Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Tap Shoes. Chemo Cake. Mop Water. Dog Frog.

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

Quick question for the ladies. Would you bang Mr. Clean? Yes, the cleaning company mascot. Let's talk about that, Bryan rewriting his entire would you rather on the fly, how does one go about getting their dog to stop licking frogs in the yard, another big life change to update everyone on, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/F5GPjZgCy0ESend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tap shoes, chemo cake, mop water, dog frog. You ever just catch you? You catch yourself on cam, you know? Like, I promise you I've been trying to get a haircut for like three weeks now. Oh, yeah, you're wearing a hat, aren't you? A lot. I'm wearing a hat a lot. Oh, yeah, it's pretty, I guess you can't really see what's going on up there.

But I'm telling you, it's not good. So I just got this cap on a bunch. I got a lot going on in life. What do I got going on here? Let's take a look. I look bald right there blends in with the background What's that all about?

My hair's blending in. But yeah, anyway. So I should get a haircut. Let's put that on the list. The hat looks crooked, but it's because Like a little kid wearing a baseball cat? Well, it's weird because it's opposite of what I would, if I was going to go like that,

but I have to pull it down. I don't know which direction to move it. You're going to figure it out. That's a good TV right there. Episode 195 of Can You Don't Podcast. Keep the suggestions, the content, the confessions, the petty beefs, you send them into hey guys

at can you don't podcast.com. Of course, the honkathon is on. If you want to support us on Patreon, you get the bonus content, you get merch discounts, exclusive merch, early releases, ad free. Just pick which tier is right for you right over there at patreon.com

slash can you don't podcast. This tiers for you. And we are kicking around the concept of maybe changing up some of the goals since we've been stuck in the kind of stagnant, early part of the 400s for a bit. I told you nobody.

wanted to see my face. No, I think they do. No. I don't think I wouldn't. I guess they're in this economy. It's a cheap face. Is it is it milk or Zach's face? I would go milk. They see? And that's what that's what we're finding out. If it's risking life in a hot air balloon, now that might get a little boost. I think it would. What do you think? We already tried that. Speaking of which, we have had more videos of hot air balloons getting stuck in. Which makes me more excited. And a nice, like a power transformer. Yeah. It's a good place to be stuck. And another one

trying to land and just being, people being drug on the ground. And he just didn't work out. I saw an awful one where a lady came out that fell out of the thing on fire or some shit. Oh yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, it was good. I feel like you're safer skydiving than going in a hot air balloon. Would you rather go skydiving? I don't know. I feel like it sounds

crazy, but I feel like I rather... Can you commit to it? No. But what I'm saying is, jumping out of an airplane and coming down on a parachute, you and knowing you're on your way down, you'll eventually get down, sounds better. It sounds like a hot air balloon when they say goodbye to you, like there's a 95% chance no one will ever find you. No, no, I think what scares me.

It usually works out. And I know it does. But what I'm saying is like it's the ray, the slow rays up. And then just the hovering and having time to look down and think about your demise versus like being in an airplane and then you get up to the door. And then you just jump and you commit. It seems that to me seems... You like Jesus take the wheel.

Yeah. You're like, I'm either going to die or I'm not. Instead of Hank and his blow tors? Yeah. Exactly. Hey, is this thing? Is this thing safe? What's that?

You said you're having fun? No, I said, is this thing safe? And what do you mean? Like, am I going to touch you? I would do either one. I have already hot, I've already ballooned. I have not jumped out of an airplane. So if you asked for my input on it, I would like to jump out of an airplane together

and have it be a first time of double funeral. Either way, my wife wants me to get an extra layer of life insurance. An extra layer. Yeah. Is that how they describe it? That's good. So she has faith in us. It's good to know there's a price on life.

Yeah, there is. I mean, there really is. Yeah, there absolutely. Like, if you die and leave me with like, I don't know, 30, 35 grand. As opposed to like 1.5 mil. I'll miss you, but I'll miss you, but it'll be from this Gucci dress. I'll get over it much quicker if I'm in a mansion. I'll have a sick fur coat at your funeral.

All right, well, should we get the show going? Yeah, Zach, you push the button. Push it! Shut up. Start the show already. Oh, my gosh. I see here. And the notes, it says, Brian came up with this one.

Yeah. So I actually did a quick search for like a would rather online. And I found one that sparked the second idea. And then I was like, well, I should have an or. So I came up with the other one. If you really bad, would you rather if there wasn't the other half of it? Yeah. It's just something, something or.

Or no. Or could you do this? Or don't. Okay. So what is it? Um, I mean, hopefully it's good. I don't know if it's good. It was good at the time. Ready? Yeah. I find a dollar, dude. Yeah, sure, brother.

Have a ticket. You have to take a dump on a live stream with all your friends and family watching. Ooh. So, like, they're all, it's, they got the- And then, like, my brother, one remaining sister and my mom. Like, how immediate family is it? Like, do we go down the line, like, cousins, aunts? Yeah, it's everybody I think you know. And, like, family and friends, just, like, hundreds of people tuning in, like, they're watching the Super Bowl.

And it's just you in a live stream. They get like a mandatory ICAL invite. Yeah. Okay. People you, that's okay. Carry on and then I have more thoughts on that. Okay. I was thinking like should it be like the work and the people you work with or something like that?

Like where, but I mean, it could be. It could be an extension of people you just know. Yeah. Family friends. Co-workers or whatever. Okay. But you still got to go into work and you got to face these people after they've seen your live stream. Okay.

Or you're dropped off a few miles away. from your house. Okay. And you're naked, completely naked. Okay. Nothing to cover of. Yours completely naked and you just have to make it back to your house. All right.

Let's, uh, we have to define the parameters. It says a few miles. So we go on like a strict, like three miles away from your house. A decent enough where it's like, who, this is going to be quite a trick. Okay. And this is obviously, I get, like, the environmental changes per person. Yeah, we're going to answer as us, and we live here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, where if you go three miles from here, like, I could be, I mean, I'm fighting wilderness stuff. Yeah.

Like, I got bare feet in a huckleberry patch. It's a mallard duck laughing at a dick. Yeah, there's a, there's potentially a bear. I had to consider any of the stuff you're talking about. Yeah, there's things that don't want you there. You don't want to be there, but they don't know that. I was thinking purely embarrassment. Oh, no, I'm going survival.

See, I was thinking like you're walking through a neighborhood. And you could say, oh, I would just go into people's yards or hide behind cars or backyards. But now you're naked. So, like, if they see you, you're a problem. If you're going through someone's backyard, you were fully exposed. You could have been doing whatever. I don't know why this is... You're a predator.

Exactly. And I don't know why this just popped in my head, but like, if I saw like a yard sign that had anything to do with like voting for the next school prop. Like vote yes on prop 28. I know to don't hop that fence. Or my kid is a Lake City student. Proud parent of a elementary. Of a Lake City dropout. So I would avoid that just so I know.

I don't want the added jail. time in that situation. So you'd map that out. But yeah, embarrassment-wise, if you get dropped off and like, you find the right person, and maybe this is a loophole that you're not going to allow. And you made it up so you make the rules.

Okay. I would just be like, hey, fuck, wild night. No, no rides. No, you're walking down. You have to walk home. Okay. So whether you're, you went wilderness and being exposed to elements,

which I hadn't even considered. I was, which is crazy. You didn't cross your mind. Well, because I think that when I looked it up, the inspiration was for being exposed and it was an embarrassing act. I hadn't considered the survival aspect of it.

The actual threat to your life. If you go through people's lawns, you're a predator, but if you're in the woods, you're a prey. You're going to jail either way. You are going to either die, cold? What time of day am I popping out there?

I brought daylight, so you're exposed. It's a nice day right now, but like, it's a 40-something, 42. But if three miles long time, shrinkage. Do you know where you are? Do you know three miles in which direction? Do you know where you are? Because you might walk, you might start going.

Dude, I'm going back to last week. You have a prairie, baby. Go back to the last week. You gotta die! Just some birds sitting up in the trap into my brain. Whenever I'm in a giant parking lot like Costco, I can't help. And I don't say it out loud anymore because I know it's annoying. But every time I'm in a giant parking lot in my head, it goes,

Do you know where you parked? And then I start looking around at signs. You're a Costco, baby. You're a D1, baby. You gotta die. Boom, boom, boom, boom. That's reasonable. Yeah.

I guess stop saying it out loud. Anyway. So that happens. Okay. So naked, but if you don't know where you are, you can use sun. You're like, okay, we're doing this. But, dude, three miles is a bit. I think if we went, if we went north or we went northeast from my house.

You are in the fuck You are in the middle of fucking nowhere You got mountains And that's gonna be a problem So that sucks But if you're just like in the city Like you have a pretty good idea You're like oh

You're gonna be I'm on 180th and ball He's like all right well it's gonna suck You're probably gonna get picked up The cops trying to grab you It's like I can't get a ride It's not It's not new pole

Running I can't Brian said I can't get a ride It's not in the rules I have to make it home That's a taser situation Please put your dick away I can't get a ride

I don't make the rules Oh you're getting a ride all right Right downtown bro Right and down See you're You keep going back to making it home Thinking where you live and you're talking about downtown I still am going

You have to walk down 81st and 57th in front of down the sidewalk in front of little shops and little bread shops and meat shops. Yeah. Fully exposed. Yeah, I'm not worried. I'm more about the legality. Like, you're going to get in trouble.

I'm not worried about the embarrassment. See, if you know, like you hear, you're in a different neighborhood than you're used to. Right? Yeah. So, like, my, I lived in my neighborhood for. What's that? Sorry. I said, I don't recognize that.

Yeah, right. That don't look suspicious. That don't. Small be around here. Never seen it before. Like your can around here. I've been in my neighborhood for 10 years. That dick doesn't smell like grisly long cut.

When you, so I walked my kids to school, from school. We have a part. All the, you know, the, we're all, it's a neighborhood school that we go to. We get it. If I'm walking. Yeah. If I'm walking through their naked, I'm getting recognized. And people are, you know, I have to go to school pickup the next day.

Yeah. And deal with that. It's not about can I make it home. It's, everyone's going to see my bare ass and dong. Well, let's look to the other side. What are the parameters on friends? I have no problem shitting in front of my friends.

Yeah. Like if I had to, I also don't have a lot of friends. Just the way life goes. The original thing that I was kind of inspired this was like coworkers. So not, so you, just anyone that is in your life.

People that you would truly be embarrassed to take a shit in front of. Why's not friends and family, though? Well, then let's change it to make it more, make it tougher. Like, these people, you would be, you're going to be very embarrassed. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Maybe it's just an internet live stream and anybody can see. Millions of people are watching. Oh, I've been through worse.

Nice. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? I'm all set. Thanks, dude. Yeah, good luck. This skin is fat. I could do this in my sleep.

You can't stop me. But whatever, that makes it easier. Friends and family, at least you have to interact with them. Co-workers, that's a tough one because you're never going to be taken seriously again. Or you have some kind of weird power. Imagine, okay, imagine you're a boss at a... You unlock to the next level. They give you.

you, you're part-time owner now. Imagine like going, let's say you, you're the boss at, you're the boss and you have like 30 employees that you, every, every Monday or every day you have this big morning meeting that you walk in the office and everyone's waiting at the desk. Let's say it's those people. So the day, the night before, you're live streaming completely, they all look up to you and respect you. And then they see this live stream of you just at your most vulnerable poop and doing all that

wiping your ass, all that kind of stuff. stuff and then you have to show up at 8 a.m. the next day and run a meeting and all these people watched you last night. Does that change it at all for you? No. I think that that it's a normal thing. If you address it in the right way, we're like, hey, sorry about all that. Yeah. Like, you poop, I poop. Everybody poops. But also your assignments late. Does it help if you don't know that you were live stream? I poop, you poop, I cut turds, you cut turns, but I cut your paycheck. Right. And you don't cut mine. So. Shouble cut.

I win. So we're going to move on. Yeah. We're going to move on if you want to keep getting money. Bye. They're the ones that sat and watched through a poop video. Yeah. Well, they didn't have a choice.

This is a weirdo. This is on you. It's the, what's the movie? Clockwork orange situation. Their eyes are right open. Does it, does it change it for you if you know that it's live stream versus you don't know? Because, like, you show up to work the next day. You don't know.

know your live streamed, but something feels a little different. Which one's more embarrassing? The only difference is whether I'm eating checks mix or not. Or cutting checks. I don't know. That'd be a little more anxiety, but your manners would be at the forefront if you knew you're being filmed. Yeah.

You wouldn't check the butt wipe to see if it's got the streak on it for the camera. I think I'll just go with it. Like, no, I'm just going to go with the vibe. Just hope my pants aren't dirty at the end. Yeah, strictly sound. Yeah. Sounds pretty clean down there. Just going solely off the, how loud the toilet paper butthole scrape sound is.

I'm good. Just imagine, like, it's not a good. It's like you got food poisoning. And you're just, it's like, I'm trying to make this as uncutting. Because you seem very content with just choosing the poop. on a live stream and I'm trying to make this thing uncomfortable for you. The only reason I'm doing that is because like, no, no, I would pick that in, but it's because I would be scared of being naked in the woods.

Yeah, that's why I'm trying to make it harder for you to make it more of a tougher decision. So you want me to go naked in the woods? No, I want you, I want this decision to be, I want this decision to be tougher. Because I feel like, I feel like you're, you're easily picking the pooping one because you don't want to do a naked one. So I'm trying to make it as uncomfortable where you actually have to think about, like, Like, ooh, maybe naked's in the woods doesn't sound that bad. Yeah.

How about masturbating? You can't rewrite. It's like, yeah, I can't. I've made it up. You can't. Just rewrite the entire thing. Like, how about this? Okay.

You have an utter. Like, you can't just change the entire construct of the, of the, of the, would you rather? Maybe the would you rather wasn't tough enough for you. The other layer was, would you rather me rewrite? this entire thing while we record the episode? Or or would you rather I rewrite the entire thing? So going back to the other one,

you would much rather walk through a dense city than be naked in the woods? But that's a legal standpoint. I don't want to get in trouble. Like, I don't want to be here. I got things to do. I got kids that have to deal with like,

oh, your dad was the one that was nude. And there's all that. And then there's the other side of it where like I would dig two and a half miles through the Idaho wilderness. Maybe that's what the would you rather should be. It'd be a fucking problem. Forget the live stream dumping. Would you rather, would you rather have to get home three miles to a city or three miles through the woods? Midday, time of year.

Shit. Feet, bare feet is like, that doesn't matter what your intentions are. Walking through the forest in bare feet. That sucks. It's not going to be, it's not, it's going to be. all-day thing. And that sucks. And you could die. So,

you could die doing the city, too. They're like, all right, look at this peto. We're not around here. No one's going to kill you. In Idaho? Even though you couldn't get a ride home, be like, I don't want to be here either. I feel like I talked my way out of getting shot in the street. Yeah. I feel like I'd be like, you don't listen.

As soon as I get home, I'm going to put some clothes up. We're going to have a grown-up conversation. All right. So we're going to have a talk about a couple adults. We're here in beautiful downtown Cortland. Now you are walking through neighborhoods naked in Idaho. Is that fine. That's not that weird.

How about back to Spokane? Downtown Spokane and it's peak. That's even more you fit right in. It's like the bears. Yeah, you wouldn't die. You just get, yeah, you just get injected. Probably get free drugs, yeah. Yeah, he's getting free drugs.

You look like you need a drug. It would take you 17 years to get home because you've been addicted of fentanyl. just lean the whole way I'm picturing being in an office full of like 100 people and having to interact with those people on a daily basis if they just watched you live stream taking a shit like that's gonna take some while to take a while to I'm like but I'm not one of those people that go fund me

I just don't I'm not one of those people that can walk into a room and just act like nothing happened and just be like you know confident and like yeah you yeah you know what you saw last night you know I'd be like fuck I have to face all these people yeah

it's weird but that's it makes it tougher for me to think about as much it would got it have you re-said are we going off the original or the one that you rewrote no you didn't let me rewrite it

so all right so I'm going to take a shit I'm going to try and get over it with people at work and just work hard And be like, okay, yeah, I know, I watch this guy's shit, but he's still, you know, good at his job. And that's where we're, that's where we leave it. Okay. And if I'm not, then, you know, jobs are jobs. You're not going to be there forever.

And you just, you'll get to move on. Your family won't, but they also don't care. I'm sorry if your family would care about watching it. Take a shit and then just disown you. But it's a very normal thing. We all don't want to be here. But I can't risk my life or risk the embarrassment of my kids having to deal with naked dad walking around downtown. But you're still kind of naked.

You're on the toilet. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper. It's not swinging. If I'm a stand-up, I'm a stand-up wiper. I know. That's the most embarrassing part of it. So that's, I'm fully exposed that way, too. You can cover your wing.

I would probably not. I would probably choose if I knew it was on camera not to do stand-up wipe. Yeah. You should choose that anyway. I mostly get it all taken care of with the bidet anyway. Yeah, you get to do that. Yeah. That's nice.

All right. So poop. You're going to go to do naked stuff. Zach, what are you doing? I'll probably do naked. Okay. Just walk around naked. Fuck yeah.

Why not? Who cares? Who cares? You get it. All right. Let's move off to what are you thinking about. Zach, if you'd be so kind. Thank you.

Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? If you've been paying attention to the context clues,

last week's episode yelling about additional echo space. Zach, go ahead. Dude. Yeah. So he's doing that. Brian talking about beautiful downtown Cordoise.

Yep, we are in a new studio. I don't know how many episodes we were past joking around about the fact that we would like maybe we should be in a new studio for the four year. Yeah.

Be in the fourth different studio. And almost episode. episode two hondo coming up too yeah yeah yeah exactly so being a new studio but we are we are exactly going to be that uh but yeah i uh i left got out of there got out of that relationship so doing doing some new stuff doing new stuff read you know it's just so much fun moving i love restarting you know what i mean it happens to a man two three times in the life yeah well maybe five well i'm on two hoping i think this will be it i hope so i don't know 40s still pretty young these days.

Is it? Yeah. I feel pretty fucking old. Well. And it was, it was wild, right? So, I mean, not funny, but, like, Brian, you were gone and then just decided that this, this wasn't going to be for me anymore. And then just decided, fucking that's it.

And just bailed. But you were out, I'm doing this, like, working full time and still, and trying to move into a new spot. Back in Cordillane, picked a spot. close to the OG studio, back to the kid, close to the kid's mom's house, and then being, like,

there and closest to school and just trying to, you know, fit myself back in to make it easiest on everybody. But you were gone, and it's not normal. Like,

uprooting your life is like, that shit happens, right? And you're like, fuck, God damn, what a pain in the ass. I got to move, like, this couch and this table and my clothes.

Lawn chair. And like a launcher. These three cups. These cups and like a TV. What's not normally tied to that is a full-blown podcast studio. Like that's not a normal factor. Yeah. That plays into most people's lives.

You're like, okay. So if I get out of this, like I'm looking at like at least like, I don't know, 30, 40 hours. Like a, I mean, a plugin and move and shit. and mountain stuff and get it all set up and rearranged and dialed into a new location. You did a good job. And you were gone. You were just gone. Yeah.

He was fighting the cartel. Cartel locked you down. But it was like, we were talking and you were like, you're like, I feel bad. Like I want to be there. You're like, I'll be back this day, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, fuck yeah. And I'm like building around it. And you're like, hey, bad news.

We killed like the top leader of the cartel. And I can't go. And I'm like, you got it. So I didn't choose this. I didn't know this was happening today. But one of the biggest things in the history of cartel in Mexico and government, all that kind of stuff happened today. Yeah.

And I'm supposed to leave tomorrow on a can't. I can't do it. And I'm like, I don't think I wrote back, but I thought I was going to be like, I just put dot, dot, dot, dot. I was like, so you can't help me? Yeah. Like just totally bypassed the fact that like your family's probably probably. pretty terrified. And I'm like, so find somebody else or whatever, like not, like just not

your problem. Is that what we're going to do? I felt terrible that I couldn't. And not just for the studio, but just couldn't be here for you. You know, you're still, it's on a personal level. It's still going through something. It's a big change. Yeah. And then he's like trying to offer support, but I'm also trying to figure out where we're going to stay. And it's a lot. And if we're going to get murdered by the cartel and trying to offer support while you're ordering another mango smoothie pool sign for three grand i mean you got to you got to keep up your lifestyle for the kids right on the on the phone i'm like brian i guess no if you're like hold on one second no make it a 24 yeah no 24 outside me put a try out of mea

me put a mango smoothies uh see see see see i just put it on the room so what were you crying about two for, is it happy hour? Is it happy hour? Yeah. Sorry, Joe, what was that? Like, I just don't know if I,

hold on. I said, is it happy hour? Sorry, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. It's,

no, don't do that. Don't jump off the bridge. One second. God damn it. Giacéééééééééé, quit running by the pool. What are the rules

on how close you can be to run? Oh, and it's the new people that always show because we're there for the two weeks, and then the changeover to new people show up.

And it's that next week it's always annoying when it's new people and they're treating and they don't like it. And so we're there for a third week. So it was the whole new group of people. Where's Maria? God. Yeah.

So new studio, restarting. New studio, new you. As things are, you know, not going to dive into it. It doesn't matter. But decisions were made and life will go on. And here we go again. so we are in

the fourth studio for the fourth year I like this one yeah too I Joe was like you know I didn't I didn't spend all the time

running the cables and clean it up and it's kind of a mess and I walk in here I'm like it is but it's like but it feels it feels good

it feels a little bit brighter if look at all the space oh wow another angle there Zach there you go see I almost full

look at that full arm extension You're a full arm away from Randy Johnson. Yeah, right in his package. Before it was like, I couldn't lean back. Oh, yeah, lean back. Now I can't lean back this way because it'll go through the window. Yeah, yeah, I cut some corners for sure as we adapted this room to work.

But yeah, I like it though. It's cozy. Yeah, not tucking all the not tucking all the cables away this time. Yeah, fucking making it look good. You guys can't see it. It doesn't matter. Looks the same to everyone else. But yeah, so here we go.

Yay. So let's just fucking. Another new chat. After. Fucking. Where are we going to be in a year? And I'm going to do it. This time's going to be different.

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? It's funny because we did joke about it, but it feels like about almost every year it's a new studio. Right. But, I mean, you know, don't sell it short. That was three years. But we just moved houses. So we had the OG in the, in, you know, Aaron's house.

Mm-hmm. And then after that exploded, we still. We still used it until we moved it to Spokane. Right. And Spokane to Liberty Lake. But that was all the same relationship. And now we're going to the new one. This is the fourth place.

At least we know for sure. Like, I'm here for a year. You're not going to break up with yourself. As long as you don't jump off the off set bridge earlier. Yeah. We should be good. Flashbacks to that fucking bridge video? Yeah.

Dude, this place is unique and cool, though. Oh, my God. Do you want to park in front where the Depression is or in the back where there's a dog park with depression? Joe's selling this place short because it, they all look like it's one of those pop up. They built it in three weeks. But it's a nice new place. It's a nice new neighborhood. At first one to live here.

Hell yeah, exactly. There's not someone else. with jizz on the wall. Not yet. I mean, maybe the guys that built it. I'm working on.

Oh, yeah. Have you met construction workers? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But other than that, there's coming here somewhere. But I just take the freeway right over,

hit the, hit the off-land. Let's not tell everyone exactly where I live. That'd be great. Yeah. Let's go ahead and stop that entire thing. I mean, if they live,

there were subtle clues, I think you can pick it up. No. But they won't know which one it is, though, because they all look the same. You can't rob all of us. Right, brother.

So, yeah, That's what I'm thinking about. Big life changes. Everything's going to be fine. Working through. Working through. Welcome to the next chapter of your life. I mean, from the time people are listening, it's happened longer ago than you probably

could imagine. So it's probably been a month and a half ago now. It is kind of bizarre. It's because we've recorded so far in advance. So, all right. Well, should we slide off to some dick? Sure. Dude, I'm ready to explore.

Go! Is it dumb? And it's dick. I mean, I'm not doing this. but like thinking about dating in your 40s like I'll just

should I should I call like bell hop to bring a baggage cart like there's so much you're just going to have to do it it's like yeah no what are you into mm-hmm

um like I feel like you start with the medicine cabinet like what do you want what are you taking at least by now hopefully you kind of know what has worked and hasn't worked.

And hopefully. Yeah. I wish life was just that easy. It's like, no, this didn't work. So this next time, of course it will.

But the problem is, whoever it is, probably is going to have a couple kids too. And it's like, that's the, I think that's the toughest part too, is, is the melting,

getting everyone together on the same page. I guess she got them taken away, so I'll have to do with it. Mm. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like the husband has him That means she's probably

Fun All right Here's the headline for this one Mr. Clean retires After 68 years As company mascot 68 years Also the headline

Making it sound like it was his decision Yeah is weird He's like He's chosen to step down He's walked into the office Like first he's like He looks down And he cleans a little

squeeze a little spot off the table. And he's like, I can't do this anymore. My body hurts. Or they're like, I can't wear a white shirt. Dude, I got to wear something else. I'm partnering with Tide. Like, that's just so fucking funny. I want hair and I want a different shirt.

Yeah. So the retirement of the bald animated mascot used in Mr. Clean ads and on products since 1958 was announced in a social media ad posted on Thursday. be going to retirement. The ad features Mr. Clean standing behind a podium with a breaking news sign flashing across the screen after a career with zero stains on the record. Wait, is this, was this breaking room as competing with like what's going on in Iran and stuff like that?

Can you imagine like a news station? It's number two on the list. And Mr. Cleans' retirement cuts off the war in Iran. it's a little Oh god, breaking news New Sonic The lower third comes on Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean

He walks into the thing crosses his arms A little sparkle on his ear Just does this I get hard for no reason After a career No he comes in and It wipes the TV

Squeak squeak squeak And then crosses his arms I'm calling it quits I'm calling it quits And it cuts back Because people are on fire Nuclear after a career with zero stains on the record.

He's ready for new adventures. The voice assures customers the company bearing his name will continue to operate, then ask, what's next for Mr. Clean? Among those wishing, the smiling character, well, on Instagram, where social media teams behind Old Spice grooming products and brawny paper towels. What world are we living? Isn't Brony the guy in the plaid shirt? Lumberjack fellow.

We'll miss you, let me. Imagine, wrote the team at Old Spice. Mr. Cleans' people responded by saying they too will miss their mascot. While our products will continue to battle your dirt and grime, Mr. Clean, well, first name, veritable? What? Mr. Veritable, Clean. That's his first name? Oof.

I thought names were getting weird now. Well, remember, he's been doing this for 68 years. His name, they named him back in the 50s. Off to new adventures. We know his journey will be fulfilling and we support his decision. I get it. In marketing standpoint, like treating this animated, totally fake character as being a real person is fun. Like, the world needs a little more fun.

But then I also think about Mr. Clean packing up his cubicle. It's spotless. Except for one little spot. As he turns around to leave. He signs his desk. Yeah. And then leaves a magic eraser. This will take care of this.

With love. My job. My job is done here. Veritable clean. Old VC. What are they going to replace him with? We're the Mr. Clean company, but we don't have a. I mean, but let's imagine for a second he's real.

What is his life looking like? Like, as he moves off to other things. Celebrity golf. grocery store run and like just some you know late age woman

who found herself some way attracted to this guy which I know is the whole thing yeah like in this like oh my god can you do the thing can you do the thing

and he's like grabbing canned beans he's putting him in his cart and he goes like this and she goes oh my god oh my god will you sign my sponge and he's just like oh he just goes home

goes home to his townhouse and just wishes he wasn't around anymore starts slapping around the houseplants. Well, he's going to realize how much he loved his job, though, and how easy things were. Yeah. Really, I mean, what a cushy life, dude. Yeah, just cleaning shit and folding arms.

Like, I had pierced ears way before it was cool, too. I want to say something real quick here. This, I mean, they were, I think they were very forward thinking. If you look at, I mean, you pull this up, Zach. that that dude is a homosexual well I want to hear from the women because I think that's metro

no that's that's that's homosexual not metrosexual and which is fine I mean how do you know he's not just down there's no chance that he can't dance his ass off I just dude his running man has to be out of this world

dude amazing his shoes are just magic erasers and he's just fucking running man around your kitchen. Just fucking squeak, squeak, squeak, scream, squeak. I think I'm on to something here, though. I mean, this, okay, this guy,

this guy frequency we be on to. I, I, dude, this guy, Mr. Clean, again, not there's anything wrong with this. Yeah. This is perfectly fine. He is homosexual.

Look at him. Look at him. That bald hair and the earring and the white shirt. He's fit. But then look at Brony. Like, dude, he's a bear. You think they're in cahoots? I think they're in cahoots.

They're both cleaning up? Yeah. Is there a twink? What's the, Yeah, twink's a word. Twink. So it is, I mean, Mr. Clean is kind of, he's kind of buff, though. But he looks more, you know, Metro and then Mr.

And then Bronny is more of like the bear with the beard and the camo. Or the, not the camo, the, um. It's just, he's a lumberjack. He's a mountain guy. I think that there, he's the guy I'm going to run into three miles. Yeah.

Into the woods and I don't. Right. Please help. But he won't be, he won't be offering me anything. No. He'll be taking everything. I mean,

a paper towel would be pretty nice. For my ween? Yeah. My feet. For your poop. Oh. That's what you're worried about? Well,

I am now. If he's got paper towels. Oh, okay. I just, yeah, I think they're, I think he's retiring because the brawny dudes

starting to hit his stride. Oh, gotcha. And can I say something real quick here. You can say whatever you want. It's your show. So, I want to say something. Look, your name is right here.

You can literally say whatever you want. So the guy ended it out. Because my name is here. No, this isn't bad. And I edit. So you can say whatever you want because your name's right here on the wall. Yeah, yeah. But my name's right here and I edit the show.

Okay. So go ahead. That's fair. And if it's too much. I don't know. This isn't inappropriate. But if you can pull up this picture. No, maybe what I said before could have been.

It's just the penis. So the brawny. Look at his hair. in the mustache. Like that's... That's 70s. I was thinking like early 80s. Okay. That's okay.

That's Magnum Tia shit. Yeah. That's, yeah. And then like this. So, but it, I think from what I... That's everybody's neighbor. What I was gonna say was like, it's very, it's funny how you go through the decades and how what was in and like people, like, people. Like, look at this dude's hair and then you go the modern brawny guy.

Yeah. Like, that's a modern guy. Look. You can tell what era of ads were. Like that dude, like this. Like, this was, that's just fine. That heard it was okay back then. That guy, that guy has asked me if I've ever stolen a Cadill converter.

And then the other guy is just Instagram influencer. Yeah. They need that poodle haircut for the boys of today. Yeah, this guy, the, the original brawny guy is worried about my, my swing. Like, he's worried about, like, it's Mike Schmidt from the Phillies. If my dad's, if my dad's helping me hit the ball off the tea. Right. Then the other guy is just trying to sell me shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I just, it's, but thinking like, giving animated mascots a life beyond where they, like where they are now. Like what, is the Twix rabbit? Mm.

Is he, what bridge is he under? You mean tricks. What I say? Twix. Hmm. Nice. Tricks are for kids.

Or Twix are for kids. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, tricks. The tricks rabbit. What's he doing? Or the couch, like, chocula.

You know, like all, just like, well, what's Anjima up to? I don't know fucking And the Cracker Bail guy

Yeah But like Yeah But like What's the Lucky Charms guy What's he gonna He has no other Opportunity

He gets out of that game Good luck Tucan Sam Just like running around hiding from kids Like you're going to prison Yeah Oh yeah

Catch all the rainbows On a playground Whip whip whip Nope Fucking you're done man, it's a leprechaun. You remember that guy? They saw it.

That's what that commercial was from. Oh, if that was a different time, if they let go the leprechaun and then it's a lepericon. That's a YouTube thing for you from years ago. Is anyone, I mean, I'm not going to miss Mr. Clem. I get it, whatever. I don't know. He's kind of a staple.

Okay. I just don't know what they think is going to be better about their company without their mascot they've had their entire identity. Isn't the whole thing, though? Isn't that the brand is Mr. Clean? Yeah. So if you get rid of Mr. Clean, what is your brand? They're going to give a new guy hair.

They're like, we're tired of this bald bastard. Pierce his other, pierces nipples. I guess. They're giving him of Prince Albert. Ear gauges. Huge, like those beer, like those bowl rings, whatever they're called. The huge gauge with a little ball at the bottom. What if they attach to his ear too?

Yeah, he just, his chains going up. And it just says, like, fucking Mr. Clean your colon. What was he? Like, that guy is Mr. Dom? Oh, for Dominantia. Mr. Daddy. Oh, Mr. Daddy.

He's just in BDSM shit. Yeah, leather daddy. Clean your house or else? It's just a sponge. You're like, fuck, I guess. Does it say if they're going to keep the, I'm assuming they're keeping, they're not just going to change the name of it?

I don't know. Can you change it to just like clean X or something like that? Well, it's all right. Well, no, wait. Whoa. I meant clean I didn't mean clean X Clean X

Clean I didn't That's not That's a loss That's a lawsuit It was like Clean Mrs. Clean Yeah

Oh Are they changed in their pronouns I don't know We're gonna find out though I guess that that was a funny A funny thought to To explore this morning Oh shit

Yeah For the golden geese George Tasano Until April Todd Sutton Host Maggie Stokes The sofa king

Jason Claser Neil Jophanie Matthew Leonard Daniel Spitz Jordan Holliday Stephen Geller And Daniel Hachor

Thanks guys If you just got here I feel like we just got here I feel like we just picked up a nice little grip of people that have never found the show before Yeah They're showing up If you're wondering yourself

What the fuck was that. Those are the golden geese that support us at the top $100 a month tier. You get personal thank you videos from us, but it's just a way of making sure this show can keep going. So thank you everyone who's done that. It helps. Yeah, and there's only 10 spots available. People come and go, but right now it's holding pretty steady for the last couple months. One will leaves and within 30 seconds somehow they figure out. George is gone, but somehow the system got fucked and we'll still have 10 spots left right now because it's happened to have 11. All right, do you want to read this Read this next story?

Do I? If you don't, I will. Texas is pretty small. I just got a pop-up that's in Croatian, I think. I don't know which one to pick. Far right. Are you sure? Yep, that's the one I picked.

And I'm taking it. Croatia declared free of landmines after 31 years. Finally. What? What a fucking. mind fuck the guy gets the last one he's like oh what how would you that's the whole point of landmines that you don't know they're there you don't you can't just say this a decades long effort came at a heavy cost over three decades of painstaking and dangerous work 200 people lost their lives

good lord including 41 deminers which i didn't know was a word but there it is uh which means a lot of people that weren't demining were just going to the store. They were walking through the forest having a day and blew up.

The total cost of cleaning the country is estimated around 1.2 billion euros. Here's the statement. Croatia is free of landmines. This is like this is a crazy tourist brochure.

How can we get our tourist numbers up? The landmines are an issue. It's just one guy holding a landmine. What if we say, we got them all? We don't have any anymore. Will people come in here? They'll be flocking. After nearly 30 years, we have completed demining in accordance with the Ottawa Convention.

A bazoniac? What? Can you just hijack that word demining, though? Because, like, if you mine something, you're mining it. They're demining it. You get it? No, I get it. But I feel like that.

Which should have been reserved for like cleaning up coal mines. So pre-mining, like you're just thinking about putting the landmine in. That's pre-mining. And then mining, you put it in. And then demining, you get it out. See, but you're... Post-mining. I'm talking about mining, like coal mining.

I know what you mean. It's a different kind of mining. Whole different things. It's almost like a neo-mining. Nice. Pseudo-mining. A pseudo-mining. He added almost 107,000 mines, 470,000 pieces of unexplodent,

unexplodent ordinance have been removed. Jesus Christ. How would if you lived in Croatia and your hobby was gardening you'd be a fucking risk every day. Like you're like I'm just going to, honey

I'll go get those tomatoes. Honey, I'm going out to plant two more carrots. Those are your last two carrots. That is so many fucking landmines to just pretend aren't there. This is not just a tactical issue. It is the

fulfillment of the moral obligation to the victims of mines and their families. A mine-free Croatia means safer families, better development of rural areas, more farmland, and stronger tourism. We can build a park. How do they know that they got all the mines? There have to be a receipt from the people to put it there. 172,000. If you take like a, let's say you sweep with a metal detector, I'm assuming it picks up

mines, right? Like maybe they're canvassing the area Could be a diamond ring Could be you just lost your hands I mean is it worth a diamond ring to Whether it get blown up If it beeps you leave That's the that's on the tourist planflit

Yeah If it beeps you leave There's got to be a better catchphrase If it beeps If it clicks you die That's dark It's good I don't know

We're huge cunts aren't as a species. You mentioned squirrels bombing each other. We're just going to jam, bury minds and hope someone walks on it. I mean, I get how it happened. Obviously, military. But when this shit was going down, like, they're not thinking about the future. No.

Right? Think about the now. And then clearly, it didn't go the way that somebody said it was going to. Where everybody, somebody walked out there and said, our best defense is we have to cover every inch of our country. and landmines. That's the only way. And like, okay. And they did it.

And then everybody went next door. They went to a different country and they went, did anyone keep track of where we put the landmines? Shoot. And someone was like, someone does like, does this like spins around in place because it's just, there's one. One down.

The president of Croatia is walking up to the podium to give a speech about being free of landmines and it explodes. Bat bat that Bad da da da Marching up there The crowd's like Wiping blood and flesh off their face Think that was the last one

I think we're free now God But imagine like Try to develop a country Where you just were constantly scared of blowing up God that's hell Well what's crazy is you think about how fast things change So let's say you're getting ready for war.

You go bury 500,000 mines. And you're like, no one's getting in. Right? Like, we're welcome. What about us getting out? Ah, shit. I think about that. What if we need supplies?

What about us just living here? Oh, man. We were expecting. Can I visit my friends? Oh, fuck. I wish I would have thought of that. Before we put FAPA million mines in the ground. They had to assume that there was just going to be a sea of people.

Just, yeah, tanks and shit. Yeah, I'm blowing up. Like, everyone just stay in their house and everyone else will blow up and we'll deal with it later. Think about this. It just didn't work out. Let's say, okay, they're like 500,000. We're going to bury them. And all of a sudden, they just start flying with airplanes.

And you're like, fuck. So the years of burying minds. Oh, now we just have to be. God. And just like being tasked with that. Like, that's what you did. What do you do? The whole time you're like,

this is a bad idea. Do you remember mine sweeper? I'm a demiter. Do you remember the game? Mine Sweeper? Oh my God. If it was invented in Croatia. Where was the game?

Mind sweeper. I swear to God, if this, please, please. They put a flag. Please. Microsoft. Oh, man. Seattle. That's not as fun as I wanted.

What was it based off of? I'm trying to try again. It has to be that. I mean, this isn't, I can't imagine. We're going to make the connection. There's a lot of countries that have had to clean up a lot. Yeah, but this seems wild that they're still doing it. Yeah, I know.

What was the game mine's based off? It's just so crazy when you compare it to like modern war. Like we're bombing Iran with a pushing a button and just like, and stealthfully and precisely blowing up. A target. It's so crazy. How different that is. Yeah, yeah, can't find it. I don't know.

Maybe someone else would. That would have been a crazy full circle, though. Anyway, so I'm glad you guys are free of landmines. Off to our petty beef. Zia! Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated.

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef Like that would This is like that's just a stock track Someone laid that baseline This is the four AI

Yeah the guy laying it down He's just like That's a session player right there And then Going down All right What do we got? What's our Petty Beef?

All right Dug deep for this one Don't worry I'll fire it back up Okay This is sent in from Taylor Okay Hey guys When I was 19, I moved in with this guy.

I was very newly dating, which was probably dumb on my part, but I digress. We're just dating in general? Yeah. I came home from a long day of work to him mopping the floors and then downstairs of our apartment. Mr. Clean. Yeah. Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean.

Thinking I had won the jackpot with this guy, I asked him if you wanted me to change the bucket. Being so young and early on in dating where you're like, you're like, jackpot. and he's just mopping. This is the perfect. This is what I dreamt about when I was the little girl. Can life get any better? As soon as we get rid of these landmines, life is up and up. I asked me if you wanted me to change the bucket he was using

and get him a fresh water, grid him fresh water to finish the floors. He proudly responded, I'm not using a bucket. Oh boy. I was very confused at first because he was clearly using an old school mop that needed wrung out. This was when everything went down to the shitter,

literally. I had a feeling this is where it was going. He informed me that he didn't need a bucket because he was using the toilet. Okay. He thought it was genius because he would flush the old water and pour the more clean water in the fresh water. The dog drinks out of it. Okay. I'm in. I got my hands up like the... I don't know. emoji? He's like, I guess.

I feel like I got some things to say. Have you ever heard something so unexpected your brain What? Have you ever heard something so unexpected, your brain stutters? Yeah. Like I did reading that. Shocked and very grossed out, I lost it. It quickly turned into our first big and dumbest fight that evolved him yelling, I cleaned them all first.

It's fine. And then me yelling back, Stick your foot in the toilet if it's so clean. Oh, like this? And he storms off and just makes a huge mess. He's like licking the mop. He's like, like this

smashes what else do you want me to do oh my to sit in it splashing his dick and balls in it

wearing the mop on his head anything else what else am I doing wrong all right back to you the floors

were eventually remopped with clean non-toilet bowl water while both of us muttered how the other was wrong. When you're both so convinced that you're right, it's such a weird moment because you're like, there's a disconnect somewhere. Like, you think you were 100% right and I think I'm 100% right.

How are we on such different? The truth is somewhere in the middle. Yeah. The truth is usually facts as long as everyone will accept facts. Right. Yeah. That doesn't always happen. When emotions take over.

Yeah. Facts don't matter. eventually it just became a funny story. We told at parties where I found more people cited with him than I thought, which only grossed me out more. Okay. It's probably strictly dudes. Back to you. Yeah. In case you're wondering what happened to with this guy,

I married his ass and promised in our wedding vows he would and, uh, and promised in our wedding vows, he would never be in charge of mopping the floors ever again. Maybe that was his plan all along. Okay. Got all these screwed up. I'm not doing the dishes.

I'll just screw them up. That's called the Hegelian dialectic. Okay. There you go. I'm saying, that's how you do it. Nearly 10 years later, it sounds more like it's, what do you call it? Playing, not devil's advocate or something like you. Not devil's advocate.

The one where you're like, you say, oh, I wish you would take this from me, then they'd take it. And you're like, ha, ha, got you. It is kind of. Reverse psychology. Reverse psychology. If you don't want to wash, if you don't want to do the clothes, camper or shit or whatever. I can't think of the word.

Wash clothes. You just make the first time you do it terrible where you make everything pink. Yeah. She can't trust you with it anymore. Yeah. That's a version of the Higel. You tried. If you make it where she's like, you will never do these again because you fucked it up.

Not like, oh, I just don't know how to do it. You have to make it so she doesn't want you to ever do them again. I thought it was funny when my kid was growing up, the diary of a wimpy kid taught kids how to do the Higelian dialectic and get what they wanted by tricking their parents. Way to go. fuck heads. Well, now we're the parents, and those books are still coming out. And they're still teaching them to fuck our brains.

Nearly 10 years later, and we still joke about the great toilet debate to this day. Can you please settle this once and for all? Does cleaning the toilet bowl first make it okay to use as mop water, or is the whole thing extremely gross? Thank you guys, your kiddos, Taylor and Richard. Brian, because of your phobia, I know that we're already going to be on completely different pages. Like, you won't even get your phone. out or put your phone down like in a bathroom

because you're scared it's going to get covered in poop pink eye but then just purposefully ignore the fact that your whole face is being covered in poop particles while you don't get your phone out

so you're picking what you're deciding to get upset about it's uh it's not so much getting the phone out because like even in a public restroom if I'm pooping or something I'll get it and look at it it's just the setting it down where people are touching and stuff is where it really what gets me. And I realize

you can save this stuff all day. And you do that. Then you touch the door lock. And you touch your phone. But in that moment, you're like, this toilet paper holder is crazy more disgusting than the door I touched to get in here. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not. No, I washed my hands and then I grab a paper towel and to grab the doorknob with. Yeah. That's fine. But in that moment, but you didn't wipe, you didn't wipe your phone down.

When you went in, you didn't use a paper towel. Oh, I know. See. But again, it's not debilitating for me, though. That's the thing. It doesn't prevent me from doing things. Yes. It's just more of like that psychological.

I guess knew because of that experience that we're going to see this a little different. Because there is poop that goes into the toilet does not automatically make it the most disgusting thing that's ever existed in your house. One of the studies, Zach, I feel like you're going to have me here. Kitchen sink? 12 billion times more disgusting than a toilet bowl. That sounds right. I think we talked about this at one point. And we would gladly fucking go from the kitchen sink to mop a floor.

But when you break down like actual stats or whatever thing, it's... Oh, I will. No, no, I get it. No, fucking go ahead. What I'm going to say is it's the facts versus emotions thing that we were talking about earlier. I understand all of that stuff. but when I mentally think about it being a place where you poop or something like that,

whether there are facts involved or not, it immediately is worse. Well, we just talked about that. I know. I'm saying that in this situation, the facts aren't going to convince me to not think otherwise because... Let me try. The emotion of poop being involved just takes over my brain. Let me try. Yes.

The kitchen sink is... often significantly dirtier than a toilet bowl, harboring 100,000 times more bacteria. It's not even the back. That's what I'm saying, Joe. It's not the bacteria. It's the thought of the poop. It's not the bacteria. We're not doing emotions.

While toilets are cleaned regularly, oh, fucking I heard that word. Regularly. Sings, sinks become breeding grounds for E. coli. Salmonilla and fecal matter from food, sponges, and raw meat. Who's shitting in the sink? they're shitting with their butts and then putting their hands in the sink. It's a cow poop.

Hand, am I right? So what you just said was, yeah, emotions are one thing. But if you want to settle something, you got to come with some fucking facts. The end of the day, how you feel about it is one thing. Because I feel this, you feel that. So when the feelings are the things that are creating a fight, now it is time for fact. Sure. It's time for fact.

You don't even know what my answer is going to be. You're just assuming it's going to be. You don't even know what it is. Yes, I do. You think that I'm going to say that it's not okay to clean the floor with the toilet bowl because it poop goes in there. I don't really know. I don't know what my decision would be.

But I know it's not as simple as you thinking that that's what I'm going to answer. You're just saying that because I just, I would, two steps ahead of you. No. No. I think I've even done what she's talking, what this guy has done before. I would never mop with the fucking toilet water. but I get when you're like, you're like,

well, I mean, it's right here. Like, if I did that, my wife would lose her, I'm, I'm trying to think if I've ever done that before,

because it seems like maybe I've done that. Perceived wrong is different than actually wrong. Like if you're, like, just because you think that that is that does not mean you're right. No, you're wrong. It's you're like,

I don't like it. Cool. I don't even dip the mop in and fucking keep going. I don't even know if it's so much about the, getting the water from a toilet on the floor. I think it's more about using the dirty floor and then dipping it in the toilet and making the toilet dirtier than it needs to be. And then flush it down? Yeah.

And then clean it again, little chlorox. Now you have to clean the toilet too. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I was just mopping the floor and now I'm cleaning a toilet. Yeah. Well, that's his problem then at that point. Use the mop.

Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to side with you could do it. If you didn't have a bucket, if there was like an emergency. see. But in the end of the day, dipping a cleaning supply into a toilet to clean with. Like, let's just replace mop with something else. You're going to clean the shower.

Would you take your hand and, like, dip the sponge or the rag into the toilet water instead of the sink and then go clean the shower? No, I turn the water, I turn the shower on it. Exactly. So what I'm saying is, you do have perception that this is cleaner than that. And then even in that regard, I don't know if the shower is

cleaner than the fucking toilet. bowl. Let's find out right now. Yeah, it's probably just as gross. Let's see. Is the shower dirtier than a toilet bowl? Um, and again, this is all coming from AI. Yes. The shower is often much dirtier than a toilet bowl. Studies indicate that shower curtains and floors can harbor around 70 times more bacteria than a toilet seat. The warm, damp environment, especially on the shower, contains up to 16 million CFU. C-FU. Cunt fuck uterus. So here's a thing. If you ask me what I would rather touch, I think I would rather touch someone else's toilet bowl.

I would think I'd rather lick someone else's toilet bowl than lick the shower curtain. I know. But again, it comes down to perception. So in the sake of this petty beef, Taylor and Richard, I think Richard has a point. If that was all, if he was like, this is, this is fun. fine, it actually is probably kind of fine and probably pretty convenient. It also depends on... He just wishes he would have got done with it before she got home.

Yeah. So, she wouldn't have known the difference. It would have been so clean. Yeah. And she, yeah. But also pouring water into a bucket and then using the bucket, we can't factor out the fact that I just said like, pour that into the toilet and flush it.

Is that, yeah, is that he, we were like, if you use the kitchen sink, yeah, but he wasn't using the kitchen sink. If you used a bucket that had water from the sink, then that's going to be much cleaner than the toilet bowl. So I get it. I don't even know if it's about cleaning it. It's just about the way that you, this one might be one of those things that's where it's purely emotion-based.

Absolutely is. I'm just trying to solve it with facts. This one's hard when you, okay, this is going to sound terrible. But when you introduce facts with wives or girlfriends, they don't. A lot of times men too. No, but I think women are less likely to take facts into consideration than guys are. And what I mean by that is like, if I'm trying to figure something out and I say, well, actually, this doesn't matter because technically if you look it up, this is cleaner than this, that's going to annoy my wife more than me using the toilet water to clean the floor. You know what I mean?

The fact that I'm trying to reason with it and trying to. trying to, and she's like, I don't, you know. And women will have examples of that the exact opposite way to. Was they be like, well, just do this. And man's like, well, I don't like it doing it like that. And so it doesn't matter what you present. That's what they do. And that's the way it is.

Like, well, how about you just put this away right? They just make sense. Do it now. And then you know, it's like, no, like doing it. But usually if you don't do it their way. Yes, every, yes, everybody. That's, that's the whole problem with fucking dating in relationships. You don't do it anybody's way.

And they're just like you either let it go or you don't. Yeah, it's the problem always. Always. All different sexes. What you're explaining right now, women are like, yeah, fucking men. Same thing. You're just a man explaining it that way. You're like, you don't get it.

No, I just think that I just don't, sometimes things go both ways and there are certain things that I think don't go both ways. And a certain, this might be one of those situations. where I feel like it doesn't go both ways. You know what I'm talking. Let's know in the comments. Don't sit there and pretend like I'm out here saying something outrageous.

You're crazy. He's just moving out of the screen. Like, no, no, it's not my opinion at all. It's the Homer Simpson meme. Keep going. You know exactly what I'm talking about. All right, let's move off with some good news. Zach!

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! It's getting a little good news here. And we're going to Walmart. Mm. Which just goes to show you the world's full of surprises. It's the land of good news.

Walmart worker surprises customer by paying for her end of chemo cake. Aw. You guys want to learn more? Okay. Let's do it. One woman is full of gratitude after discovering a kind stranger paid for two cakes that she had ordered to celebrate her last day of chemotherapy. Diane Bennett underwent treatment in New York, oncology, hematology.

Zoom type. For breast cancer ahead of her last day of chemotherapy, she ordered two cakes from Walmart, totaling 50 bucks to thank the medical staff. Bennett of Greenfield, New York was left in disbelief when she went to collect the cakes as someone had randomly paid on her behalf. I came in to pick them up, I got them, and I walked away from a very nice bakery lady and then realized she said, paid and congratulations. I love that just yeah being in that spot like making that cake and having feelings right

like we're just like you are sitting there and you have the the frosting dispenser and you're just like yay done with chemo and you're like ship it like just to know that you have the you're like oh shit all right this is a big deal yeah go ahead and pull 50 bucks together and do something nice for somebody. Tax write off. Yeah, exactly. You're going to hate me. You're killing it.

I just, I, this is a great story. But I'm just thinking about this alternative universe where she does this and the person gets pissed. She's like, my whole thing was, is I had this plan. I was going to finish chemo. I was going to go buy this thing. It was going to be something that I felt like I accomplished. I wanted to spend the money. And, and that.

person doing something nice, ruined it for the person. You know, just take the $50. Like, good, fuck, good luck with your cancer. Isn't that funny how some people get offended by gifts and stuff like that? Or it's like a shock to there you go. I can do it myself. I don't need anybody taking care of me. This woman wasn't like that. But my brain, because it's my brain, just went to like imagine, I know there's a woman out

there that would do that. I'm glad it wasn't this person. Yeah. Sorry, I just shit all over this. And in normal places, Walmart would be a place that that would happen. So I'm happy that this didn't happen. Yeah. And everyone is happy.

I'm happy she. Getting out of chemo. Yeah. Congratulations. Stays away. Yeah. And fuck cancer. I found something on the internet or one of our kids did.

Zach, please. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy. Right? Let's check it out Together as a couple Hey look what I found

Yes That's awesome What is it So this was sent in by our son Tanner I don't know if it's gonna Flag us Flag for share for What?

Because of the song But Only one way to find out Yeah It's this pair of twins They're gonna tap dance along With this song And it's pretty fucking epic

Oh great So here we go For the listeners Just listen to the tapping Just listen to this happening It's the name Mr. Clean The devil's one

That was Yeah There you have it If I First of all Would have been better If they would have kept The white shirts on

It would have been great If they were in tempo If I saw this at a fucking county fair I'd leave Like that is where I'm at I would sit there With my deep fried cheese

Cake And a fucking elephant And I'm going to I'm like, that's it for me. Let's go see if the lines down on the zipper. Let's turn your tickets back in. Let's go.

Let's go watch the, uh, the, the fucking magician or the hypnotist. And I don't know them. I don't, I don't follow these fellas. I don't know if they're being funny. Um, it looks like they're trying to be serious. I think it and trying to be serious. Like this is like actually great. They pulled out their black outfits with glasses and doing the devil horns that their

moms thought they were cool. Fuck, guys. They were, dude, they were being edgy with that. I mean, fine. Whatever. But even, it was, I'm so mad. They have matching watches. You could tap dance when you flex it.

Come on. This is not flex. It's not. No, this is. How do you flex then? This is a flexing. They cut their sleeves off. They're flexing.

This is audible, like the audible abuse. You want to see it again? No. I don't want to ever see that. ever again. That made me like so mad. It's not even just that it's stickleback. The fact of just what I was watching and the fact that it wasn't in tempo.

We should probably watch it again. With these little twiddly tinkly feet. Flipping around and not even on fucking beat. And they're like just like you like this? That might be a lag thing though. We don't know. It could have been. Is this like, is this front of stage when the real band's setting up?

Like, what am I? Why am I? What? Wow. To me, it looks like a parking lot. It looks like they're in front of a, like a power transformer station. Yeah, transformers. Yeah.

Like, they went to the park and set this up. They're like, what's the edgiest place we could go? And they drove down to a vista. No, they drove, they drove down to the ghetto. And they were like, ah, too edgy. And they went to the park. Are you heavy fun yet? Are you?

Yeah Yeah Oh yeah You can't even drum off beat Let's do it Starts fine Can we get Joe up on the screen too there I want to when we get this uh

That's the part Look at these and they were like good enough Those are bitches at the end Ship it to the world Ship it Like just having Yeah You know, tap dancing is a dying art form, and you just shit on it.

I have nothing against tap dancing. I want everyone to do it right. I want to shit on pottery now. It's the Gardner Brothers, and they have 1.4 million subscribers on YouTube. Because they're fine. They are fine. They did it good. Just do it in tempo. Can we see something else, maybe?

They're dancing in Dubai. Oh, guys. Hi, we're virgins. Watch what magnesium does to your bowels. If you have to wipe more. Watch what magnesium does to your bowels. What position did you play? What position did you play?

Watch what magnesium done to your bowels. What the hell is going on? Grandson won. Watch what magnesium does to your bowels. I also played first base, grandson. Grandson. And I played well because I had to be my word. Your grandma.

This is your grandma, Bowles. Her last name, Mrs. Bowles. She took my name. First name, first name magnesium. First base, bowels. now batting magnesium bowels berry bowels on the on deck circle Pete Lecoq

sorry you're not going to make me watch any more of this okay we're done you think it'll save it I don't want to watch them just in Dubai yeah I want to see something else though don't you I mean they're dancing celebrating Ireland oh lot this

a ta ta a potato potato Their mom's filming. Yeah, it's nice foot. Makes sense that they're Irish. I'm not sure if they are, though. Some river dance shit. They just got here? This is post-riverance career.

That's what tapshus look like, huh? There we go. Fuck a tight. Come on. You know if this was on America's Got Talent? The crowd would be going nuts and the judge's standing up. For me, it's the little leap right here. I really go. Key, see, that's fine.

That's fine. That fits. That's just flexing. Restore it. They're good. Got it. Yeah. I mean, you can't.

Just be good at you. Do not ever try to pretend like it's cool. Let's hear from the kids. Let's go, Zach! All right. Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow. That's cool. What are you doing? Oh, God. The cheese bumps. How do we relate to Americans? Oh, yeah. And they just did that?

Yeah. what's a they're Canadian band oh yeah almost got it they're going for all of North America I are in our first yeah oh you having fun

yeah yeah yeah oh we haven't fun yet for the uh the audio listeners only Joe was tap dancing with some pens

on the table that was pretty good for all they know I was just straight up tap day I wore my taps today. Oh, man. What's up, Seth? Buckle up, apparently. Has he ever said anything just like normal?

No. What's up, you accidental non-pull-outs and Zach? I have yet another story for you. And sadly, it's not mine. Insert sad mummy. So this story comes from my co-worker Riley, and it's a good giggle. So we have a stupid inside joke where we do the Peter Griffin laugh at each other. Every chance we get because another friend of ours did it unintentionally, and it was hilarious.

It was a had to be their moment. Got it. Anyway, I told Riley one day he had to do it before he was going to be coming in it while having six. He giggled and said, no way, it's done. That's a good coworker. Hey, man, I got a dare for you. You say it. They're like, nope, stupid.

Well, two days later, he comes up to tell me he's got a ridiculous story or a hilarious story that I'd love. And oh boy, did I love it? He said the next night he was getting his dick sucked. When he thought of me telling him to do the Peter Griffin laugh. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention him and his girlfriend were high as fuck eating edibles. When we had that thought, he instantly busted out laughing like crazy. His girlfriend took his dick out and asked him why he was laughing or what was so funny and not in a good way.

he told her and he thought she thought it was stupid as fuck luckily the tension was still there so we got a good laugh and got to fucking also I've been trying to get him to listen to the podcast for six months and he hasn't tried it once get the fuck in here Riley come on man I responded to Seth I said well we'll read it we'll read it

get him on the show get him in here he said he'd listen if the story well was told on the episode if he does give him shit for not listening to the show or being an elf-sized muscle head. He needs uppies or a stepstool to see the top shelf of our FedEx trucks. But just ripped? Bye! Yeah.

It was like 5-6, but just like a wrecking ball. Dude, I give the bottom shelf hell. Sent from my friend's touchscreen vagina. All right. Well, get in here, Riley. Hopefully you find some new friends here. Welcome. We're all crazy.

Over to you. Brian? All right. This is coming in from our new kid Joseph. Hey, Joseph. A fellow Joseph. As you said, a lot of newbies coming in. Just out of, uh-huh.

Hey, oh, shit. If you just got here, this is the whole thing. Brian went to the doctor and found out he needs glasses and doesn't wear them. Back to you. They're actually in my, the console in my car. It's a great place for me. Back to you. Just found out about y'all from Zach and Skatcast.

Need Work Ear Candy. Happy to supply. Talking about slugs, and I was sure you guys were going to talk about something getting high off them. Okay. My dog avoids slugs as far as I can tell,

but the old man will catch the frogs out here and hold them down between his paws and just lick them. Fuck their day up. From that frog's perspective? Mm-hmm. What the fuck? Come inside and just look drunk, shaking, and can't walk. Used to do it all the time,

but I don't know if the dry, season kept the frogs away or of his age gave him knowledge, but hi and by fuckers. Just perfect. Straight to the point. How do you like, if you've had, you've had dogos and there's just like certain things that you can, I feel like you can train them on. And there's certain things that you're going to have a real hard time of stopping them from doing it unless you're just helicopter, you know, dog parenting or cat, whatever, stopping their thing. How do you stop besides just not letting your dog outside? You cannot stop a drug addict dog from licking frogs.

You can have a fucking choice. There's no way. Hey, come on, go outside. Come on, go party. Don't like any frogs. No. They're just, they love it. They're going to go out there fucking trap one of you.

And you're like, hey, don't like the frogs. Like you can't. It would a funny thing to yell. Yeah, yeah, get, hey, drop it. Don't, hey, don't get high. Drop it. Don't get high. You want to go back to rehab?

Dog rehab. When we were in California, we had a. Jack Russell Terrier and they had giant toads in my backyard. And we named this little toad and my kids loved it. And it had a wonderful name, Steve. And then we let our dog out, Drochnol. And he went right to it, murdered it right in front of the kids. Oh, my God.

Do you lick it? Do you get high? There was some licking involved, but it was more shaking. He did not get high. It was not one of those toads. Oh, man. That is my Toad story. Drachnall the Toad Slayer.

That's my Toad story. Just in time for the kids to start liking it and get attached to, it. Our boy was like, this is my favorite animal. Well, good luck on your hallucin, hallucinogenic, addicted puppy. Send some updates. I mean, they lick their balls. They look whatever. Like, yeah, you can't, you got to get one of those cones, I guess. Sure. Something. Or like go a reverse cone. Spray all the frogs with like some kind of repellent. All right, well, that's it. Episode 195.

We're going to head off into the bonus content, which you get by supporting us on Patreon. at patreon.com slash CandiduDidon Podcast. The email address to send stuff in is hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. And when you do support us on Patreon, we'll work our way through the honkathon goals. Keep it growing.

Get me off there. It's the number one way to keep this show going. Rate and review us. Go check out what Uncle Zach's doing. Skatcast. I wouldn't. Dot com.

That's scat with a K. Babysitters, thank you so much for moderating the Can You Don Playground on Facebook. Let's wrap this shit up. Zaz! Good, good. Let's wrap it up already, huh? Go.

Ready? Oh, a little joke for you. A little one? Just a little one. This morning, Sirius said, Don't call me Shirley. What? That's creepy.

I must have accidentally left my phone in airplane mode. That's a movie. A movie reference if you don't know the movie. Yeah, if you've never seen airplane. I am serious. And don't call me surely. Don't call me surely. Okay.

All right. It's a deep cut. Don't call me, Shirley. Yeah, go watch Airplane. You've never seen it. Then you'll get the joke. It's a bad day to stop sniff and glue. All right, let's get off into the bonus content.

All right. Time to do it. Say you on, brother. We do it.