Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Putin. Music Bingo. Nest. Pencil Party.

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

We're not doctors by any means, but something tells us that muting a patient's vital signs because the beeping is interrupting your game of music bingo isn't a good idea. Let's talk about that, arresting a man in a wheelchair for kicking a door down, watching a girl rub herself while she's rubbing your poop all over her body, having sex with Putin, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/L52enIo1plsSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Putin. Music bingo. Nest. Pencil party. Hey, we both have hats. You look good in that. It looks too small for your head, though. Well, careful, you might fly away. I spin the old propeller Just fly through the roof Too fast and then before you know You're just here by yourself

And it's just the walls The ceiling's crumbling in I'm sitting here like what the hell Oh man how am I gonna do How am I gonna read all this The contrast of you and that had in your mustache Oh yeah So the people aren't seeing Joe has a mustache now

You came to the dark side I did so There was a birthday party last week And for no reason Out of nowhere We were sitting around eating dinner And Pepper's like You haven't shaved

your beard off in a long time and I was like let's do it because my face looks fat yeah just being just being fun just being fun so I went and shaved a mustache and now we both have like the mustache but also like a little more than a five o'clock shadow a little scruff underneath there just if I go straight to the skin my face looks so fat just having that little five o'clock shadow adds a little definition to it a little depth it looks like my neck goes straight into my chin if I don't have it well people already thought we looked a lot of like and now we're doing this so yeah

fuck us huh uh episode 163 not a fun number feels like it by me but it feels like a big day it is a big day yeah i sign up for patreon and oh my god you sons of bitches did they ever what a fun week it has been at camp can you don't of course the honkathon is on as we record this we are well past the 400 subscriber mark

so we're in talks right now we're figuring it all out Brian and I are going to get that silly goose tattoo Okay, so as you know If you've done tattoos You just have to iron all the details And figure out what's going on

But that is in the works right now We're not going to tell you guys what it is It's going to be surprised But we do know that Brian and I are both getting the same tattoo And we're very excited about it It's going to be fun Yes, so thank you guys so much Whatever tier you have signed up to

On patreon.com slash can you know podcast Thank you so much But it's continuing on 425 Brian's gonna get his ice checks 450 hot air balloon 475

We were just talking about The fucking eyes test And like how do we get How do I get my eyes test? I don't know I'll figure it out I mean you're the guy with glasses You've obviously done it before

Yeah so my insight is It's easy You just call him and say Hey my eyes need a test That was your answer I was like how do I do I do you're like You just call and get them checked I'm like

Yeah just go in there and get your eyes tested Never done it before They will gladly take your money Just go get your eyes test eyesight has been exquisite up until this point so I don't know about that

475 Zach at its own camera and then 500 subscribers on Patreon part of the gaggle 500 strong that's how we get that extra Patreon episode

every single month and last week we did launch the Golden Goose tier and you guys showed up wow you showed up there's only 10 available slots but we have

to honor as of the time that we're recording this, there could be more but we have to make sure that they know that we see them. Yeah, we see you. And we love them. Are we ready? In your golden goodness. Here we fucking go. All rise for the golden geese.

The sofa king, Jason Clayford, Neil Tiffany, Matthew Leonard. Chris, I want to say Ysen, but Zach told us it's Essen.

Wait, the opposite. The exact opposite of what I said. No, it's right. And Daniel Collier, mom, Collier. Woo-hoo! Yay! Hell yeah. But still some spots

available at the time that you're recording this. Thank you guys so much, whether it's just part of the regular one or you're going golden. You guys have absolutely blown our minds over the last week, and it feels good. It feels good. It feels like the podcast and support.

It's all on the right track to make sure that we can stop doing other dumb shit and just do this. Yeah, I'm sick of dropping off Taco Bell to people. I hear you. Oh my God. Okay, this is just a little funny side comment. You know when I mean, we've been alive for a bit.

A little bit. And there's just been a joke that's, it's been in front of your face your whole life and you've never connected the dots. The other day I was talking to Cassie. Who's that? My girlfriend. Oh, okay.

You might know her his casserole. Right. And we were talking about Taco Bell. And she goes, I don't know if I want that Taco Belly. I was like, that joke is right there. It's one letter. Taco Belly. One letter.

All you did. And I never thought of it. I was like it is that Taco Belly. One letter? Yeah, just to add a Y. Yeah. But why not? Huh?

Why not go to Taco Bell? No, I was just saying the joke's right. Oh, yeah. I was trying to mix it on. I mean, I always get a little tummy gap after talking about. I've never really been a huge taco belly. So now you just called a Taco Belly. Yeah, I don't want that Taco Belly. Yeah, you get it.

If you have something you want to see on the show, you send that in to, hey, guys, at can you know podcast.com. We do have some new merch. We took the suffered walrus reading mishap and turned it into a nice shirt. A couple different color options, also a hat. Available right now at can you don't podcast.com. And a reminder, of course, the spin the wheel contest. It's still going on between right now until my birthday, my 40th birthday. It's a big deal.

You're old, dude. I wasn't like to be that old. No, no. You tell me, baby. Sucks. August 12th. That's what we're going to spin the wheel. So anyone who buys a piece of merch off can you don't podcast.com will be automatically

entered for a chance to win 150 bucks. If you buy a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, or a miscellaneous, and what we mean by that is like a hat or a cup or a doormat, whatever the fuck is on the website. Those are the miscellaneous and the sweatshirts because they're most expensive have the biggest slice of the pie, but we'll spin the wheel and then whatever it lands on. If you have a chance to win the $150 bucks, if you want a chance to win no matter what it lands on, you can buy one of each thing right now at can you don't podcast.com. You know, I just thought about something. What, Hulk Hogan? Oh, yeah.

Well, we'll get to that in a second. No, what I was thinking about was you said the doormat and then I just pictured a welcome and then grow up like a butthole. and just says welcome to the Johnsons or whatever grow up like a butthole welcome to the butthole come on get it come on get it come on get it come on get that butthole

if you're going to lick it better gape it it's my daddy story said lick it or ticket gape it or bake it rejected Betty Crocker modos that would have been a fun writing room let's give you a little space for the

Hulk Hogan I mean Ozzy Boy, you know something. We're a little late on all of this because we have to record in advance. Somebody else probably died by now. Yeah. Theo Huxable died.

What if it was? But, yeah. Hogan and Ozzy were big ones for me, for sure, because, I mean, they're, you know, they're older, but so much memory and nostalgia attached to both those guys. And I was obviously loved Ozzie, but I was a huge wrestling fan. Yeah.

Like fucking mega, mega powers, brother. Oh, we know. And so, yeah, I've been getting, text all day like dude this one stings nice I know Hogan and his lady years had some issues with dropping the end where all that's kind of stuff and people

like oh you're supporting that racist I'm like yeah but I don't care but I know he's racist back then when I was five or six years old I just I couldn't even spell racism right I was just taking my vitamins brother all I know is that I could do a fucking sick ass off the rope so yeah

just because just because spell python before you can spell racism that's funny thanks yeah still got it but yeah just because you're like sad someone died doesn't mean that you support things that they did as olders like it was it's attached to my childhood so relax michael jackson there's no proof that he diddled anybody okay oh you're just gonna start allegations against michael jackson no i'm not the first it's not like i'm leading the parade yeah what's the Epstein list with my is Michael Jackson on it do you tell me brother

I don't know I'm not going to jump to conclusion hell no brother McCulley Colgan said nothing weird happened mm-hmm and he was home alone twice yeah shit

shit I'd be more worried about the pigeon lady than Michael Jackson. Follow me. Let's go to the top of a church. Mm-hmm. Woo! In New York? Mm-hmm.

Out of all places, the... Dude, at least Neverland was fun for kids. Yeah, at least there's a monkey in a roller coaster. Mm-hmm. I hear you. Dude. It wasn't a symphony in a fucking church attic. That's right.

I hear you. Symphony of destruction. Anyway. Hate me. It's me again. But I ain't in. Follow me. I've got pigeons all over. We're going to hang out in the attic.

Bannanit. No one can see you. Bam, pan, ben, bam. That's fun. Anyway, yeah, lost some big ones this week. Or by the time you listened to this last week. Yeah. Or maybe the week before. What week are we on?

I have no idea. All right, should we get the show rolling? Yeah, let's fucking do it. All right, Zach, fucking rip it. Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. All righty. You ready to go? I am.

Okay. So this was sent in. Damn, I forget what name it was, but here's the message that came along with it. It says, hey guys, long time listener, first time writer in. Writer in her. Yep. I've noticed over the many episodes that you guys have done, you've never kicked off the show with the fuck Mary kill. And that's fair.

Yeah. We did the fight, fuck, flea. where we were talking about animals like which one you would fuck whatever but we have not done a fuck merry kill so here's what we got sent in are you ready for the fuck merry kill

yeah I was just trying to find the email so I could give credit where credit is due we'll give us the credit I'm trying to look it up can you try harder brother can you try harder brother can you try harder brother

let's see here. Oh yeah, here it is. It's Daniel Dearden. Okay, Daniel. Damn, Daniel. And it's a fun one. It is.

So just imagine yourself with a penis, or I guess if you're going to do a little role play and you're one of our female listeners, vagina, which is also trying to switch roles and think about this one is also pretty fucked up. Yeah, it is. But right now, we all have penises, and here we go.

Fuck Mary Kill. Hitler, Putin, bin Laden. Putin, that dick in, you know what I mean? Oh, damn. Ah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was dead on. Thanks, daddies, and Uncle Zach, set for my iPhone.

Woo-hoo. I thought that was his name. Yep. Set for my iPhone. Oh, wow. Okay, so Hitler, Putin, bin Laden. Something jumps out to me immediately. Like, I feel like I already know.

Okay. Like, I hadn't seen this until right now, and my brain already filled in the gaps. Who are you picking? Wait, hold on, Zach. You're in on this, too. Turn your mic on. I'm going to count it down from three. So just surface level, three straight dudes.

Hitler, Putin, bin Laden, just looking at them. Which one do you want to fuck? You guys ready? Okay. Three, two, one. Putin. Yeah! That body

Or riding that horse Also alive Yeah, right Yeah true Yeah true But yeah on the horse With no shirt And on a horse

Fucking dead people's illegal I thought I was frowned upon I didn't know that Dude On that horse I mean We all know the image We all know the picture

Right You know the picture I got it on a calendar shirtless on a horse I just open my wallet Behind school pictures Behind your kids are in there in front of my kids?

Yeah, in front. Behind the Putin horse picture, it's just pepper as a page. You're like, what do your kids look like? Oh, let me show you? You pull the picture of Putin out first. Flip the horse pooting out of the way? Oh. I'll tell you why.

Okay. All right. I feel like I have this figured out. What? What position did you bring? My first. initial thought is bin Laden is too dirty. Too hairy.

Too hairy and dirty. I feel like I'm gonna, I don't want to fucking a cave. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I, if I'm gonna be, I want to be wine and dine in 69 and I don't want it to be in a cave. If I would be seduced I don't want to be seduced in a cave.

Right. I mean, so that seems fair, right? Batman's out. Yeah, but it's a musty cave. This is like a dirty cave. It's a, it smells like a good year factory. The old rubber bat cave You know what I mean? But Batman kept himself clean Okay

But he got sweaty He got sweaty in that rubber We're not talking about Saddam I know So Ben Laden Like he was somewhat clean Before he had to run away and hide

He was a rich kid He wasn't oh yeah He wasn't always cave guy Yeah but we're not talking about Ben Laden is a teen Why do you not know that? You're just making your own rules over there I visualize

Bin Laden running from us after 9-11. Okay, well, let's go prime. So prime Hitler, prime Putin, yeah, and prime bin Laden. So before he had to go into hiding. Yeah, I'm still going to, it's too, I don't, I don't want to rub up against that beard.

The man hours of helping him comb your cum out of his beard. I don't have time for that. He's wearing a sheet. That's not sexy. It's not sexy, though. I want to see that body. It's an awesome comrade, though. There's so much.

room for come on that. I get it. I mean, I get the, uh, I get the, uh, I get the, uh, like the, the, um, ah, what's the word I'm thinking? Like, the functional, the functionality of his, of the sheet is very clear. But I want to, if I'm going to fuck this dude, like, I want to see, I want to see some definition. Hmm. I want to know what I'm getting. Okay. Who knows what's underneath that robe? Hmm. Which also can be appealing, you know, filling the gaps.

Yeah. Fill in the gap. Uh, but, so. let my mind fill in the gifts right so my that's my still my first initial thing is he's too dirty and he's too hairy hitler so i'm gonna go i'm gonna kill bin laden okay for america okay hold on okay what well i just forgot what we were talking about i was just fantasizing about fucking like terrorists like i've been stuck on fuck this whole time and like when i say fuck Putin. Hey, you got to marry one of them still. This whole time I'm like just like wrapping my head around fucking Putin.

But then I remember that if I do that, I have to marry Hitler or bin Laden. And that sucks. I can tell you while I'll marry Hitler. Like I'm telling you, this all laid out in my brain when as soon as I stared at it. Because his dick's too small and he can't put in your butt? No, I mean, he's an artist. So he's

what? So Ben, I'm going to kill bin Laden for America. Even though killing Hitler for the Jews, It's probably the smarter or like the But not my problem? Yes, it doesn't affect me at all. All of Europe, maybe.

Yeah, it doesn't affect me. That's not my fight. It's too far from home. You know what I mean? So. A lot of Americans died in World War II, buddy. Come on. Yeah, but still didn't.

He said, yeah, but did I come? My grandpa made it through. Fair. Muggeosphere. So I'm going to kill Ben Lodge. for America. Okay. And I'm going to marry Hitler because

what he did was terrible. Can we just say, could I say that right out of the gate? What he did was terrible. But you probably ate well. But that was one determined dude. Like, I, if I'm going to attach my wagon to a horse,

like, I want somebody driven and I want. And not by Putin. Huh? It was a callback. Yeah. It was a callback. Yeah. Well, I'm going to fuck bin Laden, or Putin, because of the the shirtless horseman thing we talked about earlier

You're gonna change Hitler aren't you Yeah I'm gonna seduce him He's I'm gonna He if he Why are you doing this Hitler? Yeah His little mustache Just rubbing his little mustache

But it went Coming to come out of that mustache Anybody with that It's strictly time You've had a time you spend Getting your come out of bin Laden's beard Right Or Hitler's mustache

But Putin doesn't have any facial hair Does he? No Not yet just a rag wool and wiped that away. No, it was pretty bare. It was pretty bare. I mean, we could pull up the picture.

Freshly nerd. Come and come out of Putin's horse's hair? Yeah. Isn't the horse's mane? You should pull up the picture. You pull it up real quick. Zach, or whatever your name is, Joe. Yeah, I can do that.

Because I'm trying to explain why I'm going to do it. We can both do it. We both have it. Hitler's, he's an artist. Or is a one. Horse. That's all I'm putting. No shirt horse.

Oh, damn. What are we doing here? And I get they're all... Yeah, there it is. I mean, that's not hot. It's not hot, but if, I mean, it's... He's 65 or some shit. Yeah.

He takes care of himself. Look at it. Well, look at those nipples. Remember, I'm not just looking to plow some dude with his shirt off. I have to pick out of here. So I'm not... Poop would be my first guy to... So he's having sex about it.

Okay. And he just, he seems like he would take command and, and if I want it rough, I'm going to get it rough from him. That's all I'm saying. Okay. And so I'm going to kill bin Laden and Hitler. I'm going to, with that sort of determination and someone that's willing to go to the lengths to rid the world of an entire, you know. Yeah. It's like I can maybe, maybe point that direction, that drive in a different direction. Okay. So I'm going to marry him. Hopefully I can change his ways a little bit and put that towards something good.

I'm going to let Putin have his way with my butt. Okay. Because it looks like, I mean, he's not, it doesn't look like a pleaser by any means. He's not a bottom. No, he's at top. But sometimes most, it could be a power bottom. Yeah, most powerful people just want to be dominated because they want to break from all the power. Right.

Right. You're sick of ruling. Yeah, they're sick of ruling. Just want to be drooling. That's my dad used to always say. Sick of ruling, want to be drooling. Zach, do you have any input on this before I come? I think you should probably kill Hitler.

I would kill Hitler. Yeah, get him out of here. About 60 million deaths Yeah, typical Jew Well, there's other people that died Doing that Oh, yeah, right You know, several

Tens of millions Yeah, details, details So I'd kill Hitler Okay I'd probably marry Putin Okay And I'd have my way with Bin Laden there For America

For America Fuck Bin Laden for America Why not? You gotta fuck one of them None more American than that See here I'm gonna play a little bit of a A little inside cut here

I'm going to marry bin Laden Okay Because everyone wants him dead And then I'm free Fair See what I'm doing here You're getting his wealth You mean or what

I'm gonna get so many caves No there's a pre-nup So many caves The real estate It's strictly real estate Dude I'm gonna have so many dirt holes Mary bin Laden Because

He'll die Right So you marry the dangerous guy You make up reasons to leave whatever cave he's in so you don't get fucking blasted you're like oh no i got to run to town all the time so he dies then you're widowed and you can move on with your life um so i'm gonna marry bin laden get a free get free kill Putin or sorry kill hitler fuck Putin and then marry bin laden just because we're not the only people that want him dead so he'll die eventually and then i get

to move on with my life what if you want to look at this from a standpoint of like not about trying to save the world or do any good like just pure pure looks and stuff like that who you're going with three two one Putin I want to see Hitler and Putin's pictures next to each other Hitler and Putin like like who like just facial putler like who do I think is yeah Hitler's kind of oh there's a Putin with a Hitler mustache oh wow not doing it was that done paint exactly yeah i mean hitler wasn't very good looking guy i was trying to just think like is there redeeming quality i mean hiller couldn't have pulled that shit off these days dude

Putin looks like Putin looks like a guy that like he's he's a single he's a guy that got divorced and he's got money and he shows up to a club and he's like i don't know how to talk to women yeah and and so and he looks like i've never talked to women yeah yeah and he probably did some terrible things to women yeah and he probably did some terrible things to women because he had mommy issues. Yeah. And I guess if reports are believed micropenus issues. All right.

So we're all on different pages because I'm going to marry bin Laden. I'm going to fuck Putin and I'm going to kill Hitler. Zach and I have... Killing Hitler and Kalman. It's just going to have his way with bin Laden and then marry Putin. I'm going to be Mrs. Putin. Mrs. Putin. God damn it.

Fuck you. Ah, yeah. Mrs. Putin. And then you're the other way. You just want to come. Yeah, I... That's okay. I just don't...

I'm heterosexual, but I'm comfortable saying when I think someone is attractive, but I just like... You just want to marry him. I don't want to... I just wouldn't want to get intimate with a hairy guy.

A dude coming home, even like a guy coming home from, you know, construction and some of women be like, oh, he's coming home and he's just, he's ravenous. I just, I don't want, I just don't want that. So that's why I'm like, let's just get bin Laden. He's too hairy. Hitler, I think I'm going to mis, I'm going to redirect. Okay. Going to save him. Yeah.

And Putin, I'm going to go on his yacht and he's going to spend his money on me. He spent his money on fucking your brains out. All right. Fair. All right. So, that was a fun one. He mixed it all up. Thanks, Daniel.

All right, moving off. What are you thinking about? Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what?

I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? So, a little moral dilemma. Mm. I mean, it's just the differences between and the influences of, like, getting older and understanding what this particular situation was going to require. choir of a responsible adult versus how kids a kid see the exact same situation and it's going to tug on heartstrings a little bit and ultimately just know that we we all figured it

up okay okay so it was a couple weeks ago now but there was some high winds that ripped their way through beautiful Liberty Lake Washington okay Okay. First time for that. For what? That's the first time we've had a beautiful Liberty Lake, I think. Oh, yeah. Well, notice I didn't say downtown.

There isn't one. Because there isn't one. The HOA said no. The HOA was like, how about just golf carts and sadness? You can have a safe way. We got rid of the trolleys. We're just going to bring into golf carts. It was like shit was too much fun.

We're going to get rid of the trains and the trolleys in the downtown. We're going to put in a safeway, another grocery store, and an Ace Hardware. Is that cool? We pulled up to your house today. I was getting ready to open up the door and a golf cart just was flying by. It's all good vibes around here. Just missing the downtown.

So out here in Liberty Lake, Washington, some wind ripped through. And on this particular day, I think it was exactly maybe two weeks ago from the time that we're recording this. We were done. And we had to go, I had to take Pepper to an appointment over in Cordillane. So from where we're at, it's like 25 minutes to get to Cordillane from Liberty Lake. and Cassie was gone so I'm taking all the kids and we walked down the stairs

to get out of the house and we get to the bottom and Pepper like takes like a side step kind of thing and I'm still just like do to do like trotting down the stairs she goes oh my god what's that and like kind of pushes me a little bit and we turn and look at the ground

and it's just like a baby bird oh but the baby it's like where they kind of look like something's wrong Like their skin is see-through They got like a little hairdo And they look like fucking aliens And it's just on the driveway And it's below a pine tree

And we're like oh no The wind blew it out And so we're in a hurry Because I'm leaving our house Like on time to get to the appointment Like not leaving Just in case you leave the house And see a baby bird in the driveway

There's no that buffer for that Right we're just leaving And we have to get there so the kids are all you know swooning over it and this is what I'm talking about when it comes to like that difference between parent and I was like fuck I was like dude I know what this is going to

I was like dude okay so canceling we're missing this appointment or being late past a certain amount of time they don't allow to just go into the appointment I was like this is going to cost me way more than this bird's life right so you have like those I don't know upstairs jumping around

I'm sure it didn't even show open the mics. But, um, there was, and there's like, oh my God, like, we can't. And they're like, we can't leave it. And I'm like, okay. But in my brain, like, we fucking can. Because that's how nature works. Like, I'm having like this, I was like, we have to go, we have to go. And the neighbor popped over. It was like, hi. Sorry we haven't said. Hi. And I was like, fuck. So I have this baby bird that fell out of a tree. Here, you take it. Yes. And I was like, oh, like, oh, the baby, She goes, oh, no, I didn't come over because it made me bird. I just haven't met you guys yet, and we're talking.

And I had to, like, rudely be like, oh, we're trying to get the hell out of here. Yeah. She goes, I guess, you know, I feel bad. Like, I know some, like, you're, like, you're, um, I know some of Cassie's friends. And I've been trying to get over. And I'm like, uh, so we get to an appointment, like, this burger is fell out of a tree. And she goes, oh, well, like, all right. I was like, I mean, can you take care of like, blah, blah.

She goes, no, I have nowhere to put it. I was like, got it. So that's how that went. So I don't want to be your friend. I was like, great, great first impression. Yeah. And so the kids, I was like, we have, just take it, put it under a bush. And then chances are, we're only gone for a couple hours.

The bird will be under the bush when we get back. Away from predators. Yeah. It's just under a bush. Because it wasn't moving. It's too young. It's just a fucking useless see-through sack of skin. The safety of a bush.

Falcons would never think to look in a bush. No, they didn't. Useless piece of sea-through skin. So the wind's still going. We go to the appointment, and this whole time I'm thinking about, like, what am I going to do with this fucking bird? I'm, like, it's too young. Like, I'm not taking care of this goddamn bird. Like, I know what it takes to take care of a tiny, tiny bird, and it's feeding them nonstop.

And the kids aren't going to do it. From your mouth. You've got to be like, yeah. So dad's going to have to stay awake all night and feed this fucking bird. And so I'm having all these thoughts, and they're just worried about the bird, and I get it. And then we pull back home, as I'm just worried about one bird, and we pull into the driveway, and now the whole nest has come down. Oh, my God. And now there's two more birds.

So now the baby bird we stashed under a bush, still there, plus two other birds. And these ones are a little older. They have feathers, and they're hiding under their nest that fell out of the tree, like they're, you know, just taking cover underneath it. And they're like, oh, my God! And I'm just like, what the fuck am I going to do? I am never going to financially recover from this bird shit where's your mother

where's your mom and mom was gone she wasn't even there she probably got blown away in the wind she was well new family so I'm stuck with that bird's family and the kids are swooting over it and I'm like god damn it so we scoop them up put them on the nest bring them inside

and send some kids outside to dig up worms and they're trying to find worms. I'm looking up how to what to feed birds. I guess know all, I know everyone's going to die. I know all the birds are going to die. That's what I know right now. I'm like, okay, well, you guys have fun. I was just like, little subtle reminders to the kids are like, they're all going to die. Yeah. Just keep in mind. They may not make through it. Keep in mind. Don't name them. They're like, what is Buffy? I'm like, they're all going to die. Buffy may not make it. I was like, you guys are lucky to be alive. Those birds are going to I. And then

it popped in my brain Zach's wife. Monique? I was like this is what Monique does. You wanted her witch powers. Right. So before I put the burden of keeping these birds alive into Zach's life. Yeah, here you go. I first

tried to look up like animal rescue, blah, blah, blah. And they're all closed. And I'm like, well, these birds aren't going to make it to tomorrow. We've got to figure this out now. So just reached out to Monique. She goes, yep. She goes, bring him over. Because of course she did. She goes,

she goes stop by Petco. Here's what you need to grab. And picked up all the birds, put them in their own nest, went to Petco, picked up all the supplies, brought him there. The little tiny one didn't make it. Little Bob. Yeah, little Bob. That's what the kid's name is. Yeah.

Yep. So Bob didn't make it. He just was too young, couldn't deal with distress of falling 70 feet out of a fucking pine tree. a driveway. Yeah. But God damn, he tried his best. But the other ones made it. And they're still flying. So at this point right now, two weeks later, little Robbins, and they're leaving. They've left the greenhouse. They fly back and say hi and drink water and eat. And, but they're out in the world again. Monique taught him to hunt. It was incredible. Yeah. It was really fun to see. They're, they stayed at your place. They land on my wife like Snow White now. Really? Yeah. And he'll just

Yeah, we'll just go in the backyard and they're bringing her bra. She did have to feed him every two hours for the last couple weeks now. Fucking age. That's a lot. Why do they need to eat so much? Because they're cunts. Good God. But they do look like Bertie Sanders.

They have that Bernie Sanders haircut. Birdie Sanders? Yeah, we've had lots of Robbins in the past. I named one of them Bertie Sanders. Nice. She said it was like the 10th. like set of babies that she's raised in the last what i don't know it's like five years yeah she's always getting animals from people thank you thank you so much sorry immediately they see an animal

look how many you guys are awake all the time i don't know who else to call it was either i waited for the kids to go to sleep and threw them into the lake or i brought them to your house i'm glad you did they're sweet they're cute and it's so fun to see little birds just little wild birds that are very, very wild land on my wife's head and talk to her. That's crazy that they're that they're like their little, like, you're like mommy. Yeah, they really did think so, yeah. That's crazy. They switch after a little bit, they'll switch once the wild gets to him and the world.

But the little boy, he's a little bit less. The girl is obsessed with my wife. Besties. For real. Anyway, it was just so funny, like that when all of it went down and he's thinking about the kids, and stuff and they were like oh my god we have to save it in my head i'm like we have to get out what we have to do is leave like i couldn't just come outside five minutes ago yeah missed this whole thing yeah or or someone actually stepped on the baby yeah crunch traumatized them then we all

can move on i i love animals i'm glad we did it and figured it all out and monique's sending up updates to us throughout the whole process and show them to the kids and they're all so I mean, yeah I get that feel If I'm at a I'm at a pool And I see a bug in there I'm like

I'll spend an hour Trying to get that bug out of the pool Before you kill it I won't know I'm before it dies You grab it And hold it underwater You're like

Tell me who did it Who did it Where are your friends Beetle bitch Or whatever Yeah Something like that So I get the

I get the The want to save But they're all saved They're flying around and then eventually they'll just stop coming back. Yep. That's what I'm worried about. And then I spent I spent 40 bucks for hawk food

for a wild hawk to eat. They could have eaten on its own. Yeah. But as long as I don't see it, not my problem, you know? Yeah. Yep. But one day they just won't come around anymore. Just the tag team, can you don't bird rescue? I thought that was pretty fun.

It's great. Good on you. Thanks, hon. Well, good on Monique. All I did was pick up dead birds or pick up birds that I wish were done or whatever you said I did drive him over there though I did drive him over there

I didn't have to do that I know the better part of me prevailed but is that a business expense uh hmm no you weren't

I get audited I have a question about this 4238 that Petco was this all business for chumped up

pre-chunked crying you you tell me if it's business what's your name Dale? Business or pleasure?

I can tell you, well, no pleasure. I got no pleasure. I got no pleasure. I'll let my babies go. Like, what the fuck? Okay, well, what about this? What?

State Line showgirls? Yeah. Yeah. That's, I had to cope with it. What's this pizza gape? What is this? Two lap dances, a pizza gape? I had to deal with the Robbins.

Sir, come with me. I was trying to do I was trying to come with her You and Wesley Snipes In prison together Alright let's move out to some dick Let's roll it Zach please

Is it dumb Is it interesting Is it cool Then it's dick It is a dick It is Yeah What position did you play

What? What? Oop You ready? I'm more than ready, hon. Lawsuit. Doctors play music bingo during surgery. Allegedly leads to patients death.

Doctors, they're people too. They like to have fun. I didn't know this, that doctors like to have fun. Yeah. Because they don't act like it. I do. I know. I do a handful of doctors.

And when they let loose, my goodness, your liver is going to pay for it. God damn, they rip it. I mean, I guess you got to be so locked in. Yeah. Like, you literally can't do anything so that when you can. You do. So my daddy's the same. He's a, God, he's wise man. I miss him.

What was the first thing he said earlier? Something about flinging your dingling or something? What? I don't know. There's so many about in that category. Our Lone Tree Colorado. A lawsuit has been settled after a shocking revelation that a surgeon and his anesthesiologist

played a music bingo game during a routine eye surgery, allegedly leading to the death of the man from cardiac arrest. That's nice. Oh, hell yeah. The widow recounted the day of the surgery, saying she was told there was no need to stay at the surgical center. What? I'm reading the article with you.

I just didn't say the name. Oh, Chris Reeder, Bart Reeder's widow. Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah. Got it. Just kind of felt weird naming, dropping names. But whatever.

Okay. I think in this case, people should, though. Yeah. Okay. They said I needed to go. I could do an errand or I could do whatever. They would call me when he was done, she said. Get the fuck out of here.

This will be nothing. Just go. Get out of your... Go to Michaels and get your fabric. What do you know about 70s music? Nothing? Then go run an errand. Jesus Christ.

Why are you even here? What are you even here, nerd? The surgery, a cataract procedure, was considered routine. With nearly 4 million performed annually in the U.S. However, notes obtained by Kusa revealed that the staff noticed abnormal vital signs, 11 minutes into the surgery. By the time Bart Reader was transferred to the Sky Ridge Medical Center, his death was imminent. Okay. An autopsy confirmed cardiac arrest as the cause of death.

It just didn't make sense. Bart was 56. Yeah. I mean, we skied every weekend. We biked together. We hiked together, said Chris. The investigation revealed that the surgical team played a music bingo game during the procedure. Dr. Stark Johnson.

What kind of dude? Is that a nickname? Or a porn name. Yeah, dude. Stark Johnson? Oh, my God. Get out of here. How would you distract your penis?

Stark. Yeah, stark. Starkey. it's always hard the stark johnson the surgeon and dr michael urban the anesthesiologist for some reason i was picturing a woman

as the anesthesiologist and they were like getting crazy with each other over musical bingo i guess maybe i thought it was more intimate than that but maybe i don't know anything about you have played music bingo no does that i don't know does the name of it give you sexual implications i was just picturing Seinfeld where he gets put out for the thing and you know they're doing it

they admitted playing to the game which involved listening to songs on a cell phone and marking a board with song titles Chris Reader learned from the nurses in depositions that it was not unusual for the team to turn off audible alarms

during surgeries Dr. Johnson This is so funny blamed Dr. Urban for silencing the alarms without notifying anyone I know that wasn't paying attention to the vital signs and doing his job, Johnson said during

deposition. Two motherfuckers playing music bingo blaming each other. Like, yeah. Yeah, we're playing music bingo. But Dr. Irvin. Is that man in the courtroom today? Right there.

He did it. But these two dudes, like, just doing surgery, and they're trying to listen to the song. So music bingo, how it works, is Um, so B-I-N-G-O, right? In this particular situation, so all, like, bands that begin with B okay, well, B-I-N-G-O, and you have to fill out your bingo board, because there's a lot of music out there, and a lot of band names. So, if you guess one right, then you get to fill in your

square. Usually do that while you're working? No, but every time I'm doing cataract surgery, this is what I play. Okay. No, what I'm saying is, how funny because it's music that they're trying to listen to it while cutting someone's fucking eye open. and putting him under that someone was like, oh my God, just shut off the beep. Like the beep, beep. It's off beat. It's off beat.

Oh my God, just silence that. Yeah. Just shut it down. He's like, can you also turn off the breathing? It's annoying. I can't hear the. There's Darth Vader in here? Shut him off.

What is? It's not dingo. It's bingo. Shut up Darth Vader. I think the dingo each your baby. But how fucking pompous you have to, be being annoyed by the little sounds you're like just shut it down you have to be so comfortable at your job or so competitive at music bingo right yeah a little bit of both yeah you're just like

i could do this in my sleep but i tell you what i can't do is hear this fucking song with that beeping going on what was that uh the song like the beep oh man the one that has the the the heartbeat monitor in it. And I feel you've got to Beep, beep, beep, right away. And they're listening to that one, but the beep's a little bit off. It's like, beep, beep, beep, beep. In the backer, he's like, shut it down!

That's not how it goes! So this guy, it wasn't anything they had to do with the surgery. It was just that he was having cartoress and they didn't notice it. And they silenced it. They just didn't notice it because of the music. initially I was thinking that they And they're pointing blame at each other is even worse Yeah

Dr. Johnson's like dude That Dr. Urban's some fucking real piece of shit Dude I don't even know how we got on this job And they're like you guys are both playing music bingo right He's like oh And who was winning He was Dr. Urban So you

And have you ever lost? Not to him So you don't think there's Six and O against him This has nothing to do with music bingo and he's like looking around with all the lawyers he's like I've been advised to not answer

and what's your streak at 426 and you're not worried about losing a streak or you weren't upset about it at all I've been advised I've been advised to not answer that question

and do you think that guy's going is they're going to lose their license They fucking better They have to Isn't that song Contained love Yes it is

Damn I guess you're a little bit of a blank But god damn dude In that position I hope that Whoever With Chris or whatever Her name was

Gets a ton of money From these doctors Fucking thing Like playing music bingo Like in the background For a routine Like surgery You have to bat

100% Silencing the alarms that tell you something's wrong, you have to lose your license. Because it interfered with your music bingo game. Doesn't it feel like there should be some like... You can't... Like, you shouldn't just lose your license.

Like, you're... Shouldn't you be compliant? Incarsenated? What's the word? Compliant? You're like... Sat on fire. You're in on it. Like, it's your complaint... What's the word?

When you're part of the problem. So you, it needs to be like... You know, like when you're in a guilty by association. Yeah, sort of like he died. You should have some responsibility, not just lose your license, but like maybe some legal killed or some jail time or something. Or you have to let someone else perform surgery on you while playing music bingo. How confident are you now? All right.

Let's move off to our next story. This one is, it's a wild tale. And it's so, I mean, just so funny. And if I remember the article correctly, just this, when like a relationship goes sour and the emotions just get like way heightened and no one knows what to do with them. That's exactly what happened in this situation. And fucking check this out. So it says, it's a ruse. Except it wasn't.

Paralyzed man cleared for kicking in door. It's a weird headline. Fuck me. First of all, I'm just picturing a paralyzed man kicking in a door. Yeah, or not kicking in a door. No, but he's grabbing his sh-grabbing his pants, swinging his leg into the door. It's someone just like, oh my God, he's kicking it in! It's just like, doong, boom, it's shoving a couch against the door and everything.

It's barely a knock. Yeah. It's some guy swinging his paralyzed leg into it. Hold on the door! We're going to Georgia! A metro Atlanta police department is under scrutiny after arresting a man for a violent home invasion despite evidence casting doubt that he could have committed the crime.

Charles Reed has been paralyzed for 25 years. He said he and Catherine Jensen dated at one time, but haven't had contact with each other for 20 years. I just looked at the monitor. I'm wearing this stupid hat. But according to a June 15th, 2024 complaint, Jensen told College Park, Georgia police that Reed broke into her home, choked her, and then fled on foot. It's just not adding up. Oh, God.

Come with me, sir. Hold on. What am I being arrested for it? Follow me, sir. Get on the ground. And there's so many parts of this Like choke you If you're in a wheelchair

You have to walk into that choke Yeah You're not going to get any momentum Like the cops are like They're like Here's your charges and he just goes Like what are you talking about They call him to the stand

Please stand up put your hands Behind your back and he's like I cannot I'll do that right after you emptying my colonoscopy bag? Like, what are you doing here, officer? Reid denies the allegations saying it's not physically possible for him to do what she claimed he did. On account of the wheelchair. Yeah, she said, I kicked in the door.

He explained, I'm in a wheelchair and have been for 25 years. Body camera footage from Catherine telling police his name and date of birth, describing him as medium hype and wearing all black. She never mentioned he was in a wheelchair. Said Andrew Feischman, Reader's attorney, or attorney, that is probably the number one thing you'd mention about somebody, especially if they're running away on foot. I love attorneys. Like when they have a chance to say that. Oh, yeah.

Like, you probably should have mentioned they can't. Yeah. A little slight to him. Reed was arrested on March 20th on 2025. He said college park officers never called question or verified Jensen's claims before charging him with aggravated. He never asked if he was in a wheelchair. Yeah, just none of the things. He was like, listen, that'll make the rules.

I just enforce him. I, what? Reed said he was at a dinner party with friends the night of the alleged incident, and for nine months had no idea there was a warrant for his arrest. He's just not having a good time. Just got to another day. Another day doing wheelchair shit. He's getting into his van.

It's like, B-Bee. And they're like, come with me! Get on the ground! Quick kick it. Lay down. Get up.

Lay down. Get up. Jump. Kick a door. Chuck me. I find this offensive. Chuck me. Lay down.

Get up. Kick a door. Chuck me. Lay down. Come. Come. Fuck. He's like,

me. I can't do any of those things. Oh, yeah, right, buddy. I always love when the cops tazes in someone. And they're like, Roll over. put your hands behind your back and there's shooting electricity

into their body put your hands behind your back which one do you want first of officer Reed then contacted College Park Police officer McKenley

Bolett who originally responded to Jensen's home and agreed to meet at the police dispatch this past March I essentially surrendered myself because I was that innocent

that makes sense you just like what the fuck am I going to do I got nothing to hide when he arrived at the police station, he was questioned, and then arrested in the lobby. Ballet is seen on body camera footage

placing handcuffs on Reed despite his protests I could cause him, wait, despite his protests, it could cause him to fail or fall. Moments later, Reed collapsed out of his wheelchair. Like, these motherfuckers, dude. I guess, like, if

you're in a suspicious spot and you're like, this guy's faking it to get out of it, and you're, like, you're like that's your mindset but also shouldn't you look at all the records of like he's been faking it for 25 years that's a good he faked it for five years just to kick this lady's door in yeah now like they five years paralyzed dated and then another 20 years just to now kick her door in that's it's the long play it's the long play oh geez too good too good uh slide off to some petty beef should we do it?

it? Yeah, something else to say about? I just was, I'm picturing, I see a little thumbnail of the video and it says, officers literally sat there, Reed said, they just watched me ride on the ground. So like the cops are standing there and he's just on the ground probably trying to move around and can't. Get up. On your feet. Poking it with a stick. Right. Come on. Do something. Come on. Do the kick thing. Yeah, show us how you, show us how you kick the door in. There's so many doors. around here, just kick them in. Come on. Do it.

Fuck. Poor bastard. I know. Just the crazy X. Chris is all black and he ran. That's him, officer. I wouldn't, I'd never forget a... Never forget a foot chair like that.

Mm-hmm. What? Oh, geez. Just a big old mix-up. But I'm guessing he's going to get a fair amount of money. I think the last, the, both people in that situation should be getting a, they should go on a vacation together. Yeah. The wife of the cataract guy and this guy. Yeah.

I'm sure they're both going to be. Take her for a ride on his wheelchair. Nice and taken care of. For no one doing what they're supposed to do. Uh, ready for some petty beef? Sure. All right. Zach, fucking please.

Silence in the court. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. What position did you play? Catcher.

The beef. Did you play the Petty or the Beef? What position did you play? Where's the beef? This was standing by our son, Will. Okay. What's up, my two dads and sneaky Uncle Zach? Zach, what'd you do to Will?

I don't remember. That's fair. Were you coherent? Yeah! This is your son, Will, who you're, forgot to pay child support for one dude i'm clear right now so right now we have sneaky uncle zach

you haven't paid child support yeah what's up am i just skating off here yeah yeah because you're saving birds dude all right here we go that was part of that come i yeah but you were you were there it wasn't like your idea or anything though probably i fed a bird once i said one of them can i say this go for it when me and the kids got to your house how high were you you were so high i feel like i was pretty high yeah just hit the vape pin a couple times higher higher than the nest that the birds fell out of

oh my god it was so funny like i mean obviously zack zack so everyone's nice and like we're you know talking and everyone's hugging because we all know each other and zacks on the porch and i turned to hug sack and he just looks at me i'm just like dude you're so fucking high i was doing the dave an show oh man that was you don't do that sober i know that was so funny though you like i i i haven't seen you that high in a long time that was so funny don't come here hi that was so funny anyway i love you love you too all right back to you i was i married a sexy amber too are you so proud yeah dude fuck yeah we've been together 10 years now and she is my world however today i'm bringing you the pettiest of the beefs my fucking wife my fucking wife thinks that i am

It took us my throat every time. Well, keep it together. Thinks that I am and all other men are gross and should wipe their huge horse cocks. I take after Joe. Oh, so you, a fellow horsecocker. Nice. Or does he just, is he just saying that? You just talk your way in until you had to prove it, you know?

Yeah. Well, he wants to wipe their, she wants him to wipe his fucking dick off after fucking peeing. I try to tell her that men do not wipe their fucking dicks when they pee. she says that we should and her growth for not doing so that's probably not wrong I like a clean dick as much as the next guy but I'm not going to wipe it when I can just shake it

she insists that men with clean weans are wiping their fancy dicks I think she is wrong she says that we all have pee on our boxers and we probably smell like piss she's not completely wrong like even if you could shake it out but there still might be a drop or two that comes out. Shake it off, shake it off.

Yeah, exactly. It's gotten out of hand. She also has my daughter on board with this insane idea that men are supposed to wipe the wean. Wipe the wean? That's a good band name. It has been at least five years of the beefs now,

so please help me prove her wrong before she infects the minds of more innocent women. I would love to hear what you think. If this is right on the show, please give me a sexy, I'm also going to need some threesome sex. Yeah, there it is.

Yeah. Harry, try it again. Threesome sex. And a horn from my uncle, Zach. You're getting at all. Absolutely love the show. I've been around since day one or the other show. Three out of five stars, it wouldn't change the thing.

Flong! Flong! This is a good one. Where do you guys stand? on the on the old dab the wean i mean i i uh she's not i don't she's not she's not wrong yeah she's not she's not wrong that there is some some leakage but i don't think there's enough to warrant uh like he's got she's like was she going to watch him do it every time to make sure he does it hmm let me show you how to do it right i mean you guys know dicks right

it's kind of like you know and i feel like maybe we've touched on this In the show, it's like a pumping gas. Yeah. No matter how many times you shake off the nozzle, there's always going to be some drips, no matter what. I spend a lot of time naked when it comes to the end of the day. I sleep naked. And morning time, I'm naked. And if I have to pee in the middle of the night.

So I'm naked. And there's not the boxers there to soak up the piss. I will dab it. Oh, that will do you? Yeah. Like, I'm peeing and I, if I'm naked and there's nothing to soak it up, I'm not just going to walk around and drip piss on my own feet. No. Or on the floor, like a fucking lunatic.

But also, as you get older, like, there's more, there's more in the hose. And the sphincter doesn't work as good. It's like an, yeah, it's like an upstate or like an upgraded Chevron station. Like, the newer pumps are going to do way. better with the drip. But if you go to like some run-of-the-mill, backwards wheat field one, it's the same pumps from the 70s.

You think that those are going to do something? No, they're dripping all over. The whole ground's covered in gas slash piss. If you light a match, it would not be well. Yeah, you're going to be on fire. So your parts are going to get worse and worse. And that happens with women too. Just throughout the day, you laugh and you piss your pants.

You sneeze and you piss your pants. Like, luckily as guys, you don't sneeze and piss your pants because it's just more tubage. Like, it has to travel down, like, a more, like, it has more room for your... Our pelvic floor doesn't get destroyed after having babies, though, too. That's one of the problems. Public floor? Pelvic floor. Nice.

Yeah. But with a public, public floor. For all to see. I saw that in Amsterdam. Yeah. The public pelvic floor? Yeah, you did. Five bucks, dude.

You're like, what? It's asleep. Five euros. You're like, what? I mean, I don't even know if I want to, or here's five years. Yeah, but I'll dab the wink because I spent a lot of time nude. Also, like, I don't want pee in my underpants either. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.

Yeah. I totally good. Do you dab it? Do you dab your ween? No. Have you ever? Maybe. Are you scared?

No, I'm not scared. But I will say there are sometimes when, if you're peeing a lot and you, I've done this. I mean, I do this still. Like, you're peeing, you think it's all gone. And you bring it out like a... You bring it out and put it in there. And you go to wash your hands and there's some... There's a bullet in the chamber and it just drips out all over it.

And then I have this huge wet spot. It's like, I thought it was all gone. Yep. But then I thought I could trust you. I go on with my day. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Zach, excuse me?

Yeah, we're in this together. I thought I could trust you. Exactly. What? Do you ever dab your penis? From time to time, yeah. Okay. Oh, boy.

Will's not going to like this. She's not wrong. so yeah if you want to put your wiener into a mouth you probably want to clean it off real good yeah but it's a mouth underwear oh okay this act just answers it's straight up it's like it's not he's like no it is not a technical standpoint it has never been it will nor will it be nor will it be a mouth is not underwear that's my platform here here yeah yeah or nay the year is 4,076 and our president's running on is a mouth underwear

Nope Everyone's like nope It's like yes or no questions For voting Black and white brother It's a mouth underwear And you're like I don't know where

That's complicated sir No it's not Your next president is Zach With a cue Immediately stepping down With three cues Zakua Zaqu

Dude I will But I will dab the wink But it's because I spend a lot of time naked There you go this is one of those things I feel like should just be left up like she shouldn't get on him for if he doesn't want to do it yeah but if his dick smells like piss that's a thing yeah but so here's the thing

why does she know it smells like piss and also why do women get to actually pee in their underwear and then the only where I was going with that is if look what happened are you okay can't hear you oh you just unplug your headphones I was sitting on my butt Oh geez

So you're back Let's say that this This writer in her This emailer Who was it again? Will Will you just listen to me for a second Let's say

Let's say he's trying to get his D wet Or in the underwear mouth Something like that And she's like no I don't want to do that Because you leak pee And your thing Your dick smells like piss

She has She has every right to think that. He goes, he goes, all right, good night. Yeah. Huh.

I love to you, but your dick smells like piss. I love you too. Yeah. Good morning. Yeah, all right. Good morning. This,

so there are certain things that should determine this. If he wants to get his D sucked and she's like, no, it smells like piss, then he needs to understand where she's coming from

and maybe dab is weaner. But if it's just that he's, it's like his underwear kind of smell like pee if that's the extent of it she needs to mine her own nice you know what I mean like it's it's his underwear

unless she's going my underwear my problem right unless she's doing all the laundry and she's just like grossed out by pee smelling underwear but it's not that much piss I know I'm just saying I'm just trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt here that if he wants to get his D-E-Sed

and she's like no because your dick smells like piss because your g because you're ds like p right your ds like p then you need to see your ws you know what I mean you see your w change your ways oh

I was gonna clean your wean oh yeah that too that works so if you want something you gotta give something and but if she's just saying it just because she's like one of those trying to like change the way he does things and it doesn't affect anybody else, then she needs to chill. Got it.

So that's pretty, that's what I would say. Yeah. If the, like, I mean, I don't even like, if P get an extra dribble, I don't like having wet underwear. Yeah, just take them off and get a new pair. I guess take an extra minute to, like, really ring my dick out. Some, I mean, sometimes. Like, I'm squeezing venom out of a snake.

Yeah. Like, really, just wring it out, like a towel, that's what I do. Yeah. You do that enough, your dick gets bitter. You know, sometimes you do that, and you're like, ooh, you're like, well, I got another. project on my hands. Here we go. Got the piss out and I need to get the

the other tips out. Got a G to see out. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. G to see out and then see the C up. Yep.

Get the come out and clean the come up. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's pretty self-expected. All right. That's where I stand. So anyway, I think it's situational. Mm-hmm.

Dab that shit up, dude. If it's going to be a problem, then you should be on board. stopping you from getting your D.C. Yeah. You know what I mean? But if she's not, just doesn't do it, and that's what he's, you know, then whatever. All right.

Maybe he should say, I'll make you a deal. I'll start w and my D if you S my D. Don't make me dab for nothing. That's how old we are. Yeah. I just dabbed. If you're not watching the video, it's like, is it people still doing it? With that hat on.

Are people still doing it in a dab? the dominant? Oh, well. All right. Let's move off to some good news. Okay. Zach, would you be so kind?

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! So different ways of finding, like, how do you address things when it comes to your kids? Okay?

Like, different approaches every single time. So approach that you use for your like trying to parent make sure they make the right decisions and you used one approach one time and it worked and then you use that approach again and it doesn't work anymore so you have to like do this like mad the good cop bad cop and figure out how to make your kids have a chance to learn from your wisdom and make better choices okay i didn't spend a lot of time in detention in high school i think i got sent there i think one time as a joke like i had a coach that was a teacher

and I said something that was funny but inappropriate and he sent me to detention but it wasn't like a serious thing he was more like a fucking play because I wasn't actually in trouble but this is such a real such a great idea because there's so much to learn when you get out in nature

and sitting in a fucking classroom in detention is a lot of times not the best way for anybody to learn all it does is make you fucking hate school yeah you're spending more time in the place that you're acting up in. So the front of this

is a little confusing because it says in bath students choose a hike over detention. Okay. So it's not actually you know in a bath but you get him.

Anyone who has broken the rules at school has probably spent some time in detention a few hours stuck in a classroom monitored by a teacher who really doesn't want you to be there either. Like they're like

listen I'm here because you are. Can we all agree that we don't want to be here? They made a whole fucking movie about it in 1985. Yeah, it's called

Breakfast Club. It is. Alternatives to this form of punishment can include some type of restoration task or community service

such as picking up trash. But one school counselor at Morris High School in Bath has been piloting a program

that takes kids out into nature. Leslie Trudy. Trundee, Trundee, sorry. Stop. Easy, Brian. Come on.

You're letting the You're just waiting for an end. God, you idiot. You fucking idiot. There's an in there. Leslie Trundee stops in front of a map. You want to take that one? Whiskey.

Yeah, Westkeeg. Whiskey. Got it. Trail and bath. We explain the route that are seven students will follow for the next two hours. So we kind of take a side shoot here. So we make a loop, but we'll come back along the river. And then we'll come back.

we should be back by four to the school, okay? Does anyone have any questions? Trondy says. The students are serving detention for an array of infractions. I yelled at a teacher rudely because I didn't feel like doing something.

And when they tried to make me do it, I got angry and yelled at them. Freshman. Again. So funny. I yelled them. Why are you here? Be like, because fuck it and fuck you.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Probably like skipping class. or like adding up tardies from class like never like actually like getting in trouble in trouble or whatever sophomore elsie nelson wailing is it killing it so much substance in that sentence like it's like crazy playing video games in my teacher's class and she got mad at me and i found that one stupid so i was like i'm not sitting in the classroom for that freshman Wyatt well said Sounds like a Wyatt.

Fuck me. And instead of sitting in class, these three chose to spend their attention hiking after school. Trendy, a counselor at Morse, began the program after she attended an outdoor education conference this past fall. She wondered whether spending time outdoors might encourage the kids to open up about the problems they might be experiencing. And God damn, is she right? So it goes on to say that these kids,

they're like, rather than sitting there, you get out. I mean, you go hiking and do outdoor shit with your kids, they really start saying just weird shit. Like, you never go out and bust your ass and, like, do a hike, and your kids are just like, rather be in detention. No, never. Because outdoors, like, literally call, like, it cures everything. It really does.

And they're finding the reports, like, these kids are, like, making friends, like, through detention and opening up and sharing stuff that they've never shared before. Does that mean they're going to act like fucking pricks so they can go to detention more? I mean, that'd be awesome. Sure, but like hiking's free. Imagine, but where I'm going with this is imagine all these kids in the school just becoming like little shit kids so they get to go in a hike. It's like, we have a pop quiz today. It's like, fuck you.

All right, go to attention. Woohoo! Where we headed? What trail we headed to? I've been wanting you, Hell's Canyon Loop. Yeah. What? So all the kids are just becoming pricks so they can go in a hike.

but as they talk to the kids they're all like they're like yeah no like I'm finding out that I've never done this I've never been out here I've never experienced this kind of stuff and it makes me feel good makes you feel free

and I swear to God the power of nature is unbelievable and we've always talked about like when all of us have talked about these ideal living situations it's like you can be anywhere anywhere you want literally none of us have picked the city

like through all the questions all the stuff that we've done I guess primarily in the bonus part well people ask like if you can live anywhere you could do anything whatever we all have picked mountains in fucking middle of nowhere water mountains

because you can't repay you can't not replace that nature feeling at all there's no chance it just makes you feel something that you can't explain we also grew up around nature and we know how great it is some people never have been up

as you get away from it you're like oh this is not I mean, I love the city Like, it's vibrant, it's fun, it's exciting But that That inclusiveness Does not compare to Like nature and being recluse

And making you face yourself And like really just take in how much you don't matter Mm-hmm Getting some mosquito bites Like in the city you're like, I am important And then you leave the city and you're like I mean nothing And I prefer that I mean nothing

Nice Yeah. Some of those kids might feel like they mean nothing in society. Yeah. At least they can mean nothing out in the woods. You relate to it. You're like, what am I doing? Like, why is everything so important?

It's not. Fuck your problems. You're gone and everything's going to move on. And then everything will blow up. So grow up. The meeting you didn't show up for, we'll go on. Mm-hmm. And you'll be all right.

Everything's fine. He's like, I got to have this. I got to do this. And I'm going to be late for this and no one's going to like me. And how are going to know what to wear? I got to wear the right shirt And you leave your shirt And you leave that

And you're like How about no shirt Yeah Just pop your shirt off And go for a walk How about no shirt And fuck me Who cares if I'm late

Yeah And you still get shit down And be productive And be valuable And make people happy You have to be inside The fast pace I gotta be here and here and here

I gotta get this person A coffee if I don't They won't like me They won't post about me On Instagram I won't get the likes I won't get the likes And if I'll get the likes

And if I'll get the job I won't get the job I won't get the dick and we'll get the dick the puss it's like we'll get out here and just fucking jerk off in nature

take your shirt off and jerk off in a bush yeah just don't do it in poison ivy but I love the swap of detention for nature

all right moving off for something I found on the internet let's go come on fucking give the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing

habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out

Together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, I thought of. So you know that I'm a sucker for weird-ass shit, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, I love weird-ass events. We've covered them right here on Can You Don't? Like, just the world does these weird-ass, just traditions.

Mm-hmm. And I've always been drawn to them. I think it's funny to take something stupid and make it into something that it shouldn't be as big as it is. I think what pops in my head right now is that we covered a story here about that guy that posted about show up here at this time and I'm going to show you how to fold a fitted sheet. Right. Remember that? Yeah. And there are thousands of people that showed up in this like downtown to watch this guy show you how to fold a fitted sheet.

Right. And then also like in Alaska, jump in the fucking cars off a cliff. Like it's a whole Fourth of July. celebration and we've talked about going I still think that we should would they just launch them launch cards

people can sit at the bottom and have contest dress up and have a blast so this shit is equally crazy so this town has well I'm just gonna play the video

let's see if it gives us a little bit of audio here does it going to or am I fucked okay here we go so this town and I want to say every year

the first Sunday in June Minneapolis community comes together to watch a huge number two pencil be sharpened my god so this tree got cut down it was so I mean you guys have to look this up

there's the sharpener yes look at this oh my god thousands of people the sharpening the sharpening And they turn this old oak tree into a pencil, and then they have this huge ceremony to sharpen it. So if you can't see it, there's a, what are that, not a lattice, it's a fucking, uh, scaffolding.

Scafleding, the two guys were up there spinning a giant sharpener on top of this. To sharpen the pencil. With a DJ, dude. Look at the shit, dude. Thousands of people. It looks like Hyde Park when Rolling Stones. I know, you have to be kidding me. A free concert in Hyde Park.

Is that high park? I mean, I'm in. I think that, I mean, we could either, like, integrate it into can you don't, but finding these dumb things and then just going there, recording a podcast, and then being there for the annual pencil sharpening, be there for the sharpening. And all, yeah, listeners could join if they want. I guess whatever that. Charming.

We'll tell you we're going to be. You can show up. We'll bring some equipment, record a podcast, and then be there for the sharpening. Fuck, yeah, dude. Like, what do we, like, fuck, these people got it. Turning dumb shit. Like, one of the biggest one is, like, Ground, I mean, Groundhog's Day, like, you know, Buxitani Phil.

Yeah. That's the same shit. And they're like, well, fucking two more weeks of winter. Shut the fuck up. Every year, same thing. It's so dumb. And it just turned into a national phenomenon. where everyone's like,

see what the Grunog has to say? He just comes out, he's like, he's like, sniffing around. He's like, he's like, he's like,

not looking good. And then everyone's like, that's normal. Yeah, yeah. No, it's just like the weird, weird human shit, man.

It's so funny. I can't even be the same Phil, right? Nah, he retired. They wouldn't lie to us. You get it. Two more weeks of Punks of Tonsetani Phil.

What? Two more weeks of Punks of Tonsettony. you're like that's not what I wanted you're standing there freezing you're like what's that mean do I need more cords of wood it's weird it's a weird interpretation he just kind of does what he does

all right but these little tiny pockets all over the world they do all this crazy shit and I love it so much sharpening of the pencil in someone's yard which is thousands of people just dancing so it looked like did they carve that pencil out of a tree and paint it Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. So they did that, beta number two, and then all of a sudden just turned into a sharpening of the pencil with bands and performance and fucking yoddlers and foggorns. Get out of here.

It's like Burning Man, but... But way more chill and family-friendly. Yeah. Less mushrooms, more sharpeners. Yeah. All right, let's hear from the kids. Zach, roll it! Hey, you go!

All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. It'll be less sharpening, more number two. I'm going to give you this. Oh. Do, do, do. Nope.

Oh, yeah, okay. All right, this is one coming in from Troy. Okay, what's your I have to say, honey? Hey, Daddy, is then Uncle Zach. It's your son Troy again. It's been a while since I wrote in about my vasectomy woes. So I thought it was time to do regale you with another tail. Regal!

Oh, regale! I was just listening to the legendary Kyle story about the dude shitting himself and having to sit in the tub until the water came back on. And as much as Kyle is a legend around these parts, I think I may have him beat. Outdoing the Kyle. This is a story. This is a tale. I'm going to call it a tale. You can't read like that without a little something.

Yeah. He wrote a story, but I'm going to call it a tale. Okay. This is a tale from an ex-co worker of mine who shall remain nameless for reasons that will become obvious. by the end of the story. It actually involves his older brother. His brother was at a house party

in the late 2000s. He and a girl he didn't know got shit-faced drunk and seeing there was no birdhouses available and decided the next best thing was to fuck each other. They found an empty bedroom and began the no-pants dance.

During the deed, he noticed her playing with his asshole, which I guess he was in. into he noticed it what's going on down there whoa excuse me excuse me problem was in his drunken stupor didn't realize she was actually slowly working anal beads into his poop shoot that is until she quickly yank them out causing him to violently shit all over her and this random bed that was always my like having a party and have people just like doing shit to your house literally yeah the kind of shit that only happens after you floated a few kegs he immediately ran into the attached bathroom quite a bit sober now to clean himself up he returned to the bedroom to grab his clothes and get the fuck out of there only to find the chick moaning and masturbating while rubbing his shit all over her he bailed never went back and never

got the girl's name. What? Thanks for the laughs. And if this gets rid on the show, before Brian gets his eyes checked, I'd appreciate if Joe could take this one. You did such a good job! Yeah, jokes on you.

You killed it today, buddy. Love Daddy Brian, but he stumbled over my vasectomy story. Even left out a few sentences. Hong Kong, motherfucker, was Troy. That sounds like me. Left out of person. Maybe added a few different words. they weren't there

oh my goodness fellas just rubbing your shit first of all the embarrassment of shitting on somebody we've all been there yeah who hasn't been there I mean I've been there but and then to find out

she is masturbating masturbating and rubbing your shit all over her just like cobbling your nipples life gives you lemons you know with like gives you anal beads

with shit on them When life shit's on you, masturbate. That's my dad used to always say. God, he said a lot in the show today. He did. We're bringing it back. That's wild, baby. That is, Troy, I think, yeah.

He might have won up the legendary Kyle. I mean, Kyle's got, Kyle's hearing this right now, and he's like, he's cracking his knuckles. He's like, all right, that was just the first one, man. He says, I haven't even gotten into the legal shit. Right, right. This is the one I wasn't worried about. Here's the shit. I'm scared to put me in prison.

So bring it on, Kyle. He got it. Oh, man. Our second email is coming in from our butthole licking son, Stewie, who writes, should I read it as is? So, my me, my best friend, and my wife decided to knock some items off the bucket list. My wife and I live in Western Iowa and Dustin. He says it like we, oh, yeah. Yeah, no, old Dustin.

Oh, Big D. Lives in Northern Arkansas. Arkansas. We took a motorcycle trip to Dals or Dales. Dale's wheels never heard of it Dale's wheels through time in Maggie Valley Valley North Carolina and are riding the tail of the dragon tomorrow I just had to let my daddies know I got him hooked on can you don't back in January and he became a silly goose yeah brother let's fucking go so for his birthday I got us matching grow up like a butthole shirts and we wore them on this trip to get the looks. During our

are doing our best to help the honkathon everywhere we go. Also, smearing the scat. Uh-huh. As we brought a stack of Scat Pope cards too. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Brother. Your loving sons, Spanky, aka. Chop Stewie

and Billy Bob, aka Dustin. Pick included of us at Deals Gap. Two kissy faces. I think he means gape. And then it says, sent from my Samsung phone, but there's five exclamation points but it wasn't in caps so but look at these guys look at these fellas it's a good

that's a good looking group right there brother just grow up look a bottle just riding your hogs across getting off and it's that and people looking around like like checking out your ride and your shirt just flapping sick wheels saying grow up like a butthole yeah you're both wearing the shirt that is some good good stuff uh all right that's one at 63 yeah brother we're gonna get off for the bonus stuff again send stuff in you want to see on the show to hey guys at can you know podcast dot com uh the honkathon is on a huge thank you to everybody that has signed up supported it we're figuring out the tattoo stuff as we just broke 400 i mean who knows how fast things are going right now there's a chance that we might be in a hot air balloon

by now this this next podcast we might be on camera we're in a hot air balloon who the fuck knows dude you guys are kicking ass uh that a big thanks again to the like the final edition of the golden geese that we did today. It's all available right there at patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Rate and review us for every listen to the show. Shout out to

Uncle Zach. Head over, see what he's doing at scatcast.com. Not a damn thing. And that is scat with a K, he's doing all of the things. I know we have some new moderators, but thank you to everybody who is taking care of the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. If you haven't done it, you can search for exactly

what I just said. Head over and everyone's just being a fucking lunatic over there. So if you're a lunatic, go join it up. All right, let's wrap the shit up. You're what? I think that thing's on the verge of getting shut down. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I mean that in a good way. Oh, you just want to deal with it? No, I just mean like there's some good stuff and they're getting shared. It's like, we're pushing the limp. Push it to the limit. Walk along the razor's edge. All right, let's wrap it up.

I got a little fact for you guys. Zachie poop. Good God. Wrap it up. already, huh? All right. This is all about timing with this little guy. So the term

Dog Days of Summer. Have you guys? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you guys know where it came from? No. I mean, maybe. What's your guess?

I don't have a guess. Oh. I don't even want to ask Zach because he probably already knows. I don't know. I think it's one of those things that at some point I heard like what it meant, but I can't remember.

Okay. So the dog days of summer refers to the period of hot, humid, weather that typically occurs in July and August. It originated from the ancient Romans who associated this time with the star Sirius.

Also known is the dog star. Yeah. Because it rises and sets with the sun during this period. While the Romans believe Sirius intensified the heat, because it was a big star, modern science shows no direct correlation between the star and

Earth's weather. Fucking dummies. So it's not about the times when it's so hot that you're drained, and it's the dog days because everyone's feeling lazy. It has to do with the fucking star. And the Romans being like, must be real hot, double hot. It's double hot! That star looks like a dog.

Isn't that good? That's rough, man. But I mean, did you guys know that shit? No. You guys, I mean, same thing, right? We all thought it was because it's so hot that you don't want to do anything, you're exhausted from summer, so it was the dog days. Yeah. Yeah. Nope. It has to do with the goddamn constellation. Yeah, I mean,

when you hear about like sports and baseball it's like fighting through the dog days in summer you're like just fucking grind the grind of late summer and it's because the romans thought that bright star was the reason it was double hot there's too bright yeah i mean they were smart and they weren't smart but they you know but here we are but fuck that's my dad used to always i haven't figured anything out the romans were smart not smart but here we are yeah i don't what to do about it. I've never, I've never broken any, you know, case, never cracked the case, so I can't stay here and say they're stupid, I'm dying. Yeah, but here we are.

All right, off to the bonus stuff. We love you guys. Bye! I don't know.