Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How I Deal With My Private Life Being in The Public Eye

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

It's interesting, to say the very least. ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast and I am Nick Salina. Hello everyone, Nick Salina, your favourite podcaster, back with another episode. Yay! Yay for us! This episode came to me because honestly, I get asked this a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. So I figured if everyone's sliding into my DMs and asking, then I might as well just address it publicly. Ironically, it's called,

Want to know what it's like having your private life in the public eye? Everyone always says to me, how do you deal? How do you deal with that? Everyone knows your business you don't have a private life and it's like I guess I can see the intrigue from people and I don't mean just strangers in dms I mean like my friends family like gatherings when people like how do you deal with it and if I get interviewed that's quite um a prolific question as well so I recently got interviewed for a publication here about the boundaries between my fans and myself and the healthy like parasocial part of it so like how fans feel like they know me or cross certain boundaries that they shouldn't and yeah it was a very interesting interview I won't say

anymore because I don't want to ruin it when it comes out but it also got me thinking right like these are big questions and I just take it on the chin as per and I'm going to explain why so for me always it's always about me isn't it my fucking podcast do what i want for me i have done this world since 2011 i'm so old oh i bet some of you're fucking born in 2011 don't tell me you are it will only upset me 2011 is when i started sex and london city right that was my london website blog and i wrote about my dates and i wrote with such candid funny witty right i'm hilarious brutal honesty from both sides you know like I would I wouldn't just rip guys a new arsehole I would also embarrass myself I

wrote about stuff that happened I remember one like example the broke broker oh yeah I dated a broke broker long story I don't think he was a broker at all um that's funny you know and I call it the broke broker or the the guy with the Marilyn tattoo was the tattoo artist that I dated than the follow up one. What goes around comes around. Anyway, so my features were, you know, fun. So very quickly, in that period, first year, I got signed to an agency. And I was a big deal. I'm not gonna like, I'm not being arrogant, and I'm not gonna downplay it. I was a big deal in London back then. I started winning a shit ton of awards as the best relationships, best sex and love rider in the UK. And so I've always had that privacy element taken away from me by myself.

Like, don't get this twisted. I know what I'm doing is no one's asked me to do that. No one said, you know, that fucking awful date you went on, write it down, right? All of my own choice. I appreciate all my own doing, okay? But it's always been that way. And I never felt a problem with it. I would write stuff like, it wouldn't just be my private life, you know, like funny incidences with my fiance at the time, I was engaged at 21. Or, you know, the boss stuff, the Fifty Shades stuff. So I'd write clip bits about that, but also write about bigger things. and it's very similar to this podcast so I'd write about like in a world of consumerism is there shelf space for love one of my favorite pieces that and nothing's changed if anything it's

got worse um these are all live by the way you can find all of these features still on www.nyxalina.com it's n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a nyxalina.com so I wrote about really intriguing stuff I wrote about funny stuff I wrote about desperately fucking sad stuff and I mean like I don't want to be a bitch but I am such a good writer if I want someone to cry you're gonna cry that's my desperately sad I wrote pieces that people would message me like I just didn't I wasn't prepared for that I was gonna cry I'm like yeah I know so it's always been that way this was what 21 20 I I wrote it, I started 21 to 23, 23 I launched it, 23 to 36, I've always had that part of my life public. Did I ever expect to have a global podcast? No. Has that taken it way next level?

110 yes okay so for instance in singapore obviously i uh i will if i go out whatever like i went out at f1 someone come up to me and go oh my god i listened to your cheating episode i'm so sorry i went through the same thing i've just met this person complete fucking stranger and they know everything. I'm like, wow. But it's always a positive connection. It's always positive. And this is one of the things I said in that interview I referenced earlier, is that none of my fans or followers cross that boundary, I don't think. Not yet, touch wood. You know, I do go out. I go out for meals or whatever. And then a few people like sporadically happen they'll turn up they want a selfie they want an autograph right but it's net they don't

then like linger around they're not mean they're not disrespectful they just they know where I am because they've seen it on Instagram they can't we have a photo together we talk briefly I sign something for him and then they respectfully leave you know I've never had any issues with having that pub private life in the public eye in that way I know if I did I'd probably need to re-evaluate my content because it would scare the crap out of me. But yeah, I'm okay about it. And also, I'm deeply okay with sharing such private stuff. Because very early on from writing Sex and London City, I saw how much it helped. And that's the crux of it. I hate the word influencer, right? I'm going to do another fucking episode on that. It won't be

episode. It'll be a rant in coming. I hate the word influencer because I don't want to influence anyone. That to me, it's a wrong, I hate that word. I don't want to influence shit. Don't buy something just because I'm wearing it. Don't do something just because I said do it. No, no, no, no. I want to help. I want to help someone. And my stuff, the things I would write about and the vulnerability I have with my private life helps people. And that's when I realized I couldn't stop doing what I do. I spoke about it in a previous episode in the last season, but I even have counselors and therapists. I had an email from a therapist saying someone went and got therapy because they listened to my podcast. So they wanted to thank me.

What? I was fucking mind blown. Someone out there went and got help and healed themselves because they listened to me. That's the shit I live for. Do you know what I mean? Like that's what I wake up for every day. So if I put my private life out there in the public eye and it helps you all. Here for it. I ain't got nothing but positivity. Yay. Crowd goes wild. Woo. Yay. I love my little mini sound bites. That's lots of hands clapping, not waves. Yeah, it's great. And because I've only known that from 23 onwards, it doesn't faze me at all if like i don't know say i went now at age of 36 breakdown imminent breakdown if at 36 someone up to me went do you want to write about your failed fiancee do you want to

write about that twat you were for five years why don't you do a podcast on that guy that fucked you up I would be like um no thank you bye-bye you know if you come to me now it's all I've known all I've known and what I realized very quickly especially when I launched the podcast shout out to Splice Studios for finding me and listening to me on my annoying shit what i swiftly found out is the amount of people that need to hear it that need the guidance that need the help and listen who wants to like this is the way i put it do i want to go to a historian and say tell me about world war one someone who studied world war one you tell me exactly what it was like? Or do I want to go to a soldier who served and survived World War One, who is sitting

there with reality, personal experience and tales to tell? Do I want to go to him and say, please tell me about World War One? Who the fuck do I actually want to listen to? Of course, it's the person who's lived it, right? Because it's real. Because it's not sugarcoated. because it's relatable you know I don't want the historian studying it like they will give me an overbrief sure I'll have an understanding but it will not compare in a million years to those stories that soldier's gonna tell me that's how I think about it so yes because I have been narcissistically abused I have been physically physically domestically abused because I have had funny towels, I've done some shit myself, I've dated models, you know what I mean? I've

done a lot. I've done a lot. Then, yeah, you want to hear it from the person who's done it, right? That's how I see it. Will I always put my private life in the public eye? It's another thing you asked me. Good question. Probably yes. People, what are you going to do when you get married and have a baby well the same shit I'll probably do more podcasts on married life because it's like a journey right you know I was doing very different content when I was happy when I was not saying I'm not happy but like when I was in a relationship and then engaged and then I'm thinking about weddings and then I'm thinking about breakups and then I'm thinking about narcissists. And then I'm thinking about cluster Bs. And then I'm thinking about finding

happiness. Then I'm thinking about dating again. And then I'm thinking about having great sex again. So then I'll meet someone, think about that. Then I think about marriage. Do you know what I mean? It's a complete journey. So yes, I will still do the same shit. You want to know about labor? Tune in for that episode when that happens. And will you want to listen to someone talk about labor really brutally honest or do you want to go to a book and read about it see just what i mean can't stop won't stop does it ever get me down yes how do i deal with that i come off socials for a bit and i take a hiatus which i've done very recently mercury did go back into retrograde so might have something to do with that in fact i don't know what's the date today

oh we're just out yeah it finished on the 14th of May but I got so overwhelmed I was like off and I have moments like that maybe at least I'd say at least twice a year where I realize I'm fucking spent and the way I describe it is that I'm pouring from an empty cup right so I have lots of people message I listen to this podcast I listen to this podcast and I please don't stop please don't stop i love you all it's what i'm here for but there gets to a point if i'm not healthy say i'm ill i've had the flu for like about a year that's how it feels i've had the flu for a whole fucking year it just don't stop and it ain't covid i was all take a covid test no this feels worse at least covid fucked off after four days so when i'm ill

I'm emotionally like oh man please I want cuddles and head pats and then I've got everyone messaging me I'm like I can't cope I don't have enough energy to even make myself a fucking drink or eat food let alone get my ass to work let alone reply to all these dms and you know and I honestly I do it all free of charge I don't make any money out of the help and I don't want I don't want to I may have to get to there at some point where I have to set up some sort of online consultation and I have really thought about that and it's coming because I know you've asked me about that as well but at the moment it's just I'm there for what everyone needs and I it's a lot it does become a lot yes I'm not going to sugarcoat it and I know that sounds shit because I always

ask you guys to come to me and I don't want you to stop but there are moments where I do need to pull back for my own health my own energy and I recognize it and like very recently I went right coming off socials I'm not doing any podcasts for a couple weeks I'm just gonna live and it helped so much oh so much which is why I'm now able to come back to the studio you know we're kicking off season seven and I feel so rejuvenated so I think that's the main downfall of having my private life in the public eye is that energy spend that I don't really I was never prepared for that but it doesn't take me much to recuperate and I withdraw guilt free by the way whenever I have to I never feel guilty if I have to do that I don't go oh my god I've not

done a podcast for three weeks I'm like I don't I don't care don't care I don't know a lot of content creators do have that guilt but I've lost it I had it like I said in my 20s and now I'm like nah nah nah I come first so that's the main thing do I is it weird to have people know my life yes but I'm used to it right that's what I keep coming back to it's always been that way I don't know any different does it fuck up my dating life absolutely because guys listen but I won't not be any other way so my girlfriends were like you know this was a while ago like if you meet someone like maybe you shouldn't say about your podcast maybe and I'm like no because the person that I meet needs to fucking embrace it all and not only embrace it all be proud like yo you did

that by yourself? Like fucking great. Yeah. Like my missus is a global podcaster. That's what I want. I don't want to downplay myself anymore because it scares someone off. If it scares him off, he hasn't got a fucking pair of balls big enough for me anyway. Let's call a spade a spade. If it bothers you that much, don't come into my space because we are not going to vibe darling. i need giant pair of balls you know huge massive a massive dicks and yeah great put that yeah big just big i need big um but yeah digress then didn't i i don't want to oh yeah i can't know my private life no no i don't want that someone has to really come into my energy and be like fire that's my girl also I do keep a modicum of privacy for myself and I think people don't

understand that either like I don't know if you've seen probably probably but like I went to Bali for my birthday obviously there was a guy there none of you know who he is no one knows about him no one knows I actually like met him a year ago yeah yeah met in averted commas long story but yeah he's been in my life for a year didn't know that did you uh-huh oh fuck now you do it's now it's not private oh life irony but yeah so I give out what I think I want to give out of the time if I wanted to not put that barley shit up and keep him private I would off but he's very chill I am very chill it's a very chill chill chill chill chill chill so I did but then I was like what who the fuck is him I'm like yeah because I have a private life and that's something that

I've really learned to craft yeah I'd say in the last year is I don't I don't give everything of myself I give it when I want to give it and it's really helped I gotta be honest it's totally helped me as well it doesn't mean I hide stuff it doesn't like you know I'm pretty honest but if I want to talk to someone for a whole year and not and never put him on a podcast I will do that ah so yeah and this is the summer thing when I say like when I used to go on dates guys but i don't want to be a podcast episode i'm like bro chill your fucking beans firstly why do you think you're going to impact me that much that you're going to be an episode right that's strong secondly i'm not dating you to get podcast content am i i'm dating you because i want

to date you it's that fucking simple i'm not that much of a loser that i date fucking guys for content no the content comes because you become an arsehole you get me you're an arsehole then you become an episode i'm brave okay i've ranted this turned out into a rant didn't it wasn't supposed to be a rant but love that for 20 minutes now you get the gist baseline i'm cool with it I release what I want to release. I've always had a private life in the public eye, so I'm fine. Nobody has crossed the boundary yet where it's scary. Nobody has put me in danger. I feel very safe with my fans and followers, which I love, by the way. And I am so happy to always be there for you when you need me because it's part and parcel of my job now. And all it

takes is a couple of weeks here or there once or twice a year for me to just withdraw refill my cup up and then I can crack on pouring it into yours so yeah I'm good I'm happy that you all think you know me it makes me feel very warm and fuzzy inside when you do come up to me when you do talk to me when you do message me it does give me the feel-good feel so please don't stop and yeah knowing that I help people on the level that I do is uh it's what I wake up for oh that and my cats I wake up for them because they're hungry and crying loudly and on that note this is the end of this episode I cannot wait to see you all next week feel free as always, to come follow me on Instagram and TikTok at nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A.

Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, produced and hosted by me, Nixalina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google, and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more content and features to read, you can check out my website, nixalina.com. that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me don't be shy come say hi