Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Speedway. Twins. Signature. Plastic Burrito.

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

A little piece of advice. When strolling through an animal sanctuary, please refrain from grabbing a chicken from its nest and chucking it into an alligator pit. Let's talk about that, old things that should never be updated, grinding your junk on your grandparents, unknowingly telling the world how much you love Justin Bieber's new haircut, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/HLUZb1QnKEwSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speedway Twins Signature Plastic Burrito What? Nothing. Did you just say you were going to do it? Do what? I saw you point at yourself. Oh, you heard noise and I was saying, oh, that's just me. That's just silly old boy guy. 120.

120 is a fun one. Right? It feels right. What happened? Doesn't it have the same? I was going to go like, yeah, but they're leather gloves. They're kind of sticking together, so it's not the same. Gotcha. If things look a little different.

We look like Smurfs. I know. Look at them. The kids are in here again. I'm going to have to have a talk with these guys. You look so blue. Yeah. Blue.

I don't know what happened. I get in tight, and it's like red, red, blue. I don't know. And it seems like if you go to my camera, I'm almost out of the top of the screen. Yeah. Which that's not the normal way that's supposed to be. You seem tall. You look good.

This feels really unnatural to sit like this. I know it's how you're supposed to sit. It looks unnatural. It looks pretty silly. Anyway. I don't like this fat sitting up straight. Make it a hundred. I think what the problem started About 118

Shit started getting crazy in the old Can You Don't studio Fucking kids Get the bonus content by following us Not following us I guess you could follow us But sign up for one of the tiers on Patreon Patreon.com slash Can You Don't podcast Keep going on the back end of every episode Exclusive merch new merch

And we got the new merch in the store We're continuing the fun little giveaway If you purchase an item of can you don't merchandise merchandise on can you don't podcast.com you are entered for a chance to win this tell him what he's won all right yeah i so we will either... I forgot. No. They can send something in, whatever they want. We'll sign it and send it back. Or you can leave that decision up to us, and we will just sign whatever the hell we want.

If you dare. If you dare. And we'll just sign whatever and send it back to you. Use condom. Use something used, probably. Use condom and the used pen. Use dildo. Mm-hmm. Butt dildo.

Yeah. Whatever it is, it's just used. Oh, it's got to be used. What else is it going to be? It's vintage. We got a big old flong. Flong dick on the show today. Bringing in that 12-inch.

That girth. So check that out. You ready for it? It's all about girth, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, that's just what it is. A grower, not a shower type of thing? I think you can be both.

You can. But if you have too much show and there's not much to go from there, you're like, oh my God, that thing is going to be huge. And then it's like, boop. Just stands up. Maybe. You're like wet down. Just like struggling to get up, but can't get enough blood. Sometime in the past week,

Cass and I, we looked up exactly how much blood goes to a dick on average. And then also the spongy inside, how weird that is. Inside a penis? No. Inside of a penis, it's kind of porous.

And if you have, what's that? Is it trifobia? That phobia of like Holes Like little tiny holes And things And it grosses you out What So you hate sponges Kind of thing

Yeah I mean certain Swiss cheese Yeah exactly It just It freaks some people out And I think it's called trifobia Well then your skin

Has pores Yeah but you can't see them If you look close enough If you zoom way in Yeah it'll give you the heebie-jeebies you look at a microscope Imagine their dismay when they see Crocs for the first time no like these Oh these babies these old guys not in sport mode. Fuck. No, they're relaxed mode. I'm relaxed right now. There's medicinal Yeah No, they're in relax mode. I'm on relax right now. Are those medicinal? Yeah. Medicinal products. Dude, I walked around Austin in just these. No knee pain, nothing.

What? I will wear tennis shoes and walk around, whatever, and my feet get sore, something happens. I wore these, nothing. It was fantastic. There was airflow, cushion. Free range in Austin. It's the best all-around shoe there is. For the Olympics.

For Special Olympics. Yeah. Can you imagine they have the normal Olympics, Special Olympics, then just Crocs Olympics? Crocs Olympics, yeah. And everybody's just slow and not doing it. Dude, if these go in sport mode, I'm faster than you. We'll see. Faster than you? All in sport mode, I'm faster than you. We'll see. Faster than you?

All-state Joe? I don't know. Are you good hands? Excuse me? Are you in good hands? No, that's all-state. You get it. You're so blue.

I know. Just quit looking at it. I don't know what the fuck happened. Who sent this in? Because I saw an email oh shit that's all right i forgot but it uh we're gonna start the show with just a it's a video but you can look it up and you're not gonna even if you don't even look it up you're not gonna be surprised to know uh there's another hot air balloon accident yeah i had a good friend who listens to the show

shout out to billy little billy yeah he was, where the fuck was he? I'm just going to say Arizona. That could be wrong. But he sent me videos of a hot air balloon guy just barely missing telephone wires. And that was a first person experience. He was in it? No, he was filming it. He goes, he's going to fucking hit it. And then.

Someone was watching out for him. Yeah. The hot air balloon gods. But yeah, someone set this in. It looks like it's at a hot air balloon festival because there's a ton of these things. And watch what happens here. Just chaos. Yeah.

Okay, here we go. So for the people who can't see it, it's just taken off. That's like the size of the basket that I was in. Like 10 people trying to hold this thing. And he just clips his car and lifts it off the ground. And that's... And look at the balloon! Who's flying? Is it broken?

There's like a hole in the balloon. Let's go back a little bit. Okay, I will. Oh wait, we're both playing it? Wait, who's... I'm playing. Oh, you got it on you? That was the noise you heard earlier. Oh, that was it

Yeah So look at the back of this balloon It's like waving Is my sound not working Oh I see it Yeah it's got a huge hole Yeah Maybe that's good though

It's a speed hole It's a speed hole Yeah your sound sucks I know Look at the guy in the car He's like what the fuck dude I know I mean what would you

I love that He Like he saw it coming yeah he he ran to his car and he's like i gotta get this yeah i gotta roll out of the way these guys suck at this this is gonna roll over if i don't get this thing out of here that's how i got the hole in the balloon yeah they're not good at this there's that that's a huge fucking basket that's the one you were in yeah about that about that size money making size that means you got to make the balloon even bigger probably huh absolutely and that doesn't make me feel any safer at all no it's even less safe i think that looks more like a blimp yeah it does it's probably where they got the idea yeah like whoa let's modify this look at all the people trying to grab this fucking thing I know there's so many

1, 2, 3 They're hanging and dragging 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Look at the dude pulling the fire He's like fuck 11 almost got there He's like nah He's not wearing the company shirt

He's like I'm not getting involved The back end of this car gets lifted up We're talking like waist high of these people and then slams down on the ground bam that lowers the resale value a little bit yeah dude was it like how do you document that in your carfax hot air balloon so how's the and then the engine's great what happened to the bumper here you're not gonna believe this yeah you're not going to believe this. Hit and run by a hot air balloon?

He's like, turns out I get it. He goes, you kidding me? He goes, check this out. It's another video of a hot air balloon hit and run. There was another video. Maybe we'll play it. Hot and hit? Hot and heavy.

Maybe next week or something. Okay. Yeah. We got a few sent back in. They're not going to stop anytime soon. No. This is an ongoing issue. Let's get things rolling.

Zach! Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. Your Honor, this keeps happening. Yeah. Nothing we can do about it. It's just the nature of the beast. All right.

So what do you got? Okay. This one is interesting. Haven't decided if it should. Okay. Would you rather give or receive a fully naked, steamy, sexy lap dance from, and then we can choose either your parents or your grandparents. I wasn't sure which one we should go with.

Which generation we should be grinding on. What would be more awkward? Fucking all of it. But for some reason, grandparents, they're loose with the compliments. Which I think is pretty cool. You're doing a great job, Joey. We always need to be good at something. You think you'd get your grandpa hard?

Nah. Yeah. You think so? I mean, if I didn't. it's one thing to get like your dad hard who's younger and a lot when he was alive um god damn it he's the he's the same i keep getting older and he stays the same age oh yeah how old's your dad dead time stops does it go backwards then yeah life hack um god i mean i'm like disappointed myself if you go into this that's i mean that's a that's something you got to bring up in therapy if you're going into this situation with the goal of like and like your

bar of success is whether or not you get your dad or grandpa hard you need to do some work that's the whole point of a lap dance right yeah but in this situation that's got to be the still got to be the goal you're gonna say you're that competitive no it's just it's just like it's if i'm gonna do it yeah i'm gonna make it the best damn one ever and the same thing on the other side if your grandpa's doing it he's got to get you hard so there's a finish line it's not like like you don't have to do it for a song no you got to get him hard your dad's hard well i mean you got to try to get him hard you may not be able to but that's the goal busting out oh God. So that dad look.

I mean, yes, we'll get to mom in a second. But that dad look, right? You know, wearing those old dad glasses. You know, maybe bald a little bit, but, like, it's a lap dance. So he took that off and set his hat to the side. Respectfully. It's tradition. It's like the national anthem two reasons take your hat off national anthem and a yeah he walks he walks into the to the back room and on the way

and he's like just like to check your coat and he goes no but i can't check my hat like hands over like a washington huskies 86 championship hat this one and they and they hang it up for him he's he's eyeing it he's walking away he's kind of worried about it but like you're you've been working on it maybe you have a little prep time they give you like a two-week training buffer kind of like one of those torque classes or like a pole dancing class just gets you up to speed yeah i mean you got to get your dad fucking hard you better know what you're doing. And you're doing the splits and the backwards bendy thing. Oh, yeah. And the reach back.

Yeah. Reach back, rubbing his bald spot. Uh-huh. Like, taffing it. Like, I like that. He's like, I hate this. I like that. I hate you.

No, you don't. Somersault away. No, but you're doing the best moves and you turn around. It's just your dad's unimpressed face. Like the disco lights are reflecting off his dad glasses. What I was going to say. Mom's clapping. She's over in the corner going, you're doing great, honey.

And your dad's just sighing. He's like, hey, are you hard yet? Not yet. This sucks. Our boy is trying his best. You only had two weeks. You get hard, mister. You can't do this.

Before you know it, it's you and your dad lap dancing your mom. Trying to get each other hard. What song would you play? Would I play? You gotta get each other hard? What song would you play? Would I play? Yeah, it's like, you gotta get your dad hard. What song's gonna, like, pour some sugar on me type of thing? Nah, I hate it when the ditches are burned. Just Rob Zombie.

Living dead girl! My mom back in the day would have been like Phil Collins or something. Oh, yeah. I mean, I can feel it coming. Studio. Another day for you and me in paradise. Oh, sing twice. Before you give your mom a lap dance in your...

Sledgehammer. In your daddy's... Yeah, Sledge. Yeah. Peter Gabriel. Yeah. What he's Sledgehammer. Peter Gabriel? Yeah. What's his name? Was it Peter Gabriel? Peter Gabriel.

Yeah. Wanna be I, Sledgehammer. Call my name I. You have me picturing a mom sitting in the seat now and the dad and the son just up there like trying she's just like clapping but now you got to get her wet okay she's got to be like she's going through her purse like trying to find the correct change she goes her checkbook she goes this is not worth 10 bucks but i'll give you five dollars and 48 cents mom's always want to give you money though or pay for something though she goes are

you you're trying to like like sex them up she goes have you eaten today mom yes i am a grown man all the things that mom's grown man you're wearing a thong. You're like, you're doing this move right here. You got your right up in her face. Mom! Yes! I have a job. God. She goes, here, take this. How are the kids? Quit talking about the kids! Now I'm not hard anymore.

Less about the kids, more about dad's dick! Could you get yourself hard if you're trying to get your mom excited? No, no, no, no. We're getting off track here. Oh, I'm sorry. Is that the line? Or receive.

Okay, let's flip it. Okay, I mean, grandparents, again, that'd be super funny. You're a walker. You're leaning back, like grinding lap dance, and you just feel your grandma's hand squeeze your biceps. She goes, Joey's so strong. Joey's all grown up. My little Joey's all grown up yes i am a triad you gotta help her out of her wheelchair to put her on your lap yeah she's like hitting your ass with her cane hurry up joey you gotta change you gotta change grandpa's diaper just like her oh god he just shits himself while he's grinding on you while he's rock hard Hurry up Joey Gotta change grandpa's diaper Oh god

He just shits himself while he's grinding on you While he's rock hard Your grandpa on your lap Giving you a lap dance Shits in his depends And then turns around and he has a boner Fucking Thanksgiving is going to be awesome this year Well I

I picture your grandparents and your parents all in the room and they're all just taking turns seeing who can get you hard you know i haven't seen that one but i bet you there's a porn out there in the same oh yeah there's gotta be right what is that to be rules something i mean there's stepdaughter, stepdaddy. It's stepgrampy. Grammy. Mom and dad and grandparents lap dance son until he has boner, big tits, teen fuck. Big tits, anal fuck. Big tits, anal teen fuck fest.

Boner, diaper, shit. Boner, diaper, shit change. Boner, diaper, shit change, anal, shit change anal dog daggy backshot grandpa finger fuck grandparents proud of you dad sad glasses fucker disappointed dad fucks grandparents shit diaper boner pill and then the comments of the people watching like so hot yeah dude who's that who's the chick oh my who's the who's the chicken with the cane i don't know but it just you just post a link to your obituary i don't know it's the only video i've ever seen but i'm sure i'm sure that was glenda glenda smith from moses lake oh shit she's so hot her obituary and like where her plot is Smith from Moses Lake. Oh, shit.

She's so hot. Her obituary and like where her plot is. Oh, man. The plot finder or find a grave. Find a grave. I think I would definitely. I don't know. I mean, how drunk can you be?

God, I'm ashamed of this conversation. Yes. I mean, it's great. I'm just, my pants have gotten tighter and I'm blue. You are blue. Talk about blue balls. Yeah. I'm going to smurf your grandma.

Dude, you wouldn't dare. Gargamel's in the corner going, yeah. I mean, can you just get fucking drunk, drunk, lay down and have your grandparents rub on you? Move on. I think you got to be sober. You're making a... There's no loopholes. I like a lap dance as much as the next guy, believe me.

I think I would... What does your dad always say about this situation? Do you have any saying? I mean... Any good saying? If I'm going to do it, I'm going to come. That's what he used to always say about this situation? Do you have any saying? I mean... Any good saying? If I'm going to do it, I'm going to come. That's what he used to always say. Which, I mean, I get it.

Anything worth doing is worth coming about. If I'm going to have to do it, I'm going to come on it. That's right. Okay, let's just... I'm going to go grandparents, because it seems like there's more separation and i i can mentally separate grandparents from my parents a little better than my own parents there could be some dimension in there where maybe they don't know it's you

like that's what you hope for right yeah brian is that you what if that brought their memory back what if your your grandpa's got like He just can't remember And you come walking in there You're grinding and then he remembers Oh Joey! Still playing Little League? No I'm in the big leagues now That's right

And he just pumped his face Wow Immortality Night's Wednesday Here's Saturday big boy Grind your dick on He doesn't know who you are And you put your dick on his face He goes is it Brian?

Oh man And your grandma's like what? They start fighting And you're just fucking grinding She brings up something from years ago That she's been waiting to bring up we're waiting for his memory to come back oh geez louise um let's get out of this well we got to pick something i'm gonna pick receive i just don't feel like putting in the work for

the same amount of trauma i'll go i'll go receive my grandparents you're gonna get it from grandparents yeah because half i mean it's going to be half ass. Yeah. Getting out of the walker and all that stuff. They might fall down and have to just lay there. Break a hip. Yeah. So that's what you. It'd be fun to see grandma try it, wouldn't it?

Yeah. My inshore brings all the boys to the yard. They're like, it'd be awesome to see. Churning butter. Churning butter brings the boys to the yard. My casserole brings all the boys. My fruitcake brings all the boys my fruitcake brings all the

boys no it doesn't if you fucking bring it this swear to god grandma I don't want to see a fruitcake

anywhere near this place grandma besides you Brian alright let's go move on

hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about you know nothing actually you know

what I'm thinking about a lot babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I don't gross though. Yeah, I feel like I need a shower after that one. I feel like I need a shower after my Speedway adventure. Oh, yeah. Nice.

Yeah. Segway. So Speedway. Moving out to the Stateline Speedway. Yeah, what's going on out there? For people that have no idea what that's about. People that are familiar with Speedways, it's a Speedway. Big oval track.

But there's one right at the Idaho-Washington border. And it's been a while since I've been out there. And it was quite the adventure. Always is. I mean, aside from just the folks that show up on a regular basis to the Speedway. Want to know something funny? Yeah. Been to the Speedway once. Guess what I got to do?

Race? Yeah. I mean, would you say race? A NASCAR? A stock car? A stock car with three days grace? Allstate Joe? Noe no no allstate slow like i got to drive it and then like people you know film it you look i looked like i was

a fucking three-year-old that stole a car like when i was going fast and like have no idea what i'm doing i thought i was going fast turns out no idea what I'm doing, I thought I was going fast. Turns out, no. And all I could think about was, dude, if you fucking do something dumb, you're just like, for what? Yeah, and I was like, kids were super young at the time. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? So I took it real, real slow, but still thought I was putting in some work. And I'm a fucking idiot.

It probably feels a lot faster in the car than it looks. Yeah, because they're not built for comfort. No. So you're going, and you're probably, what, going fucking 60, and it feels like 700 miles an hour. Yeah. Because the whole inside's like... Yeah. Yeah, you're not, there's no...

Yeah, it's some Oldsmabuick from 86 that's been gutted out. Yeah. But a little different. Not that I thought it was easy to begin with but if you just think NASCAR is just people driving it's super easy, dude it's fucking terrifying there's such a difference between amateurs and pros

and everything, and that's a huge one it is crazy scary taking those turns going as fast as they do and then just put up everyone else doing it around you and inches apart. Yeah, I don't know. I'm a huge...

I love NASCAR. Well, racing in general, but NASCAR as a sport and F1 and stuff like that. So the Speedway... Back to the Speedway! The Speedway is actually... It's a fun place. But I had a little experience that I thought was kind of funny.

Went to the bathroom. And it's got one of those old troughs. Remember the troughs? Wouldn't have it any other way. For people, and a lot of women don't realize these exist. Even my wife, I told her about the troughs once and she was like, what? So it's

basically a fucking trough and everyone stands next to each other with their dongs out and just pisses in the same trough. Same bucket. It's for dick measuring. Yeah, picture just like a super long bathtub. Yeah. And mount it to the wall and piss in it.

Yep. That's what's going on. Yep. And so it's just splashing and all over that stuff. Sometimes they'll pour ice in it to stop the splashing and to have it flush itself automatically because the pee melts the water. It's like a... Or melts the ice into water. Like a... What do you call it? Dry that'd be fun kind of wait oh my god you know pee little holes in it this smell of peeing on dry ice and the steam coming off of it everything it's like

a sauna happy halloween just hot sauna piss oh trough what a disaster you know this is like the co2 that's coming off just everyone's passing out that's a bathroom i want to be a part of yeah i told me that i think the kids use the the porta potty whatever yeah i feel like i'm not no it was too high for them because the whole class of what we're going to talk about here is that things shouldn't be updated that are just perfect the way they are but the experience that i had here real quick was uh the dude that was next to me he was kind of older guy probably in like i don't know 50s 60s and he's just over he's over there standing there with a beer kind of rocking back and forth he just yes and i'm and i'm trying to just stare forward you know don't make contact like you know? Don't make eye contact.

You know, as you do. And he's just making these noises that I, like, I'm like, okay, I gotta see. Who is this motherfucker? Let's see what the hell is going on. So I look over, and I do, like, one of those, like, double take, like, what? Santa! The dude had, he was, grabbed, he grabbed his phone to talk on his phone had a beer in one hand and his dick was resting on the trough oh my god it was a big dick but it was so the trough edge and it's just hanging on the trough and peeing and i can see i can see the urine like popping

up and splashing and stuff and the male lion shows his dominance to the other lion. Yeah, he's establishing dominance. What you looking at, bitch? But I think he calls somebody that he's talking to. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm in the pisser. And I'm going to grab a nacho or something on the way out. And he's just talking. You don't have enough hands, sir.

No, dude. That's why. He's like, beer, phone, dick resting. Just dangling. There's not many grosser places to have your dick hang. No. I mean, dick hanging and touching the bowl in a public... That's how you get a dirty dick.

That sucks. It was right at that perfect height where, like, I'm 5'10", 5'11", and it's like, your dick's just above it, just enough to get over, so the kids don't stand a chance. Who's this fucking built for, Abraham Lincoln? This dude, this dude was like, the perfect height where it just rested. Right on it. And that's why he's always at the speedway. Yeah. They should make little like...

Little cutout? 3D printed dick holders. Oh, yeah. You walk in, the guy walks in, he's like... Pulls out of his pocket. Suctions on a fucking dick holder. Onto a trough urinal. In the merch store.

Yeah. Just dicking balls over the holder. Yeah, no, I'm in the bathroom. Yeah, I'm about to grab this guy's dick next to me. And he's like, excuse me? I'm out. Ha, just kidding. Yeah, I'll get the nachos.

I always thought it was funny. Like, even if you go to, like, a baseball game or something, like, I never bring a drink into the bathroom. I'll, like, set it outside or give it to somebody. The dudes that walk in there and set it on top of the urinal and take a piss. You know how I am with bathrooms anyway. But this dude doing everything plus dong hanging in the trough. And I'm just like, this is the Speedway, brother.

And it got me thinking like, this is why thinking, like, I hope this never changes. As gross as this is, like, this is part of it. You know, like an old pizza parlor. My favorite pizza parlor growing up, just the smell and the loud music in the arcade was so great, and then they burned down, they rebuilt it, and it's just like a sterile uh the cafeteria look yeah it's just like a like a fucking easy to clean surgery room you

know where it's just there's nothing and you go in there and you just like now we're just eating pizza like the pizza is still good but it's like it was the everything about it yeah like the like the the type of situation like a like a pizzeria bar whatever where you order what you want and then you don't have to pick your feet up to turn around like you just go thank you like and the floor is so greasy you just go oh yeah just rotate in one spot do like a little dance thank you like okay call your name when you're ready all right squeak and then just and no one that's part of it and then every step your feet are like they move like an inch away yeah yeah when you're ready. All right. Squeak. And then just. And no one. That's part of it. And then every step, your feet are like. They move like an inch away.

Yeah. Yeah. When you stand up straight and they start sliding apart. You and the cashier are both just slowly sinking. Here, take this phone. Okay. Just call each other as you slowly move into the splits. Number three, please.

Okay. Yep. That's the exact place or the bar that you go into that dive bar where it's like you're feeling you might get stabbed yeah one of those where i grew up i'll just give it a give it a shout out called grumpies i mean perfect it's just a shithole i mean it may food's fine if you're listening you're from my hometown you think it's boogum that it's not that good environment is good. And the bathroom is so terrible. And everything's always broken. There's not a quarter inch that's not full of writing and carvings. The entire bathroom is covered. And it's like, this is how it's supposed to be. And I hope that it never changes. And also for my hometown growing up, we had this rodeo grounds that, you know, I guess

as far as small towns go pretty big rodeo ground. And every time you went, you could die, which made it fun. Like you'd sit down and you're like, well, and you like stand up and look and it's just a fucking nail coming through. Like, Hey, can you you guys get down a couple I just sat on a fucking nail Yeah, oh, yeah, you got your tetanus shot recently And like there's up there was like update upside down cups And they would be covering bolts and nails so that other people wouldn't sit there just fucking dig a hammer and bend them over Yeah, and you'd be walking and then the board one board like and you'd sink down five inches like whoop and then that was the rodeo i wanted to go to

and then they just tore the whole fucking thing down now it's all nice and metal stands i never went again just took it away yeah that element of danger is what made it exciting you know and like you're sitting right there so close to the bulls that it should be illegal. There's a grandstand that's touching the cattle guard of the bull pen. And this bull just...

And his name's like fucking Cheese Nuts. Like whatever. The craziest bull name. Like Richard Dick Rocker. And you're like... Anybody from the stands want to come down and ride Richard Dick Rocker. And you're like, and there's like, anybody from the stands want to come down and ride Richard Dickknocker? And then some drunk, like,

18-year-old's like, oh! What do I win? 50-cent coin. Put me in, coach. It's like a free steak meal. A free flung. A free flung, yeah. A free flung, rodeo flung dog. A flung dog? Everybody in the stands, if he makes it eight seconds, then we'll get some flung. free flung rodeo flung dog flung dog everybody in the stands if he makes it eight seconds then we'll get some flung flung dog uh but yeah updating that bar like just things you

gotta leave them the state line speedway i hope they make it i hope that it doesn't get to a point where they're like listen you gotta get out of here but uh you have to update all this shit but i also a last thought before we move on to some, uh, some flung speaking of flung, uh, like you're, you mentioned that your,

your kids, the trough was too high, but thinking about going to state line speedway is kind of like the, like the rite of passage for you. Like you're, you're sitting in the stands, like boys, you guys are ready to go to the bathroom.

They're like, yeah. And you're like all right look at your wife like give her a little shoulder squeeze like i think this is this is it and you walk you walk through it and you just open the door and they go in there and look at the trough like you guys ready to be men and they're like dad i just don't think i'm ready it's okay it's all right i know it's not we don't need to rush this we don't need to rush this i'm like okay we try again next year okay it's like having that first beer with your kid you're like

all right and you walk out and you give him a pat on the back and look up to your wife in the stands and you're like yeah she's like thumbs down and she she sighs so next year she takes them into the girls bathroom because they're still that age where it's okay. We're still somewhat put together. He's not a fucking beer cell phone dick hanger. And you become friends with him to make sure he shows up when your boys finally are ready to use the trough and state line. I'm going to need you here. I'm going to need you here. This is part of the experience.

You were here when I... My daddy before me and his daddy. And then his family just has a bunch of dickhangers. Like, that's just what he does. His daddy before his daddy and his daddy before his daddy. He's standing outside the bathroom and you walk up and you guys, like, heading out of each other. And then your kids walk back out and he looks in and he goes, next year. We grew up together.

His kids. Next year. I mean, he's like, anyway, I still got to piss you. Yep. Walks in and goes, plant. Dick out. He's like. All right.

Real quick. So Chico's, that pizza place I was talking about. They used to have one of those. When you wash your hands, you know, those towels that's on the rotating thing. The rotator? So you try to find a dry spot to dry your hands. And so it's just a rotating towel dispenser that doesn't... Anybody that's not old enough or has never seen it,

it's basically just like a... Long towel. It's just a long towel that's on two pulleys. Or on two gears. And you just pull it, find a dry spot, and the next person comes up and pulls it down dry spot and it just dries itself with air somehow. Magic.

Usually if it's busy, it's just all wet. So you're like, you wash your hands and then you go to dry your hands and you're drying your hands in someone's wet spot from before. That's so fucking gross. Imagine that during COVID. Everyone outside is like wearing masks and standing six feet apart and you walk in the bathroom it's just a rolling

wet hand towel and a dude with his dick hanging over his dick over a trough wearing a mask you're just like is this a little mask on it. Yeah, dude. The bathroom is fucking... That's like... That's... That's... What do you call it? International waters. Yeah. It's wild in there.

I'm going to head back out there to state land. I haven't been to a race in a long... I used to go all the time. It was the boat races when we went last time. So there's... Trash and boats. Bunch of boats. Yeah.

All right. Let's get to the flog. All right. Some thick dicks. Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick dick.

I don't know if I'm crazy or if this is actually as funny as I think it is. But I really... We're going to give it a shot. Yeah, we're going to get in here and see what's going on uh woman can't stop cringing after employee spots unfortunate detail in her email signature okay so the the lady went to the social medias to share which i'm glad that she did but jessica stall didn't realize she'd been sending emails with an awkward signature for 10 years until her manager pointed it out. Pointed it out. That's a funny one to say.

Like, we ordered pizza. Right there. No, just like how it comes out of your mouth. Pointed it out. Pointed it out. Pointed it out. Like, when you say, like, I appreciate you. Like, I got...

I got... Anyway, safe to say that you're... I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Anyway, safe to say that you're more than fine. I appreciate you. I appreciate you very much. Okay, I appreciate it. Threesome sex.

Yeah. Pointed it out. Many of us keep the same email addresses for years, which can end up coming back to bite you. If you set up an email account with an unfortunate name

when you were a child, you've probably changed it in a bid to look more professional as an adult. Do you have one of those? Sweet tit 69. Had to retire that one. I still use

an old band email that we had in high school. I just was in charge of it and kept it alive. Make me cum, you big dumb bitch. Grandparents, parents, anal fuck,

diaper, boob sex, money drop at aol at aol.gov free cd you send an email it's like hit me up for a free 15 minutes aol cd but one area you may have forgotten to check is your email signature which i get because it doesn't show up when you're typing i mean it does now but it doesn't in every program you once you click send then it decides what's going to put that in there which is exactly what happened to this woman jessica stall from la had unwittingly been sending out a creepy or cringy message for 10 years so she went to

tiktok and she revealed that her manager confronted her about an email signature dedicated to canadian pop star Justin Bieber. Okay? I don't want to watch the videos, and if I don't have to... Okay, here we go. So, sharing the unfortunate moment on TikTok, Jessica said, How many aura points did I lose when I found out today that every email I've sent since I was 10 for my primary email has the auto-signature, I'm in love with justin bieber's new haircut

with about 18 exclamation points she's like oh we really got to get this thing whatever the the work thing is yes huge project i mean millions of dollars are are involved in what's going on. It's on the line. It's on the line. Her job is on the line. She's bidding. She's like outside contract. They're looking for a big, like a big job opportunity.

And she goes, okay, well, I love everything so far. Let me know if you have any questions, Jessica. I'm in love with Justin Bieber's new haircut, 18 exclamation points. I mean, it's not the worst thing. No, but it is weird. It's's so funny like 10 years of that shit i and i was looking around online and found some pretty fun ones i think one we did cover uh that somebody instead of writing kind regards was writing kind retards oh god like misspelled it and it was years of forgetting that they had that and they worked in that field so it's just kind retards and then why isn't anybody responding to these

emails it's like weird am i talking to myself per my last talking to her per my last email kind retards yeah she's not gonna get it and another one is like uh like a higher up in a business in their in their email signature they had the business name spelled wrong like just that gives you good confidence in the company like don't please please don't hesitate to reach out and then whatever it's like arby's but it's like argies like i don't think the CEO of Argy's. It's a completely different restaurant. It's right down the street, right next door. But I mean, that is so funny. Like using old emails for shit like that. There was a, like, I mean, I refuse to, unless I have to, unless it's like a crazy contract but um i haven't changed my voicemail greeting

since i was i think a freshman in college like when i first got a phone that had voicemail and it's the same one and i've never changed it through all these years luckily i've worked in like basically straight out of college was in radio and then i made it to podcasting after a decade there so as far as like the professional shit i'm doing some professional stuff like on the side of what we're doing now i mean not that this isn't professional but in a realm that wouldn't quite understand um yeah and i've when we first started calling each other you you fooled me several times. Yeah. And my voicemail, I probably could just play it.

Not that anyone cares. It's not that good. It's pretty funny. I made it to make fun of my brother. Like, he moved off into the professional world, and then I was still in college. So his voicemail greeting, you know, I'm not going to say who he works for and stuff, but it was aggressive,

but also professional. It was like, Hi, you've reached Baba Paisley with Baba Ba. Please leave your name and number after the beep. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks. Bye.

Like, he sounded like a robot. And so I changed it so that the next time he called me, I was making fun of it. Let me see. I'm going to call you. Oh, well, okay. Or can you just play it? I don't know. know let me go i think you can just play your oh here we go yeah you can just play your greeting uh taking a while to load let's see if i can just play it hi thanks for calling the voicemail box just kidding what so i was what 2020 i'm 39 now Just kidding. What? So I was, what, 20?

I'm 39 now? 20 years of that shit? That's pretty crazy. And people call. Contracts, money, money. Money, money. And if I don't pick up, that's what they get? It throws you off.

I'm lucky I don't even have a job at all. Yeah. I used to have MacGyver's message. Oh, yeah. It was the one he actually left from his phone in the show. Like the dentist office will call to reschedule an appointment. And that's what they get? Is that shit?

Also, the dentist office, I also uploaded a picture baby a baby's head with my face photoshopped on it so i mean you know i guess i don't take myself too seriously right but now yeah working with professional stuff and they call and if you miss if you miss their call that's what you get so i i empathize but also don't give a fuck for jessica sending those emails with the i'm in love with justin bieber's new haircut it's just such a funny thing to give a shit about what are you looking up over there this is macgyver we all know how these things work so when you hear the beep go for it that's what i had four years and i would get calls from yeah same thing like i i'd always done uh freelance work and stuff and i forgot i did that

in college too and forgot about it and then people would be like they leave this message or some people that get an email and be like i'm not sure if i reached the right person if i talk to you or there's a someone more mcgyver important yeah is there someone uh higher up yeah there's someone i can actually talk to that's not a fucking teenager idiot fuck face give me a call back uh yeah let me know i love that leaving a voicemail like is there something more important in like at the company you work for that i could talk to that's not like a fucking child idiot fuck face let me know i don't know let me know let me know hit me up all right let's move on to our next story okay you want to read it

yeah you do it okay you are gonna love this one i'm hoping that you haven't seen it man tossed beloved chicken To feed a hungry alligator At wildlife park Such a fucking dad move This one's gonna sting for Zach a little bit But this dude A man who tossed a beloved chicken

Known as Betty White To its death in an alligator pen Had simply wanted to feed the reptile His lawyer said Peter Smith 58 of Huntview In regional north south Wales To its death in an alligator pen, had simply wanted to feed the reptile, his lawyer said. Peter Smith, 58, of Huntview in regional north-south Wales, probably. Look at that fucking guy. Idiot.

Pleaded guilty. Tuesday, reminiscence terrorist local court to one count of aggravated animal cruelty. Defense lawyer. Fucking very unusual matter. Half of the story is people saying that they said something. Fuck off. Okay.

He said Smith had simply fed a chicken to a hungry alligator in a wildlife park. Sir, how do you plead? Hungry. What do you mean, how do I plead? Guilty. Okay. I'm feeding the hungry. I did it.

I did it. I mean, I did it. Who the fuck wouldn't? feeding the hungry. I did it. I did it. I mean, I did it. Who the fuck wouldn't? He's hungry. He's hungry. We asked me, suing you for alligator hungriness. I'm going to get a hold of PETA. Mm-hmm.

And you want to starve alligators? You want to starve alligators? Why do I want to fucking kill chickens? I'll see you in court. Who's more important, alligators or chickens? Age-old question. He's like. That's what important, alligators or chickens? Age old question. That's what my dad always used to ask. Alright, get him out of here.

Alright, bailiff. Get the fuck out of here. He said that there was an old age adage. Never smile at a crocodile. But this was a happy alligator after feasting on Betty White. The defense lawyer said Smith had no criminal record, was a grandfather, and had grown up in the country.

Just wanted to feed an alligator. Goddamn. When something's hungry, you feed it. I know this grandpa. That's what you do. I know this grandpa. When I was hungry, what did I do? I fed myself.

He doesn't quite get it. No. He's in the courtroom, everyone's dressed up. Like, why are you guys all dressed up? I know those guys. They're just like, you don't get it. He's wearing his polo tie. Yeah.

What are you guys wearing? Suits? I'm giving chicken to an alligator. Seriously, I don't get what the problem is. Why am I here? Is it just me? I'll get you another chicken. I got fucking 4,000. I got a whole barn of chickens. want one oh you can have you want chicken i'll get you chicken i got cages in cages

of chickens and i feed them to alligators there's betty blue and betty pink betty pink betty orange betty red betty dead betty red than dead betty red than dead it's my dad used to always say never smiled crocodile been a while it's smile here and here than a crocodile in a dentist chair sir please sit down guilty sir chicken Popeye's please just say all your grandpa I agree that boy said never smile crocodile throw chicken in an alligator pit fuck you sir you can't get your skull out fuck you can't fucking take you up spitting in a can yes gosh there from cup up there?

If you don't, I'll spit on the desk. I'm going to fucking feed this chicken to another alligator. No, he's sitting on the desk, but he's spitting underneath the desk. Or just into his shirt. Into his shirt pocket. I've got some on my bolo. You guys have to control this motherfucker. Okay, keep going.

This is a guy that's going to keep feeding alligators chickens. When I get out of prison, I'll feed another fucking chicken to whoever I want. When told the maximum penalty for aggravated animal cruelty in NSW is two years imprisonment and a fine of $24,000. Nothing to make fun of then.

Perry said nothing to make fun of then. Renz said it was not making fun of the. Perry said nothing to make fun of then. Rins, throwing a wrench into this thing. Rins said it was not making fun of the case, but 750 million chickens were killed each year. What's one chicken? Yeah. Go ahead, Zach. Is this in Australia? New South Wales?

It's got to be. Yeah. Crikey, fuck then. Crikey, fuck. That makes sense. I mean, yeah, it's either got to be in Louisiana or Australia. I mean, yeah, it's like a it's either got to be in like Louisiana or Australia. Nowhere. I mean, Alabama. Yeah, I mean the whole

southeast. Texas thing. Yeah, it's a southeast thing you wouldn't understand. You know, I guess we should probably be talking about where crocodiles are, but go ahead. Well, we'll get there after a while. I get it. Um. He refused Well, we'll get there after a while. I get it.

He refused to comment outside court. Court documents revealed police claimed Smith committed an act of aggravated cruelty on Silky Bantam Chook between 2.57 and 3.10 January 2nd, Oakville Farm and Fauna World set Salt Ash. I'm just picturing this documentary on Netflix. Yeah, dude. Would you watch it? Yeah, it's like the Tiger King. Chicken Killer. Alligator Feeder. Who Killed Betty White.

Oh. And it's just a crocodile as the background. I love that. It gets everybody to think it's the actress Betty White. I like it. Clickbait. Cluckbait. Hey-o! Still got it. Okay, this is the first time in 43 years that we've had a member of a public, allegedly,

engage in such cruelty in what is an animal sanctuary. Betty Huat was hand raised at the park and it played a crucial role in our endangered species breeding program. For the bush stone curlew and other species providing surrogacy to the chicks. And this guy just fucking threw an alligator. What an impulse. He's like, God, that alligator looks hungry. Animals. Let's see what we got over here. He just grabs it by the neck.

There you go. Like fucking grandpa. Jesus Christ, grandpa. Never smell a crocodile. Look at him feast. I told you he was hungry. Food chain. He's rolling around in the water.

He's going to eat some floss, getting those feathers out. With some floss around here. Fuck me. Goes over, just rips down a fucking internet cable. Hops down there, starts flossing. There you go. Guys like that, they just do things that need to be done. You know, they don't sit back and wait.

Because this chicken is just in this cage. Yeah, it's just in the way. Fucking. This is a guy that takes charge and doesn't wait around for, like, for the government, the red tape. He doesn't wait for red tape. No, he's there. He's the reason there is red tape. Yeah.

And yellow tape and every tape you can imagine yeah all right oh yeah so it goes to say it's perfect to snatch up betty white because people would feed the chicken pellets and then she's like you know being comfortable being there for fucking 43 years chickens live that long no no the sanctuary is 43 yeah he was so chickens are what do they got four or five six years sometimes fuck yeah that's if they're if they're kept well yeah yeah but just like i picture him just walking over like come here that gets the pellets out then he's just like and fuck you and just like just whips it fingerless leather gloves like that that uh that that plaid shirt that's tucked over the belly into the belt buckle oh yeah that's good with the bolo that's the grandpa

i smells like cigarettes i just want a picture too like just how casual this was he's just they're like look at that gator he's like oh man and he just walks over there casually grabs it and just fucking or he's Or he's just walking by. He's got the grandkids, like one of the park rangers or whatever you call them. It was like, it's about time to feed the alligators. And he's just walking. He goes, gotcha. Just grabs it and just hook shot.

Throws Betty White in the woman. The woman's like, oh, is everybody ready to watch the alligator eat? And he just chucks him in there. And she's like, oh, is everybody ready to watch the alligator eat? And he just chucks him in there and she's like, save you some time. She pulls out a bag of pre-cut food for the alligator. Oh, God. And he's just like, got it. Hook. And throws it in.

Sky hooks it. And then high fives the park ranger. Done. Done. Saved you a fucking day. Did I just do your job for you? Saved that for dinner. Bing bong.

Where's the hippo? Bing bong. Where's the giraffe? Oh, God. I paid 15 bucks for this? Get these fucking chickens out of here. Where's the hippo? Okay, one last story. Then we gotta get flying here.

But I just found this fascinating. Do you guys know a bunch of twins in your life? Do you guys ever have a... Not a bunch, but I know a few sets. And anything creepy about them? It's creepy in general. Yeah, we got that. I have a set of twins that...

I couldn't tell them from each other for a a while and then once you get to know them and they're your friend now they don't even look the fucking same right did you ever do the one thing where you put your finger in both their butts yeah and then ask them a question about their favorite colors or whatever yeah of course that exact thing yeah when i was in high school there was a set of twins i knew one of them but i didn't really know the other one. And then when you see one of them, that's the other one. But then you think that they know you because you know the one that's... You know me. It's a completely different person that you don't know.

I'm sure. But they look like the person that you know. So you think that you're like, wave at them. And they're like, who are you? But you're like, you know me. Listen, I'm not going to explain it again. You're someone who looks exactly like he knows all about me you just need to do your twin they'll fill you in later all right so this is fucking crazy a set of identical twins went on a uh on separate vegan and meat diet to see if they would make a difference okay

identical twins were challenged to go on a polar op This isn't the fucking story I wanted What the fuck is this How did I find the wrong fucking story This is dumb This is not what I wanted Get out of here They must have changed the link Because this is not

Okay hold on They both look like they did pretty good on their diets that's not the story i wanted at all they must have the website i went to must have switched the link out and been like this is the new clickbait one this one's way better yeah so it's getting more ads yeah i i remember enough about it to go find it again is it the same twins though uh like different people oh yeah this is it okay i found it let me get let me get in here yeah why did they switch it out what the fuck was that no i don't want to close up with their faces come on where's the link oh there they are again okay we're gonna we're gonna find it we're gonna

find it guys don't panic don't panic 42 okay here we go i'm gonna try again ready so these are wait hold on we're gonna have to deal with some pay for it deal with some ads or don't even bring it up on the screens i'll just read okay here we go sorry about that everybody it was the link was accurate yesterday or two days ago so here we go these are the the Jim twins. When identical twins, James Arthur Springer and James Edward Lewis were reunited last February after spending all but the first four weeks of their 39 years apart, they discovered that despite the long separation, their lives had identical twins grew up and they're crazy. The similarities are nuts. Identical twins who grew up separately provide a rare opportunity to study how environmental versus hereditary influences human development.

Nature versus nature? Right. So here we go. This is what happened when they got back together 39 years later. Each married and then divorced a woman named Linda. And their second wives were both named Betty. Whoa. Okay, so we could stop right there.

That's enough right there. Springer named his first son James Allen. Lewis named his first son James Allen. Again, didn't even know each other. Each man grew up with an adopted brother named Larry. What? Larry Liverlips? Oh, Liverlips.

An adopted brother named Larry. During childhood, each owned a dog named Toy. Both twins had law enforcement training. This isn't real. Yes, and had worked part-time as deputy sheriffs in their Ohio towns that were 70 miles apart. They grew up 70 miles apart. Mm-hmm. They shared many common interests such as mechanical drawing, block lettering, and carpentry.

And both said that their favorite, I think what was their favorite color? Their favorite school subject was math and their least favorite was spelling. They vacationed at the same three block long beach near St. Petersburg, Florida, both getting there and back in a Chevrolet. Their smoking and drinking patterns were nearly identical uh and it just i mean it goes on to a couple other different ones but just what the fuck a lot of twin studies are like that too the famous twin study it was just like uncanny how similar they were including those things where they married the same lady name same dog named the same dog.

I love that Larry had nothing to do with it. Like the kids were picking out who they were going to adopt. Like, no, I'm not living with anybody but Larry. Odds of that are nuts. Larry or nothing. Yeah, that's the weird thing. Let's go to the weird thing let's let's go to the the wife thing uh the odds like the odds that you would go into wanting to date someone because her name is linda already is weird like it's but the fact that like who who's named linda anymore anyway

no i don't think you don't hear any linda so they both found a Linda? Yeah, I got a mom's friend. Linda's an older name, so it's even more rare now to have two women named Linda. And then move on to a Betty? And in that same area? Fuck, Dad, that's wild. I know. But I just thought that'd be a fun one to bring in. That's insane. Yeah.

All right, let's move on to some good news. Another wild tale. That's kind of good news. Oh, yeah, it's fun. It's fun good news. It's super fun let's move on to some good news. Another wild tale. That's kind of good news. Oh, yeah, it's fun. It's fun good news. It's super fun. Let's just keep the good news. The whole show's good news.

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling. Because you know what? Look what I found after that. Also, great news. Rolling. See you at the end. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

We are doomed. Yeah! Hey! What are you doing? Kick my water over. Hooray, we aren't doomed Yeah! Hey! What are you doing? Kick my water over? Another kind of separation at birth type situation Oh yeah But also some good news

Do you want to read this one or do you want me to read it? Yeah, I'll read it because I actually saw this yesterday Fuck yeah, you did Do I pick this song for you? Yeah, fuck yeah. Boy Abducted! Alright. Boy Abducted from California at age

six, found alive more than 70 years later. Oakland, California. Luis Armando Albino was six years old in 1951 when he was abducted while playing in Oakland. God, just playing.

Well, it's the same thing that happened when the Jaws of Life was Yeah, dude. Wasn't that Oakland at a playground? That sounds like Oakland. Yeah. All took down. At Oakland, California Park. Now more than seven decades later, is it Albino or Albino? I'm going to say Albino just because that's funner. Okay. Albino has

been found thanks to help an online ancestry test. Old photos and newspaper clippings. The Bay Area News Group reported Friday that Albino, his niece in Oakland with assistance from police, the FBI, and Justice Department located her uncle living on the East Coast. Wild ride. Did she just have this weird feeling that he was alive or what?

I think so. Because that's so bizarre. I know. You'd think after 70 years they would have given up. 70? 70. I thought you said seven. Fuck it.

Yeah, whatever. We're not going to find him. I don't know. The chances we're going to find him. I don't know. It's been a week. I'm tired. Seven days.

Albino, the father and grandfather of a retired firefighter and Marine Corps veteran who served in Vietnam, according to his niece, 63-year-old Alida Alecwin. She found Albino and reunited him with his California family in June. That's just the lineup of hearing 63-year-old niece. I know. Yeah, she's already old too Yeah, at some point. It's like nah. You're just a person now On February 21st I 51 if woman lured the six-year-old albino

Now it sounds funnier this little albino kid From the West Oakland Park where you've been playing with his older brother and promised that Puerto Rico born boy in Spanish that she would buy him candy. Classic. That shit doesn't work anymore. Instead, the woman kidnapped the child, flying him to the East Coast where he ended up with a couple who raised him as if he were their own. That's crazy. Here, he's yours now.

I got what you wanted. They probably paid her to kidnap a kid, huh? Isn't that wild? And then he's just like, hello. I love how people are like, God, you're just the world today, man. It's just, it's never been like this. It's just crazy that that, and that was 70 years ago. It's always been.

Yeah. It's weird that it just got bad now. Family member didn't say where he lived. For more than seven years old, Albino remained missing, but he was always in the hearts of his family, and his photo hung at relatives' houses. His niece said his mother died in 2005

but never gave up. Oh, that sucks. That her son was alive. But at least he didn't just miss it. Yeah, he shows up and it's like two weeks early. She died in like 2023 yeah like just trying to find him her whole life so i mean 2005 20 years that's yeah didn't just miss it so that there's there's the good news but in the grand scheme of his life it's pretty close right he was 50 when she died yeah he had no see so much happened over the last 20 years.

That's, so that's my, that'd be my youngest getting kidnapped and was growing up with a different family. Yeah. It's so weird. He's like, bye. And I'm like, wait, where are my mom and dad? Where are your mom and dad? Now. Now.

With some candy? I mean, it was just like. Do you have some candy? Like, you think about. Do you have some and dad now now with some candy all right i mean it was just like like you think about the kid is like the ancestry websites and shit like that like it finds you hear about the the stories of families getting reconnected and then all but you hear about the crazy side of being like oh finding out you had 400 fucking siblings because some sperm doctor was just shoving his sperm in pussies. Yeah. Or murder is getting caught. And it's just a nice reminder that you can also be reunited with your family 70 years later.

And it feels so good. It feels so good. They hugged, they left and he left. He goes, you guys suck compared to my other fucking family. I'm going to go back to my real family. See ya.

What a waste of time. Why don't you guys bring me your dorks? Came all this way in my wheelchair. You guys suck. Bye. All right. Okay. This is going to blow your mind.

I hope it does anyway. Let's move on. Look what I found. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple.

Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! I don't know, Phil. I don't know if it was last week. We've just talked about the fucking Gravitron so much. I love a good Gravitron. That I don't recall exactly when we talk about this thing.

But let me, I'm not even kidding. The Gravitron found me okay which it does you know just like the you know the family the kid found the family right they didn't pay gravitron found me kidnapped i wasn't out there looking for the gravitron i wasn't paying somebody to to kidnap the gravitron. It pulled me in. You get it. Yeah. Because of its gravitational pull. Oh, wrong one. Oh, yeah. It did.

And then I also went on a bit of a rabbit hole and had this realization. I'm not sure if Zach and Brian, do you guys know that you can just buy amusement park rides? Like on commission or like the ones that are. No, you just go buy them right like you can just go get the sizzler if you go to wisdomrides.com you know what looked good next to our trampoline a fucking sizzler oh yeah so i was just fucking off on the internet, and I'm not sure if it was listening to us doing the podcast, phone could have been, whatever. But a Gravitron popped up.

Whoa! From 1991 for $48,000. Yeesh. You could get a Ford Explorer or a fucking Gravitron. What? Dude, put that in your backyard live in it yeah as long as it's not spinning you're fine or just get used to it or maybe that's your alarm in the morning it kicks on at like seven or eight and just all the slides. Clank, clank, clank, clank, clank. The smell of throw up, have that injected in there. That's stained in there.

That's not leaving. I mean, any ride that has a hose running next to it, you know, is going to be a fucking good time. Carnivals are so fucking weird. I remember learning that from my stepdad when I was young. He goes, if there's a hose on next to it. It's going to be fun. it it's gonna be fun you're gonna be in for a ride so the zipper always had one gravitron always had one sizzler didn't have one the hurricane do you remember the fucking hurricane dude there are three gravitrons yeah but some sales a lot of these got a call for pricing But I'll tell you we don't have to call for it. Click on that Sizzler picture.

Bottom left. Click on it. Oh, shit. I mean, it's a lot. That's the... Well, I guess, yeah. That's the fucking... No, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just the fucking picture. That's the Scrambler.

That's what we call it. That's what we call it. It's the Scrambler. No, that's just Moses Lake. Get out of here. Scrambler. It was a scrambler. No, that's just Moses Lake. Get out of here. Scrambler. It's because you guys couldn't. It scrambles you. No, it's not. You're not an egg.

Well, it's like an egg beater. They're like little four egg beaters. Listen, you're not wrong. I know. There could be a scrambler and a sizzler. Copyright infringement. Right. Yeah.

But $235,000 for the sizzler. God. Which feels steep. Yeah, it does. Especially, how old is that thing? That can't be... It'll tell you the year right on there. No, it doesn't show the year.

What? That's how... Make and model. Wisdom. Set up space. You need 60 feet. Circle. Oh, yeah, I got that.

But it probably comes on a trailer, right? You just... Trailer mount. Dude, you could just pull that into a Walmart parking lot and set up a line and be like, come on, get it. Yeah, you pull that right like a Walmart parking lot and set up a line and be like come on get it yeah you pull that right into a Walmart

parking lot get a fucking arrested shit pays for itself if you just rolled around and set up Sizzlers and leave

yeah just without a permit for no reason just pull up to your local park beep beep

beep shhh alright five bucks just pull up to your local park. Beep. Beep. Beep. Alright. Five bucks. Come get sizzled. Dude, my dream of being a carny. Yeah. I mean, how many rides do you need to be a carny? Is it just one?

Pretty much. Yeah, well. You tell me. I don't know, you tell me. What's it going to take? You tell me. I just got here. But I love 300 grand for the Cobra.

I mean, the Tornado. Well, it's labeled as the Cobra. Oh, we'll go down. But then there's another. The top's just a banner. Oh, yeah. The Tornado was down here. They got the big slide.

You can just buy these fucking things. Yeah, you need a permit to set it up, but you can just get them? That never crossed my mind. You just call them up right now and be like, I'll take the Gravitron? What? Oh, remember this thing? Yeah, the Tilt-A-World. Well, that's not the Tilt-A-World.

That's the Wipeout. Oh, it's a knockoff. Fuck this company. But I'm sure you could get the Tilt-A-World, too. Oh, dude, the Tilt-A-World. The Round dude the tilt in the roundup tilt was my favorite uh growing up i think fucks you up dude all of these that's a that's a simulator yeah believe me i looked into it 20 grand well yeah because that's a small space though you get a lot of fucking vr headsets for 20 grand yeah shit sucks weak but uh anyway you can just get them. I love this, and then we'll move off to

the next thing, but Wisdom Rides of America. If wisdom builds it, it will make money. Is that a fucking guarantee? Oh, man. It will. It better be a guarantee. It will make money. Okay.

Well, why are you selling all these used ones? Yeah, no shit if it's making that much money wisdom No one's selling a fucking Gravi trunk. It's not making a mill Dude, oh shit. Look I went to the kitty ones. There's like the Frog Hopper thing that no that's out at Silverwood Yeah, it is it so we got a carrier loves you got a call from pricing check that That's the kiddo coaster I've been talking about with the wood planks you gotta set up gotta call for pricing

fuck anyway you can just go buy a fucking Gravitron if you want guys that's insane I know alright let's hear it

from the kids see hey you guys alright let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool.

Your kids, can I have a sleepover at Ezra's house? What does he have that we don't? A fucking Gravitron? And you're like, fuck, I'm staying over too. Dude, that's the topper. No one's going to top that. How could you? Yeah, fuck a pool.

Yeah, it's like, of course pool everyone's got a swimming pool these days just put a blow up swimming pool inside the Gravitron? yeah I mean who fucking cares yeah it's yours it's your Gravitron all the cool tricks you could do the last time I checked this was my Gravitron

riding it by yourself it's like you're walking late at night like kids are in bed Last time I checked, this was my Gravitron. Writing it by yourself? It's like you're walking late at night, like kids are in bed. Yeah, you're like, okay, I'm going to go give the Gravitron a spin. I can see you trying to like jerk off in it. You're setting it up. It always had like fucking... Fucking Metallica, dude.

The door's like... Your wife's trying to sleep. And it just lights in the fucking window. And you're just like, Oh, yeah! Yeah! Ow! Let's go backwards. Back in black.

Oh, God. So this is fresh in my memory. You gotta fight! Right! Say your prayers! We were just at the fair. Spokane Fair. So my kids rode all these rides.

So this is fresh dude And that's what made that's go back to the carny thing like it was always fucking Guns N' Roses Metallica and just some dude with a mullet just oh I Miss those days not a Spotify insight. That's one thing, you know, like we're talking about how You don't better things like keep keep it the way it was we don't need this thing new that's the that's the carnival oh if they haven't updated anything if the fair gets nice fucking i'm getting mean yeah that's what my dad used to say that's right the only thing that they've done is they got rid of real carnies and put people who don't speak english and then they changed it from real tickets to stamps um no uh cards oh that's a big

move yeah which i don't have that north idaho it's just cool but it's still over there you can't talk trash to carnies anymore and you there's nothing there's no physical just there's nothing there's no exchange of anything. Which sucks. The old man and he's coming out. Yeah. And certain things just shouldn't be you're in touch.

I yearn for that old fucking carnival, man. I hear you. I hear you. Sorry. Rotator cuff. Can't play. Alright, let's hear from

some of the kids. Our first email coming in from our big honk honk driving son, Austin. Hey! Hey, rubber ducky, what you doing, Tony? Who writes, hey, daddies and Uncle Zach. After Joe talking about crosswalks in front of the grocery stores, I had to send in my experience. Fuck those people.

So I'm a FedEx driver, and my old route had me delivering to a Walmart and a Kroger in town. Walmart was great, and I could get around back to the loading dock and deliver, but Kroger had to be at the money center in the store. I don't know what that term is, but I'm guessing right in front. Now, mind you, this is the middle of summer in north central Indiana. It's about 95 degrees out, and for the people in the back, our trucks do not have air conditioning! The back of the truck gets up to 115, 125 degrees as soon as 1030 a.m. That's why they got the door off.

Yeah, they're just like, how's my driving? I don't know, close your door. And it's like that all day. So the stop sign was right before the entrance, and of course with the building to the right, a thick hell yeah. Oh yeah! Brick pillar blocked sight of the entrance. So I basically hoped nobody was coming and just

creeped through the crosswalk to the other side and parked to unload. Giggity. Chains out there's a guy. You coming in my crosswalk? Are you coming in my dock? Dozens of times I've had to slam on my brakes to people just blindly walking out of the store i

know i fucking get it so finally it happened i stop nobody is coming from the parking lot so i slowly pull forward right in the middle of the crosswalk and catch someone out of my passenger mirror it's a lady staring at her phone with grocery bags and she full-on slams into the side of my truck think of when you watch someone walk into a clear glass door. God, that's good. Smashed her phone straight into her stupid face. I immediately started laughing as I pull up to the parking spot, then composed myself to get out and check on her. While Karen is at my door screaming at me that I could have killed her and blah, blah, blah. bottle up all my road rage since I'm in uniform and in a giant white delivery truck that is two times

bigger than any Ford, Chevy, or Ram on the road. As she is screaming at me for a minute or so, a couple in their late 30s and another dude in his mid 40s just start laying into this lady, calling her a fucking idiot for just blindly walking into traffic without even looking. She gets

super pissy and just walks to her car. I thank those people for defending me and saying and calling her all the names I couldn't, but I wanted to. If you walk out of the store like that, and don't at least look and wait for the wave, you should be kicked in the nuts or twat repeatedly. Love the show, and if Brian could please do Jesse Ventura telling us about his trips to Baja. Not sorry for the long email.

Wake up. There's a gas leak. Well, I tell you, down in the Baja, you better watch where you're walking at all times because there are thousands of stray dogs. Yeah. You can't just stop. He did, though.

You want to read the next one? In the Baja. He did, though. All right. You want to read the next one? All right. Read it. Hi, daddies. Joe and Brian with a Y and creepy Uncle Zach. Was just listening to the latest episode where Brian was talking about the disposable camera he found.

This is an old email. Be very careful with those. When I was in college, I worked for a national pharmacy chain in the photo lab. Just say Walgreens. Go ahead. Had a lady come in with a disposable camera, and she found... This picture was going... And she found it in a drawer.

Didn't know what was on it. It was only half full, so she let her daughter use it. I processed and printed out the photos. Thankfully, she returned while I was still working. While wringing her out, she brought her daughter in with her. Maybe eight-ish years old. I told her she needed to look at the order first.

It fell on deaf ears. She's probably on her phone, walking into the wall or something. Bah! I stared directly in her eyes and told her again she needed to go through them she grabbed the envelope back from her daughter and

opened up the envelope to see four pictures of a guy I went to high school with we were about 15 years younger than her butt naked posing on a bed facial expression said it all those pictures those nudes Buck naked, posing on a bed. Facial expression said it all. Those pictures. Those nudes.

They hit a little bit different, don't they? Yeah, disposable camera nudes. Not the best lighting, I'm sure. A flash. Just. As the charge recharges. Yeah. Or the flash recharges. The flash recharges? Yeah. Or the flash recharges?

The flash recharges. Take another one. I can't. I can't. The old, the grinding of that gear. Okay. Now try it again. Cup your balls.

Like this? Yeah. All right, try cup it with the other one. Yeah. Cup each ball with each hand. With that wood paddling background.

Oh, yeah. Just brown. Like the basement wood paddling that we all had? You know what's funny? The laminate? Dude, what's funny about the way that the people that didn't grow up in the 80s see the 80s and they picture like bright colors. I just remember everything was wood, like fake wood and brown.

They're like, ashtrays were brown. Just everything was brown. Tables brown. Granted, there were... Granted? Granted. Get it? Yeah.

Nice. Granted. Granted, there were colors. But your house... Movies didn't use them. Out in the media space. The house was for depression! The house was brown

and yeah. I don't know how to say it. Sadness at home, happy out there! The cigarette smoke and just brown and you walk out into this colorful world. Sad, happy, sad, happy! Bowling alley, happy!

Home, sad! No wonder we grew up on anxiety medication Brian As far as your reading issues It's not your fault You weren't able to attend Derek Zoolander's Center of Kids

Who Can't Read Good You may never be An auto Whatever that is Auto Lair Auto laryngologist Oh

Cause of the throat Due to your Hip pot Is that a real word? Otolaryngologist. Oh, because of the throat. Due to your hipot... Is that a real word? I doubt it. Hippopotamonstrosis quipdolophia. But that's okay. Is that the fear of hippos? Could be.

Nice. Your long forgotten one night stand love child, Josh. Oh, well, I appreciate that. Come visit me in the Baja. Bring your disposable camera. Bring your disposable camera. We'll take nudes out in front of grocery stores. All right, let's get off to the bonus stuff.

If you want to hear that, just support us on Patreon. Think about it. Just head over there. We've got hours and hours and hours of content that you've never heard. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Check out ScatCast. Thanks, Uncle Zach, for doing that, doing all the things that he does over in the ScatCast universe. You can check that out at ScatCast.com.

That's scat with a K. CanYouDon't socials, posting stuff on there, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube version for all the video shit. You can find that on our YouTube channel and then send something

into the show. Hey guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com and a thanks to our babysitters for moderating the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. Previously mentored Facebook.

Alright, let's wrap it up. Zach! Good God. wrap it up already good god did my homework did my research this is real I was like there's no way but this is real something you can't make up

you tell me if you're drunk or violent in Japan police will take a plastic sheet and roll you up like a burrito. Come on, guys. Come on. Is this burrito talking? And I was like, there's no fucking way. Yes.

Police in Japan rarely ever resort to violence as they choose to deescalate the situation at hand first. After the wrapping, police will take the drunk or violent person to the station to let them calm down. Good thing there was two Ps in that, after the wrapping. Yeah. It's the same thing you would do to a toddler. You're just like, no. You just hold them. Hold their arms so they can't move.

I do this. I grab opposite arms and I wrap them around this way, like like a stray jacket or like putting your hand out and holding someone's head and they're like trying to punch you come on you're like calm down this is the adult version of that when you're drunk like what are you gonna do about it and they're just like you're like fuck saran wrap and they just wrap you up. And like, how embarrassing. Laying outside of like a popular club wrapped up in plastic. Fuck you guys. No, fuck you, buddy. Yeah, you're still talking trash.

You're like trying to get momentum to roll down the sidewalk. And the cop's just like, puts his foot out and stops you. Yeah, he just puts it there. Come on. Come on, I his foot out and stops him. Yeah, he just puts it there. Come on. Come on. I can't. You're lucky. The judge told me if I could put into one more burrito.

Come on. And it's like. Officer, make this man a burrito, please. Yeah. It's making like plastic noises. Come on. We can talk this out. The time for talking is out. The time for talking

is past. The time for burritoing. Be quiet, my little taco. We can't taco about it. We can't taco about it. You're a burrito. Come on.

All right, let's get out for the bonus stuff. Love you guys. Do the bye. Super fun. Bye. Outro Music