Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 10 Tips on Heartbreak Hotel: 1 Guest for Check-in, Please

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

If you've found yourself, like moi, checked in to the horrendous establishment that is Heartbreak Hotel, listen to my 2-part episode on how to ensure it's just a short staycation, sans room charge.  With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Well, hello, everyone. It's been a hot minute, and when I say a hot minute, I mean like six months. my apologies to all of you for leaving you this long between season seven and season eight my excuses i don't really have one i took a break just to you know recalibrate my ideas and and then my relationship fell apart and here we are

sadly i've now got really great material to talk about um thank you all for eagerly waiting for season eight to begin and i hope this two-part episode um hits the spot it is called 10 tips on heartbreak hotel one guest for check-in please yep heartbreak hotel what a vibe or the absolute opposite should I say I know everyone who stalks me on insta sees me out it's like oh my god what happened to your relationship what happened what happened I even had one person like so did you cheat did he cheat what happened what happened I'm like no I mean if he cheated I don't know about it um but no no no we did it just shit happened and that was that. And I thought, do I do an episode where I tell you all what went on

because everyone's going to tune in for the dirty goss and I kind of don't want to go down that angle. So this is my revised idea on being both informative, helpful, but also you can get an understanding-ish on what went down. So I guess, be straight up, not too proud, not too proud to admit he left me. Yep. I thought it was a huge mistake at the time. I told him so. Yeah, call it old age, if you will. I didn't chase after him. If someone sits me down and says I'm done, then okay collect your stuff I guess see you later there was no begging or anything on my part um does that mean I didn't love him no of course I loved him I loved him with everything I had um I threw everything I had into that relationship and him and I went through a lot of stuff together

like a lot of intense stuff in a very short amount of time as well um so yeah I was absolutely fucking gutted and the breakup kind of came out of the blue as well and I'm telling you this because it helps when we're looking through how to move on from a heartbreak so the breakup if I feel like if one's come out of the blue it's it also hits you a lot different um I mean him we had did have copious rows and with very different opinions and you know there'll be comments from him when he's drunk or angry like why are you clinging on to this relationship oh well that one hurt so yes there was I should have seen the signs but you know me being who I am I thought even though we were having these rounds that when we were fine we were incredible I was very much

in the mindset that would be able to communicate through it work us together out stronger I also knew we'd moved in together probably too quickly and there's always that transition phase when people move in together always it's normal been there a hundred times it's normal so I was definitely thinking that yes there are problems arising but if we sit we communicate which I tried so many times I expressed what I wanted what I needed tried to listen to what he wanted And so for me, yeah, I thought we were fine. I mean, also in my defense, the week before the breakup, he was texting me about looking at diamonds

while I was away with my girlfriend for the weekend. The day before the breakup, he was showing me screenshots where he'd text his family about our future children, said he couldn't wait. So, you know, like, that was what I was thinking. Okay, like, we're good. and it's like he woke up in a mood one day and just left me at a hotel that was that a hotel staycation that I got for us for free he left me midway during free flow people

I had an hour left of champagne that I just sat there at the table like sobbing and all the staff were coming up to me like are you okay miss miss are you okay and I was obviously checked into the hotel ironic heartbreak hotel I was in a heartbreak hotel I was checked into the hotel that weekend as media right as an influencer so everyone knew Nick Salina was there and then everyone saw my partner, just get up and fucking leave. I never returned. Oh, it was awful. It was fucking awful. And that was it. And that's that. As they say, that's the breakup. I don't want to divulge more. But yeah, there we go. I've given you enough, people. So I want to talk about, before I move on to the tips on how we move on from heartbreak, I want to talk about how it affects me. Because I

want people to realize that heartbreak is, it's so physical as well as mental. It affects us all differently. And some people are able to just be like, okay, that's done. See you later. I'm not that girl. I am not that girl. And it's because when I love, I love so deeply, you know, like move into my house like come live with me it's okay I'll pay most of the rent I'll do this I'll take us to Paris I'll do this I I'll cook I'll organize all these events for us I just love with everything I have and yeah I I honestly thought it was it like this is it I know it sounds mad now and I reflect back on some of the things said and done. But at the time, I was just blinded by our happiness and the way we felt around each other and how we would, you know, giggle like

two little children. And we had so much synergy together. Like we both loved going to karaoke and singing for like six hours. We both love going out dancing. We'd go out just on our own and go to different bars and clubs and just drink and dance. And it was so effortless. And I made him laugh all the time and vice versa. And we really fancied each other. So for me, the breakup really hit me hard, which means the heartbreak hit me even harder. If I look at how it affects my body, and I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that if you're going through this or have been through this, like it's totally

normal. But I basically can't eat or sleep. um how long has it been a month and a half I have lost five kg or eight five to eight kg I can't remember I stopped I stopped looking um but I can see it in people's reactions um and also unsolicited dms on instagram and also when I go out like the last time I went out, this girl was like, why are you so skinny? I'm like, my body just goes, oh, I'm not interested in food. It's awful. I was, I'd buy like a panini for lunch and I would struggle to eat half of the half of the panini. Like that's how bad it got. And then whenever I

ate, I felt sick. So then I'd go to the bathroom and I'd be gagging up nothing because there's nothing gone in um so weight loss and lack of appetite is like my big one um as well as no sleep oh god the lack of sleep it's horrible which leads to like rumination especially if you live together like I'm still at the house where he was there with me right was it became our home and now he's gone so I'm lying in bed used to like rubbing my feet onto his and then I'm just there in silence it's oh it's so painful it's actually getting me quite upset even regaling it so alongside that I get pins and needles um I have like this I walk around with like knots in my stomach all day and then because of the stress on my body and I'd be like gagging up

air. I mean, I do have anxiety anyway. So you can imagine my anxiety has just taken over my body, like my chest. I end up having to just rub my chest on repeat, trying to like breathe. I know it's bizarre. It's just the thing I do. Like if I rub my chest, it might help me breathe a bit better. But yeah, anxiety completely took the reins. Awful, fucking awful. And that's just the physical side like the mental side is even worse because also I'm not eating I'm not sleeping I have no energy I'm fatigued and exhausted then I leave all this open space for negative thoughts for myself for sadness um and I become very unfocused at work I oh I'm unfocused I'm not present if I'm out I'm not present I'm there but I'm not there when I'm home alone I'm deeply sad

and when I'm out I'm triggered um either worried about I'll see him worried about a scene with another woman or even if not that just I'll be dancing one minute the next minute it'll be like oh we were here together and a memory triggers sadness it's fucking inescapable right awful Heartbreak Hotel is fucking awful. So how does one check themselves out of said hotel? Sans room charge. Nobody wants to be a permanent guest here, right? No one.

So I thought what I'd do, now I've detailed the sharpness of the breakup and the effects heartbreaks had on me, I want to now talk you through how I process it, how I'm moving forward and I hope that if I share my pearls of wisdom, anyone else currently on a staycation in this fucking establishment can check themselves out as well. Point one, I don't rebound. I don't rebound. I don't date and I don't sleep with anyone. Rebounds don't ever fucking work. So stop trying to make it a thing. One night stands. Okay. They work for a brief high. You get sex. That's nice. You get a dick inside of you. That's nice. You get to spread someone's legs. Good for you, bro. But then you feel even worse the next day. All right. If you're able to leave a relationship

where you claimed you love someone and then immediately jump into bed with someone else or start dating someone else, it does make me question the depth of the love. I know people think, oh, I'll mask this sadness by finding someone new. Yay, yeah, I'll replace them immediately. Yay. It don't fucking work. And if it does work for you, you probably didn't love that person to begin with, not in the way that you claimed.

Like even now, I've been near no man and I'm good. Actually, I'm better. as if I had because I've got to see how much I have healed as a woman the way I am say versus the old me and how healthy I now am that I don't need validation from another human to make me feel okay and I mean I guess maybe like look let's be let's be real with each other the fiance did a number on me. He broke me. I went to hell and back with that man. And I healed. And I put the fucking work in to become the woman with a much healthier, happier outlook. And I can see now how much that healing that I did for like a year and a half has actually changed me for the

better. And I wouldn't have been able to see that if I had delved straight into finding someone else. Also, I don't want to be with anyone else because it's not fair on that new person. Obviously, I was still in love with the ex. Obviously, I was still sad. I wasn't presenting my best version of myself, was I, if I was dating? Did I want sex? Yeah. Did I go back to the ex? and have sex with him? Yeah. Do I regret it? No. But please don't date around and fuck people thinking it will help you heal. It has the absolute adverse effect. Okay? Point two, acceptance. If you look at stages of grief, you'll see it's a very similar pattern and you are grieving. You are grieving and mourning the loss of the relationship, the loss of that person in your

life, but also the loss of the future that you guys were building together. That's a huge hit in one go. Have that all taken away from you overnight, especially if like me, it was so fucking out of the blue. So I think I spent, say, the first two weeks not really accepting it. It was over. And we didn't really have any adult conversation face-to-face about even separating or I wasn't even given a chance to be like, you know what, Nix, I don't like this, this and this about you, change it. Well, no, we had those conversations, but then behaviors weren't changing in the relationship from both sides. But I never, I guess I never really understood how, how much he didn't want to be with me. But when you accept it, okay, he walked out. He was done.

So obviously I was coming at this relationship from a very different standpoint. Once you get that in your head, it gets a lot easier. It truly does. Point three, don't fixate on what they're up too. Sadly, I do know my ex has frequented a KTV since we split, something he's very vocal about enjoying, has been since day one. And whilst he claims he's still not been with any other woman, I have no evidence either way. But even if he had, it ain't my business anymore, is it? and that's harsh on me especially if I'm you know there in bed alone heartbroken but it's the fucking fact he left me meaning he didn't want the relationship so who the fuck am I to start delving into how he handles the breakup if he went to a fucking KTV and got an orgy or if he went

and dated someone the next day and pounded it like that's his prerogative and actually nothing to do with me or not not fair on me to ask him not to do that do you know what I mean like I know this you're probably sitting there like Nix how do you have such objective thoughts because when I'm in pain the thought of them with someone else it destroys me I get it so don't fixate on it you have to be a bit harsh and be a bit realistic right if he wants to go out and have sex and if he wants to go out and date other people immediately, if he wants to be out on binge nights all night, every night, that's not, I can't stop him or expect him not to. If that's how he wants to behave, I just have to go, okay. I'm like I said, I have no evidence to say he has or he

hasn't, whatever. But I don't want people sitting there thinking, oh my God, that person's, what do I do? What do I do? They're moving on. They're doing it. Don't concern yourself. Once you've accepted it's over and you've really accepted it it's so much easier not to sit there worrying about what they're doing and I guess maybe once again this is a maturity thing for me but I have done this before with previous breakups where it kind of destroys me inside and then I just thought well no and yeah sorry it's none of my business sorry nicks not your fucking business whatever he wants to do if he's like that's only him so please try and adopt the same attitude like don't rip them a new arsehole if you think or find out that they've been elsewhere because it's kind of

like they broke up with you or even if you broke up with them and you find out they're dating or whatever you know even if you were the dumper well you left them so that's do i mean i know it's it sounds brutal because it is. Focus only on your fucking self, please. And my final point for this part one is point four of going no contact. You'll go, blah, I bet you were going to say that. Nixies, go no contact, go no contact. Yes, but there is a caveat to this point. Because if you do need to go back for answers, you do need to have conversations. Do not be too heavy on yourself if you do slip up. I believe it's so easy to say cut all contact and ignore cut all contact especially when it's fresh especially if you end it abruptly but that's not how love isn't logical

is it love is emotional half I mean 80% of the time love is the opposite of logical we we love blindly and we ignore people's red flags and we jump into situations that aren't good for and we stay too long with people we should have left and all that jazz. Love is not logical. So logically, going no contact is the correct answer. But emotionally, you've just gone from having this person in your life 24-7, like talking about marriage, babies or whatever. And even if you didn't, even if you just had a relationship where it was stable or that it was present or whatever, if it's been longer than three months, it's kind of a relationship that will affect you or impact you when it's ended. So give yourself some grace, please. Give yourself a time period on when you

are going to be like, no more. So for me, in all candid honesty, I've seen him three times since we separated. I went on a UK trip. I saw him before I went away. And I saw him when I got back. it actually helped and I know this is counterintuitive for all the no contact advice but it helped only because the last two times I saw him I saw him in a different light I guess I'd say and I started to see yeah a little bit of reality hidden I also have done the whole you drunk texts and calls when I was sad. And I've also had his drunk texts and calls. Yeah, that happened a lot. So yeah, I would pick up the phone or I would text back or he'd ask me to go around and I went. And it's okay. It's okay, right? It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't mean

I'm you know I think I've lost the love of my life and you know well that no it's just a process and whilst I know going no contact is the answer and it is the answer I'm not saying it isn't I just want people to give themselves less self-blame and hatred as for when they do break no contact or they can't do it um because yeah it's it's tough right it's really tough so I think for me my uh my ballpark was like no longer than two months this time no longer than two months will I dwell um and I sent my kind of final text message where I basically just had to explain to him where I met emotionally I wasn't mean I just said look I loved you and this isn't what I wanted and it hurts to think about moving on like for me to move on and it this hurts and that

hurts and like but I'm okay like I'm such an emotional woman I really am I'm very romantic very emotional and it takes a lot for me to let go when I love someone but but I have in fact come to the end, thank God, of any need for contact and moving forwards. So I'm only now ready to drop all communication and basically focus on a life where he no longer exists for me. And that's what I, I mean, I'm being so brutally honest here because I want you to understand if you're struggle in your end, it's okay. No contact is the only way you will heal faster and move forwards, but it's okay. If you have struggled so far, give yourself a deadline and go no more. No fucking more. And that is the end of part one. Tune in for part two next Monday evening, where we're

going to be looking at things like alcohol, support systems, journaling, and when you can start dating again. Trying to leave this in a little positive light because it's been a heavy fucking episode, especially as season eight's episode one. But you know, your girl has to be honest. And this is where I'm at. I knew you'd all be fucking interested anyway. So here we are. I will see you all next week, and thank you so much once again for sticking with me on my journey, and I hope I've helped you guys, whoever else is currently checked in, to Heartbreak Hotel. Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast,

produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina, and recorded in the Splice Car Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening Please do give me a 5 star review, it helps other people also find my podcast For more content and features to read, you can check out my website nixalina.com That's nixalina.com

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