Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How To Ensure Your Relationship Survives Lockdown

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

If you're yet to read it, one of my recent blog posts details a serious issue - the decline of our mental health during this Covid19 lockdown. To read it now, click here. One of the knock on effects beyond our personal mental health, is negatively impacting out relationships. We're not used to being stuck in the house around one other person (or that person + extra family) for 24/7!  To try help, here are a few of my personal pointers to ensure your relationships lasts longer than this frickin' pandemic does. 

hello everyone it's nixalina and this is the sex and singapore city the podcast as you're aware because you've already tuned in and once again another recording from home so i won't have the awesome studio set up shout out to splice studios and ken for being my amazing producer i miss you terribly if you're listening i know he won't be listening because he puts up with all of my shit when i'm there so he's probably having a break anyhow it is the first of june today can we all just take a moment to appreciate the first of june fuck we are nearly halfway through the year no we are we're halfway through the year and we've done fuck all with it like 2020 can just suck a dick as far as we're all concerned and you know what i'm a big fan of even numbers i

absolutely love even numbers even though I was born on fifth of the fifth so that makes no sense so for me 2019 was all a bit off but I was like yeah 2020 2020 it's gonna be a thing and it's been a thing all right just not what any of us fucking expected anyway on that note this episode is about how to survive the COVID-19 lockdown if you're in a relationship I know couples have struggled celebrities and mere mortals like us alike we're being locked down in with their partners day in day out 24 7 and ironically you kind of expect it to be the most amazing time together and it's the absolute opposite you kind of always want it okay let's have more time let's make it awesome we get to do everything we want day in day out but it's fucking hard really hard

so before i delve in on how i think you can make sure you two stay together and come out smelling of roses once the lockdown is over i will give a disclosure that not everyone who's in a relationship feels this way so this is very um it's a very niche episode it's for everyone who has been in a relationship during this period and has struggled for the single people out there i know your struggles are also fucking real and I plan to do another episode about that as well because Jesus that's that's tough man like we're all going through it it's not like anyone's situation is any better than the rest let's be honest at least we're all in this together because misery loves friends anyway let me begin so firstly I think to make sure that you guys survive this lockdown

period, you should try and find time away from each other. We're kind of not used to spending this much time around our spouse or other people, to be honest. And it's tough. Even when you lived at home with your family, you don't spend this much time with them in the same space all the time. You're out, you're with friends, you're working or whatever. So it's a real unique situation so i would suggest always making sure you find time away from each other even if you go out for a jog for an hour if you go for a walk even if you're not a jogger that's fine maybe you can shut yourself in another room and read a book go on your computer and watch netflix and chill on your own or do some yoga whatever it is you do to unwind and relax and have some me time

it's so easy to get wrapped up in yay let's spend loads of time together and actually no it's quite detrimental when it's this much always try and find time to yourself just to have your silence or have time for your own thoughts or just yeah not being each other's pocket basically my second suggestion is always make sure you speak to other people so do that video call with your pals ring your family ring your best friend speak to your work colleagues have a zoom meeting just make sure you have other people around you that you can speak to around you that's the one thing we can't have is other people around us that's the whole fucking problem around you in less literal sense i mean be it texting or video or calls or whatever just just chip into other

people's lives and have someone else to speak to because what happens is is when it's the same person day in day out it actually becomes quite negative and it can be quite detrimental and you kind of if you have ever heard of the saying you know go away so i can miss you that kind of vibe you don't get that so having a break and speaking to someone else actually really helps um in fact also like going out if you can alone gives you that go away so i can miss you space so that would be definitely my second suggestion is taking time to speak to other people but you should be anyway right because we should still be connected my third point i would say any rows that you have together try and put it in its place is it just frustration am i

irritable am i rowing for the sake of it am i rowing because i'm stressed and frustrated with the situation, not with that person. Don't let every row you have blow up into something that's unrepairable, when actually it seems to be very circumstantial. And I believe it is all circumstantial. And obviously, if you are at breaking point, try, if you can, to wait this out and make a clear decision at the end. I think that would be the best thing. Obviously, if it's a terrible relationship and rouse every day and you hate each other then sure break up i'm talking about more like the happy couples who have um about just experienced a turbulent time at the moment and my fourth suggestion would be to make sure you understand that each other is going

through a very individually stressful and bad time so we we're worried about money we're worried about not seeing our family we're we're sad we're cooped up we we can't look forward to vacations we don't know you know when we're next going to be able to go out again we miss our friends like everyone's going through a really bad time individually so as a couple that's a lot of stress you know as a duo so try and bear that in mind that if you're snapping at each other or things escalate that actually it could just be a very individual thought process that you guys are having and you kind of uh yeah you need to give each other a break really in that respect and try and understand you know that okay we're both going through shit right now

my fifth suggestion off the back of that is actually talk it out like god we don't need in-depth bloody monologues every day but say like hey hey baby like i'm really feeling low at the moment you know I'm struggling I feel depressed or I feel negative or I'm worried about money or god I miss my work or my friends just make it very clear to try and get it off your chest and actually talk about it it might make it a lot easier and a lot better to handle if the other person is really aware that like you're not okay and that brings me nicely on to my next point is it's kind of okay not to be okay right now the world is not okay human beings we're fucking struggling so if you're if you're not okay if your relationship is not okay if your home life

is not okay if you're absolutely stressed and fucked that's that's okay you gotta just sit with that because there's not much else we can do right now and try and breathe it out uh my next point eighth suggestion would be if you can um well i was gonna say go you know go and find some space but there's nowhere to go hotels aren't open airbnbs are closed you can't go and um because usually if you get to this point that um you if you're listening you might be at that point where you you're like i can't bear this anymore you kind of just want to go and spend the night elsewhere, and refresh your mind, and get out of the situation, but there's nowhere else really to go, if it's possible, maybe sleep in a separate room,

get a good night's sleep, yeah, I would suggest that, if you're really at that point, if there's anywhere else you guys can sleep separately, or just recharge, it might help, I'm sorry, I can't really give any extra advice on that one, because we kind of are trapped in our homes all of us um my ninth suggestion would be to make an effort with each other uh go on hikes together go on long walks together obviously social distance wear a mask be separate don't hold hands don't cuddle in public all that jazz but go out and do something together that you're able to do even if it is just a jog around the block okay so you don't run it's okay that's the one thing we seem to be able to do at the moment so go out or do a fun date night i did

this awesome mr and mrs uh game i basically just wrote out a load of questions i say awesome you probably think it's fucking shit but it was actually super fun i wrote a lot of questions like who is the tidiest who would most likely be hung over after the wedding who is better in bed who is most annoying me i am i am most annoying i won't tell you who's better in bed me me me so we kind of got his takeaway from artemis grill which was delicious they do uh date night packages for two so we got that and we had we got all dressed up and we did this amazing date night and it was so good just to have a couple of hours to actually look nice because god knows i don't put fucking makeup on anymore do my hair but to get dressed up and to see each other all dressed

up and just have quality time together it was wonderful um i loved it he loved it it felt like we really connected again and had a lot of giggles and great food and i was like jesus in my head like we should do this way more often just doesn't have to cost you know i literally wrote these questions down on pieces of paper and cut them up like it was free but it was so good and we've actually got another um date night package coming tonight from bistecca steakhouse so we got this steak roast dinner coming so we're going to spend some time together again um it's great it's wonderful i would say definitely a part and parcel of that is make sure you guys put your phones away don't be tempted to scroll on social media or sit there in silence as you're both

engrossed in what your phone's saying like make sure it's quality time together that's um that's really important and just basically rekindle that spark you know um my 10th suggestion is sex sex well yeah have some sex i'm not i don't want to give my sordid details over but have some great sex and life is good even if you don't feel like it it might just be that physical connection that you're both missing i mean yeah that's all i'm gonna say on that one um and finally i feel like i would be an injustice if i don't give this sort of bonus point that i it's bonus sounds like it's a good thing but it's not but the added extra number 11 is uh i want to

make it very clear that if you are going for a very very very bad relationship time whether it is just too many rows or it is abusive emotionally abusive physically abusive or abusive to your pet or any kind of extremely detrimental fashion please speak to someone it doesn't have to be a friend or family member there are so many help lines and hotlines for this kind of thing um just google that kind of uh i mean i think there's there's quite a few in singapore i actually put in a blog post so if you if you're struggling on who to call if you go to sex in Singapore city I did a blog post on the negative effects of COVID-19 on your mental health and I put a couple of um abuse hotline numbers in there as well as institute of mental health and all that

jazz the Samaritan Singapore so just call someone and speak to someone and I believe I really believe if you are in that much need of help it help will come so don't suffer in silence if it's that bad um sorry to bring this down to a somber note like that but I think it needs to be said because I don't want people going through such a really bad time and then listening to this and be like oh okay I'll just power through and yeah sometimes the relationships are unrepairable anyway lifting things up a little now I got that out of the way please do let me know you can instagram me private message me at nick selena n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a if you uh if you need any more advice or if any of the above resonates with you please do be kind to each other you two are in a

very very very special situation and i believe albeit by the end of the year or 2021 if it goes on that long we'll all look back on this time and be like wow that was something we never ever expected to experience or live through so yeah let's try and do it together um yeah if you love each other then let's keep that in mind if you don't love each other right you can fuck them off it's fine please note if you're not in love anymore you can leave the relationship right i'm off and there i will speak to you next week i'm gonna try and do one for single people as well because i got a lot to say on that peace out everyone and stay safe and stay sane bye