Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How To Bag The Guy

Episode Date: February 23, 2020

If you're in the early thirsty throws of dating a guy you're into and you want to ensure he sticks around for good, I have a few handy tips / nuggets of advice here to help you out! But as always - BE YOURSELF. That's the main and significant piece of advice at all times. 

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. Hello, welcome back. This episode is called How to Bag the Guy. Now before I start, I have to make this very clear. I'm going to get a lot of shit with some of my points because it sounds like I'm saying let's play games and everything has to be strategic and thought out and it's not natural organic right I'm not saying that natural organic is

wonderful it's definitely the way forward my last partner we met five days in oh my god we're together everything's awesome great however that was one guy out of 10 years worth of dating guys that was that way the others were pretty stereotypical in the manner of dating and I always fell foul of the traps and the issues and I was always the one that come out hurting so I learned a lot obviously that's why I became a sex and dating expert and I believe these points will help you bag the guy right so follow as many or as little as you wish just to give you some thinking points with your dating this is very specific for girls that are dating in the early stages and they really like the guy but they like oh what do I do and how do I behave and you know

this is for you right please only take away from this what you want to take away from this and I'm not encouraging playing games but as you'll find out later on I kind of also am so on that complete contrast and terrible terrible advice let's crack on shall we number one keep your call and then this is easier said than done oh my god I'm the worst when you think you've met someone special I always dive in headfirst always I'm like wow wow wow and then it ends up ending just as fast as it started for me I text a lot the guy goes in full speed ahead at the beginning I kind of I match up to that and I think it's all great and and like you know really expose myself really early on with having like a big attachment and then it would just disappear

so what I found is that even if he's texting you constantly don't reciprocate in a similar fashion during the early stages. I believe if he's a single guy, chances are he's probably texting a few other girls and he's probably scoping you out as well to see how you'll react. So I think if you keep your cool, then you'll remain attractive to him. And there's definitely some truth in this about the idea of guys finding girls too available from the get go. Like, you know, you need to be the cool girl. No one likes someone who's, you know, breathing down the neck 24-7 especially in the early days okay even if he is instigating communication non-stop don't reciprocate it to the same level because at some point he will withdraw and it will stop

and then you'll be left carrying on with the same level of communication and then you look really needy and it fizzles out number two remember whatever you chase it runs away my saluki ran out the house have you ever tried chasing a saluki they're greyhounds but like just as fast if not fast i think i'm the third fastest dog in the world fuck me he ran down the road uh within seconds i couldn't see him i was terrified and i ran after him and he kept running and running in people's gardens and running in front of the bloody road and there was cars and I just kept thinking to myself how am I going to tell my mom that the dog's dead so then for some reason and I've got no idea about dog behavior I just turned around and ran back up the road in the hopes that

it would achieve something and he bloody started chasing after me and then I realized it was a game the little shit giving me a heart attack for no reason I eventually cornered him into a garden because I'd ran back up the road and, yeah, got him in the house. And that was quite significant because I was like, wow, if I'd carried on running after him, he'd be, like, gone. But because I turned around and ran back the other way, he comes running after me. Yes, I am saying men are like salukis.

They're men are dogs. Yeah, yeah, they are. Fucking most of you are like fucking dogs. Point is, whatever you chase something, it will always run away and that unfortunately includes men. Also, men like the chase. They actually enjoy the hunt. So don't take away that opportunity for them to have some fun with it, right?

But also they kind of, they need to see you as the prize worth hunting down. So if you can't do all the chasing, comes off as desperate, he doesn't get his chase, he doesn't see you as a valuable prize. I know, this is terrible language. I don't know, you don't want to be seen as a prize and men aren't this shallow and fickle and, yeah, I've had it all before and nine times out of ten, I'm not wrong. So just back off, don't chase them, let them chase you

and I promise you'll have a better outcome than if you're the one doing the chasing. And I'm fucking sorry about the whole gender roles here, but it's true. Tell me otherwise, huh? I'm up for a debate. number three let him make contact first no questions once again easy said than done but he needs to be the one showing interest always assume that he's a few other girls texting him and kind of make yourself the one that kind of stands out by not being bothered to text him first this way he'll encourage intrigue and he'll always kind of actively want to text you and communicate because you're probably the one that's not giving him the attention you're not chasing him you're

acting cool and he's like oh shit like I like this chick example went on a date and I had the best night ever and I haven't really stopped thinking about this dude since and I the next day did not text at all I didn't hear anything and then we kind of made loose plans to hang out a few days later together but um I just all I wanted to do was wake up in the morning and text him or be like hey what do you want to and I just chose not to because old Nick Salina old ironically young Nick Salina would have texted him straight away but learnt my fucking lessons do you know what if he's not going to write to me then I kind of enjoy seeing how people are you know like seeing their true selves and seeing just sitting back and letting people show how they are and if I

haven't heard from him because he's at work or if I don't hear from him at all then I'm like okay That's how he's taking this and that's what he's doing. So then I kind of take my judgment from there as well. Really important, I think, to let the person show you what they're like. So, yeah, I think they should make contact first. Or at least that's what I try and put into place for myself. Like I said, these people are going to have a fucking kickoff about these fucking rules, but I'm not wrong.

Number four, make no references to him on your social media. I totally fucked this up once. I went on a date a few days he was talking to me about seeing his seeing me and his mom and seeing his friends and he wanted to do all this stuff with me and I was like oh my god it's amazing so after our date one of our dates where I got quite tipsy on the train home to Twitter at the time I had 30,000 followers, I said, oh, I just met the one. He was one of those 30,000 followers and he saw that I declared to the world that I just met the one, even though we'd been on three dates, four dates. I mean, what the fuck? I mean, Nick Salina in her 20s

was fucking mental. So yeah, regretted it. Damage had already been done. He's like, whoa, what? yeah yeah turns out basically because he'd been trying to get into my pants right so he's trying to he was saying all the right things to try and get me home to bed which he never managed to succeed fyi because i don't fuck on the first date or the second date on the third date um but he was like you know you should meet my mom you should meet my friends and that was all apparently just a ploy to yeah get me into bed which i didn't do so me declaring he's the one on twitter oh god anyway like me I'm sure many of you have made the mistake but it comes off as too much too soon okay and it will put the flame out before it's even lit I think guys and mostly

stereotyping of course guys mostly don't like the public displays of affection on social as much as women like to do them so I think keeping your clouds close to your chest is a good thing I also kind of fucked up when I first met my ex-partner for three years because I went straight to the social media within like the first month and I think I caused a lot of problems with that. It's so nice that you met someone and you're all like choked up in that kind of awesomeness that you want everyone to know like what you found because it's amazing but there is and now I've got a bit older and there is an element of privacy and keeping some things private

to yourself says the sex blogger and podcaster. I understand the complete irony that I don't think I keep nothing to myself because I tell the world. I get that. But blog and podcast aside, I think if you meet someone like, for instance, when I went on my recent first date and I was like, wow, this guy is like a fucking dream. I haven't said anything. I haven't tagged him in anything.

You know, I didn't take any selfies with him. And I know a lot of fucking millennials do that now. like first date selfie no like I haven't done that or put it up on Instagram I have you know people that I want to piss off as well but I'm just not this come on let's be a bit mature about this I think play it down and the social media can come in when you when you're kind of a bit more tight with each other and also you need to really respect how he feels you might not even know how he feels about it yet so just blurting out to the world you found the one or you're the best day ever blah he might be like I don't do that kind of thing you know so just let's let's

hone this in a little bit shall we learn from my fucking mistakes okay number five in fact don't let him on your social media just yet so if you haven't already if he's like a tinder guy or someone you met in a bar or club don't add him or accept his ad on your social media just yet I think he needs to see that you kind of you don't let anyone and everyone onto your channels so when you eventually do accept him on there or add him, it will feel like he's achieved something. Also, it avoids the stalking. He won't be able to stalk you and make assumptions or judgments on you

and perhaps cancel future plans because, I don't know, he saw on your Instagram six months ago that you got pissed up and fell over a bush or whatever it is that is going to piss him off. I mean, there's no bush piss-ups on my Instagram, but if there was, I'd like to think the guy would find it quite funny. if you got pissed off at that then you are not the man for me darling but yeah try and just keep him off your social give yourself like a i don't know a boundary say like six dates in or a month in you can do the social media but let's try and keep this as healthy and organic a real connection

as possible and just avoid the social media for a while what's the worst that can happen i mean you don't need to stalk his every movement you don't need to know what his ex looks like or how many fucking cats he had before he moved to where he was just stop trust me number six this is where I'm gonna get shit I know it number six however you feel slightly withdraw so I haven't confessed I am particularly bad at this and I wear my heart on my sleeve at all times always have always will I can't do it like any other way and I can't change which gets me into a lot of trouble with guys because if I really like them I just like wow this is incredible like I really like you and just from the get-go it comes off as way too much and I've learned to

kind of pull myself back a bit it's hard it's really fucking hard if you tell all of your girlfriends like send them the photos for instance you're like oh my god look at this guy or had the best night of my life or I'm gonna see blah blah blah look at the way you text me that's great do that with your girlfriends and with your family but try and withdraw slightly from telling him i feel like he needs to feel that he doesn't have a hundred percent hold on you so that he'll kind of keep working for it so then you get all the other dates you know you get the second the third the fourth and the fifth unless we forget this is called how to bag the guy which means you haven't got him yet so this is the kind of tactics at the beginning just to make sure that you are grounded

coming off as the best version of yourself and keeping him interested okay this is what this is about number seven oh I don't know how I feel about this even though I fucking wrote it when he asks to see you next be busy so sure it sounds like gameplay and unfortunately I think it actually works but I'm so bad at this so like my recent date was I saw him on the Sunday night and we're kind of trying to arrange to hang out on the Wednesday do I have any intention on cancelling fucking no way I would have seen him the next day if I could but I'm not yeah I'm not into counseling however none of us do like people that are too readily available or appear to have nothing going on in their own lives because when we think about an ideal partner we want someone

who can match us hold their own in the relationship has interest isn't always free doing nothing all the time you know it is a turnoff so if someone comes off as like completely dependent upon you it's off-putting. If someone comes off as completely available from the get-go he is off-putting. So I'm suggesting maybe maybe one of the dates kind of say you're busy even if you're not. I think if he does then you come off and say look I'm sorry I can't but give another date that's fine and then he might be thinking oh so you know I'm not her priority or I wonder what she's up to instead and you know he's starting to like think about you a lot more and thinking well actually I kind of want to be the person who is there you know so builds up a lot of intrigue

and I think it's good on your part yeah but I'm so shit at it like am I gonna stop seeing guys I want to see because I feel like if I see them more I'm too available no I'm gonna carry on seeing them but that just because taking my own advice is a terrible act by the way but if I were able to I would definitely cancel there's a wonderful book called why men love bitches a great great fucking book please buy it and read it downloaded it wherever you can get it and it'll explain the same thing as what i'm saying it's like the bitch isn't a bitch as such she's she's a sweet girl but she holds her own she gives more of a shit about her life than she does about having a man around and it comes off like she's the one that men will chase basically and that's the kind

of person you want to be right buy it don't regret it i promise you trust me on this number eight remain enigmatic perfectly carried on from what i was saying being enigmatic simply means not revealing everything about you your life and your emotions from the get-go so even when you get to the second day which hopefully you will if we got to this point you need to remain slightly mysterious withhold information or don't blurt out your life story from the get-go and don't tell him every movement all week this is what i do this is my schedule this is what i do this is when i go to the sports center like no always bear in mind that everyone wants what they can't have. It is human nature. So if he never knows where he stands with you or if he's not

sure about what you're thinking and doesn't feel like he has you, then he'll continue to want you and vice versa, my darling, of course. But yeah, hold a little bit of yourself back. There's a reason when they say don't put all your cards on the table. It's just facts. It's shit. If you're like me and you're emotionally slutty, it just comes out your mouth like word vomit. But yeah, try not to okay number nine don't sext before the third date or three months or ever in fact so guys you know you fucking do this don't even lie to me about it well you want nudes and topless pics and ass pics and whatever and fake ass titties you're dating a girl you want to test the waters you obviously uh you think she's hot and you're probably gonna want to try and get some

nudes to see what you're buying into maybe don't send the sexts if this guy is like say second or third date in or even first day or even before you've met he's asking for nudes fuck him off do not sex this dude you'll regret it he's not he's not actually interested in you is he's interested in fucking your vagina sticking his dick in your mouth and then he'll leave you for some other person who's going to send him some more photos and have more sex. No, unless that's what you want. Unless you are after just a one night stand, then by all means, darling, crack on. But if you're going to send sex because you think it's going to keep him interested,

no, it isn't, is it? It will keep him interested until he fulfills, well, until he fills your holes and then he'll be off. How do I know this? Because I've been there many times before. just try and pull back if he does keep going on about sex by the way you have every right to be like you need to stop asking it's disgusting okay just can you not he's not the kind of guy you're going to want to be with long term it doesn't sound like he has a strategy to be around you long term anyway because most guys who actually care about someone or think that they might

vision that person won't even dare to ask for news in case you go oh fuck off i'm not seeing you again they won't want to risk losing you so if he's doing it in first second third date are they what i will say to finalize sexting if you want to sex when you're in a relationship by all means crack on because it's so much fun my last and final point number 10 the candle that burns twice as bright lasts half as long you know what i'm talking about it's sadly true if you're gonna go steamrolling in from the get-go twice as bright half as long so smooth it down hold it back turn your phone off in evenings if you have to plan out nice dates where you're not you know in bed with each other don't sext keep a

part of you very enigmatic keep a part of you to yourself and salvage that and hold on to that and be the cool girl not the one throwing herself at him not the one being overtly sexual from even before they've met be the one that he's thinking oh my god like she seems really fucking cool Be the one that he wants to chase. And by following all of my points, my darling, you will be. And then once he's found you as the girl he wants to chase and whatever, you will bag the guy. And that's the end of this episode.

Thanks for listening to the Sex and Singapore City podcast. This episode was produced and hosted by me, Nixalina Watson, and recorded at the Splice Car Studio in Singapore. we're available on apple podcasts spotify google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe for a new episode every single week please do give us a five-star review it helps other people find our podcast we're also on social media with facebook and the gram don't be shy send me a message and come say hello for more information and to read more articles please do come over and say hey at sexandsingaporecity.com. That's sexandsingaporecity.com.