Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Going Balls-Deep in BDSM, Pun Intended

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

You asked, I delivered. I do so love going balls-deep on such topics!

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex and Singapore City podcast and I am Nick Salina. Hi dudes and doves, it's Nick Salina here for another episode and I have a feeling you're all going to love this one. it's called going balls deep with BDSM pun intended yes I know I've done an episode before on BDSM however I posted um I posted a photo of a bed that I'm buying for my new joint when I moved out I move out like god I don't know when I move out but I'm buying a new bed and I basically

chose a frame for handcuff purposes and I posted to my stories and was like is it wrong that I'm choosing a bed specifically with handcuff purposes in mind like you know some headboards like either don't exist or they're like padded and stuff or they're filled in you know it's it's hard to tie stuff up with these certain headboards so I just popped it out there you know me love a chat and the responses i got was like right i need to do another episode basically everyone assumed i was the dom and i was like no i'm the sub no no no no no no all wrong um hence why i thought we should do this episode so if you're sitting there going dom sub what then allow me to explain So the BDSM is an acronym for a variety of sexual practices that involve bondage, B, dominance, D, submission, S, and sadomasochism, M, or masochism.

BDSM is a sexual fetish and it covers a broad range of practices. generally the vibe is there's a dominant partner that's the dom and then there's a submissive partner that's your sub the dom will be the one who's in control who inflicts pain and pleasure the submissive will be the one who is there to serve hence submissive to receive said pain and pleasure um you can really go hard and fast with this rabbit hole of the dom sub um like i don't know say you'll call your partner daddy and daddy's like the one in control um you can extend it if you wish beyond the bedroom as well but i would advise not to um like i think it's definitely like you have to have mutual respect right in this kind of sexual relationship so to have mutual

respect you need to keep it just in the bedroom if it goes beyond the bedroom and one person is just always in control that's actually like an imbalance of relationship um but yeah aside from that note i fucking love dom and sub relationships i've only had one actual proper dom sub relationship and that was uh that was lolly was the boss it's what the book's about it's fucking great like the sex oh my god he actually helped me discover the whole bdsm community the bondage the ties the toys those were the days I had one long-term relationship where it was just like the guides couldn't do it um wasn't his vibe really um which is fine I loved him you know I was with him for years and it wasn't that sex was shit it just for me personally I really get off on this

kind of sex and then I had one recent partner where we tried for a bit and I kind of think we got there but then for whatever reason he just stopped vibing and just weren't interested in this kind of sexual stuff it was more like bang and done really just sad but for me um I am a sub what does this mean this means as a submissive I like a man who's in control I like them to be physically in control I like them to choke me um tie me up um I have whips I have spank paddles um handcuff me to the bed I have a bed restraint that runs under the mattress um I love how I'm just so open about this shit like I've just listened back to that It's like, Nix, are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. I like to be blindfolded, gagged, basically my sensory off a little bit. Like if I don't have a blindfold or gags, I can't speak or hear or something can't see. I like that a lot. I like to be spoken, I guess, down to a little bit in the bedroom. But the thing is, OK, I am a masochist, right? a masochist if you're going what's that is someone who gets off on receiving sexual pain I am a masochist however there was sexual pain for me can't actually be sexual pain like

oh it sounds really hard to describe there is a there is a pain and pleasure threshold that's really important with BDSM you don't cross the threshold right so the pain I don't want you to like fuck me and like until I bleed or you know I don't want to be screaming in agony that's not what it's about I like slightly little bits of pain and I like yeah like it needs to be outweighed with pleasure so and and I need to be able to tap out of anything if I'm extremely uncomfortable but pleasure is always the first thoughtful for this of the the pinnacle of the sexual experience um with your partner but there is yeah a pain level like some women like to be slapped some women like to have nipple clamps or like

pegs on their you know bodies and some women like to be tied up and hog ties and frog ties and all sorts of manner of shit judgment-free zone um one of the things you guys also messaged me about with regards to bdsm that you want me to talk about is um the safe word so when it comes to pain and pleasure threshold the safe word is your be one end all your safe word is not stop Your safe word is something that you and your partner have chosen together, like banana, Rolex, handbag, orange, something very mundane where during your sexual encounter, if you say your safe word, they stop what they're doing immediately, right? Like, it's super immediately. They just, that's it, done. if someone messaged me and said what if you say the safe word and then they carry on I'm like no

that is the biggest red flag ever that's that's actually just that's completely against the whole BDSM community completely against the practice consent is the number one thing with this kind of stuff you can't force this on someone you can't force someone to do this kind of thing it has to be consent both ways you also have to have a safe word and you have to apply to like the rules of the safe word it's not like just fun and games if someone is like choking or in a position that's painful or I don't know like there's pain beyond the sexual experience you need to be able to say that safe word and get out of it it's also um as I've obviously mentioned earlier sometimes I like to be gagged so then there's safe signals as well that you can do with your hands in case you can't

speak um so that's like a similar thing but it must be a deer too there's no way I was really shocked when I got that message I'm like I don't know who it is but if they carry on what they're doing even after the safe word has been said run get the fuck out of that that is not cool another thing i want to talk about when it goes to bdsm is like the stereotypes people think like for instance that i got stereotypes you're dom no i'm a very strong independent opinionated vocal assertive woman in my life in my career in in my circle of friends i just that's who i am when it comes to my man when it comes to the bedroom i want that all to go away i want my man to be a fucking man you know not a boy i want my man to be a man and treat me with respect

but also take me into the bedroom and you know and i find a lot of that um stereotypes actually you will be surprised how many strong women and men as well want to be the submissive get off from being the submissive because it's like I don't know maybe it's just like the release of control I don't know but that's what I have been for years and I fucking love it if you want to know more about the beat us in that kind of like equipment and toys and stuff I use so like I've never done any of the super heavy ties. Mine's more just restraint down to the bed. I have some toys that I haven't used ever before, like a butt plug, never used. Judgment-free, you know, like I had one, but I just, I've never used it. I like to be like

handcuffed down. So, either handcuffed to the bed or handcuffed to the bed restraint or held down. So, if there is, you know, you don't have to have toys, right? You can be held down by your partner. Just as long as they're overbearing and dominating, I think that's what does it for me um but i also include a lot of vibrators in my sex as well um uh cock rings are great this is all standard stuff right so this is like the bdsm shit is the is the power play stuff it's the like you could even go down a bdsm route with just like some fucking lingerie you could wear something that looks like a chain or a cage you know um even that if that's all you want to start with that's great and I think if you go online in fact I know for sure if you go online there will

be like bondage for beginners or bondage starter kits which will have really like good easy stuff to start with your blindfold your handcuffs maybe a spank paddle maybe a whip but a soft whip or like a feather whip because when you say the word whip it's oh my god and I get it and sometimes like I've been whipped before and fucking the pain that got safe worded man it was like it wasn't intentional to cause me that much pain but the whip was very strong that we were drunk the guy's strong yeah that fucking hurt sometimes as well like if you don't whip in the right place you don't want to be ripping whipping on like your ribs or anything it's just usually the bum um soft whips like on your legs and arms soft soft though you don't want to be leaving like

fucking marks right like permanent scars or anything um but yeah I do I have dabbled in all sorts of this kind of stuff I could go on about this all day honestly and it's a huge rabbit hole um of like I'd say google it but I'm scared of what you'll see and I don't want torture you guys. But yeah, it's not, I don't want you guys to think BDSM is like dirty or for the depraved or like something to be ashamed of. Not at all. Not at all. It's, you know, in the very fundamental thing, it's one person is in control and the other person likes to not be in control. And that's it in the bedroom. I choose not to be in control in the bedroom. I like my man to be in control of me that's it in its rawest form really um that's the fundamentals

it all goes on from there I will I will wrap this up and I will be here for you if you want to speak some more about BDSM if you want to message me about maybe certain toys certain pieces of equipment that you're interested in if you want to know um kind of how it starts or how do you get started with it, with your partner and all that jazz. I'm here on Instagram. DM me, slide into my DMs at nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A. And that is the end of this episode. Thank you for listening and I'll see you all next week. Thanks for listening to the Sex and Singapore City podcast. This episode was produced and hosted by me, Nixalina, and recorded at the Splice Car Studio in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and

all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more awesome content and features to read, you can check out my website, sexandsingaporecity.com. That's sexandsingaporecity.com. I'm also on social media. Simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A to find me. Don't be shy. Come say hi.