Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Being Single During Lockdown - And How to Date After It's Over

Episode Date: June 15, 2020

Last week I discussed what it is like being in a relationship and confined to the home together during lockdown (I am so so so ready for a girl's night out nowwww) so this week I wanted to discuss the opposite = being single and isolated.  Are all the single people going to head out as soon as lockdown is over and find the first person available for some one-night fun? Or is virtual dating now preference? Tune in to find out my thoughts. 

Hi everyone, it's Nick Salina of the Sex and Singapore City, the podcast. How are we all doing? It's Monday, which means another episode of me. Last week I was looking into relationships during lockdown. So this week I'm addressing single life. Hence why this episode is called Being Single During Lockdown and How to Return to Dating Once It's Over. Obviously it's not personal experience as I am in a relationship,

but i've heard a lot a lot a lot a lot of stories from boyfriends and girlfriends who are going through this at the moment and i think firstly we need to really address how fucking shit it has been for people who are single especially if you live on your own and you're not surrounded by friends or housemates right because you can't go and see anyone so those people that are not in a relationship uh have a their own condo their own place whatever and they're not surrounded by people like how hard is that it must feel so isolated and what's happening from what i can see is people who are in this situation are not coping well um i've in fact i've had one girlfriend who's had to leave singapore and emigrate back to where where she originally came from because the lockdown

level where she came from is a lot easier to deal with than Singapore and she's you know she's stuck at home all day every day completely alone and it's kind of got the better of her and I can totally get why I think I would be the exact same you know human beings we're made to be sociable we're we're sociable creatures it's just how we are so this is going against you know like our very nature of what we're designed to be and do so I feel like the lockdown the lack of human interaction and lack of human connection has really got to all of us but particularly of course if you are single i mean that must be just awful and even if you're single and you share a housemate like place maybe there's a couple of you or four or five of you you're still when you

know you're going to bed alone you're still not able to date and that must be pretty tough and that's something else i want to lead on to it's the lack of dating um i remember when i was single like what i would look forward to is talking to someone meeting someone online or meeting someone at a club or a bar and then arranging to go out for dinner and you know that happy jazz and yeah that's gone right so it's kind of like leaves a hole i guess in your life like oh i can't date i can't actually meet anyone um unless it's all virtually i just i mean we'll get onto later on but you know it's like I think a lot of people will be like well why bother I can't physically meet anyone and I don't know this person who I meet online until I meet them in person and it's

months and months and months so some people have just gone like fuck this I'm just putting a halt on dating in general and others are giving it a go anyway virtually but you know with that kind of question mark is this is this going to be a thing when everything changes back so yeah there's a there's a lack of dating there's a lack of being able to go and meet people and and i think that's really affected like i i believe being single it must be one of the hardest things through this lockdown um i think it's obvious that people are taken to social media uh to vent to rant to search for attention to um fulfill the time you know and whatever whatever you need to do to get you through and whatever you need to do to feel connected to other people like go for it um i mean

the other issue of course is the lack of sex fuck because you can't fuck can you you can't just go and be like do you know what i just want to find someone just one night stand whatever or just want to hang out with a friend with benefits and cuddle and fool around you can't do any of that so all that physical attention that we thrive off as human beings is also taken away like it's fucking awful i can't imagine i was very nearly going to be single obviously we all know that me and my partner fell apart in october last year and I yeah I was sort of prepared to be single through through this and then he came back but if he hadn't it would have yeah I would have really struggled because I know I need to be

around people and I need connection all all the time I need to be connected every day to someone be it whatsapp or video call or in person like I'm not good on my own because I spend a lot of time in my own thoughts and I think that's half the problem like if I take my girlfriend who's moved back to her home country i'm assuming because she wasn't around anyone because she was completely on her own and stuck here she couldn't go out like you you naturally then embed yourself in your own thoughts and your memories and it just yeah can drive you mad um on the flip side because this sounds really negative on the flip side there is a positive here and i've got another girlfriend who has in fact connected with a guy online

and he's not in singapore like they were in completely different countries um they now talk pretty much every day all day they've connected i think for a dating app but then obviously they've taken it to whatsapp and they video call each other for hours and it's the weirdest most awesome connection i can think of they it's like they're a couple but they're not and they've never met ever so they found each other through a dating app during lockdown and yeah he's not even in the country and yet it's it you would think that by the way they talk and the things they say and the stuff they're talking about now you think that yeah they're a couple and looking at the future prospects and all this jazz and it's quite amazing i'm gonna wait until i get her permission

to do a blog on this um we'll see where it goes obviously no pressure but um i think it's quite an extraordinary story and whenever we talk about it like this guy she's met away i have to i have to always say but you know you've not met him and this is always like like pull back and this is a problem with meeting virtually through lockdown is yeah but you've not met him you know like how connected can you be when you've not met each other and cynics in us would say this isn't going to last this is an online thing this is just two people being bored finding someone else to to curb their boredom give them the attention they need during a time when you can't get it as a single person but the romantics in us and my opinion personally is like actually it might be a better

way to find someone that you match with because there is no confusion of sex there is no lust taking over the logical side there's no emotions and physical needs throwing you off okay is this a good partner or not so all this connection made virtually is based on whether they get on their personalities whether they make each other laugh they have intelligent conversations they can connect for hours you know some couples can't like who've been together for years can't even talk for hours so for me i think this is actually a really good thing because you are now so into each other and they both feel the same it's completely reciprocated they basically just can't wait to meet you both feel the same based on connecting for your personalities and your

thoughts and your discussions and your ideals and your future goals that sex has not come into play or confused this so you know it's kind of based on real shit because sex always emotionally blows your head out the water and confuses you and this person is obviously no good for you but the sex is so good so you kind of convince yourself they are that happened to me basically my whole 20s so yeah i feel like there could be blossoming relationships that have come out of virtual connections during lockdown i'm not saying it would have been easy and i'm not saying you know like this has happened for everyone i'm assuming the majority as if i can stick to the back teeth of this but there seems to be some relationships coming out here that could be

long-term things it once lockdown's over which would be amazing which brings me to the second half of this episode which is how to return to dating once lockdown is over right and i was talking with my partner about this and he's like well everyone's gonna be fucking gagging for it aren't they everyone has been shut up for three or four months is gonna want to have sex so chances as are there's going to be a lot of people out when we can go out and going home with other people who have also lacked that physical connection i've i'm assuming there'll be a rise in one night stands my partner thinks the same but he's a bloke and when he says oh they're gagging for it he likes to grab his penis i wish you could all see it's revolting

whereas me being in a relationship i'm gagging for a girl's night out away from him i'm gagging for the opposite shall we say so yeah there's going to be a lot of one night stands there's going to be an increase my prediction in dates all over the island i think that yeah the dates got to go up and up dinner dates and drinks i mean it depends how fast the phase two and three happens of course but you know it looks like restaurants will be returning in phase two fingers crossed and i think there'll be a lot of dinner dates and a lot of immediate trysts you know like lockdown's over when are you free because everyone's just bottling up and waiting to meet someone i also think there will be a lot of dates between people that aren't a match

but are just desperate to go on a date for some tension you know so there'll be a lot of tinder hangouts that normally you'd be like no thank you but you're like i just want to meet someone i want to go and have drinks or eat nice food or just meet a guy and meet a girl so i think there'll be a lot of shitty bad days in the next couple of months while you all get it out your system it would be lovely if everyone just returned back to their normal dating lives and didn't yeah didn't make any mistakes but fuck it being single is part and parcel of all of that and they'll also in my opinion be a rise in lots of partners all at once you know i feel like two three people no no official connection just lots of fun lots of sex i reckon that will happen

for sure but my advice on how to date if you're interested which you are because you're listening after the lockdown is pace yourself just pace yourself keep your dick in your pants for a couple of weeks no um if by all means starved of physical connection i say go for it don't don't forgo what you're in need of or what you're missing because you're like you know i don't usually do that or i don't know you well enough like if you're like jesus christ man i just need some fucking sex go and have it right as long as you're protected put a fucking condom on for god's sake then yeah why not but take your time if you can and you're not you know desperate for a shag

and um just go out in in a very casual manner the way you used to don't rush into anything and always remember that the other person's going to be gagging for attention as well right so if a guys like let's meet let's meet let's meet and you're a female and you're like i'm not sure just remember that he's he's also had a few months without anyone so keep it keep it like it would be before the lockdown if you can remember how you were so if you if you were quite distant from people or you took your time then you try and return back to that just don't want i don't want everyone to rush out and do a single phase of dating after the lockdown and people get really hurt and upset i think that's what i'm trying to avoid like if you think a guy you're not sure

maybe he wants sex or maybe he's into like just keep your guard up don't be like okay i'm gonna have sex with you because i really like you and it's over and then you you know you get ghosted the next day and all he wanted was a quick shag basically i'm not gender stereotyping by the way i mean that's just what i've experienced with men alike sometimes i'm sure women also can have sex as well just for the sake of it yeah so single people i would love to hear from you i want to know if there's any other experiences out there during the lockdown and i also want to know what your plans are post lockdown are you going to be like fuck it i'm actually just going to go out and shag as many people as i can are you going to be like i want

to go on a date three times a week i'm gonna go like the anti-lockdown and just go out as much as i can are you going to continue doing things virtually and that is something actually that i should have touched upon earlier is it may have changed the game in single life and dating and actually maybe virtual dating video calls and you know chats on tinder now are are more the thing perhaps single people feel more comfortable not putting themselves out in person physically and it's much easier to vet the wrong ones on a video call is that an option are you thinking actually this is so much fucking easier to to date because i can can't be asked and i can't be bothered to leave my home and i find out whether i like you or not within you know a couple of conversations

i'd love to know your thoughts um yeah just make sure if you do to everyone if you do run out and want to get fucking just yeah stay protected please don't make me say that three times just wrap it just fucking wrap it and on that note i'm gonna go i love you all thank you for tuning in and as always stay tuned next monday will be a different topic and fingers crossed i can return to the studio soon splice studios shout out to ken and make more professional episodes because this is just me at home chatting to you at home which you know is a killer but we prefer the better ones okay peace out love you all