Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Wedding Dress. Signature. Crop Top. Semen Necklace.

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

The real question here is can you return a wedding dress you accidentally buried your grandma in? Let's talk about that, sending your semen to a stranger to have it made into a necklace, how hard it would be to beat up a 100 pound bee, mistakenly getting a penis or two in your mouth, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/ZijY9Yifx3USend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs :)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wedding dress, signature, crop top, semen necklace. Episode 33. It's officially a baker's dozen. That's right, we added one egg to the carton God damn it, Eggland God, I was holding on to that The Eggman, cuckoo choo When I saw a commercial for eggs, I was like, okay, who the fuck makes these things? And it was a company called Eggland

So, there you go, that answers all the questions The reason I haven't been able to sleep since last episode was because I just didn't know what company was putting eggs in cartons. And now I know. And I'm happy about it. Unless I fucked it up. Where are they out of? No idea.

You didn't look it up? Out of chickens, once again. No, yeah, somewhere. I didn't care that much. A commercial came on. I was like, fucking eggs. Egg land it is. See, that's my problem, is I would lay in bed and I'd be like, my phone would be

over there, I'd be like, ah, fine! I have to know. I have to look at where the headquarters was. I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. Thank you to everybody who is supporting us on Patreon. It is awesome. Hong Kong, motherfucker! If you head over to Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast

you can sign up to be a silly goose, super silly goose, or a super duper silly goose goose you also find a link in the episode description um that's a great way it goes a long way in supporting us keep sending in the content we'll talk about a lot of it on today's show uh hey guys at can you don't podcast and then i'd like to address that i completely underestimated how many people cook potatoes in microwaves on a regular basis they were pissed dude i'm sorry i'm so sorry uh yeah i guess i'm not a potato i'm not a potato cooker i've listened i love potatoes as much as the next fella i love potatoes i just i'm not cooking them in a microwave uh but people that cook a lot have told me that's a really easy way to do it and my brain went okay but is there more things that you cook the argument wasn't whether or not you can cook

a potato in a microwave it was whether or not it needed its own dedicated potato button is there something else that could have replaced the egg that's what on the button that's what i think like hot pocket hot pocket pizza like something like that i guess that's a reheat that's valid yeah yeah i mean you know what else i learned what through an email damn it i should have just looked it up i almost brought it into the show but i read it and i was like no way so i was making popcorn last night for watching a movie with pepper in the microwave in the microwave and my microwave has a popcorn button which i've just been pushing and cooking my popcorn that way. I looked on the popcorn bag and it said, don't use the popcorn button. And the reason is, so if you have a cheap ass microwave, it doesn't have a sensor to

tell you anything. It just cooks it for a certain amount of time. It's not actually sensing shit. But if you have a nicer microwave that can actually sense that it's cooking popcorn, the popcorn button does something. But if it's not a nice one, it doesn't shit and just go with the the time off of the bag you have to find a sweet spot i remember even as a kid like if you push that button every microwave is different so sometimes it burns sometimes it doesn't pop enough and then so you go to pour it in there and a bunch

of seeds or corns fall out so it's like it's trial and error you got to find the popcorn that's good that works, and the microwave, and then you stick with that format for the rest of your fucking life. You write it on like the side of the microwave the exact time.

It's 2.23. Uh-huh. I do the ears. I just listen. And as soon as it's not a constant pop, I just get it out of there. Get it out.

Get it out of there. Okay. Well, I do the smell. If I start smelling smoke, I know it's too late. Too late.. Get it out of there. Okay. Well, I need to smell. If I start smelling smoke, I know it's too late. Too late. Like the toaster that we talked about. Yeah, exactly.

That's how you know you've toasted it too much. Yeah. I guess while we're talking about it, also sorry about blenders. I think the point I was trying to make was that it has too many options on a blender. There's too many speed variables. I get that if you're trying to do something slow like fruit and not have it just rocket a banana across your kitchen i get it you don't want to just go in full blast and you want a slower blend but that's kind of like where it stops but have a slow and a fast yeah great not a

just have a or right those are the two options yeah you either want to blend something or you want to sort of blend something so i will i will bend a little bit on my view on the blender button situation because i was not clear i guess said it just needs fast but that's not true um and i kind of knew it was not true saying it but it was still fun to be that mad about blenders you know i just got thinking i've never made a potato ever like a baked potato in the in the oven how about camping cooking one like in the tinfoil no well so here's the thing oh if i've if i've ever done it's because my wife said hey can you put the potato in the microwave or in the thing or whatever or will you hit it with the fork whatever but

i've never myself been making myself a meal and said i'm gonna have a baked potato i usually i get the easy the mashed potatoes the idaho yeah and that shit's good it's so good surprisingly amazing and it takes it's like a couple minutes i don't want to wait for a fucking baked potato and poke it and all that shit a lot of work for one of those little mud bugs i was trying to think of a cool potato nickname but i came up with mud bug yeah i've only ever eaten them if somebody else has made them so clearly on there not too huge baked potato fans over here i'll eat it but i'm not gonna choose it but listen i was fucking i was so wrong sorry kids yeah the number of emails that came in it i was just uh shocking i didn't know i did not I'm going to read it, but I'm not going to choose it. But listen, I was fucking, I was so wrong. Sorry, kids.

Yeah, the number of emails that came in, I was just, I didn't know. I did not fucking know, but now I know. Bunch of personal trainers out there. Right. All right, should we move on? Yeah. All right, let's do it. Hey, shut up.

It's not the show already. And, okay, before we move on to our question that came in from our son, Justin, I do want to say I believe baked potatoes is one of those, or it's just potatoes is, are, baked potato are one of those meals. This is, fuck, what the fuck? This sucks. This sentence sucks. Baked potatoes are one of those meals that I don't, I forget how good it is until I have a good baked potato. Yeah. Like a loaded baked potato with all the fixings.

Yeah. Putting them in there, squishing them up. Basically turning them into mashed potatoes. That's a whole meal, though. Yeah. Well, yeah. See, that's the thing. That's the problem.

Let's make mashed potatoes. That's where I'm going with this thing. But I do forget very often how actually amazing. I just hate cooking. So that's my thing. All right. Justin has a brain buster for us. Okay.

And this is very relative because actually outside the back door, I'm not sure if you saw the giant wasp nest that has formed that will not leave and is terrorizing the children. Why don't you do something about it? We've sprayed it. We've taped it up. They've broken through the fucking gaffing tape. They don't give a shit. If you guys had to fight 100 pounds of bee, how would you split it up?

And then he goes on to say, for example, you can fight 10, 10 pound bees, 101 pound bees, or one, 100 pound bee. It doesn't matter the amount as long as the total weighs out to 100 pounds. Oh my God. It's a final. It's like Bowser. Could you imagine fighting a 100-pound bee? Dude.

Because he can fly. I know. Like, what's a... I'm trying to think of an animal that's close to 100 pounds. What would that be? A big dog. A really big dog. Like a Great Dane is 100 pounds?

They can fly really fast. And has a stinger. That's okay. Right. Okay. What animal? What pet? Actually, I'll go back to animal. So, picture this. dane is a hundred pounds really fast and has a stinger that's okay right okay what animal what pet actually i'll go back to animal so picture this let's say you've got a giant dog with a big tail that tail is probably the size of the stinger of the bee so that thing could pierce that's it's gonna go steve irwin on your ass it's gonna pierce it's it's not a sting it's a stab uh gray wolves mountain lions bears that's not small bear oh yeah weighing in around 100 pounds let's go black bear a fucking black bear yeah and a sun

bear which are then fur seals we got a whole list of things a seal's a pretty good visual just paint it like a bee and then put his finger on it and wings it's kind of what we're fighting here uh yeah a 100 pound bee it also says dolphins are about 100 pounds you'll like that oh yeah love that you love fucking dolphins yeah i actually love fucking dolphins not fucking dolphins i got you um 100 pound bee i don't know i just i feel like i think i feel like the 100 pound bees got to be off the table just because it's not going to sting you. It's going to pierce. It's going to stab your heart, and you're going to die. And it says fight.

It says fight. Do you get a weapon? Or no? It's you are just punching a bee. You've got a sword, and it's got a stinger. Ding, ding, ding. If I got a sword, just give me fucking 101-pound bees. You guys are gone.

Actually, that's pretty... Dude. I don't know. I feel like you don't get a weapon no weapon i feel like you know weapon trying to punch a 100 pound bee but i think yeah like you said a one 100 pound bee is actually less scary than a hundred like fucking baked potatoes that can fly i didn't say that no item i'm saying i like that more the idea of that but i'm saying picture 101 pound bees yeah that's bad too that's a they're all baked potatoes like that's the perfect size so you're fighting 100 baked potatoes yeah they're flying at you throwing the microwave i don't know that's too many it's too many bees i just it's it's because they're so fat like a bee the way that they move like it's just that side to side movement, a strafe

movement that they can do and up and down. If it was a slow moving thing, it's one thing, but they're fast and big. Mm-hmm. Oof. And then how many bees fit into 100 pounds if they're normal weight? If you want to just fight like a bee as is, how many of those fit into 100 pounds? That's a good question. Probably enough to kill Macaulay Culkin.

Okay. I remember. I get the reference. I'm old enough for that one. I'm betting that that's way less than 100 pounds to take him out. But wasn't he allergic? Oh, yeah. He sure as shit was.

He found that out the hard way. Are you allergic? No. Well well everyone's allergic in some capacity well yeah yes right because of the sting but i mean that's killed it'll kill you yeah um yeah because that's the thing like oh god how many honey bees in a pound i just love that the internet already has our back someone's figured that ratio out there's approximately 3 500 bees in one pound so okay so 30 000 is that did i do the math right or 300 000 a ton yeah um that's way too many way too many bees and of course 30 000 bees and it's way more

than you're gonna have time to fight if they all aggressively want to kill you, you are dead. Imagine 30,000 bees in a big lump, like they're all swarmed together. God, come here. I want to. You want to. Put them up. Put them up. Put up your dukes. Put up your dukes, bee.

Come here, see. You're dead either way, man. I think you're fucked any way that you slice this. You're fucked. The bigger the bee, I think the bigger your weapon gets to be. Yeah, if you're fighting the bogey, you get a sword or a gun. Yeah, I do. But if that bee went as fast as it did as a little bee,

even a gun's going to be hard to shoot that thing. Oh, absolutely. Because it's going to be zipping around. You'd shoot into a ball of bees and, I don't know, maybe kill a hunter. There's still a fucking ton. They're coming for you. But one 100-pound bee and you have a gun, there's a chance. That's what I was referring to.

I'm saying that's still tough because they're still moving quick. And how is the fight set up? Is it a fight club type situation? It's in a ring. There's a referee. Or you make this decision. You're like, okay, I'm going with 10 10-pound bees. And the world's like, cool, got gotcha and you just go about your life are they sure are they are they together or just over the course of time right do you have to fight 10 10 you're walking

to work and one day one just shows up you fight him dude and then on your way home that that buzz from down the street. It just gets slightly louder. And how loud it would be? A 100 pound beast buzz? You could hear it from the other county. Like it would be a whole. It wouldn't be a sneak attack. The bassy just. You know what it would sound like?

It would sound like a weed eater. When you weeded the, the, the, the, the, a weed eater when you did the the the whatever the sound of whatever the fuck sound of weed eater makes i don't know man i think it's louder than shit yeah like an airplane super loud airplane engine it sounded like a b-52 bomber coming in 52 see it's a play on bees um that's so scary b52 song love shack okay you're trying to sleep you're like oh no you peek through the blinds it's just a fucking 10 pound bee okay okay let's let's play this out let's it's you have to fight it so do you have to fight it

to the death i just gotta die yeah die yeah not until cause I was gonna say every once in a while you just fight this thing and then you it's like when two guys fight and then you're like and you go your separate ways and you're like

alright we got that out of our system like yeah or like it doesn't say physically fight what if it's just like a verbal fight

verbal emotional hey fuck you buddy yeah buzz off buzz off bastard and that counts ding ding ding 100 pounds um yeah i'm gonna go with you have to fight it to the death and i guess i don't know there's no weapon mentioned

i guess you don't get a fucking weapon 200 half pound bees that's kind of fun i think i'm gonna go with the as much as i don't want to say this i think i'm gonna go with the one 100 pound b just because it's one thing you can focus on do you get to train for it no i just it's just coming yeah oh man that's so scary yeah that's a good horror movie just coming down the street you hear it so you're sitting in your living room watching tv kids kids get down get down it's like up in the window looking looking through the window it's like rattling the windows the buzz it's like it's tapping its stinger on the window it just break through your fucking window if you wanted to well he's just he's teasing you like the raptors do kind of like i mean could he sound like this good we don't know

we have to wait for the science to come in yeah the one 100 pound bee and you're just gonna go for it because imagine they're not built like like uh like mountain lions and shit i remember that like i don't know where this where's the kidney on a big 100 pound-pound bee? What are my hot spots? Where do I want to punch this motherfucker? Well, I think what you want to do is you want to, as long as you can control the stinger, you stay out of the way of its stinger. What you going to want to do here, buddy? You want to get right behind it, rave them all the time.

Yeah. And what you want to do, first step in fighting a 100-pound bee, is you want to make sure you get that stinger out of the way. Oh, I love that. Like this guy, he's like a fight trainer, but it's for each different animal what you're gonna do here if you ever run into situations a hundred pound bee is what you're gonna have to do don't get behind get that stinger under control get stinger girl once you grab that son of a bitch you got his wing if you miss you're fucked you're dead you're dead you get one shot and that's all he

got and he he won and no one believes him but if he kills you he's gonna die. And that's all he got. And he won. And no one believes him. But if he kills you, he's going to die too. Because that's what happens when bees can live. Honeybees can keep going. Yeah, I guess that's what type of bee are you. Okay, let's fight a big ass bee. I'm going to go with the one just because I can focus on that. It's like any other animal. Like if you had, okay, let's, let's, just for, just for, you have a grizzly bear.

All right. One grizzly bear or 10,000 bee-sized grizzly bears. I don't know. But they're all as vicious as a grizzly bear, but there's 10,000 of them. You think a normal bee or a horsefly bites things. Yeah. Or hurts. Imagine a fucking mini grizzly.

Just digging in. Ow! God damn it. 10,000 of them. Ah! It's a lot. Well, even 30,000. 30,000.

30,000 miniature bee-sized grizzly bears. Let's fuck that. Yeah, I guess one big one. Okay, 250s. I feel like I want to to move on i get it okay free party we played out every fucking scenario we can but i feel like i'm missing something there's got to be something and maybe i can handle two 50 pound bees think about that 250s that's still a medium size you know good size dog yeah but it's not a hundred pound dog like i can i can

get wrapped around it i can wrestle it i feel like a 50 pounder i got that remember they can fly yeah they can and you're so would you if you fucking grabbed onto it tight enough yeah you'd go for a little ride yeah you would but you're like i don't know you get one and the other one sneaks behind you it's not sneaking any you know exactly where that motherfucker is oh imagine in stereo they come from the sides dude just just end it i don't know i'm going one i'm going one 100 pounder one of our kids is gonna have a a better answer than us and i'm looking forward to hearing that uh again the email to send that in is hey guys at can you don't podcast.com.com you nailed it.gov all right let's move on dot gov alright hey

hey what's up babe what are you thinking about ah you know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about

so I'm coming in to the what are you thinking about this week what are you thinking about with something that has I've been thinking about it

for a long time millennia not quite but at least the last five years let's go with that um maybe longer it doesn't matter so technology moves on at a pace that we can't really keep up with um and you can't implement every single change based on just new technology because it takes time right it's like we invent one flying car it's like the whole world the next day it's going to be nothing but one flying car it's like the whole world the next day it's going to be nothing but flying cars that guy's still going to drive the fucking little blue

dots and pick up yeah with the bumper dragon on the freeway different reasons they're too expensive uh they don't have the right flying roads infrastructure has to be put in place all that kind of stuff so i get that however 88 miles an hour yeah so i get that but however we are we are so far past that stage with this particular piece of of technology and it drives me crazy and i had to just recently do this i was picking up prescription for my sad pills and at rite aid sorry i also go to rite aid for my sad pills it's a good place for sad sad pills, dude. Or happy pills, depending on, I just find sad pills a funnier thing to say. Oh, I just got some sad pills. Were you instructed how to use these?

Of course I know how to use these. I've been sad for so long. So at Rite Aid, they have like the fucking signature thing. The digital signature thing. Oh, the little box? Right. they have like the the fucking signature thing the digital signature box right and like i get that in this case you're saying i'm declining that the pharmacist said anything to me and then you sign it um i'm here wait can i jump in really quick just really quick absolutely i don't i never i never know how to answer that question because if they don't say anything and then you still have

to do it are you saying they didn't instruct me then are they going to get in trouble if they don't say anything and then you still have to do it are you saying they didn't instruct me then are they going to get in trouble if they didn't instruct me if they find you dead yeah they're like i don't know the repercussions but it might still play in to exactly why i'm bringing this up today or if i die then i said no they didn't i did i i didn't want to review the footage and see if they actually like sat down and told you how to take your sad well no he rejected it so it's not on you. Okay. Anyway, I don't know. I don't know how that plays out.

But at the bottom, when you sign it, it doesn't fucking matter what you write there. It doesn't matter at Rite Aid. It doesn't matter at whatever grocery store you go to. For us here in the Northwest, that'd be like a Safeway or an Albertsons. And if you're not from here, like what the fuck are those?

They're grocery stores. Super One. Yeah. So all of these things. And if if you if it asks for a signature and it has been getting better in the sense that it doesn't always ask you for your signature but if you use a credit card or whatever it is it's like hey just go ahead and jot this down here real quick i'm here to tell you i have i have drawn boobs uh i've drawn penises i've written my name as donald duck multiple peni yeah i've i've i've scribbled on it

put like a fucking smiley face and an arrow it does not matter whatever i write there it's still the payment still goes through so my question is it's very simple what the fuck are we doing like why get that out of here that doesn't even belong as an option why are you having me if it doesn't matter at all why am i signing this fucking thing just acknowledgement i guess i don't it doesn't i could be i could be anybody in the world it's like oh well no we're just making sure it's you no you're not look at this signature i wrote it's brad pitt yeah like it and you were like cool here's 400 bucks like it doesn't it doesn't matter it doesn't no one cares my name is lumpy penis okay sounds good enjoy your day enjoy your sad you need a house out of

the car mr lumpy penis no i got this on my own um so you're oh boy but then that's true but then and and my brain goes deeper uh like why do you credit cards exist even anymore like debit cards and that one's a little more it goes back to me being forgiven or forgiving in the sense that you can't just immediately intimate uh implement a new technology just because it's available so because we have ipay and whatever samsung uses uh we can just scan your phone or scan your watch and that gets you what you want and you can walk away it has been around for a long time now and almost every, if Idaho grocery stores and stuff have the option now, like it's been out for long enough. It's weird.

I still have to ask places. They're like, oh yeah, we do them. Okay. Just making sure. Because so many people still don't know that exists. It's shocking. Idaho's behind on technology and human rights and education. Education.

So as soon as Idaho catches up, that's when you know like it's okay time for the whole country to make the jump um i love that that's the idaho has apple pay everyone so here we go we're moving time to move forward we can't forget our stupid brother our young brother who doesn't know how to fucking do anything so that's weird that we even have those anymore it's just things to get lost and yeah there's like an entire entire department's dedicated to losing cards imagine the why imagine the the amount of money companies could save yeah if you didn't have to pay for 30 people to sit in an office to take your call to replace your card like okay what'd they buy okay okay all right we'll ship a new one out

i mean what is it why why does it still exist so much money salaries benefits they must have like a buy whatever plastic makes up these cards the bank of america must have a stake in it it's the only way this even exists yep they have they're they're keeping the plastic they they have to keep the plastic moving because they're invested in it where as soon as we move past this they they lose half their company well they could have made it up if they would have just you know got rid of the people that i have to call to oh god dude i i don't want to get into this but i no well no but i i'm trying to buy stuff and my bank has a limit like a spending limit yeah and i'm down at the apple store i need to get this computer i'm trying to edit a video i'm trying to buy stuff and my bank has a limit, like a spending limit. Yeah. And I'm down at the Apple store.

I need to get this computer. I'm trying to edit a video. I'm trying to get back. And I go down there, declined because of the spending limit. So I'm sitting down there in the Apple store with a guy waiting with me and I'm on the phone. Press one. Yeah, I'm trying to get through this first so I can raise my daily limit so I can buy this thing. It took like an hour.

I'm sitting at this fucking table. There's a lot of better ways to be doing this shit yeah um and oh think about this okay you want to go let's go back to the signature thing please do bring us back like e-signatures things like that they're like when i do a docusign or something they'll they'll send me this form it's got my social security number it's got all this personal information. Sweet. It's all here. And then like sign it. And then you choose a signature. Right.

A cursive signature. You just pick some squiggly thing that represents you now. There's like four or five handwriting styles. So now I choose the one that looks nice, I guess. But if they ever compared that to another form, it's not my signature right because i had to pick it i had to pick up a bank of signatures of squiggly lines fucking ted was working for docusign made us five choices what okay that i want wingdings as a font option for my a signature you know what's funny about that? Is this you? Let me see here. Boat, paddle, sunshine, arm. That's actually not a bad idea.

That's me. A passcode like that where you just use wingdings? Wingdings. An order of wingdings? What? An order of wingdings? You like some wingdings.

Sit down at a restaurant and get an order of wingdings. Buffalo wingdings? Yeah, why not? You don't know what you're going to get? That's what the order is? Yeah. Yeah, it's just one of each.

There's like 10, 20 flavors. Different flavors. Yeah, flavors. Sure. You know, it's funny. Also about to go back to the signature thing. Sometimes they'll let you choose, but sometimes they'll let you sign it, but you have to use a mouse. So you're using your mouse and you're trying to sign your name, but it's just all jacked up.

So you're trying to do it fast, but then it goes off the edge edge and that's another part of the whole thing and maybe i wouldn't be so pissed i still think that the digital signature and you know you have to write on the little pad shouldn't be a part of it at all but it would have a little more of a pass if it fucking worked like the pen it's it's like a i don't know, the delay on it is so impaired. You're trying to draw a line. If you do a quick little line, it picks up half of it. It goes off the screen. It just drags way behind.

You're like, okay, by the end of it, you're like, fuck this. I don't even know what I'm drawing anymore. It never. Latency. That's what I'm looking for. It's a latency. Latency. And so it just looks like shit no matter what you're going to do.

Yeah, you're writing and then by the time like when i write my name i'm doing the n and then the y is still going makes you i don't know it's just whatever that technology is it's stupid and we need to move together move to move on together whoops punch but i i i see your point i understand why like i remember the jerry seinfeld commercial when he was getting gas this was like late 90s and he he goes gets it to like 20 bucks and then you think okay he's gonna go pay with a 20 and he goes oh and he hits the get the button and he goes like 20.3 or something and then they're like oh you and he goes pulls out his card i remember this commercial too why do i know this yeah and so and that was like for me that's what i remember like that's when the movement started for cards so we're talking 20 plus years i feel like it's time to turn over

right like it's time to go to the next thing because what was 20 years before that checks fucking atari right yeah that kind of well the first computer i don't know i don't know what early 70s i was thinking of ways to pay oh i'm just like oh what do you mean like disco bro uh no that's not what i meant i think it was just money you just had currency at that point yeah fuck checks did gas stations take checks checks out if they do don't go to that gas station anymore could you imagine that you go you go get like 50 bucks in gas you write a check and give it to him and drive off got some free gas that's some free gas have no idea what to do with

it put that on layaway you putting gas on layaway uh and then another thing that i just noticed on my way over here as i was thinking about how dumb the signature thing was, is I looked down in the middle of my car and fucking cigarette lighter adapters. And listen, I get it. I get that they're not for smoking cigarettes anymore. That's fine. Also makes it stupider that we're still putting them in fucking cars. Yeah. Why is that there?

Who has like just a whole army of shit for their camping trip and the only way they're going to be able to use it if that cigarette lighting adapter is there it's just so weird why just put a normal plug in you have to go buy you have to go buy an adapter with a usb thing in the top just to use it yeah when you could just replace that with four usb spots right it's it blows my mind or a whatever the regular plug-in right what is that three prong three what's it called though three prong plug-in right outlet isn't it it's just a but there's like a voltage outlet for it i don't know it's like whatever it's not It's not a 220. I know that much. Sure. That sounds right. But why is that there?

And there's multiple in my car. Like they have towards the back. There's more cigarette lighter adapters. It's like, just put a fucking plug. And when was your car made? 2021. Like what is, what? And they've got that many, like they think that many people are sitting, like five adults

are sitting in the car and all need to let. They have like one inflatable mattress from 1986 that this family just been hanging on to and so they still need to have a cigarette lighter just go to the general store and get a new floaty isn't that weird it's bizarre i know why is that why is that there we got rid like we have a movement to get rid of the headphone jack before we got rid of the fucking cigarette lighter adapter what am i i mean maybe i'm missing something here probably probably are i mean i'm guessing maybe it supplies more power but i don't give a fuck get it out of there and then get the other outlet and then put the adequate

power to that outlet how would i don't understand how would i don't know i mean we sound so ignorant i know there's probably something simple but how many people use one of those compared to how many people use USB? Everyone that has a smartphone, whether it's USB-C or lightning, the other end is USB. Give us more USB. Yeah, absolutely. Come on. Come on, car. Whoever's out there fucking doing this shit, give us more USB.

It's just the longest running practical joke by car manufacturers. Yeah. Like, see how long we've been sneaking. You know what would be really funny is Tesla's had them in there. So Tesla's basically just nothing. It's all dashboard, nothing, and then it's just a screen, but then a cigarette lighter. It has a bank of them. Yeah.

It has like six of them. I'd say like, what the fuck? If they were that sweet, they would have put them in there. Yeah. But yeah, Tesla figured it out. Elon would do that. He's like, fuck if they were that sweet they would have put them in there yeah yeah they tesla figured it out elon would do that he's like fucking these people i know okay well uh if you have anything to to rebuttal educate us educate us go ahead and send that in all right i like sounding ignorant because then it it always spurs a conversation yeah it's actually a joke yeah

so we have the time we just ramble on about something and then it's like, well, we'll get told. Someone will teach us. Yeah. And then we'll forget it down the line. Yeah. And that's, okay. I'm going to show you my dick first. You ready to take a peek?

Yep, I'm ready to see it. Okay. Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. Taking a peek at my penis.

Let me see it. This reminded me of something else I'm going to bring up that I know that you are going to relate to. Because I certainly do. And a lot of men out there are going to relate to it as well. But this is an article. I'll just read the headline and it's going to tell you what's going on. Groom scrambles to reorder wedding dress after bride's grandmother buried in the original. Whoops. Wait, hold on.

What? Yep. So a bride's $2,300 wedding gown was rendered unwearable by an unfortunate mix-up months before her wedding. But before he could find out what really happened to her dress, her groom-to-be tried to hide his jaw-dropping mistake and get a replacement made in time. So Cassia, the owner of Cassia's Bridal and Special Occasions Boutique in Chicago, Illinois, shared the wild wedding story on TikTok. You ready?

Buckle up. So this groom calls me today, frantic as hell, crying practically. Can you help me? My bride bought her dress with you last year. I understand that she picked it up, but I need to reorder it. She said, Cassia told him that of course, uh, she could reorder it, but she was confused.

I'm thinking, why is the groom calling me? Is this like a ploy to find out info? If he went on, the groom said that while he had been, uh, well, he had seen the dress.

He knew nothing about it and was single-mindedly focused on reordering it very quickly. Still trying to troubleshoot. Cassia said that, uh that there might be not enough time to get the new altercations done ahead of the November wedding, but if the dress they already bought just needed some tweaks, then she could bring it in and get it adjusted. But the groom cut her off.

He said, no, alterations are not an option. There's nothing to alter. I need to know if you can reorder this dress. She's thinking, what? I know. So Cassia called the manufacturer and learned that because of the customization, the dress would take a while to remake. When she called back the groom to relay the information, he broke down in tears and handed off the phone to the bride's brother. Finally, she learned what had actually happened.

Well, it's an unfortunate situation, the brother of the bride said. You see, the bride gave the dress to our mother to go ahead and store in safekeeping. And my mom did just that. She put it in her closet and no one goes in there. Just my mom. Then two weeks ago, their grandmother died. So grandpa was buried in his tuxedo. Grandma wanted to be buried in her wedding gown.

Mom told me and my future brother-in-law to go get grandma's wedding dress out of the closet. So we did. And we didn't know to get the box. We took the bag and went on. Cassia was stunned by the shocking mix-up. You said being guys, they didn't know uh and we didn't know to get the box we took the bag and went on cassia was stunned by the shocking mix-up he said being guys they didn't know better they didn't know that there are multiple wedding dresses in the closet so the guys took the dress and they dropped it off at the funeral home and as you can see the grandma uh was then put into the wrong gown and buried so that dress is buried six feet under with grandma. So then did they get the.

I actually stopped reading. I'm not sure if they got the fucking mix up. We can keep going here. It says. So now Cassia said she, the groom, the bride's brother are scrambling to fix the air without upsetting the bride. And Cassia is doing her best at the manufacturer to make one on time. So. Okay, man.

I want a fucking mess. Can you imagine being the bride? bride you're like hold on he's like listen honey where do you want to go to eat tonight your favorite spot favorite spot and then also um i buried your wedding dress it's such a guy thing to do it is it's so fucking dumb i could totally i guess see myself doing it oh yeah but who who is just because you can have two the exact same dress ish no yeah the exact same dress exact same and and women would walk up and be like oh yeah this is the blah blah blah one well what i what you think are two exactly okay it's the exact same dress and they're like no this is different this is look at the sequence or yeah like one goes this way one goes that way well i just reached in there

and i just grabbed a dress they're two beautiful white dresses i want to i want to play this out and say that they're not going to get it on time they had to dig grandma up and take it off and take it off of her exactly what i was thinking she doesn't need it yeah just go swap out the dress oh no i just had a terrible thought oh should i say it yes okay it's gonna be a lot easier to get that dress off because she's just gonna shrink and you'll be able to get so slip right off it's just just you know just bones and a dress at that point it oh now i want to say something awful something about it's gonna be much easier to get that dress off than it was on her wedding night yes something that's fine hey

so yeah dig it up i don't know i'm not sure how they're gonna fix this but it did remind me of just how dumb well how long was she buried in there how long is it said two weeks ago and this story did not come out very long ago so So it's fresh. Yeah, so, yeah. The dress is going to be fine. The dress is going to be in good shape. Yeah, this came back end of June, June 22nd. So it's only been a few months. Yeah, it's not like it's going to be, you know, worn.

Breaking down. Because you met, oh, no, no, oh, my God, I just thought about, I just, oh, God, dude. Go ahead. Okay, here's a scenario for you. I'm excited. You go to a wedding dress store. Yes. And you buy dress, but the return policy is it has to be, you know, you have to return it within two weeks.

See where I'm going with this? I do, go ahead. Let's say this happens. It's been like 10, 11, 12 days. Yeah. it's been it's been like 10 11 12 days yeah we need to return this dress uh-huh and then but it still falls within the two-week cutoff point so when you go in there to the the thing and they're like has this been worn kind of gently gently or barely barely i love i love like or trying to resell that dress or something it's like it's like barely worn has it been worn what's worn what is what is worn does warn me like did you

walk around in it no absolutely not has it been like in the same spot yes stored it's been stored it's been stored twice one's airtight uh kind of unless that wouldn't work airtight coffins be weird um yes that's fucking funny dude coffins aren't airtight i don't think so gotta let the body decompose why what i don't how do you gotta let it decompose well the wood's gonna decompose like you want the thing to break down you don't want to just like forever hold a body in there why not it's got it's got to break down that's what it's doing no let's break this down why does it have to break down fix uh i guess airtight is not what i meant but i kind of did like vacuum seal a coffin is what i was thinking okay but i still want to go back. All right, good night. Dad, I love you. Okay, turn on the vacuum.

Suck all the air out. Oh, that'd be awful. All right, sleep well, buddy. Yeah, that's a lot. I want to know why the body needs to break down. Why it has to? It doesn't have a fucking choice. No, I mean, but you're saying we need to let air in there so it can break down.

I guess what I meant to say is good luck keeping anything out of there the body's breaking down it's going to it's not just going to stay fucking in mummy state the whole just on its own it's got to be you know the whole mummying process and if you don't do that that body's breaking down well yeah i know it's going to naturally but the way you were saying it was like no it's against the law if it doesn't break down no we can't we got we we gotta let air in there so it can break down it's someone's going to naturally, but the way you were saying it was like, no, we can't, we got, we got to let air in there so it can break down. It's someone's job to go down there and fucking like open it up a little bit. He checks the air, the air filtration.

He puts a barometer in there. Yeah. Ah, pretty windy down there. Um, anyway. Anyway. But is that dress getting returned? Yeah, probably not. The one that's, if it's gently worn i mean if

they don't know they don't know why does it smell like formaldehyde have you ever worn something and then brought it back like bought with intent that you bought it and you wore it and then you brought it back certain stores let you do that like nordstrom that lets you do that but like you risked it and wore it to an event and it was all sweaty and you tried to hide it or whatever it is did you ever try to pull that one no i've never done it on purpose no either either but i know a lot of people who have i'm a model human being right absolutely um but this the the bear of the like the bones of this article was how dumb men are and this does remind me of just like the classic wife asked the husband to do something simple yep and you just completely fuck it up yeah and the first thing i thought of

is how many times i fucked this up where uh like aaron would ask me like hey i'll be home in about like 90 minutes can you get the the beef out of the fridge and de-thaw it and i'm like yeah no problem i don't know whatever isn't thawing and thought yeah you know you need to de-thaw it. And I'm like, yeah, no problem. De-thaw? I don't know, whatever. Isn't thawing? And thaw it. Yeah. You don't need to de-thaw it. I think he's like, that's what she said.

That's what you did. You're like, I did de-thaw it. I kept it in the freezer. That's your problem. You said de-thaw it. So I put it in the freezer, like you said.

Like you're showing her the text. You're like, look, you said de-thaw it. I'm not the idiot okay you know what i meant how could i possibly know what you meant um no father father meet and i'm like you got it bud and then i hang up and i just play video games until she gets home you hear the car pull up you're like oh fuck fuck and i go like i grab it out and like light it on fire it's taking forever my wife tells me all that.

She was like, Kate, can you, when she'll go to bed, she'll be like, can you transfer the stuff to the dryer when it's done? That's one too, yeah. And I'll be like, yep. And then in the next morning, next morning I hear down there, clunk. God damn it. That's all I had to do. You're like, that's the least I could do.

Of course, I got you. That is the least. That is the least I could do. And you is the least that is the least i could do and you just fuck it up i do that shit all the time i mean all the time oh yeah uh setting something by the like i'll just leave something on the counter and show that can you throw that in there recycling whatever you're like yeah of course no why couldn't i obviously i could do that why are you even asking changing the lights like a light bulb and then like weeks later she's doing it you're fucking great what'd you say right before it's about being a model citizen i didn't say model husband oh you said model human being

yeah like out in society right i do things for other people, just not for her. Yeah, that makes sense. What was another one that I remember fucking up? Oh, it was pretty good. Man, what was it? I forgot. Oh, well. It's just little shit like that. It's everyday shit.

Will you do this really quick while I run to the store? Right. And then put anything in there that she asked you to do we will forget to do it right oh this is it i remembered um the amount of times that i would get the rundown like pulled like pulled aside and given the next day rundown like okay tomorrow's gonna be a busy day i'm like okay oh yeah that's great what we got she's like you know you got this at this time this is this time and you're gonna have to do this and then bring like yeah gotcha fucking sick plan like i'm all in hot hot hike like i'm fighting the next one i'm like what am i doing yeah like how frustrating that's gotta be i was like okay

let me just get this right and then you don't even have like any of it and you're like i know i know you just told me i know it starts with me waking up. What's next? Like, what do I do? I know I have to wake up. And then, line, line, line, line,

come on. And then she starts to say it, and you're like, get the kid from school. Yep, that's so dead on, dude. We have all this wedding shit coming up in the next couple of

weeks yeah and i the other day i just i asked like wait that's saturday like i had no idea and we've been talking about it and she just she just laughed to kind of fucking hate you i just i just thought about something that i had done there's times that she's told me to cut potatoes and put them in the oven while she's at the store so they're baking while she comes home. It just ties in

with the whole fucking baked potato thing. You just won't understand the thing. I just don't want to do it. So I don't do it. Not on purpose. I just don't do it. You subconsciously fucking hate potatoes, dude. You're just a hater.

A tater. Yeah. A tater hater got it got it uh all right i think that's pretty much it um what did you find show me that show me that deal so this is something my wife actually found she was shopping on you were cutting potatoes yeah i was in the other room doing laundry and all the good stuff you know not forgetting i was being a helpful husband yeah yeah um so she was she was searching for a tank top like a summer tank or whatever she's on amazon and she likes to read the reviews and look at so like what what ladies do is they'll buy the thing and then they'll send in a picture of them wearing it and they'll be like this is how it fit my chesticles if your boobs look like this exactly all that kind of stuff the shirt will look like this yeah and because they care about that kind of thing so she was doing this for a specific is this is a uh

what do we call this this is a medellin women's round neck basic racerback camisole rib knit solid sleeveless crop tank top that's what it's that's the that's the title man i know like what the neck yeah i got round neck got it i have no idea what any of that other shit is miller and women's round neck basic razorback camisole rib knit solid sleeve crop tank top i feel like i'm rapping do you have a solid sleeveless solid sleeveless yeah i don't have any rap beats i wish i did miller thinodyne women, round neck, basic razor bow, camisole, rib knit, solo sleeve, crank top, crop top. Crop top. Okay.

Okay, so she's doing that, and so she wants to see some of these pictures of the other ladies' tits and stuff. $14.99, in case anyone's wondering. Okay, go ahead. Oh, that's a good price. Yeah, that's a great price. Okay, so. On a women, round neck, basic razor, camisole rib knit solid sleeveless crack tank top so ridiculous great price they just put all the tags in the thing so it shows up classic whatever a camos i thought a camisole

was like something you clean with but that was something like you fought for in the medieval days that's camelot okay um i wonder if there's a lot of camels all right uh so she so she goes down to the picture start reading reviews okay and like one of the first picture that's there okay i'm going i'm scrolling on my page right now okay okay so for the people that can't see this we'll we'll post this on the we said that a couple shows ago we never posted it it's on you yeah are you gonna remember to do this okay um so it'll be up at the time of the show hopefully so this is the review this is from lansing k apollo apollo smile is that your guy's name okay her name so bought this for my love doll fuck what it did not stain it not stain it, and I washed it first.

Colors, much lighter than advertised, though. Oh, boy. So this is his love sex doll. It's a sex doll. That he bought this tank top for, and she's got an enormous rack. Oh, just massive. With heaving breasts. These things.

If she was on the Titanic everyone would have lived like that's how big these boobs are yeah Leo would have survived if he would have nested in between those everybody get on

this sex doll is going to float us all to safety dude her lips too like she's the most plasticky Kardashian looking thing with these dead eyes and those

it's got some erect nipples on it, by the way. Huge erect nipples. Like those nipples are the size of normal boobs. What I found this interesting is it goes, I bought this from my love doll. It did not stain it. Oh.

And he washed it. So what I'm wondering, did he just, did he jizz all over this? I don't, I don't know. And why, if you have a sex doll with enormous heathen breasts.

Did not stain it. And I washed it first why would you let's not choose to this is the time for not a pronoun we need to know what it is and there's no punctuation not stain is that the shirt or the sex doll and then it and i washed it first what did you wash first the sex doll i don't see this is a bad time to use it yeah this is i really want to know what this guy's talking about. What did you wash, bud? It says five stars does not stain.

So he must be saying that this shirt didn't stain the doll. But in my brain, I'm like, why the fuck would it? Why the fuck would it? It doesn't make any sense. What shirt do you buy that you wear and it just stains your body? Like, oh shit, you must've been wearing a blue shirt. His whole body's blue. Yeah.

I have no fucking clue, but that is a really funny thing just to throw in a sex doll. I just want to, I just want to think that he jizzes all over the, the tank top and then it washes it out and it's so it doesn't stain. That's what I want to think. But what I also want to think is why, if you have this enormous breasted sex doll, are you jizzing on a tank top and not right on the...

Right on the porcelain or whatever. Right on the goods. Right on the goods. I don't know. I don't have a sex doll. I'm not this man. I'm also not popping around in tank top review sections with my sex doll wearing shirts and stuff. So clearly, I don't know what this man is on. But he's pumped about this fucking tank top. That's uh my sex doll wearing shirts and stuff so clearly i don't

know what this man is is on but he's pumped about this fucking tank top that's one thing for sure this is the best 15 he's ever and she does look happy well she doesn't look mad she looks well that's how she always looks she always looks moderately happy yeah resting rest sort of resting bitch face a little bit you know i thought you were gonna say his best money he ever spent. I was going to say full. First of all, the doll was the best money he ever spent. That's an assumption. This was the best money he ever spent on the doll, maybe? If only we could follow the money trail

and see what he reviewed his sex doll. Because if that wasn't five stars, then the tank top was the best money he's ever spent. So who knows? That's so funny that Amber found that all on her own. I know. It wasn't like someone sent it to us.

It was like she sent it to me. She goes, you have to talk about this. Because it was a real thing that she saw. Real body. Yeah, all the pictures, just normal women wearing shirts. It's like crop top, do-do-do-do-do-do, and then massive honkers on a sex doll. Like, it is. It's really, it's right there.

It's right there. It's the first picture and i've looked at um plenty of sex dolls no i've been through so many reviews over the years i've never seen a sex doll modeling anything in the review in the review section what i find this is a gem what i find so funny about it is that, I mean, it could be a joke. It could be. But probably, I mean, the thing that's funny about it is, though, is it's, this guy was so excited, he felt like he needed to go leave a review and then not think that it being a sex doll was out. I mean, whatever you're into is fine.

You know, like, I have no judgment. Yeah, fine. I'm not going to king shame you. Yeah. But thinking that this was going to be helpful for the people that are looking to buy this tank top. Some other dude has a sex doll. I was like, will this fit my sex doll? And this guy's like, oh, shit, it will.

But you think you'd have like a chat room for like sex doll users that you're like, dude, I got this new tank. 15 bucks. It doesn't stain. What? I can't find one that doesn't stain what I can't find one that doesn't stain I'm picturing this picture

opportunity and I don't know why it's so funny to me when he's taking the picture he's like alright cheese

cheese I said smile smile come on for the camera work with me like he click click click goes over there

and shows him I don't like it get a better one go back strike a pose. Please move your arms. God damn it. Like, fuck.

Act like you're enjoying yourself. Act like you're enjoying yourself. God damn. Well, that's the thing about, like, I guess, like, doing it with that sex doll. She's just kind of like a, she's just making this face. It's kind of like a, eh. Dude, it's working. It's like a, eh.

Yeah, that's because I, so, like, I don't know. It'd be weird getting it on with that doll when she's not like smiling or like. You like your shirt? Yeah. She's like, eh. You look so beautiful in that shirt. I wonder if that shirt stands. We're going to find out.

Eh. Okay. Well, anyway. That was great. Thanks, hon, for sending that in. That was funny. Yeah, that was funny. All right, for sending that in that's yeah that was funny all right let's move on to uh petty beef okay roll it silence in the court you are now entering

the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final isish. This is Petty Beef. Fuck. God damn, dude. I just keep punching this fucking notepad. Oh. No, not that. Okay, so we're only going to cover one case this week for Petty Beef.

Must have a doozy then. Sent in by our children, or by a child who is wishing to remain anonymous, so you know that it's good. Just going to get into the OG message here. And they write, hey guys guys love the new show so my ex-wife wife at the time went to an after party with a couple of guys after a day of day drinking where she accidentally wound up sucking one of the guy's tics wait accident totally hold on it was just for a bit and no one came. But she says sometimes accidents happen. I think if you're careful, you'll never wind up with a dick accidentally in your mouth.

She disagrees and thinks given enough time, we will all have at least one dick in our mouth. Oh, fuck. You play your cards right you're lucky you're lucky if you end up with a chicken okay okay hold on okay focus okay jesus agrees and things give enough time we will all have at least one dick in our mouth at some point and some of us will have lots of dicks in our mouths over our lives no matter what precautions we take i would love to hear your thoughts on this assuming you don't accidentally have a dick in your mouth thanks again and keep up the great work is this for real there's no way this is so funny i mean the situation might be real but i just love this fucking sense of humor oh it's okay it happens happens to the best of us

oh no i understand the thing about all all the leaders in this country abe lincoln dick in his mouth dick in his mouth he didn't like it but everybody ends up with a dick or two like you could be oh god yeah it's like you slip just brad i mean everybody it's like yeah who has it at some point it doesn't matter who it is it's like an icebreaker it's a it's something you bring up on a date like hey so when did you get your dick in your mouth yeah it's like a rite of passage 1997 there's mine mine of my own business i was watching saved by the bell college years

uh and through the door came this motherfucker and stuck his dick in my mouth it didn't and and i figured well he, he was good looking. And I'm going to have to have a dick in my mouth at some point. Might as well be a nice. Might as well. He's a good looking guy. Might as well be a healthy hammer. Exactly. Not some like flaccid problem.

Yeah. A snail. A slug. Oh, so that's interesting. Hmm. Given. What's interesting, bro? If you look over.

Okay. Okay. I have a scenario for you lay it on me let's let's play this out like everyone in their lifetime will have to have a dick in their mouth all right so let's let's say you get to choose who you're going with oh i get to choose who's dick just for just for like a scenario yeah like it's have to happen, so you get to choose. And it hasn't happened yet. No. Okay. That was a trick question. Not that I would have cared either way, but all right.

This is hypothetical. I almost had you. You were like, oh, yeah, of course. Wait. If I got to pick the dick. Oh, talk about a dick pic. Am I right? Honk, honk, honk.

I don't know. I have no idea whose dick I would... I don't know. What if Brad Pitt's dick is just mangled? I don't... And then why is that dick better than someone else's dick? Do I want it to be Brad Pitt's dick? Do I want...

Because then I'll see him everywhere and I'll be like, oh, remind you of the time you had his dick in your mouth? Yeah, but it, so you just pick like some Joe Schmo down at the fucking corner store. But isn't it like you losing your virginity, you want your first time to be special?

So it's first time sucking dick is that special? So if it, if you had to have the opportunity, it could have been special. Might as well be, might as well be someone famous. Well,

okay. Let's, let's, let's eliminate like completely hypothetical like it's a celebrity we get it brian someone that someone that's like the you in your circle jerk of people my circle jerk of people oh man um i'm trying to think of someone who would think it was funny and last week i think it was it was just last week, I talked about jerking you off. So I'm going to steer clear of that. Because that's just going to make you feel uncomfortable if you're like, yeah, and I have something about your dick in my mouth. I have to have more thought.

I have to have more thought. Putting you on the spot there? Putting me on the spot, yeah. I have to have some more thought. I have to think out the repercussions of whose dick is in my mouth. But that's a fun thing to ponder i'm sure our kids are thinking about it right now and and they're eventually and i guess if you're a girl and you're like this is for straights straight men straight i'm assuming uh because

you don't want a dick in your mouth and you don't want a vagina in your mouth you're not a fan of that like is that true or it doesn't matter no you're a fan of it you just then you gotta pass you win like you're like yes i've been waiting yeah i mean if you like having dicks your mouth then you're looking forward to it all right so then but you're probably you're gonna have one in there anyway so this is only for people who wouldn't normally have one in their mouth like a straight male that is what we're that's the problem here i don't know who i picked you haven't picked out you know somebody or you just lay this on me and hoping I had thought this one out long and hard? I just think it's funny. You just play that scenario that it's going to have to happen.

Because I like the idea of you could either pass on this one. Given the opportunity, you're like, I have to do this. But do I want it to be this one? Or should I wait for another one? You know what I mean? Or should I wait for another one? You know what I mean? Or should I get it over with? What happens if you don't get your dick in before you die? Like, you didn't, like, hit your quota.

As you're dying. It's like, you don't get it to happen? No, the doctor walks in and just. Sticks his dick in your mouth? Sticks his dick in your throat. See it happen, buddy. Whap. While you're on your last breath.

But your family's all around because they're like, yay! He got his dick. He got his dick. Finally. Okay. Let's take a look at some other stuff. Clearly, obviously, we know that was a joke. But laughed so hard when I read that the first time.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I got some good news. You want to hear it? Okay. Let's do the good news right now. So you're telling me there's a chance hooray we aren't doomed yeah so the good news i found for you this week bra guy um does have a little tie back to the the front part of today's episode and this is a fun story okay

hydrogen powered passenger trains are now running in germany now the idea of hydro powered anything is not new it's been around like they've been able to make cars work and stuff like that just not very efficiently uh but clearly getting better and better at it as it goes forward but it says that these uh hydro powered passenger trains are expected to keep some 4 000 tons of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere each year. And they're just adding more and more as they move forward. Now, the tieback, I mean, that is awesome. Because the byproduct is fucking water.

Yeah. Like, that's, yay. Like, that is great. That's exactly what we want on a planet that apparently is just consuming and eating itself until we all die. So it's best that we stop doing that as soon as possible. Probably. But this does go back to what we talked about with technology that like once it's available,

it doesn't mean that the rest of the world is just going to be able to hop on the train, you get it, and start doing these hydro-powered anythings all over the place. But I will say if the option was available, I would fucking in a second get a hydro-powered vehicle to drive around it's not like i i'm like oh i don't know i guess i need gas it's like no uh nope i don't i think

there's a lot of people they have that whole thing like this is america and we need we need gas and but like i feel like that mentality at least is dying out a little bit. Because it's just not about America, you fucking idiot. It's about the whole planet. It's just so dumb. I think what it is, first of all, it's change for a lot of people. And it's a pansy waste car that doesn't... Just have some balls on it. Yeah.

But you know what has balls on it? A train? A fucking electric car. Yeah. More balls than a has balls on it? A train? A fucking electric car. Yeah. More balls than a fucking gas-powered car. And even electric cars are out of our budgets. Yeah. And then they're in there, but there's not...

Obviously, the power stations are not all over the place. Again, as soon as Idaho starts having power, then that's when you know the rest of the world already has it. Yeah. Because we just last on everything. So I'm not holding my breath for hydro powered anything but they've clearly got it down high enough to have it power a fucking train which means it's probably gonna be powerful enough your truck with your car uh to take you places but you have to have like a hydro filling station uh but i just thought it was cool that finally a country is making some big moves with hydropower anything when the byproduct being water yeah i mean it's just like what are we doing that's

the whole thing when you have trillions of dollars wrapped up in oil and gasoline it's hard to get people to move on things well even though we know this is the better option and even harder when they're stopping you from one take they're like no no they're coming up every reason why you shouldn't do it so they can just milk every drop out of this old technology before they move forward there's even i was talking with a buddy of mine who had a tesla in ohio he was even talking about how there's like a tack he had to pay some sort of a fee for having an electric vehicle in ohio a fee like here in washington you get rebates and stuff like some states are like no you have to pay pay more money for not using gas you fucking pussy yeah i know it is crazy it's weird and i'm sad to say it it's gonna be one of

those things that our kids maybe a little longer uh i think we'll look back and just be like what the fuck are you guys doing like you guys just fuck shit knowingly knowingly fuck things up for decades before you're finding like oh man maybe we should try and something else uh so and talking like this doesn't make you some like crazy activist environmentalist this is a rational yeah thing that it just makes sense to have some sort of sustainability. Right. And I guess you could make the argument like, well, what are you guys doing

about it? I don't know. I don't have any fucking power to do anything about it. So maybe, I mean, maybe I need to put my money where my mouth is. I'm going to buy an electric car.

I have an electric e-bike. I have nowhere to charge my electric car where I live. Like, I can't fucking do it here. It's just not going to happen. But I've thought about it and if I'm going on any sort of trips, I got to map it out for charging do it here it's just not gonna happen um but i've thought about it and if i'm going on any sort of trips i gotta map it out for charging stations so it's like it's a little different i get it but as soon as it's everywhere i mean you got you got to do something

um but again there's like there's plenty of studies about what we're gonna do with all the electric car batteries too which aren't great but yeah neither way it's like but the hydrogen thing that's water right that's a pretty a pretty good way to go about it. As long as you can use ocean water, let's just use it. Come on, baby. Salt water. All right, so I found something pretty silly on the interwebs. I'd like to show it to you.

I'd love to see it. That's good news. Here we go. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out

together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! And I'll back up a little. I didn't find shit, but our daughter Cara, or Cara,

Cara Cara, did. Some people, they're like Anna, Anna, Cara Cara. Cara Cara. But. She sent it our way. Some people, they're like Anna, Anna. Kara Kara. Kara Kara. But apparently, you can go to TikTok and find necklaces that are pearl necklaces that are made from semen.

No. So that's fun. Pieces of jewelry made from semen are becoming an increasingly popular accessory thanks to Amanda Booth. So if you're interested in this, go look up Amanda Booth, an artist who transforms bodily fluids into pearl-like gems, quote-unquote, and documents the process on TikTok. As you can see, this is what I found out. This is what I found most disturbing about this. And it's not that disturbing just if you look at it surface

level. But in order for Amanda Booth to make these cum necklaces for people, they have to cum into a container and then send it to them in a mail safe way. Then she opens it up and then just makes like cum pearls out of it. She just takes your sample. Just takes your cum and just pours it out into her process.

Like doo-doo-doo, it's another Tuesday. Pouring stranger's cum into my mold. And I don't know how she, she how do you do that i guess if the money's good enough you could do anything jizz jewelry is she what if she taking commissions well okay i didn't make that up the article okay i just i mean you're you're giving your sample out there to someone just out there. Like, she could do whatever she wants with it. Right. She could sell it to a DNA distribution plant. That's how they catch the next serial killer.

He's trying to get a cum necklace, and she turns him in and gets it tested by the FBI. That's his thing. He leaves his cum necklaces. Yeah. The pearl necklace killer right that's good semen gems uh well the name jizzy the jizzy demon oh wait uh what was the guy in in london the jack jack the ripper just the ripper just the ripper sure fucking why not um but i yeah so it's a thing if you want to come in some stuff

and get it made into a necklace you can do that uh because why can't you i'm not i'm fine with it i don't care no it's great you want to do it that's fine i mean and i'm not going to notice because i don't even know like what a pearl the difference between a cum pearl and a pure pearl i've never masturbated so i don't even know how this works i know but man that's fun look at that bakara kara is that picture it looks just like a regular pearl necklace you'd never know that there was little kids swimming around but does it smell like a pearl necklace which one smell like old croutons isn't that what anyway um okay you've been smelling your own semen? For years. Yeah, that'd be weird if the necklace had a stink.

It's still a body fluid, so yeah. It's hot in the summer and you smell like cum. What happens if semen just sits out for a while? What does it start to smell like? Just in general. Not good. There's one Reddit thread that maybe we'll get into someday where this guy, he had a a cum box have you read this thing before no oh man maybe we'll have to do it for some patreon content and i know there's some kids out there listening right now they're like oh i just brought back this fucking horrific

with pictures of this dude for years and years and years only place he came was into a shoebox and never cleaned it and then you get to see it as like what it looks like over the years because he saved it and then went back and found it later and it's fucking atrocious so anyway maybe we'll probably look at that later tonight yeah sounds good all right let's hear from some of those really you want to talk to me wow that's cool all right we got our standard two messages to get to i'm gonna read the first one are you nervous to read today a little bit yeah it's been getting worse each week i just love seeing those emails and comments.

But it is becoming a favorite of the show. It is. Hey, guys. This is our first email sent in by our dong dangling son, BJ. He says, hey, Joe and Brian with a why. Why? Why? Your favorite son, BJ here.

I'm sending you this email because while listening to Joe's story about pushing Ezra into the nightstand. Oh, man. I still feel like i have to justify that one like everyone just thinks i stood up and was like fuck you it seems funnier that way it does i thought to myself no way could i ever do that to my daughter boy was i wrong so my daughter is two years old and some change she can get really wound up as any toddler will we have an island in our kitchen and she brought it upon herself to start our Olympic training very young.

She was running laps around said island while I was cooking dinner. She tuckered herself out and slammed into me and started to give me the cutest hug as I was picking my beer up off the counter. This is where it all goes downhill. When she is extremely hyper, she likes to bite. I was wearing a pair of basketball shorts,

and she is just tall enough for her mouth to be the height of my nether region. So just as I put my beard to my mouth, she bites down right on the head of my dick through my shorts. Fucking kids, dude. And he wrote, hard. Never been bit this hard in my life. So instinctively, I yell out, why the fuck would you do that and push her off me?

As I'm saying this, not knowing my own strength, life so instinctively i yell out why the fuck would you do that and pushed her off me as i'm saying this not knowing my own strength she flies three feet backwards and slams into the cabinets without her feet touching the floor it's like throwing a chucky doll you'd be like kicking a chucky doll what the fuck you doing here and just whack oh okay i'm so happy i don't know does that happen in the movie why did i get that visible okay yeah it's the exact thing that came to my head um do that because she flies three feet backwards slams in the cabinet without her feet touching the floor beers flying everywhere like stone cold steve austin before a wrestling match My wife runs in as my daughter is bawling her eyes out.

I'm on the floor in the fetal position clutching my crotch and my dog is eagerly licking the beer off the floor. Of course. So now I know

what it feels like to yeet your child like Joe. Everyone is fine now and thankfully my daughter still loves me. Hopefully this isn't too long of an email to share on the show. Love you guys

and the podcast. Keep up the great work. Cheers. BJ. That's so funny. So funny. That is. That's the bottom line because bj said so oh hell i don't know what that's from stone cold oh is that what he said yeah he said he's drinking beer like bj oh um yeah but kids suck but i can totally see that happening i the amount of times i've been accidentally i feel like it was

accidentally punched in the nuts by my kids it's off the charts like they go give you a wraparound hug and just swat you in the dick our youngest does it on purpose he'll walk up he'll slap his hands for right in my nuts we've done some videos online my wife and i will be doing something i i mean half the videos are me getting hit in the nuts. And I'm on the ground, and I want to punch him so bad. I know. We did a video where I was on the ground. I was like, oh, God. And he comes.

He jumps on my back. And he was going like this. And I went, get the fuck off of me. And I went like that and threw him backwards. He's four. But in that moment, he wasn't my son. No, he was an enemy. He was a person that was attacking me when

i was in pain and i wanted to pain the stop yeah yeah absolutely he was making it worse by jumping on me yeah and then we'll move on to the email here but i have to share this thought my brain just combined two emails that we've gotten here on the show picture this situation with the the daughter uh biting the head of the dick through the shorts and then attach it to the other story about the dad accidentally throwing their kid into the ceiling fan. So you could put these two together and that happened. You go, get the fuck throws your kid

into the ceiling fan. Hard to get away with that one being like, oh, I didn't mean to. At least you got a freak circumcision. Yeah, that's true. Free. Free and freak. Alright, let's see and i put on your favorite music oh yeah all right our second email is sent in by our possible pedophile son jake i know that sounds weird to you without any context following like our

prior story but here we go yeah so this is response to the story about sending nude pics to the doctor oh yeah we covered a few weeks ago yeah he writes hey hey pappies happy happy kid here holy shit in the most recent episode which is number 11 but that was a couple weeks ago hit home an experience i had years ago let me explain as there are several family members involved to set the stage i've been in a residential i have i have been a residential pediatrician in nashville tennessee at v Vanderbilt University Medical Center as of July 2019. In April of 2019, my fiance's mother sought some medical advice about some redness on the bottom of her granddaughter, like on the butt of her granddaughter's, granddaughter is my fiance's niece from my fiance. Holy shit. You got that one? I that one follow that at all okay

on the bottom of her granddaughter parentheses granddaughter is my fiance's niece from my fiance is from my fiance so that's who sent fiance sent the pictures okay okay my fiance is a nurse my fiance informed my fiance informed her mother that she doesn't know how much and doesn't know much about pediatrics, but that Jake, me, definitely does since he'll be graduating medical school with his MD in one month and was specialized in pediatrics. The niece in question is 10 at this point. I didn't know the conversation was occurring. Out of nowhere, while I'm at home, my fiancé's mother then proceeds to text me

10 different photos of this little girl bent over with her ass cheeks spread from various angles to show me the redness that's bothering her and wondered what i thought about it wtf i'm about to start residency in pediatrics and now i basically have child pornography on my phone i immediately called my fiance's mom and was like, no, you can't do this. I explained it to her and she sent an apology text for the ridiculousness of this. After 15 years of schooling, medical research, hard work, I thought I was going to lose it all.

Well, it can definitely been perceived as child porn. Love the show. You guys, guys, energy is growing with every episode. All the best, Jake. Man, can you imagine like, obviously a lot of it depends on where you were when you got those text messages.

But say you're like in a meeting or a group thing and you just have your phone all loosey-goosey. You're like, oh, what is this? And you open it up and it's just someone sitting next to you and you see a picture

of this naked kid all over your phone. There's 20 people sitting in this. Oh, no, no, no. Let me explain. It's not what you think. It's not what you think. Oh, my God. Joe's got child porn on his phone.

No, no, guys, guys. No, no, no. What if he goes, he goes oh my god and he yells out with the rashes like it's just being helpful that's mariage malaysia right he's like he's like no no you just know he's looking he's like what do you mean it looks exactly like mariage in malaysia and you're like what it's like oh yeah oh you think you're getting in trouble yeah he's like no it's not what it looks like what's exactly like that it looks exactly you see the bumps here on the exterior and you're like oh fuck okay see how it's red and then it slightly turns into a gradient yeah yeah um i'm glad he didn't get in trouble it's so funny to think about like you know when you it's phones have become such a personal thing now to where like your entire life is on there whether it's whether

you care what people see or you don't want people to see. So when people like, you know when you show them pictures like, oh, here's a picture of my dog or my son. And you give them the phone and they're like, oh. And then they start swiping. Don't you dare. And you're like, oh, God. So imagine that. Yeah, I kick it out of their hand.

And you just go, you start swiping and you see this little girl's butthole. Yeah, and you just like attack the person. Give it back. What was I just looking at? Yeah, that makes you look even worse. It's not my daughter. Yeah, and you just like attack the person. Give it back! What was I just looking at? Yeah, that makes you look even worse. She, it's not my daughter.

It's not my, no, no, it's not my daughter. What? How's that make it fucking any better? No,

no, no, it's not my daughter. Of course not. That would be weird. That'd be weird if I had pictures like that. Uh,

alright, well I think that's it. That's it for episode 13. Yeah. You did such a good job with your reading. You want to read the end? Yeah, and good luck to Jake. Yeah, good luck.

Get out of there. You've got not a whole lot of time left. Just turn your phone off. Whenever you go to school. Just crush it. Step on it. Step on it. New number.

Block him. All right. Yeah, that's pretty much the end of the show, right? Yeah, that's it. So if you want to become part of the gaggle. Honk, honk, motherfucker. Honk, honk. Go to patreon.com forward slash canyadopodcast.

Be sure to follow us on the IGs and the Facebooks at canyadon'tpodcast. Subscribe to the YouTubes, canyadon'tpodcast. Feel really repetitive there. Yeah. If you have something you want to see on the show, email that shit to heyguys at canyadon'tpodcast.com and rate and review the show wherever you can because it really helps us out. Helps us out a ton.

Get us bump up our... And keep sending in... Yes. Go ahead. I'm doing this. I'm sorry. But if you forget it, I'm going to say it.

And keep sending in your talent show things. And then what was the other one? Confessions. The confessions. We're going to set up a... It's basically going to be like you're confessing your sins

to your fathers. To your fathers. Plural. And we've got a few of those and we can't wait to get that segment going. Can you imagine going to like a confession booth and there's two fathers? Mm-hmm. One on each side. Right.

Yeah, and you're like, excuse me, fathers, for I have sinned. What is it? They're kind of like talking over you and talking to each other. They have different advice. Like one's super positive, the other one's like, well, you're going to hell. He's like, well, it's going to hell. He's like, well, it's not the end of the world. I'm like, what the fuck?

Nice thing in the middle. How many shoes did you get? Seven Hail Marys? No, I think a shoe. They set up a party system. I don't know. That's pretty bad. Steve, she did it last time.

What kind of pictures do you have on his phone? Little girls? That's not too bad. I have some of the same ones. I have some little boys. Yeah. All right.

Are you ready to wrap this up? Jesus Christ! They pass it through the convention window. Will you pass this to Father John? To Father Brian? He's like, take a look at it. He's like, God damn it. Passing it through the slider.

Okay. Let's wrap this thing up. Okay. This is a funny one. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? All right. Bri guy, you want to hear a joke?

Mm-hmm. Okay. What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Close. Boing. Boeing. Oh, Boeing. Boing.

Boeing. That's a good joke for us up here. Yeah. It's great. Northwest. Northwest. If you have no idea, Boeing is the type of plane. If you didn't know what I was doing, that was the sound of an actual plane crash.

A plane crashing and people dying. Yeah. We got that. Kids screaming. Let's say goodbye and we'll just see everybody next week. All right. I'm not saying bye. I thought that's what you were about to say.

I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say nothing. You deserve nothing. Fuck all. Kids have been assholes. True. Bye'm not saying bye. That's what you're about to see. I'm not going to say anything. Say nothing. You deserve nothing. Fuck all. Kids have been assholes. True. Bye. Bye, guys.