would never be able to marry you. I know, but. You'd be the worst person to be married to. But that is, it's clothes like on a chair or a shirt or a TV or something like that.

But hear me out. No. Well, what I do now is sometimes I'll take them out, I'll throw them behind the TV. so I get the behind thing. But stuff that should go into trash, that's where I draw the line. Like if it's garbage, I don't just leave that around.

I throw trash away. Okay. So I draw a hard line there. We've talked a little bit about it, but I forget, what's your nightstand situation? Do you get one? Do you have one?

Do you just put shit on it? Is it just full of shit or is it clean? It's not as bad as you might think. Okay. I have like iPad. My laptop's usually on there. And then there's a little thing with,

you just random shit that goes in there and I think there's a little lamp. Zach, how about your nightstand? It can get a little cluttered. But yeah, there's just a book and a vape and a weed. And a weed. Yeah.

It does look a little cluttered. You vape? No. I blow it in your face every time I'm around you on accident. Right in my fucking mouth. Yeah. Every time I see him, he's like,

Blowing the smoke. I'm talking. It travels into my mouth, so I just kind of give it a, you deserve it. Is that cherry cola, buddy? I know, cherry cola. Is that diet? Oh, why not? Is that diet Dr. Pepper?

Man, I would get me to switch. What? I just can't. Dude, it's behind the dryer, though, too. That's fucked up. My thing would be like, I would worry about fires and stuff like that. My brain's too. My brain wanders too much.

Like, throwing lint, is something. That is so, if it gets hot behind there, it could be flammable? No. Why is that crazy to think? Because, no. Let's have a discussion. No. This doesn't sound like a discussion.

The dryer, if the, if the outside of the dryer got so hot that it could catch shit on fire. No, no, I mean like down underneath where. down out of old. Do you think that there's live flames? No. Then what are you talking about? I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like the inanimate object thing. I pre-fisted it. I said it was, I said it, uh, when I was saying that that I realized. And I ignored you. Yeah. So I could further.

I stated that I realized that it's just, it's something that I can't get past. Yeah. I get that. Like, it's just, um, what it comes across is lazy. And I can't imagine just leave fucking, I was doing laundry when you guys got here. And if I, I, And I cleaned out the dryer lint board, whatever it's called. Those can catch on fire. Yes. Because it gets hot inside. Inside, yes, correct.

And when's the last time that happened? I'd love to know if this was like just something that we were told our whole life. Happened one time. Yeah, can dryers catch on fire? That's what happened to the Concord Jet. When's the last time that happened? Fucking 1486? And when it was fueled by propion?

Shane. Uh, yeah. Close dryers. Okay, fire hazard. What? I am mistaken. More common than you think. You have no idea.

Yeah. You want to guess? We're going to go off 2025 data. 30,000 dryer fires. That's a lot. That's a lot. 3,000. No, but Zach can see my screener else I'd have, have him guess.

I actually can't. 500. 15,000. 970. A year? House fires reported annually, mostly driven by lint buildup. You lint. Driers are not just a historical risk.

They're an ongoing household hazard. This seems. Yeah, it seems like that's, that's anti-dryor. Calm down AI. That's someone who, that's, yeah. It's from washing, washer company. Yeah. No, it's from clothesline companies.

Causing over 30% of those fires. Fucking, we can't. we think about the the advancements we've made as a species it does seem like we can't figure out how to stop the dryer from getting us down I've never known anybody in my life that whose house is burned down for the dryer I don't know I don't know it sounds like you shouldn't throw the stuff behind it that's probably just in case yeah still does get hot somewhere I'm sure some of the parts on the floor that's what I mean that's kind of the point I was making it was like I don't you know because outside it's covered but under

underneath, it's usually kind of exposed. Yeah, because there's no flames on the inside either. And it's not even really flames. It's like, can it get hot enough back there where it could... And lint is flammable. You know, like, things that are just... It doesn't take much to spark a piece of lint. Like, I created a huge fire burned down a corral because I made one little spark with my tractor.

Driving fire. I mean, it's just like, it can happen like that. You leave the house, your dryer's going. I always go down there. I tell my wife, I go down there and turn it off before we leave the house. Because she'll do wash and then leave or whatever. I'm like, I'll shut the dryer off before we leave because I don't want to leave with it on. I'm psycho about it too.

I had a friend that told me he's like, never trust in Amber, not the woman, but, you know. Actually, like, never trust any kind of spark, like, because cigarette smokers will put it out and be like, it's fine. It's like, make sure it's not. Oh, that's all. Tell that's all the fucking force that have burned down because some guy threw a cigarette at the window. Not because of me. I'll tell you what. I guess pictures going out there and telling a forest

Like hey Sorry about my friend Sorry about my friend I'm sorry about all the smokers guys I'm so sorry burning down that All of it And the cheatsugers just like Hmm

We forgive you It's not useful Um Okay well Fuck him Yeah I mean he's wrong Yeah he's being a mess You can't do that

Get up fix it And I get like the middle of the night thing where something happens, and you're like, fuck it. Like, I'll just, but you have to deal with it in the morning.

If there's space behind the mirror, put a garbage cannon behind it. Right? Yeah. I've done, when I've been sick before, like the, you asked about the nightstand,

where you bring in like a tissue box or something, and you're so sick, you just bug that and you're like, put it in a pile or so, but the next morning when you wake up, you take it and you throw it in the garage. You don't leave it there for good. You fucking comb on it.

Oh, fuck. I'm going on there fucking snout. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this one is not even, I think we just needed to kill time just to come back and say that. You're not wrong. Tell him to throw a shit away. Let's move off for something that we found.

Oh, no, this is good news. Good news. All right. Zach, fun! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. No. Isn't...

Ah! Okay, whatever. Women brings dead husband back as hologram to hold his own funeral Q&A. That said, no! No! Zach, you don't like it?

Not really. I think it's silly. A woman had her dead husband appear as a hologram in his own funeral service. What's up, bitches? Which even answered questions from attendees as part of a scripted Q&A. Scripted isn't fun.

The service... I was going to say, science is amazing. We have to admit that they're bringing dead people back so they can talk to you. That's pretty magic. Yeah. But still, go ahead. Sorry. Back to you.

I saw a video. Was it maybe, I don't think it was us. They buried somebody and they were going to pour the dirt on and stuff in the coffin. And then there was a tape that played. And it was like, no, no. Stop. I saw that. And of the voice coming.

Let me out. Yeah. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out. And all the people are, you know, they're like, sobbing, but they're laughing because they're like, this guy's giving us one last laugh

type of thing. That's good. And that's kind of what this is. According service be held by Bill Conrath's widow, Pam Conrath, featured a digital version of her husband creating created using pre-recorded material and AI, allowing him to speak to

mourners one final time. Hologram husband answered questions from mourners. According to the big black cocks, the hologram was designed to feel interactive with the husband appearing on the screen and responding to a stage Q&A session as if he were present at the funeral. Pam, who was married to Bill for almost 60 years, wanted to create something more personal than traditional service, and was inspired to pursue the idea of attending a medical conference where a doctorate appeared as a full-body hologram.

Rather than simply show the old footage, the hologram created by proto-hologram and hyper-reel was made to deliver... Hyper-reel! answer is pre uh made to deliver answers to pre no that was it was made to deliver answers got it that's what I said Dick we not the first time the second time pre made to deliver answers to pre compared questions giving the impression of a live interaction during a ceremony look at that picture of the impression of a live interaction the impression of a live interaction also known as a lie.

Back to you. Pam told Big Black Cox that she promised her husband a super wake. Super wake. For all your super wake needs hyper real. This seems like one of those

business opportunities. It's like one of those video games he sat in at the arcade. Super wake. Super wake. You do like a backflip on a motorcycle? Yeah. Super wage.

Or the jet ski. Yo, yeah, you guys, Wave Runner? Oh, what was it called? Way, yeah. Super Wake. Super Wake. Just wakes. It wasn't Wave Runner?

For N64? The water looked so real. Remember? Fuck. I got to look at it. It was not Wave Runner? I don't think. I remember if it was called Wave Runner game in 16.

I had that game. Wave race. Wave race. That what? I never would have guessed that. What a lame name, dude. That's it was. called wave race super wake that's better okay say it again super wake

wake the face with it wake the little the one more time super wake no no I'm glad you like it everyone else is like that's enough You have to see the face with it. And then you have to have listened to morning radio. Radio. Pam, uh,

fuck. Super awake. Through the final version became far more ambitious than the $2,000 she originally planned to spend. Gofund me.com. As Bill had already died, Pam wrote the script herself using decades of memory from their life together. I knew him for 60 years. wrote it the way I believed he would speak. That's

that soulmate shit right there. Around 200 people attended the service with most unaware of what was coming. I came here for the Super Wake. Where's the buffet? You guys here for the Super Wake? Golden Corral! Super Wake! If you die, I'm going to have Golden Corral

at your funeral. Super Wake and baked. Dude, Golden Corral caters it. When Bill's hologram appeared It opened with Now Before Before anyone gets confused, I'm not actually here in Valhalla today. Is this going to be fun? What? People were aghast.

Pam said, some genuinely couldn't understand how it was happening. That is fun. Old people. Ha! I don't get it. He's dead! The unconventional funeral service comes just weeks after a grandma in UK had herself buried with her favorite brand of instant noodles. With funeral attendees attendance, a courage to enjoy the snack in her memory.

You all climb down the hole and get a bite. Like you're up there crying, giving a speech, and everyone's like, the microwave's like, beep, beep, beep. Ha, ha, ha. He was my love of my life. Back to you? Nope, that's it. That's it.

All right. Well, this is, I hope you've never seen this before, especially people listening. But this would maybe be something we'd end up putting in our hawkathon at some point, because I'm sure it's terrible. Zah! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool,

or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome. I just...

Let me see if this will do it. Because I don't feel like saying it over and over again. Let's see if this will do it. I'm trying to find a little text to speech. They're all trying to charge me. I'm not charging nothing. Stapelia gigantia.

Sopelia gargentia. Stapelia gigantia. So we've been talking about the Sto-thrumi. What a stupid word. The Gs are two Gs in the same in the word they've spelled pronounced the same. And that tastes bad.

But what about something that smells bad? You could have this in your house. Like, who would do this? Like, you would want to have this thing just around. So the carrion, the carry-on plant known as... One second. What if you took that on the plane as your carry-on? Stapelia gigantia.

If you went on the plane and took that as your carrier, it's my carry-on. It's known for having the largest flowers of almost any succulent in the world. Native to South America, the Stapelia gigantia, has several other common names such as Carion flower. Starfish plant, starfish plower, Toad plant, and Zulu giant plant. It looks like the face of a fucking... The Stranger Things thing.

Demogorgon. The Stapolia Gigantia is a spinless stem succulent. That resembles a cactus. It can grow up to two feet tall and may form big clumps when growing up to three feet wide. These thick, fleshy stems are ripped.

and have a green coloration, with some variations in shades. It also smells like a dead body. Yeah. Okay. That's the kicker right there. So it also looks like drying flesh peeling from the bone, which I frequently come across in the wild. All the time, I'm just like, this looks exactly like the Stapolia gigampilio. Jamblio.

This is like this dead body that I just stumbled across while hiking. Stapelia gigante. Looks like that. That. And what it does, it attracts flies. Pollination flies. Yeah, apparently it smells like rotting flesh. We have a tree that actually has that same smell.

Why? It's not our tree. It's in our neighborhood across the street. But yeah, every time in the spring, it just starts to smell like rotting flesh. That's a tree, I think. Do you? I don't even know what that smells like. I guess I do now.

How? Because I smell the tree and I've been told it smells. So the tree smells bad or it does smell like rotting flesh? It does smell like rotting flesh. Fuck, how do you? Is it like just in our DNA to know what that smells like? I think so, yeah.

We know that that's going to make us sick. Mm-hmm. So it smells like shit and it helps attract flies. Helps. It's the main attraction. I wish there is more flies here. Let's get this. Said no one ever.

Said no one ever. And other pollinators. Flies or pollinators? Maybe a certain fly. Not like a house fly. Yeah, they're just there. But you can get your own rotting flesh plant for $15. So what I think would be funny here, Joe, is you buy that plant.

Stipia gigantea. You send that, you buy that plant and send it to someone, and it shows up their door like, oh, what a lovely, oh, my God. And all of a sudden, you got flies in your house. Like, what a nice prank. Yeah, what a great gift. Okay, we'll get one. At 525, I'll put one in my bed. I'll plant it in my mattress.

5.50 and he'll fucking put his penis. Dude, I'll fuck it. I'm going to fuck this rotting fly trap. I'm not going to have such a little. Fly trap? But yeah, it's on the internet. Let's hear from the kids. Zach, fuck it.

Oh, God. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. I'm guessing you'll feel. take the first one. Well, is that short?

Yeah, I was just thumbing through. The second one's 14 pages. So you'll take this one? I'll take it. Okay. This one's coming in from a brand new listener, Joe. Welcome aboard. Hey guys.

Just listen for the first time. Thanks to my much younger boyfriend. We'll call him Duckie. What do you call him? I'm not calling him duckie? Thanks Ducky for letting her know Thanks Big Duck Big Duck

Fucking Ducky That's probably what she called It was Big Duck Oh my God I'm fucking calm Ducky I absolutely need an episode With an age gap relationship stuff Okay

I'll give you a head start I'm 43 And he's 29 Oh yeah Best Dick ever Yeah And don't get me started

On his tongue skills I'm a Lager Just thinking about like Because all of us are the same When you age So does all your parts And I've always laughed about that to myself Like my dick is 40 years old

It's just so funny when you think about it that way She's just looking for that 29 year old tongue There's nothing to do with your body 43 year old tongue I have Fucking 60 year old tits Anyway You know how many buttholes this tongue's lick, though?

Oh, yeah, that's a 45-year-old butt hole. Not a single butthole. Maybe. You haven't done it since we've talked about it? Nope. Okay. Back to you. That's 600. 600 is you'll lick a butthole? Okay. Seriously, though. No, we won't.

Yeah, you won't. 600? 1,000. Seriously, though. The taboo and stigma associated is unreal, and I think people need to chill out and mind their biz. Oh, my God. We close. the blinds. He keeps me steady and is by far the best man I've ever been with.

So fellas, age gap relationships, older, older, woman, younger man. Go! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Pick it up, get up. Okay. Good good. Get it. Uh, thanks from Melissa.

Thanks. The age gap thing for me, it comes down to later. comes down to later in life. That's when it really starts playing in. Like if you're 30, but someone's like 48. Yeah, sure. You have this playground in the middle

where we can all kind of get along. But then once health problems and things pop up, and you guys have a massive age gap, then the later years in life, you are definitely wiping someone's ass. Second one coming in from... Also the other way around, though.

Yeah. Yeah. Second one coming in from our Idaho son shop. I hey there, you silly some bitches. Love the show. Some beautiful. Yep.

You guys help get me through the week with your fuckery. Much appreciated. Y'all read my poop story on the podcast once. That's all we do. And I got a kick out of it. So here's a much more interesting story. Years ago, myself and a buddy, girlfriends in tow, head to one of Idaho's many high mountain lakes for a day of recreation.

Typically, one side of these, lakes is built for recreation, bathrooms, parking, campgrounds. While the other side stays a bit wild and untamed. I can see it. So my buddy and I blow up a couple tubes as well as a small raft.

And the four of us make our way with some supplies across the lake. Just paddling. Excuse us. Motor boat's like, out of the fucking way. Super wake. Avoiding campers and families so we can

cut loose. We find a nice beachy spot, unload, and begin chilling. Beers are flowing. Some devil's lettuce gets sparked up. Sunshine and cold water for all. Then it starts. We can cut loose. Cut loose. We call it breaking the seal. You guys know this? Oh yeah. Yeah. We called it. Oh yeah. Yeah, we called it. That's the same thing we did. Don't break the seal. Yeah. The first P of many do the excess of beers and hard seltzers. us being fairly far from the nearest restroom restroom

like Mike Typhon I was waiting for the restroom What did Mike Tyson just get in my mouth Fuck Us being fairly far from the nearest restroom Going back wasn't an option A large nearby rock Blocked the view from the lake

Surrounded by trees It offered a bit of privacy One by one we all Break the seal The girls first This is Casey You can't. Then my buddy, then myself.

Me being the last, I step behind the rock to drain the vein. Tickle my nipples. Brian, you just got up and he's just staring at the wall. A huge puddle of pee has formed here due to recent usage. Flies are buzzing about. Being annoying, I sidestep the puddle and begin adding to it. This is where some bullshit goes down. What I had originally mistaken for flies are actually known as pygmy wasps.

God damn it. Oops. Those things hurt. Small, about the size and shape of flies, but very much a stinging douchebag of an insect. So here I am full stream, and the moisture seems to be attracting them. One of these little shits lands right on the tip of my dick while the stream is flowing. With me peeing at full power, this silly little twilight. This silly little twat finds almost no purchase.

I read all the right words. Getting purchase is like... Permission. I never heard that. Getting purchase is like getting your weight behind it or you get a good grip. I need to get purchase, right? I don't know. It is.

This silly little twat finds almost no purchase. It's an old country. I can't get any purchase. I can't get any footing. First I've ever heard of it. I've never heard that. No, it's nice to learn. It's nice to learn.

I'm assuming that's what... It has to be. I'll take that because nothing else makes sense. Landing on my pee hole, midstream doesn't go well for the little guy. He looks like one of those inflatable flailing arm guys. Wacky waving, inflatable arm flailing tube man. Intergalactic proton,

parity, electrical, technical, advertising droids. Nice. One leg managed to stick, but its whole body is flailing about wildly due to to my stream, bouncing it back and forth. Then that little fuck did the unimaginable and stung. Not my dickhead, mind you, but inside my peehole! The inside of my peehole swells up immediately.

The head of my dick looked like a fucking Instagram model with duck lips. Fucking. Do I look pretty now? So they... My peehole swelled to the point where it looked like it had lips. not just lips, but like Botox movie star ducked face lips. Painful is an understatement. And we're not dumb.

I tell the crew what's happened and try to stick it out. And despite their jokes and busting my balls, I drink another beer and soon have to pee again. Just as the swelling and pain subsided, it comes back tenfold in serious pain and now having to brace myself to pee. We call the trip and head home. His dick ruined the whole day. Oh, my God. It's not the first time probably. Yeah.

We get back. Can make your day or ruin your day. Yeah. A precious thing. And sometimes both. We get back to town and of course, thanks to my drinking, I brace myself for another painful pee and say, fuck it. We're going to the hospital. Here's where they add insult to injury.

First off, it was a Sunday. The only place open was the ER. Ultimately, the treatment involved Benadryl in a few days of time. Not too bad. Except the trip there and the Benadryl prescription cost me damn near $800 bucks. Jesus. Also, I go to the hospital with a dick wound. right? And of course, the ER doctor

on duty just happens to be one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever seen in my life. Dude, that happened to me too. Yeah! 10 out of 10 for sure. And due to the nature of the injury, she must be accompanied by another professional. An equally attractive dime piece of a nurse for a medical assistant.

Take a look at these fucking dick duck lips. Hey, Ashley, come here. Take a look at this. Look, his dick has lips. Look. Now, I don't know if it was was the trauma, maybe the fact that I was splashing about in super cold water all day. Or a slight breeze from the hospital exam room.

But when I dropped my jaws for these ladies to inspect the damage, I was shocked and appalled. Oh, you gotta show up. Oh my God, inside out! Puff it up, puff it up. Don't be inside out. Don't be inside out. Why are you an acorn? Glue to my hat.

Dude, actually, it's funny, when we've been like a lake or something, you know how it just kind of sucks all the back in. I've actually showed Amber that. I was like, look at it. And she's like, what is going on? And I'm like, it just does it. It needs to get warm.

It's hiding. Just reach your. No, thank you. I don't want to come out. Nope. In. And still in this day, not being a dick today. And still to this day have never been, I've never seen a smaller version of my own

dick. Ever. It was as if the shaft retracted into my body and never existed. No. Not coming out. Cold. I presented a teeny, tiny, shaftless and very scared dick head that day, a tiny little mushroom cap, and the pain I felt my penis was comparable to the pain I felt my pride.

Anyways, I had to brace myself to pee for about a week, but ultimately, I got better. And that's my fucked up dick story. Love you, dudes. Stay safe out there. If you do read this on the show, I want it noted that it took me almost three hours to write this email. Well done, sir. He's just sitting there with his readers. It was well written.

Yeah, just delete it. Yeah, write this email as I'm sending it via my Samsung smart washer dryer combo just to see if I could. Turns out I can. That spin cycle is a bitch, though. Your I had a homie, Sean. Good job, guys. Nice. Good job, everybody.

That was a fun show. I had a blast. We're going to get off to the bonus content. So if you want to support us on Patreon. That's how you get access to all the bonus content. There's three different tiers, five bucks, or four, I guess, five, ten, fifteen, and then hundred bucks for that golden goose. 100, hundred bucks.

Right now, all those slots are full, but they open up. Head over, support us. Help us get through the honkathon. Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Uncle Zach, he's always doing a bunch over at Scatcast. Operations, flatterscat. Skat. Go to scatcast.com.

That's scat with a K. Let's wrap this bitch up. You have a joke? Mm-hmm. What are you doing over there? No, I just. Get make little faces to the camera Oh, I know.

I know. I guess that was a lot for me. Okay. Let's do a joke. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I always forget that people often probably forget that we're friends. They forget?

Well, I guess because remember, there's a couple episodes where I just... Oh, the abuse. Yeah, well, I was like, definitely railing on you. They're like, what do you deal, bro? I guess they forget that, you know. We're playing characters. I don't actually hate you in any way. Okay.

Back to you. What's your joke? Were you going to say that you hate me or something? No, I just feel like today I was being a little dick on a lot of stuff. Just for funsies. Just to see where to go. I'd bring it on myself. I just forget that people probably think, you know, they don't know us.

They don't know us. They know us, but they don't know us. What's your joke? I'm sure it's fucking awesome. What do you call a pile of cats? Dinner. A mea-o-tin. Mountain

Miaoton Super wake Will you We just look into the camera and do that Do I have to? Yeah Why? I don't know

I just might want to I just want to This one right here For myself Super wake Like that? Yeah All right

Let's get out For the bonus content Super Wage Love you guys You have to do a bye thing Oh bye Yeah no The high one

The bye Bye Let's go.