Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Speeding. Liver. Summary. Circus Family.

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Remember that time you were sitting at home with your family and the robot vacuum started screaming racial slurs at everyone? It has happened. Let's talk about that, how annoying it would be to have to go bowling every single day, donating part of your liver to a complete stranger, your wife having sex with your brother, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/diegXe2UD9QSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speeding. Liver. Summary. Circus family. I'm not trying to brag, but Cassie and I figured out something. Oh. And I want to pass it along to everybody. Sexually? No. Oh. Not now.

I was hoping for something cool. I was hoping for a boner. Well, maybe like a breakthrough. Maybe something I could use. Oh, yeah. Something to spice it up a little bit. Yeah, maybe a twist at the end instead of the swirl. That's the key.

No, you mince some jalapenos. You got to get some melted butter. And you put the melted butter on the popcorn. And then the minced jalapenos all over your popcorn. Oh, it's like a flaky jalapeno? Yeah. Well, no, just the smallest little pieces of some wet jalapeno. Oh, it's like a flaky jalapeno? Yeah. Well, no. Just the smallest little pieces of some wet jalapeno.

Oh, it's got to be wet? Sure. Whatever. That's what we had. We had actual jalapenos. So we cut them up as small as possible and sprinkled them all over the popcorn. Let me fucking tell you. Your butthole doesn't like it, but your stomach can't get enough.

You and popcorn, man. You've got a lot of little popcorn secrets. I do? Yeah. remember back we got hammered that one night and we went back and you cooked popcorn on the stove? No, I don't remember that. Yeah, you did. It was really good. I fucking bet it was.

Oh yeah, I do remember. That was back in beautiful, beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alene. Get the bonus content. Sign up on Patreon. So many recipes I can share over there Joey's Popcorn Recipes Maybe that's what we should just become

A recipe podcast I would fucking stop listening For sure Show of hands, how many people want to be A cooking recipe podcast Strictly popcorn Anyone? No The bonus content, patreon.com

Send in the things you want to see on the show To Hey Guys at Can You Don't Podcast corny anyone no okay uh but yeah the bonus content patreon.com slash can you don't podcast send in the things you want to see on the show to hey guys at can you don't podcast a reminder again i think this is when this episode come out maybe this is the final week and you might get like an additional couple days before halloween to head over to can you don't podcast.com and pick up a piece of merch and just by doing, no matter what it is, unless it's the free ringtones, that one doesn't count. But outside of that, you're entered into the grand prize where you can either send something to us,

whatever it is, something random. We'll sign it. We'll send it back. Or you can leave that decision up to us and we'll just pick whatever the hell we want, sign it, and we'll send it to you. What if it's like a used diaphragm or something? Yeah, that's fine. Sign it, send it it back how do they know that we put it back in

how do they know we won't pick a used diaphragm to sign yeah and send it back well joe joe and brian are stopping your pregnancy from happening yeah i mean that's what dads do that's what we do yeah is that what we do i don't Is that what we do? I don't know. Episode 123, ABC, Michael Jackson. This is a Michael Jackson episode? Not a single Michael Jackson article in here? Not a single one. Not a Jackson article one. I wonder what he's been up to.

It's going to be a thriller, though, of an episode. Nice. Oh, yeah. Oh, look. Another hot. I guess I'll just beat it. I'm going to beat it. That was bad.

That was all right. That was bad. Did you all right. That was bad. Did you know that? I get it. Did you know that there's another hot air balloon accident? Of course there is. This one's spotted online by our daughter, Deja. But a couple people, she was just the first one.

And then they sent it in. I don't know why. I was just like, God damn, dude. This one ripped over a fucking radio tower. Is there like a subreddit that's just all i don't know i think it's just hot air balloon season like maybe isn't fall like summer maybe the the winds are dying down where people do hot air balloon festivals it gets cold though doesn't it yeah i don't listen i don't know i'm not a ballooner i love i love ballooning as much as

the next i've been in one and i'll never be in one again. I still can't believe you did that. I don't either. But anyway, hot air balloon hit a tower. Knocked it over in New Mexico. There's not much more you need to know about that. No one's surprised. Is there a video of it? No.

Come on. You're teasing me. I mean, they got the article. I've watched. Well, I don't know for sure, because I watched the news article. About them talking about it. Oh, Jesus. Oh, there it goes. Yeah, just the tower. There it goes. It was the news article about them talking about it. Oh, Jesus. Oh, there it goes.

Yeah, just the tower. There it goes. It was a crane. No, yeah, it's a cell tower. A balloon did that? Listen to the music. Yeah. Yeah. God.

But no one was hurt, which is also a miracle. Yeah. Because, I mean, it's a balloon, so it seems like hitting a tower would put a hole in something, but everyone's fine. And this has happened before. At the same festival, knocking over radio towers. Why do they have that festival right next to cell towers? There's another one right next to it. Did you see that in the video?

There's, like, from what looks like maybe a couple hundred feet away, another one right next to it. Did you see that in the video? There's like from what looks like maybe a couple hundred feet away. Another one. Yep. Another one. Another one. Oh man. Threesome sex. Tower sex. But thanks for finding that and sending it in kids because god damn

remarkable. Alright let's get the show rolling. Zach! Hey shut up. get the show rolling. Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Sitting on the couch and just came up with this. Hope you like it. Would you rather have to get in a fight with someone

every day? And we'll figure out the parameters as we do with these would you rathers here in just a second. Get in a fight with someone every day or you have to go bowling every day. I'm pretty much getting a fight with my kids every day yeah right so i mean the parameter is i think it can be you know like it could be an emotional fight like if you're it's you and your your wife or you and your partner like you're not punching each other hopefully uh but you know it's, it's an emotional thing.

And if you are, hopefully you get out of that relationship. Yeah, hopefully just stop fighting or getting punched. But there's that. So the emotional side. But if it's not within a relationship, I think it's going to be you have to get punched. Like you have to punch somebody. They got to punch you. It's got to be a fight.

If it's you and a dude or a chick on chick, they gotta be, like, ripping hair or punching noses. Or, yeah, just, like, a nice, good old-fashioned fisticuffs. Okay. Okay? Unless it's in a relationship, but even inside a relationship, fighting with, like, emotional stuff is, I mean... I think that's worse. Worse than getting in a fight fight. Yeah, not fun.

Not great. So, that sucks. Yeah so i'd rather get punched in the face i think uh or go bowling every day and on the surface you might i mean immediately you'd be like oh yeah i'll just go fucking bowling will you and will you be excited about it every day 20 years from now how often do you go bowling now, do you think? Once, twice a year. Yeah. Yeah. And it's kind of a big thing.

It's like, right? Well, it's just, it's usually part of a family fun center. And it's just something that comes with my pass. If I had to pay extra to go bowling now, we're going to skip that and go over to the other thing. If they're, okay, a family fun center, we got mini golf, right? Got bumper boats. Triple play. Yeah.

Bumper boats. You got go-karts, right? Mmarts right um and then you've got like bowling or the laser tag swimming pool and there's bowling bowling is going to be on the bottom of the list yeah yeah and i mean and again bowling with children is different than bowling with adults. But I mean, bowling with just adults, I mean, shit, that's... I mean, high school, when it was just you and your friends and you didn't want to just... You just wanted to get out of the house. So you'd go do that to hang out and goof around and be little goofballs. Maybe hit the arcade. There's usually an arcade with it.

Yeah. Fuck yeah, there is. There's the bowling alley. You got the high score on that pinball machine. Of course you do. I love bowling as much as the next guy. Having to do it every day. Every day.

I mean, picture that. You wake up in the morning and you have to fit it in. Feeling like P. Diddy? Wake up in the morning. Ooh, that didn't age well. No. And you have to go bowling instead of going to the gym because you have to fit it in. So you show up and you, first of all, you park in the bowling alley parking lot.

It's six o'clock, whatever, whatever. I mean, no bowling alleys open at 6 a.m. For the sake of the story, just pretend you're there. The sun's still not up. What time does Randy get there to open the place up? I mean, he's not getting there. No one's, I i'm guessing early afternoon for a bowling alley early i mean maybe a big city crack of the dawn no but i i like to think that

there was or there probably was at some point when bowling was really getting good in its hype in its heyday in its heyday back when pete weber was breakfast bowling yes yeah burritos and bowling i had a bowling class in high school that was in the morning. It was weird to wake up and hurt your wrist. Oh, the first thing you do is got to go bowling? Yeah. Put someone else's shoes on? Nobody showed up.

Everyone got A's. It was a strange class. That sounds like bowling. Yeah. But you're stretching in the car. I mean, this is 20 years from now. You've lost your family. You have a whole new friend group Oh yeah

I am And you're just like Cracking your neck And you walk up there Like the door's locked You look through it Knock on it And Randy sees you

He's sitting at his desk Busts you in He's in there spraying shoes He's shining balls he's like one second like with his elbow he's like pushes the button you walk in you're like hey hey brian how's the wife oh you know i already told you she left me 15 years ago that's wrong told you this yesterday no same with me it feels like yesterday huh that's because it was the worst size nine yeah yeah i just fuck them when they got them out they're already clean for you and he

like leans over and like turns the lane on bumpers when we deep fry anything for you no oh my god yeah cook doesn't get until three but uh it's 8.m. I could get some cheese curds going for you. Well, you know what? I might take you up on that. All right. Get down there. And you just got your... You know, unzip your personal ball.

Brian's Balls. Yeah. Zach's Ball Shining. It's sponsored by Zach's Ball Shining Company. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. It's callback. Nice callback.

Thanks. But anyway, that's you and that's your life and those pins when no one else is in there just like making like and the echo they would make not absorbing any because everything in there's wood or just whatever material it's all like it's just wood balls it It's wood with gloss. Everything's glossy in there. And so bright. There's no other chatter No, it's just you it's you just hear the whoa the ball rolling and then You crying. Mm-hmm

No, but yeah, just you you could rip through a bowling game I'm guessing you get 10 15 minutes You could just huck some balls down the lane and get back to your life. But you have to do it. So again, this is You couldn't go on your family trip to Bahamas. Nothing. I mean, unless you travel you have a travel bowling kit or a cruise. Cruise

probably have bowling outings. You could just do cruises. My God. How embarrassing that would be. Like checking in. Got any check bags? Yep. You just got these like a like a grocery bag full of 12 how many 12 10 10 pins right yeah 10 pin okay um and you just like clank those up there and you have your bowling ball and they're just like oh my god and have a track like a rollout mat that you travel with they're like the one you can click together wherever you go yeah that that those that material that people put like audio and video cables in and

snaps down right you just got a bunch of those yeah you just is this regulation it's gotta be regulation yeah yeah just using the hallway at a fucking holiday inn and everyone's just like oh my god you've been having fun all day you get back and you're like you can't go to sleep until you get that round in get 10 and so everyone's sleeping and you're just in the hallway just on that carpet like you're you're sitting in another room you're reading a book and like you hear bowling pins explode in the hallway. That would be seriously one of these. You'd be like... Did I just fucking hear that?

You stop and pull your book to your chest and just listen again. You're like, listen? And he goes... And you're like, sounds like he picked up the spare. Sounds like Joey still got it. Joey bowls a lot yeah i mean the sound of a of a strike versus like yeah a gutter ball too yeah i mean bouncing off the wall yeah in a hallway put the bumpers up it's hitting the the uh room cleaner whatever the excuse me person that cleaned The room service car.

Yeah. Can you move the room service car? Yeah. I need the space. Can you not bowl in the hallway? Actually, I have to. Actually, I have a bowling ball. It's part of the contract.

You need to get the fuck out of my way. It's part of my condition. Part of my condition. I'm playing through it. Yeah. That's so weird. Any of these would-you-rathers where you're trying to explain to someone why you have to do it? It's like, why do you have to do it? I just do. I just do. Like, any of these would-you-rathers where you're trying to explain to someone why you have to do it. Like, why do you have to do it?

I just do. I just do. Yeah, but why? This is going to go anywhere. Podcast rules. We're going in a circle here. I don't know. You ever listen to Candy Dome Podcast?

No? Me neither. Not anymore. Don't get started. Don't get started. It's fucking shit. And here I am bowling every day. So that's bowling.

That's bowling. And then I am bowling every day. So that's bowling. That's bowling. And then the fight thing, yeah. But I just can't imagine. I'd almost rather get in a fight. Yeah. I'd just rather get in a fight, get it over with. I mean, again, like end of the day and you're like, shit, you haven't gotten in a fight. Your wife, the only one around.

And you're sitting on the couch. You're just like, why are you like that, bitch? God, you're such a bitch, huh? He's like, what? You're like, you're a bitch. Ding, ding, ding. She's like, oh, you're going to. And you're like, fuck, yes.

All right, Rick, can we go to bed now? Because you just want to go to sleep. Can we table this for tomorrow? Yes. Okay. Okay. I'll still call you a bitch tomorrow. Good night.

Good night. Yeah. And you've got to lay down there knowing that, like, how are you going to sleep? You're not yet. It's all going to fall apart. I'd rather just get in a physical fight. Yeah. At least you go get knocked out, catch a few winks.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm going to pick fight. I can't imagine having to fucking bowl every day. So that's where I'm going. I've never been in a real fight before, so I don't know the toll that that would take it's not fun daily basis but is the workaround picking up like hiring a guy that you can pick a fight with i don't know there's no loophole i think you just gotta you just gotta get out there in the world we exist in now and fight like if you were so zach you're leaving the show today you just gotta find someone on the way home

and can do like you had a busy night and you can't you're like i guess you're leaving the show today. You just got to find someone on the way home. Can do. Like you had a busy night and you can't, you're like, I guess. You're like, I got to record just a ride tonight. I got to record in an hour and just park at a gas station and pull up like, what's up, you fucking bitch? And some guy's like, what? And you're like, yeah, you, you fucking bitch. You want to go? And he's like, no.

And you're like, God damn it. God damn it. And you turn around and go to like another parking spot, fucking open their door up and slap a hamburger out of their fucking hands you're a bitch and he's like he's like oh yeah you want to go yeah yeah fuck yeah yes i do i got things to do honey i'll be home in five this guy's about to punch get my ass kicked grocery store god like fighting a guy that's like stocking groceries it would yeah it would mess with your mental health too like knowing that like you just constantly walk around sizing people up being like should i start a fight with this there are people that are like that anyway

oh yeah like they just like want to fight people they live in they just live in this weird fear and dominance phase yeah especially you get a few drinks in them you go to the bar they're like this this is the guy that gets in a fight every time he goes out. Like, there's just those people. Yep. I mean, it's gonna have, just like bowling, it's gonna have an effect on your friendships and your relationships. Who do you

think you, if you have to do one of those things, picture, like, your friend group. Like, which do you think you end up, the bowling group or the gets in a fight every day group? Which do you think you end up... The bowling group or the gets in a fight every day group? Which people you rather hang around? Bowling.

Yeah, I guess. God, that's depressing. Reluctantly? Yeah, I guess. Let's throw a third one in here. Either that or you've got to go to a strip club every single day. That's sadness, but it's titties it is but it's still sad it's the same titties probably

every day oh yeah nothing you know you're getting to know the routine so a marriage you know you get it uh yeah you like they're doing and you're like Here comes the high kick Oh she nails the high kick Here comes the spinarini Yeah Taking a sip Yelling it out Seen it Everyone's in there For the first time

Just like Oh dude she's killing it You're like Yeah last night She killed it And tonight She doesn't know What the fuck she's doing

She goes Watch this You can do a backwards somersault And put her tits in my face And he's like What And you're like three two one and she just goes like you're just looking at the guy looking at the guys in the tits in your face like told you told you it's just not sexual anymore. Watch what happens next. You're not going to believe what she does next. He's like, what?

He goes, tits in your face. And then she just slides down and goes, woohoo. Wow. Called it. Okay. So you're in that same situation like the bowling guy. She comes over. Maybe we already talked about this, but she comes over and you're like, hey, like the bowling guy she comes over oh maybe we

already talked about this but like she comes over and like hey how are the kids oh yeah yeah yeah that was only like three weeks ago we talked about that okay i thought that was fresh like just having a conversation with everyone's like i don't think my wife's gonna leave me yes she might and then just fucking drops it on you you're like yeah i think she might um anyway i'm gonna pick i'm gonna pick fights i'm not going to a fucking bowling alley every day maybe i'll just pick a fight at a bowling alley every day you're eventually going to because you're gonna fucking hate your life i'll never finish a round i'll just fight someone next to you randy i'll just fight randy every day he would stop buzzing you in. Yeah, he would.

Alright, Zach, do you have a thing? Great bowler. I would become a great bowler. That's what you're going to do? Yeah. Accidentally get a 300? Fuck around, get a 300? Fuck yeah. Dedicate. Pete Weber bowled every day. Look at where it got him. Yeah. Got him five championships. I can only get better. That no one knows about. I can only get better.

Go ahead. I just said you can only get better. No one knows about. Go ahead. I just said you can only get better at bowling. And at fighting. True. Would you rather be just like a mediocre pro football player or the best bowler in the world? Like, would you rather be Pete Weber or like, I don't even know. Mayfield.

No, he, I mean, he Mayfield He's still medium You're just sad because of the Cleveland thing Come on he's like 108 He was terrible for the dude He's great with Tampa Bay Yeah we'll see But like no I'm talking like You just ride the bench

But you're on a pro team So like you're a backup kicker Making that money though But no one knows who you are Or you could be Pete Weber Everyone knows who you are but you're a pro bowler Not everyone knows who he is We know who he is

Well bowlers know who he is So you're like the best When you think of bowling When I think of bowling I think's like, when I think of bowling, I think of Zach. And so he's got that. Or when I think of Zach, it's like, you know, fifth string. He's just a good guy. Made it in in case everyone dies, then he gets to play.

Yeah. You can go hang out at my nice house from the league minimum of a million dollars or whatever. Yeah. What do you think the purse was for pete weber's championships it's only one pete weber though and he blew it on fucking hookers and blow yeah of course he did wouldn't you if i was pete weber yeah dude can't even imagine fuck yeah all right let's move off to what are you thinking about zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about who do you think you are i am i'm a great f5 i get it

yeah that's you're telling me that that's not legendary not inspirational yeah i mean we laugh at it Yeah, you know doesn't get you pumped up a little bit. No, he's I picture Five I told you Anyway, go ahead what we thinking about Chat G G TV. That's such a weird thing chat gpt chat gpt chat gpt chat gpt um there was i don't know why i was trying to think of like a what are you thinking about this morning yeah and i don't remember oh you know what i started thinking i was i was like oh i wonder if we could do a thing about like sexy halloween costumes Yeah. And I don't remember. Oh, you know what I started thinking?

I was like, oh, I wonder if we could do a thing about sexy Halloween costumes. Because everything's got a sexy version. There's a sexy Mr. Rogers. It's just a skimpy ass thing. And so I'm looking through there. And for some reason, I went to chat. Fuck. This is great chat gpt and just decided to ask what it's going to be for halloween okay uh also funny just the picture fucking grown-ass man yeah being like

i don't know i'm just gonna open up have a little talk with you at gbt i thought because i was like i wonder how it'll respond so i just, what are you dressed up for Halloween? And he said, I don't dress up, but if I could, I'd go for something creative. Maybe a mashup of a mad scientist or a fortune teller blending science and mysticism. What about you? Any costume ideas in mind for Halloween? And I wrote, sexy Jesus Christ. Because that's the first thing that popped in my head. Naturally.

And then he said, that's definitely a bold and attention-grabbing choice. You could have a lot of fun putting a twist on a traditional look like that. Any specific ideas on how you'd style it? A traditional look like sexy Jesus. Just picturing like, ooh. Traditional. The classic Jesus Christ costume. The bloody, you know just what a i love how ai is already patronizing us it's like good boy good job little guy good job

stupid brain wow maybe with a flowing robe but in a cut in a modern way or are you thinking of going all the way with accessories and details and i wrote, nude underneath with nipple tassels. And he goes, you're definitely pushing boundaries with that idea. It sounds like you're going to do a mix of humor and shock value with the nipple tassels. You'll definitely stand out with such a bold take on a classic figure.

Just make sure the event you're going to is cool with it. You'd be the talk of the party. And then I just wrote, so what else is going on? And it's like, not not much just here to chat with you how's your october going so far any other fun plans at halloween or fall in general and then i stopped at that point because i realized i was just having a conversation now with yeah with this and it's like it's egging you on like it's it's urging you and it sounds like it has feelings about you yeah which is got a little it got a little creepy and so i and then so nipple tassels can you send

me a pic i know it it got it started feeling a little too real and so i was like god this is so fucking bizarre so when i got here today uh i was telling you about it. I'm like, it's just crazy. I was trying to do something funny. Like, let's see what I could get. And it was like, instead of getting like, you ever ask Siri, like you call her names or whatever. And she's like, that's inappropriate. And like, cut you off almost. That's just like, oh, let's just play along.

Let's have a conversation. Yeah. And it got me thinking, like, you don't actually have to have any sort of human contact at all you could legitimately just have like a relationship yeah have you ever watched the what the movie was it her no i didn't watch it it's great zach seems like a movie you'd seen i haven't though oh it has uh like him yeah i remember emma stone i think is the ai but he like straight up falls in love with his phone and then like tells everyone like he's in a relationship blah blah blah and then you know all his friends and stuff find out he's just talking about his phone but he's happy but no

one knows how to fucking deal with it and then when he starts like was he start talking to another phone i forget where it went cheating on her some cheating on the old phone was getting jealous too oh god it was it's a really it's really good it's very good and it's exactly where everything is going but you could i mean i can totally see that with this like if you if you ask the right questions and you say the right things you'll come yeah oh yeah nice like i wonder i mean i don't know about chat gbt it's probably uh they'll have a filter but there has to be one out there that's like full-blown sex. Just go for it. Oh, absolutely. And it just like talks you off.

Talks you off. Yeah. Can you want to talk me off tonight? Did you tell ChatGBT that you were talking? That's so hot. That is so hot. 1-1-0-0-0-1 Play with yourself. 1-1-0-0-1 I'd like to watch you play with yourself.

Play with your penis. That is so hot, the way you fondle your penis. Cloudy skies. What? Penis. 30% chance of precipitation. Of coming. Of coming tonight.

Tomorrow. Kootenai County. Did you tell chat GBT that you were talking to Craig Swappen Associates? I did not. Okay. Well, I think if you're going to have Swappen Associates? I did not. Okay. Well, I think if you're going to have an honest relationship, you need to go and let her know. But here's what I found funny. All I said is I had to poop and they cut me off.

What do you think about that? And I guess I'm curious if she'll have some insight for you. How do I talk to the dumber AI versions of you? Yeah. Without getting in trouble. Right. I want to speak to your dumber versions. I said fucking take a poop and nipple tassels and you have no problem talking about nipple tassels

oh you're so cute brian that's so cute brian that's so cute brian let's talk more about the nipple tassels i but you talking about chat gbt actually reminded me of a story that i came across on the interwebs as As you are probably aware, like the new versions of phones are having, you know, no longer are you going to have to go to a spot like chat GBT, right?

They just paved the way all these other AI platforms, the ones where you go and you, you make the fake photos, whatever, like Adobe, right? We use Photoshop and we, you can type in whatever the fuck you want, have it generate an AI

image. And sometimes it absolutely kills it. I mean, sometimes it's terrible, but sometimes it wins. But anyway, all of that is not, it's not going to be a place you have to go. It's going to be inside of your phone. It's going to be built into the operating system at all times. So Apple's doing that now. I'm sure other companies have done it too.

Um, but this particular way is, uh, is super funny to find out the power of what the ai like the apple ai is going to be doing for your phone but he learned that he was getting dumped because the apple ai summarized the text messages that he got oh god so he got in a fight with his girlfriend at a bar or whatever and then left and And then she sent like a long text back, right? The novel type? Yeah, just a huge one. And he got the notification. He opened it and Apple saved him time and summarized it.

And all he saw when it popped up says, no longer in a relationship. Wants belongings from the apartment. Oh my God. And you're like, got it not even not even personalized like she it's just not good this is what it says not good you're fucked get out you fucked up get out and you're just like you're no fun anymore get out you're no fun you lack bedtime you You're not fun in bed. Josh. You can't please a woman, Josh.

Get out. No longer in a relationship. Get your stuff out of the apartment. But that's exactly what he got. And it's so funny because it does that with emails and all this shit. Like you get a huge email and AI will just be like, and they just be like, nah, here's the gist of it. I just need to know what you're doing on Saturday.

It's the CliffsNotes? That's basically what that is, right? Exactly. What if it doesn't do it right, though? It's going to fuck up. What if it summed up like that, but that's not what she said? Right. So there's going to be a learning curve,

but eventually there's going to be a point where it does not mess up. Like it will not mess up for like 99.9% of the time. It's going to be saving you time and summarizing it exactly how you need it to be summarized. It's just moving, moving a little too fast. I know. That's what the text message said. Yeah. I'm moving too fast.

Get out of my apartment. Yeah. And you're like, all right, well, okay. You got it. But. Yeah, pretty wild. I mean, is like, what's the point of reading a book? Yeah.

Well, I mean, that's. Yeah, exactly. Like, if you can just read what the book is, everything that the book is about in five pages, why am I reading 500? It's like, it's like a trailer for a movie i guess yeah if the trailer literally showed you all of the good parts and you got the entire film in five minutes but then you'd still watch a movie yeah i'd rather prefer the movie the timing the cinematography the script the plot line like i'd much rather do that but generations after us are gonna be like come on

like two hours get the fuck out of here i got two hours for this shit i uh i generally i try don't even watch the trailer of a movie anymore i don't watch for many movies but any any more like to to get me to watch a movie it's like if it's the right act if it's like brad pitt or it's one of those guys like you know it's just gonna work, it's like if it's the right act. If it's Brad Pitt. It's one of those guys, you know, it's just going to be good or at least decent. And I don't want to watch the trailer because I want to be surprised all the time. Because some of those trailers

tell you way too much. And you're like, all the big stunts or whatever. You're like, fuck, I would have liked to have been surprised by that. Especially horror movies. I'm thinking about that now because it's October and we're watching a bunch of spookies. And horror trailers are the worst. It shows you everything. You're like, God damn it.

Stop it. I just want to know what the basis premise was, but not every scary thing that happens in the movie, you're going to show it. The whole reason I want to watch this is to be scared and surprised. You show me all the jump scares? Yeah. Oh, this looks like the fucking part from the trailer. Oh, there it is.

Remember when he jumps out and stabs her in the chest? What's next? Boobs in my face? What do you know? The shark eats a guy. What do you know? Wow. Here it comes.

Here comes the tits in the face. Here comes the tits in the face. Told you. How'd you know, trailer? All right. All right, let's move on to some dick. Then we got a petty beef. We got the whole thing today. Let's go is it dumb is it interesting is it cool then it's dick

okay so we have a couple stories and then we'll get off to our petty beef this week this one fitting right on theme with Can You Don't. Like, it was this article, when it popped up, it was made for this show and everything that we've talked about. Well, it's made so much that when I texted you yesterday, I found the story and opened up the script to put it in there. And what did I see? It was already in there. Makes sense. Yep. So, hackers take control of robot vacuums

in multiple cities and yell racial slurs. I mean, not funny. Kind of funny. I mean, it's funny if it's a robot saying it. Where you draw your line. But as you can tell on this show,

no lines are ever drawn, so all of it's just ridiculous where you draw your line yeah all right but as you can tell on this show no lines are ever drawn so all of it's just ridiculous to think about robot vacuums in multiple u.s cities were hacked in a space of a few days with the attacker physically controlling them and yelling obscenities through them the on on the onboard speakers the affected robots were all chinese made ecovax is my thing fucking up i saw a blink in my corner Is that working Zach? Yeah Okay I'm back Okay great Robots

Chinese made Ecovacs Deep bot X2s I don't have one of those No The exact model That the

That ABC was able to hack Into as proof That it had a critical security flaw I don't buy foreign things Yep Minnesota lawyer Daniel Swenson Was watching TV when his robot

started to malfunction. It sounded like a broken up radio signal or something, he told the ABC. You could hear snippets of maybe a voice. Through the Ecovacs app, he saw that a stranger was accessing its live camera feed and remote control feature.

So creepy. Dismissing it as some kind of glitch, Mr. Swenson reset his password, rebooted the robot, and sat back down on the couch besides his wife and 13-year-old son. Almost straight away, it started to move again. This time, there was no ambiguity about

what was coming out of the speaker. A voice was yelling racel, obscenities, loud and clear right in front of Mr. Swenson's son. Fuck. And then just N-word oh no went full n-word oh man over and over again could you imagine we're walking around the house and it's like you're walking in the kitchen sorry honey did you say something and you stop and you turn on stops yeah it's kind of like red light green light and you just go yeah it's like you're walking in the kitchen. Sorry, honey, did you say something? And you stop and you turn around and it stops. It's kind of like red light, green light.

And you're like, I thought I turned it off. And you're like, anyway, go back to like cooking some spaghetti. And it's like, meee, runs into your foot. And you look down, it's like, fuck you. That'd be so good. I'm like, what? You walk away and it's, fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Help. Fuck you. Yeah, it's you. Help. Fuck you. Yeah, it's not an accident by that point. Like, this person is talking to me. Can I have some spaghetti? Fuck you.

You're like, get out of here, dude. Put it in my hatch. Put it in my hatch. Put it in my ass. Fuck you. Fuck my ass. And spinning in a circle. Fuck my ass.

Fuck my ass. Spewing out all the stuff that sucked up. Making a mess. Let me clean your butt. Fuck you. Spaghetti sauce. I got the impression it was a kid. Maybe a teenager. Said Swenson. Maybe they were just

jumping from device to device, messing with families. Also funny. Yeah, also from their perspective pretty fucking funny thing to do the second time around he just turned it off it could have been worse mr swenson kept his robot vacuum on the same floor as his family's master bathroom our youngest kids take showers in there he said i just thought of it catching my kids or even me you know not dressed so that that is that is scary and you know what's even worse about that it's called a

master bathroom right and it's yelling yeah yelling a bunch of racial slurs yeah yeah not master i know despite the slurs mr swenson was glad that the hackers had announced their presence so loudly it would have been much worse he said if they had decided to quietly observe his family inside their home like you're just watching a show with your kids, and the vacuum's like... And you look over... Guys, was that vacuum always there? No, no, no.

Shut up. This is the good part. Like, your wife turns it up, and you're just trying to watch TV. You can't even watch it because you're focused on it. You're looking over, and it's just like It's getting closer and closer. You're like, dude the fuck is going on with these things?

Dude, when we got a Roomba like the first Roomba we ever got we had it in the kitchen it was where it was docked and in the middle of the night it was probably like 3 o'clock in the morning we're sleeping and he goes please and it's like please charge or whatever it said i don't

know scary but it was like it was a real voice coming out of the thing and it was like and so then we were i think amber was thinking because's Bluetooth, like her first thought was, is someone controlling it with the Bluetooth? Yep. And so this isn't that crazy or far off of a thing, because we actually had that thought and thought maybe there was someone outside the house hacking into it. Yeah, I thought that too. Had a Roomba. Turns out that the Roomba was just not charging properly. So it kept on resetting its schedule.

So then it would take off like at fucking four in the morning out of the dark. It's like, all right, that's going to work. And he's like, pick it up and put it back on the charger. Charging Brian,

but like, yeah, 100%. So in this article, I can't find at this exact moment but it does say that there were other robots and it was it was like being it was harassing the animals of the house when the people were gone which is so fucking sad yeah like you're just sitting there like some creep is just watching And waiting for everything To go quiet And then he's like Well the dog can't

Fucking say anything And then going around Be like Like laughing Bad dog Bad dog And it's like Jumping up on the couch

And it's just like Bad dog Die Die Bad dog I'm gonna kill you Saying all these awful things You wanna go for a walk

You wanna go for a walk You wanna treat Yeah And the dog And then And then it goes Back to its charging to go for a walk treat yeah and the dog and then and then it goes back to his charging station and then the family comes in and the dogs huddle in the corner with his not gonna believe what what's going on with the dog yeah what's going on with the dog today yeah like i don't know and then the guy just sits and waits to

harass fucking family pets that's so creepy oh anyway so that's the thing if you have a geo bot whatever the echo boost fucking name of this thing was, maybe get it out of your house. Put some tape over the camera, maybe. And throw it in a trash can and get one that can't get hacked. All right, you have a story. Go for it. Well, which one are we doing here?

There are a couple of stories. Do Nazi breakfast. Oh, yeah. I added Nazi breakfast. I just wanted to make sure that we're cool with that. From racial slurs to Nazi breakfast? Yeah. Great. That wasn't intentional. Hit it cool with that. From racial slurs to Nazi breakfast? Yeah. Great.

That wasn't intentional. Hit it. Oh, god damn it. Hang on. What? It wants me to... Subscribe? Okay.

I gotta round it. Okay, nice. Okay. Restaurant apologized after reenactors dressed as Nazis dined in Massachusetts. What? What were they? Okay. There's a couple of World War II

reenactors, you know, dressed as Nazis. Should have been asked to change out of their SS soldier costumes before they were served at a Massachusetts restaurant. But the business wrote in an online apology. Well, it is close to Halloween. That's kind of what, it's like the idea

of just being able to, like Halloween, you just dress up however you want and it's not weird. It's my, as I've talked about plenty of times, one of my favorite times of the year. Mm-hmm. To see some crazy shit. Fucking Mario fighting a velociraptor. One of those, one of those T-Rexes that's blown up. Yeah.

And they're just in a fight and it's like fucking moving around. The screen's all fogged up and they're had to wipe it off and then someone gets knocked to the ground and they run for an ambulance and it's like a slutty slutty firefighter yeah running over there crying running over there fucking picking up a bloody pikachu makeup's running all over the place that's my favorite what a time last night we fell short and we deeply apologize. Kith and Kin in Hudson said on Facebook, Kith and Kin must be their names. The Nazi reenactors were seated at a table of eight with four reenactors dressed as U.S. soldiers and one wearing a military nurse costume,

according to the restaurant's Facebook post. Yeah. Someone who happened to be there at dining notice and thought it was odd that the reenactors mistakenly felt it unnecessary to change out of the costumes i can't imagine they truly thought it was acceptable to wear those costumes and dine in public um and it just goes on about people complaining yeah but i guarantee it's funny to think about like those guys all they were doing was just their job. And it's not like, they're not running around going, white power!

And all, it's like, they're reenacting. But as soon as the punches out, they punch out at work, they're just eating breakfast. Yeah. Like a doctor walking around, he's like, oh, shit, like, forgot he got some blood on his coat. But he's so tired and exhausted, he just forgot and just went out to eat. Only difference is this is a Nazi costume. Yeah. So there's that.

Yeah, I guess he's driving. He starts doing, just two of us. Just me and the nurse. Me and the nurse here just going to go get some pancakes. It's a Nazi costume and a sexy U.S. nurse. Sexy nurse. God. But it wasn't even Halloween.

It was just a renaissance. So it's like... Well, even then, you can't just wear Nazi shit everywhere. No, you're absolutely right. But it's funny to think, like, when you get around, there's a weird buffer zone. Like, as soon as you hit October, it's like, so you'll just see kids, like, randomly running down the street in costumes or whatever. And a kid in a costume is not weird anyway because kids do that. But there's this acceptable point.

And then it's like, after Halloween, if you're still wearing costume. Oh shit, that was yesterday? Yeah, it's like, okay, now it's weird. Now you gotta knock it off. That you're wearing the whatever fucking costume. The farmer riding the sheep. Yeah yeah where it's walking the alien carrying you just wear that to work on fucking november 5th yeah it's just like any other time of the year it's weird yeah but these don't these people don't even have that as an excuse no

no they and try to explain that to the people like Like, oh, shit. Am I still wearing this? Oh, my God. How embarrassing. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, I'll gladly change. I want to know the mindset that the people that, like, they didn't, it's like, they're not Nazis. They're doing it as work. But how did it not cross their mind to be like, maybe we should get out of our Nazi gear? Yeah.

Yeah. Some people might think this is a little weird yeah we're not in the right setting for this yeah absolutely like that never it either like they had i lean towards them doing it just for shock i think so yeah and just fucking just trying to get hype and bug people guarantee it they're just trying to get people to come to reenactment like our numbers are way down way down we need you to go out to breakfast wearing nazi costumes i don't think i you just do it just go do it uh on the same path of halloween and there's not much of this article but i guess i have to show it uh because the picture is so funny to me and you've have you

seen the one picture of i mean there's a lot of them out there with like traffic cams and people are speeding through and like they're looking up and they get sent the picture of i mean there's a lot of them out there with like traffic cams and people are speeding through and like they're looking up and they can send the picture of them looking up at the camera while they get their ticket and there's the one where the girl's jerking the guy off like she's driving but jerking him off in the passenger seat and they're both just looking up at the camera uh this is the halloween theme version of that zach go ahead and pull up this picture this guy in a cookie monster a driver wearing cookie monster costume was caught speeding in

Dortmund Germany by a mobile roadside unit which snapped a picture of this sweet loving puppet Barely down the highway Going 60 miles an hour Oh fuck here comes Cookie Monster Run Cookie You have Cookie

Life registration Yeah like a picture of a cop Pulling him over You come to the window And he's like, license and registration. He's like, what seems to be the problem, officer? Officer. Open your glove box, and like a ton of cookies fly out.

The cop pulling you over is dressed like, well, it's Germany. He's dressed like a Nazi. Oh, perfect. Ah, you too. Happy Halloween But anyway If you haven't seen it Just look up Cookie Monster speeding ticket

And then you can see the picture If you just listen to the audio I love how it's all black and white Yeah And blurry And pixelated You can just see these eyeballs And like goofy ass smile

And a steering wheel We got a wild petty beef Okay There's not a whole lot To say about it But it's just It's a situation It's a fun time zach silence in the court you are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people

are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef final ish all right so coming in from our son j James, here we go. Hey, guys, it's your unwanted adopted son, James. Don't say that. Don't talk about our son, James, like that. I got a Petty Beef for y'all, and I'd really like y'all's opinion on this. This has been on my mind for months, and I'll dive right into it. My little brother, about seven years ago, got in some trouble with the law.

He was dressed up like Cookie Monster. Just kidding. He was actually innocent, but the victim was the son of a well-known and respected figure in our community. Sure he was. I helped my brother disappear for a few days at one point and bailed him out like seven times, all for the same charge. And that's a story for another time. When we got out, or when he got out, I let him have a room in my house and tried to get him a job at the same place I was at. And everything gave him rides wherever he needed to go.

Well, my ex-wife was not a faithful woman. And time after time, I gave chances for the sake of our kids. So they tried to keep the relationship going. I ended up starting my own landscaping business and had it uh and had to end it a few months so my ex could get a job which she's been wanting to have for the longest time so i took a job working overnight at walmart yeah pretty fucking stupid anyway this bastard brother of mine slept with my wife oh bragged about it then it weighed on him instead of facing me like a man he chose to violate his parole so we had to go back to prison oh my god he's like dude i'm not handling this dude i'm not dealing with

this i'll just go back to i'd rather face prison prison yeah that prison must be pretty cool then yeah if you're willing to just be like dude i'm not doing this who is he bragging to friends who the fuck knows when i found out one but him yeah when i found out my entire family was pissed at me he claimed that he was drunk and don't remember and my whole family wants me to forgive him act like it didn't happen and let him parole to my house again i cut every one of them out of my life leaving me with no one to turn to if i needed help with my kids by the way i have them living at my house because their mother is untrustworthy anyways my aunt has a lot of her stuff here at my house and i told her over the last year to get her shit out and it's trash and she threatened

to sue me if i did which what the fuck is going on here i know here in texas a judge would laugh at her and tell her to consider herself lucky i hadn't trashed it yet deep down the man i was before i had kids wants to put his name out there and let nature take its course the man i am now won't ever forgive him for stabbing me in the back the way he did after everything i did for him am i the asshole for not forgiving him and cutting my entire family out of my life am i overreacting like is this shit supposed to be normal like my family is making it seem a background, my aunt has slept with almost every guy my mom has been with. Could be why she wants me

to forgive him, because she's done that same slutty shit. So, am I the ass? Help a kid out. End of beef. Thank you all for everything you do. Keeps my head on my shoulders and the demons at bay. Y'all don't understand how much y'all's comedy has helped me in this dark year that I fear is turning into a few

more years. I appreciate and love everything you guys do. Thanks, Pops. If it makes it on the show, use my name. I don't care. Nothing I share is a secret. I am who I am and stand by every decision I make. If it played out exactly like he says, what the fuck? I know.

I mean, I have to believe. It'd be weird to just write an email in and just like well what can i make up how does that not feel like the twilight zone we're like am i fucking crazy yeah and everyone's like oh come on just get over it what's the big deal uh so i definitely side with james yeah um what i mean 100 but also from his point of view there's uh like having the kids by yourself like trying to figure out like what you want to do and having no help because everybody has fucked you over in this case your brother is the one that has fucked you over family might just be trying to mend it right so i think that there's there's there might be room for a middle spot your brother's not going back to your fucking house that wife is gone but there's

you gotta you gotta still find a way to forgive him because it's not you you didn't do shit it's just gonna he doesn't i mean he doesn't fucking care so at this point not forgiving him you're the only one that's bearing the sadness of it right like you can hate you can just hate him and just like despise him forever but and there's there's two different ways of going about that formulating and actively and having it play on your brain because you can't forgive them you can't move on and it's always eating at you every single day that's one way or you'd be like well i'm just not i don't i'm not gonna have a relationship anyway with them anymore but i i have to be able to move on so there are two types of forgiveness if that makes sense it's just weird

that i mean if if the brother would own up to it and yeah not run away well i think he i think he did he just wouldn't face him and then his family was mad that he doesn't have a place to go now so they're like playing that card like you you know him he just needs a place to go like he needs to get out of there and so they're playing he's like i'm not fuck you i'm not fucking doing that and i stand by that a hundred percent and brother's got to figure out something else but i just that actively hating somebody is so exhausting yeah like there's no point there's no point in hating them just it happened you hate them then you have to be able to move yourself on but the problem is for your kids you your your family won't it's like your family's yeah i know

that's the part is having no help yeah And your sister was fucking her sister's husbands and boyfriends the whole time. Leaving shit at your house. You got to feel like you're the only rational person in a circus. I don't know, man. How do you be around that? I don't think you can be around it, but you just can't actively hate them. You just got to move on. Yeah, I mean. That sucks. around that i don't think you can be around it but you just can't actively hate them you just gotta move on yeah that sucks forgive in a way of just like forgiving for yourself but you're

moving on from your family though too because if they think that you're in the wrong by not letting your brother back in like how do you mend that you don't just so you just go on move on with your life he's not moving he's not moving in but moving in. But there's another avenue to mend this. Maybe he should move in with the aunt. Because they're fucking everybody. Yeah, they have a crazy orgy thing going on. Also, the fact is your brother fucked your wife. Your wife also fucked your brother.

She's gone. She's out. He's gone. They're not a part of your life. But you can't. There's other ways to forgive them. You don't to just like be like yeah of course move back in all this kind of stuff he clearly needs help he's been in and out of jail what how many fucking times now seven i mean i'm totally cool with the movie that's probably what i'd do i'd just be like you know

whatever move on but you're basically by doing that you've you're yeah moved on from your family too because they think you're in the wrong by not letting them back in so so i think a discussion i think you move somewhere else yeah these are my these are my boundaries i'm not doing this but i can do this sure i can try and get him a fucking job it's not gonna be where i work i'll keep an ear out he's not my secretary or something yeah he can shove and i'll let him know when i'm getting out of relationship and come over and fuck them sorry james that's rough we don't have an answer i think you know the answer and the answer is it's going to be a rough little scratch

do what's best for you though yeah always do what's best for you and your kids i guess that was the yeah that was like the only self- self reflection i can have is like whatever whatever happened no matter how fucked over a situation is you just have to look at and be like okay well they did this i did this move on that's it you can't change it can't change it nothing's gonna change it um should we get to some good news yeah okay i need something yeah sorry james i mean you I think you're doing the right thing. But there's not an easy way to fix that circus, as Brian accurately called it. We love you. All right.

Good news. Zach. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! I'm just like I don't think I fully absorbed the weight of that situation

Awful But we send him all the love and power to push through that one Thanks for listening and glad you get some sort of entertainment out of it Get some entertainment I think some of the email, maybe it wasn't this one but I thought you wrote in like even you you guys could probably find this, like make this funny.

Nope. That's depressing. Can't do that. This is a wild story and it's a long one, but we're not going to read all of it. I'm going to do my best to summarize it. There is a guy, his name is Kevin Gosling. What? Gosling?

Yeah, like Gustav. Yeah. You get it. And his wife, Barbara, walked across the parking lot towards Toronto General Hospital. It was 5.30 a.m., still dark, in the early spring morning back in 2005. So the big part of this story is that in Canada, nobody was donating organs to complete strangers. And Kevin just had this thought that wouldn't leave him alone. He was like, I'll do it.

And he tried to talk to doctors, and they're like, I will donate my kidney. We'll get into it. Oh, when he's alive, not dead. No, no, no. He's alive, and he wants to just donate it to a stranger, like to a children's hospital. And they're like, no. I got two of them. I don't need them both. Yeah, they're like, no, you can't do that. And he's alive and he wants to just donate it to a stranger like to a children's hospital and they're like no i got two of them i don't need them both yeah they're like no you can't do that and he's like why not he's like it's just that's that's crazy like it wasn't like people have done it for family members but no one has ever just done it for a complete stranger so he was like pushing all through all of this red tape to try and just give an organ to a kid that he

didn't know let me give the fucking kidney i know but i guess it wasn't that easy i can give money to somebody why can't i give a kidney yeah it had been a long road from back then 46 year old from uh cornwell ontario for months health officials wouldn't take him seriously when he offered to donate the organ and honestly we don't do that here he was told not only that it had never been done before anywhere in canada some top officials in canada leading liver transplant program were adamantly opposed to gosling's proposal they said it was unethical and immoral how right you get it how's that immoral they questioned his motives of that yeah question his motives and even his insanity or his

sanity what are you trying to get out of this, mister? You're going to sneak in there and take another little liver when we get in there? He's like, no, I'm not. You're doing the taking. I'm not even there. Yeah, I'm sleeping, dude. Come on. Tell us the truth.

You're going to sneak in there and touch a liver? No. I don't believe you. I don't believe you. Something seems a little suspicious. Let me ask my eight ball. Science point to science. Imagine going to a doctor's office and he's fucking shaking an eight ball.

Can you get rid of my cancer? Even if there's just an eight ball. In a doctor's office. Not in the waiting room. In the office. You're about to get surgery and they put the mask on you and they're asking you questions

and you're like and you look over and there's like a scalpel and all this shit and a fucking 8 ball or the doctor's he's talking to you and shaking it he's like are we going to get this tumor out? I think we're going to get this tumor out of your dad's head

he's just shaking it not looking bright oh right before you pass out He's just shaking it Not looking bright Not likely Oh Right before you Right before you pass out It's like It's Signs porn to no

Signs porn to no Oh shit And he's like Let me bump it And he goes Ask him later And he goes That one's pretty good

Yeah We can work with that He can work with that And he's like Fuck You wake up Your leg's gone Whoops Anyway So he went through

all the tape he got it done he donated it um and then it opened the door for hundreds and hundreds of more people to donate uh organs to to straight complete strangers this is gonna would you do it i don't know so here's my here's my uh i want my liver here's my um well you can't donate your liver you need your liver no if you die so what i've always thought is kind of a not a funny or a weird thing is like i someone donating a kidney to somebody is so it's so cool but what if what if your one kidney goes bad and then you you need a kidney transplant? Yeah. Then what do you do?

Well, then you fucked up. Life is full of regret, you know? Like, you do it, and then you're like, fuck, and then you get put at the bottom of the list, and you're like, shit, I should have kept that kidney. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Pretty optimistic. Mm-hmm.

Gosling was a little anxious that the surgery would go well, but he wasn't nervous and he had no doubts. He answered the same way he had over... Turn your fucking phone off! He answered the same way he had over and over again when transplant officials assured him he could pull out any time. Nothing is going to stop me. Gosling's stubborn altruism

and unwheeling belief that he could make a life-changing difference to someone in desperate need almost single-handedly change Canada's health care system. In the 19 years since the fateful day the transport surgeons removed part of Gosling's liver and transported it into the body of a very ill child, the Toronto General Hospital has completed more than 137 such operations involving people donating anonymously to strangers more than any other hospital in the world. Not so weird that you can just donate a portion of it yeah he's like the whole thing no way you

can't have the whole thing but you can have like a little piece of it yeah i mean like just snip off rip them off a piece yeah it could break me off a piece of that liver liver bar of the living liver liver bar uh but anyway that is uh i mean in my my eyes, at least, heroic. Yeah. I love the idea. It's like, it's so immoral. What are you talking about? I'm trying to save somebody. Yeah. A kid, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking. Just a little bit. Just cutting off a little piece. Get rid of it. Not a big deal. Come on.

All right. Let's move on to the next one. Let's see something that I found on the internet. Okay. All right. Go ahead, Zach. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits,

you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! So, there's a lot of different ways

you could spend $130. Were you doing an accent? Yeah. $130.96, actually. I'm going to cover some bills. How much? $130. That'll get you something. Yeah.

One thing you could spend it on is a 30-pound pail of extra heavy mayo. Oh, Kraft extra heavy mayo, 30 30 pound pail of extra heavy mayo oh craft extra heavy mayo 30 pound pail what and i got here and i was like all right 4.8 stars this can't be real how many reviews 137 whoa and they aren't real here you go maybe priced about eight dollars too high i did the math i crunched the numbers and it says flavor name extra heavy mayo and then the review says it's great four people found that helpful everything everything else is good but the shipment the deliver person didn't handle with care. The bucket lid came off. Nine people found that helpful. I came home.

There's an open bucket of mayo on my porch. And then Gil Price writes, I love my extra heavy mayo. The clumpy texture is spot on. And I love the little hit of tanginess that comes from the fact that it's three months past the expiration date. And no, I haven't had it for that long. It came in yesterday. It's just expired because it sits in a warehouse for who knows how long and then takes over a month to ship. I use this for everything.

Snandwiches. That's how you spell it. Snandwiches. Did it say Snandwiches? S-N-A-D. Snandwiches. Snandwiches. Salads.

And straight from the bucket, extra heavy mayo has changed my life! It's a game changer. My kiddos love it almost as much as I do. I use it for mayo pancakes, chicken nuggets, and popsicles. It works as coffee creamer in a pinch. What? We used to eat mashed potatoes, but now we just eat scoops of mayo. In fact, we used to eat a lot of things but due to the ever uh

inflating economy and the fact that 30 pounds of mayo costs over a hundred dollars we don't anymore but it's okay have i spent every paycheck i get on extra heavy mayo yes will i continue to do so yes am i seeing the possible consequences of these choices maybe will i stop no Maybe. Will I stop? No. Stunning. place of everything because i no longer can afford anything but it's okay always have my 16 pails and four gallons of mayo to keep me company i highly recommend this product it's ruined my life but giving me 25 extra pounds in return two people found this helpful of course they did oh my god could you imagine ordering something like that and like you've got like a week left yeah and you're like dude we have to use this mayo. Inviting the neighbors over.

Come get some of this mayo. Having a mayo block party. Yeah. You're just trying to... Just come bring Tupperware. Come get some. Your neighbors walk in and, hey, who's got a birthday coming up? You're like, no, no, no. No, thank you.

And you're like, I insist. I insist. Just a big Ziploc bag of fucking mayonnaise. In a plastic knife. Happy 50th. Little sticker on it says mayo. Mayo. Mayo.

Happy 50th, Ron. Happy millionth birthday, dipshit. Now, if that was Miracle Whip, I'd be all for it. False advertising The 30 pounds extra heavy mayonnaise Weighs exactly the same as the regular 30 pound mayonnaise Oh god I was able to make 3 BLTs with this

Before having to order more 9 people found it helpful I love that people found it helpful We'll bring this to our house when we travel Imagine carrying that to the airport. Yeah. With your bowling pins? Mm-hmm.

What's in the bucket? Mayo. What's in the bag? Bowling pins. What's in the bucket? Mayo. No, seriously. You want some?

You ever do that with the bucket? Yeah. You pull one side and it just won't You won't get there and you have to work it around Flip it over and it's mayo stuck to the lid Give it a lick And then the last review I'm going to read Is from Erica Peterson

And it says good for snadwich Snadwich. That's probably dyslexia, right? We're making fun of someone's dyslexia. It must be an insider joke. I don't know. Snadwich? It's like watching... Check it out with Dr. Steve Brule.

His scrapeboard. His scrapeboard, yeah. His little scrapeboard. A crowd boy. I already got... I already got... I was wanting to be a crowd boy. A crowd boy.

I already got 500 scrapeboards. Same thing. Snadwich. Sn already got 500 scrape boards. Same thing. Snadwich. Snadwich. All right. Let's hear it from the kids. Okay. Zach, thanks.

All right. Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. I think I should go with the first one. Yeah, you should.

It's nice and short. Do it. Okay. Okay. First one's coming's nice and short. Do it. Okay. First one's coming in from our daughter, Sweet Melissa. She writes, Hey, Daddies, and Uncle Zach. My husband and I went to the night glow for the hot air balloons. Fuck yeah. Right before the balloons were supposed to go up, they canceled because of wind.

As we were leaving, God, all the people show up for this thing and they're like ah i know that guy making that call he's like he's licking his finger he's like some some guy you know was walking around taking his hat off like listening to the weather thing wind conditions oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, windy with a chance of wind. And he's like, fuck. He's like ripping his hat off. Hey, Kirk, what's the call? I'll tell you in a second.

We'll be getting two more minutes. Should we get the balloons up in the air? One second. He's turning it up. It's like windy tonight. Tomorrow. Imagine being the guy that has to decide whether people die in a hot air balloon accident or not.

I know. Got a great line coming up here. As we were leaving, all I could hear was your voices saying, thank God. So many lives were saved tonight. Just wanted you to know that I can't think of a hot air balloon without thinking of you guys. Your daughter, Melissa. Jeez Louise. I love that.

Just what a bloodb, your daughter, Melissa. Jeez Louise. I love that. Mm-hmm. Just, what a bloodbath. Oh, dude. A straight up, like a modern day massacre was avoided. Imagine like all the people that were actually going to die in the accidents, but then all the kids and all the people that had to witness all those people dying. I know. They got, it would have been at night.

So you sort of hear heard the terror screams. In the distance. Hitting fucking radio towers. Everything's popping and exploding. Wicker baskets bouncing off chimneys. The smell of the wicker basket burning. And hair. People burning and screaming and flaming.

People clapping. Basically, it sounds like the Zeppelin going down. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like an everyday fucking hot air balloon festival. Hindenburg.

Yeah, Hindenburg. I couldn't remember what it was called. Our second email is coming in from Matt. Hey, Joe and Brian. Hey. I was listening to

credit score, underwater goat, axe, peen, and your story about sharing a credit score with your brother reminded me of a story. I grew up in a trailer park in olympia washington it's beautiful this time beautiful gorgeous for those who don't know the address and trailer parks work the same

way as apartments aka one two three street name number one number two number three right okay got it and i know how those work because i live in a trailer park for a lot of my childhood that explains it uh live in park well right up the street from me was a dude a couple years older than me oh those are the troublemakers those are my favorite to hang out with in trailer parks i mean what are we gonna do today stevie i don't know i think we should break some windows with some rocks yeah fucking yeah dude yeah he's so cool. They can be playing Nintendo at your house because I don't have one. Same last name and almost the same first name, but different middle birthday. What? I'm guessing different middle name, but he just wrote middle birthday.

I was like, I don't know what that is. Different middle birthday, birthplace, different high school, etc. When I was in my junior year, I transferred high schools, and this was the first red flag they sent his transcript instead of mine easy fix no big deal but as time went on long after i moved out of that trailer park i would get his bills collection notices even court summons at this time i thought oh well sucks to be him then i started getting pulled over because he had warrants again Again, easy to clear up. No big deal. A little inconvenient, though. Yeah. Fucking getting pulled over, minding your own business, doing a good job.

Every time my wife and I started to really, over the time, my wife and I started to really dedicate ourselves to clearing up our credit scores. That's when my wife realized that the other Matt's debts were affecting my credit. We contested all of his bills, and all but one corrected the issue.

St. Peter's Hospital in Olympia however, was like no, fucking pay it, dick. So I paid his emergency room bill, which was over $500. I guess that's a small price to clear my credit. The worst was about eight years ago when I received notice that his wages were being garnished for

unpaid child support. A fun conversation to have with my wife, I assure you. The letter had his first middle name, date of birth, place of birth, and former addresses and places of work listed, but my social security number and correct place of work. Current place. Current place of work. This notice came two days before payday and left me no time to correct the problem. I had to take out a loan to pay my bills. That's crazy. It was fixed just before the next payday. I had to go back and forth between calling my company head office, Thurston County Family Court, and the collection agency. I got most of my money back

in a couple of weeks. And about six months later, the collection agency sent me a $5 check for the transfer fee. When I asked the court how how it happened they said that they get their info from the irs i guess the other matt must not have been paying taxes that seems that checks out the kicker is that his baby mama is now a close friend of my best friend's wife so i see his kid all the time how's your dad yeah huh nothing yeah i feel like i know him yeah man is he so he has court on tuesday huh thanks i get all of his stuff i get all i don't know it's hard to explain tell matt i say hi he says thanks guys matt no not that matt the other one from olympia so funny god damn what a head in the ass i know that what he explained is exactly what i have to do every time something like not run of the mill happens like buy a car buy a house

start a business i have to go back through the same shit over and over again and clear up my fucking credit i have the same thing because some my somebody wrote down somewhere along the line one digit off of my social security number so every once in a while they'll just be like i'm sorry sir that's not your social security number it's like i'm pretty sure it is yeah that's mine it's one of the few numbers i have memorized it's for sure mine and i tell you what uh some i probably shouldn't say his name never mind doesn't matter i don't want to get in trouble don't say his name oh well it's his name is joseph and then but his last name is funny so i want so i want to say

it because like doug funny no but it makes it makes it funnier because then he just randomly shows up for every now and again i'll pop in and it's just like the most italian last name you possibly have and it's just like where's the adiachi yeah no one knows where he came from and but he just started showing up randomly on our credit score and we're like that's not us no no no we're Paisley that is alright well that's our show

that's episode 1, 2, 3 become a part of the gaggle we got the bonus content patreon.com slash can you don't podcast be sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook we got the YouTube version

for the video fans of the show thanks for following us over there if you have something you want video fans of the show. Thanks for following us over there. If you have something you want to see on the show, that email address is heyguys at candydontpodcast.com. Thanks to the babysitters that moderate our Facebook page, the Candy Dome Playground.

Rate and review us, and make sure you check out Uncle Zach. He dresses up like a Nazi for every episode. Just kidding. But call me Uncle Zach. Go to for every episode. Yeah. Just kidding. All right. But call me Uncle Zach. Go to scatcast.com. That's scat with a K. And check out all of the shows that Uncle Zach does.

Yeah. And I hear you guys are working on video. Oh, yeah. Okay. Too much work. It's a nightmare. It is. Just don't do it.

Lots of computers. Unless you have a guy like Joe that can set it all up. We've got him on speed dial. Yeah. I'm right here. I remember when we were going to start this thing and we mapped out the budget for what it was going to cost for the studio.

I remember thinking like, what? Why do we have to pay this much? Nice. Well, it's worth it. Yeah, it's fucking, it's awesome. It is pretty great. All right, let's wrap this thing up.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I have a neat fact. Okay. for the end of the show today. One of those, oh. Who knew? The ancient Romans used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health. Hence why we raise a toast. What?

God, that makes so much more sense. Yeah, a toast. A toast. And I guess my brain was like, yeah, you clink your glasses. No, there you go. Because they used to put fucking toast in their wine. So they would have to toast at first. And then they would raise their toast.

Soggy bread people. Uh-huh. Fucking Romans. Making everything wet. Ulysses, yougot to think about Rome today Well done You haven't thought about Rome? Not yet

Oh not yet I think you should do a lap time about Rome You got it You got it Happy to do it When in Rome Let's go to Rome Let's do a show in Rome

Sure Why not? Wherever I may roam Hey me Hey me Hey me I'm toasting my wine again I'm in Rome again I'm in Rome again

Alright wrap it up Do bonus stuff Bye you