Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Piranhas. Decapitation. Recliner. Anal Warrant.

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

If you filled an entire swimming pool with used condoms, would you sink to the bottom or just kinda sit on top? Let's talk about that, having to get a search warrant to do a cavity search, doctors being able to reattach a kid's head, baboons stealing chips from a gas station, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/cvxXy2vPqqASend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Piranhas, decapitation, recliner, anal warrant. Five, eight. I know you're trying to think of a jersey, aren't you? Yeah, nothing's coming to mind. Okay. If you think of something, be sure to let us know. I should have. Usually one just pops in my brain.

It's going to be a Seahawk. Yeah, linebacker. Before we get into the show, I do want to just make a quick little mention of how many people wrote in about being so excited about how mad you were last week talking about people stopping in the middle of the fucking walkway yeah i i mean i said it when we were recording i've never seen you that fired up before uh i'm here for it so is anything else going on you really really got to get going on you just let us know okay because it's good for ratings at this point your blood pressure amazing it's mostly it's just that like it happened to get on the freeway today yeah there was four wide and they were all going the exact same speed that

gets me too and i i almost like they're like they're doing on purpose yeah it feels that way sometimes speeds up and you're like okay here we go and then the other one's like uh-uh well there was a little gap and with the tesla it's got really quick you know acceleration so i was like i'm gonna shoot the gap so i went to do it and another car had the exact same idea and so i luckily looked over to see and i turned and i was doing the same thing. I was like, whoop, and went back. Another Tesla? No, I don't know what it was.

Oh, another piece of shit over there in a Tesla? Yeah. All high and mighty over there? Yeah. Episode 58, having some fun. Thanks again to everyone who subscribed to us on Patreon. You can find a link in the episode description. That is the number one thing that keeps us going. And, and you guys getting some of that goddamn tasty merch,

which you'll find. Oh, merch. They said merch. Merch. Get some of that. Get my snare out. You're like, what the fuck?

No, head over to canyoudontpodcast.com. Plenty of, plenty of merch available. Hot air balloon stories just keep coming. Sending content for the show. That's the,

hey guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com. And we have a a piece of mail here that was sent in um and they asked it says look look at the other side that's what this side said it was a little like a scavenger hunt yeah it's in this side it's like it's like look in the corner no it just says open during recording please so this is from our daughter yo is there fucking anthrax in that that's where i was going we're gonna die live that'd be something oh almost ripped it sorry you don't you can't gently open mail when you have fingerless leather gloves on nick you gotta kind of go and just rip it what it's wax sealed i don't know what we're getting into oh my god it is anthrax oh my this is my favorite it's my favorite brand

of anthrax so i've never opened a wax you gave this to me because in case it's anthrax you piece of shit oh oh my god bonus content okay well we're not holy it's a whole scroll so it is a scroll is it ah what are we getting okay Okay. Oh, no. Dude. Look what they are. They're little penis leaves. That's amazing. With the corset tie-up. Those are too big. This is massive.

That's not going to fit. Where? This could fit inside of my pee hole. Yeah. Oh, man. You got three of them. And they all feel the same size. So we're going to figure this out guys

Oh what, this is amazing And there's some bonus content too Who's this from? From Yo What she goes by We'll take some pictures of this And post it up on the socials I'm not going to read them

I can't read this whole thing right now But there's a little thing at the end. Hickory dickory dock. His hands hold on his cock. The star burst out and with a laughing shout down went Daddy Joe's cock. That's referring to the star wipe probably. Absolutely. Oh, man.

That is good. Good stuff. Yeah, we'll read. How about we start reading the the uh wait what you start reading you want me to read the whole thing no we'll read it we'll read it together afterwards okay because uh and then you know we'll figure it out but this is because i think they wrote this they wrote this with this is like calligraphy pen i know it's amazing i saw a little snippet i see cock a lot in here

well i mean given the gift is a leather sleeves for penises i would uh i would assume so but thank you yo yeah we'll take a closer look at that when we get done recording the episode this is um cyd 55 can you probably episode 55 30 20 so 30 minutes 20 seconds okay um that must be referring to yeah it must be the exact same exact time mark and everything the stamp time stamp time stamp god that's funny i wish i had a star wipe i know people were asking that i was like what video was it i need to see it i cannot trace it i cannot find it again um anything that you guys want to send in you there is a physical po box for gifts like this and you'll find that in the episode description man that's crazy um i'm gonna skip

on here to a message from our this is amazing our son cory it just says hey meat wipes following up on some strip club talk we had last week i was listening to finger guns revenge pork rest area and you were talking about living in a strip club. Well, when I turned 21, my brother and his friends took me to a very suspect strip club. Nice.

Every door was removed from the bathrooms and that includes the stall doors. The stalls faced directly out into the hallway so you could see anyone shitting. What? If you were pissing at the urinal,

the dude on the shitter was directly to your left or right depending on the stall there were two strippers working that night and i shit you not one had a very visible c-section scar and the other had a bullet wound love the show zach love you oh a bullet hole that That's rough. I mean, you have to have a moment of clarity. You're sitting in the men's bathroom taking a shit in a strip club, and you're looking out the hallway,

and you're just seeing a stripper with a bullet hole wound. You're like, where am I? How did I get here? I haven't been to many strip clubs, but I've never taken a shit in a strip club. No. I guess I didn't realize that's what stalls were for. I figured it was just go in there and just rub one out.

Yeah. Save yourself 20 bucks. Yeah. I never imagined anyone actually shitting in one. No. Nope. Not even... But you know what has to happen. You get nervous.

What if you're going in with a huge heart on and you're like trying to jam it down the toilet while you're sitting you know i mean like so you could piss in the toilet oh gotcha it's fighting you because it's yeah fully erect fully erect it's a springboard it's a hog well cory i'm glad you made it out of there alive uh let's just hop into the show we got a big show to get into dive on in dive on in greg luganis yeah except we won't hit our head and spilled aids blood everywhere who's anus greg's anus greg luganis all right zach hey shut up start the show already oh geez this is a this is a gross one is it? Well, half of it's gross Would you rather Swim one lap

In a pool that's filled to the brim With used condoms Or swim a lap in a pool But there's 50 hungry piranhas swimming around I mean, piranhas will fuck you up Yeah I mean, there But it's only one it's only one lap

it's only 50 of them and i uh doing some research me and my research team we did we researched this why 72 like they're the bite force is 70 pounds 72 pounds per square inch if i'm remembering correctly i left my notepad at home that has all the research on it and to completely devour a human like they're saying like two three hundred piranhas so this is just going to be pain painful as fuck well right i did i guess i didn't consider dying from it necessarily but you're going to be mangled you're gonna have a lot of a lot of chomps on you and are they all you know where are they in the pool like can you imagine taking you're just waiting well have you ever seen

piranhas eat yeah you throw something in the water and they're all just fucking dive on top of each other so i imagine that's what's as soon as you dive in the pool to do your lap yeah they're on you yeah and i'm no you just get swim trunks that's all you get maybe get some flippers so you can go go extra quick but man that's gonna be that's gonna be painful but you know else would suck jumping into a pool full of used condoms yeah but you gotta think hold on before we move on to the condoms you're you're assuming that while they're chomping on you you can just keep swimming you're just like well i think you're to naturally be trying to get the fuck away. Yeah.

But they're going to be on your arms, on your legs. Like you're not just going to be, you know, whatever, however you swim, uh, beautiful breaststroke,

like a butterfly stroke through the water. Ow. Ouch. Yeah. Every time your, your face pops back up. Ouch. Ouch.

Yeah. Ow. You got the little thing on your nose and the hat cap. You're just going, ow, ow. Ouch. Ouchy. Ouchy. Ouch, ouch. I feel like as soon as a piranha starts nibbling on my dick, it's pretty much out of the pool kind of thing.

Gotcha. I think. Well, you don't get a choice in this. You got to finish your lap, buddy. No, thank you. Like, you might not finish your lap. You might drown. I mean, if you cut it in half, what if it's 25 hungry piranhas?

That's not the question. I know. But I wrote the question, so I can change the number around. I'll make the rules. I'll break it. I had 25 at first, and I was like, I don't know if that's scary. I don't know if that's. How big is the pool?

Olympic size? Yeah, it's your standard pool. standard issue olympic size yeah you stay olympic you know the high dog at the platforms where greg luganis can jump right but you're not up there you're down with the piranhas or in used condom pool can you what how buoyant are you in a condom filled pool so is there any water it's just all used condoms there's come so i guess there's water viscous water just undulating water how i mean do your little flaps work the same in condom and condoms as it was normal water that would be it would be like it would be like you know like the ball pit at a trampoline place or something.

Like you wouldn't be swimming. You'd be crawling. Through it. Through it. And every time you pushed it, it would just squeeze jizz out of it. I think you, but imagine sinking to the bottom. You'd suffocate. Yeah.

You would. I don't know. Your lungs would just be full of jizz. Full of everyone's strangers jizz. Oh man. What a way to go full of jizz. Full of everyone's strangers jizz. Oh, man. What a way to go out. Dear diary. Dear diary.

Don't. I visualize that. That's so gross. The shot. You know, like. Cannonball. You know when someone's like. You know that one video where the guy jumps and hits the ice.

The ice, yeah. He thinks he's going in deep. And just. Well, the rudderder maybe you would bounce yeah i don't see i do not know uh again here we're reaching out to our nasa and boeing and scientific listeners do some math for us and i know you're not knowing all the you know how much water and sperm is in there but how dense would this thing be it has to be really dense it would have to be if it's a bunch of like wet balloons kind of in a sense slippery wet balloons but you would the more you

put on there well the more cum comes out and then now there's yeah but the way the way it would keep pushing down pushing down and the pressure would build so you would have to keep putting more and more and more and more on and now you you're getting pretty bouncy, I would think. It'd be like a trampoline. Remember that basketball game that went on trampoline? Slam ball. It's back, baby. Is it?

Yeah. Well, this would be like slam ball with condoms. Use condoms. Condoms. You're running down to dunk it and it just squirts in your eye. Doing that fast lizard water run. Trying to skip across the top. That would be, I mean, yeah.

That's a risk. It'd be like the floor exercise in gymnastics. You start in the corner, do your little and then run. Tumble. Isn't that the nutty professor

that has the flubber or whatever that can jump that's a nutty professor those are two different movies that is yeah flubber's a whole

different movie than nutty professor is it how do I know that one had oh man that was eddie murphy robbie williams was flubber

yeah and eddie murphy was nutty professor and they were putting flubber in basketball see what do I know I mean you brought up some great memories. Yeah, yeah. And the movie's called Flubber.

I haven't thought about Flubber in forever. I've never seen Flubber. You haven't? You can go back and check it out. They could dunk from the fucking other side of the basketball court. It was great. We got loose. I don't know, bouncing around the gym and shit.

I remember that. Nobody sprained an ankle. Not one. It's just a risk with the condom thing. I know what I'm getting with the piranhas. Oh, right. It's not a risk with a piranha no like i know what i'm i could drown in strangers come like i don't think you're sinking though i think you're gonna bounce you saying i don't think you're gonna see i mean i don't know the physics of it oh my beer watch this i think you could crawl over the top of it army crawling crawling through used condoms. Yeah.

I think that's, I think it would kind of be like. Just. You know how when you're swimming and you open your eyes, that might not be the best time. Yeah. It burns. Yeah, it's chlorine. Not all chlorine. Not all chlorine.

It smells like chlorine. It burns like chlorine. It's cum. I was trying to think if there's a cum pun in there for chlorine cum pun uh man i'm almost going piranhas at this one i mean you're getting some chunks taken out but i don't know if you're gonna i don't think you're gonna die so i don't think yeah you uh but i think you're gonna i think you're gonna slippy slippy flippy floppy your way through some used condoms and just die. You know what I'll do?

What? I will get on the edge and I'll start barrel rolling across the condoms. Right. As fast as I can. See how that goes. Because then you spread yourself out so you're not putting the weight in one area and sinking down. You're spreading the surface area. Well, yeah.

We'll just do the starfish thing then. You could. sinking down you're you know you're spreading the surface area well yeah we'll just do the starfish thing then you could just like but but you've got now you've got limbs that could sink right yeah if you're i don't know i think you're supposed to spread yourself out as much as you can to stay on top um spread yourself too thin i'm going i'm gonna go with the piranhas i'm going with the piranhas what are you doing condoms that's okay. What are you doing? Condoms? That's okay. My initial thought when I was like, if I was put, if they were like, here's two options. Piranha pool, condom pool. Looking at the piranhas and knowing what piranhas can do.

As much as I don't want to swim around other people's jizz. I feel like, I feel like that's a safer play. Like you're going to survive. It's going to be disgusting. Yeah. And then you just take a shower afterwards. Like you're going to survive. It's going to be disgusting. Yeah. And then you just take a shower afterwards. Yeah, a lot of them. A long shower and you just jerk off. A long, hard shower.

Yeah, just rub one out. For a lot of people, a pool of cum was just college. So, I mean, it's fine. True. They'd be so scared. That's Tuesday. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

I mean, there's someone out there that probably has done something similar to that. Like a fetish. Just swimming through used condoms? Yeah. But. It's the slippiness and the cumminess that is getting me. Yeah, but there's. It's not just the cum.

I don't know why. There's people into some stuff. Oh, I know. I don't think people are into swimming in pools with piranhas. Like, that's something you Gotta get forced to do That's a way to That's something that Dr. Evil would

Set up to get awesome powers Make you do Okay fine I mean I'm going with cum pool I'm going with bloodbath Bloodbath jizz pool Alright this is something I haven't thought about in a bit But I want to tell you guys about it right now

You ready? Alright Alright, Zach, you do the rolling it! Hey Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing Actually, you know what?

I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about? Summertime Huh? In the Up here I was just going to sing the rest of the You in the corner?. Riding on the... I was just going to sing the rest of the...

Unicorn. Up here in North Idaho, we've talked about this theme park. It's pretty much all we've got. Yeah. I mean, it's the only theme park in the whole Northwest. Yeah. It's a cool park. It's a cool little spot.

Cool little spot up there. Good, nice outfit. Nice outfit. Nice outfit up there. All right. You've talked about it recently, a handful of episodes back. Yes, sir. Sitting by the speakers and stuff like that.

So the start of every season out there at Silverwood Theme Park, I don't know if I think it's the very first day or it's one of the very first days they have this thing that's called Night of the Stars or Night for the Stars. And what this event is, is they open up the doors for all the children, teens, adults with mental disabilities or physical disabilities. And there's the whoever has the disability and they get one guest. And then outside of that, you got to pay. You got to get it. But anyway, they open it up and it's a cool thing that they do every single year.

And we have gone probably for the last four, five years with Ezra heading up there. And it is, I mean, it's just, it's a, it's a unique experience. You're not going there hoping to get through lines very quickly. Like there's a lot of a lot of waiting um because there's a lot of people coming up the you know the the wheelchair ramp to get put on the roller coaster so you just have to you go into it knowing that like you're just kind of doing that they give you they give you like a free dinner it's it's fun now it's really working your patience over right yeah yeah and if you know me and just my sense of humor like i'm gonna

it's just i'm gonna find funny stuff it doesn't mean that i'm like making fun of anybody there's just a lot of funny stuff and anybody that has someone in their life that has some sort of disability like there's a lot of times where it's like that is just that is funny like ezra does a ton of funny shit he doesn't know he's doing he has a ton of funny shit that he knows he's doing and there's just that amplitude or at that uh amplified into a entire fucking theme park okay so a lot of i always look forward to doing it there's a lot of you know great stories kids have all the fun and this last time i will never forget this i and i did text you immediately after it happened.

Because unfortunately, I was the only one that left. Which, you know, here we go. So it's me, Ezra, Pepper, and then Pepper brought a friend. So it's us and we're out there at Silverwood doing the Night of the Stars. And Ezra gets really, he wasn't in the mood. He's kind of grown out of the roller, he used to love roller coasters and rides. And for whatever reason. He's going to Sprinklers now.

Yeah, he just, it went backwards. He fucking hates it all now. So Pepper and her friend, they're sitting in this little area, and they have this, you know, the super roundup. You know, I mean. Oh, yeah. It's the Gravitron, but outside. No roof on this motherfucker.

And it turns at an angle and everything. And it just spins and it pins you against the wall. I mean, I feel like almost everybody knows what the roundup is at any fair. So they're on that and we're watching it and we're watching Pepper and her friend go around. And then I noticed kind of just like a little something going on. And I grew like a family, a group of people that are approaching me. And as they got closer, I realized it was the parents and it feels like some siblings. And they were talking to this kid who, I mean, he looked like he was 16 and about 14 feet

tall. Like he was just a massive kid. And he clearly had some sort of mental disability. And I mean, if I had to guess off the cuff, I would say it was autism. But parents are like, you've done it before. And they're talking to him. And they're walking him like through the little corridor. And across from the roundup, there's a roller coaster called the corkscrew.

Right? And the corkscrew does the big corkscrew right over the top of the path right so you get the everyone sees it and that's really cool and so they're talking to this kid like come on come on like just come watch it's gonna come right by or you've done it before and he's reluctantly going over there and he does this little number um like it's not just hands on the hips it's the reverse oh yeah the reverse the reverse hands on the hips the pelvis out yeah pelvis out upside down hands on the back yeah and he's staring up at it dad looking at a storm yeah dad wondering how if this is an f5 yeah yeah um and he's just looking at he's waiting there

everyone's being like you know it's it's yeah it's a little scary but he's just standing there looking at it and the roller coaster car goes and rips over. And we're just around a bunch of kids and families. Right? And this huge kid, he just goes, no! Fuck this! And then just walks away! And I just go just leaves everyone stunned yeah and ezra was like what like i mean he laughs a little bit because it's like that was funny but everybody else just looks so offended yeah i was

like you know where you are you know what night it is welcome to the show baby this is the best thing ever and i just could relate so much because like i mean ezra's done that a ton not like that like not just screaming out something like oh fuck this but the whole stance and everything oh man yeah just and just like them like a big old yeah and then just turned around and walked the other direction and the family was like, ah. Like, sorry. Like, you know, the kids wanted to go on it. But he wouldn't fucking do it.

So away they go to whatever ride they're going to try to figure out next. But Ezra's done that plenty of times. Like, he just throws a huge... You're like, you've done it. He's like, I'm not... Don't make me do it! And you're like, no, stop. I'm just...

I'm just trying to persuade. I've already said no. I was like, I know you say no about a lot of things, buddy. I'm just trying to get it. But do you have any good swearing in public stories? I mean, I have not. I mean, I cuss all the time. So now my kids, like we were playing baseball in the game and Miles missed a ball.

He goes, fuck. He's how old? He's seven. Nice. Nice dad. i don't care like i i told him just don't just don't do it at school or other people's house you know whatever so he doesn't make sure it's a game it was definitely in context but the one that comes to mind also is um in high school there was a kid that was, it was like that. He was this giant, giant kid. Like you knew he was coming down the hallway and he was in the special ed class.

And I think he had Tourette's or something like that. And he would just walk, he'd walk down the hallway. You'd be sitting in class and you just, you just hear like, shit, fuck, bitch. And when you're a high schooler sitting in class i don't care who you are that's funny yeah like that's that you're not making fun it's just it's just a funny hilarious i don't know it's always such a weird line with with some people out there like i'm not making fun of it yeah i'm not making a funny thing what he did it's not it's not funny that he has a disability it's funny that he just screams shit fuck my dick ass right you know like when we would

be at an assembly uh we'd be in an assembly where the whole school's in the gym you know and they and like the special ed class would kind of sit in an area and you just you just be like wait here like i i looked forward to going to assemblies because i knew that kid was going to do something where he would just start he'd start saying something so ridiculous and then they would tell him no he'd get up and just start running away from everybody at the gym yeah and of course it's like it's because he doesn't he doesn't know any better but like i as a, as a high school kid sitting in there, like, it's funny. Yeah. It's like, how, how is it not funny?

You know what I mean? Like, it's, it is. I get it, man. Like, I spent a good chunk of my life working with kids and like adults with physical and mental disabilities. And yeah, there's lots of sadness, but there's lots of like i don't know like rewarding type of you know it's a rewarding job like but oh my god there's endless funny shit that happened every single day yeah um but there's some of the nicest people you'll ever meet oh yeah and some of the worst they didn't yeah but like again you know like not holding against them right

yeah just that's what it is but there's some kids that are like they don't they don't get really understand the concept of like of stress or or like or petty shit like they just they like their emotions existing yeah like they're just every situation they have fun in that situation whereas like a lot of people will be in a thing they'll like look something look for something to be to complain about or or their mind's not entirely there yeah yeah yeah 100 uh one quick story that i whenever i think about the swearing in public whatever handful years ago now playing golf in spokane and i don't know what was happening with this dude

but this guy just i don't know apparently screaming fuck as loud as you wanted to after every shot was like an acceptable thing to be doing like not like the god damn it like the the eternal madness between the teeth this but this dude just i don't want to scream in the in the basement just fuck and but like he's three holes over and so the whole course is just like looking around is this gonna be okay it was like you can see that just just fuck that's you're like whoa and you hear a club hit a fucking tree snapping yeah and you're just playing golf and and no one kicked him off it was like for nine holes yeah until we hit the turn there's just some dude screaming fuck three times a hole but like from three holes over like a super distant like you're trying to putt and you

hear this you're like god man i feel like we should uh we we should do another episode where we just talk about golf and how ridiculous it is because yeah because i you know i played a lot of golf when i was younger and i and i like golf but golf's one of those things like when you when you get out there you're like why am i here what the fuck am i doing here i'm not good i'm just making myself angry i'm pissing myself off i paid money to make myself angry. And then stupid rules like don't cuss. And I get it.

It's like a gentleman's game. Fuck that. Now, I'm out here in a polo shirt and khaki shorts that I don't want to be in. And now I can't even say fuck because I'm pissed. You know what I mean? Like, why am I putting myself through this? Yeah, I think we'll have to do a little rant on golf in the near future. I think it would be hilarious.

I think it would be too. All right, let's slide over to some hog. Okay. Get that sweaty dick nice and deep. Zaki poo. Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick.

Dick. Dick. Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick,, Nick, Nick Nickelodeon Hog This story is really old Yeah But I don't remember ever hearing about it Not me either

So someone, who sent this in? I forget, someone sent it in It was from our son Hunter Yep He also wanted to give us a shout out to his friend Lawrence Or have us give a shout out to him Yeah, have us give a shout out to his friend, Lawrence. Or have us give a shout out to him. Yeah, have us give a shout out to his friend, Lawrence.

Said he's had a rough go at life lately, and a shout out would mean the world. Well, there you go. So. Lawrence. You got it, buddy. Lawrence of Arabia. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did realize that this one, or just look at the top of the article here, 2010. Yeah.

But man. Go ahead. It's funny regardless, but I wanted to say irregardless, and I was going to people were going, it's not a word! I know it's not a word, I just wanted to say it. So, I don't have to explain myself. Alright, Spokane police, this is a,

the reason we're doing this is because it's a local story. Sure is. Spokane police officers recently obtained a search warrant 13 years ago. A 31-year-old Spokane man was arrested september 10th a misdemeanor warrants after a traffic stop just before 1 a.m police found a knife mary joanna a digital scale and cash in his backpack i wonder what he was up to i have no idea seems like he was just nothing girl scout cookies yeah yeah making girl scout i mean

philanthropy baking you have to be precise on your ingredients. So scales are very important. Very important. He was being booked in Spokane, Angelo, charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver what the corrections deputy noticed a foreign object, possibly inside his anal cavity. Here we go. Yeah.

Here we go. The suspect refused orders to bend over. Bend over. No. No. You're not my mom. Spread your butt cheeks and cough. No.

No. I know. I never have. I never will. That's an accident only, sir. According to the warrant, he stood with his buttocks clenched, clenched tightly, and refused to cooperate with any friends. I picture him with his hands crossed going,

like he was scooting around with his butt like all clenched. Little penguin walk. You're not getting in my butt. No one's going in there. A judge then signed a search warrant authorizing officers to search the man's body cavity. And he was transported to providence sacred heart medical center the search came up empty a jailer thought he saw something said officer brian eckersley spokesman for the spokane police department but for whatever reason it

didn't come out it was just his prolapsed anus yep just all of this i love you know the officer yeah he's not a doctor yeah but like he's like i don't know he looked in there nothing came out he's like but for whatever reason didn't come out didn't come out beats me i'm no doctor right but it feels like if there was something that should have came out the going you getting a search warrant to look inside a man's record how do you not go in there and just be laughing I know like you know because you have to go

get the warrant yeah and so you're there like and it's a serious thing like we think he's like because it's a judge right that has to sign it yeah

um like what judge I don't have time for this I don't have time god damn it yeah I guess get in there hey what I mean why don't you just go in there

I don't know he keeps saying no yeah why will he know that you're searching no he's clenching his butts and crossing his arms going no if that i mean if that works what what happened to the and what do you think was there anything in there that's probably not what he did but that's what i want that's like my fantasizing that that's what he's doing. But if just saying no and squeezing your butt cheeks together got you out of some shit. Yeah. Don't you think more people would do that?

Yeah. All right. Spread your cheeks. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not doing it. No, there's no way.

No way I'm doing that. Is there anything in there? No, I didn't say that. I'm just not doing it. Okay. Well, I guess we're going to go get a search warrant for your butt hole. I bet nothing will come out. Actually, nothing will come out.

Just like that One guy Our hero Yeah He's like that legend 13 years ago That dude's 44 year Now

Yeah Not if he's still alive Not if he's still Selling weed His little scale And what you need I don't know He's putting it in a

Fucking bag Like everyone else Putting it on his scale Knife Marijuana Digital scale And cash Yeah I bet he was riding a bike too Put it in a fucking bag like everyone else. Put it on a scale. Knife, marijuana, digital scale, and cash. Yeah. I bet he was riding a bike, too. He was up with some other stuff.

Like one of those BMX bikes. Yeah, with the pegs doing wheelies. Yeah. Bar spins. Yeah, the brake cables that, you know, free spinning. Dude, downtown Spokane is full of just dudes on bikes. Dudes on bikes. And just randomly dart out into the

street yeah i mean i've seen it i've been over there um so moving on to our other story and this is i mean it's sad but also i mean come on cruise line apologizes lord that picture. I know. Cruise Line apologizes after dozens of whales slaughtered in front of passengers. Yikes. Yeah, but you'll see. Sorry. The Cruise Line has apologized over a thousand of its passengers after one of its ships arrived in the port in the middle of a whale hunt where dozens of marine animals were being slaughtered. Ambassador Cruise Lines confirmed on Thursday that the arrival of their ship, Ambition, hunt where dozens of marine animals were being slaughtered ambassador cruise lines confirmed on thursday that the arrival of their ship ambition sometimes it just writes in the pharaoh

islands located between scotland iceland and norway and the north atlantic coincided with the culmination of a hunt of 40 plus pilot whales in the port area according to the cruise line so you've probably heard about this this whale slaughtering tradition right oh yeah you haven't i'm jack not really seen pictures like the the water is just all red and people like you're like why are you guys still doing this to be honest i've never heard that i saw the picture that's why i was like oh my god the picture but i know i haven't heard of it okay so they've been doing whale hunting forever it's like a bit it's a part of like their entire culture uh and this is something

that they just do like this is just part of it and um the annual the annual slaughtering the great slaughtering the grace um anyway so says we are incredibly disappointed that this hunt occurred at the time that our ship was in port we strongly object to this outdated practice and have been working with our partner orca a charity dedicated to studying protecting whales dolphins and porpoises in the uk and european waters to encourage change since 2021 the government of the four islands pharaoh islands however has been clear on their stance on whale hunting for several years as has been in case for centuries whaling still occurs in the pharaoh islands today he said uh a government estimate about 53 000 people on the island

to explain the values of the whale hunting the faroese have eaten pilot whales meat and blubber since they first settled the island over a millennia ago today as in times past the whale drive is a community activity open to all while also organized on a community level and regulated by national laws so the article goes on to say that aboard the ship there was also like concert like uh converse fuck conversationist yeah or yeah you know i'm trying to say concert conservation conservationists like they were on the boat doing having conversations about conservation conservationists in like protecting the animals and then they look out the window and there's just a fucking massive whale slaughter they probably i can't even imagine

that the screaming and the just close the blinds it's just i mean it's awful but i mean what other things could they just like what would be worse well we just oh shit i'll tell you what would be worse is where i thought the story was going. I thought the ship was going to be coming in, and it, like, ran over a bunch of whales. Oh. And the boat actually slaughtered them. That would be worse, I think. That's what I thought it was going to be.

Okay. I mean, yeah. I mean, it seems like, I just can't imagine looking out your little boat window and being like, what? All the kids. What the fuck? Yeah, all the kids watching other kids slaughtering whales you're like what is going on over here this is a weird it's a weird thing because like i've said before i my view on things is always like you know the way we do things now and the way that, like, ancestors and their primal needs and primal whatever.

So, like, I get that these people do this as part of their, you know, tradition and heritage and stuff. And to ask them to stop, you know, it's part of their whole thing. But it's, so it's a weird. Yeah, I guess it's like, it's like hunting elk and deer and stuff like that. It's just, they're in the water. Like, I couldn't do it myself. Oh, absolutely not, but I'm not going to tell someone else not to hunt. Um, but it's weird because you, the world moves on and there's people that don't and not that they're wrong.

Cause they're sticking to their tradition. So they just inevitably clash because there's these people that are like, well, look at those people doing. And the other people probably like, what are those people doing. And the other people are probably like, what are those idiots doing on a cruise ship or whatever, you know? And there's more stats in here about how the hunting, like it is sustainable. Like they're not killing out the population.

Yeah. Like the numbers are still growing. And there's all that stuff in here. Yeah, they're not endangered. But just the idea of like being on like a fun cruise and pulling up to that shit show would be awful you're like whoops and you just go off and whatever go to the next thing like i don't know it's like pulling up to a fucking volcano but imagine like because usually

like when if you're on a cruise ship you get off on the dock and you walk into the in you for a few hours or whatever and you get back on so like the family's getting off to walk in to visit this town or village or whatever and there's just people just hacking away at whales welcome thanks for visiting it's kind of like didn't we didn't we do another story about the the deer hanging or something like yeah on the fence at the hotel yeah yeah i guess around the pool but that that's but that's a an example of people just doing what they do clashing with people that have no idea i've never seen this happen yeah oh 100 so it's a huge eye-opener i get you um all right let's

slide off with some petty beef we didn't get one in last week so we'll make sure to do that right now. Yeah, let's make this a big, girthy beef stew. Meat beef stew. That's disgusting. Zach, do it. Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real.

The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. Boomp. This was sent in by our daughter katrina and it is intriguing so during covid around january 2020 my husband uh my husband was paranoid about getting sick and started sleeping in his recliner in the living room okay so instead of like working from like working from home he's just like working from the living room. Okay. So instead of like working from home, he's just like working from the living room now. I didn't really care. It just meant more space in my bed for me and my cats.

And less fucking. Mm-hmm. Now he's complaining about anyone making noise in the kitchen, which is across from the living room. He sleeps in

until at least 10 a.m. or 10.30, and on days he works late, he sleeps in until afternoon. It's me, him, and his brother who all live together. Me and my brother-in-law have to literally stay in till afternoon. It's me, him, and his brother who all live together. Me and my brother-in-law have to literally stay in our rooms until he's ready to wake up or he'll

bitch about us making noise and waking him up. We all pay to live here and think we should be able to use the kitchen and living room. He made the choice to be out there. Now the recliner chair is starting to bother his neck and back and he has been talking about sleeping in the bed again. He's complaining that I snore, and I need to find a way to stop snoring if he comes to the bedroom. It's been like over three years, and I've gotten used to the bedroom being my room. I kind of don't want him back in my room. I can listen to my podcast as I go to sleep. I can stretch out. I can play with my cats and keep books on the unused side of the bed.

I think cats was code for her. Gotcha. Yeah. But letting him back in the bedroom will free up use of the living room and allow us to actually use the kitchen in the mornings without pissing him off. What do I tell him? Do I sacrifice my bedroom or tell him he made his choice by not sharing the bed for the past three plus years?

I guess as petty B for the situation is that we deserve to be able to use the common area of the apartment whether he's sleeping or not let me know if you have any advice thanks cat that's a whole thing it sounds like i i mean i get her side it sounds like yeah this guy's just like walking around it sounds like the husband he's just walking around the house being like i'm in here now so this is what i do in here right now like a lot of that and not really uh being respectful and i get i've gotten mad at my mom plenty of times too like but it's more me like i'll let someone sleep in the bedroom and i'll be out in the kitchen and my mom wakes up at four and starts throwing pots and pans you're living with your mom no but if she comes to visit like whatever whatever i've just had this growing up i've just

had this happen yeah um but yeah three years of having your own bed and being pretty cool with it i get that why he was doing it and when in covid when it all that and like the sick thing that's that is that's a little i mean you guys even talking cat all i guess what i'm saying is that i get it like that he was concerned or whatever but if that concern is over um he should have gone back a long time ago he should have gone back a long time ago and he shouldn't be such a dick about the whole area yeah i mean the uh the getting worried about sick thing when it's just you and your wife like that's a little that's a little much so maybe you guys just weren't spending much time together anyway and all it took to be

apart from each other would just go to the recliner like that was it and now everyone's safe that's three years sleeping in a recliner i mean he had to have liked lots of parts of it too to stay out there so i don't know what it was was it the tv it's a big tv yeah tv i get that here and snoring like i i get there there was a time when the kids were sleeping in our bed and i would just go sleep on the couch and it was kind of nice having like the couch to myself and not having getting kicked in the balls and everything and um so i get like when you change stuff it's kind of fun for a while and you do it but i couldn't imagine doing it for that long uh and if you're the one making a decision to sleep out there you shouldn't be getting upset when people are using parts of the living space.

Feels like it'd be hard to initiate sexy time, too. Just saying. It sounds like that just kind of has been out the window for a bit. Especially with the brother living there, unless he's in on it. He's in. He's tag team. Just like, hey, you got it tonight? Yeah.

Yeah. I was just kidding, Kat. Maybe that's what's going on. Maybe she doesn't want him back in the bed because the brothers, the brothers in there. I don't know. Maybe obviously we're just speculating. We're just spitballing.

Yeah. We're just spitballing here. We're just throwing out some ideas. Uh, I mean, if you're still in war, use condoms in the pool. I mean,

that's, that's to be a new saying, but use, yeah, I'm on, I'm on cat side here. Yeah. But you got me, you got to let him back into the room but he can't be a dick about it like you gotta stop snoring i think that's the thing or get

a bed and put in the living room like i don't know the dynamics of this relationship if the recliner is killing then get a better recliner get a hide a bed yeah-bed. Yeah. Couch hide-a-bed thing. Yeah, get out of the recliner and go sleep on the couch. Or get an air mattress. Right. There are many options. Yeah. Like, I know my mom and my stepdad, like, they don't sleep in the same bed a lot of times. Like, they just, they, good night, good night.

And they just go and get in different rooms and sleep way better. He puts in his little earplugs. My mom's in there and they sleep and they wake up and do life together yeah but the sleep part of it like they just sleep so much better when they're not in the same bed um so i think a lot of people do that yeah like one one person tugs the the covers yeah it's like they're it's there are a lot of, yeah. Uh, you do this for me. Um, a lot of people,

you know, married couples, they, it's like the hot and cold thing. Um, so I think a lot of people do things like that. As long as you're, as long as like,

if you need, if you need sexy time, as long as you're doing that and then you're sleeping in different beds or whatever. Yeah. That's cool. But yeah. Yeah.

This just sounds like a roommate thing not a not a marriage thing yeah man he needs to put on some noise canceling headphones or something you guys get the 100 not have to stay in your rooms until noon yeah that's like prison this guy sounds like a nightmare roommate is what it sounds like he doesn't sound like a husband sounds like a the guy that you want to kick out of the house um well cat i hope you guys get it figured out i don't i don't know i wouldn't let him back in the bedroom i just be like well fine about it cool way to sleep in the not let him back in the bed but say i'm not doing anything about the snoring fuck you like this is yeah you

deal with it this is where i am i'm just sleeping you're not you're back now in my space if i couldn't enjoy the apartment because that was your space this is now my space you can't come take it from me yeah i'm tom this is my space this is what i do yeah uh all right well cat thanks for sending that in hopefully we help uh in some way i have no idea you catch that tom oh yeah i got it that was 100 all right appreciated It was noted. I was making sure. Yeah, I was going to make sure I wrote about it in the diary later. Yes. I was like, oh. Brian made a... Brought up Tom from MySpace today.

How's Tom doing? He's going down a whole rabbit hole. Probably sitting at that desk still. Just right against the whiteboard. Or chalkboard, or whatever the fuck it was. Let's take a look at some good news. Okay. For this week.

Zach, will you play it, please? So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we are doomed. Yeah! Back to the world of science. Didn't know that this was even an option. But given all the advances they've made, I'm not surprised. But doctors have reattached Boy's after a car accident thanks to amazing surgery.

What? Mike, I'm just thinking about the things I'm trying to figure out in my life. And these dudes are just sewing people's heads back on. Putting their heads back on. And everything's fine. I had no idea that was a thing. I don't know. That picture doesn't look like he's fine.

Well, his head's on his body that's a fucking plus yeah he looks like he's gonna it's like the ring like he's gonna crawl out of the thing and attack me uh so the the skinny on this guy is in israel and it's a it's a miracle surgery and they reattached the boy's head he was hit by a car while he's riding his bike and uh the 12 year old taken to the hospital and they call it like an internal decapitation. So, basically, his neck, everything didn't rip off. The skin was still there. But completely separated from the spine. Fuck.

So, his head is off. Yeah, it's just off. It just wasn't, everything wasn't torn to pieces. So, they just were able to attach his head back and everything's fine like he's just he's just a kid again walking around talking doing kid stuff and his head was off his head he was pretty old off his head was off his spine and they're like let me put that back on for you real quick. It's like a toy.

It's like a dislocated finger. Like, okay, hold on. Just pop his head back on. They said he had a 50-50 survival rate, which, again, insane. It seems high. They looked at his head off his spine. He's like, I don't know. It's a coin flip. He might die. He might be perfectly fine. I don't know it's a coin flip he might die might be perfectly fine i don't know we'll give it a go um but it's just things like this and

the modern medicine is where are we going to be i mean we're growing fucking teeth soon we're putting kids heads back on we're never never going to die. What if they got done with the surgery? And this isn't funny. It kind of is. And they're like, woo, success. And they just put his head on backwards.

Like, God damn it. Fucking, they pull like the sheet off and they're like, fuck. And they just have his head is laying on his back and his face is in the pillow and he's suffocated. And everyone just silence in the surgery room. It's like,

God damn it. He was alive and then he subsided. All right, take it off. Take his head off again. Let's flip this thing around. God damn it. I told you, Dr. N-Nive, whatever it says in here. I just thought that was, I love little, huge medical achievements like that.

Just a little. I mean. Little. For fuck's sake. Think back to one of our earliest episodes with the fucking dick farmer. Yeah. I mean, dude was growing a dick on his arm. Yeah.

And they cut it off and sewed it back onto where his dick used to be. Yeah. He grew a dick on his arm and they put it back where his dick used to be. That got rotten. Fell off because it got rotten. What a world of... Just because we can doesn't mean we should oh man oh i do think about that the trench coat like all the kind of dicks that sounds like you're

trying to stop progress sack i am progress keep the heads off the kids okay if a kid's head falls off it should stay off god damn natural thing that's what i i mean they were off when i was growing up yeah they should always kids back in my day when little timmy his head fell off he just died we had a funeral and we didn't pass it we didn't spend all this time putting his head back on didn't go into a safe space and put his head back on ridiculous millennials god damn libtards in their in their fucking things um okay well that's it you want to you found something so i found something i don't know yeah somebody found something all right let's fucking figure it out okay cool do it the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits

you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome i love the dancing guy in that video oh yeah me too what a guy what a fella this was uh sent in from katrina okay what What did Katrina have to say? She sent in this It's a goose Made from It looks like a Like a middle finger plaster Okay

They made a They took a fucking plaster Of someone's hand Flipping out And then put little feets on it A little beak and some eyes Oh look at that And made a cute little goosey

And it looks Exactly like a goose if you didn't well i'm guessing it's a fuck a duck or something like that right it's gotta be a middle finger duck oh the duck the duck you got it okay that's that's fitting into some sort of pun that would that would uh the spring idea like that so i don't wow, man, I have a lot of those from time to time. I'm like, oh, I get it. Like, I get how that came to be. Because you just see it. And someone was like, fuck it, I'm doing it, dude.

I'm doing it. There's a lot of times where I'm like, oh, it's funny. And then move on. Like, I should have done some of that. But sometimes you just can't. We should get one of these, though. That would look really good right in the middle. Okay.

Right, I mean, just order it up. How much does it cost? $16.99. Is that worth it? Put it on the old Amex. The website seems weird. Pussful.com. Pussful?

P-U-S-F-U-L dot com. Is there anything else on that website we should be aware of? It's full of puss well let's uh Zach be careful not to show anything too naughty so don't have to blur it for uh

for YouTube for the YouTube no it's just like fuck and drive safe I fucking love you what I cannot stress this enough the fuck

looks good good stuff baby alright well maybe we should try to make one that's like a fun little arts and crafts project yeah i mean sure why not we should do we should do some paint and wine just get it all yeah get it all ready to go yeah i'm there uh all right let's hear from some of our kids are you ready to do it let's do it okay all right let's hear what you guys think really you want to talk to me wow that's cool

so you tell me did you think we were going to make it all the way through an episode without talking about hot air balloons at this no no i figured at some point it was that guy's getting a little late you Better get going. So this was sent in from our daughter Rosie. And I hope that you didn't see this when it came in. A whole lot of Rosie. Says, Hi Daddies and Uncle Zach! All caps.

Hello. I know I'm a bit late to the hot air balloon party. It's gonna go forever. Don't worry. Just getting started. I love the fact that someone someone showing up to a party. We didn't take off without you. In a hot air balloon. Sorry I'm late.

Catch this rope. Just come. Rosie's here. But I wanted to share this story nonetheless. My cousin wanted to do something unique for her baby shower. So she dragged everybody to a park with a hot air balloon as the centerpiece of the announcement. Picture this.

Hot air balloon with the wicker basket full of presents next to two tables with paper plates, plastic cups, decorations, etc. By the way, there was no balloon attached, or no balloon attendant. They placed it, wait, the place she rented it from literally dropped the thing off it's not a fucking bouncy castle just have fun guys oh my god anyways this dumb bitch decided that filling the burners with pink glitter would be a good idea and that they wouldn't get clogged or plugged up at all everyone gathered around her also dumb husband lit up the burners and surprise there was a loud ass explosion her dumb husband and pink glitter everywhere of course the basket caught on fire as well as one of the tablecloths and we had to use whatever melted ice we had in

the coolers plus the kids juices to put it out even a stationary hot air balloon is a fucking disaster it's not even getting off the ground it's still fucking shit up the firefighters did end up showing up and i think she got a fine her baby girl is eight years old now and the family calls her firecracker and she loves to tell the story of how she got her nickname sorry not sorry for the long email your daughter and niece rosie totally worth it oh man that's that's hilarious these should probably be illegal i think that's what's saying i you're not far off i mean it's or highly regulated in i i know guys listeners kids i'm sorry but it is insanity. Every week, there's just more and more hot air balloon disaster videos. That's it. We're taking them away.

They're getting emailed in or sent in from videos on socials of them on fire. Entire families being sent to the hospital. One guy almost dying because the balloon fell over and landed on him and just like deflated and he couldn't get out. What's the percentage of successful balloon trips i wonder that's the that's the crazy part there's a lot of them and they're all great they're doing great i feel like it's probably pretty it the ratio is probably pretty low accidents but it's like you remember all of them you know it's like planes don't crash often, but when TWA, like I still remember TWA Flight 800. Mm-hmm.

You know, from whatever early 90s, whatever that was. I mean, I'm just looking through emails right now to see if we've gotten any since. I haven't checked our email since earlier this morning. And sure as shit, someone else sent in another fucking hot air balloon story. And this one just pulled over on the side of the freeway uh might as well read this one now says hey daddies i'm attaching a photo of one of the weirdest things i've ever seen on the interstate it was in 2018 and i was driving on i-64 outside louisiana traffic was slowing down and i saw several police lights i moved over expecting to see a wreck never in my wildest dreams did i think i'd see a hot air I'm certain that this was an emergency landing.

Do you want to? Okay, perfect. Well, I'm certain this was an emergency landing of some kind. The thought of state police pulling over a hot air balloon on the side of the interstate brought me so much joy. License and registration? It's in the glove box. Where's the glove box? I don't know, in an actual vehicle?

Also, I am a historian and former museum curator. While I could bore you with details about balloon races and World War I balloon corps, I also instead attached one of the funniest historic headlines I've ever seen from the St.is star and times dated october 19th 1915 balloon race won by ass man we have a oh shit oh yeah balloon race won by ass man who travels 363 miles man that's good stuff ass man ass man that's funny ass man of course he changed his name You got that right baby Okay anyway The hot air balloon shit will just keep on coming

You want to move on to another story Yes Our second email coming from our son Andrew Okay Who writes He writes damn it It's hot it's pissing here Hey daddy is this your South African stepson, Andy?

You might remember me. I sent in the email about load shedding, the electricity shutting off randomly. Well, I have a funny gas station story. This was because we were asking people for gas station stories. We go on holiday to a place called Hermanus. Hermanus? Hermanus. It's probably Hermanus. It's. Hermanus. Probably Hermanus.

It's a small town on the coast of South Africa, and it's famous for its whale sightings. Oh. Not whale massacres. Yeah, just look at that. We just go up there to go to the beach and have fun. It's right in the mountains, so it wouldn't be surprising to see baboons on the roads and around the houses. Baboons are big-ass monkeys. They're pretty aggressive, so you've got to keep a wary eye open for them. Let's get to the houses. Baboons are big ass monkeys. They're pretty aggressive, so you've got to keep a wary eye open for

them. Let's get to the point. We were driving to the beach one day, and there's a gas station on the way there. As we drive past the gas station, we see a baboon running out of the gas station with a couple packets of crisps in its arms. And someone who works there is running after it,

flailing his arms. It was such a funny sight to see it looks like the baboon just took the opportunity to snatch some sex because snacks because it knew it won't be missed with they're pretty scary looking anyways from your wild steps on andy that sight would just be so fucking funny get back here you're like oh dude somebody stole something you're like wait baboon That's a goddamn baboon. You son of a bitch. But this baboon's been terrorizing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy, he's been, you know, he's disappeared for a couple days. There's a sign up on the thing. Have you seen this baboon? Have you seen Larry? Larry the baboon. Have you seen Larry the baboon? You know, you go to gas stations and they have pictures of the people that have stolen stuff.

Or like bounce checks and shit. Yeah, they're like, do you know this person? And you go in this one and it's just the same picture of the same baboon with just different shit that he's stolen. It'd be awesome if he stole liquor and cigarettes and a lot of tickets. Liquor, hat. Like fucking lottery tickets. A marijuana hat or some shit. Yeah, lottery tickets and a fucking like pot flag dude it's

gatorade it's so funny seeing like um apes and monkeys just in general like what what they're capable of and how it shows how close we really we really are just the human shit that they do yep like just going in there and fucking stealing something and knowing it's wrong. Yeah, then run away It's like it's a good actual Like a person would do like you're in there stealing something guys like hey, hey get back here. He's like fuck Picture like he's weird. He's he go he the first five times. He's gone there, he's just stealing shit to build a disguise. So he stole the hat. He got some aviators.

Like the flame hat. He got a shirt. Some fucking pants or whatever. And then he goes back this time and he's wearing all this stuff. He's playing it cool. He's got a cane and a Gatorade. Just a tourist. He's looking for some crisps.

He's like, Larry? And he just stops. Larry! We can tell it's He's like, Larry? And he just like stops. Larry! We can tell it's you with your rainbow ass. I know it's you. With your rainbow ass. I know it's you

and he just stops and then throws all his shit down and grabs the crisp and runs out. Oh, man. Good stuff. Good stuff. Why is it animals doing stuff?

Why is that so funny? And entertaining? Oh, it's amazing. It's just so Why is it animals doing stuff? Why is that so funny? And entertaining? Oh, it's amazing. It's just so... When they just do something like that, it's just so fucking funny. That, and I mean, parrots talking. They could listen to it all day. I'm not going to hurt you.

Yeah? Come here. It's not that bad. When they do it in context, that's when it's funny it's like it's like when a kid cusses you know if they just like shit and it's like ah it's funny but when they're doing something like shit fuck and you're like what the hell i think um yeah it's this past winter and the roads were just super slippery and ezra like i don't know kind of starting to do a little more swearing but

has for the most part definitely against it and doesn't you know but uh the roads were slippery and i was going around a turn and my car started sliding like i'm not gonna hit another car but to hit like a median but not hard and i'm like oh i'm trying to turn it and we're sliding and he's in the back seat and he just goes shit and then like i end up correcting it before we hit the thing and then pepper and i both turn around and look at him and he just goes i'm sorry we're like i was like no you didn't that was perfect yeah if you're gonna do it you just never caught us all by surprise um since we do have a little more time on the back end of today's show, I'm going to read one more email. In this one, I'm curious to see if you have anything in this ballpark.

Okay. Or you or Zach have anything in here. But it's from our daughter Kayla. And it says, Hey, Daddy-Os. There is no specific segment of your show that this would fit into. But I really want to tell you because I think you'll both get a kick out of it. A few years ago, I used to work with UPS as a driver, a driver helper. So I would help the drivers deliver their packages. One evening we had a package for an apartment and this apartment

building was set up so that you'd walk on a boardwalk past everyone's windows to get to their door. It was dark. And in any light, and so any light emitting from inside was highly visible. I took the package to the apartment on the very end, and this guy had had his TV on. It was on the wall, facing the window. He didn't have any curtains shut or anything. As soon as I passed by the window, I couldn't help but notice a naked Asian woman playing with her butthole on his TV screen. Well, I laughed to myself, left left the package rang the doorbell and he immediately turned off the tv man if you're gonna do that at least shut the curtains you

never know who could be walking by and see love your daughter kayla that reminds me of some guy that was watching a baseball game at the stadium and he had a porn on his phone and somebody filmed him that was right where was that some professional baseball game yeah like they're looking out of the stadium or something like those are not statistics yeah so that's that's your ass statistics statistics i don't know why you would want a boner in the middle of a baseball stadium in the first place well yeah you get some wood i guess balls bat joke all that stuff right there maybe just a short stop yeah have you ever seen anything someone's window do you're like whoops like knocking and got a got a peek of something

you didn't didn't want to see no no no but i uh i i do think about that from time to time like at my own house just just because when it gets dark, like not we're doing anything, but like if you're watching a movie and got your blinds open and not like a porn, but like a movie and then all of a sudden there's a nude scene. Like if someone just happened to walk up and we also have at our house, we have a low big window. And so if someone walks up the house, like a mailman or whatever, you can see right into our living room. So sometimes you're just sitting on the couch.

And it's weird when someone walks up to your window and they're like putting mail away and you're just. See them? Yeah, you're just like. Peeking at them? Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Hello.

Yeah. You know what a really weird thing was? This kind of, it reminds me a little bit of that strip club thing. There's a restaurant in Spokane that you, so there's the seating area. You go to the bathroom, and then the bathroom has a one-sided window. So you stand in the urinal. It's a one-way mirror, yeah. Yeah.

But it's not really a mirror. It's like they've got a logo on it. It's kind of like a piece of art. a mirror it's like a they've got a logo on it's kind of like a it's a piece of art they've used it like a piece of art right you know so but you stand there and you're peeing so you've got your dick in your hand and you're looking out and there's like just people eating yeah and just hanging out and it's weird because you think like these people should be able to see me because i can see them but you know they can't so it's really fucking bizarre to have yeah your dick hanging out and then like just staring at someone eating a hamburger yeah putting down some chicken nuggets yeah it sounds like a fun opportunity yeah sure i mean there's definitely it's a challenge i mean yeah can you can you come yeah you can you could

it's just a little harder you could see someone walk into the bathroom so you know how much time you have yeah you just that corn dog never looks sexier. You know what I mean? No, there's a restaurant on Lake Coeur d'Alene called Shooters that has the same thing. Stand at the urinal and peek out and everyone's just sitting. And there's a table. It's not. It's right there.

Up against the wall. It's fucking there. Like, you could smell their hair over the top of the urinal if the glass wasn't there. It's kind of like... That is a weird thing to do. It feels kind of like a virtual reality thing where you're just... But it's right in front of you. Yeah.

Anyway. Anyway, so there's that. I've always thought that was weird. I've never really talked about it, but it was. I've seen... I've accidentally seen... I think it was a couple. Might have just been a girl.

I was getting water and looked out the window and there's just like a naked girl across the street And I was like, oh cool, but I felt too weird to stay so I left but i've definitely done that the other way at this house our living room has giant windows and The curtains like I always close them before going to bed Got the last one in there. I guess, you know shut the curtains like i always close them before going to bed got the last one in there i guess you know shut the curtains and this particular time i i was naked and i was walking out to i think i was gonna go close the curtains and i was like oh and there was lights that were on

and the curtains were like were wide open and i was just naked i was just gonna i was what are the chances and as i'm walking, I stand up on the couch naked. So I'm in the window just to grab the curtain thing and get it pulled over. And just right out the window is just a fucking couple walking by with their dogs. And there's no way. Nice dick, Joe. Yeah, there's no way they didn't just see a grown-ass naked man standing on a couch in the living room. With a huge dong.

Was it a hog? I don't know. know oh what they're walking it was a dog no no no was it just after some sex so was it a sweaty like dangling hog it's normal hanging hog just a flaccid yeah just fucking naked like one one leg up on the back of the couch like just i guess didn't think you know what are the chances yeah i think it's emerged out of the darkness because it was dark out i was like and it's so like when you're outside it's dark and then there's a there's yeah there's a uh a light on the house like you can see everything you know see what you want to steal in this case got a little more than you bargained for but it's like

a little lamp you pull the dong and so i know i've i know i've actually i've actually done that to the people i mean there's times when in the middle and i want know i've i know i've actually i've actually done that to the people i mean there's times when in the middle and i want to get up and drink some water and if it's really hot like tonight i'm probably gonna sleep with no clothes on because it's so fucking hot hell yeah so i'll do that like and we'll have a light on the house just in case because kids wake up move around that way they're not going through the dark and you kind of like yeah fuck it if someone's gonna see they're see. But sometimes when you wake up, you got like a full on erection.

Cause that's just happened sometimes. Sure does. You feel like you got to kind of conceal it a little bit. Cause someone's looking in the window. But also so funny that we're just, it's like so scary. Why is that so scary? See a naked person walking around in a house.

It's not scary. But we're just like conditioned to be like, Oh my God. Like that's so bad. It's not scary. But we're just conditioned to be like, oh, my God. Like, that's so bad. I don't think that. I think that's awesome. I know, but a lot of people are. Like, when they saw me in the window, I was like.

Hey, Steve and Tammy. I was like. I'm just like. Like, just, you know. They just got a. That was the curtain call. That was out. You get it.

I mean, my old neighbor, he used to just. He would. let it go he would get in the hot tub and stuff and he would just he'd come out and just full dong hanging out and didn't care and i was like i actually liked having a neighbor that that was that open because it was like then i didn't feel like i needed to be weird about it because he didn't care yeah and i'm sure he wouldn't care if you one night there was a windstorm and a tree fell over and I heard the bang and I went and looked out the window. I'm looking around. He comes out.

He's out there. He's fucking it. He had his gun and a flashlight and he was looking around and he was just fully naked, dong swinging in the wind. Yes. In the wind? Yeah. It's like completely horizontal. Yeah, you can hear it.

Fluttering. You're like, what's that noise? And then you look out the window. Oh, it's just my dick. It's a flag noise. Oh, man. Anyway. So you got something

You want to send into the show You can always do that That's heyguys At candydontpodcast.com You want to do the end? You haven't done the end in a bit You want to fucking do it today? Oh yeah

Let me jump in the end Alright hit it baby Alright I got it Want to become part of the gaggle? Oh I thought you meant to wrap it up I was like I was waiting for Zach

To roll the thing I was waiting too I was like Should I be doing stuff? Sign up on patreon.com slash candy don't podcast. Yes, you're going to do it. Got the YouTube channel. Hit you that email address.

Got the socials. Oh, you want to take it from there? Hey guys, candy don't go podcast.com. Yeah. Got the merch. Pick that up. That's important for us. Yeah.

Get some, get some hot air balloon merch. Got the, got the business hands in there. Business hands. Got the hot air balloon. Get some new stuff in balloon stuff in there oh yeah gotta get rolling in there once again um people are requesting tank tops by the way i'll just say it now before i forget um okay rate and review us wherever you can that helps out a lot and then of course uncle zach what's up what's up producing today's show love you love you uh you got all the podcasts what are all of the podcasts for scat cast you want to want to lay them on us now yeah because i just always say like there's 40 of them we have our monday inside scooper for patrons we have our tuesday

scat cast show which is cartoons for your balls wednesday is the dipshit files with mrs script keeper thursday is the david angus show and friday is just a ride with Shaden and Monique and Jeff. It's a lot of work. We also have a video show that we do every Monday too. It's funny though. Love it, man. Scatcast.com, that's scat with a K. Don't do the other one.

You won't like us. You'll find what Kaylee saw, the Asian girl fingering in one hole. Thanks to all the babysitters, of course, helping moderate that Facebook page. Go join it. It's the Can You Don't Playground.

And that's it. I think, oh yeah, one of our kids sent in a joke this week. Are you ready for it? I'm ready. All right,

Zach, you fucking got it. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Just looking down here at these leather penis sleeves.

Can't wait to try it on. There's no way that's going to fit you. You have to loosen it way up. Yeah, quite a bit, actually. But that's why it's adjustable. We'll take pics. This was sent in by Christopher. Just dick pics with corsets on them.

It looks like a corset, right? Yeah. That's what a corset is, right? Yeah, got the lace up the adjustable. For your waist to smash it all in. It's going to purple up the head pretty good. Can't wait. Why couldn't the guy with no legs get a job?

No. He just couldn't get his foot in the door. You get it. That's one of the better ones. Ah, yeah! Alright, well that's it for 58. We love you guys. If you support us on Patreon, the show continues.

Bye, guys. Bye. Bye, guys. To all the...