Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Skunk Shin. Saxophone. Seasons. Splinter.

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

Every time I go to upload the episode this week, I get an error. So I'm sick of rewriting a witty episode description. If this ends up being what you see... it worked. Fuck this shit.*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/bzEftxwFih8Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Skunkshan, saxophone, seasons, splinter. Beep, be one out there's got to be one out there. I know our listeners, someone's gotten sucked into a good ska band in 2025. You don't need a new sky band because all the old scot bands are still there. They've already done it. Yeah, so you can't make it any better than it already was. That's fair. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Episode 183 of the Can You Don't podcast. Send in your content suggestions, petty beef, confessions. We have gotten some of those in. So I'm smelling a confessions Segment. Creeping up on us. Yeah, creeping on in there.

We'll get those in there. But that email address per always, hey guys, at can you know podcast.com. The honkathon goals, they just keeps coming and slipping back. I think we're, at least at the time that we're recording this,

we're back below 425. Is it us? It is. Is it something we said? Yeah, it's something we said. But we are working our way through. 450, Zach will get a camera. That's our next goal.

That's what we're focused. on right now but on top of that you get access to the pond the live event that we switch to one time a month just to make a little bit of a bigger thing i can't remember the exact day if only i was on a computer and had access to a calendar yeah um yeah what is that i think it's like january 6th or 9 i think i'm gonna go a 6th oh that's that's the old lady's birthday okay well she's gonna be on the pond then insurrection day yeah um but i think yeah so we'll do the first one in January sometime so stay tuned for that but you get merch discounts of course the bonus content so please do consider you can also gift a patreon subscription to someone who has a

dark sense of humor like you head over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast um anything else i mean i feel like we i'm so glad you do that what that intro because you would just oh my god it'd be a disaster you think my reading's bad free balling it might just going through stuff like that and just talking, oh, it'd be a disaster. Can't read, can't talk, can't draw. Yep. God.

You're a triple threat, man. I'm okay in spurts. Like, you give me 10 seconds to get something out. I'm okay. Anything past that, I'm fumbling. That's what she said. I'm like, I'm like Leon lead at the goal line.

Oh, nice. That's a reference for anybody for lead fans. The last time the Cowboys did anything. Yeah. Leon Lett. Oh, Letts fans. Yeah, the Dallas Cowboys. when he was getting cocky.

Six, seven. And Don Bebebecky came down and smacked it out of his hand at the goal line. I mean, they still won, but... Oh, well, no one's more happier than Mr. Letts. Yeah.

Yeah. He didn't let the team down. He didn't let it get to him. It was the last time you thought about Don Bebe. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. It's been a bit. A couple hours.

He was a good player. Yeah. But I think that's pretty much Sturman Thomas. Yeah, covering out the game. We can go on about old sports players for... We could. Forever.

I'd better not let myself go there because... I could just have a whole podcast just talking about... Just saying names and being like, oh, yeah. And then the next person says a name. And they go, oh, yeah. Dude, I remember him. Norm Johnson. Yeah, then someone else comes back with something else.

He's like, what? I totally forgot about him. I used to just sitting at a bar. Just late at night. It's like 1 o'clock in the morning. And everyone's leave. Even, and there's some guy at the bar you bring up Don Beebe, and he's like, Don Bebe, and it's like, you know Don Beebe? He's like, too, I know Don Beebe. I'm like, okay.

And then he taps his wife on the shoulder, goes, you just go home. I'll take it from here. Yeah. I'll meet you a late one. You're driving. Not my problem. We're doing Don Bebebe. That's two hours for me problem. Yeah, well, we'll hash it out when I get back. We're talking Don Bibi. We're talking 1992 football here, okay? You don't want to be a part of this. I don't want you to get hurt. All right. Well, on that note, let's get the show rolling. Let's just get into episode 183. Hell, yeah, brother.

We know what to do. We just got to tell Zach to push it. Can you? Oh, go ahead. No. Back to you? Zach, would you mind if you have sex? If you're not doing anything. Have sex? Hey, shut up. Start the show already.

I could have sworn with 100% confidence. You just said, hey, Zach, would you mind if we had sex? Do it? No. Well, that's, there's me talking again. here's me doing this again you let me have more than 10 seconds do you want to read

this would you rather I mean a little more than 10 seconds maybe but well I think you can pull it off I what happened I don't know if I have the most updated version all right so you read it and I'll take it from here so would you rather purposely shove a two inch long splinter

a two inch long I was my I wanted to make sure we had the same thing So I didn't jump ahead and jump in there Okay, gotcha Okay, I'm gonna let you keep reading But I got questions about a two inch long splinter Like when is a splinter stop being a splinter And turn into a spike

Yeah, it's a fucking spike at some point Yeah, that's too much Can me, I mean That's kindling I don't know where this is going exactly But I feel like We should dial that back to maybe an inch Even then

I'm hesitant to call an inch a splinter I mean I've had some pretty big ones But an inch is a that's That's large Yeah Just for the Just for the sake of the Because this could be a whole

Another Discussion For another time What's a splinter? Well Splinter to me Is a rat That trains Turtles

To eat pizza Who have happened to Find their way Into nuclear waste Yeah That's what Splinters Yeah That's what Splinter is to me

Do you know The Secret of the use Pizza? Is it vanilla ice? Go Ninja, go, Ninja, go. Back to you. Two inch long splinters straight down the center under your thumbnail and keep it there until you can win five games in a row of thumb wrestling with a stranger. By the way, this was, I'm pretty sure this is sent in from Shane.

Again? Yeah. Okay. So, Shane's getting a featured piece this month. You know what? You ever start thinking about something? and then it's like you hyper focus on it. That's how my brain works.

I think that's Shane's brain right now. He thought of one, Would You Rather? He's like, oh, I could do this. He's like, the whole world is Would You Rather is now. Yeah, really.

He's missing family engagements. He's fucking up at work. His sleep schedule is out the window. He's just lying awake. Would you rather be me wide awake at 3 a.m.? When you have a big day tomorrow or... His kid's like, I'm hungry, daddy.

And he's sitting up at night and he's like, it's not funny enough. You can do better. It's got to be funnier. It's got to be funnier. Don't just talk about how sad you are. They don't like to talk about sad, Shane. Come on, think.

Think. He's sticking a splinter into his fingers. Think. He's like, oh. Just to feel anything to distract me from would you rather's. He's jamming splinters. He's like, that reminds me of a would you rather. Yeah, it's kind of like the lashings that people give themselves, right?

Right. Okay. Stop thinking about that. Quetuch of yourself. Um, with every loss, you have to dip your thumb in lemon juice. This guy's just putting fuel, lemon on the, on the open wound. And you know, and this is a, you describe the situation perfectly because if a two inch, uh, loosely defined splinter under your thumbnail and playing five, or having to win five games in a row doing some thumb wrestling wasn't enough, he was like, that's not it. Yeah, he goes, he's not getting punished enough.

He's like, what else? what else think you fucking idiot lemon juice he's like just just he's like okay well I'll put some lemon juice in there hopefully they take it that seems crazy enough

alright so we got all that okay what's the flip what's the or because that's all just one thing okay that's a lot or you slash or slap

not slash your grandma's ass okay it's not even your grandma it's not even your grandma You are, and I don't want to call out the obvious right now, but if you are a part of the listening audience, Brian has forgot his reading glasses today. Yeah. I'm not sure if you've noticed. Back to you.

I thought I was, I mean, as far as reading goes, I thought I was doing a pretty decent job. Slap slash grab. That's where the slash comes into place. And your grandma, slash, grab. Your grandma's nowhere near this was rather. in this one at all um but well she is actually oh she is yeah so i got ahead of myself okay slash fuck you oh i'm tangled up in the in the landline the landline i haven't heard that sentence is the 90s oh my foot's caught in the landline slap slash grab your mom's ass like

she's a college babe and it's spring break okay in front of the whole family at grandma's funeral. Okay. So one and done. But a really bad time to do it. It's pretty bad. I think he might be misinterpreting the point

of college. Yeah. Probably not supposed to slap asses. I'm not sure. Yeah. Like, you don't just go out and I mean, I guess you do. They don't like it. They're not fans. Yeah. Can you imagine? Like, you're, I don't know, you're down in Cabo. He's like, weep, the cops show up. Like, sir. These 45 women are saying that you're walking up slapping and grabbing their asses.

And you're like, yeah, it's spring break. And he doesn't click the pen and go, you're right. Fine. Right. You're right. No rules here. Sorry. I didn't.

Spring breaks, they vary. I just wanted to make sure you were on spring break. You are literally immune to all laws. I feel like there are certain situations where it's probably less frowned upon. hear me out I'm not saying that it's okay to just go grab someone by the puss or slap their ass

You got to read the room You got to read the room If you're in a room You probably shouldn't be doing that But spring break Breeds one of those It breeds an environment Where there's a lot of drinking

Remember girls gone wild Like all They had a camera I've never seen it unscrambled But I know what you're talking about There was a point in time If people don't remember Where you'd go to spring break

And you'd show up with a camera and beads and women would just flash their boobs and everyone was kind of described new orleans yeah back to you right uh but there was a time and place where that was kind of like you knew what you were getting yourself into you know what i mean so not that ass you shouldn't just go slap someone's ass but i feel like someone's showing you their tits is different than walking up and slap grabbing their ass i agree but what i'm what i'm saying is if there was ever a time in a place where just random ass slapping would be somewhat accepted or be happening, spring break is probably one of those places.

And, you know, it's really funny, and you're not wrong, because there does become a time if you've ever found yourself in this situation that's been like, I don't know, hyped, it's hyper, it's super, it's just above all the stereotypes, you do get a little tired of it, which is really funny to say. But, like, there's situations where, like, there's no amount of tits that are going to keep you awake. Like, you're just, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You start, like, as soon as you start reaching a peak where you don't really care about some flash titties, go home. I'm tired of this boner.

Yeah, but it does happen. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking seen them. You know, I think it would take a lot for me. Prove it. I wasn't in a lot of situations where there were just tities flashing everywhere. Yeah. And I don't think I would. I don't think I would get, it would take a lot.

before I got sick of it. Bartender at the strip club. I wouldn't go around slapping asses. Hey, can I get a dollar off this drink? I'll show you my tits. And he's like, I'm bartender at a strip club? Yeah.

I'll show you my pussy if you give me this drink for free. He's like, get the fuck out of here. Seen it. You make some gag? He's like, all set. All set. Oh, do you like it when I... I'm good here.

How about you say you give you? me this drink for free and I do a little dance just like oh can you do my taxes god I'm over it I am stressed out well you know what's funny about that as if you think about it like if you work at a strip club people probably just assume you're just like a sexual fiend that can't get enough of it and really it's like no dude they're accepting your job application and it's like that guy just he's a he's good at security and it's just a job to him yeah it's not like yeah Oh, I work security at Strip Club. Oh, you're a, you're a, you know, a freak and a, it's like, it's like, no, he just is good at security.

He's like, I get a paycheck. And I see some boobs, so you tell me. Yeah, it's like, it's pretty good. I get a paycheck and I see. You work security too, right? Yeah, do you see any boobs down at Silver Lake Mall? No. Lowing your job sucks.

Yeah. Have fun stopping shoplifters. Yeah. And just so. I'm going to stand here and actually punch people and see boobs. Right. that's pretty good deal Anna can wear sweatpants

Pretty good deal Fuck me right I'm an idiot Before we move on Just want to make We haven't answered shit I know but before we move on Before we get back to the question

I just want to make Sure that I'm clear here That I'm not going around slapping people's asses No you're not I'm just saying that a situation like this Can be hypersexual Situation there's alcohol

Yeah yeah There's titty's flashing The idea of someone Going around slapping asses Yeah It's not the greatest thing But I'm telling you If there's a place where it's going to happen, spring break is probably the place.

During those younger years, yeah. During the younger years, it's hypersexual. And not in front of your whole family at Grandma's funeral. Right. Okay. So that's a one-off that you might not ever be up. But it's so shocking that people might block it out of their brain. And you just get to go back to life.

Well, I think if you walk up and what if you walked up behind mom slapped her ass and pulled her shirt up and flash your boobs? Well, that's not in here, but I like where this is going. Like now, and then you. put some beads over and then you walk down, Grandma would have loved this and then walk off. You just keep going. I know. You take the necklace off your dead grandma

and then throw it to your mom. You're like, show me your tents! As you stand on top of the casket, that's a funeral. Fuck yeah. But that's not the question. That's a yacht. Okay, so let's go back to a two inch long splinter.

Can we, I'm not putting, I will... Speaking of splinter, I am boned up right now. I'm slapping all your mom's ass. passes at all the funerals with and not putting a two inch long splinter like that's past the first joint well do you have to push it in two inches or is it just a too long splinter that you're jammed just barely in yeah i mean yeah it doesn't matter how long it is at that point right now is then is it a splinter anymore if it's not in it's not a splinter that's my daddy story's that's right can we go down to like i mean a half inch fucking splinter yeah is a lot

I mean, down to, let's go down to one. Because two is, like, that's through the first joint. You can first knuckle. You can bump that on a lot of things, too. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, and your thumb wrestling. Like, that's a, that's a disaster.

It's all the way under your thumbnail. You got to be like a bull rider where you got to keep that hand up. Yeah. If I'm thumb wrestling, I'm keeping this hand with a splinter hand. No, you have to use the splinter hand in the thumb wrestling. Yes, that's implied, Brian. Oh, I just, I just assumed you had it in the other hand, but you were thumb wrestling. And you're dipping your perfectly fine thumb and lemon juice?

Well, it's, no, no, you're like, you're an idiot shame. You're dipping the, I thought you were dipping, this is the injured hand, and you're fighting with this hand. No, I think it's implied that you have to fight with the one that is being hurt. But the mom thing, she's going to always remember you just like giving it a, like a grab, an aggressive grab. She's crying, her mom just died. And you're like, sup, babe. Leave a big old handprint. Yeah.

You just walk up to her and slap her on the eye. and you're like, what position did you play? Good game. Good game, mom. What? What? Anyway, I like to say a few words.

Turn the mic up. I mean, okay. He always does this. Really what it comes down to, how, how, uh, is this just a one-time thing with the son? They're both one-offs, right? You have to win five in a row, though, with the, which eventually the pain, we know how to go, it'll just get so numb at a point. Now you're back to, like, just trying to thumb wrestle.

And so. You're not crying. But it might be a couple weeks It'll go away It'll go away But the The memory of ass slap Yeah

Yeah No Dude fuck it I'm slap my mom's ass I've just set Like in my life I'm a little I'm lucky enough

To have The outside perception That you're just kind of weird And a goofy person So I think that I have a better chance Of doing that And then having to apologize for it

And letting it It just drifts away What's your apology you the because you can't you can't say well it was a would you rather that was like how do you apologize for that? What's your reasoning? I'm like, you fucking tell me I can't when your ass looks that good.

That's not an apology. You just. Sorry your ass looks that good in grandma's dress? What do you want me to say Brian? Not that because now it's getting more sexual. I'm like sorry I had a weak moment I was picturing you on a

yacht in Cancun. I was as stiff as grandma and I had to do something about it See at dinner We're still going out for pizza? Save some sandwiches for me Yeah We're still going out for pizza after this

Yeah Whatever the apology is I feel like Your family They love you They can And it's gonna be funny At least in my situation

Over time That's ridiculous It'll turn into something Like a joke And you can live through that I've lived through worse Brian You have So

I'm fine But when you're not there and everyone's sitting around, they're like, what the fuck was with Joe? And they just, and then you come back, oh, there's my boy. And then as soon as you leave, just, I don't fucking kid has lost it. As long as I don't know. Yeah. You don't know, you know. I mean, even dialing it back to a one inch splinter under your fucking.

Dude, it doesn't matter how long it is at that point. Okay, so I'm picking slapping ass. I'm slap my mom's ass at my grandma's funeral. Uh, I am not shoving a one inch splinter down the seven. in my thumbnail than having to win five games in a row of thumb wrestling with a stranger. Is it a kid? Yeah, if that's it, you're like

one, two, three, four, five, fucking you... What up, nerd? Beating it, dweeb! I think it's... Dude, if it's fucking if it's sliced alone and over the top, now we've got a problem. Yeah.

That's just too much pain. That's too long. Because you're never going to win. Not with... I mean... It's hard to move. Yeah. You're not beating a professional, like a, what if a, you run into a professional thumb wrestling? Yeah, you never know who you're going to deal with. Like, do you get to pick the person?

Eh, doesn't say in there. Just a stranger. Didn't say first person. So yeah, I guess you get to pick them. You just can't know him. You actually just pick some idiot and then win it and yank it out. You're kind of persuaded me back the other way. But I also kind of want to feel what my mom's ass feels like.

Just kidding. But I'm still picking that. I know what it feels like. It's not as great as you think it is. I'm aware. As great as you think it is What are you guys picking? I'm ass slapping my dead mom

Fuck yeah, let's go I'll probably do the ass slap too All right Jiggle all the way home Fucking spring break All right next Zach, quiet Hey

Hey what's up babe What are you thinking about? You know nothing Actually, you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about Joe What are you thinking about?

What are you thinking about? Okay So a cute moment At the time that we record this It was two nights ago Two days ago Ezra For this

Do they have a semester At middle school He decided They get to pick like different things I forget what they're called But like oh exploratory Is about the school You familiar with that?

I've dabbled Yes I've explored the exploratory Yeah Explore the room Like every little chunk of a semester you bounce around between like different creatives.

So they don't just like stick you in one thing. You just dabble in it. And then you can move off to something else. And he chose band and he loved it. But what he's good at is drums. He's good at drums. And he did not pick the drums. He came home.

I guess a couple months. We're already good at drums. A couple months. Kick it better. I have reached the top. Reached the mountain top. tough. I'm like, if your 40-year-old dad who doesn't play drums anymore, used to, is better than you, keep going. Like, I don't know how to do it anymore, and I'm still better than you.

You haven't reached the top. Yeah, but you get, once you get the gist of it, you can get better. Maybe he wanted to learn a new instrument. Sure. Well, go with that. Um, he came home and said, uh, I'm going to play saxophone. And he said that because he knows that I have, maybe he said, I wanted to have some phone sex and you misinterpreted it. And I was like, oh, right here. And he's like, what? And the saxophone I have is

Grace, my sister that passed away, her tenor sex. I have it. So good and bad. We've busted it out. We've played around with it a little bit. And he decided that he wanted to learn how to play saxophone.

And I was like, all right. Like, let's do it. And also being a band dork myself, all through, I mean, elementary, middle school, high school, and then, you know, did do music in college before I switched out and I was like, I don't want to teach music. And that's where this is going. So fuck this and switched out of that. Did I ever tell you guys that? Yeah. I'd say it on the show. Like, I had, like, so I got a full ride because of academics and my music scholarship. And then I switched majors and I guess never told the foundation that was giving me, money that I switched majors just waited for them to find out fuck those did they find out yeah for like a year and a half

was already paid for though was they gonna say give it back no take these backsies no like taking money get it back you had taken money from a college kid that you gave scholarship money to who has a fast fuck

because his family can't afford it you're like give it back fucking traitor you on a payment plan they're like oh well he's supposed to update us like oh I thought I did Anyway, see you, nerds. So, anyway, so whatever. And I know from that experience that actually, like, playing percussion in the band setting is pretty fucking boring.

Because you're just hitting the snare and symbols and shit. It's more like a time to relax and not have to do anything if you're in like middle school and high school band. Anyway, so he played saxophone and he had their first middle school concert a couple nights ago. And he's playing saxophone and we show up And it's sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade And they're all just doing like a collection of like mostly Christmas songs But also just like shit they can play Which doesn't always fit into Christmas things

Certain songs, but not all of them Of course we heard hot cross buns, right? Is it hot cross buns a Christmas song? I don't know But if you wear it is a school music song But if you wear a Santa hat, I guess so Right So they played all that and it went great

he did great. They sounded great. And they switched over to the seventh graders. And Ezra had some friends that were in seventh grade and eighth grade band. So he's like, can we stick around and watch him? And I'm like, yeah, you know, sure, of course. And I just compared it to like if your kid is hurt or injured and they can't play like in their baseball game or their football game. Like you still make, they go, they're on the sidelines and you as a parent, you are there. Because it's, you have to show them that just like they have to be there to support their team, you are there to support them while they support their team. Like, it's that trickle-down parenting thing.

So we're there. That sucks. I know. So we're sitting there watching just a fucking stellar performance. And halfway through their second song, there's a loud thud in the upper balcony of the gymnasium. Like, you didn't know what it was, but you knew it wasn't good. wasn't part of the show it wasn't no it wasn't like

Santa was oh oh oh no like it was like Santa crashed into the building yeah like he missed the chimney like he sawed a hole and fell through the fucking gymnasium roof

reindeer down and no one knew what happened and you know they're playing and the conductor like he's peeking over his shoulder you know doing one of those he's like this he's like he's like he's like

he's like he's a one two like kind of do a little peek back and then as they keep playing they finish out the song but I'm not looking backwards I'm watching this incredible performance and then he stops

and it's like you can hear scuffling and you look up there and there's just a bunch of people huddled around a body oh god okay oh I'm just getting started huddled around a human like a full-sized man who is just like

say a person when you say body I assume the dude's dead oh you're about to find out oh so huddled around a at the time a live body oh okay and they're huddled around they're looking at it

and he he does this little number uh the conductor and then he puts his hands down all the instruments go down you know and then he steps off his little podium and then goes and walks over and starts talking to like I'm assuming the principal or the vice principal

I'm trying to put on a performance here he's not dying in tempo and there's people gathered obviously something is going on and we don't know what it is come to find out what happened was there was a dad who was coming down the bleachers

I think he might have had like a little bit of a disability like a movement disability or a drinking problem nope and he tripped so he fell down the stairs of the upper deck and slammed his head into the stairs and then started having a seizure again out of tempo he was not shaking in 120 beats per minute um so they did that oh my god and they're they're caring for him and they're figuring it out and the conductor the band teacher he's talking to the principal and this is like like five minutes, you know,

we're all there. I'm looking at Cassie, and she's like, like, what, like, what a, can you just keep going? Like, the show must go on. The Christmas spirit is gone. What was left of it? After all the

of all the kid instruments, which was barely keeping the Christmas spirit alive. Right now it is gone. And they're huddled around, and they're doing like the And he's sitting there, and then the conductor, he fixes his glasses, a sordid guy just like this, takes a deep breath. He turns around, walks back over there, picks up the microphone, and goes, they're having a little bit of a medical emergency up there.

He goes, but I've been informed that the show must go on. Oh, no. And he goes, and he goes, we wish your family nothing but the best. Here's smoke on the water. Clink, clink. That's the microphone down. And while this is happening, fucking ambulances and fire trucks

are parked outside. They're rushing, the EMTs are rushing in the door. And it's just going, be, bam, bam, be,

bam, be da. Bamb b'a. And they're doing solos. They're standing up and taking their turn going, w'am, and here.

Attitude. And then, like, and we're just looking at each other as they're up there, like, the guy, runs down and grabs the fucking, uh, the paddles. Like, the emergency paddust, it runs up there. The defibrillator thing. Everyone is just like, what the fuck is happening? Smoke on the water. Just like they're running in and fucking. And like, so they get him, they get him out.

He didn't die. And they got them downstairs. They carried them down. And then they put them in a wheelchair. Didn't have to go on the stretcher. So we stuck it out. We stayed for the whole performance. But I look back at it.

And just the difference and personality between just people in general that I turned to Cassie and I said, when he comes down here, I was like, he has a really important decision to make. Because he could sit in that wheelchair and say, Merry Christmas, everyone. Or like, the show. must go on anything and he did nothing he just rolled out didn't even give him the

he didn't do a god damn thing and I'd like to think that's kind of selfish I'd like to think if I was in that position I'd least have something a little one liner

just be like sorry about that yeah just anything be like that sucked yeah like just I mean

whatever but that's just different personalities but I hope he's doing well. It's just so funny. Like, it's, we're not at like Broadway. Right. Where, like, people have paid a lot of, like, we don't, we all don't

want to be there. Yeah. You could have ended it. You could have ended it. And I get it that they put in a lot, the kids put in a lot of time, but just standing up there and being like, we got like the best, you know, all of our best thoughts to your family. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. Sounds like you're going to be fine. I swear to God, then he goes, here's smoke on the water. And I looked I looked at Cassie and I went

No way And just Boom Boom Boom And I was like And then the lights They're illuminating the kids faces

Through the gym Like door Like they're playing trumpet It's just like flashing lights on them What the fuck are you doing here? Oh the emergency lights So the fire truck and ambulance lights They're like kind of

supplying the ambiance of this Christmas spirit. I thought maybe you meant like they're the lights they had lighting in the gym. No, through the gym doors little windows, the lights are lighting up the kids as they're

playing smoke on the water and this guy's like shaking up and we're like just sitting there being like oh on the water. Fire in this guy. God, fucking. Oh, that's amazing. Anyway, so that's your roundup

on this week in Idaho. I mean I get what he's supposed to do Yeah Like if he died If it was a serious thing I'm sure they would have canceled it They got to read on it

And they're like What if the principal was like Just keep going This guy's a pussy Mm-hmm He does this every year Fucking every year with this guy He's been coming here since the 80s

He doesn't even have a kid You're right He's just been showing up Every year since 81 This motherfucker shows down At every Christmas concert Steels the show every time we won't let them in the band it's a whole thing and he

it is a weird thing like i wouldn't want to be the person here's carry out my wayward son yeah i wouldn't want to be the person that makes those decisions but i guess like if i am thinking about it uh if i was the person i don't know like i would i i would hate for the show to end you'd hate for the kids to be like Well, we used to all this practice and not getting to do it. But guess what? Life's full of disappointments. I get it, but everybody, like, everybody got up to the real life.

You do a lot of work and no one fucking cares. I know. But there's just, there's a lot of moving pieces. Like I, I told us to Amber before, and we were talking about, like, musicians and stuff. Like, when you reach a certain level, let's say you're fucking Taylor Swift, Morgan Swift, Morgan, Walton, these people that are like, they are, like, Taylor Swift, Morgan, Walton, people like that are like, they are, they are. corporations so if they have a if they have a concert and they have an if they're got a little throat scratch it's not like he's canceling a show and the people are no canceled the show and we're gonna make it's like the arena that was paid for it affects so many people and so but even on a something like this

where it's the scale is so much smaller still these kids practice for this performance people took time off of work. They didn't practice very hard. I'll tell you that much. But you get what I'm saying. There's still a lot of moving pieces to just cancel something. And this isn't one of them. If the dude was like blasted, busted open and he's blood everywhere and it's like gushing all

over the place and it's affecting. But if he's just laying there having a seizure, come on. And just change the song. Yeah, just power through it. You know what I mean? And we did. Smoke out of the water. Clear!

What I was hoping you were going to say was They always said like CPR to the beat of Staying Alive Like if he just He was like oh If he had enough sense to go Hey hey can you guys play Stay alive? Right

We're trying to do some CPR up here we could So we're pulling out of all right He's like don't worry It's gonna sound the same as the song We thought we were gonna play Right Yeah it's just a bunch of noise

It's a bunch of noise You ready clap at the end One two three just the sound of instruments in general like when you go to a broadway play and they're like warming up and you hear the everybody at making different sounds together it's like yeah me me me me me me but then it's like kids doing it and it's even worse he says oh they don't bother to warm up you know that yeah all right let's let's slide off to some dick yeah slide on to some dick come on Zach it is it dumb is it interesting is it Cool, then it's dick, big. Okay. All right on.

For the golden geeks. Coming down the stairs. George de Saddam. Matt Jones Stone. Matthew Litter. Jason Clacer. Jordan Holliday. Daniel Collier.

Maggie Stump. Neil Duffany. Daniel Spatz. And the Sofa King. He's so fucking cool. Thank you guys, the Golden Goose tier, over there on Patreon. They've been holding the line. Holding the line.

Like William Wallace. Hold! No, but thank you guys so much. It really does allow us to keep doing this show, so we appreciate it. Do you want to take the first fucking story or the second fucking story? I'll take the first fucking story, I guess. That's good. Oh, we're going to the waters.

Yeah, we're going to the waters. Have you ever ridden on a ferry? Yes, I have. Many fairy Many a fairy I have That's a big fairy If that's the one

Have you ever watched porn? Yeah, I've watched porn, yeah Have you ever watched porn on a fairy? Memory's getting a little shoddy I can't I can't confidently say no Well, if you rode on this This fairy

This particular ride You know, I've had the pleasure I'm pretty sure I haven't Okay Yeah, fairies no time for porn It's my daddy story to say Mm-hmm Yep

She's time, place for porn. Fairies ain't one of them. Fairy rides ain't it. Fairy firm apologizes this. Porn screamed to passengers. What are you apologizing for a good time? Yeah! Whoa.

He's kicking a guitar? A fairy company has apologized after children were left screaming. Screaming. Screaming? Oh, what is that? Do you think they were screaming? Mom, she's got one, too! You think they were screaming?

I don't know. It's in quotations. Whoever wrote this was like, okay. Kids are always screaming. Yeah. They are. Yeah. It's not, I don't know if porn was the one that made him scream.

Porn would probably get him to shut the fuck up. Yeah, what is that? Like, what am I watching? You're watching the best thing ever? Okay, back to you. I'll never forget the first time when I was a kid and I'd, looked out the doorway and parents had TV. It was like a Cynamax type of show on there.

Yeah. And I just. Just kind of like, what? Whoa. That changed everything. Whoa. The guy was like smacking the girl with a tennis racket in her butt. Oh, wow.

It's a very vague, but I remember the memory. Yeah. It was enough to matter. It's probably on, I was going to make an Andre assagy. A joke, but I was like, yeah, it was a stretch. It was screened on one of its ships bound for Sussex. Oh, that's right to itself. Yes.

DFDS said it was very sorry. We are very sorry. We're very sorry. Screaming and very sorry. Both in quotes. Okay, got it. For the incident, which happened late last month on board, the ferry from Diapie in Francait de Nouveau.

It's said that an adult film In quotes So it could have been what? Lion King Yeah Okay Hop Was mistakenly broadcast

on the on board Lounge television to passengers who had been watching the Formula 1 Grand Prix King King Oh

Oh I'm F Yeah I'm gonna come I'm gonna come So on Come

Come, come, come, come, come, come. I'm coming I'm coming. Come, come, come. Tits, tits. Oh my God. I'm fucking. and you

and yee have we got an orgy going on here I think I've seen that one the DFS DFS spokesperson said the crew were not aware the film was being broadcast

adding it once they were alerted to the content the channel was swiftly changed. Just that conversation? Just a yeah.

We got porn out here. What? He just opens it up. He goes, hey, can you guys turn your fucking porn off? It's going to the whole cabin and be like, oh shit. Yeah, sorry about that. You switched it. Like, all right, we swiftly changed it.

And I'm very sorry. Yeah, very sorry. I'm very sorry. yeah yeah so you know you know when you get like previous channel you're watching porn and you're watching the grand prix and you're like they go to a commercial on the grand prix you flip it back over to porn and then you forget yeah that you're watching the race yeah you get it uh it added the channel had since been removed from the list of

available television stations on the boat what do we want we want sports center uh formula one racing dp bonanza Debbie does Dallas 12 Sure Select Like why is that on there

What's the Playboy channel I mean they paid for it They're like we're not gonna waste it Yeah That's what They don't Over there in Sussex They don't like

They're not wasteful people Um Talking to the Argus Great In Brighton One passenger described the scenes As a bit mad It's a bit mad

really suddenly kids were running out of the recliner lounge area screaming because their dads were all rock hard because their dad's dicks were out not because of the porn what a place to just be

totally boned up and ready to roll on a ferry with your family what's going on here and you have a boner can we please do something about the porn stand there and you just have like your jeans are wet from pre-com can we please do something about this.

This is ridiculous. Some of us have to work in the morning. Some parents, in quotes, some parents came out and said they were asking staff to sort it out. They were saying, there's hardcore porn on the TV. I couldn't see it myself, but it was audible. Yes, it was! The person added, I don't know how it got there. people were really disgruntled

fuck this news story people were disgruntled they just wanted to write about porn on a fairy they're like do you have anything else to say about it not really I'll just like say stuff I guess think it's funny yeah yeah yeah nothing of note in these quotes they're just like hey there's hardcore porn on the TV that's what someone

said you guys change it yeah no someone else was like can you guys change it and I was like yeah no problem then we're very sorry right I couldn't see it myself but I could hear it I could hear it and then they fixed it really quick and they said they were sorry all right cool we'll put on the B.C. Fucking A.

What are we doing? He's right. This isn't you, Plippie Poppin' I'm quite mad. Oh, it's quite mad. It was all weird so pippin and sucks

and cocks and wankers and tenta boobies. What? Yeah, I know. I'll write about all that. A fair is soy. He's been bad, oh, eh?

Anything else? Kit was screaming. Screaming. Sorry to the Brits, but you talk funny. Sorry. Moving off to our next piece of dick. This is such... Fuck me, right?

Man dies of rabies after kidney transplant from donor who saved kitten from skunk. Mm-hmm. Just when you thought you were sick. I'm saved. Whoops So a Michigan man Has died of rabies

After receiving a kidney from another man Who died of the disease when he was scratched by a skunk While defending a kitten And what officials are describing as a Exceptionally Rare Event You think You finally You're on this list

That press conference Oh Um Yeah hold on Hold your comments with the end This doesn't happen very often. We fucking know! That's why we're here!

We don't think it's a pandemic. We get it. What the fuck happen? Because this is wild. I just want to reiterate this, it's the first time we've ever seen it. First time anybody's seen it. What are you doing? According to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Michigan patient received a kidney transplant at an Ohio hospital back in

December of 24. You wake up and you're like, I'm alive. I'm a wrong. But his family. Oh, my God. Like a year's waiting on this list. We didn't think it was going to do. Around five weeks later, he began experiencing tremors, lower extremity weakness, confusion, and urinary incontinence.

Pissing himself. Yeah. He was soon hospitalized and ventilated. Then died. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. Sick article. She couldn't soften the blow at all.

Just nice bedside manner in this article. Holy shit. Five weeks. He was experiencing all these symptoms. Died. Things looked to be going pretty well. And then he was dead. D-E-A-D.

Please consider supporting us as we go ad-free. What the fuck? According to K-H-P-TV. Post-mortem testing confirmed ratings. Babfling authorities because the recipient's family had said he had not had any exposure to animals. Doctors then reviewed the records. Unless you include his wife. About the kidney donor, a man in Idaho.

That does sound like a place where this would happen. Rabies. Yep. The man reportedly fell down the upper deck staircase at a middle school band concert. At first, when you were saying, I was listening like, oh, what happened? And then... Gotcha. Yeah.

But it was a man in Idaho and discovered that the donor risk assessment interview... I didn't know any of these were a thing. Question here, he said he had been scratched by a skunk. Just scratch, not bit? When asked the family explained that a couple of months before, back in October, while he was holding a kitten in a shed on his country property, a skunk approached, showing predatory aggression towards the kitten. The man fought off the...

animal in the encounter at the report says rendered the skunk unconscious but not before the man received a shin scratch that bled although he did not think that he had been bitten what this is fucking crazy have you ever have you ever had an encounter with a skunk yeah well have you ever had an encounter with a skunk yeah but they don't they don't want to be around you i've never had an aggressive skunk ever like you just go hey if you make hey get out of here make any noise they're like sorry yeah they're like so sorry mind if i sorry i just farted well usually yeah they just go and run off see you're like nerd yeah but no they're not i've never seen aggressive skunk uh five weeks later a family members smashed on the road he became confused

had difficulty swalling and walking experienced hallucinations and had a stiff neck two days later he was found unresponsive at home after resumed cardiac arrest although he was resuscitated and hospitalized. He never regained consciousness. And after several days, was declared brain dead and removed from life support. What a waste of a kidney. Sorry. That's all right. But this is scary shit. I can't imagine. It's just like, a skunk is like, eh. He's like, I got you. And you're like, fuck you. You smell bad. But I can beat the shit. And it's like, fuck you. It's does that. I didn't realize a scratch could do it. They're dirty. The report states that several of his organs, including his left kidney, were donated.

Oh, boy. So the trickle-down's about to happen. Dude, rabies is fucking crazy. I didn't know it was that. Like, there was this fucking nuts. Oh, dude. Yeah, no joke. I mean, I knew it was a bad idea.

I just, everything inside of you is now contaminated. And it just stays alive. You put it in something else. And it's like, fuck you. I, uh, yeah, I mean, uh, I originally. He had pictured, you know that meme of the guy that's like, he's got his hands on his hips and he's kind of disappointed? Yeah, a disappointing guy. I just pictured like the person that was next on the list to get the kidney.

And this guy got it and he's just like, he's like, unbelievable. And then later he's like, all right. Cool. Worked out. Anyway, so add that list to, I mean, add that to the list of weird fears. That's fucking. I never, that is the wildest story I've heard in a long time. Just fucking, having a cat, the skunk's like, fuck you.

So first of all, aggressive skunk, weird, in my experience in the world. Mm-hmm. And you're holding a cat, and it's like, you know what, I'm a fucking, and then you have to, you, you, you battle a skunk, you beat the shit out of it. And it touches, it goes, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, man. On your shin. And then all this happens, and then you, then it gets transferred and fucking does it again. Dude, that skunk got, he went out with style.

Well, I'm guessing. Wiped out a couple of people. All right, well, now I feel stupid because now I'm remembering that rabies makes them aggressive. All right, back to you. I forgot that's a whole part of rabies. Having you seen old yelling? Yes, I know. I guess forgot for a second.

I just got lost in the fact that skunks don't normally do that. But now rabies, it affects your brain. And you just fucking start fighting shit. Yeah, I hadn't considered that either. Yeah, I was like, oh, that skunk has been drinking tequila. Same thing. He's like, I can fucking take your cat Same thing as rabies

Leaving a bar just It's like, yeah, he's leaving a bar fighting Hey, I want your cat That's tequila. Mine Yeah, that's a tequila talk You know what, I want your Your fucking shoes and your cat

And you fucking give to me I'm gonna scratch your ankles Fussing Ow Come on, man All right, you're ready to move? They killed the skunk? He said he rendered it unconscious.

So that dude's still out there? I doubt it. They just didn't want to say what he actually did to it. Because I'm sure it wasn't nice. He drank its blood. Problem solved. Yeah. Yeah.

It's Idaho. Wouldn't put that off. All right, let's get off for some petty beef. Let's fucking rip it. Rip it and roar, Zach. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are.

are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. This is from Beechter. Hello. Hey, Daddy's, Joe. What? Joe Bwine.

Joe Bwine. And her cum-gousland, hog-bone, and feet-fucking comie uncle Zach. Holy shit bears. Hello. Hello, my name is. Hello. I come to you with. A petty beef that's been on my mind lately.

A lot lately. There it is. Not just on my mind. Yep. It's there a bunch. I have a cousin. Okay. I'm not going to say her name because it's one of those traditional Norwegian names.

And if Brian reads this, even with the glasses, he might get a brain bleed. I don't have glasses, so this is going to get extra. Around November 20 feasts, I walked outside to get ready for school. Are you in elementary school? I hope not He's like I walked outside to get ready for school I tied my shoes all by myself

Me and my cousin were standing outside and I said It's winter now huh Since it's so cold the car is basically an ice Block she responds by telling me No it's November so it's still fall If you have ever been to Norway Or just Scandinavia

Nordics in general You know the weather does not follow a fucking calendar It can literally start snowing in the middle of me the weather is unpredictable and i'll give a fuck if the calendar says it's fall okay so i present this argument to the petty beef court do the seasons go by weather or calendar who is right just definition of petty beef yep just a little thing you want to bring it in here and see what happens affection well technically it's still fall here uh yeah for another little over a week

Yeah, it is. I don't, I think, Victor, you're not going to like this. But I'm going to get straight to the point here for you. Um, there are sanctions for seasons. Like, there's dates that divide up our calendar into quarters. But it does not mean that weather can't cross over into those other quarters. Bleed over a little bit. It's not, because it says that it's fall does not mean it cannot snow. And he brought up the example of snowing in May. And I don't know, like, how far. I know it's pretty far north, but I guess I haven't spun the globe in a bit. It's pretty up there. To see where we are in comparison. But there's many, many times growing up during summer doing two-a-day football practices, it would snow in August where I grew up.

Like, that's not, it would happen. It wouldn't be that it's fucking winter. Higher elevations. Yeah, it would just mean that it snowed in the summer, but it's still summer. Snow doesn't necessarily mean winter. It just means that snow happened in the summer. It's a precipitation that is associated with winter, but it's not regulated to just winter. Yeah, it's divided up into seasons, does not, if the weather happens outside of the season.

Imagine if no snow fell until December 21st. Yeah. And it's like, now it is winter. We call it winter because it's a solstice. There's a winter solstice and a summer solstice. And there's parts of the world where it never snow, so is it always summer, Victor? Is that what's going on? Yeah.

His parts of places in the world where no seasons happen. Because we go to Mexico in the winter to get away from the cold and it's not snowing there. It's 80 degrees and gorgeous. Yeah. Well, that's their summer. Zach, do you have any thoughts on this? Nope. Cool.

actually we are as far north as a lot of the European that's what I was thinking but we have a Gulf Stream and we have some other stuff that keeps us warmer and bigger penises and mountains and stuff and bigger penises yeah so that's what what makes that happen okay so I would say I would say if it snows in May it's not winter it's not winter exactly a winter vibe but yeah and it's not really welcome it is you know unique yeah it's there's just little benchmarks to divide it it does not mean that it's because Because it snowed one time.

And, like, we've had snow. Again, even here, last year, right? Was it last year? Maybe two years ago. We got, like, I don't know, eight inches of snow at the end of April into May. And it's like, well, it doesn't mean that it's still winter. But he's talking about November, so it's really close. It's like winter's here early.

Dude, it's 50 degrees here today. No, it's December 11th. It's supposed to be up to 60 today. Yeah. Yeah. So the weather doesn't care about our calendar. It's El Nemia, bitches. But it also depends on where you live.

I feel like where we live, our four seasons are very, it's like a stereotypical four seasons thing. Like, it starts getting cold November. It'll snow in October sometimes. It'll snow in November. But it doesn't start getting like bitingly cold until like January. January, February. Yeah. So by the standards of winter, winter is going to start December 21st.

and then it's then the temperatures kind of start dipping down so we kind of follow that it'll just be zero for a couple months yeah yeah and then and then march it's like spring you feel like it's starting to shift uh so i feel like we follow depends on where you're at you know we follow that feels like winter feels like spring feels like fall yeah but it could still be summer there to be snow in late february in march yeah absolutely It's like we're kind of surprised if it doesn't. Yeah. So I get what he's saying, but also it's not winter now. But here's what I will say to this. Sometimes it depends on how somebody says something. If you're saying like, well, it's winter now, huh? No.

It's fall. You fucking idiot. It's fall. Yeah. So we're missing that. But the way he backed it up was saying that like the second that there's snow and things are cold, it's like now it's winter. It's like, no, it's just a weather pattern outside of the official start.

So, Victor, we love you. You're wrong. I want to move on? Okay. Hooray, we're not doomed. Let's roll it. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed.

Yeah! You were excited about this one. I haven't seen it, so. Yeah, it's pretty funny. A little fun little story. You fucking do it. Give us some happiness, some holiday cheer. Yeah, so, I mean, being a parent and having like holiday stuff,

at schools, there's always something going on and when you're really busy, my mom you know, buy the wrong type of chips, put the wrong thing in their lunch whatever, like it just kind of fucking happens or your mom puts a Coors light in your drinking lunchbox? Yeah, just

she's in a hurry, grabs beer instead of a Coke and, you know, that kind of stuff, it just happens when you're busy and your parent shit like that. So this story is funny because it's relatable and I can see where this mistake would happen. It's weird.

I mean, it's goofy, but still. When 9-year-old Oscar Wilkins, what a fucking sick name, dude. Oscar Wilkins, come on down. When he heard he had been given the role of Elvis the elf and the nativity play at his primary school last week, the alliteration left him confused over what to do or what to tell his parents. Coming home, Oscar's little sister, just says sister, doesn't say little. Add it. Oscar's sister. Could be big, could be tiny.

could be small could be tiny sister it could be the exact same size right could be twins said neither he nor the school had been able to communicate the elf element to his bemused

okay with the big words fucking chill out this is the guy this is the guy that says like it's full actually that wrote this article Victor Relyne autumn the boy simply told them

he had been cast as Elvis so the kid came home and said hey guys I'd been casted as Elvis in this play. Like Christmas Elvis? Mm-hmm. Or... And the parents are probably like,

ah, it's weird, but who knows? Maybe it's some weird take on Christmas. I've heard a weirder shit. Let's go, buddy. They then sought out the costume of the Graceland star and only realized the error when he stepped out on stage.

But hardly letting it become an error, Oscar embraced his starring role and found the whole thing hilarious. His older sister... jade smith said the audience couldn't help falling in love with him or with the absurdity of it all we asked him if he was sure he meant elvis and he said yes with a sparkly costume he did not mention anything about an elf she told the southwest news service in england his letter said a sparkly elvis costume it did not say elvis the elf so we all just stupidly thought it was elvis presley jade said the family then took online for a kid's elvis outfit found one that fitted Oscar perfectly. So, like, it's so perfect. How could this be any better?

It's made for this. We sent him to school in the wrong costume, and they all saw the funny side, but did not say it was wrong. The two performances on Wednesday and Thursday last week at Pernheim-Weepard! Primary school in Wales were also in front of his parents, Stephen and Sarah Wilkins.

Smith only realized the air during the performance of the show. We found out a mistake when we were watching the show, and they all walked out. out of the 12 kids they were all dressed as elves except for Oscar who was elphas look at this picture

look at the chick in the back she's like he's not even dressed right he's a rebel he looks good thanks he does fits him perfect yeah look at that hair

like he's owning it he doesn't look embarrassed at all step off my blue sweet that's so good And, I mean, that costume, I wouldn't say perfect fit, but... It's a little loose, but he's got to put on some muscle. Oh, yeah, put on some LBs, like the real Elvis Presley, you know? That's right, brother.

Must have got that one in the late stages. Yeah, a little stretched. That's so fun, like just the school, the parents, everyone rolling with, the humor literally saves everything. Yeah. The teachers are like, you're not an elf! Get off the stage! Because they easily could have and fucked everything up, and they're just like, this is ridiculous, you're going on.

Mm-hmm. Love it. Yeah, it's one of those things like, you know, how, like we are very much those people when it's like, if you can break the ice of serious and now it's like everyone's involved and it's everyone's in on the joke, it makes everything so much better. So you go out there, oh my God, what's that kid wearing an Elvis costume for? Break the ice. Now it's fun. Yeah. I agree. So hats off to everybody that was involved in that. Let's move off to, hey, look what I found. Okay.

Zachie. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool, or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes.

That's awesome. Well, I'll read this one. You read the last one. Okay. Sent in from our son, Jordan. Hello, fuckers. That's a good way to start. It's me

Jordan Jordan in the big red shirt That's me The guy that brought up The great chode debate Oh yeah And for the record I still call my gooch a chode

But I digress I've recently Just want you to know Want you to know That's me You've recently requested More email sent in for content So here the fuck you go

Today I'd like to introduce you guys to a little internet game called A-Golf Hitler. The rules of the game are simple. The game is played entirely on Wikipedia, with at least two people playing

on separate computers. Each player gives the other player a completely random word or topic to search in Wikipedia. I'm Casey Kasem. Casey Kasem. Using the associated topic slash word,

hyperlink scattered throughout in the article of your topic or your historical knowledge, your goal is to reach the Wikipedia page for Adolf Hitler in the fewest amount of clicks. Example. Search word podcast. You might want to select the hyperlink for YouTube or Bloomberg in the first paragraph. Okay, it makes sense. Each hyperlink you click, that brings you to a new page that's one stroke. one step closer to Hitler. The point of a golf is to reach the end in the least amount of strokes

or golf in general, but so, why was that capitalized? I don't know. I get you to yell. Whoever reached Hitler's page with fewer clicks is the winner. That's it. That's the game. It's basically like six degrees of separation but in a weird, fucked up way.

And I thought it was seven degrees. Is it six degrees? Or is it seven degrees of separation? Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon. Okay, that's what I thought Okay Anyway, I once got there in seven clicks With my original search being toolbox That's impressive

Try this at home Or at your office job Try this at home Give each other hugs and tugs And remember, I'm counting on you Bye Okay, so there you go I don't think we, I mean, we can't play it live

Can we? No, we can't play it live But we should dive into this it live fuck it we'll do it live all right it

but that's a very fun game yeah and we will play it we get up the microphones but we gotta get

dialed in and switch a bunch of shit around I used to want 15 minutes he's going reading stuff and figuring out

yeah crabs lobster oh YouTube click all right let's move off and hear

from some of the children oh Zach fuck oh my good All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. As you guys know, once that radio voice finds its way into the show, it's hard to let it go. One thing is funny, though, in that last thing, you had it, and it was slowly coming off, and then it was right into your regular voice, and I was listening to the transition, slowly. And then you went back up to it again. I couldn't. It's hard to keep it out. Suppressing the radio voice. Suppression.

More difficult than still. Stopping heroin. More powerful than a locomotive. A motive locus. A motive locus. What's the motive? What's the motive? What's the motive? What's the locove? Back to you. In the studio, Jan.

Brian, you want the first one? Or the second one? Which one's shorter? I'll take the second one. Okay. Our first email coming in from our son, Mike, who writes, esteemed fathers and uncie Zach. Hello. Your can you don't Mike writing in. Which he means your kid, Mike.

2025 has been a dog shit year. We had to say goodbye to our dog Zoe in June after 14 years with her. On the short list of the worst experiences of my life, side note, no minivan pickup for pups, just a hatchback Subaru. One, real quick, one, it's weird, losing a pet's fucking sucks. But I do remember a moment that I remember thinking like, oh, that's kind of a good thing. not good thing that the dog died but he said dog shit year and I was thinking when my kids were they wanted to go play out in the backyard and I was thinking oh hang on guys I need to go pick up the poop and I didn't have to it was like this moment of like oh that's this is a really weird moment right now because I usually hate going out and picking up dog poop yeah I was like I don't have to do it yeah and it was very weird feeling rolling your rolling your clothes and sticky paper having it in-house clothes versus go-to-work clothes in? We had, our dog was hypologenic, so she didn't shed.

I'm sorry for your loss. I love you. Back to you, Brian. When we had to move from, when we, then we had, uh, the move from hell. What's that? The very next weekend moving from San Diego to our new house in north Las Vegas. Now, so you can't say Las Vegas. Expect me.

not to tell you it's Las Vegas. Have you ever been? It's beautiful this time of year. Beautiful, Las Vegas. The amount of pool attractions. Have you ever been on the roller coaster that circles New York, New York? And beautiful downtown Henderson, Los Angeles. Have you been to the 17 McDonald's and Henderson?

Try their new Big Mac. It came out 60 years ago They haven't changed the thing The sign's the same The food's the same Fuck, the buns are the same To North Las Vegas Another story for another time

But also on the short list Of worst experiences of my life Then I got fired in July The first time in a 23 years Since I graduated high school That I have been unemployed Stop me if you've heard this before But on the short list

of worst experiences of my life super cool timing after just buying a new house and the job market is worse than a rotten sled nice pullback super duper yeah anyway I'm listening to the back catalog now and the terribleness Blyin and Joe each had to deal with early on

and the ability to keep going with the podcast silliness is the best example that the shit times won't last forever if we don't let them so I felt like sending along my super long winded best effort at a sincere thank you. I've been a kid since the beginning and never been happier with my choice of dads and uncle.

Is uncle working? Hello. He spelled it funny, that's why. You and Q, L.E. Uncle. Because Zach. You get it. It works. Wishing a happy holiday season and the best 2026 possible to each of you and yours

and to all of the gaggle. Love Mike. P.S. Mike. Uncle Zach. I am a pro wrestler And I think the idea of cards To sell his merch is fun Hell yeah You have any pointers or info

You'd be willing to share On that whole process Sent from my Samsung Landline X Or whatever Nice Get ready for a lot of work If you're doing a lot of cards Yeah

It's a blast It's one of my most favorite things to do Is sit and make cards And listen to podcasts so He's got the The willingness to be a pro wrestler I love that I'll make you a card

nation send me your picture i'll make you a card i don't know yeah that's love you zach i don't know why but i pictured like a like a you know superstar like heyday wrestler yeah brother and then you show like look i'm making cards and he goes wow that looks like fun the idea of making cards as merch is fun the ultimate warrior saying that he's like want a picture five bucks wow good job making your cards little zach keep it up that looks fun take your eat your vitamins

and say your prayers brother eat your vitamins say your prayers flitstones from the top rope we are flintstone kids a million strong and growing snap it to a slim gym

all right read this second thing well yeah and you know keep going brother keep it up it's uh it's tough out there just doing a live can you don't podcast ring side of an of an of amateur wrestling match.

Just trying to talk and just cracked the upside of the head. They jump off into the table. Well, if you know me, my love for wrestling, brother. You're like, god damn, do you just pick up the mic? Like, as I was saying, and they're like, ugh. He's in the middle of you, too?

If you've seen some of the wrestling organizations now, they just, they went full, like, they're not, trying to hide it at all. It's like, yeah, it's just, it's all, like, weird. Sillness. Magical powers, like using your mind to make a guy, like, body slam himself, you know? What a cop out.

Some of the weird stuff they do now. It's pretty crazy. I worked with some of the guys in the Inland Northwest, the semi-pro and pro. And I got to have my characters, Dave and Angus, do the voiceover for the play-by-play. Hell, yeah. It's so much fun. And they let me go way over the top. And they were real happy with it.

Good. That's good stuff. So they don't give a fuck no more They're trying to have fun Yeah, just have some fun They're like cats out of the bag man Stun be entertained Our second email

Come in from our son Matt Dear sweet, loving and charming daddies Joe and Boyin And the best uncle Zachie poo a guy could ask for Oh that's very kind It's your favorite carpentie teacher Matt

Carpentry Carpentry Carpentry Carpentie Carpene He's in the Carpentie Is that a fish You know I said it wrong

Your favorite carpenny teacher I tried to plow through it And it didn't work Carpenny So a couple months back A gym slash health teacher decided it would be a good idea

To make clay dick And balls Models to show sophomores How to put condoms on What could go wrong This is gonna be great Hear me out Not only that

They had them displayed For open house For all the parents To see that attended. It sounds like an Idaho thing. I guess us carpentry teachers Carpenny.

It's Carpenny, actually. My carbony. I guess us Carpenny teachers need to start grading the wood dicks the teenage boys making class. Like the length. Like the length.

Hate the girth. F. D. Sure, not a grower. I don't care. It's the best thing I've ever seen. D. It's because it's funny.

But D is a good grade. Exactly. You want that D. Again, just leave my name out because you, oops. Whoops. What'd you say? Oh, my last name.

Okay. Okay. Because you know, jobs and stuff. Thanks, but figured out you'd like, what? Thanks, but figured you'd like to, this. Can't be in a seagull? Can you start playing? Figured you liked that story.

I'll have to write in again talking about my last teaching job and involved a nipple, barbell piercing, and a steel pipe and pipe fitting class that I helped teach. You guys rock. Happy Thanksgiving, Matt. You're laying that pipe, Matt. I love how just there's no, like, um, uh, what am I trying to say? Punctuation and the last little happy Thanksgiving, Matt? Like, he's just giving himself a little.

Yeah. He's telling him, Matt, telling himself. I like, guys, love the show. Everything's giving, Matt. That's for me. For me. Take it or leave it. Uh, yeah.

Yeah, what a wild-ass open house. Like, oh, yeah. And these are, uh, our historical figures, as you can see, um, You know, we have this and this. Oh, this is a beautiful little Martin Luther King Jr. Has the whole speech there. They actually, there's just cock there too. They cock.

And then just behind that, you'll see this gorgeous shaft. Yeah. It's actually... The Carpity teacher was using it to... The Carpity? What? The Carpany teacher was showing little boys had to put condoms on wood cocks. This is actually the...

Sexily. One-to-one scale of Martin Luther King's cock. Of my penis. Of my penis. He just whips his dick out. Do you need proof? It just holds it up, and he's like, see let me get it hard

hang on hold on this doesn't do it justice I was a little chubby that day when they went in for measuring uh well that is episode one eight three yeah it is had fun again the content suggestions emails hey guys at can you know podcast dot com uh still trying to work our way through the honkathon

goals head over to patreon dot com slash can you know podcast please do us check out what uncle Zach is doing at scatcast.com please don't thanks to the babysitter as a moderate at the can you know playground on Facebook and let's wrap this shit up. Brian picked a joke.

Let's fucking read it! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Make me laugh. I was trying to do something just for entertainment purposes and, you know, just for something to do. Okay. They've just been so fucking bored lately. I tried to start in a professional hide-and-seek team.

All right. How's it going? It didn't really work out. Good players are hard to find, Joe. That's a good one, Brayle. I'm proud of you. I did it a terrible job, my team. Hey, come on out. No, that's a hidden joke, my team. That's a good one, Bri. I'm proud of you. Did you write it or find it? Found it. See? He did a terrible job delivering it. No, that was a hiding joke. A joke. I was just seen if you wrote it or found it. So you did. You get it.

Got it. All right. Let's get off to the bonus stuff. We'll keep going. If you want the bonus content, please head over patreon.com slash can you know podcast. Don't sign up because the more you sign up, the closer I am having going to a hotter balloon. I don't want to see it.

That's all I want. Bring in the new year with you dying. Off to the bonus stuff. Bye. Bye. I'm going to be. I'm going to be.