Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How Important is Someone's AGE When Dating?

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Does age actually matter?  Or does true love and connection override such things as a large age gap? Let's discuss shall we? With love, Nixalina. ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.  

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast and I am Nick Salina. Hi everyone, happy Monday evening. And tonight we're talking about age when you're dating. How important is someone's age when you are dating to look for a long-term partner? Ooh, what a topic. Why am I discussing this?

Well, because it affects me, so y'all got to listen. It's something that comes up quite a lot in my single era. And I'll just rig out a few recent dating stories because it then turns into conversations with my girlfriend who's happily married. And then this is what spirals the discussion. So I was at the exchange a few weeks ago and there was this guy there that I'd matched with on an app. And as per in real life, not as good looking. And on the app, I'm shit. Okay. Disclosure to anyone who matches with me on the apps. I'm sorry. I will ghost you. I will not talk to you. I'm not doing it on purpose. Please don't take any personal offense that I haven't

responded. I'm just so fucking busy. And I kind of went, I don't mean to be a cunt, but I don't really care at the moment. I'm in my unbothered era. Okay. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. So I matched with this guy and I exchanged. I see him and I'm talking to him. 30 year old guy, broker, expat. I mean, you couldn't write the cliche. I'm like, yeah, sure. And he's like, so what are you looking for? And I hate that question. I'm like, I don't fucking know.

Right now I'm looking for my drink. That's what I'm looking for. I was like, why? What about you? Yeah, I'm looking for hookups. I'm going to hookups. I was like, ew, who says that out loud? So I was like, right, I'm off.

I'm just going to go over there to my table where my actual drink is. Okay, bye. Thanks. Ew. But so typical, right? So I regaled this to my girlfriend. She's like, have you got a fucking age limit on your dating apps or something that just is around 30? So bearing in mind, anyone who's listening who doesn't know, I'm 37.

Just turned 37. And I was like, no, I don't have an age limit. But for some reason, the 30-year-olds gravitate towards me. Well, her fiancé when I met him was 28. my ex when I met him was 30 I mean I was this guy's 30 it's constantly between 28 to 30 and it's not it's not a plan right in my defense with this dude there was no chat and I just saw him out we obviously clocked but we had matched and then I left so that was it's not like I pursued him on any fucking level but my girlfriend then brought up the idea of age so I told her about

this other story of this other guy. And he was this 40-year-old hedge fund dude, I'm going to say, Aussie. And I matched with him, didn't talk. I just don't talk. For someone who can't keep her mouth shut, I do not talk on dating apps. I'm terrible. Anyway, so I then saw him out at Employees Only. I'm like, oh, yeah, hi. Because they always fucking recognize my face as well. I guess I have a standout face. And as soon as I started talking to him, even though he's 40 years old, right? So he's 10 years older than said broker we just discussed. He was immediately a fucking chump. And I just like, it was all over the place a mess and introducing me to his employee I don't fucking care I guess he was just

trying to boast that he's the boss I don't care I don't care about you or your fucking lad sitting at the bar and then he didn't buy me a drink and he just I just wound me up with his messy drunk attitude and but he was like oh my god oh my god I am shocked and I'm like about what and he's like well how stunning you are I'm like yeah I know and he was like but you're just so much hotter in real life I was like I know yep it's a problem he's like I'm so sorry like I'm like it's fine just buy me a drink talk to me and buy me a drink but he couldn't he was all over the fucking place a mess and then I went outside with my girlfriend and we were having a cigarette looking at where else to go and he comes like stumbles out and he comes over to me and I was just like no immediate

no and luckily I know the bouncer and I called him over I was like get him out of my sight get this man out of my sight and he has to come usher him away I'm like I'm not talking to him he's older he's older than me and he's 10 years older than my exes and he's 10 years older than the guy from exchange and he was more of a chump. So what the fuck has age got to do with dating? Because all I hear is, Nix, you've got to date older. You must date older. You're looking at the wrong age group. I'm like, firstly, I wasn't looking at an age group. I didn't go to my mate's party back in 2020 or whenever it was and be like, oh, I want to have a 28 year old. No, I didn't go out last year and be like oh I want a 30 year old now I just meet people organically there's a connection

and if I feel that we're on a level and I start falling from vice versa the age doesn't bother me that being said that being fucking said I can now start to see the immaturity versus maturity disparity between me and younger men I can see when they're just wanting to be out every night like with my ex a lot of the arguments was I was like just you're out out out all like all the time and I don't want that I party don't I of course I do but I'm like in a phase of my life where I'm like I'm kind of over it you know I want to go out twice a week because I give a fuck about my body and I want to drink less and I want to cook healthy food at home and I want to go to the gym and I want to go to netball and I want to go to

hikes at weekend. And I started to really see the different levels of maturity for sure in different phase. I'm not shitting on the phase of life that these young guys are in, but I'm not in that phase and it doesn't make for a good match in terms of a long-term relationship. So I try and not give age any heavy weight in terms of looking for a partner, but it does fucking matter. And I hate to say it because I've always said otherwise. And it's not like I've always dated young, like my, my lolly, oh, the novel, don't ask. Okay. Just don't ask. but my lolly I was 21 and he was a lot lot older a lot older than me and um it was an imbalance

I was too young in fact it was an imbalance and I was the one out clubbing in London's West End all the fucking time turning up drunk at where I was 21 come on just move to London so it caused friction in us because yeah I wasn't I guess behaving in the kind of way that he would have wanted someone to settle down with so to speak I'm not I can't say anymore because he's fucking ruined the novel but yeah there was a there was an imbalance and same with an imbalance with some of me and my exes who are six seven eight years younger than me there is a maturity imbalance. There is a wants and needs imbalance because you're in different phases of your life. And I don't have any issues with people being like, fuck it. I'm, you know, 26, 27 and I want

to do this. Yeah, good. I fucking did it. Go for it. But I can't date you. Can I? Now listen, Am I turning down sexy 27-year-old men who want to share my bed? Well, no, hypothetically, they don't exist. But I'm saying, would I? If it was just a shag and that's what I wanted. No, you know what? Nah, couldn't. 10 years younger?

No. 10 years younger? No, it gives me the ick. And also, like, come on. I'm a woman you're a boy and what's really weird is the amount of youngins I have sliding into my fucking dms trying to match with me on the apps and these are good looking boys but they are exactly that they're boys which would have been fine for me five years ago but not when you grow up when you level up when you glow up you mature you age you get it all out your system and you're

like I'm unfulfilled I'm unfulfilled doing that now I'm in a different space and I think that's the main crux of how important age is when it comes to dating what are you dating for are you dating for sex? Do you want that hookup culture that that lovely broker from the exchange was so vocal about? Okay, good. Then age probably doesn't matter to you. Do you want to date? I just want to fuck someone for like a month. Okay. Then age probably doesn't matter to you. Do you want blinding sex well and then you know be careful with the inexperienced ones I've been there but it depends what you're dating for I am dating to find the love of my life that's it I had my fun at 29 I then entered a five-year relationship okay after him I then had the fiance and then

after him I had my recent um ex and but it's always been I will date you to see if we match to see if we can create something to see if there's a family future here marriage kids the lot and I'm proud of that you know like I don't need to date just to yeah fuck around I mean okay say you're drunk I'm trying to think of scenarios say I was out drinking and I was this hot guy and I was in like I need sex space which if you listen to last week you'll know that ain't happening but it's just so I was hypothetically and there was this stunning 27 year old he was all over me yeah I might have taken him home maybe but I would have known it's just for that one night so that's not really dating is it that's fucking so I guess it should be how

important is someone's age when you're fucking versus dating because that is the real crux of this conversation right but I feel like when you date the age comes into play more so than I used to believe it does and it's also because and I'm sorry gentlemen but this is true women mature faster than men like we just do so my exes who are say 28 to 30 it feels like the mental age was more 25 less than whereas for me at like mid 30 I guess I mean I'm quite an immature woman as well like I I'm I wouldn't say I'm your typical 37 year old I still live and act like I am really young but I'd say like late 20s 30s maybe that's why these youngins fancy me but there's a disparity in the maturity level and I think when people say to me next you got a day older because

they know what I'm looking for and the mature man is the one who's got all of out of his system all the fucking around um he's got all that drinking booze passing out vomiting thing out of his system He does want something secure and stable. He will be financially stable. Well, I fucking hope so because I am. Match me, dude. Match me. And he will be in that space of where I'm at. Does that mean if I meet a 32-year-old tomorrow who blows me away, would I go, nope, sorry, you're too young. No. But it has to be case by case, individual by individual basis where you really get to know that person and understand their maturity levels and what it is they're looking for. Stereotypically, any dude around the age of 30 is still a boy,

is not ready for anything is looking for your hookups is burying themselves as many pussies as they can and I'm trying not to judge but that wouldn't be someone I would now actively choose to date because it worries me like if I see I was speaking to a guy recently um and then I'm like asking the age because he's I'm trying to be really careful here it's fucking stunning right and kind of everything I would go for right but my head is like I bet he's like 28 I bet he's less than 30 and if he was I probably would have shut it down because I'm like, I just can't do that again. And then when he tells me he's 34, I'm like, oh, hallelujah.

Yeah, we'll leave that one there because I've already said too much. But yeah, how important is age? Honestly, sadly, it is quite important, but it's only important because it relates to the maturity level of the person and where they are at in their lifestyle choices and what they want from their dating experiences and whether they still want the short-term flings, whether they will be the kind of person that would cheat because they're not ready for a relationship. That's where the age matters. But it is case by case. I will not stop dating younger on the premise that the person it matches up to me as like a

total package human being. I will also happily date older. I'm not against dating older. I mean, I'm not choosing 30 year olds, I swear. But it has to be an older person who fucking like I find attractive? Who matches me? And for some reason, that just hasn't happened. Anyway, that was a rant, wasn't it? Y'all enjoy that one? I'd love to know your thoughts. Is there an age gap between you and your partner? Ooh, if there is, let me know. I'd love to hear some success stories where there's like a small age gap, a big age gap, older, younger, and how it's worked out. Or has there been age gaps in your past and then the relationship didn't work out give me give me all of the details I'd love to know because this could be a spin-off episode about age gaps as well and how it affects

the actual relationship so as always please slide into my dms at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a and with that this is the end of the episode and I'll see you all next week Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina, and recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening.

Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me don't be shy come say hi