Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Superman. Escape Room. Hair. Evil Elmo.

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Have you ever dreamed of having antisemitic slurs yelled at you by some dude dressed up as Elmo? If yes, we have some great news! Let's talk about that, imagining if Superman had a crippling fear of heights, why are some movie theatre candies wrapped in the LOUDEST PLASTIC EVER INVENTED, completing your flying lesson with a dead instructor, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/KCNdamlZ7oMSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Superman escape room hair evil Elmo Joe this is 40 40 is a big one. That feels nice. It does. It's just rounder. Yeah. I feel like I'm just due for a midlife crisis. Is this the episode that we start the midlife crisis? We buy a motorcycle.

We're like, oh, you planned some weird trip your family didn't want to go on. You buy a car that you didn't tell your wife about. You buy a fucking giant TV. And you just take a picture of your family and don't tell anybody that you're bringing it home. Just stuff like that. It's just usual turning 40 stuff. Wearing the mask again.

I appreciate that. Don't want to get you sick. By the time these episodes come out, if you're still sick, it's next year. If you're still sick, then I think you need to go to the doctor. Hopefully, when this episode comes out, we'll be on the beach somewhere. next year if you're still sick then i think you need to go to the doctor yeah hopefully i will be when this episode comes out we'll be on the beach somewhere and hopefully i won't be sick

no but if i am sick i'll be on the beach sick which always helps and i will pretend like i'm in a cooler spot like you'll be like hey jill like call me yeah what's going on i'm like oh fuck i just got to make something up shit i just got to the Bahamas. Yeah, dude. Wow, you're like, what? But in reality, I'm eating Pringles on my couch. I'm in Marysville, Washington, watching a 13-year-old basketball

game in a high school gym. Right. Well, that's actually more accurate. Exactly what that is. We record a bonus stuff on the back end

of every episode. If you want to hear it, sign up. Support us on Patreon. Be a part of the gaggle. That is patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. De traste, if I may.

Since we're going to Mexico. That's in the back. Yeah, de traste. Ah, in the back end. How do you say that? How do you say anal? Anal? Yeah, I mean, speaking of back ends.

You want to say anal? I don't know. That feels important. I'm going to Google that. It feels more like, do you want to say anal? That feels important. Or like, do you want to try anal? Anal is anal. It's like, no.

It's like one of those. Let's see. Wait, wait. Hold on. Listen. Anal. Anal. Anal.

Anal. Just the same thing? It's the same word that's pronounced differently you won't trust anal in Spanish at least it's

do you try anal me gusta anal rapist anyway I mean buttholes are universal that's what I've learned giving you guys

that thick ass dick today yeah so we got a lot of some really good articles to get to a lot of it thank you guys for sending in the content If you have something you want to see on the show

Send it in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com Dude I gotta tell you Joe I haven't worn a mask in so long This fucking hurts my ears I remember that I'm doing this for you Thank you I appreciate that

I hope you're Fucking What's the word I'm looking for Good? Happy? Yeah Satisfied? Sat for? Happy? Yeah. Satisfied?

Satisfied. Safe? Yeah. Comfortable? Safe and satisfied. But we were laughing. Oh, yeah. Remember, you have to build calluses.

Yeah. I don't want calluses on my ears, though. I'm not a wrestler. I don't want cauliflower ears or whatever it is. We were laughing so hard when we got here. I didn't know, but I was watching you. i was waiting for you to get out of your your car and as you're walking up the driveway i just looked over your shoulder and there's this dude sitting in the parking lot across the street the old guy he looks pretty old yeah and he's in just your standard run-of-the-mill chair and he's in the

corner of the parking lot he's just staring at the sun and he's by himself and he has he didn't move the entire time i and we're trying to figure out like what are you doing and i think what he was doing is he was just enjoying any sort of vitamin d he was waiting for like a crack of a ray to come through the clouds. Just to hit them so you could feel alive again. Like, that's how sad this late winter spring transition is in the Pacific Northwest. That early March where you're just like, fuck, can spring get here? Please show up. I mean, this area

though, that's the way it is. You don't know if it's going to snow and then it could snow six inches and then later that day it's sunny and it's melting it was like just happened just last year just last year it snowed like six inches halfway through april yeah like talk about a buzzkill well just a couple days ago yeah we woke up to basically six inches of snow and watched it melt almost gone the same day and then watch someone's basement flooded

yeah that's just the way it is sucks for them but that guy he was yeah he was like he didn't have a drink he didn't have it was just like an old-timer guy like he probably lost his wife if he was on a porch he just like uh-huh you know he was just by himself but sitting in this chair just like looking up at the sky his arms straight down they weren't even folded he looked like forrest gump sitting on the bench yes just looking up into the sky he was sacrificing himself to the sun god he was what it is what it looked like yep but it's funny yeah it turns like it's like 55 degrees and not windy here and you're like fuck no it's where the man where are those sandals you're right yeah well i've got three quarter sleeves shirt yeah. I don't have long sleeve.

I don't have short sleeve. It's three-quarter. Because in early March, it's warm enough for that. Mm-hmm. But cold enough to like, well, it's warm enough to roll your windows down. Mm-hmm. And then, but cold enough to put the heat on. Right.

Like when you're driving down the road. You just want to. You want that air coming in. You want to feel something. But you got to have the hot air blowing in your face. Very true. But I mean, he could still be out there. We don't know. Okay, before we get into the show, we just want to, I mean, we never talked about it, but it's 100% an option when you send things in to heyguysatcanyoudooppodcast.com, you can record

a voice message into it and then send that to us if you don't want to type everything out. That is totally fine. So let's hear a voice message. Make and then send that to us if you don't want to type everything out, that is totally fine. So let's hear a voice message. Just make sure it's decent. Yeah, just make sure, just try. If it's not, then I'm not playing. We're not going to play it. But here's a voice message from one of our West Coast sons and then we'll get into the show.

Let's see, play it. Eeyong, eeyong. What the fuck are you doing? I'm talking to my dad's god damn. Leave me alone. Jesus. Hey, Joe and Wyan. This is Josh from Tacoma sending in, I think, what is the first ever audio message?

I didn't know we could do. Sounds good. Recently, I was sexting with, I mean, emailing Joe and figured out this is a thing. So, hey, all you kids and geese out there, send them in. Just to make this funny, one time I got super high on mushrooms and then decided to put on the scariest movie I could ever think of. And my lovely fiance came home. And like an adult, I just stood up and ran away. All the way to the back door, upstairs.

I tried to jump out a window. It was fantastic. Love the podcast. the back door, upstairs. I tried to jump out a window. It was fantastic. Love the podcast. Joe, Brian, love you and everybody else. Send in your fucking voice memos

because they're way better than having Brian stumble through the goddamn emails. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. You son of a bitch.

Zing. Gotcha. Oh, I got, hold on, wait one second. Fuck. Oh, did you? Oh, fine, fine. You know what you should do? Gotcha Oh I got Hold on Wait one second Fuck Oh Did you

Oh Fine Fine You know what you should do You should clip his Hyunk And throw that in From time to time

Put it on Hyunk Well thank you Josh That was funny Yeah Appreciate that I don't I can't

I still have never done the shrooms I know you have But I think that's the funny He just like Didn't know what to do So he just took off Rem me of that helicopter uh story of the guy like the helicopter caught on fire and then he got out and instead of just running away from the he just kept going and went home yeah yeah so same thing he's on shrooms and oh hey hon how's it going he goes oh no and just like sprints through the glass sliding door and just never comes home

i can see it happening real quick uh and then we can move on have you seen the video of this guy that like he this guy killed somebody drunk driving and then the guy chased him down and like tackled him okay like a different guy yeah the guy that was drunk he he tried to flee the scene try to take off running. Okay. And then a citizen ran him down, took him down, and held him for the police to get there. Okay. And he's kind of like a hero. But I just, like, the video

of the guy, the guy that's drunk, he's like standing there kind of swaying, and then in a moment, his head clicks like, I gotta get out of here. It's the worst run. He's like, his arms are just kind of like swinging and like in his mind he's thinking gotta go you gotta go and i know it's not funny what he did but the video it cracks me up because it's such a horrible attempt at fleeing just like

and then he tripped himself and like hits his head on a rock or something it's so bad why is this guy other guy being held as a hero he didn't do anything well because he held him there I guess he found a drunk guy and then sat on him they're like

you're a hero yeah well everyone's a hero true okay that is funny because I mean but you just gotta see

the video of the guy just like it clicks in his head like uh oh I got I know like I probably just did something bad

I gotta run I gotta get out of here just immediately pew just gotta go anyway I gotta get out of here. Just immediately. Pew! Just gotta go. Anyway. I'll have a look at it. I haven't seen it.

I'm gonna check it out. Okay, let's start the show. Okay. Hey, shut up. Start the show already. All right, Joe, I got a question for you. I'd like to hear that. Would you rather have the ability to talk to animals...

Gary?...but they all hate you no so they're cats yes okay or have the ability to fly but you're afraid of heights okay i like this one for a couple different reasons one of which is is that I have done, or we have done Would You Rathers that involve being able to communicate with animals and being able to fly. Which are both pretty cool things. I mean, I would say flying above talking to animals, because

talking to animals, it's like, oh no, I don't know what they think, but you have to remember their intelligence level. Food! Fuck you! Survival! Fuck you! I don't know what they think, but you have to remember their intelligence level. And you can see them be like, food. Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. Survival.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Like a gorilla. Talk to that silverback. Talk to that silverback. Bring him back. But we have never had a, would you rather, where it was like a miracle gift, but there's always a caveat. There's always a caveat.

I do think, like, if you were able to fly but you're terrified i mean it's like um when a car is honking its horn it drives by you like the doppler effect so the doppler effect well you know what that is i've heard the doppler radar close it's very close um so forget all of that okay no the doppler radar is the way or the Doppler effect is when like sound, it's different from this side to that side, depending on the source. So a car drive by, that's why it goes, like it changes. Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you're hearing it later, drops pitch. So got it. So now I'm picturing Superman, but he's screaming the whole time, but like, But also super composed once he gets there. It's just the hype part of it. Oh my God! Oh my God! And Superman's here. And faintly, super high up in the sky.

Fuck! God damn it! I hate my life! But he lands. He just goes, Chest out. I'm here. Here I come to save the day. What is going on here? What is the meaning of this?

And the lady, or whoever, whatever situation he fixes, solves, he's the hero. He goes, You're welcome. Remember,

violence doesn't pay. And he goes, Oh, fuck! And then, flies out. Or he goes, oh, fuck! And then flies out. Or he's so hesitant. Like, he's having a hard time getting out the window. He's like, are you going to take off?

He's like, yeah, yeah. Just a second. Here, can you guys count me down? Okay, three, two, one. Wait, am I going on one? Or am I going on go? No, no, on one. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, three. Okay, slower! That's not hard. And he's so sweaty. He's like, one. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, three. Okay, slower! Cast the card! And he's so sweaty! He's like, One! Okay, okay. Five!

Ah! He's like starting to sweat in his suit. He's got sweat stains all over his onesie. Whatever the hell, man. Oh, that is really funny. He shows up. One. Yeah. Fuck. What was I going to say? Shows up. One. Yeah.

Fuck. What was I going to say? Shows up. Screaming. Landed. Yeah. It's that. And then he's just landing like.

Oh, fuck. He has to get his composure. Yeah. He's like, whoa. That was a long one. And everyone's kind of waiting for him to say his lines. He's like, you guys couldn't have started this shit on the first floor right he's like we had to do this on the 96th it's the empire it's always the empire state

building right why are you guys on the fucking roof i god damn it anyway okay fill me in like what what's going on right now just visualizing him getting like saying his line like all right and crime doesn't pay and turn around like fuck's like, fuck. And just like the crowd watching him, he's like, oh, he's going to make his escape. You promised yourself you wouldn't do this. Come on, everyone's watching you. You knew this was in a public space. Everyone's watching you. Why do you let this stay?

God, you're pathetic. Your mom. Gosh. Bringing up all these things from his past like saves this huge whatever situation like gigantic disaster he stops two trains from colliding right or caught a nuclear bomb yeah right and he goes ah and the crowd's just fucking yeah like it was at daytona 500 yeah and he's like i'm always here to protect you guys and then everyone's cheering love you superman and he just stands in the middle like he's jumping really high like trying to like prep himself

like picking his legs up oh he's like no no actually because i'm gonna walk out of here he just you know doesn't want to do it in front of everybody i think well this is kind of a side note but like i think anything that i think that i find this funny like someone in a position of doing something awesome but then breaking that wall of like now they're not awesome anymore. Like Superman is this untouchable heroic figure. And then seeing him with like a fear. Some sort of

a phobia. Scared of spiders? Like he'll do anything but then he's like, oh! Oh! Mice? Like jumping up into people's arms? Too high! Like flapping his hands and running around.

You might jump it up on a table to get away from a mouse, but it's too high. I can't get down. Take it down. Take it down. Okay, let's flip it. Animals. You can talk to animals, but they all hate you. I feel like they don't hate you all the time.

Right? So at least they want to talk to you. Like, so what is the... Maybe they're just annoyed. Like, what's your experience? Like, wouldn't you like to know you piece of shit yeah you're like come on raccoon well maybe are they they mad at you because of because you have thumbs right they're just jealous of your thumbs yeah so like anytime you talk like oh blah blah it's like oh yeah let's be nice to have thumbs or nice to have thumbs you're like yeah i know look can we get you

can you have anything else he goes i don't know can i have opposable thumbs like god damn it like they have all the secrets but they won't talk to you they just jealous of you how is it oh wow it's cold outside how's your fucking house joe yeah how's that heat how's that heat going is it is it working out for you like just please can we move on how's that warm-bloodedness treating you we'll move on right after i move in like that's what that's how this is going yeah um i think between these two even though you're scared of heights the ability to fly is pretty cool i have a loophole poophole loophole go ahead yes so anybody that's followed my, my adventure long enough knows that I'm obsessed with the idea of flying like a goose.

Mm-hmm. I don't, I don't want to fly. Anyone who knows me. Anybody that knows me. Truly. Truly, truly knows me. Understands me. To the core.

At the core. Knows I want to fly like a goose. I don't want to fly. I don't want to fly like an airplane at 36,000 feet. I want to fly above the water because I want to see stuff flying by me. I want to get that feeling of like going. That you're zooming through something. Not flying and seeing the ground move slowly. I want that zooming feeling.

Like Maverick going through the canyon. Exactly. Right. That's exactly right. Okay. So that's, I think I can get around this because that's how I want to fly. So I'm not going to be afraid of heights because I'm only going to be a couple feet off the ground. At all times.

At all times. Okay. So I'm going to be zooming. Mm-hmm. Well, also risking death. Yeah. Duh. That's why I want to do it. If I'm going to be able to fly,

it's like getting on a motorcycle, right? You know that there's a chance this could end badly, but it's worth the fun, right? The vibe. Pop a helmet on. Pop a helmet on, hope for the best. And just, here we go.

Okay, so we're both we're both flying i think i'd rather do that than just be like hey how's it going silverback he's like wouldn't you like to know wouldn't you like to know it must be nice to not be in a fucking enclosure it must be nice to be able to take a shit and have uh someone out watching you or like be able to wipe your ass yeah yeah no you can wipe your ass too he goes oh yeah well i don't have perfectly made paper yeah like for it's a whole mess and you're like just move on to something else what are you talking about at least you can throw your shit and no one no one thinks twice about it i wish i could do that if i threw my shit you know i'd be arrested had a friend yeah i'm going to prison uh and yeah i just don't know

what animals are gonna say what are they gonna say to say that I want to know? What would your dogs say? If you walked out of this room and they were able to talk, what do you think they'd say to you? Hi. Hi. Hey. Hi. Oh, you're here? Where are you going?

Where are you going? Oh, you're here? It's time to eat? Cool. Where are you going? Feed me. Water. Food.

Let's go for a walk. Lick my dick. Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? Pee outside. I think where are you going would be the number one thing that a dog would say, right? Sorry if I'm bothering you. Am I bothering you? Because you might get too close. Get upick my dick. Where are you going? Pee outside. I think where are you going would be the number one thing that a dog would say, right? Sorry if I'm bothering you.

Am I bothering you? Because you might get up to go somewhere. Where are you going? Where are you going? Am I too close? I just got to go to the bathroom. You walk in. Where are you going?

I was going to get something out of the kitchen. Come back. Where are you going? I got the laundry. I'm just trying to protect you. Why are you so mad at me? Why are you yelling at me? I'm protecting you.

I'm just trying to watch you. I'm just trying to watch you back while you're taking a shit. But you know, that's just me. That's just me. Anyway then you could do the same for me but three seconds later like where you going they just forget so i don't even want to be a part of that so i'm going with flying even though it's going to be terrifying okay i think we're in agreement um all right why don't we move on to the next thing all right okay hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit.

It's been a couple months, but we have sat down together. You and I, Brian. We sit down every week. What are you talking about? Well, we went out to, uh, we went to a Thomas Hammer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In, uh, in beautiful Spokane! Wash, Washington!

With the R. Washington. Washington! Joe's a 10 but he says Washington Washington We wrote a script based around this concept We haven't found an opportunity to make the video It's not done yet

It's not quite done yet, we're waiting for it, there's going to be a final payoff We want to make sure we get it right not just force it out But this is really something If you look at all of the technologies and advancements we've made put a man on the moon yeah we man on the moon we fucking put a robot on mars yeah that makes jokes and talks to us and stuff i we have a chat bot we have a chat wants the nuclear codes and thinks you're hitler yeah and 100 believes your wife doesn't

love you we have all we have all these things right no because think about any of the phones crazy whatever just your favorite tech and how crazy it's been vr and then we just go back to the basics okay and we go to movie theaters yep Yep. And again, movie theaters have advanced like a crazy amount. The sound systems in there, the screen quality, 3D. I know 3D is not like brand new, but it's getting better and better. Have they progressed? Yeah, I think so. I feel like it's kind of like toilet paper, right?

Well, okay. Toilet paper's slowly gotten better. Right. It has like, it's just a little softer. But it's still the same movie theater. The end result is you're putting poop on it. Yeah. So it doesn't a little softer but it's still the same movie theater the end result is you're putting poop on it yeah so it doesn't really matter how good it gets yeah and i guess maybe my brain was thinking the movies have gotten better okay more advanced agreed there

uh just the cinematography and the technology and the cgi and whatever yeah and then you're sitting in this this movie theater and uh you have decided that you your kids aren't going to eat this week and you're going to go buy some movie theater tickets everyone's taking a break with eating everyone's taking a break uh do you guys want to go see avatar 2 uh and eat ramen for monday through friday or we don't and we can have sushi yeah we can have five star meals every night they're like let's go see it all right okay here you go no soup for you so you do that and then you just start tying in the atrocity that is the price of popcorn and candy all right but the focus of this story is about the candy side of the movie theater um you buy the candy you go and you sit down in a lot some candies

fine you're not a part of this. You've found a way. Because it's in a box. It's in a box. It's in a goddamn box. Whopper's got it figured out. Out the gate, I feel like. It's never been an issue. But a lot of other candies, and there's other ways to do this.

They put it in the loudest plastic. Like it's a joke. They have material that's messy. It doesn't it's a joke. Yeah. Like it's, um, they have material that's messy. It's yeah. It doesn't even make a sound.

It doesn't. And you are sitting there and no one else is buying that besides movie theaters. Oh, you're doing it. I was going to do a thing, but it didn't work out.

It wasn't the right plastic. You're like, God damn it. Um, but it's so loud and no one else is buying these movie theater sized containers

they might sell them at a store that's fine but you're at home just make the plastic quiet yeah there's no reason

for you to be like oh shit it's starting and you grab your little sour skittles and then you're like and then every bite It's starting and you grab your little sour Skittles. And then you're like. And then every bite.

It's not just the opening process, though, which is like you're. Sorry. I don't know. Sorry about that. It's every time you dig your fingers back into that bag later. You try to do it all slow so it doesn't make as much noise. But it just makes it draws it out long. Everyone knows what you're doing.

God damn it. But you also understand too. You're like, what is, what weird game. But then you're like, ah, fuck, I should have got Skittles. You watch the movie and like, wait for a loud section. You're watching a horror movie, but it ruins the whole thing. Cause you're not scared. You just want to eat some Skittles. The guy's about to jump out of the closet

and you're just like, stab in the back and everyone's like, oh my God! And grab three Skittles. Your review is like, wasn't that scary? It's like, wow, you couldn't pay attention. They put all

your food in the loudest plastic it's just there's so many other options yeah and maybe do you work in the candy making biz are you a kid out there and you know me i don't work in the candy i know you oh but are you a kid that you work in the food stuff? And why does it have to be in loud plastic? And if you can come back to me with like a... Well, it's got to be price. Maybe. Or don't give a fuck. Actually, you shouldn't.

I mean, honestly, if it's price, it's ridiculous because they charge you $10 for a thing of Skittles. Put three more cents on it. I'm not going to notice. Oh, shit. My family tickets and food this evening was four hundred and dollars and five cents oh didn't make a peep though right and i think but the the five cents yeah was the thing i'd be like oh man shits i remember this country didn't care about how loud my plastic was make weird make movie theaters great again right just weird stuff like oh man dude i remember the one in spokane

they let you they used to let you take food in so we would get like we'd get like uh burgers a bag of burgers a bag of dicks um well close it was uh whatever the delish oh and those were delicious um you'd get like five in a bag and we'd you know take it in there and you'd sit down but then the whole thing would start to smell first. Like everyone could smell it. And then you open up the hamburger bag. It's like. And then you get your pops like the straw.

And then you're shaking in the ice. There's no way. It's like a freaking musical going on. Like that last little sip That one Whatever You didn't know You didn't know what was left

Right That's fine Yeah yeah Yeah that happened You weren't prepared for it And I And I know the food is a different thing Because they smartened up

And didn't let people in there Because they wanted to charge you Fifteen bucks for For a bottle of water Yeah and then twenty It's actually like thirty bucks For a Pretzel What? That's a of water? Yeah, and then 20, it's actually like 30 bucks for a pretzel. What?

That's a real number? Yeah, probably. Yikes. For this story I just made up. And then it's 600 if you want cheese? But it's quiet as hell. Pretzels aren't too loud. Yeah.

It's not that bad. So you're paying for silence? Yeah, that's really what you're paying for. You're paying for a quiet meal where that's really what you're paying for. You're paying for a quiet meal where no one's going to look at you. Up-charged for self-respect. Yeah. I don't know about you,

I like to sit right in the middle and maybe one chair to the right. Because you have to. Yeah, if you're able to. So if you're in that center seat and you've got the loud candy and you're just like everyone it's you're getting the turn around the look downs the look overs

Aggressive dickhead behind you you're being so quiet and he just goes oh it just kicks the back The guy trying to take it slow he's like open it faster from six rows back it's worse when you do it slower believe me okay i'll give it a shot just like in the the skit that we were joking about was that one guy was doing something and another guy goes oh hey if you open it faster blah blah blah and they have a conference and then another guy way in the back's like what'd he say and then those guys are talking what he said was if you open it faster then it won't be a problem he goes oh yeah yeah of course of course and then another guy chimes in and all of a sudden there's seven or eight people talking about this fucking candy

in the movie theater and people are like what what is happening? Why am I here? Just watch. Okay. Just pleading to the candy companies. There's another option. I just think if you're charging that much for the candy, you can put more money into the packaging. Yeah, a little mesh baggie. I understand. If you're selling it for two or three bucks and your margin is really low and you're scraping for every penny. I'm sorry that they're not they're

over their fucking margin has to be in five thousand astronomical in those situations you give us the material that when you open it it doesn't make a sound doesn't blow up yeah they exist it can make a sound right it just can't make the sound it does now yeah and that outrageous that is it that's what it comes down to there's no and it's so targeted you know where these boxes are going it doesn't just fucking do it somebody out there listening knows a guy that's what it works in the industry that can change the world that can change everything like screw world politics world religion all that kind of stuff fix the candy rappers for movie theaters for all we know every war that could change everything every war whether we know it or not has started over loud plastic in a movie theater yeah prove me wrong just imagine

like two guys from two different countries imagine this world like uh is it pakistan uh israel and pakistan yeah like that's where it all started just in a movie in a primitive movie theater and you ruin way back you ruin the best part yeah that's how they got along until until that until plastic was invented yeah not used correctly um okay let's take a look at some we're doing that thick dick today yeah have you do you need some lube you gotta borrow my lube you got some yeah okay one second is it all right you rafael slippery you are your whole slick yeah i'm sliding around on my stool that's something i've never said in bed or are your whole slick like what are you slick are your how slick your anal glands yeah how slick your holes uh okay joe yeah do not engage okay santa cruz police warn of return of evil elmo all right no No, that was Mickey Mouse.

Yeah, I was like... Elmo sounds like ACDC. What the fuck? Have you ever noticed that? I guess I hadn't put that together, no. What's his name? Brian... Brian Johnson.

Johnson? Yeah. It kills me how funny it is once you picture like an evil, aggressive Elmo listening to ACDC. Yeah. What the fuck? I hate this show. how funny it is once you picture like an evil aggressive Elmo listening to ACDC yeah I'm back

I hit the sack it's like Elmo that was good yeah it's the same voice I was just gonna sing back in the saddle the Aerosmith song

when you went I'm back I went I'm back in the saddle again okay Elmo's corner like it's just

but it's Elmo's wheel Elmo's world la la la it's like the jeep it is Elmo someone out there make Elmo sing the entire is it out there?

it has to exist all through my time in radio every time I had to play ACDC it was just fucking elmo that's my voice that's all i could picture was elmo singing these songs elmo sings thunderstruck boom the first i knew the first fucking i knew it yeah are you gonna play it i mean you want me to hold on let me see we can't get too far off you're you're just computer's not plugged in. Oh, shit. Oh, okay.

It's just a lip sync. So, screw it. But that is what it is. That's funny. It is some guy with a... Gotcha. Yeah, whatever. Puppet. Okay.

Let's get back to the story, Joe. Let's do it. This is funny. A man dressed as Sesame Street character Cookie Monster is frightening locals and tourists in Santa Cruz so much that police are asking people to avoid him. Although Cookie Monster wandering the Santa Cruz wharf may seem like a fun photo op,

the Santa Cruz Police Department warned, do not engage. Several calls have been made to the department about the man. Although he's not been arrested or charged with any crimes, local outlets have reported the man has been seen harassing and shouting at people. A spokesperson for Santa Cruz Police Department told whatever the hell that is, the man is believed to be Adam Sandler, better known as the Bay Area's Evil Elmo. He is not related to the actor of the same name.

Well, obviously. Thank you. That would be weird if they just fell out. When someone has the same name Well obviously Thank you It's like That'd be weird if they just God Just fell out When someone has the same name Like oh you guys brothers Yeah our parents named us the same fucking name

The same thing And look I mean yeah he's doing great God I'm the middle child And I'm in a fucking Jookie monster Yelling at people

We're getting calls from people who say He is creepy Based on his history We advise the public not to engage with this individual. Santa Cruz police spokesperson enjoys blaster. Steer clear from him. Sandler then called Dan or Danny Sandler in press coverage became notorious as a street performer in San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf in the early 2010s. Local business owners and tourists complained Sandler was making the area feel unsafe.

In 2014, he was arrested for allegedly threatening a San Francisco food vendor, reportedly shouting, I'm going to rip your throat out! He goes on rants and raves and accuses people of conspiracy theories, says Troy Campbell.

He frightens visitors and locals. Whatever business he's in front of has a horrible day. The people are just getting some clam chowder or something. They're lizard people! Oh my god. Okay, yeah. He's in New York too.

Sandler was also known in a tourist New York city where he made the news for allegedly using anti-Semitic slurs while dressed as Elmo in Times Square. He was arrested in 2013 for attempting to extort two from his former employer the girl scouts sander was sentenced to a year in prison and two female girl scouts and boys allegedly harassed were given permanent orders of protection dude just i mean on on a very basic like if you just look at the, I don't know, the boiled down version of this. How funny it is to dress up as someone, like Sesame Street, just these friendly, non-violent, and then you're taking photos with people. And I'm not sure exactly if it mentions it in this particular uh article but what he would do i and if you're from a big city you already know this but a lot of people didn't know this i didn't know this like the first time i went to vegas and if you take a picture with people you have to you

expect it to pay him money yeah right because i'm fucking small town yeah i didn't know that that was how things work so he'll take a picture with you with you and your kids and then if you don't pay for the photo he starts screaming at you your daughter's eight i hate you because i love elmo right fuck you you fucking jew like but getting like super aggressive no and i bet you believe in fucking and all in all the nazis and like all this. You're like, what the fuck? Come on, honey. Sure you think the Holocaust was real? Right, exactly.

Oh, okay, 9-11, inside job. And you're like, what the fuck? You're shielding your child from Elmo? Because he's not even talking like Elmo anymore. It's just this grown man deep voice get the fuck out of here you're useless piece of shit but having that be the complete opposite side of the spectrum is so funny it's genius i mean doesn't seem like this guy's a nice fella

like he might not have a full rap on his, you know, his mental stability. But if he did, he was just doing like a prank. Pretty good. Go. Go. I need it. I just had a thought of something I did in Vegas around my wedding. Okay.

It has to do with those street performers. You know the guys that are like, who're like they're like the statue guys i uh i i i walked up to one of those guys and he was like right you know he's holding still and i woke up to give him some money and i had like a big blue slushy drink and i had in my hand okay and i was reaching around for my wallet to get money out, and I found some change. And I went, and I grabbed it, and I leaned down to put the money in his thing. Not even thinking about my drink. And it, and it, and it, blue, alcoholic, gigantic, like, yard thing dumped out all over his thing that was holding his money and all over like his stuff that was there.

And so he's like this. He's frozen. And I was like, oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. I got embarrassed. I walked off. He had to get down from his perch. So he's like on the ground, like fixing.

He's fixing all this stuff and wiping and like dumping out blue alcohol. He's like wipe flinging his money out and everything like wringing his money out. And all of his other guys are like statues. Looking over at him like oh my god look at fucking Fred

dude. He's like on the ground wiping hang drying his cash that he left in there his money and you through change like that's the best part yeah

it's like you bent down like good job game of 50 you're like here you go 14 cents jumping change shit in his suitcase cause like when I

when I cause usually when you do that you put the money you walk back they're like they reach forward and they give you a shaker Thank you It was full it went everywhere. I mean you heard you lost money in this exchange. Yeah

I lost a $30 drink For giving a 15 cent tip. But that guy, his setup was messed up for a while. I bet. So he probably lost some money because he had to clean all of his shit. It could go either way. Either he still tells the story of this jackass that poured his blue drink all over his shit, or

he's in Vegas and he's been way crazy as shit. So who knows though? You could be the craziest thing that's happened to him. We'll get back to it. Have you ever done that before oh yeah so who knows though you could be the craziest thing that's happened to him have you ever i know we'll get back to it have you ever done that before where you're holding something you forget like you just lean down to pick something up and you have a drink and it just spills i've done it with coffee in the house no i mean my toddler's house you know yeah and you just forget forget and bend over and let it and let it dip out i'm sure i've

done it i see it happening because it happens so much i don't know i just don't remember like a specific time i did i did on the fremont street and it was like it was the busiest part of the day and it was a blue bright blue everyone i mean like i had to turn around and walk away you're asking oh fuck go, go, go, go. Yeah. Run. That poor fucking guy. Anyway. That's funny. That's funny.

Anyway, this guy. Yeah, that's... You know what I think I would do? If I was this guy, I'd like... When I get a picture, I'd be like, you know, lizard people are real. Like, just whisper weird shit. Not even yelling, but like whisper weird shit into it. You put the arm around him, and and you're like I got a fucking knife

Yeah, yeah, click and then don't move. Okay Because now it's just the story of a little kid. Mm-hmm, right? Yes, yes You don't fucking tip me. I'm gonna shoot you in the fucking head. You're like what and then click take the picture He's like do you love your parents? Yeah, do you love your parents? Yeah? Well, they're gonna fucking die if you don't tell me leave a big tip He's like, do you love your parents? Yeah, do you love your parents? Yeah. Well, they're going to fucking die if you don't tell them to leave a big tip. They're not going to live forever. Elmo's Corner!

Oh, did you like meeting Elmo? No, um... And they're trying to explain it, but they're too young to... Elmo said, Mommy and Daddy are going to burn in hell. They're going to burn in hell. Oh. Like, fuck. Like, how do you respond to that all right let's move on to the next story we got a lot of dick to get through okay this one does fascinate me have you ever been to a uh an escape room i've never done one no

you know what they are familiar we've talked about doing i've never done one, no. But you know what they are. I'm familiar. We've talked about doing it. I've never done it. And I had never done one until just recently. That was actually what Ezra wanted to do for his birthday back in December. He wanted to go to one of the escape rooms that's here in Coeur d'Alene. And I took him, him and his friends, which is pretty funny to me. I tried to... First off, let me say, the the one we did the guy who worked there warned us he goes you sure like it's the hardest one and it's me and fucking three nine-year-olds you sent me the picture you're like something like we didn't do well you know he's like well

he goes well usually like even with all adults it's the hardest room. And I'm like, we got it. I was like, I got Ezra. He's smarter than me. Yeah. So, first of all, we went to the worst one. And it's just me and three nine-year-olds. And some of the shit was really hard. But some of it, just watching these three kids try to figure out, like, these puzzles. But I was, like, leaning in with little hints.

Oh, what if it's on the book? Like, just trying to help them oh yeah the book and you're like get the fuck out of the way like once they find it all right then the time started running out and i was like okay goddamn we gotta we gotta move we're just gonna be stuck in this one goddamn room um anyway so the article says burglar breaks into escape room and can't figure out how to escape yes and i get to say washington great police in washington say a man who broke into an escape room on sunday damaged the room so badly that he couldn't escape so ray wardlaw rye uh rye wardlaw originally allegedly broke into the northwest escape experience in vancouver

and uh had an issue the owner of the escape room a locked room full of puzzles and clues that participants must solve in order to escape told the news station that ward law did so much damage the business to the business that he couldn't even escape the breaking room right he couldn't escape after breaking in he apparently didn't know how to use the lock on the front door and was stuck this is so funny the worst burglar ever do you think that rye will had enough either he was just he was fine not so fucked up he didn't realize the irony do you think there was a moment when he paused and looked around like this is funny i would hope so you think he's like gosh man he's like oh god you guys it's not lost on me

like this is gonna make the news. He goes, oh, man. My friends aren't going to believe this shit. Yeah. Just like, god dang, that's funny. That's funny. And they're back to like smashing the wall out. He goes, whew, this is funny.

So inside the room, Wardlaw reportedly called police and told officials he was calling from the escape room because his own home was being burglarized so apparently on drugs while trying to escape ward law allegedly broke the back door handle before calling 9-1-1 several times he reportedly gave law enforcement a phony address so they responded to the escape room it's just so like we put our hearts soul and money into this place to make it work our goal is to bring fun to families and businesses. It didn't feel good to get taken advantage of. That's fun.

Once police arrived, Wardlaw reportedly found a way to escape the room and it was outside the business. Sure, so he couldn't figure it out right at the end. You can always blow your way out of the wall. If you care enough, you can punch your way through the wall. But Wardlaw faces second degree burglar charge with a bail set at $40,000, according to the

news station. Oh, man. Ah, man, that's funny. It's one of those things, like, you feel sorry for the business, but you're like, God, I'm so glad that happened, because we got the story out of it. Well, I mean, best case, for the way my brain wants to picture it is that he like he was doing something else and he fell through the ceiling and then he just is like he had to solve the room but he's like fuck like he knows where he's at and he's just frantically like

like thumbing through the drawers and like doing all the puzzles but you're if you don't solve it you're going to fucking jail that is a crazy like it's an interesting like uh um i don't even know the torture experiment well kind of an experiment like let's say you're planning on robbing that place and you keep coming back and like you like you walk up like hey joe here again he's like which one you want you want to try a different room this time no i want to same one i want to do the library this time it's like yeah you've done it six times i know i got to get under five minutes yeah i'm just trying to break it break a break a record here like you keep going back and forth back and forth back and forth so you get so good at it and then do that and then and then and then your escape plan like maybe there's a a diamond safe

in a bank above that exact room yeah so you know if you can cut the floor out and drop it in there then solve it all and get the fuck out of there actually i kind of see that as a that's like a movie a movie plot where not even a funny movie plot like that could be the 11, Ocean's... 46. Fifth, 16 or whatever, where... With the soundtrack of That's What I Call Music, 612. But it's like a new, it's a new take on a modern thing. It's an escape room. Boom. But so they're like, it's George Clooney and it's Brad Pitt,

and they're doing this the same escape room over and over again. Like, wow, George Clooney and brad pitt forget this love escape rooms two to the left i mean it has to be a comedy yeah yeah i mean it could be like a like a deadpan where they're not trying to be funny but the whole situation is pretty fucking funny yeah all right and they just get in there and they know if they cut the ceiling out like the escape room found a way into the building because some other business shut down but they know exactly what's above it whatever that kind of thing but if he just losing his shit like fuck where was the he's trying to remember the riddle yeah he's like you can't see me in the dark but you can't remember the more the more you use me the drier i get you're like fucking god damn it like flipping

he's he's screwing up his sayings. He's like, flip it upside down. Like, turn the lights on and off. He's like, God. He just doesn't know what to do. And he shows up. And the cops come in. Like, we'll click the door open. He goes, that was pretty funny.

You guys, you have to admit, that was pretty funny. Okay, let's move on to the next story. Okay. Do you want to read it? Do you want me to read it? I'll do it. I'll try it. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.

It's not too hard. It's not hard. Alright. You get it. Pilot thought his instructor was pretending to take a nap. He was dead. Dude. Okay. That's pretty fucking good. A 57-year-old

flying instructor died during a circuit flight over Blackpool Airport after suffering cardiac arrest in the air last summer. Okay. According to a newly published safety report about the incident, the pilot he was accompanying didn't notice his death, or rather, thought the dead man was pulling a prank on him. What a horrible way.

Dude. The incident. I'm going to have a little dark comedy to put on the back end of this. Let me do this paragraph. Okay. The incident occurred on June 29, 2022, and the pilot asked the instructor to accompany him on the flight. Conditions were windy that day and above the personal limit to fly. Let me start over.

Were windy that day and above the pilot's personal limit to fly on his own. But the man wanted to record a flight anyway to stay in good standing with his flying club's requirements according to the report. The instructor agreed to fit in the short flight after he finished a lesson and later boarded the four-person Piper PA-28 plane. Nice. The pair were talking normally as the pilot taxied the runway. The report states the pilot recalls the last thing he heard the instructor say was, looks good. There's nothing behind you. Just before

they come. It's all clear back here. All good. Shortly after the plane left the runway, the pilot says the instructor's head rolled back. Dude. The pilot knew the instructor well and thought he was just pretending to take a nap whilst the pilot flew the circuit. So he did not think anything was wrong on the stage. He was like,

you got this one. You silly goose. You got this one. He's hamming it up. The pilot proceeded to fly the course as normal, but as he turned at one point, the instructor slumped over so that his head was resting on the pilot's shoulder. Isn't he leaning? Just method acting. All in.

If you're going to do it, you've got to go all in. It's not going to work if you half-ass it. The pilot still thought the instructor was joking and continued to fly the approach according to the report. The plane landed safely, but even as the pilot was taxiing back, the instructor's head was still slumped on his shoulder. This is as the pilot Was taxiing back The instructor's head Was still slumped

On his shoulder This is when the pilot Clued into something Was wrong That's what it took Dude Taxiing back Into the

He lured the fire crew On the runway An emergency workers At the airport Attempted to revive The instructor The efforts were Unsuccessful

A post-mortem Of the body Found the instructor Died from acute Cardiac failure Noted the man Had diffuse uh something disease doctor stuff and condition that causes arteries to be blocked with plaques and cells of lipids yeah a bunch of science stuff i mean okay two different things first of all what i was well actually i'm gonna flip and i'll go to the other one here in

just a second but the the who like not the the pilot not the instructor to just put it off for that long like to just be like come on like give him like little he's like you're oh man you're not that tired i quit playing how i mean the entire flight then when you land do you start giggling a little bit like are you laughing about how yeah how he's playing the role so bad you're like oh my god you're just like dude you come on no i was convinced i'm serious no it's over no you got me like i know that it's funny it's funny i did it i did the whole flight without you helping me. Oh, we're going to crash. Oh, no. And he goes, fuck it. Then he lands. He goes, oh, shit. He just did nothing.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Like you push it back up and his head whips over and smashes the glass out. Then you're like, oh, okay. All right. That was it. That was it. This it this is serious you got me you got me

classic you this is elaborate bruise fake well that's that what's that's a breakable window god you always take this stuff too far come on you you put a fake window on my on my flight here come on and a fake blood wig on god you're an expert just weird shit no but what i was getting at and this would not have saved my dad's life but this is actually true where just who my dad was and how eccentric he was it wasn't like this situation where he's playing dead for an entire fucking flight that he's supposed to be instructing. Because he's actually dead and they don't let dead people fly airplanes. But, no, like when the early stages of when his brain cancer was just getting a hold,

it didn't play into his favor at all. Like, because he was just so weird. So I was like, oh, Jim. Like, just like, you you know it's like oh brian is unicycled downtown again but like for anyone else like that's fucking weird but i remember um which in retrospect he called me uh i don't think i again like i don't fucking think i shared this but man just hopefully just you know whatever i he called me out of the blue and this was a couple months before

like things started progressing to a point where we're like okay something is wrong he called me hey joey like hey dad what's going on he goes ma'am he goes well i think i'm gonna give you this motorcycle uh and he has like a harley like an old school badass harley and i was like what he goes yeah no i'm just gonna I think I'll drive it up there and you can have it. And I'm like, don't want it. Like never, never wanted a motorcycle. I was like, why are you giving it to me? He goes, oh, he goes, well, maybe it was your brother, my brother, Max. And if there's anybody who would not want a motorcycle any less than me or more less than me, I got, it was, it was my brother my brother and i'm like i don't think so

he goes huh okay and then this moved off to another topic and then i got i was like that's fucking weird but then months later it's like brain cancer and i was like oh that's why i thought i like motorcycles you know what's funny about that is like he calls to say that and he's like you so you don't want it he's like your brother doesn't want it huh uh them vandals huh vandals anyway how's what do you guys have for dinner you're like what the hell was that he's like that mean they go pretty fast you're like no i know i got it goes yeah okay man so how's school you like graduated um 15 years ago that's right go vandals like just like weird stuff but even then like this is personality you're like that weird not weird uh that is kind of funny like when you know someone and it's it is like are you faking it right now like

if you are dude like you need to let us know because it's not funny anymore. It's recent like we need to know Yeah, I did that one time we were at a party and I pretend like I fell down the stairs Okay, and we were all drinking and I pretended like I was out cold Okay, and I mean I for probably 15 minutes they were trying every they were pouring water on me. They were tickling me They were like flicking my dick doing everything and I was not budging i mean it was the best playing dead i think anyone has ever done i did not budge they were they were like going to call they were like picking the phone to call and i finally was like and they were just like i mean a couple of them were like dude he's so fake but a couple were like dude we need to call the police right and there's nothing better to be that i mean to be that convincing but that would be

really fun like i'll do that with my kids sometimes i'll sometimes i'll play dead and they're like haha daddy and they're like daddy and it's like well maybe i shouldn't do that because what if i what's some something does happen and they're like smack kick bang we're oh we know it's you he's eventually gonna wake up because yeah and like it's the cry wolf thing right yeah and how intense did this uh plane instructors previous pranks yeah and personality have to be for this other guy to be like that he's fucking around like like every time he banks it just goes back and forth he's doing like loop like dude you're gonna hurt yourself he's like god damn you are invested i gotta hand it to

you gotta this looks real just imagine that like if that happened but if they were like they were recording for like safety reasons or whatever and just seeing the video for training purposes yeah see all that shit going on He goes well right here looks like we're having fun And then right here I think he's dead I wasn't sure here but up until this point I mean this is classic Fred

Right here He goes okay well walk us through this He goes well right here he looks dead Okay hold on hold on And now we both have our hands up. So I was like, oh, we're having a good time. Pretend like we're on a roller coaster. Oh, and then here, okay, dead again.

Yeah. But then right here, you can see, and he's like. He's like this head over. Yeah, I mean, when you look at it from the disc perspective, yeah. He goes, no, I mean, I get it. No, yeah. I want you guys to understand. For me to be able to find peace with this,

it looked like he was having fun. That's so funny to think about. The idea of that guy having a debrief or something where they're like, did you know he was dead? No, I didn't know he was dead. How could I? And they're like, how could you not? He goes, well, look at the footage.

We did. Into the footage. We did. Into the footage. His head is off. He's drooling. He's bleeding from his ear and he's leaned on your shoulder. Yeah, but he's really good. Yeah, but look at the last flight.

Now, what if they look back at the footage from all the previous flights and he's always playing dead it's just it's fucking 16 months of this he's like no this guy does this you mean you mean this is? We've been paying this hustle. Yeah, I taught myself to fly. He's always sleeping or pretending to be dead.

They just pull out the tape. They put in a new one. Same thing. Over and over for his whole career. 25 years of training pilots. He plays dead on every single flight. He likes to throw them into the fire, you know? Yeah, he's like, you'll get it.

It's not that hard. That's funny. Anyway, I'm going to take a nap. Okay, let's move on to some good news. Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we are doomed. Yeah!

Happy news for a sad world. Happy, happy, joy, joy. You know Dave Grohl. No. No, joy. You know Dave Grohl. No. Oh. He is. Yes, I know Dave Grohl. If you don't know who Dave Grohl is,

you're not part of the rock world. I look over, you're pretending to be dead. Yeah. God damn it. It's gonna be a long end of the show. Ryan, you get this.

You know who Dave Grohl is, right? Fucking three. Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl feeds 500 people facing hunger in LA. And I don't know him. I have met him Foo Fighters Dave Grohl Feeds 500 people facing hunger In LA And I don't know him I have met him And he seems real nice

I mean is he just A prophet of good That just found himself in an amazing I mean it didn't magically happen Obviously you bust your ass and you're super talented But then you get to that spot And isn't that exactly the Person you want to be in that

position yeah with all this like uh influence and doesn't do crazy dumb shit and just seems to always be doing something good he's he's like he he's found his way like it's weird like his personality his band everything he's found like this pocket of everybody. You can't not like Dave Grohl. And you may not like Foo Fighters. I like some Foo Fighters, but I don't like all their shit. You can't hate Foo Fighters either. You know what I mean?

There's nothing pretentious about it. It's just the whole package is pretty cool. Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl had Los Angeles singing There goes my hero. Nice writing. Watchers.

Showed up to the Hope, the Missions, Trebek Center in Northridge. The musician came ready to barbecue for 500 community members as a storm rolled in. Which is a weird, like that was a, that little last bit of that reminds me of if someone was writing your biography, like about you, like, okay, no, no, Nick, you're doing this great thing. You're like, yeah, but it was during a blizzard. Like you're trying to like punch it up. Yeah. It's not like it was 70 degrees.

I mean, I get it's a detail that he's sticking it out, even if a storm rolled in, but just to have it on the tag, it's like a storm was coming in on february 22nd he came prepared with his own meat smoker cover what's the storm in california let's be honest storm i came with his own meat smoker covering all the expenses and worked for nearly 24 hours smoking meat for 450 guests and 50 staffers that is a bender. That's not a pop in. Yeah. And you know, it's not a media like opportunity. Yeah.

If you're putting in 24 fucking hours of cooking meat. He doesn't need a media opportunity. No, he doesn't. I mean, you know, there's so many things that you're like, oh, wow, look at them. But then you look really into it and you're like, oh, yeah, no, they just showed up because they needed something nice. He's some people to be like, oh, look at them. But then you look really into it and you're like, no, they just showed up because they needed something nice. You need some people to be like, oh, look at him. He's trying. Sears really cares.

He's a good guy. Oh, no, R. Kelly. I mean, sure, he did all that stuff, but he also cooked some meat. Yes, he peed on some people. Yeah, but he helped cook meat for 30 minutes. Yeah. So it just

you know that was just really cool to see yeah i i hope that it goes on forever nobody is perfect but dave rolls goddamn close yeah and it's just it's fun to to see him continue to to uplift humanity he's kind of like a jack black type of guy it's just like i get like you may not think jack black's funny but it's it's kind of hard to just hate the guy right like yeah what do you it's hard yeah what are you gonna hate about him he's just kind of gotta he's just loving his life so much and being positive and caring and giving back to every community ever and you're like fuck that guy yeah well he's not funny all right well i don't think he's funny i think he goes for the cheap joke okay uh bye okay i'm excited to show you this what i was able to find on the internet okay

the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes. That's awesome. Tom Carty has all this stuff and it's like a parody stuff, but a lot of it's just original music that he has come up with.

And this is my favorite one. It made its way back into my inbox lately. And I want to make sure that everyone else knows about this song. Okay. And that's all I'm going to say. I'm not gonna tell you the title of it. It made its way back into my inbox lately, and I want to make sure that everyone else knows about this song. Okay? And that's all I'm going to say. I'm not going to tell you the title of it. You get to experience it as we move throughout. Do I have to come over there and watch it?

I mean, it helps to watch it just because he's a funny dude, and he puts a lot of work into the video side. So if you like this song, do go back and check it out because check out the video part of it. Oh, my butt? Showing your butt. Ready? Okay.

When my roommate comes into the room looking for his car keys, I don't say it yet. And when he gets me off the couch to check underneath the couch cushions, I don't say it yet. No. And then when he says out loud, I wonder where my car keys are, I still don't say it yet No And then when he says out loud I wonder where my car keys are I still don't say it I still don't say it yet

But then he asks me Do you know where my car keys are? I look at him in his face And I say Have you checked your bottles? Get up, get up, get up I have not seen your keys But since you're asking me

You better check up that bottle Of course I'm not serious I don't think it's up inside your big brand business But a funny thing to say to someone who's lost their shit And is stressed out visibly When I see the best man start to sweat I don't say it yet Skid up, bottle, bottle And start to sweat. I don't say it yet.

When I see that little ring bearer cunt getting yelled at by his mum. Oh, I still don't say it. When I see the groom asking the vicar if they can wait just another 15 minutes. I do not say it. And when the father of the bride starts organising an ad hoc emu bump of the courtyard area, I want to, but I do not say it. It's the eleventh hour with 300 congregants under God's roof. The vicar approaches the mic and suddenly all of the chat goes mute.

He says that they've misplaced the rings. Could anyone possibly know where they are? I know it's my time and all heads turn as I stand and say, Vicar, have you checked your butthole? Yeah, better, better, huh? I've not seen your ring, but have you checked your ring? My ring on me butthole. Love is patient, love is kind.

But if you ask me where you get mine, literally anything you pass before, I'm gonna suggest that it's up your butthole. Where's my phone? Is it up your butthole? I lost my loan. Have it's up your butthole Where's my phone? Is it up your butthole? I lost my loan Have you checked up your bitthole? I'm losing my patience Check your head up

Where is your class? We can suck up your arse I just lost my grandma Oh my god, I'm so sorry Are you capable of not saying she's up my arsehole? Of course, Mike and Dolls I'm not looking for a silly joke right now Yeah, yeah

What are you looking for? Honestly, just like a shoulder to cry on. Have you checked your butthole? See, I'm, I'm, I'm I see you front your head Run my heart back to the ground I fucking got you butthole My family hate me

This must be the reason that I've got no close friends Fucking worth it, baby Dude. Hilarious So good That's my favorite of what he has But if you're That's catchy as hell

I know It's the Have you checked your I wanted to say like What does the fox say Yeah I mean it's in that same Yeah But he has

Plenty of those types of songs Like about depression And anxiety And not wanting to go out Or just like relationships but he has plenty of those types of songs about depression and anxiety and not wanting to go out or just like relationships and why he lives on his own about the things that he likes on his own

that's why he lives on his own there's a line in there it's like organizing an ad hoc emu bob you don't hear that anywhere but Australia it's the only place anybody say organize an ad hoc emu bob. It's like, I've got to look that one up because I don't know what the fuck that is. Ah, but there you go.

I am happy that you've never heard that because it makes me happy all the time. Yeah. Have you checked your butthole? Skid up, butt up. Okay, let's read some stuff from the kids. Okay. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits,

you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome. Skid up, bed up.

Big ass clap. All right. Our first email Is coming in from our South African living son Andy Alright Do you remember when we went on that bachelor party to South Africa? I remember when we went to Diananda No, well this is close

But the other side All luck to have a cow, Diananda And, you know, we did some stuff We put our things in some holes And now we have a 16 year old son named Andy Hey daddies, I bet you'll be, and now we have a 16-year-old son named Andy. Yeah. Hey, daddies. I bet you'll be surprised to know you have a 16-year-old listener. Don't worry, Mr. Albrant.

My wife will be really surprised. Don't worry, Mr. Albrant. And I'm being respectful. I'm just a kid. You shouldn't struggle with my vocabulary. Wink, wink. Yeah, we're going to have Joe read this one just to avoid that, you son of a bitch. Didn't in the story.

16-year-old asshole. See, I am from Cape Town, South Africa. Don't worry. I was not born here. Oh. That is a weird thing to put in there. We were like, man, if you're okay. If only you weren't from South Africa.

I'd have been like, never mind, and just skipped the whole email. I was born in San Diego. We decided to move to South Africa because my dad wanted to work here, and my grandparents also lived here in Cape Town. There are pros and cons about living here in cape town and one of the worst things is load shedding i have a very faint memory this is my own interjection about i was talking about load shedding uh i don't remember that at all because it was about shutting down power for part of the day i believe it's part of like the hooray we're not doomed and we talked about a town that shuts everything down for a certain amount of hours so people can disconnect oh yeah yeah okay

so load shedding load shedding is generally different than what it is just cutting off the electricity at random times to reduce strain on the power plants can i say something really quick yeah what that sounds like and base and actually how you finish that off it sounds like little masturbations to to to shed your load. It's load shedding, so you're not so backed up. That's what it sounds like to me. Just little spats. Yeah, it's like, oh, I need to crank this out real quick just so I'm not so...

But not all of it. Yeah, just shedding a little bit. Cape Town is lacking in power plants, and the working ones are requiring maintenance on the daily. This means our electricity is cut off every day for two to four hours twice a day. Wow. Yeah. Fuck, it is so annoying. Like, I'd be in the middle of watching porn at night

and the electricity would cut off and interrupt my internet connection right before I was going to finish. So I'd end up finishing to a blurry freeze frame. That's funny. That's almost... That could be eight hours a day. Yeah.

That's a third of your day. I'm sure it depends on what season you're in You're sleeping for 8 Working for the other 8 And then wishing you were masturbating the other 8 There are worse things about it than that I guess Which one would be cooking a fish Or some other food in the oven

And then the power just cuts off And we'd end up with just a fish sitting there in the oven For the next 2-4 hours I do have to say though The kid's 16. If you're not able to just look at a woman in a bikini. Or a door handle. Yeah, it's just like, now?

That would suck. Like a hole in the drywall your stepdad punched. You're like, I could fuck it. Probably. That could turn me on somehow. Yeah, I could fucking fuck that thing. There are many other stupid things like getting out of the shower and the pitch darkness or having the power cut off right when you're settled in and

ready to watch a nice movie. The other annoying thing is that when it comes back on, you'll probably woken up because you've forgotten to turn off your lights or forgotten which ones were on when they all got shut off. I cannot tell you how many times I've woken up to my speaker blasting music at 2am or my stupid Alexa starting up with that annoying blue ring. What do you guys think about this? I'm sure you can make it pretty funny.

Anyways, love the podcast. Nothing a 10 out of 10. I love listening while I do my art projects. Makes my day 10,000 times better. Sorry, not sorry for the long-ass email. And keep up the good work. Don't make it clean after you hear about this. As a 16-year-old is listening, don't worry.

I'm a 35-year-old child. Lots of love from your stepson andy i i guess i it's weird that it's not kind of like on a schedule right like you know like exactly what time seven is everything everyone knows the power goes off and you build your day around that like at least ballpark yeah it's like the cable guy i was just about to say this is like this is like comcast yeah or whatever internet we're like well we'll be there between 9 a.m and 5 p.m you're like hmm could you dial it in a little bit because i can't just sit here all fucking day for our 20 minute appointment so let's uh let's let's tighten up that that little that that guesswork that you're doing i wouldn't going from this if i grew up in that environment

where you're used to your power being shut off okay maybe but going from now to a place where you lose power twice a day for two to four hours i mean you couldn't do it with this career No Well Yeah I guess like internet If you can work from your phone great But if you need A printer if you need a fax machine Or any of this shit to use Saxophone Pager

If it's 1995 If your pager is on You work from your pager Everyone can who couldn't um yeah it's just a huge disruption disruption just disruption destruction destruction of my disturbing disruption disturbing destruction nice fucking great there it is making new words along the way okay you want to read that was a fun email though thanks is he really 16 or is he 35 and saying he's 16 i'm guessing he is 16 cool because he was yeah he's like don't clean up

the show like there's no fucking way i would andy just kidding this is this is your fault you know what's funny like i never imagined me being a 16 year old kid and listening like we didn't have podcasts when i was 16 but we were watching like beavis and butthead yeah red shoe diaries all scrambly on showtime yeah so the idea of like Having something like this Would be It's cool for a kid that age What if this podcast comes out And he's like

Nice And then the power goes out I guess his phone We're getting to his story And then the power goes out And then he Yeah whatever Okay you want to read the

Yeah I got the second one Okay This one's coming in From our daughter Mariah Alright Coming up on stage We got Mariah Mariah

Gentlemen get your dollars ready. Hey, guys. You asked for hotel stories. I've got a doozy for you. I was 17, and it was my first day as a housekeeper at this hotel in my hometown. They showed me the ropes for one or two rooms, then sent me to clean some more rooms on my own. I opened the door to a room where people were going to be staying another couple of days. I walked into a horror movie. Yikes.

Blood on the carpet, clumps of hair everywhere, and vomit all over the bathroom. Wow. There was so much blood that I was sure there had been some sort of murder. I bet. Yikes. Wow. I called my trainer over and she was so freaked out. She's like her gym trainer. Like, hey, Danny, can you come over for a second?

He's like, hang on, let me finish this pump real quick. If it's just rep, you got it. Like talking to other ones. Oh yeah, what you got Mariah?

Keep going, keep going, keep going. Check this out. Oh fuck. But also, power through, power through,

push it, push it. Embrace the pain. No, but I, no blood, no power. We'll'll finish this out but i think it is funny like you go through and that's exactly how these training things always go we're like oh no you got it you got him you take one on your own and the first one you do is a murder scene or like even like a call comes in like you're at a call center so that's basically how it here you try this one you pick up like hello it's like I fucking

crazy grandpa you're like god damn like shit it's not all like this and I'm gonna fight while you live it's your first 911 call sorry you're hearing that

there's just been a mass shooting I just killed my whole family yeah it's okay sir and I think I'm gonna kill myself you're like oh god

I'm on top of the Empire State Building I'm on top of the Empire State Building I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on top of the I'm on kill myself. I'm on top of the Empire State Building. I've got a bomb. Cops in the background. Don't kill, sir. Jesus. It's like the guy, his first time on the job, like a crisis thing,

where he's like, the guy's going to talk him down. He's at the place. He's ready to go. Yeah, he's like, sir. Sir, I know that you're going through some trouble right now but there's light at the end of the tunnel just give it time i'm taking everybody with me oh man anyway i called my trainer over and he and she was freaked out so we called management who called the police turns out the guest was staying with his wife, who had crazy, crazy bad nosebleeds,

and is going through chemo. Man. That's so not what I would have thought. Nope. Which explained hair and blood. And the chemo made her sick, which explained the vomit. Plot twist.

It all comes together. I know. It was truly horrifying and embarrassing for both the hotel and the couple staying. Love the podcast. Keep up the good work. I have a ton of other fucking hilarious stories about working in a hotel,

but this one always sticks out the most. Dear daughter Mariah, please send in more. I love hotel stories. What? Because they're so... The things that people do in a hotel room are insane. It's the wild west.

Let loose. No rules. I don't have to clean this up. I can jump on this bed and come on this two for one i can vomit here i can bleed here no one win win baby baby yeah baby imagine what fucking tony little used to do in hotel rooms baby all you do is trim his ponytail um but this is just like a fine example that things don't always look the way they are right like if you walk into that what other option is there besides someone's dead that's the

only someone's in the bathtub being they're they're cutting them up with a saw in the bathtub you're gonna open the door and you're gonna find the test texainsaw Master guy. It's the scene in Al Pacino, Scarface. They're chopping him up with a chainsaw. It's that scene. Exact one. And then unless you have somehow in your life walked into or been around someone going through chemo in a hotel room,

you're the only person on the planet to be like, I mean, it could be someone going through chemo in a hotel room, you're the only person on the planet to be like, I mean, it could be someone going through chemo. Oh my God. Everyone else is like, what? Imagine a group of people like, God, there's a mercy,

and the guy's like, actually, it could just be someone going through chemo and everyone just kind of freezes. Dude, get Steve out of here. Get Harry out of here. What the fuck? I'm just saying. I've seen this voice before.

What's Steve doing out here? Get him back in the storage room. Or even like way off base, but he's right. Yeah, he's exactly right. He goes, oh man, no. This happened to me. I ate Taco Bell three times in one day. He's looking just like this. They're like, what the fuck

you talking? And they find out it was exactly that. It's exactly that, yeah. Just had like an allergic reaction to a chalupa. He's like, fucking told you. He's that guy. He's like, I tried to tell you guys. He's been through so much shit. All of his things are correct.

Right. I mean, yeah. I mean, it could be a murder scene. Yeah. It could also be someone was trying to learn how to- At first, you would think- Right. I totally get why that would make sense.

Uh-huh. But I had the same- I had a Tacos Los Doritos last weekend. My hair started falling out. Dude, my mom walked in and she thought I was dead. And then my buddy Trevor. He showed her pictures. Looks exactly like my brother Trev's like. My brother Trev's like, dude, no, it's just the Taco Bell.

Look at this. Yeah, no, I mean, it could be a murder scene. But also like when I was eight years old, I was watching my buddy sharpen his hockey states. It's weird stories. And, like, he was using the grinder and the blade shot off, fucking cut his scalp,

and then that made him sick. You're like, what are you doing? Get this guy out of here. He was so freaked out, he started puking everywhere. And that's exactly what it was. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, we're good, eh? Yeah, bud. Yeah, bud. Oh, fuck yeah, bud., eh? Yeah, bud. Yeah, bud. Oh, fuck yeah, bud. Well, fuck yeah. All right, let's wrap up the show's ski.

Throw his fucking head in a snowpang, buddy. All right. Do you want to do the round out today? Yeah. Okay, do it. Oh!

I thought you meant to wrap it up. Hey, do you want to... Hey, Joe, do you want to become part of the gaggle? I don't, but I love making it. I can tell you where to go. Okay, gaggle? I don't, but I love making it. I can tell you where to go.

Okay, where do I go? You can go to patreon.com slash whatever our show is called. Nice. Can You Know Podcast. I'll consider it. I'm nailing this so far. You're good. Be sure to follow us on the IGs and the Facebooks.

And we need to add TikToks in there. We need to do a lot of stuff. We have a TikToks. Yep. Subscribe to our YouTubes. Everything's plural. Can You Know Podcast. If you have something you want to see on the show our YouTubes. Everything's plural. The Can You Don't Podcast. If you have something you want to see on the show, email it in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcasts.com.

Rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. And thanks to the babysitters. Yeah, thank you. What do we call it? The playground. Yeah, but is that like a teacher's aide or like the EA? What's that person on the playground called? Oh, TA.

Teacher's assistant. No, they're in the classroom. And EA is like, I think they were called EAs. A playground. What do they, what's an EA stand for? I don't know what the E stand for, but it's like a, that's what we, I think they call them an EA. Doesn't matter what they're called.

The people that stood out with the kids while they were on recess that we had to, we were playing tackle football and we had to watch for those people. And when they turn their backs, we'd play tackle football. Yeah. And then we'd watch if they turn around to end touch. Yeah. Those people. Good.

Yeah. And you get caught and you have to stand against the wall. Yep. And it's embarrassing. Yep. But at least the bricks are a little warm. Tell your fucking buddy, threw a, kick the soccer ball at your nuts. Played a wall ball.

Man. Yeah, dude. Those are good. Uh, anyway, thanks to them. Yeah. Love them. Okay. Let's do it. Let's wrap it up. Okay. Okay. played a wall ball man yeah dude those are good uh anyway thanks to them yeah i love them okay let's do it let's wrap it up okay okay good god wrap it up already huh a father joke for you how do you organize a space party this has to do something. You plan it. Yeah. Yep.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Have you checked your butthole? Skip that. Boop. Boop. Boop. All right. Party keeps going.

If you support us on Patreon. If not, we'll see you guys next week. Yeah. Say goodbye to the kids and hello to the geeses. Honk it. All right. Love you guys. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Outro Music