Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How Long Should Guys Last In Bed?

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

You'll be very surprised to hear (as I am) what the average time people have sex is, and the 'desirable' length of time for having sex too. Let's dive in shall we!

Hello everyone, it's Nixalina of the Sex and Singapore City, the podcast. Welcome back, it's Monday, so it's another episode from me. And I'm going to carry on in the vein of last week, which was sex related. Does size really matter? Of course, I'm talking about the male penis. And off the back of last week's episode, I now have a fantastic topic for today. but before I delve in I would like to just highlight a really awesome comment a guy made I believe from America who tuned in last week to basically discuss the fact that I used the word bad he wasn't being horrible and you know I can tell he's a huge fan and I'm so glad he reached

out to me but basically I want to reiterate when I say bad it's completely subjective and bad's not the right word you know i say a too small penis is bad a too large penis is bad but actually no it's what i consider for my sexual requirements people with huge dicks and small dicks yeah not it's not bad okay so i don't want anyone to have taken any offense at all and yeah everything i say is subjective and based on opinions whilst i have an extensive 10 years i'm that old motherfuckers 10 plus years um of experience and knowledge in this field it is of course still opinion-based as are most things but yes thank you for that dude you're you put it so well and yeah i love that feedback the second person who gave me some awesome feedback is the person who

has inspired this episode and he said he wants to know about how long guys should last in bed which I thought was a wonderful topic. So thank you for that. Yes, how long should guys last in bed? Hours and hours is the fucking answer. Hours. There we go. We can all go and put the kettle on now. I'm just kidding. Not really. Okay, I've done some... Okay, let's crack up. I've done some reset i'm looking at two articles here one's from squire.com and one's from gq.com they both like offer the same statistics so i'm just gonna pick on gq.com because it's the most recent 2019 so there's a study back in 2005 in the journal of sexual medicine and both Esquire and GQ quote this, so I'm feeling that it's alive. And they guideline separated sex into

four categories, adequate, too short, too long, desirable. They rated vaginal sex that lasted one to two minutes as too short, sex that lasted 10 to 30 minutes as too long. Meanwhile, adequate sex lasted three to seven minutes and desirable sex lasted seven to 13 minutes. Okay, so I'm going to repeat that. One to two minutes is too short. Adequate is three to seven minutes. Desirable is seven to 13 minutes. 10 to 30 minutes is too long. Can we just take some fucking time to go over those stats the journal of sexual medicine asked a bunch of sex therapists of which i am not by the way i'm not a qualified sex therapist for their opinions on how long sex should last okay so this is people that this is their field right this is their trade and this would i'm sure would

have been based on surveys and questionnaires and i just can't get over these stats and i was hoping a squire was going to offer me something different, and they've offered me the same. Seven to 30 minutes was considered desirable. And the 2005 study, the very same study, found that sex lasts 5.4 minutes on average. 5.4 minutes. Can we, what? Really? Apparently, Alfred Kinsey's 1948, take that in mind, 1948, shall we? Research found that 75% of American men ejaculated within the first two minutes of sex okay that's enough stats i mean fuck me then apt choice of words huh they're quite low and so basically i need to talk about the length of time because clearly this is statistics so this seems to be the majority and this is i mean it's a 15

year old sex survey so maybe if we did it again things would change but 5.4 minutes is the average duration it takes me 5.4 minutes just to agree to have sex i usually run around the condo first half naked making him work for it and lest we talk about foreplay i would have to like i have to get into it i can't just i guess guys are very different with that switch mentality because you all seem to wake up with a fucking stiffy but i don't i don't wake up and go oh god I need sex right now. Stick it in me. Oh, I've come. That's not how it works. That's not how I work. I've got to get wet first. And then I've got to actually enjoy sex. So 5.4 minutes should be based on foreplay. Am I just a greedy bitch? Because I make him go down on me for like 45

minutes, fuck, and only then, when I'm finished, I'm like, alright, we'll have sex then, it probably only lasts for 5.4 minutes, yeah, no, I can't, I can't get on board with this, and I'm hoping I'm not the only one, but I, if I think of a quickie, okay, let's put this into a scenario that not all cases with all couples or all one night stands the sex is going to be the same length of time sometimes we do need quickies we need to go to work or we're hung over and we just got the horn and we want a quick thank you bam and then have some food or you know maybe we have lots of time on our hands and we're feeling like we want to connect maybe it's a fuck kind of session or maybe it's a make love kind of session they're very different as well

like i'll do another episode on that if you guys want to hear it but before i met my current partner i never actually made love i i genuinely didn't only in hindsight do i realize i only ever fucked and they are very different but even they're like a different length of time you know so but any option that i do it's always longer than 5.4 minutes now i'm not saying on any stretch the imagination that if you ejaculate very quickly it's super bad i mean i'm going to eliminate that word bad for my vocabulary but i have to say that because it's not it's not bad it's not that's normal it's not a problem but what i'm saying is is this desirable length of time which is 7 to 13 minutes is that the desirable band yeah is that desirable for me that's too short

three to seven minutes is too short one to two minutes i would be like are you winding me up are you fucking winding me up you made me get all dressed undressed and and i got all in the mood for 90 second bang what what if that was the case right and he ejaculated within two minutes i wouldn't be mad i'd be like okay well you better get a stiffy on in the next five minutes and go again then because I'm not done or I just make him go down on me until I'm finished I mean there are other ways of course but I can't be the only one that thinks that's insanely short I really need your feedback here I mean obviously of course sharing is caring and you know what I'm like I'm nothing if not honest um the other week I bet it was lockdown right it

was lockdown so you know give a girl a break we all got a bit bored and around each other all the time um me and my partner had a session that lasted for about 90 minutes not foreplay or anything full-on sex 90 minutes afterwards i was having an outer worldly bodily experience it was amazing i could have gone on longer as well but i think we were both a bit off the aircon wasn't up high enough and i got a bit thirsty halfway through he's gonna kill me for talking about that yeah 90 minutes and he came as well at the end but towards the end i was like fucking hell this is wiping me out when is this boy gonna to come Jesus so yeah that may have been a bit long and I couldn't do that that's that's that's

a rarity but I've never had sex with him that's only been less than five minutes ever it just wouldn't fulfill me that wouldn't be enough unless it was five minutes and you know have a break have a coffee and then get back to it again am I just really odd am I like I'm starting to wonder if i'm not right oh my god i mean bearing in mind this survey was 15 years ago now so maybe it's different times what do you all think for me a really good quickie would be like 20 minutes right where i've managed to get because i just can't get into set i'd be dry as fuck within five minutes i'm still dry like i need to get in it and then once i've gotten it i want to enjoy it and it takes time to get in the right

position to get in the right moment to connect and i fucking love physically connecting with my partner i love that feeling so i don't want it to be over i don't want it to stop you know especially not like that short but then if guys ejaculate really quickly which is normal let's reiterate that i'm very conscious now i don't want to offend people it's super normal to ejaculate quickly and i know a lot of guys have to like try and hold it off um you can't you can't help that right so if it is under five minutes and that's all you can do then then fine but i would say like ramp up that foreplay spend a long time on her before or after we don't care we're not we're not judge you with the order lick me before lick me after i don't care but maybe try that

or get some toys involved play with the toys first so i guess what i'm saying if i have to give a short a short answer to this is how long should sex last for me longer than fucking 5.4 minutes let me tell you i don't know any woman that would be satisfied with that i'm so confused and these are genuine genuine facts this is survey it's been printed in gq and esquire and it's actually called the journal of sexual medicine it's a thing right a bit blown away i'm not gonna lie guys i'm a bit blown away the thing is and what i will say is i've had a lot of bad sex before where I was dry it hurt it wasn't the right person it didn't feel right I wasn't emotionally

connected or I was very self-conscious very awkward very anxious because I was really self-conscious so I still wasn't wet that that kind of sex I would have wanted to have been over instantly you know I couldn't have handled that and there's been a fair few times where I can tell the guy is trying to go on and on and I just want it to be fucking over I'm like oh my god please come what can I do that's going to make him come so you just get off me so there has been times when I wished it would be a lot shorter than what it was I think it depends on your partner and who you're with if I'm totally honest because everyone has a different sexual chemistry um if it's my boyfriend and I'm in love with someone the majority of the time yeah I want it

to last quite a while but if it's like a one-night stand or someone that like I'm trying maybe I think i like but i'm not actually physically connecting with very well then i and i'm not enjoying it then yeah i want it to stop i think one thing i want to get clear with this episode is this guys thinking they need to last forever and ever and ever in bed no like i said this 90 minute marathon is a one-off we've been together four years i think that's the longest we've ever gone um yeah i don't get this like oh i got a fucker for ages and ages i don't think we women even think about time like if you if i met a guy and it was just like yeah two minutes and he spunked and then got off or rolled over i would be like are you okay hon but i it won't make me

hate him or anything i would just expect him like i said before to maybe ramp up some foreplay or go again when he's when he's ready but i certainly not like oh unless you go for like 45 minutes then you're not the man i want that's not it time is relative and the sex is subjective to the couple that's very important and if you're enjoying it both of you you can go for a lot longer guys if If you feel like you've got to hold off before you come, I know lots of guys do that. They try and hold out for as long as possible. I hope that you're doing that, not because you feel you have to, but because you want to enjoy it more and make it last longer. But also read the signals.

There's nothing wrong with a quickie. And that's what I also want guys to get in their heads, is that sometimes we're cool with the wham, bam, thank you, man. We're cool with it. Sometimes you just need that, you know, pump and go. As long as I've got something of it. But for me, my quickie would be 10 to 15 minutes, right? Let me just put that clear. I couldn't do like a five minute or a three minute or a two minute quickie.

Because then by the time I even fucking realise what's going on, I'd have to pull my knickers back up. Like, what? Did we just have sex? Yeah. Oh, just did you? Yeah, I spunk. What? Oh, just I'm still trying to take the teabag out of my cup of tea. You know? It can't be that. For me, it can't be that short. what is the point what a mess what a fucking sticky mess for nothing I need some real goods I need to get some goods out of it I need to feel like I've had you know a good session

and like I said I mean I'm gonna keep reiterating everything I'm saying here but I fucking love having good sex with the partner that I love it feels amazing and that is a feeling I would like to continue when i'm in the moment but if it starts to hurt or i start to feel like sore or my legs have cramped up oh isn't that the worst when your fucking legs cramp up in the position but it feels good but you're cramping if that happens and i'm like okay yeah we we gotta we gotta wrap this up but usually i just sort of do what i know he needs me to do to make him come faster he doesn't know i know all the tricks he thinks i'm just in the moment but i'm doing it right now i know it's gonna cut if i do this this and this it'll spunk

he really is gonna kill me he's also probably silently proud that i'm telling everyone we fight for 90 minutes that's gotta be like a lad badge somewhere isn't it yes so how long should guys last in bed i'm gonna wrap this up because this is another 17 minute uh rambling i believe my whole heart of hearts it should be longer than 5.4 minutes which is apparently the statistical average uh the desirable 7 to 13 minutes is still too low in my personal opinion i believe women these days really do enjoy sex we explore our bodies we're not ashamed about it we're not you know we're confident and yeah we like to have a sesh why the fuck not session on the same score if you do any last one to two minutes please don't feel bad

about yourself fuck me i've got a little bit i'm so conscious of that word bad now um yeah don't feel don't feel terrible it's absolutely fine but i would yeah i would say go again if you come really early and that's the thing i said i mean i'm not i'm not a problem is do guys come come really early all the time or is it just maybe a one-off thing when you're super turned on i don't know you guys tell me you're the ones that message me after this so i look forward to hearing your feedback um but yeah i feel like sex should be case by case basis if it's with someone that you love i think you should take the time to explore essentially you know with one night stands as well because you know we've all we've all got to read aren't we so even one

like stands take the time to act to enjoy it enjoy sex like if you can't enjoy it then work a way around it be vocal you know say what you need say what you want make sure you're wet make sure it's hard and actually enjoy it for longer than 5.4 minutes can you tell that i've not let that go okay i'm off i hope this has helped on some level and yeah i'll see you next week for some more talking i think i'm gonna go and do all sex next week who wants to hear about all sex who wants to hear about oral hands up yeah let's go into blow jobs next week shall we on that note peace out motherfuckers ciao