Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Dating After 30: What Changes, What Improves

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Today, we're talking about dating after 30. And let me tell you… it hits different. In your 20s, dating feels like an endless buffet — a lot of options, a lot of chaos, and a lot of emotional drama. In your 30s, it's more like a tasting menu — smaller portions, but higher quality. Let's discuss more shall we! With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, it's Nick Salina. Welcome back to another episode of me and Can't Keep My Mouth Shut. And today, we're talking about dating after 30. What changes, what improves, what's challenging. Damn, let me tell you, dating after 30, it hits different. Ladies and gentlemen, it hits different.

In your 20s, dating is like an endless buffet. eat whatever you want oh that was awful I'm so sorry I did not mean to go there that's disgusting but but you know what I'm saying I don't know why I got an endless buffet as an analogy um yeah there's lots of options you can pick and shoes, whatever you put on your plate. A lot of chaos, a lot of emotional drama. Everyone's pretty attractive and you have no timeline, no sense and sensibility. And you kind of, you're just swaying and vibing with whoever you meet out, whoever you meet on apps and yeah. Buffet. In your 30s, okay, it's like a tasting menu. Smaller portions, less options,

but higher quality. It sounds like it's worse or better. It's kind of both. We'll get to that later. But the good thing is when you hit dating after your 30s, you kind of learn to know what you want okay so buckle in we're gonna break it down the changes the perks and the real challenges of dating in your 30s point one what changes when you're 30 plus everything you motherfuckers oh god it's not just your body clock ticking it's everything um no it's not all bad i promise you your dating life does actually evolve i gotta be honest i'd say let's look at five core things that changes when you're dating in your 30s okay so the first point standard sharpen you're less

tolerant of bullshit. Yes. Mixalina in her 20s had no fucking clue. I didn't even know what fucking cluster B personalities were. I was just dating them all. I went through two years of modelising, where I only dated hot London models. Don't regret those. Those were some fucking great years. But was it stable? Was I treated like a princess? No. Of course I'm not. He's a London model. He's having all of us. And fair play to him. You know, when you look like Brad Pitt, fair play. But you're standard sharp and you're less tolerant of bullshit. And if a man isn't showing up consistently, you notice. If he's cheating, you notice. If he's lying,

if he's flaky, if he's disrespectful, if he's emotionally unavailable, you notice. And then you say, next. point two clarity in what you want you've lived you've learned you've failed and now you know the traits you will and you won't accept love that for us the clarity the life experience is fucking great and it ties into point three emotional maturity you can now handle conflict without losing your ever fucking mind you can communicate your needs clearly you can set boundaries. You're way more present for who you are. The woman you have become is fucking badass because you had no choice. You had to live through what you live through. You've grown up.

Natural cycle of a human being is to grow up unless you're a Peter Pan style. There's loads of those out there still. I don't think it's ever going to grow up till the grave. But generally, people mature and settle down and all the parts of their personality that was probably quite unchecked in their 20s is now checked in their 30s. Point four, less patience for motherfucking games. You're done with chasing men who aren't showing up. The end. Life is too short. Honestly, too fucking short. And point five, you have more confidence in yourself. You're more comfortable in your own skin, and that confidence attracts better men. I'm telling you right now, even sex, sex in your 30s, 10 times better than sex in your 20s. Which is why when people are

like, would you go back in time? No. God, no. I loved the wildling that Nick Salina was in her 20s. You think I'm a wildling now? Fucking imagine me in London in my mid-20s. I was a tornado. and it was glorious, but man, it wasn't stable. She was a firecracker. I do not miss her. I like who I am now. So in short, when you're in your 30s, you are dating with intention, not impulse, okay not impulse 20 20 year old nicks impulsive as fuck mid-30s nicks so grounded so intentional across my whole life career friendships and men so the next section we move on to is how men are different in their 30s let's talk about the men you're dating because they are different too. Or are they? Are they all still lying, cheating fucking cunts? I sound like I hate

all men. I do. No, I don't. I'm kidding. Men are also different, right? Some are actually emotionally mature and ready, finally capable of real intimacy. They've grown the fuck up too hallelujah some yes some are still peter pans floating through life not ready to grow up but that's not about their age that's the personality archetype right they will still be having midlife crisis and affairs at 50 at 60 that's who they are right but the the standard man he's the same as you he's got it all out of his system in his 20s he's lived through some shit He's had some heartbreak, blah, blah, blah. He's now emotionally mature and ready to meet you where you deserve. Some men are newly divorced, discovering themselves again. That is exhausting.

I know the same goes for women as well. Some men are newly divorced and, or not even newly, say they were divorced years ago, and they've worked through their first marriage and they're now ready. They're now ready for their long lasting love. You know, this could be a good thing. And some are healed and self-aware, but they are cautious and selective. We like those types. Those types don't go out and try and flirt with anything with a vagina. They know what they want. They know what they deserve. They know what they bring to the table. They don't have to be overly confident or charismatic to command the room. Oh, I love a healed, healthy, emotional man. They're sexy as fuck. Yeah, basically. In this dating pool in your 30s, you can kind

of separate the men who are available, like the one I just spoke about, versus the ones who aren't. The ones who aren't can go suck a dick. Moving on to the next section, why I believe dating after 30 is actually better. Yes, I have some good news for you. I think dating after 30 is way better than in your chaotic 20s. For me, as an example, more confident, right? You learn to know what you deserve and you're less likely to settle. I notice behavioral shifts now, like immediately. Someone can lie to my face and I'll go, and I'll bring it up a week later, bring it up. And he'll go, can you just drop it? I told you nothing happened. I told you nothing happened. And I think to myself, I ain't buying

this I want to buy it I want to believe he was faithful to me but there's something in me I'm telling you and then what I'd end up doing it's the same old story on repeat I read the phone one day because the gut instinct goes nix read that fucking phone and I find out I was right all along these cycles of men for me personally is getting shorter and shorter the bullshit barometer. Now that I like. That is a good saying. Yeah, bullshit barometer. It goes off a lot earlier. So you know what you deserve. You won't sell for less. You're more confident. You spot red flags much quicker, which means you don't waste months on a man who is so wrong for you. You don't get embroiled in their bullshit. And you communicate better, right? You can now

articulate your own needs without drama, which means you then can see men who cannot communicate, men who have avoidant types, men who are narcissistic, men who are sociopathic, men who just pathological liars. Maybe they don't have anything else going wrong with them, except they lie like it's a reflex. With your sharper communication, it's easier to spot those that cannot meet you at your level. You value now consistency. And you go for quality over quantity. You know that reliable actions matter way more than empty promises. And you are now no longer swiping endlessly for dopamine hits. It's probably why I did one recently right about meaningless sex could think of nothing worse. This is probably why. Because I don't need

validation anymore. I don't need it. I don't need to go, oh yeah, I fucked a different guy every night this week. Ew. For me now, ick. No. That screams I'm unhealed. I've got a fucking wound. I need fucking therapy. If that was my life that I thought was super cool, going out boozing, doing all the whatever under the sun, taking a different person home every night, nah. nah nah nah you are no longer doing this you don't need the fucking five date nights a week for your dopamine because you you're sorted you're grounded you're healed fuck that so basically I guess to sum up your growth who you are all the shit that used to impress you in your 20s now doesn't impress you now you expect effort clarity and emotional availability and I guess that comes

with age right because especially if you want kids I'm not sold on kids so my body clock is not ticking the way I guess others would but you don't have the fucking time anymore I also I'm like I'm exhausted I've been in and out relationships my whole life so if you're single in your 30s you've probably been the same I just want to find the one the end everyone else can fuck off don't waste my time. And also, I don't have time to waste. God, if you're a career girl like I am, you get it. I'll say you are now a newly single mom of two, as an example. You don't have the time. You're raising the kids. You're trying to work. You're trying to sort out your parents. Who has the time for these fucking idiots? We don't. We're in our 30s. Move the

fuck along. And then this next section, I guess I've got to do this, is the challenges of dating after 30 because I know I've just sold it as life is incredible but of course it's not all roses it's not all rainbows and roses which is fucking annoying so there are I would say five unique challenges I've personally thought about and highlighted so this is what I think the main challenges are if you have any more any less or you disagree of course let me know I'd say challenge one there's a smaller dating pool that's it really isn't it oh and in Singapore don't get me fucking started do not get me started about the dating pool in Singapore although I have girlfriends in New York I have girlfriends in Copenhagen and in London

and in Dubai and it seems to be the same narrative right so I don't think I don't I wouldn't say Singapore is the problem I think it might just be that is it now but there are people in the small the dating pool feels smaller also because of your age range right so people are thus more established which means they're less flexible which means they're more selective it's a fucking problem in your 20s it just feels like you go out and it's a different option every night whereas 30 is, nah, smaller. Less to choose from. Fucking annoying.

Challenge two, more baggage. His and yours. Okay, trauma queen. Previous relationships, failed marriages, emotional scars, divorces, children, joint business ventures, repeat betrayal trust issues everyone is now coming to the table with baggage okay that sucks but also it makes you who you are I don't regret mine I don't

I mean there's a few things I regret it would be nice not to not to have been cheated on by every guy that I've ever loved that would have been nice but you know it makes you who you are right but everyone everyone has baggage and you have to really then sift through what you are willing to accept from the other person challenge three sad one guarded hearts people are so much more cautious so a connection takes a lot longer to build and I get it I go quite insular after I've been really hurt say I've loved someone say I met someone and I loved him with such an open heart like I let him in stupidly fast and I believed I'd found something amazingly special and then he blows it to the ground I think I'm really insular I'm so guarded and what will

happen is I'll meet men and I go like I just can't give you what you want because they'll want they want the version of me that showed up for my ex and I'm like I can't I can't and then I and then I bail out not not because I'm I'm I just don't I want to save them more heartache just because I got hurt by what he did to me doesn't mean I then can go and hurt someone else do you know what I mean so I get the guarded hearts thing because I I am yeah I'm really even now I'm very insular I'm very I'm not my normal self when I date and I don't know whether when when she'll come back it's just you put your hand in a flame on repeat put it back take it out put it back forget what the burn feels like put it back burn take it out there's only so many times you're

gonna stick your hand in the fucking flame where you go oh every time I do that it fucking hurts my hand is better off not in the flame yes there's no fire and heat and that but at least you're not in pain. Savvy? I do love an analogy, don't I? Challenge four. Establish routines. The man you're dating and the women, they have a life, a job, a friend group, hobbies. Everyone already has their life sorted out. There's routines. There's everything going on. And you have to make an effort to integrate to each other's lives. You bring a friendship group, he brings a friendship group you have a lifestyle here's a lifestyle you have to work hard as fuck to weave that together because it's already established in your 20s you're kind of all a bit way so you build that

routine together here you've already got it and then you have to yeah weave it in like a little jigsaw puzzle challenge five the pressure to settle fuck that you already know my stance but I'm talking about it anyway because it exists. Society and your own internal body clock. I know I've been there. Pressure you to make choices faster. Pressure you to settle. Oh, are you in your late 30s and single? You must be the problem. No, no. And I always say this. If I married the man I was with for five years, I'd be divorced by now. If I married the man I was going to marry and engaged to, I'd be divorced by now. I was engaged at 21. If I married him, I'd have been divorced before I'm 30. All I've done is miss my first divorce. That is fact, friends. It just is.

Does not make me the problem. It means I have a very high emotional intelligence and my intuition and my hypersensitivity just kicks in it's fucking bizarre and I'll never quite understand the triggers but it kicks in and I I get out when I realize the person I'm with is not the person I thought they were and I love that for me that's great but that's why I'm single because I don't tolerate bullshit that's it I don't tolerate your bullshit and if you're cheating on me I can tell even if I don't have even if I don't have proof I can just tell and then I'll find the proof and then I'm like I've been told I'm crazy and I've not accept it move on why the fuck you know really horrible shit because I'm like all right no no like cut they're trying to

mask their lies obviously and like you're the problem and then I'll find more evidence than I ever thought possible that I was right all along. So there you go. Oh, I've come off on a tangent again, haven't I? Pressure to settle. It's my final challenge. I don't buy it, but I know that it exists. You know me. I don't have any pressure to do anything. But I also don't have a body clock ticking. I did at one point consider children. At this point, I can take it or leave it. so there we go. So the next section, here are my tips, right? I guess we'll end on this. Here are my tips for winning at dating in your 30s. It should not be winning or losing. I know that. That's probably not the right word. Tips for dating in your 30s that you're going to fucking

love. Tips for dating in your 30s that can make us all a lot happier, a lot brighter, and a lot more loved. I have six tips, right? Because I want you to thrive instead of just survive in your mid-30s dating world. Meet me, would you? Come meet me. So tip one, be intentional, know what you want, and don't compromise. Tip two, go where aligned people are. If you're looking for serious relationships, I don't think you're swiping on any app is enough. You need to network, friends of friends, go to events, go take classes. You really got to focus on quality over random matches. Tip three, don't date potential. Fuck my life. If a man isn't showing up consistently, that's because he's inconsistent he ain't ready period don't date potential don't date what's

coming out of his mouth date how he behaves now tip four set your boundaries early avoid wasting fucking energy on men who can't meet your standards like fuck off would you set your boundaries, stick to them, and do not let any man break them down. Tip five, stay open but not naive, okay? Chemistry is great, but we've got to look for emotional stability, maturity, and respect. We love a little butterfly, instant connection, love at first sight, I'm all for it. Oh, and the way they look at you like you're the only woman in the room, and you look at them like, however did I find you. You're my everything. And then you have amazing sex. And then you cuddle in. Oh, yeah, chemistry is great. But is it long lasting? You want consistency, stability,

loyalty, honesty, maturity and respect. And tip six, reflect on your own patterns. I do this a lot. I'm very self aware. I think I'm too self aware. I've actually been told by my girlfriend who is a psychologist that I am too self-aware she's never met anyone who is so eager to look inwards and rectify their patterns and their wounds and their emotional behaviors as I am and she thinks it's one of my brightest qualities I don't really enjoy it but I do I have a lot of self-reflection and I look at my own patterns so this is like what do you learn from your past relationships? What attracted you to this type in the first place? Blah, blah, blah. Look at yourself. Sit with your wounds so you don't repeat the same mistakes. So let's close this up, shall

we? I'd say here's the bottom line. I don't think dating in your 30s is harder. I think it's clearer. And this could be your superpower if you let it. Dating in your 30s is not about scarcity or panic mode or whoever gives you instant validation you're going to be them no care in the world about what happens after all they're in a court no dating in your 30s is about knowing your worth understanding what you need and refusing to settle for anything less yes yes yes it's a smaller pole yes people have baggage we all have baggage but the men you want the men that are going to be long-term worthwhile, they are worth it. And the woman you've become, they are going to love you. You will find the one, I promise you, it happens. If you have to keep learning a few

more lessons to break your own patterns, so be it, that next guy that comes along, the next, you might have to wade through a few more, but you will find someone who lights up your soul and you know now you know right that that's the person there's no second guessing there's no what if what if there's better for me out there because you've already done it all like this is my man and that feeling is magical and with that i'm gonna end this episode thank you once again for tuning in to me nick selena and can't keep my mouth shut so go date my mid-30s people go date go date intentionally and remember this let me leave you with this because this is how I now date this is how I now focus my uh mid-30s single

dating energy chemistry is fun but consistency is sexy you know you know what I mean do you know what's unsexy? Fucking avoidance. Do you know what unsexy? Hey, how are you? Boring text and they're vanishing. Do you know what's unsexy? Lying. Do you know what's unsexy? Having three different women and three different relationships or maybe three different marriages. What's sexy is the man who's done the work his end. And I guarantee you're more likely to find that man in your 30s than you would found him in your 20s and with that I will end this episode and I look forward to seeing you all next week thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me Nick Selena I'm recorded in the Splice cast studios in Singapore

I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening Please do give me a five-star review, it helps other people also find my podcast For more content and features to read, you can check out my website nixalina.com That's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi