Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - 7 Easy Ways to Ensure Your Long-Distance Relationship Lasts!

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

It's not easy, but it can be done! I survived 2.5 years long distance with 7000 miles between us, so I know the tricks and tips to make sure the time and space doesn't ruin your connection. With love, Nixalina. ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nixalina. Hi, it's Nixalina. And here, today, tonight, we're all addressing long-distance relationships. More specifically, seven easy ways to ensure your long-distance relationship lasts. Many of you new listeners won't know that I was actually in a long-distance relationship for two and a half years.

Back in 2017, I was in Singapore, my partner was in the UK, 7,000 miles away, completely different time zones eight hours behind me seven hours if the clocks changed but yeah and we did it for two and a half years the relationship um the long distance part ended when he moved to singapore and so we we nailed it we survived it um and i figured because i've also had many requests about long distance relationships, I will give you seven easy ways to ensure that your LDR survives. It is not, before I go into my seven pointers, it is not easy. It is very, very difficult actually and it really tests you. So don't think I'm sitting here going, oh, well, it's not a problem and if you love each other, you'll be fine. No, it's graft and there are days where you just want

to fucking end it. There are days where you feel like, I just feel single anyway, or I feel lonely, or it's not worth a heartache, and you miss them every day, and you miss them every night, and you go to bed alone. It's really difficult. But I am assuming, dearest listener, that you're in a long-distance relationship because you really love that person, and so it's worth that effort, right it's someone that you obviously don't want to lose and it's someone that you hope for a long term happy future with and in that case and it was the same for me let's delve into the seven easy ways um to make it to make it last okay let's go point one complete trust from the get-go it has to be point one because without this you're fucked honestly fucked you have to completely

trust each other you are miles away or maybe just a few hours apart or whatever it is I mean like me mine was like an extreme version if you don't have trust in each other just don't bother because every weekend you're out you're both out or you're in or you know you can say on the phone oh I'm going to sleep now? And then you're not. Turn your phone off, go out, cheat. Like, it's so easy. And I'm so grateful and thankful that me and my partner at the time had that trust. Whether he did or didn't cheat, I don't know. I never knew. But I don't think so. But if he did, okay, irrelevant now. But I trusted him. And that's what matters, right? At the time, I completely trusted him and also trusted myself.

I was loyal the whole time because I loved him. It didn't matter how far away it was. He was my person and it was easy to be faithful. And yes, I would go out and I was at all these really bougie magazine parties and surrounded by models and stuff here in Singapore. And yeah, it didn't bother me in the slightest. if you find yourself starting to question each other nibbling trusting where are you where are you send me photos of where you are I mean me and him never did that we never got there

thank fuck because if you start like send me a photo as proof of where you are you've gone you've already gone down a bad place there and actually to be fair I know people do it even in normal relationships, just a side note, like, are you out with the girls? Send me a photo, send me a photo of where you are. Like, grow up. If you don't trust me, fuck off. But it's, it feels like it's more reasonable to ask this kind of stuff in a long distance relationship. Like, show me where you're going out. Show me this, show me that. You say you're at the office, take a photo. No, you need complete trust. If you don't have that, honestly, can it in. I know it's brutal, but it's the truth. It won't last without it. Point two, communicate as if you are

together. So there's one rule I had for me and my partner. We would text good night and good morning as if we're together. So I'd wake up like, good morning, baby. Miss you. Love you. Head into the office today and it's what like my 7am and then it's his I think I'm terrible fucking times midnight but what I it's he's asleep it's the middle of the night for him but I'd do it anyway and then when he'd go to bed he'd text me good night and it's my night time and I'm asleep but we communicated as if we were together and that really helps those good morning and good night texts made it feel like more normal like more functional because especially if you guys are really busy and you've got so much going on you can get really swept up with like your current

routine and you know there is an element of out of sight out of mind and then it can start affecting the relationship in a negative way so I really like that communication element of like we are together it really helped and when you'd wake up to those morning texts just like it made you feel good rather than waking up to silence but knowing your partner's already up and about their day you know what I mean um it just gives it a little bit more of a routine like a normalized relationship even though you're miles apart point three create a daily routine and that I mean you need to carve out time for each other so we got to the point because we didn't at first and it got a bit messy like you know I'm free I'm not free blah blah so it'd be like right I'll take my lunch at this time

that's your time you take your break we can video call at that time and that's what we try to do every day of course it wavers and there's times when you can't and you know which you understand but if you try and create some sort of baseline routine it really does help for you guys to yeah touch base of each other and that routine is to also help stabilize the mixed up and down emotions which a long distance relationship will definitely give you you can't go through that and not have like wobbles and highs and lows and what ifs and sad moments and then highs so your routine together along with the you know communication that's kind of healthy normal daily stuff it does really help it also means you absolutely do make time for each other um so part of your daily

routine is carving out that time. Otherwise, we can all get so busy. We're like, oh, fuck, I haven't fucking called him in two days. Whereas if you're like, right, 1 p.m., it's the lunch break. Sit down, have a coffee, 10-minute video call. It doesn't have to be long, or it can be a voice call, but something that you both know is what happens. And even if you just do like Monday, Wednesday, Friday with something, it really, really helps stabilize you. point four plan your trips in advance it's a bit like that analogy where like you know if you're climbing a mountain break it down to like each stage that get to that checkpoint get to that checkpoint so rather than being like oh my gosh it's forever away we're apart plan your trips in

advance okay three months time I will fly out to them or two months time where you and I can meet at this spot we'll go on holiday together and it really really helps it gives you something to look forward to it gives you a closer end goal than just fuck me what are we doing this will never end why are we even trying kind of vibe and yeah because you just get so excited like I remember been so excited like when he used to book his flights to Singapore I just couldn't fucking wait I was just beside myself and I'd go and meet him at the airport and just be like a mess um but yeah it's it really really does help you mentally on that one both of you and then you get to like have things to talk about as well like what you want to do on your trip or plans or

if you're going on vacation where you're going and it just it helps bond you and yeah mentally you go right 10 weeks until I see them or okay it's three months it's long time but we'll be in Bali together soon and it's going to be so worth it and trust me it really is always always worth it point five virtual date nights do a lot of video or skype calls where like if you can sit down and eat together if it's both your dinner times great or it's dinner and lunch or breakfast and dinner try and like create a date vibe through video where you sit you eat have a drink have a glass of wine and feel connected through the phone. We all got a lot better with distance video connections through COVID. Let's be honest, it was the only way we could really communicate

with our loved ones who didn't live around. I mean, even if you did live, we was all in fucking house arrest. So that is a kind of vibe you go through that, you know, if you remember what it was like, where it helps make you feel you're still close, you still have that person in your vicinity so yeah virtual date nights are fantastic and it's cute it's fun well I mean it's not as fun as real life ones you can take them to bed after but you get what I mean talking of point six sext and video calls yes yes the main issue here is the lack of sex it sucks or it doesn't suck cock as the case may be what you have to do is you have to sext video sexts have sexual sessions down the phone

oh that guy's got a horde of videos and photos of me and vice versa casey's planning to leak any bitch I still got yours in fact do I if I have this somewhere far far away um but I look fantastic you know in all of them so whatever but I sent a lot I didn't care um I trusted him completely as per point one and if we didn't have the sext and the sensual messages and the videos and all that jazz it would have probably fallen apart because it's what kept me going I'm like yeah I'd get sexually frustrated wasn't enough for me to ever think about ending it because at the time he was my person um but I would just use vibrators and he would do whatever he was up to and we had many a video call from the beds I shall leave that point there but if you're in an LDR and

you're worried I would say it's a really important healthy part of that relationship and the connection and it's fun you know sexting of like when I get hold of you eventually you could do this this and this and sending photos in lingerie and do you like this and blah blah blah moving on final point seven the most important point you need to have an end goal this cannot last forever Okay? Long distance doesn't last forever. It's also not healthy forever. Nobody wants to live like that until the end of their days. It doesn't have to be an end goal where you can finally be in the same space like immediately. You might have a five-year plan, whatever suits, but you need an end goal. You guys need to know by this day, this year, this time, we will be in the same

country. We will be living under the same roof. And if you really can't get that and you try and you try and you try and you can't find any way to connect like that, that's when I would start to question the relationship. And I'm sorry if that hurts anyone and it sucks, but it's impossible to do this forever. It wasn't easy getting my partner to come over here. He changed his mind a billion times and every time I'd get excited he'd change his mind and I'd get really sad and then he'd change his mind back and back and forth and back and forth and there were many times I thought about just ending it I think I tried many times to end it as well and then we would you know find a way back to each other but it was just too much stress not knowing when this will

end and I'd be like well I'm not leaving Singapore and he's like I'm not moving over there so I'm like okay then there's no end goal so we we can't we i'm not doing this forever you know the end goal kicked in and made that's how we got to two and a half years to be honest because we had something to work towards and yeah um interesting experience i don't regret it i feel like these are very um they're basic but ways that to make the relationship work but things that we can easily overlook and something that I've personally lived through. So I hope that these pointers help anyone in a long distance relationship. And I'd love to hear feedback. Do you do any of these? Have you considered not doing any of these? Do you think there's some things that don't work

or whatever? Please, please flood my DMs with your thoughts at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A. And I look forward to seeing you all next week. thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a

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