Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Confessions of a Dominatrix - We talk BDSM, Subs, Kink, Shibari & Femdom

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

I sit down with Ashley - one of Singapore's Dominatrix - and we delve into the world of BDSM, femdom, Shibari and allllllll things KINK. Enjoy everyone! For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com.   Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of me. Yay! I'm really excited to do this one for two reasons. One, it's special for International Women's Day, which obviously is my favourite day of the year. But also, it's an interview with a very, very epic lady who I've been trying to get in the studio for a few months now.

And the episode is called Confessions of a Dominatrix. So without further ado, allow me to introduce Ashley. Thanks for having me today. My absolute pleasure. How are you feeling this morning? I'm quite excited to be doing this together with you. I think it's going to be one of those episodes where we're all listening in like, what? I mean, I have quite a deep, extensive knowledge of this field, but I don't think I'm anywhere near you, okay?

So, I mean, my listeners know I like my BDSM, I like my dom-sub thing, but I am personally a submissive. And you are the dom, right? So let's start off. I want it from you and your experience. Tell us what is BDSM and femdom? I think if you just look into the acronyms of what BDSM is, I mean, of course, on the surface level,

it means bondage, dominance, mechacism and xenomacetism. But actually, if you look deeper into this, it's not just about kinky sex. It's not just about what we see on Fifty Shades of Grey. It's actually a very multidisciplinary approach Towards sex and relationships And it's a full-spectrum experience That's more than just skin tape

But going deeper and deeper Into your motivations, your psychology What turns you on, what you like And what you dislike So maybe just let me give you A vanilla example For example, cuddling Many of us like to cuddle

I love cuddling And yes, the BDSM will actually go into Why do you like cuddling? Of course, that's the hormonal effect Of cuddling after sex But for many people Cuddling is actually a means of intimacy Added intimacy

Because I have seen you bare naked I have seen you in your vulnerabilities Doing sex You're moaning, you're screaming And then cuddling is a way That I've exposed all my vulnerabilities to you That's why I like cuddling Or for many other people

Cuddling just means that They lack intimacy or physical touch From their partners, from their parents That's why they crave to be coloured after sex And just a simple act of colouring Has so many, many different motivations behind it And BDSM is about getting into That specific motivations of yours

And playing into it For example, let me give you a BDSM example Right now, Shibari wrote Bondage Some people like it Right, explain Shibari So it's the Japanese wrote Bondage, right? Yes, yes Okay

So Shibari It just means The tying of person It could be very intrinsic Knots It could be to Immobilize somebody

It could be just to put Somebody in a very vulnerable state On the surface level of it Shibari just looks like Rope bondage But you dive deep Into the psychology Behind it

Rope bondage To some people May actually mean That they like How it makes them feel vulnerable It makes them feel helpless And they like This kind of feeling

Of being helpless Of being small In front of a dominant That turns them on However, for some people, they actually like how rope hugs onto them. It makes them feel safe in front of their partner because they know that nothing wrong can go with them because their partner is around.

And the same interest about that is going deeper into your psychology, understand the why and how and what turns you on. And I find that very interesting. It's an added dimension to the sex that we have. I mean, for me, lots of people, I'm a very dominant woman, clearly. career everything dominant and very assertive very opinionated everyone thinks I would be a dominator and I am the complete opposite so I'm like when it comes to my relationships with my partner I have to be the submissive one I want to be the one that's tied up I always like want to

have no control I need to relinquish my control to my man right and that's what gets me off is having someone else dominate but it has to be respectful dominate like and i some some guys have not really understood the assignment like just being a controlling arsehole whereas i'm like no it has to be the pain pleasure thing yeah but i just find it so interesting that it's so opposite to what i am as a person with my bdsm fetish so to speak in the bedroom i think many of us have a masculine and a feminine energy within us i'm using masculine and feminine as a form of energy not referring to gender yeah yes but all of us have this kind of masculine and feminine energy in us and the masculine energy like in us would crave to be in control

crave for us to take charge in terms of the work and when it comes to feminine energy many of us crave to be taken care of many of us crave to express this feminine energy in a way that we like art we appreciate the finer things in life and yeah everybody has a mix of this masculine and feminine energy masculine to take charge family to take care of other people and this is how we express ourselves in everyday life for example maybe at work you feel your you have more masculine energy you like to be the bossy one you like assigning roles you like taking care of timelines however when it comes to in the bedroom back at home with a family with your partner you just want your feminine self to take over and i think that's that's that's beautiful yeah all of

us have this mix of energies within us and so yeah i guess in that way i want to know how you became a dominatrix because obviously that's your masculine energy coming through so how you know i know how i let me tell you the story as how i got into bdsm i was uh in london met a guy who was my boss very cliche and he was the one that slowly introduced the submissive dominant aspect into the bedroom but did it very slowly I was really like only 21 and then I realized I loved it so since then if I hadn't have met him I don't know whether I would have explored that so it was not me going one day thinking oh I'd love to be tied up it was him saying hey like how would you how would you feel doing this so it was someone else bringing that

part out of me so yeah how did you discover this side to you for me because I grew up in a dual income family that means when I was growing up my parents weren't always at home for me they would be out at work so I would come home after school to an empty house so growing up in my earlier days I actually craved for somebody to take care of me as a form of parental figure So of course When I was slightly older I turned to the internet And you know

Like your parents Your parents would always tell us Don't make strangers From the internet But as rebellious teenagers We always do So that's where I was looking for

A dominant Older man Who would take care of me Physically as well as emotionally So that's where I stumbled upon Some of these earlier days Of BDSM

Social networking sites Right Caller space I think that's what it was called Of course it's not around Today anymore So I didn't know that the internet Was such a dangerous place

And of course, you know, social media About 10 years ago wasn't so popular Wasn't so developed It's not like the robust committees That we have today We're vetting, we're vouching Yeah, so on the earlier days of the internet Earlier days of social media

You don't really know who are the real people Who are the fake people Who are the reputable doms Who are the people that you can play with Who are the dangerous people That you shouldn't play with Okay, so my earlier few doms That I played with

Were actually bad experiences I actually sort of got abused by some of them during my earlier few sessions. So there was this one particular session I remember very vividly. At the start, we did quite a fair bit of kinks, things that we agreed to do on, such as there was spanking,

of course there was hair pulling, there was use of nipple clamps, there was slapping, there was a bit of humiliation. I mean, these were totally fine with me because these were things I negotiated for before the play. And of course There was rough sex

Of course And towards the end Of the session My dom wasn't placed In my performance Maybe because I didn't give him A good blowjob

I'm pretty sure I'm pretty good at that That's not the point That's not the point Of this conversation Side note Ashley is really good at that Yeah that's not the point

Of that So at the end of the session He wasn't placed In my performance So what he told me to do Was he told me to kneel down In the corner of his room He drew a circle

Told me to stay Inside that corner And not to step out of it So he took his laptop Opened Skype And pointed it towards me And told me If you step out of the circle

I'll see you through Skype And then I'll come back And punish you again So back then I was young I thought that This was how A BDSM dynamic

Should be like I thought that As a sub And my dom wanted me To do certain things I had to take it I thought that That was sort of

A rite of passage For a sub And I just thought That that's how The entire BDSM dynamic Should be like So I already Just knelt there

In the corner Until we came back Home for about what do you know what that i'm fucking angry about that because also that i think that's the problem as well with the donation submissive thing is it can then venture into actual abuse and it's such a murky waters for this like what is respectful what's not respectful and people repeatedly take the piss and actually it's that there is that element of are you a dominant or are you just a controlling power play cunt basically yes which he was but what I also

find interesting is I'm sitting here talking to you as a dominatrix but you started off as a submissive yes so you're when you're that age you've you felt the need because you were alone at home, and correct me if I'm wrong, you felt the need for that older, nurturing type, and your natural instinct was that you are a submissive, and that turned you on as well. Okay, and then your doms did stuff like this to you. And what was this in your teen years? No, I was in my college days back then.

Right. Yeah, about 20 years old. Oh, okay. but also still like I guess navigating your way through and that's the thing is if you don't know if like I feel like I would probably think oh is this normal is this part of it yes I think that sex education in Singapore is not that power enough you just sex education in Singapore just teaches abstinence or rather sometimes they use the importance of safe sex But it won't teach sufficiently about navigating consent

I think this element of consent has been left out enough In our sexual education That I think as part of BDSM practitioners I think we need to reinforce the idea of consent For example, if I was to take you out on a date If you consent to me bringing you out on a date That doesn't mean that you consent to me bringing you home for sex For example, if I was to allow

If you were to allow me To hold your hands That doesn't mean That I will allow That you should That you will allow me To slap you on the ass When you walk out

Of the door So consent Is a multi-tier process And it must be Enthusiastically given And yet It can also be Rejoined at the same time

I think notions like this And consent If it's taught In sexual Sex education In schools Will help us Advocate our adult years

A little bit I don't think It's just Singapore I have to say that Because obviously I grew up in the UK then it's the same it was like don't get pregnant don't get pregnant don't get pregnant this is a condom don't get pregnant stds if you have sex you get an std don't get pregnant off you go

go enjoy your p class right so even like even like narcissism and personality disorders and mental health i think all that comes into play as well like we should be educated on it and i totally get it it definitely is not just singapore it's i think it's a global issue and it's definitely something I would have loved too. If I had the same kind of education at that age, what I know now, my life would have been so different. The men I would have dated would be so different. I mean, I got to 35 and I finally understood, but fuck me, it took me a while. So yeah, I totally, I totally agree with you on that one. But so let's take it back then. So you're having these like experiences as a submissive and then what happens from then on in so i want to mention

previously i had experiences in which there were constant violation i thought because i was young i was naive i didn't know that this was actually wrong until i started to grow older then i started to go to the local communities the parties i started to meet with better people my exes then I realized Then when I started To describe my experience To them Then I realized

That what these things were Were actually A consent violation That the community Shouldn't be brought up The community The values of The collective communities

Aren't Should be on consent Informed king And respect This is how Our community Should be molded So I mean

As to how I got into a dorm I think Yeah I think That'll be Interesting for you But was that

At that same point Time I was actually becoming a manager in my vanilla workplace. I started to lead a team. Then what I've realized was meaningful to me was that being a manager isn't just about ensuring that your team, your juniors, meet timelines, meet deadlines,

submit the work that is of a certain quality. Being a manager, being a mentor is also about ensuring that they are properly taught and when they leave the workplace, they can say that, hey, I was actually mentored by Ashley. And I think that's the meaningful part About being a leader

Is to actually nurture and to lead other people And that actually reflected How I started to be in the king scene Because I found it meaningful To help new subs along their journey through king To tell them that These are the values that you should be adhering to This is how you should stay safe

This is how you should negotiate a scene With your partner Like for example If I'm getting into a scene with you This is the things that I want to do These are my limits And then how do you Develop that

Mutual scene With your partner How do you communicate that And these are very Valuable life lessons That I found it meaningful For me To help new subs

Along that journey And there's this quote That I like Quite a lot Is that We make a living Through how much we earn But we truly only

Make a life Through how much we give And I found that Very meaningful Not just in my Vanilla workplace But also for me In my

King scene So back then When I started to Become that more mature person Eventually it pushed me to Becoming a switch And eventually become a dominant It blows my mind

Because for me I could think of nothing worse Because I'm such a submissive Do you know what I mean? I'm like that's That's what gets me off That's what I love And the idea of going the other way

I would be good at it I'm sure But it's just not a piece of me So for you to go from one to the other Because I feel like Usually your personalities go more towards one or the other and that's just how it is. Before you get into the change, which one do you prefer?

Being a sub or a dom? Right now? Yeah. Right now, I would still say that I'm a switch. Right. Coming to COVID, I used to have a play partner, a dom partner that I would play with regularly. Right.

Because after the COVID pandemic, he moved back to Taiwan and we haven't actually been in touch. But of course, right now, if I was to look into things, I mean I would have a Highness Highest If I was to be

A submissive again I think my standards Would be pretty high right now Because Hey Hey guy You need to be higher Than my standards

Better than me To be able to talk I mean jokes aside But yeah I still identify as a switch But yeah I don't think I have Issues swinging

Between one side Maybe being a submissive Doing play again Right So Okay You're literally My new favourite

Interest in human ever So how do you Become a dominatrix Like How do you even stop? How did you do that? So like what I mentioned, when I started, when I'm from a sub, I started to explore.

I also wanted to explore my dorms. I started seeing things that my dorm has done to me after going to play parties, after learning the ropes, learning the ropes figure literally when it comes to shifari. And I started to figure around and tinker with things around my own. And then I started to be a bit more curious and that's where I started exploring a switch. So I would have some play partners,

I would have some people that I was still dormant to. And then after a while, I found it quite interesting to be a dominant. Particularly because, of course, particularly for me, because it's the intellectual challenge that I found it interesting. How do we, for example,

if you were a sub and then you come to me and then we discuss our limits, discuss what you're interested to. And it becomes a challenge or rather an intellectual exercise for me to understand you better, to be able to crack what turns you on, what motivates you and found and I found that quite interesting and challenging to me as as

being a dom to be able to crack this puzzle in you so you did it what once and then said yeah I'm gonna do this forever you've been in this BDSM online community and you go like hey guys I'm a dom so anyone like I mean I still go to regular play parties from Singapore and And I also do have a social media presence in which I share photos about my sessions. I write about my experience. And yeah, that sort of attracts people to me, people who are interested to play. And of course, when that happens, we just sit down again. Like what I mentioned, we discuss about limits, we discuss about consent.

And if you are fit, yeah, then we will arrange something. So tell me about your first ever experience then as a dominatrix. Like, what did you wear? Were you nervous? did you feel like pressure how was it of course i remember i still remember my first session it was it was somebody i connected with on an online bdsm social networking site called fat life and he was he said that he was interested in playing he was interested in impact play so impact play is the use of impact toys or to hit or to impact somebody's skin it's usually

the buttocks or it could be the thighs it could be the palms it could be the soles and it's usually done with toys such as paddles or it could be the back of it could be your palm

it could be a cane or it could be a whip so I remember that session was he was interested in impact play and impact play was something that I was introduced to

first when I became a sub and yeah that was my natural first inclination to pick up the cane right yes and I remember

during my first session I was pretty nervous because coming from a sub All I need to know Was to dress something That was sexy

For my domino Right As a domino What do I wear Exactly That's what I mean That was confusing me What do I wear

Yeah Because I'm like I know what Yeah You're now in control And then what How How do I dress

Yeah Express that kind of control But of course I got the fashion sense Of it Slowly along the way But yeah So I just dressed

In a White blouse And black skirt Of course That wasn't the best That wasn't my best outfit But yeah, I just put it together I had like latex catsuit in my head idea

You know, like a I don't know Like a full length PVC thing But blouse and skirt, yeah I eventually got the fashion sense Sorted out But that was after many, many months So the session happened

And then we discussed We sat down to discuss What were his limits What did he like What didn't he like How would he express his safe words If he was feeling That the pain was too much

How do we pace it out What type of implements Do I actually want to go through So there was The entire negotiation session The entire chat session before Was actually longer Than the play session itself

Right Because we were both new And we wanted to get this right And Great And then Before the entire play session I was actually running through

The entire scenario in my mind Because I was afraid To do something wrong I was afraid That if I type him A different way Then I will hit him In the wrong way

I was afraid of all this Yeah what about the safety like I'd be terrified like yeah I don't know what if you

over choke them or the rope I don't know you don't get to hear all these horror stories and things going wrong yes and yes

that also brings me to another important aspect about BDSM is about informed risk that all of us going into the scene

should be informed about the risk that is that is that is that is relevant to this particular thing that we are exploring

For example, choking Is something many of us like And paid even for vanilla folks But when it comes to But for example If you want to do choking with me Me as a dom I need to go into this

Informed about the risk And you as a sub Should go into this scene Knowing that these are the risks And what could go wrong How to ensure that your dom knows How to do it properly For example, when it comes to choking

It's not just pressing the windpipe That is actually an airway choke And that's dangerous So when it comes to choking How we should choke properly Is to identify the two artilleries The two blood vessels Next to the side of your neck

And press down That is a blood choke That doesn't restrict The flow of oxygen to your brain It just restricts the flow of blood To your brain Creating that kind of high effect And if the dominant doesn't know

The difference between a blood choke And airway choke That's going to be very dangerous For both parties And that's the informed race That is essential the BDSM yeah I've just

totally recounted in my head as you said that all the memories of not being choked the wrong way the complete wrong way yeah I also got choked the wrong way

it wasn't fun complete wrong way like scarily so the wrong way okay so you had your first session

and then you decided right this is what I'm gonna do I really enjoy it and I'm gonna keep hanging out with the submissives

and having fun yeah I think for me what's meaningful is about building a community building a community of people of dominance of submissives or kingsters that they can come over and and totally and truly embrace this safe space for them that they can express their vulnerabilities they can express their identities in this space that is non-judgmental and is safe for them and

i find that very rewarding about being a dominant all these years do you have any guilt or i don't know any concern if any of these submissives have partners i guess this is sometimes this unenviably happens particularly because i'm also guilty of that when i was partnered many years ago i did also have some play on the side so how all of us manage this is that we need to manage proper communications with our partners we need to express that this is what I am interested in this is who I am

as a person this is how I identify with these are some of my kinks and is there any way that we can

reconcile this or even introduce your other partner or even compromise when it comes to things

and if that doesn't happen how do we manage that respectfully and mutually as an adult rather than

to do it on the side without telling your partners but of course when I do have people kingsters or subs coming in to share with me that they are actually partnered they are feeling guilty

about it what i will tell them is how do you manage proper communications with your partner and how should they approach this subject with their partner yeah i mean way back when the boss the what my my first dominant um he definitely explained that the girlfriend before was just completely um turned off by any kind of pain right so she'd like wouldn't even want to be choked and I think that bothered him like he loved her but obviously this is sex is a big part right of a relationship and if you're not being fulfilled or there's a an aspect that you want to explore and your partner's like oh no that's like then yeah and I think that's why I was like you know of sweet shot for him when he found me yeah so then like because he got to do all this like I

signed a contract and everything I don't know if you've ever done that right yeah so part of our boundaries at the beginning was he basically said I'm not going to sleep with you until you've you fill in this contract and it was a list of all of the stuff and then there was a giving receiving and neither column so I had to I mean some of the shit on this list actually I panicked right I literally got the contract went back with my girlfriends and was like we need to go out for a drink and we were just slightly looking at it and I was like what on the fuck is going on but he he was like nothing will shock me all I want is honesty you are filling this list in before we have sex and he wouldn't sleep with me and you know I did loosely fill it in um but yeah that

was part of our uh safety aspect as he knew my heart passes and then obviously we had a safe word i used it like a couple of times and he stopped immediately and obviously like if someone uses a safe word and the other person doesn't that's a complete consent violation that's like the basic foundations here right oh seems like you had quite a good experience back then oh it was fucking fantastic I can't even tell you girl how much I want it back and every guy I meet I'm like yeah like dumb and they're like oh no or my fiance was just not very good at it and like oh I tried it once I just thought this is not I feel bad this is not working like because also they don't it's like oh they do it for like two minutes and then it just goes back

to vanilla sex or they like become controlling beyond the bedroom i'm like you haven't grasped this yeah so no i did i think i had a very very good two-year dom and that i've been trying to find that ever since because even like we were so we worked together and it was at work he was the boss at home he was the boss but yeah it was an incredible experience we were yeah sexually very compatible but we kept it everything was above pay respectful it's like your story you told me about that circle makes my skin crawl that's horrific did he try and see you again of course we drifted after a while because particularly we had different parties in life that were just It was just play. It wasn't a thumbs-up relationship.

No, but would you, I mean, I'm assuming he tried to, I don't know, because that is abusive, isn't it? Yeah, looking back, I would say it is, but it's just part of our growing up days that we fought on and we learned. We do. We absolutely do. So what I'd love to know, I guess, is like what's the bit that you love about being a dominatrix? What's like your favourite part?

I think what I shared earlier is actually this journey together with slavs to help them nurture body positivity. Yeah. And for example, there's this one particular submissive who came in to me. She was a biological male, but of course, she was born a biological male. So when it came to me, she was identified. She had certain levels of gender dysphoria in me. Right.

And the parents could not accept her gender identity and she was also a bit confused. Like, am I a male? Am I a female? How do I navigate life like this? So what was meaningful to me was that I could help her be more positive about her outlook in life,

help her embrace her femininity. And it's submissives like this. It's like journeys like this with people which fills my heart and makes me feel that, hey, this is a meaningful thing that I like and this is what truly has kept me interested

about being a dominant about the lives that I can touch but when it comes to but of course like what I mentioned it's also about the puzzle because previously

I was working in advertising and every time there's a new brief coming in to crack that new brief and then submit a great tender and then reading it

that's the truth that I live for in my vanilla workplace and similarly in King I find it thrilling to be able to meet new people to understand them

truly get into their minds and then help them and I found that quite interesting but I think as a dom what I'm truly interested in

is again shibari as a form of kings maybe that's what you are that's why for those who are

interested I like shibari I like road bondage I like impact play I like making subs putting people in very vulnerable

and helpless state and watching them scrim and watching them get try to reclaim control

of themselves and of course I like elaborate role plays and it empowers you i take it it's it's empowering and it's it's of course it's fun and it's it's fulfilling and so do you ever like so they could what the person you just talked about that so they're telling you quite intimate stuff right do you ever does it ever blend into your normal life

i.e do you whatsapp them or like do you have boundaries where we only talk or in those sessions and other than that then it's nothing or are you friends yes actually for me I still maintain

good relationships with many of them and some of them has actually evolved into friendship like we'll meet outside for dinner we go hiking

and of course when we're hiking when we're in public he doesn't address me as squatters actually because that'd be weird for everyone around me he just addresses me

and actually yeah nobody needs to know what happens in the bedroom and yeah we send each other memes of course I have better memes then

But we also maintain That relationship And I find it Quite interesting Same I thought you were Going to tell me Like absolutely strictly

Just in the sessions And other than that We don't I think I think that would be But if I think that won't be Very nice

And of course All these are great people If they were to Entrust me With their secret So I have to Take it And appreciate them

For the trust That they put in me But also one thing That I would like to share Which is also quite interesting Is this concept of Empathy fatigue Because

Sometimes they come to me With their burdens With their traumas With their anxieties And of course Even If I was to keep on Listening and

Hearing them out It eventually It eventually Tires me out Because there's So much empathy That I can only give And of course

When it happens I know I'll just Stop replying to them For a day And then I'll just Revert back to Just sending them memes And taking a break

From listening to their stories But of course when i'm back i'll be back listening to them and talking with them yeah yeah i have quite similar experience with the podcast and people reaching out to me um it's sometimes it just gets quite a lot because it is someone's life story and i have to be there for them and i love being there for them but then it gets to the point where i'm depleted yeah so i'm like i can't or say i'm going through something you know like i'm being cheated on and i'm dealing with this so it's very hard to do that and be there for all these people right because you are only one person

but you are multi-layered one person i love it literally my favorite person so um i could literally talk to you all day so do you think you're gonna continue doing this for for like forever or is it going to get to a point where you're like, I'm tired or, you know, is it going to be a point you cut it off? I think right now I'm having a good time juggling between my vanilla workplace as I'm, of course, I'm a freelance digital strategist.

I freelance in my working hours and, of course, I love this part of my life in which I get to meet and touch the lives of many other people. and right now I have this very good balance between my friends my vanilla work

my king life and of course I'm not partnered unfortunately or fortunately so right now I have this I have this equilibrium

in my life that I'm able to balance everything maybe one day when things get out of balance again or maybe like for example

I get more projects or I get a new job or I get a partner and then I may stop eventually but yeah but that's not now

fair yeah and so I guess like what do you think about what do you personally feel about like Singapore and the sex scene here you know and sexual freedom here like do you have any thoughts on that I think Singapore it's still way too conservative and that is actually reflected in the way that sexual education is being taught our sexual education is very focused on heteronormative sexual relationships

and intimacy that sex should only be for procreation purposes or maybe for recreational purposes with only your wedded partner. And this is a lot too restrictive because it teaches people

that anything outside this is a deviant. Yeah. And that's not normal because if you just focus just on sexual purity, anything outside this standard deviation

is seen as weird. Yeah. And that would end up People just labelling People like you and me As weird Or unnatural And this would just

End up This would just I mean I am weird Like this would I am weird and unnatural But I'm fine with that But yeah There's a layer of shame

Right Yeah That develops Like the shame Like for example That my submissive Should I mention That she identifies

As a She was a Cisgendered male He would just If this society Would just label her As weird Or unnatural

And that would she will eventually develop sexual shame about her identities or even gender dysphoria and that's not healthy for anyone growing up. Agreed. Agreed. And so you think kink, I guess, helps teach us certain aspects

of like being more open minded, creating safe spaces for people, body positivity. Yes. So you're, I mean, you're very pro kink and BDSM. Me fucking too.

No, before I let you go, Ashley, I do have one more question. Okay. As a dominatrix, you are only allowed to pick like one toy, like your one favourite object to use. What do you pick? For me, I would pick this mahogany wood pedder. It's a pedder that has my name engraved on it. Yes, goddess Ashley, and it was a gift from one of my co-doms.

because it's a gift I appreciate the value of the gift behind it that's just my favourite toy to date and of course there's a heavy pad

that nobody can take what's yours then mine would have to be flogger oh okay yeah I don't well I mean

obviously if I'm talking about like the dom sub vibe no because I do I know I like a lead and a collar and a bed restraint I can't

I don't think I can pick one it's actually a really hard question isn't it why are you posing me a hard question I don't know okay uh lead and collar but then I do like very simple blindfold right because when

you cut off one of your senses or like a gag or a blindfold or whatever it really heightens everything else so as a submissive one of the first things I discovered was he would start it off just like handcuffs and a blindfold and then I was like oh I blindfolds are probably because the dominant doesn't get to see your expression you just see one black patch yeah true but next time i'll show you my one-way blindfold it's a one-way blindfold because you as a weather can't see out and me as a dominant i can see in what so i can look at your eyes and you can't see me the fuck have i not heard about this i'll show you next time yeah send me the link i'll buy it i mean i've got to find a dom first i mean the search is still on it takes a while

oh ashley you've been an absolute pleasure i really hope everyone i i feel very empowered and sexually charged after this episode and i guess just say someone's listening in they want to find you how do people find you you can find me on twitter actually it's underscore goddess ashley underscore goddess ashley on twitter and they can slide into your dms yeah i mean even if you just want to chat to Ashley more because I could definitely do this for hours and hours I just think you are so interesting so empowering and really thank you for coming on and being so honest thank you for the time oh my pleasure especially sharing your stories of your vulnerabilities and things like that I think it's really important to do the whole experience you

know not just like oh it's so fun everything's great um so yeah you're very real very honest and i think you're awesome thank you ashley thank you bye thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a

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