Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 10 Warning Signs He's a Controlling & Possessive Partner

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

This is a male dating personality you need to avoid at ALL costs.  Heed my 10 warning signs to ensure you don't get emotionally invested in a man who is controlling, possessive and toxic. With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, welcome back. Happy Monday evening, everyone. How was your weekend and how is your week coming up? Hope you've all got amazing things in coming. What's not amazing is toxic men, which is what I'm going to be talking about in this episode.

It is called 10 Warning Signs He's Controlling and Possessive. Wow. Do you know what's really odd? It's taken me eight seasons to actually cover this topic. I was like, what? Because obviously every time I want to bring you fresh material, you know, I'm like, okay, I've covered fuckboys, I've covered narcissists, I've covered this, I've covered that, I've talked about sex, I've talked about bum fun, I've talked about dating apps, but I try and give you something new. and I don't know why, for the love of God, I have never spoke about nasty, toxic, controlling and possessive partners because they are rife, ladies and gentlemen,

and I'm shocked. So here we are. I have a lot to say. So it's going to be another part one and another part two. So you're going to have to stick with me for the next two weeks and I hope it helps. As always, I hope it's informative. And if you are in this situation, please heed my advice and run a fucking mile. So what makes him controlling and possessive? We're going to get into 10 warning signs. If he exhibits just one or two of these, it's enough, okay? You don't need to go, oh, well, he only has seven of them. Yeah, seven too many, darling. Seven too fucking many. This is a male dating personality that you want to avoid at all costs. And so we need to spot these warning signs before you get way too emotionally involved, too attached, and suddenly

you can't leave them. Anyway, without further ado. Point one. Things start fast. It feels like he's a great guy. He pays attention. He's interested in all the intricate details of your life. He silently listens to you. He likes to know who you're with and what you're up to. He takes an interest in your hobbies, in your work, and he seems to really care about you. Much like the narcissist, he will probably be love bombing you. And honestly, you will feel amazing around him. You will feel so seen, so heard, so special. Toxic men are sadly usually very charismatic. They're charming to a fault. They're fun. They're outgoing. They can hold court when they walk into a room and half the time they're usually attractive. Or if they're

not that attractive, that magnetic personality elevates their attractiveness in person. You feel incredible. And what they do also is they try and fast track your connection. So they might ask you to be exclusive after you met only two weeks ago. You've seen each other eight times and they're like, oh yeah, can we be exclusive? Can we be sexually exclusive? Can we be trying to bond to you very quickly. Or they ask to live with you or you move in with them or they move in with you within months, months. And of course, it makes you feel like you found the one. And sadly, my darling, that is exactly what it's designed to do. Unfortunately, he'll use a lot of this stuff against you later on down the line to make you feel like it's your fault that things

aren't as good as they used to be. Point two, he's charming, but insistent with it. So the controlling guy will have opinions on your life choices, how you dress, how you look after your children, how you look after your pets, how you deal with work, your social all life. And he'll push you softly towards what he wants and needs from you. So it's quite insidious. You will then suddenly start falling in line to suit his expectations on how a partner should be. And it's always orientated all around him. So in one example, you can't go to clubs without me oh you I love clubbing yeah I'm cool but we'll only be going to clubs together now oh that dress it looks beautiful on you you need to put a bra on with it and it will be a backless

dress so you can't you go don't be ridiculous I can't put a bra on with this okay well then you only wear that dress when you're with me it makes you feel so backwardly special that like okay you know like I obviously look so nice that he doesn't he you know doesn't want anyone else to see me like this and he says it in such a charming way he's charmingly insistent and that is why it's so hard at the beginning to to see it as a red flag because this is also amongst all of that fast-track love-bombing moment as well where it's like you feel so connected to him and it's just because he cares and, you know, you look so sexy.

That's the problem. And he loves clubbing. So, yeah, okay, I'll only go clubbing with you. I won't go clubbing with my girls anymore. No. Fuck no. point three he invades your personal privacy very early on now this is a tricky one because I always have an open phone policy in my relationships always have and for me it's a healthier narrative

than being like we don't get to look at each other's phones we don't have each other's passwords I think that breeds more insecurity and issues rather than being like yeah baby like here's my phone google whatever you want like not that I'm saying oh check please check my phone check my every movement but for me it should be like so effortless like you can pick up my phone instead of yours if we're watching a movie and we want to google the actor you know it should be it yeah it's effortless for me and there's no hidden secretive aspect like honestly my ex's thumbprint opened my phone never ever have I ever had that before and I didn't care I loved it because it meant I didn't have to constantly do it myself or put my password in um so yeah he's I don't know

how we how do we have matching thumbprints is that even a thing I don't I'm shocked unless he registered his thumbprint but that doesn't work because I already registered mine right? Yeah, weird. Anyway, so tricky because this is my stance. However, if your partner, the guy you're dating, starts to invade your privacy at a very early stage, and it's not just the occasional pick up your phone to talk about something or whatever, it's him going through it all. It's him listening to voice notes that you and your best friends send to each other. It's him asking you to share your calendar with him. It's him going through your physical diary that you keep with all your appointments in.

It's him reading your personal journal, your thoughts, your feelings, reading your old journals, going through your bookshelf, your drawers. If he is invading really private areas and he's showcasing he doesn't give you any personal privacy. That is very different from an open phone policy that is super controlling, very possessive, toxic, and also quite insecure because if they're trying to read stuff you've wrote or they're listening to voice notes that you and your best mate are just chatting about, you've got to ask yourself why. And especially if you've done nothing wrong to stimulate that behavior in him, that's because that's exactly who he really is.

Point four, he keeps constant tabs on you. Wants to know where you are all the time, who you're with at all times, what time you got to work, what time you get home. And if you don't tell him, all hell will break loose. so say as an example you stay at work later than you could have predicted or you just popped out to have a drink with a work colleague or a friend and for two hours you weren't checking in and then by the time you do go and see him or get home he is seriously rageful and it ensues into a huge argument. This is a fucking massive red flag. There is keeping tabs on each other as in not

keeping tabs but being respectful and keeping each other updated with your movements and then there's a negative reaction anytime he doesn't know exactly where you are or who you're with or what the fuck you're up to because that means he needs constant control over you when you're not with him why do you think that is and then what happens with this shit is what you will be so fed up with the arguments or you're so scared of the rage and you can't process it like what did i even do wrong like oh god like i didn't it's not like i weren't texting you i forgot i was talking to someone i was having a drink you then go back to telling them everything because you don't want that rage. And then things start to feel great again. And so he emotionally rewards

you by being loving and nice again. And then you think, oh, okay, well, as long as I tell him everything, everything's fine then because I get the good version of him. Do you see how fucking twisted that is? This is a big, big warning sign of a controlling guy. point five the keeping tabs soon becomes not enough and it moves into overactive jealousy and paranoia this is where he is you can hear my sigh right when i'm like like i don't even have the energy to say how shit this is but he's when he's constantly keeping tabs on you just it will transpire into something else or he's already been paranoid and jealous beforehand. And he will accuse you of cheating whenever you go out. If you're anywhere where

there's guys in the vicinity, he'll say, you're going to cheat on me. It's obvious you're cheating on me. You're obviously going to cheat on me that weekend. You're on a girl's weekend, you're going to cheat. You're going out to a bar, oh, men are going to try it on with you. You're going to cheat. um it's it's never ending and this is an insane aspect of a controlling guy where you then feel you have to constantly explain that you're not going to cheat you've actually given them no fucking evidence resource or reason to think you're going to cheat you are entirely in love with them you dote on them you've made them your world you haven't and yet it's not enough for I'll give you another example you text him a nice photo of you going out you're looking all

dressed up going out for a girl's night and rather than text you and say oh my god you look beautiful I can't wait to have you in bed when you get home he'll go oh you look amazing sigh you look too amazing guys are going to try on with you tonight you're you might cheat on me tonight if any guy touches you push him away that's his reaction not not like oh my god this is my girl look at you I'm so proud of you like not flattered that he has you on his arm it's you're gonna cheat you're gonna cheat guys are gonna try on with you or you go out together or perhaps even you want to go out with your girls and he don't want you to go out on your own so then he arranges to go out at the same time in the same place with his mates so he's there right and you're there fine because

you're very much a let's all go out together we all get on it's not an issue but then he'll watch you like a hawk you cannot talk to a boy mate for too long his eyes are on you and you know when someone's eyes are on you right you know when you are stuck with this like constant glare and it puts you on edge and then you feel like oh I can't I've got to wrap up this conversation or I can't this guy's put his arm around me, but he's, you know, a boyfriend you've known for fucking seven years. But it makes you paranoid about the interaction because your partner is glaring at you from across the room. And or anytime you are at a bar or with a guy mate and guys around you, your partner is on you like a ton of bricks, like standing right next to you,

making sure the interaction is PC. Basically, he gets more insecure as time goes on. The jealousy and the paranoia is a huge red flag and also evidence that he is the insecure one, not you. And that is the end of points one to five. Please tune in next week for the final five points if you've been dating someone for a short while a long while and you've already hit one two or three of these girl fucking run and that's all I have to say on the matter thank you for listening to this episode and I'll see you all next week thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me Nick Salina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen

to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google, and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more content and features to read, you can check out my website, nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi