Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Tin Cans. Garbage Man. Etiquette. Nude Beach.

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

We all know the ol' tin can and string telephone trick, yeah? What if that was your only form of communication regardless of the distance? Let's talk about that, jumping off a cruise ship to save your daughter, parents asking you to do shit at the worst possible times, luring a bank robber out of hiding by dangling soda from a drone, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/KTVcbp8Dy78Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Chargeman, Etiquette, Nude Beach. We finally got a nice scene and number. I know, it feels nice, right? It feels really nice. Yeah? You sound a little scruffy though. You sound... You're like, you sound like you're in a movie.

Yeah. You sound like you're in a movie. We finally got a nice season number. I know, it feels nice, right? Feels really nice. Yeah? You sound a little scruffy though. You sound... You sound like a five o'clock shadow. Like a guy... That's a good... You sound like a guy that's like, he woke up in the morning and he's got his briefcase

getting ready to head to the office, he's looking through the newspaper, but he's like, I don't feel like shaving today. Yeah. And so it's just kind of like... It sounded like I was opening up like a like a teenage romance novel Mmm, like he sounded like a five o'clock shadow Mmm, and that's hot Because I got it. I know exactly what that guy sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm sick as fuck

Yeah, but that's all right bad time to be sick as fuck considering 4th of July is probably my favorite Holiday at the time that we record it Fourth of July is probably my favorite holiday at the time that we record it. We're before fourth of July and gosh dang it. You may have blown hands off by the time this comes out. Yeah. I mean, one thing I've learned about Washington is you can't let off your own fireworks. Is that Liberty Lake?

You celebrate freedom. Yeah. Like the whole thing is about being free and you're like, told you can't do it. Yeah. Like the whole thing is about being free and you're like told you can't do it. In the defense of being told you can't do it. Human beings, which is playing with dynamite is probably not a good idea. Yeah, but it's pretty dynamite. It's got twinkles in it. It's controlled to a degree. Controlled chaos.

What I learned today is Liberty Lake is not named after Liberty. It's named after some jackass the last name Liberty uh-huh that that's a let down that's a let down yes it's not like a like a whole freedom stance shit so real quick on that I just heard about that a couple days ago and then told you today yeah so I haven't even verified if that's true yet that is we don't need to be spreading rumors I know that I mean from even verified if that's true yet that is we don't need to be spreading rumors I know that I mean from what I know that is true. Yeah, yeah something Liberty cuz if you figure like fuck, dude I'm moving to Liberty Lake. I'm gonna be free as fuck light up as many fireworks as I want Just some guy that happened to be named Liberty. Yep. The whole city is an HOA Johnson Lake

Yeah Yeah, could have been a. Might as well be. And then Liberty Lake's not even in the city of Liberty Lake, it's actually county owned. Yeah. It's a whole fucking shit show out here. But the end result is, I can't let off fireworks. So here we are. Well, I mean you could.

I mean, yeah, we've got to face the consequences. What would your HOA say about that? To the fireworks that I would normally light off? Probably not great. What about the little tanks where they- Oh, no one's going. Say about that to the fireworks that I would normally light off. Yeah, probably not great What about the little tanks where they oh no, no one's gonna care about that or the little worms that I still got some Leftover stashed away for a good time. Yeah, got a couple fountains. Oh, yeah Maybe even more sick just saying lighten up a couple fountains instead of

illegal mortars some little fountains instead of illegal mortars. So, uh, little mo what, I won't, we don't spend a lot of time on this, but that was one of my, so my uncle, sorry, we're going to hear a lot of that today. It's all right. Back to you. My uncle, uh, who lived on the lake, he would go to Montana and spend three to five grand on fireworks every year and come back with just an arc, just a fucking artillery of stuff.

It's a way to do it. We would get like M 1000s, put them in the, like in a sandwich bag, light it up, throw it in, it would just sit there on the lake and then just boom and shoot 50 feet in the air. And so fun. Yeah. That's, and we go and we get a boat and rip around the fountain. Not anymore. You're so disappointed by that fountain. Yeah, that's pretty sad.

Doesn't even deserve. Doesn't even deserve it. And one thousand not even get an attempt to go under that this year. And I hear you. I'm not going to do it. I don't even like it anymore. It's just me disappointing. I you had an update on your sketch picture. Yeah, we're not there yet. but I but you are on the hunt. I have people scouring hard drives I'm trying to get someone on the inside

Hmm to see if the image is still up on the wall still hanging out inside the ABC affiliate Yes, because if it is then I will be Having them take a picture and send it to me and I should be able to show it I want it like I believe me I want to see this just as bad as you do as much as the next guy which happens to be you I'm next in line cuz I I can I can sort of visualize it I can you know enough to be like, oh, yeah, that's kind of Created though, maybe that'll be the answer.

Maybe we just got to get Brian back down to the courthouse to pretend he's a sketch artist and see what we can get. Yeah. We've been talking about this because of the Diddy sketches. Yeah. I saw the last one that came out and it made me think of you immediately. I wish I could show my skills in a real setting like that. Yeah.

Something that meant something, you know? We'll just add it to one of the goals of a honkathon is a live like Bob Ross drawing session. Speaking of that, the honkathon is on. Thank you to everybody that is subscribing on Patreon, becoming part of the gaggle, patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. We're trying to reach some different goals and as we hit them, we will do them.

At 400, we have get a silly goose tattoo. We are so pumped. We're in constant communication. Jay, I believe is his name. Jay. Who we're figuring it all out. See, he's a tattoo artist and he's got a mobile unit heading over here. And he will, he will draw on us.

So once we hit that, we'll get that done. 425. Brian is going to get his eyes checked. 450, Joe and Brian are getting a hot air balloon ride. All right. We're not going to talk about that. We've been discussing that at like at 475, Zach gets his own camera. And at 500, there's going to be a bonus extra

patron episode a month, which is more of the show that you love. Just exclusive to the gaggle and we'll add more and more goals as we, as we head through the honkathon, but there you go. Send in your content suggestions, a petty beef. Dick. Terrible. Thank you. I mean, but using modern technology, I just want you guys to know that if my voice gets too just annoying, first of all, hard,

unbearable to listen to, I do have this for the rest of the show. Oh boy. Ha ha ha ha Brian. That is so funny. So if you end up having to drive it, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that is so funny. And I have a whole text box so I can type in my responses. But for right now it's live and ready to Brian, that is so funny. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah. I mean, literally, I mean, anything. Let's just, let's just take a look here. Um, here we go.

I mean, it might take me a little bit, you know, to get my response, but here's another one that I'm working on. Whoa, that's crazy. Whoa, that's crazy That's crazy Wow Hold on It's hard to type of you can take it from here. But anyway, so that's all...

That's pretty fun. That's ready to go. You send your content suggestions to heyguysatcanydontpodcast.com. We do have some new merch. We announced the return of the Spin the Wheel that's going on right now at canyondontpodcast.com. Between now and my birthday, August 12th, if you buy merch off canyondomepodcast.com, you'll be automatically entered for a chance to win 150 bucks. Joe's gonna be 40.

I know, it's a big one. It's a big day. In the giveaway, we have this wheel right here. And as you know, if you've been listening to the show, we have divided this beautiful color wheel into different quadrants. We have sweatshirt, t-shirt, and miscellaneous. Sweatshirt has the most pies, the most cuts, and then t-shirt's next, the miscellaneous.

And then we'll spin the wheel, whatever it lands on. We'll go into the back end, you can see everybody who's bought certain pieces of merch. And then we'll use the randomizer and find somebody and select their name and you get 150 bucks So if you want a chance to win any of it, then you buy one of each Between now and my birthday and you will 100% have a chance to win. But this is our latest merch design for sale Do you want to explain it? Yeah, so it's a, uh, it's a mega death spoof. Yeah.

So we got, we got the can you don't in the mega death font with the old embossing and the shiny metal letters. Yeah. And then, uh, it's got a fiery fucking hot air balloon and then little, what's his name? What do they call them? Make a death mascot mascot guy. I'm a David mistake. Yeah. That was funny. The little skeleton guy that they use as their mascot. He's in the basket. Okay, and just fucking like

Just metal hands. Yeah, there's a flame Fully engulfing him and the the entire balloon. Yeah, and then it just says it's me again at the bottom I probably can't do that right now. I mean could be funny That is so funny It's gonna be a good day. Yeah, so we we were thinking it could be fun to do some I Mean, it's it's we've been joking about Megadeth shit for a long time and this just felt right. It's I Was putting the stuff in there and then it was like it made sense to juice do something What's more metal than a fucking hot air balloon fire? Nothing is more metal than a hot air balloon on fire

Especially consider the circumstances in the right and the the high stakes of the honkathons. Yeah Yeah, good stuff. There's a lot. It's all intertwined. It's all right there. Maybe foreshadowing or something. It is. Well, I hope not. Zach, don't.

You can't just say stuff. You're not helping. I'm not. I tried last week. Now I'm not. All right. Should we start the show? Shit.

Yeah. All right. Let's roll it. Uh, I'm not going to yell. Zach. Hey, shut up! Start the show already! Woo!

Okay, I can do this without my voice. Go ahead, do you wanna read it? Thought you were gonna do something cool. No. All right, this is something by our son Earl. I know it's Errol, but I like to say Earl. My name is Errol. That doesn't work. All right, you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. You

need a break? I'm right here, baby. Would you rather have to talk to everyone no matter how near or far with two tin cans in a string? If everyone can visualize what number what that is like. Sure can. I feel like that's like a leave it to beaver type thing, right? Like this. Like nobody. Yeah, there's a lot of it to beaver type thing, right, like this. Like, yeah, there's a lot of phony in there, okay? Or be constantly threatened with human gestures by wildlife every place you go. Ha ha ha ha, Ryan, that is so funny.

What's your initial thoughts? Well, my initial thoughts are like close distant tin can Like like this we can imagine a podcast but we just talking into cans in a string I mean and then obviously sex right Like you like me fucking yeah, you know I can do that one. Yeah With the tiny tin can thing like your if you're fucking and like you're tapping the can you're fucking like, when I'm coming in, when you're coming in. Just with the tiny tin can thing. Like you're fucking, and you're tapping the can.

You're like, and she's fumbling forward. Where's my can? In your hand, your pillow. You're like, you're putting it right here, to your ear. And she puts it up there, and you're like, you're fucking like, yeah. She's like, yeah. She turns it around and talks into your mouth.

She goes, no, you have to. Yeah. Speaking of the can you put up there? She goes, kinda. I mean, this is kind of awkward. You're like, yeah, we, you, you know, fucking love it. I bet you I'm gonna fucking come. Oh my God.

I'm gonna fucking come. The calm part rushes up and like, you know, she doesn't have time to grab her tin can. She goes, you didn't tell me. You're like, I tried. You're supposed to tell me. I tried. It's the worst. Over. Oh yeah. Over. Over. Cause I think, uh, if I remember correctly, it's like the ideal situation would be like two

houses next to each other. One going in between the windows, right? Like you have a can in your room and in your room, then it goes across to your friend's house next door. That's like the, the setting. So think about phone sex. Yeah. Phone sex is cool.

Like you're there. You feel you. Dude. Is your dick out, but you, you have to rig up the longest tin can situation for some phone sex, right? Especially in today's dating age, right? Like, well, I mean, let's put it like in a comprehensible mileage. Let's say that, um, like, so Cassie and I met, I'm in Coeur d'Alene, she's in Spokane. So we got 45 miles of tin can line. And I mean, it goes well beyond that.

You got to bury it. Right. So in order to have phone sex, I have to set up like a tin can network. I gotta go and I gotta rig it up. By the time you get that all done, she's gone. Yeah, she's over it. You're talking to an empty can. She's moved on to someone has a phone

You're just like Hey fucking you look at it. It casts you there my dick's out. She's already moved Some some guy wanders in and picks up a can what's this it's vibrant It's like Wonders in and picks up a can what's this? It's vibrant Yes, I know you can hear my bout to come and he's like what the fuck's this all about he goes she's like it's a long story Hey, hon, what's here? It's for you. Hey, you fucking. You coming in there with the fucking what?

I mean, the camera where you want it. And it's that tinny voice. He's like, we, we, we. It's like an echo. You really. You can't. I can't wait to come in here. And she goes, I didn't hear you.

You say it again and you're like, what's that? I think it'd be in QB. Me, me, me. Have you ever tried it? Yeah, I've done the 10 kids. Does it work? Yeah, it works. But I mean, it's shit.

How far apart were you? I mean, so because you actually make out the voice Yeah, or they got the voice. It's super unclear very tinny Still got it. Yeah, and It's quiet. Mm-hmm. It's not it's not there's a reason why we don't use them Cuz it's shit. Yeah, I like you have a your your job is remote and you have to call in for a conference call. Hmm.

Everyone's on the CEO somehow. Just manage to work your way up and everyone's using like normal technology and they're like, Joe, do you have anything to say? And they're holding up a tin can to the receiver so the rest of the room can hear it. And you're like no complaints on this end i just want to congratulate everybody on a real big corner and remember we're having this patch war friday you can wear the wine and remember the mission is company is

Friday, you can wear the wine. Hey, remember, the mission is company is reset. You need to go in the phone. Yeah. You hang around. What did he say? The fuck did he just say? Hey, speaking your can louder. And they're like, does he ever come in in person?

And they're like, yeah, but it's not any better. He still has whether he's 30 miles away or he's in the office. He's speaking into a can. You're in a public stall and like, you're just sitting there taking a shit. And the can is like, click, click, click. Rolls underneath and you pick it up and put it here. It's like, any luck out there tonight?

Man, this club is popping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Uh, it's fucking some bands up there. Pick it up with tin can you like, I love this song. This next song is dedicated to walk up to a DJ booth, hand him a 20 and a tin can. He's picks it up. You're like, he's like, yeah. What, what can you play? Don't stop believing

that little teeny voice. He's like, he's like, what? Hey, can you please that string of words like no, he throws the money back. So there's that. Okay. Or I mean, that sounds pretty good. It does sound good.

Well, not really, but you get it. It's a sound joke. It's a rare audio joke or every animal like flips you off. Like eventually that's going to wear on you. You just see it like a deer. Yeah. It's got his head down and you're like, Oh, gonna wear on you you just see it like a deer yeah it's got his head down and you're like oh your kids look at the deer look at the

deer wow look at it he just pops his head up and just puts his hoof up and he's just like he's like give thumbs down from a fucking goose and then trots off you're like oh man i mean to me, I could live with that a lot more than the communication process being two tin cans, but having animals just like passively aggressive to you does suck. I do love nature. Yeah. Like there's a duck walking around and you're like, Oh my God, little baby duck. It turns around. It's like, thank you. It's just on the water. His little feet are going the water. It pops up and it's just like, it flips upside down. It's just like, yeah, yeah. It puts his head down and puts his feet up and

he's just like, it kind of like a drowns like a, uh, anyway. Yeah. It droughts. It's worth it. It makes you feel worse. Like, what am I doing? Synchronized or synchronized swimmer is what I was thinking of where they just flip completely upside down and they're like flipping you off with their little toes And it just says wildlife I'm guessing like bugs and insects are in there too, right? Like there's an ant like an anthill you like well, what's that? You like you look closer in every single Glass They're all just flipping you off Thousands of them crawling on top of each other

A mosquito is it's like biting your skin you look down you let mosquito and again, it's like Sucking the blood and it's like fuck you Your blood sucks. Yeah, dude fucking oh shit. It was anybody else but you you fucking nerd. I guess you'll do but But I'll fucking get out of here. I'm going to like it. It'll suck some real blood. The thing about insults is that it, uh, it doesn't have the same, like we, I'm sure we've touched on this, but when you get in an altercation, road rage comes to my mind, right? Like I'm not a big road rage person. Um, but when someone is really pissed off, but you're not on the same page, it doesn't, like you have nothing. You have no skin in the game. You have no emotions invested.

And you get out of your car and they come to your window and they're like, fuck you. And you're like, I don't even, I don't care. Like now you're just a funny story. I'm going to talk about through my tin can. Right. Right. I can't, I can't wait to tell my wife. I can't tell my coworkers about it. Imagine your wife coming home from work being upset. Oh yeah. And she was like, getting in a fight. Yeah. Oh man.

I just don't think that, you know, no, they don't take me for granted. And I just don't think. Well, that sucks, hun. I just feel like, like, I really want to get my flicks. What? What? I just feel like my gut really wants to have her flicks. What? What? Makes her more upset. I hear the flicking really loud.

I'm just doing it by my own case. What? He's not a very good listener. Yeah, he's not a very good listener. He fucking can't understand what you're saying. He never takes the tin can off his mouth. He's a terrible listener. Therapy session with a fucking tin can.

Oh my God. Little role playing. Yeah. So I mean, just straight out the straight out the gate here. I'm picking getting flipped off by animals. Yeah. It'll hurt your feelings a little bit, but only if you let it. I mean, it would suck when you're with your kids. Like let's say you go to a fucking Yellowstone. Yeah. But how often that compared to just talking in general. No, I know. I'm just saying like it would suck for you But like it's really when you're little kids and you're like look at the Look at the bison looks look at the squirrel. He's like he's like We have squirrels in our backyard you feed him to you like oh my god. Yeah Roger

Rogers back bird comes out of his birdhouse. He's just like fuck you like Dick around yeah, he's like like smacking his ass and flipping you off Weird cardinal. I mean that that in itself would just be so entertaining to just to watch an animal Yeah show like instead because animals usually they lash out by like attacking you or whatever Yeah, but if they didn't do that, they just they just fucking like cuss you out or whatever. I just gave you a little word. Mm-hmm a bear Yeah, I mean I take that over being attacked. Yeah. Yeah Ha ha ha Brian that is so funny I'm just picturing a cow like you're driving, you know, you're driving down the road and everyone's uh, you know when everyone sees cows

They're like I got cows you're driving, you know, you're driving on the road and everyone's, you know, when everyone sees cows, they're like, I got cows. You're driving by and there's like chewing their cud and they're like, fuck you. Yeah, it would be a bit much. But I think on the, on the backend or the, like the most important thing for me is that I'm not mad at that cow. So now it's just funny. Yeah. Like watching a fight from a distance is entertaining. Getting. So now it's just funny. Yeah. Like watching a fight

from a distance is entertaining. Getting punched in the face is not entertaining. Right. You get it. Yeah. All right. I'm picking that Zach. Yeah, I'm picking the animals. Okay. Animals for sure. You could, I mean, you could get kind of to the point where you're like, fuck you guys, dude. Like what are you flipping me off for? Yeah. What did I do? What did I do? What am I doing? You hate nature? Yeah. I mean, if you're a farmer, you're flipping back off. Your cow flips you off. You're like, fuck you. I'm going to eat you later. You supply their food and water and then you flip flip you off the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine you're a cat. Like you, you give them water and you're like, or that way. Yeah. Say it's your dog. You're like, they're more loving.

Give them your food and you walk off and look back at them. Just like, Oh, they're more loving. Yeah, you would give me your food. You walk off and look back at him. He's like, fuck you. Fuck you, nerd. Yeah, be hard to keep things in the water. Nerd. Yeah, that's like, I get it. All right, let's move on to the next thing. Okay. Exactly. You do it, please. Hey, hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit? What are you thinking about? You know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about?

Thinking about had a nice little cough fit. Yeah, you know that last one. How am I doing good? Yeah, you're doing great Okay, I wouldn't know hurt. I wouldn't know that you were sick other than you just sound terrible. Hmm So I'm killing you like you sound annoying which makes me want to punch you a little bit. But other than that, you sound great. Thanks, man. Always come to you for a little lifting up, you know? This goes back a couple of weeks from the time that we're recording this podcast. But I'm not sure how much we've talked about this, but Pepper, like my little protege, right? Like I'm going to make sure if Ezra likes music.

Like, that's such a weird thing to say, but he doesn't give a fuck about music. He does more, he's playing drums. I think that it's gonna work out for him. Like he is starting to find that. But growing up, like I was like, what's your favorite thing? He's like, I don't have any favorite music. I have a favorite sprinkler. It's forward.

We can't jam over that dude But pepper has always been very musical and loves it Started off because of my taste and then loved like metal and harder stuff And then she she veered from the past the holy path and she went to a lot of pop shit and rap And I was like fucking lost another one. Gotta bring her back in Yeah, and what I did is not do anything And then just be here for when she came back. Yeah, cuz you knew it eventually should come back Yeah, I mean I have come back. I had that too, you know You got to find out who you are and what you like

You know you can't if you just did listen or we did whatever your your parents did then you're not gonna grow So now her big girl Joe grow, Joe. Grow, Joe. She's, I mean, heavy into metal. Like not like the super heavy stuff, like metal core, but also a little poppy for my like. But what I'm getting to with all this is that just a couple weeks ago, I took her over to Seattle

and it was actually her Christmas gift. So she's been waiting a long time. Her birthday gift was Deftones and Mars Volta. And that was a fun show. And then a Christmas gift was Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens. So both those bands, just for me, their voices are too high. It's just not, it doesn't work for me. And I listen, I mean, I have some favorite bands that have very high voices. If you listen to the metal stuff, like I guess best example would be like Seosin. Like his voice is high, but the way they do it isn't the same or as poppy as like Pierce the Veil or Sleeping with Sirens.

But we go to the metal show and we stay at the, uh, the silver cloud. Hell yeah. Right. So it's right across from the WAMU theater, which I've never been to the WAMU theater. I had no idea it was that fucking massive inside. Have you guys been to shows there? No. Ah, it's fucking huge.

Like it is one of the, like, it's just an empty gigantic. I mean it has to be like a fucking 30 to 40 million dollar complex and it's attached to the Century link or whatever it is now lumen where the Seahawks play So it's a way I'm guessing for them to make money when the Seahawks aren't playing football. Oh, yeah I'm looking at pictures. It's I mean, it's fucking huge so I playing football. Oh yeah. So I'm looking at pictures. It's, I mean, it's fucking huge. So I, they, so for this particular, they're not going to leave the seats in for a metal show, but I think there was like six. Yeah. So look at the floor. Like there's 6,000 people and everybody is on the floor for this show. It's like an arena, but you would normally just have like an arena show, but there's no seats around the outside.

It's just a massive concert venue that they can adjust the inside depending on who's playing. So it's a metal show. They're gonna take the fucking seats out and that's what we were doing. So anyway, what I'm getting with all this is Pepper and I get over there, we check into the hotel and she goes, there's gonna already be people in line.

And it was like fucking noon, right? The show doesn't start till seven. And I was like, pep, I don't care if there's like some people in line right now. I was like, I'm not going to go sit seven hours. I'm not going to go sit on the fucking side of our door. Yeah. Doors at, at six show at seven. I was like, I'm not going to go fucking sit down on the sidewalk for five, six hours just so we can get in there. Like it's, it's an open floor. Like We'll figure it out. And I was like, there's probably, like, there's probably what? Maybe, like, what, 100 people down there that showed up super early. She goes, yeah, okay. So I take her, we go to

dinner and fuck around for a little bit. And then now we're two hours before the show, so it's like, or doors, so it's like four, four o'clock or something. And I was like, still a little bit early. I was like, but you know, it is her Christmas present back to the old days of standing in line. And we walk around the corner of the hotel. I look over there and I'm not even fucking kidding. You guys know how big an NFL stadium is. It went from the front door of where we're supposed to be going to a concert It went from the front door of where we're supposed to be going to a concert to the other side of the stadium and around the corner twice. So it was two lines and this was like two to two and a half hours before doors even opened. And there's probably like three to 4,000 people already waiting in line. And I'm like, Oh, fuck. So you walk all the way back there.

already waiting in line. And I'm like, Oh fuck. So we walk all the way back there. We stand in line. Uh, and again, I'll get to the point of all this, all this thing, just a second. And we're standing there, no fucking water, no food. I mean, there's no fucking beers. There's nothing to fucking do, but just stand there with a bunch of goth kids, 13 year old girls. And then also dads and you'd see them. You'd be like, yeah, you get it. Um, and like, uh, pepper, she's so pumped. She made us like custom t-shirts for the band that had lyrics from their songs on them and everyone loved them. So like, you know, she's making friends and talking and we're anyway, you're looking fucking ridiculous.

Grown man, grown man wearing this shit, but I'm doing it because I love my daughter. And I'm also remember what it's like going to metal shows. So anyway, as you can imagine that long in line, I have to pee the second we get in there. Okay. So we get in there, I have to go to the bathroom. Pepper wants to go like right up front. And I'm talking to her the whole time, like Pep, like, this is a long time. Like, this is a lot of people. Once you fight our way up there, like we can't ever get out or else we're never going to make it back in. And she goes, okay. Yeah. And she's never been to a show of this size. I don't think you get it. I was like, you don't have to pee. She goes, no. And I was like, okay, so do that. And then I hate this

part. When I was a little kid Dude fucking walk my ass up to the front and fight my way through and now I'm a grown-ass man being like, excuse me To all these little kids Appropriate because the pierce of ale is not new like they've been around for 15 20 years or something. I'm not sure But like but for the most part younger, they appeal to the tick tock generation, but there's also people my age and I'm just like, well, excuse me, like chaperoning and I hate that person. And then I had to be that person. We walk up there, we fired away up there. And then we, like, we were probably halfway through the first band, the opener, they were all so good.

And I was like, oh shit, like we're stuck here. And I just realized like how loud it was. And it was like, so much of my life was about this music and going to concerts and doing exactly what I'm doing. And here I am at 39 years old and I'm like, I fucking hate this. Like I don't, it was, all the bands were great. Great show. That mean for my, they were a little too loud. My fucking ears hurt. Fucking peppers having the

time or like whenever she looked over, I was like, yeah, like, you know, having fun. And she looked away and I'm like, dude, I just been standing up for fucking eight hours in this sweaty ass fucking pit. It's like, what am I, like, Pepper at one point, like, almost passed out. And I was like, Pep. And she goes, we can't leave. And I'm like, yeah, but we can if you're going to die. And she goes, she goes, I'll figure it out. I was like, well, quit jumping around. I was like, that's your problem. You're exhausting yourself. Like, calm the fuck down.

And by the end of it, she was so dead. And I just got reminded that I will never do that again. Like it could have been my favorite band of all time. It could be thrice. It could have been kill switch. I'm never going into a fucking pit and standing there through multiple bands just so I could be super close. I'm fucking done. Yeah.

And that was a great line to show me that I'm there to appreciate the music way more than the experience at this point. Like, I just want to watch you guys play, but I'm not, I don't have no business being up there. My ears rang for fucking three days. Like that obnoxious amount. My legs hurt. My calves were cramping up the most unmetal shit you can do. And talking about your back problems at a metal show. I was like, yeah, I was like, dude, this is a great song, but you guys have any ibuprofen? But just like, but she had a blast.

But I will never take her to a metal concert unless she has a friend with her ever again. I'm not, I can't, I'm too old to be your friend in a metal concert. Yeah. Like I just, I mean, that's almost a great t-shirt right there. Yeah. Like I'm, I'm too old to be your friend at a metal concert. I'm going to hang back. I mean, like I'm going to hang back.

I'm going to be like within like I side of the bathroom so I can, you know, but I mean like, I'm going to hang back. I'm going to be like within like eyesight of the bathroom so I can, you know, take a pee. Uh, maybe I'll get a pretzel. You don't know me. You get a pretzel or like some French fries, but I'm not standing up here ever again. I don't fucking care. Your priorities change and what you're willing to do. I remember being I go to us fest every year. Yeah. And one of my first times I was 17, 18, whatever it was to see Sabbath and we had been there all fucking day and we're in the pit for, I mean, the stage is right here. I can see Ozzie's fucking nose hair and we're, the crowd, I'm like, I'm not even standing on the ground.

Yeah. Like hovering above in the crowd. And it was kind of scary, but fun and all that. And then we went, I don't know, 10 years ago, Amber and I went back, back to the gorge where we did all that. And I was standing in the general emission and Alison chains was on there and like, uh, uh, like James addiction and stuff like that. And we're down in the general mission. And I'm just like, like, like lifted my leg, like doing this. And the people were drinking like right behind me. I'm like, I just want to shut up. And you know, it's like, I mean, this was a difference of God, 12 years or

something. I don't even remember what it was, but it was like 18 to 30 was like, what the fuck? Like, I just rather go sit in the grass. You know, just enjoy it. Yeah. Especially now, like I don't, the last, I don't know, the last time I went to a big venue and cause it's just not worth it. Yeah. Cause the, cause I, you're, you end up sitting so far away and then like, you

just want to go home. When you start getting worried about parking Exactly like should we leave early so we could beat the rush to get out of here like first we stay here and hear rooster It's it's weird how all that stuff plays in when you're with your I mean you're young you're with your friends, you don't give a shit. But I mean, that's the way it is with everything. I used to drive to Seattle to go to Mario games five hours and we're driving till three o'clock in the morning, get home, go to sleep, wake up, go to work. It wasn't a big deal. Now doing something like that, I'm like, no, I will pay $500 to stay at the Silver Cloud, the hotel you're talking about, and have a fresh, get a coffee and drive fresh home in the morning

They take a dip in the pool on the ninth floor. Yeah Little rooftop pool rooftop pool get a coffee the next day. Let's refresh let the experience settle in. Yeah. Yeah Man, I know just so just so old so but so think like the, when you're like, think about slipknot a band like that. Okay. I am. So when the first time I was, the first time I saw slipknot, it was, they were on the second stage at odds fest, I think in 2001, whatever the fuck it was.

By the time I saw them in 2005, they were main stage, like in an air conditioned, Pete Slauson Impenetrable. Pete Slauson Force. Pete Slauson You know, it is this weird thing. Like there was something when you're young and you're like, it's sweaty, they're sweaty, we're sweaty together. And then a few years changed, like they're sitting in the air conditioned room, we're standing out here in the fucking heat.

And that weird disconnect where it's like like now they're like a fucking corporate band now. Yeah. And here I am saying the heat, like, what am I doing? I'm standing out here in the heat. Like what the fuck am I doing? I think I have heat stroke. Yeah.

And he's giving you the air condition window. You're like, no, but I will say this and then we can move on to, uh, to Dick for this week, but if I was at a slipknot concert, I would not have pushed my way through that fucking crowd. No, I don't want to. Nope. No different crowd, but it was pierced the veil and I walked our happy houses right up there. I mean, there are bands that come to the knitting factory now and I'll like, well, I remember seeing this was, I don't remember what year it was 2016. Some August burns red was playing and the first time, the first few times I saw August burns red, I was at the stage fucking, I was never a thrasher.

I was never one of those guys, but I would be like on the outskirts, just kind of like listening to music and never one of those like this guy doing this. I'm like, I just loved being close and enjoying the music. But then it was like, okay, I'm going to sit in the first row. That's not the general mission now. I'm going to sit at a table and like have a beer and watch the show. But they're right there, but I'm not going to be in it. I'm going to sit right behind it. Yeah. I get you. And it happened like pretty quick. Plink of an eye.

Yeah. So you're never gonna catch me at the front of a fucking metal concert ever again. So don't look for me there. I won't. You and I will be in the back. Be in the back, being like, remember we had some fucking balls?

Cracking our open smioprofen bottles. Yeah. And downing them. Oh yeah, brother. All right, let's move on for some dick. Zach, would you be so kind? Brian, you want to take this one? Sure.

Give my throat a little rest. Ha ha ha ha. Brian, that is so funny. Alright. Bank hostage standoff. Okay. Police dangle beverage from drone to lure a man. Comma. Shoot him. A state police vehicle on Friday, June 27th, kept spectators at a distance from a standoff in Saginaw Township. The police

said concluded when a trooper shot and killed a man who took hostage a bank employee. The hostage was freed but sustained injuries. Okay. So basically what happened, the state police used a beverage dangling from a drone to lure a would-be robber during the hours long standoff, dangling from a drone to lure a would-be robber during the hours long standoff, hostage standoff Friday evening in Saginaw Township Bank. We already said that. Pete Slauson Yep. Jared Slauson The man took a mercantile, mercantile, whatever you say, bank employee hostage inside the building at 5444 State Street around 530 PM.

Pete Slauson I was just wondering where that- Jared Slauson State Police had reported on X. Pete Slauson I was wondering where that bank was. Now I know. It was crucial. The bank is located along the Saginaw Township, busiest commercial districts, about a half mile of State Street

from the center of Wyniki Roads. Was shut down in traffic by police for several hours. Okay. Keep in mind, this is several hours. Yeah, it's a big deal. For a standoff. Yeah, this is several hours. Pete Slauson Yeah, it's a big deal. Pete Slauson From the standoff. Pete Slauson Yeah, this is huge. Pete Slauson Spectators watch from a distance as a drone hovered above the area of focus. Please ask spectators to stop filming as the drone lowered

toward the area of the bank. Pete Slauson Nothing to see here. Pete Slauson Yeah, just a, no. Pete Slauson Just dangling some soda. Pete Slauson Put your phone away, nothing's gonna happen. Pete Slauson Nothing crazy? Pete Slauson Promise, nothing's gonna happen. Pete Slauson What's the worst that could happen? Put your phone away. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing. Nothing's going to happen. What's the worst that could happen? Put your phone down. No, no damn right. What they're about

to do. Oh God. Um, the drone was used to deliver beverage to the suspect as police negotiated with him. When he exposed himself, the troop was able to take a shot. I know that's not what they mean to say yeah but I just visualized that now he's like the bank door opens and just a little tin can with a string comes dangling into the fucking line he's like into the fucking line. You pick it up. He's like, I'm never coming out.

Yeah. All right, you'll never take me alive. You'll take me alive. Let's go. We're going to call it. I'll see what we can do. We're going to go. So what?

I'll see what I can do. Pull the string tighter. There's too much slack in the line. He's got to retire. The virus is going to handle it. And they go and pull them out. They pull them slack in the line. He's got to retire the virus and he's going to handle it. Pull them out. Works every time. Well, hell that worked.

I wasn't playing, but. Well, fuck free soda. Tread. Okay. Spectators heard an explosion in eight Oh five ambulances drove the area. Focus immediately after the man was killed while the hostage was taken to the local hospital with non life threatening injuries and is in good condition, Vedder said.

Yeah. She was discharged, whatever. What's the name of that soda? Cause I don't think it mentioned it in this article. Fuego? Is that a soda? Fuego. Fuego. F-Y-G-O. The ICP. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's what I thought. Yeah, Fago. Fago. F Y G O. I C P. Oh, that one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's what I thought. Yeah. Fago.

That's what they were. They offered. That's what they lured. So I'm guessing through the negation, the hostage negotiations. He was like the only fucking thing I need right now is some Fuego. Do you have any jiggle lows around or juggalos around here? Do you have any juggalos around here? Juggalos? I need a juggalos. And that's how the guy exposed himself? Yeah. Oh man.

It's that woo woo. Okay. I mean, but my thought is if you can, let's say that you were in a situation where you just took a hostage at a bank. What's it going to take to get you to expose yourself? Like what, what, what would be the, that would give you the highest chance of exposing yourself. Olivia Munn coming down dangling from a drone, dangling from a drone with a

finger, like licking a popsicle or something, like some Mariners backstop tickets. Yeah. Some tickets, some tickets and a popsicle or something like some Mariners backstop tickets Yeah, some tickets and a popsicle some season tickets is dangling from a drone And you're like fuck. Yeah The door get blasted We're living mine brought him. Holy shit. Here stay right here hostage. Yeah, you stay right here I'm gonna go get these Olivia. I can't believe who's outside being tangled from a drone. Yeah. You're not going to believe it either.

Man. What about you? I'm trying to think thrice tickets. No, it's nothing like my kids, but gold bars, Just gold, just gold bars. And you'd walk right out, right out. I mean, cause the chances, the chance you're not making it out of that fucking situation. How do you not know they're just luring you out to take you out?

But all it took was some fucking pop. Fago. Just a little soda pop and RC Cola. Maybe those are hard to find. Yeah. I might, I might come out for an RC Cola. Delicious. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know how hot it is in that bank. A crystal clear Pepsi, maybe. Remember that short lived. Or I thought you were going to talk about the one where you have to add it to the water and shake it out to make the ice. Crystal light. No, crystal clear.

Remember crystal clear Pepsi? Sure do. It was clear. Code red. Didn't taste like Pepsi though Code red be one to get you out there, but God what a like what does? The from the police situation that conversation this will never work fucking nonsense, dude Like they're sitting around. I don't know whatever I'm painting a picture that didn't exist

They're talking on sure. I'm walking top, but I picture a pirate map on the hood of a police car. Okay. But that's, that's not what happened. Yeah. Well, they like swipe like some bullet casings off. They're like, okay, we got to get this guy out of here and they'll have cigars. He's got the wood, like wood, little caricatures and moving around. Are you going to? Yeah, they got a war days. Yeah, they got cigars. One guy's got a tin can

No one's to talk to him Johnson out of this idea fuck out here Johnson Hit his can off the fucking hood. He picks it up and puts it back up He's talking into it on the hood. He's like rink ring and you can see it Just enough moves. It's shaking down. It's vibrating just enough to where it's slipping down the hood. They're like looking at the map and then kind of look over. He has his hand on the map and he goes, bumps his finger and he looks up and looks over and he goes, and looks over and goes He's behind the car

He's like Jesus Christ Jesus Christ Jesus Christ Johnson gets up to his ear goes What about hanging a soda pop over the road. You can get in the fuck. Out. He's like, God, he's frozen. Cop car clink clink clink. OK, what do you say? Nothing. Back down to business.

What do you say? He said fucking nothing important. He's he's scurries over and then goes back. Runs run back. Ring ring. Trust me, it'll work. He scurries over and then goes back. Trust me. It'll work. All right. Let's hear him out.

He has to say it 15 times. They hand the fucking tin can around the circle. And then someone is like, just there's somebody that had to rig up the drone and like someone tied a knot around a fucking is it Faygo Faygo tied it around the cap and they're testing the payload they're like yeah this can handle it they're wearing tactical gear giving thumps up as they test the weight load on a fucking imagine like SWAT guys in SWAT gear rigging up a Faygo to a drone. I just have an AR across their chest. It's like one guy's fingers are too fat.

And he's like, God damn it. I can't tie the knot. Somebody saw my fingers are too fat to tie this fucking knot. Over. Probably doing anything else than this. He's like, have you asked officer Peterson? He goes, no, can you bring his tin can over here?

It's scrawny little guy comes running up to help. He's got dainty fingers. Get him up there. He doesn't. He picks it up. The SWAT guy puts it in his ear. He goes, you're welcome. Yeah.

Good to go. I'll go down. Ryan. I'll clear out. Big up. Runs back into the bushes. All right. take it up. Take it up.

Oh my God. But that whole like trying to keep that. And then it worked and then they fucking got them. But my goodness. Okay. Of all the things like he went in there to rob a bank and all it took was a, a soft drink soft drink to get him out. You know, he's in there for the wrong reasons.

Didn't have his heart in it. No. Didn't stay focused on the prize. He did not. Also didn't have a very strong exit strategy. No. Hey, he went in with zero idea. He got one hostage and then got shot over a soda pop.

Yeah. Yeah. Not great robbery skills. So let's move on to this next one. I'm not sure what, like, and I'm not, I'm not going to play this old man card, right? Where, like, we've, we've always worked the hardest. Like no one else gets it, but this is a very interesting development that's happening. Uh, and this story comes out of San Francisco, but San Francisco

employers are hiring etiquette coaches for Gen Z. Sorry, Gen Z. Okay. I'm not quite grasping what's happening there. So the article goes- Teaching them how to be people. Yes. So the article starts, it says, they want to be promoted only after a few months.

Treat the office like their bedroom. Show up in sweats or skimpy office siren outfits? What? They can click on it. FaceTime. I don't want to. I wouldn't dare. FaceTime friends from their desk and ghost their managers.

It sounds like fucking awesome employees. This is the gist of employer complaints from Gen Z workers who seem to be having a uniquely hard time getting along in the office. Much worse, managers say, than the generations before them. In a December 2024 survey of 1,000 employees by intelligence.com, 12.5% said a Gen Z candidate had brought mom or dad to a job interview. What? 12%? The bosses are fed up. I mean, that would be so weird. I'm not sure if you guys have been in this position,

but when I worked in radio, I did a lot of hiring for what's called the board-op position. They were the ones that needed to run the soundboard when the talent was out and about. On the weekends, they'd run Seahawks games or Mariners games. Obviously that's changed now. Like now it's just all like Robo ran, but you needed somebody in there to push the buttons and make sure everything ran smoothly.

Um, and I would do the hiring process for that. I don't know how I would react if they walked in and sat down and then mom or dad sat next to them. I just be like, uh, you're fired. I don't mean what the fuck do you, what am I doing here? Like, I wouldn't even know what to say. Yeah. And those are like, you know, just pretty, those are entry level positions in the radio world. But I still wouldn't know, like you can't even handle coming in

here and doing this. You can't handle the responsibility. Like his mom or dad coming in here every time you're running the board, just to work with you. Yeah. Here. I will say something about this because I feel like I talked to have this conversation a lot. Um, and I feel like we always blame the kids of Gen Z, but it's like, well, we did it. We made them. We made these kids, right? Like it's our fault for, um, maybe we didn't do a good enough job of preparing these kids for these things. And it's like there, or they've also learned through us that like, you don't have to put up with this

fucking head down shit job anymore. And it, but there's still, that goes back to it's us. Yeah. Not, it's not like they, they all decided collectively to just be this way. It's like our parenting styles, whatever, caused this stuff. And I think that this approach is also not blaming anybody, like besides just societal and cultural changes, right? So Gen Zers, meanwhile, see things differently. From their perspective, millennial and Gen X managers have no work-life balance. And these are quotes.

No cap. My manager slacks me at 10pm, said Kevin, a 23-year-old engineer who lives in Soma. That's not okay. It appears to be the common theme. Still waiting for that work-life balance they promised us, one young person tweeted in response to a complaint about Gen Z employees. Yeah, I mean, I can get that. Uh, the generation, the generational divide has become starker in the past few months.

As returned to office policies have brought in Gen Z years for the first time. In many cases, after years of working and attending school remotely in the Bay area, the culture clash has led employers to a new solution, hiring etiquette experts to train young employees in basic workplace manners. But if you don't know, you don't know. It all makes sense though, because of COVID, things like that. The last five, six years have been wild. Some of these kids were in middle school or elementary and then never had to work around other people. Yeah. never had to do it. So yeah, they used to just being in their own little world and completing tasks and someone else telling them how they're supposed to be doing it.

They probably know what the fuck they're doing. Even people are they get to talk to their friends and text and FaceTime whenever the fuck they want. Video games online. While you're still getting your work done. Yeah, and we we, what was I gonna say? Oh people our age like And we, what was I going to say? Oh, people our age, like the last five years have worked from home if you have to go back to the office. Once you get a taste of home, it's like, I don't want to go work at an office. Yeah. Rosalinda Randall, a Marin-based etiquette coach said inquiries have risen 50% over the last two months. The requests come from tech company managers, winery execs, and even country clubs. All are a variation of the same complaint. Gen Z employees are treating the office like an

extension of their homes." But I just thought that was interesting. It also makes sense. Also, there's like a lot of me that like, and we've probably not much on the microphone, but like, we've talked about the importance of like getting together and working on shit because it does harbor creativity given the right environment. It can also be hostile and fucking boring and terrible. You're like, I didn't need to be here. I could do this from anywhere.

But I definitely see how someone who has been raised in this, like I can do this from literally anywhere. Why the fuck do I have to be here and, and interact with these people? Like you're forcing me to interact with them and I don't need to. This could have been an email, Sarah. Yeah. Well, the employees are always like, this is your, this is, we're a family here at Johnson industries, you know, it's like we're a family here. And it's

weird because you see them more than you see your normal family. That's the way that it used to be. And so why not treat it like an extension of your home? If I'm your family, I might as well. Pete Slauson And then this little expert or excerpt is more about parenting, I would say, than anything else. but it says, so Miss Randall, she tailors her presentation towards clients. Biggest complaints. One Bay Area tech firm asked her to address personal hygiene because two new hires did not shower or change their shirt for weeks.

Weeks? Weeks. I like your shirt. And they're like, thanks. And they just never changed it. Do you still like it? And they didn't want to deal with it. So they hired me said Randall She made her presentation to all new hires and added slides to hammer home the hygiene point

But goddamn it is so funny. I Don't know. I guess I just thought it was a little eye-opening thing So what's weird though is you think of think of like our parents or our grandparents, of course, boomers, when they see this are going to be like, what the fuck is going on? Because the tech gap in the mindset gap is so different because when they, when our parents went to work, that's what you just, you worked until you died. That you just, you get out of school, get out of high school, you get a fucking job, you work, you don't complain about it.

You go home, you eat, you go to sleep, you wake up, you do it again. And then eventually you retire and then you die. And like that's, that's not an exaggeration. That's the way it was. Now people are seeing it a little bit differently. And I think our generation started seeing that and it's somehow been, it's in whatever, we talk about all the time and I think the effects of that are happening to the next generation. A lot of jobs feel like adult daycare too. Yes, I agree. Wow. I agree as well.

They've got to feel like it's a little daycare-ish when your job could be done by an email, but instead you got to come in for a five hour meeting. A lot of it is like stupid. So I mean, I fucking lot of fake jobs out there. Yeah. I fucking hated going to an office. I just, we used to friends that you'd sit around like, kind of wish I wish I could get a job where I could make livable wages and do it from anywhere I want to. We used to sit around and

talk about all this kind of stuff. And then COVID happened and it was like, shit, see, you actually can do this. What is your, yeah, that's true. Crazy. That's true crazy We uh Just an interesting article thought I'd bring it in. Yeah, let's jump off to petty beef Let's go. Good job. You're gonna have to handle all this one Zack You are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef.

All right, this was sent in by our son Jack. Hey, daddies, Brian and Joe and Uncle Zackeypoo. Hello. Your name was in all caps though. Brian! It's not even Brian, it's Brian. No. That's so, look at that. The Y and the A, so far apart.

I have a pretty lame Petty B for you. I was gonna make a corny poem, but I don't feel like it's right now, so rain check on that. I don't feel like it right now. Yeah, I don't feel like it. That's what I said, wasn't it? It wasn't even close to what I said. Nope. Because I'm an idiot. I can't read. Well, you're working on it. And to the Petty Beef though, so in order for this email to make any sense to you,

Jesus, I can't take it today. Should we just have the computer read the fucking Petty V? Much better for the read all of it. Make any sense to you. No sense. You need to know I'm 16. So in order for this email to make any sense, you need to know I'm 16. Right.

Anyway, my mom has this tendency to not ask me to do things around the house unless I'm either finally doing something I want to or want to be doing or I'm telling her about something I'm about to do for fun. That is when she roars my day. For example, I took today off of work so I could hang out with my friend. Okay. I decided that even though she's leaving the house with my sisters for a few hours, I may as well let her know my friend was coming over. Because even though she won't care, it wouldn't hurt to tell her, right? Run!

She immediately jumps into telling me I need to take out the trash, recycling and cans from her house. I mean, let's be honest, that's going to take you what? Five minutes? Okay. Chill out, dude. Kidding. Oh, where was I? Now to our garage and then do all the dishes that piled up. Okay. That makes more sense. Over the last past days that no one did because they didn't feel like it and I was working, then I had to mow the lawn.

Yeah, that's a big list. It is a big list. It is big. Okay finally as an afterthought She said the car registration or something I wasn't really listening is $100 the car is even registered to me And they make me pay car insurance, which is like $300 be paying car insurance which is like $300 a month! Oh, I'm like, hang on. We got it. Maybe lightheaded.

It's okay. I'm all sweaty. I guess that might be fair or whatever. But whatever. Anyway! Yeah, that's just about it. The only thing I'll add is that sometimes she doesn't ask me to do stuff when I'm already having fun.

She does it when there's, oh, no, already a huge list of things I'm doing. So, what's one more? So, please, daddies, help me! Am I being a little pussy or is my mom being ridiculous? I'd like to clarify, I do all those things when my dad asks because he doesn't ask those horrible, in those horrible moments. I'd also like to clarify that my mom said I need to deal with all that because of the responsibility. But I'm going to let you in on a secret. I'd also like to clarify that my mom said I need to deal with all that because of the responsibility. But I'm going to let you in on a secret. I work at my grandparents because my, I work at my grandparents because my grandpa has terminal brain cancer. There it is.

And his left side is mostly paralyzed. And his left side is mostly paralyzed. So I help his 24 hour caretaker get his naked body in and out of the shower and toilet and bed and whatnot. So my mom lecture me about responsibility makes me want to Kurt Cobain myself and go for a ride in the back of a van. Wow, crazy. That's all Slauson Wow. Crazy. Pete Slauson That's all for my petty beef. Thanks. Obviously, mentioned my grandfather's current state in the previous paragraph,

but I want to take a moment to thank you guys for all that you have done for me regarding him. You've helped me understand that shit is how it is. He's dying and that's what's happening. It sounds like a kind of dark. I don't mean in a pole and a plug sense, I mean I'm not going to be sad until he's not here for me to talk to Shin. Pete Slauson What? Jared Slauson I don't know. Pete Slauson Okay. Back to you. Jared Slauson I mean it in a, I mean it in a, I'm not going to be sad until he's not here

for me to talk to since. Pete Slauson Okay. Jared Slauson Everyone I talked about it. Oh my. What's happening? I just hate reading so much. I hate it. Wow. Crazy. Everyone I talked to about him is just like, oh, I'm sorry, that must be horrible for him to go through. I'm sure he's happy he has you. But me listening to you guys talk about your dads is just sitting here, sitting there thinking, shit, you're right. I'd hate to be crippled from my last year on earth too. That's not to say I'm not thankful for them caring. It's just that they shouldn't feel bad for me. So thank you guys for that.

You have to focus so hard on reading. You can't have any emotion. You don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. You're reading words and they should make you feel something. Trying to, I'm focused so hard and this just real quick. Keep going. Don't mention it. Keep going.

It's going to tell you all about it. Okay. Okay. Okay. So far, so thank you guys for that. Truly. I've been listening to Joe since his dumb days and he has loved every second or have loved every second of Can You Don't. There's no family I'm proud to be a part of. Oh, yeah! Much childly love from one of your younger kids, Jack. Sending on an iPhone so I don't have...

What? So I don't have- What? So I don't know- Jesus! Like you just replaced four words with a word that wasn't even there. Like you just skipped four of them and put in half, which isn't even close to any of them.

You just skipped them! And decided half was it! Setting on my phone, half! God damn it! This kid's pouring his heart out to you! You just make it shit up Fuck! You can do it! This is hard! Oh my god!

Sending on my phone so I don't know if the font works It's supposed to be Comic Sans so Brian can read it Nope. Dude, I feel like it made it so much worse And I'm glad he said that cause I was gonna say Joe, you don't, like, why is this in Comic Sans? I'm usually a said that because I was gonna say Joe, you don't like why is this in comic sans? I'm usually a little stickler for formatting That was awful, I'm sweating That was so uncomfortable Wow

Good stuff, right? Thanks for really driving the message home. What do you have to talk about his grandpa? Jack, we love you. All right. That is annoying. I think what he's describing, he just doesn't know the experience yet is marriage. Like, I think it's a very, like it's a whole common thing. Where like you just sit down and someone's like, oh yeah, can you like, can you go do this? And you're like, like they just saw you relax and then they have to ask you to go do something. But this whole situation, like that is frustrating. That'd be fucking annoying.

But I get the parenting side of it too, because you're asking or you're like doing something that's outside of, like, parents have to do all of this shit all of the time. So the fact that you're- Pete Slauson No, thank you. Jared Slauson With nothing. So the fact that you're looking to step outside of that and have that means that you didn't ask, hey, is, I'm gonna, is there anything I can help with? Like that changes everything.

Right. But he also mentioned that dad doesn't wait until like just being reminded. So it sounds like mom is being reminded that you're not helping out around the house and then tack shit on while you're trying to go do something for entertainment or fun or whatever, just being a human. And then dad just asks you when you're like at times that are not like that. But mom gets reminded of it when you're asking to go do something or you're leaving to go do something. She goes, yeah, sure. But uses it as like a qualifier that if you're going to go do that, then you need to help me do this.

Pete Slauson She probably does it to the husband though, too. Jared Slauson Well, and so the husband? Jared Slauson He didn't mention it, but it almost sounds like maybe they're too. Pete Slauson Well, he didn't mention it, but it almost sounds like maybe they're separated. Pete Slauson Oh. Pete Slauson But I don't think… Pete Slauson Well, maybe that's why. Pete Slauson That's what I'm getting at. He said, Dad asked me and I have fucking no problem

doing it. Yeah, he doesn't ask me like the second I'm like, hey, man, I'm heading out the house, like, okay, before you leave, can you mow the yard? Pete Slauson Right. Pete Slauson Fuck you! Yeah, bad timing timing. Like timing is everything when it comes to these types of things. Or prepping. I've learned a lot of that where you, you don't need help right now. But like, for example, we're recording this and I know that we're going to need a lot of stuff to do. So I will like prep the kids and be like, Hey, you guys are coming over, but we have a lot of things we have to get done tonight. And you do this like six hours ahead of time,

then they know. Plan a seed. There's gonna be shit that they have to do and they don't have a chance to bitch about it because you give them a heads up. So I feel for what Jake's, I get what you're saying, but I think that's what it is. Is you are escaping something that she has to do nonstop

and you didn't offer to help or do anything until that moment happened. Communicate with her about that. Yeah, I think that might and if that doesn't work, then just fucking move out. Move to join the circus. You got to just kidnap your dad. You guys can have your dad and get out of there. But also did did his mom ask him to do these things a long time ago?

And then he didn't do it. And now he wants to go do something. And she's like, like well did you do the things that you were supposed to do earlier at least that's not the information we just got i'm but i feel like he's a 16 year old kid and he left that out because he doesn't because i remember doing the same thing like i was i should have got the fuck out of here before i go bring the cows in i remember my like getting home and wanting to go do something like, did you do your homework? Well, no, but you know, you're supposed to do your homework before you go do

shit. And it's like, I didn't do it. Now I'm pissed that I can't go do that thing because I have to do my homework. Yeah. So I feel like there could be some of that. And I remember being 16 and going exactly through that sort of thing. So, yeah. And probably there's that, that learning curve where you think you're doing a bunch until you grow up and realize how much adulting actually fucking requires. Like, no, I'm doing it. I'm doing a shit ton. You're like, are you? I mean, we're not saying that you're not giving us all the details, Jack,

but is that the, is that the situation? All I can say is perspective changes a lot of things and having been a 16 year old and also having been a parent, you realize the things that you didn't know before you had kids of your own. And then you then so when you're a parent and your kid's 16 16 you're going Will you do the fucking take the fucking trash out and they don't do it and you're like I asked you to take the fucking trash Out yeah, and the kids like But I wanted to go do something why'd you have to ask me now?

It's like I didn't I asked you several times earlier today I asked you all the time you should just do it all the time whenever you see it full take it the fuck out So I'm sorry. Sorry for we can't jump all on your side, Jack. Yeah, this, this trial is going to need a continuation. Yeah. Yeah. But call us in 10 years. Give us some details. Hey guys, at Candy No Podcast.com. Let's take a look at the, a wild story for some Hooray We're Not Doomed.

Okay. All right, Zach, play it, baby. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! Not sure if you guys saw the headlines on this guy. Brian, I'll read it. Thank God.

So, a father jumped into the ocean to save his young daughter after she fell overboard from a Disney Cruise line ship on its way back to South Florida. Talk about a terrifying fucking situation, dude. Prompting a dramatic rescue at sea, according to passengers, videos posted on social media and a statement from Disney Cruise Line. Nika said, Ha ha! Make me bitch! Make me bitch!

The incident happened Sunday aboard the Disney Dream. Oh boy! As it sailed between the Bahamas and Fort Lauderdale. At first reported by The Street, don't care, the child went overboard during the final leg of the cruise and her father immediately leapt in after her. How would have done the same thing, man? What are you supposed to do? Are you just going to wait for someone to go take care of it?

I have a thing to bring up to you. Passengers who spoke with CBS News Miami said he treaded water for more than 10 minutes. I mean in the ocean. Saltwater, that helps you float a little bit, right? An emergency alert sounded through the ship as crew members launched a rescue boat and tossed life preservers into the water. The ship was moving quickly, so quickly, it's crazy how quickly. God, is that trumpering that? It happened so quickly, crazy quickly, amazingly quickly. Jared Slauson That people became tiny dots in the sea, and then you lost sight of them. The captain slowed the ship and turned it around.

Pete Slauson Turn this bitch around! Jared Slauson He was like, I'm going to make sure, I'm going to wait for them to disappear over the horizon. And I'm going to turn this ship around. Pete Slauson Flip a bitch. Jared Slauson And then they deployed a tender ship with people on it to go get them. And we saw them rescue the dad and the daughter passenger. Laura Amater said the Disney dream docked at port, uh, port Everglades early Monday morning after a four night Bohemian cruise, the identities of the father and daughter have not been released.

So there is a tick tock video, but it's not like there's anything, anything crazy in it, but you do see them getting rescued, which is awesome. Um, but no, what I was going to say with, with you, if I was on a cruise ship and it was like, let's say it was like me and then Cassie and then one child, I'm going in right away. But if it's like me and like two of my kids, does that change your thought process or do you leap out of there? Cause they always say, wait, what? Okay. Did I not do you leap out of there? Cause they always say-

Wait, what? Okay. Did I not do a good job with that? Still got one kid. One of the kids fell in, but the other one's still up there. The other one's still with you. Do you then be like, do I turn to Ezra and be like, I might be back and then leap off the fucking cruise ship?

And then now he potentially doesn't have dad around? Well, it's not about him not having dad around. It's about you losing your daughter. I, I understand. Thanks, Brian. I, this is a thought experience or thought experiment. The number one thing they say is don't go fucking try to save somebody. Right.

Who's drowning because you're both going to fucking drown. But I guess with a cruise ship and hoping that they have a spare tenderboat, I've never heard that one. How old was the child? Did I read it from the very beginning? You're gonna say five? Reading, hold on, let me see if I can see it here. I think it just said father and daughter. I don't see the numbers here.

I think it depends on how the age of the child. If it's a five-year-old kid that maybe can't swim, I'm fucking leaping in man. Okay, I Didn't even hesitate about an infant. I Don't think I could live with myself looking over the over the thing and going like hope somebody rescues it like holy shit Like I don't think I would rather die and I'm with you and attempting my instincts would go in but then you're both dead So that's fun. Yeah, but then I couldn't live with that. So you do it out of selfishness. Because you don't want to live if one of your kids died. Yeah, I mean-

So selfishly you'd rather you both die. Yeah. Oh, yeah! If my kids, if I lost both my kids, I would end it so quick. Wow, crazy. I wouldn't, I don't want to be around. I don't want to be around anymore. If my kids if both if I lost both my kids I would end it so quick crazy I wouldn't I don't want to be around only rain anymore. I mean I'm here. That's not good enough Man, my family's still around. It's not I don't always sound like this. I couldn't go to I could not lay in bed Every night thinking about how my kids are gone. She just no fucking way just fuck Amber get out of here

I would be like I she would probably do the same thing. We would we would go Romeo and Juliet together. Mm-hmm So someone murders then someone kills himself. Oh, yeah, we just stab it or poison each other. Oh, I just Yeah, I I think she'd be on board with that That's a good boat pun If I if she'd be over board with that one.'s a good boat pun. If I, if she'd be overboard with that one. Yeah, I know. You get it. She wouldn't be able to live with, live either. Well, yeah, no, it's impossible to fathom that situation. But anyway, I just want to, so that's what I thought of was I would jump off like instinctually. I feel like I would jump no matter what. I just wanted to throw that to you

guys. If like there was still People like your other children there and you knew that jumping off might be a terrible decision And you they would lose their dad and their sister and then just that would be how that went or you'd stick around He's be like well who wants ice cream We're almost at Fort Lauderdale. Why the fuck she jump off. Can we see the Gator pits? We're almost to Fort Lauderdale. Why the fuck she jump off? Gator pits She jump off. We're almost back. Right? Anyway, let's go. Let's go sing some karaoke kids If okay, the only way I wouldn't do it is if someone jumped off in the they immediately

sprung into action and was sent for you and sent out like a lifeboat like who they were right on it and I'm like Okay, they, they got it. But you got to figure like, if you, if a kid, five year old, six year old kid drops into the ocean with in the middle of the fucking ocean, and if they don't, if they can't scramble a rescue crew, you've got seconds before they drown. Yeah. She had to have been a swim somewhat or else it would have been over before it started. So there's that bonus part. What's crazy though is if that boat's going fast, if it jumps in, by the time you think about, oh, I got to jump in, it's already moved how many feet.

So you're landing in the water and you- 50 yards away? Yeah. Now you still have to swim to that person. And with the wake of the boat and everything, like it's not going to be just a clean rescue. I know, but it's in the hooray we're not doing because it worked out and it's great. I can't even imagine. That's why I don't go on a fucking cruise. Oh, we should add that to the honkathon thing. I would rather, I mean, I'd rather go on a cruise, but it's not by much. Would you go on a hot air balloon ride that's attached to a cruise? So basically parasailing. That's not scary. Scratch that idea. All right. Let's take a look at something that was somehow that would seem less scary over the ocean. I think because it'll put out the flames because you can jump out and have a chance of surviving

in the water. Yeah. I mean, you still hitting the water still like hitting pavement from a certain height, but yeah, there's something about it. There's something there. Let's take a look at something on the internet. Zach, please, thanks. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! Brian can't read. That's funny. Thanks man. So this was sent in by our son Bart. Callie Mattson. I want to see it could be call. I don't know how to say K-A-L-E.

Probably Callie. I think so. Callie Mattson. So very funny. But so what happens, this artist takes just like a mashup of pop culture, like either themes or people, and then turns them into like works of art. So this first one that we're looking at here is Buffalo Bill Gates. So the top half is Bill Gates, bottom half Buffalo Bill. You get it. Spock Ahonis. So that's a funny one. Paul McCartman. If you're just listening, just, you have to look up, you know, cheeseburger.com. Yeah. Cheeseburger.com or like, yeah. Callie Mattson. And this will bring up what we're looking at here. Uh, Bruce Lee T. But I guess combines different names. It reminds me of my star. Startled Schwarzenegger. So good. Quentin Tarantino Turner.

Smiley Cyrus. See? Smiley face. Pretty funny. Alison Wonder, Andy Warhol. Yoko Bono. It's just so, I mean, it's, it's, it's pure entertainment. Stevie Wonder Woman. Stevie Wonder Woman.

Mickey Mosdon. Oh, yeah. Oh, Mao, Mao Zedong. But there's some good ones, but Bart sent that in and I figured that was funny enough to bring up. Marilyn Monroe and Atkinson. Rhianable Lecter. Oh, come on. That's good, huh? That's good stuff. I know. It's like, it's like making art out of dad jokes. Two Pac-Men, two Pac-Man. But there's a ton of them. So again, look that up. Thanks Bart for sending that in. Good stuff. Yeah. It's just, I thought it was worth it. George Michael Jackson. Worth sharing on the show. You ready to hear from

the kids? Yeah. Are you going to read one of these? No. Vanilla Isaac Newton. All right, Zach, go. Play it. Thank you guys! Alright, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Real quick. What? Gandalf. And it's just Gandalf but with elf. Gandalf.

That's my favorite, I think. And then, dirty Harry Potter. Okay. Oh, good stuff. Alright, so our first email's coming in from our daughter, Teddy, who writes, Oh man, there's caps in here. You have to take it. I'm gonna see if the second one doesn't have any caps, or has one caps in it. I'll take that one, but you have to take this one. Okay, I'm gonna go light on it, the screen window.

Okay. Hey shit, Fox! Thank you. Yeah. So y'all talked about the lap on the last So y'all talked about the last having a baby on air and got I got the story for you I feel like it's now people are just doing this shit on purpose I was period she sharp age of 14.

The yeah, I'm guessing too. When I decided to be a fucking idiot and get pregnant. Hey man, I get it. Sex is fun. You know what I mean? Yes. It was in fact a fight with my mother to keep my son. No, she didn't die.

Fast forward a handful of months. I didn't tell me parents I was pregnant until I was roughly four months along. And I'm in the hospital ready to push out a WHOLE LAST PERSON out of me. My OBGYN came in with an entire crowd of college kids and asked an active labor if they, uh, oh my God, if they could watch, uh, in case you miss it, I said active labor and I was fucking child. No, I don't want people looking at my fucking vagina while you, but child comes out of it. But yes, I said yes. No one ever tells you how strange it is when you're 14 guys.

It's strange. So yeah, I had 16 eyes on my vagina when I gave birth to my now 18 year old son. It wasn't on national TV, but like y'all were talking about, but sure as fuck felt like an entire world was staring into my pink velvet sausage wallet. Nice Teddy. Yes. The one who pairs socks weird. Remember her? Yes. How could you forget? But like just an oversight by the hospital, just grand, just walking in a 14 year old kid. And you know that that was probably not the intention.

They're just like, hey, we got some medical students, blah, blah, blah. And they just walked everybody into like a pedo scene. You're all felons. On your way out, you can sign up for the registry. You are now on a registry. And you're all not getting jobs. Thanks for stopping by St. Lucas. Ha ha.

Ha ha. Frank. Oh, Teddy. Thanks for sharing that. That's fucking crazy. Our second email is coming in from our son RJ who writes, Hey, shit stains. And Zach. Oh, Zach's separate from us.

He doesn't have shit stains? Yeah, right. Don't know why this popped in my memory, but I'm going to share it like it or not. When I was younger, my little brother, rest in peace, was fascinated with the garbage man. Like a lot of little boys are. Garbage truck. He loved watching from the window as he came by and did his thing, but only from the window. If he was outside and the truck was coming down the street, he'd run into the house, window. If he was outside and the truck was coming down the street, he'd run into the house only to stand at the window to watch, then go back outside. Come to find out he was terrified of the garbage truck, but liked watching it. One day I talked him into going

outside to see it up close. I can picture this sibling situation. It's so funny. Holding his hand, we watched the guy do his thing as I explained how scared he was of him and the truck. The guy smiled and said, there's nothing to be afraid of, little guy. As we turned to walk away, this motherfucker grabbed my brother under his arms and pretended to throw him into the garbage truck. Whoa! Hey, you're dead, you're dead! It's good to smash ya! I don't know what damage that did to him, but he never watched again. It was hilarious.

Later, dicks RJ. Fuck poor kid. You just, you think you got it all under control. I can't think of a particular situation, But I know that this has happened a ton with Ezra, especially when he was younger, like trying to control the situation. You think of everything and then somebody walks up and does something and you're like, you motherfucker. Like we had to try so hard. I hadn't considered that happening.

Like you just have to wear the big headphones, you know, like to, you know, cancel out the sensory issues. Yeah. But like, it'd be like equivalent of someone like pulling it off and be like, and just screaming, you know, like, I don't know what's going to do anything. And they walk up like, it's not that loud. They have to kill you. Just get that for the monster truck jam. And then put walked up like, it's not that loud! They have to kill you! This kid had that fun at the monster truck jam.

And then put him back on. Oh God. Anyway, that's episode 160. Hopefully you guys had fun. I hope my voice and my sinuses are back to normal by our time recording next week. Something you want to see on the show, email that in to heyguysatcandydompodcast.com. Reminder and a big thank you to everybody that has joined the gaggle because the honkathon, it is on, happening right now.

Head over to patreon.com slash candydumpodcast. You can also find a link in the episode description. Write and review us when you listen to the show. Check out what Uncle Zach's doing over at scatcast.com. We'll take you. And then a big shout out to the babysitters that moderate the candydump playground on Facebook. I think we are looking for some more moderators So if you get a little

Overwhelmed get a little heavy in there So if you are interested in that you can reach out no one points in the right direction You guys ready for a joke to wrap this thing up. Yeah, for my sinuses explode Good God wrap it up already, huh? You guys ready, mm-hmm How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach it's not hard I could have done better, but I figured that was funny He's right here one more time. How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

It's not hard. Anyway, they give us a chance to answer. Well, I didn't have the time to write the prompts and to tell that guy to stop reading so fast. All right. After the bonus stuff, Brian, do you think Peace!