Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How Did Your Ex Move On SO QUICKLY?

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Does it reflect badly on you? Does it mean you're the issue, or they were? Does it mean they cheated? Should it be a concern? Does it mean absolutely nothing at all? Let's discuss, shall we...

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, it's Nick Salina, and welcome back to another episode of my podcast. I hope you're all well, having a fantastic week, got lots of exciting things planned. This episode is actually something that comes up all the goddamn time in DMs to myself, in between me and my friends, just me and myself and I, and it's called, How the hell did your ex move on so quick?

yes the ex moving on within lightning speeds it ain't fun what happens when your ex and I say your ex it could be three months six months ten years four years there's no timeline to the relationship that you had with this person as long as there was a relationship and they are your ex when that person moves on so quickly after you break up it just brings questions very painful questions that you have to kind of sit with, such as, is he or she better than me? You know, is that person that they've moved? They must be better than me because they they just got with them so quickly. Was there an overlap? Did they start, you know, chatting this person up or did something go on before I even finished the relationship? Why are they riding off into the

sunset, giving that person everything that I deserved? Why are they splashing their happiness all over social media like I never existed and then you think does it ever work out is this going to be okay are they going to be super happy am I the problem what's wrong with me and how comes I've taken all the damage and pain from this relationship and they're seemingly fine all these kind of questions go through your head and it's not pretty it's not fun it's a very painful process especially if they're splashing it out on social media and or telling you directly because if there's a messy breakup or it's not quite severed and there's still communication or whatnot and they're able to even tell you um about their new person and you might be sitting

there thinking who the fuck does that who's that cruel yaha my ex did it it happens so yeah you're just sitting there feeling like the lowest of the low about yourself. So this podcast isn't to make you feel even more shit. It's actually going to help you and bring you up. Because there are reasons, my friend, as to why your ex moved on so quick. And I'm telling you, it ain't about you. It's all about them. It's not you. It's me vibe, right? It's not you. It's me. That's what they should be saying to you right now. Honey, it's nothing to do with you. It's me. I'm fucked up. Anyway, let's look at some of the main pointers as to why your ex has moved on so quickly and what it means. Firstly, there's the fight or flight. Okay, feel free to Google this if you've never heard of it

before. But when we're in traumatic situations as human beings, we go into an automatic fight or flight kind of mindset. You either stay and you fight or you run away. The fight aspect when it comes to this situation with a breakup and moving on would be reflected in angry, cruel words said to hurt you, things said to cause you more damage, things rubbed in your face, such as the new partner. This is them being extremely angry and putting all the blame on you, right? I'm angry, I'm feeling something. You know, how dare you leave me? That's a thought process. Or what makes you think you're going to find better than me? There's an ego bruise there. Whatever it is, they have chosen fight and that's then to get all of their anger out on you. You are solely to blame.

You are bad. They are good, right? Very black and white. The flight one is, as it said, is running away. They are escaping their own reality, right? They're masking their own pain. They've proven to the world and themselves that they're all right. This flight concept includes Nubu, right? Maybe they don't have any energy left to fight you. Maybe you've completely cut off so they can't fight you. Or maybe that's not part of their personality to go with the fight. So they go into flight. They're escaping the emotions. Whilst you're there, sitting with it, dealing with it, living through it, and it's not a fun or easy process. So actually, you can kind of half understand why they'd rather flight as a solution to this. But while you're doing all that,

they're burying themselves in someone else's legs, because that then helps ease the pain and helps them not address what's going on who wants to sit with their issues no one and yet as i did and as i talk about god for the last year you'll know by now if you do that if you sit with it and you go through that pain the person who comes out the other side is someone magical but yeah that's preliminarily like how the breakup reaction happens is your fight or flight. And if they choose in flight, the chances are they will find someone else. Please understand that this is like, it's not fair to say it's not real for them, but it's a reaction to cover the pain. So don't think for one moment that they're not in pain. They are. They're just dealing with

it in all the wrong way. Another pointer is the idolization of the new person. Often they barely know this person sometimes they've known them a while or they've been in the background but this person in their head becomes everything you're not right so say you've had a few arguments say you've got like a i don't know a home life they would consider mundane or boring as an example with my narc ex he found his family life before me very below him and beneath him and always said how he could do better you know than his ex-wife like genuine words come out of his mouth so when I come along I was the idolized new person everything that he didn't have you know I didn't have any kids I weren't married I was free I was doing press events I he just idolized me um which

is why he was so eager to discard the old life in his head and move on to me lo and behold um didn't work out, did it? Because I wasn't quite the person he pitched me to be, which is a fucking mug. Yeah, no, kind of a bit too intelligent for him. But that's how it works. You go, oh my God, that person, they're so pretty. They're so sexy. They're so fit. Oh, look at the money they've got. Oh, look at their lifestyle. Oh, they all even just, they'd hear me. They hear my needs. If this person, the new one, has been around in the backwinds for a while, there's also chances that they've listened to their one-sided stories of your relationship. Like, oh, she's like this at home. She's like that at home. She's toxic. And the new person's like, oh, my God, you deserve

so much more. You know, it's that shiny new person. Please understand. I'm not going to say never but majority of these cases do not work out okay they do not work out because the shiny new person can't remain idolized and shiny forever it's a perfection seeking impossible scenario and whilst they think oh she's everything you're not she's also human too and the situation is different when you eventually live together when you're hit with troubles in the road with money stuff with roadblocks of kids and marriage and things like that it is not the same as it was in the beginning so just know that it's not gonna last long moving on to the next point is grass is always greener there are some personalities where they always want what they can't have

and they always think everyone else has got better than them so maybe when you met you were the grass is always greener and then when they have you then it's like done boring um i want something else now that idea helps them jump so quickly because they're bought they're done mundane routine they'll say some stuff like you're not who you used to be or whatever it is or this you know isn't what i thought it would be or whatever but they're just in a constant seeking mindset seeking more, wanting more, wanting new, wanting different. So if that's the case, then they can move on so quickly because as far as they're concerned, they're leveling up or getting better than what they had or getting something different. They can also start a new

life themselves. Lots of people who fuck up in relationships and who have their own insecurities exposed in relationships will then immediately need to jump into something new to prove to them that they're not the problem, right? Take example of my said ex. By the way, well aware I use him as an example through multiple podcasts, but fuck me, he's material in himself. Every time I think of a subject or I get a request from you guys, I'm like, yep, that happened. Ting, that happened. I can talk about that. I can't believe what I went through. I literally can't. And every subject that comes up, it's like, yeah, fuck, I know exactly how to say this because I live through it. But yeah, with my ex, he, bless him, he decided that the new person was really, really cool.

He actually had her in the wings before we even split up. And then she was like the new shiny thing and he was so happy right I was a problem and he was so happy with her and constantly rubbed it in my face going back to the fight or flight syndrome that was talking about told me about her as well and guess what they weren't together I don't think they even lasted six months but oh so happy so happy she makes me so happy nix okay bye he is a grass is always greener kind of man always wants what everyone else has and you're thinking okay I get the grass is greeny thing how does that make them move on so quick because they're immediately blocked with anything that happened in that they see it as old life that was my old life then you're my new life right

you've become my old life now this is my new life there's no like long-term attachment it's very odd and there's also if you are dealing with people like my ex there is this idea that I deserve the best I deserve better so like it's okay this is what I want with this new chick as well with me what happened was I caused lots of issues for him as a person because I pointed out all of his really horrible dark characteristics because I picked up on them I evaluated them i was intelligent enough to understand what was going on and i called him out on his shit he didn't like that newbie comes along oh you're so great look how big you are oh you work out the gym great and she gave him everything he needed whilst he was busy fucking her what he could do in his

mind was go out nix was the wrong one because look at me i've already got with someone i've already got someone on my case so clearly nicks was the problem that's how he handled it in his head and that is how a lot of people who move on so quickly deal with it i'm all right look at all the attention i've got i've already found someone therefore i was not the problem in my last relationship the other person was there is of course another angle to this is the fact that they are moving on so quickly purely for revenge and to cause you pain on purpose sadly this does happen as well if the breakup isn't like amicable or the partner turns out not to be very nice they can move on so quickly and discuss it with you or post about it on socials knowing you'll

see it to cause you more pain on purpose if you think that's happening the best way to handle it is zero contact I was not that strong and I would let him come over to my house and talk about his new little boo he picked up at the gym um yeah because obviously he's a lazy cunt so and the gym's an easy pickup for him right just work out topless and like go find some women that are you know immature and i'm done but he'll come around and tell me about her they're like oh yeah she's got such a banging body she's all right looking and stuff like that i had no idea at the time that the word said is just designed to hurt me that whole relationship if you can call it that which it wasn't was designed to cause me more pain and as soon as like i moved on she was out

the picture so there you go but that's the level of brain we're dealing with like i'm gonna do this cute purely to cause you pain if this is happening as well please understand it's coming from pain their end they are in pain i know they're not acting like it and i know they're that they don't seem like it and they seem very happy they're not they're doing this on purpose because it's how they're dealing with their own shit I don't know if that's going to give you comfort especially if you're going through what I had to but it's the truth if you ignore said comments said pictures on social whatever it is that they're throwing at you it will slowly die down I assure you because they're not getting the reaction that they want and the reaction that they want having moved on

so quickly is for you to be in agony. It sucks, but it is how people behave. Another sucky pointer is that they just never saw you as a long-term person. Maybe they saw you as a stopgap until something better comes along. And I'm sorry, that is sucky, but it happens and it's a fact. Maybe this person with you never seemingly wanted to commit. Maybe you felt like they don't seem to be as involved as I am or, you know, they don't want to see me as often as I want to see them or whatever it is. But usually you can tell signs and you don't want to see it. You don't want to admit to yourself that this person is not invested in the way you are. So you pretend that they are. You kind of mask it. Not on purpose, of course, just a subconscious thing. And yeah, you were

never their priority. You were someone that they like to hang around with, maybe. Maybe good sex. maybe they let you label it as boyfriend girlfriend but they were never there in that case they can move on so quickly because they weren't invested they weren't where you're at there is none of that pain afterwards there's none of that i might have lost my soulmate or i might have lost the love of my life because they never felt it in the first place and with these moving on so quickly scenarios usually they don't even come around and hang around you to cause you more paying with revenge or posting shit she said they just don't care it's like you never existed that is just as painful as all the other options but I hope if that is the case and you were just

I get maybe they blocked you or just deleted your number and that's it you haven't heard from them anymore I hope you understand that that is a reflection of how they saw your relationship not you as a person and you can't make someone see a relationship in the way you want them to you can't and if it's not there for them it's not there yeah they should have the fucking balls to be like this is not for me but no they can't they like they like their physical attention they like the sex they like your attention and they like the way you like them and they don't want to give up they're just not into it pretty much um and the final pointer i guess is just emotionally unavailable people example a narcissist if they're emotionally unavailable as a human

they can move on so quickly because it's all just the full self there is no deep feelings this is different from what i just talked about because the other person can have those feelings they just didn't see them with you and they're just waiting for like something that they get that spark with you are a stopgap and i hate to say it this time they're not physically able they are emotionally unavailable there is no true self so even if they wanted to they can't access that part of themselves which makes us like sympathetic and emphatic and human and sensitive they don't have it they're really good at covering it up they're really good at faking it and they're really good at saying they got it but they don't have it so all they have is for themselves right

me me me me me which means when the breakup happens they're like right done switch off don't really care about what that person's going through they can't care I can't empathize with their feelings because I don't understand. Me, me, me, me, me. So that's what happens. They move on. What do I want? I want sex. Well, I'm not going to get sex anymore. So now I want more sex. Oh, what am I going to do with attention? She used to dote on me. Now I need someone else to dote on me. Me, me, me, me, me. And that's why they'll move on so quickly. There's another also hallmark trait of a narc is they will always have someone on the go. Always. Because when they're alone in the darkest depths of just themselves it's terrifying they were like they

are the saddest saddest people you'll ever meet and if this is what you think has happened please feel sorry for them feel fucking sorry laugh and just know that every day you get to wake up being you and they have to wake up being themselves yes it fucking hurts when they move on so quickly yes it hurts you've wasted years I wasted four and a half years and then with the click of the fingers there's this new bitch on the scene like it's horrible and then you go into deep dive like I said at the beginning like what when did that start why why does you know what she got I haven't it's awful but ultimately finishing up this episode I want you to understand that they are unable to be alone and they are unable to be single because that means they have to address

their own issues and they can't this is a complete cover-up these like rebound immediate new shiny relationships are just plasters covering the mammoth hole of issues that person has and the way they behave particularly after the breakup says way more about them than it ever does of you and that's the end of this episode thanks for listening to the sex and singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find

my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sex and singaporecity.com that's sex and singaporecity.com i'm also on social media simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A to find me. Don't be shy, come say hi.