Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Tall Can. Stopping. Elephant Parking. Gravy Coupon.

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

There comes a point when trying to help people who have lost everything that the entire situation would have been better off had you done literally nothing at all. KFC didn't get that memo. Let's talk about that, shoving a tall can of beer up your butt for a couple days, another example of the darker side of AI which humanity gets to look forward to, having a family picnic on the side of a freeway, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/dI-1BlHp7eQSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tall can. Stopping. Elephant Parking. Gravy Coupon. Brian, I cannot hear you. Could you hear yourself even with the intro? I have one ear thing and I just over there scratching and yell you're like as soon as Zach started pushing the intro I guess you're like barely a little berry muffled like God fucking damn it then you just kept talking and I was like I go I don't know what you're saying over there it's like it's like it's on the left side kind of of my neck up here like the hair line back but it just always bitches okay and like it wanted and it'll just be like oh so it's it once and it'll it's for like a couple hours we need to can you don't inch or itch ointment in the but why it's been happening for months uh maybe you have

okay we can add it to the the gaggle the honkathon some kind of get go get your it's checked out no now that I'm thinking about it like everything you can't do it but it's like right back here all right there's a little bump I'm sorry about it it's cancer isn't it god damn it it might sound like we're on a little bit of meth

but that's just because we have to rip through so many things to talk about. Welcome to episode 175. As always, send your content into hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. Of course, sign up on Patreon. I've got a lot of new people joining the gaggle over the last week, so thank you guys so much. Brian and I

are trying to orchestrate when to get his goddamn eyes checked between jobs and kids and baseball tournaments and when he's not itching his neck. It's crazy. Which is a lot. But that goal has been hit. The next goal we decided to officially swap it.

I have some feedback from you guys and so 450 we're going to get Zach a camera 475 Hot Air balloon ride but again you can sign up You can also gift a Patreon subscription We're damn near close to the camera And like people are getting pumped for that It's kept going

I know it's awesome nervous So patreon.com slash can you don't podcast We have some can you don't Halloween merch And a can you don't Halloween merch And a can you don't Halloween merch sale happening Right now the time that this comes out through Monday on Halloween.

Call us crazy, but the entire store is 25% off. And to celebrate this sale, we have some brand new Joey Hoggones Bar and Grill merch right now in the store. If you're watching the video version, Zach, you guys can take a peek of this. Fuck me. Yeah, look at that. Just like a skeleton fellow on a Harley Davidson holding a whopper. He looks like he's going to fuck it.

Oh, he's taken into a back alley to have his way with that Whopper. I mean, it's beautiful. Beautiful little comic type inspired design. And we have that on a t-shirt, on a sweatshirt, and also on a coffee mug. And we don't know this for, like, officially, but we believe Joey Hogbone is the only bar and grill that has a drive-in motorcycle hamburger stand. That's the word on the, something. It was going to say in the street, but I don't know. I need a cooler, like, Harley turn.

The hog bars? The hoggers? On the road. On the road, yeah. So it's, that's the word on the road. That's the word on the road that'll ride up a hamburger bar there at Joey Hoggbone's Bar and Grill. But check that out for sure. So for 25% off, and this is storewide, just enter promo code, Hogbone 25.

Check out. You know what? I just, I just had a thought. What? If anybody is able to make it to cruisers at the thing, like that would be a good, because it's a, It's a motorcycle bar, right? That you can drive through and get a hamburger. They show up and they're just like so confused why we're chain sawing out part of their wall to make a ride through hamburger stand.

You can't be in here. Fuck you, I can't already am. We can do about nerd. What would Joey Hogbone do? Joey Hogbone. I mean, do I have to spell hog bomb? I don't think I should. people were sending in like hog bone inspired stuff

and kind of spelling it a little weird so it's hog and bone I want to know how people spelled it I forget right now H-A-W-G Yeah a little hoag Oh it could be yeah Hog bone

Tell them the hog bone Sent you Just bikes Bikes and more bikes Tell them the hog bones sent you All right the next of the pond Live Hangout Tuesday October 21st 7 p.m. right there on Patreon

If you're listening to us, it could be either tonight or tomorrow night, whatever, it's there. So August 21st, come join us, just going live and talk to you guys. It's been a lot of fun the first couple times. We've done it. Reminder, the Can You Scat Fest, November 1st at Cruisers in State Line, Idaho. State Line, Idaho. Live music, got live just a ride as Scat and Can't. What am I trying to say?

Can't. Scat. I don't know. We're working together. Scant? I don't know. Something like that. You guys will be there. We're teaming up. We got cards. We got debuts of cartoons. We got live video games, live music, live like roundtable question and answer. All that stuff's going on. And you go to Scatfest? Yep. Skatcast. Where we go? Just go to scatcast.com. Okay. And then tickets are available

right there. Right at the top. And tickets are available at the door as well. Speaking of Mr. Comey Uncle Zach, we do have a lap time on the show today. Want to give us a quick A little preview before we dive into here? We're doing the worst laws in America. From all 50 states have terrible laws and we've got a couple from each. We'll get to as many as we can. Can't wait to hear all about them. They're ridiculous.

100 laws. You're going to do two from each state? Nah, not today. You know who doesn't give a fuck about laws? Joey Hogg! Dude, the bone. How? Tell them the bone.

The how bone. All right, let's get into our, the show. Number 75. How's your itch? It's terrible. Your it's just bugging me. Yeah. That's how, like, itches can be infectious.

But this is the first time I've just watched you and just been mad at you. Yeah. It's moving up into my hair and shit. Oh, man. Yeah, definitely cancer. Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show already.

Well, we pulled a couple different would you rather's. I don't know. Which one do? I'm just going to pick this one. Okay. I mean, we always, just full disclosure, maybe next week we'll hear from Seth. But I feel like every week we get about 40.

Would you rather is from Seth? So we'll squeeze one in here from our son Shane and I like the contrast here because it's the reward of difficult thing for both and the rewards could feed into both of you and your decision. You guys ready here? So would you rather

have to shove a tall can up your ass just one time? Like a tall boy beer? Tall boy. I mean it could be a full-sized monster. If you want to Or it's a full throttle if you want to go the hogbone way. That's the only full can going up hogbone's ass. The way of hogbone.

This is the way. That's how they distribute. Full throttle energy drinks as hogbone rolls up and shits them in your grocery store. He just squeezes the can and shoots it up your ass. He's like, have a hard bone day. Fuck laws. Okay. So a tall can up your ass just one time, but you do have to hold it in there for two days.

That's a long time. Mm-hmm. But with that, you get to enjoy free beer for the rest of your life. It's a lot. Strong sphincter. Yeah, it's a lot of beer. And you get like septus or something? Yeah, so you get to weigh the pros and cons here.

Okay. Okay, because you could also have some problems with this next one. Or give your significant other diarrhea once a year. And I think the phrasing of giving them diarrhea is very funny. You're responsible for it? Yeah. So, like, you treated them knowing that you. you either put something, you're like, I got dinner tonight.

And she goes, I don't want you to cook. The last time I cooked, I shit all over the place. And he goes, I know. I know. That's the idea. So you have to give your significant other diary out once a year. That doesn't sound so bad so far. Right.

So far. Then you have to lick it clean. Oh, okay. But. You sure Seth didn't send this in? But then they can't complain about anything that you do for that entire year. That sounds like a pretty good deal. I mean, it's, just for licking up a little poo-poo.

A little poo-poo. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm having flashbacks that, would you rather? And we're, I don't even want to get into it. Remember talking about snorting diarrhea off of your mom's china plate with a straw? Yeah, I remember. So here's my initial thought on that one is if it's up to you to make her diarrhea, you're going to have to be smart about it because you can, maybe a little bit of diarrhea.

Yeah. make sure you balance it right yeah but i mean that's you're the one licking it up that's a hard one right because sometimes you just don't know what which one's gonna make your stomach go i just had a little gag because you you could have a salt you can i mean you could eat the worst thing at like taco bell right whatever it may be uh any restaurant any greasy food that should 100% be given you an upset stomach and nothing happens when that doesn't cut it Then you have to up it. But sometimes it could just be a fresh salad.

And something in it, your body was like, nope. And then away that, it just flies out your butthole. But then there's the food poisoning route where you know it's going to make them. Oh, you're like diarrhea, but it's like a lot of it. It's like a mad scientist trying to figure out the amount of time the stomach acid is going to have, like, have its way with it before it makes it to you. You're down, yeah, you're down in the basement with beakers and like testing. testing different diarrhea samples on mice honey what are you doing

don't come down here you've been down there for three days how's your mouse utopia going and you're just down there you're like just wait till I lick your diarrhea you'll have nothing bad to say as you're like dropping drop a little eye dropper with your big ass

can you fucking science goggles on lab goggles blink blink let me alone bitch god I can't wait to lap up your diarrhea and you can't say nothing that's the funniest part

I think it's like I can't wait to have to lap up your diarrhea I mean because you don't want to do that but you'll never be able to say anything just you wait yum yum yum

yum yum or you think that the other way around you hold this this tall can in your butt two days free beer, but then like every time you're drinking and I don't know, your partner gets said like something little nag to you, like you're always drinking and you're like, I should

have licked your shit. Oh no. You're just getting drunk being like, should have licked it. I should have licked it. All I had to do. One time a year and you're like guzzling beer. But free beer, I mean, I feel like is this a loophole? Does that mean all your friends will get free beer too? If you go up and order it and it's always free and you can kind of dish it around or it's just for you. I think it's, you're trying to poke too many loopholes all the time. I think it's just got to be you. Think how cool you would be though. Like everywhere you went, no matter who, you're like, no, no, I don't have to pay for you here.

What'd you do to get this treatment? Flashbacks? As you're wearing a diaper. Yeah. You're like, I don't want to talk about it. That makes it even cooler. Yeah. And then back to Zach's point about shoving a giant tall can up your butt, like the problems with what you're blocking.

But, I mean, people are constipated for, I feel. like months and they live yeah i mean i if i go if i go like camping sometimes i won't crap for three days just to just to not to deal with it just not have to deal with it yeah so like i wouldn't have a problem with that necessarily moving around with that thing in there it's jamming a can up your ass that's the get it you get a bottle a bottle would be easier because it's you know smaller and you work up to it it's hard to work up to just a just can yeah Yeah, you just have to use, like, it's just smaller cans. I don't know.

It would be a problem. Loving it up there. And then, of course, like, yeah, you're holding it in there. But then after those two days, you've got to shit that can back out. And that's cool. Then did it say if it has to be open? No. So can it leak out?

So just a closed can. Closed can. Of, yeah, just your standard tall boy can right up there. Free beer for life is awesome. Not having, like. But I feel like there's, there's a. a certain amount of that stuff that is beneficial in a relationship, right? Like, there should be a little bit of complaining because you're not perfect.

Like, we're all pieces of shit in some way or another. Yeah. So having a little bit, just checks and balances in relationship and not just like, because I ate your shit, I am now the emperor. Yeah. Well, I critique myself. enough already where I don't need to be

I mean obviously you are correct but it's not gonna turn into some some yeah tyrant you're still gonna keep trying I'm still gonna be the same

and trying my best person in this relationship regardless of whether or not I ate your diarrhea and silence to your complaints I so I mean I just don't drink very much anymore so the urge to have free beer

isn't really there for me because I'm like, I mean, I could realistically not have another beer forever and just be fine. Like, not, I mean, it would be nice to have one every once in a while, but like, I could get past that. But that means I have to do the other one, right? Yeah, it's, would you

rather? So. So you have, God, what a, can you imagine you're not a big, you're not a big drinker? Yeah. It's like one time a month, you have a beer, but you have a free beer for Life Card? Yeah. And people found out about that. Like, what What are you doing?

What's the alternative? Oh. I'll have to lick my wife's Wife's diarrhea ass up. What does she think about that? She can't say a damn thing. I don't know. She can't say anything about it.

I don't know. She hasn't mentioned it. I mean, you're out to drink with the, out drinking with the boys. Is your wife going to be upset if you come home? No. You start laughing? Yeah.

God, my wife would be pissed. You have the best, best marriage ever. My wife would be all over. my ass. Yeah. I just kick your feet up. See you, boys. Yeah, I'm going to go home whenever I damn rail fucking please.

Hogbone way. I do laugh the hogbone way. But you would definitely know, like, just going around the calendar, like the second that year was up, the built-up complaints that would come out. And you're like, ah, man, got to eat shit again. Yeah, so you're right. That was for a year or forever. No, just for one year. Oh, so that's why.

yeah that's the payoff here but not getting complained to um is awesome it would feel great yeah to feel like you're not doing anything wrong I don't know uh you would know you're doing stuff wrong

we're like if you're like all of a sudden no one really was giving you a hard time about it you're like fuck yeah yeah sweet I don't see I don't know like I feel like I'm too like as much as I don't want to get complained at I think it's like you say in earlier, it's kind of nice when you get it

because it does, it makes it feel like it's a mutual relationship, because if it's not the other way, it's just like, you can't say shit. It would start to feel you'd feel like one of those celebrities that just gets whatever they want. And there's no matter what situation, they just,

like, I'm Mr. fucking. Yeah, you're Mr. Wonderful. You're everybody here. So, you might get that complex. I'm with you. I don't feel like I would get that way, but it'd be, it's scary to think that, like, other people probably thought that too. Mm-hmm. Where if they, they're never told they're doing anything wrong.

And now you're Jared Leto. Yeah, then they turn into a little bit of a problem. So, there is that. I'm gonna- I really don't want to lap up shit, though. Yeah. So I guess I'm shoving a can of beer at my ass or a full throttle. Whatever it is, it's tall, and it's in my ass.

You realize you're given, I don't know if you purposely did this or Shane did, because now I'm thinking about it. It's two of the things that we've talked about a lot, where eaten butt is one thing that I just have no interest in. So lap it up diarrhea is way out of my, something I'd be interested in. It's so far past just licking a butthole. I'm coming closer. I still haven't shoved anything up my butt, but I'm, you know. You're there. You have a mustache.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you're close. Yeah. Yeah. That's the first step. The first step to shoving a, shoving something up your ass is having a mustache? That's my dad used to always say. That's how you, it's, the muscles start loosening up.

As soon as you shave a mustache. Yeah, they get a little more inviting. So, I mean, it's just that it's a can. I bet your mustache is shove something up its ass. Oh, yeah. Dude, it has a mind of it. I don't know what it does at night. When I'm sleeping, it's just how.

they're eating pringles. I really don't want to shove a can at my ass, though. Yeah. So that's a rough starting point. For you. I'm going to do it for you. Me, I'm good. Dude, I have one in my...

I was like, you want one? You just... You could smash it with your ass, too. You know how they have those refrigerators that'll, like, shoot a beer to you? Oh, yeah. Just, I'm that. But it's just my ass. Hey, Joey, can I get a d'clock?

Diet coat. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, I'm putting it in there, hold it for two days. Then even if I'm not taking full advantage of, like, the free beer I have for life, I'm also not licking up diarrhea. And I'm also not taking any complaining from my partner from Cassie out of the equation because I do need some motivation and checks and balances from time to time.

I think that's okay Yeah, it can be a bit much sometimes I don't feel like it's all deserved But I think everybody feels that All the time, whether it's Whatever way it is If it just gets out of control Then that's just not good at all

That's unhealthy But A certain amount of complaining To keep everybody in balance And be like, you're being dumb right now Is totally fine I mean, it's kind of like having Law enforcement, right?

like if you know there's the idea like oh who needs cops or whatever we should be able to police ourselves but as soon as we do that that's when you get chaos and communism yeah so you like you need

you need a little checks and balances yeah um okay so I'm shoving something up my ass Zach what are you doing are you I did not want to eat diarrhea okay so I guess I'll just take it up the ass I had a boy yeah I don't give the fuck about beer The good thing is you get to go at your own pace. It's not like, it's not like you, Joey Hogbone's showing up,

and he's jamming it up your ass. Like, you get to work. This isn't slow throttle. This is full throttle. Frum! Fump! Not for it. I'll be back in two days.

See you fucking, Zaki Pooh. It's the raising Arizona guy on the motorcycle. Right, yeah. Uh, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna go ahead and do the beer route. All right, well, it's all going up our ass, then I, I think that's a, okay, well, all rise. Oh, shit, Zeus. Zeus is here, man. Maggie Stokes, Jason Clazer, Neil Daphne, the Sofa Key, Daniel Cawleyer, Daniel Spatz, Matt Johnston, George, almost said Jorge de Sato.

Jordan Holliday. Matthew Leonard All right You guys, thank you so much Golden Geese The last time It is still full It is still packed out there

But thank you guys so much Reminder if you do sign up We have a chance to break into the golden tier There on Patreon You get your name mentioned on every episode And you get a personalized thank you video from us I wonder if we should make a little collage

We should We should They're pretty ridiculous They need to be seen All right let's move off For the next thing Hey, Zach. Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I have been thinking about this particular thing. Okay.

For a while. And then I just went on a little trip over to beautiful Cornelade, Idaho. And I saw the sign again. But they, I'm assuming these are. national roadway signs. I don't know that for sure, but I would assume this would be one of those that every state has put in.

And the signs that I'm talking about here on like, it's a fucking freeway and it's just every now and again, it pops up and it says, emergency stopping only. Is it the middle? Nope. The median?

Nope. Just on the other side. Just emergency stopping only. And a normal brain, see that and probably just move on with their day. That doesn't happen to me. Because I look at that and I say, no shit. Because what the fuck are you doing?

If you're stopping on a freeway, I'm going to say it's not because, like, you packed up the kids to go on like a family road trip. You got to grab snacks from the back seat? Sure. But even then, it's somewhat of an emergency. Got to get over there, right? And like someone's got to pee or poop or a kid threw up all over themselves. And then the level of emergency is, again, up for debate, right?

Or a flat tire. Or you're being pulled over by a police officer. Your car's fucking on fire. There's a whole lot of things that are in the scope of what an emergency is. But what it isn't is like a family packed up. And then they go, they're like, honey, this is good? Yep. And they pull over and they start getting all their picnic shit out.

And just having like a little family lunch on the side of the freeway. Just like, honey, we pass the whom? What was that? We pass, The semi going by, it blows everything off the table. Two pays waving. Will you pass the mustard? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I don't, I don't think they're needed. Are you, have you seen anybody do that? No. Are you just thinking that that's what people are doing? No, no one is ever doing that. And that's why these emergency stopping only signs are not needed. I feel like this is one of those situations where there wasn't a sign, and then there had to be a sign. You go, what, I can't park here?

Now we have to spend a billion dollars. Yeah, on fabricating signs and then paying people to go and shove them in the ground. Creating a whole new work industry. People have jobs because of that. I just don't, I don't know what it could be. And it doesn't seem like people pulling over for recreational activities is a real problem on a freeway. I think it's mostly because people are pulling over just because they need to get out and grab something out of their trunk or things like that. And it's dangerous when you're on a freeway because someone could, you see it all the time, like state troopers, cars getting plowed into.

Yeah. Because some drunk driver. All the time. I mean, it's nonstop. The amount of times I see people pulling over and then slamming into state troopers. I've seen a couple of videos. Seen a couple of vids. Yeah.

I saw a couple drinks. Saw a couple things. And that's enough. I've seen enough. Time to put them in. But you don't only see the emergency stopping signs like on freeways either. They're just sometimes on roads. It's like, you just love, what do we?

I agree. Can I stop here, please? I agree with you. Yeah. That it seems ridiculous. It does. A lot of things in life of ridiculous. I get it.

But I've met enough people to believe that those have to be there for a reason because they were being abused. And then the police officer, then no one had any say unless the emergency stopping only signs were there. And what? Who did it? He's like, guys out there like has this little sun reflective shield on the side of I-90. I needed some sign. He did. like reading a book and just

caught pages God damn it flipping back a couple pages that 50 shades of gray yeah I

yeah an officer just walks up and he goes Is this emergency sorry is there a problem and he goes no

well you can't just park here says who there's no sign says I can't do sunbathe right here and he goes

I just his shift is just starting I mean he's like God damn it I gotta call this in I gotta call this in you're the

48th person he's walking back to his car he's like it's too he's not gonna believe I'm just sick of hearing he's like he goes back sits at his car he's like this is 719

719 and then the dispatch is like it's better be good yeah and he's like he's got warnings for the calls he's made in for calling in dumb

shit. He's like, ah, is this worth it? He just goes, um, fuck. Is it Johnson either? So, like, what was that? I didn't catch that. There's a guy sunbathing on that.

I, what was that? I, I don't know the code for it. I've been telling me, the, I've been telling the guy for years, we need some fucking signs out here. There's no code. There's no code. It's a free for all. Anyway, I just don't think it was ever a problem.

And I laugh every time I see it in emergency stopping only sign. There's another sign like that for me. What is it? Ever since I was a little kid, there was a stand of comedian that brought this up. And it's like the wrong way signs. Oh, yeah. And every time I see him, I'm reminded of him saying, it's not like they know where the fuck I'm going.

Every time I see him, I'm like, you don't know, DOT. Yeah. Well, they're in plane chains and automobiles, when they're going on the wrong side of the freeway. And they're going the wrong way. He's like, well, does he know where I'm going? Exactly, yeah. But as crazy as it is, they're there for a reason, Joe. Mm-hmm.

I'm waiting. I'm waiting to see the reason. The same reason why you don't eat packing tape or whatever. It's the same person. Or let a baby just run a muck around a five-gown bucket. Because we need a sticker. We need stickers. One baby.

And now they all need stickers. They see that green? Yeah. Stay away from it I mean those ones Shit Fucking Win

Three and a half years I have these timers on It's things that I do During the day I need them for Or else I forget Well what are you doing right now Is it say Participate in podcast?

Is that what the Little notification popped up and said Recording podcast Keep pretending To pay attention in podcast Cause a disruption on podcast today Remindered to cause another disruption on podcast Let's see, that should be the only one

Yeah Hey I get to it pretty quick Yeah What if I just had it in like a bag across the room And I couldn't get to it We're on the phone like where I do Put it down because even if the world could be ending right now And guess what? I don't care

I don't either, but I get to go, boop, and I get to stop it real quick. You know, you silence it. That's the secret. That's what I did. It's stop. No. Oh, God. Well, I'll take it.

How about I take it off? I'm going to take it off on Thursdays. I'm going to do it right now. What was the reminder for? It's just, I have it for every day for noon in case I have a video. It's your neck. It's my neck. Dermatology appointment.

Dermatology. Cancer? The question mark? Every day at noon? Call us immediately. Do you have cancer? It repeats. I'm taking off Thursday. That's great.

Oh, there goes our thing every week. I know. Now it's... Oh, there'll be another. If it's not... You guys said, don't be worried. If you love Brian's phone going off, that's not going to solve it. I have a lot of notifications and a lot of things I need to... A lot of things going on.

It's a busy man. It's the ADHD, man. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. What are we talking about? I don't know. Oh, I was going to bring up the middle, the term. turn around lanes. It's like not a turn around lane on the freeway. Right. But it is now. Yeah, it is now. It's like if I get out, if I forgot to take an exit and there's a

flip around thing. Rule of hogbone. Yeah, it's right, brother. Hogg Boone's playbook. I'm taking the, I'm taking a bit out of hogbone's playbook and fucking using it. yeah what am i going to do drive another 10 miles to a to an exit sit there and get out my speed gun like no i clearly made a mistake and i need to fix it yeah i'm not going i'm not gonna keep going like everyone's using it's not like it's not like it's not like it's a busy road where everyone it's using it like a like there's a median and it's on division out here where you got to flip around like how many people are missing or exits yeah how many people are stopping have family picnics on the fucking freeway the answer is none

Save your money, take the sign down. There you go. That's it. That's all I had. I wonder how much one of those signs costs? In government? They're huge. In government funding?

Yeah, I don't know. Metal, everything's a little more expensive when the government's paying for it. I want to, I'm just going to look up. The hammer to put it up is $8,000. Yeah. Emergency stop sign freeway. I just want to see how awesome this is. It's a graphic design.

Marvel. It's white and it just says emergency stopping only. Yeah. In aerial font. Here it is. Or whatever font that is. Let me see it. Stunning. I mean, it's beautiful. That font. Oof. So good.

Emergency parking. The kerning of the of squishing it all in there. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Emergency stopping only. No one's just hanging out having a good time there. So it's somewhat of an emergency if they're going to be,

Like tailgating, just hanging out. Yeah, just pulling over and just being like, I don't know, this is as good as any. Imagine if you actually had emergency and you go to stop there, and there's people with, like, trucks and they're turned around and like picnic tables and shit. I can't pull over at you. This is emergency stopping only. And your tire's like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They're like, move on. We got here first. Yeah, I'm not going to happen. See, that's why, Joe. Yep. Mm-hmm. Maybe we'll have an update in 40 years when I finally see some emergency. when using it.

Using it as a recreational area. Hogbone just used it as a passing lane. Yeah, it's hogbone land. Hogbone time. Ho! All right, let's move off for some dick. Zach. Is it dumb?

Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. There's just some themes throughout today's show. We've already mentioned Taco Bell. But the dick this week is a little. fast food theme, which is kind of fun. I didn't know that this race existed, but I love it.

Did you guys know that Denver does weird stuff? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, so that's exciting. It's the pot. It's the pot. But this one might top them all. It's such a good idea. So Denver hosts a 31-mile run where racers have to constantly consume Taco Bo.

What's the contrast of health? Yeah. Of, like, healthy beings and then eating Taco Bill. Go ahead. That's asking for a heart attack, isn't it? I think so. In the opening of this article makes me believe it probably was just the thought, this thought alone, that sparked the idea of having an ultra marathon that makes you eat fucking Taco Bell.

If Taco Bell gives you the runs, athletically, that is, this needs to be on your bucket list. Yeah! This is an ultra runner event. in Denver called the International Taco Bell 50K Ultramarathon. That sounds like something you'd order off the menu, though, too. A 50K is 31 miles. The race is a loop throughout Denver and includes mandatory stops at 10 area Taco Bells. Midnight Marathon meal.

Yeah. You have to order something at 9 of the 10. You think they did a big, like a little test, like had a test some runners go through, and they're like, I could not. They're like, no, you have to stop it. All of them. Nope. How about nine out of the ten?

Okay. Can you make that work? Nine out of ten, and you've got to actually eat the food. That includes one Chalupa Supreme or one crunch wrap supreme by the fourth stop. And then one burrito supreme. One nachos Belgronde. And a chicken supreme. By the eighth stop.

Supreme. So you need to finish the 31 miles within 11 minutes. You need to keep all your receipts and wrappers, and drinks do not count as food. Wait, 31 miles and 11 minutes? Yep. Or is it each miles 11 minutes? No. They're driving, right?

No, you're running. You can't do that. What? That's like two minute miles or less than that. 11 miles. Oh, what did I say? 31 miles and 11 hours. Yeah, what did I say?

I said hours, right? I don't know. Did you hear minutes? I'm just stupid. That's all right. I'll be here being stupid. You just keep saying minutes and I'm just looking at hours, and I'm like, no, hours. What you're talking about?

That's fucking fast with Taco Bell? Woo! Is it a performance enhancement drug? Naturally. De-hance, de-enhancement. This is very challenging on your digestive system, but you've got to keep it down. They have a zero-tolerance policy on vomiting. If you do, you're immediately disqualified.

Thrown in jail? Jesus Christ. Get in a fucking cell! How is this sanctioned? And your band, it's on the dollar menu. The insurance is very high. And your band from OnCore's stomach medicine. medicines, including Pepto, Pepsid AC, Alka-Seltzer, and Malanta.

You are able to use the bathroom as much as you'd like, but you could only use Taco Bell restrooms along with any other approved public toilet. Dude, how much is Taco Bell paying to be? I don't think they, I don't know if they want to be a part of this. No, probably not. But they're getting good publicity. Publicity for it. Imagine if like you're the, you're just not fast, but you love Taco Bell.

so the motivation you needed to finally get involved with ultra marathons was if there was a chalupa involved and so you're there but you're in the back and you're the last one to hit these fucking bathrooms along the runs and you have to pay for right uh it's like you do you get it go in there and get it for free i'm guessing because then taco bell must be a sponsor yeah they must be yeah just paying and it's like your card's denied and you're you're behind that guy and you're like i'm trying to break my own record right last year i was thinking you go there and you're like one chicken supreme please and they're like that's

four dollars like no I'm with the marathon I'm with the marathon to see the bit I'm wearing a bit look at my nips they're bleeding and you just turn around you just they're like prove it you just turn around and shit on the floor they're like here you go the Taco Bell 5K is in its eighth year how has this gone under my radar

and this year happened on a Saturday cool fact it seems like you should always happen on a Saturday shouldn't it right in smack dab on a workday they haven't announced a winner or any final numbers because no one cares. They were expecting around 600 participants. For the record, Taco Bell isn't affiliated with this in any way and they won't even comment on it. So that answers our question. We don't want to be the diarrhea people. The organizer says they believe that it's

probably hung up by their legal system because if they endorse it, they may open themselves up for liability issues. There's always Arby's. They give diarrhea pretty good. Yeah, but they have the meats too. They have, they probably don't mind the publicity. So what do you guys say? Want to join that? No. Ten years ago I would have done it. Yeah. I mean, I love Taco Bell. If I were to pick my favorite fast food, it would be Taco Bell. You might find this shocking, but I'm not really like a, I don't, like a join, like a.

Go ahead. I'm going to need it. Like, just doing, doing this because it's a giant group of people doing it and being part of it. Oh. Like if I, I'm not going to wait in line for free ice cream for two hours. You know, things like, it's like, I just... Yeah. I mean, I get silly little events like this, which we've covered a ton of.

I mean, even just last week, we covered the worm, whatever it was. Yeah. What was it called? What's it called? The worm, it's a charmer. Worm charming, yeah. And so I get that because it's so stupid. And then people show up and they're just being funny.

It's not serious. And then they just, you know, try to get a bunch of worms and win a dump trophy. Like, those types of things are really. funny to me. Even like the story we had about the giant pencil. Remember there's a huge tree in this neighborhood and they made a custom sharpener to turn it into a pencil. And then now there's just like

thousands of people that show up with a DJ and they party while they sharpen this fucking pencil. Like that stuff I'm in. Or chasing a cheese wheel down a hill. See, that one hurts. But that one's one of my all-time favorites. Mine too. I'm just dying chasing the, I got the, we come from a whole

family of cheese wheel chases. Two hundred years of traditions. And you're like doing you should keep that down yeah yeah um so i get that but when it comes to running 31 miles i'm like no i just i'll meet you the next taco bill yeah yeah you run you run up you run it off for both of us and i'll i'll have your brito supreme waiting at stop seven so i uh i don't like i just don't like doing things when they're like exercise when they're like drinking involved and certain foods involved with running or exercise it's just It sounds fucking terrible.

It does. Just mixing those two things. Yeah. There's that one, we had the beer mile or whatever where every, you run a mile, but every lap you have to slam a beer

and then run. That sounds terrible. See, that one is like borderline right there for me. Where if it was like my friend's doing it and it was just something super stupid

and fun to do, you could probably talk me into doing it. But I'm not going to be trying to break my own record. I'm doing it literally because my friends are doing it and we're being stupid. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's it. But hit 525 on the honkathon and we'll watch you guys drink beer and run miles. And run miles? I mean, I'd do that. Easy. But I don't think that's a big enough reward. People be like, I just going to throw up. Yeah. I think I'd rather ride the hot air balloon. Drink a beer for every time you get in a hot air balloon accident. Just hammered drunk. All right,

let's move off to the next one. The fast food restaurant does this involve? This is KFC. Oh, Kentucky. Kvsk. Kifk. Kofk. Heading down to the local Kofk. Neil Kofk.

Yeah. This is a little bit different, though, because the company is, well, KFC has always done a bunch of weird publicity marketing shit. Yeah. They're pretty on top of it. Remember when they made buns out of chicken? Dude, that was the... He's like, that was the best year of my life. It was the, what'd they call that?

Yeah, it was... Super devil's inside out chicken. Fucker. Fucking inside out chicken sandwich. I remember when I saw that commercial, I was like, you sign me up right on, my head on down to my local. I don't have to run around for it. It was too weird for America as a whole, though. Too weird.

Yeah. Shouldn't have been. No. It probably would play a little better now. Things have gotten a little out of hand and fit right at home. The bread is a nice buffer between the mess of something in your fingers. Yeah. Because I don't like to get my hands messy when I'm eating.

If I get it on my palm. I'm like grease on my palm, I feel really gross. Well, fried chicken buns, that's the opposite of that. It is. Free KFC meals to traders hit by Crypto Crash. Okay. What? So doing something nice.

Well, I don't know if it, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't think KFC's involved. It's the company. Oh, so. What? But I don't remember now. It's been a couple days since I read this. Okay. Forget things.

You know that. Yeah. team announced on October 11th that will be compensated users affected by the market's flash crash earlier on Friday. Okay. And a now deleted post on China's X, formerly Twitter. We got it. We got it. It's been X for quite a while.

We got it. It's move on. The artist formerly known as Prince. Forever. Exchange said, maintaining a user trust remains a top priority. The company also posted it will compensate traders for liquidation-related loss. backpack china's handle said uh that 200 kfc meal vouchers will be given to users who suffered the largest losses uh redeemable you go loser via an official form that's per google translate we're hoping to bring a

bit of warmth to the community of this difficult period we have prepared 200 kFC meal sets which will be given to users who suffered significant losses during this liquidation as a gesture of goodwill are you sad here's some chicken um I just can't I lost $50,000 in this liquidation Like here's a bucket of chicken God how am I going to dig out of this

I don't know but My wife left me She took the kids I'm upside down in my house My car just got repoed And the guy behind the counter just pushes you a tub of mashed potatoes He's like gravy

And one more gravy. That's an extra 25 cents. Do you have two vouchers? Just one. And he just pulls the gravy back. Nope. Not sad enough. You're not sad enough.

Next. Yeah, you push it out there. Next, that it's a guy shit in his pants in an ultra marathon bib. And he's like, I'll get a Brito Supreme. This is KFC, you fucking idiot.

Wrong restaurant. Oh, God damn! Runs out of there. The next guy coming up is in a torn business. the suit crying and you're like, you must be here because of the crash. You're here for the big crash, aren't you? Just that many sad people

waiting in line, and they're all, like, eating in the restaurant by themselves. Like, looking up and giving each other that look, being like, you too, and you're too, you know. He's got mashed potatoes all over his face. I don't know what I'm going to do. I lost all that

huck to a coin. I lost it all. Me too, buddy. I'll split this last tender with you. Sweet of you. All right, man. Well, if you need me, I'll be sleeping in my car. I'm going to take this famous bowl to go.

It makes me think of things like when you're working in an office and the whole joke about like everyone wanting raises and what they do instead is just a pizza party. Yeah. Because the bosses are so at a touch. They think that that's going to cure everything is a pizza party. Pull us together Because we're in the fourth grade Mm-hmm Yeah we're

I mean to be to be honest it kind of works Yeah it works all the way through high school Yeah Because what other choice do you have Yeah besides quitting Yeah it's either just don't eat this pizza or eat this pizza I could I'm still gonna be miserable so let's eat pizza

I could be upset because I'm not being paid enough Or I could be upset and not getting paid enough and have free pizza Or I can go see if I could sneak two pieces to Supreme Yeah Or I don't have to eat the lunch my wife prepared that was just basic bullshit

I ate it and throw out the trash All right She can't say anything though Because I lick the Is your wife mad to you throw away At her food every day She's not going to say shit I haven't heard of thing

Not heard of Pete I love her she's great There's a point where A nice gesture that doesn't fit what it's combating becomes an insult. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, you get in a car crash and then someone like walks up and is

like, can't do much, but here's a free car wash coupon. And you're like, thanks. So when you're, you're, hopefully they total your car out and then you'll get some money to buy a new car and then bring that in for a 5% off. It had. Hog bones washing

washing ride. Hog bones bar and grill. swing it I mean when you get this whole car crash thing figured out swing into

hog bones bar and grill I got 15% off our ride up hamburger stand waiting for you big guy

who are you who am I if you yeah if you come in with a Harley and you rev it up

tell them how old bone sent you tell them the hogbone sent you get 25% off 25% off all hogbone bar and grill

merch just them huge dude in a leather jacket hugging you while you just totaled your car ain't much but I got 25% off my hamburger stand when you get back on your feet

you know it's funny about that is before we started recording we were watching Heartland was on the TV and we were in Zach and I were joking that it's just like a WB show where they just slapped Western clothing on a bunch of like

beautiful actors who have known nothing about ranching and so now I'm picturing like hog bones bar and grill but a bunch of people that have never been on a motorcycle but you're trying to portray this hard ass biker lifestyle yeah getting dirty looks from the bartender

Hogbone Jr. A little bone Taking over his daddy's shop Press on tattoos Hogbone Jr. Got some henna tattoos I'm here I'm here to see Mr. Hogbone

And they're like, my whole Say it. The hogbone sent me. All right. Ring a bell. Every barstool has a You can rev every barstool.

It has a little button you can push. The little table like at the table There's a family sitting around. Hey, you can do it this time. The kids get to do it. Every kid has a little thing. Every, yeah, every 30 minutes.

It's kind of like at Texas Roadhouse where they do the line dancing. Yeah, song and dance. The same thing, it's like, uh, and hog bones every 30 minutes. There's a burnout in the family area? Every 30 minutes? He comes through the lobby. The whole place has got exhaust.

Hey, clear out, hot bones coming. Burn it, and it, and it. On the day I was bones. Room! It was all gathered around. You're like eating your, Your food is fucking taste like exhaust. And like you're looking at it and like the whole kitchen's filled up with exhaust.

It is flavor. Here he comes. Just through the kitchen doors. Just through the kitchen doors. He goes, boom, blah, bha, bha, bha, boom, out the back door. And then the music's off and it goes, face back up. Yeah, and you hear it in a distance. You just hear a pull around back and then...

Yeah, shut it. And Hogbone sits down and signs autographs. Fuck yeah, I love this concept. So that sounds like something they would have done in the 70s or 80s. But now if you did that, it would be like a motor... It would be on a little conveyor, like a... He'd be riding on a... A fake motorcycle that's on a belt.

It just moves around. The kids are cheering. And he's just like... It's not even a real... There's no one. exhaust. It's like flexing a little bit. It's an EV. It's an EV Harley. Mm-hmm. You know, all of this sounds like

Can you Scat Fest at Cruiser's Boulevard? I know. November 1st. Tickets on sale now at scatcast.com. Fucking A. I wish Hogbone was big enough that you could dress up for Halloween. Oh, dude, be hogbone for Halloween. Maybe next year. Yeah, there's always next year. Next year.

Our goal is just trying to not even grow the podcast, just grow the hog brand. The hog brain? Focus. The hog bone brand. I think we should start a... Motorcycle brand? Yeah.

Or just a restaurant. Clothing company called Hogbones? Hog bones. Oh, God. Dude, fuck yeah, dude. Hog bones and it's just like George Thoroughgood. Stuff like just all just always on... On, period.

Yeah, it's just... That's our motto. It's like music videos. Motto, hog bones. Hoggbones bar and grill. Always on. Period. I don't even serve.

of water, he's going to pitcher a full throttle. Fuck, yes. All right, we're going off the rails. Lime green, hot piss. Hot piss, throttle. What a half throttle or a full throttle? Oh. And if you say half throttle, they throw you out.

Yeah, right. What's that? Get a rope. Get a rope. A rope. Get a rope. Get a rope. Nope.

But yeah, you know how you go into some places you can order like a full sandwich or a half sandwich? You're the, I'll have the throttle, the full throttle, please, and they were a half throttle. Yeah, half throttle for the little guy. For my little hog, little bone. My little bone. My little bone. A little bone.

Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. All right, well, speaking of bones, it's time to sit on a lap. Lap time with Uncle Zach. Roll it, Zachie Poo. Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zach's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time.

with Uncle Zach. Sit on my lap, you little shits. So, real quick. The themes just keep going. This is, because we're doing bad loss.

I guess I'm, I'm, I think we need a little sounder and it's just a fucking Harley rev. Yeah, like we need some sort of a hogbone rev. Hogbone means higher representation.

Oh, yeah, brother. It's not a way of life. What were you talking about? My boner on my life? Yeah, whatever. Speaking of bones. Speaking of bones and bad ideas. Here's Zach Flannery.

All right. You guys ready? to learn about our wonderful country and it's terrible laws? Yeah. All right. There's a lot of these, and I double-checked them all. These have all been on the books recently. Okay.

And just not taken off in some cases because they didn't care or just stupid shit. Number one, emergency stopping only. Emergency stop, yeah. Get it out! All right. Let's start with Alabama. Yeah. It is illegal.

Is it alphabetical? It is. Okay. Yeah. All right. Hell yeah. I'm in. So we're not getting to Washington and Wyoming today.

Look at the smarts on this guy. We're going to do it, Dad. way to do it All right Alabama It is illegal to wear A fake mustache That causes laughter

In a church Hmm Very specific Just some lady Couldn't get the joke Nope The guy walked in One of the fake noses

In a mustache I'm here to see Jesus Where's Jesus? Am I Jesus? Get out Never again Okay All of these make you wonder

How How and why Think of that Every time you hear these But that's why the freeway thing, right? Exactly, yeah. Because somebody, there's too many of us.

Somebody's bound to do something dumb. This one's pretty interesting. Alaska, it's illegal to whisper in someone's ear while moose hunting. Why? That's crazy. That sounds like a couple of bros taking a joke too far. Doesn't it? Like some broke back mountain.

Like they're out there, he gets in there and he goes, you're coming in it? Yeah. And he's like, stop it. And he goes, you're fucking going to come in the moose? You're going to scare me way. You're coming in the moose? he's like

God damn it You ran off Then the moose runs off And he goes You fucking missed it He's slapping his face He's like you know what I'm taking this to the cords

He goes okay John I like to see you try I fucking see it down The hog bones Clank Yeah fuck Oh my God Lighten up John

Well it was likely intended To prevent startling the animal But I don't know Why you would need a law And why Alaska Was thought it would be okay But

Still in Alaska this is interesting. It's illegal to be drunk in a bar. Okay. So that reminds me a little bit of just the whole situation and hypocrisy that we do here. And I think pretty much worldwide when it comes to alcohol and establishes serving alcohol. And then you get in big trouble if you drink the alcohol, then leave to go home. Yeah.

Unless you either before Uber and stuff, you walked your ass home if you're in a small town. That was your only option to not break the law. Go in, drink much, get drunk, and then after that, after that, you could go to jail for a long time. Right. Okay. You're a murder of family. Back to you? All right, back to me.

Arizona, apparently, is really smart. Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. Okay, I get it. Yeah. It's illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub. Probably smart. Bad for the plumbing. It does seem smart.

It does seem like the right thing to do. Get your ass stuck in a hole. And I don't think they get it. This is another animal-based one in Arizona. It's illegal to feed garbage to pigs without a permit. So the government needs their cut if you're going to feed garbage to pigs. It's a good way to, like, weed out murderers, too. Yeah.

They're like, what are you feeding it? But not a dead person. Not a dead person, right? Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Well, I don't like it, but I'll do it.

Let it slide. Come down here and take a look at what you feel. No, you cannot come down in a permit. Have you guys ever called Arkansas Arkansas, Arkansas, before? Oh, all the time. Heard about it. Okay, that's illegal. Mispronouncing Arkansas in Arkansas is illegal.

Must be pronounced Arkansas with the silent S. Oh, so. You filthy, filthy people. Okay. It reminds me of this. We were messing around with before the show. You're jamming with the hottest disc jockey. Disch jockey.

Disjockey. Disjockey. Disjockey. Gay. Gay disjockey. Gay. California has some special things that they do. Frogs that die in frog jumping contests cannot be eaten.

That's California fishing game in the trash or what? With a permit. As long as you don't eat them. They're like that with a lot of things. Yeah, they've got a lot of things in a perfect prioritized order in California right now. As we just talked about last week with the Netflix volumes. Yeah. And then they're just like, don't just whatever with the drugs.

Thanks, Gavin. You should be president. Also in California, it's illegal to whistle for a lost canary before 7 a.m. I think you can see why that was, but... Noise. It's kind of hard to imagine that you get that fired up about it. And how do these things, I mean, how do they pass? How do the judge just, must have been just having a day.

They had a lot of stuff to get to. And they're like, I don't care. And just pass it and move on. How do they know it's the person? Like, they're a crow out of my house. whatever they want. Yeah. And we just, if I was to shoot that crow, they'd be like, you can't do that.

If you got caught. If they see you doing it with your mouth, you're out. Get out. All right. Connecticut, they figured out how to make pickles easily sold by bouncing them. It's illegal for pickles that don't bounce to be sold. It's according to Connecticut General Statutes. And that's from 1948. I guess it was a scam.

But it's still on the books Yeah And just a wild scene At a farmer's market I didn't know The pickles could bounce I was unaware that I assume they'd have a little

Elasticity to them Just because of how they are I mean you drop a pickle It's not gonna stick to the table It's gonna have a little hop to it Right that's true But not like an impressive one Yeah

Not an impressive one I want to see something Not like a moonball I want to see a move I want to see a fucking move Just Open up the pickle pit Zach walking through a farmer's market

These pickles, yeah He grabs him and drops him He goes, fuck it He's like, that's not impressive I want to see that pickle moves I don't like it Doesn't impress me Jump about two inches

Don't fucking sell it Just slaps this old lady Just trying to sell pickles Do better Do better as your pickles Don't bow for shit You're going to prison You need to impress me more

With your pickles Lame pickles Pickles suck lady You dump pickles bitch. So still in Connecticut, this is just ridiculous. It's illegal to educate dogs in Hartford. It's just on the books.

If you're getting too smart, we got to stop talking about sitting and staying. Well, in Delaware, to go with the dogs again, it's illegal to sell dog or cat fur. Just illegal in general to sell their fur. Okay. Well, it probably implies that you're breeding these animals and killing them and then selling them. Turn them into a market. what I would guess, but True.

Okay, Florida, more animal stuff. I just love the idea of this happened one time and they had to get together in a big building and, like you said, where's- Smart people. We're silly wigs and shit to do this. In Florida, it's illegal to tie an elephant

to a parking meter without paying. Hey, you paid for that? I'm going to pay for shit. There are a lot of elephants in Florida? That conversation? Hey, like a meter made? seeing a guy in the distance

just hears like and looks up and like peaks behind like a new like a new like a new EV Hummer yeah

as he's writing as he's writing down and peaks over hey you put you put some money in there right paying for that elephant

and he's dismounting his elephant he goes I'm not paying for shit but you have to stop me you have to fuck you he just walks

after parking his elephant Hey, what's your name? John! Fuck you, John! Ezekiel! Fuck you, Ezekiel! All right, back to Florida. This is just ridiculous.

It's illegal to sing in a bathing suit. You're not allowed to sing well. Dress like in your bathing thing. MTV broke all those rules. They did, constantly. This one's interesting because I have the answer to why this happened, but it's illegal to carry an ice cream. cream cone in your back pocket in Georgia.

Can you guess as to why? Messy? Elephants? That would be stupid and messy. The elephants is close. What is it? It was meant to prevent horse theft because people would lure animals with ice cream. So that doesn't make sense today. But eh.

Yeah, I love how they just, they came up with other laws and then they someone was going through laws and they're like, oh, whoa, that's still on there? Like, that got missed. Fuck, I thought we erased that one. Yeah, that's wild Most of these are that

Where they're like We're just not going to edit our ancestors Because who gives a shit Nobody's doing it Yeah Indiana They put their foot down on science And they were like

You know what? It's illegal To redefine pie as 3.2 Because you guys keep Fucking with science So basically They were like No, I'll just round it up

And they started making things Not as round I guess Like a pie Yeah So that's weird To legislate a mathematical concept I've just had a new

I don't like fours. I don't like it. It's illegal in Iowa to sell margarine as butter. It's illegal in Kansas to serve wine and teacups. I mean, that was a fun lemonade stand. Yeah. That was. You got to have official logos on things.

This one's strange. You have to swirl it. Kentucky, it's illegal to dye ducklings unless sold in groups of six or more. Dye them? To color them, yeah. these stupid little business disputes yeah or just amount to all this stuff it's great somebody they knew the politician got a law on there so only their product could be used or whatever you know just like old a lot of um yeah what it what's the term uh what when you're like in on it

lobbying yeah but yeah grandfathered in no i don't know when you're you're when you're fucking with shit to in your favor when you're creating your own market. Gerrymandering. It's a much simpler word, but it doesn't matter. Don't mention that. Now I'm going to itch again. All right.

I got a few more. Okay. So in Louisiana, this is just ridiculous. It's illegal to send a surprise pizza. If you want to give the gift of pizza, going to jail. You better make sure they know about it. Yeah. In the state of Maine, it's illegal to keep Christmas decorations up past January 14th.

They finally put their foot down, yeah. January 14th is a little soon though That is a little soon I mean it's cold out there You think Maine would get it You don't want to just pop out there It's a cold snap Two degrees

You don't be out there taking down Christmas lights I feel like Maine might have An HOA for the state And they're just trying to keep Maine Look in a certain way And I just want to make sure that As soon as the holidays are over You're sad until the sun comes out

Got it Hang on down to the sun comes up Got to take them down There, and nothing you can do about it, me. All right. So, apparently, our ancestors had a lot of problems with dealing with animals, figuring out the rules for animals. Massachusetts didn't know they had a lot of gorillas, but it's illegal to transport a gorilla in the backseat of your car. Okay.

Your car. I don't know how that would. It's probably for the best. I've seen it once, and that's enough for me. I don't have a car that could fit a gorilla, I don't think. Yet alone, I want a gorilla right behind me when I'm driving an automobile. Yeah, aside from the heavy breathing and the constant complaining. All right, just tell me when it turned, right?

Is it left? And you start going left, like, whew! He just shakes the fucking cage. Okay, okay, right. Use your words. It seems like Massachusetts made that law because having that animal in the backseat would be very dangerous. But Missouri had a larger problem. It's illegal to drive with an uncaged bear in Missouri.

Because that is worse than a gorilla, possibly. Pretty close. That is for sure, whoever is in big bear cage companies. Yeah, it's big bear. Like, we got to find a way. Big, big metal. Big cage. Big cage.

And cahoots. He's like, people are doing whatever they want. We've not sold, we haven't sold a single fucking bear cage in three years. Make a law. Well, I know they're out there. They need to be trapped. Here's a question for you, though. Like, if you, what would you rather have in your back seat?

A bear or a bear cage? No, a bear or a gorilla. Oh, good question. Bear. Yeah, I think. Because I feel like it'd be. Which one's more reasonable? I think the bear would be so wedged in that it might be safer.

And the gorilla just has so many, I don't know. It feels like it's so human. It could just rip shit apart and has more room to move. A gorilla might just be so wedged in, it can't hurt you. Yeah, but who would win a bear or a gorilla? Gorilla. A gorilla, I think so. Because it has the grabies.

They're just so fucking strong. Yeah. Bears, bears. Bears. They're strong. They're strong and they have huge claws and they teeth and everything. But there's something about a gorilla that, to me, like, if I was, if I fell into a cage, I think I'd rather fall into the bear cage for some reason. I don't know why.

And that's what big cage wants you to do. That's what they want. That's what the loss of it. Big cage. They want you to fall right into every bear cage they have. They got a surplus of bear cages and they need you to get in there. Every house needs a fucking bear cage. All right.

So I know you guys have probably done some weird things in Vegas at one point. Never. Never once? No. Well, this law was created for probably one of those really weird nights. Illegal to drive a camel on the highway. So again, animals are just a problem for us to figure it out. Yeah, where do they fit?

Do they go in a zoo? Do they go in the freeway? Do they go in the back seat? Do I go to the Luxor? Do I go to the Cosmo? Where do I go? I'm my camel. But there is a reason for this.

Stemming from a 19th century army experiment with camels. It wasn't some guy just like, I lost again. Fuck it. Have you seen, my friends? That's that's Luxor because they've got the pyramid of Egypt. It's big Luxor. It's big Egypt trying to keep the camels out. Trying to keep a little grip on Vegas.

Trying to tell us it wasn't the aliens that built that. Pyramid. All right. I think I got one more. You're right for one more. You can't just skip some states. Oh, I got to skip a few. We haven't hit Idaho or Washington.

They don't have, well, I got one for Idaho. I'm not reading it, but it's basically you're not allowed to put refuse in the street, like sweep your porch dirt in the street. That was the best for Idaho. That's stupid. Oh, and the weed thing. Oh, yeah. No weed. Yeah, no weed is pretty dumb.

In fact, a lot of these states. They're just sitting back there and they're like, let's just see how this all plays out. We have! Yeah. And it's working. for everyone who isn't dumb. It's not plutonium. It's making them a lot of money.

I don't know. We'll see. I have lots of weed in the bar. I think Idaho looks at Seattle and Portland and they're like, none of that. Yeah. We don't want none of that. But can't remember that.

Which I get. That they were thinking, none of that before weed was legal. Yes, they were. It was still not for you. Not for you. Okay. All right.

New Jersey is up their ass on this one. It's illegal to slurp soup in public. That is annoying I mean do you feel like With all the chowders over there That feels just like The Gavin Newsom law That feels just like

Not a real good priority Gotcha Can only imagine Getting the people together For that town hall Slurping your soup And you get your You know

You get your check And then also a ticket Yeah Stapled to it Do you want me to add What's this line right here Oh you were slurping your soup That's 125 bucks

Well no No tip for you you you fucking it's not i didn't i didn't write the loss you still tip me so north carolina apparently doesn't know how bingo is enjoyed by most people because it's illegal to play bingo while intoxicated why would you do that no why would you even go yeah why would you accidentally find yourself playing sore bingo is a sad situation i'll tell you why because these drunk bastards thought they had bingos and they go up to review their cards and i-17 wasn't one of the things because fucking Jim was drinking his fucking whiskey that night.

Too drunk. Okay. Hi, 17. Too drunk for bingo is a, that's a hammered drunk. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been. He was blacked out. He was played blackout.

Ah, yeah. All right. A lot of these are dumb. I skipped as many dumb ones as a kid. Okay. But this one is Vermont. Apparently women need husband's permission for false teeth. Not anything else, but they need written permission.

And they never thought to remove that from the statutes. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, right. If you're slurping up around down there, I got to know if they're gum it. Am I getting gummed or I got teeth down there? Getting some new teeth. All right. A couple more.

Michigan, it's illegal to buy cars on Sundays. I get it. In the state of Michigan, in the place where Detroit is, where they make cars. Where's a big car place. The home of cars. The car state. They took away. one-seventh of the profit of that

state. That's why we don't build cars in America anymore. Can't sell cars, but you can sell fucking motorcycles. Come on down! Come on there! Come on there! Come on down to hog, booms. It's a bar and grill and motorcycle and

motorcycle lot out back. Nothing new, but new to you. Yehow. That was good. Yeah, Illinois also, it's illegal to sell automobiles. On Sundays? On Sundays. Just in general? Everyone just walking around? Not weird.

Here in Washington, it's illegal to sell meat on Sundays. Well, that's not happening. That rules being broken. Yeah. Yeah. And here's another dumb one. In Hawaii, it's illegal to place coins in your ears. Huh?

Okay. Stop it. It's a problem. God, that's so annoying. Knock it the fuck off. Was there anything else? It's just like grandpa. Fun about Washington?

Was there anything else worth noting in there? There was a couple things that I knew before this, but I didn't verify them. But I know it was illegal to have, girls suck lollipops in public Yeah, that's too much Yeah, that drives us a little crazy That's too much But not too many other ones than that

Illegal to have girls suck lollipops in public And then the B of that article Is like illegal to have boner You're like, fuck this state Moving to Idaho All right, well that's what I got for you guys Yeah, good job, Zach, thank you Although a lot of states are against sodomy

and people should know sodomy's blowjobs, so that's dumb. Yeah, blowjobs with your butt hole. And butthole, but it's also blowjobs. Yeah, blowjobs with your butthole. Gotta be careful about our definitions out there. Let's not make blowjobs illegal stupids. They're the best. They're great.

All right. You've got to take them when you can get them. You can't have a law against it. All right, we got some good news. Zach, would you be so kind? So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doing. Sent in by our son Chris.

And as we head into the colder months, I just felt this was so dang good. Such a good idea all around. I'm going to clear some ads. All right, here we go. Going to Cincinnati. Public school set to open safe sleep lot for homeless students and families. I mean, that's so good. Because have you ever slept outside when it's really fucking cold?

It's not fun. So we're learning more about a new plan to get homeless Cincinnati public school students, one of the parking lots at the Taft Elementary. They're going to transform it into a safe sleep slot in a couple of months. A safe sleep lot. Not a slot. No. Could be sleepy slot.

Come to hogboats. You're hanging around a sleepy slot. Come on down here to hawkboats. It's always on. It's meeting a growing need in the district. After the pandemic, CPS says more and more families in the district did not have a place to stay. For those who were living out of their cars, there was no sense of security. They were often moved multiple times during the night and students would come to the school having had no sleep.

Families were able to stay in a lot while waiting for shelter placement. And they're also going to have access to resources like bathrooms, cell phone charging stations, and meals on certain nights of the week. And when you think of, I mean, just cities or towns in general. having this like warming shelter with these needs and necessities like in the school lot seems like the absolute perfect spot doesn't it like those parking lots there's so much unused parking and there's so much places to like just pop up a little thing next to a school which is like I'm guessing they have to show like ID that they go to that school and making it as easy as possible for these kids and families that they're having a really hard time

making Ed's meat, ends meet at that time, opposed to being like, well, we have a warming shelter. It is six miles away from the school. Like, it's clearly, so walking's out. Maybe the car, they're having trouble with the car. It's a bad breaking down, whatever it may be. So having this all tied together and right next to where they need to be should be a huge stress relief for everybody. Yeah. So.

Yeah, just use all the, well, I was going to think of as a grocery store. Use all of the mobile pickup and the handicap section. That's the whole front house. of a parking lot right that no one uses uh but thank you chris for sending that in it is a reminder and maybe there's some kids out there listening that you're tied into like the local community stuff do it go go talk to somebody get it figured out because that's a it's a great idea all right let's move off the rails there sorry i don't know why you transition to every time i go to hating handicapped every time i go to a grocery store or like target the front the front half of it

yeah is mobile pickup and handicap right and so many times there's no one in it, and it's not, I have to park a mile at what, Clark W. fucking Griswold, to walk to the store because no one's using those spots. I just love knowing that we're, like, while I'm talking, they were piecing together this awesome, like, warming shelter, Wi-Fi bathrooms. I'd start tune you out. For the students and families in need in your head, you're like, fucking handicapped spots, exactly.

I'm sorry, it just, I didn't hear, barely heard what you said. You're like, Joe, that's great. you know it's not great all these fucking unused handicapped spots i'm fucking sick of it cripples all these cripples they're not doing nothing uh oh war me this and give me a wifi how about get the fuck out of the parking lot brian come back i have to stop myself when i have kids in the car uh all right you found something oh what's next sure all right uh you found something on the internet this is a wild story The internet is pretty wild.

Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool, or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. You know what I hate more than cripples? What?

Women? Yeah, okay. So women cripples, you can imagine. Yeah. Imagine how much you just stay with. wake at night and been like just oh god almost as much as this guy

yeah whoever this was whoever this person was maybe it was entirely yeah completely just came up with it on its own and there are a ton of YouTube channels that are exactly that where they set up the whole back end and once you give

this AI its prompts and access it knows exactly what to do to upload relentlessly yeah good luck Google. So this has since been taken down. Okay.

Which is good. But AI generated YouTube channel uploaded nothing but videos of women being shot. Right after the uplifting story. We're like, hooray, we're not doomed. And the next one. Oh, we're so doomed. This is a warning. Just, oh boy.

I can't. I can't imagine being in the shoesies of like Google as you move through this or like being in the shoes of these gigantic companies that are going to have to somehow not get shut down as AI starts like like how do you like how do you how can't and there's there's millions of things being uploaded every single day in the because the experience will have to get hindered if there's any sort of checkpoints in there, right? Yeah. Like, imagine Instagram or Facebook that you made your post and then you're, it just said you had to sit back for an unknown amount of time until it went up and you're

already over it. You're like, well, there goes that moment. It's going to cripple it. You're talking about something that just happened. Like, oh my God, wow, what a, what a great home run. And you post it. Then three days later, your post is up and it's like, wow, what a great home run. It's really going to cause that instant satisfaction and gratitude feeling go away. You know what it's going to be. It's not going to be things that happen. It's going to be just prediction-based. I'm predicting that this is going to happen.

I predict this post will go up in three days. And it goes up in six. You're like, missed it. And there's whole betting things on social media posts timelines. Will it go live? Will it go live? 25 to 1. Yeah.

So this AI thing was just posting videos of women getting shot. And there's another video because people obviously heard about this. and we're making comments about it and so I guess any other details are coming from them so I don't know how true they are but one video was saying that this is so fucked up the AI

videos where they started with women begging for their life yikes and then they got shot so what happened to the person What happened to the person that came up with this channel?

Because this is going to be great. So that guy just sitting... You talk about fucking dark places. And you're sitting in your basement on your computer and you're just like, all right, what can I do different this time? I can't get hard anymore. What do I want to shoot her with this time?

I've already done t-shirt cannon. I've done railroad. truck. I've done blue dumpster truck. I've done red dumpster truck. Okay. Well, let's just do a bazooka. And then he watches it.

He's like, looks at this dick, it's all he's like, that ain't work. I guess I'll just upload it. I guess I'll just put it out there. Someone will come to it. But it's all shut down. But yeah, a little bit of a warning of of how we have no real grasp on on AI and where these videos can go

because you know technically as we've covered plenty of times on the show, not supposed to be able to do these things but you've learned the prompts and you find your way around you can get it to do some stuff. There should be a law. So I had a conversation at school pickup yesterday with a mom that she's like, she's pretty religious and kind of like she's very

like someone you like to watch with their head shot off on YouTube? No, she's very nice. She's very nice, very nice gal, but very, you know, they're just like a, like a, kind of a wholesome religious family. And she was standing around with a couple other moms and she was talking about how she's like, we got to get our kids off of social media and stuff like that. And she's like, they're just, and which I, is like, all the stuff they're talking about was

like, yeah, I can of agree, like, or limited or whatever. And then she's like, yeah, I heard about the story where this guy, this kid killed himself because AI told him to do it. And then my first thought was, yeah, I know that. We covered that story. We talked about on that. I didn't want to say, oh, yeah, I talked about that on my podcast. We covered that three months ago, get with the program. Yeah.

Do you know what it's doing now? That's, that was my immediate thought was, that's nothing. Like, that's, that happened a while ago. Oh, that's what you're worried about? Yeah. Yeah. Check this out. But I couldn't do that.

Yeah. You're just like, well, it's crazy. Yeah, I was like, foof, man, it's getting nuts out there. He just gave her a, ooh, crazy. Yeah, whoa. Check out my podcast. Yeah. You don't podcast.

No, I don't want her to see this side. Oh, okay. That's fair. Because my son just went over to his house, her son's house to play. And they don't find your hate for cripples, appeasing? They might have the same view of cripples. For all I know. Just to be clear

Because I know right I have to walk to church That you know what's funny Is when you kind of make a joke about Something like that Like I'm obviously fucking joking Yeah But when you say it to like the right person

And they're like tell me about it He's fucking you should have seen His fucking tards coming in and you're like Whoa Beidip bidip Whoa So I had struck a nerve Holy shit

As soon as they say that You're like you should sign up for our Patreon You tell you what these blacks coming into the school. You're like, well, okay, well, anyway, look at the time. I guess I better hit it. All right, anyway, so sleepovers canceled. Sleepovers can't.

So I got to lick up my wife's diarrhea. Bye. All right, let's hear from the kids. Zach push it. Hey, no, God. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. Would you like to take the first one? Okay. Okay. Our first email is a saga from a warehouse wandering son Nick. Okay. Hey, daddy's and Uncle Zach. Hey.

I know it was a dude, but I just gave it like a sexy. I wanted to get a boner, Joe. Clearly. You just showed us that YouTube channel. Yeah. Clearly looking for come. I have a story for you. Okay.

I was re-listening to refrigerator. I know you can read better than this. Well, I said... I'd rather you fuck it all up than read that slow. No, I mean, there's a space between re and listening where I was like, oh, shoot.

Dramatic pause? Was it supposed to be re-listening? Gotcha. I was re-listening to and then re-frigerator, bullet pants, super glue, and dominatrix. And you guys were talking about

talking... You take a little break? Only thing they can make this better than the phone went off right now. What time is it? What time is it? One more mile to your next talk about.

Yeah. You guys were talking about taking heavy equipment. Buckle up. I have a story for you. Okay. Buckled in. What is that? Taking heavy equipment?

So I'm guessing taking it and like using it or you got it? Like stealing it maybe? Stealing it maybe. Okay. Yeah. Taking it. In my early years of the military, I was stationed up at Iilsen, Air Force Base, Alaska. Is it Eilsen or Allison?

I don't know At the location I don't know I'm asking you Kurt is beautiful this time of you Yeah I don't freak

with the Eilsson AFB very much Yeah At the location On my shop The parking lot We had a bulldozer

The contractors would use To build Our primary road Back to the base Ice Rood Trickers Shrab brother

One day A couple co-workers decided to take A bread truck Out to the mud Fields And have a little

fun Not a sentence you hear very often. They got a little stuck to say the least. So one of them older airmen I was associated with got a call from the goons. They got a truck stuck. So said airman, having a few beers, decided to accept the call and take the bulldozer out to help them out. Mind you, this was a full-sized piece of equipment, roughly 13 feet tall.

So he drives this monster out to help the goofballs and manage to get the bulldozer buried. Get in, rookie. We're going to save the bread truck. That's right, brother. Crack open a beer. Just a weird episode of G.I. Joe. Get in. Get the bulldozer. We had to head out.

Take a kill skill tour. A couple goofballs got the bread truck stuck in the mud flaps. Oh, wow, we. What are they going to do? When I say buried, I mean, it sunk the entire vehicle all the way up to the hinge front door. He's using so many, like, insider words. It's not moving. When he realized he was completely stuck, he decided to pull the pistol. He was carrying and fire a couple shots in the air.

as you do that's the all of this that's Alaska brother all of this starts yes starts with Alaska and after a few beers yeah

because when you're fucking shooting a pistol in the sky after you get a bulldozing stuck hell needless to say the cops came out and arrested him

for ground theft auto DUI in firearms charges oh come on and yes we did take a picture and blew up the poster size and we kept in the shop where we worked. I wish I still

had a copy, but I don't. Sorry for the long story. But if Brian reads this, hope he doesn't have too many issues, your warehouse wandering song, Nick. Oh, man. That's a fun one. He goes, it's not a problem. I know it. I've driven a bulldizer. I've driven a big truck once before. It can't be that much different to get in. It's fire it up.

Our second email coming in from our English snob kid, Danny, who writes, greetings from South Carolina. Greetings. I'm writing to let you know that every single time you pronounce Washington as Washington. It truly makes me smile. I listened to the episode a while back

when the subject of different incorrect pronunciations of words came up and I immediately called my sister to tell her to listen. Incorrect pronunciations such as across. That's a good one. Have been a pet peeve of ours as long as we can remember. Here are a few that especially

get under our skin. Scrimp. Which is supposed to be shrimp. Yeah. Her references are so nuts too, dude Wallermelon Like, I've never heard anybody say that Is that a watermelon?

Wallermelon? Do the wallermillin crawl? Libery and Liberian Liberian is the one that I could Because my Youngest says library Library Liberian

But he's seven Librarian He's like having the conversation With that airman That's driving the bulldozer Yeah, I was dating a librarian I was down at the Liberian Took her to a scrimp dinner

Scrimping wall or melon all he could eat Straight Like straight Instead of straight Straight straight straight I mean that's pretty close Straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight straight Like a dentures like you said bearing straight it kind of sounds like you're saying bearing straight

Bering straight and then asked instead of ask You just want to put in the extra the effort for that I asked him I realized that yeah I say that asked I realize that some of these things are probably a regional dialect but it doesn't hurt but it doesn't hurt my ears any less even if this doesn't make it on the air

I felt like you could appreciate this mumbo jumbo Mumbo-jumbo script I'd done it at a fucking outback steakhouse All you can eat Watermelon and Script

I hope you have a great day Danny That's a good one I asked him that I'd say I asked him that Yeah, that's episode 175. We have to get off to the bonus content. A reminder, join our Patreon.

That's how you get the bonus content, plus so much more, patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Come see us at the Can You Scat Fest, November 1st. You can buy tickets now at Scatcast.com. That is Scat with a K. Thanks to the babysitters for dealing with the chaos that is the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. You can go join that as well. All right, let's wrap this thing up. Good God.

Wrap it up already, huh? So I've been meaning to... I thought the intro is going to be longer. I've been meaning to share this with you guys, but I guess I haven't found the time, but I'm feeling a little lost. I just had no idea, but it turns out my mom was like a road worker and a thief my entire life.

And I don't know how I noticed, but... Not there with Hogbone? Yeah. But I just went home to visit her, and all the signs were there. oh okay yeah that's where they keep them all even the emergency stopping only the only good place for that should be above the toilet yeah yeah or watch for falling rocks but that joke's overplayed at every ski resort town bar uh all right let's do it get after the bonus thing do your thing bye

I'm going to be.