Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Steve Urkel. Please. Sauna. Bus Driver.

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Exploring the wild west with Lewis and Clark would have been pretty sweet... IF you had an off-road, motorized Lazy-E-Boy recliner! Let's talk about that, fast food restaurants with hot tubs inside, making the 911 dispatcher use their manners during an emergency, 40 people working together to lift a bus off a kid, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/7Mm4fJHdz4YSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Steve Burgle, please. Sauna. Bus driver. Oh my god. Let me do it for you. You need me to help you. I forgot. It's been how many episodes? And I completely forgot to put on my fingerless leather gloves. I thought you weren't going to do it.

I was like, you didn't have them on. You usually have them on before I do. I have before you even get to the house. I'm wearing these things to make sure the vibe's right. Yeah. I wake up, I brush my teeth and put my gloves on. Before I silence my alarm clock. I put on these fucking fingerless leather gloves.

It turns into a fist and I just smash the alarm clock. The alarm clock turns itself off. I've spent so much money on alarm clocks because I bust it every morning. Worth it. Brand new studio! It looks exactly the same, huh? Yeah, it does. But it feels different.

It does. We've got a little more space over here. We're going to hang some shit up here. And speaking of brand new studio, we need some stuff, guys. Zach, he's happy back there. I like it. He's got his own little spot, his own little cave with all the awesome equipment in there. Giant little cave for a big man in a little cave. Big man.

Big guy, fat guy in a little cave. But the walls are bare. So if you guys could send some stuff in that'd be awesome anything artwork all the creators cave sure why not fuck it uh zach has to we need to have a sign that says zach duck yeah because he's you know 612 and the getting in there you have to go and do some like heating ducks it's pretty fun like i bet i have to duck he's just gonna start walking around he's gonna be hunched over now he's waiting for us to can you don't medical so he can get his scoliosis figured out uh and then you know we got this

if you're watching on youtube we got this uh the peaches these are these are here now if you guys were following along with the uh studio renovations we got some peaches from uh are here now. If you guys were following along with the studio renovations. We got some peaches from the World War II era. So we know who Patient Zero will be. And both of you guys talked me out of opening it. It's a little scary. You went with starting the next plague. Yeah.

I mean, you never know. There could be something in it. Yeah. It's like maybe peaches. You open it up and it just escapes and now we're indoors again. That's a new movie plot. Yeah. Peaches.

Killer peaches. Peaches for me. Millions of peaches killing peaches that bleed. Something like that. We'll work on the killing spree. On the theme song. Episode 67, having a lot of fun. Thank you guys for sticking with us.

We... I don't know. We recorded... It feels like we haven't recorded shit in like a month because we had to record so far in advance, got the new studio set up. So very excited to get going in here. Yeah. It's tough.

The temperature is regulated. Yeah. Like I feel it's comfortable. I'm not already sweating or freezing. Or freezing. It's right in the middle. Which is awesome. I feel comfortable. sweating or freezing. Or freezing, yeah. It's right in the middle. Which is awesome. I feel comfortable.

Thanks to everyone who supports us on Patreon. That's how you get the bonus content on the back end of every single show. Plus, I got the merch deals, all that kind of stuff. And you can sign up at patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. And then you want to send stuff in, hey, guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com. And for physical things, we have something cool waiting for us. I just haven't had a chance to go to the P.O. box to grab it yet. But exciting stuff.

It's not supposed to be refrigerated, is it? No. Zach already knows all about these things. I do. Yeah. I'm going to keep it low-key, and hopefully we should be able to talk about it and try it out next week. But if you want to send in a physical. It's lube.

It's just like him and her anal lube. Like that's all it is. What a show that would be. I thought we were saving that for episode 69. Breaking in the new studio with some gape. And then physical things, you'll find that mail address in the episode description. Shout out to all of our daughters that wrote in about smelling their own panties. When are we going to get female, too, to make it equal?

Female what? When we get male. Oh, gotcha. But when are we going to get female? Oh, yeah. There it is. Thanks to everyone who wrote in about smelling their own panties and or tasting their own wet vagina paste. Yeah, a lot.

A lot of that. And here's a fun one from our daughter, Laura. Okay. It says, hey, oh, daddies and Uncle Z. Uncle Z is like a cool. Yeah. yeah a lot of that and here's a fun one from our daughter laura okay says hey oh daddy's and uncle z uncle z is like a cool yeah like that's the sunglass emoji right there with old uncle z i'm gonna turn my hat backwards you make it sound too cool dial it back a little bit like when he sits down at the table he flips the chair backwards like slater oh yeah that's what uncle z does yeah he doesn't yeah a little scoot up yeah i got It's a... And then you get out and you flip it back to where it was.

The little... See you nerds. Yeah, dweebs. Dweebs will kick their food off the table. Back in my college days, my best friend and I lived in an apartment off campus, but we had to get a third roommate when our landlord raised the rent. One night, we came home to find her on the couch, playing Call of Duty on the Xbox and sucking on what

looked like a piece of cloth a few minutes later we sat down she took the piece of cloth out of her mouth which turned out to be her panties and so she has put their panties in her pocket pulled up her pajamas took off her current panties and then put the pussy part whatever that's called right into her mouth mind you she acted like it was the most normal thing to do. She moved out a few months after with an older guy that she had just met and told us she knew he was the one because he got off by watching her suck her panties off. Side note, she would also empty her diva cups on a jar and put a put it under the bed for good luck. Wait, what's a diva cup? I don't know.

Anyone know what a diva cup is? I was hoping I was banking on at least one of us knowing what a diva cup is. Empty your diva cup? I don't know. Anyone know what a diva cup is? I was hoping. I was banking on at least one of us knowing what a diva cup is. Diva. Empty your diva cup? Maybe that's the front part. The front part? Diva shop, the original diva. Cup.

Diva cup. There's so many people screaming it. Your conscious cycle care partner. Oh, okay. Reusable menstrual disc with leak-proof shield Okay, got it Okay, I diva cup on a jar I love that she's just like

When he tells that story How did you know he was the one? Well, you're not gonna believe this He likes it when I suck on my own panties Oh Yeah, he's also gonna You're just gonna have one of those When your grandparents And your grandkid tells

how you met. How you met. It's going to be a great story. Oh, you're going to love that. Put that in your vows. I was going to say in their vows, I vow to watch you suck your panties. I promise to always, forever come to you sucking on the pussy part of your panties, as Laura put it.

And she's in her vows. She's, I always vow to make you make you come yeah by doing the thing uh but she would put that diva cup under her bed for good luck and you buy and then she wants a sexy honk so you got that in you perfect perfect i don't know how i that sound of the of the sucky sucking the panties? I don't know. I'm trying to think of playing Call of Duty on her team, but having to hear that. Like, what do you have in your mouth? My panties?

Seriously. God damn, get your panties out of your mouth. Turn around, turn around, turn around. Yeah. When you said suck, I was speccing something else. Oh. Like she had a wiener in her mouth and plain colic.

That'd be pretty impressive. That would be extremely. She's just like going around just, she's just sniping people. Right. Yeah, exactly. That'd be impressive. You know what? Awesome.

I would have to agree. Absolutely have to agree. Are you ready to move on? I guess if we have to. I think we have to. I think we have to. We got our jar of peaches. We got sucking on panties.

We're off to a great start. Yeah. All right. Jars of peaches. Hey, Zach, do it! Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. All right. So I was able to pull this would you rather out of our email.

Okay. And there's nothing naughty about this. No panty sucking whatsoever. Good. It was sent in by Kennedy. And it just says, would you rather travel to the depths of the ocean or travel to the furthest reaches of space? Space. So, I mean, immediately jump into space jump into space right well we know what happens when

you try to get to the bottom of the ocean hey i remember that you have a titanic disaster okay but you have a better submarine okay so you're you're able to go down and travel to the depths of the ocean which is pretty fucking sweet especially considering it'd be pitch black yeah okay you have a big light you gotta get all the things you want to do uh all the exploration you want and then or go to the farthest reaches of space like go see what the fuck is out there which way are you going well that's that's such a it's such a drastic difference that yeah that the universe is ever expanding yeah never gonna get there yeah spend

all your time chasing this expanding universe never gonna get to that because it's always expanding expanding never the it's spaces i mean i love it but it's it's scary you're gonna find some crazy shit right i mean at least somewhat of this world like worldly you'll find in the depths of the ocean you'll find some crazy fucking fish chances are you're not gonna find a civilization which is a huge bummer so that's in the can find some gold find some gold that's what i'm looking for in space or the ocean you're going for gold or silver and it's coming back and being a rich guy yep if i'm being honest like i i've never obviously never been to either one but the the way that space is portrayed like when you when you're

all the movies stuff when you're out in space how you can see planets because like the reflection of the sun and all that right it's dark but as long as you're fuck as long as you're in range of a planet i would you feel like you see something the bottom of the ocean is just it's pitch black you have a light but it only extends so far and it would feel very claustrophobic yeah it would be awful but even if it was i was able to explore the depths of the ocean in a Lazy Boy, the newest model of Lazy Boy recliner. I have some chips somehow. I got a drink. Your house is floating at the bottom of the ocean.

And I'm looking out the window in my 2023 Lazy Boy. You're a very serious explorer. Yeah. Well, I'm just, you know, casually, I'm just browsing. You see someone down there. What do you do? Can I help you? No, I'm just, you know, casually, I'm just browsing. You see someone down there, what do you do? Can I help you? No, I'm just browsing.

Lewis and Clark and Joe. In my motorized Lazy Boy recliner. Lewis and Clark with Joe. How funny is that to think of? You just think of Lewis on top of a mountain. Like, Clark? Mm-hmm. Like, we're losing. We're losing. We lost 10 people last night to diarrhea lost another indian yeah we lost we're we're gonna die we're low on food

in the background you see like like getting louder and louder camera zooms out a little bit and just me rolling up to the top of the mountain and my lazy boy. What do you guys see down there? Holy shit, it's steep. Whoa. Dude. There's this, and then crunch. Oh, dude, that's crazy. Look at that. And my shoes are just pristine because I haven't taken a step.

All their shit's falling apart. Nice to have on white Nikes. Oh, shit, dude. That's crazy. Did you guys listen to what, what's your face that's the kagawa and she said go this way i mean i didn't i don't know i didn't hear i was exploring i was hunting oh it's fucking hunting in a lazy boy it's all jerking around Hey Clark Yeah can you move that log

I think I see something I fucking hate this guy I picture Lewis and Clark And all the people are just like You can roll up and they're just like Yeah it's super fast Like there's just buffalo running through And you're chasing them

And you're're fucking lazy boy you're motorized lazy boy i picture like for the last time he is like some rich guy that got to go along on an exit you know like you can pay to go hunt elephants or whatever uh somebody get paid to go explore with lewis and clark in the first he's got all the amenities the only way their the whole trip got funded was because you want to go with with Lewis and Clark. So he's got all the amenities. The only way the whole trip got funded was because you wanted to go with your motorized lazy boy? That was the agreement. I'll fund your entire exploration

from Louisiana to Pacific Ocean, wherever the hell the... Wherever you went. Wherever the Oregon Trail was. Louisiana to Oregon. Sounds right. And you're like, I'll fund the whole fucking thing. Twice.

And the way back. In case it doesn't work out. Both ways. I will buy you Iowa. Yeah, yeah. In case you guys get too tired. I'm not going to get too tired. Look at this thing.

But you guys might fucking break something. I just mess up with his feet up too. Yeah. Just like when he turns his feet kind of swing a little bit. It's kind of a mix of like, you know, like a rascal that an old person uses. But a comfier version. A comfier version of that. Like a recliner version of that.

Okay, now let's just put this recliner. Would you explore the bottom of the ocean in a motorized Lazy Boy or explore space in a motorized Lazy Boy? You get to survive in both situations. No, but on a serious note, I've just always loved and had a fascination with space. Yeah, me too. I want to go. If you could go anywhere, and I feel like you have a magic ship, right, in the would you rather. Because if you're like, I want to explore the reaches of space, but we're just stuck with the technology we have now i'd be like god damn it there goes mars that's the last thing you're gonna see before you die was you passing mars well just it's gonna take you fucking

nine years to get to pluto fucking nightmare and that's just the that's the outer reaches of our solar system not even the next star You gotta have some magic shit. Imagine looking out the window of your ship and you're like, cool. The highlight is zipping by Pluto when you're maybe 90 years old. You're like, that's what I'm doing? Where's the cyanide

capsule? Because fuck this. Space sucks. What's crazy is the technology we have now, you can only do that exploration at a certain time um with the the fucking orbits of the planets because you gotta you gotta use the slingshots on shit with uh with the ocean i mean you just go down right but there's got to be there's got to be some really cool things you will for sure find down in the depths of the ocean that will have a bigger impact on the planet in which you live on, which is a cool thing to do.

You take off, you zip out, you're like, anyway, see you losers. I'm going to go fucking fuck off in space. Bye. So I guess here's the clause that I have. If I'm going, if I'm visiting the depths of the ocean, it's got to be illuminated. Like when you're going down, you got to be able to see the fucking octopi. Because once you get down there, there are fish that actually have like, they have their own lighting systems. Yeah.

And so I don't want to see like dark and then like some lights going around. Like I want to see some fucking whales. Yeah. And so I don't want to see like dark and then like some lights going around. Like I want to see some fucking whales. Yeah. I want to see some sea crabs down at the depths. I don't want to and I don't want that

the flashlight that's like this and you just see like Whoa. You know what I'm talking about, right? Like a little ray of light and it's just bubbles. Yeah.

You don't see anything. And like little tiny bacteria. I want to it's got to be illuminated so I can see all the shit. Yeah. You don't see anything. And like little tiny bacteria. I want to, it's got to be illuminated so I can see all the shit. Okay. Or else I'm not going. You want to go to the bottom of the ocean? Can I see shit? Depends.

How big is your light? What? Do you have any fucking lights or anything? What are we doing down here yeah i mean because i it was just gonna be black oh man i could stay in my bed and turn the light off you talking about this reminded me of when we were packing up to move the studio over here and we both just went into uh calling mode uh-huh like how about you just like fucking yeah like super serious shit like i don't think it. I mean, there's no way this will, like, fucking fly out.

Yeah. Imagine, like, NASA doing that. Yeah. Will you fucking just lower the gasket and the fucking. If you don't fucking move that, the spaceship's going to blow up and kill everybody or whatever. Here, don't fucking push that. Because if you do, we all die. So that picture, I was picturing you

That type of person Exploring the ocean Oh shit fucking What was that Dude imagine Neil Armstrong He's like One Fucking

Yeah For a leap For fucking mankind Or whatever One Fucking What was it Leap or

Step or whatever I'm bored Do you guys have any lights It's cool being down here And everything Do you guys have any Fucking lights Well that's That's the thing right I'm bored. Do you guys have any lights? It's cool being down here and everything, but do you guys have any fucking lights over there? I'm going space. I'm going space. That's the thing, like, I need to see something. In space, I'm sure you're gonna

get out far enough where it's just gonna be in a black mass, but it feels like there's so much out stars. Yeah, you'll run into another sun. Another star, yeah. There's something out there. It'll be illuminated, because there's a bunch of stars lighting shit up out there. Yeah.

I'm going space. It seems like Zach hasn't even chimed in. He's just like, yeah, dude, space. Space. Space. I love space. Let's do space. Space stuff.

Fuck the ocean. Fuck the turtles. Fuck the turtles. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, how cool would it be to go to, like, Mariana's Trench and, like, be able to go down and just see all the shit? Like, seeing the shit would be cool. It would be really cool. It'd be a fun treasure hunt and just see all the shit. Seeing the shit would be cool. It would be really cool.

It'd be a fun treasure hunt. Gotta see it, though. I feel like I have a little more idea of what I'm doing at the bottom of the ocean than I would out in space. I think you'd be surprised. Dude, we've... Dude, like, people... Surprised I know what I'm doing.

We know more about the universe than the fucking bottom of the ocean. I know. So there's that. It would help humanity probably a lot more to just do it in the ocean. But fuck humanity! If they give you big enough light, I'm going to the ocean. Perfect.

That's the key, though. That's settled. Like, I need a fog lamp. Fog machine. No, I mean, it's a fog machine. No, a flood lamp. Flood light. They give you one. Flood light. Your only requirement is like, dude, I'd love to don't have any, there's a flood, a flood, flood light. Your only requirement is like, dude,

I'd love to do it. You guys have a flood light. They're like, yeah, no problem. Hopefully this isn't too much to ask. Can you guys give me one flood light? Just a flood light.

Yeah. Yeah. We, we get this in the budget. There's already 400. I only need one. Yeah. I need one flood light and I'll go.

All right, let's move on to what you're, what we're thinking about. Cause you were, last thing before we move on. Yeah we're thinking about Cause you thought something pretty cool Last thing before we move on Are you by yourself? Yes cause no one else gets to do it

You're not like with a pilot or anything? Like a team? Yeah Like Lewis and Clark No just you and your floodlight Brian That'd get real lonely Brian and his floodlight And you can come back up

Cause you're like ripping through space just like, Oh, fuck you. Just metal. Hey, me. It's me again. Yeah. Listening to house music. Zipping by fucking all these solar systems.

Going by Pluto. Sup, Pluto? Sup, dude? Sup, dork? Guys, see you on the way back, dude. Sucks to be demoted, huh? Yeah. Nerd. Remember when you used to be a planet bitch? Just thrusters up. So I was like fuck me all the grass types.

Dude just talking to shit, talking shit to things that can't talk shit back. You drive by. Remember I used to be a planet bitch? Lose some weight Saturn your rings are tight. And then you just to see the blaster. Remember I used to be a planet, bitch? Lose some weight, Saturn. Your rings are tight. And then just to see the blaster. Whoa, man. Fucking need to size up on those rings, huh, Saturn? Lose some weight. Hey, Uranus, how about be the butt of every joke?

Nerds. Stupid. Okay, let's move on to what you're thinking about. Because you have something cool. nerds stupid okay let's move on to what we're what are you thinking about because you have something cool I'm excited to move learn more okay

okay hey Zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about you know nothing actually you know what

I'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about picture this motorized lazy boy in different scenarios is killing me. Like, I don't know why I thought of this, but like a rodeo. When they let the calf go. And the next thing out to shoot is you and a fucking lazy boy. In the lasso. It's running for it.

And you're just. Ripping up through the dirt on a calf you have a hard time getting out of your seat that's what I was gonna say you have to put the fucking thing back up to get out

cause normally when you're like you know calf roping or steer wrestling like steer wrestling especially you gotta

you run next to it and you hop off and then you gotta wrestle it down but it's just you take off you're like you have to fucking get out of your chair roll out of your chair you put on you rip my fucking

cushion god damn it oh god i'm gonna get you you rip my you made my whole seat smell like cow shit god damn and the little ride off at the end after you do it and you throw your hands up and you get back in your Lazy boy and kick the legs out and slowly roll back into the Into the back area whatever that's called in rodeo land. Okay. What did you find? What did you find for? What are you thinking about so funny? So um All right, so I was messing around with some music today and I got fed an ad about AI vocals and You know we get we're hearing about the shit all the time i mean we did plankton we've done donny cash yeah they're like remaking

songs you can be whoever you want to be basically you can hear you can make a song featuring whoever right and you can do that but i thought this was or or yeah or you could do this which i thought was really cool that that I haven't... I've seen some takes on it, but this feels like it's very put together. Like they've got it figured out. And there might be something better than this. This is just what I found. So it's called Music Fi.

Music Fi. Yeah. Music Fi. Music Fi. By Music Fi. Brought to you by MusicFi. MusicFi. Spokane's best.

Spokane! Alright, anyway. So you can do anything you want. They have like built-in artists that you can sing and all this kind of stuff. Sample from and work with, okay. Yeah, so we're used to that, the vocals and stuff, but what I thought was

cool about this is and I haven't even got to mess with it yet, I was just watching a guy do it so I'm going to play a little. You know a guy. What the fuck is happening? I don't know, we get more ads for music. My screen's just black. Oh my gosh.

Let me read. What happened? New studio, new internet. It's just not working. Oh! When you think, you think of everything. And then you just said, what's happening? Zach, verify.

Are you in? Did you plug in? So he's using his voice. Oh. I thought that was using his voice. Oh. I thought that was Zach. No. Oh my God, I thought that was Zach. Like Zach just like took it upon himself to throw and hold music.

He's like, fuck. Fine, I got it. And I was like, what the fuck is he doing out there? Dead air. Yeah, if you said that. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead there? Yeah, if you said that. All right, listen to this. Okay.

Zach. So this is the guy recording into his microphone. Okay. With his mouth, he's going. You know, that classic guitar riff. Really? So then, so what's cool is you have all these instruments that you can put in there yeah and you just do the melody or do the what the lick with your mouth and choose the instrument watch this a little heavier stuff okay and then uh that's pretty cool What? Yeah.

Why learn how to play an instrument? Check this out. So he did a little beat and then you... Okay, check this one out. He's playing this. He played that on a little recorder and turned it into a trumpet. Okay. And then check this out. Wait, hold on.

Oh. So he's just going. Watch. Okay. Shut up, dude. That's him. picturing him by himself i know with a little like a tiny little desk microphone he's going so this guy is a sound engineer. So what I found really cool about this is if you're in your head,

anybody out there listening, if you have all these ideas in your head, you're like, fuck, I can't play guitar, can't play drums, can't play the trumpet. You get a piece of software like this, you can make an entire song. But not just that. Like if you're scoring a movie or something and you're like i need to make all these sounds i need to make animal sounds yeah you don't have to go out and find the shit you just manipulate it with an app and i also see it being like super helpful for even you know so let's say you can play all the instruments right but you have an idea but

you're not in a spot that you want to like you can't put it down like you can't go to your studio and record something so why the fuck not like oh yeah yeah yeah that'd be a great and just go or whatever you have to do to get the riff recorded into your phone and i think there's a phone app so like you could do whatever on the go. Just to get an idea. Yeah, you're like, oh, I have this idea for a violin sound. And you're like, and then it just turns it into this gorgeous violin sound. That's pretty cool. I found this really interesting because I have these country songs that I'm doing, and one of the things that I've had the problem with is like figuring out how to get fiddle in there

and how to like MIDI and all that kind of stuff and how to play it and the notes you need to play. But now, yeah, I can just be like, I can listen to the song and I and play along with it and then it'll turn into a nice little fiddle sound. That's pretty cool. That could complete the song. And I don't want to use AI to not be creative anymore. That's what I'm hoping that we

continue to use this for. It helps you in your process. It's an enhancer. It doesn't think for you because we still need the element of the human and I still want to be creative. I don't want to let AI do it for me. But if it can help you with the process, it's going to be crazy what people will be able to create. i don't want to let ai do it for me but if it can help you with the process

yeah it's going to be crazy what people will be able to create like i don't i think it's cool that you can make snoop dogg do a thing you know but it's like oh it's kind of funny yeah but like i don't see that as like the future of it i want to you know what this guy's doing like it's like construction tools when they were invented like yeah yeah they're just making you better at your craft yeah so i kind of see that like oh look at this guy's got a It's like construction tools when they were invented. Yeah, yeah. They're just making you better at your craft. Yeah. So I kind of see that. Oh, look at this guy. He's got a fucking hammer.

I remember when I had to use my forehead. They're like, just make in front of him. He's got rocks. Like, what's this guy? Look at this hammer guy. Well, there is that mentality still. It's like, oh, man, I remember when I had to use this. And nowadays they use this like a bunch of pansies.

Oh, so we can get a job done in three hours instead of three days? Right. Yeah, look at me. Why use a table saw when this other saw worked just fine? It's red. Yeah, I didn't grow up with no table saw. Cool, you're going to get one job for every five that I do. You're going to get left behind.

I'm going to do seven jobs today, and you're going to cut a piece of wood. Nerd. But anyway. That's good. I love that. I'm going to have to start fucking, and you're going to cut a piece of wood. Nerd. But anyway. That's good. I love that. I'm going to have to start fucking around with that. I love the idea. That's just not even scratching the surface.

Like I said, I just saw it today, so I haven't even got to dive in. Okay. It is a subscription-based thing, of course, but I imagine the endless possibilities if using this with your mind will be endless. Yep. You got to come in with some ideas. I like that. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not writing it all for you. Yep. All right. Well, let's whip it out this week. Whip it out? You ready to get some hogs? Yeah. Some sweaty hogs up and rolling?

All right. Let's just yell at Zach then. Ready? One, two, three. Zach! Oh, you. Yeah. Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's dick. You set me up. It's like when we're, let's jump in the ice water together. Ready? One, two, three. One, two, I'm going home when you're cold. Yeah.

That was rude. I'm not going to forgive you for that. I can live with that. All right. This was sent in by our daughter, Lorraine. And I, well, I'm not going to not gonna tell you yet actually i'll tell you right now husband marty the sad this doesn't exist anymore okay i'm just gonna come out the gate and say that it it gotten it got it's gotten torn down but it did have a good run and this is

just so fucking funny to me and it made me start thinking about uh what other things should we be doing inside a restaurant so we're not right now so we all know about the dreaded meat sweats i just want to eat but at this burger king in finland they might be brought on by eating your whopper in a sauna look at this thing look at it it looks nice you go into a burger king and you get in the fucking sauna and they bring you food and drink. And somebody thought that was a good idea. And it was. Sweat out? No, because Finland, like, sauna's their life.

That's weird. Yeah, so as nude dining looks set to become Europe's most unlikely food trend, a naked restaurant in London currently has a waiting list of 37,000. What the fuck is that? So this Burger King opened up an in-store spa. The latest innovation we never knew we needed features a 15-person sauna, showering room, locker room, and media lounge with TV and gaming facilities. Guests can spread out on blue and red benches in the sauna, perhaps covering their modesty with a Burger King towel or robe, and watch TV or play video games while basking in the steam. And if all of that poor flushing is making you hungry,

servers from the outlet visit the sauna to take food and beverage orders. You can enjoy a meal as flame-grilled as your skin, although the fries might wilt in the humidity alternative alternative alternatively you might want to make that ice-filled giant coke or take it and spill it all over your head so that's not even so the fins they have tons and tons of saunas and there's like one sauna for every three people in finland like they do business meetings in them they like that's just every home has it like you just go get in the sauna something they do and they're pretty happy people aren't they

pretty happy maybe that's the secret but thinking about other things you could put in fast food restaurants like little weird things like that? I don't want to. I don't know. I've seen some of the people in fast food restaurants around here. I don't want to sit. Then don't go in the sauna. Yeah, I'm not.

All right. But what if you rented it out? Would you go into a sauna in a restaurant ever? No. Why? It's just gross. Tell me why. Tell me why Tell me why I have a hard enough time

Using public Pools or hot tubs Or anything like that Let alone Do you like saunas at all In general though? Yeah Okay

But you just don't think That it belongs in a restaurant No I don't care I'm not saying It doesn't belong I'm not going to use it Yeah I try not to sweat while i eat that's a good point would be a little too much like it was a bar i could see some legalities of getting super hot and sweaty while also consuming alcohol and just sweat it out more fun though i think you just get fucking hammered no man

not enough water in you i just being around other people's bodily fluids and things like that. Like, I see people, albeit like a mirror game or a Seahawks game, I walk in the bathroom to go pee. That's gross in itself. And then you see, like, a guy will walk in with his beer and food and set it on top of the urinal and pee. It's a sandwich. And I'm watching, I'm'm like that is so fucking gross oh man i do that that's so gross what's what's so gross about it piss and shit all over in the air flying around in the air it's not floating around anywhere else but right there if you can smell it

it's flying around it's bad enough to have to breathe it in yeah but then the idea that you're just like i don't know eating it too yeah true i mean you're but you're still eating and breathing it in the second you're in that bathroom i don't want to be in there but i have to go in there and i don't want when i leave that place i don't want the drink carrying the bathroom out with it hanging out in there this hot dog tastes like shit well yeah well yeah because you were pooping on it. Am I crazy? That ain't relish.

No, you're not crazy. Food in the bathroom can... Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I'm not doing that. But there's... I mean, I'm also in the boat where there's so many germs and shit everywhere. Like, finding a line about whether it's in the bathroom or not, I think is total internally. Like, it's a mental battle. Because that shit is everywhere.

Not all germs are equal, though. Yeah, but isn't the bathroom cleaner than the kitchen sink? It's probably cleaner than your phone. Yeah, I've been a whole study. So I think it's a lot of mental gain. Yeah, sure, my bathroom. But not a public bathroom. Well, even then.

Like out in the dining area and shit like that. Like the kitchen is dirtier than the bathroom. Is that like a dog's mouth right after it eats some shit?'re like a dog's mouth cleaner than a person's like i just watched him eat his own poop because i guess pooped in his own mouth that can't be cleaner than my mouth can you walk walking into like a like a taco time is a hot tub in there you're getting in it no i don't even want to get i don't want to get in a hot tub at a luxury hotel you get a little burrito blanket get there with there fucking burger king i feel like that's the anti-thesis of fast food it's like come sit and chill and be real slow it's so funny that reminds me of uh of a top golf that i went to

in vegas there's a fucking pool like i know it's vegas and they're just doing shit who the fuck is going on the pool at Topgolf? Like, who's going there and be like, I'm going to hit some balls and get in this pool. Go back to your hotel, you bum. Like, why are you using Topgolf for their pool? There's a DJ at it. I was like, what the fuck? Dude, that's, but Vegas, everywhere you go is a fucking party.

Right. Burger King is not a fucking party. Probably isn't Vegas. And now if the Vegas Burger King had a hot tub, would you go with a DJ? Especially not in Vegas. It would be sticky. You guys are no fun. I'm never going to anywhere with you. That's fine.

Stay home! You know I'm a homebody. You know this. That's fine. You're the adventurer. I'm fairly content with that. I'm telling you, I would be tempted, just because of how weird it is to go in a sauna in Burger King. Just because it's so fucking stupid and weird.

Oh, man, I got a busy day ahead of me. Yeah. Well, first I'm going to drive my lazy boy over to Burger King and get in the Burger King sauna. What are you doing after that? I have no plans. That's what shit take all day. Yeah. You guys need anything?

Yeah, I'm glad you guys came in here. Can I get a Whopper Jr.? You guys need anything? Just go in. Yeah, can you... Is the fucking heat on? Can you guys turn down the heat? Sir, you're in the sauna.

I know. Can I get a Whopper Jr.? In a Whopper Jr. You rotate around and you're lazy boy. Yeah. See this. Whenever I've been in the sauna. I know. Can I get a Whopper Jr.? In a Whopper Jr. And you rotate around and you're lazy boy. Yeah. See, whenever I've been in a sauna, my grandma and grandpa, they built a sauna and they had a pool and stuff. And I did the sauna a couple of times at the gym.

And then it was just like the guys that were sitting in there just hanging dong and just fat and- Hanging 10? Yeah. They're just like, I'm like, this is just gross. It's not for me. The guys that were sitting in there just hanging dong and just fat and hanging 10. Yeah, they're just like, this is just gross. It's not for me. They put a hamburger in that setting and it just gets weird. Yeah. What is so weird?

We've got a couple hot dogs in here. And once again, this is just my personal preference. You guys cooking wieners in here? I don't think it's a bad thing or that people shouldn't do it. Do whatever makes people happle. Happle. Pee-pee. Happle.

Do whatever makes you hap. There we go. Yeah, this isn't me being like, you guys shouldn't be doing this. I just don't want to do it. Yeah, no thanks. You asked me if I would do it. No. I don't think I would either.

But I'm sure there are a lot of people that would love to do it and more power to them. The reason I would do it was just because it'd be funny and say I did it. Yeah, I don't need that story. I would drag you guys to a Burger King to go in the sauna just to say we went in the Burger King sauna. Yeah, I'd watch you. Through the door? Take my order?

Because I'm eating my food because I want to fucking enjoy my meal not sweat and feel miserable. That was the whole point of having the big i love burger king yeah i don't want to think about every time i eat a whopper like tasting other people's sweat you know what i mean sure i know what you mean i guess i don't think you do i do get it i don't listen do i don't think you fucking get it you just said you want to do it so you could say you did it. Yeah. The fuck kind of reason is that? What?

That's life, baby. No. No? It's like people... Why would you jump out of an airplane? Because it's fucking sweet. Yeah, but... Just to say you did it. No, I don't need to tell anybody I did it. That's for me. If I jump out of an airplane, that's... You're using the logic

of someone going to a fucking... What's that tree place in California? Redwood? No. Something tree. Joshua tree. Like all the influencers go to Joshua tree and they post a picture of them. Oh, I'm so zen.

And then they're like, we got the picture. Let's head out. So they can share it online to show like that's doing the thing is about experiencing it not telling people about it yeah and eating a whopper and a sauna and a burger king that's not an experience that i want for myself let alone tell anybody about it you know what i mean uh yeah do you i got it just say you're boring i don't know just not believe listen just say you're boring next time before you just said you would do it so you could tell

people you did it no so i could just do it okay that's different that's different than tell just want to do it so you could tell somebody you did it i don't want to go do it with you it'd be a shared experience it'd be like i'm how fucking funny that was we went in the burger king sauna no i'd be like remember how funny it was you went in the Burger King sauna No I'd be like Remember how funny it was You went in the sauna Then I went home And hated your meal

And I went home That was so funny That was such a cool experience Was that cool Getting hepatitis C From that guy That was in there I'm not sure

That's how that works Going back to cocaine And hepatitis C All saunas Just fucking soaking Hepatitis C out of everyone. I have a ton of fun at home. We know. Let me just say that.

We know. We know, Brian. I'm just fucking with you. I don't care. So what is, what's your, what's your dick this week? What is it? Show it to me. Pull it up here.

Put it in my hand. Oh, you know, it's funny that we just had this whole conversation, and now we're going to do this story. What is it? Michigan woman pulled from outhouse toilet after climbing in for Apple Watch. I mean, those are, they're spendy. They're pretty cool items. I mean, I get it. Woman lowered herself into the toilet after dropping the watch and was later heard yelling for help.

I mean, I'd do it just for the experience. Yeah, I'm sure you would. Maybe you get to tell everybody about it. Yeah. I'd take you guys with me. I'm like, remember how funny it was when we were all inside that porta potty? No, I was still in the car. Looking for my watch?

No, you were fucking a burner, too. I was peeing outside of the porta potty. Gotcha. Or whatever the fuck. Woman was rescued on Tuesday from the Owl House toilet in northern Michigan while trying to retrieve her Apple Watch. The woman whose name was not released lowered herself. Could you guys not tell?

Hey. Shh. You just don't. Can you keep this on the DL? Yeah. I don't want to. She's the opposite. She wanted the experience.

She didn't want to tell anybody about it. I mean, that's, that's, that's a good way to go about life though. Imagine covered in shit and the officers are walking out and you're like,

hey, can you guys just like, keep us on the deal? X-nay on the shit toilet day. On the story. Oh yeah. Hey, I see the news is here.

Did you guys call them? Yeah. Fuck. Is there any way you could tell them to just like go home? Well, luckily they, if her face was covered in shit, couldn't you know cover her head gotcha all right uh first responders were called when the woman was heard yelling for help the toy was removed

and a strap was used to haul the woman out she was in the muck if you will said michigan state police spokesperson oh boy uh carol said she retrieved her watch before her rescue. She was not injured. And Carol said grateful for the first responders. An Apple Watch can cost a few hundred dollars. Sure can. If you lose an item in an outside or an outhouse toilet, do not attempt to venture inside the contaminated area.

Serious injury may occur state police said in the release thanks officer the only thing she suffered from was a shitty attitude yeah i lost my apple watch and all i got was this shitty experience that i don't want to tell anybody about one star he should have reviewed it on yelp the outhouse yeah it's one review she goes i don't know started great started great but i lost my watch got covered in shit one star how many people found it helpful it was awful trying to get out of this fucking hellhole one star service was terrible how did she was she fucking with the watch um yeah who knows trying to put there's different bands maybe she was white wiping her poop or something and it slipped off yeah that'd be a terrible watch

so imagine yeah all it took was not having your arm straight up you're just like i'm gonna wipe oh god damn it like did it have a strap it has to she just like she was just holding on to it and pocket she checks it it's fucking taped yeah she has a just the cover of the watch even the bands are expensive yeah i mean i have a this metal one is is fantastic yeah by the way um it holds it on better than the one that came with my fucking watch i'll tell you that okay i'll tell you this question yeah would if if you were in her situation would you do the same thing no what would it take to crawl down in that muck zach this is posed for you too i would first try to fish it like i'd be like okay bucket like you have to like dip a dip a bucket down in

there and then pour all the shit out outside of it and hope you find your watch or like a diamond ring how expensive would the thing have to be that's what i'm asking i know that's a good question because that watch would be gone to me no zach i don't know i'm thinking about it i don't really care that much about stuff but it's just shoving your hand in some poo for a second or two it is just just poop. I mean, you can clean it. But it's a lot of different people's poop. I know. If you have a wound or something, don't do it.

No, that's even better. For the experience alone. I could not wash my hands. For the experience alone, I would cut my hands up and then stick it in. Dude, it would get underneath your nails. I'd bite my nails. I couldn imagine like weeks later biting my nails and tasting someone's shit that was what about like just clean under your nails or whatever like dip them in some bleach or something we could but like you're not you're not gonna get

rid of all it are you yeah you get rid of it where's the dirty phone or an iWatch thousand bucks an apple watch three four hundred bucks depending on when you get it. $300-$400 or $500. It's not worth it. If you dropped a gold bar in the toilet, would you go down and get it? How much is the gold bar worth? It's like $2,000 an ounce or something. Okay. How much is in a bar?

This is something different. Maybe 10 ounces. The gold bar would be something that I could take out and clean it. But it's not something that I'm wearing every day and have to just be on my person and stuff. It's the memory of it. It's the reminder of the experience.

I would sell that fucking gold block so fast to the nearest half off. Half off? This thing like a lemonade stand. This thing is worth 10 grand. You give me 300 bucks for this. 300 bucks.

I just don't want this piece of shit. Yeah. They're like, someone would be so confused. Like what? Well, why is it so cheap? Like pull it out of some poop. I'd be like, give me the gold, you weirdo. I don't know.

What's, what's in a, I mean, I don't know. What about your laptop? What about your kid? What if your kid went in? Yeah, I'm going to get him. Laptop? Probably not. I mean, yeah, your fucking kid. Of course you got to get him.

Both of them or just one of them? Both of them are in there. But they have snorkel gear on, so you have to go underneath. What the fuck are they doing snorkeling in there kids just cost money anyway you're trying to find kids do weird shit that is fucking they're gonna they're trying to find gold in an apple watch and you got to go save them from drowning in shit you going in nope nope says that okay my kids this is hypothetical yeah this story's not hypothetical no this actually happened this actually happened i don't know what it would be i'm not that scared i think i just have to get over the mentality of apple watch no i'm not going in for that uh depends on your financial situation

no absolutely like if you're way if she's so bad off that she had to she probably shouldn't be buying an apple watch or maybe she saved up for it and it was precious to her and she wanted it. Really wanted it. It was a sentimental value. It was your grandma's Apple Watch. Isn't that something funny to think about? Like we have all these heirlooms that are super important. It's like, oh, this was my great-great-grandfather's pocket watch.

And then now in 200 years, you'd be like, oh, that was my great-great-grandpa's Apple Watch. It's got dong pics on it and stuff. Yeah. Dong pics and memes. Spongebob memes. I love it. They mean so much to me. It's like a time capsule, you know, where they open it up and they're like, wow, this is what they were doing back then.

Look at this hairbrush or whatever. And to us, it's just like, yeah, saved memes and dick pics. Before we move on to Petty B for this week, I do have a quick story. Well, I mean, I'll just going to, I'll cut out so many details, but I have lost my Apple watch before jumping, doing some cliff jumping in the river. And I didn't know it when I first jumped off, but I, you know, I don't know how many times or when I did lose it, but I knew where it was and I jumped off and it's like 15 feet like it's a fucking it's a hole in the river that you're jumping off rocks into and i got back to the bank on the other side and i was drying off and i was

like oh fuck i knew exactly where it was but didn't have any snorkel gear or anything so we were with the kids and my buddy robbie so we packed everything up. We had to hike out of there. Me and Robbie went to Big Five. We got some scuba gear. Oh, my God. And then got back in the car, drove back, and then hiked back out to the swimming hole. And we go out there, and we're diving. It felt like forever, but the sun was about to go down. So in reality, it was probably 30 minutes.

But 30 minutes of coming up and holding your breath and trying to kick your way down to 15 feet at the bottom to see if you could find it is exhausting. Yeah. And you always think you're going to die. Like, that's just. 15 feet, there's already a lot of pressure. Yeah, it fucking sucked. It was not fun. And I went down and I'm like, we're about to give up.

And I went down and I saw, like, through the silt. Silt? Sit. Sut. Sult. Sit? Sit. Shit? Sult, sult, sult. I, the time I was like, what?

So I had to go back up and then I got my breath and I came down, I grabbed, I came, I was like, you're not going to believe this. And someone else found it. And someone else already had it. They were like, dude, it was like, gotcha. It was an older version of my watch. And he just had the, the, like the background screen. He said, sorry, bro. Um, no, but I grabbed my watch and I came up and we swam back across and we're getting ready to leave.

And I'm doing the same thing, drying off. And my wedding ring is gone. No. You guys, I've never told this story to you guys. I didn't hear that. So then my wedding ring was gone. And I have my watch. And Robbie, I'm like, you're not going to believe this.

He's like, fucking what? Like, we're exhausted. And I was like, I lost my wedding ring i'm robbie i'm like you're not gonna believe this he's like fucking what like we're exhausted and i was like i lost my wedding ring and he's like no way and i was like he's like we're not gonna find i don't have to try so i got my fucking snorkel shit back on and go over and he's like god damn it so he comes over with me i took my watch off and i put in my backpack because i'm not that dumb like you know switchblades and airports don't make that mistake again so we go over and we're diving down and uh long story even shorter one of the dives i go and i see it i see a glisten like the sun is so close to go behind the trees never would have found it and something it just goes i see a little shimmer and i'm like no way and i swim down and there's a rock and the rock has a crack in it.

And my ring is laying in the crack. It looks like at a jewelry store. Yes. It looked like it was like the sword, you know, whatever. Sorcerer's stone or whatever. Yeah. We had to pull that thing out. Or He-Man.

And it was just sitting there and I went down and pulled it out and found my wedding ring. And then you got back out there. What were you losing that time? Or missing? I came back up and I was like, oh, no. Your sanity? Where's my brain? Yeah, dude.

Yeah! All right. That was my story. Still never found it. Still never got it back. Looking, whatever. That was it. That was my story.

Where's your wedding ring now? Lost it. You get it. All right. Let's move on to petty beef you ready you are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef you want to set it up for us, honey? Do I?

I've been waiting. For this to be sent to us by our son, Ethan. And if you say please, I'll read it to you. What? Oh, you'll see. Hey, guys. It's your favorite son, Ethan. Got some beef with my wife that I would like you guys to weigh in on.

Okay. You guys to weigh in on. My wife? What? Yep. I'm in. I'm weighing. Oh. I thought you were going to take over. No. It no it's so rude i got it i'll take it from here thanks you're doing so well actually been doing pretty well reading lately yeah you're doing a good job

my wife has had in her head that i need to say please every time i ask her to do anything even if she's already up or going to do the same thing i ask her to do example she's going down the garage to get a beer and i ask her to grab me one too she will respond with uh can i get you a beer what i think it's not really needed except for when it's something that is inconvenient for her which case i usually do it myself she says it's to help teach our kids manners but she does uh she even does this when they were asleep. What do you guys think? Your son, Ethan. They're always watching.

Yeah, they're little sponges. So funny. Like in a marriage. 15 years in. Hey, baby. Will you put that in your mouth for a minute? What do you say? What do you put in your mouth?

Please. Oh, yes. Please, baby. Please. But like, where are your manners?'s like two grown-ass adults it's so funny sitting on the couch oh baby hand me the remote what's the magic what's the magic word fucking get me it now now thanks like just such a weird it seems like a weird like little like a little power, a little power play. And I'm not saying that manners should not be used. I say, please all the time.

Like, oh shit. Like you realize it can be like, oh man, like I forgot, blah, blah, blah.

Like, can you go, please grab it, please. And like, I don't say that while I'm in my motorized lazy boy. Cause I just go get it myself. I mean,

everyone can go anywhere with those. Yeah. This thing's fucking off road. Got four wheelwheel drive tires on it um no but just like i'm you know please sorry like it's always that kind of thing but just anything between a couple little stuff yeah can you hand me that blanket like that's right next to you you got me a fork yeah you got me a fork that can what do say? Can I get you a fork? What? But she also has it in her hand.

Okay. And what's, what's the magic word? She goes like that and pulls it away. Pulls it back. Like, what's the magic? Use your man. Use your words. Be nice. And you're like, please.

Here you go. What if it was like, oh my God. I think I'm having a heart attack. Huh? Oh. Yeah. You're actually dying. I fooled you there. Scared me. What if the guy was like, oh, oh God. I think, I think i'm having a heart attack huh oh yeah i fooled you that scared me what the guy

was like oh oh god i think i think i'm having a heart oh well you you gotta call an ambulance will i call an ambulance what fucking now babe this is not the time this is not the time what yeah the kids don't even make sense kids are- It doesn't even make sense. The kids are here. Yeah, they're going to be dadless. Yeah. You're going to be on your own. I'm going to be on my own what? Please. You're going to be on your own, please.

That's it. Okay. 911. And then she's talking to the 911 operator. What's your emergency? Can I have the address? What's the magic word? Can you have the address operator? What's your emergency? Can I have the address? What's the magic word? Can you have the address?

What? And then you see the other guy on the other line. Can I have the address, please? Yes, we are at 444 East

Hardtack Street. How hard was that? Was that hard? I don't know. How long have the symptoms been going on? How long have the symptoms been going on

what? That doesn't even make any sense. How long have the symptoms been going on? How long have the symptoms been going on what? That doesn't even make any sense. How long have the symptoms been going on, please? That's better. I don't know. It just came out of nowhere. And then just continues on with the conversation? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's... Every time I hear something like that, it's like, there's something rooted. Mm-hmm. like that it's like there's something rooted you know like there's like maybe her past relationship was not enough pleasing yeah it was yeah i didn't please her enough wink yeah you get it she a little more pleasing yeah she's fitting in all the pleases getting pleasure you know gotta get gotta get pleased what if he did it to her she's's like, you know, she asked me, oh, will you, will you fuck me harder? What if I fuck you harder? What?

Please. No. No. Cause I had to ask. The kids are watching. The kids are watching. No, I'm just working on our man. Where are your manners?

Yeah. Where are your manners? Where are your manners, baby? Oh my God. Can I come? Can I come what? Please. Yes. Yes. You may. Sure. Yes. You may. Good job. You may. your manners where your manners baby oh my god can i come can i come what please yes yes you may sure yes you may good job you may yeah rustle their hair good job you may come in sport you're

good good job with your big manners but if you if you talk to your wife or your spouse like like kids oh great job sport good job today i like to do that. I do that to Cassie sometimes. Right after she's like done blowing you, you're like, good job, sport. Yeah. Get off a meeting. I'm like, oh, you did such a good job. Give her a little punches. A little pat on the ass. Yeah. Oh, you did such a good job on your big girl meeting. Your big

girl meeting. She hates me. But, you know, I still do it. Stop it. And you get like that little punchies. Stop it what? Stop it what? Boy, stop it what? And you get like that little punchies. Stop it. What? Stop it. What?

Stop it. What? You start punching just harder and harder. Please, please stop. No, you had to ask. That's how domestic violence. Oh, yeah. I got it.

Yeah. Ethan, I feel bad. You can't just be an ass and you can't just demand shit. Like, go get me a beer. Even shit. Like, go get me a beer. Even if you say, go get me a beer, please. Yeah. It just doesn't work. That's what you should start doing, though.

Hey, get me the blanket, please. Hey, give me a blanket, please. Yeah. He should start trying that. Mix up the tone. If that doesn't work. Leave. Yeah.

You could double it up to him. May I please have the blanket, please. Oh, that's a please. Give me the blanket, please. That's what our son did. He's like,

fine. You want, please. I got two of them for you. Squeeze all these. Please. One and please. Two,

one and two, please. Left. Please. Right. People not seeing we're flipping off in fingerless leather gloves. Please give me. I love the idea of like a,

she's like, Oh, give me. I love the idea of like a. She's like, oh, give me that dick. Give me that dick what? Please. No, no. Next time I don't want to have to ask. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Say it like you mean it.

Please. Let me do it for you. Oh my God. I love the idea of a Heimlich maneuver Like You want me to squeeze you? Want me to squeeze you what? I can't hear you

I can't hear you Say the magic word Please Please squeeze me I Oh god I just had this visual Like Two people getting it on.

And the guy just, he just can't get there. And then the wife, she like, you know, hops off or whatever. She's like, let me do it for you. Like, if you know the meme, that might be enough for you to go, that's the sexiest thing i've ever seen ever yeah yeah or you're like what she's just like let me do it for you looks right into his eyes it'd be terrible what oh i mean just i'm like you know that meme too come yeah yeah that's all it takes obscure shit like that he's like oh i'm just That's so awesome you knew it Like obscure like

Like a sauna In a Burger King Come on Like if Do it with me Yeah Just do it One hot tub

In a Taco John That's one hot tub In a Taco John too many I'll go with you I'm gonna go to Finland Will you hold my hand I will go We'll build one

What No I'll go with you And I'll sit in the Lob, the BK Lounge. Okay. And you hang out in the sauna. Okay. Fine. All right.

I'll go to Finland. Yeah. I want to go on a bunch of trips. I think we should take this shit on the road. Hell yeah. Let's start in Finland. Start. Just take a little cruise over to Finland.

I found some good news this week. You ready for it? Yeah. Let's fucking dart! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah!

Come across stories like this from time to time, and it does just give me a... A boner? Yeah. Gives me a boner. No, it just gives me a little boost in humanity. That not everybody was like, you know what? I'm going to film this for my TikTok. Because it feels like that happens quite a bit.

Yeah, some guy's dying. Oh, dude, check out this guy's dying, dude. Dude, I'm going to get so many views on this. A Berlin bus. You know what you would have got more views? What? Saving the person's life. Right.

And even if you didn't, guess what? You saved someone's life. But you would have. Yeah. Wow, dude. You saved that guy's life right and even if you didn't guess what you saved someone's life but you would have you know wow dude you saved that guy's life oh my god you told how bad does it hurt you're sticking your phone in their face a berlin bus gets lifted with the help of 40 people to free a young man pinned by the rear wheel god that's it it took 40 people it's a bus yeah berlin's just a bunch of pussies. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Ever since the Nazi regime fell. Things have gone downhill in Berlin. Bunch of pussies running around.

Bunch of pussies running around. Not doing shit. Say what you will about Hitler. He did shitty things, but that guy, he had a vision. And he really followed it. Determination. Determination and he accomplished his goals. Extermination.

Okay. Okay. A young man trapped under a bus in Berlin survived with minor injuries after 40 people joined forces to lift the vehicle off him in what police described as a heroic rescue event. The 18-year-old got pinned by a tire of the rear axle when he fell down while running to catch the bus as it pulled away from the stop this past Monday afternoon The bus driver immediately stopped. No, no, no Just go a little further. You're on him what? Hold on open opens the door hops out. I'm what you're fucking on him. Oh

Shit fucking the stop sign thing goes out Oh shit wait Hit somebody Clotheslines a guy on a bicycle God I could Case of the Mondays Why does this shit always happen on a Monday God

He's really setting the tone for the week He's like oh fuck He puts out the brakes Beats someone in the face with the stop sign. I can't do anything right. I swear to God, I'm the worst bus driver. The bus driver immediately stopped with the help of about 40 people, including passengers and passerby. Managed to lift the right side of the bus high enough to get the guy out of there.

Could you imagine if the bus driver didn't get out and help? They all trying to lift it and he's like i don't get paid enough get off the bus company policy i can't leave the seat i would love to help and he's super strong just a massive dude he's like i just got this job It's my first day on the job. We know. We know you parked on the kid. We know it's your first day on the job. I can't lose this job. Dude, fucking speed bumps everywhere. He's trying to call his boss.

He's like, hey, can I come out and help the kid? He's like, help the kid what? Please, please, can I help the kid? Can you help the kid live? Yes. Please. Please. Yeah, that's fine.

That's fine, but I'm going to remember this. Hang on. Let me check with corporate. Yeah, one second. Please hold. Surgeons and nurses from a medical center close to the bus stop in the neighborhood of, what does it say? Spandau? Spandau!

Neighborhood of Berlin. Went to the scene to provide first aid. We were at work. We heard screams. And our boss looked out the window and saw what had happened and said, take the doctor's case and run. That sounds like an 80s song. Take the doctor's case and run. Hoo, hoo, hoo. Honk, honk, honk.

Ho, honk, honk. Go on, take the doctor's case and run. The man suffered screams. Billy Mac was a driver in Germany. In Berlin. Over the class. Over the clunk.

The man suffered scrapes, bruises, and an arm injury. Which is pretty awesome, considering you're under a fucking bus. Well, they really threw him. Never mind. This reminds me of a video that i had covered a long time ago where a cop like a just a cop flipped a fucking car it's just him to get a woman out of the out of the crashed vehicle and it was you know it was this way t1000 it was he was looking for what was his name the kid kid. Arnold Schwarzenegger? No.

Sean Connery? Sean Connery. I don't think he was in that one. Sean Conner, wasn't it? Yeah, something like that. Mr. Conner. Looking for the kid. John Conner. John Conner, yeah.

John Conner. Sean Connery. What's a line from- I am the last one. Yeah, I was going to say, what's a line from Terminator that's- I will gonna say what's a line from terminator that's i will be back but the line that john says i don't know something sorry the line where he's hitting him he's like you don't you don't punch people man welcome to the rock yeah um but it reminded me of that he just he's came upon the scene and just fucking his dash cam footage has him. And he's lifting the car and flipping it.

Was it Steve Urkel's car? I don't know. No, it was heavier than that. He's like, did I do that? Did I do that? Can you imagine that being the last thing you hear? Like you got T-boned by Steve Urkel. Did I do that?

You fucking, like you're on fire. Your kids are dead in the backseat. And you're like gras you're on fire. Your kids are dead in the backseat and you're like grasping out the window trying not to die and you see Steve Urkel. Did I do that?

That'd be terrible. You'd be like, oh, fuck. Did I do that? Did I do that? And then you're trying to lift up the car and then this nose

comes around the corner and it's like, let me do it for you. It up the car then this nose comes around the corner it's like let me do it for you it lifts the car up throws it all i do is for you all right let's move on to something uh that i found on the internet okay okay let's fucking roll it the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes this is i've been doing more traveling than normal in my life we got it shut the fuck up

brian do things we got it no picture sent fuck up, Brian. You fucking do things. We got it. No. You got a picture sent to us, and that's, we live vicariously through you. Through a pic? Yeah. Through a sick pic. Mm-hmm.

And I came across this website. Very simple. Very straightforward. And it's called makemydrivefun.com. And you put in your destinations, and then it just pulls up different places. So let's just do, I don't know, let's do Spokane, and we're going to Seattle, Washington. And you put it up, and it pulls up all of these little things along the way

that you might want to go check out. Moses Lake. Yeah, the water fountain. That's it. Farm Junk Mammoth Skeleton. That's a thing out there, huh? Yeah. It's a big deal.

But it just shows you some things that you can go check out, like a vintage Washington wild stallion sculptures. You remember that when you're about to cross the fucking Columbia? Oh, the Vantage. Yeah. We've all seen that. I had to take, I almost shit my pants. That's just a quick side story. Heading over to Seattle. Cool story. I almost shit my pants. That's just a quick side story.

Heading over to Seattle. Because you saw the horses. Yeah, I pooped my pants fucking building the studio. That was cool. Bent down to plug something in and just shit my pants. So that's funny for everybody. But I was, I've never, it's been a long time since I've been that close to pooping my pants. And we had to stop in Vantage.

And the gas station had a sign on it. It said, welcome to Vantage. We've been expecting you. Kind of weird. Yeah. I was like, I don't think so. I wasn't even planning on coming here. How did you?

Fucking creepy thing to say, Vantage. Gas station sign. Advantage them. But yeah, so it just gives you these different things. Little points of interest that you can add to your trip if you want to spice it up. Yeah, so makemydrivefun.com if you have a road

trip coming up and you got some extra time, you're not in a pinch, go to that website and it'll tell you some fun place to go along your journeys. What if we did like Finland of Burger King? Grand Coulee, damn. Burger King to Sauna Town? I wantley, damn Burger King to sauna town. I want to take my Burger King to sauna town.

You know what I mean? It's a weird thing. How to hit on your partner. You want to take, want to take my Whopper to sauna town. She's like, I guess I want to take your Whopper to sauna town. What now please. Can I gape your sauna? That's funny.

All right. Let's hear from some flame broil. sauna? That's funny. All right, let's hear from someone. Flame broil your Finland? All right, let's just. Fucking Zach, do it. Thanks. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. You guys want to hear what World War II era peaches sound like in a microphone? Ready? Oh, that's an awful sound. Look at the chunks. Those probably should be kept in a case. Those should probably be in a jarring room. I picture back to the future when he kicks open the thing and he pulls out the plutonium.

That's what it looks like. And there's plenty more where that came from. I feel like you should turn that shit into a lab or something and have them look at it. Yeah, well, we got four more jobs. We were talking about doing Antiques Roadshow. That would be fun. How much is this worth? Just show up with that.

They're like, get out. Please do that. How much is it worth? It's worth nothing. You owe us $5 for bringing those fucking peaches in here. Dude, it's World War II. It's World War II peaches. Vantage.

Get out of the building. You guys fucking suck. Fuck Antiques Roadshow. I'm going to the rival. Spike your peaches on the ground. Oh, God. Fuck Antiques Roadshow. That's probably something I've never yelled at them.

You know what? Fuck this place! What? Okay. So our first email coming in from our son, Bebe, who wrote, hey guys, Bebe here and I need to share something. This is a heavy one, by the way. So, you know. Oh, a nod

to Back to the Future. It's a heavy one what? Please. Hey guys, Bebe beauty here i need to share something i was planning on taking my life tonight jesus i know it's this one uh yeah pulling these out of the emails fucking just a reminder of i don't know i was there people have been there just fucking you're with them no just you've been in the darkness oh uh and it's not fun so i was planning on taking my life tonight. I was planning on telling everyone at work goodbye. When I left today,

I was in a very dark spot. I don't know how I got there either. I get that. I just came, it just came up out of the blue. I told my wife what I was planning, I guess, as a desperate plea for help while talking to her.

I remembered what Joe had shared on the show and started to see some light. I thought about my boys and my wife and how it would affect them for the rest of their lives so thank you for sharing joe i don't know how i got there but for you you sure saved at least one life today thank you it's interesting when you when you start thinking about like okay if i died it's going to affect a lot of people obviously but then you're like if i you know my kids don't have their dad or their mom or whoever then you then you like start thinking years down the line like oh they're gonna grow up without this or that yeah yeah that was the that was the the big one for me was yeah i'll fucking always remember that taping the picture of my kids over my fucking gun save? Cool.

Do not open. Do not open till Christmas. It's not funny. It's not. Then why are you laughing? I can't help myself. God. And the funny thing about that is you had to push the microphone to laugh into it. Yeah.

You had to let everybody know that that was funny. I thought it was pretty funny. Well, good. It was supposed to be. Yeah. That darkness is a fucking awful spot. I don't even know what it is with the brain where it's like, just everything would be better if you weren't here. And shutting that voice up when shit's really bad is so hard.

Because time, like I've always said, time does what time does. And you just have to wait. Literally nothing, including us, we don't last forever. Just hang out. Just hang out. Everything is going to change. Emotions change. Chemical imbalances in your brain change.

Your friends change. Everything fucking changes. So just stick it out, and it's going to change, and it's going to be okay. It's weird when you think, like school shootings or things like that. When I was in junior high, we had a school shooting. And then the next year, a kid that I knew pretty well. Damn, you guys got in before it was cool. Oh, yeah.

This was 96. You guys beat the trend. We were three years ahead of Columbine. Wow. Trailblazers. Yeah. So that was one year. Then the next year, a kid that I knew that I saw every morning in classes just wasn't at school one day.

And then the news came down that he killed his sister, his mom, and himself. And his dad came home from work or whatever for lunch or whatever. And they were all dead. So he would have been 13 i think and it just shows you like what you're saying like how bad something can be when you're 12 13 and your emotions you're like you feel like you don't want to be around i don't be around anymore and then uh and then some of these people that go through that and then they're they're mega they're They have this great life

As a grown up because they got past all of it And in the moment Everything it's dire But it feels like there's nothing If you can trudge through that And get past it and then you're like Okay I see some Can see some whatever

Light at the end of the tunnel Cause that was I mean that that kid oh here someone i someone that i know ended up being a cellmate with a kid that was a school shooter and that person was talking about they're like the regret that he had. Because he's 13 years old. Yeah. And you killed these people, and you went to life for prison, or prison for life. And here we are 20, almost 30 years later, and you're like, fuck, I was just a kid. I ruined my life.

I ruined their lives. I ruined their families' lives. It's really sad. It's super dark stuff. But he'd go by bb but he did put his actual name in here but i didn't i don't know i didn't put it out there without his consent like he did write it all in there i guess decided to switch it um just in case because no one likes you know having stuff broadcasted you didn't want you know what i mean and then drug through and

then drug through over and over again to millions of people. Okay, you want to read the second email? Love you, BB. Glad you're here, man. Yeah, it was just I wasn't quite over that. We're glad you're still here. No, absolutely. And every time you have that feeling, just picture Joe's face.

Like, well, it could be worse. Yeah. I think it's picture me. And hear a little goosey sound and realize. Give him a little sexy honk. You got some friends in us. There you go. You got a friend in me.

On the outside of my gun safe, instead of a picture of my kids, I have a button I can push that does a sexy honk. Oh, I thought you were going to say it has a picture of, what's the dude's name that wrote that song? Gary Busey. Zach, help me out. You got a friend in me. Newman? it has a picture of what's the dude's name that wrote that song? Gary Busey. Zach, help me out. You got a friend in me. Randy Newman? Yeah, Randy Newman.

Randy Newman! Which sounds like a wrestler. Yeah, it does. Randy Newman! It sounds like a race car driver. Ryan Newman! Come around turn two, Ryan Newman!

All right. Okay, go. Second email coming in for our daughter Natalie. What? What'd you just say? See how fast I can read? Our second email coming in for our daughter, Natalie. Whoa, what? What did you just say? See how fast I can read? Our second email coming in for our daughter, Natalie. Giving us a cute little life update.

Okay. Hey, daddy. Hi. I don't know why that's so hot. This is your daughter from the gaggle, Natalie, checking in. Hi. I sent you a baby shower invitation back in February. Remember that?

Along with the honk mugs. Yes, we still have the mugs on the table. We weren't able to get to the shower, but we're showering ourselves in gifts. Yeah. Yeah, it messed with the honk at the bonk. We still got those. Yeah. Thank you, Natalie.

What? And I just remembered that I never emailed this in. Okay. Our son Cash was born back on March 10th. But let me tell you all about the events leading up to his arrival. March 9th, I took our two dogs to the vet by myself at almost 38 weeks pregnant. God, where was your husband? What a dick.

Useless. Useless what? Please. Sorry, I'm useless. Will you take me to the hospital what what will you say yeah please if you don't want to fucking kill you take me to the labor room please please uh later that evening josh and i went back to the grocery store shop grocery shop go to the target and we went to dinner. Then we finally got home that night and comfortable in our own couch. We decided to watch the episode of Can You Don't from March 8th.

A little shout out there, huh? We were roughly 15 minutes in, probably still on the show opener because we were rambling too much. And my water broke. Let me do it for you. And my water broke out of nowhere at 1030 p.m. Our son made his arrival the next evening. Long labor. We ended up finishing the episode a couple weeks after making it back

home. We tell Cash that we only arrived when he did. That he only arrived. When he did because he was just so excited to meet you guys. Josh has been saying for months to email this in, but damn life gets busy when you're taking care of a tiny human. Cheers, Natalie. And there's a picture of him. Look at the little picture.

Hi! Cash! What does it say, though? Is it backwards? It says five months. I think they sent this in. He's six months now. This one's been sitting in our email for a little bit, but found a time to put it in. Hi, Cash! What a cute little kid. What a cute little fella.

Let me do it for you looks like that's what he would say looks like that the pillow would say that's with them congratulations natalie and josh y'all it's a little gosling for the gaggle love it well thank you guys so much episode what was it 67. Remember that? We're anonymous, baby. Prank. Support us on Patreon. It means so much, you guys. It's the number one thing you could do. Lots of perks for you.

Lots of perks for everybody. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Become a part of the gaggle what, Joe? Please. Okay. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us at... Please follow us on Instagram.

At CanYouDon't't Podcast, please. And please subscribe to our YouTube channel. At Can You Don't Podcast. Please. If you have something you want to send to the show, please email that in to heyguysatcanyoudontpodcast.com, please. And then please rate and please review us wherever you listen to podcasts. How about a shirt that just says please?

Please. Please. Please. Please what? And please go check out everything that Uncle Zach, Uncle Z, sitting backwards in the chair out there. It's uncomfortable as fuck. Doing all the shit that he does for Scatcast, that whole universe, plus more. He's got a new music show in there.

It's a lot of fun. You go to scatcast.com. Check that out. Is there anything coming up you want to promo? I feel like we need to do that on the front part of the show, though. We've got the... We just got our Liam box set out. Okay. Everybody that ordered those, they're in the mail.

And you're going to get your cool wands and all the cool shit that comes with it. The book and everything. And if you just heard Liam box set, you're like, what the fuck is that? Liam the Monster Hunter. Go listen. It's one of our silly things, yeah. Go listen and you would fucking know what the fuck is that? Liam the Monster Hunter. Go listen! Go listen! And you would fucking know. How about that, please?

That's right. Do it. Get there. And please, thanks to our... Go listen what? Please. Please. Thanks to our babysitters

that moderate our Facebook page, please. You ready to wrap things up? Sure am. Wrap things up what? Zach! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh?

Sent in by our son, Matt Sorry Good God, wrap it up already, please Please You have to admire people who have overcome disabilities I mean, you really have to hand it to blind prostitutes Did you make that up? No, Matt sent it in That sounds like a made-up one but still well they're

all made up but yeah like a recently made up one really gotta hand it to blind prostitutes where is it where is it hand me your dick hand me your dick what please this is for you you stupid son of a bitch how much for a rim job how much for a rim job? How much for a rim job what? How much for a rim job, please? That's better. 20 bucks. Actually, it's Tuesday, 15. I'm running a special.

Two for Tuesday. Two for rimmers. Rimmer Thursday. All right. Well, if you subscribe to us on Patreon, the show keeps going. If not, we'll see you guys next week. Yeah. Bye. Bye.