Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Wild Boar. Incident Report. Singed. Beach Ball.

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Have you ever been kicked out of a bar but have no idea why? Well, this was a first for Joe. Let's talk about that, a clever use for AI robots in the city, paying a stranger to be your friend while checking off your bucket list items, a bunch of conspiracy theories that ended up being true, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/o5sct3snQ6cSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wild Boers, incident report, scensed beach ball. How you doing, Brian? Take a big gulp of air. Yeah, we've got a little gag in the middle now. Yeah, there's a whole mess of them. Whoa. I thought you touched it.

Weird timing. Weird timing. Zach fired it off the screaming goat at the same time you stroked a goose. And that's confusing, you know? That can be confusing from the audio standpoint. Episode 202. I was wondering if it was on. It's on, it's on, baby.

It can't be turned off. Speaking to things that are on, the hawkathon is on. And the microphones. The microphone. We are switching things up. So we talked about it, whatever episode, no cares, where I've already eaten the Sesthruming, the fermented herring. And it is so terrible.

I'm not doing it again. But you guys are. So Brian and Zach will both eat it and we're swapping out that goal at 450. I looked it up. I was doing some pricing and we can get it. We can get it here. So at 450, that's going to be our next goal over there at patreon.com slash can you know podcast. These two hacks will sit down and eat it.

I will film it. I will wear a respirator and we'll do it outside. If you follow us on Patreon You know that I I've been wondering what to do with this Awkward Concrete pad I have That's just like right next to The other truly unique one of a kind of townhouse

Like it's not big enough to do anything Eat it is It's firmamentary Put a table out It needs to be God So we're going to do it I can't wait to watch you guys throw up

I feel like we have to put you guys in a bubble though Because Zach brought that up where being fermenting yourself while you're eating it where you can't escape the smell that's part of it so maybe we'll get like a little tarp and make you guys a little tent a hot should we get a tent

camping tent get a little tent oh my god and the weather's getting warmer and that oh I don't like regular fish hot box it oh it's gonna make me throw up isn't herring a bird you're a bird no it's a fish it's also a bird thank you it is also a bird but these are fish it's a heron though heron yeah herring so we're going to do that at 450 and then we'll just realign the other goals whatever it takes

whatever it takes to keep the honkathon growing and thriving so head over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast i mean every morning like when i've taken a shower i see that tattoo i'm like there it was there was that was that was the that was the spark. And then you don't wear your glasses, so you still can't read, but that was the next one. They're in my car right now. I bet you they are. It's a good place for them. Should I go get them? No. We can't. We don't have time.

That's what, maybe that's why I'm feeling sick all the time. That could be it. Send in your content suggestions to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. We are doing lap time on the show today. Zach, do you have a preview for us? Nope. Great.

He's still working on it. He's handwriting it out right now. Just doing my homework right before class. We're going to do conspiracies that have come out as true. There's a bunch of them. Somebody was like, you're an idiot. And then who's the idiot now? Realize, realize, realize, brother.

I like that. And Brian, this will help all the anxiety that you have around hot air balloons. But this was sent in by roughly 800 of our kids. And headline reads, homeowners stunned as hot air balloon carrying 13 makes emergency landing in a backyard. They couldn't. And they're all smiling and they're all happy. And I know how close they were to dying.

I guess the thing that's crazy for me is that in the other videos that we've seen, they're usually crash and drag along the ground. It looked like it was placed nicely in the yard. Like a smaller backyard. Okay, I'm going to pay. Hi, everybody. Jesus. He walks out and they all say,

Hi. Hi everybody. How's you guys trip so far? You're telling me. The flame's still burning. What is your address? So they're flying away? I think they're just trying to figure out how to get the fuck out of this backyard.

Oh, that was on my birthday. Happy birthday, dude. That's another great... Good morning. Oh, we missed your birthday. Did we bring? Did. We know how much you love your birthday, so.

You can just hear the... Wow. It's so funny. Anyway, that's funny. Just our house, and then... Just our house. And this fucking hot air balloon. You walk out and they're all just facing the back door.

They're all on fire. Yeah. Just slammed into the fence. I hope they know how lucky they are. The house is on fire. Yeah. Hope they know how lucky they were. I don't know.

See, they look way too happy to be in that hot air balloon. They're happy to be alive. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, hey, there's a problem. Like, so we're all dying. Mm-hmm. Because that's the only...

If you hear a hot air balloon pilot say, oh. Oh, geez. Oh, no. That's, see, that's my worst fear. Oh, okay. Oh, boy, all righty. Should have checked the gas before we took off. We are fucked.

Well, thanks to everyone who sent that in. Routes. Let's get the show rolling. Okay. 202. Off the ground. Like a hot air balloon. 2.

Fucking Zat! Shut up. Start the show already. This one's just a silly. It's a silly little funny, okay? Because the visual makes me very happy. Would you rather have the head the size of a tennis ball or have a head the size of a beach ball?

And not the funny giant beach ball. That's too big. Just your standard. So it's just a really large head. It's not like a, yeah, a comical unit. It's not the comic one, like the ones that are 14 feet. Not that big. No, we're just doing like, when you picture a beach ball in a stadium or a concert,

or at the beach. Yeah, there too. I feel like beach balls show up in more places than at the beach. I don't think I've ever seen one at a beach. No, because it's a bad idea. Swimming pools. They're light, and they float and they hit the water. Now you're polluting.

Got a littering fine. And you try to swim out and you swim past the break. And then you're in the reptide and you die in front of your kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's how beach balls go. I've seen a thousand times. What? We're not past the breakers.

Watch the world die. Chase the beach balls. Nice how I don't want. No. Oh my God. A tiny. Is it beetle juice? Yes.

The shrunken head. The shrunken head when he was a little head. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think that's a little bigger than a fucking tennis ball. Tennis balls are small. I don't know.

There's the. I feel like my main concern is always going to be like if I'm mad or... Your computer's not plugged in. Am I? yes it is the hdm i just wasn't just always something should be now

if you're wearing your glasses you would saw that it wasn't damn it damn it uh huh is it working it's maybe thinking about it okay anyway it doesn't matter

everyone knows everyone knows everyone knows what the I just wanted to see it for myself um that's that's bigger than a tennis ball yeah yeah absolutely so my brain goes to when you're mad or you want to be taken seriously

what size head do you want? So here's also the issue. If your head shrinks like, well, if you still talk the same, it'd be different. But if your head shrunk, you're not like this. No. I'm so mad. Yeah. Are you?

Yeah. Oh. It's adorable. Get out of here. Equal rights. Okay. Get out of here. Equal rights.

Get out of here. That's enough. It's enough out of you. Tennis ball head. I'll take it from here, tennis ball head. Jesus, tennis. Like, who invite? I told you if we invited Joe and his fucking tennis.

But the other way, too. Oh, my, wait, hold on, before you switch. I'm not, we can go anywhere. Before you switch. Switch back and forth, baby. I'm a hat guy. You're a hat guy. Ah!

So, you know those little ice cream, the plastic ice cream? Baseball helmets? I know exactly where you're going. And it's not like What's it called a flex fit? Like you have to adjust the straps on the back? It's still too big, yeah. Yeah, the little rubber strap.

All the way tight. Hello! Trying to cheer on a team with your little head and your little voice. Whoever's behind you is pumped, though. Yeah. If you have a tiny head. The beach ball head would be the opposite. They'd be like,

what fucking invited this guy? I think I've sat behind a couple of those people. And the size of that hat? God. Well, they now have those oversized hats, too. Extenders, extenders. They have the oversized baseball hats, too. Oh, yeah.

They're like a novelty thing. Then you could sing those high sopranos probably, too. Instead of having your balls removed to do it. So if your voice didn't change, because that wasn't in there. You naturally want the size to match the voice. Yeah. But imagine you had like the trailer kind of voice. Hello.

But you had a tennis ball head? Whoa. What if the smaller got that deeper? always got in a world. The bigger head got so beach ball is really high pitch like helium. Yeah, but the little... The little... The ice picture, Ram in Cootney County.

Sam Elliott with a tennis ball size head. Have you seen the pictures of Yellowstone National Park? Have you? Your tour guide has a fucking tiny tennis ball head. All right, let's go, sports fans. Oh, God. Just another half mile. You set that.

Three half miles ago. It'd be like you, Big head's kind of scary. Your neck has to support it. Bighead makes it also difficult, more difficult, I think. To what? Just do things. Get in a car, you're going to smack your head.

Like, you'd get used to it, but an oversized part of your body, you just, you're banging on things. Yeah. But you, yeah. Okay. But imagine being born with a C-section. Like, you're at the head. of a pregnant lady, it's just their head.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot. Tiny little baby body with a beach ball size head. He'll grow into it. He'll shrink to it. Never did? No, never. Just got more and more inflated.

Imagine the other way around with a baby being born was like a tiny... Fuck. Put it back. Throw it back. Throw it back. Whether any advantages... Is there any career advantages for tennis ball head? What, like, like, go, like, spigin the tights.

Oh, instead of fist me, just head me? Mm-hmm. Just fucking head me? You can get inside and lick around. Oh, my God. You were just in there? Yeah. It's like, you know, Mr. Bean, when he puts the turkey over his head. Yep.

And he's walking around. Like, it's essentially, like, your head's in there. there and then you still have your hands. You're still like tickling her nipples. And you're just like, do you look, oh, yeah, because you go inside and be echoey or whatever. You'd hear it. Like you're like,

yeah, fucking cleaning your ears out after heading your girlfriend. You don't even fit it? And then I'm sure there's something that can fit a beach ball. I've been on the internet. But not, way more common to be able to stick your head into a vagina. God, just be.

Being able to do, check on anything. Like, just being able to stick your head in to look at things. Like a little light and you just, like you could peek into things. Yeah, like a mechanic. Yeah. Instead of having to use like a camera to look in there. Like, where's Joe? Where's Joe?

He's like, excuse me? I can't see the problem up here. You're just a tiny head inside a motor. There's your problem right there. the inline specs and the rotary gird are all rusted out how can you see that he's like pull your head out

covered in grease yeah just a it's a full black face just yeah it's go and then what would beach ball head be good for nothing nothing

I can't see an advantage head budding head budding yeah you'd have some fucking weight but behind it like the MMA fighter with a fucking beach ball head but at the same time

that's where I was bigger target yeah exactly God. You, it's hard, you know, you're trying to cover your head. You're doing this and they're just punching the other part of your head. Yeah. Yeah. You can't guard it. And when you went down, there's going to be some weight on that thing.

Dude, imagine the brain that you could have in there, though. If you fall over the tennis ball head, it'll never hit the ground. No, never would. Your shoulders would stop it. Yeah, you'd fall back and you'd never hit the back of your head. Marty McFly when he gets hit by the car. Yeah. He would have been knocked out.

He would have just hop. up. Yeah, his baseball, well, tennis ball head would have been like, yeah, fine. Yeah.

Do you have like a tiny little neck with the beach ball head? Like a golf tee? It would have to be in comparison probably. Or what if it's not? What if it's a normal size? It's like,

it's like a cupcake on a cake platter? Yeah. But upside down. Upside down cake. Or like a muffin top, but the handle part is the head. I hear you. You know what I mean?

Yeah, this is great. Um, well, if you've seen some of those, oh, what's that note? That giant, there's a meme of the guy that's like a mugshot or something. All neck, the thick neck guy. Your computer doesn't work. It's working now. It's working now.

Thick neck guy. Magic guy. It is all neck. Yeah, that guy. Remember that guy? Oh, yeah. Oh. I'm glad you didn't see anything weird.

Look at that guy. Yeah. Oh, geez. It's a lot of neck. yeah so that with a tennis ball head you're typing tennis ball size head okay is that only next it's not as pocket

I'm not paying for this cancel my free subscriptions up I think I'm gonna no I gave it a ride you guys gave me one free week and I typed in for coming back tennis ball size head and not one image of anything other than a tennis ball show we might be breaking ground here

wow Always on the cutting edge. There's nothing. Not even a meme or a joke. Nothing. Well, all right. Well, just based off of what we've covered, I'm going to pick tennis ball. I mean, God damn.

In a conversation, like a serious conversation. Yeah. My brain always goes here where it's just like, I don't know, you're talking to your kids about something. You're coming. And like picturing them having to turn around and look at your tiny asses. As you talk to him about like heartbreak, I know what it's like. Your mouth is the size of your head.

And you have ears? Are they normal size ears? Are they get to shrink? I think everything shrinks down. Okay, fine. Right? So it's not like the annoying orange. No.

With the eyes? Okay. Fine. When's the last time you watch his videos? It'll be a while. What happened to him? He's probably doing fine. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. I just thought she loved me. And you're like, listen. A bigger head's, I feel like better for like big situations. Maybe. Like bigger talks. Maybe though. I don't know.

You're sitting there like, well, if you're, if you're, what are they called characteristics? What are they fucking called? Your facial features shrink and or with the tennis ball. Then they expand with beach ball. Your eyes would be. Look at me when I'm talking to. And you're, you could fit. A normal size head in the beach ball size mouth, probably.

You know what I mean? The tennis ball head could fit inside your mouth. Yeah. Right in a nostril. Yeah. All of it's going to suck. Life's going to be hard.

I remember playing video games. It was at Blitz, NFL Blitz, you could do the oversized head. And it was comically oversized. But that would be about the equivalent of a beach ball, I think. And that always looked ridiculous. Did you ever get shrunken heads? They had shrunken players. But they never just shrunked that.

head. Yeah. Because they're like, this is ridiculous. Yeah, because the helmet just a tiny helmet. The little helmets you can collect. He has to be really good at football. And you have to be a linebacker with a tiny tennis ball head? I'm get you. Or just the quarterback. Red four seven.

Red four seven. Hats. Hat. I still can't get there with my boys. That's all right. He'd have to spear a guy. Yeah. It would be out of the way. He's got a lead with his shoulder. Targeting and led with his helmet. How? Yeah. He mushed his head, dude You fucking helmet would disappear into your shoulder pads Like a little turtle

I don't know Just because I think I'll be more useful I'm going tennis ball head I've always wanted to see what the inside of vagina looks like That'd be the first thing For myself Not from like a camera or I just want to yeah

First person For science For science For science and come Tennis ball size head would make things less complicated. It'd be crazy, but it'd be less complicated than having an oversized head. I think I'm going to go tennis balls.

Just picturing. You stopped at a red light and you look over and it's just a tennis ball head guy driving with little tiny glasses on. Like putting his head behind the sun visor? What's up, bro? But actually, you window up? Nothing. But playing, like thinking he's really cool,

brings in another level of like wearing a necklace or something like that you know he has a great personality just a cool guy is this something Guinness Booker world records would keep track of small as head i think it would have to right what about going to a tennis match with a tennis ball size head so you're just you're in the danger zone you're you're watching up in the stands and your head would have to turn farther to you know this with a normal size head you can get away with a little head turn, a tennis ball size head, you'd be having to whip that thing around. Sorry, I'm taking a look here. Obviously, this guy, or girl.

Oh, yeah. Remember him? Yeah. But he's got a, his body is... Everything's small. Yeah, relative to his head. Just a two and a half footer. But take that guy's head and put it on...

Like an average size body. And smaller. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's tiny people. Tiny, yep. I don't know. Well, you're, yeah, I was going to say, if your neck's the same size, if go back to that, your Adam's apple would be the same.

So your voice would still be normal. Mm-hmm. Unless your neck shrinks, too. Yeah. Which one are you picking? God, now I'm picturing like a tree trunk with a little, like a little mini pumpkin. Yeah. Like sitting on top of it.

But that pumpkin's really nice to you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just a regular guy. Great manners, raised right? I already said, I think I'm going 10. Manus ball. Okay. Zach? Yeah, probably.

Okay. He just wants something small. Let's move off to what are you thinking about. Come on now. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Yeah.

So as I've talked about on the show over the last, I don't know, a couple episodes. Like, I'm not in between jobs. I have jobs. I guess there's a lot of them. A lot of things going. You're kind of in between all of the jobs. Kind of, but it's not like they exist and I get paid for them. So I'm not like just waiting or I'm not like trying to find a job. I guess what I remember in between was literally in between. Yeah, because you're.

So I got, I mean, all of it's working, just waiting for one of them to get all their ducks in a row. So it's all set up. And while I wait for that, which is very nice of them because it's not my fault. Because I joined them thinking I was going to be starting pretty much right away. so I'm still getting paid for doing not a whole lot because they're like they thought they were going to be up and running two and a half weeks ago. So I have taken this opportunity to just kind of go fuck around a little bit.

And I shared the story about pinball. Was it in the bonus of an episode or was on a regular show? Eh, who fucking knows. Anyway. So with a little bit of extra time, I decided to go hang out with the same girl. Because she's fun and she's neat. And it's a good person.

So I was found myself back in the land of gas. She's neat, huh? She's neat. She's super neat. I found myself back in the land of the gas station casino combos. So I'm in Montana. Here we are in Montana. Fucking land of the,

Montucky. Land of things. Hank's fireworks and casino. Mosectomy and casino. Casinos and more. Just cremation. Just. And casino.

And I couldn't have. planned this story to happen, but that's just the way life is sometimes. Like, it just works. Now, you guys, you guys know me pretty well. You know that I'm not just walking around in the real world, being a dick. It's just, that's not who I am. And I'm about to share with you guys an experience that I did not know what's going to happen. I've never experienced this shit and it fucked with me. If he was just trying to get under my skin, he did. Because it got me wondering and I've thought about it at least every 30 seconds.

Relentlessly. Since it happened. So it's been days. This was going to be you for the next couple of weeks. It's been days of this motherfucker getting in my head. So I'm over in Montana. And we were hanging out and she is not from Montana. She found herself from Montana.

So she had never been because why would you, unless you're me, go to a gas state. Casino. Me and two other people, clearly. Because every time you go, there's one or two other people other people. And everybody's sad. So we're there. And I'm like, well, let's fucking do it. Let's go. We're not doing anything. It's just, you know, finish up dinner and we'll just go do that. So we did. And we walk in and we go up there and we get our drinks from the bartender. Everything is fine. Everybody is happy. We're having a blast. He's giving us drinks. We order. and he goes, I'll bring them to you. We're like, great.

So we go and sit down and we put money in the machine, and we're playing and having fun. How big is this place? Like a closet. They're all not great. Like, if Montana would just stop dispersing the casinos, and we're like, hey, let's just put this all in one fun spot. Like a normal casino, it would be a lot more fun to go.

But they don't. They just go. There's like 10 machines, and it's attached to a fucking, it's just not a good time. I'm trying to visualize how big the space is for this guy to come get you drinks and then go back to his... Let's go 800, 900 square feet. Not big at all. We can see him, but he just wants to pour him.

And I'm sure that's common business practice. Like, go sit down and waste your money, and then I'll bring your drinks out. So that happened, and we're having fun. And obviously, she doesn't know what's going on. I'm explaining it. We're laughing. We're betting tiny. amounts because it's not about,

no one's winning big at the fucking town pump, which is also what I called your mom in high school. So, town pump casino. And we're laughing and doing that. Brings over, brings over our drinks. Like, thank you. That's awesome. And then he left.

So up to this point, I think I've said five to ten words. How did you order your drink? Like you would normally order a drink. We show up, we're laughing. And I think I said, do you guys have an amber? and he went, mm,

he goes, yeah, we got the Mac of Jacks. They said, perfect. So that's the amount of words that happened. Highly agreeable.

And then she ordered, so she said more words, grand total 10 to 15 between two people to get these drinks. Did you introduce yourself? I did not introduce myself because that'd be weird.

If you walked up to a bartender, hi, I'm Joe. Did not do that. None of that happened. I ordered the drinks, and he goes, okay, he goes, I'll bring him out to you guys. And we said, all right. And we walked away.

So now we're at seven words, him and I. Then he dropped him off. And I said, thank you. And then he left. And we kept playing for maybe a half hour down and up. And then just because it was silly and funny, we were like a dollar and 25 cents above the money that we had put in originally, which is, you know, we were like, like, cash out. Like, don't lose it. Don't lose it. So we went back up to the bartender, which you have to do in Montana, you can't just go to a machine and shove your ticket in and get your money. You have to go back up to the bartender and then they cash you out. So walk back up there and I hand him the ticket and we're still just like laughing, but we're talking about like, what do you want to do? Do you want to keep going? Like get another drink, blah, blah. We're just talking

about it. And she goes, yeah, we could do one more. So he gives us the change back and I go, we're going to do one more drink. And he goes, no. And I just looked at him and I was like, wait, what? he goes, nope. And I went, why, are you guys closing? And he goes, uh, nope.

What time do you think it was? Nine. You know, they're not close to 11. I mean, gas stations, you know, just,

just, nope, that's all, and I'm just looking at them, and I'm looking, you know, off to the side, at the girl,

we're both kind of, like, looking at each other. And I said, why not? And he goes, I guess didn't, I guess didn't like our interaction earlier.

and I went, what, what happened? And he goes, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it? And I'm standing there. It's not fun. It's not a fun environment. There's no music. And there's maybe two other people in there.

And you can hear their chairs go like, and look over it like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah, because there's no music. There's nothing. And you can't turn the machines up because it's like, it's basically a respectful, it's like if your grandparents, told you to turn down the music, that's the overall vibe of the gas station casino.

Not fun. And I go, okay, I was like, well, what happened? And he's like, don't worry about it. I said, all right? I stood there. He goes, and this is what kills me. He goes, I already filled out an incident report. And I just looked at him and I said, for what?

And then girl, you know, grow up with. She goes, yeah, what happened? And he goes, mm-mm. Just didn't like. And I'm just I'm like waiting for him to break character And laugh

Because nothing has happened I did not I'll tell you what I didn't do Is walk in there And go Give me a fucking drink That would warrant Maybe I

Maybe I need to not have any more But also that would be Don't give me the first one Right Okay And we weren't drunk We weren't loud This was like

Our second drink Of the evening We had one at dinner And then we had one At the casino So we weren't drunk You weren't being obnoxious or loud. It's a tiny-ass town.

So as I'm trying to piece this, go, let me finish the story. So he goes, I already filled out an incident report. And I said, wait, for what? And he goes, I just didn't like it. And then he looks at, you know, the girl I'm with. And he goes, not you. You're fine.

And I went, okay? And she goes, what do you do? And he goes, don't worry about it. I'm just standing there. And we're just looking at all, Everyone's looking at each other in silence. And I just go, okay. And I just turn around and she leaves with me.

And as we're walking out the door, he goes, thanks for being cool about it. Like, this is the equivalent of when you're not mad. And someone says, why are you so mad? Like that, it's almost like he was trying to get me to punch him. Like, I don't know what. Maybe he needed some excitement. What he thought I was going to do.

like, you just already filled out an incident report. What are you fucking talking about? What happened? But then to say, don't worry about it? Okay. Like,

no, tell me what happened. What happened? Nothing happened. Literally nothing happened. So, like, we're,

like, driving back and we're both, like, the first, from, like, laughing, being like,

what the fuck? To, you know, like probably a couple minutes of silence of us being, like, just everyone, Try to remember back.

And I, yeah, just, what could I have done? And I was like, do you think it? Like, he knows I'm not from here, and I'm with you. And he's like, get out of your fucking, like, ain't never seen none of it. Ain't like it. All right. He felt an instant report. What for being here?

And I still, I will never be able to piece it together. I'll tell you what I did piece together. His name's Will! I'm going to fight. Find you will. I want to find you. I will find you. And I will.

Nope. I just not make the rest. A set of kills or a set of skills. Whoa, you said it. A set of kills. I'm a serial killer. But like my personality is very bubbly and very friendly. And that's what it was in that moment.

And exchanging those words, going about my having fun. And then coming back and being told I had an incident report filled out for just me. what it makes me think of one of those romantic comedies where the locals don't like the out of town guy coming in and could be taking out the that's all we could really come out even though she's not from there she's still a local gal she lives there and he maybe he's seen her around town

maybe he stocks her I don't know I don't know what this guy's up too she's in danger right now yeah maybe and he was like I don't like it Is he an older guy, younger guy? Younger? I would say probably, if I had a guess, 30. Well, you are an internet personality, buddy. But there's no way he knew.

But also, why would he do that? I don't know. I don't know how you get an incident report. Like, I don't like your podcast. It was such a weird threat. What a weird threat. Might not have had anything else. I already filled out an incident report.

Maybe he probably did it would do it. And then he said, don't worry about it. Yeah, because he didn't have a reason. He just didn't. He just didn't. So whatever it was, and that's all we could think of that would make a man do something like that. Why didn't you stay in there and find out? Why didn't you fight him?

No, you don't have to fight him. Because I didn't care enough. How would you not care enough? Because what am I protecting? What do I have to prove for this guy? No, not about proving. I would want to know what the hell I did. I didn't, I know that I didn't do anything.

But I would, that would bother me the most. He knows that. That's why he did it. Like, I would be like, okay, I will leave. But tell me what I did. I want to know what I did. So was he just flexing his one little bit of power in front of the gal? That's what I'm thinking.

Pretty girl, I'm sure. Yeah. And that's all we could. That's all we could do. No, she's fucking so ugly. Yeah, I'm sure, Joe. Yeah. Maybe he's trying to get you out of there because he was trying to hit on the old ladies.

And she was just going to be like, all right. See you. And his brain, his fantasy was like, I'm going to tell him an incident report. And she's going to stay here. Yeah, she'll stay with me. She was like, see. I'll be the hero. I'm going to save them.

That's fucking, it was so weird. Like, so weird that I, like, I don't know, it's hard to, hard to accept closure on something like that.

Yeah, I don't know, I don't know how, like, it bothers me and I wasn't even there. Like, I, like,

what do you mean? This is something I'm going to be thinking about. I'm going to be, I'm going to wake up in the middle and I'd be like, Joe, what'd you do? It's got to be something. There has to be.

All it, you're telling me. Maybe you didn't realize, while you were being fun and bubbly and stuff. Maybe you said something. I didn't. But maybe you said something that could have been taken the wrong way. Promise I didn't.

I would say that. This story wouldn't even be a story if I was like, oh, I yelled that. No, none of that happened. We were just in the corner laughing and playing a game. He didn't like that you guys were having fun. That's what I was another theory. He just didn't like it. No idea.

Which he said. I don't like it. I just didn't like our interaction earlier. What? What? What part of it? He must have thought you were being rude the way you asked for the drink or something.

But I didn't. But I'm just saying Like I'm not... I'm not that way. I know you're not. Do you guys have an amber? Yeah, I have a Mac and Jacks. That'll work.

Those were the words. That's all I said to this guy. Okay, I got to get to the bottom of this. When you walked... No, when you walked in this place, he was standing behind the bar. And you walked up to the bar. Straight.

The door is... Who said a word first? Me. Would you say? Hi. Did you say hi? Probably. Or did you walk in and say, hey...

No, no, it matters. It matters. What do you want? I didn't just walk in to the bar and just be like, do you have an amber? That's what I'm trying to wonder. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Have you met me? I don't know what you could have done in that moment.

I would never have done that ever. Just walk up, give me a fucking beer. That's not what I'm saying. You walk up and before even... introductions. You say, hey, do you have an Amber? No. Do you kidding. I don't know.

I'm just trying to put my brain in this guy's brain. I didn't do that. But even if I did, incident report? Yeah, I know. I know. Okay. Okay, buddy. You got it.

Don't worry. You already filled out. What? Already. You should call the casino and say, hey, I had this little interaction. Hey, is Will there? I need to. Don't even, I mean, like, say, is there was a,

an incident report filled out. Can I have more details about it? Please do that. But there wasn't. Like, what's he going to write down? Well, say that. And they'll be like, no, we don't have anything like, well, your employees said this and he didn't serve us. I have to know, like, what's going on here. Yeah. It's driving me. For me. I mean, for me. Do it for me. You do it. Okay. You sound enough and looking up like me. Well, see, I don't want, I don't want to, I don't want to get anybody in trouble here. But I got to know. Like he's going to look me up and chase me down.

You never know. If I wanted to fight him, I would have killed him. Like, that's his body time. I never would have went to fighting. You keep going to fighting. That's what you wanted. Like, what do you expect me to do? I just want to know what the hell happened.

Nothing happened. I'm telling you. I want to know from his perspective what happened. What happened? Okay. I get from your perspective, nothing happened, but obviously something happened to him. Doesn't matter what you believe. It matters what he believes.

But it's two people. That we're like, no, what are you talking about? I know, but that's what I want to know what's going on in his brain. Somewhere in that interaction, he thought shit went off the rails. You touched your butt. You filed Montana. What was it? I don't know.

I have to know. I mean, yeah, that's how I feel too. But I also don't. Like, what am I going to do about it? So is this like a three-star review? What do you think? Yeah. What kind of review would you give for the place?

What is this place called? Do we want to say it? Sure. You already said his name. Well, there's a lot of wills out there. There's probably a lot of Montana wills. That work at that place? Yeah, that's a hard one to look up.

I'm sure it's not listed on LinkedIn. Like, Will, Town Pump, Casino Manager? No. You're going to try? I hope you find a picture of your home. That's the name of the gas station. Awesome. It's also your mom's nickname.

If you remember. Oh, yeah. Fucking Town Pump. That's such a funny name. Facebook. Oh my God, that chick. He's the town pump. I found the Facebook page.

312 likes. Minnesota Avenue. Oh, God, I can get leading a lot of information. What are you doing over there? Sorry. Jeez, Louise. I don't know about giving out the location. I just don't want something dumb to happen.

I don't want them to get hurt or our listeners to go crazy and do something. I get it. We just want to know. I know. I just want answers. I want answers too. And maybe if I go back, I'll walk in there and be like, I'm like clearly sleep deprived. I'm shaking and like scratching. I'm like, what did I do? I haven't slept in since in a week. I haven't slept in a week. Since this happened. What did I do? What did I do?

He was like, oh, I was just joking. Then I would punch him. It wasn't April Fool. So. No, not even close. So yeah. There's that. that. So whenever you guys just think you're going about your day and nothing's wrong, I'm going to fill out an incident report just in case. I kind of want to go to this place now and just see.

See if I fill out an incident report? Yeah. I want to know what those two ladies were, or is it an old couple or a couple of ladies that were in the... No, two construction dudes. Oh. That's the clientele. Construction dudes that just don't want to go home. I wonder that's who was there okay well maybe they were in on it we don't know they wanted me out

they probably knew those guys and they wanted you out yeah and they almost got me that makes more sense you think that's what it was i've been to plenty of they walked up and said kick them out dude i've been to plenty little towns where weird shit happens yeah up and twists all that kind of stuff they don't like they don't like people coming in from out of town yeah cool super cool they know everybody there and if you show up they're like we like it just Just as shitty as it is. Yeah. Don't bring any new...

Nothing new, nothing ever. Yes. That's their town motto. Yes. All right. We ready to get off some dick? See if we can gape this thing. Come on now, Zach!

So we've covered stories similar to this. But not exactly this. This is just so funny to me. But an arson suspect arrives at police interview with singed eyebrows. It's like the guy, you know, where they drive. like the stolen vehicle to their court date for stealing cars. It's like that, but crazier. Or Tim Robinson when he crashes the hot dog through the car or the store.

Hot dog car through the store and he's wearing the hot dog suit? Who did it? Columbus Man is facing arson charges after a fire involving fuel tanks on the west side. Wow. When the suspect was questioned, he reportedly had visibly singed eyebrows and bandages on his arm. Maybe he was trying to put out the fire, Joe. Sure. I'm sure that's what he said.

According to a Columbus police report, officers were called to the 1800th block of Walcuff Road, where they found fire damage of the property. According to the Columbus Division of Fire, investigators at the scene observe fire damage to three large fuel storage containers on the property with an estimated loss of about $25,000. After the scene exam, investigators review of surveillance footage,

which showed a Dodge, Dakota, truck pull up to a locked gate, the driver exited, unlocked it, drove to the fuel storage containers. From the video, it appears the truck driver is removing fuel from the storage containers and loading it into his truck. The video also shows the driver moving to the rear of his truck, lifting, and closing his truck lid to the cap. Okay.

While removing the fuel, a flash fire occurs, prompting the driver to get into his truck and drive away until he realized something in the bed of his truck was also on fire. Oh, God. The driver then backed his vehicle towards the fuel tanks, causing the fire to spread further. You know what I should do? I should back this flaming truck I have into the fuel tanks. That'll put it out. You got to find fire with fire.

Yeah! You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. Okay. Suck out the oxygen from the other fire. He exited the scene and went south on Walcuff Road after relocking the gate. That is manners. Yeah.

He's like, listen, this is. going to be a problem, but I don't want other people. I can't have people just walking in. Walking in here. I don't know. I'll do it. But not everyone's true. I don't want anyone else to know I can just get free fuel. Investigators located Mirandas. What? Miranda's. Is that a fucking word?

Mirandized. Morandized? They gave him his Miranda rights. Oh, what? I have never seen that my whole life. Located Mirandized and interviewed William Bush at his place of employment back on April 15th. 15th, Bush entered the room with burns to his right cheek, singed eyebrows, and a burn on his right earlobe. He was making top rum in the boiling water. And a large bandage on his right arm, which he admitted was from the burn, or from a burn.

A burn, yeah. No. Yeah. I was making a juicy sausage. Whatever the fucking called. Smoors. Yeah, that'll work. Mr. Bush stated he received the burn while working at his job.

Unfortunately, he worked at a fire extent. English refactory. Just kidding, that's not in there. Upon further scrutiny of his statements, Bush said that he actually received the burn from a brush fire. You can't just change your story, you know what, you're right. That's ridiculous.

What I meant to say was it was a brush fire. Just like sometimes when you're on fire, you forget. You forget, you know, my mind, Gil's Spacey. Once confronted with the evidence, which is just them turning on the TV. Is this your truck? Is this you? Is this you? You scream out, Mr. Bush!

Yeah. That's me. Mr. Bush admitted to stealing gas from his last job. He said he was fired from the job. Oh, yeah.

But never returned the key. Bush claimed that the fire was accidentally caused by lighting a cigarette. This guy is... Jesus. Maybe that's why he was fired from his job.

This is a... He's a wrecking ball. William Bush has been charged with felony arson property damage over $1,000. Every decision this guy made was wrong. Yeah Every single one

Not one part of it was great And he tried to lie and get out of it And then change the story Then there's footage of him doing it And then He shows up burned Yeah Like the only thing worse

To be to show up to the police interview With your head on fire Like nope That wasn't me Like boy what He's like That wasn't me Yeah wearing the same clothes

With the burn holes in them Patting down a fire They're still smoking Yeah It's like the die packs from the banks. Yeah, exactly. But just having like your eyebrows are gone. It's such a funny interview.

There was a kid. My neighbor kid has cancer and he lost his eyebrows, so we're all doing it for solidarity. Don't go to solidarity. I can smell them. I can smell your eyebrows, Mr. Bush. Why don't you just shave them off? I just thought I'd burn them off. It's easier.

It's easier. They grow back thicker. They grow back thicker if you burn them off. Everyone knows that. That's ridiculous. You're right. It was a brush fire Because what was the first

That's the job Right Yeah That's right Because going A job to Just a random brush fire You know what I wasn't at work

The mountain was on fire I was a hero I saved multiple family homes You're here you are scrutinizing me The biggest turn on the TV And he's like Oh yeah Never mind now I remember

Yeah You're right You're right Sorry about that Fuck my ass Doing all this charity work It's got my mind Doing charity eyebrow work

I'm just flustered Just Sir, I can smell your eyebrows Okay Dude the smell of burnt hair It's so good Yeah, it's hot You get it

Have you guys ever singed your face? I have Yeah Because we're all men Yeah And we're all dumb Yeah One year

When we were Fourth of July Gasoline, lighter flu. I'll never forget my uncle. We let off some rockets. They went and caused a brush fire. Yeah. And my dad jumped a barbed wire fence to go get the water truck from the irrigation district.

You guys just have a water truck? Okay. Back to you. Yeah. He ran to get the water truck. And then my uncle went around over and had a shovel and was trying to throw dirt on the fire. And I remember looking up and he had like red, you know, like the sin. Yeah.

singed like Yeah, they're burned in Yeah His beard was basically Not in flames But this close as it could be It's like It was actively burnt

Like the hair was actively burning On his face Brian get closer It's not that hot It's okay Fire beard Okay fire beard All right

All right You're ready to the next one It was Yeah it was impressive To see my dad run And jump a barbed wire fence That was Like hurtled it

Yeah And I don't even know. I don't know how he did it. All he knew is that whatever scars he was going to have, we're going to cost less than. We're nothing compared to it. Yeah. Because it was going to burn up the hill and catch houses on fire. Yeah.

I had multiple friends that got in huge trouble for brush fires. We, my uncle. And you'll be shocked. They're all dudes. Yeah. When we, I was a kid, we were, I remember we were lighting the fireworks. And one of them was, you would, you're supposed to like, the way that they told us to do was put a nail on the board flipped the board over and then put the rocket on top of the nail so I had something to sit on.

Yeah. And before they did that, my uncle just set one down and lit it so it tipped over and went, and flew right through everybody, straight through the houses and into a field. Does your uncle have Fourth of July parties? He used to. He doesn't anymore. He's unfortunate. Everybody that I mentioned in that is dead.

There was two uncles in my dad. They're all done. Son of a good. And they were not a firework accidents No Kind of No I've been a little bit

No All right You want to talk about it No really All rise Oh yeah Oh he's To put out the fire

Jordan Holiday Jason Klazer Neil Daffney The Sofer King Maggie Stokes Todd Fittonhaus Daniel Spats Matthew Leone

Daniel Stephen Giela All right, love it Do you want to read this next one? Sure. I feel like I've been talking for a half hour.

Well, it's funny now we're getting to this pipe bomb dad because that same uncle that had the fireworks parties we basically played with dynamite and we would put them in sandwich bags, throw them into the lake

so they would sit in the lake and then we'd put rocks and start sink and then it would explode and shoot 50 feet in the air. Love it. And then I had videos of that on my digital camera

and I uploaded it to my MySpace years and years and years ago. And now all the pictures and videos on my MySpace page, because I tried to log in. They're just... They're gone. They're gone. So I'll never have those... But you have them in here. In here. Yeah. It'd be cool to see the video.

It'd be way cooler to see them. Yeah. Then hold it happening in my heart. Because he actually got one of those 50,000 firecracker roll, like a spool. And it took like 45 seconds for that thing. For 45 seconds straight just love it

it's fucking insane all right that would have got along with your uncle yeah he was a hoot he would drive weird enough he would drive to Montana

and buy three or four thousand dollars worth of fireworks yeah and come back and we would have a hoot and nanny yeah

all right PA I'm assuming pa I used to call my dad Paul so that's how I's in my phone still

it says Paul um PA dad injured after accidentally dropping pipe bomb he made to entertain guests. I did not know that any story that you were about to share is going to be right

on par with this. I had no idea. And as soon as you started talking I was like, this is perfect. Yeah, I said a lot of stuff and then I look at this one, I'm like, oh, pipe bomb, okay. I had no idea. Love it. All right. Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

A father in Lancaster County, that's where August Burns Reds from. Father in Lancaster County was injured after he accidentally dropped a homemade pipe bomb he made to entertain guests, state police said. Just not a sentence you'd normally hear. No. But I get it. To entertain guests. Guess.

He's like, who's coming over? Yeah. Oh, shit. I better make a pipe bomb. Yeah. These worms. The halosins are coming over? What should you tell me, honey?

I got to make a pipe bomb. Should I do the seven-layer dip or the pipe bomb? Or the pipe bomb? Seven-layered pipe bomb? You want loaded nachos or Or you want my Yeah, loaded You want my fucking

The two, his name's Travis Spake's pipe bomb The Travis special Bad, Can we just do nachos? It's the Harrelson's They're gonna want more than just nachos They're gonna want a fucking trav

Traff special Dude, the Harrison's They're travelers, they're doing all So we can't just come over here And be like Oh, more chips Chips and football Yeah

Nothing makes a party like a pipe bum that's what Travis used always say Travis Peachy Ooh 51 of Narvan Pennsylvania was arrested Saturday

the same day the explosive went off outside his home easy to find on Jacob Road in Salisbury Township Oh it's beautiful God they really dial in this location

You think he's like Give us his address Yeah Jesus Pennsylvania State Police began investigating After Peachy arrived at the hospital With injuries

How you feel Peachy That felt better With injury, stemming from a bomb explosion. Peachy reportedly told troopers he had tried to assemble a pipe bomb because they were supposed to have guess over. And he thought it'd be good entertainment. You don't understand, it's the Harrison. And he's not wrong, but just whipping together a pipe bomb.

It's seriously like a last minute, like veggie dip. Oh, yeah, when it's so funny. The wife's like, fuck, what am I going to, what am I going to make she get? She gets the baby carrots out, chops up some cucumbers, some peppers, has a little ranch platter. And trav is just like, I'm going to the garage, I'm making a pipe bomb. She's in, she's in there. Where is the caramelized onions? Honey?

Yeah. How long of a stick? How long of a wick do you think we need? Huh? He pulls up as like welding masks. Yeah, Ben? No, no baby tomatoes. I'm making a big one.

I'm sick at these pussy-ass pipe bombs. Of course I won't drop it. What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? I've been making pipe bombs for years. Have you seen my nitriclycerate? Should I put nails in it or is that too much? That's a felony, hon.

Okay, I'll leave the nails out. He assembled the pipe bomb using a PVCV pipe filled with six ounces of black powder Police said He said he was using a literal pipe bomb Yeah He said he was using a motorcycle switch to turn To control the detonation

We should go for a ride tonight babe The weather's great can't Took the switch out of the motorcycle for a pipe bomb I needed a detonator You what? I'll put it back She just like takes her helmet off All right You know who you married

You smacks her ass Not going to the casino tonight No casino No casino Oh god Let's see State police said Peachy

Place the pipe bomb in a pile of wood Outside a shed in the backyard However once you learn That guests were no longer coming Unbelievable He retrieved it and took it back I'll put the device back He's laying in bed

Just like how you can worry about a football Being in the yard Yeah He's laying in bed He's like Fuck I've got to put the pipe bomb away I can't leave it out there Anyone can get into that pipe bomb

Anyone can get into that pipe bomb God damn it He's putting his slippers on Heading out to the wood pile And retrieve the pipe bomb God damn it always something Fucking Harrison's Come on, dogs.

Might as well get you out of here while I'm fucking retrieving the pipe bomb for the fucking Erilsons. God, I should have known they'd flake out. He's just sitting there eating his fucking seven-layer dip and like, where are they? They're not coming anymore. What? Spitting beans all over? I put six pounds of black powder in it.

Do you know what six pounds of black powder is? Okay, back to you. Take it back inside. Oh When no longer He retrieved it and took it back into the shed According to the charging documents

Nice Trooper said he was trying to disarm the explosive When he accidentally dropped it And the device detonated So you can't put it back on the motorcycle now You can't unpipe bomb a pipe bomb Peechie's wife reportedly told Trooper She was inside with two kids

When she heard what sounded like an explosion What could that be? God Is there anything else that could have been. And you're like, a distant explosion? She's listening to...

Did you guys hear something? Taylor Swift on the... Yeah, it's not like, it's not like a cap gun. No. Like the neighbor's kids, like pat, pat, pat, pat. And you're like, is that fireworks?

Is that gunshots? This is a pipe bomb. There's nothing else. Oh my God, that leave the water running? No. It's a pipe bomb. It's a pipe bomb. Especially when you know your husband's

putting together. Maybe she didn't. didn't know. She probably didn't know. Maybe he was hiding it from her. There's going to be a surprise. Yeah, he was going to be surprised for everybody.

Including him. Um, Peaches, uh, let's see. She came, soon after Pitchie came running inside and said he needed to go to the hospital. With no hands. Trooper said he suffered injuries to his face and eye. Most of the same thing.

And the hospital removed the piece of shrapnel from his head. State police searched the shed where the pipe, went off and they found a hole in the floor. As a result of the investigation, troopers charged Peachy with two counts of endangering the welfare of children. Okay. He didn't want to blow himself. No. Okay.

This goes back to where I dry ice bomb talk. Risking Catastrophe? Oh, yeah. I've started reading catastrophe. Or catastrophic. Possession of an explosive. Three counts of attempted aggravated assault.

They must Did you think that he was going to kill the family that came over? The cops were treating him like how this casino bartender treated me. It's like I didn't, listen, I just thought I was having fun. Yeah. I was trying to entertain guests. You're like, how about three accounts of attempted aggravated assault? I was trying to kill my kids.

Yeah, but you could have. I didn't want to, though. Attempted. Okay. We didn't say you did. Just said attempted. Just attempted. Just

Hmm They searched Let's see Oh yeah You have three counts of recklessly Endangering another person Yep

Yeah I don't like it Unlike court record Indicate Peechere remains In Lancaster County Prison In lieu of $500,000

Bail God God Damn it It's most expensive party ever And they didn't even Show up

And he just blew So far That's the whole thing The Heraldins didn't even come over. He's the only one that got to see the show. Fuck. All right, well, we got to keep moving. That was ridiculous. Let's do some lap time.

Zachie Pooh! Hey, little chitrans. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zach's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach. Sit on my lap, you little shits. Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Time. Conspiracy to pipe bomb. It was conspiracy to commit. Attempting. Acts of treason. in terrorism.

You tried to kill your family. I didn't. $500,000 is quite a lot. It seems like a federal thing. For just fucking around with the pie. I just didn't care for it. I already filled out an incident report. That's what you get.

Well, you love fireworks. I'm surprised. Yeah. Didn't empathize more. Okay. Are you guys ready to learn about much of the next guy, but. Yeah. Not like Joe.

Have you seen his Facebook? It's blowing shit up on there every year? He used to be. True. I gave up. Did I not just tell you about my my space page? Yeah. Tom has all your pictures, by the way.

Sorry about that. Tom's just jerking it. Look at the way you jumped up. All right. You guys ready to learn about conspiracies? Yeah, brother. So these are some of the conspiracies that were conspiracy theories at one time that were proven to be true. Okay.

One of the things to note about this is how long it takes, takes 20, 30, 50 years sometimes. Oh? Right. We'll find out. Let's see which ones you guys are heard. It's the long play. Yeah. Well, you can get power in the moment.

and then other people deal with it later in life. Yeah, that makes sense. So let's start with. You guys have heard of MK Ultra? I have. You have? Okay. So it's the theory that claimed the CIA was secretly dosing unwitting Americans with LSD and PCP to do mind control experiments.

Yeah. And now it's just bullshit. And then in 1973, we found out that this CIA ran illegal experiments on hundreds of prisoners, mental patients, and civilians using everything, LSD, hypnosis, torture, and other stuff. I'm sure other, I'm sure lobotomy was not out. Yeah, they were trying to do, have you heard of the Manchrian candidate? Mm-hmm. Yeah, they were really trying to do that at some time. Yikes.

And then finally in 1975, in Senate hearings, they came out. And it's always with the Freedom of Information Act. Yeah. Yeah. So people started talking about it in 53, and then they finally admitted it in 1973. So 20 years there. Here's a fun one. The Gulf of Tonkin.

No? A Gulf of Duncan. Yeah, that's right. Hold my breath for four times. How many Tonkins can you hold your breath? One Tonkin, two. Two, two, Tonkin. Only two Tonkin.

One Duncan, two, Duncan, three, Duncan, four. All right. Well, this is the incident that got us into the Vietnam War. And it ended up being a false flag. People in 1964, they claimed that the second attack, because there was one attack that was verified. I was in the Marine. But that second attack was fabricated to,

justify the Vietnam War. Yeah. And then in 2005, under the Freedom of Information Act, the NSA declassified it saying that, yes, it was actually a false flag to get them into war. Fuck. Considering that we all have family members that fought in Vietnam or were drafted, yeah. It's kind of a big deal. Yeah, kind of fucked up. One of my favorite parts, not that any of this is good, is that Jim Morrison's father was the Admiral, I think Admiral, but you can check me on that. He was actually in charge of the ship at that moment for the Gulf of Tonkin, which is strange because he was a very anti-war guy. Okay. The irony of that, I think, is kind of interesting. Yeah, yeah, I like it. All right, 1962, this one's pretty crazy. It's called Operation Northwoods.

Ever hear that one? Nope. Okay. The theory claimed that U.S. leaders planned false flag attacks on Americans to blame Cuba. It was spun as wild speculation like all this is and never officially acknowledged. But, quietly, the Joint Chiefs of Staff proposed staging terrorist attacks, including hijackings, bombings, fake funerals, just to justify it. And then again, in 2000, it came out as declassified documents that they actually planned false flag attacks, including terrorist plane attacks, all that shit,

just to get us in the war in Cuba. So I have a question for you, Zach. Yeah. We're about, this year will be 25 years away from 9-11. Yeah. Yeah. I used to have a show that Have we gotten better at hiding shit, though?

I don't know. It's tough. I mean, conspiracy theories are tough because people in their deathbed will oftentimes tell the secret. It's very difficult for people to keep secrets. So I don't know. I don't know.

That's a tough one to say. We'll have to talk about that once from the other time. Yeah, when it comes out. All right. How about Operation Mockingbird? I've heard about it. Don't remember. Don't remember.

Okay, this is the theory that the CIA was secretly controlling major media outlets for propaganda. Oh. That doesn't even seem like a possibility. Now it's just common. Why would they do that? Like now we just accept it.

And then we are somehow fans of it. Yeah, we're like, this is my favorite propaganda. This is my favorite propagandist. That's my favorite propagandist. This is the way I like to be influenced. What's your favorite propaganda? I like, that's fine. Sometimes I like to be influenced by CNN, but then other times I love how much like Fox

fucks me up. Fuck, I guess sit around and fuck it. I like being abused. I just like fucking coming to Fox. So back to you. In 1948 is when they first started to say, hey, is this guy CIA or OSS or whatever it was at the time? And then 1975, under the Church Committee investigation, we learned that that was true once again. Yes.

And they were doing it all over the world. And it's to fight against communism was the thing. Classic. Just the fact that your government is able to do that with the Constitution and all that, whatever. We say that that's not ever going to happen, but it's happened a lot. And it's, well, it's forever going to happen. Yeah. You guys have probably heard of Operation Paperclip. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Is that like Operation Dumbo drop? Yeah. Similar. Remember that movie? Anybody? Mm-hmm. Okay. That's why I said it. Okay. In 1945, so basically after World War II, the theory claimed that the U.S. was secretly importing Nazi scientists.

It was spun as recruiting only good Nazis with no war crime ties. And then in 1946, they started to downplay it, and then blah, blah, blah, was fine. And then actually, they found out over six. 1800 German scientists, including, obviously, Werner von Braun, and tons of Nazis that were really high up there. They just whitewashed it, and they became basically NASA and all of the other elite, military, industrial complex type stuff. And we didn't learn about that until really the 80s and 90s. Okay. That's sad. Yeah. It takes about 40, 50 years to learn the truth, even when people are right on it in the moment and stuff. Yeah. All right. This is another weird one. So we all know that at one point,

we had prohibition and the government said no to alcohol. And a lot of people got... I don't like it. I don't like it. Incident report. Yeah. In 1927 and 1933, it was illegal. The theory claimed that the government...

This is called the U.S. Treasury poisoned alcohol. You ever heard that one? No. Okay. The theory claimed that the government deliberately poisoned bootleg liquor during prohibition. And once again, it was downploated and ignored. And actually, the Treasury did add deadly chemicals,

methanol and kerosene to industrial alcohol, which killed thousands of people in the name of, you're not allowed. So it's better if you're dead. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. And again, it's not like they just come out and said, hey, sorry, we did that. It's just a little slight thing that happens 40 years later in a book somewhere.

Sorry about that. Some congressional hearing that nothing happens. All right. Let's see. I'm going to just read. I've got a couple more here. Okay. Sorry. I don't want to read all the dumb ones. There's a lot of dumb ones, too. This one's called Project Sunshine. I don't know that much about it. Okay. Started in 1953. The theory claimed that the government was secretly body snatching corpses, especially babies for radiation testing. Never hear that one? It's so weird to think of like conspiracy theories going on back then. It feels like they're always just now about those times. It's weird to think that they were actually... And it's happening now.

Like, exactly what we're talking about. Yeah, imagine what 60 years from now. It's all happening right now. Yeah. There's a lot of things that will be unraveled for our kids to go. Oh, I remember my crazy uncle said some about that. And they'll be, 40 years ago. And they'll be too distracted.

I sat on his lap and he told me all these stories. No, that guy was wrong about everything. But my other uncle, Bob, he was good. But so the theory was they stole bodies, blah, blah, blah. Everybody said, what a bunch of dorks that never happened. Actually, the Atomic Energy Commission harvested over 1,500 tissue samples from infants mainly stillborn infants, but without consent to study strontium 90 fallout. So they just said, we'll just take these.

We don't care if you're going to bury them or burn them or whatever. We're going to just use them. So strictly went with like the ask for forgiveness. Yes. Instead of, or whatever it is, beg for forgiveness, not ask for permission. Yeah. That was their approach. They're like, just take it.

Yeah. And people kind of knew in 1956. There were people talking about it in little newspapers and stuff. And it wasn't figured out until 1990. And really, it was 2001 that they actually had. everything be classified. My goodness. So, I mean, you can get away with stuff for a long time. Yeah. Especially if you're in the government. Yeah. It almost feels like it's a, it's almost like you control the news. You control everything. Like you in 50, you know, like the timeline where it's like, well, we'll all be

dead when this comes out. So who cares? Who cares? Yeah, there's no emotional tie to it anymore. Yeah. Let's see. This one's crazy. So this kind of ties into JFK and all that stuff. There's a lot to that, but I won't go into that part. This is just the CIA assassination program and the heart attack gun. So from the 1950s to the 1970s, there was a theory that claimed the CIA had a hit squad using exotic weapons like a heart attack dart gun. And it was like a blow gun thing. And it had this special kind of poison that was difficult to detect.

And it sounded really, you know, spy kind of stuff that sounded fake. And then they found out actually they developed all sorts of these poisons and devices for covert killings. And again, it was 1975. Basically, this church committee just laid out all the stuff that the CIA was doing for, you know, 40, 50 years. Fuck. Or 20 years, really.

So quite a few crazy things. No, I got them. I got them. Did you get the dart? Fuck, I knew I forgot something. Right. It's supposed to look like nothing. Get the dart.

Well, it's just silly because it was like a blowfish blow dart gun. And everybody's like, that just sounds dumb. And then they found it. It was. Okay. How about one more? One more. One more.

One on Math, Let me find a good one here. There's a couple about nuclear things that people just don't hear about. I think I'm going to do, there's two of them here, but I'll do this one. This one's called Broken Arrow. It's a lost nuclear bomb, 1965. The theory claimed that the U.S. lost a nuclear weapon at sea and covered it up. And, of course, the United States was like, like we'd lose a nuclear weapon.

Yeah, you don't just lose a nuclear, nuclear. That'd be crazy. here. And it was kept a secret for national security reasons. And actually a plane and a hydrogen bomb rolled off the USS Ticonderoga into the Philippine Sea. So they just rolled right off like a crate full of tch, shit, shit, shit, shit. Yeah. Did you put the parking brake on? Of course I put the fucking parking brake on. Shit, shit, shit. Oh shit. Yeah, we, I think we actually dropped a nuke in North Carolina once too. It didn't go off, obviously, but I think one fell out or whatever. But we didn't learn about

this, this happened in 1965. We didn't learn about it until 1981 and then more about it in 1989. Have they found them? That one, I don't know. I think, actually, I think so. And they've actually found a Russian sub with nukes on it where they covered that up. There's so much cover-up stuff going on. Because they think we're dummies and they're probably right. I don't know. But they're dummies too. That's the problem.

They want, yeah, they want, they're like, they can't know. They have to be blissfully unaware. That's right. All right. That's all the crap I got. I don't know how they're that works in the Candy Don't universe. It works great. There's a bunch of silly shit. You can't all be dicks and tennis heads. Now everyone's thinking about it.

Yeah, it can't be tennis heads and fucking Montana casinos. Well, which one's like the craziest one to you guys? Which one makes you go fuck the most? I mean, the LSD, all that stuff where they're actually taking people and running tests on them. It's pretty crazy. Well, you guys have heard of the Tuskegee. Yeah. Yeah.

Same thing. Or they kept that closed for 40, 50 years too. But it just makes me think about like all this stuff that's happening now, which ones are happening and which ones aren't, you know. I really should say, Joe, in public, Bob Lazar, he deserves a public apology from people, I think. Yeah, I think he does. Because that tick-tack thing with the little, the little L-shaped exhaust pipes, he was talked about that in 81, and it's like, there's nothing on earth like that. And for there to be a thing that the military verified, and it shows the little vents, the little L-vents on a tick-and-a-old vents on a tick-es. attack. It's like he, what are the odds of him coming up with that? Yeah. Yeah. So I think I owe you an

apology and I owe him an apology. I think that's going to be a big one. Oh, dude. It's, I don't know if you guys are seeing all of the scientists disappear. Yeah. I hope the, I hope the UFO, I hope a UFO comes down and here's us talking about it. It's like, and they're like, they won't, they won't talk about it. And they just show up, and they just put it on the screen. Like, yes. Yeah, what the hell is having all these scientists going missing? We did a show on it today or this week on the dipship files. It is insane. One of the most important generals, major generals in the world.

He knows all of the secret satellite shit and nuclear stuff. And he just went out for a walk and never came back. And that's weird. That is weird. Where is your major general, America? I don't know. I don't know. He must be walking.

At least shoot him with the heart attack harpoon or something. You know what I mean? Right. I'm not sure a harpoon would be very secret. You miss. You run over it. Even if you hit him, he's He blows him a half.

You grab the harpoon and run back in the woods again. And load it up. Fuck. Even if you hit him, they're like, what do you die from? I think it was a heart attack. His arm's gone. There's a hole through his fucking body. Heart attack.

Yeah, scared his heart. Yeah, scared his heart half to death all the way to death. The harpoon wasn't going to kill him. It's his heart that killed him. That'll get you. Yeah, it's not the humidity. It's the humidity. It'll get you.

This is a fun one. Zach, play it! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! So the concept behind this is cute. And the website is I'll be your friend.com.

Okay? And so what this guy does, and it says here on the main page, says six spots a year, one adventure, one new person, every time your bucket list, your dime, so you have to pay for it.

My company. If we're lucky, a friendship that outlasts the trip. So you go here and you pitch this guy what your bucket list adventure is, and then he will take you on it. You pay for it. You have to pay for it. But he'll be there, and he will have the expertise to go do it. And his team will take care of you and take you on your bucket list.

I'm guessing they would obviously film it and turn it into some sort of show. But they go all over the place. So let's see here. The gallery. It shows pictures of all the different. places that he's been. I appreciate that this guy didn't want to have a real job. Good for him.

It's a good little thing that he came up with. And I bet you there's plenty of people out there that they have a bucket list thing they want to do, but their circumstances don't allow them to go do it with like, I don't know, their wife or their husband. And this guy's like, I'll go fucking do it with you. And you can have a trusted worldwide explorer take you on whatever your trip is and have a friend. And he'll be nice to you. You got friends.

Yeah. No. 99. 93. I was going to pitch him and be like, I just, my bucket list item is to have you on the podcast. He's like, you're 40. No. I'm like, fine. I've already filled out an incident report.

What did I do? Doesn't matter. Don't work about it. I just don't like it. I don't worry about it. He's based up in here, though. This area. You're Seattle.

So I'll be your friend.com. If you have somebody out there who's looking to go to a bucket list thing, but doesn't have anyone to go do it with. Head on over there. I just loved it. I loved it. That's a cute idea. And it's a reminder that humans aren't all terrible. And stealing stillborn fetuses to test for nuclear weapons.

Here is, hey, look what I found. Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found

Yes, that's awesome Okay, so this is We've covered obviously AI and robots, not a bomb For a long time And we're never going to stop Never But this is, I've never thought

This would be equally entertaining and terrifying at the same time But What I'm about to show you Is that they have Humanoid robots That are running around and chasing wild boars off the street.

I could see the pitch meeting. And you just have to see this. Look at this. Look at this thing. I saw. Get him. Get him. Go on get it.

Nice backpack, dude. Edward war jockey. It kind of looks like an 85-year-old man trying to run. Yeah. He's... He flipping him off. Was he waving goodbye? Or was he like, get out of here.

Throwing a hand up, like making a little gesture. Pesky kids. But it's another point for ways that AI robots can be helpful. That's an expensive way. It's an expensive way to get rid of some house. Yeah, exactly. Like you kill a deer and you're like, all right, bring it out. And he's like, okay.

Yes. Before I leave, would you like to see pictures of Yellowstone National Park? Not now. Just go get the deer. See, the robots are even replacing dog jobs now. That's not right. I was thinking the ones where they go stir up the duck when you go duck hunting or something. That's what a beagle's for.

That's a Labrador retreat. Just taking dog jobs away. They took her dog jobs. But just like you're laying in bed at night and like you hear these, look out the window and there's a fucking robot chasing wild boars. That would be a scene, dude. And you're like, what? First of all, what's a wild boars doing? in the city. Go get. Go now get it. Get out of here. Get out of here, Boar. Not a hog. Not a hog. Get out of here, Boar. Click, click, click, click. Ha, ha. Go away, Boar. Go away. Ha. Ha. Go on get now. Boar. Get out of here, Boar. Get out of here, Boar. Boer. Bore.

Ha-ha. That's not your Tesla. I am going to catch you, Bore. You're not welcome here. Get out of here. Ha-ha-ha. Get out. Don't come back here ever again, bored.

And then it's like, he turns around and goes back to harassing homeless people. Get out of here. Human. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Fettingal.

Job. Fetinal. not a job. All right, let's hear from the kids. Let's do it right now. Zach, please, thanks. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really?

You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. We have two of them. We have two shorties. Two shorties. This week. The first or the second. I got to read the second one.

You have to. Yes. So we got this from Caleb. It says, I'm just listening to episode 200 right now. as I walked to a trade show, I got on the extremely crowded elevator, right as Joe says, you could blow me at my dad's funeral. I don't remember anything from this episode. But there's no way I didn't say that.

You did, I remember. You do? Yeah. That's nice. And I laughed so hard, everyone in the elevator was just staring at me. You said, you could blow me at my dad's funeral and I would still come. It was when we were talking about how women, how women, like, They just started studying the clitoris.

Oh. And we were, and we were joking about how guys could just, doesn't matter. Yeah, it checks out. Yeah. I'm sorry, everyone. See, here's the weird thing. I can't remember anything about any episode previous. But you remember saying, and we were both high as shit, and I remember that.

You could blow me at my dad's funeral and I'd still come. I think it was word for word. Yeah. Fuck. So I'm pretty sure all my coworkers think I'm weird now. P.S. can't believe my amazing catalog. of military weiner art didn't make the show.

If I had feelings, they'd be hurt. Hugs and talks, Caleb. We got a lot of stuff to sift through. We do. There's a ton. All right, you want to read the second one? Sure, Joe. I'm sorry about everything that I said on that episode.

This one's coming from an anonymous writer. Oh, wow. And it's for real. Good job reading ahead. Yeah, it's going to be for real this time. Okay. I'll just start with Blyan! Don't read my name this time.

Got it. Honestly, laughed pretty hard when it happened. As soon as the bleep happened, something told me it was mine. Anyways, wanted to clarify for you. The prostate is wrapped around the urethra. It gets stimulated from the inside as well as around the back hole. Also, a vibrator so the taint can do the trick. Wow.

Also, boys and girls have the same parts just in different sizes and locations. Yeah, inside outies. The penis and clit. The prostate and the G-spot. And the labia and ball sack. I think that's why our balls look like a, it has a zipper. Balls are ovaries. Okay.

Anyways, grew up like a butthole. Your anonymous redhead stepchild, not, should I say this person? Don't do it. I won't say it's not. Yeah. It's keeping anonymity. It's literally the same anatomy. If you think about it, any or an outy.

Like an outy is a penis. And he's a just ovaries, fall opium. tubes. Philippe... Philippians. Philippine. Philippine. Filipino tubes.

It's just pushed inside out. It's just smushed in there. And that's how we are. That's how we are forever. Well, thanks for sound like that in. Definitely not...

This person. This person. All right, well, that's episode 202. The bonus will keep going. If you subscribe to us on Patreon, patreon.com slash can you know podcast. That's how you get to hear the shit that we keep saying.

and you also get exclusive merch, early releases, add free episodes, go check it out. Yeah, and help us work our way through the honkathon and make these guys eat some gross fucking food. Something you want to see on the show, the email address to send that in is, hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. Rate and review us.

Go check out what Uncle Zach's doing. Scatcast.com. Scat with a K. Don't do the C. Promise. Just don't do it. And then a shout out to the babysitters that moderated the Canyon

and playground on Facebook. I got a little joke. Yeah. Okay. Let's go. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I just wanted to say something.

Guys, don't get mad at lazy people. They didn't fucking do anything. Nice. Yeah! It's pretty funny. Real quick, I just want you to see how close we were. My alarm is going to go out. in two minutes.

Oh. And we're, so we're going to miss it. Miss it barely. Barely. Yeah, we recorded a little bit earlier today. Yeah. So it's missing the...

So it would have happened, but it's not going to happen. Not today. Not today, my friends. Made it through a whole show. A couple shows, actually. Maybe it might... Actually, it might happen in the bonus, so...

I'm not sure if we're going to get going that fast. Stick around. Okay. No, I mean the next one that I need as a follow-up. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Well, I can't wait.

All right. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye.