Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 10 Warning Signs He's A Controlling & Possessive Partner, Part 2

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

This is a male dating personality you need to avoid at ALL costs.  Heed my 10 warning signs to ensure you don't get emotionally invested in a man who is controlling, possessive and toxic. With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, hi, welcome back. Happy Monday evening. And you are tuning in tonight for part two of Ten Warning Signs. he is controlling and possessive. If you haven't already listened to part one, please do go back, revise. You can even re-listen if you want. Refresh your memory before we delve in into the final five points. And it just gets worse and worse, people. I wish I could end this episode on

anything other than a low, but it's going to be a fucking low, okay? So strap yourself in, motherfuckers. Let's go. Point six, constant criticism and gaslighting. So now the relationship takes a major turn as it heads down the controlling guy's path and into full toxicity. You feel you cannot do anything right. You are criticized. Anything you do around the house, at work, in your spare time. Everything becomes something like as a problem to nitpick at you out or say, that's wrong. You've done that wrong. You've done that wrong. And the worst part is you do feel like it's all your fault. Much like the narcissist, he will gaslight you. If there's any moment where he lets his mask slip and he shows, he says and shows stuff where you're like, that's

not okay. And if you try and pick it up and have a discussion, he'll tell you that what you heard or saw wasn't actually the reality. And then you end up believing every negative situation and row is your fault. And you need to try harder, do better, say less, be calmer. Don't pick up on his bad behaviors. Basically, you put up and you shut up and then you'll be happy with him. You do as you're told, you fall in line, and you'll be rewarded with his love, affection, and presence. But if you don't, if you do things the way he doesn't like, if you try and call out any of his bad behaviors, you are going to be punished and gaslit. It is fucking disgusting that men will do this to their woman. And I abhor any bloke

that purposely, knowingly manipulates and twists reality and claims things weren't said and done when they were factually said and done to try and exert his control over someone else. If you're like that, dude, you're a piece of shit. Point seven. This is even fucking worse. He belittles you and he attacks your physical appearance.

So comments will start coming in, where he's starting to put you down in terms of how you look, your body, your dress sense. Suddenly things he was so enamoured and adored you for at the beginning, he now seemingly hates them. And you haven't changed. You're exactly the same. But maybe now you're too skinny, doesn't like it, you lost too much weight, don't like it. maybe you're too fat and he pinches your stomach because you put a bit of weight on was you pregnant and you got post-pregnancy weight he'll pinch that as well just to let you know he can see your belly as you're sitting down is your face aging if it's not is he telling you it's

aging is he poking your body is he pointing out spots on your body is he telling you your outfit is horrible. Maybe he might even pick out parts about your intimate areas or tell you you don't have good hygiene. It sounds fucked up listing all of this out, but it happens. It's all designed to attack your self-esteem and make you feel like you don't deserve better than them. I've had some really fucking horrible comments across my dating history um just men being assholes about how I look having previously said I'm their dream girl I'm their dream girl my face is perfection even my features on my face is perfection God's given them their perfect partner.

And when months later, oh, you look old now. Your face is sagging. This is happening. Oh, your vagina's peculiar. Oh, your vagina looks like a hippo. Oh, you have spots here. You have this here. Like, I could go on.

And if I've been a victim of this, trust me, anyone could be. It happens. just know just know in your heart of heart that they're doing this on purpose these aren't throw away comments they're comments designed to hurt you he knows what he's doing you do not go from being his perfect dream girl stunning beautiful that to to this person that suddenly he can't even seem to physically like anymore. It doesn't work that way. Also, here's a little reflection for you. If you were this ugly or you don't dress well or you've changed, why is he so afraid all the time that you're going to cheat on him? Why is he so afraid that men are going to try on with

you every time you step out the front door? Those two don't match up, do they? So what's the reality? The reality is you are still that beautiful, glowing, gorgeous woman he met and he is doing this on purpose. It is designed to bring you down, to knock your self-confidence, to attack your self-esteem and make you feel like you will never do better than him. Point eight, he purposely rebels and puts your nervous system on edge. What I mean by this is he'll start to see what triggers you, what things make you jump or what things set off your sadness or your misery, and he'll do it on purpose. So say he likes to, I don't know, scare you around the house, right? But you've asked him not to. That puts me on edge.

My nervous system can't deal with that. I need calm. I need peace. What does he do? He ramps it does it even more or he mentions an old friend or an ex and perhaps a new co-worker and you don't like it because it all gets a bit too familiar and you start picking up on it you're like it bothers me like can you not what does he do he mentions it more and more and more perhaps you voiced concerns over him suddenly going out double the amount he used to coming home at 1am giving no fucks about you in bed and you voice it's not really like what you wanted he'll do it double more again everything is designed to push you further into a downward spiral so you are living in angst fear misery unless unless you are with him you are not arguing you're not picking up

on any of his toxic shit and you're being the woman he wants. And then he's nice to you and the relationship is fucking amazing. Everything is designed to ensure it all goes his way. And chances are, if he is like this kind of guy that I'm describing, he will want his woman at home domesticated, doting on him, but she can't question where he goes. He wants to go out to whorehouses but he won't be doing anything but you should trust me and I should be able to go to whorehouses and that's fine but if you dare step foot out that door you go to a club and a man is anywhere near you that's fucked up don't you like how dare you disrespect me like that do you see how how ridiculously polar that is as an existence he can do what the fuck he wants

He can use social media to stalk other women if he wants. But fuck me, if he found any guy's profiles on your Instagram that you seemingly were looking at, you're going to get it. You are living in a dual reality where everything is designed to serve him. Point nine, he dismantles your support network. Maybe he disguises this as a need for privacy. I'm a private man. I like privacy. Maybe he tells you, there's a certain girlfriend of yours that you need to keep at arm's length. He's such a good judge of character. And he can tell, you know, that one, you should keep at arm's length. And he's met her twice, like briefly.

Or maybe you have a male friend who's been in your life for years. And he claims, oh, that guy clearly wants to sleep with you. Clearly. Oh, have you fucked him? Have you fucked him? You must have fucked him. You're like, no, no, we are purely, we're like business partners even, we're just platonic, but he won't hear anything of it. He's basically trying to isolate you from your friends, maybe your colleagues, and then this usually extends to your family too. The controlling guy knows if he takes out your pillars of support, then he'll come, he becomes your only pillar of support. And in doing so, he becomes not only like that one person you go to, but his bad behavior is never voiced to others because he's managed to remove you and isolate you from your

regional support network. So he can now continue to abuse you behind closed doors and still present the perfect facade in public. Point 10, hobbies and interests disappear. You have now lost all confidence in yourself and you justify it because when you're with him and times are good, it's amazing. And now here you are finally losing the second pillar, which is your interests beyond the relationship, things that gave you confidence, albeit a class you'd take or exercise or sport you did and you slowly realize you're not doing it as much or you stop doing it at all because you are at home with him or you're doing all the things he wants to do because that suddenly become the dominant preference of your relationship and he's happier when you're doing what he wants you

to do so you choose that because you can't bear the arguments he's worn you down and so for the happy quiet life where he's nice to you you end up just falling in line and suddenly you're not the you're not the person you recognized and this doesn't take long girls this isn't like it takes three or four years to get here sometimes it can but sometimes it can be like I don't know three to six months and it's already happening. It's fucking scary. It's quick, swift, so insidious. And you wake up one day and you're like, how the fuck did I get here? Here's my bonus point for you. Sex becomes a tool to punish you. So physical intimacy is a big part of any relationship, as we all know. And what controlling men will do is they'll

withdraw the physical sexual intimacy on purpose. So you only get that cuddly, affectionate, kisses, sex type of man if you behave the way he wanted, if you've not fought back on his bad behavior, or you've basically just stopped trying to establish your own boundaries for what you need in the relationship. So he's using sex as a weapon. So you end up also begging for it or being like, you know, where has this gone? Why don't you want to say something? That also adds more insecurity because then you think, why doesn't he want me anymore? Is there someone else? What have I done wrong? Am I unattractive? On top of all of the comments made, imagine how how negative that will affect your mental space and he's doing it on fucking purpose

you will be able to see as well if there's a moment where like you just go fuck this right now this is what's going to happen and you seemingly done and he immediately gets hard on and he's all over you and gives you the physical affection that's when you know he's doing it on fucking purpose it's a control tactic and it's fucked up and so here's the real kicker ladies and gentlemen once you live all of the above part one and part two everything I've listed you live it every day you do then become insecure you become anxious you become the crying wreck where he says all you do is cry all the time. Yeah, you are.

You become a shadow version of yourself. You do then start to worry that they're cheating and looking elsewhere because they seemingly have no interest in you. You're begging for bare basics of respect. You're always trying to get back that initial high at the beginning to no avail. You worry that they don't love you anymore. So then you might start looking at their phone. you might start questioning their behavior. You might start worrying where they are because now

their behavior is different. They've gone from adoring you and doting on you to like as if they hate you. And so when they are out to all hours, you're kicking in, you're like, where have you been? Who have you been with? And they're like, look how insecure you are. Look how controlling you are. And then they use all of this to blame you for the demise of the relationship. next level fucked up man. Dear God, get out of this relationship. This toxic pattern of controlling and possessive men is one of the worst male dating personalities we can find, along with, you know, the cluster B types, which I spoke about in previous episodes in previous seasons. but basically this can lead down the path of continued emotional mental abuse because it is

mental and emotional abuse and it's done on purpose and it's designed to manipulate you but it can also lead to physical abuse if they have any tiny moments where they do showcase they could be handsy with you perhaps they vocalize some sort of like do you want to slap listen you stupid bitch stuff like that but they haven't quite touched you run or maybe they did touch you once but you enraged them it was your fault you deserved it you triggered them you caused the row you made them violent run this relationship only ends in misery with the complete loss of your self-identity self-worth and any personal happiness this is not love but they will frame all of it as if it's love

they'll love you more than anyone ever has or so they say you're a team it's you two against the world this is what true love feels like but only if you were better you were calmer you were less insecure you were less jealous you gave them more freedom you stopped looking at their phone and wanting answers for their shitty behavior online then your relationship would be as perfect as it was in the beginning. I am so fucking sorry to every girl and guy who's tuned in and resonated with all of this. It's horrendous. But I've detailed it so that we can now moving forward catch the warning signs before we get too deep. We can reflect and step back and we can have the strength at any point to say this ain't for me even if you just stand up for

yourself to the point where they feel they have no control over you and they leave you good if you were too strong to be broken if you fought back if you picked up on every fucking personality issue they have, if you saw through the manipulation, if you argued the toss and every time they disrespected you, every time it sounded or looked like they were somewhere where they'll be happily cheating on you, if you clocked it and you pulled them up for it and they go, fuck this, I can't control this woman, and they leave, good, you won. You fucking won, girlfriend and cheers to you and that is the end of this episode thank you all for tuning in if you need to talk to me about any of these issues because it's very serious

please do slide into my dms i'm always open and here for you at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more content and features to read, you can check out my website, nixalina.com. That's nixalina.com. I'm also on social media. Simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A to find me. Don't be shy. Come say hi.

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