Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - All Your Sex Questions, Answered

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Whatever you ask me, I'll address it head on with nothing but honesty. 

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. Hi, welcome back to the Sex and Singapore City podcast. And this episode is all of your sex questions answered. I mean, not all of them. I mean, I can't answer all of the questions in one podcast episode. however I've put out a poll on Instagram to find out you know what kind of things you'd like me to talk about and a lot of the replies were sex-based and then I realized I've actually not done a

sex-based episode yet it's pretty much cheating breakups relationships dating living together but not sex let's talk about sex baby I mean obviously it's pretty important and enjoyable as fuck so it needs its own episode probably like another 20 episodes to follow as well just sipping my slider for this one so I've got a whole list guys these are all of your questions one of the questions I received on my podcast poll was why are t-rex arms so short which is a great question I don't feel it's a subject I will tackle on my podcast but thanks for that I appreciate and then the rest were pretty much sex-based. So we're going to deep dive in. I'm going to do my best to help you guys out. Obviously, very tricky area and I don't want to offend anyone. But also, you know,

I have no filter. So yeah, if I offend anyone, my apologies. Suck it up and email me separately and I'll probably say the exact same thing just in text. I'm so lovely. number one is it okay to sleep together on the first date i am so glad you wrote this in because i have literally just experienced this myself just from my own personal point of view i went on a first date and it's probably the best first date i've had in fucking hell years all i wanted to do was go home with him and he made some very obvious like comments that he was wanting to go home with me as well but I said no because I just still have this stigma for myself attached to sleeping with someone on the first day it's mainly more worry I think should I put out I'm not going

to see him again and I only ever want to take them home on the first date because I really like them So he's kind of like a double-edged sword. I want to go home with you. I really like you. But I feel like once I sleep with you, you might disappear. And that will make me sad because I really like you. So maybe I won't sleep with you. But all I want to do is sleep with you.

Got that? So in this particular incident, I didn't go home with him. Pretty much regretted it all day. And hopefully I'm going to see him again. But I mean, for the first date, even the second date, to be fair, and the third date, It's like, when do you put out and when is it OK? And he said some stuff, actually, bless him, he's fucking awesome, about sleeping together, you know, early on. And he's like, well, but you're not going to, like, lose me if it happens.

And, you know, I don't believe in all that bullshit about sleeping together and then guys just disappearing or, like, if it feels right, it feels right. And I was like, yeah, I get that. And it felt so right. But I still said no. So I don't know. I feel like am I part of an older generation that thinks sleeping on the first date is a bad omen or is sleeping on the first date just generally a bad give-off vibe? Like, for me, honestly, I think that girls that sleep with guys on the first date, like, then you think, well, do you do this with everyone? You know, how many first dates do you have?

And if you've been single for a while, you've obviously been dating for a while. Like, you just, I don't know. It raises questions. and the same with men although I know men will always want to fuck any date any anything that's got a pulse on any number of dates anytime anywhere a bit different for guys but I just I don't know I panic a little bit that I'm going to be marred with first date sex slut so for me I don't think it is okay oh I feel like so much backlash is going to come from this I feel I don't think it is okay because I would just rather wait until see them again also I find that

especially if you're drinking on a first date you might have like drunk vibes and then I don't want to do anything that I will wake up and regret and also I just yeah I don't open up to someone that easily if I'm honest it takes it does take a while for me to sleep with someone and whilst I would want to sleep with someone for example this guy like who gave me butterflies for the whole date I decided not to but I just I couldn't even I really wanted to but I couldn't physically do that I can open up that quickly just uh yeah it's a thing I don't know I'd love to hear actually can some guys message me and let me know like do you judge a girl if she sleeps with you on the first day is it is it no longer an issue anymore are we much more open to that kind of instant sexual

gratification and if she does sleep with you on a first date do you still want to see her again or does it put you off you know because I feel like there's an element of too available that comes into play yeah tricky I'm gonna go with it's not okay to sleep with someone on the first date and then I say the word okay I mean I think it's better if you save yourself a little bit maybe for like date two three four or whatever can i just point out right now my darling co-host of she said he said paul foster is gonna be so angry with all of my biased points darling if you're listening you know i love you but i've got the mic to myself so you're gonna have to just listen and put up and shut up i'm afraid these are my opinions and not

yours okay number two can friends with benefits no string sex ever work oh god that was a tough question i'm glad you guys wrote that in from my personal point of view and from what i think most women majority of women are like we fuck with our feelings so we'll always be emotionally attached to sex this is not everyone there are of course women that are not like that there's the samantha Jones of sex in the city world girls and great you know but I can't if I'm if I'm having sex with someone I have feelings for them unless it's a drunk one night stand haven't even gone on a day met at a club hammered fineries fit which I did in my 20s so no judgment not what I'm after now but yeah no issue with that I don't see how being friends with benefits is gonna I've always felt

that one of you will like each other more than the other one of you will probably be okay with of friends it suits you and got other options and there'll always be one that will agree to it because they want to keep you around but really they would like more I think it's very dangerous territory if I'm totally honest the only way it can work is if you're both damn strict with each other and you're like this is just sex and there's no real communication blurred lines you don't see each other outside of the bedroom like no string sex is that it's no string sex it's not no string sex and then brunch and then coffee and then dinner dates then you're basically together dating I think needs to be very clear boundaries you both have to stick to it but you can work I mean

obviously if the sex is great together um but you both don't want anything then yeah why the fuck not I don't know of any friends with benefits scenarios that I've actually ever worked out so do get in touch if you're one of them let me know how you did that because I'd be intrigued because honestly as soon as I sleep with a guy I'm like wow we're so connected I couldn't be like oh yeah I'll see you in like three weeks time whatever yes I'm just a very emotional woman okay number three how do you approach sex if you're not as experienced as your partner yes good question so I think everything should be talked about if you're having any issues with an area of sex or sex in general you feel that you're not as mature in that way or they

want lots of stuff going on that you're kind of not ready for example my world doesn't have to be yours bondage thrown at me when I was very naive and young legal I mean I was 22 but I just didn't have a fucking clue about the whole bondage world and I was like what and kind of went along with it uh for him loved it hello yaha but it was uh I was way out of my depth so I've been in that situation where someone's like asking or wanting more than what you have any idea what's going on And I think the main thing is communication, being comfortable enough to talk about it and being able to say no, because the worst thing you can do if you are uncomfortable with an element of this is go along with it and then either, I don't know, injure yourself or start to feel used maybe or feel like nervous or embarrassed or inadequate or any kind of negative feelings afterwards is really bad. so to avoid that I think honesty is a key here and I actually know Paul Foster would totally agree with me on that line is uh totally just honesty just have a chat be like look

I want to give it a go but like this I haven't done this before you know or like I haven't done this before and I really don't want to do that if your partner is in love with you and you know cares about your feelings and hopefully that will that will make a and it will stop being a thing and they will just learn to have sex with what you're comfortable with you know don't worry about your own experience if your partner's like 10 times more experienced than you or has had loads more sexual partners or is into stuff that you're not into do not bury your head in the sand and just go along with it because you want to please them because that is not healthy the healthiest option is to just be honest with your feelings and come to some sort of middle ground. So maybe

you can start on a beginner level of whatever they're into, or maybe stick with a couple of normal positions if they love, you know, all the random ones and you're not ready for it and just sort of build yourself up. Hopefully you should be fine. Number four, bad, bad, bad sex, bad, bad, bad sex? What do you do if it's bad sex? What do you do? It's a whole, I'm going to have another sip of my cider because it's fucking hell. You have thrown some odd questions at me, guys. Jesus Christ. Okay, bad sex. The scenarios is tenfold. Is it bad sex in a relationship? Is it bad sex and it was a one-night stand is it bad sex and it was a first date and they really want to see you again but the bad sex is so bad it's put you off there's a whole level to this bad sex thing

so scenario I was sleeping with a guy at uni I wasn't as once sorry don't use the plural once and really liked him really fancied him thought it was hilarious he um his dick was so small he It fell out. So bad. It fell out multiple times to the point he kind of just sort of got off, really. Because he couldn't thrust or anything because his dick was so small. Every time he pulled out, it fell out. So bad.

Oh, God, I shouldn't laugh, but fucking hell, it was awkward. and it was awkward because I actually really liked the dude and we'd been hanging out I mean we was at the same lodge together at uni in the same halls and I kind of thought he was he was like the cool kid what did you do with this in a relationship look that's a fucking pickle because you obviously together you love each other but sex is also a major thing in relationships like I loved having makeup sex with my partner um it was just great like even after a big fight the sex was always awesome and pretty much I even like after three years we we had amazing sex and even after we split up I'll be honest we still had amazing sex for a while so sex really finds I think the

part of you two and connects you in a way that non-sex can so if it's bad I mean the sheet I don't know how you'd even address that honestly bad sex has broken people up before relationships up and it's sometimes it's just like you know what um yeah I love you but like it's not cool oh it's gonna sound so awful because like that's a really horrible thing I've never had to deal with that to be fair the only bad sex I've ever had is like dating and obviously that's a pretty easy option if you have bad sex and you're dating someone or you're having like first date sex and it's bad you just don't see them again if it's that bad I mean it's just ends up being a funny tinder story that you can share with your girls over drinks right bad sex in a relationship is

tough I think you can try and talk it out once again you might have to hit the honest button even though it's probably so humiliating and so hard to do oh yeah to get better you know you can talk like I would like to try this or maybe you should try this and stuff like that and see if you can oh I don't know tricky if it's bad sex forever and leaving if you talk about it and doesn't get any better then you basically have to make a choice whether you stay and put up with the bad sex or you leave someone you really like and love because the sex is not there oh what a choice I would not envy being in that situation I'm so sorry I literally can't even help out with that. That's a serious case-by-case issue. You'd have to message me personally and tell me the

actual details and then I might be able to help. Point number five. Is it ever okay to tell the other person they're doing a shit job? Yeah, I think so. I used to be very embarrassed about it when in my early 20s saying anything about sexual gratification that makes me happy. I think a lot of work girls like this and then as we get a little bit more comfortable with our bodies and we're a little bit older and less give a fuck about what men think I always sort of say you know no no don't stop or you know no like move like like make your tongue faster or like slow it down or no that's like burning you're kind of you're kind of giving me a Chinese burn down there you're just rubbing your finger on skin you're doing yeah just just all burn no

no nothing not my clit just burn um I have but then I got it I was in a very very comfortable relationship where we were very close so I felt like I could you know like take the piss out of it afterwards I'm like what the fuck were you up to it just depends on the situation yes please do tell the other one if they're doing a shit job I think it's important I mean like oh my god I need to have a fucking boundary but I don't so fuck it I'm really good at giving head I mean I'm really good at it it's the only time you should shut me up if I'm honest that and sleep I sleep talk as well so yeah no the only time but if I wasn't and I was down there fucking choking myself thinking I was doing a great job and like I can't breathe and he's lying there like oh my god this

is diabolical I kind of want to know because I'm wasting my time and clearly wasting his and putting a downer on the whole thing so yeah fucking tell me you know not that that's ever happened because I'm great but if I was shit yeah tell me for sure in a nice way don't be like bitch please you know get off but in a in a more constructive criticism way like can you go can you do that can you do that a bit faster or if in doubt just I don't know pull it out and have sex with me instead if I'm that bad which I'm not point number six what if the sex is great but the rest of it is pretty meh but the rest of it I assume they mean the relationship or the chat the convo so what do you do if the sex is kind of holding you all together you can probably then if

it's that bad but sex is that good we're kind of swing that back in a circle to friends with benefits if your sex is so good that you kind of think yeah I don't like this person but oh my god then why not why not say look we're not working out compatible wise but I love our sex why don't we hang out and keep doing that because you can't like you can't stay with someone just for the sex surely like I mean if the attitude sucks or you know you've got a huge conflict and how you run your lives and stuff sex is not going to be just the glue that will keep that together no no you can't be in that relationship or dating even I mean if the sex is great and you're dating but there ain't shit that you'll have great sex with someone else just leave that well alone I mean

only stay for in a relationship yeah if it's dating fuck that off you can always have great sex elsewhere trust me number seven what if sex is constantly painful but you're too embarrassed to say anything yes definitely been there yeah no I was too embarrassed to say anything but when it gets that painful I kind of like yeah then then it's kind of obvious that yeah what like what are you doing example oh god I really need a filter please I hope my mum and my dad never listen to this my ex well he just loved to go in as deep as possible and sometimes I felt like he was you know trying to bruise my womb lining with how deep he wanted to go in and sometimes it just fucking hurt I am a woman not a bag and a hole most of the time it was fine it was I could endure

it and it was you know nice and whatever but sometimes yeah it fucking hurt and in certain positions as well um I just let him know at the time I can't be so embarrassed I put myself through pain I've done that when I was very young and I regret it because I should have just said like can you just not fucking do this anymore or just say like you're hurting me get off or we'll move change positions but yeah if the guy doesn't care that he's hurting you I mean do you even want to see someone like that again no so drop the embarrassment leave that at the fucking bedroom door and if you're hurting you say something because that is not the kind of guy that you want to be around for a long time is it and that is the end of this episode now it is not the end

of all your sex questions answered this is going to be something that I will revisit as often as I need to when you guys give me all of your questions I hope I've helped the ones that wrote in today it's awesome that you got in touch and that you've been as open as you have as well because I can't deal with these issues if you weren't willing to talk to me about them so yay thank you guys please do guys and girls guys generically collective please do keep messaging me give me some more ideas and what you need help with let's tackle sex let's keep going at it this is the first of many so thank you thank you for listening also um please try and have really good sex because good sex is great okay thanks bye thanks for listening to the sex in singapore city

podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena watson and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore we're available on apple podcasts spotify google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe for a new episode every single week please do give us a five-star review it helps other people find our podcast we're also on social media with facebook and the gram don't be shy send me a message and come say hello for more information and to read more