Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 10 Tips to Ace a First Date

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

If you want to ensure you bag yourself date number 2, or 3, or even 4...you need to make sure you leave the right first impression on the first date. Allow me to help you out, with my 10 easy tips on getting the green flag!  ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my  Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, happy Monday evening. Welcome back to my podcast. It's me, Nick Salina. Hello. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. That was me saying hi to all of you at the same time. Hi, hi, hi, hi. Like we're all in a room together, which is weird. Okay, moving on. Today's episode, we're going to be talking about first dates. Specifically, 10 tips of mine that will help you ace your first date. Now, before I do ramble on with my incredibly awesome 10 tips,

I think we should at least explain why first dates need these kind of tips. Because honestly, if we're real, first dates are fucking scary. Like, don't we all think they're like terrifying? I am, as we know, quite an outgoing, confident, dominant woman. And I still freak out about first dates. Like, panic. like cold sweat panic I will be really on edge beforehand like I should think oh you know I want to eat I need to eat something but I'm too nervous and what if I have something in my teeth or what

if I randomly split my dress open or what if I knock a drink over or I fall over honestly all the thoughts all the thoughts go through my head prior to a first day and I and I get really nervous. And I feel like that's a lot of how most of us approach first dates. And it doesn't matter whether you have multiple first dates a week, or you've only had a first date in the last six months, like once. I don't think the frequency matters. It's still nerve wracking meeting someone new, especially if on paper, you quite like that person. That makes it even worse, right sometimes it's so much easier if it's like a blind date you know like or someone you've been introduced to for a friend and you've already hung out at a party or whatever then that's an

easier first date but ones where it's like I don't know you met on a dating app or you met on Instagram or TikTok or whatever and then you agree to meet up it's it's a thing it's a really scary thing but more so what's even scarier is trying to make sure you ace your first date you want to see this person again right you you want them to want to see you again and you want to make sure they leave the first date being like oh my god i just met a fucking keeper unless you're going on a first date just to you know blow and go or you know get done in the back or whatever it is you want to do and that's fine. Not really the first date idea that I have in mind. If it is just sex related, then don't worry about listening to the rest of this episode because you'll probably end

up getting laid whichever way you do. This is for the people that actually want the first date to go into a second to a third to a fourth to a fifth to a cheeky little Instagram story holding hand soft launch into a cheeky Instagram tile hard launch. Oh, hey, here's my boo. That's what you want? Let's listen to this and get involved. Okay, first date tip number one. Don't be too eager before the actual date. It is so off-putting when someone's too much too soon. It's so self-putting. Honestly, self-putting. Even if the person on the receiving end really wants something stable and secure, like I'm so ready to settle down, even that person can be just put off by someone who's too much, too soon, too eager before you've even met. It's nice that you're excited.

It's nice that you want to invest. It's nice that you're showcasing your interest. Don't be too eager before the actual date try and like minimize the conversation keep it flowing keep it interesting but you know you don't want a fucking verbal diarrhea on whatsapp before you've even met each other it comes off as slightly desperate slightly needy and it also takes away that exciting mysterious air about meeting someone in person and you know finding out about each other together point two avoid connecting on social media now listen I know this is a difficult one because if you're meeting guys or girls off dating apps I think like your go-to is probably oh um what's your instagram what's your tiktok because you want to verify that person isn't a catfish and

I totally get that I'm exactly the same if someone says I don't do social media I'm an immediate red flag so I'm like because those photos look like almost model shots and you say you don't have Instagram I say you're a lying piece of ass so I do get that you kind of want the social media backup for dating profiles but I would just totally avoid connecting I think social media really ruins the air of mystery of first dates but also it's too much again too soon and you won't realize how much your social media says about you. And it could give the completely wrong impression. Also, online footprint, I can find out so much about someone after I have just one of their social media. It's fucking frightening how good I am. I don't use that

superpower often. But when I do, I'm like CIA. So I would say avoid, if you can, swapping the social media before a first date. That's all I'm saying. After first date, knock yourselves out. Just before the first date, try not to. Keep it in just whatever forum or platform you are communicating on until you actually meet up. Point three, dress appropriately. No, I'm not taking up the role of my mother and telling you to wear longer skirts. I am simply saying dress appropriately for the date. Are you going to the beach? Are you going for a picnic? Are you going clubbing? Are you going for dinner? Are you going sightseeing? Are you going cycling? Are you going swimming? Are you going bowling? Are you going

nowhere? Are you staying in? Are you going out? Whatever you're doing, dress appropriately for the date. Because if you dress inappropriately, it can look a bit odd for the person on the receive an N, like we going like hiking and you're in a dress and what now? You know, you want to make sure that you can match the air of the date that has been created. I'm pretty sure mostly it's dinner or drinks. And if it's a day day, it will be a walk somewhere or a bike ride. But yeah, just dress appropriate for the day itself. That's all I'm asking, you know, just to make sure you minimize any mishaps and you showcase that you are able to adapt to whatever they have suggested to do or you have suggested to do point number four don't assume the other person will pay

don't fucking assume the other person will pay i know there's this traditional men should pay on the first day men should always pay for dates what about chivalry i hate it when men don't pay listen I agree I think men should pay for a first day I'm down with that but I don't assume he will I always offer and then I can sum up and observe his reaction to me offering and then I can kind of tell a little bit about his personality I usually and also when I offer it's not a fake offer I'm willing to pay half I'm half the person I'm half I'm half the person I was I'm half the duo at this table I'm half of the day I paid um I've drunk this like the same or maybe I've even drunk more say I've had way more alcohol or I've ate way more food I don't think

it's fair to assume that someone else then has to stump up like my half so I'm very happy to pay half. If I like the guy and it's not a first day, side note, I'm also happy to pay full, but usually the good ones don't let me, but I will offer. And let me tell you something, men appreciate that reach. They appreciate going, oh yeah, I would, I'd quite like to pay half. And if they go, no, honey, let me get this. You can help out with the next one. Then at least one, you know, there's the next one score and two you can see the chivalry and you're like okay that's cool and and he'll definitely appreciate it but no one wants a fucking stuck-up duchess like oh my god you should pay for everything you're not we don't like you honey no we don't

point number five ask questions and then listen ask questions and then listen ain't no point asking loads of questions and interrupting or phasing off or going on your phone when he responds or she responds. The whole point of a really good first day is to actually communicate and absorb and get to know that person. So you might have a billion questions that you want to ask or find out, but are you really listening? Are you engaging in anything they say? So rather than just firing off questions like an interview, when they come back, oh yeah, this is what I do. But oh, that's really interesting like what made you get into that oh well when i was younger i did this this and this and this oh wow like that's what what a memory so what happened there how'd you engage in

what they've said you think this sounds like basic but trust me people don't do it and it's a priceless move and this also just makes you a good fucking human point six don't spill your entire life story oversharing isn't cool so it's riding off the back of you know asking questions and then listening they obviously ask you questions but this isn't a diatribe of fucking oh this is what happened to me since I was five we don't need an overshare it's really good that you two connect in like a deeper way and I love that kind of early conversation but we need to not spill our life you know like oh my god this happened to me and this and this and this because it does come off as quite an insecure um aura it also comes off as quite a

an oversharing person with no boundaries and honestly I was kind of borderline that way for a while. It just doesn't give a good tone. There is a space to be vulnerable, open and honest without overstepping the mark. And that's where you kind of need to work that out for yourself, what you should and shouldn't share and try not to just go too hard too soon in date one. You also want to leave a little bit of mystery for date two, three and four and so forth anyway. point seven don't look at your phone don't take a billion selfies and don't insta story them oh you're gonna laugh I'm laughing because people are like next you fucking put your boyfriend up like yeah I did but not on date one I has been secretly dating so when I share

i share um when it's yeah when we're way past this phase and that's the thing that's what i want to say you can take a billion selfies you can insta story them you can share stuff on your phone together but when you're past the first date this is all about acing your first date you put that phone in your handbag or in your pocket on the fucking table and don't look at it don't the one thing i fucking hate is when someone is like in the middle of a conversation you watch the other person pick up their phone and you can tell suddenly they're like texting or scrolling and they've just blanked I want to be like hello sorry do you have you you've tuned out you heard anything I just fucking said I think it's so rude oh it is rude so I think it is fucking rude and

it happens all the time stay off your damn fucking phone it also shows an air of confidence when you're not attached to your phone like a needy little bitch like come on this maturity here where you can go on a date with someone and of course of course if you're sharing photos like here's my cat she's a prick I can pick up my phone if they're interested like oh have you got any photos that's fine but not like picking it up halfway through and just tuning out and then going on install like my hand and then laughing at something on your phone cringe fucking cringe stop it point a try not to get absolutely off your face drunk oh i laugh because i'm such a hypocrite ain't i yeah i don't think i don't think in the first

week of meeting my boy well i was sober around him the reason I'm saying this is because I really want you to not be don't do a Nick Selena I'm the first to put my hands up when I don't do a Nick Selena try not to get off your face drunk okay I know you want to I know you want to carry on the night whatever too early hours it just doesn't leave the best impression um there are exceptions and maybe it might be he might be like oh I really want to meet her again after that because I want to see her like sober and that was fun and I like to see that side of her but I would say err on the side of caution and just try not to get absolutely smashed tipsy sure a glass of red or two okay but like jugging shots which is

what i did oh fuck i'm such a hypocrite we'll move past this one i'm just saying try not to and i say try because i can't fucking do it so whatever point number nine try not to have sex on the first date now i'm 50 50 on this one because no listen listen listen hold up I didn't have sex on the first date with my fella actually or the second one actually yeah I didn't no I didn't uh the boyfriend before him yes I did the boyfriend before that no I didn't so there's a mixed bag I don't think sex on the first date is as horrendously shameful as it was once before it also does if you've had a few drinks or whatever and you're just both really horny it does get that awkward sexual part out of the way but it

also then does quell that build up a mystery at the same time it takes away any of that excitement it also it also showcases that you do sleep with someone on the first day whether that's going to be seen as a negative in the other person's eyes is up to them but it just doesn't state long-term material and that fucking sucks because I'm long-term material and I still fucking do it all right I'm 50 50 I'm putting this in because I have to try not to have sex on a first date just wait for number two or three all right second date all right move along whip those niggers off i'm gonna wrap this up on point number 10 text them once you're home no games please no games i believe in a good texting once you're home because it's fucking respectful and i'm a

respectful mature woman i don't need to wait three days or wait till the moon is full or wait till i found a virgin before I can text I will text and say thank you so much for a lovely evening if they've paid I text and say thank you so much for paying like that was really lovely I would love to see you again and if you don't want to see him again you just text and say thank you so much for this evening I had you know a nice time if you didn't have a nice time um maybe just block. But if you do want to see this person again, just text when you get home. You can leave it a few hours. Just say thank you for a lovely time. That's it. Short and sweet. But acknowledge that you spent some time together. It's not that difficult, man. And then if it goes

from there, it goes from there. Don't do this whole, oh my God, I'm going to wait till they text me first nah we're not 15 anymore well i know i'm not some of you listening might be and that worries me if you are 15 and listening because no no no anyway they're my top 10 tips what do we think do you agree do you not agree i'd love to hear your thoughts about sex on the first date that one i'm interested in are you vibing it does it put you off what about if a girl does want to go into a bar and get drunk is what if you what if you suggest shots and he or she was like fucking rack them up does that put you off let me know slide into my dms i'm on social media across all platforms at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a and as always thank you for listening

to this episode and i look forward to seeing you all next week thanks for listening to the can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast. Produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com I'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi