Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How To Get Over A Break-up, FAST! Part 1

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

You can boss it. I did it, you can too. I have faith in you.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast, and I am Nixalina. Hi, it's Nixalina. Welcome back to another episode of my podcast. Hope you're doing well. Hope you had an awesome weekend and got lots of cool shit planned for this week. This episode is how to get over a breakup fast. That's right, folks. How can you get over a breakup fast? Because when you're all in that breakup mode, it's torture. And all you want to do is get over it as quickly as you possibly can. I should know. I've just been

there. Some of you may or may not know that I was engaged and the engagement is now off because he cheated on me. Dum, dum, dum. This would like my theatrics today. Yeah, my fiancé cheated. And then for good measure, once I caught him out the first time, he then cheated again a week later, you know, just to really stick the knife in. Yeah, so I left. Ain't going back. But it's, you know, it was, jokes aside, really fucking hard. I'd only been with him a year. However, it was a very intense, strong connection, strong bond relationship, I guess I'd say. I mean, he proposed. I said yes. And I had every intention of marrying this guy. I did. We found a venue. We were going to get married next year. They were then going to have

kids. Yeah, it was a big deal. So how did I get over it? And how did I get over the breakup fast? You're like, Nix, are you sure? Are you okay? Because that sounds heavy shit, man. Like you're going to marry him. He cheated on you more than once. And now you're like, cool. Okay. A few months in and you're fine. Yeah, I am. And this is why I'm going to relay all this information to you guys so that if you are ever in the breakup mode, if you've ever been cheated on and had to leave that person, even though you still love them. I mean, because let's call the spade a spade, right? I didn't want to be cheated on. I didn't want to leave him because I thought we were cool and life was great. So I had no idea I was dealing with a lying sack of shit, right? I thought he was

a good man. Wrong. But I didn't want to break up. I didn't want to be single again. And I didn't want to have to leave him. These were all actions that I had to go through off the basis of his terrible behavior. So I find myself in the breakup position once more. And I'm like, let's the fucking get over this as fast as possible. So let's go on pointers to help you all when you, when you, that sounds so pessimistic, when you next have to break up with your partner, if, if you ever break up. Okay, point one. I call it this too shall pass. It's one of my favorite sayings. I might get a tattoo. Well, you know I love a tattoo of random shit on my body. This too shall pass. So I keep this in my mind because I want to remind myself that everything can change. Change is

inevitable. This will not stay this way forever. You will not be in this situation you're in forever. You will not feel the way you feel forever. Everything changes, including the bad times. This too shall pass. I know it kills like a motherfucker now. I get you. But honestly, you're going to move past it. I know I healed before with my ex. So I know I can do it again. And even that, coming from a position of strength the second time, I mean, like, I broke up with my narcissistic ex a year and a half ago. I only had like six months of being single and recovering before my fiancé came along and did the same thing. Cool. Thanks. Point two, I started saying yes to everything.

Yes. Random trip to Bali? Yes. I'll get on the next flight. Yes. Going to this place? Yes. I decided not to sit at home and wallow, whilst that is an important part of it. I wanted to just go out, try new things, meet new people, and just made sure I said yes to everything. I mean reason okay people some things you can say no to moving on to point number three in part of my yes mode I was also connecting with loads of new people I actually confided in a lot of people around me that I would never normally have thought to go to and they like reached out and then you know I'm having these connections that I now really cherish and yeah just part and parcel saying yes was saying yes to people and I realized I had a like a lot of people around me that were

fucking awesome and that really does help when you when you need to talk shit out and when you feel like crap you know having connections is an important part of it point four not crying I know it's really ridiculous I just stopped crying I was just like you're an asshole I don't want to cry over you anymore you're not worth my tears if you propose to me and you can't keep it in your fucking pants and I'm about to become your wife but you're going off to hotel rooms with women. You're an asshole. And I stopped crying. And then not crying helps. Shock. Point five. I slept loads. What? Yeah, I did. I fucking slept loads. It was great. I listened to my body. I was so exhausted from what this dude had put me through. Just being like too

emotional hell and back. A lot of shit went down. It was like a bomb, an atomic bomb exploded in my house. Right. And I'm within like a week and a half. I like so much crap, just so much crap. And I was exhausted and I slept. I just let myself sleep. I didn't have any FOMO about not being out naps, sleep. It helps. It helps to rejuvenate your body when you're emotionally broken. your body takes a battering as well. So you need to really rest, I think. I just rested a lot. Point number six, cut all contact. This one I haven't been able to do because of living situation. So not all contacts, but I certainly revoked contact. Cutting all contact is just, it's a no-brainer it's a no-brainer you have to it helps get on with it cut the content I know

you're ruminating I know you want to go why why did you do this to me or why don't you love me anymore why have you left me or whatever this reason is in your head that the breakup happened I know that's going on a lot up there and you just need to get it out don't get it out to that person If you're dealing with someone toxic, then half the time I don't give a fuck. Like so many emails I sent to my ex-fiance, like, why have you done this to me? Why? Like, I don't understand what I did so wrong to you for you to cheat on me and then just come at me with rage, you know?

Like, what have I done? and I just get ignored sidestep that bit and then try and blame me for something else irrelevant to the conversation so like it's futile it's pointless so just cut all contact anything you want to say you write it down in a journal which I'll get to later or you talk to a therapist point number seven I stopped guessing second guessing myself or blaming myself so it's like hmm did I did he did I was it yeah I stopped all that that happens at the beginning of the breakup the what ifs sup and actually a fair few people do reach out to me and say like can you do an episode on like the what ifs after a breakup and I think it is actually a really

worthy episode for itself but part of the process was just stopped second guessing like I know what he did I know what I caught I have suspicions on what I didn't catch um I also know I'll never get the truth because he's incapable and I know that like I fell in love with a lie which is a shame but I kind of hold my own truths I don't blame myself for what happened to me I'm not blaming myself for trusting again I'm not blaming myself for loving someone again. I'm not blaming myself for choosing a cheat. You cannot control the people's emotions and their behaviors, sadly. And some people are just knobs, aren't they? Point number eight, exercise. Okay, this one, I actually took like two months off exercise.

I wasn't eating enough to be able to facilitate actual exercise, but I was always walking along the river. But I dropped like 8.5 kg in the first couple of weeks. We know I do this by now. This is not the first rodeo and it's not intentional. I just suffer from the stress and anxiety of the emotional side and it has a physical effect on my body. I also stopped the lifestyle that I had with him which is a lifestyle of excess so I was like less food less alcohol because I was back on my own again and able to manage my own diet and whatnot not be led astray um but exercise talking of led astray I'm just totally leading myself astray here exercise is um is a really important part of the breakup recovery even when you don't want to you need to move your body you need to get

those endorphins that are pumping around your body you you have to get out and you know get in fresh air if you can get out in nature like I said even if it's just a walk or you're walking the dog or you're just going like that's enough if that's all you can manage it's still better than nothing but exercise will really help it also helps clear your mind doesn't it you know it gives you mental clarity talking of mental clarity point number nine um I took a while but I taught myself to understand the reality of him and by what I mean with the reality of him is I accepted who he is I understood that I'd been lied to on repeat I understood that it wasn't real you know like you can't propose and a month later cheat and actually

genuinely love your future wife right it's impossible it's mutually exclusive like you can't do that so if you are cheating the way you did you can't have loved me the way you said you did you know it's hard to have to accept this shit it's hard to say that out loud but once you do understand the reality of this person or the situation you're in, that acceptance helps find the closure and the peace. It's hard to admit it, but when you do admit it, you sort of like, it's like throwing up your hands. You know what? I accept it. This was actually what you did to me. This is actually who you are. And it kills, but that's the reality when you're like that it's kind of also a bit like you know and with that I will love you

and leave you I actually have another nine more points to go and I will be talking to you about all of them in next week's episode so stay tuned and I'll see you then thanks for listening to the sex and Singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sexandsingaporecity.com. That's sexandsingaporecity.com. I'm also on social media.

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