Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Dudes & Dating Apps - 10 Reasons Why I'd Swipe LEFT

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Point one...OMG point one. It infuriates me. STOP DOING IT. Point 8 isn't a f*cking vibe either.  ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, hi, welcome back to another episode of me, yay! Thank you for tuning in. I reckon that you're all tuning in, dudes, to this episode because you're probably after my help. Yes, my dating help for you, the gentlemen of the world. I often lean towards the ladies, and I know I do, and I appreciate that you stick by me anyway.

But this episode is specifically just for the dudes. And it's called Calling All Men and Your Dating App Profiles. 10 reasons why I'd swipe left. If you're not familiar with the swipe left thing of the dating world, which you probably should be by now, it means you're not interested. Swipe left, bin them off. Swipe right, well, hello, slide into my DMs. So I found in my dating journey, there's 10 strong reasons why I would immediately swipe left to you. And the reason why I think this is an episode worthy discussion is because if I can explain that very candidly and honestly then you guys who are doing these things which I think are wrong you can correct it and then maybe

get some more swipe rights and then maybe find the love of your life go and live happy ever after and thank Nick Salina at your wedding perhaps you could pay my podcast as you walk down the aisle oh that wouldn't that be something people would up and leave be by the free flow bar immediately okay so there are multiple reasons why I swipe left of which I like multiple loads loads copious various reasons but I've picked out 10 that I found are consistent swipe lefts immediately i'm gonna trigger loads of you and i'm sorry i'm fucking sorry now actually no you know what i'm not fucking sorry there i said it i want to be sorry because i'm going to trigger you and i ain't because it's true okay also before i do dive in please take note these are my personal preferences

along with generalized preferences so if some of them you're like what or girls listening are like oh no, that doesn't bother me. Yeah, cool. Crack on. But this is why I swipe left. Okay, let's go. Point one. Here's photos of you riding elephants, fishing, or posing with tigers in tiger temples. You have got an immediate swipe fucking left. And you know what really pisses me off is there's fucking loads of these photos now and i think you ignorant twat why do you think on any level that a wild tiger would just lie there so you can put your grimy hand on its astral photo when you're traveling to find yourself do you think for one moment there might be a problem with that little setup have you considered the possibility but that's not normal

and he should be mauling you to death but instead he's sitting there purring like a cat or probably not even purring just dead behind the eyes because he's drugged up this is animal abuse at its most heightened bollocks where it's purely for financial gain and entertainment and cunts like you turn up at tiger temples have your photo taken with your tiger don't give a shit what that tiger goes to do you know where it sleeps at night? Is it chained? Does it go out in the wild? Does it integrate with other tigers? What is it fed every morning? What makes it so docile? You thought about that? Oh, is it just a kind tiger? Bollocks. I think you're an ignorant twat. Also, you don't actually care that much about the planet or the environment if you're really so desperate for a

photo with an animal. Go you. It's the same with riding elephants. Oh, bless you. You went on a trek okay good for you do you know what that elephant had to go through to carry your fucking fat ass up that hill do you see the ball hook in the mahout's hand by any chance with that massive metal spike at the end did you see that what about the chain around its neck what about the chain around its foot did you notice where it slept imagine being an elephant forced to climb up uphills, downhills all day long for you to get your photo to go on your dating profile. Oh, honestly, it makes me sick. I could go on about point one forever. In fact, as you can see this rant, and I mentioned fishing. I don't know who decided. One day,

one bloke went, I tell you what, girl's going to love me fishing. So here's a photo of a fish that's still alive with my hand in its gills and it's massive and i put that on there and i'm just gonna be full of pussy no stop putting fishing photos up you look like a twat point two yeah we moved on swiftly moved on point two there's only one photo that says to me that you don't give a shit about finding anyone you put one photo up there you are half in half out you put one photo up there you obviously don't really give a shit about actually wanting to meet anyone or really making connections or you're so arrogant that you think that one photo is such a stud muffin that you're going to be covered in gash by the end of it no you ain't gonna be covered in gash

because we're gonna swipe left why the fuck you only put one photo up also that screams catfish doesn't it you might not be you might just be a lazy shit but i don't see one photo even if it is like an adonis right if i'm like oh my god that man look oh one photo swipe left no thank you point three your basic stats this is where you're gonna be triggered but i will look at your age and your height and i will swipe fucking left i am sorry the height is a problem for me and i know it's the age old thing it's the same as guys wanting big tits and big asses and tiny waist oh yeah like i want the impossible curves and women who don't have that being hurt because they don't have that guys lose their shit if i want a tall guy oh good that's not fair i'm really

small yeah it's also not fair but look at the women you're trying to date look at your preferences is. You're not going to go, oh, yeah, I want the girl with like a horrible body versus the girl who's got a stunning body. I know what you're all like. Yeah, and I'm triggering, and I fucking hurt, didn't it? I'm out for blood. But yeah, basic stats. Age is a big thing. I had so many 20 year olds 24 year olds trying to date me right I'm very flattered I'm so flattered and I'm like constantly um yeah no I'm 36 so like even if it was just a night of fun it feels so wrong imagine that the other way around imagine a 36 year old man and a 19 year old woman I don't think that age shouldn't matter I think it does at some point but this is the this

is the issue I have at the moment with age is I am not looking for just a fuck I'm looking for the forever one so why would I go on dates with these 22 year olds who are by the way so sweet and so fucking hot and so eager to please but I can't because I'm like I'm wasting your time even one of them this was months ago now um one of them messaged me and was like is the age an issue and at the time I thought yeah I could just do with like some fun so I just said well yeah it's not going to be long term or anything like that's where I'm at just called him out on it he was still desperate to meet me but it never happened I just what is what a waste of time I'm sorry the age matters. I am not going to end up marrying a guy when I'm 36 and he's 22. So where I'm at

right now in my life, whilst it's the most amazing compliment, ain't happening. You're going to be swiped. And also I swipe left and these are stunning, right? You know what I mean? Still swipe left. Height as well. I like a guy who's taller than me with heels on. I've actually though previously been in relationships with men who hasn't. So it's not a complete uh no for me but is it my preference yes if someone is my height do i swipe left yes sorry yes i do so don't take it personally if you're like five foot eight five foot nine and you try to match me ain't happening on the same score do you know how many guys say they're fucking six foot and they are so not six foot I even called one out on it recently I'm like baby

like I adore you but you are so not six foot like give me that he's like well it's this centimeter I'm like yeah you're still you're two centimeters off six foot I'm not arguing over two centimeters because the guy is insanely gorgeous like we go to restaurants and people say oh I thought Brad Pitt was sitting there mm-hmm I'm like I know I know he looks so much like Brad Pitt and he's so nice and he's stunning oh marry me coffee uh yes but you know there's exceptions and of course like as long as you're taller than me when I have heels on that's great but I can't like you know like the Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise thing I couldn't do it I just couldn't do it personal preference so I'm sorry if I swipe left for your height and I'm not the only girl I'm the only girl

probably brave enough to say out loud it's it's a huge issue point four you have too many model photos um there's no instagram handle there's no context there's no like discussion catfish catfish catfish in fact there's been a few where there's been like they've got eight photos different poses look clearly like a hot guy and i will have a chat so i did swipe right and then within like minutes of that chat i can tell they're a catfish because the first thing is like what's your ig oh i don't have instagram bollocks they're all instagram shots bollocks i can even see the fucking filters bollocks when they say that off done i'm matched if i see someone that looks too good to be true I know he is it will be a catfish a swipe left so if you are a model or you are an

influencer and all you think to do is put loads of photos up without any context to it or don't give your insta or any kind of like human part to it just know you're probably being downgraded by women because we assume it's fake 90% of the time it is point five only photos with group shots mate why are you making me graph this hard to find out which fucking prick you are out of a sea of pricks don't do it if there's every photo and it's a group shot like lads lads lads lads oh oh heaven forbid some women thrown in as well that doesn't help me it i understand what you're trying to do like look how sociable i am look how much i'm loved fun yeah people love me great but it also says to me that there is a part of you that's so insecure that you can't dare just

to put a nice photo up of yourself on your own and you have to be surrounded by others for your insecurities for your securities and for your like confidence and self-esteem that's a huge red flag to me from the get-go I appreciate a couple of group shots you know no one wants a load of like posy ones but if every photo I have to try and work out who you are you're gonna get a left swipe mate even if you're even if you're hot it's a left all right point six there's zero text answers to any questions no descriptions or just one worded answers bore off now bro bore off if it's like yo i love my guy impressions yo hit me up for fun or like i saw recently on hinge there was loads of questions being asked and he just wrote

random letters like right and i just thought every question because he had to fill it in he just filled it in with nothing swipe left what are you doing or like your my perfect date scenario would be the response with you ew cringe i like you i've just cringed myself out with that if there is no fucking bother attention to detail anything in the description or the text part or the bio or the prompt questions count me out because you don't give a fuck enough or once again you think you're so good looking and you're arrogant enough to think it don't matter what you fucking write girls will fall at your feet and you can eat as much pussy as you want every night evil option i'm sniping left point seven moving on from that

this is what I see a lot as well. There'll be answers to questions or prompts or in bio where generally someone just does, don't swipe right to me if. I hate that question. Don't swipe right to me if you're looking for anything more than fun. Don't swipe right to me if you're an Instagram influencer. Don't swipe right to me if you don't love dogs. I don't think anyone on the history of the day in should use that question. It's so fucking passive aggressive. It begins with a negative. So the response and the answers are negative. So you're creating negative context before you've even had a conversation. If I said, don't swipe right to me if you're rich or you're a narcissist, then every guy's going to be like, whoa, there's some trauma right there. No, thank

you, doll. Why do that? Why don't you just let people swipe right to you? You check out their fucking profile and then you decide whether you want to match them or not. Don't be so aggressive on your first page. Don't swipe right to me if, like, you don't like beards and tats. Well, I don't now. See you later. Swipe left. point eight um i will always swipe left to this description i'm looking for a good time only baby a baby just bb here for fun time not a long time i'm really bad at mouth this is what i imagine though when i read this these guys are yeah hit me up if you want fun

tonight i'm in your town for five days why don't you show me the sites i'll show you the sites the fucking swipe left function of my fucking phone there you go you can enjoy that site mate listen judgment free if anyone just wants hookups there's also a part of me that's split on this because being transparent is key, isn't it? So these guys are being transparent. I'm here to get my dick wet, right? Good for you, honey. Good for you. But I just go, oh, red flag, red flag all over the joint because I've got to be honest, sometimes when I'm on there, I'm after some fun as well. I mean, not anymore. I'm sorted on that front. Your girl got herself some happiness. but yeah i'll be looking for some dick but i don't have to write down my fucking profile

and it never stops the dick coming in by not saying it and you know what's a really lovely way is once you strike up a conversation once you have your dms and perhaps organize some drinks that's when you can say just so you know total transparency like i don't want anything long term give her the op give the op to then say oh actually don't worry about it but the the slimy arrogance of putting it in your bio it's an immediate vom and it's an immediate swipe left point nine you're in travel mode nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no no I don't need a fucking guy in travel mode I'm not part of Singapore's sightseeing plan for the weekend Marina Bay Sands the Fullerton Hotel Sentosa TBC Nick Salina's bed

although to be fair that sounds like a fucking great weekend that's not that's not what I'm signed up for so if you're in travel mode I'm so happy for you traveling the world going on holiday finding some fresh exotic pussy you do you boo you ain't getting me swipe left and number 10 i see the same profiles that have been on the apps for ages and i mean ages there's been at least five guys that i saw on the apps before i even met my fiance and then when I leave the fiance and I eventually go back oh they're all there the same faces and these are good looking white boys man they're but they're just clearly players all right oh now I look at them and I just think how sad are you on a scale of one to ten you're you're a 12 of

loserville because you've been on there whilst i've managed to have cropped a relationship and leave it and heal from the breakup in all that time you're still just on your tinder app so what does that say about you it says enough can't commit won't commit enjoying your time and you're living your best life. Back on there every other day looking for some fun. Cringe. Just cringe. You're a swipe left. Okay, that was my top 10 reasons why I swipe left. I can't wait for the backlash. And as you can tell, I don't give a fuck. So if you're personally triggered by my reasons why I have no interest in swiping right to your dating profile you can take your opinions and shove them in the bin and just so we just so we're very clear a little

disclosure here the guy I am seeing is under six foot right fucking epic human so I'm just saying if I have a standard protocol and I know the height thing is gonna bother you all it's just my preference. Guys, I'm five foot seven already. I'm not little. My best friend from home, she's five foot four. She's tiny. Knock yourselves out. I'm five foot seven. I'm big. You know what I mean? I need big too. I'm big energy and I need big energy. Okay? It's not personal. Now we've got that out of the way. Please do let me know if you agree or don't agree as females. have I hit it all or do you think no I disagree with you next then by all means come forward and let me know I love a discussion about this stuff I hope it's helped and guys if you have done any

of these on your profile at least you can take away changes that need to be made because I say this with jest but I also feel like if you do make said changes you might have a better success rate which is obviously what I am genuinely here for. And with that note, that is the end of this episode. Thank you for listening and I cannot wait to see you all next week. Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast. Produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore.

I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me Don't be shy. Come say hi.