Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Terrified. Canadian Elk. Random. Pizza?

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

I think we all know that feeling when you just NEED to have a drink... but I'm not sure if stopping for beer while on your way to the hospital with your wife after you just shot her is ever a good time for a drink. Let's talk about that, why is Canada so amazing, selling seats at your wedding to help cover the cost, forgetting where you parked your airplane, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/dct-S7j_dM0Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Terrified. Canadian elk. Random. Pizza. From the listener perspective, nothing has changed. From our perspective, we haven't seen each other for two and a half weeks. How you guys doing? That seemed weird. Last time we were all here was your birthday. Yeah, what a fucking party. It was nuts. That was fun.

Had an 80s theme. Had some friends step up because the whole place was decked out. I completely forgot about the theme. You showed up in a cowboy hat. I showed up in a golf shirt and cowboy hat. Just fucking Brian. He's like, nope. I just forgot.

Zach, you too, motherfucker? Yeah, I just know what I always wore. You guys just show up and everyone just fucking decked out and 80s stuff. You're like, whoops. So the only thing I remember was that, you were like jorts yeah that's all i remember and so when i showed up i saw your joy i was like oh fuck the jorts and then i walked in and it was like zach morris was like exploded all over the place yeah it was there was a blast a lot of fun little wild felt i felt weirdly dressed

because i showed up in a cowboy hat and a golf shirt going for like casual southern oil man the thought of casual southern nice that's never i don't know if that's ever been a birthday theme party. That's what I was going for. That'd be so funny to have a theme birthday. It's his casual Southern oil man. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? All the different takes on that. But anyway, the sentence you just said, oh, fuck the jorts.

I don't know if that thought has ever been. Oh, fuck, the jorts. Much of them has ever crossed anyone's mind. But happy to be back. We'll talk more about our little vacations and stuff. You went to Pre-slag. I was in fucking Canada. God damn, had a lot of fun up there. Episode 1-6-7.

Why are the kids saying they all do this? They all go, six, seven. I don't know. Were you not playing along with me in the six, seven, or you just... I don't even know what it is. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All the kids, like the teenagers and stuff, they're all going, six, seven.

Huh. They don't even know why they're doing it. I bet you. Same way they would say with the... What was that phase there? Oh, yeah, the hawk, too, when that all was going around? He had six-year-old, it's just going, Hock, too. Yeah.

Spit on that thing. You know what the fuck you're talking about. And if you do, that's even worse. My little kid down in the, they were playing Roblox on the Xbox, and the seven-year-old's like, Can I get a hoia? See, that I can get behind. Yeah, but still, if you knew what you were doing. Yeah.

Hawkathon, of course, that is still going at the time that we record this. Not quite to that 425, the goal being Brian Go gets his eyes checked. Getting close. But we are looking up different eye places for you to go to. That is happening right now. That's going to be weird. It's going to be great. Because it's going to be someone with no personality.

We're going to walk in there with filming it, you know? I'm not even going to film you, just them, the whole time. We're here to film Brian and his eyes, and they're like, okay, fine if we film? Like, yeah. And then I just shift in all right on everything they touch and never even look at you. 4.50, that hot air balloon ride, 475 seconds. So camera, 500, silly goose in the gaggle. Get the extra Patreon episode that we'll be recording every single month.

over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast be sure to send in your content suggestions to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com I didn't get a full view of what you just fucking did. I was just doing the bodybuilder.

Head shaking. Okay, good. Good. That's hot. I don't know. I just felt right. Yeah, whatever you find on the internet or things that happen in your own life, send that in to hey guys

at can you don't podcast.com. Do you know what time it is? Well, real quick. You don't know this. You don't know any. But for the people that watch the show on YouTube, I'm dropping little stuff all the time. Yeah. I'm going to have to edit the show, so I see it.

While you're talking, I just do a little fucking come in it. You do a little dittle down there. It looks like a slight. Oh, no, I have to edit the show. I know exactly what the fuck you're doing. Oh, okay. Yeah. But it is time to spin the wheel.

Oh, shit. All right. So a reminder, and we know it's been a couple weeks, but it just timed up with their vacation. We couldn't do it. So anybody who bought merch, I think it was like July 17th through August 12th. And on the back end, we can see everything that was purchased through can you don't podcast.com. And we have this little wheel here that's divided up into sweatshirts, miscellaneous, and t-shirts. Now, because during this last little month of merch stuff, we did throw out a hat.

We had the suffered Walrus hat that a lot of people bought. Because of the price of it, we're not putting that up. under miscellaneous. Okay, that's going to be a t-shirt because it costs like, I don't know, like 23 bucks or something.

It's like a healthy. Yeah, it's a healthy hat. Yeah. Um, so that's going to go inside a t-shirt. And we have all that information. I've pulled all the different options on my telephone. So no matter what it lands on,

I can go through there and randomly pick somebody. Are you ready? I'm so funny. Didn't you have a drum roll or something? Oh, yeah. Last time you looked one up. Oh, yeah.

We've got to do that again. Oh, shit. I should have had that ready. God, that's it. God damn it. Oh, always something drum it's going to you know there's going to be an ad i hope not for a drum

roll there it is look it right on cue and a fucking ad i need to sign into the your account here we go oh here we go get volume up there oh shit okay spinning spinning spinning here we go it's not going to time up like it didn't last time but we tried oh it's jumping back god damn why's it's spinning so long Come on Oh god Where was the crescendo? That means

That looks like it's close There's no crescendo It just The last one went Yeah Her was like Not great Alright but I think

Look at that That's T-shirt isn't it Let's see God It is right Oh my god Dude I don't know That's like on the

That's on the black line Like absolutely though If I had to pick one It would be on the t-shirt But holy shit oh yeah that's t-shirt just buy a sliff all right

what's less than a millimeter a kilometer a hundred hundred thousand a kilowatt kilometer speaking of my trip to Canada all right so it's on t-shirt let's see what we got here um all right

I'm going with Shannon Campbell Shannon Campbell wait come on yeah there it is that seemed like the right kind of music right oh yeah Shannon, we'll be reaching out to you. You won a $150.

We'll be doing another merch something, I'm sure. And also, thanks to everyone who used the code Joe 40. Fuck, dude, that really sparked up that merch store. That was fun. Good job, guys. So, Shannon, we'll reach out to you shortly and let you know that you won that $150 and where the fuck we should send it. All right, moving on.

Well, hold on. It's a hell of an intro, Brian. You got to keep going! How does it feel being 40? Oh. Similar to 39. Yeah. I mean, I'm not far in.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm already a little slower. Knees are hurting a little bit. You had to up your testosterone dosage? Not yet. Not still rock heart. You know what I mean? All right.

How's your tat looking? Oh, fucking look it. Look at that thing. Fucking, yeah. And fucking. I see, I mean, all the comments, everyone's just like, I did not know it's going to be that big. And every time I shower, I'm like, me either, dude. Me either.

Your arm is huge. Thanks, dude. Look at that. Are you hitting on me? Should I got it right here. Just running right on the thick of it. God damn. That's a good one.

All right, now can we get the show around? Yeah, let's do it. All right. Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. If you didn't move us along, we'd never get anywhere. We'd be fucked.

We'd be back fucking. You'd still be flexing? Yeah. The whole show is going to be just me flexing. It's just you flexing and looking in the camera. You're throwing sliders. Gives me 40 minutes of you rubbing your clip and flexing into the camera. I could do it.

I know. If you can find it. If anybody willing to watch that, maybe I'll start a new podcast. Called what? Just audio of me doing all this stuff. Clitch at? Lion's song. Oh, man.

All right, Brian. You found this baby. You read it to us. Shit. I don't even know we're at. Okay. Here we go. Oh, boy.

We've shifted recording By the way Had a little family stuff pop up on on Zaki's side And so we shifted it back like Four hours, not five hours now So definitely we're feeling a lot Everyone feels a little more funnier

It's a little bit more loosey It's not middle of the day Yeah Already had a whole hell of a day Yeah well yeah You know what I mean Yeah Just everyone's a little loopy

I like it Yeah a little loopy That's a good way to put it back to you hon Yeah so this one's not It's not like gross or nasty or like sexual or anything. It's just kind of a fun thing to think about. Would you rather gobble 10 dicks inside a birthday cake?

Or have the 10 dicks gobble you. Okay. Would you rather constantly worry about germs? So you? Yeah, but I'm not Mark Summers. Okay. You're not Howie Mandel. Yeah, those two guys are on another level.

You'll hug somebody. You'll give a high five. And it's not even about the germs. It's the obligation for the hug. It's the, I don't want to have to give this person a hug. got you know it's not about germs okay so worried about germs it's more about you as a person leave the germs out of it yeah I just yeah you're projecting you're projecting my feelings on germs and that's not it right okay

it's not what it's about okay okay okay or be terrified of a monster under your bed as a 40 year old man yeah so think about the child it's terrified but that's you as an adult every night you go to bed no matter where you're sleeping yeah always you couldn't like so obviously not you can't jump to the couch because you'll think there's a monster a monster is underneath wherever you're sleeping yeah wherever you're sleeping there's just a monster like i mean terrified is a strong word like that's the top could you go to sleep no well eventually you'd have to well yeah with enough sleeping pills right yeah like there's medication to you don't get a choice with some medications like ambien tried that for a bit you guys ever know

know that yeah i mean i know what it is but it has a wild ride probably damn probably 13 years or so ago had like a like a weird stretch of really bad insomnia where i was just like i was getting mabed Zach just a little sort of pouring my heart out like it was like a couple months of just getting like two maybe three hours asleep a night And that was like, we're sleeping pills. And I just, like, got to a point where it was so frustrating and it was fucking up my life. I went in, I got some Ambium. I took that, like, I think maybe one night, maybe two nights is what I meant to say,

and hallucinated my fucking ass off both times. And that was the end of that. Is that why they have a butterfly in their advertisement? Isn't that the L one? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was getting targeted by all that shit. I forget what it was called, though. Lins...

O Zempick? No. Linzess. O'Reilly's. You're not sleeping. You're so tired. Woo! I don't know.

Hallucinated. But terrified of monsters under your bed. But here's the thing. Let's say you're having hallucinations. If you're already going to bed terrified, is that just going to amplify those? So those, maybe they're like very specific hallucinization. So that's a weird word. hallucinizations

hallucinizations Let's change that word To something Is it a sentence please? No I don't know how to say hallucinizations Ma'am

Ophofficer Ophofficer? I mean you're drunk or any hallucinations What Please step out of the vehicle You need to get out of the vehicle immediately The key word in this entire Would You Rather is terrified

It's not scared Of a monster under your bed Because being scared To something Like terrified is the crippling, can't control your thoughts, that there's a fucking monster under your bed?

You're making your wife check. Honey? You're supposed to be a strong man. All day, like you're a fucking, you're a lumberjack. You would fight off a grizzly bear to save your family. You've just gotten off three straight months on an oil rig, and you come home

and your wife has to check for a monster under the bed. Push your fucking work boots out of the way. what's that oh yeah you have a microphone Zach yeah

that makes it easier tough guy that's because he's laying down on the fucking bed it is god damn dude oh yes I guess we did a live

before the show so if you were caught the live you saw the bed saw the bed otherwise that doesn't make sense I mean I think about something like truly terrified

where you get you back and you like someone's like come on just get on the roller coaster but you you can't do it and your body shuts down. That's what I think of with terrified. So that sucks.

We're constantly just worried about germs. I think there needs to be, we need to think about the worry as an equivalent of terrified. So terrified about germs or terrified of a monster? You're terrified of a monster, but you are like, it's like, what's the word,

debilitating, but it's... Like OCD type of germs thing. So bad that you can barely go outside because you're worried about germs. Yeah, that's a word. I feel like Zach would know it. Not germophobic?

Well, but, but, but, but, but, like, debilitating to wear, like, you crippling is what I was thinking. Like, a crippling kind of like fear. Like, you go outside and you have to wear gloves and a mask and your skin can't, and you can't touch anything in public. You have to spray everything down before you touch it. I think it needs to be that level because it needs to be. But, equal. But get a hell of a night's sleep.

Oh, yeah, you sleep like a baby. Unless you're scared of the germs in your bed. then that also sucks yeah but they're your germs so maybe you can get past that okay i think it's i think it's like yeah you're basically what you're trading is a really nice good night sleep for being able to leave the house yeah just be tired because you're terrified a fucking monster god you'd have no friends no dude it's one thing to have that as a kid you're like i can't sleep over timie's house because i'm afraid of monsters but you're like you go over to Imagine, like, going a first date with a gal and things are getting a little hot and heavy, and maybe you guys do a little, uh, sex.

Yeah. Oh, I pushed that. There it is. And she's like, when you sleep over? I would, I just, I feel like I want to, uh, come to, um, coming in there. I feel like I want to fucking come in. Can you imagine, is anything more terrifying than someone lubing up their hands with Perel going, you fucking yeah? You want to...

Maybe that's what the monsters do. Maybe that's what the monsters do. He's like... He's peaking out going like, you're fucking coming in it? You're having sex with this girl. You're fucking coming. He's like, you get a fucking coming in it. Are you fucking coming in it?

I'm going to come in you. If you don't come in, I am. It kind of sounds like Dr. Claw a little bit from Spector Gadget. I'll get you. I'll get you. Next time, Gadget. Next time. Yep.

I don't... I'm going to go with tired I mean cocaine exists for a reason so I'm going to be fucked up about monsters take some sleeping pills and then just rip blow all day

and have a pretty good life to be short what a ride it's going to be goddamn the next 10 years of my life are going to be real fun fighting off sleep

deprivation and just do them blow it's the monsters man Dude, you basically be going on schizophrenic, like you're, that's basically where you're... Yeah, the mental health issues are going to catch up. That's the, you're going to have some fun, but that's going to be your future. The social acceptability of being worried about invisible things versus a monster, I think, is something to consider too.

Like, so if you're just freaked out about little, like, germs and shit, I think everyone kind of gets it, right? Because they make you sick, you can't see them, like, what are they doing? Like, but a fucking monster. as men in our 40s and I can say that now and that's cool yeah welcome to the club thanks dude um

you guys there's no one no one's fucking want to be around you but you're also thinking about how other people are reacting to you it's important it is important but I think what's more important is the

and your wife's not staying with you it's you it's how you can deal with everyday life but your wife your kids everybody like yeah they don't sleep They're going to leave you. Yeah. Like, you're gone.

Like, they're like, I'm not fucking sticking around for, what, what do you call them? The fucking Demigorgon. Demagorgon. Yeah. It's like, it's coming. Baby, it's almost here. Go to bed, you fucking psychotic. I can feel it moving and touching my leg.

You're a pirate. Ar, wifey. He's touching me leg. Ar, wifey. I mean, you probably go fucking mad. So you would. No one's going to be around. you're going to be a disaster at the nursing home

yeah but you're trying to change your diaper it's coming Defagorg is coming running around the room rubbing shit everywhere they're like god damn it Like they're trying to play bingo Like you can't even do that

Well you're fucking nuts Because you'll be so tired Right anyway But I also Oh shit I lost it That's all right It'll come back to you Oh yeah

Nope Jesus Oh yeah So you're like Well are you just not going to go to On trips with your family Yeah Because you germ thing?

Yeah Okay so live a life in a house Where you can kind of At least have your own little domain But they all leave to go to Disneyland or Disney World And they're like You're like how fun You're just going to be a pain in the ass

Yeah but maybe they don't want you there But at home like you said It's your own germs And if we're putting in the caveat That that's not going to Control your life You're not worried about germs in your own house You can't do anything with your family

Which you might like it, maybe Yeah, be the best day ever But that's going to be every day Oh no, I can't go to parent-teacher conferences That's terrible, what are we going to do? Best life ever That's coming up Yeah, it is

Okay, I'm going to pick terrified of a monster under your bed Sleeping pills, cocaine God damn Then I can leave my leave and go out and least be a person even though I'm really tired I was just kind of making jokes about it I hadn't thought about what I really think until

you just said what you would do well you better fucking figure it out Brian Brian Zach you go first I'd fight a monster every night I think yeah a mental one it's not actually there I think you'd finally just like you'd be so scared you'd succumbed to

being tired you'd fall asleep so I think I'll go with that too all right we're on the same page It feels like it's been a long time But maybe not I feel like one of us just picks the other one Just to be a dick Yeah, it's usually me But

All right, let's move off to what are you thinking about Zah! Hey Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit

What are you thinking about? All right. Canada? Canada, let's get right on into it. Oh shit! Oh, shit. For the golden geese Maggie Stoll.

Jason Clacer Daniel Spatz Jordan Holiday Matthew Litter Your Sofa King Chris Ethan Daniel Kaila

Neer Daphini Matt Juntz God man That's Zeus the goose He really does fucking come out of nowhere God damn He guys got to get a better sense of timing Yeah

He just doesn't get it No I don't know if you ever will He's fucking Zeus you can do whatever he wants. Man, that's very true. She's lightning bolts out of his eyes. But thank you again, the Golden Geese.

You guys are fucking awesome. Again, we have that $100 a month tier. And we'll see. We'll see it what pocket. It's all locked up. All 10 spots are taken. We'll see how the next month go. People stay in, fall out.

But you guys are fucking awesome. Thank you. So, yeah, Canada stuff. And I'm just going to open this up. I've never really had these thoughts, but as a murk. Okay. Like you do hear like Canada. I've got to be like cold.

No, fuck. Cold blooded American. Cold. Like Canada's cold, a bunch of fucking pussy's. Like that kind of shit. Like, what are you guys doing up there? Come on. The Great White North.

Grow a pair. Yeah. Anyway, and I haven't spent a whole lot of time in Canada just kind of fucking around. So I did that. And I will say, Canada, you guys are fucking killing it. Yeah. Like, it is, you guys are doing it. All your people are great.

Even their A&W. Rit beers good. Fucking that. They got that Rout beer? They had a walk-up dairy queen? Fucking kidding me! So we spent, I mean, almost a week, it was six days, just kind of fucking off all over British Columbia, which I guess, if you're looking for like the mountainous parts of Canada, which is what we wanted, that's what you're going to get, right? The Rockies, baby.

Yeah, so we got like an Airbnb for the first three days that we were there. It was like 20, 25 minutes outside of Nielsen. 20, 25, huh? Yeah, 25 minutes. Oh, yeah. Which I'm going to get to all the fucking what the fucks a kilometer shit here in a second, because that's really funny. But we stayed just in a wall tent that had just a bed in it. You know what a wall tent is?

Like on the side of a mountain? Yeah. Like you're climbing a mountain and you stick a tent on the side? No, that's not it. It's fucking pussy. Yeah, that's real, dude. I know. I know that's real.

Can you imagine that? Can you do that? You have to climb up and then. Spent three days on the side of Yosemite. Yeah, dude. That's what I'm picturing. I would have set a canada about if I knew the name of it. But no, so it's like a tent.

Basically looks like a, I don't know, like a war tent. So the sides are hard, the frame inside of it. Nice heavy cloth to just slow down a bear. Yeah. Make them think twice. Not stopping a bear. Yeah, it's not stopping it. Slow them down a little bit.

Just makes sure you're awake when it rips your face up. Yeah. Like that type of tent. Yeah, it's the fear of the monster in your bed. That's what they want. Like, I'd almost rather just be in the open to the bear would just kill me, opposed to wake up, be terrified, then have it kill me. Yeah, I want to get murdered in my sleep.

Okay, noted. So I don't want to. Oh, yeah. That's how we all want to go, right? Yeah, I think so. Or something crazy, like hot air balloons. Take that, man. And so Walton, Outdoor Kitchen, had a nice, like a little wrap-around deck

They just looked out into the fucking mountains Just a herd of elk All the time Just around the fucking tent And he was like, hello elk Anybody's shooting them? No one's shooting them You just like

We did have a weird one Just doing elk stuff Yeah the very last night We stayed there Shit got a little weird We didn't know what the fuck was out there There was a neighbor screaming Like being like

And then their car alarm went off And then the dogs were going Like all the neighbor dogs Because dogs have a purpose up there You know like your friend They sleep in your bed They're there to fucking kill you Wild life

Yeah to make sure shit doesn't kill you Yeah So they're all outside all the time And they were losing their fucking minds And this guy was screaming And then the car alarm was going off We're like, oh boy So I brought the axe

That was out by the firewood And put it on the nightstand And I had an air horn And an axe And I was like, good night babe I get my bed time But we had I mean just again Back to Canada

Beauty First night Oh you'll love this one because I think we talked about it when you on the show at some point you were in Canada I think you went to Nelson area at the Ainsley Hot Springs yeah Cassie and I we went there um I think our first

day so we stayed the night and then the next day we drove there and we wanted to get a bite to eat beforehand there's a restaurant above it and we looked out into it and we're like we're not fucking doing this what the fuck is that like how does everybody in this part of the country know about this hot springs because it fucking sucks it's not that great it was a little cave

it's god And it was, I don't know, whatever the price was, like, I didn't even, I was like, we're not doing this shit. So we just didn't, and we left, we just kept driving. And then drove past us, like, we, the waitress were like, we don't fucking do it. She goes, I wouldn't do it. Just to be clear real quick, my wife took us there a few years ago, and she talked it up. And I remember we get in there and being like, I mean, I didn't. Was it packed too like it was?

It wasn't too bad. Oh, this was like, it was just nothing but people on all those benches. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't too bad. Okay. But I remember thinking I was expecting something different. I know, that was my thought. Like, I thought we were sitting in a volcano or something. You get it?

And the caves were like, there was a swimming pool. Yeah, they give you a headlamp to go in the caves. It's like, what the fuck? No. The cave was pretty cool, but it was small. Yeah. But it's hot in there. Cool, nice, dude.

A little misty. Anyway, that was my first thought. I was like, how the fuck does everyone know about this? And this is what it is. We all flock to that. God damn. So anyway, we didn't do that. And the waitress was like, don't blame you.

Here's something really cool you guys could do. I wish I didn't live here either. Yeah. And she pointed us out of town and we saw where this waterfall was and we drove past it. We went to like this fucking hippie town. I want to say it was Kelso or Kelko. And it was so fucking fun. We went to a meat shop.

It was called Mike's Meat Shop. Yeah, it was, dude. They walked in there and just picked up a bunch of steaks. Got back in the car. Everyone, like for whatever reason, no matter how weird or nice or fancy or shitty dressed everybody, at least in BC, they all wear boots, like work boots. So like someone's wearing a chick wearing a sundress and muddy work boots. I was like, because always ready to fucking run. Never know, dude. Never know when you're

going to pick up and run. Not going to be able to get back to your family. Because of a fucking moose attack. You might be in a tree for two years. You don't know. Put your fucking boots on. You want to be up there in stilettos, dude. Yeah. So we did that, drove by, got some stakes, went back, hiked down to this beautiful waterfall, probably 80 foot. It just went out to the water. They call it the Columbia River, but it might as well be the biggest fucking lake you've ever seen in your life. It just runs through the entire territory. Did that, got back in, drove back by Ainsworth, flipped it off, never went to there, and then got back into town and decided to like stop and get like a bite and some drinks. Went into the spot. Everyone's so nice

within like 10 minutes we're getting along with everybody they're like offering to give us shroom pills and we're like fuck yeah

eat those get back out to our fucking tent laughing our ass off cooking steak with elk all around us just making a fire playing music

just laughing so hard fuck yes can't it out on mushrooms I can't disclose that I don't want to get in trouble I don't want to lose my kids Brian

so we may or may not have done too many mushrooms and it was so much fun and the next day got up drove out to another waterfall to a ferry situation that I didn't even know existed

where there's a ferry that goes not even kidding you like maybe a thousand feet and you just drive your car on and it's on ropes or on cables and it just brings you across the river you can't drive across well you can save a bunch of money like think of the future

build a bridge it's going to save you so much money Is it a free ferry? Yeah and it's free yeah like just like everything Which brings me to our next point We did the ferry thing Went to another waterfall

Ferryed back, went into fucking Nelson again Went to a Himalayan salt mine To get a fucking massage And she beat the shit out of Cassie and I both Like just a great massage She squirt on you? No, just beat the shit out of us Oh

So our muscles hurt And she had a conversation with Cassie About like her hip Because Cassie's hips She's been bothering her And they started talking about health care shit and just blowing this masseuse's mind. She goes, oh, yeah, we'll just go in and get a fucking referral.

He's like, well, you can't get that unless you hit my deductible. She goes, what? Well, you have to hit like, it was like $5,000 or $7,000. And then she goes, wait, what? And she's like laughing. She goes, no fucking way. She goes, I'll just walk over there. I just walk over there.

There's a door right there. She's like, I just walk in there and say, hey, my fucking hip words. And they'd be like, oh, let's take a look. All right, let's get you referred out to it. Get you some physical education. You go get a hip referral and they send you to PE class. Just work it out. Get a little personal trainer.

Do a little rope climb. He's like, no, you can't get those. Like, everything just costs thousands and thousands of dollars. So you hit your deductible. She goes, that's fucking nonsense. What's a deductible? She's like, what's a deductible? Literally was her response.

She was like, I don't even know what the fuck that is. Yeah. It's like, oh, good for you. See, that's what the America, they always want to say that Canada is a bunch of Pussies and it's all propaganda Yeah, they got a good stuff going on there Although there are Canadians that think that Yeah

Oh absolutely So that's all good shit Jump around went to a casino, lost money Went and played golf in the middle of fucking nowhere By like Red Mountain I haven't played I played like one round of golf In the last two years And played the best round of golf my entire fucking life

Because your hip didn't hurt No got stopped Nice Got stopped by the cart girl Cart Lady Yeah Had a fucking 25-minute conversation. Everyone's laughing.

We go, like, we're getting, you know, getting some drinks. And I was like, well, all I have is 18 bucks. And she goes, what I forget what the price she said? She goes, oh, that's fine. She goes, I was like, okay. She goes, all right, bye. She took off. So we gave us like.

Just driving off with a smile on her face. Yeah, it gave us, like, $65 with the alcohol for $18. Took off. And then we went back to the clubhouse, and the guy was like, we're getting some food. And two kids walk in with $4. And they're like, how much can we get with this? And he just looks at him and goes, he goes, well, first he goes, he goes, he goes, what's up, kids?

Which was really funny to me. And they're like, we would give him for the kid candy with this. And he goes, uh, he goes, you could barely get one with this. And he goes, oh, but let me take a look at the sheet. And he's looking at nothing. He goes, it's two for four dollars today. I'm like, you wouldn't see that fucking shit in America. I mean, maybe some places, but just back to back, to back, to back kindness.

Then after that, we leave. golf, go into town, get a hotel room. The guy's like, oh, I don't know what's available. I don't have to be like a tiny rooms left. And we're joking around with him. We're making them laugh a bunch. And it went from no rooms to a fucking sweet. It's because we're laughing in the lobby. I like

you guys. And I was like, this series of shit is just fucking Canada. And so I'm moving. And so is the podcast. Great. Yeah. Anyway, hell of a drive. One bad thing about Canada. Clean up your fucking lawns.

okay like the outskirts of any small town in america you have like a lawn that has like a thing in it like make it like a like a broken down truck and like maybe a boat and maybe not trimmed up Canada every lawn has 400 boats and 600 cars and none of them work they're all junk yards and and and a lot of houses don't even have siding just take get it together out there in the countryside well they're off doing other things they're hiking and doing other shit they're not spending any time with their house yeah they're doing everything else that's cool. Does you have any Mountie

encounters? No Mountie encounters. We saw one cop. One cop in the week that we were there. One. But a bunch of kids running around with their shoes off. Eating chocolate, having the best fucking time of their life. No parent in sight.

Just fucking Canada's doing it. So anyway, if anyone thinks anything bad about Canada. Oh, I saw a bunch of ketchup chips. We've talked about that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And zesty mortal and all that. And we were in a store once.

and a guy walked up to the counter next to us. We were looking kind of at the deli to grab something fast to eat. He walked up and ordered 700 grams of turkey. And Cassie and I both looked at each other and started laughing because we have no idea how much turkey that is. Like, I don't even have a ballpark of 700 grams of turkey. Like, that could be two butterball turkeys or a slice. Yeah.

It was like a frozen, like a giant frozen one. Or could be seven of them? Like, I don't have, like, an understanding of what 700 grams of turkey looks like. Like, not even close. Yeah. And then another one, all the gas stations, it was just like, you know, from here, a gallon, it's like, ah, $2.289 a gallon. You know, $2.89. And then in Canada, it just said $142.

Mm. No decimal. Just $142 fucking what. It's not dollars. That's for sure. Is it a Canadian dollar? It's tourneys and loonies. Yeah, tunis and loonies.

and our dollar is worth more. I know that because of the casino because you try to pull out some money and then you can kind of, you know, it's worth quite a bit more. But it doesn't translate to gas prices apparently. They jacked up the prices.

It's 142 what? It's not $142 per liter. $142 per liter? I don't know what it is. Yeah. 142 grams grams of gas here's my wallet

just give me back how much you think I deserve yeah one one liter of gas cost 700 grams of turkey yeah and you're like I don't even know

you guys are talking about but here's my card does this work yeah oh man I've always been like that with drugs or something like that people like

oh it's like an ounce of weed or they're talking about that I'm like I don't know how much that is and you just give them a thumbs up you're like yep I don't know how much it is I know it's funny

like 20 grams Yeah, drugs and track and field America just gave up on Trying to come up with their own thing for it Yeah Like you don't run the 200 yard dash Right Yeah, it doesn't exist

And you don't buy I don't even know what to say What? What is an American thing for cocaine You get one gram of cocaine Three grams of cocaine What's the other Two inches

Yeah, we're gonna get two inches of blow Is that in a line Or is that two inches per square? Yeah. Square inches? Can I get, uh, can I get 0.64 square inches of cocaine? What? I don't know.

I'm trying to mix that up. I don't know. I'm fucking American. They put it in like those little, symbol. You have a fumble. A little thimble. Kind of a thimble of low.

A symbol of low. Anyway, so Canada, fuck yeah. Had a blast. We'll be going back. It's funny. He said, Canada. Fuck yeah. Mm-hmm.

Canada. Fuck yeah. There you go. That was fun. Yeah. So we were up at priests and I don't really have any good stories. But we're like, we went up and did a hike way up above the lake. And I think we were probably 20 minutes from Canada.

Really? So we weren't rat far apart. Joe! Joe! Why? Pick some huckleberries? Yep. They tried to get us to go on a huckleberry thing.

Yeah. Didn't do it. It's funny at Huckleberry. Oh, no. I've had enough. People, they don't want to disclose their locations. It's like a honeyhole for fishermen It's like I ain't telling you nothing

I'm telling you nothing I'm telling you nothing You can fuck it over my dead body Over my dead body About them fucking huckabird Yep Alright slide off to some dick Okay let's rip it

Zach Is it dumb Is it interesting Is it cool Then it's dick Dirk Oh Did get feeling a little sick though

On my trip out there Still kind of recovering you want to take this one sick of Canada or just no just my throat throat and brain and body felt got a little sick maybe the air was too fresh yeah maybe fucking off in a tent on the side of a mountain maybe a little something yeah yeah all right well this is an interesting story will you tell me about it man allegedly shoots the what shoots the wife shoots the wife shoots he shoots the cow takes the wife the man shoots the wife hi ho the dairy oh the man The man shoots the wife.

The man gets a beer. The man digs a hole. The man digs a hole. I don't want to air you. Canada. Oh, nice. Thanks. Man allegedly shoots wife stopped for beer while driving her to a hospital.

So that was, that relationship. It's going to be closed on the way back. So that relationship's going well. Memphis, Tennessee. A Tennessee man is accused of. shooting his wife. They said Florida written all over it.

I'm a little surprised. Memphis is also pretty hard. I'd like to go to Memphis. Yeah? Yeah. Not above Nashville, but I hear good things.

Walk in a win. You know me walking to me or. Who I will. But when wife stopped, or, whoa.

When wife stopped for beer, man digs a hole. Tennessee and Memphis, boy, I'd like to something. Like to fucking go

Like to fucking go Tennessee man is accused of shooting his wife But stopping for beer on the way To take him to the hospital for treatment Hold your horses What we know According to Facebook post By Shelby County Districts

Attorney Office 51 year old De Carlo Pitchford Pulled the trigger on his wife last month Nice Just say shot Pulled the trigger on Sounds like a sex move Yeah he

He's like did you pull the fast one on her? Did you pull the trigger on her? What? Yeah, you bet you did. No, I mean, I fucking shot her. Yeah. I bet you did. That's what I'm saying.

I bet you were coming here. You fucking hear. The victim told authority is that she was being blocked from leaving, and her husband shot her. He said, I told you to stop playing with me. Bitch? Yeah. I added the bitch in. Yeah, that wasn't in there.

Prosecute. Huh? Bitch said, WJBL. WJBL, Corresponded. Corresponded. Corresponded Memphis. Prosecutter said. said pitch ford.

Can it, let's just pitchfork. Just say it's pitchfork. Pitchford? No one's saying pitchford. No, they're all thinking pitchfork. No, the people with pitchforks are out for this guy, probably. Prosecutor said pitchford took his wife to the hospital for treatment, but stopped for beer along the way.

He's charged with second degree murder, domestic assault, and a felon in possession of a firearm. He's currently being held for $350,000 bond. I mean, how are you not going to do he? He's like, I'm not an idiot. Well, aren't you going to drink them? Like, she's like bleeding out. I'm not a fucking idiot. What's that going to do?

I'm going to drink my feelings away. Go he's... Get out my way, bitch. authorities have not elaborated on the condition of the victim okay all right thanks wb glde so i'm a little confused here why because i thought i i thought the article that i saw is that the woman died oh well i'm betting you could search up murder or stops for beer on update tonight at 10 Yeah, second degree murder He's charged a second degree murder

Domestic assault And fell in the possession of a firearm But So authorities have not elaborated on the condition She did die Yeah, second degree murder Would definitely We're not sure

We're not sure But we're going to charge With second degree murder Any questions? Yep, in the back? Yeah She did So she did

So Yeah WBD Memphis WD, MED WD, Memphis here Is she dead? It's a second degree murder, right? Yeah, yeah.

So she dead? We're not going to come any further on the condition of the victim. Then why the fucks he charged a second degree murder? We're just getting ahead of it. Shouldn't it be attempted murder?

Shut the fuck up! Like just the craziest press conference at all time. Everyone's arguing back before. I don't tell you about to do your job. Yeah, but you're a I'm a fucking just got here journalist

Jesus I didn't even want to take this one I don't want to take this one Seems pretty clear Get them out of here Okay well that's not funny But Yeah stop and the relationship is not going well

So When you're like hold on one second Pull over the 7-11 That seems like one of those things you would do Like you'd I guess he took her to the hospital It was nice of him It wasn't the least he could do

Because I mean The worst you could have done was killed her We got beer Dumped her in a river And then stopped for beer And like went back and watched Like Mariners game

Yeah What's Memphis gris Grizzly's game Yeah grisly game Grizzly murder If the NBA was happening Um

Yeah see that is the worst But almost worse It's like Shoot her and be like Come on Get in the car Yeah yeah He's got, she's fucking

honged over, bleeding. He's in the car, rolls the window down. Hurry up, you're going to die. He's like, can you help me? The quick stop opens and closing six minutes, bitch. Get in the car. Get in the fucking car. Come help.

I don't want to get blood all over me. I got to go in the fucking store. Can't go in the store like that. Be asking questions. I'll take you to the hoax, but I'll take you off. God, I told you not to play with me. Yeah, but any, I mean, anytime, he must have thought, wasn't that big a deal

like he was just kind of like bitch like I'm just gonna shoot her leg just to kind of get it a fuck calm her down you know yeah well that's I couldn't be in a relationship that's that it's just like

didn't he say that he's just in the way she was in the way or something yeah he was blocking but she was blocking the way yeah and then he was just like well I'm trying to get the I'm trying to get beer

yeah you ain't get more beer he's pushing six minutes bitch I told you this. Yeah, he was proving a point whether she lived or died. Mm-hmm. That he seriously had to get to the store. Yeah. Yeah.

He's like, I'm going to take you with me just to show you that it's about to close. Yeah, it's a healthy relationship. For some reason, I want to say all this stuff in like a Samuel Jackson voice. Well, because it has that kind of vibe. It has a Pulpiction vibe. It does. Yeah. Bitch, get the fuck out the way.

Bitch, I told you once. I ain't going to tell you again. Yeah. you get it. All right, so move off to our next story. Sure. This one is hilarious to me. Not to the guy who owns the airplane.

But still kind of. Mystery deepens as California man's plan keeps getting stolen, taken for a joy ride, repaired, and returned. There's no real leads. I mean, fuck me, right? Someone keeps stealing a California man's plane and taking it for joy rides. and the owner can't figure out who or why. Jason Hong, 75, owns a 1958 Cessna Skyhawk. God damn.

That's a good year. That's a good year for the Cessna. Hell yeah, it was. Single engine plane. He told the Los Angeles Times that although he doesn't fly much anymore, he went to visit his plane. You got to go check in on it. Tell me you're lonely without telling me you're lonely.

I'm gonna head on down there Go check on the old plane He did it on his birthday Are you gonna fly? Nope Just checking on it Yep checked on his plane July 27th

His birthday Was it his birthday or was it The airplane's birthday? Didn't specify Only to find out it wasn't in its hangar At Corona Municipal Airport Which is just east of Anaheim Which is so necessary to the story

It is I got confused He told the paper I thought Did I park it somewhere else? Huh It just goes up here like It's a fucking

Costco parking lot? Yeah, he's like... God damn. He's hitting the alarm on it. Yeah, like, I mean, fucking... Just picturing, you know, you walk out of Costco, you got the long one. He's got to get some toilet paper, maybe a pallet of milk for a Boy Scout camp. And you're pushing it out.

And you're just like, huh. Where the fuck did I park? Let me just a second. See, that happens to everybody. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but it's a fucking airplane. I mean, there's not that many airplanes. No.

And that airport is probably 10 to 15 airplanes Yeah, fuck me Spread out Did I park in an A? I knew I should have taken a picture Which hanger was this? What fucking hangar am I in?

Come here, Jay Come on, Jason Is it your birthday? Yeah, let's get you out of here Get you out of here You sold that plane 40 years ago, bud? Yeah, he's reliving some old past

Oh, that was a so good What's a hell of a pilot? I know you were, Jason. Come on. Let's get you home. I thought that I parked it somewhere else Did the airport manager move it?

But I looked all over Hmm Fucking Tony I shunk the airplane Hogg began asking Did you just walk all the way Around the airport too? Just walking down the tarmac

Pushing his airport alarm Airplane alarm Peepeepin Jesus Christ Jesus We're gonna go on the runway God damn I forgot it was July 27

It's chasing on the fucking tarmac again It's his birthday This is his birthday We've got to put up a banner Every fucking year I left my airplane right here So Hong began asking around for details In what may have happened to his plane

And eventually learned that on least two occasions An unknown pilot had been flying it across Southern California Neither he nor police can figure out Who had taken his plane He reported the aircraft missing And hope police could locate his old treasure Is that a pawn shop? Yeah

I got to bring in my Airbus, Sessna professional. I got this Gibson, Les Paul, and the Sessna. I got a buddy that specializes in 75 Cessna Skyhawks. Mind if I get him down here. Ninety-58 Sessna Skyhawks. No, I'm good with that. And then the interview. Dude, I look forward to them.

I look forward to them coming down here. It's just going to verify how to verify everything I know. I'm best with planes and gold. Yeah. And kilos a blow. two days later someone from the la verne police department called

and told them the plane had been located at Breckett Field Airport about 25 miles northeast of Corona Municipal Airport it's like the whole airplane situation is the fucking wild west like why can you just fly shit wherever you want Hong traveled to the airport and found his plane parked no worse for where aside from garbage

and cigarette butts that have been left in the cockpit That's pretty damning evidence right there It's fucking D.B. Cooper, dude. To prevent any further joyrides, Hong decided to pull the battery out of the plane. He planned to return the next weekend to clean it up and give it an inspection to ensure whoever snatched his plane

hadn't damaged the aircraft. Twice in one year, huh? Not even his birthday. On August 3rd, Hong returned to the airport and started working on his plane only to find it was gone again. Fuck, did I park? God, I knew I, God. I got to start.

Hey, Jason. Yeah. Can you push the alarm? Yeah. In the sky, you hear, bea, bleep, weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. Guy with a big ass cigarette or fucking cigars,

like, ah, he got me. He's under me. Cigat an high, bitch. That's a corkscrew. Cigarette. floating down in this guy. He reported the plane missing again and

again and received a call this time from the El Monte Police Department. His plane had been found at Sandgate Valley Airport. Approximately 18 miles west of Brackenfield Airport. He just keeps going further away. You'll never get... Have fun driving, Jason. They'll never catch me.

He traveled to yet another airport to find his plane. When he've located it, he found that someone had replaced its battery. Can't stop me. Sergeant Robert Montanias of the Corona Police Department told the L.A. Times that the plane keeps disappearing out of the blue.

You guys' your security is a fucking shit joke. So terrible, dude. Someone just walks in like, I got my airplane battery. What? I'm going to take it for a little ride. Yeah, need a little... Is this your plane?

I know. Have fun. You'd think you'd need to have a code or something. Like, yeah, anything. Like your call letters? Some sort of like pilot information? I don't fucking know. Or, like, don't let that particular, like, call number be, like, leave the fucking airport.

You read it off and, like, tan-a-n-niner. Maybe he's just fucking, he's just doing it. Yeah. Without letting anybody know. Even scared. People don't typically steal planes. It's so rare that the Corona Police Department had to give Hong paperwork meant for stolen cars to make his report. He just had to scratch out car and put airplane and all the forms, all the forms.

Like Sharpie. And they should hear. Plain. It's an airplane all-wheel drive. Stolen airplane report. Press 1 if you're airplane. It's been stolen. You have the initial at each time they scratch it out.

God, what a tedious thing. Yeah, so anyway, he assumed based on the number of flights and the times at which the pilot has been traveling, that whoever is flying the plane has flight training. And landing is not easy. I mean, it's not that hard. I've met pilots. You too?

I mean, scary, but most of the time they make it. The mystery pilot, yeah, not only apparently knows how to fly, but also how to maintain a plane. Hong pointed out that in order to change the battery, the pilot would have to have both the tools and the knowledge needed to complete the job. Hong estimates that between the new battery, the tools needed to do the repair, and a new headset he found inside the cockpit. The mystery pilot likely has spent hundreds of dollars just to keep his old Sessna in the sky. someone breaks into your house they're looking for jewelry or cash right he told the only times

but in this case what's the purpose it's like someone breaks my window and they put the new one up what? What of these flights on his birthday was at 1.30 in the morning

yeah so anyway the only resembling a lead is a description of a woman in her 40s or 50s who another pilot of the San Gabriel Valley Airport saw sitting in his plane

on multiple occasions. He stood out to the pilot because he couldn't understand why she'd sit around in a cockpit rather than inside the airport's air-conditioned lounge. Hong has chained the airplane up at the San Gabriel Valley Airport. You don't think this person has fucking some bolt cutters? They can replace a battery. Your plate's gone right now, Hong. Just chained it up like an old dog sitting in their car.

That'll do. That's not going anywhere. Kling, bling, cling. Put a couple, like, what are they called? Fuck the club no god damn it Ratchet straps down oh yeah You snap them like this baby's not going anywhere So he goes and walk by with a pair of scissors click

CNN hit L a air see an L a X nerd Right in his rage just right fuck you And the smoke fuck you Jason And then fuck you long Fuck you long And the smoke up of the like the wicked witch Oh my god So he's chained it up

Hold not flying until he can get an inspection done on the plane for now his plane is likely secured but Hong is no closer to learning who keeps taking his plane and why it's the strangest thing it really is how do they figure this out I don't know but it's so so funny so I just vision so like

when I when visualize what's happening here with the replacing I'm picturing like one he's like he just takes off like the fucking right wing or something like that you know the tail fin yeah and he just takes it he's like he's walking his arm he has the Costco blog cart

Uh-huh. And he's like, no fucking way this time, dude. Wheel his tail fin off the property? God damn it! It's a brand new, perfectly fabricated fin. See ya, see you eight miles away, loser. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, he's just, I have to keep driving a little bit further each time, different airport, you know?

He's like 15 minutes west. He's just chasing down your airplane? I mean, he's not flying it. I know, I know. At least somebody's... Someone's using it. If it just sits there, it's getting, you know, it needs to be flown. Yeah, if he just goes so far, takes that off.

He dismantles the whole airplane and then she never takes it again. Mm-hmm. He has to put his own airplane back together and then he takes it. He waits a couple weeks and no one takes it. He's like, God. Oh, God. Then he puts it back together and then it's gone. Uh-huh.

God, that'd be funny. All right, let's move off to Petty Beef. Okay. Because we do have a monster. Zach fucking guy. Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real.

The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. God, that was fun. All right, here's a Petty Beef for the Ages coming in from Son O-O-G-UG-O-G. What's up guys Oog? Isn't that Oog?

Or is that Oog? No, Pobon doesn't want his name said. Oh. So there's that. Brian? Oog! I've been listening since Brian was in diapers and Zach only played bass. So here's my question.

A-I-T-A. Am I the asshole? What that stands for? For saying I'd rather pick a fight with my wife than pick where we eat. Okay. I mean, depends. So this probably sounds bad up front, but hear me out. I work a lot.

Like, I get home after 10 p.m. I don't know what kind of day it's, of what day it is kind of a lot. My wife is great, super supportive, and honestly deserves more of my time, which I try to give her when I can. But there is one reoccurring issue that has become the emotional boss battle of our marriage. Dinner. Every time I actually get a break and finally check my phone, there it is. What do you want to eat? Ah, yes.

What should we have for dinner? The simple question that has started more wars than oil and religion combined. So I answer, thinking we're playing a game of civilized communication. That is the classic mistake. You never know when you're playing a game of civilized communication. I say, how about burgers? She writes back, no. Pizza?

Too heavy. Ty? Not feeling that. Then I get hit with the real trap card. I wish you would just pick something. Why are you making this so difficult? Just pick something. You mean I haven't guessed what you want is basically what you're saying.

Now, by this point, I've picked more options than a presidential primary. I've offered carbs, proteins, grains, things with dipping sauces, things that come in biodegradable bowls. I'm not choosing food. I'm hosting a TED talk on global cuisine. But every suggestion gets rejected like I'm a desperate man swiping right on every restaurant within a 10-mile radius. Yeah! He just pull up the top ten best restaurants in your town. Right. So finally, out of complete frustration and one caliber away from a breakdown, I say,

you know what, I'd honestly rather pick a fight with you than pick where to eat. And yeah, that went over great. That landed. She got quiet. Well, it is a text message. Said I was being dramatic and told me it's not that deep. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here with 2% phone battery in the full existential crisis. because I suggested tacos, and now I'm questioning the foundation of a relationship.

To be clear, I wasn't trying to be mean. I just meant I would rather face something with closure. Fights, you argue, someone cries, someone apologizes, and maybe there's makeup sex. You move on. Done. Dinner, nope. Dinner is limbo. Dinner is a collaborative nightmare where both of us pretend the other one has opinions

when neither one of us is eaten in eight hours and we're running on vibes and passive aggression. Now she says I made her feel like she's impossible to please. Not my intention. And that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Meanwhile, I've spent 40 minutes emotionally bargaining with myself over the ethics of suggesting Chipotle again. So yeah, maybe I lost my cool. But I also lost 15 evenings of my life to the same circular conversation and still ended up eating cereal. Am I the asshole?

You guys are the best. You make my long-ass work days tolerable, even though I listen, I've listened to every episode probably three times by now. Your comrade, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. That's the sound. It's the sound gets made when you suggest something. Ugh. Want some tacos? Yeah.

Yep. There are some layers to this because the dinner's a whole thing. thing, but the whole, like, uh, thinking you're attacking, you know, they're, like, trying to get out of that one. I, I, I don't even know what's say, because I, I feel like, all we have is dude opinion. Yeah. Because this one is like, I don't really fucking care. Dude, I will eat whatever you make.

I've been in those situations where you're like, I don't, don't say anything, don't say anything, don't say anything. You're like, I'm not going to say anything. And then it progresses and then you finally say something. and then it's a big deal I wasn't gonna say it I thought about it's like you're so inconsiderate it's like no

I was actually very You just didn't stop Like I didn't I stopped myself from saying something over and over and over again Then I finally did And then I'm like just Willie nilly

You know whatever Dropped it in But yeah This is a tough one because It's a classic It seems like I've heard This is a classic marriage Battle

Every time And I think really what it what women always say is they just want men to make a decision when well when they want when they want but the problem is is we don't know when you want us to make the decision

because sometimes you make decisions oh yeah let's do what you'll tell what you want to have no I was trying to make a decision because you like me to make a decision it's because I made the wrong decision that you didn't want I know that's the thing about it that that's what I've honed in on in this particular situation is that you care more than I do

so you pick yeah because i don't fucking care i want to have fun with you and i will eat all this stuff i don't really care that's it if i have like a strong craving for something i will bring that up and then if you're like ah then i'm like okay so then now you now you brought you it's your now you'd have to do it but i don't care as much as you care about almost everything on planet earth like literally all of it i don't care as much as you do our kids nope what's for dinner nah how the towels are folded don't care

well how the kitchens like things are organized I don't care as much as you so you because of who you are as a person are going to be responsible for a lot more decisions because I don't fucking care as much as you do and here's the problem with that they want you to care as much as they do

well too bad and I think that's I just made the breakthrough oh you made it it's you know the whole like I want you to want to do the dishes type of thing that whole phrase I haven't heard that I've never heard that one

you never heard that no I want you to want to do the dishes never heard that not like that the girl your with has ever said it but it's like a classic joke like I just want you to want to do the dishes yeah so they can so they don't feel bad about fucking getting your fucking face about it yeah so it's what Joe's saying is like

the women usually care they want certain towels they want the things to be back they want all this kind of stuff And I'll do it. I'll do it to what they want. Yeah. But you're not sitting around thinking like, I really got to get this living room put together.

I think. But not like, not to the extent. Extent is what you're saying. It's like not as much as you care. If you care about how the blankets are stacked on the blanket ladder, then you, that's your job now.

Right. I'll fold all the blankets, but I'm not going to fucking stack these stupid blankets. I'll try. And then I'll fuck it up. No matter how many times you try me. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Well, like a little blanket holder, but it's like, I don't, like, they're all fucking

blankets to me. And if there's a certain order, they're all folded. And I'll try my best. And if you tell me three different times I'm doing it wrong, now it's your job. It's your job. You, then you care more than me. And it's not because I don't give a fuck, because I don't know what you're talking about. It has to be color coordinated. I'm fucking colorblind. You don't know how to give it. My, that's something Cassie. She's like, my sweatshers are color. I coordinated. You can't see that? I'm like, no. No, I fucking can't.

So I will fold everything and put away everything I can. Then your sweatshirts will be right here for you to hang up because I can't fucking do it. Got. Okay? So color coordinated shirts, fuck me. I will fold it. And you do it.

Because I literally can't. Thanks for coming. Anyway. The food talks, but the other side of this is the working all day right so I get the impression I don't know for sure but he's working his ass off tons of hours

and maybe she's doing that like the at home stuff or maybe works from home and has time to make dinner since he's out there in the field so that frustration part of just like what do you want to eat like I mean how long have they been together it sounds like a while it does sound like a bit

this isn't a fresh one yeah yeah this is one of those this is like a five 10 year in this is like you're comfortable yeah in the relationship You know what I like. That's another one, too. But that, I've also found that usually works one way, too. Like, no, I, yeah, I know you love hamburgers.

But if I say hamburgers right now, you're pretty good chance you're going to say no. So. But if you cooked me hamburgers, we're having fucking hamburgers tonight. Like, I'm fucking eating it. I could be like fucking chicken again. I've never once in my life. Complained about food? Never.

Never. Ever. No. No way. Chicken's a little dry. What? Never once. See, that's a whole different type of man. Just fucking Good try, but the chicken's a little dry. Try, just push it away. Try again. Try again. There's chunks in my mashed potatoes. You even try and squish them, you fucking idiot. See, that's a different kind of man. Yeah. I don't get that vibe from this. It's more of like, I don't fucking know. you know it's in the fridge

good luck I appreciate all the support just make the food and if I don't like it then now I'm on my own for dinner and guess what leftovers for tomorrow it's fine

it all works out if I ever make dinner I'd rather pick a fight with you than pick what's for dinner I've made just like that you did yeah

ummer usually if if we're cooking she usually she's just a better cook too she makes up better but if I if I make something like chicken nuggets no it's it's a little bit better than that like no no not that's not that

sophisticated yeah a little bit better than that but she she will she won't complain about it but she'll kind of be like we'll eat and she's like ah i can't really really eat that or whatever and and she's just she will say you know she'll be thanks for the trying but i just i don't think i could eat this i've never once in my life told someone when they were cooking that i can't eat it. Why? Why is everything this way? Why is this just the way we all are? I think women just feel so much more comfortable stating how they feel. And what living in chaos?

And all the time, though. It's, that's really what it is. It's like, you know, you'll slowly tear your heart out so you'll be at home and have no fight left in you. You're just at home and then you're like, oh, my head hurts. Or it's like, oh, my toe stomach hurts. Or it's like, it's just all day, like something. hurts or something and it's like my shit hurts all day long it else hurts my fucking balls yeah well i just being funny but i get it i get it i know um so who's right or wrong in this

one for ugg um good question i think the work in your ass off all it's like when you're in the middle of doing something really hard and i mean we've all had these fights or maybe you guys haven't but like i'm doing something and cassie will have like an important question for me. And it's not just Cassie. It's like every fucking relationship ever. I'm in the middle of something and then you don't get back within the expectable time frame. Like they're in the middle of like trying to get something. And you're like, sorry

and they're like, well, okay, would you fucking throw your phone in the woods? Yeah. And you're like, sorry, I'm fucking working. Like that type of thing kind of applies to this same situation. Like, I would never just not in me to do that back. If I texted and like I didn't hear back,

I'm like, well, this is the brand of mashed potatoes we're getting at the store. Like I tried I tried and needed an answer So I'm buying it I'm getting the fuck out of here And that's the end of it It's like well here we are

That's the end of it But the other way around Doesn't always seem to be the same No Like where the fuck were you And I needed you And if you say the same Well where the fuck were you

And I just happened camping We were doing so I needed to Like can you take this Or can you do this thing And I was like yes I was doing so

I think I was like starting a fire I was like doing something And then she goes Perry will you just take this over the I was like I will just I will do it Give me a second She's like hey you're building a fire

And you just go Pour water on it And then go take the fucking trash out It was something like that I was like Jesus Christ Give me a second Yeah We've covered that one a bunch

Yeah I think he has a good point Working his ass off all day It doesn't want to go into fucking food you know what the give him options tell the wife to give you options and then you pick from the three options so what do you want to eat you just you give what are three things that we're having or just make it but if you don't know what to make you give three options that you're okay with and let let him pick it and then now you both won you got to have a starting base because he could stand there and and

we're Chinese Mediterranean you're listing all these things and none of them sound good and I get Real quick, I get, we're not being, we're not stupid ladies, I get like, sometimes you just don't want to make a decision because you're tired. Whatever the thing is you're mentally, you just incapable of, but you also need to be more accepting of the, of the options thrown your way. If you don't give, if you don't give the option, he says burgers, then fucking go get burgers. Yeah, you got to, you didn't provide anything. You have to, you have to give a little bit or just accept you wanted, you wanted an option, you got options, you can't just be like, no, nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope, no. You gotta meet in the middle.

Yeah. So. Right in the middle of that hamburger. We're going to try it, brother. All right, let's move off for some happy news. Hey, go, Zach. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits,

you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes. That's awesome. That's actually the wrong one.

This is the wrong. What happened, guys? Hold on. I just pushed the wrong, but I think. Oh, you did? Yeah, I did the wrong thing. I did. Isn't that what, is that what happened last week?

I don't think so. Or two weeks ago? Or did I remember, yeah. Okay. That was you guys, but. Well, let's fuck it up two weeks in a row. Okay. So you'll play, hey, look what I found next.

Okay. But this is hooray, we're not doomed. All right. Fucking Brian. Let's read it, baby. Okay, hold on. Okay. I think you added a story below.

I did. Don't click on that one. Okay. I'll do that one next week. okay all right what do we got all right this this isn't necessarily like it doesn't it's not like uplifting news but i thought it was it's kind of one of those cool stories i guess uh library book returned after 82 years note says grandma won't be able to pay for it anymore i'm guessing i know why yeah croaked no she out of here grandma checked out oh oh that's a in the show see it's the end of the

you. Grandma checked out. San Antonio, a library book has been returned nearly 82 years after it was borrowed from the San Antonio Public Library. Don't know why I did that. I don't know. It came with a letter noting

that Grandma won't be able to pay for it anymore. The book is Your Child, His Family, and Friends by Marriage and Family Counselor Francis Bruce Strain. It was checked out in July 1943 and returned this past June

from a person in Oregon Done. Okay. The library is set in the news release. Okay. After the recent death of my father, I inherited a few boxes of books he left behind. The person wrote in a letter and was shared by the library on Instagram and signed with the initials. PA-A-G.

Love, PAG. The book was a guide for parents on helping their children navigate personal relationships. It was checked out when the person's father was 11 years old. Wow. When I read that, I thought it was crazy. It was like, the idea of like, that. long ago, there's people were still like trying to navigate life.

You know, like, God, you go. I'm trying to think of what came out, like the new latest technology that everyone thought was going to ruin everybody. What came out? Like, mind conf probably came out around there. They're like, God damn, and all these kids got nuclear warheads.

Was that around there? Seems about right, doesn't it? You're getting TV and radio. Oh, yeah. And warheads. What? I don't know. I'm curious. when the fucking warheads were invented.

I got it. I got it. 20s? Yeah, 20s makes sense. Warheads? We didn't use them. In the 20s? Yeah, probably after World War I, they were

they were in production. Yeah, they weren't used. Right? They were getting ready to. They were getting ready. This was like World War II and this was checked out. That's why my joke, but then I realized I don't know I'm talking about. So, back to you, Brian.

After a recent does my, oh, the book was, oh. The book was, oh. God damn it! The book must have been borrowed by my grandmother. Maria del Socorro Adrethe Freus Cortez, the person wrote. In that year, she transferred to Mexico City to work at the U.S. Embassy. She must have taken the book with her, and some 82 years later ended up in my possession.

The book had received write-ups in various newspapers of the time. Cincinnati Inquirer described it in June 1943 as a complete guidebook to the personal relationships of a child, with his family and the outside world. New York Times noted a month later that the strain was a psychologist and mother of two who was the best known for her wise, sensitive, and unsentimental presentation

of sex education. This is where you put the dick. That's right. Can you say it a little softer? No. That's where that hard dick goes. In, push. I just, like, my

brain, a heart, whatever, like, it's like the nostalgic, you know, in me. I just lines like this Like the person who is during the Return the book wrote I hope there's no late fee for it Because my grandma won't be able to pay for it anymore And there's just some kind of like

Heartwarming about that where But they also could have been like Yeah We got one Yep Head on out and collect the fee Pin them down And get out of this

According to So according to like If it was a You know overdue fines And all that kind of stuff that they actually added it up. Three cents amounts of 56 cents in today's money, according to U.S.

That would add up to more than $16,000 in late fees. That's a lot of money for learning about fucking unsensitive dick sex. But it's just, I don't know, I just think about like 80 years ago, this grandma checking out this book, like, but she's like, you know, young at the time

and grew old and this book was kind of there the whole time. This is funny. So, again, the library noted that the book was in good condition. This last paragraph, did you see this? So eight decades may seem like a long time for an overdue library book, but it's nowhere near the record. Guinness World Record says the most overdue library book was returned to Sydney Seuss. College.

Sussex. Sussex. University of Cambridge, England, in 1956. It was borrowed in 1668, some 288 years earlier. That's older in America. Yeah. No fine was extracted. Extracted.

Why do you a fucking excavator? Why use that word? Extracted. No, just say like no fine was imposed. Or collected. Yeah. Extracted? They're flexing. It's like they're trying to, like, with a fucking needle.

We can't get the fine out. We can't get a good vein. Yeah. They're just fucking poking and prod in this old book. Extract the vine! We can't, sir. Extract harder. Extract harder.

you. Fuck! And of course there's a world Guinness record of that shit.

Fucking ridiculous. Moving off to hey look what I found Zachie Poo! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on

your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right?

Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes. That's awesome. God, it sounds like we just

just heard that. Can I just say you went Zach and then went it was like the same right into it that was cool. I didn't even notice that. Yeah, dude.

So you added this to the script. I went and checked it out. This is such a funny concept. Never even thought. No. What is the world becoming? It is smart though. What is the world becoming in there?

So the website is invite in. Sorry. invite in.fr which I'm not sure that's if not it's not friends you understand for real maybe

for real invite in for real dude so this website I basically sets up a payment plan for your wedding you can invite just strangers

and sell seats at your wedding for whatever price you want putting on a fucking show yeah and I was looking through and at this time I didn't see any weddings that were in the States really but maybe I didn't look hard enough but they all seem like they're kind of like you know over the pond so to speak cross the pond

let's see here Julie and Valentin are getting married there's 15 seats available for 180 pounds no bookings yet all of these upcoming upcoming ceremonies have no bookings yet because I think the concept of going to someone's wedding that you don't know anybody at is a little weird yeah but I hope this catch on because is there any is there a better friendly environment that has shown up to a wedding but you are invited but you're a stranger like how many people you would meet and how much fun you would have

like how why the who the fuck are you see i don't even know where we are i saw i mean i think i i mean i get it but i think i saw like a different side to this and by the way i think that that dot fr might be france oh okay that makes sense because it's france english website okay um I just visualized like assholes Like a couple guys Like we're gonna go We're gonna fuck this wedding up

Or forever hold your piece She's a slut Takes dick Check out this big D dick Just the whole time Everyone turns around You fucking dicks up

I'm invited I'll try to take my seat away What's your refund policy On this fucking hog Refund this dude Who walk over fucking slap the top of Little whatever it's called

Off the top of the cake. Set a G.I. Joe up there. Just to put a picture of you in that exact moment with your dick out. A dildo? A dildo to slap. You're in a beautiful cathedral. You're like, or forever holds your peace.

And you're like, all they hear is a mic. You have a little fender, like the little amp that hooks onto your belt. You're like, you don't got something to say. Check out this fucking. And you fucking pull your dick out

and a puller. camera. So everyone turns around to look at you and you'll take their picture, shake it out, knock the top of the cake off and shove the picture off. Proust out. Priest out. Preced out. See you guys at the beach

with this fat dick. See you guys. At the after party, whatever it's called? The reception. Reception. Yeah. Ceremony, whatever. Reception. Oh, yeah, reception. Recepting his dick. Who!

a dance you guys doing? What? Whiz? Kick the doors open. Come here, grandma. How's that not going to happen? Man, it'll happen. But I think just human behavior

in general, you're not doing this to fuck up weddings. Could, though. I mean, and there could be some criminal some criminal backfire for being a fucking clown like that. Maybe over there, though, like, people are a little bit more.

They're not going to be doing that shit. But I picture, like, just put it the states. Let's say there's some fucking a farm in Kentucky that's having a wedding. You and I and Zach Zach, we all go. We dress up, we're nice. You're going to make some

fucking friends. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck you do in here? And you're like, I don't know. I signed up on a website. Yeah. Yeah. Where'd that crawfee? Yeah. But how many dumb things they'd be so excited to see you? And anyway, back to the point that I was looking at for this is

you sell these seats, so then you make money which then goes right back into your wedding fund and makes it somewhat affordable so you can save a couple thousand bucks to have your wedding at a venue that's five thousand bucks really what all this is was like Kickstarter and people make donations no one wants to pay for their own stuff anymore don't want to pay for shit yeah you'd rather have strangers at your wedding than pay for your own shit it's really what comes down to you nailed it dude oh yeah there's anything else to say past that let's move off to hear from the kids Zay!

Hey, you're good! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. All right, you want to take this first one, Brian. Sure. Ha, ha, ha, ha, Joe. Funny Joe Cooteney.

Our first email is coming from our son, Matt, who writes. Hello, Joe, Brian, and Zach. Hello. I know until Mori opens the envelope next month, I'm not legally allowed to address you guys by family titles, but we all know the results. Yeah, we do. It's been a couple years since I wrote in and now two weeks. Two and two weeks.

Wow. Yeah, that's what he said, too. Matt. Anyway, I knew I had to contribute to a recent dick of yours. All right. I worked in local news for 15 years, as we've talked about before, bringing stories and weather to the public directly from WLO ABC Columbia News. Nice.

I know you needed the call letters, like most of them. the media kind a few years ago I died and went to PR oof okay so now being in public relations manager for the most visited zoo in south and southeast I was extremely curious when I started getting hate mail and calls for feeding pets to our carnivores well it turns out one of our local stations not the one I worked at but the number one in the market had posted the same story you guys read on their website on social media however they faced to include the headline that the zoo was in fucking Denmark.

Hoogibugan, hookabugin. Who's your bargain, bargain? You gotta love clickbait. I had to call the actual GM of the station and request changing the headline. His response was I should feel honored that our zoo was the one people thought of when they heard zoo.

Fucking what? You should be doing us a favor. Oh my God, why are you even calling me, dude? You're so lucky that everyone thinks about your zoo. do and sends you hate mail? What the fuck did you just say? Fix the article!

Fuck bag! No, we already got the clicks. It's all we wanted. It's all we wanted. Such an arrogant, made that money, wrote. News manager fucking response. Yeah. We don't have time for nothing.

I keep trying to get a video for you guys to send because we have a male silverback that intentionally tries to scare the shit out of any people that go backstage. It's truly terrifying from three feet away, but then he laughs at you if you jump. Anyway, thanks for the content. I've suffered through Brian's reading since day one, and I'm only a little stupider and angry as a result. I get it coming. You're discarded gossling, Matt.

Oh, Matt, that is so funny. And I really do hope that he finds that video. Because I'd really love to see the silverback scaring people. And then laughing at him when they get scared of his giant ass. Our next email is coming in from our ghost hunting son, Kale. Who writes, hey, you guys. I was listening to episode 162, stick butt, glass shard, centaur, fun house. And our good father, Bwyan, posed a question that this son of yours is uniquely qualified to give an answer to.

Okay. While discussing the death of paranormal investigator at the hands of Annabelle Dahl, remember that one? Bwyan! Asked why paranormal investigators don't do their investigations during the day. I've been doing this kind of work for 14 years including over 70 ghost hunts Rarely find anything on those Investigating UFO sightings

All of which I was able to logically explain And hunting for Bigfoot Didn't find him It's almost like none of it exists That's weird Now that I type all of that out I wonder if I'm actually really bad at this But an answer I promise

And an answer you shall receive So lube up your ear holes and bite the pillow Bitches because here it comes sounds like a exact thing Some of the most important pieces of evidence in paranormal investigations is the presence of the electronic voice phenomenon. EVP

and electromagnetic fields EMLF. EVP is the recordings of ghostly voices on an audio medium that have no discernible source while EMF is seen as evidence of a ghostly presence. During the day

there's a great deal of traffic, both vehicular and human traffic in areas that we investigate. This could lead to false positives when it comes to voices, noises, etc. And also during the day, these damned living bodies are carrying EMF, disrupting devices like cell phones,

laptops, etc., with further muddies the waters in the pursuit of finding evidence of the supernatural. So to mitigate these problems, we do our investigations at night when the world around us sleeps. It cuts down the chances of mistaking normal activity for supernatural activity, giving us clear readings

and better evidence to bring back to our clients. Not all of us are grifting assholes who sleep with demon-possessed dolls after all. Anyway, hope this helps. Love the podcast. Good luck with the honkathon. May God have mercy on our souls when you're in that hot air balloon. Your spooky son, Kel.

That makes a lot of sense, though. Yeah. Never thought about that. They're just like, just do what the lights are on. Well, all right. That makes sense. Yeah, you're in a house, and people are driving around, and things are on and things are off.

I just hope a ghost fucking fucks your ass, Brian. So what's funny, though, is like, is what he said in there is like, I'm starting to wonder if I'm bad at this. Yeah. Or maybe just none of it. Oh, it's really funny. You know, it's like, it must be nice. You know, think about a guy. No, no, like, thinking about a guy hunting his whole life hunting Bigfoot and he's like, you know, I'm so disappointed in myself, I never found Bigfoot.

And he's like blaming himself and like beating himself up because he didn't find something that doesn't exist. Like you're writing out the suicide note. You're like, bro, you're really good at this. Dude, it's not there. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. But if you fully hearted believe in it and you think you're failing, that's kind of messed up too.

Yeah, that'll fuck with your psyche a little bit. All right, well, that's episode 167. Hopefully you guys had fun. Something you want to see on the show, you email that into, hey, guys, at can you don't podcast.com. Check out what Uncle Zach is doing over in. scatcast land scat with a k

scatcast dot com you were talking about the summer of cards oh there's so many cards all right it's too much we're doing that over in the scatcast thing

we're doing a little crossover again with can you don't oh we got to do okay that'll be fun yeah we'll let you guys go see that on all the fucking websites maybe we did that giveaway once too remember you bought some merch

and you won the the fucking can you don't gift card or whatever card pack thing yeah all right so more news on that is exactly in the future literally locks himself in the makes fucking cards all day

cards cards cards cards cards I love it hawkathon is on go check that out patreon.com slash can you don't podcast seriously thank you guys so much reaching those goals and watching this podcast grow is crazy rate and review us wherever you listen to your shows

and thanks to the babysitters that moderate the can you don't playground on the face book I have a thing oh I was just going to say and I kind of excited to get to the eye thing we're eight at the time of recording we're eight away from the eye test

I'd kind of just like to know either way Yeah You know It's like if you're the dad or not Yeah exactly I want to get that fucking Just get it out of the way Povich

You have I bad eyesight Or you just can't fucking read I just want to know Me too Buddy I'm really looking forward to that We want to know if we have to Bulldoze a college or something

Nice Yeah Alright here we go A little thing for you A little thought Zach thanks Good God Wrap it up already, huh?

Here's a fun one. He says you walk around the world. Just remember that most people have had a vagina around their neck. Not everyone, but most people. Yeah, unless you're a C-section. Outside of that, you've had a vagina around your neck. Oh, yeah. The Ring of Fire.

God damn. That's funny. Anyway. See you guys in the bonus shit. Love you. Bye.