Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Are You Newly Single This Christmas? Listen To This

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Christmas can be a time of heightened loneliness and sadness for we singletons. But I say nay, let's make it FUN FUN FUN. ​​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com.   Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, gang. Hello. Welcome back to me. Did you miss me? It's been a whole week. thanks for tuning in once again to this episode. I'd like to state now this episode is a little bit targeted, obviously, because it is called Are You Newly Single This Christmas? Then listen to this. So yes, if you're not newly single or you're happily loved up in a relationship,

I don't expect you to tune in. If you'll listen anyway, just because you love my voice, then thank you. Thank you so much. The reason I'm doing this episode, one, it's nearly Christmas, duh. Two, I'm kind of like newly single, duh. And three, Christmas is always a very difficult time for single people. It just always is. You know, they say like special occasions, birthdays, holidays. For some reason, it just has an impact on people who aren't in love, who perhaps feel lonely. You know, it kind of just almost brings it all to the surface and makes you feel even shitter about yourself. Like, okay, yeah. And also with Christmas, especially, you've got that impending new year vibe, you know, where it's like, oh, there's another year older. I'm going

into a new year. I haven't found love. It just brings it all to the surface. It aggravates all of that low insecurity, anxiousness that you might have bubbling under the surface. So yeah, you're like, Nix, thanks. So yeah, I am newly single this Christmas. What are you going to tell me? Why am I listening? You want to make me fucking have another drink? Make me feel even worse about myself? No, no, I'm going to stop you right there. So my experience, in case y'all are tuning in and haven't actually listened to my other show, Sex in Singapore City, Five Seasons of Gloriousness, over on that. I was in fact engaged and the relationship has ended this year. Last Christmas, I was very, very loved up and happy and, you know, planning

weddings and all that jazz. And this year, very, very, very, very single. And it's hard. And the reason I'm sharing this is because I want to discuss the like the effects it has on you and also how to kind of overcome it because actually this year I kind of dread I'm dreading Christmas and last year it was I had full of beans even the run-up and like buying all the gifts and wrapping I was just so on top of it and so excited and planning all of this festive stuff when I'm back in the UK with my family and this year it's very deadpan for me because it's just bringing up negative emotions that I will be alone you know again on Christmas day I will see all these happy couples and my family who are all married and and I'm there you know still the single one

and you know it will then also resurface memories of Christmas for me last year and this is why the newly single bit is in the episode title because it hurts more if you're newly single because last year clearly you weren't right you're newly single so you would have had someone the year before the maybe even for the last god knows how many Christmases this might be your first Christmas where you are now alone and single and it it hurts and you will be thinking oh we did this last year and we went to this Christmas market or you know even just the gifts just the giving, the excitement of buying someone else. It's just, it's really difficult. How do I think we should overcome? And it's we, I'm in this with you, we should overcome this.

Well, what I'm doing is I'm focusing purely on living in the present with my family and my friends. So I've made lots of plans. When I'm back at Christmas, I've made sure I'm going to see everyone that I love and care about and invest in them you know like one of my girlfriends is pregnant and I'm so happy for her and you know it's got no reflection on me and I don't want that to trigger oh I'm not in a happy state I am not married I'm not I just don't want to make this Christmas about me and that's helped because actually it's not it's about everyone else that I love. My niece, my nephew, I want to spend so much time with them and bring them joy and give them happy Christmas memories. And that's how I'm dealing with it. I'm taking a situation where

usually I'm focused on myself and my experiences and I'm making it purely about everyone else around me that I love. It's not easy. And of course, I will get triggered, especially as like for me personally, last Christmas, I actually took my fiance back for the first time. It was like his first cold Christmas in the UK. And that was the first time he met my family. And it was like this, you know, big deal. And this year, it's like the exact opposite. So I understand the pain that's going to come with it. But I think the best way to navigate this is to understand that it's just it's just a holiday. Number one, I know it's just it's Christmas. You know, it's not some life-changing event if you have any family members that do the whole oh when are you

settling down when are when are we going to meet your partner when are you giving us kids because they love to do that don't they oh relatives you don't see it much and when you do they come out with that shit you're like thanks thanks for making me feel even worse about myself but if they do just you know relish in it they're interested and they they were making conversation and be present for them. Like, oh, I would love to give you a niece or nephew. Oh, I would love to give you a grandchild. I can't wait. I'm hoping it'll be soon, you know, and just change the dialogue. If you try and make this Christmas focused on experiences and happy memories for those around you, with you present, it will of course have the happy, positive impact on you at

the same time. It's very difficult to think of good thoughts and create happy memories and not be happy and have your own good thoughts. So that's what I would suggest. And also understand that being single at Christmas is like, it's not like a tarnish. It's not my label you've got on your head. And it's okay. And if you have become newly single because you are perhaps, you know, you got out of a toxic relationship, or maybe your husband cheated on you, or I don't know, just anything negative and toxic. You need to bear in mind that being alone during this holiday season is still better than being with a toxic person. And you are recovering, you know, you're recovering from that. And it's great, like, it's such a good time to stay in and eat what you want

and drink what you want and watch festive movies that always give you that feel good vibes like really relish in it there was a relationship before the fiance I had for four to five years and I remember one Christmas he was really awful and he wasn't around and I wasn't present right and I was so sick like physically sick my anxiety was sky high he was playing me like a fiddle and that was then just before COVID hit, right? So I just wasn't there. Like I was there physically. I weren't there mentally. I was checking my phone 24-7. I was wondering where the fuck he is or who he's fucking. And I don't really even remember that Christmas because I was just mentally disconnected all over the place. So focused on him, what he's doing, where he is. And yeah,

COVID hit. So for two years, I couldn't have my family Christmas. And I was so angry at myself because by that point, the relationship was gone. I had moved on. I had no feelings for him. And I just look back and think you wasted such a precious time with your real friends and family over a guy who's a knob and who is meaningless to you now. And that's time you'll never get back. you'll never have those memories back and that really struck a chord with me especially as I then had two years on my own of Christmases in Singapore I was not allowed to leave because of COVID so that made it even worse that like the last proper Christmas I'd had you know I kind of like blamed myself for making it shit over a man and so this Christmas I'm going in with that same

mentality. Like I refuse to let the fiance's lack of presence or presence in my mind impact how present I am at Christmas. Opening presents. I had to get another present in. Present for presents. Yeah, I refuse. It's just something you almost have to say to yourself. Like I refuse to let this current narrative overbear a really happy time of the year. And that's what you've got to remember as well is Christmas is supposed to be a really happy time of the year where you connect with your family and your friends and also try and connect with yourself be reflective if you are single and it's getting you down as an example you're sitting there and you're I don't know watching people open gifts from like happy couple snogging each other whatever it is that's going on

that's triggering you try and think why you know like why does that bother me why okay because I want to be in love okay so what am I doing then to be in love and why am I perhaps attracting the wrong type of person or why am I not attracting any type of person what vibe am I giving off you know really take some self-reflection so that when you move into the new year it's going to be a year of like positivity yeah I hope this has helped I understand that it's not an easy time trust me that's why I'm doing the episode because it's not it is very triggering but I really want you to just stay focused and present on yourself and the moment you're in and the joy that everyone else is having around you try and soak that up and understand that whether you're single or not

single or happily married or not dating anyone it doesn't define who you are and it certainly doesn't define whether you can enjoy yourself or not or you know immerse yourself in an experience like Christmas. So yes, I would say very much forget worrying about something that you can't control at the moment, which is your single status and just throw yourself in to the experience of Christmas. Make sure everyone around you is happy and having fun and be present for them and show up for them and then show up for yourself at the same time too. I hope this has helped. I'd love to hear all of your christmas plans so do slide into my dms let me know what you're up to where you're going are you staying you're going on holiday who you're staying with all that jazz and um i look

forward to speaking to you next week thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com I'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi