Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Spaceship. Barbie. Sheets. Pickleball.

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

How would you react if you came home from work to find your dog chewing on the leg of a vintage Barbie doll? Let's talk about that, how good you'd be at bowling if you did it everyday for a year straight, a 10ft tall metal spaceship that's for sale online, threatening to go on a hunger strike over a situation that definitely doesn't require a hunger strike, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/BvrKyDkJjU4Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

spaceship barbie sheets pickleball 59 incoming that's almost a 60 banger yeah recording a couple episodes this week because we're doing different stuff i'll be out of the country hopefully where are you going uh jamaica we going there for funsies i don't know never been jamaica heard it's beautiful this time of year i have no idea i'm sure it's beautiful every time of the year all the times of the year what are you doing you're doing some yeah do a little family stuff a little camping camping fishing get catching oh i'm not a big fisherman yeah i think i've shared my views on i find it boring on fishing and it blows people's like mind who they'd love to fish yeah and i'm just like i will

have the same amount of fun if i'm just on the boat with you or sitting next to you on the bank. Like, I have the same amount of fun whether I'm throwing shit in the water or I'm not. Like, I just don't care. With or without the mirror. Yeah, I just don't care about the fish part. I have a buddy that he'll go just, he'll drive by himself down to a river for a week. And just fish. And just fish.

I mean. How's his marriage? He's not married.'s i mean he's very much a bachelor he's married to fishing he's the he's the definition of a bachelor yeah he's married to the trout trout he's married to the river one with the lake nature parked up by the lake i'm i like camping I just like to sit, man. Oh, yeah? I get you. I'll sit in a chair. Get out of there. All fucking day.

Get out of your phone. Not get out of your phone. I meant like, you know, no more screen stuff. Yeah. I'll play on my phone. I'll play some Snake. I'm not above that. He's not a sage.

I'm not a lunatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I like being entertained. Yeah, I can sit there for a couple minutes, but then after a while, I gotta get on my phone. Yeah, it's fucking boring. We have, our son RJ sent in something. He used to work at a strip

club. He wrote this concerning something we talked about a couple weeks back now. But he says, just listen to the Heinz episode, episode 57, and the Would You Rather involved living in a strip club. Well, I'm a bouncer at a strip club, or I was a bouncer at a strip club for a while, and also drove girls to private parties.

I have many crazy stories, I bet you do, and would never go to the clubs off the clock. All right, man, you don't have to yell like that. Yeah. The weirdest customer I've encountered was a gentleman who came in with a backpack. First of all, how's he getting in? Like, they're just like oh

your backpack's cool because it doesn't seem cool here we go in this backpack he'd have a scale he'd weigh the girls before choosing one what then he'd pay for a private dance and i'd see him shirtless laying on the floor while the girl walked on his chest with their heels on high roller after their time he would draw them with other supplies in his bag i can give you more info behind the scenes shit but like a magician we would never reveal the illusion i really hope uh no one i work with listens although i promote the podcast all the time i can crush your fantasy of strip clubs and private parties let's say baby wipes and perfume sprays are not rare enjoy your bouncer baby step boy rj i kind of want to hear the story i wrote that back to him in the email i was like come on dude i was like we're not gonna say anything or stories you see how you said we're not gonna say your name just do a confession yeah do a

little confession in there that guy belongs on a watch list. Yeah. Like, doing stuff like that, kudos to him if he's able to just contain it to laying shirtless on the floor, getting stepped on with high heels and then drawing pictures of them. I feel like Chris Hansen's going to make an appearance in that guy's life at some point. All right, take a seat. Yeah. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? Why do you have a scale?

It says here, you said, tickle my my nipples that's one of my favorite things in radio i had a whole soundboard of chris hansen just saying text messages the puns yeah you know he's always reading back the chat list says here you like to twist my nipples but in a chris hansen voice i want you to play with my balls and then maybe later i'll take you to dinner smile emoji you're like thanks chris anson voice i want you to play with my balls and then maybe later i'll take you to dinner smile emoji you're like thanks chris call me boss call me boss call me daddy did you not say that i would never say that well says here he says this right here says here my giant cock as this morning you were asking her to call you daddy it says here oh man rj come on spill the beans baby and speaking of confessions we're actually doing uh confessions next week on the next episode yeah very excited about that about

so um yeah so get those in yeah send them on in everybody but especially rj i want to hear you know i like i love stories where things like oh i don't want to crush your on what this could be. I love when things are ruined. But also, if someone's going in there not really understanding what's going on in a strip club, like just how weird it is in general, I mean,

they're not going to believe you anyway. Imagine if you didn't know what a strip club is, and you're like, you're walking down the street, and you're like, I'm just looking for a sandwich. And you walk in, and they'll be like, that's 15 bucks to get in here. Man, these must be good sandwiches. Is there a waiting list? No.

What? Get in. Get in there, buckaroo. And they smack your ass. We only take cash and you have ATMs inside. Smells like coconut sandwiches. Yeah, it tastes like coconut sandwiches. Strawberries.

And bottomless pop. Soda. Stripper strawberry. That's one of the strippers, actually. Her name's Strawberry. Redhead. She's great. All right, you ready to move on and start the show? I don't know. limit in bottomless pop soda stripper strawberry that's one of the strippers actually yeah strawberry redhead she's great all right you ready to move on and start the show i don't know i'm just still picturing this guy like i wonder if they had to weigh a certain amount because he's like i don't want the high heel to puncture me who knows so what was the limit and then going back with i mean

picturing him with a little easel out he's like that was he's like looking at his chest like that was perfect then yeah she's he's got the he's got like charcoal or chalk or you know just like he's like that was he's like looking at his chest like that was perfect then yeah she's he's got the he's got like charcoal or chalk or and you know just like he's a really good artist it's like leo from titanic yeah it would be really funny if he was just drawing stick men and shit yeah just always a stick man which is stick man him with big boobs laying on the ground like with a smile yeah just just a stick body with gigantic boobs. Well, stick, you know, the stick legs would poke you just as bad as those high heels, so I guess that's accurate.

Maybe that's what his fantasy is. Yeah. He's visualizing a stick figure with big boobs walking on him. I wish you were a stick figure. God, if you were a stick figure, that'd be so hot. Dude, I would cum so fast if you were a stick figure. Okay, let's move on and start the show. Ready for it yeah all right let's roll it hey shut up start the show already this one was pulled from the interwebs i don't remember exactly where or when but i'm excited to uh to bring this one into the show here

would you rather be handed a million dollars right now? Okay. Yes. So a million smackaroos. I'll take it. Or you get $50 per strike bowled for an entire year, and you get a free lane. So you don't have to spend $8 every time you go. Get that free lane, but you get $50 per strike.

Ooh, my P. Weber. I don't know. Is that a bowler? Yeah. Nice. Who, my P. Weber? I don't know. Is that a bowler? Yeah. Nice. Who do you think you are? I am! So if you guys want to trust my math,

it comes out to about $2,739 a day. How many football fields is that? Four, duh. Okay, sorry. Come on. That's about 55 strikes per day that you'd have to roll. Oh, to equivalent? to equivalent equivalent a million dollars um okay so if you have some big days and you're gonna i mean i would guess that you would

be getting better and better at bowling so you're picking up a cool cool skill you'd be better than p weber by the end of this yeah he there's he he bowls just just enough like he's he's gonna he's not gonna give up just because you're good at bowling now. You're going to up his game. He's going to be hitting the lanes more than he normally does. Well, he's a legend. He can take a few days off. You're not taking a day off.

No. I mean, you could. You don't have to make a million dollars. Well, then what's the point? You might as well take the million dollars. Unless you love bowling What if you just make $500,000 And you wasted your time bowling

For a year What's the most amount of strikes you can get in a game? I guess it doesn't matter About 13, right? 10 frames 10 frames But you get 2 extra So I think 12 is the max

Yes, 12. So because you're, yep. Yep. Get a turkey on the back. You know what I mean? How long does it take to do one? I have some, I couldn't find, and I did try to look up, like what's the record for the most amount of strikes in a 24-hour period?

And I couldn't find it. But what I could find, there's no Guinness. If there was, they were hiding it from me. They just did pins knockdown in a 24-hour period. It was fucking insane. I remember exact numbers, like 65,000. Anyway, I was like, God. How is there not strikes in a day?

I don't know. Pete Weber probably has it. The most 10-pin bowling strikes in one hour is 191. Whoa. Achieved by Adam Barta at the Holiday Bowl in Struthers, Ohio. Man, you said it'd be there. Oof. So you know where you were when Adam Barta bowled 190.

Everyone knows where they were when they found out Michael Jackson was dead. Remember exactly where you were. And I knew exactly where I was when Adam Barta set the world record with 191 strikes in one hour uh back on november 12th by the way in 2016 so record still holds wrong that was right after the election he's just right at the election he's like yeah we're coming up to an anniversary too august is that what he said yeah no november oh november he knew the lanes are going to be empty well Well, that's like right when Trump was elected. Everyone's at the voting polls. And he's like, I'm going to have so many lanes.

Yeah, everyone was out voting. I'm guessing he had a stretch of lanes. So you just go down. You have to wait for the pin thing. Yeah. But 191. So that's way more than 55. You can make way more than a million bucks.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Can you keep that pace up for, I don't know. Like, are you just not sleeping we go every day or do you just knock out a hundred in in four days and you get a three-day weekend the problem would be you know that every strike you bowl you get money which is pretty fun would you never you'd never want to stop because you're like if i just go hard one year if i just go hard not no sleep and just fucking go hard maybe i make five million no kids no nothing yeah and you just wear yourself out throwing a ball making 50 bucks per strike or you get a million bucks and get to carry on with your life

and not have to bowl for a year i think i mean pretty fun i think you'd burn yourself out but think yeah but think about the money you'd make i I mean, I'd get a film crew for sure. It's better than a real job. You'd burn yourself out with a real job too. Like following you through your huge self-induced demise on a bowling lane. I would make a hell of a documentary that you produced and you'd make all the money from. It'd probably be in the theaters. Yeah, see how much money you can make on the back end with a little little you know whatever cool name

you have to come up with something cool um and uh one year of throwing stones or whatever yeah the roller throwing rocks look the low roller the low roller yeah no you're depressed oh yeah you're the low roller oh yeah because you make the film about depression yeah you're just crying zack's analogy of you know you can burn yourself out doing anything with a regular job but this one you you know if you burn yourself out it's it's but you're you're reaping all the benefits and you can drink beer and you'd come out the back end being really good at bowling which is kind of fun when's the last time you guys i just got into um i'd never tried it my whole life until just recently the spin in the ball oh that's only how i do it oh okay here's yeah here's the problem though here's the problem though each each uh

bowling alley it's always like the not as oily they're oily they're changes yeah so i go up there thinking i'm just oil regulation. It's just oil regulation. That's the way it feels sometimes because I know how much spin I put on it. And all of a sudden it's just not breaking. And you're like, what the fuck? Or it breaks too hard. Yeah. Like I'm not that good, guys.

Yeah. You look like an asshole when it breaks weird. Yeah. You just look like you don't. And again, I don't know what I'm doing. But to your favor, the best I've done in a long time was like at sunset lanes with ezra i don't know months and months ago i was like a 180 like it was good for me um and then i tried to bullet triple play and i don't they just i guess the lanes are sandpaper i can't

imagine them apparently you can put 7 000 r, rotations per minute, on my fucking bowling ball. Because you spin it and it's like, and it just slams into the opposite gutter. It's like, it's hanging out, hanging out, hanging out. And then caught. Yeah, like it doesn't just do a little, it's just all the way across the lane. You're like, you know how hard on a properly oiled lane I have to spin the ball to make it shoot across the entire fucking thing? Here's an issue that I always run into. Because i'm not claiming to be a great bowler yeah but i always have put spin on the ball and so i'm i'm working on this technique you know trying to make

it look good and then some asshole just goes up and bowls it straight and gets a strike you know it's kind of like when your your mom playing football. Is this good? Did I break it? Is Marshawn Lynch good? Did I get a good? Shut up. And then he runs for six touchdowns. She's had him on the bench. Yeah.

Perfectly. But it's the same thing. I'm going out there trying to make it look good. Put on a show for everyone. I'm Pete Weber. I'm Pete Weber in it. And if you don't know pete weber's look up pete weber yeah you'll never forget yeah you'll forget where you were when you found out who pete weber was uh who do you think you are i am um anyway was he wearing a flame shirt in the

probably yeah yeah yeah in shades yeah indoors um but the. But the idea that you'll do that and some guy will just go up and beat you. It's like golfing. Someone hits one and it just rolls at 7,000 miles an hour down the fairway and then pops up perfectly next to the hole. And you're like, God damn it. They topped it and it just rolled 300 feet yeah right up there it's like when you're playing poker with somebody that's never played poker you're kind of good at poker you're trying to do like all the strategies i'm all in just all in yeah yeah yeah

like fuck and catch a flush down the river you're like what the fuck is happening that that's that's the that's the basically what happens with every sort of beginner's luck is what they call it yeah and and like so you have i mean everyone's you know like i remember i remember the year that that poker took off for some reason the world series of poker became this huge thing so everyone went out and bought like a poker board from walmart or whatever so you had all these amateurs and all these people like playing poker and then you know someone's gonna get in there and they're gonna win this big pot of money and it's like they'll

never do it again but for some reason they just caught this streak or whatever imagine if somebody got into the nba that way or something they just were so lucky making like long half court shots yeah accidentally ended up in the nba yeah oh shit i better start practicing well rowan gardner and rookie of the year he breaks his arm you know comes out with the talent's not really there it just he had a little little fluke yeah life is about experiences so i'm gonna go with bowling for a year 50 bucks for per strike i'm going to million just take a million and keep going because then i choose laziness like they get to visit the jail will you come visit me down we'll see river city

i'll come and have some chicken strips and fries hey joe what are you doing tonight what do you think i'm doing i'm fucking bowling dude what do you think you are i'm wearing a stranger's shoes what do you think you walk you walk in there oh my god that's such a weird thing. You have one dude with a camera. He doesn't want to be there. He's just, you walk in, he's just filming me. I'm so sad.

Well, he's just got a percentage on the film rights. You're not paying him. He gets a dollar per strike. Yeah. Yeah. I'm paying him out in royalties. It's a pin. It's a bowling thing. You wouldn't understand.

It's three i'm just strung out on no sleep and you're just like joe go home joe you have to go home everyone misses you one more fifty dollars a shot you're behind you're behind the pace you're like i should have taken the million but you're behind the pace so now you're like working overtime i know to try to catch up to me who just got a million dollars and just like relaxed you're walking in with a gold bowling ball yeah like you get the lane next to me just a chalice of like ice cream and it's just a bunch of show girls like one has a boom box and i'm just like sweaty i haven't shaved in fucking six months. Your arm hurts. Yeah.

I haven't felt bad. You switched. I have a doctor on call. He's sitting next to me with his BOS to wear bowling shoes. Because all that money that you have to wear bowling shoes. If you're going to be out there, you've got to wear bowling shoes. Hey! I don't care what degree you have. He's like, hey!

The little spray stuff. It's for your safety. Yeah. Hey, Doc. I'm not going to degree you have. He's like, hey. The little spray stuff. It's for your safety. Yeah. Hey, Doc. I'm not going to tell you again, bud. Sorry, John. Sorry, Don. It's coming over the loudspeaker.

Lane 9, please get your shoes on. Lane 9, please get your doctor to put the fucking shoes on. Take his scrubs off and put the bowling shoes on, please. Please. Imagine, I mean, that's just sound. That's it. A little motivator? Dude, like a couple months into it when you're just upset and strung out and I walk in with

my million dollars. And your showgirls and your gold ball. Yeah. My money's probably all gone. Oh, shit. Oh, Joe, I didn't see you there. Yeah, I didn't see you there either. I paid some motivator.

You sure didn't see me there. Off the street, he sits on the little chair next to me he's like that's a good one got it you got this keep going Joe we all love you

yeah everyone loves me everyone loves me yeah who do you think you are I am well you have the bumpers on can I have the

bumpers on that's fun could you do that for the thing who cares they could just bounce it in strikes well you could do this

endlessly throwing balls are there any rule to like throw in multiple balls well because that's not yeah i'll be breaking the strike rule i think what about multiple lanes i don't know it says one free lane yeah if you just get like you just rent out three lanes you just walk up and down and throw balls with bumpers up i mean now now it's just like it's a business expense you're you're some of the money that you're you're some of the money that you're making by each strike you put into renting out that you might just might as well you might as well buy the bowling alley up front yeah from the money that you're making or you just travel travel the world visiting different bowling alleys and winning 50 bucks

per strike could you imagine you're that's a documentary you have that one fucking lane free so you're every oh this new crop of people come in every single day and they're all having fun and you're just with your ball looking at them like what are you looking at i remember when this was fun yeah what are you looking at what are you looking at shut up who do you think you are yeah do you know what I'm doing here? You've got just one giant bowling arm and one tiny little arm. I just picture it to him having like a basket of cash.

So every time he gets one, they throw it in there. Look at you! Look at all my money! You want some money? Reach over to Kate. Can't have it! Can't have it! It's all mine! Face push and throw a ball down the lane. Just a disaster.

I'm doing the bowling thing. I feel like that's going to be fun. That seems fun. Yeah, I'm going to do it. I'll bowl with you. It's only fun for a little bit. I'm taking the million. Yeah, I know.

That's probably a smart play. Okay, I was talking about something that I did. You ready to do it? Yeah. Okay. Hey, Zach, will you do it though? Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about just so greasy and overweight from bowling alley food like your pants are half down yeah you got another one don't look at him kids don't look at that's joe that's joe

this is what joe does bowling alley soil yourself on the glans like just singing weird songs to yourself there needs to be um another modern day take it's been 20 years since anyone's made a good bowling movie a bowling movie yeah kingpin and then big lebowski there's nothing i don't know maybe they shouldn't maybe guys those two movies are timeless maybe we shouldn't just let it go yes just they need to make a p never mind i basically have this idea for i don't want to say it because someone's gonna steal it you should don't even do it don't keep it to yourself we'll do it um speaking of movies have you guys gotten to see barbie have not well when this comes out maybe oh and i haven't thought about it yet but yeah

you've been reading some articles about it i have seen the controversy so upset about it shut the fuck up go see a movie i don't know it's so low putting guys down i guess shut the fuck up it made me cry so maybe i deserve to be there because they put you down anti-man movie is that yeah kind of it just makes fun of like masculinity in a lot of ways in all the right ways too though like it's it's fine ryan gosling you know what his name is don't act like you don't know what is the gosling i want to say goosling because of our show he's the guy that you have a poster of oh yeah yeah there you go so what's his dong out what's his little gosling out hey um went to the barbie movie isn't that a baby goose yeah it is it is gosling's like part of our little little cab it is no that was the confusing i

thought i was gonna i thought maybe we should call the kids the goslings And if you were Worried on whether or not I dressed up Of course I dressed up I wore a tight pink sweater Got that out of the way And yes I cried Please tell me you didn't wear anything tight and pink around your waist though Did you bring a codpiece?

No I was with people Talk about masculinity I didn't want to get arrested I can't just have that out there You've seen it oh yeah so the barbie movie it was fine it was great but it did remind me of a of a of a wonderful story that i'm going to share with you fine gentlemen right now and it's about barbies so this was many years ago. I don't remember exactly when they showed up, but they were this kind of part of the family for as long as I can remember. But we had like vintage Barbies that were like still in the box, like a Marilyn Monroe one, some other super rare one, and then some other ones.

And they're all in boxes now these barbies were passed down um to aaron from her mom which i think were like passed down the line from like her mom but they've always been in the boxes okay i think i know where this is going i bet you do and then it's gonna get worse than you could ever imagine um so i knew we had them and they as far as like living in this house where the studio is located they always just sat like up on a shelf in pepper's room so whatever reason i was gone i was probably at work and i came home and i walked in the living room and our dog ryrie was chewing on something and ryrie was chewing on vintage barbie merriam-er-winn just chewing like ten thousand

dollars like on the leg right and i'm like what the fuck is this he's humping it too no it wasn't pregnant and um they can't get pregnant it's plastic so this doesn't stop a dog from humping it he's gonna try i don't know i mean it doesn't stop me all right yeah so i look at this thing and the accessories and i'm like what the fuck is going on with this and i'm like oh like i realize i'm like you know because pepper had other barbies but i'm like i've never seen this one before and i see like the box is open and i go into pepper's room and all like i think all but one are all these vintage boxes are open and Pepper's playing with them. And I'm like, oh, shit.

Like, Aaron's not going to be happy about this. And I go and tell Aaron and she goes, no, no, no. I told her she could play with them. And I'm like, so I'm just like, what the fuck is happening? And I remember in my head in a nicer way, but along the same lines, I was like, did you look up how much these were worth before you just opened them up and gave them to the three-year-old no like did you do any of that she's like no no no i did not and then i just looked them up and like they weren't crazy but like that merriman like it was like eight hundred dollars and then so another one was around 700 another one was like you know

around whatever 600 would you give a child an 800 you know 800 to throw away right no it's and i was like oh my god like how funny it was to just she and then her reasoning behind it was that she was tortured by these things growing up she never got to play with them so my other ones right well i'm not saying that in that moment wouldn't have helped it wouldn't have reclosed the boxes you know what i mean um but for the longest of time we had would put the leg back together that ryrie chewed up yeah it wouldn't fix the leg but for the longest time i think we still have one and i don't know where it's at right now there's still one that's still left in the box so if we wait another 90 years maybe it'll be worth $40 but do you think the value's gone up or down that one

that looked it up was the least of the crop so this chewed up and the other ones like but like that one was chewed up but the other one was like the handbag was all chewed up and then you know Pepper ripped the clothing off of it because you couldn't figure out how to get it off

it was a nightmare if you're a barbie collector just naked mangled vintage barbies all over the place let's make the other surviving barbies more valuable so right the collectors are probably happy about that yeah they're they're pumped they're like thank you thank you for getting that one out of the way we were worried about it yeah number number 76 is gone but for the longest time used to chewed up maryland monroe barbie sat on a shelf like right in the hallway and like a little chewed up hand up like it's it's like you know just like missing a finger just all smooshed together and like half the legs gone like the hair was all tossed shoot up like bite marks on one side of the face and it just sat there

uh i think i guess it just brought up bad memories for too long that it disappeared i don't know what happened to it it's funny like just you put it out so that you can show the kids like this is the big disaster yeah yeah you'll remember two things in life when you figure out who pete weber is and you'll remember this moment right here three actually oh yeah adam barton barton actually. Oh, yeah. When Adam Barta shattered the pain record. Shattered the most strike record

in one hour. Obliterated it. Day that will live in infamy. What's Adam Barta look like? We should look it up. We should look it up.

He's probably really attractive. Yeah, but now I'm wondering where that last remaining Barbie's still in the boxes i'll have to track that thing down this is the right this isn't the right adam barda some attractive

actor dude adam barda uh if you just put bowling yeah that can be him i guess it could i mean it could be see adam barda bowling tan mom adam bowling. Tan mom. Adam Barta tan mom. What? I can't type with these gloves on. Oh. No. Way more attractive. Look at the picture.

Look at the form. Look at the other. Go all the way to the right of that column. What is on his shirt? Yes. Who the fuck is that? Is that Amy Winehouse? If it is, they did it wrong.

They did. That's like the Sam's Club version of Amy Winehouse. The Wish Order. Yeah, the Wish Order. Amy Winehouse, maybe. Oh, man. Lace them up. Lace them up.

Bowler Journal. 2021 Tournament Count. This is new. Oh, he's still going. You don't quit after setting a record like that. He's way past $1,000. Look at this form, though. See, that's my form right there.

That looks like $191. Is that you? That's definitely what I would be doing fuck yeah that could be you as far as i'm god i hope someday that could be me he's still going it says it was set in ohio so maybe we gotta go give old adam bart a look at that this must be his custom ball spider spider hammer spider hammer turbo oh it was a turbo patch. Look at this guy taking pictures with him. Yeah. You know, while we're here, I'm going to look up Pete Webber just so everyone can see.

They can see there he is. Look at him with his shades on. There he is. Playing the sound clip. Well, that's the picture from the sound clip. Who do you think you are? I am! That's the picture from the sound clip who do you think you are i am that's the exact moment right there yep yeah he's going right there's a i am

oh that's good stuff right there look at suck it what yeah what a weird thing to do in bowling suck my dick no like i won't but thank you god that's funny he keeps doing it i hope there's serious shit talking in bowling that would be awesome i know i love i love a good watch this look at 1996 pete weber with that fucking mullet and he's he had a glow up uh okay let's move on let's take a look at some dick. Suck my sweaty dick. Suck my fucking hog. I am. Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's dick dick. Who's sucking my dick? I am. Who's got the big sweaty hog? I am. What? The fuck did you just say?

Who's got the big sweaty hog? I am. So, I had a... I get what they're trying to do. But here's an article I'm going to read for you here. Okay. Brian. What does this have to do with bowling?

Yeah. Kind of. It has something to do with kind of an off-brand sport. But a BC couple launching a hunger strike to protest pickleball noise. What? So... Pickleball's taking over isn't it yeah it's bizarre yeah and it's fun have you ever played it oh yeah again in uh junior high i was a big pickleballer huge right after i did badminton yeah yeah i remember being pickleball in 98

it's fun good stuff but it is uh because you know it's like it's a more forgiving tiny version of tennis in a lot of ways. So more accessible. Are they drinking wine while they're doing it too? Is it like wine and pickle? Pickled wine? There's a lot of bars in at least in Austin. You've heard of Austin, right?

Sorry, hiccups. Austin, Texas. It's the capital. Never. But they have bars, and then the bars have pickleball courts. And that does sound like a lot of fun. Anyway. See, I don't want to do anything active if I'm drinking.

Like that, I just get all sweaty. I'll shit. Yeah, you will. And watch. Yeah, cheer him on. I'll watch somebody else. Good pickle. It's a hell of a pickle. Hell of a pickle move.

You're in quite the pickle here. Sick pickle move. Is it a volley? Is it a pickle volley? It's a pickle. A Chilliwack, of course. Ooh, Canada. Yeah, exactly.

A couple fed up with noise From a neighboring pickleball court Are going next level In their protest Starting Sunday July 23rd They might be dead by now As far as

Us recording this episode Is it today? Or what's Yeah Two people are staging A hunger strike That will continue Until the city of

Chilliwack I'm going hungry Decommissions the courts At Kinsman Park On Portage Avenue staging a hunger strike that will continue until the city of Chilliwack I'm going hungry. decommissions the courts at Kinsman Park on Portage Avenue. I don't know. I'm not going to read. I'm not going to read anymore. Because the whole point of this that I wanted to bring up for you guys is I feel like they went too far.

Like they overshot with a hunger strike over mine pickleball yeah over pickleball noise and you're like you know what fuck this i'm putting my life on the line over some pickleball they're followers of uh the mahatma it's the change it's yeah it's the wrong reason to like imagine having a neighbor dispute. Right? You're like, I'm sick of this motherfucker! Like, use this leaf blower at 8.30 a.m. You know what?

Hunger strike. And you just go sit on your property line? You want a sandwich? No! Not until you quit fucking blowing leaves! And how do you know they're not eating? I don't know, because they're sitting there not doing great no but i mean they're doing the hunger strike like maybe maybe they're sneaking some sneaking something how do you know they're not eating they had like a cheese

stick in their armpit yeah like oh so it's in their sleeves like the hot dog in the sleeve yeah they're like this is a good idea on paper but i'm really hungry for a snicker he's like but right now i could really go for a pickle you get it still got it he's putting himself in quite of a pickle there but like yeah a little neighbor dispute or something like a fight with your significant other like i told you hungry strike you just sit down on the couch i And refuses to eat. The wife's making this big old dinner for the kids and everything. Dinner's ready. Hate it. I mean, it's your favorite.

Fuck your favorite. She's like purposely using a fan to waft over. Like lasagna smell. Like eating right in front of you with the kids. And you're just like sitting on the couch. I'm not even hungry. but what a weird move to how did they come up with this idea didn't it say something about um they were having sleepless nights and hallucinations yeah so they hallucinate themselves get way worse if you're not eating not eating your food yeah yeah how long you can go

without eating it's like 21 days yeah yeah something like that 20 days and then water is like two three basically gotta get that water in but you're gonna go you're gonna go insane though um after after a few days hold on i didn't think about this when i first read it you're trying to play a nice game of pickleball he's got these two starving people standing like hitting the fence and you're like what's the score again guys shut up shut up they're so skinny and malnourished and you're just playing a game of pickleball they don't exist i guess imagine eventually the pickleball

people probably would they'd probably cave yeah you know you come and you play and you're killing these two people not only that like how do you just like how do you have fun playing pickleball in the corner of your eyes? Just a couple. Just so skinny. Like Gandhi skinny. You're like, what's the score? Five servings, four. Didn't he wear just a diaper, basically?

What was he wearing? It was a garb, it was a robe. Oh, I guess it was yeah but just yeah that type of scene and you're just like what's the score again like I'm so hungry

but you know there's some assholes that like they weren't even playing pickleball they just went out on a picnic like on the court

drinking beer being like you guys want anything taking a bite out of a big Subway sandwich you guys sure holding it up it out of a big subway sandwich you guys sure holding it up i'm pretty good what's your favorite kind that's what i got i got the turkey one

you guys have a real damn pickleball just yeah i don't know like i've i've i've done like a three-day cleanse before yeah just a drink cleanse and i remember i never made it all the way through like day and a half and then ate some food i couldn't imagine like not putting anything in there and then i don't know like i gandhi gandhi's reasoning were valid valid like he was he was really standing up for something. These people... Pickleball noise.

Yeah. Oh, out. Out. Hey, that was in. Okay, okay, okay. But like over a parking spot, they just threw like, I was here first.

I don't want you to just get out of your car and sit down hunger strike god damn it like everyone's just throwing hunger strikes into everything sir get out of the vehicle just i need to do a field sobriety test hunger strike you sit down oh my god just imagine in the car no it's a peaceful protest hunger strike i mean that's kind of what little kids do sometimes the picky sit down yeah there's like no i'm not doing that just and then you're dragging them yeah okay have fun dying i guess i don't know i just saw a video of some people that were protesting on like a road and this truck was trying to get by and they were just sitting there and then people got out of their cars and dragging them out of the way and

the car would start to move and then the dude get loose and go sit back down back down but imagine like being really hungry too because there was people probably like full bellies like they're they're feeling energized they're uh they're ready to sit there for the long haul the thing that you're blocking is like a grocery store truck you're like fuck i know there's a burrito in there you're talking about the the england protests with the just stop oil signs that were made of oil oh yeah yeah good stuff good stuff classic stuff you know what i mean it's like brain building pants are fracked but oh well yeah yeah do a little research before you you're fracking pants fracking pants buddy um and that's

that was it just the jump to a hunger strike just doesn't seem like that was the the best move i wonder how long it was going on before they're like all right this is this is getting like weak this is getting weird i think they're they will they just started so no i mean they might be two they might be two days in like how long they were waiting before they decided to do the hunger strike turn a fan on or something let's ask if it's still going it's it could still i mean um pickleball hunger strike pickleball speaking of a sick documentary I can't tie it with gloves This would be a free one on like

Vijo or some weird app The way you're getting the pickleball hunger strike documentary I was typing in google Is pickleball good for weight loss? Yeah are you moving? Can I lose weight playing pickleball? You can lose weight watching pickleball if you don't eat Who wrote that in? Like if I get up and I walk around Do i lose weight playing pickleball you can lose weight watching pickleball if you don't eat who wrote that in uh like if i get up and i walk around do i lose weight yeah you

fucking idiot you don't know how anything works calories in calories out you dip shit like come on you can do it the headline in a pickle i'm staging hunger strike after a city installed a torture technique right behind my home. I can't take it anymore. That's a little extreme. You've heard of waterboarding, right? Yeah. Where there's a pickleball court and it's the same thing. I mean, in a way, like, isn't there like the water the water uh tap tap tap um

they're probably like you guys have no idea how crazy it'll drive you after six months or something oh i bet but go to go to the city this guy says her husband um has compared the noises to torture techniques like they did it on purpose to get rid of could you imagine if they just wanted this couple out of their house or apartment, and they're like, you know what we're going to do? We're going to go to the city. We're going to spend millions of dollars to put in a pickleball court just to get them out. That'll get them.

Oh, man. What if it worked? I mean, that's a nonviolent way to do it. Yeah. Pickleball is an increasingly popular sport. It involves hitting a plastic wiffle ball across a small court with fiberglass paddles. Thanks for letting us know. Out.

You are being subjected to this high decibel sound. We have a recording. It was 85 decibels consistently for hours together from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed. It's pretty loud. It's like an airplane. Oh, wait, here we go. The couple said they got a brief break in 2020 due to COVID pandemic, but quickly lost patience when play resumed in 2021.

I love noises. I love people. I love children playing, but I never signed up for this kind of nuisance. This kind of noise the city attempted to stifle the noises with a black tarp-like barrier but the couple said it made no difference all the studies show that no sound mitigation efforts work at the pickleball courts are less than 65 meters this is just five meters that's so detailed they came out and put up a barrier i get the i get the it'd be annoying as it'd be all so annoying it'd be awful i wonder if

are they making the tennis noises that uh yeah like oh usually uh he's gonna call her selena selena serena williams yeah serena williams but there's ones that This is going to call her Selena. Celine Dion? Selena. Hold up, sir. Serena Williams? Yeah, Serena Williams. But there's ones that... It's always got that big trail off. It's like Jean-Claude Van Damme in Bloodsport. It totally is.

When he hits Chung Lee in the gut yeah when he's got the sand in his eyes that's great John Claude Van Damme do you call him John Claude

do you call him John are you kidding me calling him John Chung Lee's gut just like slow motion just John

you're probably calling him John right I call him JCVD that sounds like a... Can I call you Jean-Claude Van Damme? Jean-Claude Van? Mr. Van?

Mr. Van Damme? Picturing that scene in Bloodsport, he's like, great take. All right, let's do it again. And he's just like, okay. He's getting all prepared for that shot. And back then, they threw it in his eyes for real, probably. They kept on, like, less dramatic. He's like, okay, I just and like back then they probably had they threw it in his eyes for real probably

they kept on he's like less dramatic he's like okay I'll dial it back he's like well he's like we need you to dial it back a little bit less dramatic

he's like well don't throw as much in my eyes you quit throwing sand in my eyes if you could dial back the snot bubble that would work oh man so good

anyway that was it let's move on to the next story if they were doing that even the men do it I guess I well not all of them Anyway, that was it. Let's move on to the next story. If they were doing that. Even the men do it. I guess I, well, not all of them. Raphael Nadal is just. There must be some sort of reason. That's going to be a sound effect now, right?

Yeah, it is. I mean. Can you make that one? Here, let me do it nice in the mic. Ready? Yeah. Sorry. You laughed over the top of it.

Ready? Every time you hit it, you play a bit. You'd win a lot of games. Okay. You do the article thing. I feel like there's more of this story. There's plenty. There's plenty.

There's plenty. There's plenty. There's tons. AMC. Okay, let me pull up this article. Oh, yeah. And on brand. Talking about movies earlier. And I did go to an AMC. I am so sweaty now from all that.

A movie theater chain. Fucking ads keep shifting the website. Oh. A movie theater chain's plan to charge more for good seats less for the front row falls flat yeah good yeah basically what happened without going this whole thing is they wanted to do like uh you pay more for good seats pay less they wanted to get people to sit in the front yeah and you pay less and spirit airlines yeah situation and the study base it showed that people didn't pay for less they didn't want to sit that close to a screen weird i know and i've

had this thought about movie theaters for such a long time like just move the fucking screen back when you build the theater or don't put just take me out of the road i get it you want money so you're gonna have as many seats as you can in there, right? But just push the fucking screen back. Let's go 10 more feet. Go 20. Fuck it. 10 feet should suffice.

Yeah, just move it back. Yeah, but then you'll want to put in more seats. Yeah, see, that's the problem. No, but it's up on the stage. You know, like have the same seats that you can make all your money with in your theater and then just push the fucking screen back. Or move it down. Put it on the ceiling.

No, move it down. Down? Yeah, so you're not looking up like this. Now the front row can look like this. Right, that's a mess. And then don't go as high up in the seats. So then everyone up high still gets to see at eye level. Well, now you got heads in the way.

Now it looks like that show Where they're talking over the movies Mystery Science Theater Yeah the Silhouettes 4,000 Is that the number 3,000 3,000 fuck

What was the robo guy With the glove on his head Dickhead His name was Dickhead I don't remember Glovehead Loxy I don't remember

And we had the little pinball machine With the mouth It's so cute It's not nice to watch that all the time Playing pickleball Playing pickleball Trying to watch a movie Someone's playing pickleball next to you but the concept of ow stop it it's so loud

the uh like where they charge they're not gonna do it i get what they're going for um you know by just lowering seats that are shitty and trying to get people to buy them. I get that. I mean, airplanes do it. But imagine restaurants and stuff like that implementing the Spirit Airlines approach. Like, would you like to sit on the patio? Like, yeah.

Are you fine with the $5 upcharge? You're like, I guess. And that's how they do it. I probably would be. You pay for better seats. You want to sit by the bathroom. the bathroom it's less like people that come in and out of the bathroom you sit in the bathroom that was the cheapest they give you a deal on your meal yeah like 20 off your meal if you sit by the bathroom in some shitty seat but they don't care about that because they'll just jam you in a seat there anyway because they got to fill up the tables like that or like on a

bus or in a car an uber it's like you gotta pay this you gotta sit bitch all right because if you sit by the window that's five that's five more dollars gonna upcharge you there for that better seat here's a question for you do when uber started did you ever ride did you just get ever get in the front i've gotten in the front I have gotten in the front before I feel like when I The first time I took an Uber Made it to us way late I feel like I

I like Felt like I had to ride In the passenger seat Since it was just a guy with a car And a cab you get in the back You know Okay But it felt weird

Getting in someone's car That was just a car With someone driving And getting in the back. Getting in the back seat. So I think when we first started, I just got in the front seat. The only reason I've ever gotten in the front is because there was two people already in the back. I didn't want to just squish us all in, so I just got in the front.

And then afterwards, they told me that was weird. Like, why don't you just sit back there with us? Yeah. I was like, why would I just smash us all into the back seat when there's a fucking passenger seat? It's weird etiquette shit. It's like, we don't know what back there with us? Yeah. I was like, why would I just smash us all into the back seat when there's a fucking passenger seat? It's weird etiquette shit. It's like, we don't know what to do. And kind of weird. I mean, and then, you know, they have, the driver has their qualms with it.

Qualms? Yeah. But they're like, what the fuck's this guy doing up here? Yeah, they got their fanny pack in the passenger seat. Yeah, they get back here. I put, there's gum in the back. Why are you sitting up here without gum? It's funny.

They put like a pumpkin or something in their front seat so you don't sit yeah just something weird those uh those bird like bird preventers yeah like the metal spikes you open it up you open it up he's like seats taken it's a bunch of dead birds stuck to metal metal nails like oh sorry i'll get back no problem the door handle's glued shut point taken out of order sign on the fucking door handle you're like oh sorry i guess i won't get up here oh my god i don't know i can't remember what movie i'm thinking of but i just picture the scene of like this dude that's like he sat on the things and he's stuck on he hasn't eaten and you open the door here like a seat right like this dude's dying yeah just bleeding out his ass yes so you gotta sit in the back oh don't sit down what do you mean i like these things

ow it's like uh what's that called when you get uh the needles uh Acupuncture. Yeah. That was... Oh, yeah! Butt-you-puncture. Yeah. Fucking stick it in. What's that butt-you-puncture? Hope you like butt stuff. Okay, that was it.

I think that's it for Dick this week. We got a fun putty beef. Oh, okay. Requires or involves quite a few things we've talked about in the past. You ready? Mm-hmm.

All right, Zach, will you do it? Silence in the court! You are now entering the Petty Beef petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef petty this is petty beef who does that voice it's just a computer yeah computer guys this is petty beef like a real person talking that way if this grows big enough we'll get like judge joe brown or something yeah we will okay so this is what sean sent silence in the court motherfucker about 10 minutes ago i was watching a show and i had to fart. It wasn't a fart. I pooed myself.

Cleaned myself up after I figured out what had happened. What was that? Oh my God. What is that? It's like, oh. Dude, I've done it where you're going to fart and you do it, but you don't know if you pooped and you're like, that's in there. That's in the cheeks. May not have made it to the drawers, but that's definitely in the cheeks.

Slat him be public. Clean myself up after I figured out what happened, but I need some daddy advice. I work out of town, so I essentially live in a hotel room. I've been in the same room for about a half a year now. That's yours. Yeah. You get it. That's your apartment.

Yeah, they should give you a little plaque. I go home on the weekends, but the last couple months, I've kept the, uh, do not disturb thing on the doorknob because I don't want the housekeepers all up in my shit. So anyway, just pooed myself in my bed. The bad part. Anyway.

So anyway, so anyway. There I was. Here I was, balls deep in my own shit. In a jar of mayonnaise. I just pooed myself, balls deep in a lamp shit.

Uh, anyway, just pooed myself in my bed. The bad part about it, was I was sitting up in a lampshade. Anyway, just put myself in bed. The bad part about it is I was sitting up in bed when it happened. So the poo stains are right where my head lays down when I go to sleep. Tried to clean it up, but all I have is 91% rubbing alcohol and paper towels. The stains are still there. What a scene.

Should I sleep on the stains? Should I move my unstained pillow to the floor and sleep there? Will I die if I inhale my poo stains when i sleep should i spend five dollars and a few hours washing my sheets in the hotel shitty washer and dryer or should i just let the housekeepers take care of it they've probably seen shit sheets hundreds of times but the fact that i've been in this establishment for over a year uh well he said half a year earlier i don't know it doesn't matter uh makes me not want them to know that i literally shit the bed and i get that one like it's that's me again like you have a little nice little rapport you just gotta tell him you gotta just say i shit the bed please help me

you're not gonna please help me please help me please help me i don't know how to clean this properly you do please help please help me pick up the phone in the middle. One for front desk. I need help. Hi, my wife. I need your help. I pooped. I pooped on the bed. Like, what the fuck?

I've been here for a year. I didn't poop the other day. It's just this one day. Jim? Yes? I'm so embarrassed. Please don't tell Debra. No, Debra always gives me, she says I always do such a good job not pooping the bed. I don't want deborah no yeah no deborah always gives me she says i always do such a

good job not pooping the bed i don't want to let her i don't want to let her down can't let debbie know don't let debbie know i've never i've never pooped the bed and here i am don't tell deb uh don't tell mom the bed's all poopy like i know majority of it it's just funny well yeah i don't think he's actually think he's gonna die if he sleeps on a poop stain but well he might die if he sleeps in the 91 rubbing alcohol right he's worried about a little pink guy with a poopy but uh he's like all i got is this chloroform but it's still not clean i pooped the bed and all i got was this shitty chloroform cheat so i tried to clean the chloroform when i woke up on tuesday and the stains are still there please help please help that's so funny because being like please help

like leaning out the door help that's the issue like you you feel like you've grown to have some sort of rapport or relationship because you see these people every single day and then now you're the guy that shit the bed shit the bed and so every day they see you it's like hey there's old bed shitter this shit bad guy it'll bring everybody closer i think when so i would just i would just strip the bed shut in the toilet no i don't know oh well just turn the sheets just flip them over so that's not now it's down by your feet and not by your head. Yeah. It went from the top right to the bottom left.

Yeah. Problem solved. Problem, and then put like a shoe print on it. I don't know. You can have some funsies with it. Like make it as confusing as possible. Just maybe piss on it, cut yourself, put some blood there too. Dude, why can't, like just bleach?

Well, I know, but he probably just doesn't have bleach go to the fucking store what a nightmare oh yeah that's way worse than letting everybody in the hotel know you shit yourself or pay five bucks and just go wash it yourself because there's that one too it was 50 bucks to just do it over and over until it was clean oh here's what you could do you could strip the bed and then just go and walk it like down the hallway and put it somewhere like oh maybe go put it in the laundry room like on the floor just burn the hotel down yeah just set your bed on fire and be like pull the fire alarm get the fuck out of there just ask for new sheets and then yeah and dispose of the old ones what happened to the old ones yeah you have a

little travel bag stole them i don't know what debbie what happened to your sheets she was on to me i don't know what happened to them. I definitely didn't shit on them though. Did he get through to the mattress though? I absolutely didn't shit on them. By now, probably. Yeah. It's probably slowly soaked into the... So what's the worst? He's got to buy a new mattress. That's all. Maybe

just put the pillow at the other end of the bed. The pillow? Pillow. Just toss the pillow down. Yeah! Just ask to change rooms why like you know what i'm feeling a little claustrophobic in this room i've been in here for over a year uh it smells like shit you think i could get a different view or something it smells like shit why do you need a new room is it not well i mean definitely didn't shit the bed i definitely shit the bed i'm sick of sick of being in here i definitely didn't shit the bed i definitely shit the bed i'm sick of sick of being in here and i definitely didn't shit the bed

come scenes all over the wall definitely not any come on the wall definitely didn't do that so i guess i was here before i got here it's definitely the view i need a better view there's no shit on yeah no cum in the coffee pot there's no shit on the bed because we all know what people we've talked about this before we all know what people, we've talked about this before, we all know what people do in hotel rooms. Yeah. They lose all sense of morality. It's just the, it's the wild west. They do things they never thought, you never, you never. You walk into a hotel room and it's just like, it's like you, hmm. You lose, you forget how to be a human.

You walk in, you're like, hmm, i wonder if i can kick a hole in the ceiling like when's the last time i did a backflip on a bed just so hard i put a hole in the ceiling let's try it yeah this lampshade could use a little bit of cum why because we're in a hotel room where the fuck would we because somebody else is well you know that you don't have to clean it rub my balls on a tv screen just just doing the right thing um i clam it's funny i do the opposite i clam up like i don't want to walk or i don't want it like i assume everything is covered in somebody else's jizz imagine the stories the people in vegas could tell the cleaning oh yeah oh yeah we in an earlier episode we did ask people that worked at hotel rooms like

to send in and they have wild fucking stories man i remember the one with uh the bathtub full of shit yeah it was just like there was blood and shit all over yeah he just used the bed as a fucking toilet for a week he was like well at my house i poop and shit in the toilet i sleep in my bed yeah he's like i walked into like the opposite dimension when i walked in this hotel room i put the tv into bed shit in the toilet. I sleep in my bed. Yeah, he's like, I walked into like the opposite dimension when I walked into the hotel room. I put the TV into bed. Slept in the toilet. Slept on the counter. Shit in the bathtub. And the toilet was perfectly clean.

That's what she said in the thing. And there's puke all over the floor. Remember, this dude was just doing it all. Just having a hell of a time. Letting it go. It's like he was reborn and didn't know how anything worked. This is great. Yeah.

Maybe he had a stroke. Yeah. And then he just wasn't there and they never saw him again. Okay. All right. Anyway, I say it seems like he had to have figured it out by now. But I would say, yeah, request some new sheets. Yeah.

If they ask what happened to the other ones, you say definitely didn't shit in them. And then just go put them in the laundry room. Mm-hmm. And then... I don't think they're going to ask. I think it's okay to just get some new sheets. Yeah. And then...

Well, they're going to want the old ones. Well, yeah, but you... Who cares? Just own it. Walk up to them and be like, I pooed. I pooped on my bed. I pooed. I work hard and I pooed.

I work hard. I don't want no guff. I don't want no guff or some poop on my bed I work hard and I poop I work hard I don't want no guff I don't want no guff or some poop on a bed I think it's okay I worked an 18 hour shift I worked an 18 hour shift I worked an 18 hour shift I think it's okay if you just ask for new sheets

They bring them Take your other ones off, roll them up into a ball And just give them to her and surprise well no you can't wait to open that one take the cut start and roll in and then roll everything else around it so it appears that the sheets are clean yeah don't open till christmas is he saying it's been a year that he hasn't had his sheets clean? Is that basically what's happened? No, he just has the same room. So they know it's him.

So he's embarrassed to say that he shit on his bed, which I get. Got it. Like he didn't shit six months ago and just. Yeah. It's been. No, he said 10 minutes ago, I just shit on my bed. Ah, yeah. That's right.

What were you watching? Huh? What was he? He didn't say what he was doing. Yeah. What was he doing? What were you watching? He was listening to Scatcast.

Yeah, he was. Hatcast. HG TV. HG TV. That was like a bad-ass show. He was balls deep in Scatcast. Yeah, he was. Okay, let's move on. Let's get out of this petty beef and take a look at some good news that you found. Okay.

Zach, please, thanks! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we are doomed Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Okay Alright

Go I just thought, I saw this video, I thought it was cute Play the vid, we're right at the gate here Yeah, I'm gonna play the vid Okay, let's see what's happening here You got it, Zachary Do you have it on the screen? Zach, are you fighting my dogs?

Oh yeah, I'm fighting some dogs right now. What are you doing? Ah, here we go. No, no! Volume up. There's always going to be somebody that cares about you, and you're a good person. No matter what people say, you matter. What? No, they're losers.

They're ding-dong ditching you. I'm just trying to say something nice. Like, I don't know what they're doing. They're running away and stuff. I'm just trying to say that you matter, man. Or girl. Whoever you are, you matter to someone. Just keep that in mind. Don't forget that.

Little Tony Robbins. Oh. Just walking away with a bag of shit. Walking out with some of their belongings. Thanks for everything. Listen, you win some, you lose some. And I, I mean, I won. Today thanks for everything listen you win some you lose some and i i mean i won today i won and you lost but today you lose but tomorrow maybe you win yeah just hang in there yeah do i have your jewelry and your watches and your remote and

a lava lamp yeah yeah that's mine now but you hang in there this is but this is a good lesson that you know some days you win some days you you lose. I happen to win, you happen to lose. But tomorrow, that neighbor over there is going to be gone. But tomorrow, your neighbor is going to lose. Yeah. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything. Don't be a fucking snitch, okay? We'll split everything 50-50.

Keep your mouth shut. Keep your mouth shut. You know it's good for you. Because I know where you live. I know where you live. You know what I mean? It's like a weird death threat, but also message he's giving a little wink i mean right now you're probably pretty sad about all the shit that i just got from you don't be sad you lost thousands of dollars these are replaceable yeah you know

who's not replaceable you yeah you're not replaceable everyone loves you and you're doing good stuff i'm proud of you you obviously you're doing really well for yourself i mean you're doing well enough for both of us. Right. So, thanks. That's some Robin Hood shit right there. I know. That's such a funny, what a fun burglar that would be.

Yeah. It's so confusing. He's giving you a pep talk, but also taking your shit. As he's slowly walking away. You got this. He's tying you up. God, man. No, this is a nice chair.

What do you do for work? I know you work hard. can tell you work yeah this isn't personal this isn't personal like oh man like just zip tying you to a nice chair like you had a great place here you're gonna get out of here i'm gonna leave you here um but just wait a little bit start screaming okay and so many people love you and your neighbor is gonna come they're gonna help you out because they care about you and then when they say what happened you say nothing because i know where you live right huh huh little knife hey hey me hey me poking knife at him hey you it's if you if you if you do something i'm gonna show up and hey you it's me again poking a knife out is that my knife yeah it's your knife it's my knife now but it's a good knife yeah it's a great knife you have good taste keep. If you keep your mouth shut, you might be able to buy another one.

Yeah. Or I'm going to use this to cut your fucking mouth open. That's right. Anyway, have a good day. Put a smile on that face. That is good. What a fun thing to do. I love how he was trying to be nice, do something nice, and his friends were like,

Bing bong! That seems like something you would do. Pushes it, slams their friend's face into the door. Loser. Flip them off. A little heel click off the steps. Shit in their yard. Flip them off.

Hurry up, nerd! The ring video is just the blurred out dude just taking a dump on their sidewalk. Dump the yard, throwing it at the friend. Hurry up, nerd! I'm going to show you something I found on the internet. Are you ready? Just took a nice thing and just... Just ruined it.

Shat all over it. Don't mind him. He's not doing anything. These guys are stupid, right? Right? And they're smashing your car windows out. I would never do that. Because you know what?

You're a good person. Yeah. Thanks for the Rolex. Ripping all your stereo shit out of your car. You get new ones. It's replaceable. Okay, Zach, roll the thing. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits,

you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome right at the time of recording this is still available and i was trying to talk you guys into buying it i've driven by

this thing i know so many times did you know it was 10 feet tall okay so what we're looking at here for the ones that aren't seeing it on youtube this is a giant fucking metal spaceship that the stairs fold out. The top goes up with hydraulics and it seats seven people around this fucking spaceship. Yeah. Who built it? Who built this thing? Well, so this, but how, what this area, there's always weird shit out there. Yeah.

It's like when you're driving by, um, man, like some sort of flea market where they just have all the, all sorts of shit and you walk through and then they would just like tell you a price. But this one is eight and a half thousand dollars, which I think is pretty reasonable. Do the aliens come with it? Do the aliens come with aliens? No. Read the description. It says aliens sold separately.

Oh, for fuck's sake. So that's a deal breaker. But looking at it, you're like, ah, how big is that? It's fucking 10 feet tall and nine feet wide like this thing is massive and um we we're moving we haven't even talked about this yet but we're moving the studio soon so we're no longer going to be in this space but we'll talk about that more in coming episodes but how funny would it be if we bought this spaceship and then just did the podcast from inside of the spaceship and And then Zach's on the outside and like he has like a giant oversized space suit and astronaut helmet on.

That's always fogged up. And that's like the comms. Yeah. Do we have to talk like alien for the whole show? Backdrop. We just have stars. I mean, no other podcast has a fucking spaceship i mean it has to be inside because you imagine that thing in the sun i mean it doesn't

look great inside there oh my god how many you are spaceship connoisseur resale here reselling this thing if you're picking this thing up as like a to flip it but look at this thing so good luck there's there's a little table in the middle yes there is for the people can't see it essentially do you know remember the teacups um right at a carnival where you sit and you spin the wheel uh-huh that's kind of what it looks like inside yeah it's like the gravitron meets the teacups alien thing yeah and i gravitron was a spaceship and it's it's here it's in town it's right out right outside of spokane like between spokane and what ritzville medical lake it hasn't sold yet somehow because the thing about transporting it like sold i'll take it

and then he's like cool where's your semi truck is it made of aluminum because how heavy is it that doesn't say let's just go steal it you just go fly it out of there i mean it's been out there for years i i've driven by that thing time and time again how much of the aliens i don't even care i never assumed it i guess i didn't realize things it was just i thought it was somebody like they made it because there's so many things have been sitting out there for years right probably because he puts the price way too high you go out there you're like man you're kicking the tires but does this thing actually fly yeah knock it on like when's the last time it's been airborne tie air balloon to it oh yeah that's the basket a little safer than a wicker basket it could be

it's not gonna burn like a wicker basket would no you'd be you'd be safe inside your own burn like a wicker basket. Anyway, I just thought that was a fun thing to share. And I love that it was local and I want to talk you guys into buying it. We started GoFundMe to raise money. Would you guys then do the podcast inside of a giant UFO? Yep.

It'd be probably a little warmer than in there. It's going to sound very tinny. We'll have to soundproof it. It was just like... We look out the little window that. Yeah. Can you imagine if it's just like... Yeah, just the reverberating. We look out the little window that's in it and you see Zack. In his giant astronaut helmet. Sitting like, and he has like, all of his like, strongs are wrapped in aluminum foil.

We try and make it seem like it's fitting into the space theme. He's just like, you wave into him. Hi buddy. Like the way space and and everything's aluminum or like just metal looking and it has to be just you know i don't get it i don't kind of like it uh that thing's probably heavier than the actual limb oh from the apollo i bet it is but i mean i'll go out there and take a peek at it maybe we'll see let's go do let's go do a test the actual limb from the Apollo missions. I bet it is. But I don't know. I'll go out there and take a peek at it.

Maybe. We'll see. Let's go do a test show in there. Do a dry run? Dry run. Okay, let's hear from the kids.

Okay. You ready to do it? All right. Will you yell at Zach? Hey! Hey, you guys! All right. Let's hear what

you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. Wow, that's cool. Wow. That's cool. Do you want the first one?

I'll do the second one because it's way shorter. Okay. So this first email is coming in from our accident-prone daughter, Kat. It says, hey again, guys. It says, hi again. Oh, I'm the one who can't read. I finally got caught up to the most recent episodes, and you had a confession about a woman whose ex rubbed shit on her face.

Remember that one? Yeah. And then she blamed it on her dog. You then discussed how you've stepped in poop and vomit, so a little story it reminded me of had just happened in the past couple months. This is a fun one. I had the privilege of shattering my ankle. Congratulations.

Going down some stairs in February at a Super Bowl party. I was carrying a tray of food downstairs, and one of the kids that was there ran out in front of me. And I didn't want to knock her down. So instead of stepping weird, so instead I stepped weird, missed a step, and went down the stairs myself. Always go through the chitrin. Through the chitrin. They can bounce back. They'll bounce back.

It's like deer. You just drive through the deer, go through the chitrin. Through the chitrin. They can bounce back. They'll bounce back. It's like deer. You just drive through the deer, drive through the chitrin. Yeah, don't yank yourself off the road. Not with a car, but with your body. Oh, right. I blacked out, and when I came to,

I tried to get up, and I couldn't. My ankle wasn't even at the correct angle to try to support my body weight. I'm just out here. Why is that over there? I had surgery, and was healing just fine,

and finally got the clearance to slowly start walking again. I had my crutches and I was home alone and I was practicing walking down my hallway every hour or so. I got up to walk and I didn't think to turn on the hallway light. Suddenly my bad leg went out from under me. My crutches went flying and I luckily fell into the back of a nearby couch. One of my cats had thrown up in the hallway and I just happened to step and slide in it. I had my huge walking boot on and I had to struggle to sit and clean the vomit off my

boot. I texted my husband that I fucking slipped on cat barf. He rushed home from work to check on me and I thought I was fine until the night when I did start to hurt again. I had put away, i put way too much pressure too fast on my injured leg anyways sent me back another couple weeks on bed rest and it got better eventually i'm even walking again and back at work now slipping in cat barf while healing from a busted ankle is no fun thanks for listening smiley emoji cat i thought it was either gonna be like

cat vomit yeah you get the irony yes i do yeah um i thought maybe she was either going to be like cat vomit. Yeah. You get the irony. Yes, I do. Um, I thought maybe she was either going to re-break her ankle or like break the other one. And I just, I felt, I feel that cause I kind of did the same thing and you're just like, Oh, this is my good leg.

Yeah. And then you break the other one. Like I can, I can feel it without even having to like do anything. I can feel what it feels like when dog shit goes through your toes. Like the bottom of a, like a slimy bottom of the lake. Yeah. Like you're stepping in some gack.

It's like, no, you're not mistaking it for anything else. Like, what was that? No, it was dog shit. And your foot just went through it. And then you went and wiped it in some little girl's bed. Yeah, I just rubbed it all over my sheets. And then jumped out the window. Someone else's problem.

All right, you want to read our... And then called the hotel front desk. Help me! Yeah, I'll read it. Okay, go ahead. Our second email is coming from our chicken killer kid, Jamie. Oh, okay. He writes, workplace accidents.

I was listening to episode 52 when the guy got his head squashed between the chicken cages and died. Horrible. I used to run a farm. We'd butcher our own chickens out in the yard. This was a crazy ass setup. Not super important to the story. However, we had the big fat meat chickens that we were butchering. But we also had eggling chickens that wandered around the farm.

Whenever we were butchering the meat chickens, the other chickens would wander around the yard, picking up scraps of innards that we would drop here and there. Oh, man. Long story short, I bet you the chickens ate that guy's brain. Oh, man. Some sort of dark detail to think about stay weird jamie thanks jamie fuck chickens will eat anything that's sad just picking it this guy's brain just had it got exploded between the two if you missed that episode yeah there's

like two giant cages on this like self-feeding belt and somebody was trying to save a chicken that was in between the two crates and then it came down and just exploded his head between these two giant metal crates and so jamie heard that and was like i bet they ate the brains oh they would have for sure oh absolutely jamie you're not wrong i just dude first i was like no man imagine this imagine this scenes that happens everyone freaks they're like oh my god move the things and they're like oh god his head blah blah and all of a sudden all the chickens come around it's a crime scene get away it's close you see the tape

you not see the crime scene tape you You fucking meat chickens. Just walking around underneath. Fucking meat chickens. I love the meat chickens. Yeah. Well, that was episode 59. Yeah, it was. I feel pretty good about it. I feel like we had some fun in here.

Zach, did you have fun? I had a blast. Fuck that, dude. And also, big thanks to Uncle Zach for continuing to kick ass on Scatcast. Happy.

Scat with a K. S-K-A-T-C-A-S-T dot com. How many people have looked up S-C-A-T?C-A-S-T dot com. How many people have looked up S-C-A-T? Have you done it? No. Oh, do it. Well, I don't want the government on me.

Oh, God, I'll do it. I think it's down now. Okay. I'm about to find out. Don't show my computer. I should probably buy it. Yeah, you should. Oh, it's gone.

Yeah, I should probably buy it. Bummer. Anyway, so thanks, Zach. My pleasure. Love you. Thanks for producing. Support us on Patreon. Anyway, so thanks, Zach. My pleasure. Love you. Thanks for producing. Support us on Patreon. Be part of the gaggle.

Patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. Join the over 300. Hey! Ba-ba-da-bam! We did it! And follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Got the YouTube channel, of course. And then sending in your confessions.

Again, reminder, that will be next week on the show. Sending that petty B for just articles and weird shit you find around the interwebs to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. And a big thanks to the babysitters, of course, for, you know, helping run the Facebook page. Not getting it shut down. Yeah, a lot of fun in there. But that's it. That's it for the show.

You want to move on and do a thing? You got a joke for us? I got a weird joke for you. Okay, well. We'll have a little go. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Hi. Hey, Joe. What? What does a baby

computer call its father? Uh, what? Data. Yeah. Yeah. Ah, yeah! Yeah! That was a good one data yeah data data from shrek that part of the movie will always make me laugh when he's having the nightmares i remember in the baby shreks are all over the place i don't think i've ever seen i've seen bits and pieces of shrek

it zooms into the little baby face and goes data no the only thing i remember from shrek it zooms into the little baby face and goes no the only thing i remember from shrek is when the little um gingerbread spit in a dude's face oh yeah that's the only thing i remember the muffin man yeah that was shrek 2 i think and the dragon and a donkey have sex in that yeah i think that's number two as well shrek one didn't have all that fun stuff yeah i'm a swamp i don't even know wait fucking maybe that was number one. Doesn't matter. No. Fuck this.

Spending too much time on Trek. You support us on Patreon. The show keeps going. If not, we will see you guys next week. Ciao. Bye. Woo!