Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Power Rangers. Oven Clock. Throat. Cargo Plane.

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

Can a person have an emotional support horse? And if so, can you imagine having to sit next to it on an airplane? Let's talk about that, how out of your Goddamn mind you have to be to actually need the am/pm setting on your oven, having to poop during an active shooter situation, being really bad at killing people, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/KgAncCX7IpQSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Power Rangers oven clock throat cargo plane what if dicks were hairy? You don't have any hair on your dick? No, just a hairy, like all the hair all over the dick. Like pubes, but up and down your dick. It'd be weird. And what if balls were always wet? Do you know the music ended right after you said that?

Your balls are wet and it goes... Anyway, welcome to episode 76, everybody. Could you imagine, though, like you're having sex, and then it's just slimy hair, wet hair. Like a wet cat. Like a wet dog. Yeah. Wet wiener. But like, just all the time, like a woolly mammoth dick with wet balls.

God, what a world. Anyway, episode 76. We're excited to be here. What made you think of that? I don't know. Just something Cassie and I were talking about. Apparently. Subscribe to us on Patreon. That's how you help out the show. It is the number one

way that you can help us while helping yourself. I just realized how do you guys get in that conversation? You had to be talking about your dick, first of all. And then I just picture you like, hey, well, at least I don't have a fucking hairy dick. Well, sorry. Sorry, my dick doesn't blah, blah, blah.

But at least it's not a hairy fucking Sasquatch monstrosity. She's like, can you at least help out around the house? I'm like, yeah, well, you're welcome. I don't have a hairy Sasquatch dick. Can you just do the dishes? Oh. Oh, what next? You don't want a hairy sass watch can you just do the dishes oh oh what next you don't want a hairy dick my middle name is dick fuck middle name dick first name harry first name harry i

but no dude patreon you kidding me the benefits you get you get bonus content back end of every single episode you get exclusive merch you merch discounts. You have three different tiers to choose from. Just pick the one that's right for you. Head over to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. You get to see a picture of Joe with his old mustache. Oh, man. That's a thing. That mustache.

Everybody wants you to bring it back. Some people, I think back on it. I get instantly anxiety. The amount of effort it took to keep that... It poked me in the eyes. It got so long, it would curl up, and I could stretch it to my eyes. It was a mustache. And if you didn't do anything, it would just

dangle, wouldn't it? Yeah. That's awful. I'm sure you would dangle. Send in content you want to see on whatever, like Petty Beef, Lap Time with Uncle Zach, or just inside a dick, something you found funny on the internet, heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com,

and then Laptime, you know what? We're doubling down. We're doing back-to-back Laptime. Zach, what are we going to talk about this week? A little quick preview. We're going to talk about the Bullshit Detection Kit. The Bullshit Detection Kit. Ten questions to ask when somebody makes a claim.

Got it. Should be fun that is educational and straight from carl sagan's ass oh i love that good stuff all right well looking forward to that uh like we mentioned last week new merch we uh we got a got a bunch of stuff rolling right now but we can't show you previews we can't say what it is but we know that we're gonna have new merch so head over to can you don't podcast.com we're going to have new merch. So head over to canyoudontpodcast.com. We're just recording so far in advance. We don't know exactly what's being released at what point. So there you go.

Are you sucking? Brian is going down on the microphone. I was just curious if I could, if like a dick that big was put in front of my mouth. If I could get my mouth on it. You'd get locked out, buddy. Oh, there's no way. Is it like a Visi can or whatever? Nevermind.

Let's move off to shut up. Is it like a Visi can or whatever? Never mind. Let's move off to shut up and start the show. My middle name is Visi can. Shut up and start the show. Are you ready? It's Harry Visi can. Dude, imagine a beer can that's just Harry with that... Okay. Yeah, through the wall.

This studio is so soundproofed. We have the state-of-the-art, thickest soundproofing material that's going into the installation, and I still heard Zach laugh in the other room about a hairy beer can. I missed that. The laughter through a wall. I know.

He has to push the button every time, or else we have no idea if what we're saying is funny. He's like, oh yeah, I've got to push the button to make sure everyone can hear.

We get the secondary laugh, the secondhand laugh. Yeah, secondhand. All right, let's move into Shut Up and Start the Show. Okay. Let's just fucking do it. Zip! Hey, shut up.

Start the show already. What are we doing? Well, today, Joe, we have... This is actually a combination. Our son Connor sent in this, and then I added to it. All right. Excited? He asked us, if your dick made a sound every time you got hard, what sound would it be? What sound would you want it to be?

Okay. Alright. I like that. Which is fun to think about. Absolutely. But then I was thinking, okay, that's one thing. But let's get a little bit crazy with it. Okay. And this could be, you could flip-flop it for the ladies if you want. So and this could be you could flip flop it for the ladies if you want.

So here's what I'm proposing. Would you rather have your dick make a weird sound every time someone touches it Alright. Or a girl's titties make a noise every time you squeeze them. Oh man. So if you want with the ladies you can flip that around like every time someone

touches your you know every time someone touches your boobs oh okay i'm gonna say like makes you wet or every time you touch a dick kind of thing like you know you've uh yeah yeah yeah like either way it's like when you get aroused what sound do you want that to make air raid siren air Air raid? Mm-hmm. Well, see... Mm-hmm. Jesus, Zach. The neighbors are like, another boner? Fuck yeah, bro. Just that fucking wind-up horn thing, World War II. Yeah.

You hear Churchill over the radio or some shit. The boners are coming! The boners are coming! Churchill, yeah. Just like an old-timey radio sound. Ah, you hear? Yeah, see? Ah, see? Therey radio sound. Ah, you hear? Yeah, see? Ah, see?

There's a boner there, you see? I guess I was visualizing, like, so, like, putting it in perspective of, let's say, a lady or a dude, whoever, is coming up to touch your wiener. Your penis! Yeah. And... Hold on, I'm trying to remember how this worked again. So, it's like, who's going to get embarrassed? So, like, if she walks up and she's like, touches your wiener, and it goes like, like

fucking, what's his name? Ah, yeah, something like that. Like, and she doesn't know it's going to do that. Okay. Crusty the Clown. Yeah. Wait, wait. Some people have said my laugh sounds like Crusty the clown. Yeah. Wait. Some people have said my laugh sounds like Crusty the Crab.

Let's hear it. That does kind of. Oh. Fuckin' A, bro. That's not your real laugh. That's not your real laugh. That's not your real laugh. That's not your real laugh.

That's not your real laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So who's going to get embarrassed? So she doesn't know. So she touched your wiener. It's like, oh, yeah, something like that.

And you're like, oh, you know. Sorry. Sorry about that. I should have mentioned this before. Or at dinner. By the way, the date's going great. I can't wait for what happens next. But if things go well tonight, just know my dick is going to.

And you get your phone out and you play like the. You have like a little app. You have an app that's just set up. It's like. So if you touch my dick, it's going like the, you have like a little app. You have an app that's just set up because like, so if you touch my dick, it's going to play this one and you push it

and he just goes, ah-hoo-ga! What if it did that? What if it was, give me some, give me some David Lee Roth. Darryl, touch my dick.

Yeah! Yeah. Ah, yeah! Ah! Ah, yeah! That's what he's thinking. He's like, ah, yeah! Remember that's what he's thinking he's like oh yeah remember that silly song believe it or not I'm walking on air

come on I just pictured George Costanza I'm walking on sunshine believe it or not George isn't at home anyway oh my god I'm getting sweaty already so would you be embarrassed

If that happened Yes Or So like Now let's say Your wiener doesn't do that But every time You get intimate with a lady

And you touch her boobs They make a squeezing sound And I don't know whether Like either she knows It's gonna happen Or she doesn't Oh like You're the wizard That brings the sound effect to the party?

Yeah, you're the cause either way. So you're getting all your kissing, so you give a little squeeze and it's like. Just as surprising to everybody? Yeah. Do you know? Well, you know what's going to happen. So do you know what sound it's going to make? It says weird sound.

Like what is. It could be like a squeaky toy. Like a dog toy.ing yeah i picture a squeak like a i picture like a dog chew toy so like a clown honk or one of those chickens you know what i'm talking about do i ever god i hurt my throat yeah i was gonna say like i think it does come down to what sound these things are making and you know tying in connor's original thing about if you got a boner you get hard because i'm not i'm not sure if you guys are like me but if a lady's touching your peen like a lot of times you're gonna get hard right uh every time so it's I mean, unless it's right after you just did a fucking...

It probably still would. It's like, anyway, I can try again. You just get back up from the trenches, all bruised and battered. You're like, I'm ready. No, it's like you're... ESPN 30 for 30. You're like, I'll do it. You get subbed out in a basketball game, right?

Like, they come out, whistle blows. You go, you high-fiving everybody on the bench, you sit down, and then some guy gets hurt, and you're like, fuck, you gotta go back in and you're like, oh god. I'm so tired. I ain't even gonna drink yet. But I'm gonna try. For the team. It's like Michael Jordan in his flu game. Remember that? He was just kidding.

I'm so convinced he was just kidding. I have a poster of that, and his face didn't look like he was kidding. No, it didn't. It looked right. He was like, Scottie Pippen's holding on to him. That's the poster I have. This is so dumb. It sounds like I'm just finding a way to talk about this. One of the best games in basketball I had in high school was I was super sick.

Isn't that weird how that happens? Yeah. I don't know if, I guess, you forget. But I was so fucking sick and still showed up and something happened i had to play and it was one of the best games i ever played in high school you're like oh this is gonna be great i just get to watch and chillax just so sick like ice pack on my forehead and it was like foul trouble but like i was the only other person available because no one else could dribble the ball and i had to go in one of the best games i ever had so i believe it i believe you one of my best sorry one of my best shows was when i was

sick and i couldn't even talk and right before i got on stage i couldn't say a word it was like a radio contest thing and all this shit and then i for some reason it came out it was like one of my better shows you're like fuck yeah okay and i went home and puked my guts out uh-huh yeah it's like you black out for a second you just do it you let your body your body just does it yeah thank goodness for muscle memory right i played a show one time so hammered uh and uh my buddy zach another zach he actually like called his other band he like dude like, dude, Brian's so hammered. I don't know if we're going to be able to do this show. Because he was worried. Because we were waiting all day to play.

Black and black. So I didn't know how to set my guitar and amp up. I was standing there. I remember I looked at one of the guys. I was like, I don't think I can do this. And so somebody else had to set my shit up. And then we started playing. You just wouldn't want to load in. I'm so i'm so drunk i can't it was already loaded in i just didn't

know where to plug anything at oh it's because i was like head to amp to all this i'm like i don't know what's so complicated yeah tell me tell me this was at the viking it was at the viking where else would it be classic viking story and uh so but was that like a good playing guitar and dude we kick into the first song and then it was like muscle memory kicked in and played the show i'm back baby yeah but i didn't even like i don't really remember it i think i was roofied that night too so that was fun anyway that is not fun well he played a great show so he did. He did a great job. Okay, so let's take, for a second, you get to pick what sound your dick makes when it gets touched. What are you going to go with? Do you remember, what's that game that's like five seconds where you flip the thing and it goes,

Yeah, I know the funny, That's the little like moo sound. Yeah, so, So when she touches your wiener, that's what it does when it gets hard. It just goes... It's a fucking rain stick. That would be not funny. Or the windshield wiper sound.

The one you were talking about. Yeah, that one. What about this fella? Remember the THX startup on our VHS tapes? Here we go. Ready? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hard. Hard. Hard. Erect. What's the, like a Windows computer? A Windows like 95 or 98. Like an HP startup or something. There's no one like, bling, bling, bling.

Yeah, there's so many. Like if it did that, it goes, and then as soon as it's fully hard, it goes, bling, bling, bling. Yeah. Welcome. You've got mail. You've got mail. It's fully hard, it goes, yeah, welcome. You've got mail. You've got mail. It's the dial up tone.

That's not a turn on. You're getting a fucking erection. It's like, you've got mail. I know I do it's from you AOL because every time I sign in you remind me of how many CD discs of free internet I'm supposed to have remember those?

pop it in for 20 minutes of free internet what a fucking such a weird world what about like a midwestern kind of like thing you get a boner and it's such a weird world. What about like a Midwestern kind of like thing? You get a boner and it's like, oh, excuse me. It has like a voice recording. I'm just going to scoot back.

Oh, sorry about that. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah, nope. Oh, whoop. No, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. When you answer, you're going to do that, right? No, yeah. Nope. Nope. Excuse me. Scoot back.. Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Scoot back.

Scoot right by you here. Oh, one second. Oh, everything. It was the annoying boner ever. Could you imagine going back to the boob thing? You squeeze the boob. It's like, oh, oh, excuse me. Mario level completion sound.

Oh. or a coin set. Every time you squeeze your boob, it goes. Yeah, no, it's the mushroom sound. That's what it is. Like the, the,

the flower, whatever that sounds like. Yeah. It's the heart. And the heart. And the fireworks. This automatically makes sex way more exciting. Yeah. That's when you get into the middle of the session.

And then when you're running out of time. That's what happens when you're, it's like, Oh, I'm about to come. I mean, classic, but a slide whistle. Like that's funny on the way up, but even funnier because if you're a guy and I'm, I mean, girls do like you get aroused, but then nothing happens. But imagine like getting a boner and he goes and then nothing happens and he goes like she's just not in the mood she has a headache yeah like you're laying in bed trying to sleep and you can see her just picturing that like she's she's exhausted from this she's laying

she's got her back to you you kind of roll over and put your arm around her She goes, not tonight She goes, not tonight Or you could be like the dude that That just rubs one out in the bed Yeah, just like a couple episodes Like imagine if she She had to hear She already said how annoying it was

But she hears And then the light goes on And then the light goes on and And then And then it puts his dick away. So all you hear is like the muffled basement music Shut your dick off Will you please turn your dick off There's gotta be volume on Your dick is connected to bluetooth

Dude imagine if your dick had a Oh my god Is your dick connected to the. Dude, imagine if your dick had a... Oh my God. Is your dick connected to the Alexa? I can hear your dick. There's just this hum. Like this low hum. Every time you get a boner, it's just... It's like a fan.

It's a fan app? Just kind of like... That'd be so miserable. What if that happened over heat? What if... It reminds me a little bit of like when zach was saying like an air raid siren like when every time you get a boner it's so annoying like like somebody has to do something about this either i'm gonna jerk off or you're gonna make me come because if you don't, it's just fucking... But it's like maxed out speaker version of that. I can do this all night.

Or just like an England alarm where it's like... God, that'd be so bad. What if you... Okay, so let's say this question. We're older now. But let's say this question popped What if you... Okay. So let's say this question. We're older now. But let's say this question popped up when you were younger. Oh, you're in class?

Sure. Like you're a kid. Then think of that one. 13 years old. Yeah. Riding on the bus to school. Like you're just... Oh, shit. Like there's just so much change in life.

But you pick this thing out. It's kind of like a tattoo. Zach, you want to talk about a tattoo that you have that you no longer want? All of them? Sure. But you pick out the sound for your dick or your boobs when you're younger but then you're stuck with it for the rest of your life so when you get a boner

you're just like at the moment you're like dude I will never get sick of the Power Rangers theme song so you get a boner it's just like go go Power Rangers but like when it first goes off, it's muffled by your gym shorts. So it's just like this, go, go, Power Rangers! And she gets it out and it's like, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

And it goes into her mouth. Like, the whole time your heart is going, right? Yeah. I mean, she's just trying to get it over with. You have to let the song play out. Yeah. Like, I mean,

what if, like, SpongeBob SquarePants? You start sucking your dick like midway through. Porcelain yellow wishes he. SpongeBob SquarePants. Like South Park. SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. Like South Park. SpongeBob Squibbles.

SpongeBob Squibbles. You know what I would do? It would be the fucking Imperial March. Oh, that's a good one. Because like she's in bed. Or no, she's like in bed. And you're like walking down the hallway to come to bed. And it's just going.

She's like, I got work to do. Never mind. I'll work from the living room. It turns around. Oh. Or a lightsaber sound. Oh, that's good. Fast. Straight to the point.

Speaking of songs that are too long, can you imagine if you picked the sound you wanted for your dick and it was Freebird? Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. It's a seven and a half minute fucking song And the only way to shut up that solo is just get it inside you. Mm-hmm, but you can And she can hear it resonating through her body. But it's so long, you're done with sex.

And you're laying there. Everyone's exhausted. And it's like... But it starts going down, right? It's like slowing down the song. Starts to pitch down. Yeah, we're just thinking that. It's like.

And now it lasts 15 minutes. I'm on a free bird. I'm a free bird now. That like bendy part Where it's like And it's super slow I think I can pull this off You keep talking I'm going to try and slow down free bird

If you So let's say your girlfriend Your wife whoever she knows What plays when you get hard right So imagine you're like at dinner Nice dinner Your girlfriend, your wife, whoever, she knows what plays when you get hard, right? Mm-hmm. So imagine you're at dinner. You're having a nice dinner. And you're sitting down.

You're eating your nice dinner. You're having your glass of wine. And this gorgeous woman walks by. Mm-hmm. And it starts arousing you. And you just hear. Your friends are like no not again oh this is when you have a boner it's twice as fast hold on get him

i was hoping it would sound better dj where's the bendy part oh that's the that's kind of groovy, though. This would make sex awful. Oh, my God! Trying to go to sleep for this shit?

We need you! We need you! Let me do it for you! That's what she would say. She would be like, Jesus Christ, let me get this thing done. Next time, let me know when you're jerking off. Okay, I never thought of that. That's so funny.

It's not just about sex. You're in the bathroom. It's fucking... You got pillows and shit. You're trying to muffle your dicks. Sorry, honey. You're like sitting on your dick with a bunch of pillows like shut up god dude you couldn't you couldn't hide anything just like you're uh like uh you yeah you're like in the middle of the night you just you're like again jesus fucking christ i know and sometimes you whatever like you just you're like she's again jesus fucking christ i know and sometimes you whatever

like you just have a boner when you're sleeping yeah because there's no volume control it's just yeah it's just 3 a love. Oh, yeah. It doesn't stop, dude. Fuck, that'd be awful. But go, go, Power Rangers! I'm not sure which one's worse. Okay, well, I'm going to, if I had to pick a sound, just for the convenience of it, whether I'm squeezing tits or it's my own dick, it's going to be something short and sweet. I will do the lightsaber sound.

Then every time you move it, it's like. You're swinging it around. Babe, check this out. You're doing the helicopter. It's like. Babe, can you put on the fan noise? One second. You stand up.

Just go. I can't do this all night, babe. I know, just until I fall asleep. She's like, that light noise. I love you too. You know I can't sleep without my lightsaber dick noise. I love that. Okay. Yeah, something short.

Like, even just a mouse click. I'll pick that. Okay. Yeah, something short. Like even just a mouse click. I'll pick that. Just a little like calling a horse. Or like when you click on the wrong thing. Like an error report. Yeah. Oh, no. Remember that guy?

The old Mac computers in the paint program click on something wrong oh no oh no you you old people know what i'm talking about all right so something short and sweet zach what are you picking air raid siren air raid siren okay fine all right let's move on to the what are you thinking about okay okay let's fucking do it zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about so have been traveling all over i think in the last couple months i've spent more time in seattle than i have in corderland and spokane cassie has to go to Seattle, having fun.

You know, I'm not sure if I talked about this, like zero to five, I spent a lot of time in Ballard. Where are the Ballard listeners at? Where my Ballard keeps at. Fucking Ballard? Keeping Ballard weird. I have wondered if I could go back over to Ballard and find my childhood home without talking to my... Well, I can't talk to my dad because he's dead.

But if I could, I'd ask him. But I can't. But like trying to find... Ouija board. Ouija board. Hey, dad, where we used to live in Ballard? And he's like... He just goes, no.

Goodbye. Goodbye. You chose to speak to me after a year and a half, and that's what you asked me? Dad, is it you? Yes. Okay. Where we used to live in Ballard. Goodbye.

It's like, I'm not fucking doing this. Listen, man. You don't know the rules. We don't get to just talk to fucking the living. You get like three questions, and you try to find out where you lived in Ballard? Like some suburb of fucking Seattle? Not how are you doing in the afterlife, all that shit. I miss you so much.

Where we live in Ballard? That's such a, hey, real quick. Where did you call your mom? You're like, what was that neighborhood? Oh, Joey, I haven't talked to you in months. I know, it's crazy, right? What was that neighborhood? We'll talk to you in a couple months, but real quick.

No, no, no, I hope you're doing great, too. What color were my sheets when I was a kid? What? Remember that tent I used to have when I was four? No? Like, ah, anyway, no problem, I'll call my brother, bye. And just bail. She sees Joe

on the, it's Joey. Oh! Joey boy. She's with her friends she's like my son's calling and she leaves the room to go she leaves the ouija board trying to talk to her ex-husband her and her friends are sitting around a ouija board trying to talk to her ex-husband hey hey mom uh where do we live in belgium i don't know honey hang on let me go ask your father yeah runs back and he just like spells out, fuck that guy. Goodbye.

So anyway. He's like, no, I got Joe on the other Ouija board line. Joe on the Ouija? On the other Ouija. Ouija? Ouija. Multiple Ouija? I got so many Ouija going.

I'm talking to so many people right now, my hands are full. That'd be like a chat room, you know You have like multiple chats open But it's multiple Ouija boards Age, sex, location I have the one you're like Yeah, of course I'm a lesbian

You guys remember those little chat rooms? Okay, so anyway Spent a lot of time traveling And we were in West Seattle Staying at the spot And when we got there I mean, by the time this episode comes out The time change.

Daylight savings. Who are we saving? It already happened. I'm aware. But it already happened, and by the time we stayed at this place, no one had touched the fucking clocks. Okay?

So I was going to fix the clock on the microwave and the oven, and I walked over to the oven, and I started setting the time. So I'm watching the official clock which is a story i'll get into in just a little bit a little fucking gripe i have about that and i'm looking at it and i have the you know the the whatever apple's official clock and i'm watching it so that i can push enter right you're like okay so it's 642 you put 642 and it's 6.41.

So when it turns 6.42, you can push start and set the clock at that exact time. So I'm sitting there and I'm waiting for it to go around. And the time has come where it's going to turn into 6.42 and I push it. And then I'm like, all right, cool. And I start walking away and it goes, beep beep. And I look back at it and it's like a.m. or p.m. And I'm like, fucking p.m. I'm like, god damn it. So I have to wait there again and wait for it. I'm like a.m or p.m and i'm like fucking p.m i'm like god damn it so i have to wait there again and wait for it i'm okay 643 a whole minute and wait yeah whole minute like

and then i started thinking how out of your fucking mind you have to be if you are using your oven to figure out if it's morning or night. Like, how much meth are you cooking? Like, you're like, what time is it? And you look at it, it's like 6 28. And you get closer and you're like, a.m. or p.m. And you're using your oven to figure out if it's morning or nighttime?

Well, to be fair... And microwaves have that too? To be fair, though... Okay, I'm looking forward to hearing this shit. Like, the time change, it gets darker now. Oh, Garrett. Like you ever taken a nap and you wake up and you're like. What, two days later? No, you're like, did today happen?

Was that today that I was, you know what that feeling you get? Still. But it's dark out in the morning at five o'clock in the morning and five o'clock at night. Yeah. That's most of my life. Yeah. Right. That's fucked up.

Right. And the first thing you're going to go to is your oven to figure out if it's morning or night. I've never done that. No one has ever done that. It is a useless feature. And it's a waste of goddamn time. And microwaves. Why did you go change the time then? No, because it's important to know what time

it is. It's not if it's morning or night. Oh, gotcha. I thought you meant the clock on the oven. No, that is that's a lifesaver. Like you don't want to get your phone out of your pocket or you just glance over thought you meant the clock on the oven is... No, that's a lifesaver. Like, you don't want to get your phone out of your pocket. You just glance over and you see a clock. Okay, because that's what I was going to say, too. No, that's what clocks do.

I use that shit all the time. But microwaves have AM, PM. I've seen that. I've seen AM, PM on fucking coffee makers. Like, it's just like... They're trying to impress their customer. Like, look how many features we have. Yeah, we have AM and PM.

AM and PM. Somebody probably complained. There's probably a complaint because they took it off because they're rational like you are. They were like, what about AM? Yeah. What time of day? Just imagine being a person that looks at a clock and is so lost. You are off by 12 24 12 hours 12 hours like in your day where you wake

up and like i don't you work nights and you wake up and you you stretch and you look at you like holy shit 6 p.m like no you didn't sleep for 24 hours right i guarantee you did it it's such a waste i guess just everything if you play up the meth thing i guess that makes sense yeah but even then i've never done meth but i imagine you could sleep for 24 hours or you know you'd be awake for 24 well you would be awake for 20 then you would sleep for 24 hours right that's not very meth-y no i'm not sure there's a whole lot of 24-hour sleepers in meth you just do more meth i think yeah you just stay up and eat corn dogs i think yeah so anyway am pm is such a waste of time especially when it's like a required setting before it sets the time.

Like you have to go like start. And it's like, and then I remember this text. You got to go all the way through. The text comes across and it goes, press one for AM, press two for PM. You have to wait for the little text to scroll through. And you're like, oh yeah, fucking two PM. But now you're fucking six seconds late and nothing pisses me off more than having

the clocks off. Like you have a microwave and an oven that are a foot away from each other and they don't turn at the same time. Like one says... Ours are five minutes apart. That is disgusting. But I don't even...

It's so annoying to change them that I haven't done it yet. It's really hard. Can I say this to piggyback of what you're saying? Yeah. It's one thing that that's an option. Yeah. But how do we, how do, how are they still, like when you were describing it, I was thinking

of how we used to record songs on the radio onto a tape when we were in the, you know, early mid nineties. Okay. Where we had to wait for a song, hit record, all that kind of stuff where you're saying that if you wait for the time to change, so you can hit set. Okay. Go around. Like how, how, how is it not easier? Because I, I don't know about your run-ins, but every time I've had to change in a car on a microwave on a stove, whatever, it's like the buttons, there's only a couple of buttons.

You have to hold one down. They start blinking and then you think you're changing the hour then it changes the minute so then you gotta go all the way through the 60 seconds to get back to where you were and then you're like okay I see what I did I need to click this faster so it moves on that one

but then it just changes and then you're 10 minutes I know and then you're like fuck what time was it how is it not easier last week relating back to And then you're 10 minutes. I know. And then you're like, fuck, what time was it? How is it not easier? Last week, relating back to Zach's lap time, talking about all the great scientific advancements, technology advancements. And here we are with fucking clock problems. First of all, why aren't all appliances able to just put themselves on the world clock?

Yeah. Well, you'd have to add some sort of a GPS thing. Just anything that talks to anything. Sync up to your phone. Like, just fucking let it sync and always be in sync. Is your house like this where, like, I go back to my mom's house maybe two three times a year stay there and whenever i go back it always falls in a weird time to where she hasn't changed the clocks after they've changed so she's been living like that for three months my mom has like and she'll be like ocd so

she'll be like honey because it's up high and it's the ones ones where you have to line it up you have to line it up on the nail and you can't see where the hole is so you're like you're doing this little fucking number where you're trying to peek around yeah and so i changed she's like can you change it and i i get it done it's the only reason she wanted to come home right it feels like it and then i'm like now remember i changed your clock so when you wake up in the morning so when you don't get it on time so when you don't get a christmas present a year this year remember what i did for you that's how how I would play that. You fucking sleazebag. You're like, yeah, well guess who's not getting a birthday present. I was thinking, I was like, make sure you're not late for work.

Oh, that's nice. That's a nice way of looking at it. Or really early. Yeah. Depending on the season. That'd be a fun prank to play. Shifted the other way. Oh my God, I thought it was fall spring forward. No, what I do sometimes now is I'll go back and it won't be changed yet and she won't have said anything and I'll just change it. And then we'll be sitting around there and cause she uses that clock. Oh mom. So we'll be doing something. She'll go, Oh God.

And then I let her freak out a little bit, you know? And then I'm like, nah, nah. You still have an hour. No wonder you're an hour late for everything. Yeah. Fucking idiot. Check this out. And go on the back.

You're like, God, you're so stupid, so stupid mom and okay let's talk about that why can't they have something on the side that you change it why do you have to take it off the fucking wall everybody knows clocks are up and out of reach you're preaching to the choir baby the same shit same things why is it such a task to change the fucking clock? Everyone right now, our listeners in Arizona are like, can't relate. What's the other state? There's like two or three of them that don't celebrate. Does Florida?

Florida? Well, Florida, yeah. They're just doing whatever they want down there. They're doing meth. There's enough old people that they can override whatever down there. They're like, I don't want to do anything. They're like, okay, well fuck daylight saving Yeah, fuck it

But yeah, it's the same boat Why is it so complicated to change clocks? Why don't they automatically connect just like everything else And set the time Like we're so far past that My oven should be able to pull that off They have to Like cook my pizza and update my fucking clock

They use like infrared to scan the food I'm cooking to make sure it's the right temperature can you not set your own clock can you not adjust yourself god just despicable are you ready to move off to some dick uh yeah

that didn't sound very exciting I was having a thought writing something down yeah you're a thought, dude. Your mom's a thought. Let's do some dick. Zach! Is it dumb? Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's dick. Is a thought, is that something in Scientology? A thought? I don't know. I mean, is that? Is it theeton? Oh, yeah, theeton or?

Theeton. Yeah. OT level eight, bro. Yeah, is that, is it? Oh yeah. Thetan or yeah. OT level eight, bro. Yeah, dude. Special. Thetans.

Like the grand Tetans, but it's, but Thetans. Thetans. Gotcha. Both giant. What's something pretty tight? The Tetans are gorgeous.

They are. If you go on the side where the water is, the Tetans are always, I mean, drink the drink side or the other side. Nothing. All right, go ahead. Drinks is a town by the water is. The Tetons are always... I mean, the Drake side or the other side? Nothing. All right, go ahead. Drake is a town by the Tetons.

Nothing. All right, go ahead. What do you have for Dick? Oh, is this me? Yeah. What you bringing to the table, baby? Well, this one is kind of dark. Speaking of daylight savings...

Yeah, well, speaking of Florida... No. Of course. Speaking of Florida and daylight savings time... Let's take a peek. Yeah, and it, well, speaking of Florida. No. Of course. Speaking of Florida and daylight savings time. Let's take a peek. Yeah, well, savings works too. Florida couple accused of taking turns cutting man's throat. What?

Throwing him off bridge. The fucking guy survived. Escambia County, Florida. Florida couple is accused of carjacking a man Taking turns cutting his throat And throwing him off a bridge What? How many times can you throw a guy off a bridge?

They took turns cutting his throat Not throwing him off a bridge Yeah Actually one person split their throat But they threw him off the bridge And swam out, got him, brought him back up And threw him back off the bridge again? That's funny. Maybe that's what they should have done.

Might have helped. Because the guy lived. He did live. Okay. Oh, man. According to the sheriff's office, the victim met these people on social media, and the two planned to go out for a date. When the man arrived at her home, she introduced him to Reynolds, who she claimed was her uncle.

This must be the boyfriend. The trio went for a drive to the victim's home, and after they left, Fonseca and Reynolds hit the victim multiple times and told him he was going to die. Yikes. You're going to die tonight. Fonseca and Reynolds then stole the victim's

shoes, phone, money, and car. Debbie said the pair then took turns cutting the man's throat before throwing him off a bridge into a scambier river. Yikes. It's not known how far the man fell. That's a detail

that's... Yeah. We all know you guys want to know how far he fell. No, not what I was thinking. We're all wondering. How big was it imagine they're doing a when they fucking stand in front of the microphones press conference

do we have a motive do we have the people who did it how far did he fall how high was the bridge did he fall real far feedback it's fucking leonard from channel ftc like you have to have you have to have fubu to get the news channel that leonard's working for it's in it's in some trial beta run he doesn't a mic. He's got like a road mic, but it's just the lavalier parts.

So it's like super. How hard are you to fall? Super distorted. Super distorted and the wind's just blasting it. If you're listening with ear pods right now, maybe go ahead and turn it down. You ready? You just fucking. So how hard are you to fall? And pods right now, maybe go ahead and turn it down. You ready? You just fucking. So how far do you fall?

And then squeak, squeak, squeak. Sorry. Just reaching over people's shoulders. Sorry. Who are you with? I'm with Fubu. Nice to see you. Squeak, squeak.

Let's hear it. How far did he fall? I don't know. The water level changes. I don't know. Right now it's... Fuck, it's December. How far did he... Is it really far? Is it really far?

It's not even for news. It's like a blog. Like, yeah, super, like, like the super poppy audio. How far did you pull? Oh my god, you just spit it all over the table. Ah, it's fine. No one cares. Oh, that's funny. I think I spit my Zin patch out. Oh, meh. It's somewhere. Lost it. Um, okay. So let me, Oh, that's funny. I think I spit my Zin patch out. Oh, it's somewhere. Lost it.

Um, okay, so let me let's see. I'm gonna die! Unbeknownst to our would-be killers, the victim was somehow able to survive the fall from the bridge and the cuts to his throat. He swam towards the shore where he flagged down a deputy to tell his incredible tale.

Hey! No, he can't do that. First of all, how terrible you have to be to take turns. Did he use spoons? You were both so bad at killing somebody. You took turns. This would be so easy. If we both cut this

guy's throat and throw him over the... whatever it was. The Escobama? What was was it escambia escambia bridge and then he's like there's no way this guy's gonna live like you both suck so bad that'll do it an actual murderer would have killed yeah for this opportunity yeah you know what i mean he literally would have killed for the opportunity and you guys couldn't pull it off and there's a picture of them in the article and and you look at them, and you're like, yeah. Yeah, those people.

I buy it. Of course you didn't. Look at this. That dude looks like... Someone who can't kill somebody properly. Sideshow Bob. Sideshow Bob, and then the other picture is the female who looks like Sideshow Bob with the hair pulled back.

Like, just not the best couple, but fucking. Well, they had to take turns because they couldn't, like if. His neck was so thick. Yeah. Like if you, if you, I mean, if you had a guy that could kill, you wouldn't have to take turns. He would just do it. So the guy's probably just fucking go.

And he's like, I can't. She's like, God, let me like. You can never do anything. You're camping and start a fire. They're arguing. Yeah. It's like, you know, you're trying to start a fire. Like, just let me do it

First it's the laundry And now it's cutting next Right You never You can't do anything Maybe you should go to the gym For once in your fucking life Just move

I'll do it Just get out of the way Shoves him off the bridge And the guy's just like Ow Ow I think I pulled a bicep God you're such a pussy

And you just saw him This dude's neck Maybe they threw him because they they're like, ah, this isn't working. Maybe he'll just die from the fall. They ask him, can you swim? No. He's perfectly fine. He has like spoon burn. It's just a burn.

There's no laceration at all. He says spoon burn on his throat. They're just going to put some Neosporin and he's fine. Can you swim? He's like, no. He's being super kidding. I've never learned how. We're going to throw you over the bridge. Oh no. Don't do that. I'll never make it.

This bridge is way too high. It's like a 10 feet. That's why he lived. He hides his swim team tattoo. Swim to win. Iron man tattoo. He has all of his different championships of swimming tattooed. swim to win Iron Man tattoo he has all of his like different championships of swimming tattooed

oh no no could have went D1 could have went D1 I'm not telling these crazy people I could have gone D1 swimming oh no don't throw me over the fence oh no it's crazy there's no way I could butterfly stroke the fuck out of here and find some cops. He's pleading with him.

He's like, oh, you know what? Instead of doing, just throw me off the bridge, man. Let's just end this thing quickly. Yeah. You know what? Just scotch tape my wrist clothes and throw me off this bridge. Scotch tape. I mean, how the hell am I going to get out of that?

Dude, how lucky was he that there was a fucking deputy? I know, and that deputy coming across that scene, oh, bless his heart. He's like, man, that looks like it's going to burn. He keeps driving me to a hate ketchup. Well, if it was just a burn. There's no way it was. I mean, it was a knife. This dude, buy a lottery ticket I would love to read a follow up story about this guy

doing all this then winning hundreds of millions of dollars after two people and then bailing them out and then slitting their throats and throwing them over a bridge and then post his own bail to get back out and live a free man do you hear

the story about the hockey player that yeah like i just picture you know like oh man i was thinking about that i was like fuck i don't want to talk about it go ahead well i don't i don't really know where i was going to go but i was just thinking like that guy died yeah and they had they had they took their time they well yeah and there's all the money to i mean the guy who did it is getting manslaughter charges oh i was i was saying how quickly that guy died and that it was a something that happened like that these the killers people oh i see what you say they had time they're like god that video fucking yeah if you haven't watched it if you don't do well with that shit don't watch it it is so sad i don't even know what you're talking about you don't know this dude who is it was overseas right uk uh i think i don't know i don't i'm fine yeah

he he was known for being a dirty hockey player and he got in like a little little stick thing like nothing that you would have you should have kicked your fucking back foot up and he kicked his foot up and hit another opposing player right in the throat with his skate and slit his throat and that guy died. He gets up from the ice and he starts trying to walk out of you, just gushing blood out of his throat.

Holy fuck. It is terrible. The neck is the most fragile part of the body. Yeah, and just kicked his skate up on purpose to hit this motherfucker in the face, so he's getting manslaughter charges, and i'm not sure like but like his history is gonna play into it like he is known for doing some shady shit like jeremy ronick and guys like that i'm sure he didn't mean to fucking well like he said the guy in the chest but not slit his fucking throat i think ronick i think it was ronick that said that he's, I don't think this guy woke up this morning

saying, like, I'm going to kill somebody today. But in that moment he's like, fuck this guy and threw his back leg up and just slit someone's throat and fucking killed him. It's awful. Don't watch it. Anyway. Yeah, let's move on. Let's move on. These people suck at killing. Yeah, anyway.

Moral of the story is if you're going to kill somebody, make sure they're not Olympic swimmers. Back to you. Back to kill somebody, make sure they're not Olympic swimmers. Okay, back to you. Back to you, Johnny. All right. Let's change it up a little bit. Let's go 30,000 feet in the air. Let's do it.

I love a good airplane thing. I'm assuming it's airplane, not hot air. Not hot air balloon, right? I don't think they can go that high. Can they? I don't know. Okay, go ahead. Okay.

Plane forced to return. They'll they can go that high. Can they? I don't know. Okay, go ahead. Before they... Okay. They'll never make it that high. Plane forced to return to JFK Airport after horse on board gets loose. Okay. The cargo jet had ascended 31,000 feet, according to Flight Raider 24. A cargo plane heading to Belgrade from New York.

What number did you say? 747. There it is. What did I say? Nothing. You didn't even say a number. You went... 747 cargo plane. You were like... 747 cargo plane.

Okay, 747 cargo plane. A 747 cargo plane heading to Belgium from New York was forced to return to John F. Kennedy International Airport after a horse escaped from its stall according to air traffic control. When I read that, I was like, I was thinking, I was hearing, okay, airplane and then horse stall. I realized 747s are

huge, but... How big? A fucking horse stall? How big is it? Yeah. I didn't know horses were allowed to be in the cargo area of fucking airplanes. That's so funny. I'd never heard that before, yeah. Me either. Yeah.

An air traffic control audio pilot is heard saying, We are a cargo plane with a live animal, a horse on board. The horse managed to escape its stall. There's no issue with flying, but we need to go back to New York because we can't re-secure the horse. Picture flight attendants. They're delivering peanuts and stuff. It's a cargo plane.

Can you imagine if they're doing airplane service with a horse on board? That's what I want to picture. It's a 747. Like a passenger one? Not a cargo one? Yes. And that there are people flying, and then there's a horse. People take a dog along with them, but there's a horse down there.

So the flight attendants are passing out shit, and they're like, oh, fuck. And they're down there trying to wrangle. Picture trying to catch a wild horse, like a break a wild horse. And it's just flight attendants down there. Picturing a horse just sitting in a seat like a person. Like next to someone who, unlucky person that's sitting next to a horse. No, sir. I don't like it.

Yeah. He has up here. He goes, hi, would you like any coffee? Yeah. Orange juice. Okay. Would you like some biscuits? Yeah.

And for you? He goes, apples. Apples. Do you have some biscuits? Yeah. And for you? He goes, apples. Apples. Do you have any apples? No. Sorry, Mr. Ed. Sorry, Mr. Ed. We do not have any apples.

Horses. Oh, it's horse shit. Where's Wilbur? Wilbur. He's just like, hey, excuse me, Mr. Ed. You have to put your table tray up. I don't know, nay. Won't take nay for an answer.

I mean, the horse is in the bathroom. Both bathrooms across the halls. It's the long horse. He's shitting in one toilet and then fucking licking the water out of the other one. Getting his tongue sucked out. Yeah, he's shitting in one and the other one is going. It's got his tongue in it. Just like a giant animal, especially a horse doing anything in like a human setting is funny to me.

So good. Just this gigantic thing that shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. I mean, even in the cargo plane setting, imagining the pilots are flying and you've got the co-captain. And the main captain is like, he's like, fuck, is there... You're a horse? And he's like, I don't know. I'll take a peek. And he opens the cockpit door.

And he's just a fucking horse. In like first class. And he goes, oh shit. No, I mean, yeah. Cargo planes. There's all this shit. And he goes, yeah, that was a horse. He goes, how's he doing?

He goes, I mean, he seems fine. He's like, yeah. And the horse is like stumbling a little bit. He goes, are we hitting any turbulence anytime soon? He goes, nothing on the radar. He goes, yeah, it's fine. Shuts it. Lets the horse free range horse.

I gotta be completely honest here. You just hear it fucking kicking shit. Open the door again. Horse! Keep it down. You're stressing us out. No more mimosas for the horse.

Yeah. And then the horse walks in and goes, just want to wish you both good luck. We're all counting on you. Anybody get that reference? Yeah. Airplane? Yeah. Thank you.

Don't call me Shirley. So I got to be honest here. I didn't read the article. No, I did. I read it a little bit. Classic Brian. I read it a little bit, but I guess it didn't read the article. No, I did. I read it a little bit. Classic Brian. I read it a little bit, but I guess it didn't click in my head that it was just a pure cargo plane. It's so funny.

In my head, I was really visualizing that this was a commercial 747, which are big. So there's room for like they were bringing a horse. Yeah, for your emotional support horse. Yeah. It can never be with you though. What do you mean I can't bring? Just knowing that he's on board helps me. Emotional support horse?

You sit there and you're just on FaceTime with your horse that's down in the cargo area? Your horse is wearing a GoPro? What are you looking at there? Oh, it's my horse. Oh, is he back home? No, he's down in the cargo area. horse is wearing a gopro what do you look what are you looking at there oh it's my horse oh is he back home no he's down he's right below me right now it's a gopro so it's like a fisheye lens oh you're okay buttercup you're okay butter nuts butter yes butternuts oh that's so funny um ah

shit ah shit horses am I right I lost it that's alright fucking this sounds kind of like a horse

well if you think of it let's come up we jump back to the cargo horse you know what they say happy wife happy horse so that's what I always say happy horse no divorce emotional support horse man that's fucking awesome oh that's what I always say. Happy horse, no divorce. Emotional support horse, man.

That's fucking awesome. Oh, that's what it was. What? It was like, you know how people can bring in like a dog? Yeah. Because they have a little thing and it says like. I can do this. Yeah.

Yeah. A little vest. A little thing. Yeah, a vest. But like walking into like a candy store or something in a mall and you just got this giant horse with you. walking through the aisles. Shitting on the floor. Yeah.

It's like, sir, you can't. Yeah. This is my card. This is my emotional support horse. And this is my emotional support shovel to clean up all this shit. You just have some guy that follows you around your emotional support shoveler there has to be an emotional support horse because they are very loving oh absolutely there's an emotional support alligator remember reading a story about that got denied access to

a philly's game terrible yeah only in philly good stuff um oh let's move on i want to hear what zach has to say for lap time. I'm excited about it. Zach, fucking giddy up, baby! Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach.

Sit on my lap, you little shits. Bullshit! Sit on my lap, you little shits. Sit on my lap, you little shits. Do that voice. Do what voice? The voice in the... Sit on my lap, you little shits. Sit on my lap, you little shits bullshit you little shit shit on my lap you little shits do that do that voice do what voice the voice in the sit on my lap you little shit sit on my lap you little shits there it is little chitrin sumbitches love that love that yeah baby yeah okay bullshit detection kit yeah go well we talked about you know do you care if what you think is right and

so that inspired me to think about bullshit what's the best way to fucking do that could it be a horse shit detection kit? It should be. Depending on, you know, just kind of relating back to what you just talked about. I think for today's show, it should be a horse shit. Yeah. Okay, cool. Cool.

Makes sense. Cool. Cool. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. right? That's just what humans do. Anal. Yeah, I mean, ass to mouth, that's probably not good for you. But angels, demons, leprechauns, faces in the clouds, faces on Mars, faces in grilled cheese sandwiches of the Virgin Mary. Don't say we. Like, we.

Lump me in with those people. You believe some weird shit? You're a baseball fan. There's some superstition. You have no superstitions? No. Nothing. You've never been like oh sit in this chair you step over the line i do this i go to the game i do you never did you step on the chalk line when you're playing baseball i don't care it doesn't matter so that's why you and we're team fucking so whenever i'm there's like a no hitter going i always like to fuck with people and be

like you know he's throwing a no hitter right i'm so pumped you weren't on my team you just ruined it no i didn't. You did? Technically, from a technical standpoint, completely fucked. Yep. So you played baseball. You would step on the chalk line when you were running out? Mm-hmm.

You fucked. How good was your team? That's what I thought. Zach, back to you. So what about the teams that lose a World Series? Well, they weren't stepping on the chalk line, but they got to the World Series. There's not one major league player that steps on the chalk line, I don't think. None of them.

They all know better. You never step on the chalk line. They all know better. It's ridiculous. Brian walks out there and just shoves it around? Yeah, I'll just go kick it and cover it up with dirt. You son of a biscuit. Okay, okay.

So the basic premise is that we connect patterns, and oftentimes they're false. Yeah. And so, for example, our ancestors, if they heard a sound in the night and they assumed it was a saber-toothed tiger, they would protect themselves and they would live, they'd get their genes passed into the future. If you just thought it was the wind, then, you know, you might be eaten and stuff. So that's kind of how our brains are wired. So let's just start.

Okay. You know, this is kind of about, you know, don't believe authority. Don't believe the masses. You can use evidence and use your own brain so number one how reliable is the source of the claims so okay good you know do they and the good way to look at that is like how often are they randomly wrong which is how you want if people are going to be wrong they'll be random but if they're consistently fucking on one side over and over again, they might not be that reliable. They might be biased. Can I say something? Yeah. Alex Jones next. Cause he said right shit, but you've also said 4,000 wrong things. Right. For sure. Got it. I just want to make sure.

But you only remember the ones that are the times he was right. Yeah. Right. If you throw enough darts against the wall, you're going to fucking hit a bullseye. Got it. For sure. So number two, does the person who's making the claim make similar claims? So, you know, like a new age person, they might believe in crystals and then they'll believe in ley lines and ghost sex and quantar vortexes and whatever. So if they believe one thing that's kind of credulous, do they believe a bunch of things? You can kind of tell. So, again, new age people, they'll believe aliens. They'll believe in all the stuff.

So that's one way. All right. I believe in aliens. I've seen a UFO. Right, so you might be credulous as fuck. Oh. Have the claims, number three, have the claims been verified by someone else? Okay. So it's like a bold claim. You have to test

it, right? Mm-hmm. So, I mean, if somebody says we can, let's see, turn dinosaurs into energy or whatever, I don't know, I've got some stupid example here I can't read. That's not great but that's right but have claims been verified by someone else so peer review kind of thing but that happened though right what's that we turn dinosaur bones into fucking fuel i think i

wrote down like can they actually clone dinosaurs and put them in an engine of a car it did not turn out right in my papers number four in the heat of the moment you the like what t-rux tesla i wish i wrote better losers yeah i have a doctor handwriting t-wrestler all right number four does it fit with the way that the world works if you just look at everything and say well you know does the nigerian prince scam am i if i do nothing will i get all that money is there a panacea cure all for everything blah blah blah so does it fit with the way the world works, number four. Okay. Number five, has anyone tried to disprove the claim, which is called falsifying?

So are there counterarguments? You have to listen to the counterarguments. What else could explain their argument? Let's see. Number six. I'm just going to skip a clip. I should write better notes. You're doing good.

Keep it going. All right. I'm learning. Here's where does the preponderance of evidence point? So do claims account for, you know, the difference of evidence and whatnot? So does it all point to one way or does it scatter every which way? Yeah. Does that make sense?

That's a big one. So in criminology, you're going to look at, you're going to build a case and it's all going to go towards that. Kind of like a shitty hypotenuse. Not hypothesis. Hypotenuse? The hypoten hypothesis like hot news the hypotenuse a shitty fucking triangle Yeah, shit. Just like no. Yeah, but a shitty hypothesis like if you just draw it everywhere like what are you trying to prove? Yeah, it's like a trapezoid did well no, but it's true like you're like, oh well Like you look at a test you like well it proves you go in with one thing then it On the on the back end like well proves these things. Yeah, is it going in end you're like, well, it proves these things.

Yeah, is it going in the direction? Yeah. Right. So that's an easy one to kind of figure out. Hypotenuse, dude. Fucking. Here's a couple more. Is the claimant playing by the rules of science? Are they using logic, reason, empirical evidence?

Are they testing? All that kind of stuff. Like the example would be ufology versus SETI so SETI uses the scientific method to look for aliens they're both doing the same thing ufologists tend to be credulous and they'll kind of put pieces together here and there and all that stuff so are they playing by the rules of science are they testing and all that or trusting a person just solely on just because they're a person well what if it's their narrative, right? If you're trying to prove UFOs.

Then someone says that I saw a UFO, then you're like, that's a trusted source. Yeah. Yeah. You're looking to prove your point. Right. And that's the difference there. Is the claimant providing positive evidence? So this is kind of complicated.

I won't be the right guy to do it. But when you put out a theory and it's denying like some other points or whatever, does it actually replace the theory that you're talking about? I don't know if that makes sense. So if you're claiming something, does it replace Einstein's theory of relativity or does it just kind of poke holes in the theory? Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. Two more.

And this is kind of the same thing. Does the new theory actually work with the other theories? Does it account for the other phenomenon as the old theory did? So same kind of thing. Well, how are you using theory, first of all? Because theory is not... Idea concept. No, because that's a hypothesis.

You should say hypothesis, yeah. To be honest, it should be hypothesis. But really, if it's a theory of gravity and you're poking holes in it or whatever. So that would be one but the last one are there personal beliefs driving the claim that's a that's a fucking huge one and that's ideology worldview you know that stuff so confirmation bias in humans is basically what we do so basically when you get a claim tear it apart with these things you know use the scientific method this is basically carl sagan's way of doing the scientific method for us when we're looking at politics when we're looking at any claims in

the world that maybe we don't have scientific understanding for so you can kind of i don't know you can see the different the different ways to figure out what is true yeah completely disregard or keep completely disregarding the somewhat like to the most that we can like proven if i want to say theories about a certain topic and then you retest the same thing and then you just disregard everything that's been found before it you better have a reason why that shit's fucking wrong big time outside of number 10 like what zach just said was because you want it or that you you believe it should be you, you believe it should be that. So you found something to be that.

And you're like, well, fuck it. Everything else was bullshit. It was like, all of that didn't make it to where it's at because no one ever looked at it. It's not like, again,

just like examples of like, you know, looking at gravity and you're, and you come up with one other example that shows a little hole, a little poke in any sort of little chink in the armor about gravity, it's like, well, did everyone else who has been trying to disprove all of the theories of gravity just never thought of it before? That's exactly it.

Like not trying to prove it. Everyone just forgot. One guy said it, and everyone was like, yep. That's hollow Earth, or that's flat Earth in a nutshell. Yeah, that's not how the scientific community work. But that's hollow earth or that's flat earth yeah that's not how the scientific community work but that's great that's great thing about peer review right like that's it has to be you you put it out there and then it's peer reviewed and it's you know tested all this kind of stuff and then that's the okay that's how you change something it's not one guy one guy might have the idea but it's still got to be tested and reviewed and all that stuff.

So you don't trust one guy. You trust, like, fucking the theory of relativity at the time, you know, that's probably like, what the, that is a crazy idea. And then it's like they tried to disprove it, and it's like, no, it adds up. So, I mean, if, and like little changes, little holes, like they do, they offer hope of adapting the original theory. But you can't just toss it all aside because there is one thing that you think might have been different then. You have to continue to work through the steps. Well, no one, but no one in the science field will do that. The person that's doing that. No, but it's outside of that is everyone else.

Yeah. That sees one thing and it's like, oh, well, fucking that person, they said this. So everything else about their career is bullshit. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Well, if you're dumb enough to subscribe to that. A lot of people are. Subscribe to that. A lot of people are, which is sad. But. Especially in today, it's like, you know, going back to, I know it's like a, like some sort of like coin or like some sort of catchphrase, but cancel culture. It's the same shit.

It's, they've done all this shit and then they do this thing and you're like, fuck them. Fuck everything else they've ever done. Those pieces of shit. It's like, who are you? It's little kid stuff. You don't have, just because you don't have a magnifying glass on you, you can literally do whatever you want because you don't fucking matter. Like, you don't know what it's like to be in the public eye and have something like that happen and have a magnified glass on what that is. Like, so easy for you to be like, fucking piece of shit.

It's like you haven't, if it's not that it's something else you're a goddamn human and it comes back around to science it's the same thing it's like just because you know they did they said this one thing doesn't mean everything else is washed away it's like just chill the fuck out for a second well if you want to take you would take this whole idea back to to sports we were talking about, I've had this conversation with people. I like to think of myself as a very rational thinker, and especially in sports. But you step on the chalk line. No, I have my favorite teams. But I can also look at a play that will fuck my team over and go yeah, he fumbled it.

I can do that without emotion. So if you have team A and team B and you're rooting for those teams, some guy fumbles and you're showing the replay, people on their own teams will see the replay completely different, but if you were to

switch that, you would see it the opposite way if it affected your team. And and that goes it's crazy it is it is fucking nuts it's the same you're looking at the same thing but if you're if your confirmation bias tells you this is going to affect me negatively you will see it a different different way yeah which is crazy never been able to do that like you just look at it you're like ah fuck yeah you're like or sometimes it comes that you're like that was an amazing play you're like oh no way and then you watch it and you're like, ah, fuck. Sometimes it comes that you're like, that was an amazing play. And you're like, oh, no way. And then you watch it again and you're like, fuck.

That is it. That was it. That's exactly what happened. And I hope they get it right in the replay because it honestly, and then if they fuck it up, you almost feel bad. You know what I mean? You're like, that was a fumble. How the fuck did you, even if it goes against my team, it's like, well, shit.

You just got so lucky. That's why I have a lot of respect for referees and shit like that. Most of the time they make the right call. Yeah. Which, and they're doing it so fast. The idea of they get that many right is crazy. It's insane in baseball how good they are at that. Calling the fucking, you know, the foot on the bag and stuff.

It's nuts. They could replace it with a sensor and then it would be perfect. They will. Like spotting the ball on a field. Like not. Well, they could replace it with a sensor and then it would be perfect. But like, spotting the ball on a field, like sometimes they, sometimes they get it wrong but then they review it

and they get it right but like how many times they got it right and they're looking at it from 20 yards away and they still got it right. With 20 people in the way? Yeah.

It is wild. So, yeah, I mean it's, we're never going to change this just because this is how people are but that kind of stuff. But we can hope a couple people listening being like, yeah, I mean, we're never going to change this because this is how people are. But we can hope a couple people listening, being like, all right, and run down the list for lap time. Even if you take two of the ten into your own personal bullshit detection kit, that's helpful.

Take the bias one for sure. That's what's happening. Who's saying it? Yeah, for sure. Who's saying it and what do they gain from it? What's their track record? It's one thing i always look at yeah it's like by you saying this and if you if it is what you say it is what are you getting out of it and if the answer is nothing then i i that raises an eyebrow and i

go okay well let me take a peek but if you say something and it ties directly back to profits for you or election for you it usually does though right and yeah and it's like well and then that's why you look you are responsible for looking deeper into it because that's your job as as a person to be an educated and make an educated decision about whatever it is you have to be able to do that especially today yeah with the amount of propaganda that we swim in you should yeah how many people like a journalist how many people are just strictly right down the middle? Because you have, like, take someone like

Shapiro, Matt Walsh. Matt Walsh is really in, right, he's like the trans guy. He's really talking about what is a woman, what is a man,

that whole thing. And then someone like, what's her name from MSNBC? Rachel Maddow. Rachel Maddow. You know, just like extreme beliefs. They're not, Rachel Maddow is not telling a story that makes

Obama look bad. They're going to share the things that make him look like he did. Just like the opposite. Well, they're not going to share something that makes their side look bad. They'll just avoid it. But if you're truly like trying to get to the bottom of something and stop hypocrisy, all that kind of stuff, you would be calling out both sides of the spectrum of political bias. You would lose your voice. Yeah, you wouldn't have a voice, but all these people that are doing it, they're one-sided, so they're getting profit from their people now. So everyone that's like that is making that the little blonde gal The one that blew up a few years ago

Kind of the comedian one No, the little she was on like the blaze of the Daily Wire something that she was like a cute blonde gal I forget what good Shawnee or whatever. I don't know. But she was like, she would talk about guns and, and she would post, it was just like, she knew it was a lightning rod thing. And she was,

she would stick to that, but she was really cute too. So it was like this whole thing. Like she profited so much from it. Um, yeah. So how, how can you,

I mean, it's up to you as the consumer to dig through it. That's really what it is. Are you willing, are you willing to you as the consumer to dig through it that's really what it is are you willing are you willing to change you better be able to yeah you better be able to but you have to see how many people have a belief system that they know something like this could directly affect the way they they believe they're not going to look at it then that's on them yeah like yeah we still we still are affected by it well absolutely but the whole point is like to get anybody to don't do that just be

responsible for yourself be responsible and your thoughts yeah well you can i agree i wish more people but i just think there's a lot of people that they don't want their belief i think it's changing more and more i will say that politics and economics are two of the hardest ones to pin down truth where you're going to find way more of a spectrum just because they're such political there's so much benefit in the lying so anyway thanks for listening to my ted talk yeah of course but um you'll get our notes next time we can we can move on after change your handwriting it's much easier when you're looking at observable things though so like let's like if you talk about let's say like climate change there's a lot of people that benefit financially from talking about

climate change because what they're selling a book or whatever and there's a lot of people that that benefit from being anti-climate change scientists have this view of it and there's a lot of people that have counter rubber they have counter like well the earth is always warming and cooling but if you look at the stats like you know i'm not going to get into that but if you where the fuck was i going with no matter what it is someone's going to find a way to profit off us so um but oh yeah what i was gonna say was like things that are observable right like you're still like i'm pro this and i'm pro that but beliefs versus like scientific observations that's when it gets crazy because you're like here is like evolution teaching evolution school here's a science that we can show for the most part is probably the way things happen.

And there's people that will not talk about that because it conflicts with their belief system. So now you're talking about belief versus what we can observe. That's a problem. It comes back to running through the 10 steps that Zach just went through. Like, run through those.

But you can, depending on the side you're coming from, that same test won't look the same to well no it will yeah well if you're open-minded enough like that's the whole point of the 10 steps if you go in blinded then you're not even gonna do the 10 steps that's what i'm saying yeah but you're not gonna convince people of course of course you're not going to convince them but the blueprint is there if you actually care about learning about it and challenging your own beliefs then you're going to run through the 10 steps yeah if you don't you're not going to even start at number one right if you don't care what you think is true yeah but how do we get to the people that take care everyone starts somewhere like you grew

up believing in something and then eventually you were like i don't know and you start looking into it and you start looking into it and you start going through this that you're like okay well you did it on your own not everybody has that capacity and that's that's their thing but if you have the capacity and you want to challenge your own beliefs to figure out what you like like what you think is true or what the motive is behind it you're going to run through these check the checklist to be like okay get on it like this is what it is not everyone's going to do it but we weren't all the same at one point you believed in one thing you got older and you questioned it and then once you start questioning it you have to

make sure you're questioning it in the right way big time because if you don't if you start questioning it in a way that favors yourself you're going to find yourself in the same boat the problem is is that we want things to be true and so we seek out information that you know confirms our biases and there's so much of that in the internet and there's and like i said in politics and economics there will be a study that will show your point of view it might not be scrupulous and it might not be done well but you'll find one yeah but all you got to do is discount the people that did the other test yeah then move on to the next step like why why did they do it it's like the the trump discounting uh news it's like well no i'm not i'm not being pro news here but it's like saying that

those people are lying or faking yeah so the people that are listening to them they're not even listening to what he's saying they're just saying okay you're wrong you're lying to me oh yeah so i'm gonna believe you become the controller of truth yeah yeah we want to be careful not to just believe scientists either it's really the method of science that we can trust because it takes out some of the human elements right that's a peer review and then that last one where it's like you understand that even scientists even a bunch of them can have a perspective that they're trying to push or trying to find and we've seen that in recent years agreed like we neil degrasse tyson that's a guy i really enjoy but he has a he has financial gains out of whatever he does like

that's why i don't idolize anybody i i respect what they did and i and i enjoyed but i'm not going to just you know like if he if he says something about i might disagree with him but well remember we laughed last week we learned that the universe is twice as old as it was a couple years ago, right? Billions and billions of years. Who knows what we'll find out in five years. I know. It's only ten years old. Yeah.

Okay, let's move on from this. I think that we should skip down to the, hey, look what I found for this week. Just because we have gone a little long on this week's episode. But we'll make sure to squeeze that in, then we'll hear from our listeners, and then wrap things up. Does that sound good? Yep. All right.

Hey, Zach, are you ready? The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together Together. As a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome!

What did you find? Well, actually, this was sent in by our son, Jacob. Ah, Jacob. And it just, it hit me. Where? I don't know, just everywhere. In the, all the places? Yeah, all the places.

Okay. Because this is a thing that, it's got a place in my heart forever. I know you can. I see the thumbnail. Yeah, baby! This is Tony Little. And his ponytail. Yes.

In all his glory. Featuring his ponytail. Yeah. And he is one of my favorite people that's ever existed. And if you don't know who Tony Little is. Yeah, baby. He was the. Fitness guy.

The front man. The gazelle. Selling the gazelle. And if you remember from earlier episodes, just laughing our ass off. Him running like this. Then he goes really fast and leans back. He leans back. Yeah, baby.

With his pony. And he's on the gazelle workout machine with a girl. That's my favorite and they're in stride just like sharing the same and then he tilts back so like she's basically laying on his front and he's going yeah baby okay so how many sexual assault things are going to come out from him eventually we'll find him or his ponytail it's got a mind of his own it's in court he just sits backwards his ponytail's got a mind of his own. It's in court. He just sits backwards. His ponytail's got a little tie on. What did they say?

He's just crying. He has to cut his ponytail off and send it to jail. I'll miss you. I'll visit you every day. Him talking to his ponytail through the little phone window. It's on the end of a broom. Touching the glass. Some security guard has to shake his ponytail around to make it look like it's animated.

I miss you so much. Bigger the ponytail, bigger the problem. Imagine him being old. Is he ever going to cut his hair? I just can't picture him looning his hair. Oh, dude, you should see a picture of him now. It's big and curly. Love it.

And even bigger than it used to be. Oh, I can't even imagine. But here's what he sent in. Okay. Okay, let me hit play on this. Hopefully there's no ad pops up. Sign into our YouTube account. You can do it.

Yeah, baby. Tell me more. Yeah, baby. You can do it. So it's just a loop of him on You can do it You can do it Tell me more One more time. How long does this go on? Ten minutes.

Skip ahead to six minutes. Yeah. There it is. What's at 7-10? Go ahead. Let's see. Let's do eight minutes. Skip to nine minutes and 30 seconds. Tell me more. Let's see. Okay, ten seconds left.

How does it end? Let's see. Big end? Is there going to be a crescendo? No, it's just going to end. Ready? Good stuff. Good stuff. Yeah. Good stuff.

Oh. That sounds like a... Turn your computer off. I can barely hear it. He's not even looking at the right camera. Tell me more. Yeah. I have good news. Tell me more. I just need to put some money on my card just by switching to Geico. Yeah, baby.

You can do it. 15 minutes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, baby. You can do it. I used to have that as my text notification. I think I might change it back. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby. You're on a group text? Yeah, baby. Mariners at a home run? Yeah, baby! Mariners hit a home run? Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! Alright, let's hear from... Let's do one

email from our kids this week. Zach! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. We have some really good ones, and we don't have time to get through all of them. Let's do one, but we're going to do these other ones next week because they're so fucking good.

Okay. This was sent in from our shit-happy son, Victor. All right. Hey there, my fellow shitter McGavins. Hi. My name is Victor fellow shitter McGavins. Hi. My name is Victor Martinez. I am Victor Martinez. Hi, Victor.

I also live in beautiful Spokane, Washington. Washington. Washington. Beautiful. Downtown Spokane, Washington. It's the big, like, the crowd's like, oh, yeah, Washington. And they're like, oh. Happy to be playing here in beautiful.

Like, we used to have big rock concerts out in Post Falls. And every time, they'd just be like, in Post Falls, Idaho. And everyone's like, boo. No one's from there. The concert venue just happens to be there. The Gorge is two hours from Seattle. They're like, thank you, Seattle. Mm-hmm. The contraband just happens to be there. The gorge is two hours from Seattle. They're like, thank you, Seattle. Boo.

Yeah. What are they going to do? Say, yeah, George. George Washington. The British are coming. The British are coming. Yeah. I'm all right.

All right, Victor. I have a couple sweet poop stories to share. Nice. And we're only going to do one because we'll do another one another time. We just got to use poops. Yes, that's all he does. You can only use them if you take them. Victoria's Pants.

Huh? Victoria's Pants. Got it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that was a stretch, but. I start with the time my wife, my daughter, and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings at Northtown Mall. Right here in Spokane. Beautiful Spokane. A beautiful Spokane.

I've been there many times. We ordered a 40-piece. Yeah. Because we love us some wangs. Anyway, my dumb ass decided to do half habanero and half regular buffalo. Growing up in a Mexican household, I can handle spice. Just my butthole and stomach later thanks me by wanting to paint any toilet or wall a beautiful shade of brown Just like beautiful downtown Spokane

Yep So after dinner, we now head over down to the downtown mall to go see the Christmas trees We cross over the skywalk that connects This is like downtown Spokane No, this is River Park area Yeah, this is down This truly is downtown Skywalks that connect the malls and the business to the side of the street.

Well, as we're doing that, my stomach and my ass decide it's time to shit. What's crazy is that when we hear a call over the radio slash PA system, that there's an active shooter situation in progress. Sounds like Spokane. There was just a shooting as we're recording this. It's a couple weeks. My wife went down to Les Miserables. We talked about that.

Guy got shot right outside of where she was. Really? Oh, man. That sounds like Spokane. In the shoulder. Like, around the corner. Like, you don't need fan noise to sleep in Spokane. You just have police sirens.

It'll put you right to sleep. I used to live downtown. It's just nothing but sirens every night. Uh, fuck. Okay. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Actually, you just said Croatian. As my wife hears this, I see cops outside hiding behind their cars, guns drawn. My wife is

pleading for us to go hide. All I want to do is find a fucking toilet. Here I am stuck between trying to protect my family and go hide. I'm also trying to protect my pants from this habanero-fueled shit attack. You guys go ahead. No, you guys be safe.

Save yourselves. Be safe. Save yourselves! Daddy's got to shit his ass! Shit down the skywalk? Can you imagine, like, you're hunkering down, the shooter's walking through, and you're like, She's like, shut the fuck up shit the fuck up i'll i have to say something maybe maybe we can talk about this in another show but i have to say this or i'll forget i asked my wife one time i was like what would you do if we were in a situation

where like a shooter got into our house and it's us and our two kids and one of them starts like being loud he's like shut up would you be willing to kill one of your kids like choke them to to silence them or risk being heard and they kill your whole family god damn i know i had that i just had this thought one time when i think we're watching a show or something like what would you she's like why do you think about that kind of shit i'm like i don't know i didn't ask to think about it i don't know and you just fucking push play on gray's anatomy you ever think about that yeah anyway so here's a home run by fucking frank thomas yeah a big hurt just eyeballing one of your kids like yeah it's gonna be you anyway we

don't talk about that tonight that's for another time for another time. I got it out there now. I'll try to remember. That's a fun one. Okay, so back to this. Finally, we head to the corner and I keep holding it in. I think if I die here with my wife and daughter, I'll be found a hero, but just discovered in

shit. Shortly after the announcement goes out again that the situation was not a real threat and the guy had an open carry permit needless to say it was the only active shooter was me that day I love that it's this big old thing oh no it's just a guy with a permit he's fine he can have it

you're like thank god shit in the plant oh god what are two reliefs thank god what a relief He's like, oh god Oh! Two reliefs Thank god! Yeah, he's like, oh what a relief Just shitting in a corner It is amazing how certain functions of your body

Or certain tiny things hurting Just fucking change everything We've talked about turf toe But having to shit your pants Being sick It doesn't matter what it is If you're gonna shit your pants It being sick. You don't want to do any. It doesn't matter what it is. Like, if you're going to shit your pants, it doesn't matter.

It's, it's the worst. Like, a meteor could be coming. Like, you have five minutes to live, and you're like, that sucks. I need to go take a shit. Like, there's nothing you can do.

Like, you can run home and be with your family for the five minutes before you die. Or you can get the shit out. Or you can go take their shit. And you'd be like, well, I don't want to see them, I don't want to see them covered in shit well because you can't relax no

you have to shit yeah there's nothing you can do relaxing no i guess in that scenario you just blow it on the sidewalk and get home as fast as you can but um yeah that's just it's amazing you have to when you have to really really shit nothing nothing else matters the world stops that's probably what the james hetfield's lyrics were about oh yeah, nothing else matters. The world stops. That's probably what the James Hetfield's lyrics were about. Oh yeah. And nothing else matters. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what he says after he shits. Hey me. Ooh, we got a little, uh, Metallica. Yeah.

Megadeth. Megadeth. Yeah. You get it. All right. All right. Well, let's, let's, let's wrap up show 36, man.

Thanks, Victor. That was fun. Thank you, Victor. Gracias, Victor. Sign up to be a part of the gaggle. We do bonus stuff on the back end of every episode. Go to patreon.com slash canyoudon'tpodcast. Got the socials, got the YouTube, got the email if you want to send something in.

Hey, guys, at canyoudon'tpodcast.com. Again, for future reference, anything you need is linked in the episode description, so check it out. Make sure to rate and review us. Thanks to the babysitters that run our Facebook page. You guys make our life so much easier, so thank you so much. And then check out everything Uncle Zach does. Go to scatcast.com That is scat with a K.

He's doing so much. Go and develop yourself in the entire Scatcast universe as soon as you possibly can. Scatsock as soon as you possibly can. Scatsock out now. I'm recording with him tonight. Yeah. We're doing just a ride. Must be nice. You've already done it. You got to do it

first, you fuck. Does he have any other friends that he'd want to be there with you guys? You want to come along just to hang out? I just lay in the corner every five minutes. I'm like, yeah, right. Yeah, that didn't happen. I just have a microphone. I'm laying down with the dog with kona beans oh you haven't met you haven't even oh zach yeah i know it's gonna be fun times she's going she's gonna like him i think i have a way with dogs yeah i think she's gonna like wait i don't have my way with dogs i

have yeah yeah she'll have her way with you we'll fucking see we'll see brian first time i met kona she she like play bit my head She sure did My whole head Like jumped up behind the chair and then just like Chopped on my head Have fun So anyway should I just come over and lay down in the corner

And like I hear you say something I'm like yeah right And that's it and you don't hear me for five minutes Yeah right dude 7 o'clock we got a chair for you. Just like, you tell me. It has nothing to do with anything? I don't know, man.

It's just your opinion, and I'm sticking to it. What? You're sticking to my opinion, dude? What? Dude, up to you, man. You tell me. All right, let's wrap this bitch up. You ready?

Yeah. All right. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Oh, God. Make me laugh. Fuck. That's big expectations.

All right, Joe. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I got to tell you, it is impossible to put down. Just can't do it. Can you imagine trying to put a book down and it floats away? Talk about space buzz. What? What would happen?

So if you're in that situation, could you set it down? It wouldn't just float back up unless you like... What? Oh, no, it would just do nothing. Yeah, but you would need... But if you push it down, it might hit, and then the force would come back. But so you'd have to push it in really soft. Picture an astronaut, or like, you know, some of the space station reading.

They get to a good stopping point, like, get their bookmark out, and they put it in, like, not really paying attention. They're like, bookmark floats away. They try to shut the book, it bounces back open, then floats across the room. Pick up right where I left off. And then strap themselves to a wall. Well, it'd be crazy. It's like trying to read a book to all the pages. Wouldn't they all just be flared out?

They'd be trying to. They wouldn't be. Well, you'd have your little thumbsies on it. Sure. But you're like, oh, I'm exhausted. Put a bookmark in it. Close it up. put on your book in your nightstand it's floating like it's like upside down you slap it against it the bookmark

flies out the page is open you pull the lamp the lamp bounces across the room and you try to go to bed well usually it would like don't you like if i don't read but like when you have your book and you put the the bookmark in and you sort of like just reach over to your table because you know it's there. Yeah. And like close your eyes. So you're not looking so that like you would do that and it would just float out of you when you realize it.

You wake up in the morning and it's just like. Reach up your glass of water. It's upside down. The water's in a ball like floating across the room. Like, good night. Good night, Gilbert. Good night. His book's hitting you in the face.

Blowing a book out of your face. Yeah, you're just sleeping. It's just like... Your own glass of water hits you in the cheek. Space is weird, bro. Okay, for the ones that subscribe on Patreon, the show keeps going. If not, we'll see you guys next week. Bye!

Bye! Oh no, what happened, Zach? It's okay, try again. I don't know. Push play. Push play again. Try again. We're waiting. Push play.

Yeah, there it is. Outro Music