Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Spray Tan. Ratchet Strap. Drywall. I'mBleedingOut.

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Here's the situation. Your car has just been stolen and it sucks. Added bummer... your child was inside that car. Triple dummer, Volkswagen won't track the car because you haven't signed up for their tracking service. Let's talk about that, pounding Hulk Hogan's spray tanned vajay, your husband refusing to park his big-ass truck outside the garage, not getting mad in traffic because of some concerning bumperstickers, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/Ie1vL3Qa50kSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

spray tan, ratchet strap, drywall, I'm bleeding out I don't have my gloves on yet because I want you to see them going on. Oh. It's like watching you slip into something more comfortable. Yeah. I love how you have to do this, too. Well, you have a choice.

Can you imagine? You can't just put them on. Let me try that. Let me try to just slide them on. Put them on without pulling extra? No. You can, I guess, guess but you need to squeeze the fingers yeah you gotta really get it down this is great tv for those listening yeah they love it

episode 78 yeah did you know that we have over 6 million hours of content what i've heard 6 million just bonus Did you know that? So what are we talking, like 15 million of regular? Yeah. Something like that? At least. That's at least 17 trillion football fields. We're back to the Triassic period. Someone's doing a triathlon, am I right?

No, but we have a ton of bonus content. They get to everybody who supports us on Patreon. If you are not signed up, you can find the link in the episode description. But it's also fairly easy to remember. Go to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast on top of the bonus content. That is easy. Thank you. Wow.

Tell me more. You can do it. Yeah, baby. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more On top of the exclusive merch And the bonus content And the ad free stuff

You also Get to Are you fucking ready for this I'm trying to find the right thing I'm just rocking out over here dude Fucking mad I thought it was going to be way cooler No but every single

week we answer questions that are sent in by the gaggle. So head over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Send in stuff you

want to hear on the regular show to heyguys at can you don't podcast.com. We got some new merch. We talked about it

last week and we were recording like weeks and weeks in advance. We didn't really know what we had, but we have Christmas merch, which the deadline is approaching to order that, and then make sure 100% that you get it in time for your Christmas party.

Was that your knee? That was my knee. Jeez. I thought you were big. That's not a bomb, people. Just my knee. Cracking pencils? Yeah.

Snapping pencils and necks. They won't sharpen right. I came here to snap necks and pencils, and I'm all out of pencils. Yeah. Snapping pencils and necks. They won't sharpen right. I came here to snap necks and pencils, and I'm all out of pencils. And play darts. That's a long t-shirt. It is a really long t-shirt. Came here to snap pencils and sharpen pencils and snap necks and play darts. And get a free t-shirt.

And I'm all out of pencils. They're like, I don't. And you just bullseye every time. No, but we also have Not-A-Bomb. Not-A-Bomb. Not-A-Bomb. Not-A-Bomb. Also Not-A-Bomb.

You can find those t-shirts. And then we have our first ever baby merch. We thought it was funny to put Ticking Bomb on top of that. So if you have the Not-A-Bomb, and then your partner has the also not a bomb, and then the baby has ticking bomb, that's funny. So we did it. The actual bomb. The actual bomb.

And anybody who's ever had tiny kids, that's exactly what they are. It's a fucking ticking bomb. That would be fun at an airport. Yeah, just see if you get on. I want to see somebody wearing that at an airport. Yeah, just see if you get on the board. You can either bring a switchblade or wear those shirts, and then both of them will make you get checked by security.

So, up to you. Give it a shot. I mean, worst case scenario, you still get your TSA. I mean, how many times have you been kicked out of the airport? I learned a good lesson about government. If you accidentally bring a switchblade through security one time, you get banned from TSA pre for one year. But if you do it two times, you get banned from TSA Pre for one year. But if you do it two times, you get your TSA Pre check back.

That's pretty sweet. Yeah. You just have to pay, like, whatever, $250. I want to bring, like, a sword. Maybe I can just get it quicker. And the first time you do, one year, no TSA Pre. Just immediately come back and be like, oh my god, another sword. And I don't know.

You might get it right back. They might be like, you know, this guy's such a goofball. Let's let him get out of here. A little silly goose bringing his switchblade. No one that can afford this many swords is putting bombs in their shoes. That's true. Yeah. That's just the rule I live by. I want to see that in the news.

Like, airplane passenger threatens crew with sword. With samurai sword. Like samurai sword. Yeah. Which he said, quote, I promise I won't get this out. I promise to holster my sword.

Quote, end quote. That'd be so uncomfortable to sit with in an airplane. Guy, he's just adjusting and his sword's like... He's got the middle seat and it's just poking up in between him and the the fat guy and oh it's getting caught on the armrest and he's like like yanking it around all the time i heard one of the funniest things i've heard from uh a guy on an airplane when i was traveling back from vegas after the game there's a lot of yeah it's a lot of qualifications so the bar must be real low.

The funniest thing I've ever heard from a guy wearing black shoes with blonde hair on an airplane to L.A. You don't hear a lot of funny things on an airplane. So the bar is not that high to begin with. Okay, gotcha. But I thought this was funny. So we flew southwest. So you first come, first serve.

And I forgot to do my check in early. So I was like C45, something like that. So one of the last to get on. And, but I'm walking through like right about the wing, there was this big fat dude sitting on the aisle seat and the other seats weren't open or they were open. And I was like, you mind if i grab that window seat he's like oh yeah yeah gets up lets me sit down everyone's filling up every other seat filled up except for our middle seat and i look over him i was like oh looks like we got lucky huh

spread out and he's like yeah when i fly i like to i like to look extra fat or whatever it's like how he quoted he's like i like to portray myself as extra fat. What? So no one will sit next to him on the airplane. But I've never heard just that blatant honesty from someone. He's like, when I get on here, I just fucking spill it over. I just try to be extra fat so no one sits next to me. He's like, you kidding me?

You think there's no perks to fucking diabetes? You think that I wouldn't play up diabetes? If I got that diabetes, if I got a chance to take advantage of diabetes, I'm going to take it. You're like, hell yeah, dude. Fist bump. I thought for sure I was going to have to sit in the middle seat

next to two fat guys, but instead I got to sit at a window next to an open seat next to a fat guy. Which is pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. And that guy also was like, I'm going to look as fat as possible. Like, you do you, buddy. Well, he was watching a movie that had crazy nudity in it and stuff.

He just did not give a shit. Who is this guy? I don't know. But I was looking over and I don't even know what he was watching, but it was just blatant nudity. I'm like, this is awesome for me, but probably not. Probably not. The parents in 37C. Also awesome for them.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, come on. He's just browsing through Pornhub and it's mounted to the seat in front of him. No, it was. Yeah. I bet it was. He had the little sleeve that sat in there.

So he's just sitting there with his arms crossed like this. And he's just, just watching. Taking it all in. I'd see this little jiggle like that. Yeah. And then just titties in the. He fucking made you very comfortable.

Good for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was, that was the most comfortable I've flown in a long time. So thanks to him. Love that for you. That's awesome. Be sure to check out

scatcast.com. Is there anything new on Scatcast, Zachy-poo? Cards, cards, cards. Bunch of cards. Scatcards like crazy. Okay. If you haven't checked out the Scatcast universe, go check that out. Head over to scatcast.com. All the podcasts that producer Zach, Mr. Sexy Uncle Zach puts out. Ew. Available right there at that out head over to scatcast.com all the podcasts that producer zach mr sexy uncle

zach puts out you available right there at scatcast.com we got a bunch of christmas specials on the patreon okay next week too so okay perfect yay uh you have some notes written in here on the open well yeah i just had a funny experience um heading to the studio today getting some coffee okay pulling i pull up to uh thomas hammer i don't know if it matters where i was but um doesn't matter i pull up and there's this car that's in front and there's probably three four cars in front of him and or her i don't know if it's a dude or chick and they keep moving up. What? Nothing. I just love the bouncing back and forth between coffee shop, I don't know what coffee shop,

I don't know if it matters. Anyway, so I was behind a car, I'm not sure what car it is, I'm not sure if it matters. There's this guy driving, I'm not sure if it was a guy, could have been a guy or a girl. And she had blonde hair,

I don't know if it was blonde hair, could have been blonde or red, I'm not sure if it matters. I don't even know if there was anybody driving. I never saw it matters I don't know if there was anybody driving I never saw anybody I was in Spokane, Washington Doesn't matter where I was Spokane, Shmokane I'm terrible at telling stories

No you're not You just proved it No, but that was just a funny way of a lot of bouncing I tell a story like I read You know what I mean? Which is the worst news for i tell a story like i read you know what i mean which is the worst news for anybody yeah tell a story how i read i can't all right come on i'm regis i'm telling a story all right so i'm behind this car okay and the all the cars you know as soon as someone leaves the window everyone moves up every time like i said there's probably three or four cars.

Every time that they pulled forward, he wouldn't. He would just sit there. He would just sit there. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Normally, I wouldn't care, but it's a small parking lot, and there's people trying to get through. I'm like, dude, pull up. And after a long while, pulls up a little bit. Another car goes through.

Takes a while. Same pulls up a little bit. Another car goes through. Takes a while. Same process three or four times. And the last time he orders, people pull up and he pulls a little bit forward, but there's still like a car gap in between him and the car at the window. So I'm next to pull up to the window to order, but he's in that limbo spot. If he pulls all the way forward, I can get there, but he's not doing that. He's just sitting there. Man, that's frustrating.

And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to give this guy a little bonk, a little horn, just to let him know, like, dude, come on. There are other people in this fucking world. And right as I'm about to do it, my hand is going towards the horn. I look up, and I see on the back window one of those American flags with the guns all over the place and

grenades and shit. And then I'm like, whoa, okay. And I look down at his license plate and it says, my other auto is a 9mm. And like, my fist stopped and I was like, whoa, maybe not a good idea. Maybe this guy... Because I don't know, maybe, maybe not a good idea. Maybe this guy.

Because I don't know, maybe this guy has a loose cannon. Yeah. And, you know, just because you like guns doesn't mean you're a loose cannon. But it was like, it was like something felt a little bit different. Yeah. If you went through the conscious effort to put that on the back of your car. Yeah. Something's going on.

Not just one, not like a sticker. It's like the back window is filled up. The license plate was filled up. The stickers and everything. And it was just like, my other auto is a nine millimeter. I'm like, this guy means,

he wants everyone to know that. That I'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, everything slide. I'm like, it stopped like a half an inch

to the horn. And I was like, whoa. It barely hits. It does one of those. Yeah. And he's like, all like, whoa. It barely hits. It does one of those... And he's like, alright, motherfucker! He just gets out and goes...

You're like, oh shit. And slow motion, trying to stop your fist. That's what it felt like. He goes... And he's like, God! Door kicks open. That's what I was afraid of. Yeah. Okay. Because maybe I caught this guy. Maybe he's like, this! Door kicks open. Just... That's what I was afraid of. Yeah. Okay. Because maybe I caught this guy. Maybe he's like...

Bad day? Maybe he was going to quit work or whatever. And I'm like, let's just set him over the edge. Or her or whatever was driving. Be like, I'll just take the extra 30 seconds and get my coffee and make it to work. It's that whole falling down situation from that movie back in the day. Which was that? Falling Down with Kirk Douglas, I think. Oh, man. I haven't seen it oh my goodness it's so good oh don't spoil it it's

good i spoil it it's good is it about falling down uh there's some falling in it yeah not so much though a little bit of falling the whole movie's about falling down just the slowest slow motion of a guy tripping maybe the whole movie's about getting back up. You know what? That's the positivity I love from you. As a person. It's really not, though. Oh. So.

It would be cool, though. Very dark. It would be cool if it was about the recovery of him being better than he's ever been. Or whatever. That's better the way it is, I think. All right, let's get the show rolling. Are you ready? I want to see a movie where the good guy just fucking dies.

Immediately? No, not immediately, but you expect him to live and then they fucking die. Have you ever played Red Dead Redemption 2? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, I mean, yeah. That's why it's so sad. Yeah.

Spoiler alert. If you haven't played that game by now and you're like, oh, the aches of the spoiler. I know. It sucks. I'm right in the middle of it. His horse dies, too. Yeah, and you had to play him the whole time. Fuck you guys. Welcome to hell. I just started playing it, just so you know. No, you didn't. Yeah, I know. It sucks. I'm right in the middle of it. His horse dies, too. Yeah, and you had to play him the whole time. Fuck you guys.

Welcome to hell. I just started playing it. Just so you know. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. No, I've heard about it. You started playing that years ago. There's a grace period.

Years ago. It's like if someone's playing something or watching something and you're like, oh, don't say anything and it's been 10 years. Like, dude, no. Come on. Sorry. You had your chance. Get a grip. I'll do better

next time. Zach, it's still fun. It's been five years since that game came out. Longer than that. It's 2018. That's it? Pretty sure. The end of 2017, beginning of 20-something. Yeah, maybe. Because we just had the little baby. I had to go through it quick because I had a

baby. Gotcha. That makes sense. Anyway, you should probably get the show started. Alright, Zach, you do the thing a baby. Gotcha. That makes sense. Anyway, you should probably get the show started. All right, do the thing, baby. Let's go. Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. You ready to get a little wild?

Yeah. A little fucking exactly what you expect on the show? Wild and crazy? Yeah. So sent in by our son, Corey,

and I changed it just a little bit just to make it a little more even because there are certain parts of this. I was like, there's no way. A little one-sided. Yeah. Would you rather fuck Hulk Hogan if he had a nice pussy?

His pussy's just running wild. Dude, so nice, dude. Does it have a Fu Manchu? You'll see or be fucked by megan fox but she has a hairy eight inch meat whip has to be hairy let's assume it's a missionary position for both and yes hulk's pussy has a spray tan you had me at hulk hogan i'm there dude there Dude So Hogan would be on his back And you'd be plowing

And you'd be on your back while Megan Fox is plowing you at 8 inch So same position, you just switch spots And originally Corey had Megan Fox having a 12 inch And I was like, okay, let's dial it back So a Joe-sized penis i am making fucks make it get eight inch like any butt if you if you were if you try enough you could take an eight inch whatever okay well because apparently it it just bounces back right yeah you learned

you learned people are begging us to make t- like, you don't know how buttholes work? Because, yeah, it does bounce back. You've taken shits thicker than a dick. Yeah, but the poop just slides out. It's not getting penetrated and stretched out over and over and over again. That's the difference. That was the problem. If the poop was just like always coming out...

If it was pulsating back and forth. It would just stay there. Like a vagina just stays out after childbirth kind of thing. Like it never comes back. Well, yeah, because like you have to do kegels and stuff to get your vag back, right? And if you don't do them, it just stays gaping the size of a baby's head. Yeah. I mean, not that big,

but it's not where it was, right? Sure. Oh. Oh, I'm the asshole? Yeah. Okay, so let's go back to fucking Hulk Hogan. Just think about the whispers. Dude. Hogan can't whisper about the whispers. Dude.

Hogan can't whisper? Let me tell you something, brother. You're really giving that puss a good fucking... Those 24-ish pythons are tingling a... Okay, like just... Here's the situation. You're fucking Hulk Hogan. It's a good night.

You guys went to dinner and you're about to get his nice spray tanned pussy. And you're looking forward to it. Give him a leg drop. And you are, you're fucking him and you're pulling Hulk in close. And in his ear, you're like, that feel good? And all you hear back is like, hell yeah, brother. It feels so good, brother.

Fuck me as hard as you can, brother. I'm about to come, brother. Right there. Right there, brother. You're running wild on that. I'm about to come. I'm about to come. He just gives you one of these. Yeah there, brother. You're running wild on that. I'm about to come. I'm about to come. He just gives you one of these.

Yeah, the pose. He just gives you the pose. See, I was visualizing it. It doesn't work, but I was trying to visualize him, the one doing the fucking thing. So he's still holding the pose, but it wouldn't be that way. Unless you do the Amazon position. You could do it with him. Or like, you do the pose. I want to come with you. I want to come with you.

I want to come with you. Okay, we'll do the pose at the same time. Okay, brother. Okay, brother. Tell me when, brother. Tell me when, brother. Fuck. God damn In just the soft light

Of like the Essential oils diffuser Is lighting up his food man shield I want to visualize there being His pubes They're blonde They're very disturbed blonde I mean Corey made sure to say that it had a

spray tan yeah which what if it was only the pussy of Hulk Hogan that was spray tanned just as just that area

just what is this he's got a spray tan pussy with the fucking with the foo man chewing some oogly eyes above it does he wear a

bandana around his waist too yeah cause that's the whole package you gotta have the bandana around his waist, too? Yeah. Because that's the whole package. You've got to have the bandana. I think he's going to have some cool tricks. Like some ventriloquist stuff.

Like, you're eating. Okay, hold on. First of all, I never thought this was a sentence I'd ever say. You're eating out Hulk Hogan? So you're eating Hulk Hogan's vagina. That's what I was going to say. So you're eating out Hulk Hogan's vagina. That's what I was going to say. So you're eating out Hulk Hogan. And he does some Veltroka shit.

And his pussy's like, feels good, brother. And you're like, yeah. And you step back and his pussy has a Fu Manchu, ugly eyes, and a bandana as a belt. Like, where am I? Is this love? See, I want to, like, my

wrestling... Is this unconditional love? Is this love? My love for wrestling and, like, old school wrestling wants to just take this down a route where, like, because Jimmy Hart was his manager. Let's go, baby, yo! You can picture him. He's, like, in the interview.

Like, he's there with him. So, like, he's laying on his back and Jimmy Hart's in the background. yo! You can picture him. He's like, in the interview, like, he's there with him. So, like, he's laying on his back and Jimmy Hart's in the background. Yeah, give it to him, baby! Give it to him! And then Mean Gene rolls up and he's like, what do you think, Hulk? He's like, well, yeah, let me tell you something, brother, while he's getting fucked. I ain't never been fucked. My vagina's never been fucked, brother.

And you're like, this guy stretched my vagina out, brother. I'm about to come so hard, brother. And you're just sitting there like, you're like, please, can my vagina out, brother. I'm about to cum so hard, brother. And you're just sitting there like, please, can you guys stop doing an interview right now? Having a really hard time staying hard. All three of them right there, Mean Gene standing with a mic. It's already hard enough to hear the googly eyes above your pussy rattling. But if you guys could stop doing an interview right now, it would be a lot easier for me to come all over your Fu Manchu. Is he wearing the championship belt?

No, he hasn't. He took a different path in life. That'd be ridiculous. That'd be crazy. There's no way. And then getting fucked by Macon Fox. A hairy. So I'm guessing this is on the back of us talking about if your dick was covered in hair

and does that play a factor on whether or not you're going to get fucked by Megan Fox if she had like a like a normal looking 8 inch dick would you decide it differently if she had like a hairy 8 inch dick if I'm not If I'm not

hands-on, mouth-on with a hairy dick, if it's just going in and I don't see it, I don't know. Will it feel any different? Does it scratch or anything? I don't know. Never fucked an 8-inch hairy dick. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Honestly, the Megan Fox thing doesn't do it for me just because she doesn't. So I'm trying to picture her like someone else. Okay, Margot Robbie. Yeah, or like Olivia Munn. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We heard about it.

The hottest female celebrity or whatever. Model, anything with an eight-inch hairy dick. Can it be Halle Berry? Sure. Whatever you want, buddy. This is your show. Harry Bailey. Or wait. Harry Bailey? Harry Bailey? Yeah. sure whatever you want babe buddy this is your show harry bailey or wait harry bailey harry bailey yeah it's harry bailey harry hally berry and she's got a hairy eight inch fucking dick i don't know

does that change about you fucking hulk hogan i guess if you i don't know if I don't know if I can I mean butt stuff I'm not always about it it's fine but like if it's about a one off if I have to fuck Hulk Hogan with a nice spray tanned pussy

or just get fucked one time by Megan Fox or your whatever hottest celebrity I think I'm going to take the hot celebrity fuck of fucked one time by Megan Fox Or your whatever hottest celebrity I think I'm gonna take the hot celebrity fuck of me one time If it's a one off I just don't think I can recover From fucking A spray tanned Hulk Hogan pussy Cause every time you're like back to your normal routine

You close your eyes you just see Hulk Hogan Yeah it feels great bro Come on down to Hogan's Yeah, it feels great, brother. Come on down to Hogan's Hangout. You're doing great, brother. Monday nights, brother. You're doing great, brother. Like, oh my God. Encouragement.

He's just over there. Flexing. You fucked me harder than everybody else, brother. None of my past partners fucked me like you, brother. I think you just got to go into character like you're the macho man or something. You're like, ooh, yeah. Like, yeah. He's like, fuck yeah, brother.

He's like, I'm like, ooh, yeah. The cream's rising to the top. Yeah. The top of what, brother? On my dick. Yeah. Yeah. Because you could outdo Hulk Hogan. And Elizabeth is like

over there watching. Just play the holes. I don't know. I've never jammed anything in my butt. And that's the problem. That's your problem. I know. Let me finish what I'm going to say, you son of a bitch.

I'm not opposed you son of a bitch okay I'm I'm not opposed to the idea like it does like I I mean I've heard it's it's sounds good

like that's where the it's fine isn't it it's like where that it's where the dude it's fine vagina is

yeah the g-spot the g-spot so that's where the dude's vagina is um so I mean if i if like if margot robbie's whispering sweet wonders and you're able to take it yeah i mean yeah that sounds pretty sweet oh yeah you could take it your butt's so deep, dude. All your butts are so deep.

She's going to be nice with you. No. She just fucks with you. It's her voice, but she's like, Hey, you like that, brother? She's doing a Hulk Hogan thing. Look, I just got out of this. I came for this to avoid this.

She's in character to be... She's got a Hulk Hogan movie she's doing later on. She pulls a little string from the ceiling to light up a lamp, and she's wearing a Hulk Hogan mask. You like that, brother? I don't know. Sign up for this! Coming from her voice, though.

I don't know. But she is Australian, though, so it's... Yeah, you like that? Hey, you having a go at this 80-inch dick? An Australian Hulk Hogan sounds terrible. Yeah, you like that? Hey, you having a go at this 80-inch dick? An Australian Hulk Hogan sounds terrible. Yeah, you like that, brother? You having a go, ain't you, brother? Welcome to the dick.

You like the down under, brother? Yeah, I like this down under dick. I think I'm just going to get fucked. I just can't. I think I'm just going to get fucked. I don't think I can mentally recover from fucking Hulk Hogan's pussy, no matter how nice it is. I think I will get plowed by, if I can pick it, it's like Olivia Munn. Just tits out, getting butt fucked. I am a villain, man. Fireworks.

Never meet your heroes, but this is kind of a weird game. Answer the question! Hulk Hogan. You're going to fuck Hulk Hogan's pussy? Hulk Hogan now or Hulk Hogan body slamming Andre the Giant? Or like thunder lips from Rocky? That's a threesome. Free the slam from Andre the Giant?

Because that's when he hurt himself was doing that bullshit. It's Hulk Hogan's pussy! Would you fuck him or get fucked by a super hot chick? I am a real... Hulk Hogan's pussy. Would you fuck him or get fucked by a super hot chick? I am a real Hulk Hogan. Going Hulk Hogan. Yeah, I think so. You're that scared of butt stuff? I think so.

Man. I think I just like Hulk Hogan that much. I didn't think of that. I think having sex would be a nostalgia dopamine. That was an option? You're fucking Hulk Hogan's nice spray tan pussy. I'm such a big fan. You still have your poster on my wall.

Will you sign? What was going through your mind when you were slamming Andre the Giant? Will you sign my Hulk Hogan? I know this is weird. When we're done, will you sign my underwear? What were you thinking when you were going to turn heel and go NWO? Were you like, oh, my little Hulkamaniacs are just going to hate me?

I'll tell you right after I come, brother. God! Okay, we have to move on. Okay. Okay, let's go to what are you thinking about? Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe?

What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? All right. So like I said, I was in Vegas for the Pac-12 Championship. Go Dawgs.

Go Dawgs. And we went to, I don't know if anybody that knows who Zach Baggins is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's the host of Ghost Adventures. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love him. I love him. He's the host of Ghost Adventures, big paranormal guy.

And as a person who is interested and finds the paranormal interesting but is also very skeptical, it's a weird thing for me because I like the shows, but it's fun. Oh, please tell me it changed your outlook. Well, then Zach Bagans comes along with his show

and it's just just over the top. It's like, fuck. It's comical to watch, whatever. But then we were down there and we're like, oh, that's right. He has a museum. So for me, it's almost like, oh, fuck. We've got to go to that because it's going to be so ridiculous. So we got tickets.

And we weren't VIPs. We are RIPs. Is that rest in peace? Yeah, like it's a VIP. Is it above VIP? No, there is no VIP. It's just RIP. Okay, gotcha.

RIPers. RIPers, okay. So that allows you access to the... I wouldn't expect any better marketing. I know, right? God, Zach gets it. He does. Yeah, he does. He, uh,

so it's, you know, it allows you access to the mansion that you, that not everyone gets. So you go through, you're going through this place and like, they'll be like, all right,

now the VIP, the RIPers come on up and we get to go do something special. And everyone else has to stand there like a bunch of fucking peasants and wait for us. And, uh, so I will tell you right up front, I didn't have, like, an experience. Yeah. Um, which I'm not surprised.

Being a skeptic. Uh, but it was entertaining. And there's a lot of people that, um, have had crazy experiences. I had to sign a death, uh, like a, a, a, whatever you call it. Like a fucking sheet that says

we're not responsible if you die in here. Okay, marketing. Got it. But they said people have had heart attacks and lightheaded and all that kind of stuff. People have had heart attacks at fucking Arby's.

And Arby's doesn't make you sign a death certificate on the way in. The guy walks over and he's like, can I get your tray? And you're like, oh! And you fucking die. I thought this was mine! Just smash your head against a Pepsi machine. Yeah. I get that.

I know what you're saying. And then like, so I don't know what to believe. The hype is real. Yeah. And I never know what to believe because it's then, like, so the... I don't know what to believe. The hype is real. Yeah. And I never know what to believe, because it's like, I love the idea of paranormal. I love the idea of, like, things we don't know. And I used to watch those shows, and I'd be like, when they debunk something... So I used to watch, like, Ghost Hunters, and they would debunk something.

I'm like, ah, bummer. But Zach... Like, Zach's is like, there's no debunking. It's just everything is real. He's scratched. He's bruised. No, they... Come on. Have you just everything is real. He's scratched. He's bruised. No, come on. Have you watched Ghost Adventures?

Yes. Well, not in a long time. They started the debunk. Huh? They were the ones that started that. No. Yes, they were. They started the debunk thing.

They've been around for like 20 years. Yeah. So they would do it, and then they would find out it wasn't real and look into it and then debunk it. That was them. They started it. That was ghost hunters. No, ghost hunters. Yeah.

All right. So I'm willing to learn, but I'm going to find out if ghost hunters or ghost adventures was first. I'm not going to stand on this platform because I could be wrong. But ghost hunters, TAPs, they were the ones. They were hired by people to go in and investigate, and they'd'd come with the evidence that's like this is what we found we found out that there wasn't really anything going here's a couple things we can't explain and that's what and i like that but then zach's show is like over the top like he's he's yelling at demons and he's like pick on some of your own size and getting scratched and like hitting stuff. And it was like, Oh, okay,

come on. But once again, like whatever people's experiences, um, but where was I going with this? When I find out, Oh man, hold on.

I'm learning. I'm learning things. So he, this mansion was apparently like, it was, it's been a haunted mansion for a long time. The owners then like jenna jameson's parents live there so she reached out to him he ended up buying this mansion she's like don't do it he bought it and then he put all this haunted stuff in this in this house and so what basically what i was gonna say was

like as far as the paranormal goes, all that, who knows? I'm a skeptic. I need to be shown. So I didn't see anything. So I can't, you know, whatever. But there's some cool shit that he has in this place.

He has like serial killer things that belong to the people. He's got like Charles Manson's robe that he was killed in. Um, Gacy's paintings, Gacy's letters, To the people he's got like Charles Manson's robe that he was killed in Gacy's paintings Gacy's letters like pictures and stuff with his family like authenticated real shit The van that Kevorkian was like killing people in right okay, so supposedly all these artifacts are like, they're haunted and they have like energies with like negative energies. And like there's a doll in there that supposedly if you stare into its eyes, it gave some guy a heart attack or something. So you walk through this thing and you have to like say, hello, hi Abby or whatever.

And then bye Abby, so you don't disturb her space. So for someone who's like, it's kind of like, but at the same time, it was still terrifying. It was scary. Yeah, it feels a little goofy. But if you're into that, I would recommend going because it is like

the shit that you see in there. Like there was a serial killer dude that was like kidnapping people and then like doing horrible things to him which one i don't remember his name now uh toy box killer toy box killer i don't know the way that you just described that sounds like a toy box killer so like they have the bed that the guy had in his house does he like strap him down with a and then play the thing they're gonna do to him well he would know he's that because that's toybox killer he make them wear headphones and then he they would listen to a recording

of what they're going what he was going to do to them and then when they were done with the recording he came back out and then did the things to them that's fucked up it's so fucked up so this guy he has like so the bed that this guy used to do all this stuff was in there. The stick that was, like, in, because he took pictures of them. So, like, Zach's got all the pictures of the shit on the walls that he was doing to people. And then there's a recording of him, like, admitting all this stuff to investigators or whatever. And then his log, all the stuff he did. He was, like, 9.30, butt fuck. It's, like, 9.50, went to eat lunch.

10 o'clock, took a shit. 10.20, went back for some more butt fucking. Like, just casually taking notes. And so all these, like, all these, the fucking dude that was, like, kidnapping people inside the road and killing people his his kill kit was in was that in their truck stop killer zach you researched a bunch of these might be the smiley killer or the happy face killer or whatever yeah uh but anyway so the what i was gonna say was like anybody that's like into the paranormal and experiences a place like that is fucking crazy. But even if you're not into that, the stuff that he actually has that he bought at auctions and shit that's real life shit, it's fucked up. So regardless, it's interesting to just see it.

Yeah. And it's still crazy, though, because you're walking through it. And the stories they're telling, this chair, it's still crazy though. Cause you're walking through it and like the stories they're, they're telling like this chair is, it's like the conjuring chair or something like that from the, it's like that the movie, the conjuring was based on it's in there. You can go right up to it. Um, and then the, the van from Kevorkian, the transaxle from fucking Jimmy Dean or James Dean's car that was like supposedly not the sausage guy.

The Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile. Yeah. Just haunted as shit. But you go through, I mean, it's fucking dark. In one of the rooms, they played the video of this actual exorcism that they did on this girl. And then it was like the table that they used. It's the actual table. And then when they're done playing that video, the RIPers get to crawl through this crawl space to go to, and it's pitch black.

So if you're claustrophobic, it's like, I went through it. I started going back, I'm like, I can't do it. I'm like, now I'm the only one here. So I was like, fuck. You better go. Went through it, yeah. No, I want to go. Ghost Adventures is just, it's one of those shows that, yeah, I think, I mean, obviously you have to.

There's a lot of played up stuff because it has to be so entertaining that you can do episode after episode after episode that engages people. And there's just not that much no matter who you are there's not that much paranormal stuff going on to make an actual like ratings topping show there's no fucking way there's just not that much i mean i've experienced shit zach has experienced shit and like i've always been on the doubter side and then i had my story and i had all this shit that happened to me and i can't explain it there might be something that can but from my experience cannot be explained and that's why i love like the paranormal stuff and it's it gets to a point when you look around and you think about everybody, all the people that have had these paranormal experiences.

Are they all just fucking crazy? No. It's not that I think people are crazy. It's that... Wait, wait, wait. But are they not in the reality that we exist in? Are they not centered enough in our reality to not be able to debunk it on their own? Is what I'm getting at.

Where it freaks them the fuck out and they have a story to tell. Right? They see some shit, they do some shit. Every time this happened, it was like, oh. And then, have you been drinking? Yes. Have you been doing this? Yes. But it's like, how times like have you been doing anything

besides just going home from work and you showed up and you have no drugs no drinking yeah like so the mind is wild i get that but man like looking at just our couple centuries and then go back centuries and centuries and centuries there's all of these themes of all of this happening. It would be equally as crazy to me to be like, that could happen, to be like, that couldn't happen. Like looking at both avenues. Well, there's been a hundred billion people or so on the earth. That means there'd be like a hundred billion ghosts, wouldn't there?

No. Or something like that. No, no, because we don't know the rules there would be a percentage of those hundred billion people so the whole planet would be haunted like and what about dogs and cats and bears and chickens and shit are they do they have ghosts it's like the whole some people do say yeah so then the whole planet every single room every single square inch it's got like bug ghosts and you know well no no that goes back to like what we were created for this or that right like these were here because we're here and we're the one like that's where like there's just we don't know the rules fair it just because we don't we have no fucking idea but out of a hundred but

we have a pretty good idea. That's the thing. Yeah, well, the pretty good idea is I've seen some shit. And so is Zach. But that doesn't... So I don't know what the rule is. Well, no. So here's my issue.

Like, I'm not making it up. This is when I start getting like, come on, man. Like, when you go to someone... Like I said, I love the idea of like, we don't fucking know something. And when it gets debunked, I'm kind sad because i'm like i wanted it to be something but when they they start doing like demonic possessions and things like that where they're very specific with christian treatments like the cross that kind of stuff now it's like every religion has a demonic whatever i know but you's to scare you to support the church or to not steer wrong, that's a different debate.

But every single religion has a good or a bad. So they have a demonic. But you have to accept that that's real and then to trust, then to accept that they're using, like you have to agree that the devil, accept that devil exists. And I just can't do that. And I've joked around that about that too I'm not sure about on the show but like it's like you have a chance to talk actually this was not too long ago it's like and you chose

to do this you chose to turn the light on that's what you did like you are coming from the afterlife you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna walk over here and flip the light on like woo like what do you get from that? Like, deliver a message.

Like, I get, I mean, I understand all of the skepticism. But until, like, you experience it, you have no, like, you have no idea. And I didn't have any idea until I had my fucking experience. What do you think it is? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But to have the experience that I had, like involving Zach's wife,

again, I'm not fucking her. Zach, calm down. The orgasm I had with Zach's wife, no, like without saying anything, and for her to pick out everything from my story and if you don't know what i'm talking about i'm sorry i talked about on a bonus episode a while back but like i said nothing and she drew pictures she drew a picture of the person and then knew what she was saying and had all the names. And then walked through my house and laid out all of these experiences that she didn't even know existed.

Like, had no idea they even existed. What the fuck is that? You can't guess. You can't guess that shit. You cannot guess it. You can't just walk around and do that. So, like, what do you do with that information? I don't know.

I don't know what it is. I don't think that there's a heaven i don't think there's a hell i think that humans have no fucking idea what's going on and we're just floating through this thing but maybe it's a glitch in the simulation yeah that could be it zeros are wrong it's just a couple of twos but it's just it's just a it's a matter of like just don't close that out. Because there's so many people that you can't be like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, I haven't closed it. I've said I want something to happen.

Like, I get bummed when things get, when the window slams and they're like, we figured out it was just like there was a train that was going by. Vibration made all the windows go boom, boom, boom, boom. It was like people thought it was demons shutting the windows going bang, bang, bang, bang. But really what it was is just vibration shutting the window. I hear something like that. I'm like, ah, fuck. I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be a ghost.

I want it. Right. But I got to see it. That's what I was doing, too. I hope you get that experience because it's fucking wild. Well, I don't know if I want that experience because it'd be terrifying. No, it's not that scary. They can't do anything. But here's the thing.

I'm not closed-minded because when we're at this thing, they were like, don't stare into the doll's eyes. So when I walked by it, I kind of gave a glance and walked off because in the off chance that it would do what there's yeah so like there's still a little bit of that a little bit like yeah i'll play along a little bit

yeah a lot of it's marketing but a lot of it like there's no way that many people have no idea what they're talking about yeah there is a lot there is a way that a lot of people i have no idea what i experienced right so you can't pinpoint it. No, it was a joke. Huh? You have one degree of separation. One degree of separation. You have to be like, nah, you're making that up.

You hear what I'm saying? Yeah, I hear what you're saying. You have to look at me and be like, nah, you're fucking bullshit. We have zero... That is it. I wasn't there with you, so I'm not just going to take your word for it. I mean, I have to

take your word for it. I'm not going to call you a liar, but I don't know what you saw and if it could have been explained because I wasn't there with you. Yeah. Do you have a radon testing device in your house i do have a radon testing device okay if it wasn't going off you should be good no probably a ghost that was after the after it all happened okay okay um no but i i would like

i don't expect anything to happen when i go to a tourist attraction like that's not where it's going to happen i don't know if I believe in haunted things. I don't know what I believe in. But I know the experience that I had. That's really about it. And that's the whole thing. Like, there's a concentration of just high, supposedly haunted things at this thing. So, like, you go into it, like, already, like, holy fuck.

Right. Like, the Divock box, it's the most haunted thing in the entire world. Post Malone went in it, in the room that we were in there, and they took the cover off. And then he got in a car accident. He had all this bad stuff to him. So the marketing thing is that Post Malone was cursed. And car accidents happen all the time, and he's always traveling. I'm a skeptic too.

Just to a degree. But at the same time, we're in the room and it's like, it's a little spooky. I want to know if anybody else has gone to this and if they've had anything that they thought happened. Do you want to get to hear about just paranormal experiences like overall? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those are fun too.

Yeah. Send them in i would love to have just like a paranormal episode where everyone just sends in um stories and we read them and and see what's going on see what's going on yeah no there's uh you know there's whatever look that's why i gave up like i don't tell my story because it's like i don't know that was my story and i get it because i was don't know. That was my story. And I get it because I was a skeptic heading in. Let's move off to Dick this week. You ready to go?

We're going to do a nice, nice, nice funny Dick this week. Okay. Zach! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's Dick. Dick.

Okay. We have to slide through this one. But there's some funny shit in here. We're going slide through this one. But there's some funny shit in here. We're gonna slide it in. So the parents of a toddler who was kidnapped during a carjacking earlier this year are suing the automaker.

So the incident happened in Libertyville, which the names of towns like that have always been so funny to me. Like, I don't care what it is. It could be Burgersville. Anything with a name and then a ville? Just throw ville on it. Yeah, it's like Libertyville.

Okay. Illinois. Yeah. This happened back in February. Ville. Taylorville. Shepardville. So Taylor Shepard, who was pregnant at the time, was returning home. Shepard explained to Nextar's WGN that as she went to retrieve her two-year-old son from the car, an assailant pulled up behind her 2021 Volkswagen Atlas, assaulted her, and knocked her to the ground.

According to the lawsuit, the assailant then stole the Volkswagen Atlas with the two-year-old boy inside and then fled, running Shepard over and causing serious injury to her pelvis and extremities. Jesus. Shepard was still able. Shepard-y. Shepardville. Double Shepard-y. Shepardville was still able to call 911. Attorneys from the family claimed Volkswagen refused to assist authorities

in tracking the car until payment of their tracking system was paid and activated. Can we just start a seven day trial or something? Come on! The kid could be dead by then. that is where i stopped reading and almost got tears in my eyes just thinking about corporate america or corporate anywhere in the world do you have an account with us sir yes so imagine okay just let's replace your car getting stolen and your kid's in the back.

And you call up 911, okay? Or whatever, and you're like, my house is on fucking fire! I'm going to lose everything! And the guy, that's really hard to hear about, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. Have you signed up for iFire by chance? Yeah, it's kind of like, did you get the Apple coverage? I'm going to lose everything!

Sure hope you signed up. That's crazy. Sorry, there's nothing I can do for you. I know this is crazy, but have you explored the iCloud backup service? Paramedics show up to a scene, like they're given CPR, and it was like, police sir, wake up! I need to know if you ever renewed your subscription to SaveMyLifeMobile.

.io. Our records indicate you haven't paid since October and it's only $8.99 a month. If you use promo code I'm bleeding out at checkout, you'll get three months free. Wake up! Wake up! I'm trying to save your money, sir.

What is it? What, sir? Are you saying the promo code? I'm trying to save your money, sir! What is it? What, sir? Are you saying the promo code? I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding out. He said to save... That's confirmation. We have verbal confirmation. Yeah.

He gets three months free. Three months free. And he's pumping his chest. Clear! He's shocking him. Fuck you, Volkswagen! And it's not Volkswagen's fault. Just a worker

doing worker things. Well, I mean, who cares? It's a Tuesday. And worker is sitting at worker desk in a worker cubicle in a worker corporate office. And they get this call and it comes in like hi how ma'am hi ma'am how may i help you i just got ran over my my pelvis is broken

my arm is crushed and my two-year-old just got kidnapped in the back of a car that was stolen and this worker in that moment went oh man have you subscribed for VoxyTracky? Can I have the last four of your social, please? Have you signed up for VokeyGPS? Vokey. No, I haven't. Oh, shit. Oof. That would have helped.

Oh, man, you just missed the Black Friday special. I love that. If your son would have gotten stolen last Thursday, you'd be saving so much money. Anytime someone says that, like, did you get this? Like, no. He's like,

it only would have cost you two bucks extra at checkout. Right. That's what you get for skimping. That's what you get for not signing up for our email list. I see here that you didn't accept subscribe to marketing emails. She does that one. She goes, man. We'd be able to save your kid.

One second. Let me check. We would have been able to find your kid at least 15 minutes earlier if you would have accepted all cookies. Sorry, company policy. Anyway, so when's the last time you saw your kid? Driving down I-95. 20 minutes ago? I can't move my pelvis.

It's been run over by my own car. Oh, jeez. Oh, boy. And then just... Oof. Yeah. Please hold. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Man, you still there yes sure are you still bleeding out are you still bleeding out have you entered promo code i'm bleeding out uh no i haven't okay one second

let me connect you with the uh i don't know. Let me connect you with the blood donor. We have, you know, the need for blood is really high right now. We're going to have a blood donation truck come to your location while we try to find your kid. One second. We need that sound effect. That one? Yeah. That ringtone music?

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. Here we go. Yeah! Oh. That's how I feel about that. I thought maybe you had it. Can you imagine if we just had that on a fucking dial?

You could probably look it up on the internet. But no, just like the depths of the promos and the things and it comes down to your fucking kid after you've... A two-year-old kid after you've been ran over by your own car. Smashing your pelvic? The sheer panic. She probably can't even feel her pelvis. She's just thinking about her two-year-old child.

Oh, yeah. Like, who knows what's going to happen to that child. Nothing. Because Volkswagen didn't get your payment. So you're never going to see your kid again. That'd be a funny commercial to see. Volkswagen, like, there's a car. It's, like, driving over stuff.

It's doing, like, cool outdoorsy shit. And it's like, boom, zero fucking APR. Zero down payment for 24 months. And it's like, if your kid gets kidnapped, for sure you pay folksy GPS. You're right. If your kid gets kidnapped,

make sure you... Make sure you pay folksy GPS. I'm bleeding out. If your kid is dying and she's taken away, make sure you enter I'm bleeding out of checkup. Just the corporate oversight of that shit we've talked about that inhuman part of the corporate world so many times well it's just because someone's getting a call it's probably

like that person's 28th call of the day yeah i know this one's different but well how about the other 28 kids yeah i mean why is your kid more important? Look at you calling me when your kid gets stolen. What's that say about you? You're smashed on the driveway? Like, please just do something? I was going to go back to the story. Was she in the car and got pulled out of the car, or was she out of the car?

What's she doing outside the car with a two-year-old in the car? I think they followed her home. Oh, okay. Followed her and then took her out and then she got ran over. She didn't notice anybody following her home? That's kind of on her. Victim blaming? If I was watching, I would have been more...

I would have never gone home. I would have been more vigilant. Right, especially the road you live on where no one's ever following you. Mm-hmm. Well, that's why, if you notice something... You know the busiest hills on the South Hill? If you notice something... The busiest roads?

I mean, drive around the park a couple times. See if they're still there. If they're still there, don't go home. Okay, what are you going to do the first time? Because you're on a busy road. Just don't pull into your driveway? I do that sometimes. If I notice someone's been following me for a while, I'll drive right by my house and go down a different road.

This is the same case that Volkswagen is making in court right now. Yeah, I'm trying to see it through their eyes. Okay. Did the two-year-old disappear and get murdered in the woods? Who hasn't? Things like that happen. Was her rearview mirror broken? Could she not see that something was falling on her?

Is she not a vigilant parent? Oh my God. You're the worst. I mean, that's the whole thing, right? No, it's not. It's not the whole thing. That's what it comes down to, right? Is how good of a parent you are?

Oh, jeez Louise. Alright, let's take a... Oh, I'm the asshole? Yeah, on this one, yeah, I think so. Let's move on to some petty beef. Okay. Okay, let's do it. This sounds like a petty beef.

Climax in the court! You are now entering the petty beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. I know you're just playing devil's advocate over there, but god damn that made me laugh.

Oh! Pretty much always playing devil's advocate. Not always. It's fun. It is fun. Yeah. It is fun. Sent in by our daughter, CJ. She writes, hey, daddies. And of course, cool Uncle Zach.

Cool Uncle Zach. Yeah. She wants to plow her daddies, but she's just like, I want to hang out with Uncle Zach. Oh, yeah, but he's cool. He's cool. He would never. I'll take it. I have a petty thief. God. A petty thief's cool. He's cool. He would never. I'll take it. I have a petty beef.

A petty beef? Just give me a break. I have a petty beef that I need a daddy's perspective on. I live in interior Alaska and winters here can be pretty miserable. They are dark, snowy, long, and cold.

Welcome to the Pacific Northwest, baby! I've seen 30 days a night. I know how it is. I'm a working mom, and my job is located about 45 minutes away from our house, so I am commuting daily. My husband works about five minutes from our house and only has to drive one or two times a week to work because his job has an atypical schedule. I'm just remembering this story right now.

And I'm curious to see what you guys say. In addition, we have three small children, including an infant, all in car seats that I have to drop off and pick up every day. My husband never has to drop our kids off and only occasionally has to pick our oldest child up when I get stuck at work late. Why am I telling you this? Well, here's the beef. We have a standard-sized two-car garage, which sounds great, but my husband has a big-ass truck that takes up most of the space in the garage. He calls the truck his baby and then refuses to park outside

during something will happen to it i can picture him this is it just gets worse when his big ass truck is at the garage i can barely get my vehicle in let alone load three kids and a ratchet strap them and ratchet strap them into their car seats so rather than my husband parking outside, I have to back my car out and load our three littles into the car in the freezing cold, sub-zero Alaska weather, and repeat this when I come home in the evening. I tried to have a conversation with my husband about this

and explain why this was a problem, but his response was that his truck is worth more than my vehicle. I tried to approach it differently and explain it has nothing to do with vehicles. It has to do with the safety of our children, which I will get back to. Because I will say, given the situation right now, your kids can go outside. It's not about the safety of the children. It's about a gigantic inconvenience.

It's not about the safety. Okay? I'll come back to that. Because that's a weird line to put in there. And if that was brought up in the argument, that's... I don't know. Let's get through it and then we'll come back to that. Yet he refused to budge and said,

at least the car is warm when you load them in. Well, needless to say, this royally pissed me off and I refused to talk to him for a few days after this discussion. Not my best move. Not my best move, but I was, it was better for me to just not say anything because nothing nice was going

to be coming out of my mouth. That's a good move. As it sits, the big ass truck still remains in the garage and I curse his name and get pissed off at him every morning and evening when I come home and have to complete, we have to compete, compete in the car seat Olympics with three tired, crabby, and or hungry kids.

I get that guys have a weird bond with their vehicles, but am I being the unreasonable one here? I'd love a male perspective as this as I just go full mama bear when it comes to our kids. Can't wait to hear your thoughts. Love all y'all do and thanks for all the laughs and sexy honks. Much love, CJ. I mean, I know we're

I feel like I shouldn't say anything on this one. What do you mean? Do you do something like this? No. I don't want him to get divorced. Oh, I don't think they will. She's been putting up with this. There's no way this is the worst. The worst of what the fuck CJ's doing.

I don't mean to laugh, but what the fuck? I can't imagine doing that. I can't mean to laugh, but what the fuck? I can't imagine doing that. I can't. I can't even fathom. I think all three of us are on... Without even saying anything, I think we're all on the same side on this. Yeah. Without even saying anything, right?

Yeah. Zach? Yeah. Obviously, the truck is worth more than all of their lives. Yeah, for sure. Same thing. And she's in the wrong. And she needs to shut up

and just do what she's been born to do. And that's take care of the kids during the harshest of conditions. Because that truck is worth more than all of your lives. But what I was saying was, like, the safety line was a little much

okay maybe she's trying to use that to get through his head to get through his skull I guarantee that's what it was she's probably tried everything else that's been brought up and that's what I was going to come back to was that I knew that that hat had to have

come up in argument. Like, it's for the safety of our kids. Which it's not. I ain't raising pansies. It's not for the safety of the kids. Walking inside of a garage or coming outside to the driveway, the kids are going to make it. They're going to pull it off whether it's garage door or the two steps to get outside to the driveway the kids are gonna make it so that argument she threw that in there

and what i was saying was i knew i have you know that came up with an argument and she tossed that in there i think that's that's that's the only thing i have to say besides this husband needs to fucking get his shit together i like that's the only other I have to say besides this husband needs to fucking get his shit together. That's the only other side I had out of all of this. Because that fucking... Two days a week he has to drive his big ass truck. Two days! He's not a monster truck driver! He's like, honey, I have to go back flip some cars today and i need whatever cool name you want to give i need captain captain america

i need fucking more expensive than everyone you knew you know i need redneck renegade to be show ready? Nick Renegade. You know that has to be... I can't show up with my fucking... with my windows frosted over. Like, outside of that, that's the only reason that you should be not... God damn.

And you live in Alaska. Yeah. What vandalism are you scared of? Elk? Maybe weather. A bear? Maybe weather, where? Yeah, he doesn't want to deal with it.

Yeah. Anchorage is kind of fucked up, crime-wise. No! Yeah. Not fucking touching trucks. Show me a fuck-up truck stat. I got none. I got nothing. There's no way. Because me a fuck up truck stat. I got none. I got nothing.

There's no way. Because everyone has a big truck. Because you have to have a big truck to get the fuck around. Does she have a big truck? Because she has to go 45 minutes to work every day. It doesn't sound like it. She doesn't have a big truck. She's got a normal sized garage. So you don't need a big truck to get around.

Yeah. He has a one, what, two minute drive? Is that what it said? Yeah. And it's two times a week so if she can get around every day and 45 there and back yeah I mean so going back to the safety thing

I'm guessing I don't know this for sure but I'm guessing she has tried every argument in the book just to get him to fucking listen and then she's like okay this isn't about me anymore. This is about the safety of our kids to see, will that jar something loose in his thick skull? And it didn't.

No. No. So it sounds like you're stuck, CJ. I don't. He's in the wrong. Yes. He's 100% in the wrong unless he has a commercial grade ready to rumble monster truck. I'm sorry, but that doesn't...

This is going to sound all sappy, but that doesn't outweigh your family. It never does! So, there's zero reason that this should be happening. No. Park the fuck outside. Especially if it upsets her that much. Like, is it really like your truck means more to you than your wife? For what reason?

If your car gets, it gets keyed. Is that more important than your fucking kids being warm and happy when they get in the car? And your wife, because she's got to, she's got to travel almost an hour there and an hour back. And I know what it's like picking up kids who are in bad moods and are tired from school and are hungry. And so now you're having to deal with all that on top of it. When you could just pull in the driveway and get your kids out and go right in the house. Yeah. It's 100%. Not even like 99 to 1 it's 100 it really

is zach you agree yeah yeah yeah i would never that would never be a thing that ever happened it's like what is and like there's certain things when it comes to like you and your wife you try to figure that out right but when it involves kids tiny ass kids getting into a car that is warmed and defrosted and i go level ground i ice my wife's car and snow and just turn it on so when she's ready to leave or take the kids it's warm and ready to go yep i'll do that in my underwear yeah absolutely um so yeah cj you're not wrong i'm not sure if your husband listens to the show um i'm not well hopefully we didn't make fun of him too much but like that's fucked up

it's fucked up dude fuck your truck yeah fuck your truck that's weird as shit i don't yeah like it's super weird when she says i know car when she said guys have a thing like that not every guy does no a majority of us don't i love i love driving my car but that's like that's the end of it once i'm i don't think about it kids are involved fuck my car yeah but i don't think about it until like it's that i'm driving it it's not like a sit around like stare out the window and go, yeah, there she is. There's some car guys that really, really care about their car and their truck, and I get that. But if you ever put that above your fucking kids.

Yeah, imagine Tim Allen. Your fucking kids? Imagine if on Home Improvement. He's always rebuilding that hot rod, but he never got in the way of his kids. No, it's a hobby thing. It's just something to do and to look forward to and to work on and keep your brain moving and yeah it's a project but that's different um cj sorry that's happening um you're not wrong i mean you try to bring it up but just i guess if nothing changes just know know that you are supported. I know that's not going to help when she comes down to this situation.

When she has to go pick her kids up. She's like, oh, at least they agree with me. He puts this on for her husband, and he's like, okay, I will change all the things. That'd be sweet. That'd be cool. Hey, Zach, we're going to jump ahead to Hey Guys. Okay, great. Let's roll it!

Hey you guys! Alright, let's hear what you guys think Really? You wanna talk to me? Wow, that's cool Do you want to read the first one, honey? Okay Hey, this first one's coming in from our drunk-ass son, Kyle. Okay. Hey, fuckfaces!

Joe and Bwyan. It's us! I'm a big fan of the show, and I'm writing in to hopefully keep this shit alive. Anyways, a bit of backstory before I begin this tragic story. Oh, but that'd be sad. I work for a company who travels the country building mini golf courses, batting cages, go-kart tracks, splash pads, bumper boat.

That sounds cool. Yeah. And more of the same kind of shit. So basically 10 months out of the year, I'm on the road with the guys. So a carny. Yeah. Construction carny. Right.

Okay. Horny and hungry. Okay. We always work hard during the day, but party harder at night. Nice. We usually stay at hotels unless the boss is feeling generous and rents us a house. This time we were not so lucky. Nice. Get hammered and then head up to our room and pass out, but this night was a little different dot dot dot Hmm. Let's just say I got a little too drunk and ended up drinking till closing time on a Tuesday night Basically an empty bar tipping the bartender $100 for no reason

Going to the front desk of the hotel and then paying for a room even though I already had a room paid for by my employer But instead of going to the room I was paid for, I went to a completely wrong floor, broke into a room that was under construction, and passed out on the first bed I saw. Dude, this guy's fucked. Hey, there's some bumper boats in there, huh? You can fit like six holes in this room. You think you're going to gonna do a bumper part without me are you thinking better than me oh you think you hole in one are you holding one

yeah right i guess he runs back pulls his pants up a little bit because kicks the door in i don of the hole, one. Fucking bugger trap. Touchdown. Dude, when you think about it, he already had a room that he could have went to, but he didn't go there. Bought a different room. Bought a different room and then didn't go to that one. Didn't go to either one.

Oh, my God. Didn't go to the room that he had, didn't go to the room that he bought, and then just broke into a room he didn't even have. I only passed out in the first bit I saw. I only know all this because I woke up to three or four Hispanic dudes literally working around me, sleeping ass, my sleeping ass in the hotel room. Like, they came into the work for a day, saw me sleeping there

and all said, careful, don't wake him up. And no me gusta. No me gusta. No levantes. I literally woke up covered in drywall, dust, and people trying to be quiet while I woke up totally confused and disoriented. I didn't say a word, grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed up for the job site down the road. My boss just laughed when I got there, so I didn't get in trouble, but I still wonder

why all those guys let me sleep through all that shit instead of waking me up. Anyways, I hope this makes someone laugh. Don't stop being you and I'll keep giving you five bucks every month. Love you guys and fuck you. Hail Satan. Nice. Kyle La Mesa. As in Mesa, Arizona. P.S. I'm about four twisted T's deep. As I write this, I'm so

sorry for the grammatical errors or anything like that. I wonder where he ended up after he wrote this thing. He's like, anyway, I'm writing this right now from a hotel room with six mini golf holes in it i'm writing this from a hotel room there's bumper boats in it fucking crazy i don't know what's going on that's so fucking funny just covered in drywall dust they They've been doing work around you. Yeah, loud work. You slept.

And you're just like, I don't know. And you just pull the blankets over your head. Have you ever been that? Not again. No. When we were just in Vegas for that game, and we were walking around, we drank and got a little tipsy and stuff.

Yeah, you did. But I'm like, I'm 40, I'm not doing this shit and ruining the entire day but I remember thinking like Have I ever gotten to a point where you're just like you see something like we were at the football game There was this guy that's being like carried out of the game And I could imagine going to a live event and having to be carried out with not the people that you're with me either Like putting that on them, but you have a you have a friend that like just having to be carried out by the people that you're with. Me either. Like, putting that on them. But do you have a friend that

just seems to be allergic to alcohol? Yeah. I know the guy that we're talking about. Yeah, you've had four or five beers and he's had the same amount, but it seems like it's 20 beers. I don't know. It's weird. I've blacked out

or been like, how did I get here? But not like that. Nope. Never been carried out of a place. Ever. Never once in my life. Zach? There was one time, my first time drinking.

I think I was underage. And I just passed out and started honking in my car. I passed out in my car. And I just kept honking, I guess, all out in my car and i just kept honking i guess all night and i don't jerk it off lots of jerking off so you were just sitting in the car just hitting your horn over and over and over yeah and everybody was camped out and it was like my whole senior class kind of thing yeah seriously i'd like people were pissed at me all like i remember my first fucking beer jesus christ that's pretty much what i was mixing

alcohol and beer together It was very strange Take the horn away from this fucking clown Jesus take the horn Jesus take the horn Dude Funny story Kyle So funny

So our second email is coming in from our little helper son Nick He says hey guys What's up? What's up, brother? So I was listening to your episode a while back where the guy's wife was getting annoyed about him jerking off in bed because the motion of his ocean was keeping her awake. We all remember fucking that. Yeah.

With the old cum sock, sock puppet. Saga. Saggy Saga. Well, I have a similar but more depressing story soggy saggy saga more depressing than that set the bar for depressing pretty low yeah dude i thought i was happy i'm not sure at this point uh this was several years ago and i was still married to my ex-wife one night i wasn't feeling

well i went to bed super early sometime later my wife crawls into bed and starts to masturbate i woke up to the bed shaking and at first i thought it was just her getting comfortable so i didn't really pay any attention to it but the shaking didn't stop i've never been this is outside the email i've never been in a situation where I thought, or I've mistaken someone rolling over in bed to masturbating. Like, how big is that vagina? Like, how fucking bouncy do you have to be? How big are your vagina strokes? Yeah, that's like, it's like pulling a fucking cord on a lawnmower

that's like fucking you know using the old bucket to wash your laundry with like the like the the ab board oh yeah yeah you're like right there's no mistaking bouncing around to roll over yeah and tiny movements of masturbation yeah okay anyway i just wanted to point that out masturbation is more frantic i lay there for a while trying to fall asleep when i realized the bed was moving very rhythmically and not random tossing and turning so i continued to lay there until i figure out what she was doing my back is towards her so i can't see anything, but I can hear her. I can hear her breathing increasing. And she was moaning softly.

And that's when it dawned on me what she was doing. I was shocked and turned on. I get it. I get it. Okay. After about 10 minutes, I decided I'm going to join in. I turned over and put my hand on top of her busy hand let me let me take whatever funny wording your busy hand would you mind if i step in for that busy hand

she froze instantly so i started rubbing her she quickly pushed my hand away and turned over i was confused but let it, and went back to sleep. The next morning, I asked her about it, and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. That didn't happen. That sucks. I pressed her, but she kept denying it. I'm not saying this caused it, but we were divorced less than a year later. Thanks for the show.

I listened to it at the end of my work week to help me finish the work week while I smile and send me into the weekend on a silly goose high. There's certain little things in a relationship that happens, and that's hard to forget. But reaching over and you're like, oh, shit, you're masturbating, and you reach over to help? Or just be there, and they push masturbating and you reach over to help? Or like just be there? And they push your hand away and then go to sleep?

That's gonna fuck with you. It's what, cause that's Not only are you not fucking with, like not fucking me, like you don't want to fuck me, now you don't want me to just fucking be around while you fuck yourself? Yeah, that's gonna fuck with you. Well, and why did she feel comfortable enough to

get in the bed to do that in the first place and then when he notices it act like it didn't happen yeah and it's that's like a three strike a three strike thing you're not fucking me when you were fucking yourself next to me i tried to help and you said no and then the next morning you're like i don't know what you're talking about. That never happened. That is really weird. That is really weird. Really weird. Everybody masturbates.

Everybody flicks. Everybody rubs. Sometimes. Episode 78, dude. Let's fucking do it. Yeah, fucking sick, dude. Sign up. Support us on Patreon.

Get that bonus content, that exclusive merch. Be able to have us answer questions on the show. Head over to patreon.com slash canyounowpodcast. There's a link. It's coming in right now, too. Yeah, and there's a link in the episode description for the Patreon. There's also a link in the episode description to send stuff in if you want to help decorate Zach's Zach cave. Looks pretty cool in there now.

It does. I like it. Did you see the arcade sign? Yeah, I did. Okay. Instagram and Facebook, YouTube, you can find Canyon Hill Podcast on there. And then something you want to see on the show, send it in to heyguysatcanyonhillpodcast.com. And then rate and review the show wherever you listen to your podcast.

It truly does help us out. You ready to wrap this shit up? Yeah. Alright, let's fucking do it. Zach! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? You can do it! Tell me more!

You can do it! Why was the computer so cold I don't know because it actually left it's windows open oh my jeez that's funny come on it's pretty funny

it's a computer and it's a thing and it's like windows there's gotta be something about it how did the mouse get in the computer or something? I don't know. Because the computer left his windows open all night? Yeah, something like that. That's good.

I like that. Why was the computer so cold? I don't know. Because it left its Macs open all night. See, it doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. One score Android. All right.

Let's move on to the bonus stuff. Don't you have an iPhone? Yeah, I do. I'm just making jokes. Ha ha! Fuck you, iPhone! Ha ha ha! I'm just trying to both ways.

Because it left its eye windows open? No. See, that one doesn't... It has to be exactly how it is. That's okay. That's okay. All right, episode 78. Love you guys.

If you guys are subscribed to us on Patreon, we keep going. Fuck yeah. Brian, do the thing. Oh, wait, what? I don't know. You say bye. Bye. Outro Music