Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Don't Blame a Clown for Acting Like a Clown...

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

...instead ask yourself why you keep going to the f**king CIRCUS?!   With love, Nixalina. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

Your sales order says one thing. Your inventory says another. Your spreadsheet says good luck. Odoo brings your business together on a single platform. From sales and accounting to inventory and marketing. Visit odoo.com to book a demo. It's O-D-O-O dot com. This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast and I am Nixalina. Hello, it's Nixalina. Welcome back to Can't Keep My Mouth Shut. Good evening to everyone over here in Asia with me and good morning to everyone else listening in the other side of

the world. Today's episode is called, Don't Blame a Clown for Acting Like a Clown. Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the fucking circus. Hey, producer, how about you set the mood for me here? Give me a little something. I love it. Thank you so much. That's so much better. Right. This saying, if you will, I love it. This episode, let me just say now, is going to be filled with fables, analogies, metaphors. But it's the only way I can really hammer this motherfucking thing home. And I hope it helps. Don't blame a clown for acting like a clown. Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the fucking circus. What is that about? What on earth is a circus and clowns got to do with dating? Well, listen, this is basically exploring the concept.

of people dating people, expecting them to change. People dating other people, staying in relationships with people, marrying people, expecting that core personality to change. Now, listen, if you're like that, even if you're in a situationship or you're married or whatever you're in, and you're like, hey, hang on a minute. Sounds like me. I get it. I am literally in the trenches with you. This ain't me preaching. I'm right in it with you. Okay. I'm living it. I'm minute. So this is why I'm doing this episode, because I know y'all are going to need it as much as I need to fucking hear it as well. Cathartic, if you will. So what happens is we meet people in our lives, can extend to friendships, colleagues, you know, it doesn't have to just be Eros love,

it can be platonic all sorts. And we think we can change people. If I just love them enough, they'll change if I stay long enough if I show them who I am they'll change they'll treat me better if I just wait for different timing for circumstances to change they'll treat me better and then what happens is you start realizing down the line that it's the same shit different week they don't change because it's their core personality it's their it's who they are And whilst we can give people second chances, third chances, fourth chances, are you on your fifth chance now? Have you broken up four times in a couple of months? Whilst that's fucking lovely and very sweet and naive and hopeful and optimistic of you,

there is a point where you need to stop blaming that person for behaving the way that they've been behaving since day one and you need to start asking yourself why you're still entertaining this why the fuck do you keep buying front row tickets to that damn fucking circus show knowing the clown is gonna still behave like a damn clown right now I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm shitting on you actually let's revoke that let's twist that on its head and let's make it a positive because what that means is you you have it in your power it's your responsibility to change the narrative, to walk away, right? Let's not buy that ticket. Let's just walk past. Let's rip the ticket up. Did you already buy the ticket? Rip the fucking ticket up,

okay? Don't go to the fucking circus. Also, FYI, I'm digressing, any circuses that still use animals can suck my fucking dick. And now I would only buy a ticket to that fucking circus so I can set all the animals free and burn the fucking thing down oh I'm so angry do not buy fucking tickets to animal circuses oh okay focus focus nicks okay I'm back in the room back in the room people so what we can do here is we can look at people's behavior right and I'm all for forgiveness. I forgive, fuck me, I forgive the worst kind of behaviour. You can literally cheat on me, right? I'm laughing, it's not funny. Cheat on me, you can lie to me on repeat, right? Keep lying, keep lying. And I'm still like, well, yeah, I love you. I forgive it. What?

What? And I know you're like, Nix, you forgive cheating. Well, I try. I tried. In my previous experiences, I've at least delved into my soft side to try and figure out why that happened. And, you know, people are human beings and we all make mistakes. We all make mistakes, right? I fuck up a lot as well. So I try. But then if you keep doing it, if you keep lying, if you keep getting caught out. At some point, I have to go to myself, like look in the mirror and be like, babe, now it's like you're the problem now. And whilst that is shitty, it's also freeing. And I think what we need to bore down with this one is actually acceptance. Acceptance of people as who they are. Now I want to move on to a different, another fable, which also explains this situation a

little bit more deeper, a little bit more intense. And it's a fable of the frog and the scorpion. Have we heard of this? No? Then let me tell you about it. So the frog is at the edge of a river bank and a scorpion asks for a ride on its back. And the frog says, hmm, I don't think that's a good idea. You're going to sting me. And the scorpion argues and says, why would I sting you? then we're both doomed to drown the frog's like scorpions i just want to be carried across the river just let me on your back and carry me across the river to the other side i promise i won't sting you otherwise we're both dead the frog believing the scorpion is truthful and honest decides okay i'll let you get on my back halfway across the river the scorpion stings the frog

dooming them both and the frog turns around and says why and the scorpion replies because it's in my nature let's take a minute silence for the non-existent dead frog and scorpion i feel you too i feel you both r.i.p motherfuckers so the fables core message is that some individuals are driven by their nature to act ultimately self-destructive ways and harmful to others and then the frog is the person attempting to reason with them to trust them to go against their gut instinct to go against their better judgment because they see the kindness and truth and honesty and how you know that this logically why would you sting me we will both die why would you hurt yourself like that? And it still happens because it's who they are. So the fable serves as

basically a warning for ignoring your own instinct, ignoring someone's innate behavior. And this is a very similar ideology to keep showing up to the circus and all you're doing is watching a clown be a clown. So how do we adapt this to, you're like, I love this episode, but like, get to the core, bitch. Okay, calm down. I am. How do we adapt this to dating? So what you need to do, if you find yourself in a situation where you're replaying the same fucking storyline, where you keep getting stung by the scorpion and then you keep going back for more, where you find yourself that maybe you feel you've been bitten by a snake. Oh, here she goes. I do love animals. Off I go. I'm off on another one, another metaphor, another analogy. You've been bitten by a snake and you're like,

oh, but the snake was nice to me. You remember that one was nice to me? So you go back, try and pet the snake. Snake's wild. Snake bites you again. Oh, okay. Okay, fine. But that's only the second time it bit me. And then you pet it again and it bites you again. Rather than going off, finding an antidote to the poison and healing you chase the snake because you are trying to make the snake understand that you never deserve to be bitten you chase a snake why you want to know why it bit you and you want to say hey i never deserved that and you want it to turn around and apologize what are you fucking doing it ain't happening it ain't in its nature it don't give a fuck because if it gave a fuck it wouldn't have bitten you first, second, third, fourth time. This is

behavioral patterns of people that we need to sit down with ourselves and say right when is enough enough and that's when you need to sit with yourself and say why do I keep showing up to be hurt, to cry, to be in pain, to have sleepless nights, to lose your appetite, to cry and scream and beg or to go silent. Maybe you go silent, you go introverted, you go inward, you don't want to talk to people, you don't want to go out. Why do you keep showing up in this relationship if that's how it's affecting you? People rarely change. We develop who we are at a young age and whilst we have, most of us, I'm sorry guys and girls, but we do have childhood traumas. Most of us have some childhood trauma that we should probably work through. But if we don't address it, you know,

in our early stages, early 20s even, or at least have the emotional intelligence and capacity to address that, oftentimes your core personality is rooted, deep-rooted a long time ago. and you know I can hear I'm so I'm tired fucking tired I'm so tired dealing with this and what happens is you hope that your light and kindness and emotion and love and empathy and support will make them see your true worth and they will change for you and they might change a little bit. There might be moments, right, glimmers where you feel like, oh, I finally made a breakthrough and you start to relax even. This could be, this is why you keep showing up to the fucking circus. You start to relax. You start to think, okay, right, we've made some headway and then something

else happens and you're right back to the beginning and you go, right, this is who they are. I'm all for taking your time to get to know someone and allowing them to show you who they are. This is crucial when you're dating and especially in relationships. But when they show you time and time and time and time again, you need to decide how much you are willing to put up with. Are they worth this much pain? Because my darling, let me tell you, they fucking ain't. they fucking ain't not in this lifetime not in a past lifetime not in another parallel universe they're not worth it if it costs you your peace let that motherfucker go examples let's throw some examples out there say you already know he's got another woman hey I can't commit I'm a free

spirit I'm just like I can't be tied down right now but I love hanging out with you but like why do we have to label it and it's been three months six months nine months a year oh no I love how we are why have we got to do if you're cool with no label if you're cool with having multiple partners maybe you still want a date maybe you want then that's all good serves you if you are desperately trying to get this person to be your person to choose you when do you realize that if it was going to happen, it would have happened already, wouldn't it? If he lied to you once and you found out and he never lied again, okay, I'll wear that. If he keeps lying and he keeps lying and he keeps lying and he keeps lying, when do you sit down with yourself and say,

this is not my man. This is not my person because I don't want this. I've already shown up to the show sat front row and watched this bollocks too many times it's time to tap out right you have to because otherwise we're all going to end up as the damn frog we're dead we drowned right because we were too naive we were too nice we were too trusting we went against our better judgment we went against our gut instinct because that's who we are to help someone else to bond with someone else, to give to someone else. And that person probably, maybe, is a walking red flag. That scorpion, I'd say, pretty large red flag on its arse. Correct. That wild snake, also a red flag. That fucking clown, I hate clowns. They're all red flags. I fucking

I eat clowns. You creep me the fuck out. Don't touch me. Disgusting. But yeah. Wow. I've had a lot of coffee today. So yeah, this is the time we decide with ourselves, how much more am I willing to put up with realizing that person is never going to change? And like I said earlier, the glorious part about this, right? And I know you think I'm shitting on you, and I'm not. Number one, I'm in it too. Like I said, I'm with you in the trenches. But also, I want you to understand that you have the opportunity to change how this goes. You don't have to be stuck in this cycle. You don't have to keep doing this. You have everything within your power to go, I've seen enough. I've seen enough. I'm out. I don't know why I sing stuff, but I do.

I'm out. I'm tapping out. And then what you have to do, my darlings, is stick to it. Now, I am quite a talker and I like to have the last word. So if someone won't fucking leave me alone, no contact to me we ain't friends okay I need to make friends in no contact I'm terrible at it because I'm like and if it's a toxic kind of person maybe they're not they don't think they're toxic or maybe they're not acting toxic they're just constantly acting on the impulses you know just like the scorpion they're acting on their natural impulses but perhaps they do they do have their time with you, or maybe they do want to be around you. But if it's not serving you, if their natural behavior, if their personality and their natural impulses, which they don't

deny themselves, keeps hurting you, that's still not your person. You can love someone and let them go. You can love someone and say, I've seen enough. I choose me. And in another world I would have chosen you every day of my life but not this world I can't do it anymore I've done enough this is what happens when we ignore that inner gut instinct when we ignore that like this ain't this is the same fucking narrative on repeat like listening to one of my podcasts on repeat no one ever do that that's like Japanese fucking torture in it Just imagine, in a cell, we're playing Nick Salina's podcast on repeat till you confess your crime.

Mate, they'd confess in five minutes. I know I would. I'm like, fuck listening to that, bitch. God, whatever you want. I'll confess to anything. I haven't done it. Oh, my God, I am digressing. Wait, what was I saying?

What was I saying? oh I love me the point is in fact the point is it's within your capability even if they're a nice person because you know this all of these metaphors and analogies seems to suggest they're toxic they can still be a nice person and still cause you more misery and grief than they do happiness and love they can still maybe they do love you but if their behavior and the way they are doesn't align with you, you can still let them go. Okay. Guilt free. Now I'm wrapping this up in a way that I want to talk about how you let someone go. Okay. So the first thing I have just touched upon it is no contact. I know, I know, I know. It's shit, isn't it? Especially if you're

used to talking to this person 24 seven, which a lot, you know, a lot of the relationships out there, especially if you're married or you've been together a long time, you know, because people often don't show their true selves till down the line and you're already in it, my friend. You're like, hang on a minute, this is not the person I met six months ago. Wait, what? This isn't the person I met two years ago. And suddenly, you know, especially if they're, you know, I love a cluster B personality disorder. If they're on that spectrum, they are very good at hiding their true yourselves. And you're fucked because two years down the line, you're all in love with them and maybe living together and have a pet or have a kid or engaged or whatever. And you're like,

who the fuck are you? It's difficult, but going no contact is your first step to healing. 120 billion percent. Do not argue with me on this. Do not go, but maybe if we talk, no, no, no, no, No, no contact. No, no, no contact. No, no contact. Do it. Make a deadline for yourself, even if you have to wean yourself off them, because sometimes it's like coming off a damn fucking drug. Human beings, especially the toxic ones, are so fucking addicted. Anyway, no contact. This is the day. This is the day, right? And stick to it. It's hard, but it gets easier as time goes on. I'd say my second suggestion is journaling and writing a good old pros and cons list. Nay, you don't even have to do a pros and cons list. You can just write a

list of everything they did. And I've done that with my past exes and it definitely helps. I've written out like a timeline. This is when we met. This is when he first did this. This is when he first did that. This is when he first did this. And in moments where I miss them in the silence, And I feel lonely and I do my euphoric recall, which will be coming up in the next couple of episodes. If you don't know what that is, stay tuned, my lovers. So I do my euphoric recall, can't help it, it's not intentional. And then I have to reread this list back. I reread it and it's like a slap in the face I needed. I'm like, fuck you. Fuck you. What is this shit? Just listing it out. Everything. Every time they lied to you. Every time they cheated on you. Okay,

so they didn't cheat you. How many times did they betray your trust? How many times did you have to argue or cry to get yourself hurt? How many times did they not show up when they said they would? How many times did they cancel your dates? How many times did they not prioritize you? Did they book trips away and didn't even factor you in? It doesn't have to be is big ass is cheating or lying. It can just be like treating you like you are not their number one. Right? Write it all down. I am on fucking fire today. Love that rocket up my ass. No, no, no, no. That wasn't a section. No, that wasn't a pun. There's nothing up my ass. Yet. we'll see what the weekend brings um wait what yes i'll scrap that so thirdly you've listed out

all the shit they've done or their negative qualities thirdly you start writing stuff about yourself all your glorious bits you start manifesting you can create a mood board if you will i want you to really put yourself out there in the energy of i deserve this and i don't give a fuck how wild it is. Are you money orientated? Do you want to live in a mansion? Do you want to live in a castle? Are you family orientated? Do you want to have eight kids? Do you want to build your own football team? Whatever it is, write it down, manifest it. You can do affirmations in the mirror and basically re-bring your energy back to yourself, okay? I promise you, you're like, oh this sounds boring and it won't work it does because there's a universal laws of attraction

and we're all energetically connected and if you keep energetically putting out there i deserve this i'm gonna find this this is what my husband looks like this is what my future wife looks like this is all the attributes of my future husband and future wife this is how my children will be you keep reaffirming it over time you're just manifesting it into real life trust me i've done this a billion fucking times although somehow i manifest repeat ourselves so maybe i need to work on that and finally the easy way for this to end is honestly keep going back uh-huh i fucking said it what did she say what did she yeah she did you keep going back keep going back until the pain becomes unbearable we all need that one morning where we wake up and just go oh enough but if you

don't get there you're going to keep idolizing them you're going to keep reframing it in your mind you're going to keep promising yourself there is a future you're going to mentally sideline what they've already put you through in the hopes of a future together. Honey, I beg you, go back until you can't take it anymore. Because every time you go back, you see the same patterns. You get a little bit more exhausted. You get a little bit more sad. But you also get a little bit more numb. And you get a little bit more distant. And you get a little bit easier at saying goodbye every time until one day you are just done. There are no words left. There is no argument left to have. There's no conversation anymore. You're just done. And I genuinely mean

that, which I'm sure you thought was a shocking end to this episode. But yeah, you keep buying front row tickets to that circus until you're sick of looking at any fucking clown anywhere. And that's when you know you are ready to tap out, find your peace and move on. I hope this episode has helped. One of my personal favourites, I'm not going to lie. Any advice needed? You need to talk to me? You want to talk this through?

Are you in a similar situation? Do you just need me? Maybe you want my foot pictures. Fucking don't. I can't handle you as it is. please slide into my instagram dms it's at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a and with that my darlings i will see you all next week thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me

nixalina i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi