Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - How To Get Over A Break-up, FAST! Part 2

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Let's get to the final stage together because once you get there, you'll feel AWESOME!

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex and Singapore City podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, everyone, and welcome back. This is part two of how to get over a breakup fast. If you need a reminder on the first nine points, please do go back and listen to last week's episode. And this week's episode, I'm here to deliver the 10 to 18 final points of the breakup. And I promise you, when we get to the end together, you are going to feel awesome. So let's go.

point number 10 I learned to retrain my thoughts so at the very beginning I was definitely ruminating way too much about the stuff he'd done behind my back um but I got sick of my own mental despair and so I was retraining my thoughts every time I thought about him I would push my mind somewhere else. I would think of a memory, a happy memory. I would focus on the cats. It's not easy, but it becomes a habit if you do it regularly and you keep doing it. So you just have to almost rewire, I guess, and form a new habit with your mindset and how you think and what you think about. It reminds me of the movie Eat, Pray, Love, which is one of my favorites. and um when she's in the ashram in india and she's upset and saying how much she she misses

her ex-partners the dude is it richard texas anyway he the dude says to her you have to choose your thoughts like the way you choose your clothes like it's an active thing you have to choose your thoughts and that's such an interesting idea and i'm thinking like i've never tried that before. This is when I first watched the movie, but it makes sense, right? So yeah, retraining thoughts is not easy, but it works if you can get a handle on it. Point 11, I accepted that the nightmares were just that, nightmares. So if you're getting out of a toxic one like me, and you've been cheated on or betrayed or something serious shit's gone down, you will have nightmares. um you wake up it's very real it's painful it's the worst start to your fucking day even this

person's not around you but you feel like they're there and you had a really shit nightmare i just accepted that they'll come like nightmares are gonna come bad thoughts are gonna come and i just honestly just like stuck it out you gotta just really grit your teeth with this one dig your heels in and endure it. It's going to come. This is going to come. I'm enduring it. And when you endure it, you have that mindset. It actually helps it to go away faster. Point 12, my favorite journaling. Journal, journal, journal. Yes, to the journal. What's that? Journal. Journal. fucking love my journal it's free therapy guys every fucking day I get on that balcony I have my coffee the cats are running around doing nothing or everything and I sit in my journal

and I write about like my day or my thoughts I woke up feeling like this I didn't sleep I'm in tears I'm not in tears fuck him no what am I gonna do why do I miss him do I love him did I ever love him did he ever love me why do i love him now why do i want him back i shouldn't want him back he cheated on me how many times did he cheat on me oh my god imagine that been stuck in your head 24 fucking seven no journal helps you get it out it externalizes these thoughts and then once you get them out of your body and your head, all the peace and silence and calm comes flooding in. Journal. You don't have to do it every day. I know I'm a writer, so it's part and parcel of my makeup. You don't have to do it every day. If you do it every couple of

days or, you know, when you've got a quiet evening, then fine. But it really, honestly, me, it helps. As does point 13. Get a therapist. Yes, I love my new therapist. She's based in Australia. So we do online chats. She is fucking awesome. She was recommended to me by someone else. She was one of the first ones that kind of helped me understand the gaslighting with my fiance because I'm like a narcissistic toxic person expert at this point we all know what I've been through and I've done all the research necessary and all that jazz but part of me still wanted to believe my fiance I still wanted to believe he was a good man I wanted to believe that he loved me and I wanted to believe that perhaps he didn't cheat but but he fucking did

I mean I've literally seen the text messages where he's bragging about it to his mates so and then the way he handled the breakup after was just pure rage at me and so she helped me to see the reality as well and then like you know like this isn't normal you're being blamed for being a victim of being cheated on and you're the only thing you've done wrong was you you caught him out right you you know she also helped me marry up my love and rage you know I was like I'm very fucking angry but then also of course like I still love him because because I dare you know I was gonna marry him so I don't understand the conflict um and you know I'll be like some days I just email him like in despair and then some days I'm just like fuck you so she really helped

put all of this into some coherent conversations and things that I can understand um I still see every week she rocks um unless I'm hung over as balls and then I have to cancel because I had too much fun the night before point number 14 don't check fucking social media don't check it don't I know I can see you doing it now don't check the social media don't even oh she just said social media oh I haven't looked at your social media in a while don't do it I'm very thankful my ex didn't have social media. It would have made it very difficult for me, much more difficult for me at the time. Now, if he did pop up, I couldn't give a shit, actually. But at the time, it would have hurt. So don't check social media. I mean, you think it's childish, just block, block, block,

block, block, block, block, block. Point 15. I focused on one day at a time. Ooh, yes. Yes, I did. I wanted to just put one foot in front of the other, so to speak. One day at a time. That's all I was doing. One day, one day. Making plans, sure. But I'm like, right, I've got to get through one day. Next day. Okay. I've made it through today. Okay. I've gone no contact. Okay. I'm finding time to exercise it. One day at a time is all you need to focus on because everything is going on right now where you're at. It's so overwhelming. One day at a time, break it down. And I've had a great day. I did this. I did this, this. I'm having an early sleep. I'm going to get good night's sleep tonight. And then I'll focus on

the next day and that's how I did it um obviously you have like terrible sad days so then I would sit there and go back to point one I think this too shall pass this too shall pass so I'm just gonna have to live this sad day tomorrow will be better and then I'll focus on tomorrow and that's how I got through it one day at a time that's all you need point number 16 um this is I mean pretty personal to me but I hope you guys get it as well but I had this natural glow up like I didn't know I needed it I needed it for some weird reason when I was with my fiance I just didn't look like me it was like his his ugly made me ugly that's how I describe it the toxicity seeped out of him and into me and like as soon as I left him

like i just look like me again and it's not about losing weight it's everything my hair was like really shitty and brittle and an ugly blonde and now it's super thick i'm bouncing brunette again um my face my face looks like my face again i can't describe it i had a natural glow up it's fucking awesome and yeah like i i've i'm so proud to look like how i look now i'm so proud to embrace who I am again because I feel like I lost myself even the way I dress and look I've got to be honest he did nothing wrong in that level it's more like I didn't realize you know maybe because I put more weight on so I was dressing differently you know to cut like cover up so I wasn't confident anymore and it was all sort of a downward spiral so and then I had a natural glow up upward spiral

then that really helps with the breakup process because suddenly like I've got bags of confidence like I'm back to the Nixalina like pre-narcissist we're talking like five or six years ago that's where I feel I'm at which is so awesome I'm moving on from that point number 17 is I can tell like my vibrations are higher now like even with the content I stopped posting content I well just didn't do anything on like my insta or anything whereas now I can just see how I'm back to being me. And yeah, just the general vibrations around me is higher. I'm having so much more fun. I feel free. I feel liberated. I feel at peace in my heart. I feel at peace in my body. It's all very, it's all very, all right, Nix, calm down. But it's true. I feel, I just

feel at peace and happy. I'm like, oh, thank fuck this happened to me. I genuinely feel like that now. Thank God this happened to get me to where I am now. I would not change it for the world. And then that leads me on to my final point. With the breakup, I stayed single for as long as I needed and I stopped staying single for as long as I needed no I'm not in a relationship what what I mean is I now have like ample guys attention since my glow up since my vibrations have changed just fucking shitload of attention sorry to swear all the time but you know hashtag next leaner that's what I do fucking shit loads I'm like I'm like hot hot guys like hardies um so yeah so guy attention also fucking helps on a breakup obviously gender specific if you want

female attention and you're a guy in a breakup same same but the attention is awesome and the more guys that I'm meeting and talking to whatever the more I'm just realizing how wrong my ex was for me and how thankful I am to be here and yes I feel like the final stage of getting over a breakup is moving on sexually or dating or whatever it is you like to do with other people um when you get there and you're like yeah do you know what I really fancy this guy or like I fuck it I'm just gonna go back to his house whatever I want to do it it's good because for so long in the breakup process you're probably feeling shit as hell and you just want to sit at home and you the idea of another man touching you. It's like, oh my God, I can't, I can't. I'm in love with my ex or I'm in

love, you know? And then when you reach the stage where you're like, oh my God, I'm so ready for the next chapter. And there we have it. That is how I got over my breakup fast. I think that is how you guys should also be able to get over your breakups fast. Points are not in chronological order. You can mix them up. You can do the majority. You can pick a few, but I would say try them all. And yeah, let me know if it helps move you on because I want every one of you who's suffering at the moment to get to the place I'm at now because it's awesome got that and on that note that is the end of this episode thank you for listening and I'll see you next week thanks for listening to the sex and Singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me

nick selena and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sex and sexandsingaporecity.com. That's sexandsingaporecity.com. I'm also on social media. Simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A, to find me. Don't be shy. Come say hi.