Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Turnip. Hotwire. Priapism. Excitebike.

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Pro Tip: If you find yourself attending an 'end of life party' for a friend, do not ask to take a sip of their life ending cocktail just to see what it tastes like. Let's talk about that, some super neat facts about Halloween, a telltale sign you're from a small town, a McDonald's bathroom story from literal hell, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/kashskkA1J4Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Turn up hotwire priapism excite bike You son of a bitch! 70! 70, how about that? We made it. We made it. When we started, I was like, the one thing we're not going to do is the 70s episode. Is there anything significant about that?

Uh, no. Walter Jones is number 71. Well, that's not... Hall of Fame. You can't just pull in numbers that aren't today. Can you? Huh? Yeah. Walter Jones is 70 Number 71 Well that's not Hall of Fame Left tackle You can't just pull in numbers That aren't today Can you?

Huh? Yeah No Well I'm like well Fuck And then this guy is Fucking 52

Walter Jones was really good He was really good We'll talk about him next week Maybe the best left tackle ever Of all time Yeah Cool Cool

Cool shit dude Hey Welcome to the show Joe Thanks man And Zach Brian Zach Hey Welcome to the show Joe Thanks man And Zach Brian Zach Hey welcome to the family everybody

Let me do it for you Or whatever Let me do it for you Support us on Patreon You'll find the link In the episode description Send stuff into the show I feel like there's another

Confessions Segment coming up soon We gotta get some Get some fresh confessions I'm ready to be titillated. Is that the word? Yeah. Tickled? Tiddled. I'm ready to be tickled with confessions.

Get your back tickled? So if you have some dirty, naughty... I want to go into the place where you talk to a priest. The confession room. And then just have him reach through there and tickle my back. Just poke through the wood. Like, you like that?

You like kind of? I'll confess anything if he'll give me a little back scratch. A little tickle. A little back tickle. That's how you get some good stuff out of me. You just tickle me up. Send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. We are doing lap time.

You ever been in a confession? I have. Room? That was my only confession. I was like. Yeah, I'm done with that. I walked in. I was like, this is my only confession i was like yeah i'm done with that i walked in i was like this is my first time in here he's like yeah i'm listening i guess door opened now is it got out of the way right to heaven that's where i go okay i have been in

but i don't remember what i talked about anyway catholic stuff you jack nope no fall mean duh he would burst into flames if he walked in there. All of it off. Burn the church down, he just closed the door, turns into a furnace. Is that how Burn the Priest came about, the band? Yeah, sure. That could be. Judas Priest?

Lamb of God? Mm-hmm. All right. I miss Lamb of God. Sorry. They're still alive. Yeah, well, they're not what they used to be. They're early stuff.

Laptime with Uncle Zach on the show today. What are we talking about? Can you give us a quick preview, Zach? We're going to talk about Halloween and the facts behind the history of it. Fuck yes, we are. Yep. And if kids are eating candy with drugs in them or not. Oh.

We'll find out. Dude, if you get some drugs. Or razor blades. Yeah. You get drugs in your candy, just send them in to P.O. Box. Can You Don't Podcast in beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alene. And then we'll transfer it to beautiful Spokane, Washington. Yeah, there was just a drive-by the other day.

Yes, there was. We were joking about, remember, if a guy with a musket oh yeah get a drive-by like i'm not even kidding fellas ladies it's about and we're not in a bad neighborhood where we're at right now yeah block and a half away a house just got riddled in a fucking drive-by and we don't know why but then like you look at the like what it was a straight line of bullets, whatever sound that would make. Like an Uzi. Yeah, that one.

Yeah, that's way better than... That's a MAC-10. Yeah. With the MAC-10 on the side of my hip. And then, yeah, laughing about how hard it would be to do a drive-by with a musket. Or just a... Whatever they're called. Is it a musket?

Yeah. Bayonets on the end. Yeah, musket. You jam just a, whatever they're called. Is it a musket? Yeah. Yeah, where you jam. Where you jam. Bayonets on the end. Yeah, musket. You jam the powder and the shit in there. Get out of here, Jim! He goes.

And he's on the back of a carriage. He's ripping the bag apart and pouring the. And then you go, that's littering! Yeah. Somebody's yelling at you. That's littering, John! You've always been a lousy shot! Fuck you, Jim!

Horses are like, standing in the street, just shitting in the middle of the street. And then, come out! Fuck you! Missed again! Missed again, you dumb piece of shit!

Just standing there with his coffee. I could do this all day! I've got 22 balls. I've got 22 balls. Just a huge bin of gunpowder packages. He misses the last one. He's like, God damn it.

They're like little ketchup packets, but they're gunpowder. He's riding away. The horse is like, I'll be back tomorrow with my cannon. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, right, John. See you tomorrow. Heard that one before.

He grabs his paper, walks back in. Lousy shot. We're in the military. Lousy shot, Larry. We still are today, you fucking piece of shit. We have some new merch in the merch store. We got some Love My Daddy's merch. That's saucy.

What's better than starting the day with one daddy? Two daddies. And an uncle. And an uncle. Two dads, one uncle. I've seen that video. We've got some coffee mugs. We've got a couple options on the coffee mugs.

Head over to canyounowpodcast.com. It's in the merch section. And then we also have a Tumblr. And on the Tumblr design, if you zoom in here, you'll see that one of the hot air balloons are on fire. Yeah. Just one. Just one of them. Just one of them.

Got a whole bunch of hot air balloons. It says, love my daddies across it. And then one of them is engulfed in flames. It's like a little Easter egg. Yeah. So go check it out. Head over to canyoudontpodcast.com. And those are available right now.

We have some quick mail call to do. This was sent in. Damn, this song is saucy. It was sent in. It says, hello, Can You Don't team. Recently, Zach said he would love to experience the fifth element for the first time again. Yeah. I thought he might like to experience the fifth element for the first time again. Yeah. I thought he might like to have this decorated.

What? Have this to help him decorate the Zach cave. Yeah. In the new studio. Enjoy Cassidy. And it's from the fifth element. It's a multi-pass. Lulu Dallas multi-pass?

Yes. Multi-pass. I can't really. I don't know. I'm trying to show it. Cassidy? Yep. Thank you, Cassidy.

Yeah. So that got sent in. And then Kayla sent in some more stickers for us. Well, not some more stickers, but we got three stickers. And each sticker just says, Certified Silly Goose. I'm going to put that on my laptop. Here you go, buddy. Here you go, buddy.

I'm going to put that on there right now. Hello, buddy. Look at the little toddler helicopter hat. A little toddler cap on it. Yeah. There's that. Just in case, if you want to send something in, please do. We've got to decorate Zach's little Zach cave.

And you'll find the physical email description, or email, the physical mail-in inside of the episode description. Just in case everyone was wondering if hot air balloons have magically gotten safer over the last couple months, the answer is no. And we've got a couple updates in. Listeners heard of turtles and Nicholas sent them. I love turtles. A couple of them.

This is just an article that came in and it says balloon hits power line while landing in North Valley. Great that this happened in New Mexico. And then we have a video of a hot air balloon disaster going wrong. And even if you can't watch this right now on YouTube, you can look it up. Here you go. Here's some audio from it. That's a wind. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, shit. So right now, one hot air balloon is bouncing off of another one. Okay, they're gone. They made it out. It was deliberate. They're trying to get air up so we can get up. Oh, shit.

That's a cool sentence. Stay in, stay in, stay in. This is obviously a science. Yeah. It's obviously a science fair. Who's next? Watch this guy. So zipping around, here we go.

BOOM! Oh! Bangs into the ground. The guy's hanging out. Oh my god, he's hanging! Did he fall? No he didn't! Oh Jesus. The commentary is a good one. Please, please, please.

Oh my god. Then BAM! I hope he's not off the fucking family. Oh my God. The family. He's not the one who runs it. No shit. He's like, I'm done. Fuck those people. Why? This is the worst part.

There's nobody in there. There's nobody in there. Oh, Jesus. There's a kid. That's not good. Shit's not good. That's not good. It was the guy running it. See you later!

The wind just went crazy, guys. It's a bad Disney secret. Could you imagine if there was a person, like a kid, that didn't know what the hell to do? He's just floating away? Remember there was the balloon kid? Yeah, years ago. Floated away from the backyard.

It was a whole hoax. Oh, it was a hoax. That's right. What was his name? Wasn't it like a poor reading kid or something? I don't know. The dad who's lied about his kid being in there. And he's got a bunch of media attention for it.

And a GoFundMe. And probably some jail time. I don't know. But, you know. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.com. Go fuck me. Go fuck me.

Go fuck me. Am I right? Sounds like a good business fuck me. Yeah, go fuck me. Go fuck me. Am I right? Sounds like a good business idea. And then you have an email that got pulled in last second. What'd you got here? Yeah. This says, hey, guys, I just remembered a little snippet from my childhood. We had a farm, more like a petting zoo.

At one point in my childhood, my little brother was probably about seven. I talked him into peeing on a hot wire. Now, mind you, this was an electric fence to keep a huge boar in his pen. Anyway, he peed on it. It zapped him so hard it gave him a bloody nose. I have no nieces or nephews yet, so should I be worried? Okay. Okay, bye.

By the way, Brian, I just realized my stupid name is with a Y and seven I as well. Danielle. Is it Danielle? Danielle. Danielle. You just noticed? She just noticed, yeah. You're like, whoa, what?

That's crazy. I thought I was writing an I this whole time. What the fuck happened? I've never seen Danielle spelled like that, though. Never. Be happy with that. Just be a unique. Don't just be another Danielle. Be a Danielle.

You know? Yeah, I get it. Danielle! I'm happy with that. Just be a unique. Don't just be another Danielle. Be a Danielle. You know? Yeah. I get it. Danielle! Peeing on electric fences. What a good time. What a nice zap of the old peen.

You guys ever done it? Just zapped all potential babies out of his dick. Or I super powered him. Yeah. So Superman got bit by a spider. What Superman do you turn into? Didn't Spider-Man got bit by a spider what superman do you turn into spider-man get bit by a spider i say superman that's not it spider i mean batman got bit by a walrus and he looks fine yeah look at him look at him spider-man bit by a bat you're like what are you doing fucking hag but what superpower what super power What super

Green Lantern got bit by a lantern While he was camping A scary one though Yeah With a tail on it Green It was nuclear Nuclear Lantern

Whatever Yeah what superhero do you become When you pee on an electric fence Zapman Zapity doo That's probably That's probably Adam Sandler You turned out probably it. Adam Sandler.

You've become Adam Sandler? How do you booba? How do you? All right, let's start the show. Yeah. Roll it! Hey, shut up. Start the show already.

Okay, here we go. I was ready to say a thing. I peed on it. I didn't pee on a fence, but I touched one with a wet glove one time. Why did you do that? I was trying to crawl over my parents' fence, and they had an electric fence to keep the cats out because we had a bunch of dogs. Yeah. And I had a glove on that was soaking wet, and I got on top of a metal garbage can.

Remember those? Oh, yeah. And I had shoes on, so it wasn't the metal garbage can, and I went fucking flying backwards. Like the kid on Jurassic Park? Yeah. Three. It was kind of like Tommy Boy, except for I wasn't flying backwards. Like the kid on Jurassic Park? Yeah. Three. It was kind of like Tommy Boy, except for I wasn't peeing.

Yeah. Yeah, it was bad. My dad had an electric fence and we used to grab it for fun. Right? You'd get drunk and then you'd make a chain of people. One person would grab onto it

and then you'd make a big old ring and the other person would stay on the other side and be like, ready, ready? And you'd grab it. It was go, you just hear it in a line and go,'s going ah yeah it's never at the same time like there is a delay it's like it skips around everybody if you hit the fence onto the wood it won't shock you right that's the thing if it's the it's the wood pole no if yeah if you get

the the wire down onto the wood it it won't get you. Okay. Or at least that's what happened to us with our fence. And then I just missed it. Ours was like, it was like the top one. It was above the wood. Oh, you. It was basically like you're trying to keep a horse in. Oh, you.

Or something like that. But we were trying to keep a dog in. And it worked. It does. They don't like being shocked. I drove a lot of, I drove tractor a lot when I was younger. So like being shocked I drove a lot I drove a tractor a lot When I was younger So I was around

Electric fences a lot To the point to where I wasn't sure If they were electric or not So I just treated them All like they were electric Electric fences Yeah

That's what I was Never signed I had like I had You know leather Leather gloves and stuff To grab But you just

Still it's like Yeah still a little zing Yeah you get it So our starting So I our starting touch with my penis first to test it anyway on it um our starting question not a would you rather but a pretty fun one what was the time that you got in the most trouble by your parents i mean i it's got everybody has one unless you're still like a kid and you're like, like you're 12 years old listening to this right now,

you're like, I don't know. I feel like when they told me I had to go to school when I felt sick, I was pretty fucked up. When I was real little, my first business idea was to sell my parents business cards to my neighbors. Yeah. Like one business card for a dollar

so I could go get candy. Okay. And where I live, there's a store store it was probably a mile away not too far but far enough for like a five-year-old i was five this was the most mad i've ever seen my dad really and yeah i just i started selling business cards door to door to try and get money for candy and i brought this little girl that was younger than me so like three or four with me and we walked down a busy ass road and i'd never seen my dad so pissed off and like my dad wasn't a violent guy but he was like today i'm gonna be pretty pissed off and violent so it's like and that was the most mad and it was just because they were scared because they're like what the fuck right but i thought you know started my first business because scam

is this right i got some candy though it was all right yeah sorry i might have missed the first part of this my computer is being fucking weird um what business cards were you selling my mom had a pet store called thunder mountain dog supply she was selling them a car i was selling them a business card that's meant to promote the business and a couple people uh actually nobody bought it i don't think but somebody just gave me a dollar once like you fucking clown yeah dude and i had like a whole sales pitch and i'd never even done i was fine i think you should take it and come to this store and give me a dollar. Like being in Las Vegas. Yeah.

And someone's there. You have to pay them to hand you a flyer. Like that's what Zach's business model was. You know, it would work. The overhead wasn't bad at all. Free business card. That old Mitch Hedgberg joke. Here you throw this away. Yeah. The flyer. Heberg uh joke here you throw this yeah the flyer he's like here you throw this away it's the same thing he's like here can i give you a business card you know not

all businesses start out just working great you know you gotta work at them yeah i mean you guys it's how you get back up it's how you rebound that's right it's like what you do after you're at your lowest point you know i feel like you've done pretty damn good zach it's been all right now i sell customer return cards and i've upgraded quite a bit was that just that but it started that entrepreneurial spirit mentality yeah yeah indeed that's good then i got thrown against the wall oh yeah that's fun that's fun uh brian what's what you got there what was the biggest parent trouble thing i had to think about it i didn didn't, you know, I didn't do a lot of stupid shit. But the one thing that I remember my mom being so angry about was she worked at the high school where I went to school.

And so she had, you know, teacher, like, she had so many friends. And so anything that if I got in trouble at school was a big deal because then everyone came to her. Like, oh, Brian. So it was embarrassing for her and all that kind of stuff. So I graduated in 2001. And we were doing gang signs like 01. Whenever we were in pictures and stuff, we were always like 01. You know, like, yeah.

And so we were at a basketball game one time a football game i can't remember and i had maroon gold gloves on because that was our school colors and i was going like this oh is that school they were doing an article for the paper and they posted right in the front page of the paper it was us you know doing that but i was going like this and it looked like i was flipping off the camera oh and so the the school and the newspaper started getting calls from all over town and it turned into this big old thing that that that albrant kid was flipping off the camera and it was a good kid a small town um they shut down the fountain they're like no yeah yeah exactly shut down the mode like They're like, no. Yeah, exactly.

They shut down the Moody's fountain. The fountain's at half-mast. It's a huge loss for the community. They're so disappointed they can't look at it anymore. It's sputtering. I mean, they wouldn't dare turn it all the way off. No, you can't get it started again. Yeah, you can't get all the air and the water out of the tubes.

Why is the fountain spluttering? Like, have you seen the paper? Have you seen the front page of the paper? Take a look at it! And they shake it out. They have it all blown up. Like, look at it. This is Brian.

Look at it! This is Brian with a Y! This is Denise's son. Look at it. Denise's son. Right here. Yeah, Brian! But, you know, small town. Everybody knows everybody's shit.

And so, as far as everyone in town is concerned, my mom's son was flipping off the entire town on the front page of the newspaper. Who do you think you are? Yeah. Brian? My mom. I don't remember how my dad reacted. He probably didn't. Because it was like, it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't flipping

off the camera. Tell it to the judge. I had to go to the principal's office and it was this whole thing and it made a big deal. And I'm telling him like, I'm not flipping off the camera. Look at the other people doing it. It just, I have gloves on. And I was like, no, I couldn't.

It was like, my mom just wouldn't hear it. She could not. She was so disappointed. Even though I was like, I'm telling you, I'm not doing what you think I'm doing. So that was a big moment. Do you have a picture of the picture? I don't know. Probably no.

You don't have it blown up somewhere? No. It might be saved somewhere. But then I didn't get in trouble for this, but I remember this was like a whoa big. So when I was driving tractor, I worked at the irrigation district. Driving tractor? Yeah. Tractor?

That's old school. That's why I know you're from a small town is when you just take the word A out of it. You were driving a tractor. You were driving tractor. Driving horse. When I was riding horse. When I was horsing. I was out there

driving tractor. I was just driving tractor. I was jumping pool. Like what are you? I was flying plane. You flying plane. I was cropping dust I did that a lot I bet you did

Speaking of that When I used to drive my tractor A tractor I'd get out to pee And sometimes crop dusters would fly by And they would just buzz my tractor Here's your best friends Flipping you off

Nice car Thanks for the fucking most i'd just be peeing all of a sudden here like come from behind me and it was giving me a little wave they're flying so anyway i uh there was this lady that lived out in the country obviously and she had this old corral in her house and stuff and she was living house this is gonna be a whole thing she's living house and all that stuff. She was living house. This is going to be a whole thing. She's living house and fucking driving car.

Well, you can live life. Yeah. Right? You're living life. Living life. You're not living out life. You're living life. Living life, driving tractor. Driving car, living house. Just keep on living, bro. Just keep on doing you, man. So, I'm driving along and it's got blades and i'm going in so the area that i was in a lot of cheat grass you know cheat

is like the very flammable so flammable is a hot air balloon so i'm going along and i'm blades are going and it dings a rock and i didn't know this at the time and it sent a spark in the cheatgrass and started a little, you know, just a little bit of ember going. Started a fire. So I'm heading down the ditch and I'm cutting along the edge there and I get down far enough and I look back and I just

see smoke. I'm like, oh no, don't tell me. So I keep going a little bit farther and then I look back and it's in the rear view mirror and it's just golfing with flames Just like the PGA Tour Just golfing And all of a sudden I see fire trucks Ripping by and stuff

And then while I'm looking back I drive my tractor into the ditch So I'm sitting Well that's funny My dad used to drive ditch Or he used to ride ditch. He used to ride ditch. I fucking bet he did. So he used to go and check all the, so the farmers would order water.

And so he'd go, you'd have to turn the, from the ditch, you'd turn the water on. Farmers pay for a certain amount of water to water crops. And so he would ride ditch. That's what we call it, is riding ditch. So on Saturdays sometimes, he's like, I'm riding ditch, you wanna go with me? And would you go? Sometimes Well one time

What happened with the fire? Do you know what a spillway is? Yes, I know about all these things So a deer was going in the big fucking canal That comes from the Columbia River It's rolling through And there was a deer that was in the water and so we tried to stop and get it out and for miles and miles so when eventually

we just had to leave we couldn't get it and so we we get down to where the spillway is and by the time we get down there the deer's in the spillway it's jumping around like this and it's it's gonna die it's gonna drown my dad rigs up like this chain lasso type thing. I don't even know what he used exactly. And he's forever trying to wrangle the thing up. He finally gets it around him and then latches it and fucking pulls this deer up over the walkway.

It was basically like a catwalk over the top of the spillway. Gets it up over the thing and then it's laying down on this catwalk and it's just kind of shaking a little bit and so my dad's like before we leave he wants to make sure it's okay so he pokes it a little bit with a stick and this thing hops up and starts going

on punching him and hits my like the fucking kangaroo boxing match and almost knocks my dad over the railing into the spillway and he would have drowned there. So it's like all this time with hours trying to save this fucking deer and he almost kills him in an instant. Nature loves us.

Anyway, back to the fire. Thanks for nothing. So I had the biggest insurance claim in the history of burning up this whole lady's corral and everything. There were no animals in it, which is good. That is terrible. I was burning corral. Yeah, you were burning corral, starting fire. Yep. Kind of an outlaw. Yeah, a little bit. That's terrible. I was burning corral. Yeah, you were burning corral, starting fire. Yep.

Kind of an outlaw. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. That's some naughty stuff, right? My dad wasn't mad at me, but it was kind of like, you know, like, man, what do you do? Maybe next time, could you just don't do that? Yeah. Can you don't burn up some lady's farm?

That'd be great. Anyway, Silvery's ready. I'm just picturing, like like a serious conversation between your parents. They call you Brian with a Y. Brian with a Y. Brian with a Y. Brian with a Y. You know what this looks like?

Sorry. What? The sticker, it looks like a llama. What are they doing? It looks like a laying down llama. It does. It does. Hibernating llama.

Yeah. Anyway. Okay. My biggest in trouble story and uh i mean this is just one of the it's the fucking example of whatever it doesn't have an example so this must have been early high school me my best friend craig what's up craig he listens so craig enjoy that new baby dude he's had another kid What's up, Craig? What's up, Craig? Enjoy that new baby, dude! He's had another kid, dude! Come on, Craig! What's up? Come on, Craig! It's Friday, right?

Yeah. And then, so he's staying over, and there's these two girls, and they live in a town that's about 11 miles away. Again, back to, I'm driving road. You're driving road, I see. Like, if you want to see these girls, you're going to be driving road. Just living life, driving road.'re driving road i see it like if you want to see these girls gonna be driving

road just living life driving road seeing town seeing town starting fire you know big big city as you do and um no and he was like hey you know can they can they come over i was like i don't know like my parents are sleeping or my dad my stepmom is sleeping. I'm like, yeah, I mean, sure. Let's do it. Dad sleep. Mom eat. Mom sleep. Dad sleep. I drive road. Yeehaw. And I was like, well, I'm not going to go get them.

I can't drive. Blah, blah. And like, okay. So they get a taxi from this town that's about 11 miles away. Taxi? Back, yeah. Down to our town. And they hang out.

It wasn't long. It was probably three hours. Just hanging out with these girls in my room. So anyway, they're like, okay, got to go back home. Because they're sneaking out too. And we're sneaking girls over. And it gets to a point where, okay, you got to get the fuck out of here. Being from a small town, again, just saying taxi.

Taxis close in small towns. Didn't really know this at that age. I just thought you could just call a taxi. Taxis close in a small town. No one picks you up in a small town. So they went to call a taxi. Taxi place is like no.

They're like no. I don't know. You're going to die there. Because it's like 3 or 4 like, no, you're going to die there. Because it's like three or four in the morning. You're going to die in a small town. No taxi in a small town. Probably die in a small town. Driving ditch in a small town. Got a pretty mouth in a small town.

Driving tractor too. Starting fire in a small town. Got pushed by a deer in a small town. Got pushed by a deer in a small town. No, they never shot up that fountain in a small town. So they couldn't get a taxi back. So here I am. Oh, now I can't get right back. Oh, where I'm going to be.

Anyway. And so we pack them up and I'm like, fuck it, I'm driving. I just probably barely got my license. I'm like, fucking let's go, dude. So we pack everybody up. We'm like, oh, fuck it. I'm driving. I just probably barely got my license. I'm like, fucking let's go, dude. So we pack everybody up. We drive. It's fucking snowing. It's like a blizzard at this point.

And I drive. I get them back safely to where they're going. Drop them off. Like, thank God. Have fun sneaking in. Good to see you. Take off. Make it back home.

And for that day. Thanks for the dry hump. Yeah. For that day, for two days like nothing ever came from it and then they got a call from the one of the girls dads and they saw footprints from the girls in the snow heading back to the house right and this guy is a fucking lunatic he's a very successful lawyer so now he's suing to like oh he's he's threatening to sue my dad. Like we fucking kidnapped him. There's no record of them taking a taxi drive.

Like, so the taxi company, the dude that drove it again, no records in a small town. We don't got no computers in a small town. So just give your cash, call it good. So the taxis people, like none of that even matters matters but the lawyer like whatever he's just fucking scaring the shit out of my dad like like we don't have anything and here's this giant like they're fucking loaded they live in a five million dollar house and this dude is threatening to sue like my dad who's back where i'm having fucking brain burritos every day of the week just a guy just making. Just making it.

Barely making it. And he's like, and so my dad, like, this is the maddest I've ever seen him. He was so pissed. And because, like, he's scared. And he thinks, like, I don't know what he thought. Like, I went in there and fucking kidnapped him. He's like, I don't have any record of it. Taxi, blah, blah.

And I was like, I don't fucking know. I didn't go pick him up. I didn't pick him up. They got dropped off the taxi right here. And he got so frustrated. And I started getting frustrated. And then I got the, the reminder that you're the son and he's the dad. So I was getting like frustrating and yelling.

And then just like Zach, like I just got shoved. You know, I was like, oh man, like dad strength. I'm a back. I'm like getting,

you know, coming into my own body. And I was like, I could fucking take this old bag. Like not really, but every guy has that thing. You're like, I'd be my dad. I'm the getting, you know, coming into my own body. And I was like, dude, I could fucking take this old bag. Like, not really. But every guy has that thing. You're like, I'd be my dad. I'm the new alpha.

That kind of feel. The moment you beat him at basketball once or something. He's like, no, I'm the man. You're like, move, pack your shit. I'm the man of the house. You beat him at fucking 21 on the driveway basketball court. You're like, I'll call U-Haul. Get your shit out of my fucking house, you pussy.

You make more free throws than him you're like all right i'll help you get your bed out fucking loser um no but he stopped and i was like oh no and that was the only time that my dad has like ever laid hands on me and i went flying it's because i was like i'm telling you i and i was like getting mad because I was being defensive. And I was, I mean, ended up turning into nothing. But the girls, like they were trying to like protect themselves. So they were lying about how they got there and all this kind of shit. Anyway, so it came out later and the dad ended up like visiting my dad and apologizing and all that kind of stuff. And beating the shit out of him.

No, but like that was it. He was just scared and gave me a shove a reminder of like don't you fucking yell at me don't you you stepping up yeah you fucking you how about you fucking don't do that all right simba you just wait your turn and i flew flew right back all right we're running a little bit long on the front end let's get into the uh what are you thinking about okay you ready all right zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about uh i'm gonna make this a quick story and we'll get off into dick yep this week this past weekend took advantage of

some uh unusual seasonally warm temperatures and decided to get one more camping trip in, which around this time, I mean, you're kind of... Last year it was snowing, right? Right around this time. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it seems like every early October, except for, yeah, remember that? Fuck, dude. It snowed like seven inches October 1st.

And I was like, I'm going to move. I can't do this. I'm not ready. The leaves hadn't even fell yet. Yeah. And then the snow hit. That's why I snapped all the branches off and all the power went out everywhere. Yeah, I remember.

Because it was your tree and your power. Yeah. So we took advantage of it, went over to a town that's just a funny little town in, I guess, what? Is that central? Northern central? North central. North central Washington.

Called Leavenworth, which, you know, fucking Shrek town. Good to happen. All the font is Shrek. It's like Disneyland without any rides. It's just like... You get mixed schnitzels if you want. If you want. It's a whole German, Dutch-based thing, and it's fun.

And they have a mountain coaster now, by the way. That's a ton of fun. Octoberfest. Yeah, and it was Oktoberfest. have a mountain coaster now, by the way. That's a ton of fun. And so... Oktoberfest. Yeah, and it was Oktoberfest. So we brought all the kids. Me, Cassie, girlfriend, and then her kid and the kids had beers.

Yes. Everybody was drunk. I was the DD. My kids were hammered. But they had a little mountain coaster. That was fun. Anyway, so we took them over there and we get everything packed up.

We're renting a camper, again, because we know it's going to be cold at night i did drop down into the 30s fuck being in a tent it's not ready for that so we got a camper and did you do this because you couldn't get a place to stay no just you were you chose to chose the camp okay and the camping spot was awesome it was like you know 20 25 miles or 25 minutes out this canyon so probably 10 miles it was it was beautiful it was great so before we head out of town we got everything finally packed up in the camper that we're renting and we got all ready to go but like now the kids want a little breakfast

because we're heading out early on this friday morning and so we go like all right fuck let's go by and grab something at mcdonald's and we go to the mcdonald's up here on wellesley is that the street that's probably too far up. Whatever. It's by where the studio was at here in beautiful Spokane, Washington. Every time you say beautiful, that's what I'm going to do. Welcome to the hood. Quick note. The night of that drive-by shooting shooting here people are moving in across the street

oh they're like oh shit to the neighborhood they're moving a couch the hell was that you open the door it's like it's not usually this bad have a good night click and then the deadbolt sound it's this never happens it's been weeks it's been weeks yeah so we're getting ready we go we decided to go at mcdonald's here and um get out everything's fine and we get in weeks, yeah. So we're getting ready. We decided to go to McDonald's here and get out. Everything's fine. And we get in there and we order food and we're standing there. As I'm standing there, I start sniffing.

And my sniffer is not the best. I don't have a great sniffer because of drugs. On account of the cocaine. On account of the cocaine. And so my sniffer is not that great. Hasn't been for a long time. And it smells. can you smell this it's funny funny you do a leaner okay it smelled like shit like not just like oh someone tooted

it wasn't like a like a little someone pooped like so it is like rotting shit awful shit smell but just a hint of it and i smell it i. I'm like, does this smell like shit? And I'm, you know, looking around and the kids are all sniffing. They're like, oh yeah, no, it smells like poop. I'm like, oh, that's crazy. And it starts getting a little worse and a little worse. And then this guy, this old man that is standing next to us, he walks away for a second to throw something away and the poop smell goes away. Okay. And I'm like, all right. All right. There's ground zero. There's grandpa zero.

And then he walks back and the shit smell comes back. Yeah. And so now it smells like fucking McMuffins and McShitpants. Okay. And he's old. I'm like, oh. McSharty pants. And I feel bad. I'm like, oh, he's wearing a poopy diaper.

And I feel bad. Because your stomach is turning. That's why. You feel bad. I'm like, oh, he's wearing his poopy diaper. And I feel bad. Because your stomach is turning. That's why you feel bad. And I also had to just deal with it, like with my dad. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I don't know what's going on with this guy. He's old and he's shitting his pants, but he just really wants a McMuffin. So who am I?

McGriddle, for all I know. And one day it may be you, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just trying to mind my business. Getting a McGriddle and an orange juice. Dookie in your pants. With a shit with a loaf in my pants. it may be you too yeah yeah yeah getting a just trying to mind my business getting a mcgriddle and orange juice dookie in your pants with the shit with a loaf in my pants but you'll be in a

tube though by the time i'll be in a tube that's right yeah so he he clearly has a pants full of shit and it is like you can tell if i were to get a full sample of this it would be really really bad a little foreshadowing for you so Like if you put your face in his butt? Yeah, if I had to pull his pants down and take his diaper off, I'd get all the scents I need. And I was like, thank God I'm not changing my diaper today. Get my food. And I bounce out and we get back to the truck. We're about to head out.

And Ezra, right before we head out the door, he goes, I gotta go to the bathroom. And I'm like, okay. So he runs into the bathroom to go potty before we begin our the door he goes i gotta go to the bathroom and i'm like okay so he runs into the bathroom to go to go potty before we begin our trip out to go camping and then he comes running back out the door and he's going like this like running across the parking lot holding his nose oh no he goes dad dad dad i was like what he goes the old man's in the bathroom and i was like okay i was like well go pee he goes it smells so bad i was like i mean is it it's a bathroom it's gonna smell bad it's like some mcdonald's bathroom it's gonna have

a little bit of something a little flavor a little extra and he's like come with me and i was like fine but we can take this little sissy boy pee before he pees his pee pee pants you big baby you want diaper ezra fuck so we walk him and as we're walking back to the bathroom the old man with the shit diaper comes walking out just smiling just nonchalant like he i don't know whatever i want we i push that door open. It is the worst smell of shit. I gag. I go, like, and Ezra runs back out the door again. But we have to get out of town. We got places to be.

There's an Oktoberfest that we're missing. So I'm like, you know, I do this number. I pull it over. Ezra, just pull your shirt over your nose, blah, blah. And he goes, okay, okay. He pulls it over. He walks in. He goes, and I'm sitting there I pull it over. Ezra, just pull your shirt over your nose, blah, blah. And he goes, okay, okay. He pulls it over. He walks in. He goes, and I'm sitting there and I'm doing like the, like, like trying to only breathe

through my mouth situation. So I'm peeing and I'm going, and Ezra is over trying to pee. And I hear him like muffled. He goes, am I standing in pee? And I look down and I'm also standing in pee. And there's piss from the stall that has leaked from the stall underneath both urinals. And I'm like, I'm like, just finish peeing. We'll figure it out.

He goes, okay. He starts hacking. And then he goes, what? And throws up inside of his sweatshirt while he's peeing. Oh, no. Okay? So now the inside of his sweatshirt is covered in vomit. That McDonald's is a super fun site now.

Which is making him more want to vomit. He goes, and I'm like, I just threw up on my shirt. And I'm like, okay, hold on. I'm almost done. We'll get it figured out. And then he backs away. And I just hear from him. He just goes, I'm almost done. We'll get it figured out. And then he backs away. And I can see him from here, he goes, he just goes, oh my God.

And I turn around and I look and he's looking in the stall. Okay? And I get done peeing and I back up and there's just shit and piss all over the toilet seat and the floor. From dusk till dawn. And dried up shit from like a diaper

that just rubbed like all over the toilet seat. And then I have to run forward and I throw up in the urinal. So my son has an inside of his sweatshirt covered in shit while dad's throwing up in the urinal in a fucking McDonald's bathroom. You come back to the family like,

things are great. I come out and you can't explain that stink to anybody. Like I'm coming out, like we the family like, things are great. I come out and you can't explain that stink to anybody. Like, I'm coming out, like, we're both like, I have water. I'm still gagging. Like, walking across the parking lot.

Girlfriend, kids, I'm just like, like, trying not to throw up. And then Ezra, like, had to peel his throw-up sweatshirt over his face. Oh, fuck. Like, trying to keep it off,

but I can smell it. And he's just like, he's like, like, rubbing his own vomit on his face. And I'm just Like, trying to keep it off, but I can smell it. And he's just like, yeah, yeah! Rubbing his own vomit on his face. And I'm just going, bleh! And, like, everyone's eating fucking hash browns inside the cab. Like, you guys don't even know.

Imagine. Imagine the janitor, dude. I know. You probably quit. I told Ezzy about that. And then, whatever. It was terrible. You get the idea. And we get back in town, you know, three days later, and we're driving back, back and ezra goes because he never does anything wrong he doesn't swear and he goes if we drive by the mcdonald's can i flip it off i was like yeah that'll show him yeah and he and he asked he goes who had to clean it i was like i hope they quit like that

not go work at another mcdonald's Go work anywhere besides that fucking shit show. It was awful. It should be a bonus for that. And then you checked the paper and there was an obituary. Dude. I can't even begin to describe it. It was the worst shit I've ever fucking seen in my life. Anyway.

So there you go. But I'll still go to McDonald's. Oh, yeah. That's just, there's so much going on there. There was, I mean, a grown man throwing up in a urinal and a kid covered the inside of his sweatshirt with throw up over some dude's poop. Like, God damn, dude. And then he's like, as we were leaving, he walks by the truck. Like waddles by like, going home with my biscuits.

I wonder if he knows that he caused all that. He has to. Right? People that were sitting by him before he went to the bathroom were leaving. Like, maybe this is just his kink. I don't fucking know. Some people just want to watch the world burn. And this might have been one of them, dude.

I don't know. All right, let's slide off over to Dick. We might not have time for all the things we have in here, but let's get to some of it, okay? Thinking about it makes me want to throw up, dude. I fucking hate it! I know. Is it dumb? Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. All right, what do you guys say we do one dick for this week? Doesn't happen very often, but we just had a lot to get to this week. Which one do you want to do? Brian, do you want to... I'm having a hard time.

Wait, I hinted a little bit about this to you, about the suicide sip. Let's fucking do this one. Yeah. Okay, hold on. I guess, apparently... I hate when... This happens all the time. When you're researching

articles you're doing stuff and the website works perfectly fine and you go back to it when you're doing a live show and it's like everything you already said i've allowed to is like you sure you sure about that you want cookies you want bread now are you still good you want peanut butter cookies you want to turn your ad blocker off again because you already turned it off once you want to do it again you want to shit your pants? This headline alone is such a fucking... Oh, man. And I get it. I get how this happened because curiosity sometimes gets the best of you.

It kills the cat, doesn't it? It does. A man thought it was a good idea to take a sip of his friend's assisted suicide cocktail. What? He's a smarty. So after his terminally ill friend described the preparation as bitter, this patient ingested

an unknown size sip of the preparation. Preparation age, am I right? So at a North American Clinical Congress of Toxicology annual conference in Montreal over the weekend, a case study was presented involving a 37-year-old man from Denver who survived after swallowing a sip of a cocktail of assisted suicide drugs during an end-of-life celebration for a friend dying of pancreatic cancer. So he was trying to be like Solidarity guy, huh?

Like something just like, it's that classic, like think about the McDonald's bathroom. You're like, oh my God, it's the worst thing I've ever McDonald's bathroom you're like oh my god it's the worst thing I've ever smelled smell it you smell it come on oh yeah yeah

come here and you're like no come on you have to do it you just want to share that it's like a misery loves company kind of thing but with like

you know a shitty toilet seat so after the patient's friend consumed part of the preparation don't push the red button and described it as bitter the patient ingested as unknown ingested the unknown side sip of the preparation. Don't push the red button. And described it as bitter. The patient ingested the unknown-sized

sip of the preparation, which included lethal doses of drugs to cause the person ending their life to lose consciousness and to stop the heart. According to those attending the discussion on the management of medical emergencies, the 37-year-old, who had a history of anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and

chronic pain, made a full recovery over a few days from what was reported to the toxic or what was reported at the toxicology conference but just imagining like being in a place with your friend and they have this thing right they're like this is it like this is the thing i'm gonna drink to fucking end my life and you're like let me take a toast toast wait i don Toast. Wait, I don't have a drink. Yeah, I don't have a drink. You have a sip of mine. And you're like,

oh, cool. This one's going to kill you? Yeah, what's that taste like? Just like the... I mean, I get the curiosity. Me too. This is supposed to kill you. What does something like that

taste like? Yeah. Is it like Gatorade or... So when I get pancreatic cancer later and I want to kill myself, at least you know what you're in for. Right. Yeah. Is it like Gatorade or? So when I get pancreatic cancer later and I want to kill myself, at least you know what you're in for. Right. Yeah.

And then. And then I like surprises, Joe. And then also with the end of life thing, I mean, it feels like you could at least try to make it taste good. Right? Yeah. A little cherry. Yeah. A little cherry, a little orange slice on the side. Some sugar.

Like you want it to. It's like, what are you worried about? Your glucose? Right. Right now? Yeah. You worry about something like you have diabetes right and you're like oh i don't want to go over my limit this might be off topic but when my mom was passing away she was like hey and can somebody get some uh the eye drops for my eyes yeah and she wanted a specific kind and we didn't have them and she was like no not that kind they're bad for me it's like mom you're in hospice like literally today's the last day you're good you can take them like mom listen i can either give you the eye drops or pull the plug like we're right on the

fence like just take them it was just so cute she's like i can't have that there's a lot of sugar it's like mom you can have all the sugar you want it's all good you can literally do anything you want sorry just reminded me that's so good good. Right now, you're a superwoman. Yeah, exactly. For a few minutes. Right now, literally anything. You want to go skydiving without a parachute? Fucking do it, superwoman.

Have a good time. Yeah, have fun. I've got a story about that a little later. Save me a ton of stress, right? Save me a ton of stress. I don't want to fucking pull this plug or give some doctor a nod. Just go jump out of an airplane. Would have been more fun. Yeah. your conscience would thank you yeah exactly no

shit one last great ride before the ride's over yeah uh so the american academy of clinical toxicology uh the conference that did host it did respond or did not i did not respond to requests for more information about the case they're probably just like like nothing to say like who would who would do that after his first swallow he remarked man that burns the younger man said let me see and then also took a swallow so the guy that was trying to kill himself they didn't try to save him then the guy obviously that did do it or it did not mean to kill himself they brought him to the hospital which is also such a funny scene if you're looking at emergency services Yeah, which one do we yeah, I wanted to die. This guy was just curious What what do you mean yeah, he's an idiot

He doesn't want to say this guy right here said he wanted to die. He's dying anyway This guy's like fuck this this guy's guy's like, I don't know, let me try that shit. This guy was just curious. Yeah. The person that has to respond and point him out doesn't know either one. I'm pretty sure this guy was like, fuck it. And this guy was like, what's that taste like? Some guy

on the street, so like a bystander. He's like, well, I heard him talking. This guy mentioned he had like AIDS or something and he was going like AIDS or something he was gonna die or So he was already gonna drink it and this guy was just like dude. What's that taste like? Shit Which one had this fucking striped shirt oh shit

The guys they saved the dude that didn't want to die Or did want to die did he did want to die? he's like what the fuck oh we did it guys we did it like damn heaven is loud heaven's a lot like earth oh heaven sucks that's exactly where i wanted to leave but i just thought that concept was like i don't know man just i don't know you want to fucking try it? Why not? All right. Let's say I'm not drinking at all.

It's not going to kill me, right? How powerful could this be? I might get like a tummy ache. I feel like that's something that anyone who's ever drinking Everclear says. You guys ever had Everclear? I've never. Not the band. Maybe. Father, love, bye.

I'm still hearing of your ghost. I'm still drinking. Go and sing another song. That was it. Can't do it. Yeah, you can. Father of mine. He's a radio DJ.

He's going to win. DJ. DJ. Downtown Spokane. All right, let's head over to lap time Okay We gotta get into it Lap time, hit it! Hey little chitrons

Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around boys and girls It's lap time with Uncle Zach Sit on my lap you little shits Alright Zach You hinted towards some Halloween. We're doing Halloweens. I got a bunch of facts for you.

Okay, let's fucking do some Halloween facts. The most important fact, I think, of all is that Halloween is not just Halloween. It is actually National Doorknob Day. What? I want you to think about that. How long is that? Oh. Well, it makes sense.

It correlates with the thing. Yes, it does. So they were smart. Smart people. Yeah, Lowe's. Lowe's has a doorknob special every Halloween. Because they know. They're the only ones that know.

They are the ones that actually made the national holiday. That's funny. So I've got just a lot of random facts. Okay. And we'll see which one's interesting to you guys. All right. The first jack-o'-lantern, the pumpkins, which I love pumpkins. Pumpkins? They were turnips. Did you know that? I did know that. You did? Okay. And we'll see which one's interesting to you guys. All right. The first jack-o'-lantern, the pumpkins, which I love pumpkins. Pumpkins!

They were turnips. Did you know that? I did know that. You did? Okay. And that's shit. Think about how tiny your tools had to be. Yeah.

You had to be precision. We were better. Our parents were better. They were like a scalpel, like a fucking surgeon. Yeah. Only doctors could have turn-o-lanterns? They were the only people that celebrated, like, whatever. Decorating their house.

The only ones that could decorate them. How do you, I mean, how big is a turn-up? They're pretty small. Yeah. And they put candles in them and shit? I think so, yeah, absolutely. What a fucking... They had different beliefs, though.

We're talking about the Irish, the Celtics. I'm glad we've gotten better than that. So, actually, before trick-or-treating, it was called Soling. Soling. Yeah, but the funniest thing I found so far, there's lots of different versions of the three days in the Halloween area. All Souls Day, All Saints Day, Hallows Eve. Hallows Eve. Yeah.

But I think my favorite is that November 1st is called Hallowmas. Okay. Why are we not using Hallowmas? We got Christmas and Hallowmas. What? What? We're going All Saints Day instead of Hallowmas? What would we? called holomis okay why are we not using holomis we got christmas and holomis what what we're going all saints day instead of holomis what would we yeah i was gonna say what the fuck why i mean we usually pick the cool thing not the you know is there anything that comes along with started first christmas or halloween i think uh that's a good question i think it was it's gonna be halloween because it's a lot older it's a pig yeah not called

halloween well isn't christmas originally a pagan thing too though think it's going to be Halloween because it's a lot older. It's a pagan. Yeah, not called Halloween. Well, isn't Christmas originally a pagan thing too, though? Yeah, it's from Saturnalia. So, yeah. But it wasn't about the Lord. Do you know the origin? What do they do in Halloween? Lord Hallows?

What is it? They do a couple things. The souling was poor people would go door to door and they would trade prayers for soul cakes. So that was the first trick-or-treating. that neighborhood like a christ cracker i think so yeah a soul cake it's a pope tart can you imagine oh my god can you imagine if you even today if i open the door and it's just the kids start doing like prayers i I'd shut the door. I'm like, you're not getting a full-size candy bar. That happens? Waste of time.

No, imagine that. Imagine if that's the way it was. Our father, be our God. Our father, take the candy. That'll be off my deck. Off be my fucking porch. More candy for me. More candy for me, you fucking losers.

Yeah, you dweeb. Concerts suck. Fucking costume sucks anyway, dude. Yeah, you fucking losers. Yeah, you dweeb. Concerts suck. Your fucking costume sucks anyway, dude. Yeah, so your concerts. Your costume sucks. Looks like a fucking peasant. How was it watching the Newsboys? How original, another poor kid.

Christ rock group joke for you there. Who is it? Oh, yeah? The Newsboys. Christ side. Christ side. Yeah, they were a rap group called Christ side. I also looked into why black and orange exist in halloween i thought that was interesting and the first

reason is because orange is strength and endurance i didn't know that i did not know that because of leaves probably yes it also represents the also like the the brown and the gold represents the harvest and black represents death death so it's the boundaries between life and death and that is the orange. The harvest. Yeah. Now, Ireland is thought to be the- That'd be a sick-ass name, by the way, for Halloween. What?

Just change it to the harvest. That's creepy. Isn't it? Yeah. You guys going to the harvest? I like that. Yeah, spooky. The harvest ball.

The harvest ball. You guys attending the harvest? The soul harvest. So scary. This is kind of interesting because it's back to more names of these holidays. So Ireland is thought to be the home of Halloween. Okay. And it was influenced by a Roman festival called Pomona.

And they celebrated apples. And so that's why we have apple bobbing and stuff still. But they also celebrated nuts because they didn't have candy. So in the past, before candy, it was called San Apple Night. And my favorite is Nutcrack Night. So Halloween was Nutcrack Night in Ireland for a while. How come we don't have nut bobbing? Well, Christmas has

nut crackers. Is there a correlation there? It must be. I think nuts was just the sweetie treat for before the sweets. Yeah, before people figured it out? Who wants dessert? I do! Just a handful of fucking walnuts. There's some walnuts that taste like shit

in the aftertaste. Who wants dessert? Walking out with a basket of walnuts? I mean, if that's all you knew, that's not what I... You know when you're like, what would you like to do? If you could go back any place in time and see, I know what it wouldn't be.

Going back to where sweets were nuts. That's the time. I'll skip all of that. I'm skipping that. As soon as they invented cheesecake. And the supply chain. That's where I'll go. Skittles in the supply chain.

When was that? I don't know. It's back in the 60s? 1928. Yeah, I guess I'll do it. Whatever. So I also looked into trick-or-treating. I thought this was kind of interesting.

So half of kids want chocolate, 24% want non-candy, 10% want gum, and.005% want those fucking Neko wafers. You monsters. Who would want that? What's a non- food non-candy?

An apple, I guess, or a toy, or a sandwich. Money. A little ham sandwich. You guys ever have a house that handed out money? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, where we live, up on the bluff of the hill, there's just rich people up there. And it's just like full... Oh, yeah. I mean,

like, they just give you like a Christmas present, basically. How funny would it be? It's crazy. That is awesome. You open the door and they give you a little coupon for the buffet yeah they take you in there's a whole spread yeah you got turkey mash from manes or like a country buffet buffet coupon yeah like then like the next day everyone's eating yeah everyone the next night everyone's just fucking oh you you must be with the Johnson party. There is a dude.

They took the coupon. I'll remember this. I didn't really realize how funny it was until I got older, but there was a house growing up that I went into trick-or-treating at, and we caught him off guard. You could tell he didn't want to be there. He was on the fucking phone, and he's doing this number. Yeah. He's doing business shit, And he opens it up.

And it's me and my friends. And he looks at us. He goes, does this look like? We're like, I don't know. And then he walks around with his phone in his ear. And then he grabs a vase. And he sticks his hand in it. And he's just pulling out money.

And he goes, pfft. And he starts throwing money in. And he threw me like, it was like $37 into my bag. And like the second we left, he closed his door and locked it and got in his car. No, he was like leaving.

And we just caught him. Oh, you caught him on the way out. On the way out. He's like, fuck. He's like, God damn it. He was like, he had to spare cash around the house in case he needs it.

Times have changed. $37. All these quarters, dude, just throwing them all in our bag. Have fun at the arcade, nerds. He doesn't know how much to give you. Yeah, he has no idea. One candy bar would have been fine, but he's like, I don't know, $30? I don't know.

What do kids get these days, $30? For one tooth or what? What are we doing? Yeah. Well, I got a couple more things for you guys. Okay. So I want to ask you, what do you think the least healthy candy of all is for the Halloween world? And the most healthy.

You can think about both. Most healthy, apple. Candy, Joe. Candy apple. No, not nuts either. Okay. Least healthy, is it something that's like artificially fruit? Can we get a hint?

It's artificial vegetable. Artificial vegetable? What? Yeah. And it can be an artificial fruit too if you consider a pumpkin is a fruit. So it's a pumpkin? Pumpkin pie? They got pumpkin and they got another vegetable.

I'll let you know. It's the candy corn. Candy corn is the most unhealthy of all. What? That makes sense. It doesn't taste like you should be eating it. It tastes good. For 15 pieces, it's 22 grams of sugar, 110 calories.

Whoa. And it used to be called chicken feed. I don't know why I wanted to tell you that. Because it looks like chicken feed. It does. The most healthy is the special dark. It could be Hershey's or whatever, but the special dark candy bars. Really?

Just the chocolate bar? Just dark chocolate. Yeah. Exactly. That makes sense. A couple more things about trick-or-treating. 72.2% of people hand out candy. This is as of a few years ago, 2010.

The economy's a little different now, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 20% visit a haunted house. 46.3% carve a pumpkin. I thought that was interesting. That seems low.

Yeah. And then only 11.5% of people dress up for halloween hmm i thought that was pretty is this worldwide or countrywide this is us okay and this is about 10 years ago well how many kids are in the united states what percentage of the population is kids probably like 25 30 so half of kids yeah dress up for halloween yeah so there you go and the rest of them just fucking don't like a good time that's right all right last thing i got for you guys it's the the myth of the rest of them just fucking don't like a good time. That's right. All right. Last thing I got for you guys. It's the myth of the fear of drugs and candy. Right?

Yeah. This is such a weird one. But there is actually a couple stories about that that got conflated into things. Okay. So in 1970, a five-year-old did eat heroin that looked like candy. It was not intended to be candy. Right. It was his uncle's. The news took that, and that's part of the myth.

Yeah. Number two, in 1974, there was cyanide in Halloween candy of a kid, but it was his father who put a $20,000 life insurance policy on his kid. Jesus. Fuck that up. I think that's the main story. Happy Halloween. Yeah. And so that was.

How much was it? Only 20? Oh, I guess that was. Yeah, 20 grand. But in 1974. Yeah. So like 60 grand a day or more. And last thing, the average bag of candy has 11,000 calories in it per fucking bag of your

Chitrin's candy. 11,000 calories. 11,000 calories. Of pretty much pure sugar. Of pure cell malfunction and pre-diabetes. Yeah. But good times. That is good times that is good times do you are you guys kids got the sweet tooth yeah i don't have if it's around i'll eat it but i don't i don't buy yeah i love candy but i just don't go buy it did you say our kids or us you oh yeah

fuck candy i love it i can't eat anymore but yeah what what happened got the diabetes yeah you're shrinking yeah i just started people that don't know zach is shrinking i am at an alarming rate i ate the maximum amount of food that tastes good i think in my life kind of like when you drink or do drugs it's like well i should pace myself next time i come back yeah so i did it all too fast 45 gas station burritos a week is a bit excessive yeah Do you guys, do you hang around and hand out candy? Or do you like head in the basement and turn the lights off type of? Hand out candy. Basement.

No one comes, my house is scary throughout the whole year. It's a Baba Yaga house. People avoid the shit out of it. I love your house. And our dog is the Kraken, so they don't want to. That's true. Nobody wants to do that. The Demogorgon.

Yeah. Doggiest little, your like, play bit my head. Yep. It's going to play bite your head today, too, when you come over. Ah, no! All right, well, I think that's pretty much all I have for you. Okay. Harry Houdini died on Halloween 1926.

Sick disappearing act? Yeah, and it was for being punched in the stomach three times. Yeah, he got appendicitis from being punched in the stomach. What a terrible costume idea. Pussy. After all the shit that he did, he died from that. What are you for Halloween? The guy that gets hit in the pancreas three times.

It's a weird... Funny you ask. Specific. Funny you ask. He turns and he just... Pokes his butt. He just beats his liver to death. I'm dead.

He's got to go to the next... He goes to another party. Harry, what are you? I'm a hospital patient. Every time he's He's gotta go to another party Harry what are you? I'm a hospital patient Every time he's gotta do it Explain what it is Yeah Explain what it is

Explain Get it? Yeah I got it You gotta explain it You don't have to explain that joke Explain that one to me buddy Alright Okay let's move on to some good news

Okay Let's fucking hit it So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We aren't doomed. Yeah! What you got? All right.

This kind of ties into what we talked about earlier. I see what you're doing. There was a 104-year-old woman that wanted to go. She was going to set the record for skydiving. Yeah. And she did it. She fucking did it? She fucking did it.

How cool is that that is awesome like what a what an awesome moment yeah and then you know what happened what like a week later i can guess she died yeah damn it yeah i was gonna say she didn't do it again that'd be a weird article she's going the opposite direction she's she was a good lady she's ground jumping instead of skydiving. She's ground jumping to heaven. What if she just went every day, and then so she kept on breaking her own record? Oh, yeah, yeah. So it's like the top 10 list is just her 10 times.

Like when you play an arcade game, you have all the high scores. You play any pinball machine that's near me, it just says JoJo, JoJo, JoJo. Yeah. God, I've thought about getting back into pinball. Yeah. You play any pinball machine that's near me and it just says JoJo, JoJo, JoJo? Yeah. God, I've thought about getting back into pinball. Yeah, you used to send me pictures. Yeah, I know. Were you impressed at all

during any of that? No. Maybe the first time. What? You were, though? Well, I mean, anytime you get on a leaderboard, it's impressive,

but then it's just kind of sad because you're at a bar by yourself playing pinball. Trying to beat my own records? Yeah, that is sad. How did I think about it? Zach, did you know I went through that phase? I didn't know that.

Oh, man. There's a lot of spots around Coeur d'Alene. All the top three are just Joe. Have you been to Vegas and the pinball museum there? No. That might be your Graceland, brother. I lost it i lost the bug it was just a fun three months where everywhere i went i'd find a fucking arcade bar

and and try to set the highest score on whatever machine it was well so joe figured out that that you basically there's a trick to it and you started fucking hip slamming it yeah did you know that it's that you that you're allowed to do that zach i didn't yeah there's a whole little thing there's a mechanism inside of every pinball machine that has a little thing that hangs down, like a weight that goes through a metal ring. So you have that much wiggle room before you set off the tilt. So you can hit the fucking machine around and make the ball bounce where you want it to bounce, if only you hit it like a certain amount.

And you get three of them. So if it's going right down the middle, you can waste one of your tilts and just yank the fucking machine so that your paddle gets over and stops it from going down the middle. I had no idea. Yeah. And you're like, you get three of them. So you have to just figure out when it's like, when you have to hit it so hard to save yourself and all pinball tables do that.

Yeah. And some of them you can, you can adjust the hanging thing up or down. And that depends on like how much play you get, uh get on that particular pinball machine. And you don't feel like that's cheating. It's not. It's part of the game. If you say so. Or else they wouldn't put it in there.

Okay. Yeah. It's like cheat codes in video games. Or else if you barely touched it, it would automatically disqualify you. It's like, no, it's part of it. It's like the thing that hangs in your throat. It's supposed to be there for a reason, you know? The uvula.

Exactly like that. It's a little hangy-dangly thing. Anyway, so she, we are deeply saddened by Dorothy's passing and feel honored to have been part of making her world record skydive a reality. The statement read of the company Skydive Chicago. Yeah. And then where is it? I wanted to read this part. Oh, yeah.

Hoffner's close friend, Joe, told Chicago Tribune that she died peacefully in her sleep. Her death was unexpected, he added. Unexpected. She was 104. Got it. Hoffner's close friend Joe told Chicago Tribune that she died peacefully in her sleep. Her death was unexpected, he added. Unexpected. She was 104. Got it. Whoa. What was the cause? Holy shit.

I love when someone's like 100 years old and they're like, oh, was she dying? Did she die skydiving? Yeah. No, that was a week ago. She was 104. That's so unexpected. Crazy. It's like you just never know.

You know what I mean? Like you're alive one day and then you're 104. Four and you're dead. You never know. I can't imagine. I want to... I know. I've said it so many times.

I'm jumping out of an airplane. Yeah, I want to do it too. You'll do it? Are you in? No, I'm not saying I will. I want to do it really. You know how bad I want to fly and shit? What about the odds between a hot air balloon ride and jumping out of an airplane?

Here's what we'll do. When my kids graduate high school and move on, I will do it. You'll do it? I have to wait that long? Yeah, I just don't want to, like, if something does happen, it's not even about me dying. It's about the kids not having a dad anymore. Don't worry. There'll be a good stepdad somewhere.

Don't worry about it. Oh, I know. But that's the part of the problem is I don't want there to be a stepdad that's better than me. Fair enough. I'm going to take you better you're better than me haunt your fucking life like that's why even if i want to divorce my wife i wouldn't just because i don't want to hear about fucking stepdad you know what i mean like the kids come over to my house for the weekend and they're like oh dude like fucking terry took us brian with an eye yeah terry with an I. Terry with an I took us fucking paintballing whatever the fuck kids are going to be doing.

Pollywalking? I don't know. Fucking driving tractor. Out there pollywalking. I just don't want to have to face that, you know? Yeah, you die, there's going to be a skydiving instructor that's ready for the job. Oh, dude. Step out there and take care of your kids.

Yeah, just long hair and fucking. Ripped? Just, yeah, shredded. One with the earth, so peaceful. Ladies have orgasms. Just something my wife's not used to. Fucking pack your wife's parachute, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Pack her parachute. Fucking pack her parachute. I only smoke patchouli cigarettes. It's just not That's the best thing for the earth For the planet I know what's best for the earth You found something

Zach you wanna fucking play it dude The internet is pretty wild Depending on your browsing habits You can either experience something super cool Or go to prison Crazy right Let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome i'm gonna try this i like this as a pickup line i'm gonna call

cass real quick she's upstairs right now i can hear him walking around okay i'm gonna see if i can pack your parachute one second second. Pack your parachute. I want to see if this works. I hear her moving around. Is she not by her phone? This is going to be total buzzkill. She's probably like, why are you calling me right now? She's thinking buck dial.

Answer! Answer! Well, I guess I'm not packing her parachute oh my god i just need to call back it's gonna be at a bad time okay what'd you find okay this is what i found first of all i was just looking for crazy stuff and i found this website crazy productsproductswithaz.com. That's not even, like, scatcast with a K. That's not even, that was, I was thinking, oh, this could be the thing. But then I saw this product, and I was like, let's talk about this first.

Let's fucking do it. I just realized I can't see your computer, sorry. I'm plugged in, bro. Fucking plugged in. Oh, HDMI wasn't all the way in. There you go. All right, here we go. Rock and roll.

Let's rock and roll. So, I was like, I'm going to do a specific product. This is a... That is so cool. It's a Game Boy iPhone case. Fuck yeah. And it charges with, you know, you just fucking charge it like you normally do, plug it into a wall. And it's on the other side of the phone case. So you have your phone.

You look. And then you flip it around. And it's a little mini Game Boy. And it's got tons of Excitebikes on here. I see Excitebike on there. You're fucking kidding me. There's a list of all the games that are on here. Would it sell without Excitebike?

Come on. No. Right. Because the other games look shit. They do. I saw a game that had like a panda that was trying to eat bamboo 1942s on there that's a classic that is one of the best contra speaking of that like we got to start playing on the we the in our studio the table we use isn't a

retro arcade table it's an actual functioning table yeah so that'd be fun it's got pac-man it's got mario i'm looking at the gal. Tetris, Super Contra, Bomberman. That's a good one. So, I mean, some of our arcanoids on there. King, Donkey Kong, King Kong. Looks like, yeah, some sort of shootout. Galactica. Maybe that is.

Do you remember arcanoid, dude? I used to play in college. Oh, my God. We got an emulator and my buddy and I would just get hammered and play Arkanoid for hours. I love when you look at these games. One of the games on part of the list is Chinese chess. Riveting. You're like, I'm so bored.

I'm going to flip my phone over and play Ark fucking Chinese chess. No one's playing that. Just take it out. How about it has 10 games on it and all 10 are fucking sweet? Why 36 games? Because one of them is- Why not just take it out how about it has 10 games on it and all 10 are fucking sweet why 36 games because one of them is stop it because the other one that's on there one of the other ones is five chess so you get two chess games that's really cool you have a game called balloon fight i'm sure that's just the excitement is insane nuts milk are you talking shit about chess is that

what's happening right now i'm just saying if you have a little arcade game on the back of your phone, you don't need five chess and Chinese chess. I think you might. Well, Chinese chess is different because it's from Chinese. No, it's way different. It is way different. Oh, yeah, because it's a different type of chess. Yeah. When's the last time you played Chinese chess?

I hear you played Mexican chess. Yeah. Yeah. Mexican standoff. Polish chess. I love how every card game has a polish version of it it's the same game but vertical just like a weirder setup you're like all right um oh soccer that's a good one this is so cool i think i might i might get one

it's only 20 bucks it has to be sweet right we should probably just fucking do it i mean the thing is you could probably get the same thing as an app on your phone yeah and then you wouldn't need to but But not nearly as fun as the flip over. The controls, yeah. It's feeling like you're holding a Game Boy. Tactile, as they say. But this is in color. The Game Boy that I had wasn't color.

Yep. My friends got one. Game Gear. My buddy got a Game Gear and I was so jelly. I know. I'm just PlayStation Vista. That shit was awesome. Yeah, those were good.

Those were good. All right, let's move on and hear from some of our children. It's weird that we call it a colored TV. Isn't that a little racist? Sure, I'm sure that's what it is. It has nothing to do with just colors in general. It has to do with race. Yeah.

All right, let's hear from some of the kids. Okay. Roll it! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. I'll take the first one.

Does that sound good to you? That sounds like a question. Yeah, that sounds good. I'll take the first one. Let me. Our first email coming in from our son, Rob. Fucking Rob, dude. Yep.

It says, you can call me Doug. Don't put Rob. And yes, Joe saved my penis. Yes. Alright. I remember an episode where he talked about a drug he was on could make his dick explode. It was a drug I almost was on. Just a little correction here.

Because of the whole dick explode thing. On account of the dick exploding thing. I was like, well, my dick's already big enough. I don't need it to fucking. The next episode, Joe remembered the name of the drug dick exploding. On account of the dick exploding thing. I was like, I don't know. My dick's already big enough. I don't need it to fucking. The next episode, Joe remembered the name of the drug, and it was Trazodone. I, too, was on Trazodone. So I looked it up and realized how serious. What?

Priapism. Priapism is. I don't even know if that's what your dick blowing up thing is. I've heard of Priapism, but I didn't know what it was. I've heard of it, but I don't know either. Yeah, I'm guessing it has to do something with a dick It can't be good either Priapism is prolonged erection of the penis

The full or partial erection continues hours beyond Or isn't caused by sexual stimulation I guess I haven't Ischemic and non-ischemic I wake up with priapism every day I start my day with Folgers and priapism The best part of waking up is priapism. Interaction you didn't want.

Priapism. The fresh maker or whatever is combining two different things in all these different commercials. Priapism. The dick hardener. Well, fast forward to a day ago. Where's Hardener. Well, fast forward to a day ago. Where's the Dick Hardener? Fast forward to a day ago, I woke up with an erection. No big deal, you say.

Well, it didn't go away after an hour and started to hurt a little. I remember that trazodone could cause this, and the fact it could disable my cock permanently. I'm quite fond of my cock, so I went to the ER. A lot of people saw my cock, including a bunch of nursing students. I got some morphine in my arm and a couple shots of what may have been medical meth in my dong. I'll spare you all the details, but turns out time is of the essence, so I repeat, Joe saved my cock. Way to go, Joe. Thank you.

Saving cocks around the world. Yeah. First member of the club. Member.. Saving talks around the world. Yeah. First member of the club. Member. Welcome. Get your member's jacket. Members only. It's pink.

There's got to be a joke about members and jacket. Yeah. Get it? Well, take off your member and jacket. Jacket. All members jacket. Yeah, all members jacket together. There you go.

Down to that. Available now at canyoudon't.com. Available now. Spokane, Washington. Alright, second email coming from our daughter, Yehika. Hey fuckers, listen here bitch, don't ever fucking... I swear to God.

I swear to God, I said the next time. Wow. First of all, I want to say, you need to stop making me laugh. Put loud. Put loud. Out loud while I am working because it makes me look crazy. I'm sure that's what makes you look crazy, Jessica.

Nothing else, babe. You got it. Anyways, just wanted to continue with the movie and I would watch it. Oh, yeah. With the movie, I would watch it again for the first time and it's going to be Inception. I actually saw that movie twice in the theater and I love it so much. It was a good one. It was. It was fantastic. I have another question for you guys to ponder. What's the best sports movie

of all time? I can almost guarantee that everyone will have a different answer. Also, I obsessively watched Land of Confusion music video as a child because I loved it so much and I don't know what that says about me. To make an email even longer, keep an amazing podcast. Never change.

Love you guys. Yes, Zach. It means she loves spooky shit. Spooky shit. The sports thing. That's tough. No, it's not. Don't say it out loud.

Easy. We got to make sure. Easy for you, Zach? Easy. Wait, are we waiting on this? I was just making sure we all had a chance to think. Favorite sports movie of all time. Really easy, easy?

Fucking A. I want to try and guess yours. Can you give me the sport? Baseball. Okay, Sandlot. Ooh, good one, though. No, not it, huh? Nope.

League of Their Own? No. Ooh, also good. Rookie of the Year? Nope. Rookie of the Year? That was all right. Angels and the Outfair?

It's obviously a major league. It is. Thank you, Brian. Jesus, fuck. Yeah? Nope. Rookie of the Year. Angels and the Outfair? It's obviously Major League. It is. Thank you, Brian. Jesus, fuck. Because that's probably mine, too. You guys both like fucking Wild Thing? It had baseball stats in it. It's just so good.

They're like, he has 42 home runs. It's like, that sounds realistic. I like this. Baseball stats. They did a really good job of baseball plus being funny. It's usually, they don't, movies don't usually do, it's like, it a really good love story but the but the baseball or the football is just terrible in it like it's just so unrealistic um what's that kevin not feel the dreams but the kevin costner movie where he's for the love of the game yes the baseball in that is fucking awesome i like bull durham is great too

yeah moneyball but league of their own league of their own it's is that league of their own oh god it's so good i think it's that's one of my favorite movies of all time it's also now that i watch it as i mean even when i was younger but when i watch it now as an adult when they in when they're old and they're playing and madonna's playing used to be my playground i mean it's like that you talk about emotional because it brings back nostalgia and like knowing. I don't know. It's just it's a special, special movie. And it's Tom Hanks is fucking fantastic in it.

You know, avoid the clap. Jimmy Dugan. Remember the good advice? The what? The program. Oh, yeah, that was fucked. That was pretty good, too. Yeah.

What was the one that started off with the scene where the guy was returning the ball and he just shot everybody that was the way the last boy scout yeah that's what i was thinking oh jesus he starts fucking shooting the guys yeah that's what it was i could never remember what that which if i thought that was the program for some reason yeah it came out around the same time i think uh do you guys rudy rudy's good yeah dodgeball remember the titans yeah friday night lights Yeah Friday Night Lights I never saw that Yeah Never saw that Varsity Blues

That's That's alright The Blind Side Soundtrack was good Varsity Blues soundtrack was good Tin Cup Tin Cup's fantastic He Got Game

I mean Come on With Denzel in there Creed All the Creeds Blue Chips Oh yeah I guess Rocky

Stuff like that Is considered Blue Chips Blue Ch chips was rad yeah i'm gonna go with i'm gonna go with just the comedy because it was just so funny at the time i'm gonna go with happy gilmore nice i think that's gonna be my my favorite sports movie just cause i mean there's so many good ones too like the talladega knights was good um like ones that's like they shaped comedy like people still do, like, Thank You, Baby Jesus, like, lines and stuff from Talladega Nights.

Like, I don't know what to do with my hands. Like, those things. Like, Happy Gilmore. Like, Price is Wrong. Like, they get stick- Waterboy. Yeah, I ate a piece of shit like you for breakfast. You ate pieces of shit for breakfast?

Yeah, like, those things, like, just carry on forever. I'm going to go with Happy Gilmore. Tap, tap, taparoo? Tap, taparoo. You too good for your home? Yeah, I mean, what's considered a sports movie? Big Lebowski, is that considered? It's a bowling.

Yeah, it's a bowling movie. Because Kingpin's really great. Yeah. But when I think of sports movies, I think about it being revolved completely around... So Happy Gilmore plays. Yeah. Yeah, that's totally sports. That's totally that's totally

yeah it's weird like it's we could we could dive into this whole fucking thing but when i think about sports movie for some reason happy gilmore doesn't strike me as a sports movie well good luck trying to say it's not no i'm not i know i'm not I'm just comparing it to other movies that I think of, like sports movies. Like Moneyball is like a newer sports movie. Yeah. I love that movie. 42 is really good. They're not comedies, but they're good films. There's a cool movie called 61 about Roger Maris, too.

I saw that. That's good, too. All right. So you guys are going with, what did you say? Major League. Major League is just one and two. They're just so good. Yeah, they are good.

Some of the best. Oh, have you guys ever seen have you guys ever seen Kicking and Screaming with Will Ferrell? That is fucking hilarious. It's so good.

Have you ever seen it? It's super underrated. No, I've never seen it. He plays he's a youth soccer coach. Yeah, his dad's a coach and then he takes on his own team

and gets fucking what's his name, Bears coach. Mike did get involved. And there's so many little one-liners from Will Ferrell. It's so funny. His dad was like a renowned soccer coach. And then he tries to coach, but he's coaching his shitty son's soccer team. And his dad's just judging him the whole time. We'll move on. There's a scene of him and he's like he's becomes obsessed with coffee and it's funny for me because

i did the same thing once i started drinking coffee i was like holy shit this is what coffee does and so he's like he's in the back of a line of the coffee shop and he's just like hey come on move it move it he's like wanting to get his coffee and go he's getting real anxious and then some lady turns around she's like hey take it easy back there he's like wanting to get his coffee and go. He's getting real anxious. And then some lady turns around. She's like, hey, take it easy back there. He's like, you ease up on that corduroy jacket. I don't know why. Every time you hear that, it makes me crack up.

Ease up on that corduroy jacket. Anyway. I guess you can hear Will saying it. Yeah. The delivery. It's just a great line. Ease up on that fucking corduroy jacket. Yeah.

Anyway. I like a movie that does well with the sport and tells a good story and stuff. Major League does that for me. Most of the baseball movies would be like the pitcher through 19 consecutive strikeouts in all straight three strike counts. And you're like,

oh, that's baseball, isn't it? Field of Dreams is good, too. Field of Dreams, good too. Yep. Field of Dreams, Angel in the Outfield. Yeah, they're on the same level. Nope.

Yeah, they are. It's like saying Rookie of the Year's not there. That's there. No, that's not what we're saying. Rookie of the Year's fucking fantastic.

Funky butt loving? Yeah. Did you say funky butt loving? All right, let's wrap up episode 70. All right. All right. Sign up, be part of the gaggle. All right. All right. Sign up.

Be part of the gaggle. You'll find a link to our Patreon. Thank you to everybody that does that. That's how you get the bonus content on the end of every episode. We'll keep going when this one's over. What about bend it like Beckham? I'm sure it was great. Sorry.

Sorry, I skipped that one. It must have been straight. What about Air Bud? Bad News Bears. Bad News Bears. Air Bud, though. Longest yard. Yeah.

Come on. That's about my dick. No. All right. It's mine. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Air Bud though Longest yard Yeah Come on That's about my dick No Alright It's mine Patreon.com Slash Can You Don't Podcast Be sure to follow us

On Instagram and Facebook At Can You Don't Podcast Got the YouTube channel Scatcast Blah blah blah Everything with scatty Casty Go to

Scatcast.com Hoosiers That was a good one Oh fuck That's on the list That's Scatcast with a K Go check it out Everything that Uncle Zach

Does Teen Wolf Incredible Twilight Oh Miracle on 34 Or Miracle on Ice That was a good one. Oh, fuck. That's on the list. That's Scatcast with a K. Go check it out. Everything that Uncle Zach does. Teen Wolf. Incredible. Twilight. Oh, Miracle on Ice. What was the Miracle on Ice one? The hockey one. Yeah, but what was it?

Russia. Was it called Miracle? What was it called? Miracle. Yeah, okay. Okay, you ready to wrap it up? What about the movie that was filmed here in Spokane? The wrestling movie.

It was a wrestling movie? Vision Quest? Yeah, Vision Quest. Yeah. Sorry. That's probably pretty good. Yeah, it was filmed here in Spokane? The wrestling movie. It's a wrestling movie? Vision Quest? Yeah, Vision Quest. Yeah. Sorry. That's probably pretty good. Yeah, it was filmed here in Spokane. Missed it.

I think it was like North Central High School or something. Whatever. Yep. Okay, let's hear what you got for the end of the show. You ready? Yeah. All right. Zach.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? All right, Joe What? Alright, Zach Got a question for you What is it? What was Cinderella

Or why was Cinderella God damn it What's Cinderella's gender? Oh What is she? Oh no, I just got here Alright Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

Why? Why? She kept running away from the ball My brain went to glass slipper maybe something with a glass slipper but she didn't like the ball well she had to get in the pumpkin and get home yeah she didn't want to have her transportation turn into a pumpkin or whatever she's cleaning their taxi The pumpkin taxi was closing at midnight. She didn't want to get pushed into the wall by her dad.

She didn't have a dad, did she? She didn't want to get hit in the nightstand by her dad. Well, we haven't talked about that in a while. Throwing it back, maybe. You're throwing Ezra into the nightstand? I don't know if Zach's heard that story. I'll tell him. I'll tell him later.

Cinderella did have a dad. She married the The stepmother Oh yeah That's right What a good guy He was busy doing business though So he didn't pay attention He's doing business though

Business ROI bitch Okay Episode 70 That's it Thanks kids We love you guys We'll see you next week

For all of the Geese We'll keep honking Bye Bye!