Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 10 Tips on Heartbreak Hotel: 1 Guest for Check-in, Please! Part 2

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

If you've found yourself, like moi, checked in to the horrendous establishment that is Heartbreak Hotel, listen to my 2-part episode on how to ensure it's just a short staycation, sans room charge. With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, hello, welcome back to part two of my 10 tips to heartbreak hotel. one guest for check-in please um you're like why are you sounding so fucking happy when you're talking about heartbreak uh what's wrong with you i kind of detailed everything last week i got all the sad shit out the way so if you haven't yet listened to part one please do it's a fabulous first episode if i may say so myself so without further ado even if you have to go and re-listen

again to refresh your memory. Be my guest. Does not be my guest at Heartbreak Hotel. Pun, pun, pun. Let's dive straight into part two and the final six pointers that I have that was going to help you move on faster, heal quicker, and check your fucking self out of that staycation because ain't nobody want to dwell in Heartbreak World for too long. Okay. Point five. don't play the blame game unless someone has cheated or done some big ass betrayal don't get stuck in the blame game my ex seriously gets stuck in blame even a month in blame blame I'm not taking the blame I mean by not taking it right you've got to blame you're to blame you're to blame I just got to the point and I thought why is why is this such a trigger for him the blame

part. Just chances are both parties contributed to that breakup. You don't want to hear this, especially if you're heartbroken, but it's true. Nobody was ever fully in the wrong or fully in the right. And if they are, say, blaming you 100% for everything that went wrong, then honestly, they probably have an inability to self-reflect or take accountability their end, which probably means the breakup was a good thing anyway I don't really vibe someone being like you you you you you you especially if they have factual evidence that their some of their actions some of their personality traits some of their words had a part to play honestly most breakups like, it's two people. To hear that, say you've been cheated on. And I struggled with this with

my fiance. It hurts because you're like, hang on a minute. I've done nothing wrong. I've been loyal. I've been supportive. I've been this. I've been that. They chose to have an affair. They chose to break up with me or they chose to destroy what we have. I get it. That's a blame game. But once again, even if that's true, the blame game doesn't help you heal. It keeps you stuck. It invokes anger. And anger and rage, if you're not fully aware, is like a sister emotion to love. Anger masks grief and anger masks love the real the real healed healing aspect of of letting love go and he's actually indifference so if there's a lot of anger there and you're playing the blame game and you're this you did this you do that it's because you haven't quite got over it yet

and um I want you over it I don't also come on let's be mature about it did you really do nothing I know what I fucking did I got major insecure he started pulling away from me emotionally and physically I ended up trying to beg for sex and I made myself insecure and unattractive in that aspect. He was no angel, but I'm not going to delve into everything he did and said because I don't need to. And also there's a part of me that was still protecting him. Like it's not really fair, but I'm not bothered about what he did. I'm bothered about my reaction because that's all I can focus and change on, right? I was clinging on too tightly to someone who clearly was pulling away and that's my shit, right? That's what I have to

work on. And me trying to cling on just made him pull away even more. So, okay, I'm good with that. You can't blame. Blame games don't work. Own your own shit, please. We're all fucking adults here. It's time we have an emotional grow up and glow up, may I say, so we can be healthy for the next person. Point six, talk to your support system. I have an incredible woman called Dom. I want us all to have a Dom in their life. She's studied human nature, psychology and all that jazz for eight years. She is the most intuitive woman I've ever come across. The most grounded, loving, caring she she's just an incredible person I'm telling you she could if she wanted cash in on fucking fortune telling because she will tell me shit and then a few weeks later my exes will do

something that just proves her right because at the time I'll be like no Dom no this that yeah oh no and she's like yeah this is what's happening this is what he's doing this is why this is happening this is why he said this she will decode every fucking message if I needed her to every phone call we've had and she's never wrong she also happens to be one of like my life support friends in my life genuinely and we talk all the time she's my biggest cheerleader and she doesn't even live in Singapore she lives in Perth she's far away from me um but yeah support systems are so crucial. I kept a lot of the shit inside of me during that relationship that I wouldn't talk to people about. And I only started to open up and tell some, regale some moments to people around

me after we separated. And it's interesting to see people's reactions, their perception of what went down, of what I was, I guess, on the receiving end of, would I say? I don't want to go into it. I ain't got the fucking energy. But yeah, having someone, even if it's just one person that you can really talk to and be vulnerable with is a game changer for your heartbreak. I will listen to her voice notes on repeat, on repeat, because I have to see the logical side. When I'm so deep in that loving phase, I have to see her logical side. And it's the only way I can do it is like talk to her and go right okay you're right okay and I say right this happened and she'd be like yeah because this this and this and this honey like so and then you know I'm in danger of

revealing too much here and I don't want to because uh yeah not going down that route but please have your friends or family or colleagues or whoever it is around you that you feel at least have one person that you can be totally fucking honest with that won't judge you for talking to all day that won't judge you for, you know, slipping up. I'll be like, oh, Dom, I fucked him last night. I went to his house. And she's like, okay, it's okay. I'm like, yeah, he asked me. I went over. And it's judgment-free, which is how I live my life as well. I will never judge my girlfriends for anything they do. And I love the fact that people are so honest with me. and it's a beautiful way to live so please do embrace those people around you if you have them

and if you don't have them and you're struggling you've got me i always say this my dms are open to you all and um i appreciate when you do share your life stories and i will always reply and i will always help you okay so if you really have no one you come to me and i will never turn anyone away. Point seven. Don't drink your days away to numb the pain. You know me. I love a beer. Fucking love a beer. Love a night out. I'm always out. I know. I just party. Party, party, party. But don't drink your days away to numb any heartbreak. I actually drank less, believe it or not, I went down the less alcohol route. And it worked wonders. I prefer very much to sit with the sadness and feel it. I feel the emotions when they're there. Okay, I'm sad. I miss him. I wish

he was here next to me. I miss him even just making coffee in the mornings or watching him get dressed for work. Okay, I wake up and I'm silent and he's not kissing me all over before he goes to work. Okay, that hurts. I'm sad. I sit in it because it helps you move on so much quicker. Do I say don't go out and enjoy yourself? No, go out. Come on. You know I've been out, out, out, out. I am pretty much out, out every week at some point. I try and limit myself to two times a week only. So I have two nights where I will embrace a little boozy night and then I'm good. And then the rest of the time, it is very much like listening to what my body wants and needs, listening to my emotions. And you know, if I want to Netflix all day and be sad, okay, cool. If I

want to be productive, okay, cool. I just allow myself some heartbreak grace really to live in the present moment. Alcohol really fucks you over when you're in this stage. I know for a fact my ex has gone down that route where he's just drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking. And once again, like I said last week, I can't fixate on how he handles it. I can't fixate on what he's up to. And I just hope like it, you know, it eventually, I just don't want him to cause any more pain for himself, really. And I know it's so easy to go to booze because it makes you forget, right? You feel really good. I've had loads of beer. I've had loads of shots. Life's great. Oh, I'm out. Oh, women are looking at me. Men are looking at me. But it's a band-aid,

people. It's a fucking band-aid for a bullet wound, right? You've been shot through the chest, yeah? Blood everywhere. Heart's a mess, right? Imagine rather than stitching that back together and allowing weeks and time of rest to heal, you just pop a little plaster over the top. Go, okay, I'll stop bleeding soon. Off you go. That's what alcohol is doing. That was a dark fucking analogy, wasn't it? Did you get what I mean? No. Please don't go down that route. And if you've gone down that route, okay, it's okay, but it's time to stop. Point eight. Journal. Yeah. You knew I'd pop this one in. I love a journal. Write down every fucking feeling you have. Anything, right? Write down the problems

in the relationship. List out any toxic traits they had. And trust me, when you do, you'll be very, very surprised how long that list becomes when you're actually looking back on the relationship and them with a more objective mindset, right? But journaling also helps you monitor your own mood, your health, what you're up to. It helps you regulate. It's free therapy, ain't it? I say this every time. You're not doing it. Get that fucking note, any notepad, post-it note, if that's all you got. Do some journaling. I love it. But then I am a writer. I guess some people don't like to write. But yeah, it's free therapy. It will change your world. And also what I really love about journals is you can look back and reread how far you've come. And now, interestingly,

I started writing about the demise of my relationship long before the trigger part where he claimed this happened, that's why we're breaking up because this happened and then that's when you, whatever. But I'd already clocked it. I'd already picked up on the emotional vibe and I journaled about it. And when I read it back, I was like, fuck me. This changes everything. We were already spiraling down long before the spiraling. Like what? So it's a fantastic tool for self-reflection and for reflection, especially during low times. I journal throughout all of my, I just journal throughout my life, really, you know, and if you have a good day, write it down. Also, the other awesome part is manifestation. You know, like if you put the vibrations out

into the universe, like manifest your dream life, okay, this sucks right now, but where do I want to be in three months time. I want to be healed. I want to be happy. I want to be this. I want to be that. What do I want in five years time? What's my game plan? What do I love? What's my passions? What kind of partner do I want? You manifest it all and you keep writing that, putting that down, putting it out to the universe. I'm telling you, you will receive it in abundance. It's the energetic laws of the universe. You're like, oh my God, Nix, what the fuck are you talking about? no it's true trust me for instance here's one example off on a tangent bear fucking with me this is important information why do you think it is that every time you say people like go I wasn't

looking for love and then I met someone I wasn't looking for it and then that person came along have you not heard that the whole time I met my ex-fiance when I had no fucking clue about yeah no it just was not on my radar and I met my ex when I was just out and I just stopped dating and I was like fuck this I'm good and I'd spent like four months to just be me and loving me and I felt so good or whatever then I met my ex you never ever hear stories where people go well I was out looking for love and I went to the gym looking for love and I went to the supermarket looking for love and then I went on the dating apps looking for love and then oh my god I found the most amazing love no because you're energetically repelling it by being so desperately

looking for it does that make sense because you're saying your energy is going I lack love because you're looking for everywhere oh my god I must have it need love need love so you lack it so you're what's happening is the universe is matching that and it will continue on that fred until you feel whole and complete as yourself right and when you feel whole and complete in yourself and your energy is focused only on yourself and you're happy and your vibrations changed and the energy the energetic match is usually you meet someone right what was this got to do with journaling what the fuck what is the energetic laws of the universe got to fucking do journaling I don't know but I hope it helped there should have been an extra point in

itself shouldn't it moving on point nine go and do all the fun stuff you love but allow your body some rest time so for me as I detailed in part one I don't eat I don't sleep it's painful all very painful and yet all I do is I embrace that so I go right okay I've got no energy right so I can't go into the gym I can't play netball because I can't my body's fucked I'll probably get really ill so I do what I need to do at that time but then I work my way out of it so then I'll be like right okay I'll start netball next week okay I'll go for a really long walk today okay I'll get back on the hike and go back to the gym and all that jazz so I do want you to both have fun and be present for yourself but then do listen to where you're at if you need to sit in

silence and cry out cry out why do people feel weird about crying you feel so much better after sob if you have to I think when I like in the first few days of the breakup I think I left him some seriously sobbing um voice note because I just that was what I needed to cry out so fucking hurtful this is there you go enjoy that poor guy um but yeah just cry out do this do do whatever do whatever you need um but listen to yourself so also do fun stuff that like maybe even do fun stuff that you haven't even done before maybe you're like do you know what i've always wanted to try fucking archery uh actually i'd really do love archery and i'm weirdly good at it um but if there's something like i fucking do it do something bring passion back into your

life right go out with your girls go out with your guys um as long as it doesn't end up and you triggered or, you know, drunk calling them or whatever. And if you have done that, like I said in part one, it's okay. Give yourself a grace period. But then just get yourself back on top of it. But start embracing your life. Let's be fucking real. There were people before this person came along. There will be people after this person came along. Is this the first and last person you've ever loved no and if it is and you're like no nicks I've actually been with them for 10 years this is the only person I've ever loved I totally understand how painful that must be but just know you will find love again right so it's okay like it's it always feels so much

more dramatic and painful and like the end when you're in it and then when you're not shit gets real really quick in a good way. Which leads me on to point 10. You can start dating again only when you've emotionally disconnected from him or her and when you are ready. I have started dating again. What? And I love it because it means I've sped up my own healing heartbreak process a lot quicker than I ever would have dreamed because I know I only do that when I'm ready right and that's the other thing I love about being alone and no rebounds which I talk about in part one is when I start dating again and really enjoying someone's company I know that it's real because I'm not masking anything because I healed it all um and yeah

It's been, what, two months? I don't know. Two months and I'm good. I started, yeah, started to embrace the old date scene. But I'm also not looking for anything. I just, wait a minute. I hope the guy is not listening. How do I?

I'm not looking for anything. I don't have any expectations, which I love about it now. Like, honestly, I've done the I want to get married, I want to have baby vibe. and I'm kind of rebelling against that a little bit I guess where I want to find love but I'm not putting any expectation on anything and it's so refreshing it's so freeing so present for myself and having fun now and I've just got over the worst and it's fucking great which is another reason why I've done this episode because I really want you guys to get here too i want to help check you out of heartbreak hotel as fast as possible and i believe two months

for me is my fastest actually let me think back yeah fastest would you fucking look at that look how much your girl has grown as a woman i can handle my shit now and yeah dating again is fun fun fun fun don't get me twisted i don't go around giving up my body to any fucking tom dick and harry i'm still very private about who gets my body and one night stands just don't do it for me okay yeah maybe maybe if i'm like i have a few months where I'm like oh I could definitely need sex I mean I'm horny all the time like all the time but I still just I don't know giving my body to someone it's kind of like a privilege in my eyes and uh I make them work for it so yeah I'm just dating by the word dating I mean dating you

know we're chatting we're going out we're having fun together and um it's fucking awesome to be honest and that is all I'll say on the matter for now I hope part two has lived up to part one and I hope you are taking on my advice and you can hear where I've come through to the other side and I hope that it helps get you there and if it doesn't and you're still in the stucky shitty throes of heartbreak please do reach out to me I'm always here for you you can slide into my dms on Instagram or TikTok. I'm not very good at TikTok. I'll give you that.

You've got more chance of an Instagram. I think I open TikTok every five months, if you're lucky. So let's hit me up on Insta, at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A. And with that, I will send you all my love and light, and I look forward to talking to you next week. Take care of yourselves. Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore.

I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi