Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Tongue. Cupcake. Four Eyes. Rubik's Cube.

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Imagine bringing a newborn baby to a rave... and then getting upset when everyone else around you wasn't super supportive about you bringing a f*&$ING newborn baby to a rave. Let's talk about that, weird ass things you never knew about the human body, actually owing money after trying to get money for amputating your own legs, getting addicted to solving Rubik's Cubes, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/UK91VIvyqscSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

tongue cupcake four eyes rubik's cube Woo! Six away from 100. I mean, we'll figure it out. Probably five minutes before 100. We'll be like, oh shit. Should have done something special. That would have been a good idea. 101 is probably cooler. We'll just do 101.

Yeah, podcast 101. Nice. Nice twist. Is there no education? I like that. I like that. Oh, I thought I was going to get an I already. I was like, shit. The show just started. I didn't have it queued up. I had to. I don't know what I was doing. I guess I thought I was going to get an eye already. I was like, shit, the show just started.

I didn't have it queued up. I had to, I don't know what I was doing. I guess I didn't get to the right page on the old iPad. I just saw you reaching for something. I mean, I can get you an eye. Okay, there it is. There you go. Feel better?

Yep. Good, good. Because it felt like, you know when you're going to sneeze, and then it goes away, and you're like, damn it. God, just get it out. You're like tickling your nose to get it to go. Looking at the sun, doing anything you can. I was just going to ask.

I've never been a sun looker. It's got to be far enough into it where it's like on the verge and then the sun puts it over the top. Really? Yeah. I sneeze like 50 times every time I go outside in the sun. You know? Maybe you're allergic to sunshine. The earth, yeah.

Or plants. Yeah, maybe the earth's trying to kill you. Sounds fair. That is true. It is. End Yeah, maybe the earth's trying to kill you. Sounds fair. That is true, it is. Endlessly. Yeah. Endlessly trying to get you. If there's something you want to see on the show, send it in to HeyGuys. I thought the world was made perfect for us. It is. It's just for us. Just to try to kill us?

Okay, go ahead. At HeyGuys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Bonus content at the end of every show. If you sign up on Patreon and support us there, it doesn't matter what tier it is you will get the bonus content uh 94 this episode we're doing some lap time michael zach what are we doing we'll read you we're gonna learn about the body learn about the body weird things and i'm gonna see what you guys know about the body oh shit that goes this can be great it's gonna be terrible. Let's do it. This is that buttholes bounce back to Closed on there. There's some stuff like that. Yeah

Happy to help me What's the limit that something could be jammed in there that'll bounce back like there has to be a point where it's just not Gonna bounce back just wreck forever. Yeah, I'll be shoved like a butcher knife up there. I'm sure that's gonna do something But even that would heal itself right eventually? Eventually. I don't know. I know there's a limit to how big it can get. But I'm not sure if it just... I was thinking something round, not a sharp... I know. Soccer ball. Yeah, it's

something big. It's like four, like fucking four inches. Like assholes can get huge. Which is awesome. It doesn't seem big, but when you think about it... You can fit a cat up there. Or a raccoon. Do people do that? I hope not.

Seems like a bad idea. I've heard of gerbils going up butts. Who hasn't? You know what I mean? Here, read this email. Read this email you plopped in there. Yeah, let's see. Wait, where is it?

Okay, so this is in reference to a couple weeks ago's show. Yeah. This is from Tiffany. Oh, hi, Tiff. Hello, Tiffany. Can I call you Tiff? Can I call you at home? Nice. Was listening to the rant about what is allowed to be thrown out the window.

And I thought he better not fucking say ice cream cone. And of course I did. Yes, you did. I want to share this little ditty. I was an off-ramp in Cincinnati, Ohio, and I saw a white thing get flung out this window and thought, not today. Not today, motherfucker. Nope.

I sped up around this dude like a fucking maniac and yelled, there's not a fucking trash can anywhere you're going. Oh, God. That's a lot to yell. The dude looked around, sounding like he was about to get murdered, replied gently, It was an ice cream cone. I sighed and then yelled, Well, fuck you anyway!

Because we'll fuck him. Love the podcast. P.S. I bought some fingerless leather gloves because of'll fuck him love the podcast p.s i bought some fingerless leather gloves because of you and they didn't fit now my girlfriend has some sick gloves that's a good i love that like a good re-gift i mean that's it really is you buy something it's like it doesn't fit it's always a gift for somebody else like well don't throw it away give it to somebody else who would appreciate it yeah just hold on to it for your kids you know they'll grow they'll grow into those leather gloves yeah one day these will all be yours buddy it'll be yours boy right now your whole hand fits in there but someday shit just half your finger is going to be covered by that leather when you know what's

annoying is when your kids are so small when you're trying to put like finger fingered gloves on your kids when they're it's like snowing outside and they can't get their when you're trying to put like finger fingered gloves on your kids when they're, it's like snowing outside and they can't get their finger. You're trying to put each individual finger in there. They shove two in one, like fucking pull it back off. Like, God,

that's one of those things. It's like, okay, we leveled up when, as soon as they can do that, it's like, okay, I'm,

I'm, I can take on the world now. Anyway, I, I, Tiffany yelling like that full sentence. There's not a fucking trash can where you're going it's one of those things where there's so much and it's out of the blue yeah and is there anything more frustrating when you yell something mad at somebody and they go what yeah and you have

to yell it again like that's why you don't yell phrases you yell where you're like fuck you like that's got some impact. Hey, fuck you Listen, if you ever come back in the dudes, yeah too much Quit throwing shit out your window like what I mean, it's all the words but like this is a phrase Yeah, well, there's not a fucking trash can wherever you're going. Are you asking me questions? Maybe like I'm sure there is why are you so mad? They're just driving down the road screaming through windows. I love how the guy was like, oh, shit. And then you're like, now I feel bad.

But still, fuck you anyway. Because you shouldn't do that. I'm just, I got to get something in here. All right, you ready to fire off the show? Yeah. We got a good one. A douche? So he's back.

Zach! Hey, shut up. It up start the show already so whenever we get a would you rather from our son danny beer you know it's gonna be a douche you know it's time to buckle up hey gumbay daisy oh danny love you buddy Yeah. Would you rather the bottom half of your body be a riding lawnmower or the top half of your body be one of those wacky inflatable tube men? Oh, wacky waving inflatable or inflating tube man. Mm-hmm. One of those fellas. So like a centaur situation of sorts.

Mm. We just got half. A lawn tar. Nice. Bottom half being a riding lawnmower. Okay. The noise alone, but you're also,

I mean, you're at what point is it just a, one of those sit down scooters, whatever they're called, you know, you go to Walmart and they're going to little rascal, like a rascal. That's what it is.

I mean, that's basically what it is. If you disengage the blade walmart and they're a little rascal like a rascal that's what it is i mean that's basically what it is if you disengage the blade you've just got a you've got a john deere rascal yeah i mean if you you gotta run to the store real quick and you're like you don't want to chop up everything and so you shut the blade off cruise on down to your favorite grocer grocer i feel like the majority of riding lawnmowers They were gas powered So that's funny In a grocery store Just yeah Exhaust Let's say you can't modify it

So the blades go in the hole the whole time You'd be flicking shit everywhere Just shooting rocks at people Just Grabbing little Captain Crunch crunch putting in your little basket just i mean one of those big ones too like it's got to be a decent size riding lawnmower oh yeah one that you can like relax you got cup holders that would be nice though having your own cup holder all the time i mean bottom half there goes your dick right we're going waist down

yeah now your dick is a lawnmower you just pee and poop out the bottom it's just the blade shooting shit everywhere like that video the hippo that's flinging shit everywhere uh yeah that would be interesting yeah that'd be Yeah, I guess you could just go in the yard You're a lawnmower You go fertilize Baby, I'm gonna go fertilize the lawn Yeah That'd be cheaper than buying fertilizer

Just going on Oh my god, that smell Of just the Of human shit getting splattered in the backyard And flung into the neighbor's yard Yep Could have to redo all your doorways That's a fucking problem

Well, you're gonna have to have ramp your doorways. That's a fucking problem. Well, you're going to have to have ramps everywhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, you're basically, let's say, anybody that is in a wheelchair, first of all, you need that set up. Mm-hmm. You need some accessibility. I mean, driving, though, you can't even get out of it.

So it's your bottom half. You're going to have to have a special car docking station for your riding lawnmower and then you have to just drive with your hands using the little paddles you could get a van you could get a van with uh with one of those ramps yep and then you just got to see yeah you got the whole thing out you drive up to the spot you could you could do that you're getting i don't know you get pulled over you've had you had some drinks because you know life's tough your bottom half is a fucking riding lawnmower can't jerk off or have sex yeah get pulled over the cops like step out of the vehicle please and you're like okay you back up just the cop like you're trying to walk the straight line you're like this isn this isn't hard. This thing actually drives itself. It's going to follow this line.

He said, I mean, this isn't doing nothing, officer. What? Can you please turn off your legs? You know the guys that roll up to, like, a McDonald's, and they have their diesel truck, and they have to shut it off so they can order? Like, you'd have to do that. You roll up to someone have a conversation with neighbor yeah dude can you turn your bottom half off for a second trying to have a conversation

conversation with you i mean yeah it's unfortunate your fucking legs are a lawnmower but would you have to fill up a big mac or not with like gas and oil and stuff i'm assuming you would so and if it's electric sure let's say's an electric riding lawnmower. You've got to plug your legs in at night. I mean, how do you sleep? Do you just tape a stick to your back? You're not getting in bed. Yeah, you could get in bed.

What? You lay back. And just wheelie the... Yeah, the things off the end of the bed. Don't be able to see the TV. Well, you would have... I mean, you would have... Like, if you had... let's go back to the

wheelchair thing. It's, you have accessibility for. Well, yeah, but you, they get to get out of the wheelchair and get in a bed. No, but you would build, you would make your, your house, your living lawnmower, riding lawnmower accessible. But if you're in a wheelchair, you get to take the wheelchair off. You don't get to take these off. Yeah.

Like they're not like people, if they're in a wheelchair and they're getting in bed to sleep, like, they're not laying in bed with the wheelchair. I know. Doing a wheelie. I realize that. I'm saying that you would make your bed accessible for your lawnmower. So you just roll up there onto your comforter with your fucking lawnmower? No.

So you put it. What a fucking nightmare that would be. You flip it in reverse and you beep, beep, beep. Okay. You go go up the end of the bed yeah and your bed stands up or something like that and then you sit back and then the bed rolls backwards what an inconvenience oh that thing yeah sleeping sleeping with lawn i feel like that wouldn't be that big a deal because then in the morning when it's time to get up your bed just lifts up and you go from like this and then you're right back onto your mower again.

And fired up. And off you go. Off you go. Another busy day. You wouldn't have to worry about... Well, you wouldn't have to worry. If you don't have a dick, you don't have a butt. Well, something just has to come out of the bottom of the blades.

It has to come out somewhere. So it's going somewhere. Okay, top half being the wacky inflatable tube guy you still like intimate time is gonna be a fucking nightmare yeah oh my god can you imagine like you're on top and you're having and like your significant others looking up at fucking like like, just going like, like doing this one, like the, yeah, it's like,

pop back up. And all she's hearing is like tarp noise. Like it lays on her face and, well, and you need air to get those things to go. So do you have to be, do you have to have plugged in or you have to have air? I think there's a little,

it has to be a little magic, a little magic involved in this one. If it's just your top half, if you have to be plugged in or you have to have air? I think it has to be a little magic. A little magic involved in this one. If it's just your top half. If you have to be plugged in all the time, there's no way. I mean, I have to go with a lawnmower. But if you just get to float around. You can't just float. You have to have air circulation.

Your lungs. Your lungs do it. You have enough air in your lungs to power your top half. Okay. Intimate time. Any job enough air in your lungs to power your top half. Okay. Intimate time, any job. Like you're trying to be serious. Like you're having a serious talk with your kids. Talking about the birds and the bees.

Like when you get older. When two people love each other. Very much. Just hunching over and then snapping back up yeah any serious situations i know it would take you serious nope at all not i mean how could they just walking down the road yeah you're just heading down the sidewalk these legs walking and your body just yeah just flopping up and down i yeah i i don't know i picture like a school performance and the like the camera's panning through the audience and everyone's sitting in the auditorium and it's just one

and you're behind that guy yeah and you're just like just always pumped i mean you would have a built-in job yeah you could just stand outside of a car dealership yeah and that's about all you could do. But probably worth it. I mean, you'd be quite the attraction. Yeah. And maybe you get some commission. Mm-hmm.

How many cars would they sell if there was an actual human with a top half inflatable? They could talk to you. You want to buy this? Nia. Dodds Nia. Isn't anything more sad than a deflated inflatable tube guy just laying there so tired and just get plugged in and immediately it's like i think i'm gonna pick uh the riding lawnmower i'm just have to sleep sitting up on my lawnmower legs you don't need to though i don't understand why you're

not getting that you're describing a 40 million dollar bed setup a tesla bed you're not really what they have automated bed they have recliners that do that like a murphy bed that folds into the wall right no like they have recliners that like my grandpa had one that was like this and then it would lift up and basically dump you out. It would put you on your feet and then you'd sit down. But he had legs. But the same thing. You back into the bed

and the bottom half well, it depends on how it depends on how high the mower is. So your bed would be high. You'd lift up your bed. So your lawnmower could have clearance to go underneath your bed. Visualize this with me. I'm in.

Here's your mattress. Your bottom half drives partway under the mattress. So you get that clearance. And now the bed just grabs you. It grabs you and lifts you up. Do you strap yourself in? Yeah. Let's say you strap yourself in or there's little hooks or something. And it lifts you up is it do you strap yourself in yeah let's say you strap yourself

in or there's little hooks or something and it lifts up like this you have to hire nasa to make your fucking bed frame dude if this is going to be your life you would you would spend the money on it yeah you spend all day on your lawnmower legs let's do we have to go back to the wheelchair thing again because are you telling me when someone gets in a wheelchair, they don't spend money to make their house accessible? How heavy is a riding lawnmower? So now this bed has to have some serious engineering. Well, it's, that's

one of the most important things you do is sleep. I know, why don't you just sleep sitting up or something? Who wants to sleep standing up? Or bend over and just like have a pillow on your lap. Like, why couldn't the bed just be forward? And you just lay into a soft... Sure, you do that that would get old yeah yeah like okay imagine having to try to sleep like you would sleep on an airplane every day that would get old yeah so you would want to spend the money to make sure you're comfortable yeah a lot of money on this

fucking bed yeah that you're describing. So much money. Because it doesn't exist. You have to reinvent the bed wheel and then install it in your house. Yeah. I don't see the problem. Maybe you'll get some grants or something. There's a foundation out there for lawnmower legs.

All the money you could make is just mowing the neighborhood lawns. And you could be mowing their lawns and doing other things you're working on your computer you're working two jobs so you're making lots of money you can afford this fucking bed and that's about all you could do right couldn't work at a bank with fucking lawnmower legs no you couldn't i mean you're it's like the wacky waving inflatable inflating tube man i. I mean, your job is built into your... Built into this dark magic. Yeah. Nope.

I mean, I'll take it, but I'm just, I'm not, I can't wait to see your bed. I feel like, I'm surprised you're so stuck on the bed aspect of it. I feel like it's so, I mean, help me out here, Zach. And the house and the car and then every other door in the entire world you're not going in because you have a fucking lawnmower for legs but at least you get to get around and go to your own home right like why would you also not just have a thing on the floor that tipped you over and picked you back up why does it have the bed have to pick you up to a bed level that's what i'm getting at well it doesn't i don't care how you do it sleep like you want to sleep laying down what if okay what if instead of this 86 million dollar

hydro or hydraulic bed that you're describing what if you just pulled onto a platform and the platform tipped you over onto a mattress that's's fine too. The thing is you have to have your mower hanging off the bed. Or on the little platform. It just tips you over. I'm thinking of this on the spot. I don't care how we do it. That's fine too.

I enjoyed listening to it. I was like, when's he going to figure out you just tip over and lay down on a bed instead of getting picked up into a bed? It's classier, I guess. Well, no, because you can run into issues. If you're getting dumped onto something, what if the momentum takes you over and you roll off? You're going to hurt yourself.

It'll lock you in. It's a slow, it'll just tip you. Dude, beds fold up into walls. Yeah, I'm not riding lawnmowers in them. This is an agree to disagree moment. Help me out here, Zach. If there's a will, there's a way, I think. If you have enough money, you can definitely do what you were going to do there, Brian.

I don't understand why this would take so much money. It's a lot of hydraulics. All it needs is a little bit of hydraulics. Dude, hydraulics, you don't need that much to lift. Look what some of these things of hydraulics all it needs is a little bit of hydro dude hydraulics you don't need that much to lift look at look at some of these things with hydraulics can do maybe you don't even need dude you just need a pulley system you can do you have hands right yeah so like you're lifting the bed up but you're just pulling the chain like this and the bed lifts up and then you uh when you're ready to lay back down, you crank the chain back the opposite way.

You don't even need hydraulics. Let's see here. This is how the pyramids were built. This kind of conversation. Yeah, and we're all envious of those, aren't we? Riding lawnmowers, on average, are 800 pounds. Okay. That's pretty good.

There are 800-pound people that lay in beds. And then they never get out again. No, a forklift comes and gets them and it takes them to a... Funeral home? No. Gilbert Grape? Haven't you ever seen My 600 Pound Life or whatever the show is? Yeah, I watch it.

Yeah. Makes me sad. And then I stop watching it. Imagine if they had a lawnmower for legs. Just imagine. At least you're out there doing something. If you had to go to a doctor's appointment, do you just go to a mechanic? Yeah.

For the bottom half, yeah. Top half's looking good. Bottom. You have to go check your oil. Yeah. Get your blade sharpened. I think if you want to save money, you don't use the hydraulics. You use the pulley system with old chains and gears.

It's a little medieval, but it'll work. Pick up your 800-pound body with your arms. See, you don't need to pick yourself up. That's the whole point I'm making. If you're using the lift like you're saying, you have to lift someone up. I'm saying you walk up to the bed, and all the bed does is go back this way so it's just lifting your body back this way that's it this conversation is tearing the kids apart you guys yeah either way we'll just have riding lawnmower legs because there's no world i can be a wacky inflatable tube guy i want to do

the the lawnmower thing just to show you that i can do it yeah let me know when you're done with your bed i'll be sleeping on the floor when i just have a little thing that tips me over and then picks me back up that's gonna be i'm gonna have like seven years of sleep that's too many moving parts to have a thing that lifts you up just have the bed tilt forward it's like have you not seeing each other's designs i don't think we are because Pick you up. It's like a fucking half a door that opens on the floor and just puts you in a bed.

How? I don't know. No, I can't visualize yours. It doesn't matter. No one cares. All right, you ready to move on? I don't know. I feel like we're getting to a good point here.

We haven't solved anything. We're going to take the riding lawnmower legs. Okay. And one of us is going to save a ton of money. Because I'm going to show you up. Zach! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe?

What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? We were sitting on the couch before recording today and just talking about some different things. One newest thing added, and I highly recommend it. I mean, there's better out there.

And if you can afford an electronic one, like an arcade-style one, then maybe you can get that. But I'm talking about fucking darts. Hell yeah, brother. We went to Dick's Sporting Goods, Cassie and I and the kids, and we were not planning. I'm not sure. Does anyone ever plan on getting a dart board? No, you don We went to Dick's Sporting Goods, Cassie and I and the kids, and we were not planning. I'm not sure. Does anyone ever plan on getting a dartboard?

No, you don't go. You're not like, oh, fuck, we need to run down and get a dartboard. I mean, maybe sometimes. You're like, darts would be great. It's like a summer afternoon. You're like, dude, right there. Backside is the baseball game. Front side's darts.

I have one of those at home. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, whatever. We'll get a little dartboard. But anyway, we were not planning that And we went to Dick's and they had this cool one That has, it goes inside of its own cabinet And when you open it up, lights automatically turn on

And then you kind of unfold it And then all the darts and chalkboards A little bird comes out, he's like, cuckoo, cuckoo Play well But, so we've been playing some darts You know, we get things done around the house And then house, and then we close out the day by throwing darts. As one does. And this week, Cassie and I have played darts every single night.

And that just got me thinking about, and I was asking Cassie, I was like, what are some things that you have, just like weird things, that you get super obsessed with for whatever amount of time and then it just disappears and then obviously talked about but a long time ago on can you don't is when i just went fucking crazy with pinball yeah when you're a pinball wizard no i don't know what happened it just it came to me pinball found me all right because we were in seattle and needed it oh it was a good time good time to pin you know uh and i was in seattle and cassie had to work so i just had the the day to fuck off in downtown seattle and i started cruising around and taking ubers to different places of that pinball machine i didn't get expensive yeah it was a... It was worth it. I mean, come on.

And as I was playing this game, and I just was somehow doing well, this guy walked up and he's cheering me on. He's like, doing pretty good. And I was like, thanks. And I'm just pushing the paddles and playing how I thought pinball was. You thought he was giving you a compliment, right? Yeah, but I also think

that he was kind of, I don't know. Who cheers someone else on playing pinball? Like something would happen. A guy that knows he's going to show you up. And he was like, yeah. Like just fucking doing cool moves. And I was like, this guy's my new best friend. And then I was done and then he got on there next.

And then I was watching him play. And he's, you know, he's punching the table and wiggling it. I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, and then he got on there next. And then I was watching him play. And he's punching the table and wiggling it. I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, I thought that was illegal. I thought the bar would be like, get the fuck out of here, dude. Quit hitting my machines. And it turns out you're supposed to hit them. It's part of the game.

Part of the game. And I never knew that. And this guy who has no idea that he basically for the fall the the next two months after that experience uh there'd be a grown-ass man laying in bed looking up pinball tutorials like just being like yep that's right and like different ones and like the different tilt settings it was it was wild and i guess went all around beautiful downtown cordelAlene and beat them all. Went in there, fucked up the scores,

and left. Went in there, and I have no idea if it's still there, but as far as I know, almost every pinball machine, the top score said Joe, which is awesome when you have a three-letter name

when it comes to old arcade things because it just says your name. It's just Joe. And then I beat this score on a mandalorian game that this other dude i couldn't beat him for a while and you're like how do you do it and you're like this is the way this is the way and i got the high score and then i never went back and never played pinball since then they're like where did that guy go that came in here and just yeah i just stole our hearts just got super obsessed with pinball for a couple months and then i was like that's it that'll do it that'll do and like i

don't even think about it at all i don't want to do it you know what happened kind of bores me now that guy that that you were in the bar with let's say you went and you got like the fourth highest score and to you you're like oh i just moved on and pinball to him he's like i gotta get this fucking joe off this board he's he's leaving his family yeah so he's got a he's got all the he's his name is bill and he's got all the scores but he has to skip one l because just bil right bill okay uh and so he's like, Bill, Bill, Bill, Joe. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. He's like, I can't have this. Nope. So you fucked up his life because now he's got to go

back in there and bump you off the board. He's crying at work. Yeah. He's eating dinner really quick and rushing out the door. I'll be back. And you're not even playing anymore. No, I've moved on. Bill's out there. He has not moved on. I'm sure he's probably already kicked the shit out of it. Wasn't even trying and it took me forever to do it.

I'm just picturing some guy that's like a pro pinballer and... New high score. Is that good? Did I break it? Let's say there's a guy sitting at the bar, right? He's drinking a beer and then you're over at the bar playing and you're like, wham, with your hip. You smack it and he goes...

He's like... He hears the challenger. He can tell the noise of the hip. He's like, I haven't heard a hip check like that since 76. He's looking over and bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. You're like this prodigy. Pinball wizard. He's got to coach you to get you to the pinball championships. Just like a slow walk up.

His eyes are wide he's like oh no you remind me of myself yeah when i was your age yeah now look at me he's like shows me his hands his fingerless leather gloves have holes in them yeah they're just fucked look at me like it got bad i had like a blister on my thumb he's got perma perma blisters on his thumbs who gets a blister from playing pinball? Can we make this movie? It should be a movie. I mean, let's do it. I'm in for either a dart movie or a pinball movie.

Yeah. But I guess the question, and I mean, ask it all the kids out there. Please send it in. Hey, guys, at canyoudon'tpodcast.com. Just like weird. It doesn't have to be weird, but just obscure or anything that you've gotten crazy obsessed about For whatever I guess a short period of time and then just completely left it behind You know what something that comes to mind for you though

I mean obviously shows like that's it That's an easy one where like you watch what insert anything Game of Thrones and you just rip through it Well, I watched it from the beginning. So I was in it for 10 years. Let's just say you get in and you binge it and you're like, yeah, and you've done and you never go back. And maybe you never watch anything. That's a spinoff of it. You just completely move on. I mean, everybody binges show. So don't, don't worry about sending that in. I get that. But what's it, that's a different, what do you think of? I have a couple things. I'll go back first. When I was in college I came back

home one time and my family, I had like you know, stepbrothers and my sister they, so like the World Series of Poker, that's when it exploded. Oh yeah. Everybody was playing poker. I came back, they had bought like a poker board, the felt board.

They had all the chips everything it was like Like what I walk into fucking Vegas in my in my house's living room, you know and for a few months it was like Everybody was obsessed with with Texas Hold'em. Mm-hmm And then it sort of just went away and no one plays it anymore. Yeah, it just disappeared. Pickleball, I feel like, is in that right now where everyone's playing Pickleball. And then that'll go away. The thing that happened that I can recall

is like, I saw my first Rubik's Cube and then I was like, I was obsessed with Rubik's Cubes. Did you see what I just did? Yeah. Who does that And everyone

I I know He started talking And then I was like Oh that And then I went Oh nevermind keep going And then you start talking again

And then I went Wait What kind of Can I What kind of lunatic does that I guess I'm scared I'm so scared No you go ahead

Yeah Okay What the fuck was that Okay I'm so scared What the fuck was that? Okay, I'm so sorry, go ahead You were excited that I solved the Rubik's Cube It's so fun for you So then I went Every time I was in a kid's store

I was buying different Rubik's Cubes And I was just hoarding Rubik's Cubes Trying to get all these Different ones and see if I can solve them and stuff and uh and then I got into like like the four-sided cubes and stuff and I couldn't solve it and so I just like I didn't give up I every once in a while I will still I can still solve one but it's like yeah I'll solve it here and there now but for like a month every day just cubing yeah just mark cuban just getting it ripping it rolling cuban gooding jr i i totally forgot about i had a rubik's cube obsession

in college yeah i guess i had to solve that go ahead no good and i did the same thing but i never like i was cheating because i i mean i think i've solved one like actually just solved it but i'm just too dumb to know what i did but there is a formula yeah i memorized the formula and it was like a pretty funny party trick kind of going back to last week's bonus content where i could just grab a Rubik's Cube for a while and just go, and just do it. And then it'd just be done and just put it on the coffee table. But I just memorized, like, I mean, it's hard to memorize, but not as hard as fucking doing a Rubik's Cube. So I just had all the steps.

And when it got to a certain point, you move to a different sequence. Yeah, that's how I do it. Oh, yeah. There are certain moves that, yeah, you do it in once, but every solve is different. So it's not like you're- You have to identify, and then you have to- What's the problem? Solve the problem.

Then you pull the other sequence in that pertains to whatever color is in what corner. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'll just be at home or something, and I'll solve it, and my son will be like, Miles, and I'll just throw him the Rubik's Cube and he'll solve it. And he's like, oh! How does it feel to be a fucking loser? Yeah, you dweeb.

You just toss him the Rubik's Cube. So he'll mess it up backwards and then go forward and it'll solve. And so he thinks he's a big shot, which is really cool. Yeah. Zach, do you have any obscure obsessions or something like that you've really gotten into? Not anything that's really worth sharing. What? Just studying stuff and whatever but oh yeah of course like flying like through a conspiracy theory communism well you just go nuts on it for a bit and then you're

like man everyone yeah a lot of that yeah a lot of stupid books but the poker thing was actually like we one of my companies we put on the first televised poker tournament in washington state and i got i didn't play it a lot but i got sued yeah well no we were with casinos and stuff and uh yeah we were obsessed with it for a while we built a table that you could see all the cards and shit and so we got really into the camera underneath so you can see all the lipstick cameras so you can see the cards what year was that i'm just picturing huge vcr camcorders under a poker table it was probably 2006 yeah 2005 or 6 is when it was really going crazy yeah yeah i mean also sports cards no yeah that's a good one it's like coming back again but that was a little longer for me like i had years

in that one before i just kind of lost interest pogs yeah like all fads kind of fall into this you buy a certain thing but for whatever reason i put that in a different category i think it's getting super obsessed about some shit and this this will happen with darts too like it's august eventually i'll be like nah fuck darts i hope it doesn't happen um but i i was thinking about porn too you ever go on like a like a some category for no reason whatsoever you just get into it for a few weeks and never go back to it i've done that nothing like oh you're like oh that was that was you found yourself there somehow and you're like oh i like how like that and you get into it

and you're like that never mind well a certain video where it's like oh they do you ever get one of those those videos where it's like, man, they do all the good stuff. Almost like you're directing it? Yeah. Oh, that's a good feeling. Because there's some like you see that. God, I hope you do that next. And you're like, you fucking.

They did it. You know when you see the preview? It's like a still image, the thumbnail. And then it starts preview. And you're like, you're looking through. You're like, anything I like in there? Nah. Nah.

Not into doggy right now. Yeah. Looking for more front stuff. So then you're like, you see something and you're like, oh, I'll check that out. And you watch, you're like, oh. This is a masterpiece. And I was like, well, I don't want to say that in my bookmarks. I'll just remember what her name is.

And then you're like. That always lasts. And then you're like, oh, what was her name again? How do I find that? You go right back to the same page and now you're on page 76 of pornhub trying to find the right preview oh we're talking about pornhub later oh yeah nice yeah segue i last one and then we'll get into some dick i had this happened with uh juggling with me i don't know i don't know what it was i've like i've my entire life my brother my dad i don't know about my

sisters but like a lot of people around me some friends like we're really good jugglers and i just i like to know how to do shit like that and this is something that i guess never learned i never figured it out and so it's probably like five six years ago i was laying in bed one night and i was like i want to learn how to juggle and i just bought juggling balls on amazon. They showed up, whatever, two days later. And then for 10 minutes at night for the following month, I would just pick them up when the kids went to bed and just start juggling until I figured it out. And it was funny because I didn't show anybody or really talk about it. And the next time, you know, walk in.

I'm like, hey, check this out. And he goes, do-do-do. Doing one ball, two ball, bouncing a ball off the floor. Bouncing off their forehead. Throwing them in a circle. Like, circle like pulling one out of my ear when did joe become a clown and i just i learned how to do it and i have i don't even know if i could juggle anymore i have no idea it's probably not like riding a bike yeah i just got to that point where i was like okay well that's enough i can do it and I just, I don't even know where they are. And they're gone.

They're lost forever. And right now I have no idea if I can still juggle. Dude, I totally get the motivation of that too. I mean, I wanted to learn Spanish. So I'd be in a situation where I could just speak Spanish and people would be like, what the fuck? That was sick. I'm always sick. And like learning an instrument or something.

You know, like, learn how to play piano so when you're in, like, you walk into a house, you kind of walk around, they're showing you around the house, and this is my grandma's piano, and you're like, oh yeah, and you can just walk over there and be like, and you're like, sounds pretty good. Yeah, sounds pretty good.

And they're like, what the fuck? You can do that. Yeah. That's all I can do. Please don't ask me to sit down. I can't do any more. I learned that and I've been practicing that, but I think that was a lot of motivation for like learning guitar.

It's just, it's like, Oh, I want to be the guy that knows how to play guitar or whatever it is. Yeah. Um, and I want the Rubik's cube thing. It was like, I always wanted to learn how to do a Rubik's cube.

Cause I was like, no one knows how to solve a Rubik's cube except for the genies, genius guys, the genies there while they're waiting for someone to rub the lamp. They're in there. You get three wishes. You're like, number one, I'd like to solve a Rubik's cube. What? You realize you only have three wishes, right? He's like, I'm not doing this he just goes back

inside he's like think of better wishes take it when you rub it rub me again when you think of something better you fucking dweeb fucking nerd who cares boo uh that would be kind of funny a a genie that judges you on what your choices are he's like oh my god you're an idiot dude you really as the first time i've been out in a thousand years and this is what i get offered first thing is you want some pogs okay you want to have you want to be the best pogger out there okay oh you want you want a new xbox like jesus christ you know you can't come up with 400 bucks to get yourself an xbox what else you could do is wish for like i I don't know, 600 trillion dollars. I mean, fuck me, right?

Yeah, yeah. What do I know? What do I know? I'm just a fucking genius. I'm just a guy that's been waiting around for a thousand years to grant anyone the wish they want. Really help somebody out. Anyway, I was going to say, oh yeah, to be able to be in a room where there's a Rubik's

Cube on a table or like in a kid's toy box and you just grab it solve it and like set it on the table while everyone's just in the room talking and they're just like that guy just solved rubik's cube while we were having a conversation was that real like that was that was motivation yeah yeah and now i can do it yeah i think yeah i guess like i'd like to know how to do stuff yeah i think that's kind of the the base reason for a lot of shit because i want to know how to do it and i want to try to be good at it and then if i i guess it either sticks around or it doesn't but hopefully those little obsessions like you just have it it's somewhere in your brain but how far do you go do you want to be really like darts no do you want

to be really good at darts or like you're at a bar and you're like holy shit this guy's pretty good at darts yeah i guess i just want to be able to throw some you know i just want to dart yeah you know life's no fear you know no fear i'm here to do two things there's no fear still a thing no way should we should buy it and bring it back yeah i'm here to do two things eat pussy and play darts and i'm all out of pussy okay let's just a bunch of dudes around here now Yeah, just a bunch of dudes Okay, we gotta do Dick We fucking took forever Yeah, we did

Hey, roll it! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's Dick Dick Alright This is an interesting story, Joe

Okay A student persuaded by his friend To get his legs amputated for a 1.3 million dollar insurance scam wound up getting only 7,200 that he now has to return. That's a bummer. Yeah. You think?

Couldn't the headline said zero? And he got nothing. Yeah. But I guess they wanted to put that in there because it's like, oh, I mean, he got some money. He got something but then ultimately he didn't. You think he felt any sort of relief when he got seven? $7,200 well he promised like well, he's like that's something for these fucking useless legs, dude He he what he probably thought was I can get 1.3 million dollars I some of that goes to taxes so I'll pay off some debt and then I could buy a lawnmower or a lawnmower to replaces my legs like this will be

a or i could use this 1.3 million dollars to get me at least 10 to this hydraulic bed that i need to build right it'll down down payment down but down payment on my fucking state-of-the-art nasa designed the hydro fucking powered bed hydro Hydro? Water powered bed? What a waste of time that is. You have to live next to a river so you can get hydro power? You want a water bed so bad? You got a windmill? You just have to sleep next to a creek so that your water bed gets flushed?

Oh. So dumb. Dude, water beds were sick. Dude, I had one. My dad had one. It was always warm. Have we talked about it? I want one so bad. My room was so small. It wasifornia king-size water bed my dad was getting rid of it and i was like i'll have it and the heater was broken and i lived in the fucking sawtooth mountains

oh god it was fucking i had to sleep on top of 700 blankets and when you came in the door hit the bed the only thing in my fucking room was a king-size waterbed with a broken heater and my dad still was like fuck all right you know how bad he didn't want to fucking fill that waterbed up knowing how stupid of an idea it was yeah things you do for your kids right still did it and then what i mean one day i was just gone he was like dude you had to get rid of that thing they sucked do you remember what beds used to be like my dad had a waterbed, but it had a back thing on it, too, with shelves and a mirror and all that shit. It was like, you don't move that. You move it in, and it stays until you move out.

Yeah, it goes with the house. You're like, hey, you buy this house for whatever, $200,000, you get this fucking sick waterbed. We don't want to get it out of here, but no deal. It's not part of the deal. No, we have to remove the wall. When I left for college, I think my dad got a new bed. He let me have the frame for his waterbed.

Oh. But I used my twin mattress. I had his frame. Mm-hmm. There was like Six inches gap on Each side of the mattress to the edge Of the bed to fall into Get wedged in

Anyway yeah fucking How did that just happen I don't know Student Taiwan had his legs amputated To claim 1.3 million dollars Insurance payouts The criminal investigation said the man soaked his feet For 10 hours in dry ice to get frostbite.

Fuck. That is crazy dedication. Yeah, fuck. Dry ice is so cold. Yeah. How do you stand that? Why did you do 10 hours? Because he had to get frostbite.

You can get it in 10 fucking... 10 minutes? 10 seconds. Have you played with dry ice recently? You had to make itbite You can get it in 10 minutes 10 seconds Have you played with dry ice recently? You can make it look good Oh my god You keep talking I'm going to look up how long it takes To get frostbite from dry ice

And I think it's really quick Maybe they went numb and he fell asleep Well yeah fuck me man But the plan backfired When the medical staff thought his injuries seemed suspicious The bureau said University student in Taiwan who had his legs amputated me, man. But the plan backfired when the medical staff thought his injuries seemed suspicious, the Bureau said. A university student in Taiwan who had his legs amputated in hopes of receiving the money had been arrested

on suspicion of fraud. A 23-year-old identified only by his last name, Zhang, plunged his feet in a bucket of dry ice for more than 10 hours to get them so badly frostbitten that he would need a double amputation. The Bureau said the friend of Zang's from high school identified as Lao persuaded him

to carry out the insurance scam. His friend, also 23, suffered losses from trading cryptocurrency, and he tricked Zang into signing a legal note obligating him to pay about $800,000. Jeez. I love that. It's not even, this is to pay off a debt. I've got a great idea. Just days before, Zhang bought several expensive

policies for life insurance, travel insurance, and accidental insurance. After their motorbike ride, after the motorbike ride, Zhang soaked his feet in dry ice and he was admitted to the hospital. He wanted to make it seem like, oh my God, his legs bore no shoes or sock marks. Oh, wait, hold on. Okay, let me go back.

They rode on the motorbike at night wanting to present the claim that Zhang was afflicted with frostbite while riding the vehicle in the late evening. Okay. The weather on the night of January 26th was nowhere close to below freezing, with its coldest temperature 42 degrees Fahrenheit. Wow. And he wanted to use that as an excuse for getting frostbite. They were amputated below the calf due to his frostbite injuries, but this case was reported to authorities.

And it goes on. But basically what happened was he didn't get the 1.3, but they did claim $7,200 from one insurer, but the money is being seized. Wow. So ultimately he got nothing. He's going to get some criminal activity and no legs. Maybe he can get a lawnmower down there. Yep. Can't even pay for that.

I mean, fucking lawnmower. Weird comment to say, but here we go. At least your asshole's protected if your ass is a lawnmower blade in jail. Yeah. No one's going to want to fuck that. Well, probably someone. Someone's going to try and fuck it. I was looking it up.

I'm still stuck on this fucking dry ice thing. It's, I mean, I'll just say really quick. Man, did I not? I just searched. One second. I'm going to keep looking. You keep talking. The city of London's police insurance fraud enforcement department said reported cases of opportunistic fraud when someone tries to fake an injury or exaggerate claim is up 61% from March to April in 2022 to 2023.

The increasing cost of living might push people to consider insurance fraud. So might be seeing a lot more of this. Just legs being lopped off. I just feel like you could do without fucking holding dry ice on your feet for 10 hours man i don't know why i i've always found a fascination with dry ice it's fun like it's weird i use it to entertain the children i'm not sure i mean ezra would still love it i'm not sure like pepper but pepper loved it when she was a. But so many fun things you can do with it. Like you put it in a water bottle with a little spout and it just shoots like eight feet in the air. My favorite thing to do with it is try to scam insurance companies out of things.

That's your favorite play? I love doing that. Obviously Halloween for a nice bubbly treat. You put soap in the water with the dry ice and and then all the bubbles are full of smoke as you pop them. Oh, that's sweet. A lot of tips and tricks. Joe the science guy over here. Joe the science guy.

Be-a-be-a-be-a-be-a-be-a-be-a-be-a-be-a-be. Gonna teach the kids to juggle next. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely not safe. Juggle dry ice? Chainsaws and dry ice. I think the funnest thing we did, I bought like, I don't know, it was a lot. It was like 20 pounds of dry ice. Which think the funnest thing we did, I bought like, I don't know. It was a lot. It was like 20 pounds of dry ice, which you can get at Albertsons, by the way. And just filled up the bathtub with like hottest water we could.

And then you just dump it in the bathtub. And it's really fucking cool. Like the entire room. But it's not safe. Like you can't just be around that much CO2. Yeah. You're breathing in carbon dioxide. You gotta make sure the windows are open. Because you could just... I mean, what

a fun experiment and time with dad could go straight into... You could probably pass out from there, right? Yeah. Like, if you... It's not gonna kill you right away, but if you inhale it, like, it just takes your breath away. It replaces the oxygen. Yeah. So it's gonna pass you the fuck out. So I just want to throw that in there.

I never did. Do not try this at home, kids. I never did find an answer to how fast. But gosh dang, man. Some of these burns from. Maybe we can. Yeah, Zach. During this next article, you want to see if you can figure out.

I'm trying to look through these different forms to see how how fast it is but i'll be willing to guess it like it hurts it hurts in like one second like one second it starts hurting your your skin so i'm gonna go like for a decent blister frostbite i'm gonna go 10 to 15 seconds of just holding on to a piece of fucking dry ice Would that just feel like fire? I mean, would it be so cold that it would just Yeah, burn you Feel like you're holding fire, touching fire Like you can pick it up and put it somewhere But if you just fucking hang on to it

It hurts so fucking bad Alright, let's read our next article And we'll see if Uncle Zach can inform us Before you jump into lap time Is he alive back there? Yeah, he's alive. I'm fucking here, bro. Okay.

Hell yeah. You want to take this one? Yeah, you take it. Okay. I love when Pornhub does this. They've been doing it more and more recently. Weird flex, but fuck yeah, dude. Okay.

Pornhub bans Texas. No tits for you. Yep. Everything's bigger. Except for my dick. It's going to be a little harder to find porn in the Lone Star State. No, it's not.

How much harder is it? Oh, well, no. Pornhub's not working? Guess I'll go to one of the 400 billion other porn websites. Maybe you should keep reading. Pornhub is not working? Guess I'll go to one of the 400 billion other porn websites. Maybe you should keep reading. Pornhub is no longer available in Texas residents thanks to a lawsuit from the state's attorney general. Horny Texans saw a very unsexy message when visiting the previously mentioned porn sites on Thursday. I like how they said horny Texans.

Yeah. I don't know about you, but sometimes I don't have to be horny. I'm just like, I'm looking for that to make me horny. Yeah, you're trying to get horny. Yeah, I don't know about you, but sometimes I don't have to be horny. I'm just like, I'm looking for that to make me horny. Yeah, you're trying to get horny. Yeah, I don't show up fucking, not all the time. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm just like, I mean, I'm going to go here and let my brain do the magic. Do you ever, when you're in the bathroom or wherever, you're going to pee and then you give a little boop boop.

You're like, okay, that was good. It's like. Like you're poking it with a. Well, it's like. Give it a test. Are you in the mood? Yeah, it's like you give a little boop boop. You're like, okay, that was good. It's like. Like you're poking it with a. Well, it's like. Give it a test. Are you in the mood? Yeah. It's like sometimes you just don't feel anything.

You're like, nah, not right now. But sometimes you do and you're like, oh. Hello. Okay. Okay. We could do some of that. I'll talk to you later. As you may know, your elected officials in Texas are requiring us to verify your age

before allowing you access to our website. The message reads, Unfortunately, the Texas law for age verification is ineffective, haphazard, and dangerous. Until the real solution is offered. I always thought it was haphazard. Oh. I didn't know it was haphazard. Learn something new every day, dude.

I thought it was haphazard. It's not a full hazard. It's haphazard. Oh, no. That's a good one. It's like haphazard. A a full hazard. It's half hazard. Oh, no. That's a good one. Half hazard. A third of hazard. You've probably used that a few times, huh?

Oh, yeah. You've been out there this whole time saying half hazard? Yeah. We all have like 10 words that we mispronounce. Yeah. I mean, there's plenty. Somebody was calling me out. I have.

This was just last week or probably way, I think the week before. Like, I, like, worked with kids. Maybe I just forgot it and replaced it. But, like, people use this one, but one is definitely more preferred. And, like, when talking with, like, about children on the spectrum, like, I always, for whatever reason, I don't know if I, say, stemming. Right? But it's stimming right it's like it's self-stimulation yeah and that makes way more sense yeah but a lot of people like just say stemming which is one of those things that it's i guess it sounds so familiar

no one pays attention there is stem too yeah like a learning thing yeah and like yeah your brain stem yeah right but uh and someone was like dude you quit saying stemming it's stimming like you should i was like i should know this yeah we just talked about last week i talk about all the time i know but i said stemming the whole time so and it's in the it's in the it's spelled stemming in the title yeah i extra fucked it. Yeah. You leaned all the way to it. But at least it actually exists. So that's cool. That's cool.

Hey, I got you an answer for your thing. Yes! It's minus 109.3 degrees Fahrenheit, just for the information there. 10 seconds. 10 seconds? Yep. Fuck. So 10...

He did a lot more. Did I say 10 to 15? Yeah, you did. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Well done. You know your dry ice. Dude, I you did. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Well done. You know your dry ice. Dude, I love it. Dude, I love that shit so much.

You're a man who loves his dry ass. Man after his own dry ass heart. I almost blew up. Unfortunately, the Texas law for age verification is ineffective, half-hazard, and dangerous. Until the real solution is offered, we have made the difficult decision to completely disable access to our website in Texas. Pornhub sexy stepsister sites, RedTube,

Brazzers, or Brazzers, what is it? Brazzers? Brazzers. Can we just I was hoping you were going to acknowledge this, but this, like sister companies, but the way this is stepsister like funny because that's very funny it's part of the whole thing yeah i don't know if they meant

oh they knew what they were doing maybe yeah this guy knows what he's doing i he was like can i please take the porn article i was made for this in the morning they're like okay we got uh porn hub band i'll take it i'll take it. I'll take it. All right, Johnson. Give it to Johnson with the rock hard dick. You write this one, buddy. Brazzers, Brazzers, you porn are also showing the same message. So now you only have 6.8 billion other places you can go to find your porn Texas. Or just use a VPN.

Yeah. But I've seen this type of thing from Pornhub a few times now. Where they're just taking it down for various reasons in different states as a little backlash. I mean, it's great publicity to just throw them out there. I mean, think about it. If you went in, let's say you were crazy horny. Very cahoots with Big VPN. Yeah.

Because now you've got to get a vpn to get it yeah they know what they're doing big vpn what's happening behind the scenes big rubber and big vpn but i like uh i like it i mean we've we've they know what they're doing don't they oh pornhub knows what they're doing how much are they bringing in a year i like to go to like two bait i like like to. I know you were telling us. Well, I take it for a two bait man, but you surprised me. Well, no, it's not that I, it's not that I love it. It's so I don't have to type in porn.

I think is what I like about it. What? Like avoid typing the word. Like what are you so scared of? I don't know. The word you're worried about is porn. Well, like just typing. I mean, you never know. Like you're inc about is porn well like just typing i mean you never know like your incognito tab dude they still yeah the company's still no you think you're the worst

no i don't think i'm the worst someone's out there being like who's fucking looking at who's typing porn in like and they're like i got no i just visualize like my my wi-fi carrier or something he's like what's this guy looking at? Bro, they don't give a shit. Oh, I know. I don't think they legally could say anything. Then even if they did, you'd be like, I don't know. Just yours is out.

Everybody's is out. Oh, yeah. So you type it in porn. It's going to be the bottom of the list in your neighborhood. But if I can get to a porn site without typing in porn you want then still look around for the porn you know what are you typing tube eight yeah oh i type in t and it auto it auto loads to pretend you're looking for fucking electrical tubes yeah yeah using Using different words. Shocker. Shocker gaping eight tube. Gaping eight inch tube.

You're like, got it. Doggy treats. Doggy treats gape tube eight. That's funny. Good job. I like the filmy stuff. The stuff that looks good. Yeah.

That looks like it's directed well. High production. Yeah. High production. Don't waste my time with this fucking iPhone shit. Yeah. You better have a fucking hog. They'll have shots where it's just like a butthole stretched open, and then they're

like, it's just, I don't know, that doesn't do anything for me. Just seeing a close-up of an open butthole. You're like, where's the lighting? Where's the lighting guy? Well, I don't, I don't need to see, I don't even care about seeing a closeup of a opened up vagina. Like it just doesn't. Doesn't do it for you.

I want to see like. You're not a closeup guy. I want to see all the other stuff. I want to see the titties bouncing. I want to see the thrusting, you know, I don't want to just see. Closeup of that. Just the guy's balls bouncing off of his thighs. I don't want to just see What am I looking at? Just the guy's balls bouncing off of his thighs. I'm just picturing a porn video of just two leather gloves doing that.

Just how fucking hard someone would come. Yeah, dude. That's like Harley Davidson porn. All right, we got to get to lap time. Zach, hit it, buddy. Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around, boys and girls, it's lap time with Uncle Zach.

Sit on my lap you little shits. Entertain! Hello? I don't know how to talk. Alright you guys, so I'm going to talk to you guys about the human body. We've talked about the body a few times, but I found a few interesting things. Like for fans of Fight Club, you know that they make soap out of people's bodies sometimes. How many bars of soap do you think an average body could make?

Oh. Wait, what part of the body do they use for the soap? The fat. The fat. I assumed that, but I didn't want to do anything crazy. Yep. Oh, man. There's going to be gonna be a lot what the standard bod like yeah you're 20 body fat how much of that can be molded into soap i like the math he's doing the math so wait i guess i'm not aware of this they

use human fat to make soap? In Fight Club. Yeah. I haven't seen that in so long. You use fat for soap. For soap. Or you can. You can. There's other alternatives.

There is indeed. Skat gas. Skat gas. I guess I assumed it was like animal fat or something is what I. Yeah. I think they found other ways, but. Yeah, we use bear fat sometimes. I think it's going to be.

It's either going to be something super. I'm going to go high. I'm going to go high. I'm going to say 150 bars of soap. Nice. Okay. Brian? Honestly, I don't know what we're talking about.

151, Bob. I'm trying to understand what's happening. How many bars of soap are in your body with the fat? Ah, got it. It's a hard question. Do you want the answer? Yeah, I don't have any reference points. I don't know.

It's a stupid question. It's seven. It's only seven I don't have any reference points. It's a stupid question. It's seven. It's only seven. I knew it was going to be lower high. I know, right? I was surprised at that. I think you could get a bunch. So humans aren't worth, I mean, what's a bar of soap worth? Four bucks?

Irish Spring. I haven't bought a bar of soap since 86. Get a 40 pack for two bucks. Yeah. I'm zestfully clean. The last time I was zestfully clean is the last time I bought a bar of soap. Nice.

Nice. All right. So here's another one. When you blush, you know, your face blushes, but there's another part of your body

that blushes. What, what would you guess? Your butt cheeks? It's a good guess. Your chest. Your penis? It's a good guess.

What? It is your stomach. The inside of your stomach blushes. I don't know how they figured that out. It's kind of stupid. Like when you're

embarrassed or something? Yeah, exactly. Is that why you get sick to your stomach?es. I don't know how they figure that out. It's kind of like when you're like embarrassed or something. Yeah, exactly. Is that why you get like sick to your stomach? I think so. Okay. I don't piece it together. You know how much research I did on this.

So there you go. Always top notch. Yeah. A ton. Okay. So this is another one that I found just kind of gross. There are certain kinds of tumors that can grow their own teeth and hair. They're called teratomas.

Oh, you don't want a teratoma because it's got teeth. That is... Eat you from the insides. That's a horror movie. Yeah, big time. Oh, they should make a horror movie out of that. I'm sure they have.

A tumor that comes alive and eats you? There has to be a tumor. I've never heard of that. He's calling it fucking teeth tumor. Ooh. That's good. Teeth tumor. Ooh, that's good. I like that. That's good. I don't get it. i like that i can't put it down yeah all right another question for you there's this is kind of controversial i had to look into this one a

little bit so i did some research but there's two parts of the body that stay the same size from when roughly the same size from when you're a baby to when you die. Your head. It's close. Both of them are in the head. Your brain. Close. Your medulla oblongata. It's your eyes. I was going to say, fuck you guys. I had it.

Because babies have big eyeballs. That's exactly it. But then I looked into it because there's some nurses in my family and they were telling me about it. And then I looked into it and you grow about 10 to 15% until you you're 16 with your eyes but there's also a little thing in your ear too that stays the same size a little bone yeah the little bone in the middle yep yeah the ossicle staples nice so there you go with that i had a friend that had a weird one growing up like stuck out like in the middle of his ear oh wow did he get i think he got it or something like i don't know it Cotorus? It was fucking gross.

It was just wrapped in skin. Human skin, chicken bone. Fucking terrible. Did he have it removed? Or fish bone. I think so, yeah. Did he eat it? I had it.

I ate it. I put it in my pee hole. In the converse, what body parts never stop growing? Your nose. Your ear lobes. Nose, ears. I think your penis keeps going yeah

woo all three you got them all and your stomach your penis really keeps growing yep yeah just doesn't work as good later

it's kind of a double edged sword well because it's got more more space it's not used to it yeah you just well you just get fatter so you just yeah

it hides your dick growth that is the first that's one of the best things of losing weight all of a sudden your dick grows an extra inch. No, that's nice. No shit. I also found this kind of interesting.

I knew that you couldn't, like, at least guys can't sneeze and pee at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, but you also can't breathe and swallow at the same time, which makes sense. Yeah. So that's obvious. Oh, I just tried it. What was the, yeah, humming and plugging your nose? Is that another one?

Yeah. That's a good one. We just wanted everyone to try it. What was the, yeah, humming and plugging your nose? Is that another one? Yeah. That's a good one. We just wanted everyone to try it. And then. Well, yeah, but air is escaping through your mouth. Well done. Riveting podcast material.

This is our best show to date. By far. Did you know that your height fluctuates throughout the day? Yep, I did know that. Son of a, all right. But I knew that from, I don't know, I learned it early on in school. Maybe elementary, maybe high school. They had, before you went to bed, measure yourself. Put your arms up.

Actually, not your arms, because your arms, you can tilt and make it different. But it's not much. It's like a couple eighths, right? Yeah, it's very small. But you're taller in the morning than you are at night. Because your body expands when you're laying down. Yeah. I found this interesting.

I was just looking up facts and stuff, and it was like, I guess, many people at some point have fought cancer and not known it. Yeah. Your body, you may not know you have it, and you've just been fighting it off. Your body beats it? Yeah. Isn't that crazy crazy that's pretty that's pretty well that's about as badass as it gets but i didn't even know i had fucking butt cancer dude right you don't want to know how badass my body is i had butt cancer and even know i didn't even know it i kicked his ass i still have it i kicked my own ass yeah kicked my ass kicked my cancer's ass. Dick. It's his butt. I was trying to look for lots of things to compare our body to real world stuff.

And so the average person produces enough saliva in their lifetime to fill two swimming pools. I was trying to find boogers. How many boogers does a guy collect in life? Like an Olympic? Yeah. Swimming pool? Yep. Fucking.

That's a lot. God, that's so much free lube. Think about doing that where you're just spitting it out. Forever. Yeah, I was going to say, that's a ton of free lube, which is pretty cool. Yeah, but that dries up. That's not lube. It doesn't last for shit.

It's a short-term lube. Just like, well, that's my go-to, bro. Just to get you in. Speak for yourself. Whatever bottle of lube that's at the airport. Old Joey lube mouth. That's right. So you guys know that finger...

Hey, fucking Joey lube mouth over here. Well, you guys are doing good at this so far. You know that fingerprints are unique to everyone. They're your little snowflakes. And they grow back even if you fuck your fingers up. As long as they're not chopped off, they'll grow back. Like the acid. Oh, they try.

Mine tried. I have a... Even acid? Don't people do that? they burn their fingers with acid i think it lasts for a while but i think it comes back if it grows back temporarily you can get away with it temporarily yeah i have a gnarly uh cut on this finger like it went all the way down bone through the fat and i still have the scar i mean maybe there's a print but when i do fingerprints i've seen that my scar shows up really so i mean it's part of my fingerprint yeah but i'm sure the lot

if you look closer the lines might start going through the scar i have calluses on my from guitar i'm sure you guys do too but they're all mangled i used to and then the fuck music yeah he doesn't play any music anymore can you guess the body part that also has a unique fingerprint type thing oh i know this you do joe you're killing it but no i got but i gotta think i gotta think it's a good it's a funny one it is kind of funny oh geez what is it it could be used sexually yeah your butthole close oh what you're like just on the other side of the tape no it's all sack it's the tongue. Oh. Your tongue.

You misled me. It's close to the butthole. There's a lot of people eating ass lately. I mean, it gets there. Really? I thought butthole. Why do I think butthole? Your butthole is unique.

Maybe. Everyone's little butt, little starfish is different. I'll look into that for a future thing. We'll see. All right. This one was pretty weird. Every hour, humans shed about 600 000 particles of skin which equates to about 1.5 pounds per year and if you live to 70 that

will be about 105 pounds of dust in your house yeah just breathing in skin it's one person got a family of five you got fucking 700 pounds of skin dude and that's mainly what your dust is just your damn body. Gross. So what is the strongest muscle in the body, would you guess? Ooh, tongue. Per weight. I have to say close again because it's close.

Oh, man. It's a butthole? Maybe your butthole. Fool me once. It used to be strong. It's not anymore. No, it is deep. It doesn't bounce back as well. I gave for 12 days.

You guys give up? Strongest muscle in the body. I just didn't have to go with tongue. Your heart? No. Heart's a pussy. Go ahead. It's the jaw muscle.

You can crush it, motherfucker. You were close with the tongue. Yeah. That makes sense. All right. You carry about an average of four pounds of bacteria in your body, 96% of it in the intestines, 3% in the mouth, and then a little bit on your skin. So you are a little environment for tiny little things.

That's nice. A little petri dish. Yeah. I don't know if this is, I won't ask you this, but the highest recorded fever, yeah, well, can you even guess? This is insane. Oh. 113.

Woo. Higher. What? 128. Lower. 200. fever yeah well can you can you even guess this is insane oh 113 higher what 128 lower 200 121 it's 115 somebody fucking i was close with 113 you were right there 115 yeah 102 and i'm like yeah the fever well and baby like kids little kids can have a higher fee is it yeah 106 or something if it was a kid or if it was an adult? My research is donkey shit, so I have no idea. But I would imagine it was an adult. They say it was an oven? Just guessing.

An oven. No? This one is more can you don't. Do you guys know why men's testicles hang below their bodies? Yeah, temperature regulation. Yeah, because sperm dies at body temperature. They could throw some balls in there. That's why they shrivel up and hang.

If it's cold, they shrivel up. Yeah, get on in there and keep the sperm safe. That's right. Here's another one for sexual things. We like to think it's a nice exercise, right? But according to this research I did for 10 minutes, it's about 3.6 calories a minute. So that's dog shit exercise. Oh, that's lame.

Doing what? Sex. Having the sex. I don't know if So that's dog shit exercise. Oh, that's lame. Doing what? Sex. Having the sex. I don't know if it's different for different positions. Is that like a 30 second sex? What are we talking about here? It's 3.6 calories a minute. Do you lose the same amount jerking off?

That's a good question. I bet not. Depends on how fast. I would be in great shape. Just jerking off watching watching your Apple Watch. Watching your calories burn. A quick 20-minute jerk-off session. You can hit your move goal.

Bat. Just fucking, yeah. Oh, dude, I had 3,000 strokes today. Fucking vigorous jerk-off session. You can hit your move goal today. Keep it up, Joe. All right, you guys know that the largest bone in the body is the femur. But I didn't know this.

It can support 30 times the weight of a person's body, which makes it ounce for ounce stronger than steel. Just one or both of them together? Just one. Whoa. Yeah. The human brain messages going from nerve to nerve travels 200 miles an hour. I thought that was kind of neat. And that if you could, we have so many nerve cells in the human brain that it would take 3,000 years to count them.

I thought that was kind of interesting. You know what's interesting about that speed thing is like you never like, you know, you get a smack or whatever it is and it's like, ah, it hurts, but then like three seconds later it's like, ah, it hurts even worse because it takes a little bit to get there. I've always thought

that that's a weird thing. I learned this one and I still don't know if this is true. I tried to look into it, and people kept saying it was true. A human's little finger contributes to over 50% of the hand's strength. I've never heard that before. Your pinky is a badass. Whoa, this guy?

It doesn't seem like a badass when playing guitar. That makes sense, though. If you grab something, grab it with just three fingers, and it's not the same. When you wrap that fourth finger, the pinky finger and it's not the same as when you, when you wrap that, that fourth finger, the pinky finger, it's a huge difference. Just over squeezing my glove.

The, the, the, uh, the climber guy, uh, I forget his name. Climbing at climberson.

Yeah. He's missing in his index finger and he fucking free climbs, uh, Yosemite and shit. Oh, that feller. Hmm. Yeah. Like, imagine how important that finger is, and he doesn't have that.

Well, you feel like it's important. Well, to grab, but those guys climb, they can, all they need is that much to grab on, and he doesn't even have a fucking index finger. That's nuts. Yeah. I found out why blowjobs are awesome. I could tell you tons of reasons. I don't need to do research on that. All right, if you could. I found the why blowjobs are awesome. I could tell you tons of reasons. I don't need to do research on that.

All right, if you could. I found the scientific reason. The same skin cells that make up the human vagina are the same types of cells that are in the human mouth. Yeah. So you guys have vagina mouths, too. That's why I think I could do a pretty good job. I'm not doing this again. The thought of, every now and again it creep, the, I, like the thought of,

like every now and again, it creeps in of like a blow job. Like really all you're doing is just turning your mouth into a pussy. Yep. Like you're just simulating a pussy with your mouth. You're doing your best to be like, it's already there, but you're just like,

like making it tight and wet. And I don't know. I haven't sucked it. Yeah, but there's something about it where it's like you don't have to do anything. It's somebody else doing it for you. Yeah, you're just kidding. I get the reasons. Okay.

I'm just saying the thought creeps in where it's like you're just trying to make a vagina on your face. Yeah. That's cool. I appreciate that. All right. The wife would also like to do her vows now. You guys want a couple more? Yeah.

Yeah, give us a couple. Okay. So this one was interesting. I had no idea. The word muscle is from the Latin word musculus, and it means little mouse because the Romans thought a flexing muscle looked like a mouse moving under the skin. God, we were so dumb. I thought, yeah, I was just going to say, I thought Romans were a lot smarter than that,

but it looked like a little mouse. What, Wino fucking came up with that? Right. He, look like a little mouse, eh? You know what? Wino fucking came up with that. Right. He has muscles like a little mouse. It's like a mousey. Anyway, let's go fuck over here for a while. Back to the orgy. Back to drinking wine and fucking whatever.

I guess. Can I fuck that pussy on your face? It looks like a little mouse. I never thought of this, but you take 23,000 breaths a day, and that's 672 million breaths in a lifetime. That's fucking insane. That's it? Yeah. That's also sad that every breath you take, you're just like...

Count it down. I think this one's pretty interesting. Every move you make. Mine's going to be... My breath count's going to be way lower. Sorry, guys. I'm going to die. Go ahead.

Last two. The average person passes gas about 15 times a day. Did you know that? No, that's cool. I'm way above average. I feel like I'm way above average, too. I feel like I... How many times do you do it and don't know?

I know. It just slips out. Oh, I know. I know every single one because I usually do something cool with it every time. Just take advantage of the opportunity. Sometimes, no. I'll walk around and be like, I'll let it, so like I'll let it creep out and then squeeze my butt cheeks

so I'll feel the air come through and then you squeeze the butt cheeks. What? Yeah, I love it. What did you just do? We were just talking about party tricks and you can pop your butt parts. Yeah, like I'll let it creep out through the butt cheeks and then just do like a quick pop.

Oh, like a bubbler? Oh, like when your cheeks are wet and you get that heavy flap? No, they're not wet. No. I mean, I'm let it creep out through the butt cheeks and then just do like a quick pop. Oh, like a bubbler? Oh, like when your cheeks are wet and you get that heavy flap? No, they're not wet. No. I mean, I'm doing it on purpose. Prove it. Well, I got to have a fart first. But it definitely depends on like the style of fart you're doing. If I know I'm going to, what kind of?

The genre? Yeah. The genre of two? What was I going to say about farts? Anyway. Oh, you ever tried to tune them? That's always fun. Like, just keep them somewhat chronological.

Like, do like a... A pitch? From tight, a little less, and then just gape. I know what I'll be doing when I get home. And then... All right, I got two more. I got two medical words for you. Irritation is the medical word for burping which doesn't roll off the tongue so i doubt

that's probably why we use it but the medical term for bum crack my tongue for bum crack bum crack your butt crack is the intergluteal cleft i thought that was really neat it's like a makes sense cleft but intergluteal cleft yeah that's where your skin gets it's split it's the split a cleft mm-hmm like a cleft lip yeah you have a cleft butt yeah it goes the wrong you don't get that fixed no it's supposed to kind of be there all right well that's all i got for you that was fun good job i love it oh wait here we? Oh, this is not going to work. Do it. Hold on. Wait. Oh, damn it.

It came out too quick. God, I wish you would have shit yourself right then. That sounded wet. I mean, it was a little bit. I was going to say it. No, no. But it didn't work. It came out.

This is cool, man. Yeah. I didn't even know that was a possible. Oh, it's a thing. You can tame your booty hole. That's pretty great. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Do you take students or be a butthole sensei?

That sounds like a fucking lawsuit. Parents bringing their kids. Fucking sixth grade fart choir. And go and... Your tuba. Lower. Yeah, yeah. You're a baritone.

Come on. Show me that butt. A butt-a-tone. Fart for me. Yeah, yeah. You're a baritone. Come on. Show me that butt. A butt-a-tone. Fart for me. Okay, no, you're a baritone. Alright, good news? You want to do good news? Sure. Okay, you do it. Zach, after you do it. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed.

Yeah! Alright. Town leaders help big or oops, town leaders We aren't doomed. Yeah! All right. Town leaders help dig beloved stuffed animal out of trash, compactor using more than just their heads. Oh, that's nice. New Hampshire resident Jake McAlphin accidentally threw away his daughter's favorite stuffed animal. The town leadership took a whole day out to help find it.

Cupcake is a floppy-eared dog. He went floppy! He went floppy! He's a floppy-eared dog that daughter Charlotte received for Christmas when she was four. Though, uh, through... Though? Though, I thought there was an R. Though a grown woman, Cupcake was never far from her side. One day, and then one day, disaster strikes. I think she was mad

the news article put that in there. Why would you say that? I didn't't give you why would you fucking tell everyone that she's gonna get so bullied now um so the dad was like i said uh what are you looking for and she goes cupcake and somewhere in the back of my head i was like oh is that the stuffed animal i just took to the dump such a dad move mcal McAlpin told WMR News 9 New Hampshire. Mother Meredith put out a post on Facebook asking if anyone was available to open the dump for them that Thursday. The post was picked up by Brian Monahan, the selectman for the town of Stratford, which was a mid-Atlantic government position that served as a board member and chief administrative authority of Town Hall in New England.

What? Cool. No, I'm not going to give anybody else credit. Okay, he's going to cut it out? Yeah. Monaghan said that the screenshot of the Meredith had written the colleague with the keys to the dump, and they asked if they could go find Cupcake and bring her home safe.

On a rainy day Thursday morning, the two began searching through the trash compactors that had smooshed the municipal waste bags through thoroughly that Monahan's colleague, Dan, had to use a backhoe to loosen it enough so they could use their hands. Arriving to see what had happened, a transpired McAlpin witnessed the effort being put into the name of his daughter's toy and leapt into the trash to help. Together, they found it to the great relief of Mc's toy, and leapt into the trash to help. Together they found it, to the great relief of McAlpin, and then eventually to Charlotte. And a great relief for that dad.

He would have been... Made us feel pretty good. No one wants to be without their stuffy. And the smile on her face said it all. And the smell of fish said even more. Said Dan Conway. How many people need to be recognized in this fucking article?

It's so i don't know bugs the shit out anyway so that dad knew he was in deep shit you would never do that unless you're like oh fuck i love it too it's like you just did it's this i don't know if it was like this in this case but so many times where you're like there's this toy that's sitting in this fucking basement for a year well that contradicts the first part of the story when it said that it was never far from her side. Yeah. Which is even more of a dad move. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Where he's like, I've never seen this thing before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she has it everywhere. And she's 37 years old. She went to take a shower. Yeah, and the dog was always in there. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like, I've never seen this thing before in my life.

What is this? He throws it in the trash can. Oh, shit. That dog? The one that she has with her always? Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Let's do that again.

All right. I'm going to call the governor. Oh, shit. All right. I'll call the governor. Okay. Guessing that blowjob's off the table, huh? Go find Cupcake!

Isn't that the worst when you're about to have sexy time or something, and then something like that happens, and then she's pissed, and you're like... Life happens, and you're like, fuck, I'm not going to jerk off. Just try not to say something stupid to ruin everything. You're like, you just go mute. You leave on a high note. You're like, shit, it's 3 p.m. Okay, she likes me right now.

I'm going mute. And I will just say nothing. And then she gets mad because you didn't talk oh yeah you gotta be careful yeah you gotta stay busy go to the garage fix something just keep the keep the spark alive whatever you did that put her in the mood go move some dishes around yeah go slide a cup i wrote okay quick story i remember i shot a video one time and I was using these leggings Ticked and they were like so it was like tiktok leggings to make your butt look really good nice, and I shot this video and it was really funny and Amber was involved and kids were involved and everything and then the kids went outside and played and I was like you should try those

On she put them on and it was like, ooh And it was like I was like man getting kind of boned up here. So then get a little frisky. And it was like, let's get the, now let's get those things off now that we've seen them on. And so they started going that direction. Then the kids came back inside and they wanted a bunch of shit. And it was this whole thing.

And then I got mad at the kids because I was trying to get them the fuck out of the house because dad's about to get some. And then it turned into us fighting. And then she, like it was fighting. Then she went and changed out of the pants. Put other clothes back on. And then the leggings were sitting, hanging over a chair. And then you just ended up jerking off in the leggings in the closet.

Yeah. Crying. But it was like this whole thing. It was like, it let on. Oh, this is going to be good. And then it was just, we didn't speak for a day. It was like. The moment.

It just happens so fast. What a change of events. And the kids have no idea what they did. Yeah. Daddy was just too excited. Yeah. What they did was cock block dad. Yeah. It was good stuff.

Funny. Funny. Not funny at the time though. No. All right. Next thing. Next thing. What's the next thing? don't know there's something

you found yeah we found on the internet all right the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome so this was actually sent in by our son andy i thought the mics were up i went but it was on i'm sorry guys sorry everybody so this was sent in by our son andy and this happened beautiful downtown spokane oh you're missing it where spokane. Oh, you're missing it. Where is Spokane? What state? Washington. Washington. All right.

Mom brings 10-month-old to a rave. Cool. So this was posted on Reddit. It was a complaint about... So anyway. Just a little reminder. If you ever go to a show and see a child or a baby there, I don't care how lost you are. Have some respect.

Last night I went to Zed's Dead here in Spokane, Washington at the NIT and it was an awful experience. People kept bumping into my 10-month-old son. One guy spilled his drink on me and I would not

stop bumping me. I got smacked randomly a few times and the worst part was we got so packed that we were literally unable to move. I had to yell at everyone as I was shoving my way through the crowd. We have a baby! You need to move! And people were very rude about it. It's not hard to have fun and still be considerate of each other.

That's what this community should be about. Not getting so messed up that you become completely unaware of yourself and your surroundings. Raving should be a safe and enjoyable environment for anyone. Not a place where people go to be rude and hurt each other. What is that? Plur? Plur always bass fam? Plur always bass fam? Plur always bass fam?

What? I don't know. Bass ads, I'm guessing. I don't know what plur is. I'm not hip enough. That's how we take care of each other. Update. Since comments were turned off, all I have to say is this.

When there's no other option as a parent, sometimes you have to bring your kids along. We couldn't find a babysitter last minute and we had already bought the tickets. If you bring them and they don't like it, then you learn. We went to the big gigantic when he was four months old and had him in a backpack. Proper ear protection and he slept the whole

time. The crowd was super kind. Everyone wanted to know about him. Right. And there was room to dance. What's this guy's story? Whoa dude What's this guy? Is that your kid or whatever? Whoa that's crazy

What's up with him? He likes this band What's up with that sleeping baby on your back? This just goes to show That if you do not bring your baby To an all ages show It can work Or if you

Hang on This just goes to show That if you do bring your baby to an all-ages show it can work out completely fine i'm not saying this is something you should do all the time but i like to say as a parent sometimes it's just not a choice or it's just a choice you make and if you mess up you learn my biggest point on this post was to promote spreading pl plur, not creating a toxic environment. I don't know these words. But ultimately, it was a trial experience and we learned.

That's what it's like as a parent. I don't know. So there's like, there's certain times, when you're on an airplane, we talked about this before, sometimes you don't know why these people are traveling, maybe a family member died, you gotta fly back to Florida

To be with your family and you're taking your baby If you bring A small child on you To a show where people are dancing Banging around, drinking Probably taking drugs, it's a rave And you're upset That

People aren't being considerate Everybody move! We got a baby! upset that people aren't being considerate. Everybody move! We got a baby! God. It's like a hostage situation. Why do some people think that everyone needs to bend to them? Yeah. I love how the majority of this

was like, you don't understand. We didn't have an option. You did. Don't go to the fucking show. That's what being a parent is. Or staying in the back. Not doing whatever you want and bringing your baby. That's not being a parent.

That's putting your baby in a weird-ass fucking place it shouldn't be. That's putting yourself before your babies. Like, and it's not, I mean, I get it. Fun, fine, whatever.

Things happen and situations are different for everyone. But if you're going to bring a fucking baby to a rave, yet alone going out to dinner, if that baby starts losing its shit, guess what?

Dinner's over. Get out. You don't just fucking hang out and keep your dumb fucking crying baby there and ruin everybody else's dinner. So expecting everybody at the rave to dial it back because you brought your baby? Wrong.

Get the fuck out of here. It's one thing for you want everyone at a restaurant to bow to you, but then you go to a concert where people are dancing, having fun. And where were they? There's safe places in that knitting factory. Let's say you brought the baby. It's a rave! But you saying, like, there's always a place.

Unless you've never been to a venue ever in your life, not every square inch of that is full of drunk idiots. Yeah, go upstairs. Go anywhere with your fucking baby, but you were probably down in the pit with a baby and being like, Oh my God, pay attention, we have a baby! If you want to enjoy the show with your baby, I don't think it's a great idea. It's a rave, loud as fuck, probably not great. Just go on the balcony. Go stand up there where there's not that.

But that's what you were doing. You brought your baby into the mayhem. If you want to enjoy the show, you can go to any show with a baby. A picture in a bigger venue. Let's go outside, there's a lawn. Don't go to the fucking pit! Stand back in the show with a baby like a picture in like a whatever a bigger venue like a let's go outside there's a lawn don't go to the fucking pit stand back in the back with your baby you get to enjoy it i get that parents need to get out it's fine but you did you also made a choice of becoming a parent yeah and if you if you if it wasn't going to work out in the baby city babysitter babysitter fell through the only times i've had to do that something fucking sweet's going on

something happens you're like well i'm not bringing this fucking baby to the meth lab babysitter fell through. The only times I've had to do that, something fucking sweets going on. Something happens. And you're like, well, I'm not bringing this fucking baby to the meth lab. So I don't go to the meth lab. It's a dangerous environment for a baby. If it was just me. Yeah.

I can handle a meth lab. I love him as much as the next guy. Hey, you guys want to know what plur means? Yeah. Yeah. It means peace, love,

unity, and respect. There you go. That's fucking stupid. Just kidding. Anyway, got it. That's, I mean, fine. I'm sure the comment section fucking ripped her apart.

All right, you ready to hear from some of the kids? Yeah. All right. Zach! Hey, you guys! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. Do you want me to read? Yeah, you can have that. Are you worn out? Just doing one email this week. This is coming in from our naughty daughter, Julia. Hi, daddies. Got to read it like that with that description.

Love the podcast. Love the podcast. And I've been listening since day one and other pleasantries. First time writing it. Well, thanks for doing it. Now into this embarrassing story. Picture this.

My husband and I are getting into some heavy petting. Oh, yeah. I'm just picturing like a petting zoo. But like, just way too aggressive.

Under the, yeah. Like that, but then it gets a little fucking rougher. Yeah. Some heavy petting and we both know it's about to under the... Yeah. Like that, but then it gets a little fucking rougher. Yeah. Some heavy petting, and we both know it's about to go down. Yeah.

Okay. And then your kids walk in. Yeah. And then you fucking end up jerking off in the closet wearing leggings. For some backstory, he's not very experienced. He likes what he likes,

and I'm happy to oblige. But that's just... Let's just say I had to teach him how to pleasure a woman. Cool. And some fun vernacular like edging and pegging. Ooh.

Okay. Good edge session. What's edging? When you could come, but you stop. So then you just keep reaching the almost point until you can't fucking

handle it anymore. You're like, I have to explode. Nope, nope nope back to the see i just taught you well i mean it makes that makes sense i just didn't know how to name i know it's like when you go out there and edge the lawn yeah don't you fucking dare grow back back to the smooching and touching we have our clothes off and we're just about to get to the sex part my favorite part so i tell him go slow tease me

in my mind i'm thinking he would go so slow to make me want more but nope this motherfucker verbally bullied me directions unclear yeah yeah to him that meant school. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry? Okay. To him, this meant schoolyard insults. Yeah, you like that, four eyes? I wear glasses. You like that, you fucking dweeb? You bookworm bitch? Fail math again, you fucking nerd?

I can tell how much you love the food in the fridge and grabs my stomach Yeah you're a little fatso aren't you Yeah God damn that is so funny And then he goes Your parents don't love you Oh jeez You're a disappointment To everyone you fat ass

You know who else you let down besides me what your fucking parents you never amounted to anything i talked to him you're too busy eating food in the fridge fatty i drug you out of the gutter you couldn't do anything yourself just trying to have sex the whole time like what is happening i was so taken aback i didn't say anything at the time and just let him finish then after we both showered up and i love that he's like yeah you fucking fatty bitch you ate my miracle whip you stinky ass bitch fat asshole quit touching my turkey slices, you fucking slut! Miracle whip.

I'll be right back. I'm going to get a fucking spoonful of miracle whip. You like that, don't you, four eyes? I bet you go study up for your test, bitch! So I don't have to pay for your classes anymore, you broke-ass hoe! Your parents are sick of sending you shit. They just told me. Okay. Anyway, let him finish.

Then after we both showered and I had to break the news to him that he got so wrong, he apologized profusely and I thought I wanted the degradation. Turns out I'm definitely not into that kink. I was never, he has never made that mistake again. I'd love to hear what you guys think. You guys did. XOXO, Julia. Yeah. uh i was never he has never made that mistake again i'd love to hear you guys think he just did julia yeah oh god that's good i hope it happened just like that i bet it did why not fucking crazy things have happened besides being like i like it you know i get to talk dirty to me like you know whatever and just really don't know how to do it but i like i just

love the idea of someone going so personal where it's like you went from like yeah tease me you're like on the edge of having an orgasm to just crying and like feeling really depressed yeah like you're just being verbally assaulted well i'd like to talk to that I wonder what he says now Yeah He's so scared to talk Do you just ball gag him? Mmm Alright, well that's episode

What was that, 94? We gotta get off to the bonus shit No, the next time he's just like Oh, you're so skinny Yeah Man, you look Man, I've never even You probably hate refrigerators

You've been working out? Because it looks like Those salads have been Flying off the shelf He's backtracking He's like, yeah You look the same with contacts. He goes, I've never.

You don't even like refrigerators. I'm not good at math either. I locked the refrigerator. I mean, you don't. Oh, shit. Trying so hard. Those glasses look amazing on you. Your parents always tell me how much they appreciate what you do for them.

2.7 GPA is not that bad. I mean, like. You're fine. Look at people. It's not like you're going to Yale or anything. It's going way too far. But no one, I mean, who does anyway? Only the 1%.

Just talking to himself? Only the what? Fucking 0.1%? I mean, sure you apply to several schools. Brown didn't want you. Yale didn't want you. Stanford didn't want you. Nothing to do with your four eyes.

Glasses. Nothing to do with your glasses. Eastern Washington took you, though, didn't want you Stanford didn't want Nothing to do with your Your four eyes Glasses Nothing to do with your glasses Eastern Washington took you though Didn't they Yeah Go call me Eastern Washington What I'll take you You're proud to be an eagle

Okay be part of the gaggle We keep going Sign up on Patreon Patreon.com Slash candy don't podcast Fuck all the other stuff Uncle Zach Go check out what he makes

Scatcast.com That's scat with a K. Alright let's wrap this shit up. Ready? Okay. Zach! Good God. Wrap it up already huh? Alright got a quick joke for you. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? What?

Irrelephant. Oh fuck. You blew it! That was my big shot. No! irrelevant What the fuck You have elephant soundboard exact moment back there? Don't wait all year. What a fucking sick elephant. Zach wasn't producer back when that fucking first happened.

Yeah. God, that was a good start. I'll tell you after the show, Zach. Okay. It's perfect. All right, guys. See you in,

whatever. Whatever. No cares. Oh, my. Whatever. No cares. Bye.