Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Plumber's Crack. Pepper Balls. Nuns. Meth Lab.

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

How far would you go to prank your family and friends? Would you create a fake meth lab, media coverage, mugshot, and local news website so that everyone thinks you're going to prison for the rest of your life? Someone did. Let's talk about that, the fastest ass crack Joe has ever seen, things getting pretty wild in a Walmart parking lot, a couple of enemy lesbian nuns falling in love and running away together, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch this episode YouTube: https://youtu.be/qc6mlz42iBgSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Plumbers crack. Pepper balls. Nuns. Methelab. Hey, guys. Hey. Yeah, Joe. Hey, what's up, Dave?

Whoa. What's up, brother? How are you doing? You? Yeah, good. Right now we're talking over the intro music. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. You're not your fault. It's our fault. We called you. Yeah. How's your crane? Ukraine. You're Ukraine? The A's working great.

Okay. He's in Ukraine? What's the craziest part about doing the crane stuff? The fact that you could just fall asleep and kill someone? Yeah, I mean, that's a constant threat. Yeah. Are you on a tall crane? Like one of those construction creams? Or what is it? No, I am on the ground. It's an 80-ton rough terrain crane.

Oh, got you. Okay. I'm going to pretend like I know what that looks like. So you're on some like treads, like some tracks? this one's actually on wheels Oh would you say it's a pussy crane Like compared to the big ones Pretty much Yeah in so many words

Is that a license you have to get You're like can I guess get like the pussy one Yeah I just want the bitch crane You're like hey can I get the crane that men use Yeah Do they make it for men? Yeah Hi how are you?

We haven't called you in a couple weeks So we figured it's been a little bit Great shows so far Oh thank you You're kicking it right off Okay, hey. First thing. Anything new and exciting happening in your life? The Boundry Waters tried to burn down for a couple weeks, but it sounds like this,

settling down. I love how it's so specific to his area. That's so great. Like anyone else is like, oh, no. Yeah. I mean, come on. People outside of Minnesota know about that. I mean, at least 20 miles outside of Minnesota.

Over here, did you know that, like, there was a fire in our neighborhood? probably no you didn't Dave I don't know you could have to work on the scope it's specific

to his county yeah he's like I don't know my neighbor had a heart attack and I was like hmm okay I

yeah all right well want to tell us a funny story so college days we used to go to the NHRA drag races

around here hell yeah for like four days in a row yeah fucking oh yeah yeah

Top fuel, baby. Yeah. And we wake up every morning, John Force! We wake up every morning and go bridge jumping just to watch the stank off of us. Yeah. And so I'm diving in one time

and right before I hit the water, one of my buddies goes, oh shit. And I'm like, well, that's weird. And so as I come up, all I see is the bottom of a boat. Trying to get myself away from the boat and succeed. So not only did I almost dive right to follow this boat, but then I almost got ran over by it.

You almost got chewed up. Yeah, like, not good. Then some Karen decides the sheriff needs to get involved, and that was the end of our bridge jumping experience. That almost sounds worse than Joe's bridge jumping experience. Yeah. Where you broke something, didn't you? Yes.

Dave, were you listening when I missed my handplant and ended up doing like a 720 front flip into my face? shattered his cry. Off a 40-foot bridge. Oh, geez. Trying to jump up to railing and plant my hand. And then I started swimming down when I woke up, and I was like, this isn't the right direction. That's not great.

Yep. Came up and nose, mouth bleeding. Kids crying. People jumping in the water to make sure I wasn't dead. Why are you guys all excited? I'm like, whoa, was that cool? Dude, that's so sick. You guys are going to jump in and get a high-five me?

Like, no, making sure you're a lot. Live, you fucking nerd. Are you paralyzed? Can you get my toes? I'm like, just put me on that little swim-up deck over there. I'll make it. I guess laid down for the rest of the day.

Yeah, take it easy. Well, I'm glad you didn't get chewed up. Same. Thanks for kicking off episode 216. Love you guys. Thanks for the call. Love you. Bye.

Cheers. Ye. All right. Let's get this shit rolling. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do you. Send in your content suggestions. Anything. Petty Beebeef, Confessions.

And I know we've been talking about doing a confessions episode for a really long time. We're going to do it. Send all that shit in. Just spill the beans. Hey guys at can you know podcast.com. We have reached our goal. We are just finding the time to do it. So Brian and Zach are eating this is stroaming.

Right now. And we're going to film it, we believe, this weekend and get it knocked out as it's going to help us. Your kids might be there. And that's exciting. I'll be broadcasting from the can you know. You know, broadcast booth. The official is, do we have a sponsor? Super booth.

Do we have a sponsor set up for that? Sponsored by Dave's Pussy Cranes. We lift a little shit. We lift a little shit so you can handle the big shit. So we're going to film that, and that is what is in this box right here. Oh, no. I thought maybe someone just sent us in something. No.

I love the description on this box because it's from Latvia. Latvia. It's from Latvia, which their area code is LV-3913 in case you were sending something to Latvia. I think people get, they send things away from Latvia. And it's a, it has, you can check boxes on it and it says it could be a gift, commercial sample, documents, or return to goods, or other. This is other. It's a other. It's a strong other.

And then it says quantity and detailed description of the contents. and it says one times seven pack of socks yummy like I guess you can't just ship this shit around so they lied and they said it was socks and here it is

I feel safer already Latvia looks nice this time of year Oh we can hear it It's sloshing around Oh I know it's not socks Oh Oh, man.

Unless their cum socks. And it just has a, like, a red number six on it. God, I'm so excited about this. Is that a dye? The red number... It's just a warning. Mama number five. It's the amount of times you're going to throw up.

Oh. So we're going to get that done. Head on over to patreon.com. So it's Candy-Doh podcast. Oh, we should gag. That's how you sign up. We got to get Zach's camera. Yeah.

I'm closing in on that. Yeah. It's all coming up. But we do have a fun show today. We have a totally hogged up, meaty flongongle on the show today. So get ready for just a very healthy serving of dick. Yep. It's a stroming can-packed fermented cock.

Did you buy the Red Wolf? I was looking into it. Yeah, yeah. Red Wolf is the one. It's the one. You bought the one. It's not Sam's Club. Right.

I'm not going Sam's Club, but there's a Stroming. Kirkland brand. It's open for Kirkland brand. This is right. This is, I mean, it's from Latvia.

It's straight out of Latvia. I thought we were talking Scandinavia here. Yeah, but they bought it up. You know, it gets around. Like to know the political details.

It ends in a via. Mm-hmm. It's good, right? Scandinavia, Latvia. Yeah. We're trusting, y'all. Mm-hmm. No.

I don't know if any of it's going to make it to my stomach. You have to get a piece. That's it. I don't know if it's the only rule. And we're going to have a lot of fun with you guys. We're going to do a whole thing. Kids are filming. And I know how it smells. So I'm looking forward to watching Ezra trying to help film while also throwing up.

And I can't wait. It's going to be great. All right. Get the show going. Zach! Shut up. Start the show already. Yeah.

Okay. Here we go. Seth is back. Guess who's back? Seth is back. Back again. Also, happy belated birthday. His birthday was like a month ago, missed it.

I love your fucking ass-tap. And this is a combo from two different ones that he sent out. Okay. Would you rather always have to travel on a pogo stick? It's the only way you can get around. Or have one of your kids shave your butt hole once a week. It's like, the first part was like, yeah, it could be anything. And then it's like, oh, yes, Seth, there is.

Oh, there. That's fine. That's fine. Hmm. I feel like that's a pretty easy one. It doesn't matter how they shave it, right? No, but as long as it gets shorn. Is it?

I feel like you're going to have to talk me out of it. Talk me out of it. I'm going to talk you out of it. Think about, okay. So late night, just bed, bed to bathroom. 3 a.m. and you have to pull up a Pogo stick.

It's hard enough to just try to get down the bathroom with my eyes squinted so I can go back to sleep. Yeah, keep the sleepy, Sam. There's no way you're doing that. Is that going to stop being funny, though? I think you're going to just get on that thing and just chuckle no matter what time. No way, dude.

Come on. Maybe the first couple of times. You're bumping into the wall, knocking over your family portraits. Like, you're, you have to be, you will eventually become a professional Pogo snicker. Yeah, you'd get real good, for sure. But ducking through a doorway, timing those jumps perfectly so you're not slamming your head into the doorframe. Yeah.

With diarrhea. Again, you'd get better. Get better with time. It'd be sloppy in the beginning. Oh, my God. And this relates back again to last week. And we, you know, we talked about this. But imagine going out for like a fancy dinner.

Mm. And you're wearing a tux. You're wearing heels the whole thing. bouncing into a fucking steakhouse for your anniversary. And you're waiting and you're waiting. Please watch for a table. He's like, your wife's just sitting there.

She's over. And you're just like, this place looks nice. All the seats are full at a Texas roadhouse. At least you can proudly pogo in knowing that you shaved your own butthole. Yeah. Come on. Like a man.

Oh my goodness. You're not wrong. Okay. But yeah, I mean, any, again, like any situation you go to that is... All the common ones. Just tent, like, if... Oh, my God. I just pictured, like, just, you know...

Oh, no. Okay. What do you have? I'll remember mine. But you'll forget yours. So you go first. I'm just picturing, like, of course, it's the funeral. Yeah.

So they're bugging a funeral and just in the back of the church or whatever. It's just, you're there. And it's like... somebody wanted to speak and said some nice words and they're like, here's his up the aisle. It just ding, ding, up the stairs.

But you keep messing up. You get to go back and redo it. And everyone knows that pogo stick sound. It's not spring. It's kind of. But it's more like just plastic hitting metal. Yeah. It's a and you have to restart. You're like, and you're crying. But if you can't get up the stairs

because it's going to be hard. If you're not good at a Pogo stick, it's going to be rough. Don't speak at a funeral if you don't have them. Well, no, it's your, it's your dad. Unexpected. Right? Oh, my God. You're the past, maybe you're a pastor.

Speaking. And the sound is just like, he was the best person I never been around. And then, of course, you have to fall off. do that thing where you come off with two feet, you're like, and then you got to get back. And you bounce over to the open casket. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Fuck all of that, dude. That all sucks. See, like, any situation walking up trying to get alone, like, all of it is absolutely ridiculous. But what I was going to say was, imagine you somehow, oh, my God, you somehow, you somehow, found yourself in a one-night stand situation. One-night Pogo stand. And you're like, no, no, no, you go ahead and go to the bathroom.

Like, I'll meet you at the car. Because you just somehow are able to hide this. She goes, okay, great. And she goes to the bathroom. And you're like, you whip out of Pogo's thing, bounce out of the bar. Throwing the trunk. For the back seat. You're just like standing at the car.

And she goes, okay. And you have sex. She goes, well, you can't stay here. Like I have an early. morning and you're like, fuck. And you're like, okay. I'm just going to hang around here if you want to go. Listen, don't worry about walking me up.

Like, everything's fine. I'll be great. She goes, okay. You're like, okay. And just stand there. You're like, her, just close your eyes. She goes, mm-mm. And I just want to see you walk away.

You go lay down. You walk away. I just love this night so much. You're like, fuck. Just bounce down her hallway and out the front door. Like a kiss at the front door and just pogo stick your way to the car. How long could you keep that up? Zero. Zero amount.

Like, you're trying to hide that from a date or something. You could. You would never get a date. Like, the resume is, you're a doctor. You went to fucking Harvard. You've cured whatever disease. People trying to take you seriously as you bounce in the lab coat. To cure cancer?

They're trying to get the gloves on and all that scalpel. and all that kind of shit. Yeah. You are so limited. Okay. I mean, you'd have to, you gotta use your hands to hold on the, it's, it would limit your, scuple. Yeah, it would limit what you're able to do. And then it's the embarrassment of having your kids shave your butt hole.

Which, is it easier with your kids now or, I mean, mine, it's, I have boys. Yeah, you do. And they just think it'd be funny. Would they? I mean Probably only a couple times They grow up and move out They have to come home once a week to shave your butt

But that's the thing I'm wondering Like if your kids are older Like right now it would be a little bit easier I think I could Convince my kids that it's It's funny to do it But when you're You know

Your kids are in high school now And then them explaining to their partner I Like we have to go Yeah How long do you hide it Like we have Stop by my parents' house real quick

Why I have to shave my dad's butt hole. He can't do that himself. I wish he could. He looks like he could. You guys were just playing softball together. It's completely capable. Why can't he shave his butthole?

I don't know. I just always love you. I don't know, but this is it. This is where I'm out. And the more kids you have, you just have to keep on having kids so that they're young enough to not care about shaving your butthole. If you're given a toddler a razor to shave your butthole?

Did it say how often? Oh, once a week. Once a week, yeah. So once a week, they can't live too far away. Yeah. Forever. Or a lot of frequent flyer miles or something. Oof.

You catch on a plane because you have to fly home and shave your dad's butt hole until we? That's not a big deal. I got this flight, this flight was free. You're like, God bless. God bless Delta. Let's meet in Denver. Yeah. Like, we'll meet at the, we'll go into the airport bathroom.

You're in a stall. together with your dad to shave his butthole in an Alaska lounge did you bring the razor after you guys both have a couple beers catch up on life and you're like well and guess we gotta I better get home you know your mom

and be like yeah well I know your butthole let's get home Zach did any of this help No I still You still do a pogo stick? Yeah I think I'll just master that Fuck Save my kids your house would be the worst It would.

For a pogo stick, dude. I agree. I agree, but it would still be better. All right, I'm going to bed. My little hobbit stairs. Just being all flirtations. You're like, hey, baby. It's like, you want to get lucky tonight?

She's like, follow me. She's like, take my hand. You're like, I can't. I still can only do two hands. I got to have bold hands on the bars. I'll meet you. I'll be there in a half hour. And I'm going to hit my head on everything.

I got to say sorry to the cats real quick. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Eventually you would get so good, though, at a Pogo Stick where you'd be, like, parkoring. You know what I mean? Like, because you would have to, you just, you'd have to.

It's life. You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you couldn't just regular Pogo Stick to work or something. You're like hitting, you're stopping by the skate park. But you're still that guy. You're not going to climb any ladder. But you'd work for yourself, but you're also the weirdo. That's just hopping around town? Might as well be the best at it, though.

And jump Pogo Stick on grass? We all know what that is. Not good. Did you ever get good at Pogo Sticking? Did anyone? I mean, you could jump around. I would do like a little trick and like a little bar spin. I think I'd get like boing, like three jumps,

and then it would always pop to the side and I'd have to step off. And I was like, this is stupid. I'm a-in-my-chin. Yeah, you start fucking around. And then you catch the grips, the handlebars into the chin. when you miss a little trick and you're like, ah, never mind.

This isn't for me. I was ride a bike. You pogo dick. Yeah. I mean, I get why it was probably cool when they invented it. And they have the,

like, the industrial ones. We've all seen that. Where they can jump like, what, 20 feet? Those dudes are doing back flips, double back flips,

triple back flips. Yeah. And then you still watch it and you're like, next. But that's the best it's ever going to be. You've peaked.

And everyone's like, hmm, not funny you can take a little piece the high pogo stick jump high I kind of forgot

high performance pogo stick super pogue oh look at this guy super pogo right so next hit by car

melt the record right in the balls does gnarly did but is it? That's pretty cool. Yeah, I don't like to watch. Compared to not doing it. It says Biff's mother, not Biff's girlfriend, by the way.

In case you're wondering. Yeah. Yeah. His mom's so supportive. His girlfriend's like, just call me when you're done. I'll wait for you. You have to travel on concrete.

Your whole life is concrete stuff. Extreme sports. Super. Bogo. But also... That's pretty sick, dude. But I would just... You're like, cool.

Please? I mean, it's... What? It's basically like a tramp... Like, it's just a trampoline everywhere. Like, that's pretty cool. I feel like my ACLs would shred, though. Yeah.

But... But... Oh, on the roof. No way. But if he misses that, that's gonna suck. Dude, that's sick. Strictly. Okay, he's won me over.

Well, you should do this? Walking your daughter down the aisle? Just take a quick intermission. Intermission for Papa Paisley. Papa Pogo. They call it Papa Podes. Power Pogue. And you're trying to stay quiet?

You know, she doing like little tiny jumps? WD-40 it, so it's not so spooky. God. I don't know, man. I think I'm going to go with shaving my bum hole. I think so, too. Zach's just popping, bump and jumping around, dude. And you're already tall.

You're going to get fucked. Yeah, well. Everywhere you go, dude. Everywhere? That sucks. I think I'll just shave my own butthole. That's just how it's going to go. But you need like a pogo check.

Pogo. Like, you go to a bar, like, it's got a Pogo check. Like, do we have a code check? Can you put this back there? No. No, we can't. Happened to Pogo over to a table to sit down? Or like you're on the, you're at like a club, a dance floor and you just have to pogo everywhere.

You have to stand on the subway. He's bouncing the whole fucking ride. No way. Shave my ass. All this. I mean, all the places that we go, we are constantly on the move as a family doing stuff. Sharing your kids on the sporting event doing a backflip on a pogo stick. Home run.

Touchdown. And all the parents are like. Brian here again. Can you hear Brian here again? I'm picturing off the distance. You're right, your wife makes you go to like right center like behind the fence

and you're just bouncing. You just see him pop up over there. Hit it here, son! Yeah, hit it here. Run! But there's like subtle little things like you're at the baseball field. You look over and there's a long walkway

where people are parking and walking. And you just look over and you just see this dude like with a with scaring stuff because you just pogoing down the sidewalk next waiting in line at the post office oh just boom boom boom like this fucking guy no i can you tell me what days you come here so i never fucking come here again as much as i don't want my kids to shave my butthole uh they're that don't i just don't think i can pogo everywhere there's no way shave my ass it's not that bad that's that's five minutes of ass. Mm-hmm.

We all have them. And just get an electric one and be like, just buzz me. Just buzz me, man. Buzz my ass. Just a little off the top. It's Thanksgiving. Yeah, right. Just buzz this thing down.

Brown Friday is going to be... Let's get back to Thanksgiving. You get cleaned up for Brown Friday? Your mom's pissed. Oh, man. Oh, shit, rise. For the golden geese. Daniel Akai,

the sofa king. Nia dafei. 3 Daniel Steven Gera Matthew Leopard letter Tad Zittin

Jason Clayton Jordan Jordan Oh It's got dizzy Oh my god Well yeah

It took Wow Wow Wow Well that was a lot That's a preview of this storming. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait. I have a terrible gag. Big thank you to the golden geese that support us at the top tier on Patreon. All right, moving over to what are you thinking about? Zeus is pogoing into the room. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Boing. We're not, Zeus. You can't hear you from up there. While you're talking, your voice would constantly leave. All right, what are you thinking about? Fucking Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe?

What do you think of? about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Something that I saw. So I do a lot of driving these days.

And we've all been through driving Miss Paisley. Either seen it. Oh my God, traveling to my job on a pogo stick? Nope. Could you have someone drive the car and you just bounce them in the pogo stick on the roof? I mean, he says you have to travel by them. So you can only travel by Pogo Stick. So cars out.

How can we didn't even think of that when we were doing this? Yeah, that didn't even come up. Didn't even think about you guys coming here to record. It was just the little places. You have to leave on a Tuesday to get here to record. So tired. That does shift it up a little bit. Yeah.

What are we doing? That was done. We thought about tiny things. Anyway, lots of traveling. I see a lot of things. We've all been in a spot where there's a part of your body that is being exposed when you don't know it's being exposed. Like my balls last week? Yep.

Had to blur the balls. Super balls. Got them out of there. Boles of Fury. Brian's bupah, blah, blah. And just a little teeny sensor. No, it was huge. It was huge.

You have big balls, dude. Thanks. And we were. Wait, what? So I do a lot of driving, and the most, like, recognizable phrase that comes to mind when you think about unintentional exposure is not only fans. That's intentional. Would be, like, plumbers crack. Sure.

No one wants their ass hanging out. They don't know. You see people in school or wherever they are. They're sitting down, and their shirt rides up a little bit, and they just have a high ass crack. And it's plum, I mean, everyone knows the phrase. Everyone knows it because it happens. And you just see, I don't, I feel like I have a low, I have a low cut back there. How do you guys feel?

Like my pants would have to be really far down to see my ass crack. I don't think I've ever seen your ass crack. Yeah. I don't think I've seen yours. Like my pants, I would have to purposely be showing you my ass crack. Are we even really friends? You also, if you have a butt, like if you've got some... I have a butt, if you have definition between your back and your butt, your pants can stay up.

A lot of the times it's just like a flat ass and it slips down, you know? Yeah, but plumbers crack isn't... There's a fat ass I've seen. I've seen some fat asses. No, but their rest of them's fat too, so it makes their back flat. So the pants just sink right down. It's just math, baby. I bet you there's not a lot of plumber crack left in this world because they know they're wearing overall

they're like, no, I'm not going to be that guy. You'd be surprised. All right, honey. It's pipe fitter. We're called pipe fitter. So that and like, whatever, nipple slips. Like, there's, like, yeah. But, like, sometimes, like, a camel toe or a moose knuckle.

Like, you're just showing a little more than you intended. Again, right back to last week when you just picked your leg up to show me your feet. I don't remember why you did that, but you did it. And your nuts were out. Yeah. And that's fine. That's fine. You didn't mean to do it.

But this particular situation made me feel so bad for this woman. It was clearly like a couple. And whatever stage of life they were in, they were like, we're going to do motorcycles now. So is a guy and his old lady. Motorcycle time. And they were just doing traffic. I was coming home from work, already put in my eight hours at 10 a.m. So I'm heading back and they're doing motorcycle stuff.

So probably mid, probably my age, probably midlife crisis kind of situation. You could tell they weren't, they weren't seasoned motorcyclers. Okay. The pre-post divorce phase. Yeah. Or they just got it done. Was it a two-wheeler or a three-wheeler? What?

Motorcycle? Was she on the back? No, no, no, no. They had two, they were two separate. They had their own hogs. Separate hogs. Sponsored by J. Joey Hogbone.

They were able to slam... Two for one hounds. Get the new lady hog. Yeah, they had a full pitcher, a full pitcher of full throttle and won a free hog. At Joey Hoggbone's Bar and Grill. So they were hogging out, and they were driving around...

Hogging the road. Yeah, they were, dude. You fucking kidding me? Yeah! Yeah! And a man hog was in front hogging and she was behind

Lady hogging Yeah you can just tell because you were pulling up on them and they would follow each other in and out weaving through traffic and as I got closer and I felt so bad for her I've never seen

a plumber's crack going 75 moving and not just sitting so the vibration of the hog dropped her pants down and it like so she's just

going down like during one of the busiest times of the day with their fucking ass like oh you didn't see it all but you knew you knew what the rest of it looked like you could picture it yeah you're like I know what that ass looks like

and she's just this ponytail's whipping under her helmet just living life just wearing that leather vest that has brand new off Amazon it's just an ass out was there a patch on it on her ass or on the vest both No, they haven't gotten into any motorcycle gangs yet.

They just got going. They have applications out. Trials. The gangs that they've applied to are checking references at this time. So it's a pristine, no problem, leather vest. Like if you bought like a Halloween costume off of Amazon. They bought the Joey Hoggbone. Harley Davidson motorcycle costume.

That's what they looked like. Little tassels? Were there any tassels? Not that I saw. And they didn't have the window beaders or whatever they're called. Maybe. She sounds like she had some saddlebags. It sounds like whatever attention they wanted, it was her ass was the attention. And it was, you know, she was a bigger girl.

Not huge, but it was an ass. And I felt so bad because I got closer and closer. And I was like, is her ass out? And I just zoomed. And I just got close. And I was like, oh my God, your whole fucking. ass is out yelling her at the window. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Your ass is out. I can see your hole. Like the vibrations. It was a, the cheeks were out, they were bouncing.

It was not on purpose. She did not give off the vibe that she was doing it on purpose. And I guess felt so bad. I can't pull over yet. Already pulled over. Can't pull over any first. And you're on the freeway. You don't want to pull over on the shoulder in the freeway.

And it was right by State Line. So she would just pass Harley a little. Maybe they just picked them up. They showed up in those Halloween costumes. Picked up a hogbone from Lone Wolf. Yeah. We're like, let's go to State Line. Lone Wolf Harley-Bee.

I think they turned off on Stateline. I was like, that's exactly where you should be going right now. Which, by the way, is where we had the Can You Scat Fest. Oh, yeah. Was right. Right. I was going to say nice folk at Lone Wolf too

Sovereign used to play there Every once in a Halloween stuff You got that at Lone Wolf? Oh no you got that at the Scat Kenny Skat Fest Oh yeah At Cruiser We sell switchblades

Switch blades and Bear asses So anyway I guess that's what I'm thinking about Because I can't imagine I'm sorry that happened to you You're out there somewhere You're out there

I know but I hope that you caught it And she might have just gotten off the bike and been like, oh, part of my butt was out. Yeah. Nope. All of it was. There are those situations. And then the last thing here.

And then it's like you'll see video of like some drunk guys fighting outside of a bar. And some guy just like doing that like forward stumble like he's going to fight goes to throw a punch and just falls over. And his shirt comes up and half of his ass is out. And he's like faceplants on the sidewalk. And his whole ass is just out. And everyone's like, oh shit. It's a butt. laying there with his ass out

teeth were smashed into the concrete like butt send me that link would you yeah dude just google i'm sure it's out there oh yeah i've seen google ass butt fight concrete four million five

yeah you'll be set uh google found 48000 buts uh results results is what i'm trying to say well should we try to slide on this flung

yeah see if we can dip it in yeah yeah brother Zach you push it we'll fucking Is it done and it's dick? Big. Okay. Well, we're going to jump right into the dick and the flung theme right here. Okay. With this son, bitch.

They've done it, Joe. The Vietnamese have done it. I've wondered what they've been doing over there. This is what they've been working on. Okay. This is what they've been working on. This is it. What are you guys doing over there?

Food in this. Vietnamese doctors perform nation's first successful penis transplant. Oh yeah. Well done, guys. Well done. Imagine being an organ donor. You just found out that your dick got put somewhere. What about like, family's like, oh my God.

You guys said you guys were able to save someone's life. They're like, we just to prove it slightly. So like it was a kidney heart, you know, liver. We just took your husband's dick. What? He just cut his dick off. Twist the dick. Who had it?

We just put it here and we put it over there. Well, who has it now? That's confidential. HIPAA. They can tell you if they want to. We took your husband's dick. His driver's size said to do it. So we did it.

It says donor, but I didn't realize that was part of it. Damn it. It doesn't say dick donor. Tret. this picture right here the caption underneath they're performing a surgery and it just says

the Viet Duck Friendship Hospital Medical team perform Vietnam's first penis transplant from brain dead donor Yeah Dumb dick So

Well his brain's dead but it's dick's hard Right Yeah Tornment announced a successful completion of Vietnam's first penis transplant from a brain dead donor The patient is a 43 old male who underwent a partial penectomy.

Nice. Penectomy and an andrology center and Viet Duck Friendship Hospital. After four years of treatment, his health was completely stable with his urinary function preserved. That's what they were worried about. However, just poke a hole. Due to the very short remaining length of the penis, the patient faced significant difficulties with sexualized. activity, which substantially impacted his quality of life and

psychological well-being. So he had a little nubby for Can you imagine? Imagine that you are tied to the country's very first successful penis transplant. And they just put a one-incher

on there. And you're like, thanks. Wow. Thanks. Thank you so much. You can have it back. Here, I'll go back to sleep cut this off you find something else

come back and we'll shop it here's the number to a dick farmer they're growing these things dude you couldn't just they're growing dicks on trees these days and you guys grab me a one incher I wish I would have died I wish I would have pissed at my own body

until I died besides having a one inch dick and they're like they have flowers and balloons he goes what are we doing? Celebrating fucking mediocracy, dude. Fuck this country. No wonder.

I'm not sure what's worse, being brain dead or having the one-incher. Yeah, exactly. Just kill me. Let me go. Following a multidisciplinary consultation and a comprehensive assessment covering clinical. Oh. That's a big word. I'm having trouble here.

Oh, what? glasses. Hey, oh. Holy shit! Oh, look at that. I have a thing. I have a thing for this. Where is it?

One second. There it is. Oh. Oh, fuck. Brian's got his glasses on. I do. Okay. Oh, man.

You're still not going to be able to say that one. I was waiting for you to break him down a beat. Immunological. Immunological and psychological aspects as well as ethical considerations, the patient was determined to meet all criteria for a penile transplant. Associate Professor Dr. Nijin Kwang,

Director of the Andrology Center, said, in this transplant procedure, we reconstructed the anatomical structures of the penis, including the urethra, corpus spongiosum, and a corpara cavernosa. Those are the boner parts,

I think. Simultaneously performing a microsurgical anastomosis of minute arteries, veins, and nerves. Shut up, nerd. How big is it? Yeah, shut up. The close...

Oh, my God! I don't care about an astenoma. They're an moxalaka-lacalacosaurus. How big is the dip? Can I come? Can I come? Well, no. Fuck!

What are we doing here? Then it's a failure. Why am I awake? The close integration of the reconstructive and microsurgical techniques throughout the operation demanded exceptional precision to ensure the viability of the graft and facilitate functional recovery. That's a lot of weird words.

Brian, your fucking glasses are saving the day. Can you imagine you reading this? Dude, I'm flying through these sentences. Where have they been? I sound like a scholar right now. You sound like the person doing the announcement.

Yeah. These are words I know. According to the medical team, the patient's most transplant progress is currently very promising. Post-transplant, not most. Close enough. The surgical site is healing well.

God. And no early complications have been observed. Urinary function is being closely monitored, and the patient is responding well to the anti-rejection treatment, regimen and post-transplant care. Yeah, but is he getting an erection? Anti-rejection treatment? Hey, listen, do any of these girls want to fuck you? No, you're doing great. You're okay with it?

Yeah. I love it. I love it. Is your body rejecting your penis? No, my body loves it. But I'm rejecting it. This thing sucks. I'm rejecting it.

Everyone else is rejecting it. This thing sucks, dude. It's a used vessel. Just, I'm picturing the thumb. Steve. Like, Steve in reverse. If you had a hog,

like if you just had a girthy beast, then you wake up with that and you're like, what'd you guys do with the other one? I couldn't. Where's my third leg? We donated it. You shouldn't have done that. Can we retrieve it still?

Is it too late? Can we any Indian giveies? Can we just pretend? We're like, ah, I got you. You guys please put my giant hog back on. God. No, but this one works. I don't care.

I don't care. It sucks. It's like a motorcycle going from like a 50cc or a 250 cc to a 50. They're like, yeah, but this one works better. The motor is put, give me my fucking old bike back. This thing sucks. I used to have a motorcycle. I have a bicycle.

I have a e-bike. This sucks. But it's successful. Is it? Success is a subjective thing. The term success. You know, go ahead and define it for me. Thank you.

So the medical team noted that the penile transplant is a form of composite tissue transplantation. So beyond the initial successful survival of the graft, time is required to assess the recovery of sensation, erectile function, and urethra healing, as well as to monitor for the risk of rejection in the medium and long term. Medium and long are, yeah, it's more like short, yeah. This thing should be healed by now. this is a one inch heel we should be good well good for them I'm glad the doctors are excited about it

I get why the patient isn't it makes sense yeah kind of mixed reviews just the doctor being like we've done it we've finally done it you didn't where's my award

that is the equivalent of the mummy like this big all this money going into it this big production and then they're like, what does this sound like? You're never going to believe this. We have tracked the voice of the mummy down to it.

They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just hear it. Get out of my office. No, look what we did. Leave. Get out of my office. Don't use the door, jump out of the window. You guys will be happy to know. The $10 million you guys have given us has gone to,

groundbreaking research. What did you guys get? Okay. I forgot that that's what that is. I'm closing this down. The next thing you're going to hear is the sound of a gun. Play that one more fucking time and I swear to gun. Wow.

God. Unreal. All right, let's slide off to our next piece of dick here. So several U.S. schools to install pepper spring drones. that respond to school shootings. Okay. Because things are going so well.

Let's just do this. So several schools across the U.S. are set to install pepper-sprang drones as part of a new effort to respond to school shooting attacks, a Ukraine-war-inspired approach that is bound to put off those who would prefer leaders' focus

on preventing the violence in the first place. That was not where my brain went, but whoever wrote this article has an agenda. Has it a bias. Campus Guardian Angel of Austin, Texas, which describes itself as a response capability company. What? It's providing the drones in question to multiple schools across the country, including at least four schools in Georgia, three in Florida, and one in Colorado. according to the company which manufactures its own

aircraft and firmware the drones launch into action after an alert that the school is under attack and once its response team has confirmed the threat is credible they can be flown from thousands of miles away and support two-way communication through an embedded speaker

phone hey don't put the gun down put the gun down I have pepper a spray following the company's response team to engage verbally with a threat or communicate to teachers and school staff. It's so

real quick, it's funny to me to think, I get like it's, it's, pepper spray will neutralize a shooter. But the idea of like a guy going into a school to shoot up a school and probably doesn't care if he ends up dead or whatever also, but a drone

being like, drop the gun or will pepper spray you. Don't do this. That's going to be like, oh yeah, I don't want to get pepper sprayed. Oh my God, wow. That's so scary. I hadn't considered that. I considered the drone pepper spray thing. How about shit? Just shoot the drone.

Hey, don't. Hey. I'm giving you five seconds to put that on the gun. One. Hello. Two. But, okay. I'm going to keep going.

Then I have my thoughts. This allows our team and our ops center to communicate with law enforcement officers verbally with messages such as follow me. And I'll take you to the social. suspect. Follow me. Follow me, Joe. I will take you to the suspect.

I am. And you're walking and the drone's like, and it stops, it turns around, it's like, have you seen pictures of Yellowstone National Park? While we're waiting.

Would you like to see you? While we're waiting for the suspect to surrender. Can I show you a picture of Yellowstone National Park, Joe? What? Or, there's another example of things

that the drone can say, open the door and we'll go in to clear the room and tell you what we see. What? The fuck is this company thinking? They just like, I know it's forefront and there's progress, but they just like figured out how to attach pepper's made or a drone. They're like, how can we sell it? These are examples of how we could sell it. We could say cool things like, wow, nice jacket.

Hey, hey, hey, don't do that. Or like be hip with the kids? Be hip. Whoa. Six, seven. Seems like your day has been mid. Wow, that's unc. Wow, that's unc.

You're having a midday. Ohio. Oh, Ohio. Skivety riz. Here, come here. I'm going to spray your eyes. You don't want to do this. Your day's just mid.

Tomorrow could be high. Fire. Fire. Tomorrow will be lit. Here, check out this cool dance. Dead ass. Dead ass. Dead ass.

Dead ass midday. I hated school as well. I totally get it, brunty. Oh my God, boy. Oh, my God. I am a real boy. I am a real boy. Fucking dumb.

Additionally, the drones carry a pepper launcher capable of firing pepper balls. Found a new nickname for my daughter. Pepper balls. And can also be used to deliver. kinetic energy strikes. Start there! Yeah. Against a confirmed attacker

in attempt to greatly degrade or incapacitate. Company said its goal... Decapitate them? That'd be sweet. Yeah. Come here, I have a chainsaw. Don't you know I pack this? Something raw. The company said its goal is to escalate the effects

in waves of three or four drones. Sit still, my friends are coming. They'll be here shortly. Keeping the shooter occupying. with a cool game until he or she can be apprehended by authorized responders. It's just so funny how

we have deactivated your TikTok account. We, I mean, going back to the origin of this article we're talking about where we are in a situation where we'll come up with all this kind of stuff instead of figuring out how to deter because they, all we've done

is figure out ways to like hide kids, and run drills and put drones in school. But no one really wants to have a conversation about like, what should we really do, prevent this? We're not going to prevent it. We're just going to figure out ways to incapacitate. I think the concern is that the drones launch when there's a problem. Also, the treating it like it's a customer service department

where somebody fuck is just sitting around in a cubicle waiting for a school shooting and like oh shit I think he's got Cheetos on their fingers oh shit all right

let's fly this thing around who we looking for okay what the fuck is that but then like the in between it's just the gateway between the two right? Where one is drones are always flying around

just waiting for something to happen that also sucks and that's weird it doesn't seem like we're reaching the root of the problem. Right. If drones are patrolling our schools but the other side, yeah it's just you're selling this like no no they're not always going

we'll just be there when there's a school shooting and fly these things around. There's going to there has to be like a little home for it. Like a little charging stick just like a Or like a Roomba? Yes. It's like the little cart that they have in schools where all the laptops get charged.

It'll just be a pepperball shooting. Well, they said they could deploy it thousands of miles away. That's kind of crazy. Yeah. It's funny to me that if that actually happened. So a guy breaks and school starts shooting and like, on my way. Be right there. Yeah.

The shootings in L.A. And this thing's in Minneapolis. Not a bomb. I'm not a bomb. I'm hell. Not a delivery robot. please don't shoot me down and have no paper towels

towel God no hot and ready no hot and ready help wow nice house it starts getting shot out

it's like shit shit shit shit runs away goes and pepper spray some guy see that was and the notes I've written in there it's like oh this is going to go well

because I'm just visualizing like they're being because you know it's going to happen so it's not a school of shooting there's just someone some gym team team You're yelling at kids?

Exactly. It's like a disruption of some sort. And all of a sudden, it's going to trigger it. And it's going to be spray paper, pepper spraying a bunch of kids and stuff. Wow. At the pep rally. Yeah. It's just the whole gym is.

Welcome to the 2026. Pep rally. And the drones are like, wee? Fly out. No. Pepp rally, not pepper rally. Too loud. Too loud.

Quit yelling at kids. Too loud. Too loud. No thanks. Help. So the Deltona High School and Volusica County. is set to install 39 drones for the upcoming school year.

I don't think I'd want to go to school with a bunch of drones. What a fun world that's going to be. Yeah, if we could make it more like a prison, that'd be better, I think. We open that gate where we're just like, yeah, no, that's just what drones do. They get severe or surveillance our lives. And then if someone does something wrong,

they get pepper sprays. Oh, fuck. We'll start behaving then. God. It's funny, because, It's like Florida and Georgia wanted to do it and you're like, yeah, that makes sense. But then you see Colorado

and Colorado's usually like a, it's different in certain ways. But it's also like Colorado's kind of the king of the hotbed of school shootings. It's like where a lot of stuff like that goes on. So it's funny to hear Georgia, Florida. It's like very like gun, gun, yeah. And then like, oh yeah, Colorado.

I know. How long until it goes from guns to or pepper spray, or pepper balls to fucking guns. Or like throwing knives. Or like ninja stars. Switch blades.

And how long before it goes from schools to just everyday streets? That's exactly where it's going. The office building. I don't care for it. I don't like it. All right. Let's read the next story, Brian.

Okay. You do it. Nice glasses. Thanks, dude. I feel like they're growing into my face. That's great. A Florida pastor is suing open AI claiming that chat G...

Nope. Chat GBT GBT, GPT, GPT gave him extremely dangerous medical advice. Okay. Which, of course. Why would you go there for medical advice?

Scott Winters turned to chat GPT to explain his dizzy spells that once forced a Florida pastor to stop mid-s sermon. Over time, he just had the power of Christ in him. And in your opinion, what would Jesus do? Right.

Chat, T.D. He's like, just to end it. Cut your dick off and give it to Vietnam. Yep. I mean, we've heard that's, we've heard, like, just kill yourself. It's over. Over time, the chat box, stop recommending he see a doctor and instead told him that his symptoms were not something dangerous. Even telling him to trust that God did not design your body to endlessly fail.

Winter spent weeks stuck in a recliner before he was hospitalized in June 25 with a life-threatening pulmonary embolism. Thanks, computer. But fucking thanks your brain? Yeah. What are you doing? I don't know. Well, now these medical bills are stacking up. I better sue chat GBT.

I got to get back to my email with Brad Pitt. Oh, my God. How dumb do you have to be? Brad Pitt needs money. It's the equivalent of thinking that, like, right now where we're at with AI is the same as going online to, what was it, med, med, what was it, some MD? WebMD. Same thing. You look it up, you're like, I'm feeling dizzy and tired all the time.

It's cancer. You have AIDS. You clearly have the AIDS. I got stung by a B cancer. Yep. Yep. You got the cancer B. You got stung by a cancer B.

So it's just the same shit. But now you trust it. a point we were like, okay, nothing serious. Oh, no, now I'm sick. At the very least, get a second opinion. There's no way this. You could go over to clot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, get two of them to argue. Actually, they're having a debate. Actually, he could be dying. But he could also just skip lunch.

He could be living off of the little wafers that give you at Christ's at, you know, at communion. Mm-hmm. Okay. Back to you. I mean, it's not, it's just a case landing. just as Open AI pushes deeper into health tools like chat GPT health. And OpenAIC spokesperson said the chatbot isn't intended for diagnosis or treatment, but that the company takes health-related safety seriously. As AI increasingly stands in for medical advice, especially for people who can easily see a doctor,

the case raises real questions about who's liable when that advice goes wrong. I mean, ultimately, it's up to the person, because if you Googled it, it and you know. Yes. It's like going to Reddit and being like, hey, here's what's happening. And then someone responds and you're like, okay. They read it. This is perfect.

This is great. But it also says that this is reportedly the first lawsuit claiming that chatbot's health advice directly harmed someone seeking medical guidance. No, it's not. Not even close. Not even fucking close. This just happened. There's the first one that got taken up the ladder

No way There's been plenty of them They kill yourself This is fine We've read about him This guy's just been Hiding out in the church It's like

This is the first of its kind No it's not I well I don't think he's going to win I'm sorry that he's sick Chat GBT GBT couldn't save you Maybe next time Go to the medical professionals

See what happens Lesson learn Yeah And well and then my bias of don't think that a prayer is going to heal you.

Or in this case Chad GBT. Yeah, but if the Chad GBT is going to reaffirm his faith in his belief because that's what Chad GBT does. Good idea. Oh my God, it's the worst. That sounds great.

Here's my symptoms. I'm going to be fine, right? It's like, of course you're going to be fine. You're the best. That is great advice. Here's what you could do. It just pumps you up. Blown smoke up the old B. I like the way it says it's like, it's not just great.

It's a game changer. This is a game changer for me. I'll remember it for later. Thank you. No, you won't. I'm going to ask you in five minutes and you're still going to fuck it up. All right, let's move off to some good news. It's kind of in the same vein, but not planned that way.

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! And this, my friends, is a heavenly headline. This might be the best headline of all time. Enemy lesbian nuns. Quit convent and marry each other. There's a couple of penguins.

It was straight. There was a couple of penguins. Busting out of the nunnery. He's right now. Busting out of the nun. Francilla Costa and Louisa Silverino. Sovereo. Yeah, got it.

Known online as Double Wow. first met in a convent back in Brazil in 2019. Costa had been raised by deeply religious grandparents and was encouraged to join the convent, while Silverio joined as a teenager while searching for purpose, according to the Daily Star. W. Daily Star! The pair initially did not like each other at all. Well, Silverero admitted that she thought Costa...

Severio. Savario. I thought Costa was an unbearable, was unbearable and stuck up a little nun. I can show you something to stick up my little nun. You fucking know what I mean? Yeah! Costa shared that she also didn't like, Severeiro, but for no particular reason?

I just don't like it. I don't care for it. Why don't you like her? Yeah. Proximity made their heart grow fonder in this case, and the pair gradually became close friends. However, they each struggled with their mental health. health while living in the convent. Yeah, duh. Costa experienced panic attacks throughout the pandemic

and began to question whether life in the convent was good for her well-being, while Severido suffered from anxiety and depression following the death of her grandmother. Together, Costa and Sauvriro made the decision to leave the convent back in 2020 for their mental health, adjusting to their new lives neither could afford to live alone, and so they continue to live together outside of the convent. Then one night in 2023, Costa and Silvira.

Watch. Love in the villa. A rom-com that follows a pair of enemies that fall in love while sharing a villa. Couldn't be more descriptive. Just laying back in your nun stuff.

Mm-hmm. Just being like, is this us? This sounds like us. Did you? Is this AI? Did you write this for us? And Costa released her true feelings for her friend. They admitted her feelings also were the same and they kissed each other in

return. The couple are now married and posed with an image of our, of our lady, I don't even, is it Juan Lupe? Where is it? Nope. Oh. Apparcered. Sure. The patron saint of Brazil at their wedding in 2025. And I just love having this life dedicated to this. That tells you that it's wrong. Then you leave and you're like, it's fine. We're going to make it. So that's the the good news. I like the word enemy does a little bit of work there. That's probably not necessary. Sure. A little bit extreme. I just didn't like her if she might enemy.

Yeah, but we don't know what went down in there. It sounds like more like an apostate or like an enemy to the church. That's what that kind of... Enemy of the state. Yeah. Yeah. Blink! Yeah. Blink would... A different thing. Yeah. But kind of the same. There's a picture of maybe the two of them and some other chick.

I wonder if there was some threesome sex. Sex. Yeah, see. How come only two of them have towels? I don't know. Because they're... Cleanup crew?

Only two of them came. Ah, yeah. But I love that. That's so good. We got some girthy-ass emails this week. Let's fucking get into them. Hey, fucking Zach! The internet is pretty wild.

Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool, or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out Together as a couple Hey, look what I found Yes! That's awesome!

I did not mean to do that. Those aren't emails. Yeah, accidentally skipped one of the segments And this was sent in by Ebson Okay And we're not going to watch the whole video But this is, whenever we pull off pranks

On each other, they're pretty simple, right? It's like, oh, you thought you were drinking that And you drank this. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're like, oh, that's so funny. or this, or you, whatever.

Just think of your basic level prank. And this guy's, he pulled off a breaking, or a breaking bad prank. A branky. A branky. A breaking bad prank that is fucking insane. Okay.

Okay. And we'll watch some of it, but just because we're not going to watch all of it, it's a 13-minute vice documentary. You don't want to watch the whole documentary on here? Not today, oh. It's about a fellow named Josh who made a fake meth lab in his house.

as a way to prank his friends. Josh also made a TV news station website that looked just like the real local news site. He cloned the website and then bought a domain that looked pretty much close to the one that was there. And then ran a realistic video that showed his meth lab being busted and then his mugshot. Jesus. Then he posted the link to the video on Facebook. The problem is, he did such a good job that his friends and family believed it and freaked out. The news station also threatened to sue him for $150,000. In the end, the lawsuit threat

was dropped, but some of his friends and family members think he may have gone a bit too far. Do you think? Oh my God. It's so, it's so funny. You just have to look at up. My name is Josh. But 24 hours, I was an international meth dealer. The first thing I remember is seeing his mug shot. It didn't quite feel real, you know, but it was still something where I was like, I can't believe what he's gotten himself into. This is my friend. He's a great guy, I think. Neighbors tell 10 TV they never noticed anything suspicious about this house, but police say it was a meth lab and stash house.

And everybody else's minds, I mean, this is as real as he could be. But none of it was true. It was all a prank. Like, oh my God, oh my God, it's crazy. I can't believe he did this. You know, I can't believe he did this to his mother. When you start something like that, you don't realize what the fallout is going to be. They move in with lawyers pretty quick. How do you come up with this? I mean, that's unbelievable.

That's a serious case you got against yourself, man. This prank got way bigger than I could ever imagine. This guy was in my house and played my drums. My feelings were just very mixed on being proud and also I'm in trouble. Okay, the best part is the thing. pictures that he had of... Huge fans of breaking. Made sense.

Everything cooking down to my... In order to pull up... I'm going to find the actual pictures. That's a great mug shot. Look at this, so... I actually downloaded the introduction from the newscasters talking about drug bust here in Columbus. They would be referring to there's a big drug bust.

And the idea is that that's when it transitioned into the shots in my house. Shots of the drugs. That was all put together from just random things that had laying around. I had a childhood chemistry set of like little beakers into... For the Mugshot, I purposely didn't shave for a while. I don't think I showered for another few days. Just that's gross and grimy and everything as I could. Yeah, that's why.

A lot of news stories have a narration to it. So I needed a... The bag of fake money. The person who did the voiceover actually didn't know what it was for. I just told me it was a funny inside joke. Like somebody on like fiber? Yeah. I paid them.

Neighbors tell 10 TV they never noticed anything suspicious about this house. Oh, look how good this is. Yeah. Like police perimeter set up. The authorities found $13,000 of cash with 28 pounds of crystal meth worth $100,000 and that I was being held on a $3 million bond. And that was the mastermind behind it all. All that needed to be done is that it needed to be shared. And I couldn't share because obviously I'm in prison, quote unquote.

So I needed to confine with a few friends to share that link. I was posted on social media. I put my phone on silent and just went to bed. figured well, I'll just wake up the next morning and see what the damage was. It's like 2 o'clock in the morning, and I get a frantic call from my sister, which is Josh's other aunt. Oh. She's like, Jen, you need to watch this. Anyway, if you're interested, you can hop over and watch it.

Like, that is, is that a mental condition? To watch to just fuck with people that bad and fuck up all of it. of this to be like, I'm going to pretend that I have a fake meth lab, make a fake website and a fake video, and have it shared just to scare the shit to everyone. Is that, like, a mental illness? Well, here's the thing. Or is it funny? Oh, it's hilarious.

Was he doing it to prank them, or was he doing it because he knew it would blow up? And he's like, this is a big famous? Yeah, it was like a funny idea. And the people that care about me, they're just part. of the he had an actual meth lab so he made this as a funny cover-ups so the police will leave him alone forever

so we can actually sell meth smart anyway that's so funny so thank you so much absent for sending that in if you guys are interested again just look up fake breaking bad meth lab now we'll do now we'll do the hey guys yes all right Zach fucking yeah

All right let's hear what you guys think Really? You want to talk to me? Wow That's cool. I feel like I've done that a couple times in the last couple months. I just skipped over the good news. Does that feel accurate? Yep. Yeah.

You just don't want to hear it because you don't want me to make fun of it. That's what it is. Do you want to read the first one? Sure. Oh, my God. It's huge. Fogging you. Huge.

Let me give my glasses back. That's awesome. Oh, yeah. Come on. Listener bot. That wasn't as cool as it. That was going to be. Our first email is a wild tale that needs music and an accent to regale

I forgot to mention this to you when I put it in here. I'll try and find something. It's coming from our son, Dammit Kevin from Patreon. Okay. I mean, how deep or how scary does it have to be? It's not even deep. It's kind of like an Ira. Like a middle-aged.

Let's see. You got anything like that? I mean, on the spot, I have this. I have this. Is this working? No, more like... No, I don't have way. On tap.

When I put the store in there, I was like, oh, I need to remember to tell Joe that I need something. Classic. What is that beef? The pasta commercial... The Italian. What is that? Zach? I don't know.

It's what's for dinner. This is all you're getting. Okay. So I'm a big dumb bitch I sent y'all an email But didn't put my name so I'll send it here So he sent this in a Patreon You pigeon livered ratbags

Salutations Joseph of the Hogbone Brian of the Lake of Moses And Zach of the Scat I like that Good now that I've dispensed with the pleasantries I've been meaning to pin this tail in for a while And by a while I mean since Brian regaled us

This is tale of the stinky penguin. Now, lads, bend in ear and listen to this cautionary tale. See, I think originally I was like, and I wanted to go, roughly nine years ago, I was driving from Falls of Montucky to the zoo town of Alsul, Montauke. We need some Lord of the Rings here. Yeah. This was my current profession.

Now, at the risk of sounding verbose, I'll spare the details of the reason for the trek. While I can't recall where exactly this event took place, the experience still haunts me to the, day. Mmm. This all took place whilst driving and twilight was approaching with great haste.

The night before this, the wife and I had indulged in some succulent Chinese cuisine. A good Chinese meal! And lads, it's what I got now. It was brewing a storm in my bowels. Luckily, up ahead was a rest-up.

Salvation and sanctuary. Or so I thought. As I pulled into the parking lot, I felt the rumble become stronger. I know what I'm feeling. Sweat, beaded down my brow against the crisp mountain air. I hastily forge a path into the nearest open lavatory. As I rushed inside, I felt the hot brown maelstrom pounding against my weary brown eye. As I hit the cool porcelain, I released a typhoon that was in my bowels.

I made it. I thought my troubles were over. Nay! They were only beginning. As I feel relieved and finish the task, I go to wash my hands. After cleansing my digits of this dirty business, I turned to grasp the handle. But my hand grasped nothing but air. I looked down to see there was no handle. Only the remains of where the handle would attach.

Now this rest area had separated toilets. Fully enclosed rooms, no escape. I checked my room. cellular device. No signal. I tried to use my keys to turn the nub that should have been the handle. No such luck. Slowly I begin to panic. Who will find me here? Surely it could be a week or longer. I began to pound on the door. Gumb, gum, gum. It was late. Surely no one would be there. I yell and call for release of this prison. I sat in the silence for a time listening. No one answered my call for freedom. Suddenly, I hear a voice and begin to call for help. Then the door opens. A kindly

stranger opens and inquires of my plight. I explain that the handle was missing. He just thought I needed the paper of the shit cleaning. Since then, I never enter a water closet without checking that there is a functioning handle on the door. May we all find a stranger's mercy when the porcelain throne becomes a prison. That is my tale. Might it serve as a warning to this gaggle of silly geese? You have a careful deuce-taking son, Kevin. Sent with care from my personal handheld pocket-sized inkless tablet of a carrier pigeon. Yay.

That was good. That was funny. That was like an audio book. That was. You get those fucking glasses on. You're a whole new man over there, dude. I can see where I'm going now. I can give it a little bit more life.

That's what we've. it's the whole thing Brian will be reading The Great Gatsby and Patreon for the next few weeks Unsubscribe Oh That was funny

I think I've been locked in a bathroom But not a bathroom I wasn't confident I could get the fuck out If I really need Just destroyed too Just kick Just kick the fucking door in

Like that's where you're at I'm getting out of here I'm not that scared Our second email is coming in from our son, a local son, William, who has also seen some fun Spokane ship. Beautiful, tell, tell. This is North, North Spokane, where all the fun shit happens. Hilliard. And we're back to the same area that I've shared many stories about here on the Can You Don't podcast.

Hey, Dad Joe, Dad, Brian, and newly upgraded God-Level Uncle Zach. Oh, wow. Yep. How's that feel? Pretty good. Yep. Being local, you know wild shit goes down at the North Spokane Walmart. Yep.

Adjacent to the worst bathroom experience of all time that Ezra and I still talk about. Fucking old man diaper pants. I'm glad I live a few hours north and don't have to go there very often. The guy was shot by police out front last year. I've seen some shit. go down there too. Most recently in the parking lot about a month ago I was there with my daughter. We parked

and we were walking in when two officers had two people stopped. A very large guy probably pushing 400 pounds with his equally large mom and or girlfriend who was on a motorized cart. It was loaded

with stuff. It was loaded with stuff and. He had a cart also heaped with stuff. the cops were asking them if they had a receipt. The dude yelled, I don't know, I don't need to show you shit. And he grabbed a coffee mug off the top of the cart. His mom and or girlfriend yelled,

Don't run, Tim, don't run. Why? Because he's going to get shot or have a heart attack? Who knows? You can't leave your cart here. Tim gave no fucks and took off at a medium-paced waddle when the cops tackled the dude to the ground. Tim should have known It wasn't going to go well.

He hit the ground so hard, making him throw his newly stolen travel cup that broke out at our feet. We stopped, we stepped over it and went into the store. Like, what the fuck did we just watch? Yep. Anyways, I found that I also found this today. So fucking check this out. Fuck! I found it on the old Facebook.

Hope you read it on the show. If not, I guess you don't or whatever. Okay, we're going to read this. I'm not sure if we're going to read the whole thing. Because you'll get the idea of just what is going down at this fucking Walmart. Let's go ahead and bring this back. Bring back the Hobbit music. See how things go up here.

Does it ever? Where's the crescendo? I know. I'm going to try this one. Watch, this is what gets us flagged. Yeah. Hobbits. Whatever.

This is what we're doing. There we go. Oh, Bilbo. Bilbo. Okay. This is just so spoken. Your mother name. Do Build.

So it opens with Spokane, Washington. Shoppers at a North Spokane Walmart were treated to what authorities are calling textbook local rapper behavior. After local rapper Pest the Menace, allegedly attempted to rap battle a 13-year-old boy in the frozen food aisle late Tuesday afternoon. I feel like I've seen his flyer around too. Witnesses say the incident. it began when the teen identified only as Jaden

was minding his own business comparing hot pockets. When Pest reportedly approached him, muttered you look like you got bars and immediately launched into a 14 bar freestyle about Pokemon cards having lunch debt when the student gets it free

and his mom's only fans account. Ganga boy! I thought he was just some weird guy at first, said Jaden. But then he started pacing in his circle and yelling this ain't even written and I realized this was Unx's moment God

store employees attempted to intervene after Pest allegedly demanded a response from the teen repeatedly shouting round two or you forfeit while knocking over a display of great value pizza rolls for emphasis

according to witnesses Jayden responded with what many are calling a career ending rebuttal calmly saying bro I don't even know who you are Unc was cooked. That line cut deep, said one bystandard. You could see Pest soul leave his little body. Security footage reportedly shows Pest trying to regain control of the battle by accusing the teen of ghostwriting and claiming the Walmart acoustics were throwing off his delivery.

No way this is real. Come on. I have no reason to believe they didn't make it up. Too perfect. But that, I mean, the whole story is that. Fuck, we're close. Should I guess keep going? Yeah. Okay. Authorities were called after Pest and legs legs.

attempted to recruit nearby customers to judge the battle, offering a free burned CD labeled Shady Records demo. Final, final, final version. That's where I think it's fake. That's an insider audio joke. It's getting there. Final, final, this is the last one ever, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Spokane police arrived on scene and de-escalated the situation, though officers noted Pest initially insisted they let the culture decide before being escorted out of the store. No charges have been filed, but Walmart has issued a statement confirming Pest, the

Manus is no longer welcome on the premises citing unauthorized rap battles and emotional damage to minors. As of press time, Pest took the social media to declare victory stating, Kid Choked on the Third. Clear 30, don't at me. While announcing an upcoming summer

project titled, This is my EEP Part 3. Fake. Is this guy real? Is this guy real? Pest the Minutes? I looked him up and he is real. So it could be a promo. I swear I've seen his flyer. I'm guessing it's a promo But anyway, it was funny

Yeah So thank you sir Thank you It was awesome that it featured Spokane Oh yeah If you have something you want to see on the show Go ahead and send that in

To hey guys at can you don't podcast.com Please keep supporting our honkathon Patreon.com slash can you know podcast Rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcast Zach What are you doing? Not scatcast but Skatcast

Oh. Or sitting here. Never ending Scatcast. Always Scatcast. Go check out what Uncle Zach is doing at scatcast.com. We'd love it. That's Scat with a K. And a shout out to the babysitters that are moderating the candy don't playground on Facebook.

Let's wrap this shit up. Zach's fucking push it. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Brian? He's going to sue us. Pokemon. Now we're sued.

What are we going to do now that he sues us? It's over. Your favorite local rapper's favorite local rapper. Oh. Got it. I have a joke for you guys. Okay. I only seem to get sick on weekdays.

I must have a weekend immune system. Do you guys get it? Do you guys get it? That's good. All right. Let's head off to the bonus content. Love you guys. See you there.

See you there.