Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Popcorn. Catholic. Electric. Survival Wiener.

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

What would you do if you were babysitting, the kid you're babysitting asked you to check under the bed for monsters, then when you do check there's a FUCKING PERSON ACTUALLY UNDER THE BED?! Let's talk about that, the fastest little wiener dog in the world, why is everyone throwing popcorn around the movie theatre, asking your mom to buy you presents because your husband can't seem to figure it out, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/EIQT5j2zmKoSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Popcorn. Catholic. Electric. Survival wiener. Feels good! Feels even! Episode 150 Yep, feel better The last couple have been like Just losing sleep over it You're kind of doing the neck thing I mean, gosh dang man, we're

What, six episodes away from Three years? What? Who would have thought I mean, it's going fast The best intentions Who would have thought I'm it's going fast the best intentions yeah who would have thought like well i'm sorry to hear that you're shocked i didn't see this going six months three years i was giving a couple of couple weeks yeah a couple fun episodes and i wonder

but we do have a very fun 150 for you this week if you want the bonus content support us on patreon patreon.com slash can you don't podcast on top want the bonus content, support us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. On top of the bonus shit, you get exclusive merch. You get merch discounts, of course, ad-free. You don't have to hear somebody pop in and be like, Have you been to Fred Meyer? Fred Meyer right now, 20% off. You'll find me at Fred Meyer.

20% more fat with your fucking fat. 20% more fat. With your fucking fat. I need more fat with my fat. But sign up on Patreon. Support us over there. It is the number one way. I never realized. Sorry.

I just started just talking. Yeah, you just reminiscing. Well, it's crazy to think almost three years of something every week. Yeah. That's wild. I mean, we missed a couple weeks when both our dads were dead and I was in the hospital. Yeah. But that tends to happen.

Yeah. Yeah. But still, like, well, and that was the first month of the show. So really, I mean, still, I mean, that's crazy to think every week. Mm-hmm. It's important. It's wild. That's how much you kids mean to us.

Yeah. think every week. It's important. That's how much you kids mean to us. I know that we, as your dads, we haven't been around as much as we're supposed to be. But we know you're good at baseball. They've been sitting on the porch with their fishing bowls and we haven't been around. Just an empty carton of milk. It's like, God, I can't wait to have cereal. And mom comes

home. Come on in, buddy. It's time for dinner. He's like's like no dad's gonna be here any minute he promised he'd make it for my birthday or any minute buddy that was two years ago he's not coming home he promised me listen buddy that was two years ago and you have a beard please come inside yeah yeah you had a job too winter's coming please come inside winter is coming uh send in content you want to see on the show that email address just a reminder whatever You had a job, too. Winter's coming. Please come inside. Winter is coming. Send in content you want to see on the show. That email address, just a reminder.

Whatever it is, doesn't matter. Just send funny shit in. Hey, guys, at canyouknowpodcast.com. We did hear back from Mike, who just lost our email. We sent it. We alerted him. And then he just wrote back, I think maybe an hour before recording this episode today, and he was like, fuck! Missed it!

And he has chosen to leave the decision up to us. So, if you don't know what we're talking about, like you just got here, anybody who bought merch over the last month and a half was automatically entered into a grand prize drawing to either send us something random,

we sign it, we send it back, or they leave that decision up to us. We'll sign it and send it back. The first time they sent it in, now we get to send something. He did say in the email that he thought about sending a guitar and he's like, that's just ridiculous. You don't want to risk that. Because we'll probably play, Zach

will play it and then just keep it. Zach will break the high E and then just keep it in his basement and never give it back. From the shame. I thought you guys were sending me a gift. But there's a ton of merch available at canyadon'tpodcast.com. Go check that out. Quick update. Before we get going today, this was sent in by our son, Chubbs.

Fuck yeah, dude. Who writes, I changed my Tinder bio slash main photo because my dating life is fucked anyways. I love he's like, no one looks at my account anymore. He's like, what am I doing? I don't want to be around anymore. And insights do sound like a trip. Yeah. No thanks.

Yeah, they are a fucking trip. He went on to say i'm leaving like this for a week or so and we'll see what happens episode fitted sheet etc killed me love your goose fucking killing son chubs so if you remember right so here here's rob he's 31 years old and he changed the main profile picture to modified bike pipes what what modified truck exhaust pipes and then the biologist says you sound crazy i'll take it from here he's gonna get a lot of his swipes dude if things were going well for him before they're gonna get even worse

yeah tell us how you do or you're gonna attract the attention that you want sure yeah somebody sees that and they're like okay this guy he's gonna make fun of some stuff like this is good like um i remember when i was first signing up for dating apps and he's going through and i i never got around i think i tried for a bit and i was like ah this joke is worth it's not worth the work it would take to do it. I was trying to take a picture of a fish holding me. Like, instead of all the fucking pictures of, like, dudes my age holding the nice trout they got. Right out of the river.

Just being like, you know, just. Check this thing out. The same thing. I tricked it to eating, but then have like a whole fisherman outfit with a, a fish holding me. And it was just too much. I was like,

ah, it'd be funny, but no, it would be funny. Do it. Yeah. Well, it'd be a good card.

Uh, we also just learned that Chubbs is five foot 10. So that's cool. Uh, you know what I just saw? It's right up here driving on the way to the, the safe way, That would be a good card. We also just learned that Chubbs is 5'10", so that's cool. You know what I just saw? It's right up here driving on the way to the Safeway, the safest way, where we do our grocery shopping. Sure. We've heard plenty of Safeway stories.

But there was a snowmobile on the back of a truck. And I don't know if you call it a mudflap on the snowmobile. Do you call it a snowflap? I mean, you get deep enough, you'll find some mud nice if you know what i mean and uh whatever the the mud flap on the snowmobile it just said you're late we ate all the pussy i was like is that better or worse than truck nuts that's got to be better i mean i've seen a thousand sets of truck nuts sorry you're hungry we ate all the pussy i've never heard that you have never no okay not quite that elegant i mean not romanticized as much as that but so erudite as that anyway so that would also be a good tinder dating profile if like what you would expect is someone to say i came here to

eat pussy and do something we're almost out of pussy but like that's just a different approach on it which i love we ate all the pussy it's gone sorry sorry should have got here earlier i mean there's got maybe something left Might be some ass left. But I'm full. But I'm stuffed. Alright, let's get the show rolling. Zach! Hey, shut up. It's not the show already.

Alright. Are you ready my friend Brian? Surely. So this is a triple threat sent in by our son Corey. Corey is a triple threat. Get in the triple threat position Shoot past score Shoot past dribble Okay Bob Cousy, what is it, 1950?

That's right, that's the right way I mean, we love you Corey, but we did tweak it a little bit Just to, you know It happens So first option With the assist Bob Cousy. Moan and slap

your ass at the end of every sentence. Okay. No matter what it is. Sorry for your loss. Ugh. Give me liberty or give me death. Ugh. I have a dream

Oh god Or Bark in the face of the opposite sex The very first time you meet them This includes babies, kids, etc Does it have to be a loud bark Or could it be a little When was the last time to be a loud bark or could it be? When it was last thing you heard a quiet bark like that the one without the vocal

Bark the way that like you have to you have to get in it We had a neighbor dog that would do that. I would just hear So the first time I thought it was like a guy, old man choking. You're like, quit smoking, dude. I saw a guy online this weekend bark at a corgi or a fucking pom-pom as loud as he could and it bit him right in the face. He was shocked. He was shocked by it. Fuck yeah. Go dog. So we got moan, slap your ass at the end of every sentence.

Like him. Bark in the face of the opposite sex every time you meet him. First time you meet him. Or have to interrupt someone while they're talking with uh you've said enough or like i'll take it from here at least once a day once a day okay that's probably safer than barking at the lady every time you see one no it's first time you meet them so you're meeting a lot of ladies if you walk to the mall you are so this this was confusing i knew bringing this one in for us three gentlemen it's going to be a little tricky

because we all three work from home for the most part okay so you don't have to bark in your wife's face because you've met i'm guessing the second you take this little this little thing on you're gonna have to bark in their face one time well then you never have to do it again if you have a little kid and you're out doing stuff so like every night of the week now we're out at some practice or at some game so i'm walking up to a parent to ask if they brought you bringing snacks next week yeah and just let them have it. Are you bringing orange slices or whatever? Yeah.

And they're like, what? But it's that better than saying, are you bringing orange slices or whatever? I like that one better. Or you ask her, okay, you just got out there and you're like, going over the calendar, Cindy. So just confirming that you're going to bring orange slices tomorrow. And she goes, yeah, of course. You're like, I'm going to stop you right there. You said enough. I just started talking.

You said enough. I've heard enough. I'll take it from here. I'll take it from here. Just the most demoralizing. That's the worst thing you could say to someone. That's probably worse than calling them like a racial slur right i mean at least or any sort of insult like anything just being like that's enough out of you oh that's just it's such a slap in the face i probably need some of that in my life no no you think you do until it happens

and you're like you're like how often does someone say that and you're like you're right never you you're right that is enough out of me now the ego starts punching right away you're like what the fuck did you just do what'd you just fucking say to me it's one thing if you're if you're like an opinionated person and you have a lot of thoughts on things that's a lot hearing that would be a lot different than just like some person that's just kind of quiet and they're just they only say things when it's absolutely necessary and so the one thing that they do say you just cut them off and you're like yeah that's enough like as we alluded to last week talking a lot about uber eats

like i think you meet at the door all of suck. Literally all of them are going to impact your tip. You're barking at everyone. Yeah, they open the door. You pick up your delivery from fucking Wingstop. And then it just says, like, Rachel, meet at door. And you're like, shit. She opens the door and he's like it's like you're not getting a fucking tip

no or especially if you're like here's your food enjoy your night I mean maybe maybe you've got maybe you could explain that

you've got Tourette's you've got something but it doesn't have to happen on this particular one but like to apply this situation to all of them you walk up

and you're like here's your food she goes oh my god you're like you've said enough it's like wow thank you so much i'll take it from here yeah yeah she's like what and you're just like you shut them down on their porch at their house for saying thank you yeah thank you and you're like you've said enough and see that i think i think that it doesn't even matter whatever you say after that. You just going, like the sound, the exertion of air in the hand up is enough to be like, we got it. Like that, just that alone. I don't get paid enough to talk to you.

It's something so mean. Okay. So real quick. Yeah. I had a delivery. i went out this morning before i came here yeah you did and this woman she uh she it's like an administrative day or something it's one of those days where it's like a work thing yeah big day so she ordered some cupcakes for the people and so i in in the note it says don't fuck this note it says Please tell them happy

Administrative day or whatever And say it's from me I'm like Am I working at a flower shop And like writing cards No I'm bringing your food order You want me to come in there and say Am I a barber shop

I have a speech to make You walk in Hey I have a speech to make? You walk in. I have two cupcakes for you. And two for you. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Yeah, I just want to drop off your food. I don't, I'm not, like, coming in there with, Happy administrative day, boo, boo, boo.

Here to say, doo, doo, doo. Wearing clogs in there, to say you are respected. You are not gay. Thank you. Your co-workers care about you. About you. Instead of giving you a raise,

here's some cupcakes. There's a pizza party this afternoon. Anyways, I just have to take a photo You hold these cupcakes It's like add a note You're like I hate my life And then you send it As you walk out of there, like, all dressed up. You've got the red, white striped shirt.

Your sequins are rubbing together. You're still wearing the tap shoes, so it's clocking all the way out of there. You slip on the tile in the mudroom, the in-between. God damn it! That was a $4 order order how did i end up here things were going so well you just turn around you're like top of the day i don't want to be around anymore That's how I felt I read it and it was like

I was just kind of like Who the fuck Do you think you are They don't know how it works either It's like I'm going through the drive-thru aren't I Aren't you going through the drive-thru This was a nice Go in there and pick up some nice pastries

Yeah This wasn't just a drive-thru cupcake. So here's what, so I also, I go into this. Here's your cupcakes, here's your cane. Here's your top hat. Yeah, I said in the notes that you need to be a barbershop quartet. So here's this, this, this. And here's your pitch finder.

You grab it, you're like. Yeah, it seems all there. Thank you! You're holding the hanger with the suit. Here's this, here's this, here's a little squirty flower in case you need it. I'm driving 10 miles for this, I'm getting paid $4, I have to change into this. While you're driving? I'm waiting to get, to pick up the order and this guy walks in and he goes is that your tesla out there and i was like yeah because i hear i'm thinking like he's gonna be like that's

crazy there's a nazi symbol on it he's like it's like so i heard you hate jews and stuff like that and like you're a terrible person what you think about that while he's unwrapping the cupcake he you just brought him? Yep. I get fucking juice, though. Goddamn juice, man. Anyway, batteries. Bye. No, he was in the pastry place. I'm waiting for the order. I don't want to say what it is in case they listen.

Oh, yeah. I want to give them a shout out for free pastries. You want to say the name? Yeah. Sweet Frostings. Yeah! It's him a shout out for free pastries. You want to say the name? Yeah. Sweet Frostings. Yeah! It's a great place. They make unbelievable cupcakes. And Frostings.

I go in there, and so I'm waiting on the order to get finished. This guy walks in. He's like, kind of dressed nice. Hey, is that your Tesla out there? I'm like, fuck, here we go. He's like, yeah. He goes, how do you like it? Which everyone always says.

I'm like, I like it. I hate it Which everyone always says I'm like I like it I hate it That's why I got it I'm trapped And he's like So he starts asking me questions He's like You got

What kind of Horsepower And he just starts in So I'm answering all his questions The guy hands Before you know it You're doing P-Labs In the fucking park

Wearing a top hat See you next time So he's talking I'm answering his questions I'm answering all his questions And talking Trying to be cordial And I go And grab

The guy hands me the food i'm standing there with this order and he just keeps asking me questions so i'm talking i'm like holding the food i'm like i eventually he was getting ready to answer ask one thing i'm like i was like i'm sorry i have to my battery's gonna die to deliver this order oh yeah yeah yeah go go yeah go ahead oh yeah yeah life got it oh yeah yeah peasant yeah yeah have fun doing your dance and your sing-along have fun singing you fucking nerd what so anyway you cut him off yeah got out oh yeah i'd get out of there yeah anyway i just thought that was funny like i've never it's the first time i've ever had to do anything like that anyway as far as the triple decker from Corey goes, I am a little hesitant for the moan and slap

at the end of every sentence because the other two have like parameters. So the first time you meet someone like, God, I mean, like meeting one of cats, like, like, please don't like cash is like, please don't. Cassie's like, please don't fuck this up. This is like my, this is my grandma. Like she's, you know, she's very traditional, blah, blah. She just opens the door. She goes, Cassie.

And I'm like. Falls down. This is my boyfriend, Joe. And I'm just like, nice to meet you you and they just transform out of dog yeah and she's like am i hallucinating and i'm nice the rest of the time she meets me but at least it's a little one-off same with like when you have to interrupt somebody once a day it's a one-time thing so moaning and slapping my ass at the end of every sentence that's out so it's between the other two for me do you feel the same way i do because i just i'm trying to think of like it's not an everyday thing but if i have to go to a funeral if i have to do oh my god something like magic start you're walking up to the family they lost like their

child they're they buried they're gonna bury their 14 year old son who died in a car accident You're walking up to the family. They lost their child. They're going to bury their 14-year-old son who died in a car accident. I know. It's a lot of work. And you walk up to them like, oh, my God, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I'm so sorry. It's just awful. Fuck. And they're just trying to keep themselves together.

They just lost their child. Oh man. Other side of things. Like you go to a funeral, you're supporting a friend and you haven't met the person that's died, but it's very important to your friend. Like their grandma died. You walk by, it's an open casket and you're standing in line. You're sweating. Cause you know, it's about, you know, you have to do it when they leave and you're standing in line you're sweating because you know it's about you know you have

to do it when they leave and you walk over and you just turn and look over the top of the casting go does it count if they're dead because you're not are you meeting them you know we'll leave i don't know that's a question for god i'll ask him when i get the creator of all games uh he he giveth he taketh right um you know i'm not here to to define meat right you know right right but in front of our maker yeah okay i'm not gonna do that it's already been defined okay uh but yeah just barking just all this shit what was the other one the bark is uh do you have to do oh you said enough see i feel like with that personality the guy doing the eulogy yeah you're sitting there in this the you're in a pew and you get to pick whoever you interrupt so you could interrupt

your wife every morning which is like good morning you're like that's enough it's enough out of you what if you just you're so like that's boring now yeah so you're like you're gonna make a game out of it and you so you're you're divorced imagine you're at the at the same eulogy for this the you know this 14 year old child and the guy's like who he's like we'll never understand why the lord would take a 14 year old but i'm sure there's just, and you're like, ah! That's enough out of you. All right, that's enough out of you. I'll take it from here.

And then you proceed to... Then you walk up to the microphone and bark? Yeah. It's nice to meet you all. Thank you so much for coming out. You're getting all your things just intertwined. I think I'm going to pick, I'm going to pick interrupt because I feel like my personality can save me.

I can do it. I'm a cynical person because I find humor in dark situations. I think a lot of shit. I say 10% of it. But I think that if I interrupt somebody, even if I've never met them, and I'm like, I was like, that's enough. And I

get to turn, and they're like, what? I'm like, I'm just kidding. You get to rebound. Imagine if someone said that to you, right? Imagine if that happened. I'm going with that. I'm going with that. I'm going with that, too.

Okay. We all in agreeance? Yeah, because I feel the same way. I don't know if you're like that, too, Zach, where you feel confident enough to, like, you can dig yourself out of a hole because you're a charming enough person to where you can spin it around. I can't dig myself out of moaning and smacking my ass. Yeah, or barking at some old lady. Oh, my God.

You're delivering a baby. Like, your daughter is born. Like, I'm'm there i'm becoming a dad for the first time her ass then your ass and then not where i was going but but pepper you know is born and she comes out of the vajays and they hold her up and i just go they're like you gotta go and we're all you also this isn't your baby anymore right and you're like i was just you don't understand imagine imagine being at a birth and the doctor pulls a baby out and you and the doctor

starts barking at him and he yeah well the doctor slaps that baby's ass and you're like yeah slap her ass and you slap your own ass you're like oh you're like why'd you why'd you do that he's like we can't. I don't feel in good conscience handing you this baby. Listen, she walks over to the mom. She's like, you're single now. Yeah. We'll take him out back.

We'll get rid of him. Because this is not going to work. The police have been called. Yeah. But I'm picking the interrupting. Zach is. Brian, pick. I think I will do that, too.

Okay. Because the other ones sound so awful. Okay. Moving on to what are you thinking about? picking the interrupting zach is brian i think i think i will do that too okay just because the other ones sound so awful okay uh moving off to what are you thinking about hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about i just realized there's a brain walking around at the end of that graphic oh yeah that's fucking awesome do you like it yeah oh what are we two two and a half years in yeah just have you working here god damn it zach i just noticed the thing you notice all the details yeah it takes me a while except Except for that one. So approaching... Do you guys all have little party horns?

Approaching the one year anniversary of my sister passing away. And that's sad. Yeah. And it should. Have you been on Candy Dome Podcast? I have. Okay. so that's sad and there's been talks about that like you know within the family and within you know cassie and our kids and stuff like that like just kind of going over it and a memory popped back up that i had completely forgot about that is so funny to me i'm going to tell you why

so in this particular situation when we were down for uh my sister grace's celebration of life um which i guess it's a little you get it i which i guess you know that that moment that had happened was a while after she ended up passing away but the date that she passed away uh is coming up it's just like you know within the week of when this episode comes out but when we were down there for the celebration of life we went to church we went to a. Our family is Catholic. And at this particular mass, they were doing like kind of a little moment for grace, right? At church. So, we decide that we're going to go and, you know, the kids, us, all the family, people in town visiting are going to go

to the service to celebrate this. Now, growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I guess maybe it's unique to where I grew up. Because down in the southern central part of Idaho, we are a lot closer to Utah. God. Oh. Because of the elevation, we're going to get into heaven first. Right. Because we said it's 6,200 feet.

That's how much closer I am to heaven. That's over a mile. Yeah. That's how much closer I am to heaven than everyone who's listening. Imagine you live in Death Valley. Have fun looking at the back of my head. Yeah. I'm going to heaven first.

You get it. So, anyway, we're down there, but we're also closer to Utah. So, I had a lot of Mormon friends. There was a lot of different religions. I mean, Christian, Catholicism. Like, when you really look at it, like, there's some differences, but like, is there? It's still Jesus, right? I was like, is there?

Like, it's not that different. Like, we Catholic, we just have to, like, say sorry at some point and we're going to heaven. Which is my favorite. You could do a lot of crazy stuff and then just say sorry yeah at the end you're like dude dude that was nuts one wednesday out of the year you just go in and get some stuff in your forehead that's like right before you die just be like dude i am i'm so sorry for that oh dude i'm like so sorry yeah yeah or whatever it's cool he is risen heaven uh anyway so i grew up i've been to mormon whatever services tabernacles uh oh god they know how to sing and then uh like christian churches catholic churches

i've been to like i think presbyterian like whatever there's just like you know like any sort of community there's people that celebrate different religions. And my philosophy, I mean, this has nothing to do with my story is like, just don't tell me what to do. And then we're going to, we can go play basketball together. Yeah.

Like just knock it off. We'll get along just fine. We'll be, we'll be just fine. As long as you don't make me do that. Um, I don't want to eat body of Christ. I do kind of good.

I would, I would purposefully drink the blood of Christ I do I'm not a cannibal I would purposefully drink the blood of Christ in front of my mom Because she couldn't stop me That's so funny, sorry to interrupt But there was a basketball player in high school Where I went over to play basketball with him And I came into his house and he was sitting at a table With the Bible out and his mom standing there

And they were ready to save me It's funny to say basketball because I was like I'm here for basketball and they're like no you're not you thought so sorry you thought so this is way above the rim yeah kevin bacon you get it uh so anyway i guess assume that everyone had like a general understanding of how this these different services go okay um but also until this particular thing happened then i started realizing like how it's pretty crazy if you don't know what's happening okay so uh cassie not religious the nothing closest thing would be christianity or catholicism right so i just thought like maybe she'd been to

a church before and i probably has but anyway we went to this service and they have like little tiny things throughout them where you stand up you're if you've been to a catholic mass you know you stand up a bunch you kneel a bunch you sit down and you do it and you oh man and then everyone's... And then you hear all the pews. Creak. Creaking. As it stands up, it goes,

Oh, man. We kneel. And then a bunch of page flips and all this kind of shit. And then you're like, Rise, you're like, Fuck again. I just sat. Right.

So like what you said, like walking up for communion and eating the body of Christ, which is, you know, a crack, a wafer. It's a shitty rice wafer that is pumped out of a factory. Amen. Pope tart. Yeah. Or Jesus. That was Dan Cook.

Not me. And so Jesus, eat it and then go drink wine which is fucking awesome if you're 13 your mom can't stop you of course jesus wants me to do this what the fuck are you gonna do this is the blood of christ you're telling me i can't drink the blood of christ it's not my fault it's alcohol the christ's blood is alcohol uh so anyway you do that whole thing and that's a little weird for people that have never seen it. And I didn't know in the moment that Cassie has never seen that before either. Now, one of the most iconic parts of being to a Catholic Mass is the Peace Be With You.

Okay? Do either of you know what I'm talking about? Is that where you turn to someone and say it? Close. They're like, meet your neighbor or something? Mm-hmm. what uh peace be with you peace be with you and with you as well no the force be with both of those are wrong okay and also with you and also with you that's that is the i just assumed everybody knew that whether you were catholic or not that at some point it's like and the guy's like and then everyone stops and they walk around to all their neighbors and they shake your hand

and go peace be with you and peace be with you and they shake their hands and while we're doing this um cassie's hair is on fire first it doesn't matter you can say at the same time there's no rules is there like a is there like a peaceful oh peace with you but when you're young it's a chance for me like to run across the church and see my friend and be like peace with you and laugh at it do a funny dance then run back to where i'm supposed to go if my mom hits me uh but if in this particular situation i'm peace with you and like you stand up and, I mean, I've been through this from zero to 18. I was going to church every week. And it's just built in, right?

So, I'm like, peace with you, blah, blah. And then this old lady that's next to Cassie reaches over and goes, peace with you. She barks. And Cassie just goes, also nice to meet you. Meaning well. And the lady just goes, okay. And I'm like,

I, I, I overhear it. I'm like, and I'm still like, and you know, in the peace with you and like, for instance,

I shake Cassie's hand. I'm like, peace with you. She goes, nice to meet you. You can't keep doing this. This is twice now. I was like,

I was like, no, just say peace with you. And she goes, I can't keep doing this. This is twice now. I was like, no, just say peace be with you. And she goes, I don't know. But then my brain, it was just so funny to throw yourself in that, like, totally my fault. But also, like, how do you prepare people for that? I mean, I don't want to offend anybody, but like that cult type of situation where, like, everybody knows. Like, how do you not know? We've been doing this for years right but yeah nice to meet you have you ever been to a church that people speak in tongues uh no but i've been in i've been in a mass where somebody started doing it and everyone was just

like just knock it off wrong place dude dude get your tongues out of here i was not prepared for that shit, to be fair. Right next to me. Just out of nowhere. And as this story came up about the Peace Be With You, it's also nice to meet you. But there was a woman that I remember growing up that, like, I don't know what she did. Maybe worked on Broadway. But she would treat church as like her performance piece. Oh, yeah. Like turning around and facing the crowd. Like during certain songs. Give my regards to Broadway.

But he's like, turn around and he's like this piercing, perfect pitch voice. Oh, yeah. Just like, ha ha ha! And everyone's just like, look at me. Yeah. And then turn around and sit down like, I, ha, ha, ha. And everyone's just like, look at me. Yeah. And then turn around and sit down like, I did it.

Yeah. Goes home and is like, I killed it today at church. Okay, well. I thought we were here for Jesus. I don't think that's the focus, honey. Well, it is for me. It is for me. I'll just say sorry before I die and we'll go right to heaven.

Right after my Broadway career. That apparently fizzled out. I remember going as a kid to a Catholic wedding. Woo! It was three hours long. Oh, yeah. But it doesn't have to be. For a kid that's just going along with your parents to a wedding, three hours. That's quite the feat um just cats yeah i so i guess so like i don't i don't necessarily i guess i don't love

take it from here i don't yeah that's enough out of you i don't love i mean you know how i feel about religion all that kind of stuff but like if people want to go to church and do that, it's a community thing. I have no problem with it. But when you go to like, let's say when there's like a service for like a funeral or something like, and it's at the church. So like when I went over to Seattle for one for a friend of mine that died, who's my age, and she was very involved in the church and uh but it was a two hour long service 95 of it was about um loving jesus and five percent of it was about the person and her life so that bugs me so much when it's like i came here to like remember and celebrate a person and we're just talking

about jesus the whole time like what are we doing here jesus christ yeah you know i'm like this is what sundays are for the funeral let's let's keep it to the person that died you know what i mean she had two she had two kids a husband great she worked she did community work great person and we're talking about fucking jesus yeah because she's not a good what'd you say she's better than jesus what's her religion called i don't know christian? I don't know. Christianity? I don't know.

One of them. One of them. I don't know which one it was. No, that is annoying. I've been to those long weddings. I've been to those long funerals. And I also don't get it. The weddings are just as bad. They're like, it's about the love for, first of all, Jesus first.

Then your marriage. Then your kids. Yeah. Which I always thought was crazy, too. Like, I get you, but it's like then your kids yeah which i always thought was crazy too like i get you but it's like your kids are third after god jesus you're gonna put him before your kids yeah well peace be with you so nice to meet you nice to meet you too what have you what so have you what'd you say huh i don't know What did I say? Peace to you with you

I said nice to meet you Nice to meet you And Hold on The person's been like What'd you say? But What'd you say?

Yeah wait what? What'd you say? No what'd you say? What'd you say? I said peace to you with you Yeah That's what I thought you said Nice to meet you

That's what I fucking thought You've said enough I've never had a cracker A wafer Yeah A geez it We also have tattoos so You're not going anywhere, buddy. Yeah, so do a lot of people.

Yeah, guess who doesn't. I've seen tattoos. Guess who doesn't. I've seen tattoos of people saying they put like a, one of the fucking, what are they called? The scriptures? Yeah, it's like, the one of the funniest ones was like, it was like anti-gay marriage. It was like a man shall not Leviticus 20

whatever, man shall not lay with another man. And then the next one is like, thou shall not mark their body. And they mark their body to represent the veil. Jesus probably does like irony. He's got a whole planet full of it. Yeah, he's like a whole planet full of it, so.

Yeah, he's like a pretty chill guy. Yeah. Yeah, him, like, the idea of just him sounds pretty cool. Of just loving people? Yeah. He did introduce the idea of hell, eternal damnation for your soul, so that wasn't the nicest thing he could do. But did he or did his dad tell him to do that? Well, that's kind of an odd situation, isn't it?

The Old Testament didn't mention hell. There's no hell in the Torahrah yeah that's pretty cool i love you you're all gonna die forever in hell you don't love me unless i unless peace be with you yeah i last thing it just the idea of creating a world of of all this and then you're like you have to obey me and then they like if you don't obey me i'm gonna you're gonna be on fire you're gonna be on fire forever it's like well you but i i love you well then don't make me burn forever well no i don't want to do that i don't want you to burn forever but you invented it you could stop me from burning forever i could i could but i thought you said you love me i do just listen what i'm

saying follow me peace be with you being commanded to love what you fear is like the essence of masochism sadomasochism anyway zach gets it i'm hard me too anyway i don't think i could be so hard uh let's move on to some dick okay speaking of hardness hey zach what'd you find? Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. Speaking of dick, Jesus. He's quite the guy, huh?

Yeah. So this, I was just watching with Casserole. Monsters Eek. Eek? Ink. Oh, so you said Eek. Monsters Eek and nice to meet you also nice to meet you but how crazy would this be like if this happened in real life okay here's here's the headliner babysitter checking for monsters finds man hiding under child's bed what the fuck would you do so a babysitter in kansas found a troubling surprise after a child

she was watching complained there was a quote quote monster oh you there's just it's an old it's an old wives tale i know The babysitter found a man It's John Goodman Sorry Hiding under a child's bed After they attempted to show the children There was nothing under there See there's nobody

Oh my god Oh shit Call the police Holy fuck That's what you Baby there's no monster Okay look I'll take a little Big fuck He's what you know baby there's no monster okay look i'll take a little pig

fuck he's just like run run sorry i had to see this even worse get out of here get out of here uh or you're just like oh my god right he's like you've said enough yeah i'll take it from here i'll take it from here uh geez louise uh the barton county sheriff's office said in a statement on wednesday i was wondering who said it and when so glad we got that all figured out yeah but who reported it is it ktwp oh i i hope we find out but i'm not sure if we will i'm crossing my fingers but you will she came face to face with a male suspect who was hiding there the sheriff's office said sheriff's deputies

arrived at the home just outside the city of great bend at 10 30 p.m on monday after they were called about the disturbance after the deputies arrived the babysitter told the uh the deputies that when the man was discovered there was an alter. As you would expect there to be. Yeah. Like, you wouldn't just... All right. Oh, mister. Hold on.

The babysitter and child were knocked over during the scuffle, and the suspect fleed. The following day, deputies spotted the man wearing a Mike Wazowski costume. He wasn't, but that'd be so funny. Hold on! Just this giant green ball from Monsters, Inc. Were you hiding under the bed? That wasn't me! Yeah, Mike Wazowski!

Deputy spotted a man in the area looking for the suspect. He ran, and after a short pursuit, because he was wearing a costume, deputies caught him. uh deputy spotted a man in the area looking for the suspect that he ran and after a short pursuit because he was wearing a costume deputies caught him martin villobies jr okay pass that one along 27 was arrested and booked into the barton county jail on multiple charges including aggravated kidnapping and child endangerment the sheriff's office said that Villa Lobis is being held on a $500,000 bond. Seems a little low.

Does it? It's a ton of money for not doing anything. Yeah, but you're in someone's house. You don't belong in someone's house. Villa Lobis, Villa Lobos, once lived on the property, the sheriff's office said. There was a current protection order issued against him to stay away from the property. So, what we're not getting in here is like, maybe it was his kid. Right?

Maybe he's the dad. He got kicked out, but he was like, I'll still read you a bedtime story. You'd think that they would mention that. I know, but who the fuck knows with this article. But anyway, what I was saying was, they were saying there was an altercation afterwards, but think about as a parent, you're so dedicated to making sure,

like, you're exhausted. You had a crazy hard day at work. I mean, just so many emails. There was a guy delivering cupcakes that was singing. Like, you are just mentally exhausted. Drained. You can't take anymore. And you get home.

And then you go, you're like, there's, listen, there's not, there's monsters under the bed, baby. And you pick it up and you see somebody and you're like, I told you there wasn't anything under there. Like just avoid any altercation. And the person under there is like, can you fucking see me? Yeah, you just don't have it in me. Yeah, you're like, I'm not doing... Like you pick it up and you're like, you're not going to fucking hurt her, are you? And he's like, no, of course not.

No, I'm... Or you just don't want to alarm your kid. Yeah. So you're like, oh my God. Yeah. Baby, go to sleep. You're like, watching this person twinkle, twinkle, twinkle.

What are you doing down here? Because then if you, if you don't want your kid to get scared, because then they- They'll be scared forever. There really is a monster. There's always going to be

a man hiding under that fucking bed. How do you tell them otherwise? You can't. If there isn't always a monster underneath there and you can't get them to come around on that, imagine if there really was a monster.

They'd be an adult. Yeah. This is like a little bit of an adjacent story that I think I've shared before, but when Pepper was very little, she was like, I think maybe two years old. We went to a park in beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alroy casino winning's just the beginning at the corduroy casino you get it love it so anyway we went to the park and we walked up there and we're getting closer and closer. And like at the time, she loved to just swing as little kids do. And there was something in the child swing.

I didn't know what it was, but I'm looking at it. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I'm walking up with my two-year-old. I think Ezra was, yeah, Ezra wasn't even alive yet. It must have left, whatever. It doesn't matter. We walk up to the, like, you know, the protective child swing, right? It has, like, little leg holes out, whatever. We get a little bit closer

and I was like, it's a fucking chicken. No one is around. And there's just a chicken sitting in the child swing. Making a little noise. And Pepper walks up, she goes, a chicken!

And she's sitting there and, like, she. She goes, a chicken. A chicken. Yeah. And she's sitting there and like, she's like, wee, like pushing. I was like, well, I'm trying to. And I remember like pulling her aside and I was like, Pepper, you will never see this again. Yeah, this is not normal. I was like, there's not normally going to be a chicken in the swing. And I just like the expectations because she loved it

so much and we got the chicken out and let it go and fucking run around who knows what happened to the chicken ran over but it shouldn't have been in the child swing i don't know how the fuck you got there um but i remember explaining that so the same situation we were like just because it happened once doesn't mean it's happening every time you go to bed. But when it comes to a fucking man hiding underneath your bed, oof. That's a hard sell. That's a hard sell, yeah. That's going to be quite a bit of trauma to overcome. That's why I think you'd almost have to just play it off like there isn't a man under the bed.

You know what I mean? Like, maybe you even get him out of your bed. Like, you know what? I think you're going to stay with mommy tonight. Special night. Or you drag him out. You're like, oh my God, there was a monster under here. And you drag him out.

Like, I'll take him under my bed. You drag him out and just kick the shit out of him. Or you kill the monster in front of the child. So they're like, see, there can never be a monster under your child. Because there was. You were right, honey. But now he's dead. And the babysitter killed it.

Right. Oh, yeah. dead and the babysitter killed it right the the oh yeah it's the baby and i'm gonna get a and if i don't get a big fat tip i'm gonna kill your mom too here's the thing i just i forgot it was the babysitter here's another scenario for you okay you're just a babysitter you don't have time for this you willing to die you don't know what that person's capable of. You willing to die for that child? Yes. Well, I mean, yeah, me personally, yeah. That's why you're getting paid $15 an hour, buddy. You're a 13-year-old babysitter.

Don't think of yourself now, 13 years old. You fight for that. Yeah, 13-year-old me would fucking do something about it, too. Man. I'd like to think I would. I'm not going to run away. I know. I'm trying to take us in a direction.

You're like, there's nothing under here. And you just here and he's going yeah and just run out of the house leave the kid push the baby down yeah you go home you grab you grab the kid out of the bed and shove it under the bed to feed the monster yeah yes yeah you the you just have to be faster than the slowest person right when there's something chasing you babies are slow you feed the baby to the monster. Maybe that'll quench the monster's hunger and won't be hungry anymore for you. And like the worst thing for you is you have to find a new babysitting job. Right. That's going to be easy.

You know how desperate people are for babysitters these days? Yeah, I get it. I get it. I give you a go with this. So I just want to throw that as a potential option. I like it. Let's jump off to our next piece of dick. Nepotism? No,

but nest was also part of the whole pun thing. And I talked about chicken in a swing. Well, I hope you're ready to talk about more chickens. Yeah, I am. Fucking take it. You know there's a chicken jockey trend going on? I do, because i have two 14 year old daughters so i do know about this you went from one 14 year old daughter get the fuck out

of here what is happening an ad i don't get rid of that i don't know if i'm having one having two 14 year old daughters god they're so smart and responsible yeah they are logical and they're definitely not all like experimenting with like penises and stuff never it's a really calm not stressful time it's cool when they don't actually have boys sneak into your house when you're not you know yeah they would never do that never no maybe that guy underneath the bed was visiting the babysitter. Oh. And. And things went crazy and then she had to blame it.

She blamed it on him. And he ended up with a half a million dollar bond. Right. Whoops. That sounds like a. To get out of it. Sounds like a joke that maybe went a little too far for a $20 tip. I don't know.

I wouldn't put anything past anybody these days. Yeah, I get you. Anyway. But I have heard of a chicken jockey. Okay. But I'm excited that maybe you haven't. Yeah, I get you. Anyway. But I have heard of a chicken jockey. Okay. But I'm excited that maybe you haven't. Yeah, I don't think I have. Okay. Theaters call police after chicken jockey trend turns Minecraft movie screenings into

chaos. Looks fun. I know. But there's multiple sides of it. We're going to do it. Well, let's read it first before we decide whether we like it or not. Okay, read it. Spring 2025 brings chaos to theaters nationwide as cinemas issue stern warnings following disruptive behavior at screenings of the newly released Minecraft movie, the blockbuster film, which opened...

No, none. Don't need to know any of this. It has become center of controversy despite smashing box office records with an unprecedented 313 million global debut. It's a lot of money. Why? Doesn't surprise me, though. Minecraft was a giant video game. Yeah.

And my kids don't even really play it anymore. They moved on to Fortnite, and they were pumped to go to this movie. Okay. Because they know all the characters and stuff. What, like Steve and... Steve, Alex. And Steve. That's the only one we know.

Steve and Alex. The Creepers and Steve. The Villagers. The Chicken Jockey. Jack Black, who is Steve. Chicken Jockey. Yep. Why theaters are sounding the alarm.

Cinema chains across the country have been forced to implement emergency protocols to this April as the chicken jockey TikTok trend disrupts Minecraft movie screenings. We talked about all of this. Young fans are gathering in groups, chanting loudly and reacting dramatically to specific scenes, creating an atmosphere

one manager described as absolute mayhem. Dude, calm down. It's not Fight Club for fuck's sake. What's the mayhem, guys? What's not fight club for fuck's sake uh it'll it'll what's the mayhem guys what does he say what the guy from allstate what's he what's his line protects you from mayhem like me yeah absolute mayhem like me i love the wording on that okay so creating an atmosphere one manager so think about all of the cinemas all of the regals all everything attached to them all of them and then one manager was like absolute mayhem you should have seen it

you should have seen it there was popcorn and chickens and that's it. Somebody did bring a chicken. I wish. I saw one. Oh, yeah? Yep. Hopefully they were nice to it. We've never seen anything quite like this. Were you alive for 9-11? Explains Marcus Reynolds.

It's just like it. It's the same thing. This is their 9-11. Oh, yeah. Everyone has their own 9-11. That's what my dad used to always say. It's like a Tuesday, and you're like, hey, how's it going? He's like, oh, it's my Friday.

No, it's Tuesday. It's just your... Oh, so it's your 9-11. Yeah. Yeah, it's your 9-11. Everyone's got their own personal 9-11. What's yours? Mm-hmm.

You know? Mm-hmm. That was a B-52 song that I'd never heard. I bet you. You're on private 9-11. I bet you the people who are affected directly by 9-11 wouldn't like that so much. What's your personal 9-11? 9-11.

9-11 was pretty rough. No, but adjacent to? Nope. Don't need that. That was it. I don't really need an analogy or anything like that. Don't need that. I was down there. It sucked.

I was in building seven. Lucky to be alive. So what do you think about people throwing popcorn in the movie theater? Absolute mayhem! What are we going to do? Terrorists! Terror. No. Terror. Terrorists Terror Terror

Emergency Right there Young fans You've never seen anything quite like this Explains Marcus Reynolds Operations director for the major theater chain It started with cheering In certain moments

Why would someone cheer At a kids movie director for the major theater chain. It started with cheering in certain moments. Why would someone cheer at a kids movie? Why? Mayhem! But it's escalated to the point where other patrons can't hear the dialogue in some cases. Feel intimidated by the rowdy behavior.

I feared for my life at the Minecraft movie because of the mayhem that was going on. On Facebook, it's going around like Mark's safe from Minecraft movie. Yeah.

Mark's safe from chicken jockey mayhem. What? Also hungry. A little bit hungry, but safe from chicken jockey mayhem. There's like a Facebook group, Survivors.

The chicken jockey mayhem survivors. An AA meeting. Yeah. And Jack Black's leading it. What are you here for? Chicken jockey mayhem of 25. And everyone just goes, mm-hmm. It's like 10 years later.

No, first of all, say your name and say that I'm affected by chicken jockey mayhem. Hi. Hi. My name's Joe and I was affected by chicken jockey mayhem. It's like mesothelioma commercials. If you were affected by the chicken jockey mayhem of 25. Of 2025.

Please call 1-800-HOT-CHICKS. Imagine, so likeors of like the Jock chicks The Titanic or whatever Like something major Like oh he One of the last remaining survivors Of the chicken jockey incident of 25

I can't I couldn't even hear the dialogue What are you doing here? I know like everything's relative sit next to the babysitter that found the man under the bed

yeah I just don't know if I can go back in a movie theater and she's like what I can't even close my eyes in bed at night

because there was a man under the kid's bed and the guy's like yeah well there was popcorn all over and it was loud my foot was sticking to the ground

When I would walk trying to get away I couldn't even hear the dialogue What You know what's funny though My uncle rode concrete Down 30 flights of stairs The whole tower Was in flames

He got hit by an airplane Yeah well I couldn't hear some of the dialogue and my popcorn was spilled. What?! Fuck! All these people at a tragic groups thing where they all have their own

different tragedies. Imagine that. So you have Titanic, fucking 9-11, World War II, Pearl Harbor, all this shit. School shooting. tragedies imagine that so you have like titanic fucking 9-11 world war ii like pearl harbor all this shooting school yeah like the like he it was he was at fucking uh what's the one in 99 the most famous one columbine columbine he was like at columbine all these all these people well in the scale of school shootings that's probably the one that people i mean you got to go with the og yeah that's right well if you want to go the og you go most like the scale of school shootings That's probably the one that people I mean you gotta go with the OG Well if you wanna go with the OG you go Moses Lake

The rest of you is replicas But all these people They're like going to where I was I was at I was on the USS Phoenix Arizona I watched all my friends burn alive And I was lucky enough To get knocked into the water.

They're at the bottom of the ocean. We're never found. And you get to that guy. He's like, what about you? What's your name? Brian. What happened to you? Too loud in the movie theater.

They start throwing popcorn at him? The free popcorn that you grab at the table when you walk in. Jesus Christ. Coffee. And then for him, it starts coming back. It's like the in. Jesus Christ. Coffee. And then for him it starts coming back. It's like the war. Chicken. Jockey. Chicken. Jockey.

The mayhem starts coming back in his brain. He's just like the regal. There was a firefight! So fucking stupid. It is stupid, but when you compare, everything is relative, right? So there's going to be something that's less worse than this. That this will seem bad. I don't know what that is yet, but it's going to happen.

It's going to be something. At least the movie theaters are getting popular again, even if they're throwing shit around. That's kind of cool. Right. That's true. I mean, people have to clean shit up. That sucks. Yeah, movie theaters have fallen over 700% in the last five years.

Yeah, before that, they didn't have to clean anything because nobody was in there. So that's the discussion. And then we'll hop off to our petty beef. But quick discussion, like, Where do you draw that line? So two different facets. One, on the back side, you have to clean up a bunch of bullshit of a bunch of kids going there and having a whole celebration. And being out of control. But also...

But they paid for everything that they threw. Right, but if you throw a pop, it gets out of control. Then now it's a whole fucking thing. Now you're disrespecting property so treat it like of that old guy gallagher and just put some fucking plastic down good times well the people that paid you're there to like try to make a move and squeeze your first boob and you're sitting on a fucking drop cloth from lowes next to a guy with a chicken? Trying to squeeze in.

And then some kid's like, chicken jockey! And he's like, this is romantic. Okay. But also imagine that you went with your kids. See, that's the part. I don't have a problem with that. Yeah. It's like it scared the kids. And your kids suck.

Your kids are pussies. And they're like, oh my God! What do we do? It's like, they're going to love it as much as anybody. You were scared and you're a baby. Yeah. Your kids are fine. Watching a bunch of kids that are older that they look at and they've like trends or whatever

and they're throwing popcorn and being like, chicken jockey and being nonsense. It also doesn't last forever it'll dial it'll die back and if you if you left and you walked out and said hey chicken jockey's going on in there i can i get a refund they're gonna say okay like just figure it out but like just snipe the cleanup part that is where i have my my little Because, I mean, if it gets out of control, if there's 500 people throwing fucking popcorn, that sucks. Is there anything in history like this? Was there other movies where people would do things in the theater? I mean, school shootings.

Are you talking about, like, just trends? No. Movie theater disruptions. Oh, no, Brian. Kill Brian. Brian. Kill Brian left. You mean like it's like following trends and being loud? I mean, I know there are lots of movies.

Like, remember the movie The Program where they had to take out a scene because the kids would go out in the street and lay in the street and do that stupid challenge. But was there ever anything in the theaters where people would throw shit and go crazy like that? Or is this the first time ever uh i would assume with tiktok happening maybe it's not a on a movie of this scale yeah i can't but i'm guessing it's like it's okay and and there was another article talking about the director being like it's maybe star wars movies like people getting up with lightsabers in the middle of it and like getting in the way. Being loud. When the Phantom Menace came out in 99. It was a circus for sure. But not popcorn thrown everywhere. And all that shit.

I'm downplaying this. And it's ridiculous. But I guess if I was. Say I'm a patron. If I'm taking my family and kids. We're going to this movie. And we're trying to watch it. And this is going on.

It probably would be annoying. It would. But it's also Minecraft. You, but I get you're not missing a plot line Well, but there are a lot of funny jokes and oh are there yeah, my kids were like it was hilarious They usually do those movies pretty well where for adults. It's funny like I remember watch the trailer and I was not impressed Hmm. I didn't hmm. No, i saw jack black being really sad about people saying that he's like i thought the trailer was really good man what the hell really no the trailer was just it was nothing way to go yeah it would make jack black sad yeah whatever he's a i'm sure he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with because seems like a guy that was able to just be himself

in every role he's ever played and it worked out i'm sure he's i'm sure he's great i'm sure he's very fun but the trailer sucked shit there wasn't it wasn't even enticing it was just like this weird take on minecraft maybe that's why they're all doing the chicken jockey because it's not just doing it because it's just funny like it's just a thing and it was a huge movie and they had marketing and who knows whether they created this trend like who fucking knows right but it worked out so i just don't know how pissed i would be if i showed up and i was like oh my god what did he just say like am i gonna miss the twist well what happens if this starts a new trend where people in hollywood are making movies so that they can trigger these kind of things so that the

whole movie atmosphere becomes that's that's fine because it's gonna have to fit the movie right like it fits minecraft it's not gonna fit the next whatever like serious movie trident prejudice remake fuck yeah exactly it's like american history x2 yeah it just it's like every time someone gets curbs curb stomped they throw popcorn no it's not gonna be that no so i think it's just gonna be pertained to like silly goofy movies but they're making so much money like how much how mad can you be about sweeping up some popcorn movies these are just giant concession stands like they don't make any money from the movies themselves all they make movie on just selling shit they make movies on concessions uh-huh what'd you say they they make all their money on concessions there it is not the movies so the people are just throwing away like they ultimately they probably don't

give a shit because they're getting they scoop it back up into the bed yeah well enough to call the goddamn cops yeah anyway chicken jockey i'm glad our kids are having fun a little silly having fun again yeah getting out there movies fun again have some fun out there. That's what I'm thinking. Let's get to our petty beef. Hey, Zach, would you be so kind? Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard

and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. That's some sick B-roll footage of a handshake. Yeah, dude. Glad we found that. So this one, it's from our clearly frustrated daughter, Faith.

What? Oh, I thought you were playing that. No, I accidentally tapped something, but I didn't mean to. Okay. I thought we were going to get two beds of music at once. No, I... tapped something, but I didn't mean to. Okay. I thought we were going to get two beds of music at once. No, I... There you go. Frustrated daughter Faith, who writes,

Hey, dads. Hey, Faith. This weekend, I officially concluded that my entire marriage is a Petty Beef goldmine. Uh-oh. Hell yeah. Yeah, you get it. Which means it's a goldmine for us. Yeah.

We appreciate it. I'm going to start out by saying my petty beef question, but then I'm going to go into a lengthy backstory. So buckle up. It's about to be a wild ride. I'm listening to this jam sesh real quick. Hold on. Isn't that nice? What is that?

Is that a keyboard? Yeah, I think it's a xylophone. That's not a real one. Yeah, they don't have one. Those are $50,000 now. My husband told me a couple months ago that he already bought me a birthday present. I've been wanting a bookshelf and started actively looking a few weeks ago. After I found one, I decided that I would ask my mom to purchase said bookshelf for my birthday next month,

which is coming up, so that I would not have to spend the money myself. Must be nice to have a living mom. Sorry. After telling my idiot husband this, he proceeded to tell me I ruin everything. Must be nice to have a mom that's alive. Sorry.

I wish my dad could type. What? What? He would love to be able to type never be able to type ever again god my dad would love to be able to type into the show what no he's just typing away in a minivan in the sky the show has become such a celebration of darkness hasn't it yeah uh so book i buy the bookshelf my birthday so don't have to spend the money myself. After telling my idiot husband this, he proceeded to tell me that I ruined everything. And then showed me a text thread with my best friend and them collaborating bookshelves together. Am I wrong for asking my mom for a bookshelf after he told me he already bought my birthday present?

This is such a fucking marriage shit dude you idiot you bought this wait was it the same shelf though or was it another shelf just that they were talking about it so they were trying to do something nice he's trying to do something nice he said you ruined everything what a bitch By asking her mom to buy something because he said that he already bought something. Yeah. Okay. It didn't clarify what the present was. Yeah. Maybe you should say.

Well, we're not. Okay. We're one third through. Okay. Now, here's the backstory. Last year, we briefly separated. Weird. While that was in action, Father's Day came and went.

We were back together by the time his birthday came around, which was August 26th. He gets his birthday present last year, Christmas present, etc. This year on Father's Day, he didn't technically get anything because I gave him the pocket knife I bought him. He did technically get something because I gave him the pocket knife I bought him earlier because I was too excited about it. Fast forward to the beginning of July this past year. He asked me about his birthday present. I told him he was getting nothing because we are broker than broke. But mainly it was just, I had no fucking clue what to get him. Cause anytime you ask the man what he wants he says i don't know and then

never tells you but wait there is more i'm just gonna say something real quick you can't okay go ahead well just like all right i i just may sound petty but like how well do you know him? You know that he likes Snickers bars. Buy him a week's supply of Snickers bars. One of them biggins. Because that's what he... Buy him his favorite candy bar. You know, the gesture of just like, Oh, you knew that I liked Snickers bars.

That's probably better than like, wasting money on some other gift that he doesn't give a shit about. Or say, Here's a book for five free blow jobs that you can redeem at any time that's better than any that'll work out i'm just saying like that's a better present than anything you could get you read the fine print not valid at certain stores participating flipping over it's like not my mouth yeah It has to be your own mouth. It must be your own mouth between April. I'll be present, but it's got to be your own mouth. It has to be your own mouth

before July 28th, 2025. Not valid at all mouths. If you bring up my mouth at any point, coupon is valid. Participating mouth only. Mentioning my mouth avoids not make this coupon avoids uh not only this coupon but all coupons all future coupons and if you cheat on me i'll

divorce you and you're like this sucks i just have a snickers bar this coupon sucks you should have got my snickers okay so it goes on to say our entire relationship in the seven years we have been together this man has not ever and and I mean ever, got me something that I specifically asked for. Mother's Day rolls around this year, and I wanted a new Kindle paperweight. He straight up told me that he was not getting me a Kindle for Mother's Day. So I did what any smart person does, and I asked my mom to buy it. Does your mom have like a, is she rich? I don't know i want some

stuff apparently apparently he was going to get me the kindle paperweight send help all the help should uh should very possibly be one of your favorite daughters faith we'll take that. I mean, there's a lot to say in this one. That shit, man. Like, what was it? I think it was last year. I think it was a year ago. Cassie's birthday. And just being a fella, right? Because I don't have a lot of things to pull out.

We spend so much time together. I'm not doing surprise whatever. There was a birthday party party we had a bunch of friends over for a birthday but for her birthday gift i knew what she wanted and then like it started approaching blah blah blah and then she's you know being funny whatever she's like what'd you get me and i was like nothing but like yeah i did but i'm not gonna fucking deal with it right i'm gonna say nothing in that situation doesn't mean i didn't fucking get you nothing just means stop asking me shut up and just yeah but then also bouncing back i'm like like do you want like i'll fucking tell you like do you want to know oh no no and then you know

five minutes goodbye i was like did you get rid of that t no and then you know five minutes goodbye it's like did you get me that t-shirt and you're like no i'm better i didn't are there no surprises anymore i didn't get you anything right but it's just like that back and forth so i think there's a little bit of that going on in this relationship where he's like no i'm not getting you that shit you're fucking ridiculous yeah like because he wants it to be a surprise right he wants he wants you to be like oh like a little let down. You're like, oh, it comes back up. But she just keeps being like, you won't get it for me.

Mom! Yeah, yeah. Mom, get me it! Which I have never done, ever. So her being like, what anybody would do is ask your mom to get it. Like, I don't know how young they are. Like, I don't know if don't know i don't know how young they are like i don't know if you're like 20 something but i've never asked my mom or get asked like a relationship

like aaron won't give me this can i get a new computer and she's like no and you're like mom you give me a new computer i've never done that so her side of this i don't feel like i understand the backstory of like she has this understanding that if you don't get it from this then mom will get it for you if it comes to like certain like a birthday or christmas you're like well i'm not getting it from you so i'm gonna get it from fucking mom i've never had that have you guys done that i've never expected anything for a birthday i never expected anything ever i expected a happy birthday from you but i didn't get it well yeah because you fucked it up how because you just lie about your birthday every year

well you asked me when it wasn't i told you yeah and then it came and went i was like yeah it was bullshit um no you can't bring up that you want people to not fucking tell you happy birthday and then get pissed off when people don't tell you happy birthday no i thought i thought you were gonna you had you were gonna plan something sneaky or something because you asked me when it was yeah so i told you and then it came and went and i was like well that's what you get for expecting something no that's just because i care about you um well if you would have cared, you would have said happy birthday. Happy birthday, Brian. Anyway, yeah, it's a little weird. It's also funny to me that the idea of birthdays or this is my time to get something that I want.

That whole idea is kind of weird premise for me, too. It's forcing a big financial decision for reasons that are whatever it's yeah any any time that has like some weird obligation i have always just found that weird like we're going to a dinner now i have to like i have to bring a cake or like a bottle of wine like why why can't i just go to the party why do i have like why is it a whole thing why do i have to do all this stuff now um and i think that's always one of the things about birthdays that have driven me nuts why i don't want because i don't want anybody to expect like they have to get me something so i just don't even acknowledge it so then my own fears and concerns come out

of i don't want someone to have to get me something right um if you want something i guess just ask your mom i guess if you can i mean this like this with like the bookshelf situation being like i was looking at this and he's like you've ruined everything so also there's a little weird back and forth between the two. Like, be like, well, you're not going to fucking give me a bookshelf. I guess I'll ask mom to do it. It's like, and then she went on to say, like, he never gets me anything that I ever want. It's like, but the two times that you brought up in examples was bookshelf and he was working on it. And then it was a Kindle paperweight and he fucking got it for you.

So his reaction isn't lining up because it's a fucking birthday gift you're not supposed to know about it yeah yeah the whole if it's if if you just know all the presents you're gonna get then what's the i mean what's the point of of a birthday surprise and all that it just goes out the window that's why that's why like if you here okay i figured it out i'll let you finish but i got it i was just gonna say that's why that's why like if you here okay i i figured it out i'll let you finish but i got it i was just gonna say that's why like getting something small that like someone really like i'll just go to the store and i'll get my wife's favorite candy like i'll go to like pick up something and i'll bring her back and toss her like hey i got you whatever and it's always like

oh because it was like you it was that you thought of me while you were at the store to get me this thing which means more than any present that you would like. I'm going to go buy you whatever. Unless it's like a Lamborghini or something. Sure. But to me, buying something for somebody is about the thinking of you. That's what it should be about, right? I thought of you, and I thought you would like this and appreciate it instead of like go get me this go get me a peloton for my birthday and then if you don't give me a

peloton i'm going to be disappointed yeah like that it's a weird expectation with that said what when's your birthday again it was two weeks ago i know shit i'm belated birthday but i thought about don't you don't don't feel obligated to say that I'm going to go get you a present right now I thought enough to ask you when your birthday was and then did nothing on your birthday I know, that's what I thought was funny How'd it feel? I was fine with it That's what is funny, so I was having a conversation last week

With one of the parents We were having a conversation on my birthday And I just, you know, of course didn't bring it up And then a couple days You still bring it up when you're wearing a birthday hat. Yeah. With the little rubber band around the bottom. Any big plans today?

You're like, no, not really. Just glitters. Glitters. Just dancing in the sunlight. But we were talking. She goes, you guys have anything going on tonight or this weekend? I was like, we're probably going to go to dinner tonight. We're going to a birthday dinner.

I was like, we're going to go. The next week comes around. I forget how it came up. It was like, when was your birthday? I was like, it was Friday. She was like, what? We were standing here talking for an hour and you didn't mention it? Yeah, well, you're not invited.

Yeah, but I also don't know how to bring up that it's my birthday. It's my birthday today, today, today, baby. I don't know. I think small gestures that prove that you were thinking about the person when it's least expected carries way more weight than wanting something and then not getting it and being pissed at the person for not getting it. But that's just my View on it. Well, last thing I'm going to say is I think the fix to this, if mom is the one that comes in to save things for birthdays and celebrations, wait for the holiday to come and go and then ask for it if you didn't get it. That's it. So if you wanted the bookshelf for your birthday and then the day came and you didn't get the bookshelf, then you can talk to your mom. Christmas came and you didn't get your fucking, or Mother's Day came and went, and you didn't get your Kindle, then you can ask mom about Kindle stuff. You can order them on Amazon, it'll be here tomorrow.

Right. So, in that way, no one's foiling anything, and we're all back in the same point that, or the same boat that husbands will always let you down. Because, imagine the stress level, if she's expecting think imagine the stress level if she's expect imagine her stress level thinking i want this bookshelf i want this bookshelf he's not gonna give me this bookshelf he's not gonna give me the books i know he's not gonna i ask him about the bookshelf he says i need the bookshelf i need the fucking bitch mom i need this fucking book i know he's

not gonna give me this book that means you're thinking about it all the time this fucking bookshelf is consuming you. And then you don't get it from your husband. And you're like, what the fuck? You didn't give me the goddamn fucking bookshelf. And he's like, well, I was planning on getting it for you. Well, I already got it. All right.

Well, do you want a book? Yeah. You want a Kindle to keep on your Kindle thing? Do you want me to put it together? Because if you get a Kindle, the bookshelf doesn't need to be here. Yeah, you have all the books. What you need is like a manila folder. Why the fuck would you want a bookshelf and then also want a Kindle?

Right? I'm just glad to hear our kids are reading. Okay, this is going to sound partially joking, partially serious. This may sum up Faith. The way her brain works. Okay. You wanted a bookshelf. You got your bookshelf, and then you wanted a Kindle.

What are you going to put in the bookshelf if you have a Kindle? Just sell the bookshelf to get the Kindle. Thanks for writing in, Faith. Thanks for writing in, Faith. We love you. But think about that for a second. Yeah. maybe this is a span of 10 years maybe she decided maybe she had the bookshelf she read all the books she's like you know what now i want a kindle but if this is within a year or something like that like that's crazy yeah so hopefully hopefully you guys figure it out you can say that oh oh, this was 15 years.

Just talk more. He might be a terrible gift giver. Most husbands or boys are. We're just not good at it. We just try to be there every day. We suck at being there. That's why it seems like Valentine's Day sucks for relationships. Because all these TV commercials and all this shit, they put so many expectations on the husband to come

through on this day and if he doesn't he's a fucking piece of shit and all that when a lot of them are just working their ass off every day just to fucking pay bills or do whatever and then they look like an asshole one day out of the year because they didn't get the right thing.

You get it. Alright, well, let's move off to some good news. asshole one day out of the year because they didn't get the right thing. You get it. All right. Well, let's move off to some good news. This is a silly good news thing, but we got to carry on. Zach, fuck! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed.

Yeah! You guys like wiener dogs? Yes. So experts are amazed at survival of Valerie. Valerie! Can it come here? The miniature dog. The same dog I used to be.

On the run in South Australia for more than a year. Look at this fucking dog. It looks like a cartoon character. My buddy had a dog that looked exactly like that and his name was Charlie. I know. Well, Ryrie. It looks like Frank to me.

So a miniature dachshund that went missing 16 months ago on Kangaroo Island in South Australia has been spotted alive and well. 16 months! I think if you're lost on Kangaroo Island, you probably figure that dog has been fucked by several kangaroos. Has been punched by several kangaroos.

It's a punching bag. Look at the picture. Look at this thing. The desolate? Yeah, this is like America's Most Wanted photo. It looks like a field that's been plowed. It looks like a giant potato. Yeah, for miles.

That's the one thing on this entire field and it's a giant potato yep and they're like is this a dog could be the dog could be the dog but anyway they spotted it so it's it's so funny but continues to evade a team of volunteer searchers and wildlife experts who say they are quote quote amazed the dog survived for so long in the wild. Valerie weighed less than four kilograms, had a pink collar, and would never leave the side of the owner. Georgia Gardner. Sounds pretty dependent on the owner. Yeah, before she went missing back in November of 2023.

Like this dog. It's been around. It's just like, dude, this is where I want to be. I've seen some fucking shit. C I wanna be I've seen some Fucking shit Croc Yeah I've seen Some fucking shit Put another

Snip on her body Garner said that She and her partner Josh Fishlock From Albury In New South Wales I don't Why do I care

Where they're from It's a big Fucking continent It's a big Old fucking place We're holidaying Why do I care where they're from? It's a big fucking continent, brother. It's a big old fucking place. We're holidaying on the island, renowned for its nature wildlife, when Valerie escaped from her pen at their campsite at Stokes Bay before running into the scrub.

Nice. Despite initial sightings and the couple searching for a week with the help of Kangaroo Island locals, Valerie has not been seen again until recent months. I think he's a bit fucked. Okay. So, this is just so cute to me that there's an entire team.

I just imagine a search party being out and they just can't catch this fucking rocket sausage. It's just... Everywhere they go, he's not there. He's at the outfit place. He's like, you don't see me? Yeah, he can't see me. But laying down and like, okay, so you ask like how to survive. So like dogs will eat, they're scavengers.

So they'll eat, you know, dead birds. They're not going to be crazy good hunters. Their own feces. Obviously, wiener dogs are like made to fit in holes. Get down there and get a gopher or something i'm not sure what's going on at kangaroo island but the dog is doing it through winter like just making it fucking happen should have died months and then again like as we equal you know we head into summer up here in the northern hemisphere valerie's about to go through another fucking winter and no

one can catch this fucking wiener dog how do you catch like the most wanted criminals in the world how do they know he's still live because they keep on getting updates that's what i'm gonna say right yeah so they have more footage more pictures just recently and from the time that i looked this up and i want to miss wiener yes and but just so many dick pics. You get it. Oh, yeah. And this was, when I looked this up, the article was five days ago. And they have footage.

They have pictures. It's like Nessie. This dog is still going, dude. Fucking Bigfoot, dude. It's elusive as Bigfoot. And how come they can't catch it? Littlefoot. Like setting up little traps. And this dog's like, fuck you, dude.

Dude, I don't want to go home. Dude, this is my life now. Like this was your vacation. This is my life now. Yeah, this is what I am. But just, God, just so cute. Little fucking wiener dog. A miniature just sprinting around and living life, dude.

Like this, just, can life get any better what's gonna what's gonna happen when they capture him i don't know maybe just let him be maybe that's where he wants to be or maybe there's just all big fucking game i'm guessing they're all scared like i mean they're trying to catch him the dog's like fuck like he's been eating rats for 16 months yeah it's gonna be a little hesitant to just be like walking to someone else's arms. And the guy walks up. Hello. Hello, Valerie. Hey, how are you?

And like, that's terrifying. And I don't know where I'm at. Hey, you can trust me, isn't it? That's more British. And another guy's just like. Trying to scare him one way. And the other guy's like. Slapping his ass.

Somebody just needs to bring out some snoossages and they'll get him. Yeah, I'll drag him in. Kibbles and bits lean. All right, just a quick thought for the next segment. Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool

or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome so brian drives a tesla two now at the same time sometimes my wife and i we uh after baseball the other day she had to meet us so we we and then we left two separate cars we pulled the stoplight yeah and just raced it's pretty fun down down division i feel like teslas would be cheaper now wouldn't they yeah they are cheaper than they used to be yeah yeah uh thanks libtards whoa buddy what whoa whoa all right okay did i say something over the

line so this is like an entire industry that i did not i haven't even thought about this because obviously i'm not in the industry but with teslas and electric vehicles have you ever thought and maybe i'm just fucking stupid but i feel like i think about things i look at stuff and i'm like oh yeah and can kind of see the next role the next phase of what's going to happen but have you guys thought about construction equipment their trucks going to the electric side yeah well they already have i tell us people all the time they're like they don't understand dude fucking regenerate regenerative braking they have trucks that just like uh fucking dump trucks that haul shit up the hill they coast down the hill the

battery charges up because they're regenerative and then they drive right back up a hill and the power they produced and it's just a never- cycle. Right. Right. So the entire industry. So think of backhoes, excavators, tractors, dump trucks, jackhammer, like solar powered.

I mean, obviously drills. Like we've had that forever. Cause you don't want a gas powered drill. No thanks. But like that entire industry and how quiet it would be like thinking about them working on some road shit or doing like a building a new skyrise and everything is just muted you would hear all you'd hear is a cl like that's all you would hear i'd like to titty

fuck that ass but they wouldn't have to yell over the construction noise anymore they just be like hey the cat calling would be much easier yeah just yeah just quieter like someone's walking by and a guy be like hey excuse me why you have you don't have to whisper so loud uh me and my me and my buddies were just talking like you haven't uh you have a nice breasts and we would come on them maybe yeah maybe it wouldn't seem so vulgar if they're just like fuck those titties come sack that see that sounds creepy but you're okay calm down sir but you're like excuse me ma'am i've been discussing your rack he definitely would i i'm on the fence about it i probably would just because but it depends on order right for me like i feel like i'd have a hard time coming

if i could go first i would love to do it but if he's going first then i would have a little bit tougher time doing it i'd give you time to clean clean up. She's walking across the crosswalk. And I would love to take you out while you're using your solar-powered jackhammer. So, I mean, if the offer's on the table... If the offer's on the table, I'd take you out to Olive Garden tomorrow night. Unlimited breadsticks!

Why are you yelling?! It's all I know. Breadsticks. Here's the funny thing about that. But like quiet excavator. You've been around an excavator. Oh, yeah. Just.

Like they're powerful. Well, when you turn them on, it's like. And the exhaust pipe's going. Flapping around. Yeah. I mean, Tesla already makes semi trucks. Well, when you turn them on, it's like, and the exhaust pipe's going, flapping around. Yeah. I mean, Tesla already makes semi-trucks. Well, yeah. Right. You know, like, we're moving that direction.

And I've thought of cars. I've thought of vehicles. And you have, like, the mini-transportations that make sense. It's like, oh, yeah, duh, moped, scooter, skateboard, bicycle. City buses now. Yeah, city buses. Like, that shit. Transportation. bicycle city buses now yeah city buses like that shit transportation i said never thought

about being out in a field in an excavator just being dead quiet just being like oh yeah so like you wouldn't hear i mean it's weird all you would hear is dirt noise when you're in a parking lot or something and like i'll be pulling up to a parking spot there'll be someone standing there they don't even know i'm there because they can't hear me pulling up on them. Yeah. Because all you hear is the tires going like running over a little bit of gravel or something. So, yeah, if you're driving like a fucking combine and all you can hear is just the swathing sound. Yeah.

You get it. It's wild. I know. I just never thought about it. I mean, it makes sense. But a completely quiet construction zone, all you hear is like clink clink fuck all the little intricacies that you would hear yeah from when everything is dead quiet i wonder if that would drive people nuts

fucking just an ev crane yeah or like one of those massive dump trucks like where the tires are the size of your house uh-huh and they're just dead quiet yeah just yeah that's what they that's what i'm saying that's what they have they use those big old fucking trucks yeah because the weight of them recharges the batteries so much because the weight of them coasting i know anyway i just wanted that was just just something I found online. I feel like it was worth bringing up. As much as people want to reject it, the idea of almost like something being able to run on itself. How fucking cool is that?

Kinetic energy, yeah. Yeah. It's just like that's so cool. Why wouldn't we want to do that well money the kids are pretty funny in the group they're always like it's usually like oh tesla drivers and it's like a wife holding the husband making out that's kind of hot and it is kind of hot and it's and it's funny i mean we need to be pampered but yeah i like to be pampered i like to be held like my toes done.

But it's like, why the idea of some guy driving an F-350 that doesn't need to, making fun of electric cars. Like, nice dually. Where's your trailer? Oh, I don't have one. Is the horse borrowing it? You like to pay $400 in gas.

We humans will fight over anything, won't we? Look at how you get to the store, fucking dork. Is the horse borrowing it? You like to pay $400 in gas. We humans will fight over anything, won't we? Look at how you get to the store, fucking dork. I know. I pulled into a gas station for the first time in like six months and got a pop in some sunflower seeds. With all the money you saved? Mm-hmm. All right, let's hear it from the kids.

Zach! Hey, you guys! All right, let's hear from the kids. Zach! Hey, you guys! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Are you ready? I'm ready.

Are you ready to rock? Rock. Not really. Shit. Rock. I love Wisconsin! Hey, fucksticks. Rock. I'm out of Wisconsin! Hey, fucksticks. So my good lifelong friend was getting married back in 2007,

right after I started a new job. So I couldn't make it. But he didn't get pissed, because I don't work for a shitty delivery company. I go to Browntown. Grow up, boy. I'm assuming he's talking about Fedex right nailed it because i don't work for a show uh well wouldn't you know it the fucker went and got eloped and surprise surprise it wasn't working out i love he's telling us like we know him And what his wife was like

I kinda do Like she's a bitch Right guys I don't know does she like bookshelves And kindles and stuff Kidding Faith We love y'all Um

And was getting ready to move out When he decided to up and have a massive heart attack and fucking died or whatever. So moral of the story, if we're friends and you want your marriage to last, you better have me at it. I'll be celebrating 24 years with my wife on May 19th. And all my other friends have lost half their shit. So something he did. Yeah. He's doing a rat.

Right. He buys his wife what she wants for birthdays. Right. James, your second favorite UPS semi-driver. P.S. Don't let blind weed this. Oops. I don't know what all the algae water and Moses puddle pubic edumacation.

Oh, pubic. It's supposed to say public that's funny making fun of my reading you can't even spell public oh just keep going james uh edumacation done did it for him anyhow just kidding i like wine but seriously grow up a clean butthole is quite divine love the show and everything oh you nut sacks do pps zach knows about this already and i'm doing much better now and no, he wasn't taken away in a minivan thanks James I know, but I'm left thinking

what was he taken away in? that's the mystery where our second email is coming in from our make and move son Richard who writes, hey guys, Richard here Dick here I wrote y'all a bit back about my petty beef with a slowly moving co-worker. I remember. Well, I've got an update. I quit.

Fuck yeah, dude. I got tired of my job, taking advantage of my work ethic and good nature by working me to the point of exhaustion regularly. And by committing possibly illegal shenanigans. Oh, by the way. Yeah. Well, I'm going to miss most of my co-workers. I just can't stand it anymore

So I found a good job It's a dollar less an hour that will Let me keep any overtime Happy dance Here's a thought provoking would you rather Would you rather work a job you love with co-workers that you hate Or a job you hate with co-workers that you love Non-romantically

To me that one It kind of seems easy because there's something about a job that sucks but people you like how it like you like who you're with it brings you closer and like it makes it bearable i'm with you this sucks but we're in it together yeah we're in it but you guys are making me laugh and now my job doesn't suck some more right sucks some more there's like yeah there's nothing worse than being around a bunch of people

you just fucking hate. Like you do a podcast and there's like two guys you work with and you just fucking hate them. Fucking sucks. But it's like fun to do but you're like,

God, it's fucking miserable. I wish I was anywhere but here. It's like I not wear deodorant. I don't think that would help. No, it wouldn't. It's the butt.

How do you do butt deodorant? Yeah, there's like butt deodorant. Fucking shower. All right, let's wrap it up. That's episode 150. Have something you want to see on the show, email it in to heyguysatcandionopodcast. Rate and review us.

Of course, sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash candionopodcast. It's a great way to support the show. That's how you get the bonus content. We keep going after every episode. Thanks, Uncle Zach. Hello. Thanks for producing today's show. Check's how you get the bonus content. We keep going after every episode. Thanks to Uncle Zach. Hello. Producing today's show. Check out what he does at scatcast.com.

That is scat with a K. We're full. Oh, yeah. And then thanks to the babysitters that moderate the Canyon Hill Playground on Facebook. You guys ready to wrap this shit up? I bet you are. Zach! Fuck!

Fucking play it! Uh, okay. Wait, what? Good God. Wrap it up already huh speaking of jobs and getting new jobs and stuff am i fired no uh so imagine this situation so the interviewer says describe yourself in three words and then you say pretty lazy that's a loaded response i rewrote it a little bit because it said describe yourself in three words originally then it just said lazy and i was like it's way funnier if you leave it one short and say pretty pretty lazy pretty lazy like i mean you got you got 66 done yeah yeah that's not good 66 pretty lazy all right let's get after the bonus stuff you know what's crazy what if you do three

out of four you're 75 and it's one short which still is c level but if. But if you do two out of three at 66%, all of a sudden that's way worse. But you still only missed one. I know. I get you. It's crazy, right? Yeah. Percentages. Fractions.

I'll be damned. Fucking math. Math, all right? I'll be damned. I'll be damned, dude. All right. That's like doing seven out of 10, 70%. Yeah.

You'd think that should be pretty good. Like, if I hit 7 out of 10 free throws, you'd think that'd be pretty good. But if you did that for over a season, you're only 70% free throw shooter. That's not good. That's not good at all. Nope. It does seem good in the short term, though. Mm-hmm.

Anyway, I got to be. You've been nice for Shaq. Sorry. All right, Brian, say bye. Bye. Bye. for Shaq. Sorry. Alright, Brian, say bye. Bye!